#i am a fraud and a clown

[prosperdemeter2]

Sometimes I can't help but think about the fact that I'm writing the entire Rewrite series when I've only watched the show all the way through once.

[crepe-of-wrath]

jjk spoilers 257

jjk spoilers 257

OK, so obviously JJK is taking a giant step toward the end of Sukuna, and that's only natural, that's how the plot was always ordained to go. It's OK: a character being dead does has never really bothered horny fanwriters and artists.

(this being said Hori better leave Aizawa alone...)

All I ask is that the hot, deep-voiced, four-armed pleasure bicycle that is Sukuna goes out in a way that is worthy of the skill and smarts he has shown so far. Gege, please don't nerf him into an idiot. He's many, many awful, war criminal things, but he's not an idiot.

[apomaro-mellow]

Wrong Number 3

(2:21 am) I just realized something (2:21 am) Ur a cooking teacher (2:22 am) Who can't fry a egg (2:23 am) You're a fraud 🫵

[7:29 am] I can fry an egg just fine I just can't make the yolks runny. It's too hard to time it right. And why are you up thinking about eggs at 2 am?

(7:47 am) I was up thinking about you at 2 am

Steve felt his stomach flip as he sipped his coffee and set his belongings down in his classroom. Eddie didn't play games. He always said exactly what he was thinking. And it drew Steve wild.

(7:48 am) And about how your students might clown on you for not being able to scramble an egg

[7:49] Aww you're worried about me?

(7:49 am) Kids can be little monsters (7:50 am) Actually how old are the little monsters you teach?

[7:51] Youngest is 6 and oldest is 14. Speaking of, they'll be arriving soon so...

(7:52 am) Godspeed you academic warrior

Eddie didn't typically text so late on weeknights. Not since learning Steve was a teacher. It was just that he truly HAD been up and thinking of him. Steve drove him crazy and he thought he was doing a good job keeping a lid on it. 2 am texts were what happened when the lid got loose but Steve didn't seem put off by it.

At about half past three, Steve called him. Eddie was glad he made that leap with his first call. The sound of Steve's voice never failed to warm him through. Eddie was in the middle of collecting axes for sharpening at the end of his shift.

"What's cookin' good lookin'?", Eddie greeted as he picked up.

"Today was good. Had a really riveting conversation about meatloaf versus pate with the kids", Steve said.

"Meatloaf rocks and pate is just cold meatloaf for rich people. End of discussion."

"Well, we talked about it for like fifteen minutes. Had a real interesting tangent on forcemeats in general."

Eddie paused. "Excuse me?"

"You'd be surprised at what kids are into. This one I taught last year was really into rice-"

"I need you to backtrack just a bit. 'Forcemeat'?"

"Yeah it's-oh grow up", Steve chided while shaking his head. He had just gotten home and was taking off his work clothes for something more comfortable. He thought about what Eddie might think he'd look nice in. "Not even my 12 year olds are this childish."

There was something about the way Steve talked about his students. Like they were his actual children. The conversation continued for a few minutes more before Steve suddenly had to hang up. Eddie tried not to think much of it, but it wasn't the first time that it had happened.

Steve ended the call just as Robin came into the apartment. She narrowed her eyes at him, then looked to the phone in his hand. Steve hid it behind his back and winced at practically telling on himself.

"You're hiding something."

"No I'm not."

"And now you're lying to me."

"No I'm not!"

Robin pounced and wrestled him for the phone. It wasn't a real fight of course. Steve could've pinned her in seconds but a part of him was tired of keeping the secret. And obviously, she knew how to unlock his phone.

"Who's Eddie?", she asked, sitting on his back triumphantly.

"A guy."

"Thank you, I had no idea it could be a man's name. You've been texting him aaaaaaa llllllllllllot."

"Are you reading them!? Robin!"

"Where did you meet him?", Robin said as she got up, continuing to read through their conversations.

"I um, technically, haven't. Yet."

Robin gave him an odd look and Steve spilled everything to her. To her credit, Robin listened to the full story before throwing one of the couch pillows at him.

"Stephen Elliott Harrington! Did no one teach you stranger danger? You just kept texting him? And calling? And I saw the pictures you sent. You know he can find out where we live? What if I came home to your skinless corpse??!"

It went on for a while like that and when Robin was finished, she collapsed onto the couch. Steve sat across from her on the coffee table. He waited for her to silently process it all.

"You think he's cute?"

"What I've seen of him, yeah."

Robin sighed. "I can't believe you're turning into the guy who has a internet girlfriend."

Steve rolled his eyes but then balked when she started to read through his messages again.

"And I can't believe you haven't even started flirting yet."

"I've been flirting with him the whole time!" Maybe not the whole time but-

"You're giving him Diet Steve. Why are you holding back?"

Steve shrugged, looking sheepish now. Now Robin was rolling her eyes.

"Steve, we're getting you a date."

"But he's-"

"A virtual one. Jesus is he an axe murderer?", Robin said as she looked to one of the texts.

"No, he just works with them. Axes! Not murderers."

--------------------------------

Eddie was about to sit down to a movie when his phone buzzed.

[5:17 pm] Thinking about you.

Oh. Now that was some text to get.

(5:18 pm) Oh yeah? (5:18 pm) What about me?

Steve looked to Robin. They were sitting cross-legged next to each other on his bed.

"What do I say?"

"Be honest, duh."

"If I'm honest I'm gonna talk about his hands."

Robin shook her hands at him like she wanted to wring his neck. Steve got the idea and decided to put himself out there.

[5:21 pm] Your hands. I think about them a lot actually

Eddie had not given his own hands much thought. But knowing that Steve admired them, he gave them a second look. He thought about them gripping Steve's thighs.

(5:23) You're gonna make me blush (5:24) What would you do with my hands Stevie?

Steve panicked and looked to Robin. "Are we sexting? Is he getting me to sext?"

"That's the idea, dingus. I said I was getting you a date. Now tell him what you want him to do."

"I don't know I'd....I'd want to..." Steve trailed off, looking at his phone while the fingers of his other hand brushed against his lips.

Robin stole the phone from him again and started typing. "'First...I'd suck..on them'."

"Robin!"

"Is that not what you want?"

Steve shrugged and Robin continued. "You've got me on the clock for five more minutes before I go out. You dictate, I'll type."

Steve hated how much he liked the idea. Especially when he heard the ping of Eddie's reply. "What did he say?"

Robin cleared her throat. "'Yeah? You wanna suck on them? I bet you got a beautiful mouth.' Oh he's good."

"Yeah", Steve breathed out. "Really good." He thought about Eddie sticking his fingers in and pressing down on his tongue, his rings tasting metallic and so nice.

"'I wanna choke on them'", Robin said out loud as she typed. "Is it too soon to call him Daddy?"

"What?!" That snapped Steve out of it.

"Oh come on. Tattoos, the hair, his job. He wants to be called Daddy."

"Robin don't call him Daddy."

"Pops?"

Steve took his phone from her and looked to Eddie's reply.

(5:30 pm) I'd only choke you if you were being bad (5:30 pm) Are you gonna be bad baby?

[5:31 pm] Maybe. I can be good too. So good.

(5:32 pm) Lemme call you baby wanna hear you

Steve dialed without hesitation just as Robin was leaving. Her work was done.

"Don't get murdered while I'm out!", she shouted just as Eddie picked up.

"Hey pretty baby", Eddie said.

"Hey. You said you wanted to hear me?"

"Yeah. I wanna hear you say those things with your own voice."

"Like how I wanna choke on your fingers? Among other things?"

Steve could hear Eddie let out a breath on the other end. The power he felt right now was intoxicating.

"Bet you'd look so good on your knees."

Steve hummed while pressing his fingertips to his lips. If Eddie asked, he'd suck on them. Let the wet noises fill his ears, let Eddie know how good he could be.

"Darlin' you went quiet."

"I'm thinking", Steve said, laying down on his bed. "I wanna show you, Eddie."

Eddie swallowed. This man would be the death of him. He'd nearly jerked off to just a picture of his fully clothed lower half. If he saw more...if he saw everything-

"Eddie! We've got a Code Red!"

"Jesus! Knock!"

Steve sat up quick at the shouting coming from Eddie's end. It sounded like someone had barged in.

"Eddie?"

"Sorry. Sorry Steve. I gotta handle something. Um, call you back? Please?"

"Eddie, I want to video call you."

"V..video...?"

"Yes. I wanna see you. Please."

"Yes. Yes, a thousand times-hold your horses! Uh, tomorrow? It's Saturday, so you're free, right? Can we make it a date?"

"A date", Steve nodded. "I'll see you then. I'll be thinking of you."

"And I'll be counting the seconds. 1-one thousand, 2-one thousand, 3-one th-ouch! Okay! Damn!"

Eddie hung up and Steve still had the phone to his ear, smiling. He had a video call date. He had a date with Eddie!

Shit what should he wear?

Part 5

Tag Team (CLOSED)

@anne-bennett-cosplayer @estrellami-1 @newtstabber @omletlove @ifyoudonlysurrender @rehfan @morganski-19 @corvidcantina @dragonmama76 @just-ladyme @tinyplanet95 @goodolefashionedloverboi @idoquitelikebread @kittydeadbones @manda-panda-monium @rhapsodyinalto @paintsplatteredandimperfect @keylime-green @ihavekidneys @samsoble @honorarybrit81 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aizawa-emma @deleataecount @thesuninyaface @fromapayphone @justmeinadaze @hbyrde36 @queenie-ofthe-void @resident-gay-bitch @bestwifehaver @dangdirtydemons @ellietheasexylibrarian @perseus-notjackson @pyrohonk @holysteddie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @mrsjellymunson @geekymagicalpotato @notaqueenakhaleesi

[sootrootdoot]

*IT 2 final battle scene if I was there*

losers: "Stupid clown - You're just a fraud, son of a bitch."

pennywise: "- Devourer of WORLDS!!"

losers: "Clown!!"

"You're just a clown!!"

pennywise: "I am a world eater!!"

me (walks out of darkness): ...

losers: ... pennywise: ...

me: "you're IN LOVE!! IN LOVE WITH ME!!!"

losers: "wtf!!" "stop he's coming back!!"

me: "you are now eater of this puSSY is what u are"

-it goes quiet-

-losers watch me pull pennywise behind a corner out of view-

losers: "do-should- do we stop her?-"

[george-mullner-mailbox]

MAYOR LEWIS?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING MAYOR LEWIE GOD DAMN FOOL TAX COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING MAYOR LEWIS. STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT MAYOR LEWIS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP UNDEREAR WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST MUSTACHE GET AWAY FROM ME.

if i wanted to get into heaven and yoba said mayor lewis waiting inside i would piss on yobas feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down. if i have to deal with mayor lewis speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive. i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects taxes but i am just mad because i am ANGY. he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of fraud and wanted the irl version ill go ham. BETTER have had a book make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him.

paypal.com/IFuckingHateMayorLewis

game’s not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his special shortsand I lost it. where the fuck is mayor lewis if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt.

crusty old man. ill punch lewis and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final purple shorts he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish. im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when lewis died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone, and everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if tax fraud accounts

[just-a-little-fan-1793]

*Fue slander occuring*

Mereoleona: *is on fire and warpath immediately*

Leopold: Who insulted my aniue?

Salamander: *hisses dangerousely* I haven't chosen him for nothing, you stupid human.

Asta: How dare you insult captain Fuegoleon like that, he is an amazing guy! Once I'm Wizard King, I'll make you take those words back!

Yuno: What pathetic people.

Noelle: He is one who aknowledge me early one, he is a great captain! Besides, I'm royalty, and captain Fuegoleon is too, so vanish you insects.

Nozel: Mercury Creation Magic: Silver Star of Execution!

Yami: A fraud and a clown, huh? Sounds to me like yer all insulting yourself. How about a Dimension Slash?

Yosuga: Are daring to insult my future brother-in-law?

Mimosa: I am someone nice, but I won't tolerate this!

Kirsch: How dare you! Your words and souls are so ugly, while my cousin is beautiful!

Crimson Lion Kings: We won't let you insult our captain, he is the best!

William: I've done him ugly. I deserve those insults, not Fuegoleon.

Charlotte: You are all pathetic. He is a respectable man, unlike you.

Dorothy: *cheery* Do you want to come into my Glamour World? I have some nightmares ready for you.

Jack: How about I slice you all and then we see who are the real frauds are.

Rill: I'm usually someone kind, but I might forget this side of me for the next five minutes.

Kaiser: Are you insulting him for being human?

Magna: How dare you insult one of the manliest and best fire magic users who is respected by captain Yami?

Luck: Wanna fight? Wanna fight? Wanna fight!

Zora: He is one of the only good royals in this world and you call him a fraud? *throws an army of stinkbugs*

Julius: Now take a moment and think a bit how your favourite characters would think about your slander of someone they all love and respect.

Fuegoleon: *quirks a brow and sips his wine*

[klbwriting]

Broken Prism

Chapter 13

Fandom: Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Toddxfemale!Reader

Warnings: violence, villain death, poison

Summary: Jason hears about something that puts YN in danger and springs into action

Notes: I found a flower that is poisonous and is used in blow darts for the flower in this chapter. I am by no means a botanist or a scientist so please forgive my ignorance if my information is way off. Also, realized I've been spelling Iceberg wrong for years because I, someone who writes a lot, cannot spell nor do I care about spellcheck apparently. I am a liar and a fraud. Very sorry. Thank you!

Jason sat in one of his safehouses in the Bowery cleaning his guns, again. He couldn't stop his mind running and the only things he could think to do was make sure all his weapons were pristine to keep his thoughts at least distracted by the task of not accidentally shooting himself. He didn't know what to do. It was the night Bruce said YN would be at the Iceberg Lounge getting information about Penguin. She was probably there right now. Should he go? He wanted to go, but he wasn't sure if it was safe. What if she got hurt because he showed up? What if she didn't want to see him? So many thoughts all against the soundtrack of a clown faced madman. He was just finishing his one of his sniper rifles when he got a call from his second in the Narrows. Mac was a reformed drug dealer who now just dealt exclusively in dirty money and he knew almost as much about Gotham as Jason did. He was great when the Red Hood needed to know underground information about some of the normally quieter villains. While he was watching Penguin's dealings at the moment, Mac was watching everyone else. He answered, making sure his voice modulating phone app was working.

"Ya?" he said. He heard someone laughing in the background and had to shake himself to drown out the constant Joker laugh that played in his mind. He had to concentrate.

"Hood, got some interesting information for you," Mac said, then fell silent, waiting to hear what he would get out of it. Jason almost told him he didn't care that night, but something made him curious. He didn't know why but he felt whatever this info was it was going to be life or death.

"You get a bonus for it my friend, 5k," he said. He heard a satisfied grunt from the other end of the phone and then the background was a little quieter as Mac went somewhere private.

"I heard that Poison Ivy is pissed at Penguin for trying to buy up that big ass park in New Gotham," he said. Jason remembered seeing about Penguin trying to make a deal with Bruce Wayne to buy the park that Bruce paid for and carefully curated as a rare flower sanctuary. You could go to any of a dozen greenhouses and see rare flowers from all over the world. It didn't surprise Jason that Ivy would want to keep that. "She's heading over to the Lounge right now, right when it's busiest, she wants to make an example of Penguin and anyone who supports him." Jason stilled, color draining from his face. "Hood?" Jason coughed, mind scrambling.

"Thanks Mac, you'll get that 5k tomorrow," he said before hanging up. He needed to get across town fast. If YN was still in the Lounge...if she...he stopped his mind from racing and looked at his gear. He grabbed his helmet, shoulder holster, and his jacket. The rest would take too long to get on, and he ran out of the safehouse, getting on his bike and breaking every speeding law in the city to get to the Lounge before it was too late.

You weren't sure why you stayed at the Iceberg Lounge after you had talked to your contact. You had what you needed. They had let you into a server room that doubled as an illegal organ theft cooler, taken your pictures and made copies of the digital ledgers that were kept there. If you were smart you would leave before someone either stole your purse or realized you weren't exactly dressed for clubbing and got suspicious. You had planned to sneak out amongst the crowd of dancers at the club, but something about the rough music, it seemed edged in anger that night, kept you on the floor. You danced by yourself, letting months of annoyance, worry, and stress out in a way you hadn't been able to. Sure you threw yourself into work once you realized that Jason wasn't coming back. You left his book on your nightstand, note still attached, but other than that you tried to push him from your mind, stop feeling his hand in yours or seeing that smile or hearing his laugh. You started just working. You got Two-Face caught, and even had given some interesting info on Joker that had him on the run again, you were doing so much that Jim, your friends, even Bruce, were starting to worry you were careening towards a cliff face and if you didn't stop you would fall over the edge. Maybe you would, but at this point you just wanted to feel like you were in control. Somewhere in the back of your mind you thought if you could get all the villains that Jason wanted off the streets, get him his territory, get rid of Joker, maybe he would come back. But right now the music was loud, your body was barely functional, and your mind was starting to feel like something good was coming, so you danced near the edge of the floor, ignoring anyone who came up to dance with you, sometimes sending them away with a glare. You wanted to be alone. That was a lie, you wanted to be with Jason, but you couldn't have that. It didn't help that Red Hood had become a costume just like Batman, people walked around the clubs and streets wearing helmets from costume shops, some of them getting into fights with the idiots donning the cowl. It was like a constant reminder.

A guy approached you with a drink, offering it to you. He said he had something cool for you to see. You rolled your eyes but when you saw the cheap looking way too red helmet you threw the drink in his face. He called you a cunt and walked off and you took a shaky breath. It was time to go. You turned and crashed headlong into the person behind you. You grunted, almost falling, but were caught by a familiar arm around your waist. Your eyes shot up and looked at the very real helmet of Red Hood. You noticed he lacked the body armor, instead just in his undershirt and his leather jacket. You glared and shoved him back.

"Fine, you can be pissed but you have to go now, I have to get you out of here," he said. You barely could understand him above the music but you heard and felt the urgency in him. He grabbed your hand and you allowed him to drag you to an emergency exit door. Just as you got to it the music cut out and the wall opposite crashed in and vines started growing through the opening. "Go!" Jason said, pushing you out the door and closing it behind him. You banged on it, trying to get it opened from it locked from the outside. You screamed for him. He didn't have his armor, what was he doing there without it? You ran to the front entrance where people were desperately trying to get out. The blacked out windows broke as people tried to escape that way. Anyway to get in was blocked by terrified party goers trying to get out. You could hear screaming and gunshots. Finally people started to slow and you found a broken window that no one was currently coming out of. You grabbed a discarded jacket in the alley and put it over the shards, climbing inside, staying to the outside of the room, hiding behind upended tables.

Jason was still facing off against Ivy, guns aimed for her as she towered above him, her precious plants holding her aloft. She seemed to be entertained by him. Several of Penguins men were dead around her and Penguin himself was probably locked away in his office or had already ran to avoid meeting the woman face to face.

"Red Hood, you impress me, why don't we become allies? You get your territory but make sure they leave my precious parks alone," she was saying. Her voice sounded sweet and for a moment you were almost drawn in by it. She must be pumping some kind of pheromone into the room. You saw Jason take a couple steps forward and you almost cried out, but didn't want to distract him. What was he doing?

"That doesn't sound like a half bad idea," he said, lowering his guns. Ivy lowered herself to the ground, walking over to him. He didn't raise his weapons, they hung loose, almost like he was in a trance. You took a breath, scared that maybe he was infected by whatever toxin she was pushing to him. You moved trying to get a better look and fell, making plenty of noise. Ivy looked over and snarled, a vine grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you out onto the floor. You grabbed your switchblade and cut the vine, making her scream. Jason just stood there, but you noticed the hold on his gun tighten again. Shit, he had been luring her in and you had ruined it, stupid. A large white flower appeared in front of you.

"Stay put until I'm finished with my new friend here and then I'll deal with you. I hope you like a slow death," Ivy snarled before turning back to Jason, smiling again. "Now, how about that deal?" She came even closer. "We can seal it with a kiss?" He stood still until she was within arm's reach, then his gun pointed to her head.

"How about no?" he said and fired point blank into her head. You dropped down as the flower fired a poison dart before dropping itself. The vines around you died as their matriarch dropped, eyes staring lifeless. You got up from the ground and turned to see Jason on the ground, the flower dart sticking out of Jason's arm. He grunted, falling to his knees.

"Red Hood!" you yelled, running over, surprised you had kept yourself from calling his actual name. He was on his knees, breathing deep. He pulled the dart out and looked around. He grabbed a stack of napkins and wrapped the dart in them.

"I need...Alfred..." he got out, voice rasping even through the modulator. "Ivy...poison..." You nodded.

"I have a car out back," you said, sliding his arm around your shoulder and standing, staggering a little. Even without his armor he was solid muscle and that wasn't light. "You need to help me or I'm going to fall." He took a haggard breath and stood on his own, still leaning to you. "How much time do we have?"

"Twenty minutes maybe," he said. He let out an agonized cry. You reached over and grabbed his gun from him, keeping it ready in case anybody gave you trouble as you walked into the alley. You saw the line of parked cars belonging to the currently dead Penguin henchmen and picked the closest one, putting Jason in the back. You climbed in and got to hot wiring it. "Thought you said you had a car?"

"I do, I have any car I want," you said. "Now shut up and rest." Your voice was severe because even in this horrible situation you were still mad at him. He disappears for six months, comes back to get you safely away from an attack by Poison Ivy and then goes and gets poisoned? How dare he put you through this roller coaster of emotions. You got the car going and then, safety be damned, sped to Wayne manor. You crashed right through the gate and stopped by the door. Alfred was out the door, gun in his hand, dropping it only when he saw it was you.

"Miss YN, what..." he started until you threw open the back door and dragged the now unconscious Jason from the back. Alfred jumped into action, grabbing him with you and pulling him into the front hall. He locked the door and turned to you.

"What happened?" he asked as you removed Jason's helmet. He looked terrible, pale, lips barely having any pink to them. You told Alfred about the attack, about the poison. "What did the flower look like?" You were glad it had been aimed at you first, in your fear you had memorized its features.

"It was white, with red like tendrils and yellow inside," you said, closing your eyes to remember better. You knew that wasn't how it worked but right now you weren't thinking straight seeing Jason like this. You needed to stop seeing him before you lost control entirely. Alfred nodded.

"Her modified Medusa Flower, find the point of contact" he mumbled, getting up and running towards the kitchen where he kept the antidotes to several of Ivy's poisons. Luckily this was a common poison she used, having modified the flower to actually shoot the poison and the effects to be quick. He got the syringe ready, going to back and knelt down. You had found the puncture and torn off his sleeve so Alfred could get to it, displaying the frightening spread of the black poison through his veins. He injected the antidote directly into the wound. You wondered how long it would take to help him. Alfred frowned when he didn't open his eyes. "Sit him up." You did as asked, sitting him up. Alfred pulled his shirt up and over his head and you set him down, seeing poison. It was still moving, but much slower. "Do you have the dart?"

"Yes," you went through his pockets, careful not to sting yourself. You handed Alfred the dart and he frowned.

"She has continued modifying her poisons," he grumbled. "What I gave him has slowed the poison, let me get into the lab with Master Tim, we will be able to fix this. You nodded. Alfred touched a pin on his lapel and not even five minutes passed before Bruce, Dick, and Tim were all there in the hallway, asking a million questions. Bruce picked up Jason and you followed him upstairs to his old bedroom as Alfred and Tim went down to the cave. Dick followed, arm going around you as you finally started to cry.

[ask-the-shichibukai]

OPLA AU: do you remember that masterpiece of live action history we saw in ep 5 when Captain Usopp entertained Mihawk with his tales for Oda knows how long in the Baratie? That's my totally-ignoring-the-timeline take on that.

Karaibari island (Crossguild HQ), 5 a.m, Crocodile's office:

Mihawk (carrying Usopp tied from head to toe on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes): Crocodile, I request you to enlist this young man in our ranks as the main source of my the crew's entertainment. Unlike the clown, he's actually funny.

Crocodile: Oh, really? So it's true what they say about you going around adopting idiots like a duck-mom. That brat you brought here even looks and sounds like a drunk moron, so why should I oblige your request?

Mihawk: Because if you don't I'll find another way to relieve my boredom that is not your precious organization. And then, just out of spite, I'll go free Doflamingo from Impel Dawn and send him your way.

Crocodile (still severely sleep deprived): You can't keep on using this threat to get me to agree to your whims forever, you bastard! (a glare contest and awkward silence later) Okay strawhat's brat, you can start tomorrow! But forget about any form of payment until you'll have thoroughly proven to me that you are not a fraud!

Usopp (still drunk): Ehh where am I? Why am I tied? Who are you guys?? Heeeeelp!!!

[strawberryonfire]

Hazbin Hotel Incorrect Quotes

Angel: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!

Charlie: Ok, Angel, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Angel: 1917.

Charlie: ...You're ready.

---

Cherri: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit, though, fire is fascinating.

---

Angel: Onion rings are vegetable doughnuts.

Vaggie, used to Angel being dumb: Sure...

Angel: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Vaggie: Okay?

Angel: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Vaggie:

Angel: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Vaggie: Jesus, that one is a little--

Charlie, interested: No, no, Angel, keep going.

---

Alastor: I am literally evil incarnate.

Alastor: I'm not actually, I just enjoy being evil.

Alastor: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I'm making a conscious effort.

---

Niffty: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.

Husk: Heck.

Niffty: You're on thin fucking ice.

Niffty: Oh no-

---

Angel to Sir Pentious: Me? I'm the bees knees, but you? You're just...

Cherri: Cockroach ankles!

Angel: Ye- uh, what?

---

Sir Pentious: I hope no one lowkey hatessss me.

Sir Pentious: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Sir Pentious: Go big or go home.

---

Niffty: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew, and dragonfruit.

Niffty: Fruits that do live up to their name?

Niffty: Orange.

---

Vaggie: Could you be anymore annoying?

Angel: Yes.

---

Arackniss: I'm not doing too well.

Molly: What wrong?

Arackniss: I have this headache that comes and goes.

*Angel enters the room*

Arackniss: There it is again.

---

Arackniss: *cocks gun* Go to bed. This is no longer a request, this is now a threat.

---

Molly, out grocery hopping: *takes a free sample twice*

Molly: Robbery and fraud. I am a rebel.

---

Vaggie: I karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

---

Husk: *gets a text* Oh, It's Alastor.

Niffty, excitedly and jumping up and down: Did he get the stuff?

Husk: Yeah, he says he got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Niffty: Wow! Where'd he find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Husk: You wanted fake blood?

Niffty:

Husk: I'll call Al.

---

Charlie: Anybody got some crayons so I can color in my P.H.D?

---

Charlie, putting a loving hand on Vaggie's shoulder: Vaggie, sweetie, please don't stay up all night. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

---

Arackniss: Could you all at least try to fucking see this from my perspective?

Cherri: *crouches down*

Molly: *kneels down*

Angel: *sits on floor*

Arackniss:

Arackniss: I hate all of you.

---

Angel: We might have gotten in a bar room brawl back in the city.

Arackniss: Well, that was entirely predictable.

Angel: One if them punched a gang member.

Arackniss: Was it Pops?

Angel: Molly, actually.

Arackniss: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

---

Angel, singing the tune to I Kissed A Girl: I killed a guy, and I like it-

Arackniss, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

Molly, also singing: -The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Henroin, appalled: Call the eoxrcist.

---

Vaggie: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Charlie: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Angel: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Charlie, learn to listen.

Niffty: What if it bites itself and I die?

Alastor: That’s voodoo.

Charlie: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Angel: That’s correlation, not causation.

Niffty: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Angel: That’s kinky.

Husk: Oh my God.

[blacklegsanjiii]

Admin most beloved you cannot just drop that you’ve got an idea for tragic acesan in mind for the Oisín au and not elaborate . I’m so deeply curious now … can we know what you’ve got cooking on the stove even if it doesn’t end up necessarily “canon” to the AU due to the poll

- Wine

Wine, it's only me on this blog. I am HERE to absolutely destroy and it's tragic but not in the way you think. Also I had this typed and ready on milanote go me.

It'd really suck for Mihawk in Oisin!Sanji to stare at Ace up on the execution platform and just see the the swirling blue he knows belongs to his son on the arm of the man about to die. A man he's been enlisted to ensure the execution of goes swiftly and easily. He's hoping he's wrong of course, maybe he's just not close enough to see the finer details but he knows in his gut he's wrong. He's seriously debating on turning on the government when that clown guy Shanks talked about when they were younger is in front of him and Mihawk can't cut him. Both because of his fruit and he splits apart faster than Mihawk can swing so if he can just focus on this instead of fighting Vista or someone maybe it'll be fine?

Nope Vista is coming at him and calling him a fraud. The clown is gone. Fuck. Vista notices Mihawk's not really trying, he's acting it but he's not. When Vista cocks a brow Mihawk just says 'they're soulmates' and Vista is confused for all of twenty seconds before he nods with a grin and shoves Mihawk off to fight someone else.

Then Ace is free and trying running with Luffy. Right, Luffy said something earlier and it was a shock. What was it? Mihawk's been too focused on the blue going up Ace's arm, alright? He's busy! Then Whitebeard goes down and Ace is turning to fight. Akainu is going after Luffy, his son's captain and Mihawk is moving before he can think and Akainu's arm is gone as Ace is infront of his brother and Akainu's hand is on the ground, Ace's back burnt to hell and Mihawk thinks he can see his spine and well.

Mihawk had a promise to his soulmate after all. So he's staring at the Admiral who's cursing and glaring at him as Luffy lets out a massive wave of haki and most fall. Jinbei has already taken the boys and ran at some point, another yell of pain as Akainu loses his other hand and there's another yell of pain. Mihawk's attention failing him at the moment as more haki invades the war and he stumbles. Akainu is taken away as Shanks announces the end of the war. Mihawk walks away towards the red head and follows him and the clown onto a stolen navy ship.

Shanks is poking him and asking what's going on in that head of his when he comes back around and swats at the man. Shanks just laughs at him and says he's never seen him like that before and Mihawk says that Ace is his son's soulmate. Shanks just stares at him as Buggy looks at him with puzzlement and says he thought the kid died when the posters stopped updating. Mihawk explains that was around the time he took the title therefore he made a deal with the government that he would become a warlord if they stopped updating his son's bounty. Not that it matters much now seeing as what he's done to Akainu.

Mihawk is just genuinely worried that his son will end up like him. He's exhausted too. He can imagine Oisín's soulmark flickering in and out of color or just fading and he's not happy with that image in his head. He just doesn't know and can't know, and that's the worst part.

[myastrouniverse]

⭐️

My name is Dr. Kerri M. Hoseney, PhD Philosophy, amongst other awards and PhDs⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I AM still ALIVE despite YOU murdering lying fucking frauds whores and thieves⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I can’t ‘magickly’ stop zionist apes from destroying the world⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🤡

People with responsibility NEED to ACT RESPONSIBLE⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don’t see ANYONE doing ANYTHING but ACTING LIKE ASS CLOWNS⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Humanity is being HERDED like COWS TO SLAUGHTER over the EGOs of PRIVILEGED 🦍💩🔥⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

WAKE UP because the FALSE SHAMBALLA IS HUMANITY LOSING THEIR SOUL TO PSYCHOPATHS⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

You understand my ‘esoteric’ job has been to PURIFY the lineages that have been darkened or destroyed by IGNORANCE⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Since I will be defending MYSELF in court tomorrow, I WANT the courts to UNDERSTAND: IN ORDER TO SERVE JUSTICE, YOU MUST GO OVER EVERY ASPECT OF THE CASE OF THE HUMAN BEING. IF A JS OR JDS HIDES OR DELIBERATELY CONCEALED OR CONCEALS ANY ASPECT OF THE CASE FROM THE CLIENT OR LAW OFFICIALS THAT JS OR JDS IS IN VIOLATION OF JUSTICE AND THE LAW AND MUST BE DISBARRED FOR THEIR UNJUST CONDUCT⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Again, my name is: Dr. Kerri M. Hoseney, PhD. Philosophy, ‘Zen and The Art of Hula-Hooping.’

👌JUST between US(A)USA⭐️

You CAN/MAY herd cats by attaching STRINGS of YARN AROUND the HULA-HOOP⭐️At the END of EACH string of YARN U TIE a BALL with CATNIP INSIDE. You CAN/MAY only MOVE with the HULA-HOOP going in the RIGHT DIRECTION⭐️LEFT ACTIONS ONLY MOVE BACKWARDS⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Again, my name is: Dr. Kerri M. Hoseney, PhD. Philosophy, ‘Zen and The Art of Hula-Hooping.’

AMONGST OTHER PENDING PhDs⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

⭐️JESUS IS THE ARCHTYPE FOR THE HOLY SACRIFICIAL ACT TO THE WILL OF GOD⭐️ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE JESUS CHRIST IS A HERETIC AND A FALSE PROPHET⭐️IT IS THE SAME THING AS ME SAYING, I AM EMILY DICKINSON, JUST BECAUSE I RESONATE WITH A LONELY OLD MADE WHO SITS AROUND AND WRITES POETRY⭐️I AM NOT FUCKING EMILY DICKINSON⭐️WHY FO YOU FUCK HEADS CONSTANTLY CONFUSE THE ABSTRACT WITH PHYSICAL?⭐️Whatever…⭐️

⭐️What they did is put a curse on Ole Abe Lincoln, to BREAK the curse that was on Every (whatever) Number of Presidents, that were to be assinated⭐️Placed by the Native Americans(?) or Masons(?) or both(?)⭐️That is why Ronald Reagan didn’t die⭐️So when the curse was placed on Ole Abe Lincoln, they could begin corrupting our government, without the ‘American spirit’ of his interference⭐️Now apparently I have interfered⭐️It is only my hypothesis⭐️For now⭐️The eruption of MT SAINT HELENS was a RESPONSE to that HEX⭐️DO NOT MESS WITH A MOUNTAIN⭐️

[noisester]

@thebananwithaplan: "You think you're REAL funny, huh?" Oh. Dancing Banana jumpscare. "First you tried to ruin myshow many times, and now all of a sudden you decided to copy MY show, and also copy a lot of MY show's gimmicks? You don't even look good in an ORANGE BOWTIE!!" He's going to assume that this Noise is probably the one behind this blatant 'infringement' that he can't even fully act on because he'd be a hypocrite in everybody's eyes. Chat, he doesn't know...

...Huh, lots of commotion in NTV today.

If the Dancing Banana were to walk closer, he'd find a group of Noiseys staring up at a large TV in the corner as if in a state of blankness, while the remaining ones were hastily pressing buttons left and right. Bossing around was of course The Noise, who... looks like he's about to explode? His cape and whiskers are dramatically frazzled as his gloved fists clench from what appeared to be some short dude in a costume putting Peppino's co-worker through the wringer. You'd think Noise would revel at the sight of Walter; the man who made Noisette upset; suffering, but-- no. There were no ounces of joy in that smile of his, shockingly.

Who was that? What WAS that thing? This guy was going out of his way to snatch his name AND his TV signals-- D. Did Pizzahead make a clone of him? That couldn't be it, right? Although Noise often joked about being his favourite employee, that miserable clown made it abundantly clear he wouldn't be making clones of him anytime soon after all the blatant disrespect the hellion threw at him-- doesn't help that the doppelganger had no traces of goop anywhere, either...

His thoughts were immediately cut short by the storming banana (odd phrase to type out of context). The thing about these sorts of interactions is that were meant to be comedic. Like, haha, the yellow hosts are fighting. You could hear a faint crack from Noise's neck as he turned his head 180 degrees to confront the banana.

"I AM real funny though, thank you very much."

...Long pause. Despite the quick quip, that toothy smile on his face is twitching at its sides... I don't think he's having a silly goofy time, gu--

"OPEN YOUR EYES, DUMBASS. I AIN'T AIRING, AND THAT FRAUD ON-SCREEN AIN'T ME!" He literally hollers at him. "HOWSABOUT YOU GET YER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT INSTEAD OF CRYING OVER YOUR TV SHOW, WOAG?"

[junnieverse]

Hi! quick question:

I came across a TikTok that posted exact same story as your ‘IT girl lover’ work. Are you @/rlcswo on TikTok?

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNFAkURy/

[ my post ] and [ their tiktok post ]

No I am not, this is the first time I'm hearing about this but I do know that this user is problematic.

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention, I appreciate it so much.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that some pathetic clown is going around stealing not only mine but so many other amazing writers hard work and acting as if it's all their own yet I also find it kinda amusing that they lack such basic creativity and braincells to think on their own that they have to take other people's original stuff.

Even worse is having to see how their posts get a significant amount of views FROM OUR OWN THOUGHTS WE PUT OUT FOR READERS!!

It's discouraging to say the least, because we can't do much other than reporting and trying to get rid of this person when all I've wanted to do as a writer was to express myself and to share it with you guys but now someone is taking advantage of that?

I'm trying so hard to be respectful but if @/rlcswo is reading this, you're actually such a fucking uncreative loser, enjoy whatever this is whilst you still can, bitches get stitches at the end of the day, hope someone calls your clown ass out one day, may just be me or someone else but have a great day fraud :)

[spade-riddles]

Hey all,

I have so many asks about MH that I delete for two reasons:

1) I have made myself clear that I believe this will all make sense eventually. She is doing something very personal right now (slowly coming out). I am going to sit back and observe.

2) I never like to post about beards or whatever MH is in this case. The reason the guys do this is for publicity. This blog has a large reach and I am not interested in promoting these clowns 🤡 for free. Notice how I only call the Grammy fraud by the name of Toe? I refuse to give his real name free PR. Same with Jerk/criminal. He wants to be famous. I refuse to promote him.

True story- I had never heard of MH or his band until Taylor and the KissGate saga. I had not heard of him since until this era. I would rather not be reminded of him.

So this blog is not the one to go to if you want to chat about how awful he is. I am aware. I just want to focus on the positives of her journey and their end game. 👯‍♀️

[italianldcurtain]

THE REVEAL!!!!!!!!! IT IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the man behind the slaughter, the man behind the shenanigans.....

It'sa me!!!!

In truth, this was originally supposed to be one (1) joke, a parody of a parody (Italian Elon Musk) to clown on @ldcurtain in the spirit of clowning on Curtain (I do not run that or any of the related blogs--I do run @ccontraire and @drgarrison + her clones, ccontraire was to "take credit" for this and drgarrison was just for the silly snapcube clone joke, as well as @mrbenedict which I haven't really done anything with) and it quickly spiralled into many other Italian accounts because I don't know when to quit the bit. I will beat that dead Italian horse forever.

The accounts include: @italianjeffers-headofsecurity (the one that started the slippery slope: essentially sophie was like "is there an italian jeepers?" and i was like [five minutes of vigorous offscreen construction noises] [returns panting and covered in dust and paint] "yes of course there is what do you take me for") @italiansq @italianjacksonandjillson @italianmartinacrowe (both made after being asked about the executives and being so tired of frantically constructing italians--i'd hoped someone would search to see if the executives existed and see the hint of "i'm just one little guy") @italiannicholasbenedict (mostly for the comedy of him not speaking in the silly terrible bad accent like everyone else) @italian-nerissaeurusbenedict (literally because what else could i say to "i don't care who's doing this as long as they make more!" but also italianize her?) and several others meant as one-off jokes (@italiandrgarrison @italianseymourtheorphanagecat @italianthe-italian-benedictmafia @italian-mvshortcut @italian-bi-demon-ium) and @themysteriousitaliansociety just to make a list.

Admittedly, this all spiralled so wildly out of control that while I did create all of these accounts, icons and all, myself (imagine several browsers and windows both incognito and normal open, several election fraud accounts being utilized--no new accounts, hence why no follows from italians--that were from me, anyway) I did have a few conspirators, by which I mean people I told before I realized my identity was going to be a wild secret. I was a few Italians in, but there wasn't a fandom-wide game of Italian Werewolf happening. None of these conspirators had all the pieces (and I didn't either! I have my suspicions about who "the mafia" is, but they weren't me--and the RP blogs for curtain, sq, the sister, etc., weren't me either) although Milk did create a lovely video for me. I'm afraid Nobody and Sophie were not involved, at least in the Italian empire I accidentally created. My apologies for shamelessly accusing Sophie (among others) so much, and for the accidental attention this put on our dear Odysseus. (I think having a "two villains talking ominously over chess but the conversation is the real strategy game" conversation with someone but I had to do a bad Mario impression the whole time was the highlight of my day.)

Also, I hope everyone following all of these accounts knows I don't have the energy to keep this joke forever. They are probably going to go inactive unless I randomly get a funny little idea. Sorry about that. In my defense, this was originally supposed to be one (1) silly.

Some other notes:

I am literally in class right now. At this second. My god, was this badly timed.

I am not a FNAF fan, actually, I just think "the man behind the slaughter" is a very funny phrase. But I do know a bit about it if that helps, due to an intense phase someone I know went through + watching videos about it when bored. I don't know why I'm clarifying this.

I am a Doctor Who fan though. Lol.

All of this to say: largely, I acted alone. I created... so many sideblogs and icons. You were almost right! However, some people may or may not have known about my shenanigans, my tomfuckery, my chicanery, if you will. And Milk was certainly chief among them. Sometimes the answer is, in fact, the obvious one--the glass onion if you will--because I'm a mischievous little guy and I commit to a bit. (A non fandom friend, upon being informed of this, said something along the lines of "You silly little catboy. You are a force of chaos" which is the most powerful thing anyone's ever said to me. Thank you so much.)

I hope everyone had fun with this unintentional game of fandom-wide Italian Werewolf. Thank you all, and good night! [DISAPPEARS IN CLOUD OF PASTA SCENTED GLITTER AND SMOKE]

[mngwa5]

Life is Strange EDH/Commander headcanons: True Colors Edition

AN: Not a lot of canon stretching for this one really. I can totally see Steph trying to organize a Haven commander pod and roping Alex and a reluctant Ryan into the fray.

Alex Chen:

Has an incredibly cheese filled Jodah, Archmage list. While she and Steph snicker about the the thematic relevance of Jodah's emphasis on colors, what really attracts Alex is the fact that she can throw around huge, game-swinging spells at a steep, steep discount.

Absolutely uses her powers to read the other players at the table. If you feel sad and internally lament being mana-screwed, get ready to be targeted. If you're excited and getting ready to swing out for lethal or are on the verge of assembling your combo, don't be surprised if Alex suddenly starts politicking with the table to put you down.

On the topic of her own emotions, she will either be the picture of stoicism or a salty little gremlin who lets grudges run deep throughout the night. It really depends on the group, but God forbid if Ryan even swing at her with something as innocuous as a 2/2 squirrel token, you're all in for it.

Doesn't really like creature centric decks and when she does, they're usually being played in service of some other goal. Instead she values high interaction but utterly bullshit lists like Yarok landfall and Prosper tax fraud treasure, much to Steph's chagrin.

Ryan Lucan:

Kinda like Nathan in the previous installment of this series, Ryan is another case of someone who would really let the in-universe color philosophy affect their out of game choice of commander.

He LOVES the entire concept behind mono-green and endures Steph clowning on him for it because he knows that Birthing Pod and Craterhoof Behemoth do not give a fuck what she has to say when it comes time to shuffle up.

Really enjoys playing ramp heavy stompy decks like Selvala. The more creatures he can shit out, the better.

You already know he has a bird tribal deck too. He started out with Derevi, but splurged immediately and wheeled it into a Falco Spara, Pactweaver list once New Capenna dropped because it combines his love of avian stuff and cheating creatures out.

Alex constantly harangues him about how he never optimizes, but to be honest, it's already pretty serviceable at the Haven Commander Night's power level. There's just something about removing a counter off Soulcatcher and in order to flash out Aven Mindcensor that soothes Ryan's soul.

Steph Gingrich:

Oh Steph, where do we begin? Nerd queen supreme over here definitely makes routine trips into Denver to LGSs to pick up singles or just oogle fetch lands and art prints.

Isn't actually all that into Magic because she prefers more narrative driven modes of play like TTRPGs and LARPing, but will def throw down especially if it means she could school Ryan and Alex.

Once the AFR set dropped, Steph was suddenly ALL over organizing commander nights.

Once she got everyone together, she proceeded to debut a hum-dinger of a Captain N'ghathrod list much to the chagrin of pretty much fucking everybody in attendance (especially Ryan. Poor guy probably had to watch HER play more of his deck than he did lol).

I am 100% convinced every move she makes in-game would just be a subtle way of trying to flirt with Alex, which is both a great boon to those who can figure that out and a curse when it comes to making deals.