#i already feel like i don't have an identity so changing the name it's kind of killing me but that's the idea i think

[oneroomjestershow]

what if i... change my username... haha no actually im not kidding im going to do it i just don't know to what

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[alphajocklover]

Hey man, so I've tried to be passive most of my life and not cause trouble. Not breaking many rules, doing as I'm told, and it just leaves me with so much missed chances and getting walked all over. I'm kind of tired of it.

I wanna be abrasive, not rude but confident. Almost cocky. And I want the looks to match. I wanna be huge, and bulky, and hairy too. I don't wanna be smart and focused on academics, I wanna chuck balls and pump my cock all day. Weird enough too, I wanna be sweaty. I wanna raise my arms and watch a bunch of gay dudes just melt like puddy.

The best part is, I wanna *feel* this transformation. I want to watch my arms get huge, I wanna hear my voice get deeper, and my chest push out and almost tear my chest. I wanna be...I wanna be...I wanna be a fuckin JOCK

I want to start by assuring you that everything you’ve said, everything you’ve been feeling, makes sense. There are a lot of people out there who are like you, people who have spent their entire lives just blending in. It’s natural to want to fit in, but when you spend so much of your life trying to fit into the norm, it can be easy to forget who you really want to be. When that happens, most people try to change things up. Some chase after a specific new self they dream of being, while others experiment with different identities, trying to find one that fits. But then, there's people like you. People who have spent far too long trying to fit in. For people like you, blending in isn’t a curse: it’s a superpower.

What you have to understand is that a person's identity is far more powerful than you might realize. There's a reason people take names so seriously. Psychologically, socially, and even magically, they’re important. So when a person leaves so much of their identity up to the people around them… it makes sense that a transformation might occur. That they change, literally change, to blend in with others. We call these people Camous. People who have the power to socially blend in, literally, with the world around them. They’re sort of the opposite of Alphas. Alphas change reality to fit their whims, Campus change to fit reality. And from what I hear, you’re becoming one. I know this might sound a little frightening, since having your identity threatened will do that to anyone. But this is a good thing. While changing is scary, you won’t change entirely. Your body, your personality, your traits, and even your reality will change depending on who you’re around, but the core of your identity, your soul will stay the same. You’ll still be you, just… altered. And being a Camou gives you a lot of advantages. It’s true that you won’t ever stand out really, but you’ll always fit in and always be part of a group. And, better than that, you can use your power to choose who you want to be. You want to be a jock, right? A sweaty, hairy, manly jock who makes gay guys weak in the knees? All you have to do is find a group of jocks to join! It isn’t hard to find a group of jocks, even the specific type of hairy gay jocks you’re looking for. You just have to find the right gym, and I know just the one. The Jockstrap is a local gym specifically made to cater to people like you. Or the people you want to be like I suppose. I want you to take a deep breath as we enter. Do you smell that sweat? That manly musk? Breathe in deep, it’ll help the process. Unlike one of the more famous transformation methods I’ve written about, this one isn’t instant. You’re going to feel your biceps fill with muscle, your pecs bursting forward as your body is covered in a respectable smattering of manly hair. It’s already happening. Your shoulders are widening as your chest continues to grow, needing more room on your body. Your legs, your arms, your ass… everything is growing. But that isn’t the only thing that's changing. Your mind is too. I can see the excitement in your eyes as you look around. Working out, exercising, playing sports, hanging with the bros… you’re already getting excited by the thought of it. And without getting too explicit, it’s obvious that you’re excited in other ways. I can see it through your sweat pants (I guess your clothing changed too) and it must be at least 8 inches by now, soft. That rod, your muscles, and the sheer amount of manly musk that's coming from your body now? You’re going to have twinks throwing themselves at you.

Now, since you’re a Camou this transformation isn’t permanent. It’ll last for a while, longer depending on how much time you spend at the gym surrounded by your new bros. The general rule is if you spend one hour with a group, you get three hours as one of them, unless you spend time with a new group immediately after. But the really exciting part is that once you have a form, you can turn into that version of yourself… with some practice, and if you aren’t currently with a large group. 

I honestly can’t believe I haven’t talked about Camous beforehand. Granted, you’re only the second Camou I’ve ever met, but they’re so interesting I can’t believe I’ve never brought them up. I hope you enjoy being a jock, or whoever else you want to try out being. Just, try not to fall in with a bad crowd.

[gurugirl]

Cat Man | a Don’t Stand So Close extra

Summary: This is a sweet little Halloween extra for the series Don't Stand So Close. Featuring a little trick-or-treating, three costumes, and some Mommy & Daddy alone time.

Warning: 18+ only, smut, fluff, daddy kink (as always), age gap

Word Count: 3.8k

Don't Stand So Close masterlist

When Starla and Paul got pregnant Harry and I were so beyond excited for the pair. We would have a little friend for James to play with, and though James was a bit older, they’d be growing up together. They’d plan their wedding after the baby was born.

The only issue I faced with this amazing news was that it meant I would be a step-grandmother. At the ripe old age of 27. Harry thought it was funny and Starla was unconcerned about it as she was focused on her new life and not my feelings.

Along with that, we navigated the odd naming of the relationship between Starla and James as delicately as we knew how. Technically they were half siblings. We opted to say auntie and nephew… but in the end, the confusion wouldn’t be worth the façade once James got older. Whatever people thought of the setup was none of our concern. Or it shouldn’t have been.

But to think I’d be becoming a grandmother?

“Hottest grandma on the planet.” Harry laughed.

I scoffed and sat down on the couch with James crawling over me and asking for another bite of cake we’d brought back from the baby shower.

It had been a long day. I helped Starla and Angela get everything ready. Starla mostly sat and pointed but it was nice to spend a little time with her. I felt thankful that she took me up on my offer to help.

We still had a bit of awkwardness between us. I was sure we’d never get back to how things were when we were best friends. And slowly things got better but my penance would always be the loss of that precious relationship as it was once upon a time.

“Mama. Cake!” James stood on my lap with his knees jammed into my ribs as he pointed toward the kitchen where the bit of cake we brought back was sitting on the counter.

“Not right now, honey,” I grunted as I lifted him away from my ribs. The little guy was solid and heavy. He had no idea that jumping on me or standing on me was uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong. I love that my baby enjoys being close to me all the time… but ow.

Harry leaned over and took him from my hands, “Let’s sit like a good boy and we’ll put on something to watch.”

The cartoon was bright and loud and obnoxious but somehow all three of us wound up falling asleep on the couch together after one episode.

When I woke up the sky was dark and both Harry and James were asleep sitting upright, heads leaned back into the cushion behind them, mouths dropped open, hands in their lap. Twins. I couldn’t get over just how alike they were. They even looked so much alike that it was scary. Old pictures of Harry, when he was James’ age, proved they were identical.

Gently lifting James into my arms I held him close and kissed the top of his head to put him into bed. I hated having him get into bed in his day clothes but it was not worth the hassle of waking him up to change him into pajamas. Another wonderful little thing about James was that he was a heavy sleeper just like his father. Would conk out and stay that way if you let him.

But the difference was that I needed to wake Harry because carrying him to our bedroom was out of the question.

“Harry…” I squeezed his arm and leaned in to kiss the top of his head, “Let’s go to bed, big guy.”

His eyes opened and he inhaled a deep breath before stretching his arms overhead, “You put James down already?”

I nodded, “Yep. Now time to put you in bed.”

Six hours.

That’s how long we got to sleep before James was bouncing in between Harry and me. I counted the hour and a half we were asleep on the couch watching cartoons the night before but it was rare to have more than six hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. James just had some kind natural of alarm that only allowed Mom and Dad six hours at a time.

I rolled over and pulled James down, “Shhh… let’s sleep a little longer, baby. Look Daddy’s still sleeping too.”

“Cat man!” James excitedly shrieked.

Cat man. Or really, he meant Batman. It was his Halloween costume. Halloween was in a few more days and he’d been obsessed with it. I let him run around in it at home. And I mean, who could blame him? It was an awesome costume complete with a mask and a cape. I loved watching him run back and forth with the cape flying behind him. Who knew something as simple as a Batman costume could occupy a three-year-old for hours on end?

Harry sighed and rolled toward the commotion; his handsome face turned toward me with a smile. He brought his hand up to my face and spoke in his deep morning voice, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

~~

James had been crying and throwing a fit to wear the costume all morning but we really wanted to have him wait until it was trick-or-treat time.

All morning we heard him screeching, “I’m cat man! Cat man!” and “I want cat man!”

We’d given up on correcting him to say Batman. Harry tried at first but James was sure cat man and Batman were the same thing. So we let it be.

We’d also given up on having him wait until it was time for trick-or-treating to let him put on his cat man costume. He was in distress, poor guy, so we folded. And anyway, why did it matter if he wore it before we left the house?

“Okay, Mr. Bruce Wayne. Are you ready to dawn your superhero costume and go fight bad guys?” Harry asked James animatedly.

Siggy and Jared were coming by to help us with trick or treating and then after they were bringing James to their place to have him stay for two nights. Harry and I were desperate for alone time. A full night’s sleep. Sex without a bouncy boy walking in.

Harry was dressed up as a cowboy. Only because it was easy. Jeans with a brown button-up shirt a green vest, and a cowboy hat. I was dressed as a red devil. Red leggings, a red long-sleeved shirt (that to my dismay did not match the red shade of the leggings as well as I thought it would), and a headband with horns. Also easy.

I remember the days when I used to go all out for Halloween. I figured this was pretty good for two adults who were looking more forward to getting home after the events than the actual event itself.

James filled his plastic pumpkin full of junk and he was as happy as ever. His overnight bag was already packed when we met up with my parents at the park and walked around to the houses nearby to go door-to-door.

James was in his element. Running from house to house with his little cat man cape waving in the wind. The four adults watched him bounce up to the houses and scream at the top of his lungs, “Trick or treat!!” to everyone who answered the door.

“Have you two thought of giving him a little brother or sister?” Jared said as we walked back to our cars.

This wasn’t the first time they’d brought this up. I rolled my eyes and Harry just laughed. There was no reason to answer them. They knew what our answer would be. That it was our decision and if we ever decided to have another they’d be the first to know.

James loved overnights at his grandma and grandpa’s house. I was sure it was because they let him sleep with them in their bed, let him stay up as late as he wanted, and fed him macaroni and cheese and candy bars. So it was no surprise to Harry and me when James held onto Siggy’s hand and followed her toward their car without a single pout.

“Behave for Papa and Gran okay? They’re gonna tell us if you’re not being nice,” Harry knelt to look James in the eye and James nodded dramatically.

I sighed as they drove off with my little boy. I loved having some space and alone time with my husband but it didn’t make me miss James any less every time they took him.

Harry put his hand on my knee, “Ready to get home, Mommy?”

Putting my hand over Harry’s I grinned with a laugh, “Of course, Daddy.”

.           .           .

We’d gotten a bottle of wine and had leftovers ready to go. I also snuck a stash of James’ candy for us for later.

Entering our home, Harry locked the door and then grabbed my hips, pulling my back into his chest before I could move away, “Where are you going, little devil?”

I snickered a laugh and turned my head to look at him, “Was gonna change out of this lame Halloween costume. Come with me, Daddy?”

Harry needed no prodding. I slid my leggings off and Harry sat at the edge of the bed, his cowboy hat lying next to him on the mattress.

“Aren’t you gonna change?”

Harry smirked and shrugged his shoulder, “Take your top off but leave the horns.”

I gave him a side-eye look and smiled as I peeled my shirt off. He made no move to get out of his own clothes.

“Bra, panties. Off,” he said as he leaned back onto his palms and crossed his legs in front of him as he watched.

I grinned at him and kept my eyes on his as I unplucked my bra and pulled my panties down. The small groan that fell from his throat had me blushing a bit. I’d never get tired of the way he adored my body and me.

Readjusting the devil horn headband, I faced him with a brow raised, “Okay. Did what you said.”

Harry leaned forward and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward him until I was in between his legs which he’d spread. He moved his hands up over my breasts and kept his eyes on mine, “Ever been fucked by a cowboy?” He smirked as he asked.

A scoff fell from my lips as I put my hands in his hair, “Don’t think so. Why? Does this cowboy want fuck his little devil?” I figured I’d play along. Harry enjoyed lots of playing when it came to sex and with James out of the house, we could really play.

Harry growled and leaned in to wrap his pink lips around my nipple. The moan into my flesh sent goosebumps down my torso and I felt his hands lower to my bum. He squeezed firmly and spread my cheeks, keeping his mouth on my tits.

He looked up at me from his spot and pulled his lips off my breast, “I want you to pull my cock out and suck. Wanna see what the little she-devil can do with that mouth.”

“Fuck,” I breathed out as I stepped back and then pressed my knees into the rug to kneel between his legs. He spread his thick thighs apart as I grasped onto the waistband of his jeans and began to unbutton.

To my delight, my horny husband was not wearing underwear and he was already nice and hard for me. Anyone who tells you men in their 40s can’t get it up easily is dead wrong. Harry has proven to me time and time again that he’s more than capable of rising to the occasion. Though he won’t be in his 40s for much longer, you’d really never know. He’s still the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. A fucking body like a divine being. Strong and buff, tall… But it’s his eyes. The attention he gives you. He has a genuine hunger to listen and give you all of his attention. And that’s just so attractive to me that even his amazing physique pales in comparison to the way he looks at me when I’m talking.

“Ooh, Daddy…” I mewled as I pulled at him and stroked his hard prick, pulling him from the confines of his jeans. I gave him a few good pulls before I leaned in and spit over his ruddy tip, smoothing my saliva down his shaft before looking up at him and then taking him in my mouth.

One thing about being with a well-endowed man is that you can train to take them after some time.

I had struggled with how thick and long he was at the beginning but as the years have gone on I have learned just how to get him snug in my throat. Not always with ease, but it can be done and I typically can achieve getting my nose stuffed into the thatch of hair at his base every time I give him head.

Harry moaned above me and I felt him gather my hair behind my head as I bobbed over him. I tried keeping my eyes upward but his little nudge at the back of my head pushed me down further over his cock making it hard to peek up at him.

I swallowed around his tip and gurgled just before he pulled me off by my hair.

He slid back into the bed and put his cowboy hat on, leaning against the headboard he patted his thighs.

“Think it’s time for a ride.”

I laughed as I climbed after him and settled over his lap, “I like this,” I flicked at his cheap dollar-store cowboy hat.

Harry smirked as he pulled at me and placed his thumb through my crease.

“Gotta make sure you’re ready for this ride first. Sink down, baby,” Harry laughed a few of the words as he spoke but then suddenly his expression changed from cheekiness to thoughtful and intense.

I breathed a laugh and bent my knees, nudging myself over his thumb to sink down on it. I placed my hands on his shoulders and rocked into his knuckles, “Am I doing it right?”

“Got my thumb inside your hole didn’t you? I’d say it’s right. Now,” Harry pushed his thumb upward harder and used his other hand to rub over my clit, “move those hips and fuck my thumb, baby.”

“Yes, Daddy…” I spoke softly and began clenching and rocking myself over his thumb and into the fingers, he was using on my clit.

I knew he was trying to make me feel a little embarrassed, a little vulnerable. Sometimes he liked making a spectacle and then commenting on how desperate for him I am. But he did it because he knew what it did to me. Knew how much it turned me on.

In fact, it was already becoming obvious how much I liked it given how wet his entire hand was, as well as the gushy little sound of me fucking myself onto his thick thumb.

“Knew the little devil would like something like this. Rub your cunt over Daddy’s cock now, baby. Show me how wet you got for my thumb.”

Harry gripped my hips to steady me, his damp fingers smearing over my skin as he held me and I settled my pussy onto his exposed cock. He was still fully dressed with only his pants open.

He remained stoic and unbothered by me which had me feeling that pathetic desperation so I breathed out a laugh and began to slick myself over him.

Suddenly the smack of his hand on my ass had me yelping as I gripped his shoulders tight.

“What’s funny, then? Hmm?” He asked me with a straight face.

I breathed out a shaky breath and tried to lean in to kiss him but he issued me another spanking to my other side.

He let go of my hip and squeezed my cheeks together. I could smell myself on his fingers, “Asked you a question, my love. S’rude not to answer.” He was working hard now to hide his smirk. The very ghost of dimples began to dip into his cheeks as he asked me to answer him once more.

He released my cheeks and wrapped his big palm around the front of my neck, raising his brows. A gesture for me to answer him, “I was feeling a little embarrassed and I got a little giggly,” I spoke honestly. But he knew this already. Knew that every time I felt embarrassed somehow it got me excited and I’d start to feel giggly.

“Aww, poor thing. What’s got you embarrassed baby? Didn’t realize the devil herself could all feel shy when she gets wet over a thumb.”

Blinking my eyes and nodding I smiled and put my hands up his jaw admiring his handsome face, “Will you fuck me, Daddy? I’m so horny for you. Been waiting for this all week. Please put me out of my misery.”

Harry fluttered his eyes closed for a moment before squeezing around my neck softly, “Well hop on then, honey.” His voice was deep and full of lust. I knew he was desperate too. We had plenty of time to play but if he was as achy as I was, I knew he’d be folding quickly.

I grinned as I lifted up and stuck my pussy right to his tip, “Just wanted to feel you and make you come,” I moaned as I pressed him inside of me. Always a tight fit into my entrance, his cock felt delicious.

“Yeah? Little devil wants my come? Well, go on then. Fuck it outta me.”

We moaned in unison as I lowered until I was sat over him, the fabric of his jeans being wetted slightly.

“Yes, Daddy… ooohh,” rocking my hips over him and then planting my feet flat onto the mattress so I could give him a good show, I leaned back and placed my hands at his thighs and gripped tight over his jeans as I lifted and lowered my pussy down over him, “Gonna fuck the come out of your cock.”

Harry groaned and put his hands on the underside of my thighs to help me lift upward as he watched my pussy slide up and down his thigh shaft.

“Fuck, baby. Oh my god…” he breathed his words as he leaned his head back into the headboard, making his cowboy hat prop forward before he tore it from his head and tossed it away.

He watched my body move up and down. His dick was shiny with my arousal as he began to buck upward slightly, causing me to lose my balance. I leaned forward and put my hands onto his shoulders to keep steady with a laugh.

We both chuckled at the whole scene. Harry’s nuisance of a cowboy hat, me losing my balance, the devil horns on my head…

Soon Harry had his knees bent and he slid down a bit for leverage to fuck into me from below.

We were both moaning and panting as we moved together. My knees were dug into the mattress as I ground myself over him and Harry used his position to lift himself into me deeply, knocking me upward at each thrust.

He put his hands on my tits and groaned, “You gonna come on Daddy’s cock?”

I was already beginning to shake and clench. He knew I was close. I reached my hand down between us and began to rub myself and nodded, “Yes! M’gonna come!”

Harry’s mouth dropped open and I knew the look. Deep concentration. He was in that mode where he was holding off his orgasm for mine. He was good at it, too. Because he always had me coming first no matter what.

“Shit… Anna, come on Daddy’s cock, honey! Fucking feels so good. Squeezing around me like that…” his words were pinched and whiney.

I kept my eyes on his as I rocked over him quickly, chasing my quickly approaching high. Moaning desperately and whimpering, I finally felt that magic spark unfurl in my tummy.

Harry coughed out his words when he could tell I was coming, “That’s it, Anna. Make yourself feel good with Daddy’s cock… Ahhhh…” he clenched his jaw, still holding off as long as he possibly could. But then he stilled his hips and held me down over him.

I felt the throb of cock as he pumped inside of me with a deep groan.

With his tight hold on my hips, I could only rock back and forth to finish myself off, moaning and panting in ecstasy.

I slumped into his chest as he softly moaned and we lay together until we’d both come back to the present.

Harry’s big hand smoothed up and down my back and I felt his wet lips at my temple, “Just what I needed. But you know that’s just the beginning of what you’re in for these next two nights, right?”

I could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke. I pushed myself back to look at him, “Oh really? The old man’s gonna be able to go another round, then?”

Harry puffed out a laugh and popped my thigh, “You better behave.”

“Or what?”

Shaking his head in disbelief he pushed me off his lap, causing my back to hit the mattress, and hovered over me, placing a palm over my neck to hold me down, “I’m twice your size. Just imagine the damage I could do to you. And if you’re really bad I won’t let you come at all. So you better listen to Daddy and do what he says.”

I bit my lip and nodded before pulling him down to bring his mouth to mine.

Harry laughed into the kiss before making me get up so we could clean up.

It’s funny how I used to spend Halloween; all dressed up at some haunted house-themed party or a themed club when Starla used to drag me with her. My favorite was always staying in and watching a scary movie or reading a good book. As opposed to these days where I take my three-year-old trick-or-treating and then end the night with sex, leftovers, a horror movie, and a bottle of wine with my husband.

I felt like we’d already gotten the night off to a good start but I knew he wasn’t lying when he said that was just the beginning. If anything Harry’s high libido and mine meant we might not be getting the kind of sleep we’d anticipated. Which sounded exactly like what I needed.

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[warping-realities]

Commitment - Part I

"I thought you liked my body."

Peter said with a slightly hurt tone of voice into the phone as he looked at the video of the overly muscular man that took up most of the device screen advertising a personal training studio that had recently opened near his apartment.

"I like you, babe, but it's just that you spend so much time at work and... well... I'll be honest, I've always liked your thin appearance... but in the last few months you've been growing a belly. It's no big deal ...but you know how much dedication I put into my body, just for you. A little reciprocity would be nice. Do this for me baby, I've already scheduled an appointment for you.

" Concluded the voice on the phone, belonging to Julia, Peter's longtime girlfriend. The two met while still in college and he always wondered what a woman with a sculptural physique and a beauty worthy of the catwalks saw in him. Not that he wasn't attractive, with his elegant face and slim body, coupled with the air of class and sophistication that many rich people seem to carry with them without even realizing it. Still, the difference between the two in terms of attraction was huge. Which made many people whisper that she was nothing more than a gold digger. But Peter preferred to turn a deaf ear to those comments because he really loved Julia and wouldn't accept that kind of conversation. In fact, he loved her so much that even against his nature he found himself putting on gym clothes and going to the address indicated in the pamphlet.

Furthermore, Julia knew him very well and had pressed the right button to force him to do what she wanted, appealing to his commitment to their relationship.

Arriving at the indicated location, Peter realized that the studio was a small room with some equipment and thus understood that Julia was thinking about his inhibitions when choosing that place. Despite coming from an influential family and being forced to participate from an early age in the most different social events, he had a real horror of exposing himself.

Therefore, a small studio like that would be the place where he would feel at least a little more comfortable. But perhaps she had purposely ignored another of Peter's horrors: intimidating muscular men, which was precisely the case with the gigantic guy standing with his arms crossed in the center of the room wearing the same shirt and making a pose identical to the one in the ad Peter had seen earlier.

Peter justified to himself that this would be the standard expected of a personal trainer, but that didn't change the feeling of absolute fear that had overcome him the moment he laid eyes on that figure.

The monstrous guy opened a smile that exuded so much self-confidence that it was overflowing with arrogance.

"Hey man, I'm Dan, you must be Pete, right?" The instructor asked as if he were intimate with

Peter and making the mistake that was perhaps the only thing that gave him the courage to speak out, calling him by his diminutive.

"Peter. I'm Peter Wexhan and I like to be called by my name."

"Wow man, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I just wanted to break the ice since we're going to spend some time together." Dan said without letting his smile falter.

"I-I don't know if we'll go... I just thought about taking a experimental class." Peter replied.

"Nah, you'll see, once the iron bug bites you there won't be any return. So, the girl who arranged the class for you mentioned that the goal is to lose some belly fat, is that it?"

"Julia, the girl's name is Julia. My girlfriend and that's what she would like..."

"But what about you, what would you like? You are my client!" The truth is, Peter would rather be home. But he didn't have the courage to say that for fear of the big man in front of him and of

disappointing his girlfriend.

"I...that's what I want."

"Dude, you need to learn to assert yourself, man. And you know a great way to assert yourself, grow up!" Dan said, flexing his powerful muscles pushing his shirt to the limit, stretching it so much that it became transparent, exposing the glory that was hidden by the thin layer of fabric.

"I... I.." Peter began, not knowing what to say as he looked at that pile of stacked muscles with wide eyes.

"I'm kidding Peter. Who am I to say what you should or shouldn't do? Although I think a real man needs to know how to impose himself, I also think he also needs to know how to please a woman."

Once again, not knowing what to say, Peter preferred to remain silent. Giving Dan space to ask the question he would know was coming.

"So, Peter Wexhan... any relation to Senator Frank Wexhan?"

"Yes, I am his son."

"Wow, one of my first clients will be someone important."

"My father is important, I'm just a regular guy." Peter replied, knowing that as much as he wanted it to be real, it didn't actually match reality. After all, besides his father being a senator, his family was extraordinarily rich and Dan certainly knew that. But demonstrating more professionalism than the interaction between the two up until that moment made it clear that it would be possible, the instructor did not comment anything about it, preferring to continue the class.

"Let me work with you for a while and you will be anything but regular. And the best time to start is now. He responded with a new smile before putting Peter to perform the greatest physical effort of his life up to that point.

While helping him, Dan tried to start a conversation with Peter. He talked about cars, football, parties, all subjects with which the other had no affinity whatsoever.

"What do you mean you don't have a football team? Not even the one from your college?”

"It was never something I was interested in, sorry."

"Stop apologizing for everything man, although really in this case you have to apologize. Just kidding!!! But weren't you at least going to see the cheerleaders?" Dan asked, delving into another delicate subject, women. Julia had been the only woman in Peter's life and he adored her. He saw no reason to look at or even think about other women. So deep was his commitment.

Upon hearing this, Dan just smiled again and corrected Peter's posture, resuming his focus on the exercises. Making the latter amazed at how good the other was at his job and how quickly this was showing. At the end of the session his arms, shoulders and legs are looking slightly bulkier and he can't help but give himself a self admiring look in the mirror at how good looking he was making his opinion of Dan improve a lot. Sure, he was the kind of guy that Peter preferred to stay away from all his life, but now he saw that he could be someone fun and with whom he could interact. So much so that he ended up scheduling a new session for the following day. Saying goodbye to the other man with a hand shake and going home with the impression that in the end all in all, that was a great decision.

Upon arriving at the simple but comfortable apartment he shared with Julia instead of his family's currently uninhabited mansion, he found himself invaded by a hunger he had never felt before. Looting everything he had in the fridge and cupboards, and without taking a shower, he lay in the couch devouring everything he had looted while flipping through one channel after another on the television until finally stopping at a game of university football for his college team, which he began to watch, while he absently massaged his sore muscles, with a feeling of pleasure bordering on sexual. And that's how Julia found him two hours later when she arrived home.

"Hey babe... what's that smell? What's going on?? Peter you stink!"

That was her comment when she saw her boyfriend lying on the sofa in the living room, which at that moment was infected by the pungent smell of masculinity.

"Sorry babe, I got home from the and lost track of time." Peter replied as he smelled his ownarmpits and made a face. "Eww, I really stink."

"Peter, I can't believe you sat all dirty on my couch!"

"My couch, the apartment is mine and I can lie on my sofa and watch football however I want!" He

responded aggressively, scaring his girlfriend and himself in the process."

"Sorry babe, I don't know what came over me, let me take a shower and make up for it. I'll cookyour favorite dish for you."

The rest of the night passed without any major incidents, with the two having dinner and making small talk and ending up in bed where he rewarded Julia with the best fucking she had had in a long time.

To be continued…

[vidavalor]

Before the Beginning and Crowley's memory

You know how Aziraphale is visibly paranoid about Crowley being overheard during Before the Beginning and warns him against asking questions? This being before Hell and demons, really, but Aziraphale being concerned for Crowley's safety means that there had to be some repercussion to challenging Heaven's authority that was known to Aziraphale and that most likely meant the stolen memories, since we also learn about those in S2, right? Maybe Aziraphale knew in Before the Beginning of angels who had had their identities taken from them for talking out of turn and he was worried that it could happen to Crowley but... what if the scene is suggesting that it already had?

I always took Crowley not introducing himself to Aziraphale as written to convey that this was the first time they met to the audience but, at the same time, to not tie themselves to any one idea about who Crowley was pre-Fall because Crowley is Crowley and it's not vitally important to know what his name was then. I'm wondering now if it might also be that Crowley had a name at this point in time but it was kind of like Muriel and their name. It's their name in the present but we don't know what they were called before. The show is really careful about that-- we don't get a name for Muriel in the Job minisode so it could have been something else at that point, before they got memory-zapped. Maybe Crowley had a name in Before the Beginning that was what he'd just been given after having already lost a bit of himself and he knew he had. He'd worked out he was missing parts of himself. As a result, the name he was called then didn't really feel like his and so he avoided using it. He just says "nice to meet you" to Aziraphale so he doesn't have to give him a name he doesn't really feel like is him... not that he can totally remember what he used to be called or how he used to be, entirely.

This is still early days in them taking memories from him so he still retains a lot of who he was but maybe he'd already asked enough for them to start chipping away at him a bit.

This was the sauntering vaguely downward?

He keeps asking questions. Always asking those damn fool questions, as The Metatron put it. Always going his own way. They kept taking his memory to try to reboot him a couple of times until they eventually threw him to Hell once it existed and when they realized every version of him is basically uncontrollable.

By the time he's Crawly, he's had a half-dozen different names.

On Earth, he decides after Job to take control of the trauma of it, in a sense, and changes his name to one of his own choosing-- Crowley. Something that means something to him and to Aziraphale. Something he chose for himself, and something he'd like hearing Aziraphale say and that Aziraphale would like to say. S2 opens with him not giving himself a name to Aziraphale in Before the Beginning and then gives us the story showing us how the name he eventually chooses for himself is one he created for the meaning it has to him and to Aziraphale.

It also might mean that Before the Beginning actually might not even be the first time Crowley and Aziraphale first met. There is the scene later in S2 wherein Aziraphale has just been recollecting the Job story-- which is to say that he's just been remembering Muriel-- and then Muriel arrives at his door to verify the miracle but they are dressed as an "Inspector Constable" and acting like they're undercover, which signals to Aziraphale that Muriel has, at some point, been memory-zapped because they do not remember that they've actually met Aziraphale before. Aziraphale never actually indicates to Muriel that they've already met and while it might be to his advantage not to at that point, it's also an act of kindness at that stage. To do so would be to spark an existential crisis in Muriel and he does not know them that well, not to mention that it would cause waves in Heaven that Aziraphale is trying not to cause at that point. Still, he looks at them with sympathy and pain when they don't want to try their cupperty and seem less knowledgeable and aware than they were when they first met during Job.

How many times did Aziraphale meet Crowley "for the first time" and just not tell him at the time that they already had? Is Before the Beginning really the first time they ever met? It could be. It feels like it is but, then again, so too did Eden. How many times did Aziraphale meet Crowley before the last time in Eden and how many of them does Crowley actually remember?

In S1, Aziraphale explains how he and Crowley met to the others as a story beginning with Eden. While it might make sense and be easier to start the story with Adam & Eve when explaining it to humans, Crowley is standing right there and this is a choice on Aziraphale's part, maybe one to try to make him feel more comfortable. S2 automatically invalidated this as being technically true with Before the Beginning so who is to say how untrue it really is? Eden isn't the first time they met; it's the last first time they met.

Imagine watching this brilliant, funny, creative being fight to retain a sense of himself, holes in his memory, the light getting dimmer and the feathers more grey each time, and being helpless to stop it because the same wild, imaginative spark you love in him is why they're doing this to him. Imagine watching him start to forget more and more things. He can't remember the gravity he invented, the stars he made. He can't remember that he knows you. It takes a handful of times of this before they invent Hell and the idea of demons and call him one and toss him to Satan and before that, you had to go to him two, three, four, five times and say

[angeldeas]

Yandere Zhongli. The destruction of 4 walls

Warning: yandere topics, unhealthy love, obsession with a person, mention of mental disorders, eating disorder, unwanted pregnancy is implied. People with weak nervous systems, please do not read, if you have read my post, then I am not responsible for your actions.

Lately, he has been plagued by the feeling that someone is watching him, he did not attach much importance to this, but was always ready to fight back. One day, Zhong Li began to hear a voice in his head that spoke of love for the world of Teiwat and Li Yue. The Archon understood that this was not the influence of erosion and the machinations of enemies, but the destruction of borders between worlds for one person. This is quite an entertaining process, it can even be accelerated if you do a summoning ceremony after learning his name.

Two weeks have passed since the voice appeared, and the vision has already joined it. It was a flying translucent girl who almost always followed Lumin. This ethereal being was so happy, an alien beauty emanated from him, giving a special charm... Brilliant eyes, saturated with a thirst for life and a gentle smile, giving warmth to every piece of this world ... There was a feeling of carelessness and ignorance of the danger of the world of Teivat. It awakened an instinctive desire to protect. The ethereal creature was beautiful in any of its manifestations: cute gestures, and exclamations when the dragon helped Lumin defeat an entire settlement of hilichurls, clever remarks and highly intelligent dialogues with someone whom Zhong Li had not heard or seen.

Long restrained and carefully hidden from prying eyes, the primordial dragon personality began to break out ... Dragons by nature are greedy for beautiful and expensive things. They are also known for their possessive tendencies when they find a suitable mate. Therefore, the desire to protect and appropriate something dear to the eye is so strong that they literally monopolize and do everything to appropriate it completely.

This also applies to Zhong Li, the pent-up side of his personality began to break out, whispering terrible things from the depths, hearing which an ordinary person would be horrified.

"Conquer... make it your own... you like this creature, so bring it to your house, what's so difficult about that? You used to enslave entire nations, and this is only one person..."

Zhong Li has never denied his identity, although he has left it in the past. Even though he grew up wise and reasonable, the real personality did not go away, the archon simply did not show it and carefully hid it for a quiet life among people.

***

The girl was really relaxing while playing a video game. She works very hard to give herself nothing. Among the work, it is an outlet that gives happiness to her heart.

While playing Genshin Impact, Tiara jokingly posed Zhong Li with a view of the harbor and turned his face in her direction.

— Hi, my name is Tiara, nice to meet you, Mr. Jun Lee. Your eyes are as beautiful as a jewel. — The intangible creature flew a little away from Lumin to the archon, introduced himself and said a compliment with a mischievous smile, laughed loudly and flew back.

The golden eyes flashed.

Tonight, one leisurely life will change dramatically.

***

Tiara shuddered at the tingling sensation. The cold air pierced to the bones, teeth gritted from unpleasant sensations. The girl barely opened her eyes when someone easily lifted her into her arms. Tiara was suddenly drenched in cold sweat, the sensations were too real, unpleasant thoughts crept into her head. Her body twisted in fright, and a cry of fear began to escape from her mouth.

— Save me! They're kidnapping me!!! The tiara twisted all over, but the stranger's hands were strong and unshakable as a stone. — Let me go!

—Oh... smart Tiara, don't be afraid, you're in good hands. - A pleasant male voice sounded near the terrified girl's ear.

- What kind of nonsense are you talking about? The shocked voice, mixed with hysteria, broke off on the last words.

Zhong Li decided to remain silent and silently carried his beloved out of the dungeon . "Walking on the floor with bare feet can have a bad effect on health." The Archon felt a little guilty, but the animal side said that everything was done correctly.

The girl stopped struggling out of her hands, realizing the futility of this action. She was afraid of the pitch darkness and the inhuman strength of the kidnapper. She didn't know what to do... All the lessons "About the safety of life" flew out of my head and only the animal fear of the unknown remained.

When Zhong Li carried the girl to the room, he gently lowered her onto the bed. Tiara was numb with shock that her favorite character, with whom she had gone through fire and water, turned out to be a kidnapper. It was too unrealistic.

- How can such a good person be so bad? - Words that she didn't want to voice came out of her mouth and quickly closed her mouth.

- I am not a human being, but first of all a dragon who is learning to be a human being. - The golden eyes flashed.

-Ah... - "He is a strong character and the ruler of Li Yue... I cannot escape, because he is an Archon, and I am a simple man. But I can die, then my suffering will end. But still, what prompted him to do it? " - So you were affected by erosion? - Tiara tried to remain calm so as not to show her weakness.

Zhong Li read it like an open book. So naive, but smart, it's impressive... I would like to find out more about her world later.

- Not at all, I did it for personal reasons. You don't have to worry about security.

The dragon inside was rejoicing and celebrating. This creature is now in his hands. "Tiara is not to be afraid, because you have become the most precious thing I have now."

***

The girl couldn't escape because she was deep in a mountain or a hill? All exits from captivity were closed. It is impossible to escape from this huge house... And if it turns out, then punishment will surely follow, although it has never been used yet, but in recent days the atmosphere around the Archon has been strange... It seems that a little more and he will be furious.

Tiara understood that the dragon knew everything and was just observing the behavior. If she stumbles, something terrible is bound to happen. Zhong Li's constant worries and fear had a bad effect on his health. Insomnia and refusal to eat, the result, after several months.Tears were coming out of my eyes again... The girl wanted to go home.

- Bring me back, please, I can't do this anymore... please. - The girl's words were rarely repeated, but they made Zhong Li very nervous.

- No, this is the final decision. - Tiara did not hope for more, the God of Contracts is always faithful to the words spoken, and always fulfills all promises. Whatever he says always comes true. But a tiny hope still glowed in his heart, like a coal in the merciless frost.

The Archon sincerely did not understand why she missed her home. After all, then she could not have a good rest, because all the time the vacation was disrupted. And one could only dream of a multi-day vacation. Here she can do almost anything she wants... True, there are rules, but she abides by them perfectly. A smart girl... However, the refusal to eat is unnerving, it can't go on like this.

When food was forcibly stuffed into Tiara's mouth, the dragon felt no remorse. After all, in this way he prolongs her life, and in order to bear children, you need a healthy body. According to tradition, the family must have children and a good wife...

Tiara was kicking and wanted to tear those hateful hands off her face. Some long fingers unclenched their jaws, others held a spoon and poured soup into their mouths.

-You're mine. Your life doesn't belong to you anymore. - After such a feeding, Zhong Li wiped his face with his beloved's napkin and smiled. - Let's make a contract. - The archon's eyes resembled molten lava.

- No. - It wasn't a firm answer.

- Reneging on the contract, I wonder how long you can stand it? - Tiara's eyes twitched, this snake is planning something terrible and if she does not agree, then he will use various measures to get what he wants from her not only with words.

- Okay, well, I'll sign it, just add my own rules. - Tiara decided not to torment herself with resistance. In any case, Stockholm syndrome will appear.

"Eh... The dove will not be able to die, although it will wish very much.

Don't worry, honey, you're going to have little lives soon.,

They will be a ray of light for you in this little world. "

[anameistoohard]

Hello! We thought it might be good to have a pinned post so y'all can know a bit about us.

I guess start with the obvious thanks to that title: We are a we.

The bit less obvious: We are one person :p We learned we were a system in September 2022. There's a bunch of us in here but not everyone fronts. The ones that do often have a lot of identity confusion/blendyness so we don't usually specify who's speaking. If you don't know, you can refer to us by the body's name, Taylor, and the pronouns we us irl, she/her.

We are also a trans woman: Or at least... the body is? It's complicated. The majority of us are girls/strongly fem leaning but we have some guys and enbies in here too. We started hrt in October 2021 so we were already a year into it when we learned about our system. After a lot of questioning we came to the consensus that we should continue hrt. The guys are willing to put up with it and overall we are quite happy with the changes.

Autism and dyslexia: These make our writing a bit stilted/disjointed sounding sometimes. The two of them combined can make socializing online exhausting, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it (anxiety is no help either). If we don't respond right away, or at all, just know we're sorry 💜

Art! The reason you're probably here lol: We create art in just about the most inefficient way possible, in ms Paint, where there are no layers, you can only rotate in 90° intervals, and if you try to resize a picture it becomes a blurry pixilated mess. And we do so without a drawing tablet. When we make pixel art we're manually placing squares one at a time. But there's something kind of soothing about this slow monotonous inefficiency. We mostly do pixel art, but sometimes we make comics, or just whatever we feel like making.

If you have any questions, this is an open invitation to ask: Curiosity is a good thing! Don't worry if you're using the "wrong" language or you think something might be too personal, as long as you're respectful and kind, feel free to ask us anything about us/our experiences/our art. If we don't want to answer we don't have to, so there's no harm in asking. Just please don't turn to us for links/resources, we're not good at keeping track of that kind of stuff.

Written by Mark (they/them), Danny (he/him), and Taylor (she/her)

(Edit: I guess we should mention we have a twitter too)

[blommp717]

could you maybe explain the whole "dropping the desire" thing a bit more closely? cus idk but whenever i hear people saying to drop the desire, it makes me feel like i have to give up everything i "want" and accept this shitty life i have. like i just don't understand. what do i even do when i have nothing to "manifest"? when i have desires, i can tell myself that everything's okay because im gonna be outta here soon (and living my best life having all my desires) but with nd, i don't quite get what the "end goal" is. hope this doesn't sound stupid, it's just that i've been in the manifestation community since 2016 now, having desires every single day and looking forward to finally manifesting them (which never happened btw), so suddenly just dropping them feels so strange to me. it's already so late where i live and i'm tired so this probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but i still hope you can tell what i'm trying to ask😵‍💫

Hello there 🫶☀️🪷 don’t ever feel bad for

Alrighty I can feel that this is gonna be a longer answer so I hope you’re ready.

Firstly, believe me or not but I know exactly what you’re going through, I’m sure allot of people do.

So firstly let’s this out of the way, why do I keep saying there is no manifestation? To understand that, we also have to understand ND. Let’s break it down first from what ND is and what it states, then you’ll automatically get the answer to why manifesting is not real and the reality of the situation is 100x better in my opinion.

Nonduality is the understanding that there is, well, no duality, no separation in any of “this”. Everything is included in this, thoughts, ideas, the world, people, feelings, events, food, cars, money, desire, you, sense of self, all of it. All of existence is just one, all the same. And this is what you are, dissolving labels and everything, we can realize there is no point where you end and the entire universe begins. Without labels, nothing is named, nothing is decided as yes or no or good or bad, it all just is, a nameless is-ness. You are this infinite presence, nameless, timeless, formless, appearing as everything. No-thing appearing as something. A hollow appearance at that but regardless, an appearance.

And if you are everything, if it’s all just one, and this is what we are, then everything is just what we appear as. So the realization of “$100” is the experience of it. There is nothing to do, there is nothing to achieve because it’s all you and the realization or awareness of this idea is the experience. It doesn’t matter how you feel so you can cry, get mad and do whatever you want because it doesn’t change the nature of what you are, this “ “ nameless thing you are remains untouched. There’s no worrying about the what ifs or time delays because again, this is what you appear as by realizing it.

You say your “manifestation” never happened, and I think it’s time to be clear with yourself (as I have done this many times before). Are you affirming and visualizing to change or get something, or as a means to remind yourself of what is yours. And affirmation does not get you anything, it’s what it means to you in terms of identity that matters.

I could look at a rock and rub it 3 times, and because to me it means I’m going to get a free coffee, it’s instantly true.

You can make anything mean you have what you want, you don’t just make the rules your are the rules. This whole idea of dropping is also just a way for people to not worry about their desire. Personally I do what I want. I’m everything, If I feel like thinking about it cus it makes me happy I will, but if I’m thinking about it in a “I need to affirm to get this” kind of way, ima just stop, remember that this is not a technique but a reminder of what naturally we exist as.

You never have to give up on what you like because this life is meant to be cherished and enjoyed.

There’s no reason to live a life that makes you unhappy, your literally god, god is all, you are everything. You. Got. This. Don’t make it a process, don’t make it a journey, and most definitely don’t thing ND is a technique to manifest. There is no manifesting, only being, so this isn’t something you turn off and on. I hope this helped, I myself have been pretty sleepy so I hope this made sense 😭🤭🫶☀️🪷🌚🌝

[samthetrekkie]

I feel like I've abundantly established that I don't think the tos movies are the best ones ever made and this one was especially wild to me, but I still do have a soft spot for all of them. I never leave thinking "oh, I didn't like that", even if there were entire scenes were I was like ??? and/or second hand embarrassed. (think, uhura dancing naked, them thinking the alien on the planet is literally god). but then sybok asking when the pain began and spock goes "this is the scene of my birth" was way too funny to me (sorry spock). and the turbo boots scene in the jeffries tube was also really entertaining in a slapsticky way.

the general plot was a bit strange, but it actually reminded me of og tos episodes. at the same time, that's not necessarily a good thing… I liked the shore leave scenes, even though they were a bit long considering how short the movie was. it also reminded me of those old, unauthorized tos books (even though I've never actually read any of those) where they recycle typical tos episodes, but make it a little larger and filled with some non-canon info, like the random pairings. I do think scotty and uhura are kind of cute though! it came out of nowhere, but it kind of makes sense to me. (why do they call each other by their last names though?) and then cut to chekov and sulu in the woods bickering like a couple. makes sense as well. but why are these people serving on the same ship in the same positions again after they've become really high ranking officers? I think it actually made a lot of sense in wrath of khan that e.g. chekov was a first officer on a different ship and spock captain. but considering this, it makes a lot of sense that some (all) of them are bound to date each other at some point. it's like going to class with the same people for 8 years.

I surprisingly liked spock leaning more into his human side and being emotional than usual. it makes sense in my head that, after he was reborn, he kind of saw how short life was and that there was no need to keep up a facade at all times, but still not lose his identity. similar to seven in picard, I am always worried about autistic-coded characters changing their personality heavily after a while, but with spock it feels quite natural and it even worked with seven in the later picard seasons. I just think it's all about the balance. like I enjoy those characters being more comfortable, especially around friends and loved ones, but they shouldn't change entirely how they are and still seem "reserved". and I think leonard nimoy especially did well in that, even if this script gave him some out of character lines I think (like the "damn you, sir!"). have I already mentioned I think leonard nimoy is the best actor in tos…?

speaking of spock's rebirth and rethinking, I do see him being more open with kirk (I almost wrote jim, but that feels weird) and they had very much a married couple vibe in this movie. even the little maritial crisis in the brig was there. so I'd like to think kirk finally made a commitment :) and while there were not too many one on one scenes with these two, the next to last scene was more than one could wish for, spirk-wise. their intense eye contact and "please captain, not in front of the klingons" while standing extremely close to one another and kirk grabbing spock. like I've seen so many posts that shatner denies there was anything between kirk and spock, but the way he played kirk, I mean come on. I'm sure there wasn't a direction in the script that said "kirk stares lovingly up at spock". but he fully did in this scene! we have proof! and kirk holding on for dear life to spock as he rescues him with the turbo boots in the jeffries tube was also something. I mean of course you need to hold on, but kirk was embracing spock with a closeness different than mccoy did. (but then there is this strange thing with mccoy, where I keep thinking: is he third wheeling or is this a three way relationship? I somehow can't see mccoy fitting in with kirk and spock's romantic vibe and I don't see him in an erotic way in general but… tumblr is giving me ideas...)

a very long winded post to say: superfluous, but overall enjoyable movie. while watching, I also suddenly had flashbacks that this was the first (!) piece of star trek that I had ever (consciously) watched. it was on tv when I was like 10 and I kept zapping away and was surprised when it was still going and was like: isn't this supposed to be a tv show? and my dad, who grew up watching tos, had no memory of there ever being star trek movies in the 80s. he also had never heard of pretty much any star trek shows after tos at that point, so he was living under a rock, apparently. anyway, some of the scenes of this movie were really etched into my mind and I honestly think one of the subconscious reasons I wanted to watch tos was to get context to these scenes! (of course besides me wanting to watch all of star trek from the beginning.)

[kosmical]

alr i'll bite what's isat

Omg thanks for opening pandoras box! You will regret this

In stars and time is the recent food source of my brain eating amoeba and it Will Not Leave. before i get into why im rabid about it though ill give a brief synopsis . putting a read more here because i suspect this post will get LONG.

its a game about a classic rpg party on the last two days of their quest to save the country from The King who is freezing everything, including people, in time. the main character, Siffrin, is the party's rogue who, upon going into the House of Change (the game's dungeon so to speak) and promptly dying, finds out that they're trapped in a time loop. they're the only one who remembers repeating the last two days- aside from a star named loop who helps him try and figure out whats going on, why, and how to break out.

Now personally ive never been invested in a time loop story?? Im not sure if thats because i havent consumed much media thats implemented it before as its main premise or if i just havent been interested but i think in stars and time meshes the two different genres a time loop story can fall into really well (the mystery and the emotional conflict).

The mystery is what drives you through the game (and there are other questions unrelated to the timeloop about siffrin's origin and the world itself that i think handle a variety of themes like loss of culture and personal transformation really well but thats a different tangent) but the emotional parts are what really got me. You have to watch almost in the backseat as Siffrin is like. Slowly depersonalized from the people they care about. All while refusing to tell them anything about their misery because they don't want to burden them or drag them into his suffering. Even happy moments that Siffrin doesnt mind repeating become tainted because it becomes a matter of acting so that the "scene" doesnt stray from its path and his party doesnt become suspicious.

and yet they still DO, both in regards to Siffrin's World Alteringly Terrible Case of the Mondays and the actual time loop. they notice how tired and fake he seems. one of my absolute favorite scenes is one where you interact with a closet and it provokes a conversation about where Siffrin got their cloak from and how long they've had it, because its really one of a kind. it has temperature regulatory magic imbued in the stitches and is made to grow with him. And siffrin just cant fucking remember. not only because hes been looping so long that its created a haze over his mind but because he has no true "identity." and as he's scrambling to fill in an answer for this hole in his head, a gust of wind hits his face because one of their friends, isabeau, flapped his cloak while inspecting it to ground him. and he disguises it by commenting on the thickness of the cloak.

Getting this scene by accident on my playthrough made me feel so many feelings dude like . Siffrin isn't the only one trying to hide things. Their friends care about him so much and they try to disguise how concerned thwy are and its just. Im . Im Normal.

its not just about that though . Like if you start finding shit a little too fast they'll start catching on to whats happening. a little sound effect will play whenever you know something you shouldn't know and the others notice and whenever it happened i was like. Twisting in my seat waiting for them to call me out.

it all builds up into this really fucking painful emotional climax that i will not talk about because i don't want to spoil more than i already have but omg. I was writhing. It was. Hhhggnngh.hfg. Glass shards in ym mouth yummy

On the topic of shit i cant talk about: My favorite character is this fucking thing

I have held off from talking about loop's role in the story because i cant describe to you why they make me so ill. Not because i dont know Why but because it is something you should experience yourself. They're really charming and funny and their dialogue is fantastic. Of course that's part of the reason i lauve them but theres also the underlying secondary mystery of why they're here/who and or what they are/etc. And when u know. Its. I Cant Tell You. BUT ITS REALLY GOOD. ITS REALLY REALLY GOOD. Just know that if you get to the end and are still confused about them. That theres more than the main ending . AND IT IS PROBABLY WHY I AM SO INSANE ABOUT THIS GAME HONESTLY. I LOVE YOU FOREVER LOOP . im ok

In short: In stars and time is a game that is good and you should play it :) Im pretty sure its on sale right now on steam so yeah go get that.

if you made it through this fucking dissertation length post on isat CONGRATULATIONS ! heres some miscellaneous doodles ive done of it in the past month since ive played it love love

[infamous-if]

✮ FAQ ✮

hi, it's amy!! i did not expect this kind of reaction and there's a lot of questions-- so much more than i expected--which has made me very happy. i've mostly left them on a rolling queue so if your question hasn't been answered yet, it's coming i haven't ignored you :)

there's been a lot of repeat questions about some things so this is just a quick FAQ to clear things up and not clog the dash with the same answers.

CONTENT WARNINGS?

This post is spoilery, but content warnings for the game here.

Will we able to choose X, Y, and Z?

Pertaining to the band, I will make it type-in and customizable as much as possible. Right now you can:

Choose your band's name.

their genre

the name of your song and the theme (as of right now, the theme will be choice-based so i can have the variables and write accordingly)

whether your band has a unifying 'aesthetic' or you guys all wear whatever you want on stage

you'll be able to occasionally write lyrics, it'll be a combination of typing in and 'filling the blanks' and if your MC is co-songwriting, it'll also be choices

your band's approach to their image, whether they're underground or mainstream, kid-friendly or 'devil music' according to parents (lol)

and more. i really want infamous to be as customizable as possible.

Pertaining to your MC:

the usual stuff is customizable: (name/surname, appearance, height, pronouns, gender identity etc)

personality and public image is up to you. customize whether you're controversial, whether you have strong stage presence, whether you're a fame/money hungry social climber or a passionate ~artist~ etc etc.

The things that are set with your MC:

their age is set. where your MC was born and raised up until middle school will be headcannon, but they are American. The state in which you grew up after that will be headcannon. no matter what, you grew up with seven and you met your bandmates freshman year of high school.

your MC idolizes G and Misfit Alley. They will think and feel like a fan, at least in the beginning, and that can't be changed. Of course, whether you maintain a cool face or go crazy and act like a fan is up to you.

your MC cares about Seven. They were your best friend since you were 11, so it makes sense. Of course, you can choose whether your MC wants to mend the relationship or is just as angry, and even if your MC has accepted Seven is their past and they need to move on, but Seven isn't someone MC just doesn't give a fuck about. it wouldn't make sense.

Do we have to engage in an affair to romance G or Victoria?

Yes.

MC is a doormat/loser/isn't as talented as everyone else!!

You're wrong.

I will not be answering about this anymore.

Read.

What is a sub-romance?

It’s the same as a romance except your decisions do not influence how it ends and it is controlled by the narrative. I have full control on whether the romance succeeds or fails based on what the narrative requires.

Do we have to [insert anything about Seven]?

Lol, these are prob the most frequently asked questions but you do not have to hate Seven the way they hate you. there's going to be a variety of approaches toward seven.

but they will hate you no matter what! at least in the start of the route.

you can

be former friends and then reconcile as lovers

be former friends and reconcile as friends

be former lovers and reconcile as friends

be former lovers and reconcile as lovers

be former lovers/friends and not reconcile at all

Why are they like this? Why can't they be like [this]?

Yes, I have gotten this question already 😭 i really want to be clear that these characters aren't completely moral people. they will do problematic things (obviously not bigoted things, dw) they will fuck up, they will be toxic, they will probably (emotionally) lash out at MC sometimes (and MC can do so in return). i just want to make it clear now so i don't surprise anyone when the story gets more plot heavy.

they will also engage sexual acts, do drugs, drink, party, do terrible shit yk...

that's showbiz, baby !

Do we have to engage in [insert sexual or immoral behavior here]?

Nope.

Attitude wise, your MC can theoretically be a pure glittery unicorn who has never had a mean or immoral thought in their life.

Is NSFW allowed?

Yes.

Can I call August [insert gendered term here]?

Nope!

Do we have to have a crush on Orion?

No.

Do we have to romance anyone at all?

While this is a romance-centered story, I'm going to insert a non-romance platonic play-through for people who just want to play with the fame parts. Soo no.

Can we be friends with Soft Violence?

Yep, you can befriend the members of Soft Violence.

Seven and Avina.

I won't be answering questions in terms of Savina and Avina's relationship as that is spoilery. But I will say that Seven is an RO and the MC is the main character. No false advertising here :)

So we can end up with Seven?

Yes.

Do we have to?

No. You can end the story hating or ignoring Seven.

Can we romance multiple ROs?

Yes, but there will be a point where you can only romance one RO outside of the G-Vic-MC poly.

Can we romance G and V individually?

Yes.

Can we romance Rowan?

As of right now, no plans for that!

Does every route have angst?

Yes. August has the least.

Can we write songs about the ROs/will it be acknowledged?

Yes and yes.

Subromances?

Dakota, Blake (you meet in the prologue) and E (you meet in chapter 2) are sub-romances.

There’s (possibly) one more.

Be warned: sub-romances are at the mercy of my writing.

Who the f**k is Dakota?

Spoilery!

Will you be having a plan for the next update?

As of right now, it's a release-when-done deal. Maybe if my life is more organized I'll actually have plans set lol! I'll try to keep things updated as much as I can.

Can you add [customizable thing]?

You can suggest it but I can't guarantee it will be added!

Does choosing a bus lock you out of Seven's romance/stay for the whole game?

The bus you choose stays the same the entire story and no, it does not lock you out of a Seven romance. Really you'll just miss some 'bus exclusive' scenes.

Can we draw the characters or imagine them differently?

Do as you wish and imagine them as you wish! So as long as you do not whitewash them.

Can we write fanfiction?

Sure! I just won’t reblog or interact in order to protect myself!

Twine?

In the future and if I ever learn to code twine.

You don't answer my questions.

Sorry. I don't mean to ignore your ask. Or it's spoilery and I can't! Sometimes I also miss mentions. I try my best to see them all!

This is problematic for me.

That is the point. I will not be sanitizing Infamous. Apologies in advance!!! 🙏

I don't like [this].

Don't read it :)

[Suggestion]

I listen to them all! Doesn’t mean I’ll add them though :)

[Music Rec]

Even if I don’t reply, I do see it and add it into a queue to add it to the Infamous master playlist! I love song recs!

[Any praise or kind words or jokes]

i am so grateful and even if i do not reply (to avoid spamming), i read it all ! (and giggle to myself)

Do not:

request things rudely please. I take into consideration all requests if they are said politely. It doesn’t hurt to be kind :)

whitewash my characters of color

follow or engage in infamous if you are under 18 ! <3

✮✮

thats all i can think of now, but i know there's more i just haven't noted them. if there's any more i'll make sure to add it here, if you guys have any questions that weren't answered pls send them my way and thanks again for your interest!

[naushtheaspiringauthor]

Treasure of the wayward Prince- Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

You have been living in the little palace for almost your whole life. Your father had been an inferni and you were a tidemaker. It has been a long time since your family had been gone but you've had a few people in the little palace to keep you company. Being a tidemaker wasn't the only skill you had, infact, it had just been so to decide the colour of your kefta.

                                                   

......................................................................................................

You were walking down the halls of the little palace after getting your diary from your room. You had just finished your training and wanted to spend some time with yourself near the river. That had happened to be the best spot for you to gather inspiration for your writing. You usually wrote whatever your heart had wanted to, poems, prose, songs or just about your day.

You were just about to leave when you heard some noise coming from the library. The library had usually been empty at this hour but someone was there today. So you went inside to get a closer view. It was a boy, moving back and forth around the same two shelves. He had shiny blond hair with eyes the colour of the ocean. He was dressed in a plain white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a tawny brown jacket on top. You have never seen him around before, but he certainly didn't look like a commoner.

"May I ask what you're looking for?" You asked as you stepped closer to him

He was startled when he heard your voice. But he quickly gathered his composure and spoke "You don't look like you're the librarian"

"No I'm not, but I've been around here enough to know who's a regular ad who isn't" you replied as you folded your arms behind your back.

"Well, you happen to be correct. I am looking for some books on information about the true sea' he smiled charmingly

"Then you're looking in the wrong section" you went towards another shelf and pulled out a few books. "So, who exactly are you?" you asked as you placed the books on a nearby table

"I am a lot of things but I'm usually addressed as ''''Prince'''' he replied as he smiled brightly

"Ah, I see, Prince...Nikolai" you replied, not returning his gesture

"I- how are you certain about that? I could be prince Vasily" he slightly turned his head

"Well he surely isn't the kind of Prince to come all the way to the Little Palace, just to search for some books in the library. Plus, I've seen how he looks"

He chuckled at your words. "Hmph, I actually began to think that you're quite smart"

"Well I can assure you that you're not wrong" you said, with a playful smile

Before he could say anything, you heard Zoya calling out your name in the halls. "Ah I have to go, I can already hear how irritated she is. There are your books and try to be a little more mysterious about your identity next time" you smiled

"I will try better next time" he laughed as you hurried out the door.

                                                     ............................................................................................

It was heavily raining in the middle of the day, so the training was cancelled and everyone was inside. The squallers and tidemakers could have changed the weather to some extent, but they have been told not to meddle with nature and accept their fate. Most of your friends hated the weather but you were incredibly fond of it. You felt a different kind of calmness in the rain that you never did in a bright sunny day. You were outside, sitting near the gardens from where you could feel the rain but not get wet. You were writing in your diary, when you heard a voice behind you "What are you doing here alone?" you got startled by the sudden voice and turned around to see Nikolai standing in a long brown coat over his white tucked in shirt.

"Oh just...enjoying the weather" you replied, putting down your diary

" Oh most people usually dislike it" he said with slight grin and sat next to you

"Do you?" you raised an eyebrow

"No, I think it's rather pleasing. Plus, it helps us take a well needed break from our everyday schedules"

"Yeah...the sound of rain is quite comforting to me. And it gives me a reason to spend some time away from the usual bickering of Zoya and Adrik, and the tauntings of Botkin" you chuckled slightly

He laughed at your words and looked in your eyes, "Do you ever think of...maybe getting away from all your responsibilities. Even if it's for a short time?"

"Oh yeah, all the time. I wish I could run away for some time and, I don't know...become a pirate in the true sea or something" you replied with great enthusiasm

"Wow I was actually sort of thinking of the same thing" he smiled

"Huh I could totally see you becoming a pirate with a, golden tooth and a wierd hat or something" you teased him

"Oh really? well I'm sure you''ll look immensely radiant, even as a pirate" he gave you a playful smirk and winked as he tilted his head

His words made you feel a wierd tingle in your stomach, but you quickly looked away so as to not let him see how flustered you were

"Ah yes, I know I'm way too beautiful to be a scrawny pirate" you quickly gathered your composure and smiled with a snarky expression

"Yes, yes of course you are" he replied and placed his hand on your own

                                      ..............................................................................................................................

You hadn't seen Nikolai for months now. And you were incredibly mad at him for leaving without giving you any information on his whereabouts. The darkling had taken you to hunt down the sun summoner and her tracker friend, against your will. And when you had found them, he had hired a "privateer" to take you to find the sea whip. But you had defied him and instead helped Alina and Mal to break free from his control. So now you were on the privateer's ship. He was surprisingly younger than you had hoped. He had red hair and a nose that looked like it had been broken several times. But there was something strange about his eyes that you couldn't place. The only problem with him, was that he was too much of a loud annoying blabber mouth who spoke way more than it was required, and flirted with almost everyone he met or maybe it was just his way of communicating. Though he was quite startled to see you...for some reason.

"How has...ravka been?" Alina asked you, hesitantly.

"It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that the whole place is in shambles. The king spends most of his time in his chambers and the queen is too busy tying to get herself choked with her fancy jewels. And their sons, Prince Vasily is too invested in tumbling every other whore he sees. And Prince Nikolai... saints know where he is" Your mind drifted of to him. You wondered where he could've been. Does he not know all that has been going on? Does he not care about us? About me? He probably has found someone better. You were lost in your thoughts before Sturmhond  pulled you out of them.

"Well Ravka will certainly be saved when we bring us to our client" he said as he tilted his head sideways and smiled

"Who even is this client?" Mal asked him as he came towards us

"Ah that, is a surprise"

"And how do we know that you won't take us to the fold and throws us offboard then feed us to volcra whom you have been taming the whole time?" You glared at him

"Don't worry darling, I promise I won't do that. Besides, you're too beautiful to be fed off to volcra" he winked at you

You didn't give him a reply, you were probably too flustered to. There was something about him that felt awfully familiar, but you couldn't place it no matter how hard you tried.

As you moved further in your journey, Sturmhond takes you to an oddly shaped boat with Alina, Mal and a few members of his crew. You find the ship quite odd and mysterious and your suspicions were proven true, as the ship begans to fly. It only took you a while to realize that you were getting dangerously closer to the fold. And Sturmhond never had a  client in the first place, he wished to take Alina to the fold and attempt to destroy it from within.

"Wow, you are going to throw us offboard and feed us to the volcra!" you said, loud enough for everyone to hear.

It didn't take a long time for the volcra to cloud over your ship and try to stop Alina. Sturmhond handed you a rifle and you killed as many Volcra as you were physically capable of. But soon Alina's light went out for some reason, as she gained her light once again, it had provided enough time to get one of the squallers injured. The crew manage to escape the volcra and crash into the land. The sailors began to blame Alina for the damage, but it only lasted for a while before some first army soldier's gathered around you.

Sturmhond stepped forward and took off his heavy coat and his googles. He waves his hand over his face and his red hair slowly dissaperas along with is awkwardly tilted nose. What took it's place was a perfectly shaped one and his hair began to look shiny blonde.

And it didn't take you long to realize who he is. Nikolai Lantsov...the Nikolai you had known and secretly loved and admired.

A/N- This is my first time posting my writing on here. So I hope this didn't suck. And please let me know if you think I should do a part 2 of this!

[anyasivy]

a little unfinished and UNCORRECTED snippet from my alcina x reader fic but this part is so very ada wong x reader.

"Is your real name really Ada Wong?" You found yourself asking, your head laid (quite too comfortably) on the mercenary's chest. For a moment, you allow yourself solitude. You've been avoiding Chris after Alcina's visit yesterday, and the relentless buzzing of your phone proved he wasn't too pleased with it. Still, you can't bear to make a decision much too soon.

Thank God Ada came back just in time. She'd been a step away from your doorframe, and you'd already lunged yourself at her in a desperate act of salvation. Your mind, at constant and head-aching war, had gone silent as the afternoon set in, the sheets atop both of your bare figures, and you found yourself wanting to hide in this moment. The images of Alcina in your apartment felt like a distant, yet all the same painful memory. You force yourself to push her at the back of your head.

You still had time.

Ada replies, her voice soothing and laced with the kind of gentleness that had your heart soaring. For all that Ada was, she never failed to make you feel at peace. "No," Her fingers made its way to the sides your arm, tracing invisible lines and circles. "But it's an identity I've found myself more familiar with." She explains, and you start wondering yet again how she'd come to be like this. Her history, a mystery like the woman she is, intrigued you more than you'd like to admit.

That very same second, your mind came to a decision. Surprisingly, it didn't scare you like you thought it would. It had to do with Ada. She'd seem to have a knack for making things look safer. Better. You run a tongue on your lips, heaving a sigh, "Tell me more about you."

She stiffens, "What's the matter with you today? Oh god, don't tell me you've fallen in love-"

You laugh heartedly, effectively cutting her off. Whilst you weren't against the idea of holding that kind of affection for her, you stressed you were quite taken already. Your heart, as always, belonged to the woman who seemed to be so intent on breaking it at every turn. You craved those golden eyes no matter what, though.

"It can't hurt to share," you urge, hoping she'd hear the sincerity in your voice. Hesitantly, you add, "I've somewhere to go, Ada..." she had frowned, clearly unknowing of where this conversation was going. "I doubt I'll want to go back here again."

The hand on your shoulder pauses in its movement, and you find yourself moving as she starts sitting up. You follow suit, looking back at her. You were the curious one. Ada's known that all along, but you never pressed on matters like this, knowing she'd shoot you down with either a word or clear-cut, harsh rejection.

She narrows her eyes, "Is Redfield getting to you?" You shake your head no. "What's going on, [Y/N]? Somewhere to go- what, you plan on disappearing again?"

You bit your lip. Bingo. You didn't speak, letting her understand and sink in the information. Reading Ada Wong's emotion is a full-time job. In a way, she was alike Alcina with how they masked their expressions with frightening expertise. But you see the slight furrow in her eyebrows, and you find yourself inching closer, hoping the little changes in her neutrality would be more visible.

"Ada."

"I've forgotten," she finally says, and you listen attentively. "Everything of my childhood. It's a blur, and I'm certain most of what I retained are stories I told myself in order to fill in the gaps." Your lips parted in surprise, and your initial response was to comfort the woman, but she'd taken ahold of your hand, stopping you before you could. She continues, "Eida was a name given to me by the man who took me from my family. Or rescued me. Like I said, I don't know which is real."

"Do you remember him? His name? We have millions of resources, Ada. Not to mention the technology we have today. We could track him down. Ask answers." Your voice took on a firm tone, in which Ada found amusing. She's aware of how much you care. You practically broadcast it every time she was with you, but your sincerity still bewilders her from time-to-time. Especially because she's tried to engrave in your mind how this was just benefits and not friends with benefits kind of thing.

The mercenary takes a sharp inhale, her thumb caressing the soft skin of your hand, "I don't want to," She admits and rolls her eyes when you frowned, because of course you frowned. "I don't live in the past, [Y/N]. Even Eida was an unknown identity. She's a stranger to me. And so were the rest of my names."

"Then who are you now?" You push, "I want to have something of you to remember, Ada."

"You make it sound like you're dying,"

You chuckle softly, "I might as well."

"...fine." she mumbles, "I know- from the courtesy of who I currently work for- that I was born on December 4th."

You gawk, and when you stayed as is, Ada shoves your shoulder, causing you to fall on your back against the mattress. Without a moment's notice, you start laughing. Ada considers your sanity.

"It all makes sense!" You exclaim, scrambling back to her and ignoring how the sheets have fallen down to her stomach. God, 4 rounds were enough. Plus, you had somewhere to be in an hour or so. Musing, you snicker, "You're a Sagittarius."

Ada scoffs, "I've given you vital information, and that's all you've gathered with it?" She glances up at the clock on your wall, noting the time and giving you another push on the shoulder. "Not worth it,"

You giggle, "Hey, I'm disappearing, as you claim. Want those to be your last words?" You meant to tease, but when Ada looked back at you, her eyes had a certain fondness attached to it. Concern. You pull her in for a quick kiss, a silent reassurance that you'll be fine. She places her hands softly on the sides of your head, urging you on. You'll miss this, you admit. It was so easy with Ada, and it didn't help how soft her lips were, how gentle. She nips, and you pull back with a smirk. "You'll miss me,"

"Take care of yourself, [Y/N]." Was what she said back. You considered calling her out with the fact that she didn't exactly disagree on your accusation. If anything, she seemed to have accepted that she would, as much as she wishes not to, miss you. She can't help but ask, "Do you want me to find you?"

"No."

She nods her head curtly. "Okay,"

Ada started dressing up, and you allowed yourself to follow, letting your hands wander on her waist. She melts almost immediately as your lips find refuge on her neck. She always smelled so good. Probably her shampoo. Ada would be far too perfect a human being if it was her natural scent. You exhaled as you pushed her back further into you. You nibble at her skin, murmuring, "I'll miss you too."

A small smile tugs at her lips, successfully buttoning up her shirt. When she finished dressing, she turned to you with a serious look, "Don't die on me, [Y/N]."

You could only flash a cheeky grin as you said, "I have ways with death."

"That makes two of us."

[boyfridged]

It bugs me a lot as to why DC seems hesitant/uninterested to explore Dick and Jason's connection more. I saw one of your posts talking about the significance of Jason dying in Dick's robin costume and seeing as Dick is like the only other person aside from Bruce (and I guess Alfred) to really be affected by Jay's death to the point he has hallucinations about jaybin, I think their reunion after Jason's resurrection was lackluster at best. Idk if this is just me holding on to bias, but I find Dick and Jay's relationship a much more interesting dynamic to explore & develop than say Dick's relationship with *** or Damian. So I'm really curious, if it'd been up to you how would you go about their first reunion (specifically after Dick finds out Red Hood's true identity) and the development of their relationship (assuming Jason takes the route of reuniting and reconnecting with his family & preferably with BFTC not existing) moving forward.

i know this was not your main question, but as to why dc seems hesitant to explore dick and jason's connection more, i reckon it would be difficult for them due to retcons to both jay's and dick's personality, which subsequently completely changes their relationship (both in the past and present). but i have already said plenty about it! (in case anyone missed it, my tag for dick & jay is #thousand incarnations of closeness and distance.)

i think post-utrh (and post bludhaven blowing up... dick once again finding himself at a very low point in his life) dick absolutely would want to find jay. there's this paradoxical distance and close proximity all at once that makes the way dick sees jason unique at this point. 80s dick does not know jay as an "angry robin" and did not even know about his breakdown closely before aditf.

of course dick mythologized him some, sure, the way we all do with our dead. the uniform, the name; they make it feel personal. but he's also the one to think "he was your son. flesh and blood. he was real." so the image he has of jay (in the 80s & even some of 90s) is most probably so simple and real. it's just a kind eager boy wearing his family colours. there's no space for fatalizing that bruce, for instance, engages with. dick is the who never allows himself to think that jason's death was an unavoidable tragedy; the one who contempts the idea of the memorial case; the one who is shocked at the lack of pictures of jason in the manor.

and i would like this version of dick to react to jason's return, i think learning about jason as the red hood would perhaps be even more shocking than it was to bruce.

so, the setting: probably either just post-utrh (when dick is also at a low point since bludhaven is gone) or even post-countdown (but with no bftc nor previous meetings between occuring).

you might ask why i'm considering going all the way post-countdown. well. first of all, it's just that i'm so taken by the idea of jason fucking shit up without a mask and canon has deprived us of it. second of all, i think it would make sense for dick not to be able to reach out to him until then, because jason would most definitely avoid him.

to jason, bruce is not only the closest family member, but he's also a figure of authority, a figure that can be rebelled against. in many ways, kids are ready (or in jason's case, trying to brace himself for) their parents' disappointment. but what about your siblings? i genuinely can't think of a sadder occurrence than your siblings giving up on you. and jason has always looked up to dick; and dick has always been so gentle with him. i don't think jason would be aware of it, but i don't think at this point much could break his heart more than seeing dick reject him. in some ways, that would be a definitive end of jay's childhood, a complete severing of his ties with it, even if those are so fragile and distant. and as much as it would be for character in jason to try to cut this remaining link, i think "countdown" shows that he subconsciously still tries to hold onto them.

so dick is searching; jason is hiding. perhaps dick is following a trail of dead bodies, the plotline focusing on his own moral dilemma and on the horror of seeing what jason is capable of. there's definitely guilt moreso that disappointment, though.

but he finds jason on accident rather than during that chase, and there's a body, and before dick can comprehend what's going on, he acts; he helps jason hide it. it's a messy job and now there's blood not only on jason's hands but also on dick's.

it's not something he would do for anyone else. dick wants to say he won't do it again, or to ask jason to never make him do it again, but he doesn't say anything.

they still argue. they have takeout and eat it in the car, and jason notices dick still listens to the same playlist. then dick gives jason his number and tells him to "stop losing it" even though they both know this is not what happened.

[a-mere-dream]

For the prompts thing: Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are the same person and Yue Qingyuan is aware of this, so he has no idea what to make of Shen Qingqiu telling him about the transmigration and that he’s not Shen Jiu

Anon, this AU has existed in a dusty corner of my notes app for far too long. Thanks for giving me an excuse to write it.

So Shen Qingqiu has some questions. First of all, is this even Proud Immortal Demon Way? It must be, right? Because the larger strokes all mesh, even if the details... don't.

It's hard to explain. Have you ever read one of those exaggerated whump fanfics? The ones where the Protagonist suffers left and right, and teachers and parents and basically Every Adult Ever is an abusive piece of shit? Shit's dark and people die.

And then, eventually, you return to the source material. And sure, things suck, but definitely not to that degree.

That is what Shen Qingqiu is feeling right now. It's like Proud Immortal Demon Way is an edgy teenager's fanfic of some nicer, kinder world, and that world is where Shen Qingqiu ended up. Somehow.

Because he asks Yue Qingyuan where Binghe is, and he is told that the boy is in the dorms, since it's late and he needs to get a good night's sleep in order to properly participate in tomorrow's lessons. And when he meets Liu Qingge, it is not in some kind of battle to the death, but because the man kicked in the door and told him he lost his fan again. He smiles, and doesn't get an OOC warning--once, he even gets told to lighten up a little or it'd be suspicious!

Don't get him wrong, he's not complaining. It's very nice to be able to meet the Protagonist when he's looking happy and healthy! But... No, there's not even a but. It's nice, period.

Time passes, and Shen Qingqiu learns to relax.

Shen Qingqiu--the old Shen Qingqiu, the Original Goods--still seems to have been a strict teacher. If you ask around, you'll hear he rarely talks to people, that he's always cold and distant and has the nerves of a spooked deer.

But you'll also hear that he is an innovative genius at teaching, and that his punishments are fair and educative. No beatings. Ever. He doesn't believe in them, apparently.

Shen Qingqiu isn't sure what to do about that, really. He lies awake at night and thinks up ways to make this world a better place, a kinder one, and then in the morning he is told that actually, he has already introduced that change a decade or so ago.

(He feels like a fool, like people are judging him for not being aware what is going on on his own Peak. But even when his hands twitch with repressed violence, none of his people ever look scared.)

And then there's Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan is...

He's a warm, gentle man for one, but that should be obvious. He was that even in a far crueller world. He's also deeply, terribly weird.

Whenever Shen Qingqiu does something that conflicts with what he is supposed to know--a metaphor without context, a language from halfway across the world--Yue Qingyuan does not even bother to look confused. He simply accepts his lack of understanding, and moves on. Maybe he bothers to check if he has missed an important layer of meaning from Shen Qingqiu instructions, but even that is rare.

Even so, when Shen Qingqiu finally decides that he should reveal his identity, fueled by a Yue Qingyuan who expects him to be his friend instead of a distant coworker... it doesn't quite go the way he had expected it would.

"My name is Shen Yuan," he says, and waits for the inevitable questions and distrust and violence.

Yue Qingyuan only nods with an understanding expression. "A-Yuan is feeling weird about names again, then?"

"... I suppose?" Shen Qingqiu says slowly. "You aren't--you're not upset?"

"It's alright," Yue Qingyuan says, and shrugs. "Tell me when it changes again." And that seems to be that.

"I am not from this world," Shen Qingqiu says two days later, half a room and a wide Sect Leader's desk between them, and having decided the point obviously hadn't gotten across.

"You are now," Yue Qingyuan says, and it sounds like something he has said often. "What are you struggling with today? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome?"

"No, I don't mean in a class sense. I mean I am literally not from this world."

Yue Qingyuan looks unperturbed. "And the same goes on that front. Really, did anyone bother A-Yuan?"

Shen Qingqiu throws his hands in the air and gives up for the day.

"I don't remember our childhood together."

"Yes, I am aware of A-Yuan's memory issues. Mu-shidi says it should all work out. Is there anything specific you need to know?"

Shen Qingqiu takes a deep breath and calms himself. "Because that wasn't me," he says slowly, staring Yue Qingyuan in the eyes and begging him to understand. "My name is Shen Yuan. I transmigrated into Shen Jiu."

"... And?"

"And?" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "And what? Shen Jiu's dead and he's not coming back, are you not mad?"

Yue Qingyuan blinks. "I'm missing something. Is that a pop-culture reference?"

"How do you know what pop-culture is?!" Shen Qingqiu screeches.

"A-Yuan has told me?" Yue Qingyuan looks politely confused, like he isn't quite sure if it is him or Shen Qingqiu that is not following the script for the conversation, but he's apologetic about it either way.

"When?!" Shen Qingqiu waves his arms around. "When would I have done that?" He freezes. "Oh god," he says. "Do I really have memory issues?" He doesn't think he's missing any time, but...

"I don't quite remember." Yue Qingyuan's thick eyebrows pull together. "I was somewhere between six and eight? It was winter, if that helps?"

"Ahaha," Shen Qingqiu says. "Repeat that, please."

"I was probably eight," Yue Qingyuan says, deep in thought. "It was after the thing with the dogs, but before that time with the hay... but right, you don't remember that."

Shen Qingqiu is not ashamed to admit he bluescreens a little.

"So tell me again," he says two hours later, a steaming cup of tea clasped between his hands and a thick black robe laid over his shoulders. "I have always...?"

"A-Yuan is Xiao Jiu is Shen Qingqiu, yes," Yue Qingyuan says patiently. Ever perceptive, he follows it up with, "Are you having a name-thing again?"

"No." Shen Qingqiu scowls. "Yes. Maybe."

It really does explain an awful lot about this world.

"And Mu-shidi says my memories will return?" he asks, not quite sure what he's feeling about that. He knows that the past itself won't turn him into a monster; he knows that he has always been far better equiped to survive this world with his heart intact than the blank-page version of his soul would have been.

"There is a large chance, yes." Yue Qingyuan hides a smile, instantly making Shen Qingqiu suspicious. "Of course I hope they will, but I won't mind much if they don't. A-Yuan reminds me a lot of how he was as a child. It's endearing."

"I am twenty!" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "Hardly a child."

"I recall you saying the same thing when you were, ah," he holds his hand a meter or so from the floor, "about this tall. You were very insistent you were the more mature one, and should thus be listened to."

"If I were an adult, of course you should have listened," Shen Qingqiu says, the argument feeling oddly wellworn on his tongue.

"Perhaps," Yue Qingyuan admits easily. "But I had had a growth spurt, and you had not, so you could never have convinced child-me of that." He tips his head forward. "Of course, right now I am the older one. Listen to big brother and drink your tea, everything will be fine."