#i also fuckin hated bday parties when i was in elementary school!!!

[longeyelashedtragedy]

tbh did not send the Lamps chara ask (shy) however I was seriously considering and someone beat me to it. if you feel like it and have time/energy after the others pending then I would massively enjoy expanded Redders thoughts. and/or JT if you like vintage Chels beyond Frank. ik that the skipper (derogatory) corrupted Grealo but he no doubt sunk claws into Frank first

i can definitely do redders for ya! JT i don't know too much about. i know he has some controversies, but that ain't my business lol. i appreciate how he made franko feel and i'm intersted in how the 2 of them have taken different paths both about how they act toward each other and how they talk about roman abramovich post-ukraine war 😂 (would love to hear more about how he corrupted grealo.) BUT. jamie i've got a lot more to say about.

i feel like if you read jamie's odd autobiography and then think of him through that lens, he's a real diamond in the rough of a fascinating footballer. he seems kinda brainless and vapid but i think some of that is because he has too much going on in his brain to use it for that sort of thought. i don't even mean that as a diss. that's a real thing!!! but let's see...

favorite thing about them: well, he certainly seems unpretentious and easy to talk to, which i like. has some good taste in music, is still close to his parents, always takes franko's side and defends him 😂

so, this next part seems like a weird thing to list as a "favorite," as i'm sad he suffers or has suffered in this way, but out of all the things i've read about mental health, both fiction and non-fiction, jamie's book described some of my specific childhood/teenage Horrors so well it was like i wrote it and i was so surprised that he went through all that and admitted it so unselfconsciously. that combination of talented kid with an idyllic life (this was me, albeit in other ways than jamie lol) who lives in this private world of pure fear. some of the things he mentions, like having to paint his room cheerful yellow to ward off Bad Thoughts and Scary things, and being so afraid when he saw the exorcist as a teenager that he slept with the lights on and couldn't get the movie out of his head for weeks--the isolating strength of these kinds of fears is sooooo fuckin real man. he also describes needing to watch the same movie every day for comfort when he got home from school where he got bullied and teased for being a little different, and his attachments to his toys that he'd have to do little rituals with every day to help him feel Calm, and how he took them to school to try to make friends and kids stole them :( he also describes his older self as having something Dark inside him, like when his close friends would become occupied with a girlfriend, he'd kind of freak out and try to get in the way, because he was afraid of losing their support.

his book also describes very sinister perceptions of the external world too, a lot of kind of scary or just ominous scenarios drift through the book (a creep that tried to grab him in the park, the scary, dark corridors under dean court stadium when his Daddy was in charge of bournemouth--i related to that too--, rumors of some weird creep working at tottenham when they wanted to sign young him?)

i apologize if this is repetitive to anyone reading but i had some very particular Problems as a kid and i've just never seen some of them articulated the way jamie articulates them. and i just found all this so...fascinating. i think it explains a lot about his adult self and provides such a contrast between him and brainy franko (see headcanons section!)

least favorite thing about them: he cut his hair and has a beard! i'm predictable--if a footballer had long hair and now doesn't, this will be my response. otherwise, what's there really to dislike? he's kind of inoffensive imho

favorite line: uh a few

"Frank Lampard has a vision for seeing things." (i-hope he actually said that for real)

from his book:

and, for the "franko was too old when he was young" headcanons:

oookay then, anyway:

brotp: idk, who does he hang out with? i like his interactions with the guys on ALOTO even though his main feature is clearly to be the punching bag. maybe with stevie g? with Daddy-Uncle Harry? lmao

notp: his new wife. at first they didn't look as miserable together as he and poor Louise always did, but he just posted a video from their maldives vacation today, and woof--she looks miserable. well, i'm not here for blonde scandinavian models and i think jamie is too childish to do well in a Grownup Married Relationship. again, kind of like with franko, i don't mean childish like... "spoiled entitled manbrat" or "hasn't lost joie de vivre"--more like. is trapped as kid because of his own mind. i think if a therapist saw only jamie and franko as clients, and no one else, they'd be set for life

otp: well...there can be only one. i'd love for jamie & franko to give romeo + juliet their happy ending 😭 they are weirdly...made for each other. and hey--according to the internet it's legal! 🫡👮🏼

random headcanon: so many! lampardverse is sort of all about Jamie in a sense, and i think as a child Jamie so very much appreciated the solid steady presence of his younger cousin. franko's psychological issues are of a very different nature lol, plus we know he's a master of repression (can relate) and we imagine that he'd help jamie with his homework and read him chapters of the narnia book, and eat the food jamie refused to eat.

another one is that jamie is super dependent on his Well-Known Dad. they do a lot of stuff together and idk on ALOTO one of the main purposes seems to get jamie overwhelmed and stressed--because he gets like that very easily--so it feels like Uncle Harry's presence is just. very necessary for him.

fascin8ing! YMMV.

unpopular opinion: i don't think i have one? are there popular or unpopular opinions on jamie redknapp? hahaha

a song i associate with them: hmmm, not really any? i do have him singing shimmy shimmy ya by ODB at franko in "red red red" lol. but i don't really count that 😂

favorite picture of them: let's do a few!

gay af behaviors (affectionate)

whump tendencies

bougie gay cou-- (cousins? couple? choose your own adventure)

THANKS for coming along on this wild ride!

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Get to know me?

Yoooo - yall remember Myspace, and people would blog survey posts lol. Well thats me, I’m people. And I just wanna write my lil heart out and avoid all of my real life responsibilities. So found a lil questionnaire thing and I’m gonna fill it out. Also lowkey like doing this every so often so I can look back on it and reflect and see how much I may have grown/changed/shifted viewzzz ya feel? :) 

Sooo here yall go <3 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My neice maybe?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

People who know me would tell me to put outgoing, but I honestly feel shy on the inside, so it just depends.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Literally anyone lmao fuck this quarantine

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Definitely

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Lets hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind souls <3 always notice how they talk to their friends and family, but even people they don’t know like servers or janitors, etc. that shit matters heavy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A few homies

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah not really, just depends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Not sure -it’s been a min since I had a “deep” connection or convo that I can remember - but was probably with my bestie R’Bo

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Google that shit” lmao me, giving advice to my friends

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

TOUGH!!!! After Hours by The Weeknd is up there, Cayendo by Frank Ocean (been jamming his shit HAARD lately) and Inside Friend by Leon Bridges & John Mayer….but also been listening to albums - like Childish’s new album, Floreyyy for lo-fi shit, and also got into 070 Shake recently just to name a few.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCK YA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah budddyy

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Idk, my bday party was lit?? And lots of river floats happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Lol

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Cant deny that there isn’t so yaaa

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Just moved, so don’t know em

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination lol and biting my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

Literally ANNNYY-fuckin-WHERE!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Hmm I wanna say generally no, but I also always keep it one hunnnid with myself, and as much as I’d like to say I don’t have any - I think I def have insecurities with myself, that have the potential to become “trust issues” in certain relationships, but overall no. I live by the whole “you have my trust til you fuck it up” mantra

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Coffee in the morning lately, missed it and forgot how energized it makes me - gives me time to wake up and reflect/set daily goals

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach forever :((((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll on my phone, pee usually, or feed my cat lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Tanner maybe?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom or my best friend R’Bonney - but any of my close friends and fam honestly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Not directly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Lol ok, so this is always changing…but lately (and by lately I mean the past few years) its been a no. I’m open minded though and am aware that I’m always changing my mind sooo who knows

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeppperoo

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Honestly, those aren’t my “thing” lollike id prob laugh or be awkward or just have to be hellllla drunk - but like I wouldn’t mind Jason Momoa and Tom Hardy tossin me around

33. Spell your name with your chin.

hjaylkee

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Scocer back in the day - actually went and kicked it like a week ago for the first time in YEARSSSS - felt so damn good

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV, music forreeevverrr

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Lol story of my life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“Soooo” then probably ask a question or some shit lol

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Hmmm…definitely have to be funny/have a good sense of humor. They’d have to be open-minded for sure. Up for trying new things, places, cultures, food, music, etc. Just have an adventurous spirit I guess when it comes to that. Have a good line of communication/openness - and just be able to have a deep/intellectual convo about anything and everything. Bonuses: taller than me, likes cooking, and going to music shows.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon lol I hate shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

To go back to high school :( lmao so much id re-do, cant believe its almost been a decade

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Hell yeah, this is life my dudes, dont take it so seriously - we all fuck up at some point or another

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Something is on my mind for sure, or im just tired lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

DAMNNN WHAT so hard - I guesss if I had to pick, space…just because it’s more rare/harder to do I’d think.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My cat lol with his meowing ass

46. What are you paranoid about?

Lowkey a lot lol

47. Have you ever been high?

8)

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Who hasn’t????

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

naw

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black probably, like half my wardrobe

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Of course

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My bad habits

56. Favourite colour?

Yelllllow :)

57. Favourite food?

Oh gaaawwd, literally anything - lately: PB&J’s, fries, wings, Mediterranean, Mexican, pickles, ice cream, ramenzzzz

58. Last thing you ate?

Pistachios

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Cofffeeee w creamer

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Idk, not off the top of my head - maybe something back in elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

Yeah lmao

63. Ever been in love?

Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

No its really not that interesting and idc to type it out

65. Are you hungry right now?

24/7/365

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Lol yes a few of them <333

67. Facebook or Twitter?

FB

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Noooo

70. Names of your bestfriends?

R’Bonney is number 1

71. Craving something? What?

Foooood, and companionship? Lol

72. What colour are your towels?

Idk, random, mostly blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

A lot lol

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Lol no, but I have my one from my childhood in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

1 - shout out to you Mr.Fluffy

75. Favourite animal?

I am fascinated by sharks; and like gators/crocs. But I have mad respect for elephants, they’re sooo damn smart and beautiful.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Dont have any on

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

BITCHHHH CHOC

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

All of them

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Tie-dye

80. What colour pants?

none

81. Favourite tv show?

Game of Thrones prob

82. Favourite movie?

Avatar or Shawshank Redemption

87. First person you talked to today?

Sissy

88. Last person you talked to today?

Friend on FT

89. Name a person you hate?

No one, maybe Trump? lol

90. Name a person you love?

Everyone, fr fr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Not enough <3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Not enough <3

95. Last movie you watched?

The Decline on Netflix, short lil foreign oil, was deep/interesting

96. Favourite actress?

Not sure-Sandra Bullock? Or Meryl

97. Favourite actor?

Denzel or Morgan Freeman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nah not anymore honestly

99. Have any pets?

Yessss

100. How are you feeling?

Mediocre

101. Do you type fast?

Ya

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Im sure

103. Can you spell well?

Ya

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lol im nostalgic af, so yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes litttty tittyyy

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably :(

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Hell yeah brother, I’m from TX

108. What should you be doing?

So much shit lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I ain’t doing all the shit I should be lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yooo yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Prob my sister or my mom?? Lol I cry a lot, idk and idc

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Hayls?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Back in the day

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Nah, unless maybe if its homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yeah occasionally, more of a Thai food chick or Japanese

119. Favourite book?

Kite Runner

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Low-key sometimes lol

121. Are you mean?

Hell noooo

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Ok, this is an interesting one lol I mean no, it’s not “okay” - since it usually constitutes lying/hiding/hurting someone - BUTTTT, for a lack of a better term - I wanna say it’s “normal”? But thats because I, personally, am on the fence about the concept of monogamy. Like no, I’ve never cheated nor experienced that in return - but the whole concept of monogamy and like that a person can love and only love or be with one person is WILLLLDDD and I can’t help but note that its a social construct that we, as a society, are conditioned to from the time we are born. Idk if that makes sense bc im high af lol but those are my thoughts…like to sum it up - cheating is fucked up and sucks, but at the same time its not all that surprising/shocking anymore, like borderline “normalized” just as divorces are and shit, so I feel like bc biologically we aren’t made to be with one person lol. I don’t condone it tho. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell to the naw naw

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hmmm idk about that one, but also can’t deny it

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah of course, you’re talking to a hopeless romantic

126. Are you currently bored?

I guess we could say that

127. What makes you happy?

Food and close, loved ones

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, too much paper work

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer, with my lil moody, sensitive ass

130. Do you like subway?

I did lol

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Story of my mf life lol literally all my exes are “best friends turned lovers” situation, so guess it would just depend lmao

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Lol oh godddd; ok off the top of my head - Tupac - Keep Ya Head Up is what comes to mind; just a timeless song and the lyrics are still relevant/apply to this day and idk just really resonate with the message behind that song <3

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk, but it was probably SO dumb, and told to my parents lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Either or, lately open so my cat can go in and out lol

137. How tall are you?

5’6 mayyybeee 5’5 actually lol

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall!!

141. Night or Day?

Def a lil night owl, always have been

142. Favourite month?

April and October for weather at least

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but I try, and go through phases, I’m definitely mindful the older I get and more focused on my health I become

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

FUCKIN ALLLLL

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee but I like tea too, just seem to drink coffee more regularly

146. Was today a good day?

The grateful-to-just-be-alive in me wants to say yes lol but idk, felt off/unaccomplished and cried a lot, so no.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“This too shall pass”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure why not

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“After all, what he had always wanted was just that: to know new places.” -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

[unproduciblesmackdown]

man i forget it sometimes but the fact i didnt go to high school makes me feel Fake lol

like in elementary school times it Especially felt like the isolation n quiet behavior that was the norm for me was just something i’d eventually age out of, and like when u became a teen is when you’d have friends and do shit and have a more interesting life. it took eons to realize that the way things were for me weren’t actually ~normal~ but ykno. how are you supposed to realize this especially when ur young

and like even now all the Clichés of High School in everything make me feel like i skipped universal human experiences even tho obviously there’s really no such thing...it’s more like one of those weird little things that most ppl shared / experienced that i didnt and that makes me feel kinda like an imposter. like how i only played a few kinds of pc games and borrowed my brothers gameboy n otherwise had these Common Media Experiences that i wasnt a part of (also not rly being all that regularly Online till i was 14) that seems like such a minor thing but can make me feel so out of place at times. like, fuckin everybody went to high school....its weird.

but at the same time i know i didnt miss out on THAT much coz its probs a good thing i went to college coz living away from my family most of the year meant realizing the nature of my situation and realizing what im really like as a person a lot easier im sure, and if i’d gone to hs i’d’ve “had” to go to college too so maybe i’dve been stuck w my parents for even longer. learning that i needed to leave them was the most important result of going to college and actually leaving them was the most important thing i’ve done, imo. (for myself)

i also know its funny to be like “gosh i never went to any high school parties, i’ll always be missing a piece of myself” when like. they’re not gonna be that essential but also, who am i kidding, i wouldntve been invited to any lol. i went to a fairly quiet school lol but honestly ive never been invited to a party in my life save the occasional bday party which really doesnt count. there’s like this collective instinct to not rly invite me to stuff like that even when its sorta supposedly involving everyone. it’s my negative je ne sais quoi lmaooo...and like im a social person but obv i’d hate parties w/o friends and ive also been godawful at getting those & despite my elementary school self’s assumptions i know i wouldntve suddenly been upgraded socially from “sits at the mostly empty lunch table for people who don’t have another lunch table to sit at” status in high school

i do wonder if i wouldve got involved in anything extracurricular in high school...i didnt ever before but hs is better than middle school and maybe i wouldve got into something. and maybe i could’ve explored figuring out what *i* like. coz i never could really do that b4, and i did a LITTLE in college, but u dont have much room for it there. between the major you’re already supposed to be working towards and the general requirements that i forget the term for, u can’t rly fit in much extra casual stuff. oh well.

anyways the thing is its just weird. the essential-seeming high school human experience. i didn’t have it!! and then i didn’t have a normal college experience either coz it happened when i was 14 - 18 lmao. and things have continued to be weird and non avg. c’est la vie