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thebad---catholic · 4 years

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My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

#star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek aos #star trek alternate original series #jj abrams #jim kirk #captain kirk #dr mccoy #bones mccoy #spock #mr spock #lt uhura #nyota uhura #hikaru sulu #star trek #star trek headcanon #trekkie #trekker #star trekkin

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #381

“don’t try to be the one person who has stayed just to say they never left me”

Do you feel bored with your life? Always. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? I sometimes miss Colleen, but I know it's for the better that we no longer associate with each other. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I don't know, but a fuck of a lot. Thanks, Abilify. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? Memories with Jason. What do you miss the most about college? Socializing. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? A triple date to an arcade w/ Jason and friends. What’s the last great song you discovered? The most recent one? I don't know, really. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Yeah. Don't like what I post, delete me. Have you ever done cocaine? Yikes, no thanks. Do you think you’ll ever get married? Do you want to? I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I'm scared of just continuing to be an unemployed leech that is doing nothing significant with her life, in which case it's like, why even be with me romantically. I feel like such a dead end street. I want to get married someday. Who do you care about the most? When it comes down to it, probably my mom. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Would you ever get gauged ears? I want small gauges, actually. When it comes to clothing, are you the conservative type? Yes, because I hate my body and don't want others to see it. Do you enjoy eating? I wish I didn't. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you go out of your way to impress the opposite gender? No. Do you enjoy history? Not really, no. It bores me. Are you a pajama person or do you stay dressed all day? I'm just about always in my pjs. Do you value looks or personality more? Personality is way more important. Have you ever changed religions? Yeah. Born Roman Catholic, converted to Christianity when I further understood the differences, then I went to how I am now: I believe in something(s), but I don't quite know what. I wouldn't call myself a Neo-Pagan, but it's what I relate most to. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I would for like, my wedding. Foo fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm actually not a big fan of either. Are you a fan of the SAW movies? I don't really watch them. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? My two immediate sisters, I'm sometimes a year off. All my others, yes. :x Mountain Dew or Sprite? Mountain Dew, of course. I really don't like Sprite now, which is ironic because as a kid, it was my favorite soda. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. Have you ever worked as a cashier? That was one of my duties when I worked at a dollar store. If you are on birth control that allows you take pills and skip your period, how often do you opt to skip it? How come? My birth control doesn't allow me to skip, but rather, it regulates it. Is there a book series where you loved the first book, but for some reason the other books in the series just didn’t measure up? I can't say that, no, as most series I just kinda fell out of, like The Hunger Games. LOVED the first book, started the second, and even though I was enjoying it, I just stopped for some reason? Are there any stores/restaurants that you would like to shop/eat at, but there aren’t any located near enough to you? Haha yeah, like lots of west coast fast food places like Jack n' the Box or however it's formatted. If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I don't even want kids, so honestly, I'd be stoked if I learned I was infertile. Wouldn't need to worry about the chance of getting pregnant and facing an abortion dilemma. Is there something that you did not used to take seriously, that you either now take seriously or wish that you had in the past (e.g., a relationship that you miss, your education, etc.)? Hm. I don't know. Are there any subjects that you are interested in so much that you would read whole books or academic journals about them? Meerkats, especially. I will read EVERY scientific article about them I find. Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I'm a hugger. When you were in middle school and high school, did you witness a lot of bullying? How did the teachers react to name-calling or violence? Not really, thankfully. Are any of your friends/relatives actually impressive artists or writers? Are you willing to share an example of their work? Yeah. I have a cousin who's really good at drawing, and my sister is a wonderful cake decorator. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? My hypothetical bf/gf, no. Would you ever donate blood? I have before, and I would again if I knew I was hydrated enough and the opportunity was right there. Would you rather drink coffee or tea? Ugh, neither. Do you get easily embarrassed? YES. How long was your longest make out? TMI alert, like all night. If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? I honestly don't know. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. What color is your mum's car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nope. Are you happy with your eye color? I wish they were a more sapphire blue. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? Absolutely liquid body wash. What color do you want your dream car to be? Baby pink. *-* Do you have more then one favorite band? I say I do, but at the same time I know Ozzy Osbourne will ALWAYS be #1. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? In a relationship. But it's absolutely not something I'm about to force just for the sake of being in one. Would you be really upset if Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow? Nah. Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both. Do you know anyone that's pescatarian? No. Someone I watch on YouTube is, though. Are you shy or over confident around your crushes? Super shy. Do you think the govt. has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Hell, I think it's very well possible, but I lean more towards for financial hoarding, they simply don't further pursue potential cures that are discovered. I mean, just THINK about all the "future cures" you've read or heard about. It's fucking outrageous. It's all to fuel the medical industry. Okay, tin hat coming off. Last time you drank a diet soda? A very long time ago, because diet soda gives me a massive headache. Was your ex born in America? Only one wasn't. Name your favorite type of music and why. Metal. I for one just like the sound, and I find it very therapeutic when I'm especially mad or sad. Even when I'm in a good mood, I just enjoy it. I also feel that a lot of metal songs tell interesting stories and/or have very poetic lyrics. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I haven't, but I've considered it. Can you breakdance? Definitely not. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? Yes. We were assigned this one war novel in middle school that was FUCKING AWFUL, like I was checked out the whole time. I don't remember its name or anything. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yes; the Warcraft movie I mentioned in a recent survey. Orcs and their fucking deep-ass voice that I couldn't understand. Do you blowdry your hair? No. Tell me about your dream last night. Omfgggggg y'all. So, there's one invert pet that I've never understood the keeping appeal of, and that's giant centipedes. Their bites are notoriously excruciating, and they are just SO goddamn fast. Well, for some godforsaken reason, I wanted one as a pet. Got one, and it immediately got loose. Guess who wanted to shit herself lmao. Centipedes are very cool, but only from a distance, ya feel? Have you ever stayed in a fancy high-class rich hotel? No. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? I don't think so. Describe the worst fight you’ve ever been in whether physical or verbal. I'm not entirely sure about my *worst*, but I know it was with Mom. We've had a few. Have you heated any food in your microwave today? Yeah, a shrimp alfredo Lean Cuisine bowl. Do you own any items of clothing with cartoon characters on them? Yes. Have you ever played Animal Crossing? No, it doesn't seem like my kinda game. Do you own anything (e.g jewelry, accessories) with your initial on it? Yes, but none of which I personally bought because I don't really like them. Do you own any cats or dogs? What are their names? I have a cat named Roman. <3 Have you added any books to your shelves lately? Which? No. Have you bought any new cosmetics or toiletries lately? Which? No. Do your pets have a specific type of food that they prefer? Roman will eat whatever cat food he's given, while Venus, like your average ball python, is a picky eater. Like when I first got her, she wouldn't eat for almost a year because I just couldn't find a method through which she'd accept food. Now she consistently takes frozen/thawed small rats that have actually sat in warm water (versus doing it by hand under running water), and she generally won't strike it unless it's offered to her by tongs, but not dangling by the tail. Picky, picky miss thang. What's your favourite variety of apple? I'm not very particular about flavor so long as the apple is crisp. I canNOT do soft apples. Which of your physical features do you receive the most compliments about? My hair.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''orchids'' by stone sour

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crunkumbee · 6 years

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1-100 (A L L O F T H E M)

BITCH YOU CRAZY but see this works out bc I am also an insane bitch and will answer THEM A L L(I already answered 1,3,5,6 😉) 2- last phone call? - my mom asking about the rice 😂😂4- last song you listened to? - What a Shame by Shinedown 7- been cheated on? - not relationship wise but my friends, family I have 8-kissed someone and regretted it? - nope9- lost someone special? - yeah me and my great grandma used to be really close and I told her everything but she passed about 4 years ago10- been depressed? - I am the definition of depressed11- been so drunk that you threw up? - nope12/13- ever had sex/sex this year? - definitely not14-???? There is no 14??? 15- made a new friend? - sure have 16- there is no 16 either 🤔🤔🤔🤔17- laughed until you cried? - all the time 18- met someone who changed you? - yep19- found out who your true friends were? - just recently I did 20- found out somebody was talking about you? - mhm21-25 are missing???? 26- what did you do for your last birthday? - I had a few friends over and we are pizza and talked and 2 of them made out in MY closet but whatever 27- what time did you wake up today? - 7:56 a.m28- there isn't a 2829- name something you cannot wait for- uhh somebody to give me all of their love and the new season of supernatural and possibly being able to see panic! in February? 30- last time you saw all of your siblings at the same time? - 10 minutes ago31- what is one thing that you wish that you could change about your life? - hmmm to be a health and fitness guru instead of a lazy potato chip 32- what are you listening to right now? - my brother talking to his phone about his game 🙄33- last time you had sex? -never 34- who is getting on your nerves right now? - my brother making explosion noises and somebody that is ignoring me bc I told them how I felt 🙄35- most visited webpage? - hot topic dot com36- favorite colors- blue, kinda pink, kinda purple, and green37- nicknames? - I think I only have one and that being Ki38- relationship status? - what is love?? 39- zodiac sign? - Capricorn 40- male or female? -female if you are asking my gender?? 41/42- primary or secondary school? - going into secondary 43- high school or college? - high school 44- eye color? - mostly blue but has some green around the pupil There is no 4546- height? - 5'4" I believe 47- do you have a crush on someone? - yess48- what do you like about yourself? - my humor ig49- piercings? - just my ears the once but I plan on getting them pierced at least one more time 50- tattoos? - I would love to have one if I could 51- righty or lefty? - rightyThere is no 5253- first piercing? - just me ears when I was in kindergarten54- first best friend? - I have had the same homie since 3rs grade 55- first hookup? - never 56 is the same as 54 There is no 57 or 5859- what am I eating? - some pretzels that have sugar on them 60- drinking? - coffee61- about to... - get more coffee62- listening to? -my brother be annoying 63- waiting for...? - an assassin to come kill me 64- want any kids? - idk maybe?? It would probably be just on if I wanted kids but probably not 65- get married? - I definitely want to get married 66- career? - I kinda want to go into forensics and criminology 67- lips or eyes? - eyes68- hugs or kisses? - idk hugs ig69- shorter or taller? - I prefer a little taller but not by much but I like shorter too70- older or younger? - not too much older or younger but I don't really care tbh71- romantic or spontaneous? - both 72- nice stomach or arms? -all stomachs and arms are good73-sensitive or loud? - I don't care either way74- hook-up or relationship? - relationshipThere is no 7576- ever kissed a stranger? - nope77- drank hard liquor? -yeaah78- lost glasses or contacts? -never had any to lose79- had sex?- nope80- broken somebody's heart? - I don't think soThere isn't an 8182- been arrested? - no83- turned somebody down? - not that I can recall? 84- cried when somebody died? - mhm85- fallen for a friend? - kinda 86- do you believe in yourself? - not really87- miracles? - not really88- love at first sight? - kinda89- heaven? - ig90- Santa Claus? - no91- kiss on the first date? - if ya wanna then that's cool but if you aren't comfortable then no 92- angels? - yeah 93- how would you label yourself? - uhh not 100% sure what this means but I would say a stupid goddamn idiot but sexuality wise I would be a bisexual but not for sure what that question meant 94- someone you pray ever day for? - I don't know tbh I don't really pray but when I do it's for people with terrible lives and I hope and pray for them to get better There is no 9596- who of all your ex's have you cared the most about? - never had an ex bf/gf 97- if you could go back in time, how far would you go? - hmm I would love to go to the Victorian era98- out of everything in the world, what would you wish for? - probably success or to have every super power ever 99- are you afraid of falling in love? - tbh yeah bc I'm afraid of hurting people, especially the ones I love 100- do you like the way you look?- not really WE MADE IT TO THE END LOOK AT ME GO IT ONLY TOOK AN HOUR BUT WE MADE IT

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diealittleeachday · 4 years

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Obviously. Wow. I know.

Wow. I’ve been so patient for weeks. This last week and half has been so exhausting. Not only have I had the stress that my side relationship roller coaster has been, but the summer of S seems like 500 days long.

Let’s look at just last week and this week because the week before he probably saw her four days (or was that the week before)...doesn’t matter, I’ve almost survived it and I’m so done. So over it and him and them. Obviously.

Monday - they got a motel for hours. Apparently the wonders of her body never cease. His enthusiasm for her knows no bounds so he got so riled up that he had to “beat her with his penis” which resulted in an injury lasting 1.5 weeks and counting to date, with no end in sight. Of course he didn’t notice any such pain until he came home to me. We had a bit of sex since he didn’t get off with her. When he came in me, he realized the pain he was in. I know.

Tuesday they meet at a distant mall and spend three hours “just talking”. I’m sure it was a completely vanilla date (yeah right). He knew his dick was broken but didn’t have to mention it since they never took their date to a motel (or even the van...for once). She was supposed to start her period so I figured that would cover a few days. Obviously

Wednesday he heads out the door late in the afternoon so he can meet her at a local (newish) creperier I’ve wanted to visit (but since he wouldn’t want to eat a bread based food, I’ve not asked to go). He tells me he won’t be doing anything (even making out)because it’s too painful even if he were to get a hard on and also we assume she’s on her period. He asks if I’m okay with this. Sure I say, go have a late lunch with her and no sexual stuff like yesterday, the third day in a row this week that they’ve had a date! He messages me 1.5-2 hrs later saying he’s at the grocery store. I find out that they never did the crepe place “because she wanted to make out”. So they were in the van and he played with and ate her pussy. She sent a picture of him putting her shoe back on in the van. Despite the fact that i don’t want details (except to know if something new happens plus the basics of who what where), because it’s like a knife stabbing. But every time i ask one specific question, he can’t just answer the question, he can’t help but describe something he did to her or how amazing she is. Wow

Thursday he was supposed to have a date with GF but she cancelled last minute. Friday I had brunch with her. Despite having to hear from him how much he he’s gotta have her while not even paying attention to me, I’m still offering her friendship and loads of time. She’s so high maintenance and she’s taking from both of us. I know.

During this time we can’t have sex. He announced that he won’t even be kissing me in case it’s a disease instead of an injury that has side lined him. And he plays with me using a toy once. He mentions only once that he wants his wife after days of nothing and it’s not mentioned again even days later. No oral to make up for it, not apology for leaving me high and dry, no sorry I find her so thrilling I can’t help myself. Just constant reminders of how much better and more worthy she is than me. Obviously

Monday starts off again early as they meet at the zoo for a date. He makes these plans with her Sunday night and even buys the tickets online in advance. They spend the day at the zoo and then lunch at “their favorite spot”. I sit at home alone dealing with my break up and the fact that my husband has spent more hours this month dating and fucking her than he’s done with me all year. He’s there for her. I’m left to fend for myself in every way. Same with his kids. Even his asshole parents get an allowance form him (courtesy of me, against my will). Crazy isn’t it? I know

Monday afternoon he brings me food as I’m high and upset about dumping my bf. I ask him repeatedly if we can make out and have some sort of fun and reconnect. I tell what I want and remind him repeatedly not to come to bed too late. I tell him I’m just watching old episodes of the crown to pass time and to please come see me before he’s too tired. When he finally comes to bed hours later he just lays there. I remind him that I’m just waiting on him. Before we get into that though I’m not sure do the messages i sent him about my bf may be weighing on his mind a i want to be sure to clear the air before getting intimate. Obviously

I think that I should address the messages I showed him between my bf and I while he was off with her at the zoo. I want to clear the air and not leave anything hanging between us that may be bothering him. We go through the messages in detail with me asking if he has any comments or questions. Then I mention that my vagina still feels weird and I ask him to once again put his fingers in it and look at it to see if it looks and feels as it usually does and has it improved at all. He says he doesn’t know what it usually looks like and he starts comparing the feel of it to S instead of it to itself. He seems to know more about S vagina than mine and cannot figure out how to tell if mine is normal for itself. He cannot understand why this would be upsetting. He doesn’t know what his own sides vagina looks or feels like but he knows her enough to compare. Wow

We end up in a tiff and I’m angry that we don’t do more than a few kisses and have barely done anything intimate in a week but he doesn’t miss it or care. He never even tried. I say I’ll bet you kissed her today more than you kissed me. He agreed. He always shows more passion and enthusiasm for her. He is always eager to give her anything she wants. And dismisses and rejects me. Same thing different day. I know

Tuesday comes and gf is coming over so our plans are not what we thought. Later I realize that he talked to S all day, with short interruptions in the conversation to have breakfast, see gf when she arrived, deal with the vet, see gf before she left, and walk with me. Other than that, he was talking to her from morning until night. (Again. Yay!)The old days all over again. Wow

That night, On our walk, I’m missing intimacy with my husband and want to find out if his penis is getting any better since the last time see discussed it a few days ago. I ask when was the last time he got a hard on. His immediate answer was “obviously when I was last with S”. Obviously.

Not last night when the two of us were naked in bed and I was waiting all day (all week) to reconnect with my husband. Obviously not last night while he had his fingers in my pussy. Obviously not when he gave me a few kisses. Obviously it was while he took her to the zoo and they walked around kissing and ass grabbing all day...him with a broken penis that hurts everytime it gets hard and her fully clothed on a hot day at zoo while on her period. Obviously.

He and I were just wrapping up a few hours of walking in beautiful surroundings. He’d stopped once or twice to give me a nice kiss. But that did nothing. Meant even less. I asked why we didn’t do anything the night before and he blamed me. Blamed me for “being a blob and being high”. Obviously it’s my fault. I’m not good enough. And I was high that one day because I was sad about the bf experience. I stayed home alone for hours dealing with it alone while he has spent hours and days for weeks comforting and uplifting her. He brought me junk food and then berates me for eating it and calls me names and blames me for his lack of interest. Meanwhile, she is perfect, can do no wrong and should not put up with being ignored by her husband. Hypocrite much? I know

Later that evening, after a phone call with the horrible ex bf that never ends, I’m cuddling with him and sad. And kinda mad that what I thought was settled could be stirred up again only long enough to bring me fresh pain. He tries to console me and calls me Baby Girl. Wow

There’s 100 nicknames for me but that’s not one. Not even close. That’s what he calls HER. S. That’s her name. Not mine. Obviously

I leave the bed and sob uncontrollably. Alone. And for the 100th time am reminded of her by him. I ask for him to check MY vagina and it’s compared to hers. I ask when he was last interested in sex and I’m told “Obviously” when he was last with her. I go to him for comfort and and am called HER pet name.

He told me last week he wouldn’t be doing anything sexual and would be meeting her at a cafe. None of that was true. He couldn’t spend an hour with her without eating her pussy. (And in a week and half since he broke his penis on HER, he hasn’t eaten my pussy once). Wow

He can’t walk the zoo with her without getting a hard on but he can not only walk a beautiful moonlit night with me without doing so, but he can lay naked in our bed with his fingers in my pussy and bare breasts in his face without any thoughts of sex despite promising me same. I know

He can tell me he’s not going kiss but spend the days kissing her (and repeatedly refer to stealing kisses from her all week while avoiding them with me). And give me a few but not much passion or any desire. Wow

He can take her to the museum, restaurants, the zoo, a food court, the mini van to make out, and plan another museum trip (while trying to plan something bigger that she’d like) all while telling me we eat out too much, he doesn’t want to spend the $$ and only doing walks with me even though I’ve repeatedly mentioned that I’d like to have dates with him. I know

I’d love to say that once the summer is over (after this week), he’ll make out with me, take me to dates beyond walking and find me half as inspiring as apparently she’s been since the first hour they met. But that’s asking way too much. He’ll just go back to texting her every chance he gets and killing as much time as possible in between looking at cars and other videos online, saying he doesn’t know what to get me or where to take me and or know anything I’d like to do, when he knows it all about her because he pays attention and is motivated to make her happy while he takes me for granted. Obviously

I thought there was some hope. As long as some other guy thought I was interesting enough, he acted like he’d pay attention. But that’s just another in a long line of stupid naive dreams I’ve had. He’ll go back to complaining that it’s my fault because I no longer want to continue years of worshipping him in hopes that he’ll fuck me for four minutes and cum inside me before he falls asleep snoring while I’m left to drag off to a dark corner somewhere, wand in hand, and create my own orgasm. I know

I’ve eagerly talked to him about things I want to try, stuff I want to do with him, and it just never changes. Enthusiasm for her is endless. Me. I’m a blob (got that way because of my unhappy marriage) and high all the time (except for most of the time when I’m not). Soon he’ll be right where he dreaded, just me to fuck “and it’ll suck”. Apparently all the weight that she’s put on from being ignored by her hubby is just fine. My husband feeds her, brings her snacks, even wanted to take her to a dessert place. He feels for her and all that she’s put up with her hubby over the past 8 years after treating me worse for 36! Wow

And don’t get me started about how encouraging he is to her versus me or his own god damned children. His empathy for her knows no ends but the people under his roof just need to get it together. Who is it that he cares about most? Who is it that he’s willing to drive hours for? Spend $$ on while berating his son for wanting healthy organic foods? Bring her out and leave his wife and kids at home? Obviously

Wow. Just wow. It blooms where it is cared for and encouraged. And that’s not in this zip code.

Obviously. Wow. I know.

#7/27/20

0 notes

scarletjedi · 8 years

Note

do alllllll of them!

oh gdi pop - cut for length

1:Is there a boy/girl in your life?

My lovely wife :D

2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

define “hurt” - physically? Of course! I twas an accident and she’s 3. non-physically? yeah, I do.

3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Oh, no, where did you pee!?! (Our cat has been stress-marking)

4:What’s something you really want right now?

Someone else to bring the boxes from my office up to the attic

5:Are you afraid of falling in love?

Already there, luv. It was never the *love* that scared me.

6:Do you like the beach?

I do! I like to swim, and I’m not bothered by the wildlife. I’m less fond of heat/no shade, but those are manageable. I like the “shore” even better - boardwalk food!

7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yep! Mostly in college, though my wife and I have napped together on the couch a few times.

8:What’s the background on your cell?

The lock screen is Gimli face-palming from CAA, drawn by the lovely @kooriicolada. My home screen is Legolas laughing from the same pic.

9:Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Um? I sat on my bed here, my bed at my mother’s house, the bed in the hotel room from my cousin’s wedding, aaaand...my mom’s bed, probably?

10:Do you like your phone?

I do, mostly. It’s an iPhone 6 and still working, though I should get a new case for it.

11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

I honestly thought I’d be making more money/have a full-time career (thanks for that, economy), but I *did* think I’d be with my forever someone so--yes and no?

12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Ha! My cousin on Christmas eve. I laugh because I remembered that!

13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Rottweiler.

14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional.

15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Depends on the season.

16:Are you tired?

At the moment or in general?

17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

12 years. (You do mean “speed dial” yes?)

18:Are they a relative?

Technically? I married her.

19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

No. We all ended for very good reasons.

20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

In person? 5 hours ago.

21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I’d marry her again in a heartbeat.

22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Of course :D

23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

0! Because I am working.

24:Is there a certain quote you live by?

Make Good Art. - Neil Gaiman

25:What’s on your mind?

That I have far too much shit in my office.

26:Do you have any tattoos?

I have a half sleeve of a dragon against a nebula. The nebula is in color. The dragon is not.

27:What is your favorite color?

It changes. I’m partial to red at the moment, but it’s also been blue and lie green.

28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

When she gets home tonight.

29:Who are you texting?

My wife and my best friend.

30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Yes. I don’t think these questions are made for married couples.

31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Yep. All the time. My favorite are the “So and so is dead” phone calls that I get--I can tell from the ring.

32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yep.

33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’d hope it’s my wife

34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

I hear it all the time. I believe it from my wife.

35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

that depends entirely on the context of the situation.

36:Were you single on Valentines Day?

Nope

37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yep

38:What do your friends call you?

my name, usually. It’s short, and hard to make nicknames from. Or “SJ” or “Jedi” or occasionally “Scarlet”

39:Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yep.

40:Have you ever cried over a text?

Not really?

41:Where’s your last bruise located?

My leg, I think.

42:What is it from?

I walked into the coffee table.

43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Christmas

44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mom.

45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

I’ve a pair of black doc marten boots that I wear nearly every day. They’re the same boots Ray Kowalski wears in Due South. Yeah. I’m that nerd.

46:Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Not really. I can’t keep track of them.

47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Sure. I’ve near-buzzed my hair before. I liked it.

48:Do you make supper for your family?

I tend to bake rather than cook, and my wife cooks rather than baking. But yeah, we’ve made dinner for the family.

49:Does your bedroom have a door?

Yep

50:Top 3 web-pages?

By visit? Tumblr, ao3, and youtube

51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

*raises hand* Though I hate it less than I used to.

52:Does anything on your body hurt?

My head. I think i’ve got a weird stress headache thing going on.

53:Are goodbyes hard for you?

Depends on the situation. I’m a rip off the band-aid sort of person.

54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Coffee. The answer is always coffee.

55:How is your hair?

Fine, how are you?

(I need a haircut, but it’s short on my left and longer on my right--say 2 inches vs 6 inches? and my natural blonde)

56:What do you usually do first in the morning?

check my phone.

57:Do you think two people can last forever?

yeah, i do.

58:Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Ha! yes! I was. My wife and I started dating that March. (though, to be fair, we were the friends who were practically dating but not officially at that point).

59:Green or purple grapes?

yes.

60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

When she gets home from work.

61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Scotland was lovely.

62:When will be the next time you text someone?

Probably when I’m done with this meme.

63:Where will you be 5 hours from now?

sitting on my couch watching tv (or possibly while my wife plays Skyrim), and writing in my notebook.

64:What were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping.

65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

My wife?

66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

My wife.

67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

My wife. I’m sensing a pattern.

68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I was thinking about @fialleril‘s double agent vader stuff, particularly the post-vader parts. I’m in love with that AU.

69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

*looks at stack of rejection letters* Yep.

70:How many windows are open on your computer?

Browser windows? 1. (11 tabs, tho) 8 total (pages, word, and itunes)

71:How many fingers do you have?

10.

72:What is your ringtone?

the bobs burgers theme. My mother has the godfather theme.

73:How old will you be in 5 months?

31. my birthday is St Patrck’s Day.

74:Where is your Mum right now?

I’m not sure. 5 on a Wednesday? Probably at Ruby Tuesday with my stepfather and their friends for dinner before they go to bingo.

75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I am. I may have dated before her, but I fell in love with her.

76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yep. my wife.

77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

yep! I’ve only added friends since then.

78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

what’s that in American? 6th grade? I don’t think I had one, yet. Unless you count, like, Luke Skywalker. real people didn’t interest me until 7th grade.

79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

several. I’m related to a few of them.

80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

yep. the wife.

81:How many people have you liked in the past three months?

...i’m not even gonna say it.

82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

*stares at camera like on the office*

83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

*Stares at Camera like Ben Wyatt*

84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I’m not doing that?

85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Oh yes.

86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

I SAW ROGUE ONE. That’s an event in and of itself.

87:Who was your last received call from?

My mom. Unless you count my wife calling so I could find my phone.

88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

It says something about how little money I have that I considered it. COME ON GUYS! COMMISSION ME! I NEED TO PAY OFF MY CREDIT CARD BEFORE MY JOB ENDS.

89:What is something you wish you had more of?

Money and Time.

90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Yep. My consolation is he was terrible in bed.

91:Do you sleep with your window open?

yep.

92:Do you get along with girls?

I do! I don’t understand a lot of hyper-femininity (In that, I think its too much work for me/I’m not practiced at it), but I’m cool with them being into it as long as they don’t look down at my boots.

93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

Not that I can think of.

94:Does sex mean love?

No, but I’m inclined towards liking it better that way.

95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Only if I haven’t eaten recently/there isn’t a bathroom. But you mean sexy stuff, don’t you? You saucy minx!

96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No, but if I play my cards right, my wife might get to (I’ve been thinking about it, but it depends entirely on my job situation).

97:Did you sleep alone this week?

nope.

98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

I do!

99:Do you believe in love at first sight?

I don’t think so--i think love, real love, is based on trust. But! I do believe in that moment of “oh, it’s you!” with someone you’ve never met before, and I do believe in soul mates.

100:Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

Ahh....*shrug* probably the one friend I have from elementary school. We kept that up through college.

I HOPE YOUR HAPPY POP! I TAG YOU BACK! ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS YOU HAVEN”T YET!

#meme #poplitealqueen

4 notes · View notes

blueeyed-butterfly · 5 years

Text

For you. (Pt. 2)

I didn’t. It was awkward but at the same time I was happy to have you in my class for the first time since 9th grade. I’m pretty sure I ended up moving a couple weeks later or so. I remember after i moved we got In contact again and caught up. Can’t remember if we started dating or not that time. If we did. It wasn’t long. I ended up moving out of state. You ended up dating someone from here. We did our own thing for months. I remember around Christmas I ended up moving back home, and I remember we started talking again. You ended up breaking up with your girlfriend. We started dating once again lol. Remember that time when we were planning on moving to Florida together? Lmao we didn’t have a clue on what we were doing. We were still so young. 18-19 years old. Eventually that idea died. Along with or relationship once again. I ended up moving back out of state for over a year. You did your thing. I came back home destroyed over the relationship I was just in. A few months later or so you borrowed your moms car to come get me so we could hang out and catch up. It was like we never were apart. We always picked up where we left off. It was never awkward. You were always my best friend even if we weren’t dating. I remember listening to music, and recording you singing “animals” my Maroon 5. Life was finally feeling good for me for the first time in forever. I think that night we went to the Falls and it started pouring rain and we were under that bridge for a while. Just talking and joking around. We started dating again. But you were different, you were very sad. I wanted to be there for you. I remember sitting in your garage in kenmore with your mom and the things you said scared me. You wanted to die. I honestly was afraid to lose you. I was really afraid if something was going to happen. I’m not sure if we broke up again but I think we did, but I remember eventually meeting your grandparents and they loved me from the first second they met me, and I loved them! They were always so nice and welcoming and I felt like part of the family when I was around. You and I had so many memories there. Swimming In the pool, yelling at you for getting my hair wet, jumping in the trampoline. Laying on the trampoline looking at the stars. Laying there watching movies, til we both fell asleep cuddled up on the couch. I remember one night you were so sad you actually cried in front of me. I never seen that side of you. I just wanted to comfort you. I’m not sure how long after, but I remember sitting on my porch one day and for some reason you were with your ex gf at Tim hortons and she had your phone and sent me a long text as you saying you were breaking up with me. I was so confused and so hurt. Didn’t see it coming. But later that day you and I met up and talked and shit worked out. Although I still had some fears and confusion going on. A few days later or so i believe I was drinking a couple of my dads beers and told you to come pick me up so we could hang out and we went to the falls. We went up on the observation deck and we watched the fireworks. Something came over me, maybe it had something to do with the beer, giving me some courage to say to you that I wanted to finally have sex. You were shocked lol I was shocked. We left, and I snuck you into my house. We laid there for a while. I was nervous as fuck because it was my first time. You made me feel comfortable though. You were nervous yourself even shaking. We just laughed and let it happen. I was SO happy that you’re the one I lost it to. You were my person. No matter what. It was a special moment for me for sure. We laid there afterwards cuddling and I couldn’t believe what just happened. Remember around that time we were trying to get pregnant? Lol we tried a few times.So young and naive we were. Remember the 4th of July party at your Nonnas place. That day was very fun, I remember dancing with your sister, drunk as hell not giving a fuck lol you’d never seen me dance sober. Your sister was also very drunk. I remember it got dark and we were all on the trampoline I literally couldnt even jump let alone walk on the trampoline without falling over, and then the cops showed up and we started freaking out. We ran inside, into the bathroom and your sister hid her beer can in the bathroom cabinet lmao. Afterwards you went to bring me home, and I threw up in the front yard. Ill never forget that night. Remember when we went to the Florida Georgia line concert literally last minute? We had to drive all the way out past where the concert was to buy tickets, when the concert had already started. We got there in the middle if not cose to the end of it, but we still made the best out of it. It was the first time I was ever sober at a concert lol. About a month later we went to the luke bryan concert with Kelsey and met up with some people. We pregamed and then went into the concert where we just kept drinking, making memories having a good time.Then the one girl we were with, her boyfriend started talking to other girls and that made drunk me mad as hell so I guess i started hitting you saying you better not ever do that shit to me lol. Im still sorry for that by the way. That was still one of the best concerts I’ve been too. On the way back I had to pee so bad I was crying so I made you pull over so i could pee. Then on the way home I wanted cheeseburgers (Like i always do when I drink) so we stopped at Mcdonalds with Kelsey and drunk me said how I wanted to go in your basement (meaning have sex) lmao. Well that didnt end up happening that night, but I did end up staying the night.

We once again ended up breaking up like a month later. I started dating someone new eventually, and you got back with your ex and moved out of town with her. We did our own thing for months. Months pass, October-August. It was the end of August when we got back in contact, you moved back home because you guys broke up. I was single. we went down to the harbor and talked and played on the playground in the pitch darkness of the night. We were just friends at that point, but I was happy to just be hanging out with you. Well a couple weeks later, I was at work, standing there just clocked out, when I opened facebook and saw that you announced you were having a baby girl with your ex. I was so shocked, if you saw my face it probably turned white. I couldnt believe it. I texted you asking how long you knew about this because you mentioned she was due in November, and it was already into September at this point. I just didnt understand, my heart was crushed. I thought i’d lose you forever. Things were about to change big time and I didnt know what to do. You were my everything and I was sure it was the end. You ended up getting back together with her. We stopped talking til a few months later, the baby was born and somehow we started talking, you were still with her but you told me you thought she was cheating on you. So me being the detective I am, sure enough found that she had that dating profile, and was claiming she was a single mother, when you guys were still together, and living together. I was so mad, for you. How the hell is someone going to do something like that? Well things ended with you guys, and we ended up back together. No matter what we always found our way back to eachother. Yes we did break up alot. But it was always for stupid reasons. I remember meeting your baby for the first time, and holding her and it did kind of make me sad, thinking “Wow, this could have been our baby” it really did suck knowing that it couldnt happen for us, but did for you and her. Thats all I ever wanted, was to start a family with you.

We ended up breaking up, for another few months and dated other people. We got back together in June, which didnt last long. Omg its so crazy to think about all the times we broke up and what not. I can see why people talked alot of shit, but we didn’t care because we loved eachother. Time went by almost a whole year, I moved out of my house in April and by May we were talking again and got back together. This was the last time we were together. We swore that was gonna be our time. That this was it, we were going to stay together and never break up again. We were having really good time, I met some of your new friends, and your cousin. We hung out with them a few times, we went to Canal Fest, We went to Kenmore Days, we did your little Niagara Falls dates, went to the outer harbor like old days, things just felt so right. I was so happy, and still in love with you. I remember the one night after drinking and your friends place, we went back to my place, and even though I had it in my mind, I was too nervous to bring it up, that I wanted to have sex, until you asked. It was like our first time all over again, I felt so nervous. But it was just as special as the first time. Laying there after, cuddled up, even though it was hot as fuck in my room, was one of my favorite feelings. It just felt so right. That weekend we went to the beach, the same one we went to with your family in the summer of 9th grade. I loved going there with you. That place will always hold that special memory. I took so many pictures and videos of you, and us. I still have them all. Weeks past, I decided to move out of my roommates house and move back home. You helped me move all my stuff back home, and later that night we went out to eat with your cousin. Life was going good, I was happy.. Until on the way home, I seen your ex’s name pop up on your car radio. My heart sunk, but I played it off like I didnt see it. We got to my house, I gave you the last kiss that we ever had. I got in my house and broke down. Why? We were so happy and finally in a great place with eachother. I thought to myself this is just a really bad dream. But it wasn’t. You said it was nothing, but I couldn’t belive it. I didn’t see a reason for you to still be talking to her. So we broke up. A couple months go by, and I didnt get my period, and I thought I was pregnant. I kept getting faint lines on tests, even though by that point, they would’ve been coming up dark. But I read all this stuff online. That is could happen to some people where they have faint lines their whole pregnancy, or they never get a positive test when they are in fact pregnant. So I believed I was, I kept taking more and more tests, I was even starting to look pregnant. I told you I was, and I was scared. I couldnt talk to you. I didnt want to go to the dr because I went there years prior telling her I thought i was pregnant and I wasnt, so i didnt wanna look crazy again. So i kept it to myself, my stomach kept getting bigger, no period, had all the symptoms. I still have pictures, and Im sure I still have tests hidden somewhere. I didnt know what to do our expect. I was like “Am I really gonna have a baby in March?” Well March comes, and surely enough I wasnt pregnant. I went through a phantom/hysterical pregnancy. I was in a really dark place after that. What I went through was not easy. Its a real thing. A month or two past and I heard from my coworker who also works a 2nd job at your moms work, that she knew your mom and your mom asked about me and if i really had a baby. So I texted your mom later that day and explained everything. I messaged you the next day to talk. I explained everything, and you were understanding, I think. It was almost a year at that point that I seen you, and I really wanted to meet up and talk about it in person. But you were dating someone at this time. You told me that we could be friends, and talk to eachother, which I was happy about. But there were times I told you I love you and how I missed you, and even though you were dating someone, and I knew that.. something felt off. I knew something was up. Because in the past if we were talking, and you were dating someone else you would come back to me. As bad as that sounds. I said to myself why do I feel like this girl is gonna end up pregnant in the next couple months... Well funny enough, the next night im at work and I open twitter, and I seen you announced that you guys were having a baby. My heart dropped more than it did the first time. I was having a full blown anxiety attack while trying to work. It was a mix of emotions from what I had just went thru, to wondering why and how did you let that happen. It all made sense though to why you were acting off. I left you alone. But I was still hurt and upset over the news. People from our highschool made tweets and shit and me being hurt, decided to make a post myself. You weren’t too happy about that. I do apoligize for writing it. But you have to see it from my point of view. I want to be happy for you, but I cant. Because we were never supposed to be over. You are the love of my life. My highschool sweetheart. I wanted to marry you. I still do. And it sucks to know that it will most likely never happen. I’ve been single for a year and like 2 months now since we broke up. I haven’t had any interest in talking to someone knew. A couple months ago, I did try to talk to people, because I have no one to talk to in general, I tried to find connecitons with people, but I literally can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop holding on to hope. There is no one else I want but you. And it breaks my heart. I still cry for you. I still think about you, everyday. This post is obviously very very long. And if you took the time to read all of it, thank you. Even though I know nothing is going to come out of this I had to let it all out. The other night literally every single memory I had with you came rushing back, and I had to write it all out. We have had soooo many good times, and bad. But the good outweighs the bad. I truly think we were meant to be together. Maybe some day we will cross paths again. I’ve been writing for hours, and my eyes hurt, my vision is blurry. I just want to say I love you Anthony Jaskowiak, and I always will.

0 notes

surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #98

“white trash, get down on your knees.”

have you ever lied to a person of authority? what did you say? i mean, i've lied to my parents. and i don't know, multiple things that don't immediately come to my head. are your eyebrows darker than your hair? yeah. what do you prefer, lasagna or spaghetti and meatballs? spaghetti w/ meatballs. i don't like lasagna because of the cheese. are all your pets micro chipped? no, but they have tags. would you ever cope in a jail? NO. i would be depressed out of my SENSES. have you ever seen an alligator in person? in zoos as well as the wild. when hurricane floyd like ruined everything, the zoo flooded and was essentially destroyed. apparently, an alligator got out, because i saw one in the ditch once shortly after the hurricane. that zoo was never rebuilt. do you live across from a corn field? no, but i once lived across from a tobacco field. welcome to nc. how long have you been tattooed? if you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? i got my first for my 18th birthday, so a few years. are you a liberal? not mostly, but i have some liberal traits, ex. i support gay marriage. were you fearless or a coward in the face of the child hunter in "chitty chitty bang bang?" i'm pretty sure he scared me. i don't remember much about the movie. did you ever hit anything while learning to drive? i literally almost immediately hit a curb lol. jeff foxworthy, bill engvall, ron white, or larry the cable guy? i enjoy them all, but jeff's gotta top the list. have you or a pet ever gotten a tapeworm? no. i would rather die than get one. i am deathly afraid of internal parasites. do you know any furries? yes. i once lived with two of 'em. do you ever worry about your future? (i.e.: college, marriage, kids, etc) yes. more than anything, i worry about what my job situation is going to be like. do you snore? steal the covers? roll around in your sleep? I STEAL THE FUCK OUT OF COVERS is the lion the best character in "the wizard of oz?" i actually like the scarecrow. would you immediately look for someone right after you broke up with your bf/gf? no. it just doesn't seem... right. if you became a doctor, would you help your patients kill themselves? no. just. no. do you tell your best friend EVERYTHING? no. do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? only sara and connie. have you ever tried to learn another language? how did it go? i took four years of german, and i got to the point where i was pretty fluent. it's atrophied all to hell though. have you ever shared a house with a significant other? an apartment, yes. do you have a crush on anyone? tell me about them. i'm dating whom i have a crush on. have you ever had something signed by someone famous? what and who? no. i think. does your father have any facial hair? he has a van dyke beard/mustache. have you ever felt like you were making a mistake when dating someone? oh boy, have i. did you continue the relationship or end it when you realized? ended it. do you think you look similar to your siblings? we have some similarities. ex., we all have the same shade of brown hair naturally. have you ever played cards against humanity? did you like it? oh my actual god, one time when i was at colleen's, we did as a family. we all had a couple drinks, so it was funnier than it should've been. closest i have EVER been to peeing myself. however, it's not as funny with subsequent plays, because you know what cards to expect. do you know anyone who’s lived through a natural disaster? yeah, me and many family members and friends. hurricanes are a common occurrence in nc. how many brothers/sisters do you have? two immediate sisters, one half-brother, three half-sisters. are you lactose intolerant? no. would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? dude i am the weirdest mix of both lol. how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. they are wonderful ways of expression. i just find some piercings aesthetically pleasing on certain people, while tattoos are how you can easily paint the picture of your life on yourself. list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. i've only been to one, and that was alice cooper. it was very fun, despite thunderstorming the whole time. have you ever been on drugs for anxiety, depression, mental illness? i have been since the 6th grade and i still am. do you like green apples? only if they're crisp. have you ever had a guinea pig for a pet? yes. squeak, harry potter, snickers, and one other whose name i've forgotten... do you shop at hot topic? yes. have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as wicca? no, but they intrigue me, especially wicca. would you rather be a boy or girl? a girl. do you prefer to be around introverted or extroverted people? introverted. not trying to generalize here, but i find they tend to be more insightful. what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? i'm devoted and loyal as fuck, very loving, and will emotionally support a partner through thick and thin. what do you think makes you a bad girlfriend or boyfriend? one, my anxiety and insecurity. i've also never encountered this situation before, but i honestly feel that i'd get pretty jealous if he ever hung out with another girl platonically, because i'm immensely paranoid. like do not get me wrong, i wouldn't prevent him from doing it, i'd just be very worried. an issue i'm sure a lot of people would have with me is the fact i'm a pretty big prude. has anyone written a song or a piece of poetry about you? yeah. but i can virtually guarantee he used it on other girls. how many drinks does it take for you to become drunk? i wouldn't know, considering i've never been drunk. i was relatively tipsy after four bottles of very mild alcohol, though. do you admire brutal honesty? sometimes. other times it is completely unnecessary. what is your party trick? hiding out in the background somewhere, playing with your pet. <-- THIS haha <<< SAME if you had a mental disorder, what would it be? i'm diagnosed with chronic depression, general anxiety & social anxiety, ptsd (which i think i'm recovered from), and i've heard both bipolar ii and borderline personality disorder. do you think the "paranormal activity" movies were scary? no. i actually liked them. do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? i'm honestly very passive, so aggressive. the last time you drank with someone else or more than one person who was in the worst shape? chelsea always is. she takes two bottles of light alcohol and she's vomiting lol. what would you say is the worst part of high school, period? you're going through it in arguably the biggest time of your life. you are constantly changing and developing and going through so much mentally. you're still figuring out who you want to be. not to mention, you're expected to make huge decisions, all the while still having to ask to go to the bathroom. you have so much responsibility just all of the sudden while your brain is morphing a lot. are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? no. too much responsibility. not to mention they try to get into everything; you can't turn away for two seconds. what is the worst name a friend has ever called you? do you remember? probably just "bitch" or something along the line. no friend has ever called me one to my face, but i can literally guarantee some have. ACTUALLY. to my face, i was called a martyr by my ex's friend after the break-up. and i'm certain he didn't mean it as in "you'd die for your beliefs," he meant it as in "hey you pretend it's the apocalypse to get sympathy." which is entirely fucking untrue about me. that honestly hurt a lot and it still sticks with me. it honestly made me more uncomfortable to express my feelings. do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? i can't stand colleen's mom because she's a grade-a bitch, and her dad makes me uncomfortable, but he's not creepy. what is your least favorite word? i literally abhor the word "cunt." hurts to even type. what turns you on? various, pretty normal stuff. what turns you off? the usual stuff - bad hygiene, bad manners, etc <–Yep. <<<< I agree. <<<<< same. have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? i've had one since the 6th grade. have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? not a legitimate crush, no. who is your celebrity crush? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) who is your most loyal friend? i honestly feel like connie. we've literally never fought, and she's always been there.

why are you happy, if you even are?

because i've come so far in my recovery that i have no excuse to complain.

is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?

yes.

what do you think of when you hear the name mark?

lol you know exactly who i think of.

kristin?

no one.

zoe?

only the best character from "ssx tricky"

jamie?

no one.

adam?

alex shepherd's dad from "silent hill: homecoming"

carmen?

the best dancer that was ever at the dance studio i used to go to

do you like fluffy yogurts?

NO. i CANNOT do the texture.

don’t you hate that you have to watch the baby being born in health class?

i actually never did. but i physically wouldn't have been able to. i would've 100% shielded my eyes.

what’s the earliest memory you have?

walking out into the living room with my stuffed baby bunny and seeing ashley play "medievil" (i'm pretty sure that's how they spelled it). we all used to love that game. we only had the demo disc, though.

do you ever say “fail” when people mess up?

no, but i usually say "gg" lol

how important is it for a significant other to be good with kids?

not all that important considering i don't want any, but simultaneously, i certainly wouldn't tolerate them being mean to kids.

what was the last thing that hurt your feelings? was it warranted or do you think you just took it too personally?

i'd rather just not talk about it, but yeah, it was warranted.

what is your dad’s name?

kenneth, but everyone calls him ken.

does your mother have a sister? if so, what's her name?

... wait,

does

she? i don't think so, actually... maybe...

is your favorite color the same as when you were a kid?

not exactly; my first favorite color was just normal red, now it's maroon.

who last grabbed your ass?

chelsea lol

have you ever been called a slut/whore?

no, because i am literally the direct opposite. well correction, chelsea, colleen, and alex have playfully, but none of them have ever meant it. we all call each other shit names lol. all in love<3

who is your favorite foreign singer/musician?

rammstein. they have amazing music and their lyrics are usually pretty cool.

do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (ie abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)?

no. i enjoy people having different opinions. grow the fuck up and let people think differently.

do you edit any of your pictures? in what ways?

yes. i tend to do general things, like color correction and basic enhancement. sometimes i do more, particularly if it's legitimate photography of mine, in which case i tend to either bump up or desaturate the colors.

who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice?

colleen

what months were you and your siblings born in?

as far as immediate siblings, april and june, and i was born in february.

do you prefer prince or michael jackson?

jackson. i was never into prince.

do you like spring rolls?

yeah. ruby tuesday's has the best.

when was the last time you painted something?

it's been about a year.

name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting.

if they're old enough, i love to teach them how to play games from my childhood. if not, idk. i just in general don't like watching kids.

what kind of things do you post on tumblr?

rhett&link + markiplier stuff, mostly. but i also reblog some funny stuff, plus meerkat pictures.

what band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see?

none.

name the three biggest things that make up you.

passion, anxiety, dank memage. *finger guns*

what song is your ‘anthem’?

the song "that's what you get" by paramore reminds me most of myself, particularly the line "i drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating."

which movie villain do you find the most terrifying?

hmmm. a number. i find christabella laroache from the "silent hill" moving frightening (no, i'm not being biased) because she's like the queen example that religion can drive people insane. the joker is also horrifying for the simple fact he's legitimately insane.

do you think frogs/toads look disgusting?

no, they're cute.

what happens when you strongly disagree with someone?

if i voice my opinion, i get very scared that they'll get angry with me. if i don't, nothing. i just accept their opinion.

have you ever been tested for drugs?

yes, while i was at the er for suicide attempts/being suicidal.

do you own any fish? if so, are the docile or aggressive?

no.

if your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?

nope.

are you allergic to any insect bites?

no.

who is your favorite golden girl?

rose!!! (:

what is your favorite commercial of the moment?

it is legitimately always going to be the sexy mr. clean commercial lmao

do you have any famous relatives?

not relatives, but ancestors. we're related to queen victoria and william clark.

favorite album?

"black rain" by ozzy osbourne. i literally love every song on the album and it was my first voyage into heavy metal.

if your son said he was gay, how would you react?

i would be really really proud of him for trusting me with such a thing!!

would you date someone who played video games all weekend long?

so long he does his responsibilities, sure. let him do what he enjoys.

what are your top three video games of all time?

"silent hill 2," "amnesia: a machine for pigs," and then probably "silent hill 3."

what's your favorite care bear?

i remember i liked the one with a rainbow on its stomach.

state 8 facts about your body.

i'm 5'5''. just gonna say i'm bigger than i'm supposed to be. i have five piercings. my hair is naturally brown, but dyed red. my eyes are blue. the nail on both of my rings fingers is slightly deformed (my sisters' are, too). i have incredibly tiny toes. i wear glasses.

what was your kinkiest wet dream?

not a kinky person over here.

what song, no matter where you are or what you are doing, immediately takes you back to high school?

"all signs point to lauderdale" by a day to remember, DEFINITELY.

do you think you could join the army?

no way. i couldn't anyway because i'm mentally ill/have a suicidal history.

would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships?

nope.

do you have soft hands? do you like holding hands?

just about everyone who's ever touched my hands tells me they're soft. and yeah, so long they're not sweaty.

do you think having a sleepover with a guy is theoretically acceptable?

to me, it really depends on where you're sleeping.

have you ever failed a class?

only in college.

have you ever cried over a breakup?

only for over a year.

are you planning on dying your hair any time soon?

hopefully.

do you feel as though you're good at understanding/communicating with animals?

people have called me dr. doolittle since i was a very young kid for a reason lol

where would you like to spend your honeymoon?

i actually don't have big plans. i'd just love to spend a little while in the mountains of nc.

what's one thing you collected as a child:

stickers. my dresser at the time was legitimately covered.

what fictional animal do you wish was real?

oh my GOD, the fey dragons from wow. they are fucking adorable and so pure.

have you ever been told you’ve punched someone in your sleep?

lol yeah. sorry, jason.

have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

a few poems, yeah.

what is your favorite vampire book/movie/show?

i remember i loved the book "bite me"

do you actually know anyone who is homophobic?

yes.

did you ever read "the giver"? see the movie?

i read the book and loved it.

what was your first impression of your best friend?

i don't have a *best* friend, but i'll answer for the two closest to me. one, i don't really remember because we were super super young. the other, oh my god it was obvious we hated each other.

what is your profile pic a picture of?

i'mma just answer for like... all of them lol. main tumblr & youtube: link neal (but i'mma change yt to mark when i'm not being lazy); facebook&this blog: me; deviantart: an oc; km rp: mark fischbach; aaand i'm sure i'm forgetting some

have you ever been dumped really harshly?

very. he dumped me over facebook messenger like a coward, considering we'd been dating for 3 1/2 years.

has a tree ever fallen down on your house?

yes, during a hurricane. i was totally knocked out asleep so i didn't even hear it land directly above my head lol. then at our second house, a tree fell on our fuel tank, literally landing directly beside the cap, sooo we're lucky as fuck it didn't blow up.

would you ever get your hips pierced?

no. dermals sound really painful.

what if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?

i'm in a relationship right now and am happy that way.

what will your next piercing be?

my nose.

what do you regret doing at FAR too young?

i'd rather just not talk about it.

marvel or dc?

dc, maybe.

what are you most proud of?

how far i've come

what is your favorite otp?

that actually exists, mark&amy. hypothetically, rhett&link

who is your favorite disney villain?

scar, maybe? OH. maleficent, actually.

did you ever watch "phil of the future"?

not really. i was never a big fan.

are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy?

sexual activities, sure. sex itself, i wouldn't know.

how old were you when you first became sexually active?

again, mind you, i'm a virgin, but if you're talking about doing anything sexual, probably 16. maaaybe 17, but i'm pretty sure 16.

would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus?

i legitimately wanted a caiman for a while because apparently that's legal lol

where is the last place you’d want to be on halloween night?

not sure

describe your favorite comedy movie?

my favorite's "white chicks" omg

what, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body?

i've stated before i have some asexual traits, and part of that is found in the fact i find both genitalia legitimately disgusting.

what feelings come over you when you know you’re falling in love?

i smile a lot and get very shy around the person. looots of butterflies.

do you believe in ghosts, spirits, demons?

yes to all.

would you consider yourself creative and how wide would you say your imagination can stretch?

i honestly believe i'm creative as fuck. it goes pretty damn far.

if you could go into any video game world, what would it be and why?

"world of warcraft." because. like. just take me to azeroth, pls. god i am such a nerd.

hamburger or hot dog?

cheeseburgers, usually.

what's something nerdy about you?

i am legitimately made of nerdy shit

would you cheat on your significant other if it meant sleeping with your celebrity crush?

no, actually. probably surprising considered how obsessed i am with him lol

how old do you want to live to?

maybe like 75? 80? i don't want to get to the point of being old where i'm like pissing myself and need help with literally everything. that would be legitimate torture to me.

are you comfortable with your height?

sure.

have you ever slept on a couch with someone else, with whom?

yeah, jason.

do you think the legal drinking age should be changed?

not entirely. i do, however, believe 18-year-olds should be allowed to drink only if accompanied by an adult.

have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

i have hit rock bottom before.

have you ever been bitten by a snake?

no.

do you like train’s music?

i was a big fan way before they become mainstream thanks to mom.

how’s your relationship between you and your grandparents?

dad's mom is dead, mom's dad is dead, i don't even remember the last time i talked to my dad's dad (but he's suuuuper nice and supportive), and i'm pretty damn sure mom's mom doesn't like me. she's bitched me out before and has said some very rude things to me. i'm not particularly fond of her either, but i try.

has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you?

never had sex, but as for the only person i've ever been sex

ual

with, yes.

are both of your blood parents still in your life?

my parents are divorced so i don't really see my dad, but he's still a part of my life.

do you like your best friend’s boy/girlfriend?

colleen's husband is awesome and is quite a bit like myself, but sara's not in a relationship.

have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in?

yeah.

when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know?

no.

have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?

ha ha omg yeah

what are your parents’ middle names?

marie & john

in your opinion, which is more attractive: nice biceps or washboard abs?

biceps. really obnoxious abs aren't that appealing to me.

have you ever been hypnotized?

no. i don't believe in that jazz.

do you have any lockets with pictures inside?

no.

what would you consider to be the worst television channel out there?

mtv

do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? why?

no.

do you think age matters in friendship?

no. i have a friend who's 30.

how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?

i don't want kids. i'm fine with my nieces and nephews.

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

heather (silent hill), tyler is legitimately me (markiplier crew), chase (rhett&link crew)

what’s a popular movie you’ve never seen?

the entirety of "harry potter." and "lord of the rings."

has anyone ever gotten in your face completely bitching you out?

my grandma, yes.

does it annoy you when people use too many emoticons when they’re typing?

it can.

would you ever consider yourself over dramatic?

i can be, honestly.

would you consider yourself more indie or mainstream?

indie. essentially nothing about me is mainstream.

do you ever use cheats when you play video games?

no.

has anyone, besides yourself, considered you as a failure?

most likely.

did you go to pre-k?

yeah.

have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend?

not intentionally. then there's the fact we never actually dated.

do you regret it?

i regret ever being flirty with him, yes.

are you sorry?

it's only like my biggest regret, so.

who was your first celebrity crush?

probably jesse mccartney lol

would you smoke if it meant getting $30, or do you smoke anyways?

no.

what school teams or clubs are/were you a part of?

art honors society, honors society.

do you enjoy going through old pictures?

sometimes. other times, the nostalgia is too much.

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?

i honestly find dave mustaine of megadeth to be an awful singer, but somehow, i feel it adds to his charm??

do you tend to get clingy in relationships?

really, it depends on my mood and how comfortable i am with you. i legitimately demand space early in a relationship, and i romantically bond with people very slowly. once i actually feel attached to you, i can be sometimes. other times, i still need space.

have you ever dated outside of your race?

for less than a day, so you couldn't really call it "dating." he was hispanic.

when was the last time you received a massage?

never had one professionally, but jason and i would give each other a massage if we legitimately felt like we needed one.

would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs?

not like really big, but curvy.

what do you usually put in your omelets?

cheese and ham. man... now i really want an omelet lol

do you like kiwis?

YAAAAAS

do you want any piercings?

my nose will be next, then more in my ears. i also would like a belly button ring one day, but i'd only get it once i'm much smaller. absolutely no offense intended, but i don't think they look good on bigger people like me.

have you ever flipped off your mother or father?

no, but i said "fuck you" to my mother only a few months ago. that went over well.

have you ever bowled a strike?

probably.

which is worse: stale chips or flat soda?

stale chips. flat soda doesn't bother me too much.

have you ever questioned your sexuality?

not seriously. when i had ocd, added onto my anxiety, i got into this totally random repetitive thought cycle that i secretly bisexual. i am in no way bisexual, but it was a random question and then my mind obsessed over the possibility i was lying to myself.

what did you usually pack for lunch at school?

sandwiches.

favorite nonliving musician?

probably freddie mercury. wonderfully talented man.

biggest learning experience of your life?

holly hill

what’s your opinion on religion in schools?

i believe all of the more common religions should be electives. i know that's a bit unfair, but if we're being realistic, there's too many religions to fit and get instructors for all of them.

how do you decide whether to accept or not accept a friend request?

i have to know the person and like them to accept them.

do you have an unspeakable past regret?

unspeakable, no.

do you litter?

absolutely not.

do you feed your pets gourmet pet food?

no.

were you miserable in middle school?

i wouldn't say "miserable," but it was definitely the worst school years. it's when my anxiety and depression started, so.

how many people do you know who identify as transgender?

one that i'm certain of. i have another friend that went through a transgender phase.

what is your preferred painkiller?

advil

what color was your senior prom dress?

black

do you support transgenders being able to use the opposite restroom?

i promise, you don't want my opinion.

do you support the raising of the minimum wage?

yes. you can't live off of $7.25.

are you courageous?

not really, if i'm being honest.

could you ever forgive your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend?

nope.

do you live with your biological parents?

with my mom, yes.

do you have a snapchat?

no.

who is your hero?

mark <3

are you allergic to bees?

i wouldn't know. never been stung.

have you ever had stitches?

yes, in my chin.

did you graduate high school a virgin?

yeah.

would you ever date out of your own race?

yes.

can you describe your father in one word?

forgiving<3

what’s your favorite movie trilogy?

"shiloh," maybe

do you play any games on facebook?

no.

do you have a dog?

we have three.

do you have a step-parent?

yes, but i don't call her "mom" or anything.

do you like grasshoppers?

they actually kinda scare me, especially big ones lol

do you like laffy taffy?

yeah!

at concerts, do you buy merch?

only been to one, but i did. i'd like to think i always would.

what color is your underwear?

i don't wear underwear unless entirely necessary. increases your chances of a yeast infection and they're just uncomfortable.

what’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born?

it has an abandoned wizard of oz-themed park.

outside of school, have you ever used a thesaurus?

yes. i use it occasionally for writing.

do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings?

my mom has her ears pierced.

would you ever stalk a celebrity?

no. i have respect.

do your parents use social media? if so, which ones?

mom has facebook.

do you believe that there’s good in everybody?

nope.

person you used to have feelings for shows up at your house, you say:

"get the fuck away from my house" or something like that.

were your parents married when you were born?

yes.

have you ever thought about having sex?

yeah?

are you available?

no.

do you live in a big house?

no.

have you ever flown in a plane?

twice, but the first i don't remember.

do you like mangoes?

i've actually never had a real mango, but i think i'd like them. i love mango juice.

do you think you’re always right?

absolutely not. it's a ridiculous thing to think.

what’s your favorite season?

autumn.

best disney song?

dude let's be real, "be prepared" from tlk was fire

what’s the worst veggie?

BEANS.

do you like the color yellow?

nooo. it's one of my least favorites.

do you have any old calendars in your room?

i have two meerkat calendars from years ago that are part of my collection.

is it important to you to make a good impression on a bf/gf’s parents?

of course.

are you one of the people who think obama will be assassinated?

well, he obviously wasn't. if anyone's going to get assassinated, it'll be trump.

are you more sympathetic towards animals or humans?

animals, because they have no voice and are never truly do things out of ill intent.

when did your parents stop enforcing curfew?

i never really had a curfew.

how long does it take you in the shower?

not even 15 minutes. i've never understood how people can take such long showers. do your shit and get out.

ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? what about a lip piercing? nose piercing?

lip piercings, yes.

ever made out in a pool?

maybe, but i don't think so.

are you a virgin?

depends on how you define "virgin." but by my definition, yes.

be honest. have you had any dirty thoughts today?

well now that you mention it.

have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise?

no.

do you have trouble reading small fonts?

not usually. depends on what the font is.

are there any old [as in, no longer on television, not necessarily old in terms of years] television shows that you could happily sit through and re-watch the entire series?

"that '70s show"

of all the decisions you have thus far made in your life, which was the best and which was the worst?

best: going to holly hill. worst: letting jason be my everything.

if you were presented with a bowl of fruit with apples, oranges, bananas, and grapes in it - which fruit would you pick to eat?

grapes.

do you have any gay friends?

yes, and i love them.

are you gay yourself?

no, but i don't discriminate against those who are.

how many brothers do you have?

one half-brother.

do you like mexican food?

noooo.

what’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?

colleen: miracle, maxwell, maze. i couldn't even try to name all of sara's lol

do you need to shave?

no.

do you see yourself married in the next five years?

nope.

are you responsible?

if i'm being honest, no.

ever had a pregnancy scare?

no. well, because i have anxiety, i was once scared while i was with jason because i missed my period, despite the fact we never had actual sex. safe to say, i wasn't pregnant. it was my anxiety getting to me.

do you partake in gaming?

if i can, i do. however, my consoles are broken and the psu or graphics card on my gaming laptop is fried, so i haven't in like... six, seven months. it's been torture lol

who has your heart?

two internet celebrities that don't know i exist lmao

do you have an ex who still talks to you? do they want to be with you again?

no. tyler tried to, but he finally got that i wanted nothing to do with him.

ever get mad at something that happened years ago?

yep.

don’t you hate when people assume you’re jealous of somebody just because you dislike them?

y e s

do your legs get really itchy after shaving them?

YES. it's why i have a scar on my shin because i scratched the fuck out of it.

who was the last person you went out to eat with?

dad, his wife, sisters, and my sister's in-laws.

honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you?

probably not. i wouldn't want to anyway, since i'm like 95% sure i want to save 'til marriage.

have you ever kissed someone with a tattoo?

regrettably.

ever had a guy best friend?

yes.

how is your last ex doing?

i don't know and i don't care.

ever given your ALL to someone?

yes, and it was the wrong fucking choice.

how do you know the majority of the people you know?

school, the internet

have you ever had pink eye?

no, but my sister has.

do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on myspace/facebook?

nope.

how many band shirts do you own? which?

including those that don't fit anymore but i have saved, two for ozzy osbourne, two for metallica, otep, disturbed, asking alexandria, hollywood undead, iwrestledabearonce (which i no longer like), marilyn manson, two for alice cooper, and i am 100% positive i've had more. i've had a loooot.

is nutella amazing?

yaaaas queen

have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now?

yes. right side of my nose, left anti-tragus, right tragus, left cartilage. they all closed while i was in the hospital.

would you consider yourself “tough”?

emotionally.

do you have any twins/multiples in your family? are they identical or fraternal?

i don't think so?

who is the youngest person in your family that you know of?

my nephew, i think.

is your mom a good mom?

she tries her best and does so much for me.

who was your first friend?

brianna. we drifted apart in middle school.

would you consider yourself a shy person?

waaaay too shy.

are you on good terms with your last ex?

no.

would you rather be a toaster, or a calculator?

... lol wut

do you like beards, and if so, what is the ideal beard length?

no opinion.

did/do you play with barbies?

i did only when nicole wanted to.

what holidays do you decorate for?

halloween, christmas.

have you ever been high?

no. it just doesn't interest me. i don't like my mind being foggy. it's partially why i've never even been drunk.

do you believe in homosexuality?

yes?? it obviously exists, and there's nothing wrong with it??

do you believe in jesus?

yes. it's a historical fact that he existed, it's just a matter of if you believe in the stories of what he did or not.

who was the last person you kissed?

my boyfriend.

do you play minecraft?

i never have and i'm not interested in it.

do you like mozzarella sticks?

noooo. the only cheese i like is american.

do you listen to nickelback?

i have no shame in admitting that i like some of their songs.

do you watch pewdiepie?

i've been a fan since 2013, or maybe 2012. he's a funny guy. he's got a lot of drama around him, but i sincerely think he's entertaining. i've enjoyed watching him develop as a person and comedian.

do you like the water?

no. i literally never drink it unless i'm dehydrated.

do you like eating zebra cakes?

sure. been a long, long time since i've had one, though.

are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others?

write, draw.

have you ever felt as though you were unrecognizable to yourself?

yep.

when was the last time you took a taxi somewhere?

never.

what was the most embarrassing thing you’ve had to buy?

nothing really embarrassing.

have you ever mistaken a person’s gender?

yeah.

did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare?

yes. i have the immune system of a god.

without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes?

yes. my old english teacher literally stopped class once just to point out to the whole class that i had super long eyelashes lol. i loved her.

is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger?

yeah. tends to be rammstein or metallica.

do any of your close friends have children?

no.

were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?

no.

when was the last time you were at the hospital, and why?

in february for a suicide attempt.

"the breakfast club," yay or nay?

i couldn't get into it.

have you ever had a piercing get infected?

yes. second piercing in my right ear lobe.

do you get embarrassed easily?

just about everything embarrasses me, so.

is anybody in your family a carpenter?

no, but my dad was.

would you date someone 8 years older than you?

yeah, but that's like my limit. i'd have to

really

like someone who was nine years older, but i'm cool with eight.

would you rather date someone older than you or younger?

older. at my current age, i wouldn't date someone younger than me.

have you ever dated someone you met online?

no.

what’s something you have a very strong opinion about?

abortion, more than anything. i'm getting more heavily adamant about gay rights.

what gets you emotional?

recalling past struggles and people, seeing others suffer, people doing good in the world, etc.

do you often try to find common ground when in a political debate?

ugh. i just don't like political debates.

do you come across as cold and aloof at times?

i'm sure.

do you think the last person you kissed is a player?

no.

if an ex said they hated you, you say?

good for you.

could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?

no.

are you happy with yourself?

in certain aspects.

would you change yourself for the person you love?

to some degree. it depends.

has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once?

no one's ever punched me, thankfully.

do you think you were ever in love?

i can say without the slightest doubt in my mind that i was.

have you ever dated your friend’s ex?

no.

have you done bad things with your parents nearby?

define "bad things."

have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?

no, i'm not that low.

why do you believe/not believe in god?

because it just seems most logical to me. it just seems... highly, highly unlikely that the fucking stars aligned so perfectly as to make this all possible. but i perfectly respect people that think the opposite, so long they don't stomp on religion.

do you have any recurring dreams? what are they?

no.

what is your favorite baked good?

muffins, maybe.

do you have an addiction to anything?

i have an addictive personality, so, a number of things. nothing unhealthy, though.

during thunderstorms, how does your pet react?

teddy and bentley don't care, cali gets so terrified that she quakes and hides behind the couch.

are you addicted to any energy drinks?

no. energy drinks taste like poison to me.

do you like croutons in your salad?

noooo

when did you meet the last male you texted?

when i was born. he's my dad.

have you ever talked to a boyfriend about a previous ex-boyfriend?

yes. i was having a ptsd breakdown and needed to know if i could confide in him about some things.

can two living souls become one?

no.

has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?

no, but someone probably should lol. i recently realized that i say "fuck" waaay too much. jason's family defiled me. they swear like sailors and like everyone i know noticed my profanity got worse after dating jason for a while because i was with his family a lot and it rubbed off.

why aren’t you in love with your ex anymore?

because you don't love the person that almost caused you to kill yourself.

if your best friend “came out”, how would you feel?

colleen: i would go into legitimate shock since she's for traditional marriage and whatnot. sara: she's demisexual, so.

ever kissed someone you weren’t in a relationship with?

no.

have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper?

ew, no.

what was the last song you listened to?

"cake and sodomy" by marilyn manson

have you ever been on a ferris wheel that had swinging cages/gondolas? were you in the swinging cage/gondola or too chicken to go on it?

yeah. it was at a little festival so it was sketchy as fuck too lol. i went with jason, who's afraid of heights, so that was interesting.

do you want a small or big wedding?

small.

are your parents going to buy you a car?

probably not. i don't drive, anyway.

who’s your favorite rapper? and your favorite song by this rapper?

the only rapper i genuinely like is eminem, and i really like "space bound"

how about your favorite band? and your favorite song by this band?

oh brother... ozzy osbourne: "trap door," metallica: "whiskey in the jar," otep: uhhh "special pets" or "apex predator," a day to remember: "i'm made of wax, larry, what are you made of?," marilyn manson: "heart-shaped glasses," rammstein: "nebel" or "donaukinder," cradle of filth: probably their cover of "mr. crowley," korn: "here to stay"

do you hate your last name? do you want to get married so you can change it?

i don't like my last name, but i don't want to get married just so it'll change.

who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? why did you break up?

if you're talking about the first guy who ever had the title of "boyfriend," aaron. we were in the 7th grade and i just didn't like him like that.

do you drink coffee?

no, it's bitter as fuck and just overall gross.

what outfit makes you feel the most attractive?

you assume any outfit makes me attractive.

what do you think of people who always wear make-up?

whatever.

has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you?

i think so.

are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not?

no, i'm straight.

have you ever wanted to vlog?

no. too awkward for that shit.

who was the last person you held hands with?

ugh.

have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly?

what the fuck, no.

have you ever seen a live bat?

yeah. they're so cute.

would you ever let your child drop out of high school?

depends on the reason.

do you pronounce “aunt” like “want” or “ant”?

"ant"

would you ever let a girl/boy put you through hell and back?

never again.

have you watched porn alone before?

i don't watch porn to begin with.

what do you think about weed?

i think it smells fucking awful more than anything.

recommend a book:

i recommend "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo more than any book on the face of the planet. the writing style is very unique and a bit hard to understand sometimes, but the meaning behind it. it increased my pacifism by a mile.

do you like to cook? or do you always prefer take out?

i can't cook. i literally burned a hot dog to where it split in half in the microwave.

are pets allowed to be on the furniture in your house?

yes. they live here.

declawing cats: for or against?

against

what theory (serious or not) has always intrigued you?

if the moon landing was fake or not. i believe it was real, but there is some seriously compelling evidence that it was a studio trick. i'd highly recommend reading about it.

do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

about some things.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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