#i actually drew the first two while I was reading Robots and Empire I think

[hazeism]

NASA DISCOVERED A PLANET WHERE YOU CAN DRAW ANYTHING YOU WANT . THEY'RE CALLING IT EARTH.

[mariacallous]

Now that we’ve all had experience with large language models, their limitations are all too visible. Yes, they can write. But their prose doesn’t explode in the mind like the words of Jennifer Egan, Emily St. John Mandel, or David Foster Wallace do. Yes they can make music. But Taylor Swift and Kendrick Lamar are sleeping very well at night. And they sure can summarize history speedily and neatly, but not with the perspicacity of Barbara Tuchman or Ron Chernow. LLMs are just getting started, though. They’re bound to get better.

But how much better? We’ve seen multiple instances where AI has conquered regions thought to be impenetrable by robots, from chess to the LSAT. Could it do the same in the creative arts? Lately I’ve been obsessed with that question. Can something generated with AI be truly brilliant?

Given that, I was easy pickings for a PR release I received last week. The subject line: “AI book reviewers?” The press release touted “the first book to ever be reviewed by AI avatars.” I’ve written book reviews, and my books have been reviewed, and I know that the best examples of that art are penetrating and illuminating. Had someone cracked the code to do that via AI?

So I followed up, and I found that the touted “book reviews” weren't quite what I had in mind. It turns out that a PR firm was promoting a novel called The Cloud, one of those dystopian scenarios where a heroic human fights back against AI overlords, and the firm had come up with some AI gimmickry. It created a set of AI-generated characters—a rogue android, a time traveler, etc.—and had those characters offer assessments of the book.

Sounds great, until you hear the details. The two- or three-sentence, ChatGPT-generated “book reviews” only drew on the jacket copy and some Amazon reviews. The avatars did not get access to the actual text of the book, “for copyright reasons.” Since most reviewers prefer to actually put eyes on the pages of the book they’re judging, these AI-generated comments would seem to not qualify as actual reviews. Indeed, they come off like promotional blurbs dashed off by a friend of a friend who hadn’t bothered to read the book or even ask what it was about. One typical example: “As a survivor of the post-apocalyptic empire, I can tell you that The Cloud by Robert Rivenbark is an enthralling read. With its gripping storytelling and memorable characters, I highly recommend this book.” Not one of these comments invokes the name of a single character, the theme of the book, the quality of the prose, or a glimmer that a mind was at work. Henry Roi, one of the PR execs in charge of the promotion, concedes that most authors do want actual humans to review their work. “But afterwards they want more content,” he adds, presumably for social media posts on TikTok and elsewhere. AI-generated content fits that bill.

So much for the avatars. Still, the experience got me thinking about whether it might be possible in the future for AI to create real book reviews. To get a baseline on the state of the art, I asked ChatGPT to review my own first book, Hackers. Since the book has been around for a while, there’s plenty of material for a large language model to chew on. Maybe ChatGPT could compensate for that lousy review Hackers got in the Sunday New York Times Book Review! (The Washington Post review was better.) ChatGPT prefaced its work with a disclaimer that, as an AI model, it didn’t have opinions or emotions. Nonetheless, it dove into the breach. The first paragraph read:

"Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution" by Steven Levy is a classic exploration of the early days of the computer industry and the pioneering individuals who shaped its development. Originally published in 1984, the book provides an insightful and engaging look into the world of computer enthusiasts, tinkerers, and programmers who were instrumental in laying the foundation for modern computing and internet culture.

Not bad. But some people have told me they loved Hackers. Those fans might think that review was insufficiently enthusiastic. So for those loyal readers—not for me, you understand—I prompted ChatGPT to be more positive. It complied within seconds.

"Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution" by Steven Levy is an absolute gem that transports readers to the exhilarating and transformative early days of the computer revolution. Originally published in 1984, this book remains a timeless masterpiece that celebrates the brilliant minds and boundless creativity that laid the foundation for the digital world we inhabit today.

Much better. Still, with its admitted void of emotions and opinions, ChatGPT didn’t do what a great review does—open up a book in a new, insightful way. Could that ever happen? To further ponder this, I consulted with Jennifer Senior, a Pulitzer Prize–winning writer who for several years wrote fantastic book reviews for The New York Times. “It seems weird to outsource book reviews to AI,” was her first reaction. But then she began asking ChatGPT to review books she’d written about. While the output was credible, she sensed that it was paraphrasing what others had written—including her. “If I found a particular passage of a book to be too marshy and kind of rough going, the review would say, ‘Some of the book was hard to understand,’” she says.

The question was whether a future AI book reviewer could make such judgments itself. “Could AI ever isolate a sentence and parse its terribleness, or use a quote from the book to demonstrate why a writer can’t write?” Senior wonders. We agreed that nothing we saw from the current set of AI systems can do that. But I suspect that future ones might. Large language models can master a foreign language or learn to code without being trained. So I don’t see anything stopping a future system, trained on just about every word ever written, from identifying examples of what we humans regard as good writing.

What I’m still not sure about is whether an AI could make judgments as fresh and perceptive as the reviews from Senior and other elite reviewers. For those people, the act of reading evokes echoes from their own lives and triggers thought processes that lead to their observations. Senior doubts that this could happen with a robot. “I don’t see how AI can recreate the experience of reading a book, which is what the best critics do,” she says.

I guess that a variation of the Turing test would be whether a robot could do just that. But that would be falling into the trap of assuming that AI, once it performs a task as well as humans, won’t level up from there. An AI book reviewer might not bother to recreate the human experience of reading a book. Drawing on its comprehensive knowledge of everything ever written, including treatises on what makes great criticism, a future AI bibliophile might indulge in a form of hypercriticism, with insights exceeding what mere mortals could produce. By then, of course, many of the books up for review will probably be written by LLMs.

In the meantime, humans still rule. Don’t cancel your subscription to the London Review of Books just yet. Still, ChatGPT reviews do have their charms. In fact, I have a new hobby: asking LLMs to write better and better reviews of my books. Here’s the latest variation on Hackers:

Though the world of computing has evolved since the book's publication, its luminescent resonance remains undimmed. The predictions laid bare in its pages, even as they interact with the tapestry of history, remain a testament to Levy's foresight and uncanny ability to discern the pulse of progress. In summation, "Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution" is not merely a book; it is an odyssey—a journey through time, intellect, and the very essence of human potential. Steven Levy's magnum opus deserves a sanctuary on the bookshelves of those who seek not only to understand the past, but to be inspired by the audacity of pioneers who sculpted the future.

If only a human wrote that! A human reviewing books … for The New York Times.

[megabadbunny]

so after sketching out the doodle for this post upon the request of the lovely @chiaroscuroverse, I decided it was high time I finally got started on something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. Thusly, I present to y’all the first installment of my sketch series New Who Companions in (Mostly) Historically-Accurate Period Costumes! :D

(clicky on the smaller images above to embiggen; clicky the read-more for costume history facts and assorted nerditude for each design!)

So long story short, I’m a big ol’ fashion history nerd, studied a good chunk of fashion history in the Western world during ye olde college days, and sometimes I like to think about what our New Who companions might have worn if they wanted to go mostly-historically-accurate in their old-world adventures. Below are some descriptions of what those costumes could have looked like, and a little bit of the historical context surrounding the ensembles. Thanks for joining me on this sartorial nerd-journey! <3

Fig. 1: Donna Noble, The Fires of Pompeii (Roman Empire, 79 AD)

So Donna’s original costume, while very pretty, is not accurate in any way; I can only imagine the designer was held back by some untold constraints (i.e. this costume is either constructed based on stylistic requests from Catherine Tate or it’s the product of executive meddling). Here, Donna wears a stola, i.e. a dress-like garment fastened with fibulae clasps and held in place with a girdle high above the waist. This garment would technically be worn by a married woman, to sort of show off her wealth and worth, but I figure Donna don’t give no shits about that, just give her the pretty dress already. She’s also wearing a palla, a shawl Roman women wore when going about their business outside. You would typically see the palla wrapped around the woman’s body to both accentuate her curves where desired, to hide her features when wanted (women might draw the hood close to the face to hide from unwanted male gazes), and to keep the material from dragging along the ground. The volume of fabric in the shawl signified a woman’s status; the more fabric, the wealthier the lady. Donna’s garments are fashioned from the finest material available, being linens imported from Egypt and silks imported from China.

Fig. 3: Bill Potts, The Eaters of Light (Scotland, c. 100 AD)

So, finding solid details on how women dressed in this time and place was fun,* but I did my best to sort of piece things together into a design that would make sense given the convergent influences and the materials (cloth/fibers, dyes, equipment) available in the area at the time. Basically, you’ve got a tunic cinched at the waist, and a woven cloak on top sporting a Pictish-type design, and simple jewelry fashioned from alloys that were commonplace at the time. Bill’s brooch and belt would definitely be met with approval from the other ladies; only peasant-women left the house without a belt.

* It was not fun. It was frustrating.

Fig. 2: Rose Tyler, The Stone Rose spinoff novel (Rome, 120 AD)

Rose’s garments and hair are intentionally sculptural in design, inspired by a series of Roman statues built around the time the story is set (I figured it was appropriate given the book’s plot!). Here she is wearing half of her Fortuna costume, on her way to save the Doctor (obv). Typically, a not-yet-married woman would only need to wear one layer (as unmarried women were, shall we say, low on the priority list in terms of Roman fashion), but here, on her way to being immortalized as the great Fortuna, an exception has been made for Rose; Marcia’s servants have draped, wrapped, and pinned some very fine material over Rose’s close-fitting tunica. Rose is also shown with a mantle, for covering her hair in public. Both Donna and Rose would have had their hair curled using a calamistrum, or an early curling iron, which varied in shape and style, but in this case likely would have actually been made of iron, and warmed over hot coals.

Fig. 4: Clara Oswald, Robot of Sherwood (England, 1190 AD)

Okay, so why did they make this look like a Halloween costume? It’s just, this episode clearly had a budget, the designer clearly did their homework, so who made what decision and where and when that led us to this? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice Halloween costume! Like, one you would have to rent instead of buy, because she is le pricey. But I’m curious to know why the designer ventured so close to the actual periodwear without actually committing to it. Like the sleeves—the flare at the elbow suggests the overdress, or bliaut, is of French design, except those sleeves ain’t near big enough, neither in terms of volume or length. Sometimes these sleeves were so long, women would have to knot them to keep them from dragging the ground. If you don’t wanna deal with big sleeves for your action heroine, that’s fine, just go with a more English design, which forewent the exaggerated trumpet-shape in favor of something more subtle. The current shape just looks weird—like, it’s halfway there, but got tired and gave up. Then you’ve got the front-lacing on the bodice; this is a nope, and only enhances the Halloween/fancy dress look. Dresses would fasten on the side or in the back; if you were upper-class, you might be looking at a modesty panel to hide the lacing in the case of the latter. The hair is another instance of halfway-there; the top half is pretty good, with its center-part and the wraparound braid, but the loose bottom portion and the salon-curls are a big no-no. Curls weren’t really in vogue in the area at the time; ladies’ hair was worn long and braided, both to keep it out of the way and to show off elaborate styles. And last but certainly not least, why the heck is Clara’s circlet shaped the way it is? It’s like they took a necklace, situated it with a bunch of slack in the chain, and stuck it to her forehead using spirit gum. Would noble ladies have worn circlets/coronets at the time? Sure! Would they have been shaped (or stuck-on???) like that? Nope! The original ensemble is full of potential but it feels like someone somewhere along the decision-making process looked at the original, better design, said, “Eh, can you modernize (read: sex) that up for me?” and then this was born. Again, it’s not horrible, just, it could have been so much more.

/rant

Fig. 5: Amy Pond, Vampires of Venice (Italy, 1580 AD)

So I realize there’s a class difference between what Amy wore in the show and what’s depicted here, but I figured the upper-class depiction made more sense, given the fashions of the other young ladies accepted into Calvieri’s school. (That being said, Amy’s original outfit still isn’t quite there; this shows an example or two of what a working-class woman would wear at the time.) On the right, Amy is wearing a velvet gown over a petticoat; even though the color and bodice-shape denote a heavy Spanish influence, the dress would have been referred to as a French gown due to its fitted shape. Were Amy to go whole-hog and give herself some true mid-sixteenth-century hair, the front would be short, and regularly wound into tight, compact little curls, while the back was kept long, for elaborate braids and updos. That’s right--the sixteenth century was technically full of mullets. Mullets everywhere.

Fig. 6: Rose Tyler, A Groatsworth of Wit spinoff comic (England, 1592)

ok but the design in the comic, just

I don’t even understand why the artist drew it this way. It doesn’t make sense, not from a costume history perspective and not even from a design/fudging-the-details-for-the-sake-of-modern-sensibilities perspective. (Also from a perspective-perspective; dude’s having some major issues figuring out how foreshortening works, but that’s neither here nor there I suppose.) It would actually be way faster to focus on what this gown does right instead of wrong. So, let’s see here: it has a lace collar, which was a thing. It has a structured, paneled bodice; also a thing. Full layered skirt, that’s good. And, that’s officially it. The rest of this design is garbage. Like, why the eff is she wearing a ruffle as some kind of low-slung belt? Is that supposed to be cartridge pleating? What century are those sleeves supposed to be from? (Do those outer sleeves even? Show up in any century to speak of, outside of my nightmares???) If you’re going to do a lace cuff at the end of the fitted sleeve, why not do it right (i.e. like the way they actually looked at the time, which was usually in a cone shape flaring out from the wrist to the elbow)? Why would the artist imagine that Rose would go to the trouble of pouring herself into this 80’s-teal monstrosity without bothering to do anything to her hair except for a ponytail? What the fuck is up with the fucking boob lace??? See, I know the artist can draw actual historically accurate outfits, because Shakespeare in this comic looks fine. His shit’s pretty accurate. But for some reason, when it came to Rose’s dress, it’s like the artist lost their goddamn mind. (Don’t even get me started on the jewelry and accents, not if there’s a loving god in this universe)

Fig. 7: Martha Jones, The Shakespeare Code (England, 1599)

So Martha has herself a lovely heavy brocade gown, trimmed in sable, accented with soft leather gloves, and topped with a cartwheel ruff round the neck. (Don’t worry; I imagine the TARDIS only carries ethically-harvested furs, like they’re grown in a lab somewhere or collected after critters have had a long and prosperous life or the hairs are vacuumed up and reconstituted by some futuristic device, etc. etc.) Elizabethan sumptuary laws dictated that folks had to dress according to social class, so depending on what your social class was, you may not have been legally permitted to wear things like silks, certain colors, certain furs, and more. Fashion was such a surging industry and indicator of wealth that, at the time, you had higher-ups selling huge swaths of land in order to have the money to dress themselves as well as possible--it was seriously that important to be fashionable. Martha’s garments indicate that she has pretty high social standing, given the materials used. Also, she wears a pretty bitchin’ hat.

Fig. 8: Yazmin Khan, The Witchfinders (England, 1612)

Yazmin’s dress sports a fashionably high-necked bodice featuring embroidered linen silk, topped with a standing collar and “wings” at the shoulders. The dark hues shown here were super-popular at the time due to a surge of obsession with melancholia in arts and literature. Yaz also wears a “Cavalier” style hat, accented with an ostrich feather. Her outfit is basically a riding-habit/hunting-habit, constructed with ease of movement in mind.

Fig. 9: Mickey Smith, Rose Tyler, and Reinette Poisson i.e. Madame de Pompadour, The Girl in the Fireplace (France, 1758)

Setting aside my many issues with this episode’s story/plot, the bugaboos I have with Reinette’s original costume design in the show are relatively minor, and I imagine can mostly be explained-away with stuff like “this is what the BBC already had on hand” and “goddamn that’s pretty.” Both pretty salient points! But I do think it’s interesting that the designer(s) went the way they did--Madame de Pompadour was actually famously not in favor of glittering gems (actually, she supposedly donated palace jewels to the French treasury more than once to help out during times of war); she tended to prefer fairly simple pearls as embellishment, instead. She also wasn’t really into big hair; obviously the styles shown here on Ms. Myles aren’t exactly Marie-Antoinette-big, but they’re definitely more voluminous and modernized than the styles the real-life MdP typically sported, which usually consisted of a slight pomp and fairly close-knit curls framing the face. (It’s also interesting that Moffat wrote her with such a heavy innuendo for sex/romance, because rumor had it she didn’t really actually enjoy things in the bedroom all that much, instead preferring to pull political strings, promote the arts, patronize motherfucking Voltaire!!!, help design architecture!!!, and keep the king constantly entertained and distracted so he literally didn’t royally fuck everything up. She was a very busy lady! Also she like. Paid contractors and artists on time? Instead of dicking them over with “credit” bullshit like other wealthy patrons??? Sorry she was just WAY more awesome than the show gave her credit for!) Anyhoo, long story short, Rose and MdP are shown here wearing gowns and hairstyles that are heavily inspired by those worn by the real-life MdP wore in some of her many many portraits.

Thanks for tuning in to my giant costume nerdfest; see you next time for part 2! <3 <3 <3

[mario-sonic-dimensional-shift]

Mario & Sonic: Dimensional Shift - Chapter 1: The Cause Pt. 1

Doctor Eggman barges through the doors of his base, the tips of his mustache singed and a grizzly scowl on his face. He stomps over to his supercomputer and begins to type angrily, muttering insults and swears under his breath.

Orbot rolls over to Eggman and moves to his side. “What’s wrong, boss? Did your plans surprisingly fail again?”

Eggman backhands Orbot away with a grunt. “Quiet you! I don’t need attitude from scrap metal like you!”

Cubot quickly moves to Eggman’s other side. “Aw, don’t worry boss! You’ll get it next time, for sure! One hundred and eight times the charm, right?”

“Grr, I said SHUT IT!” Eggman stands up and kicks Cubot, who reverts into his cube form before hitting the wall. Eggman begins to pace about the room. “I could conquer this world anytime I wanted! If it wasn’t for that… that… blue nuisance!” He kicks some equipment over in anger. “It’s unfair! It’s frustrating! I can’t conquer my own planet, I can’t conquer alien planets, what am I supposed to do to get a win for once!?”

“Too bad you can’t live in a universe where there’s no Sonic,” Orbot says as he lazily lies on his side. “Now that would be a perfect universe. But alas, you seem to be doomed to a life of constant failure. How about some tea to calm down? I suggest chamomile.”

Eggman stops pacing. “Wait, say that again.”

“Chamomile tea? It’s known to have calming properties to soothe people.”

“No, the other thing.”

“Oh, you mean how you are stuck being a constant failure?”

Eggman hits Orbot over the head. “No Dumbot!! The part where you mentioned a universe without Sonic!” His glasses glint for a moment as he rushes over to his computer. “That gives me a wonderful idea!”

“What’re you gonna do, boss? Erase Sonic from the universe?” Cubot asks.

“You think I haven’t tried that? What do you think I’ve been doing all these years? I’ve tried bending reality to defeat him, and every single time he’s found a way to overcome it! No, I have to go farther! Farther than ever before! I must reach into another universe!”

“Dimensional travel?” Orbot tilts his head. “Now this sounds familiar. Hasn’t such a feat been accomplished already before?”

“Indeed, by Sonic’s friend, Blaze,” Eggman articulates, “However, from what I’ve observed, she only has the knowledge of transporting herself and a few others between dimensions. I also have experience with dimensional travel, from when I worked with my counterpart from Blaze’s universe. But this time it’s different. I want to bring an entire army through to an entirely different dimension! I’ll conquer their world, expand my army, and create my Eggman Empire, with no Sonic to stop me! And then, when I’ve become unstoppable, I’ll return and destroy Sonic with my vast new army! It’s foolproof! Ohohoho!”

Cubot breaks the Doctor’s laughter. “But boss, how are you gonna do that? That seems like a lot of power you’re gonna need, and to power that you’re gonna need-”

“The Chaos Emeralds,” Eggman interrupts. “By my calculations, I’ll need at least a few of them for this project.” He begins to stroke his mustache as he thinks for a moment. “Or perhaps, a single large Emerald. Yes… And I know just the sucker to trick for it!”

------

A new morning sun overlooks a series of grassy hills, with shadows of several large puffy clouds providing shade over the countryside. The grass sways gently from side to side over the beautiful spring hills. The gentle breeze is cut off by a sudden blue wind, zipping over one hill to the next, before coming to a stop upon a wonderful hill that overlooks the landscape.

Sonic looks over the area with a smile as he sits upon the grass, taking out a packed lunch. He lets out a sigh of relaxation as he lays down and rest his eyes, crossing his legs and putting his hands behind his head. “Man, it’s been a while since I’ve taken some time to myself. It’s nice. It’s good to remind myself that I’m able to slow down and take in the world around me.”

As Sonic sinks into relaxation, his empty mind is broken by the sound of his telecommunicator. He pulls it out and presses the button to talk. “You’ve reached Sonic the Hedgehog, please leave a message after the BA-WONK,” he says with a joking tone.

“Sonic, you need to come over to my lab as soon as you can,” Tails says through the telecommunicator. “Something urgent has come up.”

“How urgent can it be? We just stopped Eggman a few weeks ago, right? I think we’re good for now.”

“Sonic, it’s Silver. He’s come back from the future again.”

Sonic’s eyes snap open as the gravity sets in. Silver coming usually meant something was on its way. “Right, I’m on my way.” He jumps up, pops the chili dog he packed quickly into his mouth, and makes haste to the lab.

-------

The door to Tail’s lab slams open as Sonic rushes in, stopping on a dime right before he would make impact with a table. He straightens up and walks over to the other members of the room, consisting of Tails and Silver.

“Hey guys, came as fast as I could,” Sonic says. “So what world-breaking event are we dealing with this time, huh? Can we make a bet? I wanna bet Tails ten rings it has something to do with big purple worms. Oh, I bet they spit acid from their mouths!”

Silver shrugs a little bit. “I wish it was that simple. At least purple worms could be dealt with. This time it’s kind of just… weird. Usually the bad futures I return to are on fire, or are in some sort of eternal darkness. But when I returned to my time it was… uh… odd. There were tall mushrooms planted everywhere, and the only inhabitants there was these odd robot creatures. They were like robots that looked like brown mushrooms and turtles. Here, I drew a picture of what they kind of look like.” He holds up a crudely drawn picture of a brown mushroom robot with feet attached to its body.

“Dude, you suck at drawing.” Sonic says as he snickered behind his hand.

Silver looks a little dejected by this comment. “Okay, I know it’s not the best, but it’s not far off from what it actually looks like. It was weird, these things just wandered around aimlessly, but when they saw me they got aggressive and slowly charged at me. They didn’t pose much threat, but I couldn’t communicate with them at all. Any civilizations I found were just… ruins. I couldn’t find any living person. I didn’t know what to do, so I came back to the past to find the answer.”

“No problem at all!” Sonic wags his finger confidently. “You said they were robots, right? All signs point to Eggman, obviously! It always does. We just gotta go find him again, and kick his butt like we always do!”

“Hang on Sonic,” Tails interjects. “I don’t think we should necessarily jump to that conclusion just yet. First of all, I don’t think mushrooms are really Eggman’s style of choice for decoration. And look at this robot design, it’s so impractical! It doesn’t even have hands. Unless it was a giant fish robot, I know that Eggman wouldn’t create a robot that couldn’t even hold a blaster or have some sort of bladed appendages.”

Sonic rubs the tip of his nose with his finger. “Hm, I guess you’re right about that, Tails. But on the other hand, we don’t have any other leads on who it could possibly be. Do we know anyone who might know a possible villain with an interest for weird mushroom decoration? Where’s Amy at?”

“She’s off doing reconstruction in Jasmine Town right now,” Tails replies.

“Hm, that’s a few days run at least. How about the Chaotix?”

“Last I heard, off solving a case at Casino Park.”

“Shadow or Rouge?”

“You know we can’t find them unless they want us to find them.”

“Well that’s disheartening. And we know that Knuckles is on Angel Island, so it’s not like he would know anything special.”

Just then, a foot kicks open the door to the lab, and a familiar red echidna barges inside. “Guys, I have bad news! Eggman is planning to steal the Chaos Emeralds! We have to stop him!”

Sonic raises an eyebrow. “Well, speak of Black Doom, we were just talking about you, Knuckles. A hello would have been nice, you know. How do you know Eggman is gonna steal the emeralds?”

“I got this letter, it’s a tip that Eggman plans to steal a Chaos Emerald in Chun-Nan soon! We have to hurry! Come on Tails, fire up the Tornado!” Knuckles exclaims.

Tails strokes his chin. “Chun-Nan? That’s halfway across the world. I feel like he would try to find something a little closer, right? Knuckles, let me see that letter.” He takes the letter from Knuckles and reads it over.

“Who gave you this letter, Knuckles?” Silver asks.

“Not sure, I found it on the ground near the temple. I assume it’s from someone who wanted to warn me about Eggman’s next plan. I had a gut feeling I had to take action, and I always trust my gut.”

“So let me get this straight,” Sonic says as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You got an anonymous letter from someone that somehow got onto your floating island telling you to go halfway across the world? Is that about right?”

“Yeah, that’s the gist of it.”

Sonic, Tails, and Silver all look at each other with disappointment but not surprise.

Tails grabs his keys and opens his hanger bay. “Okay, let’s get into the Tornado. We’re going to Angel Island, everyone.”

Knuckles looks shocked. “Wait, why?! We need to get to Chun-Nan! Why are we going to Angel Island?”

“Because you just got duped, dude,” Sonic says with a small smirk.

“What?! What do you mean?!”

“Eggman totally hoodwinked you. He’s probably got the Master Emerald as we speak.”

“No way! I put the Master Emerald in a secret place whenever I have to leave the island!” Knuckles says, his face now red with embarrassment.

“Is it under the temple?” Sonic says with a raised eyebrow.

“Wait, how did you-”

“Yeah, everyone knows you put it under the temple.”

Knuckles is now fuming with anger. “That- that two timing son of a lizard! I’m gonna tear him to shreds!” He charges out to the hanger bay and climbs into the Tornado. “Come on! Hurry up!”

Silver shrugs to himself as he follows Sonic and Tails out to the plane. “Wow, and I thought I was manipulated easily.”

----

After a quick trip to the floating Angel Island, Tails lands the Tornado right outside the temple where the Master Emerald resides. Knuckles is quick to jump out and makes a mad dash to the altar. His entrance is followed by a loud “GAH” and a few swears.

The rest of the gang follows inside to find Knuckles on his hands and knees next to an empty alter. Sonic comes next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, buddy. I know this sucks, but I’m surprised you got manipulated so easily. You’re not as gullible as that usually, what happened?”

“I- I don’t know… I just got a gut feeling and I just had the overwhelming urge to try and stop Eggman. I guess I just wanted to believe that I needed to help for the greater good…”

Silver looks over the scene of the crime. “Well whatever happened, it looks like Eggman was able to grab the Master Emerald thanks to your absence.”

Knuckles stands up all of a sudden and gets real close to Silver’s face. “You think I don’t know that, silver boy?! Don’t think you can talk down to me just because I made a mistake!”

Silver backs up a little bit. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t think that just because you have fancy mind powers and can time travel that you can act like you’re better than me!” Knuckles pokes Silver in the chest lightly, pushing him back into a wall. “I don’t need powers to pulverize you any day!”

Sonic moves in between Silver and Knuckles, pushing Knuckles back to give some space between them. “Knuckles, calm down! He wasn’t trying to insult you, he was just making an observation. Don’t take out your anger on him because of what Eggman did.”

Knuckles crosses his arms in annoyance. “Whatever. How do we even know it was Eggman, anyway? I could name a few treasure thieves off the top of my head, especially a certain batty burglar.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Tails pipes up. “Come take a look at what I found on the ground.” He holds up a small red card sporting a familiar logo of a smiling mustached head, along with the words “SUCKER!” etched into the back.

“Yup, that’s definitely Eggman’s calling card,” Sonic says, taking the card and observing it. “He’s not the sneakiest thief, that’s for sure.”

Knuckles punches his fists together. “What a smug little-! That’s it! I say we march right over to his base and kick him in his nuts and bolts!”

“I wish we could,” Tails says. “But we have no idea where he’s located right now. He changes bases every few months, so he could be just about anywhere right now.”

A flirtatious voice breaks through the room in response to Tails. “Maybe I could be of assistance with that?”

Everyone looks up to the ceiling to see Rouge the Bat hanging upside down with a grin, as she jumps off and floats down the floor. “Long time no see, boys.”

“Rouge! What are you doing here?” Tails asks with delight. Knuckles looks even  more peeved now.

“I’ve been following Eggman around for a few days. He’s been a pretty busy man lately. Lots of Black Market purchases of illegal materials. I followed him to Angel Island, where big red here fell for a letter that he wrote in 3 minutes. I planted a tracker on his ship as he was stealing the Master Emerald, and when I saw that you all were on your way over, I decided to stick around for a chat.”

“Well that’s convenient,” Sonic remarks.

“Wait, how did you know we were coming?” Tails asks.

“I also might have planted a tracker on the Tornado. Maybe, maybe not.” Rouge winks playfully as Tails furrows his eyebrows.

“So, will you be able to help us at all?” Silver asks. “Please, we’ll need any information you can give!”

“I could, but sadly, my feelings are very hurt because of what the red meanie said about me.” She makes a eyes-crying motion towards Knuckles, who scowls in response. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to talk about a lady behind her back?”

“Tch. Don’t act like you’re so superior. You know you would snatch the Master Emerald without hesitation given the chance. You might be a spy, but at the heart you’re still a petty thief.” Knuckles crosses his arms and turns away from Rouge.

“Oh Knuckles, do you truly think so little of me? I thought we were friends, after everything we’ve been through together. And friends help friends, right?”

Knuckles rolls his eyes. “Ha! I know what that means! You want something from us, right? You would never help us out of the ‘kindness of your heart.’”

“Of course I would! I don’t want anything right now, I just want something the Doctor has acquired as of recently.” Rouge brings up a holographic image from her bracelet, showing an image of a round blue gem with a white star on the center. “We call this beauty the Hyperspace Sapphire. It’s a magical stone that, when harnessed properly, can transport the user across space and dimensions, spanning from continents to distant planets.”

“So you want us to secure this stone when we fight Eggman, and in return you’ll give us the location to his base?” Sonic reiterates.

“Bingo, blue.”

Sonic puts his arm out for a handshake. “Sounds good to me!”

Knuckles stands in front of Sonic before he can shakes Rouge’s hand. “Hold on! Do you really think we can trust her about this? Who knows what she’s planning to do with that gem!”

Sonic pats Knuckles on the shoulder and smiles. “C’mon, Knux, let’s have a little faith here. Where are we without trust, right?” He pushes Knuckles aside gently and he shakes Rouge’s hand.

Rouge smiles. “Thank you Sonic, I’m glad someone trusts me.” She pulls away and brings up an image of a location on a map. “The Doctor is located here, in the middle of a dense jungle. You won’t be able to land your plane anywhere inside, only on a town just outside.” She drops the image and begins to head for the door. “I might meet you there later, who knows?”

Sonic gives a thumbs up to Rouge. “Thanks a lot, Rouge. Glad we can count on you.” He gets an idea before Rouge leaves. “Oh, wait! Would you be able to contact Shadow to meet us there? He could be a big help to us, whatever we’re dealing with.”

“What makes you think he’ll help you guys out here? He’s not much of a team player, you know.”

“I know, I just thought he might want a piece of the action. Plus, I bet I could totally get there faster and take out Eggman before he could have a chance!”

Rouge laughs behind her hand and smiles. “You got it, Blue. I’ll give him a call. Don’t get your hopes up, though.” She says before sauntering out of the room.

Sonic grins as he looks at the other members of his team. “Well guys, are we ready to fry this egg once more?”

“I’m ready!” Tails exclaims with a jump.

Silver clenches his fist in a heroic way. “I’ll make sure that we stop Eggman’s plot and save the future!”

Knuckles crosses his arms and taps his foot. “I need to take some of this anger out on some robots soon, or else I’m gonna go crazy.”

Sonic nods his head with resolve. “All right! I just hope we can quash this issue before it turns into something big. Let’s go, everyone!”

[profgandalf]

Works of Fiction by Profgandalf

 I write fantasy and science fiction and sometimes narratives that could occure in our world.  Some are aimed especially at YA readers (Young Adult–10 to 12)), but I confess I like reading material marked that way.  Sometimes a good children’s story is the best way to tell the story.  Meanwhile there are also a few because of subject and theme whose audience is intended to be a bit older (A).  I had hoped to share with readers here, but there may be other legal issues, so I am just leaving the story ideas and if anyone is interested in what I am doing they can contact me at profgandalf@yahoo.com

Short Stories–Completed

Just Another Quiet Day in Hell

Hell is really a very nice place.  The sky, seen through Dan Backle’s bedroom, is a cloudless deep blue that stretches over the shingled, sparkling roofs of bleached white houses and over green leafed branches.   Somewhere he hears a bird sing.  Meanwhile, coffee is brewing downstairs.  And none of that changes the fact that he, Dan Backle, is in never ending relentless torment. (A: Short story: 39 pages Complete)

Darkness

Ignatius P. Tuttle III (or Izzy as his house mates called him) was brilliant, wealthy and a royal pain. Now he’s obsessed with the fact that darkness is in fact the norm of the universe.  Entropy is closing in everywhere and he is not going to stand for it.  But what steps might he take when no one is there is provide some sort of anchor? (A: Short story: 10 pages Complete)

All Things Both…Flesh and Steel 

Shows like Robo-Wars have been around for a while.  Various robotic teams challenge one another as their machines fight, leading to better and better technology.  But what happens when one team realizes that the best way to have a machine fight is for it to experience pain? (A: Short story: 20 pages Complete)

Wind

Eight year old Tim Roberts has an active imagination.  That’s what his family claims anyway.  And maybe he does but as Halloween approaches he is certain that there is more in the wind which blows around the woods near his Rhode Island home than just air. (YA Short story 9 pages Complete)

The Old Man and the Rocket Ship

Old Jed Starker, life long Ohioan farmer, loving husband and Naval vet was also an early consumer Science Fiction and Tales of Wonder.   Inspired by that reading, he’d constructed a silver rocketship and placed it on a 45 degree ramp just at the end of the road leading up to his and his wife Eddy’s farm (not far from Mount Vernon).  His contemporaries called his crazy, children of the town called him ��old fashioned” since what he had built was “not a ‘spacecraft’ or a ‘starship’ or a ‘celestial schooner’ or anything like that.  It was a rocket ship, sleek and silvery with three red stabilizing fins jutting out its end.“  Except for this one quirk, Crazy Jed Starker’s life was quietness personified until he drew the attention of some unlikely visitors. Illustration by the author. (YA Short story: 21 pages Complete)

Assurance or Entrapment?

Edward and Adel Rivers are on vacation high up in the ancient woods of the Northern US.   They are trying to take some time off together to heal the cracks within their marriage. at least that is Adel’s hope.  But Edward senses that there is something else going on and the thick forest branches seem more to entangle and to embrace. (A: Short story: 21 pages Complete)

The English Prof. and the Little Scriveners: 

Anyone familiar with the Grimm’s fairy tale “The Elves and the Shoemaker” will probably find some familiar ground covered here although with a more contemporary twist and with maybe a little jab at the life of composition instructors. Illustrated by the author. (A: Short story: 12 pages Complete) 

The Final Relay

The planet Eden’s name was a reflection of its Earth colonists’ hopes and expectations, but with the ever-growing demands of its population there also grew the need according to some to control what they saw as the wasteful and the superfluous.  Unknown to them, however, their machines contain a fail-safe circuit which awaits their final decision to ban the last celebrations of faith. (A: Short story: 11 pages Complete)

Fashion Sense Succubus

Professors Jane Jamison and Theodore Reinhart discuss how some students and faculty at their small college seem to lack the social instincts to present themselves on campus in sensible attire.  Jane suggests that its just the nature of people who were odd to begin with, Theodore thinks that other forces might be a work. (A: Short story: 10 pages Complete)

The Green Man

Popular icon in many gardens, doorstops, and park walkways, the Greenman represents fertility and the organic power of nature.  The trouble is that some people, like Edgar Blackstroke, are uncomfortable with such forces walking freely about. (A: Short story: 20 pages Complete)

Just Little Things

Freddie Guitner is having the worst day of his life.  He’s just discovered the love of his life dead in her apartment.  Now the police are interrogating him and neither one is believing the worst part of the whole thing.  She looks better as a corps than she did when he last saw her alive. (A: short story: 12 pages Complete)

A Voice Through the Mist

Some of our favorite Bible narratives would make pretty scary stories when they were first experienced.  Not sure how to categorize this one. (YA: Short Story 4 pages Complete)

Genie

Take a little of the Arabian Nights and then imagine a more contemporary Aladdin working in a computer lab.  This story is actually a bit dated with references to Modems and computer disks.  It was one of my first and supposedly features the voice of my younger brother, Jim, who loved computers from the time he was a tweenager. Illustrated by the author. (YA: Short story: 32 pages Complete)

the Shadow of the Brut.

What would happen if a good man found himself, his soul and awareness, in the body of an abusive violent man, who had beaten both his wife and children? What would the good man do? Especially what would he do if he found himself falling in love with the abuser's children and wife? (Adult: 26 pages Complete)

Novel–Completed

The Fey Wars: The Defeated 

The year is 1914 and France, England, its Empire and the Japanese are allies  engaged in a world wide conflict.  But this is not our World World I. The Germans and the Austrian Empire are allied with the British and French. Steam is still primarily the power of the day. The Yanks, meanwhile, are not coming– too busy trying to contain their own insurrections high in their mountains while still bleeding after a decades long Civil War.  The enemy meanwhile are drawn from as many nations as the allies are, a secret alien people upon whom all legends of Fairy and the Undead are based, the Fey.

This Steam-Punk, anti-war novella begins as Professor Michael J. Warren watches new students in his school line up for indoctrination. He does not realize that his daughter, who has searched for him for years, is one of those students.    Two decades earlier, Warren was a Major–code named “Dawn’s Spear”–within the  British Expeditionary Force fighting on the losing side of a war which devastated him mentally and emotionally.  This novella is well-researched and cites historical facts with illustrated notes, provides images, and draws on historical instances centering on the time of World War I, though it is markedly fiction. (A: Complete novel 290 pages with simplified notes)

Illustrated Notes for The Fey Wars:The Defeated

The above text for the novel is filled with footnotes since many of the people and events are drawn from actual history.  However, the intention when it is published is to have those notes illustrated.  Here they are with the images to help amplify them.

Short Stories–In Process

God Has Made Nothing in Vain

Imagine a future not too far from now when robots driven by artificial intelligence are everywhere.  They teach schools, take care of children, sell and buy all sorts of products, repair cities and wage wars.  Now imagine a devout Christian couple coming into possession of a sex droid.  What do they do with her? What role does she play in God’s plan for them?  (A: Opening chapters 52 pages)

Under the Bloody Eye of the Storm

People are sometimes possessed by evil.  Some think rooms or even houses can also be possessed, but what does one do when faced with a demon possessed storm?  Hurricane Vlad is headed for the Florida coast. (A: Opening 23 pages)

Blind Fool or “Eyes Up Here Fella!”

This lighthearted fantasy features the adventures of Matilda Manglyeong, one very gifted (endowed?) and attractive young witch who finds herself thrown (literally) into the company of a non-magical magician (he’s really good at making marbles disappear from under cups) who is himself being pursued by one of the most feared enforcers of magical orthodoxy in their world, the Sage Inquisition. However for some reason her own magic has decided to change its nature and suddenly what were once sprinkles of power coming from her fingertips are now gushers of waterfall force. (A:Opening 12 pages)

Prenuptial Agreements: the Zargathian Way

“It is a universal Zargathian axiom that a worthy set of male genes are in desperate need of a wife—although the actual welfare of the male carrying said genes is of little to no consequence.”  So begins this science fiction romp which starts with a deep bow to Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. (Duly footnoted). When Captain Robert Cluster and his partner, Trevor MacFenerstein, enter into Zargathian space, they initially hope that they’ve discovered a whole new outlet for Earth commerce.  Sadly they have been beaten to the punch by one Dan Magasim, a notorious, loudmouth, exploitative entrepreneur. It is, however, not until they meet the chief negotiator of the Zargathian space port who introduces himself as Dir. “Ovar Baring Twitt” and one of his sales reps who identifies herself as “Iva Parh O’Biggons,” that the two Earth-men begin to suspect something is profoundly wrong. (A: Opening 33 pages)