#i am actually pumped that a novel was able to capture me so much

[bbakashinji]

Is there anything more horrifying than an evil you cannot stop? Is there anything more soul crushing than doing anything you could with the tools you had, and still not be able to prevent tragedy? To see that the one thing that could have maybe changed the course of events arrived too late?

I think today's entries were so powerful because while yes, we are talking about a literal vampire, I think we are all familiar with some kind of violent and destructive force, and we are all familiar with feeling powerless in the face of it

Man, I need to lie down

[introvertguide]

The African Queen (1951); AFI #65

The next movie from the AFI list is sadly the last of the group starring the great Humphrey Bogart, The African Queen (1951). It was directed by John Huston and is adapted from a novel by C.S. Forester. It was again the story of some people who are down on their luck and then placed into a highly volatile situation. Huston really liked his down-on-their-luck characters from novels and Bogart was his favorite actor to play the part. It was a successful venture because they were able to tempt the great Katharine Hepburn to join in and create quite a film. The trio of Huston, Hepburn, and Bogart earned quite a few positive mentions for the story and the acting including four Academy Award nomination, but only Bogart walked away with a trophy for Best Actor. The film was partly shot on location in Africa and the cast and crew really had to suffer for their art, so it is a shame that they did not earn more awards. I want to talk more about the the story and the performance, but it would be best to go through the details of the movie first, so...

SPOILER WARNING!!! I DO NOT THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM THE YOUNGER GENERATIONS KNOW MUCH ABOUT THIS STORY SO BE WARNED THAT I AM ABOUT TO SPOIL THE WHOLE THING!!! PLEASE TURN BACK NOW AND WATCH THE FILM FIRST AND THEN COME BACK TO LEARN MORE!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Samuel Sayer (Robert Morley) and his sister Rose (Katharine Hepburn) are British Methodist missionaries in the village of Kungdu in German East Africa at the beginning of the First World War in August 1914. The scene is set with the pair singing poorly with a large group of confused looking Indigenous Africans. Notice how sick that Rose looks and know that Katharine Hepburn was extremely sick with dysentery during this entire church scene. Their post and supplies are delivered by a small steam launch named the African Queen, helmed by the rough-and-ready Canadian mechanic Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart), whose coarse behavior they stiffly tolerate. The native Africans seem to like Charlie quite a bit.

The brother and sister invite Mr. Allnut to tea and his stomach gurgles horribly the whole time. It becomes apparent that the missionaries are being much better cared for then Mr. Allnut and he does not eat well.

When Charlie warns the Sayers that war has broken out between Germany and Britain, they choose to remain in Kungdu, only to witness Schutztruppe (German colonial troops) burn down the village and herd the villagers away to be pressed into service. When Samuel protests, he is struck by an officer, and soon becomes delirious with fever and dies shortly afterward. I am not exactly sure what he dies from, but he gives the most impassioned death bed speech that explains how the two got to Africa. It is kind of funny because Samuel basically says that he was not very smart and would became a missionary and bring along his sister, who was not attractive enough to be married. Charlie returns later the same day after finding his mine destroyed by the Germans and is being pursued for his supplies, which include gelignite. He helps Rose bury her brother, and they set off in the African Queen.

While sailing down river and planning their escape, Charlie mentions to Rose that the British are unable to attack the Germans due to the presence of a large gunboat, the Louisa, patrolling a large lake downriver. Rose comes up with a plan to convert the African Queen into a torpedo boat and sink the Louisa. The whole idea seems a little far fetched because Rose literally looks at the scrap and boxes around her and decides they should create a Kamikaze boat. Charlie points out that navigating the Ulanga River to get to the lake would be suicidal: they would have to pass a German fort and negotiate several dangerous rapids. But Rose is insistent and eventually persuades him to go along with the plan.

Later, Charlie and Rose continue down the river until they find a nice place to stop. The both go overboard to take a nice bath in the river. It is a little awkward when Rose can't get back in the boat wearing only her undergarments. That night, there is a sudden rain storm and Charlie tries to join Rose in her make shift room on the boat and she kicks him out. She soon realizes that he is escaping the rain and allows him in, even propping up an umbrella by his head so he does not get wet.

The next day, the pair runs into some light rapids and Charlie navigates through them thinking the experience will cause Rose to give up on her plan. She actually becomes quite excited and asks if she could steer the next time. Further on down the river, the two stop and Charlie becomes inebriated and drunkenly insults Rose and her plan, for which she retaliates by dumping his entire supply of gin into the river. The relationship has hit a low point and Rose does not wish to talk with Charlie because he is trying to back out of her plan. They finally reconcile when Charlie agrees to continue going down the river to try and blow up the Louisa.

Charlie allows Rose to navigate the river by rudder while he tends the engine, and she is still emboldened after they got through the first set of rapids with minimal flooding in the boat. When they pass the German fortress, the soldiers begin shooting at them, damaging the boiler. Fortunately, the soldiers are unable to cause more severe damage to the boat due to having the sun in their eyes. Charlie manages to reattach a pressure hose just as they are about to enter the second set of rapids. The boat rolls and pitches as it goes down the rapids, leading to more severe flooding on the deck, but they manage to make it through. It must be pointed out that the obvious model boat going down the rapids is adorable.

While celebrating their success, the two find themselves in an embrace and kiss. Embarrassed, they break off, but eventually succumb to their feelings and fall in love. There is some obvious innuendo when Rose is using the bilge pump and Charlie tells her to slow down or she will wear herself out. There is some awkward conversation about flowers and it is then implied that there might have been some physical activity between the two. Rose has been calling her boat mate Mr. Allnut this entire time and Charlie has been calling her Miss, but the two are now on a first name basis. Be prepared to hear "Charlie" and "Rosie" a lot through the end of the film.

As they continue down the river, Charlie entertains Rose with his animal impressions when they are suddenly faced with very severe rapids and a waterfall. This third set of rapids damages the propeller shaft. Rigging up a primitive forge on shore, Charlie straightens the shaft, welds a new blade onto the prop, and they are off again.

There are multiple comparisons to the river and to the growing relationship between the new couple. The river has rapids when the two are arguing. The river changes its name part way down similar to the way the two switch to pet names instead of the more formal monikers they had been using. I am a little confused at the comparison at this point because they are sailing along happily with the new prop and shaft and decide to drop anchor in the reeds. They are immediately attacked by bugs and realize that they can't stop and must anchor in the current or keep going.

Charlie realizes that there is a lot of long grass at the mouth of the river and, as they continue, the going gets more and more difficult. All appears lost when the boat becomes mired in the mud and dense reeds. They try to tow the boat through the muck, only to have Charlie come out of the water covered with leeches. With no supplies left and short of potable water, Rose and a feverish Charlie pass out, both accepting they will soon die. Rose says a quiet prayer. As they sleep, exhausted and beaten, torrential rains far upstream gently raise the river's level and float the African Queen off of the mud and into the lake. Once on the lake, they narrowly avoid being spotted by the Louisa.

Over the next two days, Charlie and Rose convert some oxygen cylinders into torpedoes using gelignite and improvised detonators. They push the torpedoes through holes cut in the bow of the African Queen as improvised spar torpedoes. There is an argument between the two over whether or not the ramming is a two person job, but they decide they will succeed or fail together. The Louisa returns and Charlie and Rose steam the African Queen out onto the lake in darkness, intending to set her on a collision course. A strong storm strikes which causes water to pour into the African Queen through the torpedo holes. Eventually the African Queen capsizes, throwing them both into the water. Charlie loses sight of Rose in the storm.

Charlie is captured and taken aboard the Louisa, where he is interrogated. Believing that Rose has drowned, he makes no attempt to defend himself against accusations of spying and the German captain sentences him to death by hanging. Rose is found and captured and brought aboard the ship just after Charlie's sentence is pronounced. The captain questions her, and Rose proudly confesses the plot to sink the Louisa, deciding they have nothing to lose. The captain sentences her to be executed with Charlie, both as British spies. Charlie asks the German captain to marry them before they are executed. The captain agrees, and after a brief marriage ceremony, there is an explosion and the Louisa quickly capsizes. The ship has struck the overturned submerged hull of the African Queen and detonated the torpedoes. The newly married couple happily swim to safety.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I enjoyed this movie much more than I did the first time watching the film. On first view, the relationships between the two characters felt very rushed to me and the early technicolor image overlays were not very good. I thought that the model boat in the rapids was laughable and the music was distracting. I have definitely changed my tune and focused on the great aspects of the film: the story, the acting, and the adventure.

This is not normally the order I approach my reviews, but I am going to point out the flaws first so people know what to expect. It can be charming if you know what is coming. Let's start with the score. It is pleasant and adventurous, but it is entirely inappropriate in a lot of scenes. The most dramatically tense music comes when Rose watches Charlie pouring himself a gin. Not when alligators are dropping in the water or when they are going through rapids or even when they are going to be hanged. The score is also very frenetic because it tries (and fails) to mimic the emotions of the characters on screen and the situation is constantly changing. This is definitely one of the poorest soundtracks on the AFI list.

Referring back to the characters changing moods a lot, the tone is all over the place. It goes from lightly romantic to laughing to deathly peril to anger at a moments notice. The adventure aspect is fun and the characters are lovable, but the tone is all over the place. The acting is good and the story is great so the only person left to blame is the director. I think Jon Huston tried to get too much of the source material in the movie and made it a little too compact. It was early days of book adaptations so I can't really blame him, but it is still noticeable. It does add to the fun of the movie because you truly have no clue as to what will happen next.

Finally, as far as gripes, the special effects are extremely dated. The overlays of the actors to a scene behind them do not match well at all and are covered with a green particle effect. It is definitely technology that has been much improved upon over the last 70 years. Also, a little model boat was used to mimic the rapids and the little dolls that are supposed to represent our characters are adorable. It is so pathetic that it is endearing, kind of like an ugly sweater at the holidays or a meal bordering on poisonous baked by children on Mother's Day. You just smile big, say thank, and remember it always for blackmail in the future.

Now for the good. I thought that Katharine Hepburn did a great job as the middle aged maid who had never really experienced love and found it in a creaky old steamboat captain. I also thought that Humphrey Bogart really pulled off the old mechanic that could make anything work in those trying conditions and yet still be bullied by missionaries. The other actors were merely serviceable, but Hepburn and Bogart were the whole story and took up 90% of the screen time. They leads were good and deserved their Oscar nominations. It was especially impressive as they were on location in Africa for some of the filming and were dealing with insects and sickness. It was also a very active part for two middle-aged actors and I think they pulled it off convincingly.

I think what really makes the story is how the river is a constantly changed metaphor for the grow relationship of Charlie and Rosie. There are turbulent times that are shown by rapids. There are smooth times shown by glassy water. There are places that seem nice and turn out to be awful similar to some of the conversation. All this winding build-up of a relationship leads to "taking the plunge" into marriage as the adventure takes them through a winding river until they are plunged into the lake after being married on the Louisa. It is one big amazing metaphor and I love it.

So should this movie be on the AFI top 100? Yes, but not towards the top. It is fun, but there are a lot of bad aspects that could ruin the experience if you are not in the right mindset. It is ranked as the lowest Bogart film on the list and that seems fair. It deserves to be on the list and the ranking is appropriate. Would I recommend it? Sure would. I have seen it twice this week along with a one hour special that goes behind the scenes and I am still not tired of it. The pace is fast, but that makes it an easy watch. There is implied physical relations and gross man vs. wild moments, but it was made during the Hays Code and appropriate for any aged viewer. A great movie and I am glad that I gave it a second chance.

[nitsuki-baka]

Exit game - Secret Santa ‘17

Happy Christmas to all of you, but especially to @j-and-a. This fic is for you! Hope you like it. You can also find it on ao3. 

Hugs and kisses from your secret santa Nikki ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Exit game

If someone were to ask Kaneki to list the things that he wanted the least to happen, he would have made one and underlined this specific situation. From all the punishments that he had taken for the past week, scratch that, for his whole life, this one topped all of them.

Kaneki had woken up from what he only could remember as a state of paralysation, but at the same time he was sitting on the first row of experiencing the damage being done on Tokyo. After his awakening, he wasn’t given a lot of time to get a glimpse of the people applauding for him, to see Hinami, or Tsukiyama, or Banjou, or… or even Touka for the last time before being taken away with force by the CCG, getting locked up and being instructed to wait for his trial.

A week later, Kaneki was sentenced to death.

It wasn’t like he had expected to be treated any different after becoming a mass murderer. No alleviations for him for being called a hero. Those who still called him a hero had to wait for some more years before their opinion would be worth anything. It didn’t matter anyway, because at the end of the day, Kaneki still had hundreds of innocent deaths to his name. All he deserved was to die and rot away.

Yet, Kaneki did not wish to die, despite of having begged for the sweet salvation in the past. But to be able to slump down on a couch, get lost in one of his novels with a steaming mug of coffee and forget about time. To only get back to earth when his eyes started to hurt without the sunlight helping him recognising the words. To go to bed and think about his plans for the upcoming day, maybe having a drink with Hinami or something silly like that. To be able to do that all for one, last time, that would make Kaneki stop wishing for death. That was all he ever fought for. A quiet day.

He hated it that he had messed that up for himself so badly. Kaneki hated himself for it.

Only, apparently death wasn’t the worst that he could get. If the CCG had let him choose between being chained down a chair and torturing him until his body would give up on him or this, Kaneki would have chosen the first one.

It started with the door of his private room opening for the time since he had learned about his fate.

‘’It’s visiting hour. And this time you actually got visitors.’’

Kaneki sat up from where he was lying on the bed, his heart stopping when he recognised the faces of the people standing in the doorway. The little Saiko and Urie were blocking part of the light that slipped through the doorway.

This was the worst. Being seen as the ugly truth that he was and had tried so hard to hide, that was. Kaneki wanted to run away, crawl into the deepest hole and never have to look at anyone’s face again.

‘’Maman…’’

Yet, as much as he tried, he just couldn’t ignore her crying for recognition. Kaneki looked up, straight into the eyes of the shaking girl who was doing her best to stand tall. He was so proud of her. Of them, for still coming here, even if it was to beat him to pulp.

‘’You’re gonna leave us for real now?’’

The old Sasaki was twitching to take his kids in his arms and comfort them. Kaneki wasn’t sure if he was still the right person to do so. But he still did.

His offered embrace was taken, Saiko folding her short arms around Kaneki, breaking the act of braveness. It took a little effort to put a hand on her head and stroke her hair softly. ‘’Yes, I am.’’ A high pitched sob came out.

‘’I don’t wanna lose my maman.’’

It hurt. That was why living was a curse. That was why this was the worst. Even if he was on the edge of the end, he was still living and breathing now. Still hurting over little girls and other people that he didn’t want to say goodbye to. He was shaking with her when he felt Urie’s presence coming closer.

‘’I know.’’

The rest of the visit was short-lived, and Kaneki was alone all over again, or so he thought.

‘’Are the troops safe?’’

‘’Yes. We are working on finding residence for everyone to reduce the chance of riots breaking out in public.’’

‘’No one is set for trial?’’

‘’No, that was one of the conditions your people asked for before agreeing on working together with the CCG.’’

‘’That’s… good.’’

‘’Sure it is.’’

Kaneki’s second round of visitors brought less of a heart attack, yet had the same shock level. He didn’t understand how Amon Koutarou could have gotten permission to visit (it were probably the same people who had kept the ’We will not slaughter all the ghouls after this’ promise alive), and Mado Akira, well, they didn’t part with the best words, did they?

It felt almost comical to Kaneki. The whole visit was about practical stuff: News from the outside world, how Tokyo was working on getting back to the normal life, how the people he had promised to protect had ended up, and more non-romantic stuff. To be working when he was living his last moments, it made Kaneki laugh. How to take life by its throat at the last moment and show it that you had not given up yet.  

Amon lead most of the conversation, Akira only let her voice out once. Somewhere at the end, when the two were ready to leave, she looked Kaneki into the eye as she would do with Sasaki. Everyone who had visited yet had come to see Sasaki, not Kaneki. How disappointed must they have been.

‘’Are you going to be okay?’’

She was letting go of her own student. Akira was telling him to walk on his own from now on.

Kaneki huffed out a small sound that could have been a laugh.

‘’Surely I will.’’

There was nothing else then counting down the days until he would be met with his death day. How could he be counting down? He hadn’t seen daylight ever since being locked up, so there was no way the Kaneki could keep track on the days passing. Maybe he was counting minutes, but then how would he remember how many times he had reached sixty to start all over again? It was at least better then thinking about all the people that couldn’t come here and all the goodbyes he still had to say. Soon, it would be

It was the night before his death penalty, that Kaneki was woken up from his daze by immense vibrations that shook his whole room. An earthquake would have been the most logical assumption, but it was not the case.

Kaneki was scared. The whole world was falling apart, and he would be buried under all of it before he was even dead. He wanted to scream for help, but stopped himself when he thought about how everyone had probably already left the building if this was an earthquake. Also, who would save someone who had a dead flag on his name?

It took Kaneki some seconds to realise it was awfully quiet again. Relief relaxed his muscles. He wasn’t dead yet. It was over, yet Kaneki couldn’t help but crawl to the nearest corner and make himself as small as possible.

He cried when the second shock came with a horrible boom. That made Kaneki think for a moment. Did earthquakes sound like… explosions? Could a epicentre change that quickly, because he was so sure that this one felt so much closer than the last one.

Then he heard the sound of doors being kicked open. Kaneki turned towards his door and light seeped into his room together with a lot of dust. Kaneki almost smiled because he thought he was saved, because the idea that people would still want to save him from whatever was happening made him feel utter happiness.

‘’Kaneki.’’

A voice that sounded like it had been recorded with a device that had had its best time was constantly calling his name. Kaneki wanted to say something back, but he was interrupted by another explosion, this time more far away.

‘’Kaneki, where are you?’’

Clouds piled up in the room, and it felt suffocating. It was enough for Kaneki to push himself up and follow the sound of the voice. He had nothing to lose.

His orientation was a mess. Kaneki didn’t know where he was and the person had stopped calling. He felt a sob pushing up his throat, and he let it. Crying out of pure frustration, he stayed where he was. More ugly noises escaped his mouth. He was all alone again, with the ground shaking and a hellish peep in his ears that gave him a headache. Kaneki was only able to handle so many incentives.

Two arms hooked under Kaneki’s armpits before he was able to hit the ground. Kaneki let himself lean into the stranger’s support, looking up to try to give the person a face. He startled a bit by how close the other was.

The lower half was covered with a scarf, but Kaneki could see the rest of the face all to clearly. Kaneki gave an easy smile. He must be dead by now.

‘’Kaneki, can you hear me?’’

Very slowly, the arms went around his back to lift him up. Another explosion went off.

‘’Shit. We’re behind schedule, Kaneki. We’ve got to go, like, right now.’’

Kaneki was being pulled towards what was probably the doorway. He wasn’t trying to resist. Not when he was being dragged down the dark halls or when they were climbing stairs to get to the outside world. He was dead and he knew for sure, because that was the only place possible where he could ever see Hide again.

The terrain was as good as empty, except for two young boys who ran over the hardened roads to the exit. Hiding in the shadows, keeping low when having to go over open areas, it made Kaneki twitch in excitement. To him, this was like a careless act of playing Capture the flag. Adrenaline pumping through his veins for no reason, and the worst thing that could happen was if they got caught and tagged before they could reach their goal.

No one was in their way. Hide took a hold of Kaneki’s hand when the latter began to slow down. They sped up and went through the gates, turned left and made their way out of the facility’s terrain around the walls of the Cochlea. They ran and ran, industrial landscapes changing into meadows and mountains as far as they could see, asphalt giving place to uneven muddy roads. They kept running until Kaneki started to stumble over his own feet.

Hide stopped and turned around to give Kaneki some extra support and not fall down. ‘’Ho there buddy. I think we took too much from you.’’ He let Kaneki go again and shrugged off his backpack, squatting down and zipping the bag open as he put it in front of him.

Kaneki stared down as Hide was searching for something in that bag. The blonde made a sound of victory when he took out some black hoodie, jeans, and shoes. He handed them over to Kaneki with an apologizing look. ‘’I honestly forgot to take socks with me. Sorry man.’’

Taking what was given to him, Kaneki turned around when Hide did it too. He was thankful for the soft temperature that April brought. It was somewhere around midnight, and the sky was clear from clouds, but the air didn’t feel uncomfortably cold on his naked skin while he changed from his clothes he wore in Cochlea to a more casual wear.

‘’Keep the hoodie on your head. You’re like a lighthouse without.’’ Hide stood close as he carefully put the hood over Kaneki’s head, teasingly pulling it over his eyes at the end. He took his bag from the ground and with Kaneki behind him, they continued their walk.

It was mostly silent, neither spoke and the only sound that could be heard was the wind whistling every now and then. Kaneki didn’t feel the need to ask where they were going or if there was even a specific destination. It would break the vibe of not having sweat over anything. Kaneki felt better than he had in years, maybe the best he ever had. Just strolling behind his friend, not worrying about consequences that would come with doing nothing.

After a while, the unending road was disturbed by train rails crossing it. Hide stopped walking. Kaneki did the same. ‘’We can rest a bit ‘till the our train comes, and that’s in about…’’ Kaneki couldn’t see it clearly since Hide wasn’t facing him, but he got the idea that he was checking his watch, ’’twelve minutes.’’ Hide plumped down and sat down in the soil. Kaneki did the same, leaving a small distance between them.

‘’So we’re taking a train.’’ There was no station to be seen, so did that mean they were going to jump one? It wasn’t a first time, but this one got a different context than the previous one. It excited Kaneki.

‘’Yes. It will bring us to the Yokohama harbour.’’ They had been there once, for their school trip somewhere in middle school if Kaneki remembered correctly. The weather was bad and Hide had almost fallen into the water when he thought it was a good idea to walk close to the edge of the boulevard while gusts of wind were being harsh. To think back to a day in his past and not feeling down afterwards felt freeing in a way.

‘’Why Yokohama?’’ If that scarf wasn’t in the way, Kaneki would have seen Hide’s smile for the first time in years. The way his eyes crinkled that Kaneki knew so well gave it away. ‘’Because that’s the place that will take us to the land of opportunity.’’

With widened eyes, Kaneki stared at his friend. ‘’America?’’ The nod made it official, and like so many firsts that this night had brought, Kaneki started to laugh. The idea was so silly, something he would never have considered taking seriously if this were real.

‘’Uh, Kaneki?’’ Hide gave him a confused look, so when Kaneki was able to breath normally again, he took Hide’s uncertainties away. He smiled the biggest he could. ‘’Yes, let’s go.’’

Hide sighed out of relief. He must have thought Kaneki was making fun of his idea. ‘’You know, I thought I would have to put much more effort into convincing you to come along, but you’re acting abnormally calm.’’ Hide stood up again. It must almost be time to go. ‘’Did they drug you or somethin’?’’

‘’Ha, no. It just doesn’t matter anymore.’’ Kaneki gazed at the stars. Absorbing, they were, just like the boy in front of him. Kaneki adored him and these moments he could still spend with him. ‘’Since I’m already dead.’’

Eased smiles turned into frowns. ‘’What… what are you saying Kaneki?’’ Everything changed so fast that Kaneki couldn’t understand. The tension that was so unwelcome, yet so familiar, returned. ‘’I’m dead.’’

Panic came next when Hide looked him straight into the eye. It must be his mind playing games with him. ‘’I died back at Cochlea when there was an earthquake, or something,’’ Kaneki stuttered, ‘’I’m dead and because of that I’m able to see you, Hide.’’

‘’Okay Kaneki, don’t go nuts on me, but this all,’’ Hide spread his arms and gestured around him, ‘’is real, and you have to believe it. I’m still alive, and so are you.’’

‘’No… it can’t be.’’ But the whole idea of being dead seemed so much more illogical now. He had experienced almost-death situations in the past, and those felt like dreams. He wasn’t feeling that at all.

But if he was still alive, then that meant that he had just escaped his death, was a fugitive, and that Hide who was standing before him wasn’t dead. Kaneki wasn’t dead and that meant that he would still have to continue living.

‘’Hide, that’s not true.’’ Kaneki shook his head violently as his voice broke together with himself. ‘’You’re lying. You’re dead because I killed you!’’ He couldn’t handle it anymore. Every single time when he thought he was done, all his problems would come back and beat him up all over again.

Hide took his wrists before Kaneki could rip out his hair. He made him look up, and to Kaneki’s most ugly nightmares, Hide had taken off his scarf.

‘’Kaneki, please calm down and listen to me.’’ Hide tried to quiet Kaneki’s erratic breathing, with little success. ‘’You didn’t kill me, or hurt me against my will. I chose this myself and I knew the consequences.’’ He took a hold of Kaneki’s face, smiled as much as his face could manage.

‘’Now the most important thing is to get on that train and get the hell out of here.’’ Kaneki pulled himself out of Hide’s hold. ‘’I’m not going on that train, Hide.’’ Stunned, Hide looked at him as if he just had gone mad.

‘’I don’t- How fucking stubborn can you be?’’

The sound of an incoming train, somewhere far away. Hide was losing his nerve. Kaneki made no movements. ‘’If I’m still walking around in this poisonous world, then I should go back to my people since I left them, and they need me-‘’

‘’The last thing they need now is you, Kaneki.’’

‘’That’s not true!’’ Hide was wrong. All Kaneki had were the ghouls, to defend them and to protect them.

‘’You’ll only be a danger since you’re face is everywhere over Tokyo.’’

‘’But where else can I go if they don’t even want me?!’’ Kaneki sobbed. Hide was being so cruel, because he knew that the other was pointing out the truth, but who had given him the right to shove it into his face?

It was probably he himself begging for a hit.

Hide drastically turned around, seeing a freight train appearing. ‘’You can be with me, Ken. Just get on that fucking train!’’

The plan to escape this world seemed farther away than earlier. ‘’How are you so sure that this all is going to work out Hide?!’’ Kaneki tried to shout over the noise the train made. It made him sound futile.

Hide started running with the train, hopping on and holding himself steady by grabbing the handle of the door. He opened it after fumbling with the lock. Kaneki saw Hide disappear into the boxcar, and he began to run. He didn’t want to left alone.

When he reached the car, Hide held out his hand, yet Kaneki hesitated. There was something holding him back. Unsureness. Hide saw it too.

‘’I don’t know if this will work out. Hell, we could be dead in a week, but why not giving it a try?’’

Hide was not wholly convinced of himself either, and that was the push Kaneki needed to take Hide’s hand.

‘’Fuck you Hide.’’ Kaneki pushed himself away from Hide when he got into the car. He felt played, forced to open up and spill everything. Hide wasn’t fair.

Hide said nothing back, walked to the opposite side from Kaneki, sat down against the wall and watched Kaneki cry out.

After some time, Kaneki got tired from all the mixed feelings making a mess of his head. He let himself fall back against the wall, his legs spread before him. He noticed Hide staring at him, and he looked back, but chose not to jab at the other.

Anger was making his heart burst, together with relief and worry. He hated Hide for having control over him, even when he had disappeared on Kaneki and played dead. It was the same for his relief, as Hide was still alive, which meant he never killed his friend. He had still hurt him, the nasty scarred tissue that Hide had desperately trying to hide under his mask told him that. And still, Hide was willing to get into unknown waters with him. That was a bliss.

Kaneki was only scared to death that, now Hide wasn’t dead, there was a chance to see him get hurt all over again. Was it by himself or someone else, it didn’t matter.

‘’Did Kosaka-san make it out alive?’’ Kaneki didn’t know if Hide was familiar with the name, but it wasn’t like he was asking him directly. Just filling the silence with his thoughts.

‘’She wasn’t where she should have been the last time someone checked. Also, while you were in full attack, apparently Kuroiwa ran for it. At least that’s what I’ve heard.’’ Hide broke their stare-session and looked outside. The moon gave off a white light that shined through the opening of the car.

One good thing Kaneki was able to do. Touka must be happy if she knew about it. Now Kaneki wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to her.

‘’Hey,’’ Hide interrupted him before Kaneki could get too deep into his thoughts, ‘’You might hate me, and I can totally get that, but let’s start all over again and… be friends. Let’s forget for a bit.’’

Kaneki saw that Hide was tired too. He must’ve left behind people too to do this. People he cared about. People Kaneki didn’t know because they’re the ones who comforted Hide when he himself wasn’t there to do it. Stupid to think that he was the only one suffering under this.

‘’Yes, let’s forget.’’

The tension subsided, and Kaneki felt himself relax against the wall, eyelids fluttering close. Hide didn’t let him, though.

‘’I don’t know about you, but it’s getting a little cold now we’re not walking.’’ Kaneki lifted up his head to see Hide gazing at a corner.

Let’s forget, is what Hide was heavily implying here. He wanted the hatred gone and a new beginning to settle in.

Without much more thought after that, Kaneki crawled up to the other side, where Hide was. He lay himself on Hide’s chest and both of them lower down, using the backpack as a pillow. Their legs tangled and Hide gave a satisfied sigh.

Kaneki didn’t close his eyes just yet. He looked outside and thought about the people who were going further away by the passing second.

‘’Do you think everyone will be alright?’’

‘’They are now somewhere on the line where they have the chance to unite both sides, so I think they’ll do fine.’’

‘’And if they don’t, will I be at fault?’’

Hide laughed. ‘’No one will blame you for setting up a whole revolution. You were the start of it. It’s not a problem to hand the work over and let someone else finish it.’’

An arm folded around his shoulders. ‘’Have some faith, Ken.’’

‘’I really tried Hide,’’ Kaneki sobbed, ‘’I tried so hard to make everyone happy. But did I do enough?’’ Hide’s thumb brushed away his tears, and Kaneki knew he was still listening. ‘’Was I able to make them happy? Will I make them sad by leaving them?’’ Nonetheless, he was leaving his wife and child. Would Touka tell their kid that his or her father was a coward who had made untruthful promises?

‘’That’s a tough one.’’ Hide took a deep breath, fingers gliding through Kaneki’s hair. ‘’I think they will be sad for some time, but if they hear that you were able to beat death again, I’m sure they’ll be proud of it.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’Really.’’

If someone were to ask Kaneki to list the things that he wanted the least to happen, he would have made one and underlined this specific situation. From all the punishments that he had taken, this one was the worst. The guilt poisoning his body, leaving behind what could have been a family he never had, friends he had made through the years, kids he had let go. Yet, it was also a new beginning, which was also something Kaneki never had.

He still had a lot of questions for Hide, but for now he let it be. No problems would get in their way when they were heading towards Yokohama, and there, both of them would start anew.  

It was terrifying, and Kaneki hated Hide for pulling him with him. It was a new adventure, and how scary the unknown it could be, Kaneki knew that his friend would be beside him. That’s what made him love Hide.

fin

[slamsams-blog]

Casino Royale - #24WeeksofBond

The year was 2006, 4 years after what would be the great Pierce Brosnan’s final performance as James Bond.  We (nor Pierce) knew it was going to be his last.  After Die Another Day, Pierce actually publicly stated that he was going to return for another film...but Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli had different plans.  Plans to shake things up a bit, start anew, wipe the slate clean, or whatever euphemism you can think of.  The Bond series was starting to grow stale...the cheesy lines, the over sexualized female characters, the over the top gadgets, the aging leading man.  It was all running against a new action series that would change the way Bond would be presented, that series was “The Bourne Identity”.  

The Bourne films had somewhat of a stripped down package when it came to spectacle.  They were able to capture the intensity and thrill of an action film without the use of CGI or big dramatic action scenes.  Instead, the camera was hand held to give it a jittery cinematic quality, the fights were hard hitting and raw, the characters were dirty and unpolished, and the viewers loved it.  It was fresh - unlike James Bond.  Things needed to change, the market was shifting, the storytelling was getting more real and up close.  The call was made to unceremoniously dump Pierce Brosnan for a young upstart named Daniel Craig. 

Little was known about this man, he had just come off an independent action film called Layer Cake and had starred in big box office hits such as Steven Spielbergs “Munich” and Sam Mendez’s “Road to Perdition”.  Still, he wasn’t widely known, the only thing people knew about him was that he was...gasp...BLONDE!  Man oh man, did people raise a stink about this.  Bond is supposed to have jet black hair, this is BULLS*#%!  I didn’t care at the time, but I just had no idea who the man was, and the reveal to me was a bit anti-climactic.  But they sure made all the nay sayers eat their words as Daniel Craig has widely been considered the best Bond of all time.  He has certainly become my favorite.

The plan was to start from square one, retell the story of Bond.  How did Bond get to be 007?  The only way they could retell the story of Bond, was to go back to the very first novel written by Ian Fleming, a novel that had only been filmed as a farce decades prior.  It was time to make Casino Royale as it should be told.  I was pretty pumped about this, I always knew of Casino Royale but only as a movie that wasn’t to be taken seriously.  It was nice to finally be introduced to the story and to be able to erase whatever legacy Casino Royale had before.

I love this movie.  It is just so beautifully done and it does what it is supposed to do, which is tell the story of how Bond becomes 007.  Breaking from tradition, (much to my dismay) we do not open with the famous gun barrel sequence.  Something we wouldn’t get until Craig’s fourth Bond film.  Instead we open up on Bond in a mans office who is betraying MI6.  The guy says “you’re not a double 0 because you’ve got no kills, dawg.”  We then get flashes of the guys contact Bond is ruthlessly fighting (in very Bourne fashion).  Apparently it only takes 2 kill to become a double 0.  Bond kills the guy in the office, and his contact...Bond is now 007 - but he’s not QUITE 007 yet.

The best part about the first few Craig movies is that, yes his status is 007 now, but there is much more to learn about being an agent than getting your kills and finishing a job.  There is finesse, there is restraint, there is an uncompromising dedication to the job and to your country, that Bond still has yet to learn and right now - Bond is as sloppy as Manwich.

This movie is about an accountant named Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) who invests terrorists money in the stock market.  Le Chiffre’s plans for making an airlines stock plummet get mucked up by James Bond who, on his own, has followed a trail that led right to him.  So Le Chiffre attempts to recoup the funds by hosting a high stakes poker game with a 10 million dollar buy in.  Le Chiffre is a math wizard which makes him almost unbeatable at poker, but Bond is sent to get a spot in the game to make sure Le Chiffre does not win.  Mads is absolutely perfect in this role.  He plays Le Chiffre with such class and has such a wonderfully menacing look to him.

While Bond is en route to Montenegro for the Poker game, Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) comes to the table to introduce herself as the money.  Vesper works for MI6 and is the one in charge of handling the dough.  Vesper has a bit of distain for this plan as she sees it as a risk, because if Le Chiffre wins, MI6 will have directly financed terrorism.  Bond and Vesper trade barbs and VERBALLY dress each other down, showing how good Bond is at reading people - which makes him a good card player.  Vesper is still not sold.  The relationship between Bond and Vesper is so unique because we are seeing an unpolished Bond who still has feelings and is starting to have feelings for Vesper.  Although it starts getting a little over the top when he sets his password to “Vesper” and names a drink after “Vesper” - it’s like ok, maybe one of those would’ve sufficed. 

The best part about this movie besides all the amazing action sequences, is the card game.  Somehow, they have managed to turn a game of poker into an intense and thrilling sequence where we see Bond trip and fall, almost die, put on a new jacket, and get back on the horse.  I love the way we are taken on the journey to where Bond is figuring out Le Chiffre’s tell, so much so that Bond goes all in on Le Chiffre because Bond THINKS he knows what’s up, but we find out the Le Chiffre was playing Bond.  Bond loses everything.  Bond then suddenly grabs a knife and is in last ditch attempt mode, but suddenly one of the card players stops him...ITS FELIX, WITH TWO LEGS!!

We haven’t seen Felix since License To Kill, so this was a treat.  I love Jeffery Wright as Felix, and I hope he sticks around after Craig leaves.  Anyway, Felix helps Bond get back in, and then Bond gets poisoned and goes into cardiac arrest, only to be saved by Vesper.  Bond eventually beats Le Chiffre with a royal flush and Le Chiffre’s days are numbered.  What a beautiful sequence this whole thing is.  It’s one of my favorite acts in all of Bond history.  Just a quiet, but absolutely thrilling game of high stakes poker.  

I could go on and on, but Bond ends up quitting MI6 because he wants to be with Vesper for the rest of his life.  Bond is in love.  Little would we know that Vesper has actually betrayed Bond by giving an account number that only she has access too so that she can withdraw the money and deliver it to the people who are ordering her to get it.  Vesper’s back story is that she had a boyfriend who got kidnapped and Vesper was being blackmailed.  Unfortunately for Vesper, she started falling for Bond as well, but she had a job to do.  Vesper was definitely one of the ones to remember, it’s a real pity that she ends up being a baddie.

This whole movie we are seeing all of Bond’s actions, and consequences of those actions, shape who Bond will eventually become come “Spectre”.  While it had bothered me that they decided to connect the Craig films with some over arching of characters and stories - I’m now finding myself appreciating the fact that they didn’t give it all to us right away.  They didn’t turn Bond into Bond in one movie, it’s takes 3 movies to get the Bond we love.  While we tend to live in a short term world these days with the need for instant gratification, it’s nice to get some long term storytelling.  And now that we are a few years removed from it, I can really sit back now and respect the risk it took to break from all the tradition and give us a Bond that had some depth, meaning, and art.

I also love the song “You know My Name” by the late, great Chris Cornell who rocks that song.  One of my favorite Bond themes ever with an artistic title sequence incorporating the playing card aspect of the film into it.

All of everyone’s worries about Daniel Craig being Bond quickly evaporated with Casino Royale, and it became an instant favorite.  It’s in my top four for sure...EDIT: After watching this tonight, I have decided that I like this film better than Skyfall - top 3 for sure.  And because this film had the novel behind it, there is just a little more meat to the story than your typical fresh idea Bond films.  Casino Royale gave us a fresh start with James Bond, a fresh start we didn’t really know we wanted until we got it - and I am so ready for the journey to continue.  I will be so sad when Craig is gone, but I’m so lucky I got to be here for it!

That’s it for me, what did you all think? 

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with - 

The Living Daylights

[noonewantstotalkaboutpinball]

Terrorwrists vs. NYCFSA

No One Wants to Talk About Competitive Pinball

Quick background: Pinball NYC is a team pinball league now entering its 16th season. Teams of up to ten players compete at their home bars or visit other teams for ten weeks during the regular season. Team play is not sanctioned by the IFPA, and this league is largely about camaraderie and bragging rights.

This is my second season playing in the league. I was recruited to my team, the New York City Flipper Sport Association, by our captain, Eric Asher, and promoted to co-captain this season.

The first matches of the new season for the Monday night Upper Playfield division were contested on 19 February 2018. The Terrorwrists, last season’s champion, came to visit our home bar: Creek & Cave in LIC, Queens.

I was inspired to start this blog by putting together an action report of last night’s match to send to Benjamin Furiga for possible use on his NYC Pinball Podcast, and I’m going to use those comments as a jumping-off point for this post.

My email:

Hey, Benjamin, a report on our match last night. If the minutia of stuck balls is not interesting, please ignore that. The Terrorwrists visited Creek & Cave without their captain, Adam Cane, but their strong players still gave our Flipper Sport Association a run for the money. In one particularly odd moment, I was playing against Mike Pantino on The Walking Dead, and he had his second ball get stopped on the left ramp; apparently there's a flat section hidden behind the back wall, and shaking wouldn't free it. It would stay there through three more balls until it was finally knocked out during a multiball on my third ball. Both the original stopping and the eventual drain of the ball caused loss of turns, so Mike and I were each to play a compensation ball. Before the stuck ball he had put up a good score, finishing at 49 million, but during the stuck ball I was able to pass him, and with his compensation ball he couldn't catch my 87 million. After three rounds, we had clinched at least a tie, and a win in the final round gave us a 10 to 6 victory. Our player of the night was Freddy Asher (Mr. "Always a billion on Game of Thrones"), who won all three of the games he was involved with. Erik Swedlund, NYCFSA co-captain On a personal note, I finally executed the Star Wars strategy we discussed, during the Oskar Blues Brewery Pinball Circuit event at Jackbar on Sunday. Although not to the exact letter, I picked Han, worked through the necessary modes, used a multiball to get my multiplier up to 40x, and hit the Hoth shot for two consecutive video modes, together worth around 600 million of my billion-plus game. I didn't even play the video modes particularly well. That was enough for me to avoid a strike in a group with Steve Bowden, Chris Cafaro, and Dave Peller.

Of the two games I participated in, The Walking Dead against Pantino was the remarkable one. Aside from the stuck ball drama, I want to lay out what was going through my mind.

Before that, though, I want to briefly comment on the novel experience of performing some of the captain’s duties. I consider myself to be in the middle of team in terms of strength of play, though I am always striving to improve. We have team practice once or twice a week. I try to never miss those, and I’m sure this dedication played some part in Eric nominating me co-captain. During those practices, we pay special attention to each player specializing on a particular machine or two, so that we have an expert to call on no matter what might be picked. In the first round, seeing that the Terrorwrists had elected to play on Medieval Madness and Game of Thrones, I consulted with Eric on what players we would put against them. We had a good break with their choice of those two machines, as our best players really shine on them. We won both and captured all four points of the first round.

Sensing a chance to lock up the match early, we hoped to press our advantage by choosing our specialty machines, especially by doubling up on No Good Gophers, a recent addition to our venue and unique in the city. Eric also wanted to see me on The Walking Dead, the machine I specialize on.

Now, and this may be a lack of confidence that I need to work on, I don’t like playing the singles rounds as much as the doubles. I prefer having a teammate with me, to sort of back me up should I fail to score well. I was also dreading playing singles against Pantino. Mike is one of my favorite guys in the NYC pinball community, but he’s also one of the strongest guys on the very strong, defending champion Terrorwrists. My hope was that there was a chance he was on an off streak.

His first ball disproved that theory. I forget the details, but he played a multiball or two along with a mode and put up something like 35 million points. I said to him that it was a very good ball, and he said, “Don’t worry, you’ll have a good ball, too.” Did I mention that Mike is one of my favorite guys in the NYC pinball community? I had been practicing on the machine earlier in the evening and doing very well (I recall a 70 million game), but as always on this brutal game, interspersed with terrible scores. I stepped up determined to play my strategy.

Execute the skill shot. Missing this isn’t actually losing out on the value of the first skill shot, but losing the larger values of later skill shots that you’ll never get to.

After the skill shot, pay attention to the ball entering the bumpers. On this particular machine, dropping through the left top lane will not activate the bumper below it, but dropping through the right top lane will, and it will often bounce straight back up through the lane. Quick flips to change the lit lane can get you a bonus multiplier or two. Bonus isn’t huge on TWD, but when the machine is being mean, every little bit helps.

As the ball exits the bumpers, try a little shake to fend off a SDTM drain.

Get a hit on the drops (to progress towards modes and Blood Bath multiball) and on the prison (to progress towards Prison multiball) while the ball save is active.

Hit the prison again to begin Clear the Yard and light shots for progress towards Prison multiball.

Now would be a great time to complete the first set of drops to light modes. Super dangerous, but key to finding points. A bunch of games, taking this shot drains my ball with the modes sadly lit. In another bunch of games, I recover from this shot but brick on my mode select shot and again drain, taunted by the lit mode inserts.

Two of the modes are particularly good at this point, because they involve all the shots on the game, which you also want for Clear the Yard: CDC and Tunnel. CDC is on the easier to hit and safer left ramp, and it can lead to a huge score. Tunnel is on the tough orbit through the pops; it scores nicely but is also pretty good in multiball. So, try to start CDC.

Play CDC: loop the left ramp as long as you can, then start hitting all the other shots. Watch for multi-kills starting. Avoid using the inlane multiplier until you’re ready to finish CDC by hitting the left ramp two more times (then use the multiplier on the second ramp shot). You can hit the drops to extend mode time, but I’m usually not able to pay enough attention to this.

Should be pretty close to Prison multiball at this point. Bash the prison to start it.

In Prison, alternate between the major shots and the prison for jackpots. Go nuts while ballsaver is active, then trap up and try to clear some more drops (for a different supply than before) to progress towards Blood Bath and another mode.

I played my strategy. I had a good ball, like Mike said I would. Instead of draining out around step 3 or 4, I got to step 10 and about 28 million points. I felt pretty good about that, though I would have liked to have played CDC better.

Then came the stuck ball described above. Mike had added to his score a little, getting to around 45 million. I don’t remember anything particularly good about my second ball, and I don’t remember adding any significant score. On his third ball, Mike again added just a little bit and wound up with 49 million (and the prospect of a compensation ball should he need it).

Stepping up to my third ball, I studied the board and the instant info to see what I could do. I had only collected one supply on the drops, so Blood Bath was a long way off. Well Walker multiball was a bit closer at five hits. I went for the Well Walker, choosing the safer backhand of the bash toy from the right flipper. During the bouncing around I also completed the drops and lit my modes, so just as the multiball started I took a swing at the Riot shot--and hit it! I celebrated this nice stack with a fist-pump and a “Yes!”. I made an attempt at getting to Blood Bath but couldn’t. Instead, I was feeding balls to the pops through the Riot shot, bashing the Well Walker for jackpots, and then a stray shot to the left ramp started (my second?) Bicycle Girl AND freed the stuck ball . . .

Which I didn’t even notice until the multiball ended and I was attempting to trap up and think about what to do next. Instead of catching the last ball, however, my flippers went dead and bonus started counting up. That stuck ball had entered the trough, and the machine thought I had drained all my balls. Now I was due a compensation ball, also.

First I had to plunge off the extra ball I had earned--only I discovered two balls in the shooter lane. The Walking Dead was definitely a little confused. I still wanted those skill shot points, though, so I considered how best to deal with it. I decided to pound in the shooter rod rather than pull it back, and that turned out to be the right choice. I finished at 87 million.

We power-cycled the machine before starting a new game for the compensation balls. Unfortunately for Mike, he barely got to touch his ball, and scored less than a million, not enough to catch me, and I did not play my compensation ball.

I think there might be more about this evening of pinball that I could write about, but this post is getting a little long in the tooth.

I invite any comments or suggestions!

Signing off, IFPA Player #47714

[canonicallyanxious]

2016 fanfic year in review thing???

I was tagged by @accioinvisibilitycloak. Thank you very much! I can never say no to the opportunity to egotistically brag about my own writing lol. I tag any fic writer who follows me and feels like doing this shiz. Especially @rumpelsnorcack and @boxesfullofthoughts. But everyone else too!

Total Number of Stories Completed: According to AO3, 13

Total Word Count: AO3 says 325,198 [AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD]. Again, slightly skewed because 1. The longest fic i wrote on my own, is it the right word?, was mostly written in 2015 and 2. Anywhere between 80-100k [idk though???] was actually written by Lyds as part of our collabs, most notably one lifetime with you [again, a good chunk of which was written in 2015] and everybody begs to be redeemed [but also including our amazing hersula fic all but the brightest stars which is still lowkey one of my fave things we’ve written together]. Still, taking all of that into account this puts me, like, solidly in the 100-200k range which. Like. holy shit. What even am i doing with my life

Fandoms Written In: nmtd/lll, Voltron, the get down, check please!

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? WAY MORE HOLY SHIT??????? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WAS CAPABLE OF PUMPING OUT THIS MANY WORDS WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MYSELF WHERE DID I EVEN FIND THE TIME I HAVE NO MEMORY OF WRITING ANY OF THIS

What’s Your Own Favorite Story of the Year? This is!! Very difficult!!! I wrote many things that I am proud of!!! Obviously anything i write with Lyds [olwy, ebtbr] is going to top the list because i just feel like writing with them really brings out the best in me [cue the cheese]. Iitrw I’m proud of because it is, in my estimation, the best novel-length thing I’ve produced in my life. And I’m super proud of i will implode with you (‘cause everything will be all right) because, like, i love holsom with all of my soul and being and i think that fic has some of my best characterization

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? Uhhh i think i spent the whole year like pushing myself in terms of trying out different voices, different tones, different atmospheres… So on that front I’m pretty happy with the risks i took because like i tried my hand at a lot of different kinds of fic and i think it really helped me feel more confident in my versatility as a writer but also in my ability to sound like -myself- across different styles. Also I definitely took some risks in terms of the really out-there tropes/au ideas, writing things that I was interested in rather than what the fandom at large might be into. Some of which were more successful [ebtbr, all of olwyverse; do you see a trend here in terms of what I’m most proud of lol] than others [iitrw], but I’m proud of myself for taking that jump anyway.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? Ideally I would like to step away a little from fic this year but realistically, considering I’ve told myself for like over a year I’ll step away from fic, who knows if that will actually happen lol. Regardless i am probably going to continue writing fic but i would like to see if i can keep my projects on the shorter end [by which i mean, like, fewer than 50k words. I have high expectations for myself] so i can focus more on school, the future, etc. [aha oh boy……..]

As for profic, i do actually have some concrete goals for this year! I have an original story I’ve affectionately dubbed “delinquent lesbians” [though it’s a bit of a misnomer considering neither character involved is really a delinquent, and at least one of them is not a lesbian; i will not talk about it here but like if anyone is curious i will not object to rambling about them you just have to be Prepared for how much i can talk about them lol] that’s been tossing and turning in my head for the better part of a year i would really love to bring to life at some point. Also! I will not say too much on this topic yet because we don’t know if it will pan out, but Lydia and I are cooking up some of our own original collabs!! I am really excited, guys!!!

Best Story Of The Year? Isn’t this the same as favorite story of the year lol. I guess it’ll have to go to olwy because, like, how can it not go to my and lydia’s 130k word epic monster of a child

Most Popular Story Of The Year? the advantage of withholding your honesty zimbits soulmate au by a long shot

Story of Mine Most Under-Appreciated by The Universe, IMO: iitrw mostly just because i put over a year of work into that bad boy and happened to post it when the fandom shriveled up and died, every femslash thing I’ve ever written in my life

Most Fun Story to Write: olwy!!!! Most of my other projects were absolute hell to get through at one point or another tbqh

Story with The Single Sexiest Moment: Errr i don’t really write “sexy moments”. I guess like the closest I’ve come to is the make out scene i wrote in the fourth part of i will implode with you?? It’s, like, a paragraph lol

Most Sweet Story: I um don’t usually associate myself with “sweet” stories [see: the 130k words of magical angst in olwy, the 78k words of clone angst in iitrw, the 40k words of pacific rim angst in ebtbr; not only am i apparently incapable of writing anything other than heart wrenching tragedy, i write a whole fucking lot of it] but i guess this one would have to go to sing me, baby, home which is probably the fluffiest thing I’ve ever managed to write in my life [i still can’t believe i did something like that lol]

“Holy Crap, That’s Wrong, Even For You!” Story: No spoilers but this would probably have to go to what lydia and i did to Holster at the end of ebtbr [TO BE FAIR IT WAS THEIR IDEA but i wrote it so… yeah…]

And uh also iitrw is based on a pretty fucked up book so like. It’s a pretty fucked up fic just by nature of the beast

Story That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters: Hm. Well I’d say pretty much every fic i write changes the way i see the characters, especially if it’s the first time I’m writing them. If only because inevitably i will find a way that i can write the POV character as anxious in some capacity lol

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Okay this is kind of not specific to 2016 but honestly the fact that there are a handful of tropes i keep on beating the hell out of [STARGAZING; long distance relationship; summer romance] probably says a lot about me as a person [that i like soft night time content?? That i like things with twinges of melancholy and sadness and wistfulness?? That i grossly overuse night time/day time/star/sun imagery??? All of the above?????]. Also… i put a lot of myself and my anxiety into olwy!balth so… it might not seem like it but he’s probably the [version of the] character I’ve allowed myself to write the most like myself because i have serious problems with projecting on my faves lol. I was going to answer “the fact that i lowkey hate soulmate au’s even though i actually wrote one” but, like, that was 100% intentional and I kind of want everyone to know that

Hardest Story To Write: this is actually a hard question to answer because i struggled with, like, every single one of my major projects last year. I think in general i struggled the most with omgcp fic for some reason because like the characters’ voices are so incredibly distinct it’s hard to really capture them imo?? There was a point i almost gave up writing the soulmate au’s because they were so hard to do lol

Biggest Disappointment: That lyds and i will never be able to finish our plans for olwy verse. That we probably won’t be able to get to the sequel to ebtbr we were planning either. That I don’t have the time to turn my zimbits pride and prejudice AU into the Austen novel-length clusterfuck it was always meant to be [i hope i can expand on it at least a little more in the future though!]. That i will never write the 10 things i hate about you rosa/jaquie epic the lll fandom deserves. That i didn’t write, like, any original fic??? Seriously dude what are you doing =[

Biggest Surprise: Mostly that i was physically capable of putting out this much writing like completely for free lol. If only i could be this productive in my own real life endeavors