#i actually drew this sketch in my sketchbook back in like 2018 but i wanted to do a quick warmup so yea

[killjoy-prince]

🦈🦈🦈

[whoiskt]

Evolution of my art. Made this for myself because I wanted to see my own progress but I accidentally just made myself sad with how much of my art I've lost and the years when I hardly drew anything.

2011- One of my first digital art pieces. Redraw of a photo I found on Google. Eyebrow and mouth are immediately off-portion, but as a fully colored piece I think it is pretty good for a beginner. It was really small tho, I didn't understand resolutions yet!

2012- Homestuck phase. A year full of art to choose from, this was one of the last drawings I made that year, and honestly I still think it looks really good. The way I drew eyes back then was totally different.

2013- Supernatural phase. I was doodling a lot on homework and notebooks, but actual finished pieces are hard to find now. I've lost sketchbooks from this era. Perhaps even burned them, haha. This was done on whiteboard.

2014- This self-portrait was my magnum opus at the time, done for art class. There was a level of detailing textures here that I'd never care to revisit and this piece easily could have taken me 50 hours or more to complete. The nose/mouth feels so off to me, now, although I clearly broke my bad habit of drawing small pointed chins with this one. Each year I look at it hanging in my parent's house it makes me cringe more. Charcoal.

2015- Mostly MIA. I have some pen drawings from this time but I thought they were skippable and I only had room for 10 years here. I went to film school so I was focused on that creatively.

2016- Got into watercolor this year. Wasn't done on watercolor paper so it warped a lot. I don't really mind. End of my vanity era. I was in an art class, animation class, and character design class this year. Maybe got a little burnt out on art.

2017- Height of my pen drawing obsession, although most of the drawings I did were at work, and were hung up at work, and may still be there even though I am long gone now? Sorry about the weird crop it was a horizontal piece.

2018- Yes, similar to the previous year, but I see improvement in pen technique. I rarely took time to just sit down and draw other than in-class doodles.

2019- Wedding gift for my sister of her and her husband (although I cropped her out lol). Large watercolor piece where I was rushed and had to finish the background as an abstract fall leaves. I'm still on the fence about it overall.

2020- My digital art renaissance. This was the year I started to really realize I was utterly incompetent at backgrounds.

2021- I was really focused on photography this year, although I did do some sketching here and there. My laptop became mostly unusable for digital rendering so that cut down on my motivation.

2022- I discovered watercolor brushes, my beloved. I closed the door on many of my other creative outlets which seemed to bring back my love, passion, and motivation for drawing again.

Hopefully I can share a 2023 piece with you soon to show my improvements 🤗 I've been sketching a lot like I did back when I was 13 and it feels good!

[concussed-to-pieces]

To Tell You The Truth Part Seven

Fandom: Prospect [2018]

Pairing: Eventual Ezra/Prospector!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: *checks watch* Well well well, look at the time! Friday already?! I hope you're all doing well, and I hope you all like this installment. Enjoy!

Tag List: @huliabitch @renegademustelid @wrestlingfae @zombiexbody @sporadic-fics @rzrcrst @lackofhonor @the-feckless-wonder @arrowswithwifi @fioccodineveautunnale @absurdthirst @cryptkeepersoul @fleetwoodmactshirt @88dragon06 @roxypeanut @walkerchick007 @peggers-n-beggers @robbinholland

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment deals briefly with perceived self-worth, and contains certain dialogue/terminology/viewpoints that may be detrimental to individuals who have suffered emotional, sexual, or physical abuse. Stay safe!]

Acquiring a first edition of anything in this day and age had never been a simple task, so it was awe-inspiring to have a book that was not only a first edition, but one that your artwork graced the pages of.

You stared at the cover for longer than you meant to, your fingers rubbing over the embossed name that sat small and unassuming beneath Ezra's lavishly showy pseudonym. With illustrations by…

You almost felt like your ordinary moniker was out of place, but after looking at it for a moment, you decided it was exactly where it belonged.

"I am about to be overcome with emotion." Ezra informed Thomas in a hushed tone. 

The publisher heaved a heavy sigh at the other man's antics before getting to his feet, his hand outstretched. A small smile played over his mouth, probably one of relief to finally be free of your companion. "You've done it. Congratulations. It debuts on the digital platforms tomorrow, and physical copies ship next week." 

Ezra shook his hand rapidly, then turned to you. "I...I am rendered speechless." He whispered.

"I don't know if anything could claim that lofty honor." You couldn't resist teasing him and he grinned broadly. 

He rested his forehead against your own momentarily, ever cautious not to crowd you. "I am truly a better man for having known you, gentle soul." He murmured fervently. He took your hands, the book clasped tightly between the two of you. "These hands that have helped me in the mornings, that have drawn the man I could have been, that have delivered me from my deadly trials...now, see the fruits of your labor."

"Pretty sure you mean your labor." You corrected him. "I had the easy job."

Ezra shook his head. "Our labor." He was looking at you so warmly, his brown eyes crinkled at the edges from how hard he was smiling-

Kevva help you, did you want to...kiss him?

You had no time to ruminate on the sudden thought. Mr. Anglio cleared his throat and the spell was broken, Ezra exclaiming in juvenile delight that this was cause for celebration.  

You nodded absently, feeling off-kilter. It was as though a switch of comprehension had been flipped in your mind. You did want to kiss him.

…

You wanted a lot of things, you were quickly realizing. 

You wanted to sketch every sleepy smile Ezra graced you with over his mug in the morning. You wanted to be the only one to make his tea just right. You wanted to sit with him for hours in the kitchen or living room, letting him bounce ideas off of you.

The two helmets perched on the mantelpiece taunted you every time you glanced at them because you wanted to be part of a pair, more than a simple partner or roommate.

And it was terrifying. 

You started searching for your own apartment even though the idea of living alone filled you with trepidation. He had said you were welcome for as long as you wanted, but now...the situation had changed. You couldn't handle living in such close proximity to him if your brain was hellbent on doing things like this. 

It wasn't fair to him for you to want something like...that. For you to want anything at all from him.

You were ashamed of the way you had to tear your eyes off of him. You felt like an intruder, a thief, a scavenging floater hoping for opportune jetsam. You hid away in your room whenever he was around, claiming that inspiration had struck and fumbling to dissuade his childlike enthusiasm when he asked to see your 'new works'. Little did he know that you erased most of what you drew.

You were infatuated with an idea, in love with the picturesque plastic pornography that your mind had conjured, you told yourself sternly. Life wasn't perfect, and no one, let alone someone who had endured as much as Ezra, would be interested in the pitiful gift of your affection. In your own eyes you were dirty, your body forever stained with the invisible mark of abusive handling.

You didn't even know if you wanted to be intimate with someone again! Worse yet, you were uncertain if you would be able to, or if Damon's treatment had so utterly broken you that you would be reduced to nothingness if you ever deigned to attempt.

You should have been happy. The book (Aurelac And I: An Audacious Tale Of Greed In The Green) was performing remarkably well. Ezra had woven a lucrative story with just enough realism, fact and fiction carefully melded into a seamless narrative that appealed to everyone from grizzled floaters to cushy Central socialites. You should have been happy. You were set financially for the rest of your life even without the book. 

You should have been happy.

Yet all it took was him giving you a tousled, sleepy smile over his morning cup of coffee or tea and discontent fairly devoured you, turning your insides to knots. Your longing was sharp to the point of agony, an ever-present ache in your chest that you weren't certain any amount of distance would quell.

But you could try. 

So you prepared to leave, wavering between resolute and terrified while you tried to articulate yourself.

You had survived the Green. You knew you would survive this. 

…

Despite his predisposition towards prattling, Ezra was remarkably perceptive. You sometimes wondered if he used his rambling nature as a screen to observe reactions, instead of to actually carry on a legitimate conversation. 

He didn't miss a trick, coming to knock on your door one afternoon as you finished packing up your meager items. Even though you had lived in this room for several stands, you had yet to clutter the space, really make it your own. Maybe you had always suspected this would be temporary, maybe...maybe you knew better than to assume you would be anywhere for an extended period of time.

Fantasizing about having a real life with Ezra...wishful thinking, indulgence of the highest caliber. You blinked back your tears, shoved the backpack off the side of the bed, and went to open your door.

"Gentle soul, I have brought you sustenance! Now please, I beg, unlatch from the fickle teat of your creative muse to indulge with me." The former prospector implored from the doorway of your room, shaking a small paper bag at you. 

The scent of the sopaipillas in the bag hit your nose and you heard your stomach roar in reply. Ezra quirked a brow as you flushed. "Well, I guess a...a snack wouldn't hurt." You mumbled.

"I have greatly missed your company these past days." Ezra admitted softly after the two of you had posted up on the couch (you clutching your small sketchbook like a shield), his words clawing at your heart. "I feared you must be growin' weary of the burden of my presence."

You nearly choked to death right there, coughing and sputtering. "What? No, of course not! If anything, I'm surprised you're not tired of me!" You replied once you managed to swallow, guiltily thinking of the small knapsack that you had thrown into the space between your bed and the wall. Your plan was to leave a little later this evening, slip out while he was occupied with Serv A/V correspondence. He dedicated a certain amount of time in the early evening to managing his business affairs, currently working to iron a few more things out with Anglio regarding proprietary Serv-reader programs that wanted to port his tale. Hopefully by the time he realized you had left, you would be checked into your temporary quarters.

Ezra opened his mouth to answer you, but a chime at the door cut him off. "Did you order somethin'?" He asked, his face lighting up when you shook your head. "Ah, it must be something of mine then! How tantalizing, I keep forgetting what I've purchased. I love the surprise every time somethin' appears on the stoop." He grinned like a child, bouncing to his feet.

Stay happy for a little while longer, you found yourself begging silently. His smiles warmed you from the inside out and you knew that you would miss them immensely.

You watched as Ezra popped the door open, the man signing for the thick envelope while the courier hovered patiently. "I don't recall…" he trailed off, hip-checking the door closed and ripping the envelope lip with a puzzled expression on his face. 

"Who's it from?" You asked, trying to sound nonchalant. That's not supposed to get here until tomorrow, you reassured yourself. This must just be a coincidence. The envelope did bear a striking resemblance to the ones from your printer, but surely--

Oh no.

You felt your breath hitch as you spotted the return address. You had specifically requested that this delivery arrive tomorrow, you had planned to leave later tonight, oh no! You lunged to snatch the envelope from his hands. "Wait, wait, don't look!" You exclaimed sharply.

Ezra flinched in surprise at your abrupt change in volume, dropping the open envelope as his startled brown eyes flew to yours. Your hard copies spilled out onto the floor, pages flying here and there.

Shit.

"Gentle soul, what is...what is all this?" Ezra asked cautiously when you crouched to start picking the sheets up. "Are you workin' on a new project?"

Your hands trembled as you collected the sheets scattered on the floor at his feet. He knelt after a moment, but you knocked his arm away when he reached for a sheet. "I'm leaving." You whispered. "I made you this to...to try to explain." 

You pressed the stack of pages, now reorganized, into his limp hands. Ezra didn't even look down, his fingers automatically gripping the paper. "What?" His voice was hoarse.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. "I said, I'm leaving. I made you this to explain." Please don't hate me.

"Gentle soul, I...surely we can engage in some civil discourse about this? Have I done something to vex you?" 

"No, it's not you."

"You'll forgive me if I am not reassured by your statement." He muttered. "I can think of no other reason that you would attempt a covert exodus like a beleaguered Israelite. Should I investigate the kitchen for unleavened bread?"

"I...what?" You asked in confusion. "Bread?"

Ezra groaned, shaking his head. "Never mind." He then asked bluntly, "why are you leaving?" 

You tapped the sheets in his hands, smiling tremulously. "Goodbye, Ezra." With that, you got to your feet and bolted to your bedroom, your face burning with embarrassment. You hated that you anticipated an explosion even after all this time; this was Ezra, not Damon. You picked up your pack and slid on your boots, then hesitantly crept back out.

Ezra was still on the floor. He hadn't moved an inch, just staring down at the pages in his hands. You skittered past him tentatively, but he didn't so much as glance in your direction. This was what you had decided, you reminded yourself while depositing your fob to the apartment on the table next to the door. You had chosen this route. All you could do now was stick to it. The door clicked closed behind you but instead of relief, you felt gut-wrenching sorrow.

Ezra,

It's time for me to leave. I've never been good with words. They always get tangled up inside me.

You popped open the door to the complex stairs in the hallway, sniffling quietly as you began making your way down.

I wish I could tell you in a way that I knew you would understand. I wish I could articulate like you, but all I can do is draw.

You checked the time on your battered watch. You hadn't invested in a new chronometer yet, the bulky square still serving its purpose even with a cracked screen. Perhaps you were too hesitant with your good fortune, you mused, but after having spent so many years carefully scraping and budgeting for every piece of gear, there was bound to be an adjustment period.

So here it is. Ramshackle and hackneyed; everything that you hate. It's got nothing to do with you, so please don't be upset. I just know that I shouldn't stay here any longer. 

Your mind's eye ran through your sketches over and over. Weary, worn-out boots. A leaking mug, broken and poorly repaired, pieces that would never fit back together properly. Your helmet, the dome cracked, overgrown in creeping, mossy green. Alone. 

You should be able to get on with your life. You don't need me hanging around.

You rubbed your temples. It was too early for check-in, but you were certain that the hotel wouldn't mind you sitting in the lobby for a few hours. 

You reached the ground floor without incident, emerging onto the street and weaving your way through the crowded sidewalks of Puggart Bench. Maybe you would go off-planet, get away from the crush of Central's runoff. But that might mean a pod…

You could easily buy your own ship, though you would have to hire a pilot. Perhaps you could get your pilot's license? You would already need one if you wanted to have ground transport options, instead of being subjected to the mercy of the Pug's PTS. Of course. There it was, a plan. This wouldn't be so difficult. You had survived on your own for most of your life! 

You squared your shoulders, scrubbing at your face in an effort to shore yourself up. Of course you could handle this. "I can do this." You said aloud, clenching your fists determinedly. "I have four hours until check-in. Tomorrow I have my appointment slated to look at living spaces, and I'll stop by the registry to sign up for the courses. Then, I can go to the grocery depot-" You continued ticking off your objectives, searching through your pockets for your analog sketchbook so you could write everything down. Where is-?

You thought you were imagining things for a moment when you heard Ezra's voice. "The gentry will think you've gone lunar if you keep rambling to yourself, gentle soul." 

He sounded slightly out of breath. You froze when a familiar hand tapped your most recent sketchbook against your arm. You must have left it on the couch. For a split-second, you debated on trying to lose him again in the thick crowd. 

But then, "Wait, please. Just...permit me a moment of your time." He begged. You sighed and obligingly struggled along crossways to the general flow of pedestrian motion, following him to the sheltered harbor of a nearby doorway.

Ezra shoved his hands into his pockets, looking incredibly rumpled. You folded your arms over your chest, barely resisting the urge to hug yourself nervously. "Look." You said quietly. "If you saw the thing I gave you, you know why I'm doing this."

"I understand the trajectory, but I am still in the dark when it comes to the catalyst." Ezra muttered. "What brought you to such a conclusion? What scurrilous thoughts have flourished, propagated, conspired to usher you onto the path of solitude that you are so determined to float without me?"

I love you. I love you. I love you and I'm scared-

"I think I love you, okay?!" You exploded, flinging the words heedlessly as you finally dared to actually look at him. "I love you and I...Ezra, I'm-" Your lower lip began to quiver while you came to terms with what you had just done, your sentence drying up and your face flushing with shame. "I'm…"

"You're what?" He encouraged you softly, his eyes impossibly, infuriatingly kind. 

"Scared." You managed to get out, a raw hiccup catching in your chest. 

"Why?" You gestured vaguely up and down at your body, giving him a helpless little shrug. Ezra shook his head. "Attempt again. I want to hear what you have to say, but you must speak."

"I'm not...I'm...Ezra, I'm just-" Your voice dropped to a defeated whisper, tears beginning to roll down your face. "I'm broken."

"By whose definition?" He asked sharply, his visible bristling causing a spike of gratitude to nourish the flame in your stomach. "Who has planted these thoughts in your head? Because they are a bold-faced liar."

"I don't expect you to understand-"

"Oh certainly!" He interrupted you in that ferociously cheery tone, "Why would I, a simple floater that has been crushed under the monstrous heft of the Great Chain time and again, understand what it's like to feel worthless or used? Better yet, abandoned."

"It's different for me!" You cried, hating how pitiful your voice sounded. "You deserve--you deserve everything and I'm so...I'm dirty, I'm wrong and-"

"How the hell can you say things like that about yourself?" Ezra's large hands framed your face gently, his thumbs brushing away your tears. "How can you spout such untruths about the woman I love?" He murmured tenderly.

The woman I love. The woman I love. The woman I love.

You stared up at him, certain that your mouth was agape. "You speak of deserving with no regard for how little I deserve you, gentle soul. It wounds me that you think so low of yourself." Ezra breathed, his eyes flicking back and forth between your own. "All I can think about when I look at you is how much I do not deserve...any of this. The stability, the contentment. I am akin to a somnolent cat on a warm windowsill, gentle soul." His expression grew pained, clouded with thought. "My life has not been an easy one, perennially by the fault of my own hand. I did not anticipate such...fortuitously serendipitous circumstances, wherein I would be confronted with the task of engaging in mutual lodgin' strictly for the sake of enjoyment of another's company, you must understand."

"I uh." You swallowed, "I probably will once I figure out what you said, give me a minu-"

"Let me translate into the layman's vernacular then. To spare you the...intellectual toil." Ezra sucked in a ragged breath. "I would appreciate you giving me the honor of er, being able to pursue a relationship with you. I would like to kiss you. I would like to kiss...as much of you as I can. I would like to touch you, wherever and whenever you'll permit. I would like to know you...i-intimately."

His awkward little stammer at the end set you off, helpless laughter bubbling up in your chest. "Ezra-!" You sputtered, clinging to his hand.

"What?" He protested. "I am a loquacious fool, gentle soul! Simplicity undoes me, as sure as your tenderness undoes me! I am at a loss." He pressed his forehead to your own. "I beg of you, don't leave. Not yet. At least allow me to attempt to...to offer you something. Anything. Permit me to prove you wrong."

"I don't know if you can." You murmured sadly. 

"You have saved me time and again, gentle soul." Ezra reasoned. "With your permission, with your consent, I...martyr's malfeasance, let me help." His voice broke. "You nearly died, I nearly lost you in that Green Purgatory. I do not approach this task lightly, please understand. You are immensely precious to me, and I...I am afraid I am being too verbose once more."

You reached out to run your fingers through the blond patch on his temple, then checked your watch with a put-upon sigh. "Well, if we hurry home, I can cancel my reservations before they charge me." 

"Home?" He echoed hopefully, his eyes brightening as he nudged his head against your palm.

"Yeah." You nodded, allowing a little smile to curve your lips. "Home."

…

"I haven't done anything for months, so I…" you trailed off nervously, your hands clasped in your lap. "I don't know whether I even can anymore, you know?" You admitted.

Ezra nodded from his spot by the mantle, circling around behind the couch as he spoke. "I will not rush you, gentle soul. We focus solely on encouraging your relaxation." Your hands dropped to unbutton your shirt and a hand lightly tapping your wrist halted your motion. "Be still." He murmured. "You are safe here. Disrobing is not even on the itinerary for this week."

"The itiner…tell me you have a weird little chart somewhere." You snickered, faltering when his large palms pressed down on your shoulders and eased you back against the couch.  

"It is not little, I assure you." Ezra's thumbs slid over the back of your neck. "Rehabilitation is no laughing matter. I will speak throughout so you know that it is me here. If you wish to close your eyes, please do. If you wish for me to stop, simply raise your hand."

"Wh-What are you going to do?" You queried warily.

"Rub your shoulders." 

You blinked, confused but immensely relieved. You had thought… "You don't want to...y'know?"

"Gentle soul, never doubt my want." Ezra muttered darkly. "The quest for knowledge is one of eternal restraint, prudent temperance and mute burden." You hummed, not entirely sure what he meant by that. His palms were calloused and warm even through the fabric of your shirt, large fingers spread on your shoulders. Strong thumbs carefully worked into the nape of your neck, alternating in circles back and forth, back and forth. "What shall I speak of, gentle soul?"

"Hmm?" You were so focused on his hands you hadn't really heard his question. Ezra chuckled and repeated himself. "Oh! Um, I...well, whatever you can think of. I like hearing you talk. You could probably read the ingredients on a ration bar and I'd be invested."

Ezra sputtered, trying to muffle his laugh with his shoulder. "There's only so many ways I can expound upon such gripping topics as monosodium glutamate before it lapses into tedium, gentle soul." He hummed low in his throat, then opened with, "On a most divinely appointed day, when our beloved Screamer had been taken by tempestuous winds and scorching rains, I found myself as William Bligh."

"Oh, I love this one." You grinned, settling against the couch. "Favorite story, hands down."

"The increase of your inclination towards bias when I am involved is duly noted and immensely appreciated, gentle soul." You could hear his smile, picturing it in your head with ease. The way his eyes crinkled at the sides, his brows pitching slightly. "By the grace of Kevva I was tossed upon the mercies of fickle men who would not hesitate to slit my throat to save their own…"

...

The shoulder rubbing became a bi-nightly engagement. Ezra would recite a chapter from Aurelac And I, occasionally adding little bits in for flair as he went. Tonight was one such night, "She swaggered into the tent, braggadocious and bold, her hair immaculately coiffed under the dome of her helmet and it was then I knew my demise was encroach-"

"You are ridiculous, I am so far from braggadocious!" You interrupted him to protest. "And no one's hair ever looks good in those helmets. Plus, I was one hundred percent not in your book, thank Kevva."

"I confess I toyed with the idea of writing you in, but you struck me as an individual so fiercely private...I did not wish to remove you from such delectable obscurity." The man teased. "Aside from your name on the cover, naturally."

"I can't believe you wrote it so that you lost an arm-"

"How many times must I remind you that the protagonist of this tale is not myself? He is a man of unwavering moral fiber." Ezra groused. "A man of dubious, shaded past and impeccable integrity. Ambidextrous as well. Nothing like myself in the least."

You make me wish I was a reputable individual.

"Hey, Ezra." You craned your neck to look at him, his palm sliding to cup your ear automatically. "Can I do this for you instead?"

"Do what?" He asked blankly. 

"The whole relaxation thing. Like what you're doing for me, you know?" You extended your hands. "Can I do it for you tonight?"

"That's...it's not necessary, gentle soul, you don't-"

"I want to. Please?"

Ezra grimaced reluctantly, running a hand through his hair. "Well, if you are certain." You nodded enthusiastically and he sighed, slowly settling down on the couch as you climbed off of it. "I am unsure if I am quite so receptive to this particular tech-" His words hitched mid-sentence as your fingers slid up into the trimmed hair at the nape of his neck. "-nique." Ezra squeaked. "Going in for the kill so quickly, gentle soul? I at least gave you the fair play of two nights before my digits even grazed your h-air-"

You laughed quietly, fingers raking through his short hair with something very close to greed. He tilted his head to follow the motion of your pulls, humming low in his throat. You contentedly basked in the feeling of his body under your hands, even for something as mundane as rubbing his shoulders or finger-combing his hair. "Ezra, you're so tense." you murmured.

"You cannot fault me." Ezra protested. "I have a lifetime of prospectin' that these shoulders have borne the burden of without complaint. It's a miracle I can still move, the foolhardy things I've done…" He flexed his right hand idly. "A miracle, facilitated in no small part by yourself."

Like always, you found yourself flushing at his praise. You bit your lip, a little hesitant to ask the question that had been plaguing you since that particular stormy night. You had your suspicions, of course, but you really wanted to hear it from his mouth. "So I don't know if you remember this, you were kind of half-asleep when you did it. You recited a poem to me and it started out something like…'you come to me in my dreams'." 

"Ah, hmm." Ezra coughed awkwardly. "Dare I ask why you enquire?"

You drummed your fingertips on his shoulders, then slipped your hands down to cradle his throat. Your fingers laced together just over his Adam's apple, pinkies resting on his exposed collarbone. "I was just wondering, what's the full version of it?" 

You felt him swallow convulsively. "I'm afraid I have not finished that one yet." He admitted softly.

"You wrote that?" 

Ezra nodded, chuckling, "Is that so difficult to believe?"

"Well uh, no, not really. I just...I guess I never thought about you writing anything else aside from the floater's rendition of Blood And Swash." You hummed as he laughed again, then asked, "What's it about?"

"It is poetry, gentle soul. It doesn't necessarily have to be about anything." He retorted a little too quickly. 

You gasped softly. "Is it about me?" 

Ezra froze. "What? No! As if written word alone would be enough to extol your virtues!" He snapped indignantly.

"It is about me!" You crowed triumphantly, the fire in your stomach blazing bright.

"Hush yourself, you contemptuously smug thing." The brown-haired man grumbled. 

"You're writing poetry about me!"

"I can do little else!" He exclaimed in exasperation, pinning your hands in place on his chest. "You demand it. You are poetry without a page, gentle soul. I have a responsibility to mankind itself, t-to document...such beauty must be preserved, lest it fade to the marches of featureless time." Ezra proclaimed staunchly, staring straight ahead. "And truly, what a disservice that would be."

You blinked down at the top of his head, tears gathering at the edges of your lashes. At your sniffling, Ezra half-turned to look up at you.

"Gentle soul?" He asked uncertainly. You shook your head, fumbling back over the couch to essentially tuck yourself into his lap. Ezra, to his credit, adjusted remarkably well to your sudden craving for closeness. His arms wrapped around you, his chin resting on the top of your head as you hid your face in his chest. 

"I'm sorry." You apologized thickly after a while, certain that he couldn't be comfortable.

Ezra grunted, adjusting his posture beneath you into something that resembled a dignified slouch. "In my dreams you come to me, as timid and inexorable as the dawn." He muttered the words rapidly, rushing through the memorized lines. "In my sleepless hours you find me, tremulous and waning like the starlight. For I am a lost man who wanders bright and dark, all for the fleeting glimpse of youuuu-" He groaned the last word. "And there it stops. My brain, for all its magnanimous, expansive lexicon, falls utterly flat." His hands stroked over your head, fingers carding through your hair. 

"Maybe it is done?" You suggested timidly.

He scoffed. "No, I just...I have to come across the right turn of phrase. The whole thing is trite enough as it is. Hopelessly lovestruck. Never thought I would be the type. Truly, a horrendous conundrum." He lamented, his voice soft. He didn't appear overly distraught about the aforementioned horrendous conundrum.

"Is it making you feel querulous?" You jibed.

Ezra laughed ruefully, his eyes warm as he smiled. "It very well might be, gentle soul!"

"All for the fleeting glimpse of you, all for the…" You paused, your gaze falling to his lips. "A-All for the touch of your mouth on mine?" 

Ezra ran a hand through his hair, seeming a bit flustered as he tried to avoid your gaze. "We have not even-" 

"But we could." You whispered. 

"Could we?" He asked, his voice low. "Should we?" You cupped his jaw, your thumbs rubbing over the unruly stubble he permitted to grow there. "Do you wish to?" 

You nodded, smiling. "I do."

"Strictly to further research, naturally. To...facilitate my Byronic breakthrough." Ezra reasoned, his voice drawling lazily. You shook your head and his brows furrowed, drawing tight at the peak of his nose. "No?"

"Because I want to." You confessed shyly. 

Ezra cleared his throat, hoarsely rasping a single word. "Temperance."

"What?"

"Don't trouble yourself. I'm merely makin' a note of what to petition the saints for later tonight." A hand rested on the back of your neck, coaxing you in. His mouth was gentle on yours, tentative; lips moving with equal amounts of caution and curiosity. His mustache sent unfamiliar sensations racing across your skin, somehow coarse and soft all at once. You closed your eyes, whimpering quietly as you clung to his shoulders. "I must admit," he gasped into your mouth, "this is hardly conducive to my--"

"Shh," you hushed him, smiling when he chuckled. You bumped your forehead against his, nuzzling your temple over his Mallen streak. "Thank you."

"I believe that is my next line, gentle soul." He teased. "All for the touch of your mouth on mine. What a deliciously trite stanza." His brown eyes searched your own. "I am lost in impassioned rumination over it." He murmured, drawing you back for another kiss.

Part Eight

[townofcrosshollow]

So I was searching through my old sketchbooks yesterday (of which I have an ungodly amount) and found some fun remnants of Crosshollow in there! I was originally going to just post everything I found but I realized y'all probably don't want to look at all the 2h sketches of weirdly proportioned heads and stuff I drew in 2018, so I've selected only the ones that are a little bit more finished and actually decent to look at. Also, there shall be very minor spoilers ahead! Proceed with caution!

Have I mentioned I love aspen trees?

Was the backwards 6 intentional or an accident? Your guess is as good as mine. Also, the joke/vibe that the population has graffiti over it that says "MAYBE" is almost as old as the name Crosshollow and is absolutely canon. Date isn't, though.

This drawing of Loretta somehow got damaged over time, which sucks because it's pretty decent overall. I do hate the waves and the bullshit clothes, though. I think this is where the imagery of an eye on the forehead and on each cheek came from- I originally concieved of this... uh... makeup look as a bit more haphazard but those designs all ended up looking crappy, but when I drew this it all clicked.

Had to include this just because it's one of the only drawings of Quinn that's actually worth looking at, sorry past me sketched in the lightest pencil he owned. I struggled with their design for literal years and it still sucked until, like, a few months ago.

I lied, this was also Quinn. Talk about emo hair. That right panel, though, is pretty spooky. 7/10 for that part.

A lil Kiara cropped out of a larger piece. Look at those sad eyes! I know for a fact I started out drawing her with her hair in a bun since the beginning so why the heck did I decide to draw her with bangs? Who knows.

And last but not least, this thing I was incredibly excited to find:

It's a really, really early concept for 13 Laurel Road! The idea of that journal didn't carry forward, but that would have been written by Edwin Harris, and that's a quote from the book of Job. Fun!

I have a lot more less good drawings in there, but these are the ones I looked back on fondly 😊

[mcrmadness]

A Masterpost: ALL MY OLD die ärzte (aka Bela&Farin) COMICS (from 2010-2011)

I’ve lately been talking about my art, especially comics, here a lot but I have never posted my OLD old dä comics here! That’s about to change now. The old ones happened in 2010-2011 when I was 19-20 years old, so they are a bit cringy now :D The scans are my old ones so don’t mind about cat hair or something like that in some of the scans. And I know: my hand writing hasn’t really changed in the past 10-15 years at all :DD

And a slash warning (do I really need that with this fandom tho..?) because I used to draw just very fluffy Bela/Farin comics and they barely have any good plots even. There’s just 4 overall in this post and they all are quite short. But at least for me it’s fun to see how far I have come and how I’ve gotten better at drawing!

Anyway, without further ado, this is where it all started:

Bela&Farin - “Du willst mich küssen”

Simply the idea came from the fact I noticed that on the “Du willst mich küssen” single there’s only one additional song: “Die Antwort bist du”, and that one out of all the potential other songs from the studio album. (Now I’m wondering if I should try to redraw this some day to see my progress? :DD)

The rest under the cut because they get very cringy but if you want to read B/F fluff comics and facepalm at my idiotic humour, go ahead and click the read more link.

Bela&Farin - Bela will ein Baby

(eng. Bela wants to have a baby)

This one was the first I did in German and I traumatized myself. I had just started learning German and totally failed everything and an (old) online friend, native German, wrote something that indicated laughing and I felt so insecure about my German after that that even today I have a fear of saying/writing even simple German words in front of native Germans. She anyway “beta read” the plot and corrected every faulty phrase (aka every phrase) and this is what she suggested that I’d write, and that’s what I did.

The plot shortly: Bela just wants to have a baby but he wants it with Farin obviously, so Farin says they’re both men and can’t reproduce together but Bela found a solution: he found them a surrogate mother. Problem solved.

***

Bela&Farin - “Beer Belly”

Prepare yourself for a cringe overload :)) I’m so sorry that you have to suffer through this.

With this the idea came from the live videos I was watching back then - lots of live videos from 2007-2009 and I noticed that Bela just kept growing and losing his belly all the time. (OMG HELP I’m crying because “SQUEAK SQUEAK” XDDDDDD)

Also the ending is... I don’t know what is it. I guess I just wanted Rod ot make an appearance and didn’t come up anything better than this ::D My peak of humour is right there btw: anything that happens at the background. That shit just never gets old for me. So I find that still funny in this comic but I have no clue how a bass can be pregnant.

Also hey, I have started drawing shadows :DD

And yes, Bela actually did have a cow t-shirt like that in some of the videos and I just had to draw it! And btw, the reason for the fluff is probably because the concerts where those videos were from? It was extremely slashy, Bela and Farin barely could keep their hands off of each other so you really can’t blame me for all this. The ship just sails itself.

***

Bela&Farin - “Zucker”

(eng. “Sugar” - this one was again in German because it wouldn’t work in English. This time I think I did all the language stuff myself but I can’t remember for sure so maybe I got help, maybe I didn’t... This is the last one of these old comics and my personal favorite. You can see that my style somehow went through some major changes but I don’t know what even happened there. I can’t remember.)

I can’t get over Farin’s hair in the last panel, I drew it so perfectly and I still don’t know how to recreate that lol. And now I’m losing it at that tiny “XD” in the grin panel because I found it so stupid looking - the first time I had even drawn a grin for him lmao. Also ignore Farin’s arm that has suddenly lost all its color. (Aka: someone forgot to color it.)

THE IDEA for this comic is simply in the name of brown sugar. At least in Finnish that is called as “fariinisokeri”, which always amuses me still after 12 years because I am a bit simple sometimes, and I figured that it can also be called “Farinzucker” in German so of course I needed to make a Bela/Farin comic about it.

The dialog for those who don’t speak German (too well) yet - Bela just goes to Farin to ask for “Farin sugar” and Farin first is like “nope” but then “jk” and they lived happily ever after. Or something.

***

BONUS:

Something I drew with a ballpoint pen once when I was visiting my aunt and cousin and was bored and doodled this. I like drawing repeated patterns like brick walls or apparently also flowers.

And I have no idea where did I draw this - maybe it was something to do with one course through the employment agency as I tend to doodle when in any kind of class. I feel like I had been watching “Die band, die sie Pferd nannten” prior to this, based on Bela’s looks.

And it was back in 2010, I didn’t have a smart phone yet so no internet to use for reference photos :D

***

So, back to the comics - I only made these 4 back then but before this I did draw other stuff and comics too. I drew several of them as horses when I still didn’t know how to draw humans, and I also have one of them as rats too. The rat one might work as a redrawn human comic, tho... Anyway, at some point I got annoyed because I didn’t like drawing them as horses or rats and wanted to invent a “human style” so then one night, this happened:

The texts are mainly just me chanting how I’m dying from laughter etc. That is actually what I do when I am very insecure of what I do and then I just start openly laughing at everything and myself, that way things don’t feel as bad failures than what they actually are :D (And yeah I know the article is wrong at some point, let’s just say I hadn’t memorized all the article stuff from German yet :D I don’t know if I had even started learning German yet at that point.)

But yeah, then I did find the style and these are the next sketches from my sketchbook:

The bottom left says “facial experessions” - and oh my god I was so damn cringe whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy---

but anyway, those were what I ended up with eventually and the rest is history. I think I’m still gonna make one post with stuff I drew in 2018 and that I haven’t posted here yet as there’s still a few of those, too.

[dennydraws]

Hello Summer!

I was really determined to do a little life update post every month but here we are, mid July and I’m behind :D;;;

Please, feel free to skip ye olde Denny rambles if you like, dear reader! 

But what’s the occasion to, in fact do a post? Why it’s a whole week off work! Which is now... close to be over. Apparently I hit pretty cold weather and some clouds, no beach for me yet :c The world is still on fire and I do my best to carry on without giving in to scary thoughts (it is way harder than I thought..) So, my week off has been mostly furniture removing, buying new front door, more furniture hunting, gotta order new bedroom today, buying paint and now painting the bedroom, I feel so tired argh XD I hope I won’t get back to work twice more tired now lol

All these repairs of course cause so much dust and I’ve been taking allergy meds which make me feel so, so groggy. What even is art these days? I was so confident about drawing and I barely sketched a few things. Not that I have much room to draw even. Everything is like a huge store house and I barely have any space on my desk >.>;; 

(Can you imagine a box more 90s than this!?) Speaking of, in mid of moving things I found my inktober 2018 sketchbook! I had just about 3 prompts to finish :D;; two years later...ahem. I may actually finish it! I want to record a flip through so bad when I’m done cause I loved what I did with the theme to bits!  Please look forward to it.. ... hopefully this year?? :D;;; are people even interested in art videos? It’s something I always wanted to get into but... time!!

But wait, there is more! I’m so happy I’m close to finishing another sketchbook, though it’s mostly just my DnD bard drawn 10 or so times there lol, I’m just happy I’ve filled the sketchbook! \o/ and excited that I will start a new one soon... from my pile of new, unopened sketchbooks, ahem... I may have a sketchbook hoarding issues. :D;;;

OKAY SOME ART TALK NOW! So, my friend from Japan brought me more copic markers and I now I better see the divine power these lil juicy things hold. They blend, so, so so so so well and they are so, so, so juicy. I’m trying to use them more but I’m also afraid of spending them too fast, yet compared to the spectrum noir they seem bloated with ink! Not that spectrum noir are bad, no no, but I felt like their ink goes out faster, or maybe I drew a bit more with them? Hmm! Either way I’m in need of burgundy color... XD;

(realizes can’t share latest arty-works due to possible spoilers for my DnD group and I know they lurk here, hmm >->)

A friend also recommended me Steadtler color-erasable pencils and they are very very good, hella cheap too. I was lucky I spot them in a local book store of all places XD It’s so nice sketching with a colored pencil. These are definitely going in my fave tools pouch!

And of course new comic project is taking so much time and energy between everything else. I’m determined to take my time but also try and not lose my spark. I’ve written down chapter 3′s script but yet to sit down and begin sketching the pages. I may do so in the weekend or at least start! Friends’ support and comments help me so much, ty ty !! Reminder you can check chapter 2 here! >> Click <<

FF14 has been a bit of a lull due to lack of updates and I’ve got little inspiration to log and do much ... beyond sit and take truck load of screenshots. But I hope this will change when patch comes! Meanwhile I’ve played a lot of Animal Crossing and now playing SoS: Friends of Mineral Town which is remake of my first Harvest Moon game and boy it’s my childhood right there! I was lucky to be runner up on Marvelous’ fan art contest so I got the game for free! :’D!! I was over the moon happy! I should post my entry later! Can you guess whom my farmer girl is going after?

(You should know by now, my type is short shady merchants!) And this post got long enough. Thank you for reading through! :D I hope you have an amazing day full of inspiration, good news and not a single cloud to rain on your parade!

[wanderfan2000]

Hey everybody! Looks like it is time for another doodle dump! Since I showed my sketches of drawing Wander as King Wander of Joke-a-Lot I made on MS Paint, I decided to go ahead and look at some very old drawings of King Wander I did back in 2018! Some of these might look a little bit “sketchy” because I was used to drawing with an Apple Pencil at the time, but as you know that’s changed. Now why don’t we get started shall we?

- Here is my very first artwork of Wander as Joke-a-Lot’s new king! 

- Then we have Wander beside the former king of Joke-a-Lot, Funshine Bear. (I drew Funshine as a space traveler, because I can’t draw Care Bears. But I’m getting better, trust me.) 

- Next I did some sketches of Wander doing various scenes from the movie. The last one will really hit you with FEELS!!! 

- I wanted to draw Wander wearing his crown and holding the royal specter while Joke-a-Lot’s theme song plays in the background. (Isn’t it weird I know all these songs from this old movie by heart?) 

- Took a little stab at drawing a comic of Wander as King Wander The Great when he gets crowned. This was actually my first comic I did on Sketchbook! 

- I drew two pictures of sad Wander trying to make a choice about what to do, is he gonna stay in Joke-a-Lot as king or go back home with his friends? He just can’t decide. (By the way, the words on both these pictures were from the song, Here I’m a King.) 

- Wander finally is given the royal specter and begins the Laugh Festival! He looks so proud of himself!

- The last two are just drawings of King Wander just being happy. The first I drew was Wander with a colorful background just like the same one seen on the VHS and DVD version of this movie while the second is actually a movie poster, if I do a crossover between Wander and Care Bears: Journey to Joke-a-Lot. I decided to name the movie: Team Yonder Galaxy’s Journey To Joke-a-Lot! 

[julianthedemon]

Art Style evolution

Hello, I don’t know if there’s a similar challenge to this already, but I decided to try making one of those “10 art styles” challenges, but with my own style over the years.

It started as just a thing to get out of boredom, but ended up being much more.

First I’ll talk a bit about the character I chose for this. His name’s Lucas, and he is part of a story I made some years ago. I ditched the story itself, but I still like the characters a lot. Lucas is a cat that was turned into a human because a scientist was lonely and wanted friends. They did become friends.

Ok, now I’ll talk a bit about each panel, and what was going on at the time of each one. By that, I mean I’m going to reflect a bit on my life at the time. If that’s not your thing, that’s ok, but if you’d like to know about it, carry on reading.

1.The first one is from back in 2015. At the time, I always said I didn’t like drawing, even though I had 3 sketchbooks full of drawings. Turns out I was just lazy. At this time I only drew for fun, and would normally draw my toys or my classmates.

2.The second one is... interesting.It’s from 2016. It’s based on this coloring book I had, but looks nothing like it. I started drawing fairies a lot, and no longer said I didn’t like drawing. I even tried selling my drawings on my school fair! No one bought them. My aunt would also make fun of my drawings, so I stopped drawing for a while.

3.The third one is from the end of 2016. I decided to grab my pencil again, and try drawing anime! Except I watched one tutorial on how to draw an eye on youtube, and thought I would be able to draw perfect anime immediately. Most of the drawings from this time have very bad anatomy, but for this I based my drawing on one of the better ones. 

4.By the time of the fourth one (2017), lots changed. Drawing and writing became a coping mechanism. I would focus on those imaginary worlds that I created to get away from what was happening in reality. It was a tough time, and I don’t really remember most of it, only the stories. Lucas was created around this time. he looked very different though. Every character I drew around this time was connected to the story in some way. I no longer drew random girls. Everything had a purpose. I still like the art style tbh. 

5.By the end of 2017, I was done. I no longer cared about anything other than the stories I wrote. It’s almost as if I lived in that world and not this one. At this time though, the depression I was in kinda started showing through to the stories. They started resembling more and more vent art. Around this time I created a story that would be very important to me. It still is. I called it “bittersweet”, and I think the original really showed how I felt at the time. This was a dark time, and the style reflected that. I rarely used color, instead using graphite or a black ballpoint pen. I don’t like looking back at this time in my life.

6.But hey, things don’t stay bad forever. Remember that story I was writing? It motivated me to keep going. And by 2018, my drawings were more colorful than ever. I started to try shading my drawings, and even had wrinkles to the clothes. It was not good, but at least I was trying. I then made a decision. I was going to try doing art as a career. I convinced my mother that the next year I should go to an art school. I got into art more than ever, and started taking it very seriously, which would prove to not be that good in the future.

7.A few months pass, and it’s going alright. I’m still experimenting with different techniques, especially hatching. Things start to slow down, but everything seems good and then...

8.Everything comes crashing down again. Summer started. That’s never a good thing. I started thinking that my art wasn’t good enough. My stories weren’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough. The people around me didn’t really help with those feelings. So, slowly but surely, I started caring about art. I couldn’t bring myself to finish anything. From this time, I only have a handful of sketches. I didn’t like any of them. I was staring to rethink my decisions.

9. I told myself I had to push trough. I had been accepted into an art school, so I couldn’t just back away now. My art looked kinda cool, actually. But I ended up stopping for the rest of the summer after making only a few drawings.

10. Now, there’s a lot between the previous panel and this one. Lots of relearning things, learning new things, a few story rewrites, etc. But, this is where I am at the moment. When school starts, I’ll be doing the thing I like the most: telling stories. I’m going to be studying film, photography and animation. I’m excited for what the future holds. It was hard to get here, but with the help of great friends (perhaps my first real friends) I got here. And I managed to relearn something I had forgotten: Art is supposed to be fun. You shouldn’t push yourself too hard to make things perfect. Some times things won’t look the way you want them to. But, in the end, this is just one panel in the art journey of your life.

Oof, that was long for a first post. What can I say, I get carried away easily. When I started drawing this I didn’t expect to be reflecting on my life, but here we are lol.

Anyways, thanks for reading until the end and I hope you enjoyed it.

Take care.

[lonedailydoodle]

Daily Doodle 222 – November 24, 2018

What a nice meeting of friends! It went so well!

And before this, Pix and I cooked our first dish together, what a great day!

 Today I woke up early and was comfortable in bed but had to get ready. I got peanut butter and jelly as Pixie wanted to experiment on something and left

Got to Pixie’s and quickly made a PB and J breakfast sandwich.. with egg.. Pixie got inspired by a Verne Troyer video (RIP) and wanted to try it. It actually tasted very good! It was kinda unusual with the peanut butter but good

Left for Sears in Wilson to try and replace a tool Pixie had which had lifetime warranty, but they didn’t have it stocked. Pix also worked a bit on his turn signal wiring at the parking lot as it’s been bringing issues. Then left to a cheap stuff store on the other side of the city to get some bulbs and detergent, Pix also got some antlers for cars and put them on Wilson which looked really cute!

We later spent an hour or so at home just cuddling and waiting as the furry meet we had today was in the afternoon and it was still early

Left to get some groceries to make a gilbertini at home, a pasta Pixie loves a lot from Pizza Hut. We got most of them but forgot flour, so we dropped the ingredients at home, the pasta would start being made by his grandma and we left to get the flour nearby

After this, we realized we needed a baking pan. So we left to a nearby gas station but they didn’t have any, so we left to the Party City nearby and got one. My car had a little gear related episode where it got stuck between drive and neutral. Pixie drove it a bit without realizing until it shifted itself to neutral. The whole car stank like clutch, but it seemed to be working fine either way.. But that issue has happened before, ugh

We got home and quickly got to cutting up the ingredients and stirring everything. It was the first time we cooked something together for real, not just bake something premade and we were having loads of fun! After everything was done, we poured the pasta to the pan, topped it with cheese and baked it. We then served after some minutes and.. it tasted almost identical! It was a bit dry and the pasta was a bit more bland, but we nearly got the recipe right! Pixie was very satisfied and it was a very good first try to a dish he likes a lot, I was proud of us both too for doing this together!

We got ready and left to the meet in my car to not faint from the heat today. We arrived at the mall meet place and mostly all sat down to talk since we didn’t find a good table. I later got my sketchbook and we all sat down at a good table to draw, play some kalimbas two people brought and just have fun. It was a very nice and calm meet, the awesome beaver person hosting it was very young and it was their first time hosting a meet, and I gotta say it went very good! We also traded a few gift sketches which was rad, I loved the fact that every single one of us drew!

After a bit, some people left since they arrived with company. Pix and I later said our goodbyes and left too. We left to the nearby usual mall to try and replace that tool Pixie wanted to replace in the morning, but that didn’t work either cuz they didn’t have it stocked.. So, we left back to our city

On the way there, someone almost hit us but I was focused and swerved away. I got helped by Pixie gasping making me react faster, but I then reassured him to calm him down since he got a bit shaken up

We arrived at the city and got to the Fuddruckers where we ate some burgers. It’s been a while since we last ate here. After getting full, we left to a Home Depot to check if the tool could be replaced there but they don’t replace that brand.. So, we finally left home

We spent a long while there, trying to fix an issue with the Miata’s blinkers using solder and tying wires but Pix got very frustrated as he couldn’t manage to fix it. I saw it as hopeless but he eventually managed to find a way to fix it.. It’s a mess of short cables, loose wires and lots of electrical tape, but it holds up enough.. Pixie later apologized for acting a bit aggressive during this cuz I was quiet.. I didn’t wanted to say anything to frustrate him more, but I guess he knew

We then were about to take Wilson out to a friend’s house to drop off a movie, but the Miata started making some odd flapping sounds in the engine bay, so Pix parked it again and we took my car instead. He seemed frustrated again cuz of the aggressive driving he was now doing, which really concerned me, but I didn’t say anything again

We arrived, dropped off the movie and got some food at a nearby Burger King. I didn’t want any of it as I was tired of BK, so we left home where we just cuddled again, but this time sleepily. I did mess around with Pixie since my hands were cold and I love touching him to make him jump, it’s evil but we always do this kind of stuff to each other. I was also sadly dealing with some increasingly worsening ear pains, same as last time sorta.. But I believe it was just a bump or pimple growing in my ear

I kept almost falling asleep on the bed until we left to the kitchen. Pixie washed some dishes from earlier, but I was still tired. We eventually kissed goodbye and I left

I safely made it home, Pix went to bed and I went to shower. While there, I was starting to reconsider a stance I had regarding my doodles and next year.. But I don’t know yet, I might talk about it in a separate post

I then wrote the whole doodle with notes too and headed to bed. I’ll draw it tomorrow, I REALLY can’t tonight.. zzz

[converginglives]

20. Window

Jon’s not a fan of his bedroom window. Truthfully, he misses his stained glass windows, all the windows of the ground floor in his home in London were stained glass.

The first night that Valentin is back, he decides that he will ask his father if it will be okay to get the window changed out. Although, he had briefly considered just doing it and seeing how long it takes to have it noticed.

There are a few designs he drew up in the last few days late at night when he couldn’t sleep. He needs to find something to do here. Since he was home schooled, he has already graduated, and while he’s considered going to university, he hasn’t settled on what he wants to do or where he wants to do it. Perhaps he will take some time to do a degree here. There has to be at least one university he could attend at full time plus or test out on classes. That’s something to consider later.

Shaking his head, he keeps an eye on the clock as he works on yet another design for the window. When it’s close to dinner time, he puts all his supplies away except for the sketch pad before changing clothes and joining his father in the small dining room.  

“How have you been?” Valentin asks when they met for dinner.

Jon shrugs, fingers tightening around his sketchbook. “Bored, mostly, I wondered, um.”

“Yes? What is it?” his father leans forward, smiling encouragingly.

“I’d like to have my window changed out with a stained glass one.” He answers quickly, forcing the words out between breaths, before his courage flees him. This isn’t his home, he doesn’t think that what he wants matters.

Valentin’s eyes draw close together, brow furrowing. “Okay?”

Wait, what? That’s not the answer he was expecting.

“I have a few designs in mind,” Jon says as he sets his sketchbook down and opens it up slowly.

“I’d love to see them,” Valentin declares gently, smiling at him as he scoots closer.

Days of August 2018 - 19 - Little Birds

Days of August 2018 - 21 - Grieving 

Peeps doing this: @themerrywriter  @treverton2710  @the960writers

Update peeps: @raevenlywrites @essagandana @lady-redshield-writes @ratracechronicler  @aschenink and @elynjoc​

Hey look! It’s actually posted on the right day and I have tomorrows queued up!

[segemarldoodles]

man my breakdown of art by year is wild, and this is only traditional, specifically sketchbook/doodles no digital art.

2001: 17 | This was literally one book of crayon drawings so not surprising

2010: 58 | Sophomore year of high school, didn't do a lot.

2011: 600 | Junior year of high school, I got involved in a bunch of DeviantArt groups and had like three art classes and just did a lot of drawing.

2012: 139 | Senior year of High school, not a lot of art, some of the stuff from 2011 probably belongs here, but I was bad at putting dates on things and reused sketchbooks that I had dated.

2013: 210 | Freshman year of college, I went to school for art so surprisingly little in my sketchbook, but I couldn't find my big portfolio full of charcoal stuff from figure drawing.

2014: 291 | Sophomore year of college, more of the same.

2015: 37 | Junior year, I started focusing mainly on digital art and coding since that was major, but I still did some sketching.

2016: 103 | Senior year I had a creative writing class and started working on my sci-fi novella so I did some art for that, but mainly it was just doodles and logo stuff.

2017: 75 | I was out of school and me and my friends started out podcast so besides random doodles a lot of this years stuff for our YouTube channel.

2018: 26 | I really lost the passion for art around this time and most of the sketches are of spaceships for worldbuilding my story.

2019-21: 194 | Almost 200 pictures over three years. I started working as a security guard at the end of 2018 and my desire to actually do art slowly came back and was coupled with me actually having time to do the art. Also from this point on everything I drew was on the colored cardstock parking passes that I give out at work.

2022: 71 | As of March I've already done more sketches than I did in entire years previously, so I'd say on on a track to make this one of my better years, I don't hate drawing anymore, but I also don't want to make it a job, I take the occasional commission, and I'm one guy's pocket T-shirt designer, and I'm starting to finally work on a comic in addition everything else.

total of 1821 files

All in all I'm relatively happy with where I am artistically, I've gotten so much worse in some regards than I was in like the early 2010's but I've refined my style to something I'm happy with and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Strive to get better and all that but know when you're reached your peak.

[zak-animation]

Introduction to Animated Sketchbook

What is a sketchbook? This is the question that our introductory session to the new project, Animated Sketchbook, attempted to answer. The session was led by Robert Ramsden, an illustrator and animator working in the industry at the moment, in children’s picture books. In a surprising reveal, the tutor explained how he’s moved away from animation: and finds his same love of storytelling and character through children’s book illustrations instead. It’s not an avenue I had really considered before, however as a once aspiring comic artist I can see an appeal in the field.

We were briefed the project through an engaging lecture, in which we will be developing good sketchbook practice and explaining why gaining a ‘sketchbook habit’ is an important thing. For this project, we will be keeping a sketchbook containing a series of drawn outcomes based on primary resources. We are to not only draw, but write down thoughts, quotes or ideas to go along with it: it’s about recording from observations and imagination through marks and words. As animators, this is a core skill and crucially important to whichever animation technique or art form I intend to specialise in.

The project aims to build on core skills required to communicate ideas and develop responses that could be used for animation. The sketchbook often precedes the actual animation process, however it’s an important part of the process nonetheless. We are asked to use a variety of source materials, alongside exercising visual memory and the imagination. These skills are integral to the development of an animated sequence: through visualising ideas, composition and character concepts.

What is a sketchbook?

‘A portable laboratory: a space to mark with references, to capture the immediate and to experiment, a memory warehouse I can return to whenever I am searching for an idea.’

 Pep Carrio, 1990

A sketchbook is a place to record our thoughts, ideas and observations of the world around us. It’s a way to explore our surroundings and our imagination, a portable studio and a place to experiment and practice our drawing skills. As animators, we should use a sketchbook to explore our own ideas, but also draw from life. It can also be a good place to develop core drawing skills, through focusing on specific areas such as perspective or pose.

Our tutor explained how a sketchbook should be the line between imagination and observation: to juggle our own crazy concepts and ideas with real-world objects and places. That blurred line between the real and imaginary is a core concept in good sketchbook practice: drawing from life, atleast in the early stages, can give our work a realistic and personal value. We are able, then, to make our work relatable to the human experience and thus more successful as a whole.

A sketchbook is a place to capture a moment in time - and a good example of this would be the artist and illustrator Peter Parr, and his work with sketchbooks. In these remarkably expressive sketchbook pages, he manages to capture truly human moments, and evoke a real sense of mood and atmosphere through hectic mark making.

Peter Parr, 2018. 

Slice of Life: ‘Diary Comics’ The lecture then shifted to the idea of a ‘diary comic’ - a slice of life visual narrative that impose a narrative onto our own daily experiences. The exercise asked us to draw a scene from our day, before setting the context in the next panel. The plot thickens, before hitting a final punchline.

Whilst the comic I created was very rough and uninteresting, it was the idea and concepts we were exploring that were the most important here. The process made us look back on our everyday, seemingly monotonous experiences and finding interesting characters, actions, movements or feelings in these moments. The idea of everyday life, channeled into a cartoon isn’t a new concept: comics have been doing this for years. We were shown a few examples in class, how cartoonists and animators often draw from our own experiences for story ideas and characters.

Big Nate, Lincoln Pierce. 2015

Peanuts, Charles M Schulz. 

In these slice of life comics, we can report exactly as it happened, write our thoughts or if we imagined the scene going a little differently. Perhaps we add a character detail or change the order of events to fit into a conventional narrative structure - or subvert these expectations by drawing close up shots of facial features in four separate panels. It’s a freeing approach to sketchbooks, and allows us to not only develop our drawing skills but storytelling techniques too.

An excerpt from Ellerbisms, a sporadic diary comic by cartoonist Marc Ellerby. 

The lecture explored how keeping a daily diary can be extremely helpful to us as animators, allowing us to focus more attention to our surroundings, details and allows our work to resonate with the audience we observe: sketchbooks often lead to profound or engaging small observations of human nature. A slice of life comic or ‘diary comic’ gives the ordinary importance, and allows the real world (not another artist / work) to feed our imagination and creative process. Arguably, this results in more personal and most importantly, original, work.  

Drawing a bear: ‘Bird-Watching’ Our final drawing exercise explored the idea of studying a subject in motion, in which we drew a bear from video reference. Whilst this was an enjoyable activity, it was also challenging. In order to capture the bear’s form, I had to make very quick, loose marks in order to build up the form over time. The process left me with several unfinished ghost drawings, however I was developing my understanding of the subject through pose and posture. The focus quickly turned to finding the basic shapes and marks needed to convey the idea of the bear to the viewer: using the wildlife documentary as reference posed an interesting challenge that I would like to return to during the animated sketchbook project.

This was the drawing process that engaged me the most, I think: taking the time to study an animal through recorded reference is an interesting drawing exercise, the challenge to record the subjects form through quick obsevatioal sketches whilst building an understanding of the subject’s mass and shape over time.

My main concern for this project would be filling an entire sketchbook with drawings. I’ve found drawing from life to be a challenge in my past work, but the addition of injecting some imaginary elements makes the task a little less intimidating. I will challenge myself to begin drawing animals: it’s an area I’ve been reluctant to explore previously, and draw in a more loose and explorative nature - finding the form and exploring my subject through line rather than simply drawing an object.

What’s next?

Having looked at a few artists’ sketchbook work here, over the Christmas holiday I will be completing a sketchbook using a range of drawing exercises, including diary comics, animal referencing, and finding characters in meaningless marks and ink splotches. I want to take this project as an opportunity to develop my drawing skills, understanding of animals whilst developing characters and plots in the process.

[agraphicdesignernamedjessie-blog]

Evaluation

Day one of module 5 turned out to be quite a significant day for my progression of visual ideas relating to my festival. Renowned stage designer and innovative creative director Steve Gallagher talked to us about his agency bloq 9. Steve stressed how vital it is to have a narrative thread engrained within any design that you make. He also emphasised that his most successful and popular work stemmed from a creative concept, built into a story book-like narrative.

From the ‘get go’ I knew that I wanted a small scale intimate festival that was set in the forest. My initial creative thoughts were expressed through doodling and sketching possible visual staging/mapping outcomes of my festival. During the first day of our brief, I actually managed to have a long discussion about stage design, generating ideas with Steve which really helped me progress.

I began to draw visual inspiration from two main festivals, ‘Shambala’ and ‘The Secret Garden Party’. Both set in the outdoors, they had similar values encouraging: friendship, being at one with nature and the advocation of original musical material. However, the design inspiration that I drew from each of these festivals contrasted vividly. This was helpful to me as it allowed me to think about varied aspects of design

The Secret Garden Party mainly inspired ideas relating to aesthetic and theme. Its ‘secret’ location gave it a magical, other worldly feel as each of the ‘festival goers’ would venture into an ‘unknown, dreamlike land’. Lighting, staging and other eye catching large-scale stage designs further encapsulate this sense of a positively fairy tale like augmentation of reality.

Shambala fest educated me on the importance of having a strong set of principles, technically acting as a manifesto pledging to its audience. Tambala’s branding has a solid, illustrative, Aztec theme that focuses on repetitive symbolic designs.

Soon after this, we were encouraged to start to formalize direction and ideas for our festivals, by researching and documenting festival experiences from many different genres. This is when I started to conceptualize how I could create a festival that would appeal to my own musical interests (and that of others) and would also standing out from other festivals.  

I decided to name my festival ‘Acoustic Roots’. I thought this name was fitting as the word ‘Roots’ is a homograph (a word with two or more different meanings). Roots could be referring to the roots of music, the roots surrounding the forest area or the roots within us all (where you came from and what you are influenced by). I also thought that the word roots has a lot of appropriate, natural imagery associated with it which would be a good platform for visuals.

Once my festival name and logo were decided, I needed to create a specific brand collateral, that would extend across a range of media and materials. I also wanted my visual language to be heavily influenced by a range of illustrative hand-crafted techniques and styles. My festival is home grown, and I wanted all of my visual outcomes to have a home grown handmade aesthetic.

Most of my Visual outcomes were created across various programmes on my iPad pro. I decided to push a hand drawn aesthetic to the maximum as I thought this would appeal to a wide range of consumers. I thought that the family demographic would be interested by this as it has a story book illustrative feel to it. Also, any of the consumers aged 16+ would be intrigued by illustrative style as it differs from that of many other visual festival campaigns.

Later on in the module, I had expressed to Johnny that I wanted people to experience my brand visually and physically within VR. I had planned how I wanted my festival to look through sketchbook work and thought that creating some form of mapping or way finding work would allow me to further enhance my illustrative style and atmosphere.

I initially had a two-hour session outside of class time hours and during that time I managed to design a main stage. This is the main focal point of my festival and once I could see this with my own eyes, I could further picture other places and landmarks within this space. With a second session in VR, I managed to entirely create a 3D, hand drawn festival map. Once this was created I really felt like my vision had come to life.

  Acoustic Roots is a small scale ‘day fest’ situated in and around Delamere Forest “a shady oasis in the midst of the agricultural landscape of the Cheshire Plain.” I would expect a capacity of no more than 400 people and it would take place on the 31st of July 2018.

The objective of my festival is to create a naturalistic, imaginative version of society that encourages the participants to be at one with their natural surroundings and enjoy stripped back, raw, original music. Acoustic Roots involves the encouragement of local, up and coming singer/songwriters to showcase their material alongside their successors and idols. This would all be visually enhanced by the dream like forest setting.

The target audience for my festival would include:

·      Families and friends that are interested in attending a festival nearby in a safe and enclosed environment. People that may not have had the time to have 3 days camping but still want to experience a festival with some of their favourite artists.

·      People aged 16 and over that are singers, songwriters or musicians themselves that want to have a day long experience of listening to raw, acoustic and original music.

·      A local audience would also be encouraged to attend as the majority of acts are homegrown singer songwriters and local upcoming bands.

·      Those that enjoy being in a natural outdoor setting. The festival is designed around nature. It’s all about following natural instinct and staying true to your roots.

The Principles of my festival would include the celebration of talent and individuality. It aims to promote such talent within a magical forest setting. This allows the festivals participants to be surrounded by like-minded individuals and for them to encourage each other’s and their own creativity.

There are very few acoustic day fests that take place in and around the UK. The Acoustic Festival of Britain takes place across 3 days and doesn’t technically solely focus on primarily acoustic music, as they have blues events. ‘Off the tracks festival’ actually is a day fest that pops up around 3 different locations in the UK each year. It was voted as a top ‘small is beautiful’ festival by the Sunday Times. It is larger in scale than that of my own and some of the material performed is not original.

 I am very happy with my final outcome and believe that I have managed to communicate my ideas effectively through many different visual mediums. I’m glad that I approached many of the design hurdles we had to face with a different illustrative perspective. If we had an extended brief, I am sure that there are things that I would and could tweak with time but overall, I am pleased and proud of all of my final outcomes.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the Bela/Farin: “Widumihei” comic.

A few months ago I posted here this comic:

CLICK HERE for the original post about that comic where you can see it in better and bigger size, and also reblog it ;)

And this post is just a deep dive into how I plan, do and draw my comics.

Let’s start with sketchbook things...

So every comic needs a story, right? My comics usually are born from either some dialogue I imagine in my head or by an impulsive inspiration that happens when I see something or talk with people and a random idea is triggered. I’m very good at coming up with new ideas solely based on just one word or so which is why I often ask people if they have anything they would want to see/read because I suck at coming up ideas on my own. Or I do get ideas, but not as often as I’d want to.

This particular idea was very old and I have tried but I cannot find the piece that was my inspiration but it was in some of my old German books because I remember laughing at it with either my brother or even with the German teacher in 2011 or 2012. I was only able to find my first “sketch” of the story:

This is in the notebook I used for writing down some comic ideas and even had one comic in it, plus it’s also my fanfiction writing notebook. It has no date but I know for sure it was either 2011 or 2012 because that’s when I did my last Bela/Farin comic and pretty much started my (unintentional) 6 year pause from drawing altogether.

I have always been trilingual when I do these plans for my comics, often writing the “narration” in Finnish and the dialog either in English or German because I just cannot imagine them to speaking Finnish. The translation of that text goes as:

COMIC (sarjis = sarjakuva = comic book in Finnish)

1. The phone is ringing. 2. F: “Widumihei?!” B: ? 3. B: “Farin wtf?” 4. Farin walks from another room. 5. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “It means, “will you marry me?”“ 7. B: *wtf* REPLAY:

1. Bela is sitting/laying somewhere. 2. The phone is ringing. Reached with his hand? 3. Looks at the phone, “wtf?”, a thought: “von Jan: Widumihei?!” 4. Bela: “Farin?” / “Jan?” 5. F comes from another room, looks in from behind the door frame or something. B: “Widumihei?” 6. F: “Widumihei: “WIllst DU MIch HEiraten”“ 7. B: “WTF”

So when I then started to draw these comics again in 2018, I kept thinking about this one too and still wanted to draw it one day. If you have read the finished comic, you may notice something different in the old plot versus new: I switched Bela’s and Farin’s roles. Back then I didn’t know too much yet but over the years I have learnt much much more about them and I just figured that asking to marry him even as a joke would be too much for Farin and that it would fit Bela’s persona much much better.

***

I had a bit of problems with getting started with this one, mainly because the last times I drew a dä comic was in June 2020, in April 2020 and before those in October 2019. Because of so long time between the comics, I just always forgot about my methods and in which order I do things and what works for me the best. So every time I started to work on a comic, I had to start completely over because all I had was blank paper and I somehow needed to get my thoughts in order and out of my head, into a physical form aka as text and images on the paper, and it’s easier said than done.

So pardon me but from this on the text is going to get a little bit confusing for a little while from now on - but it’s also a very good look over how the life with my suspected ADHD be like sometimes...

I started working on the plot once again to my sketchbook... I think it was somewhere in the beginning of 2020. Because the next idea there is from the summer. This is what the plot looked like at that point - here I had already switched their roles:

Shortly, the texts go: 1. Farin is reading a book. 2. A phone makes a noise. 3. (Farin) looks at it/read the message. / 6. B appears into the doorway. / 11. F spits out the tea.

And underneath it you can see one of the stick figure storyboards I often do in order to kinda see the text in pictures better, and I will write down or draw important aspects like expressions (Farin’s eyebrows) or things like *facepalm’* or *eyeroll* so that I remember to add them.

Next I was struggling with the era. It needed to be an era with the old mobile phones with SMS options but still not too early because I feel that Farin would have not been the first in line to buy a brand new technology object, especially not when it’s a phone. I was even googling when did Germany get their first mobile phone - I remember I got my first phone aka Nokia 5510 in 2000 or 2001 after my mom got a new one and gave her old one to me, so the story shouldn’t happen too many years before the Millenium.

Originally I planned 1997 for that - I needed to think about that based on their styles because shorter hair is harder to draw. Here’s me trying out some hairs and how they’re to draw and which era would suit my needs the best. I actually find the text hilarious altho it’s mine but this is what it’s in English:

Time period -> 1996-1997? 1998 I’ve never drawn 1999 is not that much fun to draw 2000 is already a bit too late? Bela not that much fun to draw. -2001 moustaches are not fun to draw?

I think I was struggling with my thoughts because the next thing in that sketchbook is yet another storyboard:

Or actually I think this was just to see how many sheets I’d need and how many panels I could fit on one sheet.

Anyhow, I then did other things for some time before I got back to this project this year. Including finishing with the sketchbook I had been using since 2010 (and the half of it since 2018!) and I had to get myself a new one. So when I started to think about this comic again, one night I was just thinking about some Bela/Farin scenarios as usual and suddenly I just felt that I NEED to do the comic in the 1998 style!!! So suddenly we jump from the original 1997 idea to the new era, only because of the colors. 

So asap I grabbed my sketchbook and started to look for the proper colors for the hairs:

This one I posted here before too as I was struggling a lot and just felt that I didn’t know how to draw, again. Sometimes when I feel like that, I start drawing with my non-dominant aka left hand because it doesn’t have all that in muscle memory so drawing and writing with it feels more free and it feels almost like pressing a refresh button in my brain. Suddenly the right one know again how to draw because left isn’t too well in control. The below part of the image is done completely with the left hand, including the coloring.

And because I had now a new sketchbook, I somehow couldn’t... deal with the plot and plans being in a different sketchbook than everything else so I had write the plot/dialog AGAIN, into this new sketchbook, along with the storyboards and everything:

Translations: kirja = book, puhelin = phone, oviaukossa = in the doorway, teet suusta = tea(s) out of a/the mouth. “Puhelin zoom” just means “close up to the phone screen” in Madness.

You can also see that I found out that I don’t need to do the stick figure storyboards to imitate a sheet when I can just draw this rectangle and smaller rectangles inside of it and write there numbers to match the things in the dialog to make it much easier for me to plan the pages. And here’s also a small easter egg: there’s 13 panels overall in this comic :D I almost did 12 but then felt that no, I really need to do 13 because, you know, the hairs, the era, the album title. And also because I like the number so much lmao.

So from there we get to the second storyboard which is not just stick figures anymore but just me planning how I want the panels to look like. To get the imagery of the rooms and facial expressions etc. out onto the paper so that I can see them in real life instead of my shady imagination that sometimes isn’t as vivid as what I could be.

Also have you ever tried to draw a beach chair? It’s more difficult than you’d think:

I tried to draw the same thing from the same reference photos so many times and still I always felt like I was trying to draw that impossible triangle or some other illusion image. And it just went on and on here:

Originally I also had planned the second panel to be a close up of the phone so that Farin’s face would be left at the background from the frog perspective. That’s what I was trying to with that weird-ass face on the left but turned out that I have never drawn these characters from such angle and I just... couldn’t see it in my head clearly enough to be able to draw it. So I dismissed that idea and that’s why the angle changed from a phone close-up to a side view to the room and at Farin.

As I was in the middle of planning the second page, I suddenly wasn’t happy with my original plot anymore. I wasn’t sure if it would work and needed to think about it one more time. So I wrote two other dialogs here, along with a storyboards for them both. I ended up choosing B from those two options eventually.

I don’t remember anymore if I had already done the first sketch of the comics or not but at some point I just felt that I no longer knew how to draw in my style. Sometimes you just draw and learn wrong things and wrong methods that you get used to and then you have to take a break and actually do a little bit of studying over your own style to find again the way how you want to draw, and get rid of the bad habits and find the good ones again. In my case it was to draw the eyes way way too big when they originally never were THAT big, so I had to learn how to draw them small and normal again. That’s why I did these, as I really needed to pay attention to the faces and remember how to draw them again:

The front-side views were another big readong for this “study” because I have drawn that perspective only once or twice before and I needed to figure out how I want to draw that. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me but for some reason the front-side Farin reminds me of one of the parent characters from this cartoon called The Rugrats which I watched as a kid. It was totally unintentional, but you can google The Rugrats if you don’t know how the charatcers looked like in the cartoon.

The things below are just me testing something. The red Farins were just to test how the colored pencils work on each other and how the fineliners work with the colored pencils, and which way is the better way to do the shading. And the red colored pencil was the only one available at the time so that had to do.

A little bit about the heads btw: You might notice some difference between the left and right faces. It’s because I have always, always struggled with drawing anything that is looking at right. Most of the animal portraits and all I have drawn so that they look at left because I just find it so much easier to draw. I think with comics it’s because I always start with the eye (and the eyebrows if I don’t forget it) and then do the forehead, nose, mouth and chin, and after that I either continue from the hair (from the front) or do the ear first. But when I am drawing them to look at right, I have to basically draw the mirror image and starting from the hair is not the key because it can easily mess up with the perspectives. I still usually draw everything in the same order but it really is difficult because I’m doing a mirror image and my own hand is on the way, too. Basically I’m drawing from right to left instead of left to right! (I think I should try drawing those with my left hand, then...)

And from here we get to the first sketch of the comic. From here on the images are from my phone’s camera so they are sometimes illegally bad but no can do, I again didn’t think I’d post these to anywhere:

Here you can see I was mainly just focusing on the shapes and the space inside those panels. Just trying to see the perspective and how everything is. The only thing that I drew more precisely was the third panel, with the hand and phone. I had quite a nice memory of old phones in my head but I still googled for some reference photos of Nokia 5110 phones as that was my first phone (as I mentioned earlier), and I also happened to have some of my other old phones on the table nearby so I took my own hand reference photos too:

They always say there’s a little bit of the artist in their art and this one literally has that - “Farin’s” hand is actually my hand! :D And I think the size is kinda on point too because this phone was like 2-3 times smaller than Nokia 5110 and I have small hands, and I believe Farin must have much bigger hands, so the 5110 probably would have looked about the same size in his hand.

After the first sketch, the next step was then - the second sketch:

I also wanted to add more action to the panels so that it’s interesting to look at and not just basically the same panel over and over again with just different speech bubbles, so I came up with the idea of Farin spitting out his tea not being as cartoony as it could be and that he would have to actually clean it up instead of just leaving it there just because in cartoons/comics everything is possible. That way I got more depth into the panels and it was also interesting for me to draw because I drew lots of new postures I have never drawn before, and I’m surprised how well it went despite me not even looking for any kind of reference photos! The only things I used reference photos for were the beach chair, and the phone in a hand. (I have actually always been quite good at drawing 3D objects and spaces, especially if they are rectangular.)

So yeah, this is the phase where everything is then finished with pencil and what follows next is drawing the lines with fineliners - I use Sakura Pigma Micron fineliners for everything else, and black Promarker for doing the lines for the panels (and also if I need bigger pitch black areas done).

Here are the panel lines done but I only had a photo of this first sheet.

And here are both sheets with the finelining done and all pencil marks etc. erased. I really like this part because it looks so clean when all those sketch marks are gone. It’s also crazy to think I literally spend hours drawing something in pencil only to erase it all away later :D

And here’s one photo of the coloring process, the first one has only the base colors done but none of the shadows yet (apart from the shirts), and the second one has some of the shadows done but not everything yet.

Usually after coloring, I will then go through everything with the fineliners one more time to make sure all the lines are dark enough as it just gives everything the finished yet a bit “sketchy” look that what I really like with my comics. The actual last detail is always adding my signature along with the date or year.

And here’s the finished comic one more time for comparison:

Don’t forget to check and reblog the actual post about this comic if you read this post all the way here. I’d appreaciate that a lot since art and artist on Tumblr are not really that much appreciated.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: my dä fanart from when I had my (arts) comeback in 2018

For years I didn’t draw anything because of a personal (art crisis) and because I simply was studying and working so much I just had no energy left for arts.

In 2018 I was done with schools and studying and dropped out of the school I was in at that moment, and also the horse stable I was working at (school related stuff) was sold and closed its doors so also my work ended. For the first time in almost 5 years I was actually free. The longest holidays I had has was 3 weeks summer holiday in 2016, I think. I had another in 2017 but of that I actually was having health issues (nothing serious) for 2 weeks and then had to be in school for the 3rd one, after which I even got the flu.

So I was SO excited when I finally was free the first day of November in 2018. After I had got enough sleep and rest, I started to find my creativity again. And I started to “daydream” before falling asleep every night, I started to write fanfictions in my head and I started to draw, too. Partially it was also because for the first time in years I had an online friend I enjoyed talking with and we had similar interests, aka dä and Bela/Farin, and that inspired me a lot to draw even more - but unfortunately that friendship did not work out in the end and we’re no longer friends.

Anyway, most of these drawings are very much Bela/Farin related again because I talked about that a lot with this person and I often asked what they’d want to see and then drew it if the idea was something I could carry out.

This is not the first one I drew but maybe the 4th or so. I’m just putting this here first because it’s the most “innocent” aka not too much shippy stuff rubbed into the faces of my followers who don’t care about that. There’s 5 different drawings + 1 comic behind the read more link. All of these, apart from the comic, where drawn into my old sketchbook.

About the drawing above - I didn’t use pencil for these first ones at all yet, I just drew them with the fineliners as I was still a bit rusty as the last time I REALLY drew anything was in 2013 aka over 5 years ago from 2018, so I had to actually look at my old comics and drawings to even figure out how to draw these characters anymore. And I think the last actual time I drew in this style was in 2011 even. And that is very visible from the first 2018′s drawing I did! ↓↓↓

This is the one - and wait, I have an explanation!

So with this person I mentioned, we just constantly had this playful debate over whether Bela is “bottom” or not - and honestly I couldn’t care less about that because I no longer read any fanfics. I do write fanfics - or a fanfic - but only for myself and as an asexual I have never been interested in writing about certain themes so I never need to think about the whole top/bottom stuff anyway. I used to read smut before until I one day just realized it’s SO BORING and uninteresting to read, started skipping all smut scenes and wanted to read fluff but all the fluff was so quickly and badly written because everyone wanted to write smut only, that I was left with absolutely nothing to read. So it was the old story again: I started writing/drawing the stuff I wanted to read and see.

However, back to the top/bottom topic, I always base my opinions with everything over how things are in real life and with these guys, if you look at how they are in interviews and on stage, the dynamics are not just plain black&white. I’ve never seen there anything that would indicate that just one is “top” or “bottom” whatsoever which is why I kept saying imo they’re more like just switching if you listen to their jokes. Remember: I don’t read any fanfiction and don’t give a fuck about smut (lol at the pun) and honestly, even tho I understand those jokes they do and say on stage, I wish not to have any visuals about any of that “activity” in my head.

So, to support my “they switch!” opinion, I drew this, just for fun. And it is the official first drawing I did in 2018. I just needed to fire back bigger than I could do with simple text messages :D

***

Moving on. The person in question was very fascinated by the idea that Farin would be a vampire and not Bela (to support their top/bottom views...) which is why I drew this:

Also a very quick one, without sketching anything before drawing with fineliners. This and the first image of this post both are very small in real life actually, the signature is about the same size in every drawing so you can see from that that they are actually pretty small.

Talking of the signature: The funniest thing to me about this IS the signature. Because I was so rusty I didn’t even know how to write it anymore :DDD You can compare it to the signature in the other drawings because in them it’s better. Why it’s so funny to me is because it should say “Aada” but it looks more like “Hella” which means “stove” in Finnish.

***

Next one was something I saw in my head and wanted to draw - I think this one was also done without sketching it at first:

Kinda simple, right? :D I just wanted to draw something with heavy shadows and they’re meant to be watching TV at night. I guess it came out pretty okay.

***

The next two I drew based on one of my old fanfics I wrote years and years ago. I’m a bit annoyed that I decied to draw these into my SKETCHBOOK when I could have used just paper I use for drawing but I guess I didn’t know yet where I was going to end up with these and drew them into the sketchbook because of that. I thought I didn’t sketch these at first but I have found photos of these with sketched with pencil so that means I started sketching my drawings at this point.

So, back to the fanfic, it’s one of the longer ones I wrote (but still not that long even) and set to happen in the late 80s. There was some drama in the story because of Bela’s drug use and Farin was very harsh and Bela left altogether. For some time they had no idea where each of them were but then one very rainy night they both were on a walk at the same time and happened to stumble upon each other for the first time in weeks or so. I can still see those scenes so vividly in my head and here’s my artistic view over those scenes:

Yes. I love drawing stuff like BRICKS.

I have used my Promarkers with the second image, the paper was not the best for them which is why the black looks awful.

What comes to the image... it really annoys me to look at that because how the FUCK that is something I have drawn? And it’s legit based on something I have written. ME??? Like wtf. My aroace ass just can’t handle me writing/drawing fluff like this. I have days when I need to see fluff more than anything and then have to produce the content because can’t find it from anywhere else and my brain is simultaneously like “flufffff 8))))” and “boohoo whyyyyy how staaaaaph D:” because I am so afraid of being connected to what I draw. Like. If I draw or write fluff, it doesn’t mean I would be a romantic person nor allosexual nor alloromantic, right? Because I can also draw a comic or write a story about a murderer and it doesn’t make me a psychopath either. It’s the exact same thing.

And in fact: I had a comic book character who was called Micro the Insane Murderer because that’s what he was. Also I once wrote a story about a serial killer but she was also insane. But for whatever reason it’s much harder to show people fluff I have written or drawn than my fictional serial killer stuff... I guess people just easier assume that you’re an allo, thanks to anormativity, but usually don’t think you’re a psychopath just because your OC is :D

***

The last one is the comic that has a Halloween theme as it was around Halloween and the person I talked with still wanted to see/read something where Farin is the vampire instead. So here’s something that was my first B/F comic in 7 years. I didn’t remember how to do pretty much anything anymore and the coloring is a bit off, and I was really still just trying to figure out how to do all this again :D

At that point I think my head was still filled with fanfiction stuff so the comic also is full of (hurt/comfort) drama - and a long-ass “backstory”. You can see that from this on I have moved to more humorous stories. Sometimes I draw occassional fluffy comics when I’m really on that weird mood (usually 1-2 days/month thanks to the uterus and hormones), but my main focus is on the humour and I wish to make people laugh.

But that’s about it. I think I have now posted everything here, the newer ones I have posted here after drawing them since 2019 but this post is the “missing link” between those old old comics and the newer stuff :D Then I of course have all the other traditional art like potraits and such I did in 2009-2012 which I have never shown here. Maybe I should post those too?

[mcrmadness]

Rambling about my (dä fan)art...

I was writing another post and this kinda got out of hand and turned into me talking about my art overall. I’m gonna put this under the cut because I don’t know if people are interested in my art nor especially in my thought about it and my “art history” basically, but if you are, then I hope you enjoy.

And yes, this is gonna be about my die ärzte fanart mainly!

So let’s start with the HELL coverart drawing because that’s what I was talking about originally:

I’m extremely happy with how the drawing turned out in the end and I like that feeling of success when I’m happy with something I have created. That is not always self-evident with myself. More than often I have plain hated my drawings or have felt like there should be something done differently, or something that I could always improve at and do better. So this feeling where I’m actually content and happy with what I have created is something new and different. I have a dopamine rush every time I look at that drawing. I like the drawing. I think it looks nice. And I’m extremely happy about this fact and I am not afraid of admitting it. Perfectionism is a curse and a gift. It can sometimes make your life a living hell when something that is perfectly good still feels like it’s not enough. When everyone else sees that what you have done is actually good or even great but your brain just keeps repeating how it’s shit and everyone else is just delusional and that they don’t see what you see. And this is like the polar opposite of that feeling. It wasn’t other people who were delusional, it was you and youself all along. You were the one seeing the image in your head and the drawing not matching that image. Other people saw only what you had created and couldn’t compare it to anything. And that doesn’t mean it was never good.

So whenever I do these comics and comic style drawings nowadays, I just feel so happy. I feel that I am no longer failing them, I feel like I can draw the image I see in my head. I finally feel like I can draw, I have some skills, I’m not a professional and maybe not as good as everyone else but I’m good at what I’m doing. This is my thing and I’m good at it and it’s enough. And I love it when I feel like I’m improving. For years I felt like I was stuck, like my skills would have been glitching somehow, I didn’t get better no matter how much I drew. But I guess I tried too much and was too harsh on myself because I believed that a drawing is good only when no reference photos have been used. And I sucked at drawing without them. I still do! I was staring at the Hell coverart the whole time I was drawing! I wouldn’t have been able to do this if I didn’t! And this feels particularly good also because this is the first time I have tried something different with these comics. I have never tried to draw a photo or existing picture with this style. I have only drawn my comics and those I have created all by myself. The clothes come from what I have seen in videos and photos but the plots are created by me alone, with a idea coming from somewhere actual usually, as inspirations do.

For comics I do look at reference photos of people sitting or standing, or I look at the mirror, or even take photos of my own hand to be able to draw something. And that’s lots of fun and also challenging because I’m mixing there my old habit of portrait drawing with my less serious comic book style but I really really do like the combination. It also makes me feel that I am memorizing what I draw and the next time when I need to draw that same posture, I no longer need the reference photos because they’re no in my brain. And in my muscle memory. My hand remembers how to do the lines now.

Here you can see one of the sketches I did in 2018 - I had this image in my head and I wanted to draw it and I just... drew it in my sketchbook. Didn’t use pencil. But now I’ve noticed I like doing these on proper paper instead of the sketchbook AND it’s so much more fun to first draw the sketch with the pencil and then draw on it with the fineliners. That I have always done with the comics (apart from one) because they take more time than these quick sketches. But here you can see Farin’s legs on the first image - I think I might have looked at reference photos for that but then it was so much easier to do the to the comic I made in 2019.

I have now also figured out that a big part of my style is not to draw just simple straight lines. I like making those sketch-like lines even with the marker. They look more rough but that’s something I like seeing with my art. That’s what I was missing when I was staring at the lines I had drawn before and hated every detail of them. They were too clean and neat.

^These two I have also drawn on my sketchbook in 2018 and I don’t really know why. I guess I was still a bit stupid and didn’t really realize I’m drawing again. But anyway, they both were inspired by my own fanfiction I have written a long time ago. It’s one of my favorite self-written fanfics and it had these two scenes I just saw in my head and felt like I could try drawing them. Maybe that’s why they are in my sketchbook, I wasn’t sure if they were going to turn out even good... The marker around the second one obviously was shit and the paper wasn’t good for it, and I never finished with it so it looks a bit weird. Do I need to say that I really enjoy drawing very small, repetative details, like those tiles? It’s so soothing, almost like a therapy.

I think that quitting antidepressants in 2013 has done so much good for my creativity. If you compare my work from 2011 to 2019, the difference is huge - all are just parts from my comics:

Can you guess see the difference? But have to admit I am jealous for myself for how I have drawn Farin’s hair to the 2011 one and maybe have forgotten to color Farin’s arm but... I actually had so long pause from drwing (~8 years) that I forgot how I did that and had to use THAT as a reference when I was trying to draw late 80s Farin’s at some point last or this year :D

Anyway, my style with the shadows is a little different when I use colored pencils than when I use markers. This is from my latest comic from this year, where I experimented with Promarkers the way I had never done before and I really like how it came to be:

I have owned this set of Promarkers (black + 5 greys) for years and have never really used them, apart from the black which I usually used for the thick lines anyway. And wanted to see if I could find some use for the greys too! (Yes that’s Bela back there - this comic was an alternative ending for Für Immer music video :D)

And I wanna end this post with a face progress comparison for all three. During this I also noticed that before I used to draw their side profiles and it was really difficult to find images where I’d have drawn from from the front. And nowadays I have mainly drawn them from the front and it’s hard to find side profiles! Interesting! Here’s one of Farin and Bela from a drawing I made this year:

Also the hand that was so much fun to draw but I also took photos of my own hand in that posture in order to even draw that - that was fun! :D

But here are the last three images - using the HELL one as the last for each, of course:

Bela has always been the easiest to draw. And the first one of these three is actually from my first ever Bela&Farin comic! I didn’t color their skin back then. With the next ones I already did color their skins too but I used darker colors to do the shadows. Nowadays I do the shadows with fineliners. Or it depends - that 2019 one doesn’t have that lol.

Damn it was so difficult to find something where I’d have draw Farin from the front :D And I see the HELL one literally is my second (or third) time drawing Farin with his grin. Or if you count all those numerous extra mouths I drew because I failed the first one, then I have drawn his grin at least 15 times by now. I probably can draw his teeth with no reference photos from now on.

I haven’t drawn Rod too many times. I can actually count about... 5 times? And then there’s only 2 times when I’ve drawn his side profile but he’s at the background. I don’t know if I’ve ever really succeeded at that, I usually try to draw his head a more round and his eyes smaller than for Bela and Farin and I was actually bit worried for the HELL one and was wondering if I’m going to ruin the whole thing. But in fact, that was actually easiest of them to draw. And STILL I’m surprised by how alike he looks in that last one. In fact, I think his dacial features are perfect for a carricature drawing so you don’t need to do more than a few lines for the mouth and it looks like his mouth. The middle one was for a drawing I made for a friend and with this I actually looked at photos so that I could draw some of his hairstyles from the 90s and I liked this one the best and it was also quite easy to draw too.

Do I even have to say that I’m not extremely motivated what comes to drawing? I feel like my creative has become what it has never been before. I still don’t really know what to draw but I just feel that whatever it is I’ll start next, it will be good. And if it doesn’t... who cares? I had so much fun with those extra mouths  of Farin which was maybe visible from the video I filmed, and that is what makes drawing worth it. Before I took the drawing process so seriously and a mistake felt like the end of the world but now I laugh at them and make fun of them and don’t take them too seriously. And I always have ways to fix these, or I can redraw. Just like I did with Farin’s mouth (or a half of his face actually) for this newest drawing. The most important thing is that I’m having fun and enjoying what I do, that way usually the outcome will also be a success.

I have now at least 2 dä comics on my to-do list (I don’t remember if there’s a third one too) + one pencil drawing that is halfway there. It will take one more night/day for it to get it finished. I also have probably 5 ideas for self-comics etc. in my sketchbook and I try to find some time to work on those. Or actually I have a plenty of time. Adhd, time blindness and executive dysfunction just make it feel as if I didn’t :D Can’t wait to get working on my next drawing projects, tho!

(I wish I knew how to make art for a living even but that’s a topic that will need its own post which I’m probably do in a near future if I don’t forget :D)