#i am gonna hit post before i keep trying to censor myself

[skyllion-uwu]

for the ship meme, scarebat! :]

YAYYYYY I like these two but I don't look at very much content about them. Both because I can never find exactly what I'm looking for on AO3, and because I'm a bit intimidated since people make a LOT of sexually explicit content of Jonathan; I headcanon him as a sex-repulsed or sex-neutral ace and it's a bit of a minefield to dance around, so this is based on my own perception instead of any larger fandom influenced stuff

1. What made you ship it?

Not to toot my and my friend's horn, but the Batman Rogue friendship/dating sim we're kinda working on ^^; We started tossing around ideas for a Scarecrow route and then my brain kinda latched onto it. It helps that I started listening to Batman Audio Adventures and Jonathan and Bruce work together for a bit (I am not saying what happens because I don't wanna spoil it and I hope more people will listen to that show) and I started to like Jonathan a lot around that same time, so that whole cocktail resulted in me going "Oh I like this"

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Basically,

[Image Description: The "I just think they're neat" meme depicting Marge Simpson holding a potato as she says the name of the meme /end ID]

In terms of specific stuff though... this applies to basically any Batman and rogue ship, but the whole concept that when they're fighting, Scarecrow can't tell if he wants to kill or kiss Batman. Also they both use fear as a means of control, so they're initially trying to exert fear over each other (I'd imagine they eventually sort out their shit but who knows. They're both constantly attempting to take control of their life through scaring others and they have a bunch of trauma they won't deal with in a healthy way). There's a lot of stuff about power dynamics I can't word together right now but it's fun to think about. On the softer side of things, I love Scarebeast and I love when Batman shows kindness towards his rogues, so if something happened that triggered Jon turning into Scarebeast and Batman helped calm him down during and after the event, I just feel like that could lead into them not being strictly enemies. Friendship or romance, I don't care, it's about being in a vulnerable position in front of your enemy and he helps you instead of trying to fight you. That's not a Scarebeast exclusive scenario but regardless it'd be a pivotal turning point for them

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Of the stuff I have seen, it's specifically Bruce and Jonathan as opposed to Batman and Scarecrow, and while it makes more sense for them to actually have a relationship as civilians, I just like the idea that Bruce is more able to be himself as Batman than as Bruce Wayne and that would reflect in his relationships as a result

[strawberryamanita]

Alright, I gotta head this off at the pass. If you are feeling uneasy because of the new outrage directed at Mark, please consider giving this a read. I'm just one single schlub, but I know a thing or two about reacting on impulse because of my triggers, and I gotta throw my hat into the ring.

Okay.

I know about the Hospital game video. Very unsettling stuff, I can well imagine. As someone who can't handle graphic depictions of real-life events myself, I'm not going anywhere near the video. I also know now that the TikTok angry mob is looking to cancel him because he hasn't taken the video down as of the publishing of this post(July 11th, 2023, 10:52AM EST).

Y'all, I'm asking you, as a concerned fandom member, to please give Mark the benefit of the doubt. [He uploaded a video literally yesterday] talking about how busy and stressful things have been for him: he just lost his grandmother, he got sick, he gets injured frequently, he's in the middle of filming a movie that he had to take a break from because he was putting himself at risk for damaging his eyes, it just keeps going.

If you're outside the fandom and just having fun sending stray shots everywhere, please know that Mark is not gonna ignore all this when he's able to address it -- but that when is not right now. Mark and his editing team do a good job warning his viewers about common things like flashing lights and exceptionally gross imagery; this other video is a long way from the improvements the channel has made. 7 years ago feels less relevant than 1 day ago.

I'm pretty confident that Mark's not gonna refuse to delete the video because "Oh don't censor art" or whatever he's gonna get accused of. He, like I'm imagining a good deal of people were, was not aware of how real those images were, and it's probably not at the front of his mind because that video is buried under literally thousands of others on the channel. Mark's deleted videos before, he probably doesn't have a special attachment to this video or anything.

And, real quick, before you question why his editors won't just do it for him -- it's still his channel, I don't think he'd be cool with his editors making decisions about deleting things without running it by him.

All of this stemming from TikTok makes perfect sense, seeing how the fandom on tumblr was completely calm before the news was brought in from the outside. TikTok runs entirely on sensationalism and hype and clicks, and the eternal engine of Needing To Cancel Someone comes for us all one day. But I am asking you -- you, the person reading this, not the algorithm on TikTok -- to step back and think about this situation for yourself. No, I'm not just "defending a celebrity" and all that -- I'm trying to say that this uproar is being driven by very intense emotions drummed up by graphic content, and your nerves are probably shot by thinking about it all and I hear all of that. I've done impulsive things while triggered myself, you have all of my sympathy, none of this is to downplay the shockwave hitting you and others right now.

But Mark made a mistake.

Making a mistake does not make someone a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make me a bad person, and it doesn't make Mark a bad person.

Please don't keep yourself on constant duty to watch his every move and time how long he's been "ignoring" this on a stopwatch. Mark is known for pushing himself more than he should; the fact that he hasn't addressed this yet is a good sign that he has hit capacity levels of stress.

Let yourself breathe. Distance yourself from the video. Ask around on tumblr for their favorite lighthearted Markiplier videos, or just watch another YT'er if you need to get even further away from this. Prioritize your mental health today. You are going to be okay. This is all going to be okay.

Please let yourself believe that.

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

[lilahelynora]

My Emotions | tw ptsd and other stuff mentioned

Everything in me right now hurts so so much. I’m about to go to sleep, it’s 27 till 4am; and I’m crying.

I feel invalidated about who I am and even on what I should believe in. I’m a victim of defamation but I can’t afford to legally take action against it. Everything inside me hurts, I try everyday to be my best self, to put my foot forward and push aside the crap I’ve been through before.

I try to support everyone and I do. I support everyone of every nature, because I don’t have a heart to be malicious or discriminatory and everyone no matter who they are or how they were brought up, deserves to have a life full of hope and love and support and so much more, everyone matters.

I have always put others before me. It may not seem like I do, but I do. I am very very sensitive in person, I feel a lot and sometimes I don’t know if it’s normal for me to feel as much as I do, but I do.

For me all of this emotional pain started because I found out about a breakup before anyone else did and since I was still a minor at that time, and very immature. I ran with it and tried to convince everyone to see what I saw that was right in front of me.

The other day, this week. I was medically diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), growing up I believed personally that only people who have been through the worst things imaginable developed PTSD. That there was no possible way someone like me could develop it. I didn’t feel comfortable with my own self diagnosis, I made last year because I didn’t want to use a condition like that so carelessly.

But lone and behold I have been diagnosed by a specialist with it and after the defamation that was made against me and spread everywhere through a google pdf file made 8-9 days before my birthday and then virtually distributed everywhere on my birthday, I have fallen to my knees in agony.

I cried so hard on my birthday, that my birthday this year would have to be one of the most upsetting and worst birthdays I’ve had in my life, right above my 16th birthday.

People to this day online don’t believe that I am legitimately me, even after I sent them a censored out photo of my driver’s license because they believe the defamated pdf file over me. They don’t have remorse or guilt over how they see me, because they don’t know me. They don’t want to try to know me and that hurts in a whole different way.

Nobody sees me as a victim because they choose to believe a group of people’s bad experiences online with someone they are forever going to think was me, when it wasn’t. They don’t care how much I “cry” or anything, because to them and others, I’m no better than a speck of dirt under ones shoe.

I still call upon the Angels, God, Jesus Christ, Archangel Michael, the Holy Spirit, Mother Mary and my Spirit Guides (whom I hope to meet one day) to watch out for me. To guide me through this chapter in my life and to keep me out of harm’s way and to watch over me and help me heal inside. I know my spiritual being is littered with scars and bumps and bruises. I know the child inside of me is hiding in a corner with her head between her legs, crying her eyes out because growing up, everyone told her that her life was going to be full of wonder and hope and all of her wildest dreams would come true, but it’s yet to happen. She’s scared of what she’s seeing her older self is currently going through.

She feels the pain inside. Like a knife to a pad of foam or someone getting lemon juice into a fresh paper cut. I want the pain I feel inside to go away. I want to know and feel true and undeniable happiness for the first time in my life, to be able to wake up in the morning and be grateful to be able to wake up and live a new and fresh day.

I went to New York this year back in February, I was originally supposed to go for New Years; but I contracted Influenza Type B and couldn’t go. The airline luckily gave me two weeks for the same price of my original one week, when I rescheduled. Anyways, I was excited and had every reason to be. It was my first time in a whole new place, it was like another world to me. I never wanted to leave. Within those two weeks, I fell in love with the way I felt in that city.

I felt free. Sure the pending adult responsibilities I had were still there, but I felt free. I felt like I had hope for my future. When I went to the 9/11 memorial, I had to hold back tears because of the amount of energy I felt there (I don’t know how some people know that they’re an empath. But I feel like I am one, with how I can feel emotions and energy shifts and stuff).

Because of the defamation I experienced with the pdf virtually published and thriving just a few weeks prior to my trip. I still put on a brave face for my aunt that I was visiting and pushed through the little excursions I had. I didn’t even cry around my family members after it came out on my birthday, because of the fear of them finding out about my media platforms and them asking questions, I didn’t have proper answers too.

It wasn’t until my newly discovered cousin (my aunt’s daughter) went to her therapist appointment while I was staying with them, that I broke down in the waiting room in front of my aunt (and drew a few unwanted eyes on me) because I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to the same old lifestyle I had back home. Because back home, I was back to working at a place I didn’t feel safe in, I had my own family issues that I couldn’t ventilate with anyone due to not having registered yet with a therapist and more things.

I was scolded and reprimanded when I got home because my aunt told everyone about me breaking down and messily exposing some family issues, I was struggling with back home. Not gonna lie, I saw it coming. It was the first time with my aunt that I only just met and I sort of blew it in a way by getting emotional. Which I can also recall breaking down on the subway a day before I had to fly back and some guy gave me a few bucks and told me his own story of hitting rock bottom and while I wasn’t in a way at rock bottom, I was still seen by others as a young millennial who’s going through a big ass hurdle in their life and felt like the world was just caving in on them... and that there was still hope for me. I’ll never forget that memory.

I try, like I said, I try to be my best self. To be a good girl in society’s eyes. I’ve personally still never been kissed yet, or experienced forms of intimacy, or been to a party, or snuck out of the house, or held a disciplinary record at school (though I did have detention one time in middle school for not paying attention in math class), or smoked, or drank (unless the Smirnoff Malt Peach Bellini’s with a 0.5% Alc content count), or did anything with any serious consequences. I never had an overly zealous lifestyle like everyone else apparently has had.

Like my parents separated when I was around four, got legally divorced when I was roughly twelve or thirteen. My father gave up on me after I turned fifteen. Him as well as my grandmother (his mother) filled my head full of lies about my mother, so I grew up with a strong unnecessary hatred towards her and I’ve been told that when he was supposed to be “watching me”, when I was little, all he did was sleep and didn’t do anything. So I practically up and raised myself, which is my only defence when I made the self diagnosis last year of having PTSD.

And now at 4:58am, I’m laying in my pitch dark bedroom lit only by a small scent defuser plug-in from bath and body works, with an empty sent bottle that’s yet to be changed and having Birds by Imagine Dragons off of my “cloudy hues” playlist (made to listen during my depression episodes) on Spotify playing softly through my google home speaker that Spotify gave me as a gift last year for being a premium member, just thinking about what will happen next after the sun rises.

I’m exhausted. Physically and emotionally, I am stressed chronically and it’s valid. Like I’ve said repetitively throughout this long ass post, I’ve been medically diagnosed with PTSD. So I have chronic and traumatic stress and my anxiety isn’t getting any better and I know no matter what I do, no one will believe me. Because who would believe one person’s truth against five personal accusations inside one defamated pdf file with “screenshots”?

It’s one of those “fuck it” moments in life you know? Where you have to just throw your arms up and let them fall back to your sides in that dramatic clap and hope that in time, people eventually stop caring and paying attention. I know I’ll never make it in the acting industry as I’ve hoped to one day pursue because of that defamated pdf file. If anything I might still be able to be a writer or a photographer, I enjoy writing therapeutically (hence why this post is as long as it is).

I just... when the time comes for someone to “fall in love with me” (hell my reputation is already tattered like a flag, so if I do meet Dylan and he does naturally fall for me which is a slim 50/50 of even happening), regardless of whatever life throws in the way. I would like them to accept me as a whole, flaws and all.

That means to understand my upbringing, my emotional background and health history and anything else. If they can’t handle that information, then that says it all. I don’t want to be someone’s notch on their belt, I don’t want to throw myself at someone’s shoes just to get stomped on and thrown away. I want to mean something to someone, anyone. I want someone to say with all their heart and soul, “you matter to me, I love you even if you struggle with loving yourself. I accept you because you have been through your own personal hell growing up and no matter what, I will always be there for you because you matter in this world just like everyone else does” that’s what I want.

I have high and probably slightly deluded expectations, and I’m sorry for that but that’s me. That’s who I am as a person and if I have kids, I will never ever let them know how and what I went through because I am not one to corrupt the innocent. To change one’s image for their own game. I will teach them all about the wonders of the world and if god and the universe allow me to travel with them, I’ll take them all over the world and let them learn about everyone and their cultures and their stories. I’ll fill their hearts and minds with kindness and love for I have not one once in me, that’s capable of damaging them with the horrific truths we’ve all have lived and are living.

I would even teach them about every belief in the world and let them make their own choice and decisions with the proper respect and knowledge on what they choose to believe in. Everyone knows why there’s wars in the world, if it isn’t for fossil fuels (which I’ll also teach them about so they learn to love and care for the planet instead of destroying it).

My feelings are valid, and I am allowed to express them in a negative and/or positive way. I have been silenced all my life and I’m tired of that. I want this post to be the ONLY time, I ever have to say anything about that file that’s spread about me at the beginning of this year and for people to actually understand me and not mock me for once, just because they’re scared of how others will see them.

I never ONCE did any of those things that are in that pdf file that is said, I have done.

I don’t care if you want to personally burn me at the metaphorical stake or put my head on a spike, because you decided and chose with your whole little ass heart to believe what someone else said and is saying about someone they have never EVER met in person or even gotten to know instead of actually asking that person yourself if they did any of those things.

All this post is in the eyes of the ones who have defamated me, is a fleck of dust on their phone screens, that they’ll probably drag me over with their sum total of 5,000 or so followers who’s half total is probable bots and are all possibly deactivating one by one as you’re reading this.

It sucks what I’ve felt inside and I truly don’t want to continue to go through this.

And for anyone on Twitter that stumbles across this post, I would never stoop as low as you all have to get Dylan’s attention because you’re bored. I understand and respect Dylan’s boundaries and the “joke” you all tried to trend with a hashtag is sickening. That was not a joke and never will be applicable as a joke. Dylan has a life outside of the internet, he’s about to be 29 years old and doesn’t need a bunch of people on Twitter vindicating when he should post or come online or even babying him. He’s a grown adult. Treat him like one. Yes you’re a fan, but that’s not an excuse or defence for any negative actions on that platform.

It’s 5:30 now so I’m going to sleep, reblog this, share it anywhere if you want. I don’t care anymore. I am officially done with the bullshit. That pdf file that has been shared countless times on end is a form of defamation, no matter whatever shit screenshots or accusations are in it. It will always be a form of defamation, maybe only in my eyes even, but still. It is what it is and so it is. This is my defence and I want to officially be in peace or at least have someone or anyone feel for me in some way or another. It’s all I want. Because this post out of EVERY post I have done in the past. Is the last “explanation” post I am ever doing.

I hope everyone has a nice day - morning - etc. I love you all so much, even if you hate me or believed that post and I pray nothing but good light and graces come to your life as it has yet to arrive in mine.

All my love, Lillie 🥀

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[gayfrenchtoast]

It was fathers day yesterday

I guess in some places rn it still is

A few weeks ago I told my dad to fuck off. I couldn't take dealing with him anymore, pretending that I liked him and I was fine, for what? His sake? His feelings? Self preservation?

I think the main reason was to be able to see my siblings, be allowed to go up there and see them, but since they've moved I've done that what, once? Because of covid, because they're so far away, because his Fiance hates me for something I didn't do, because I don't want to see him. In a way its fucking incredible that he didn't realise that the problem was him at all until I told him. Though in a way it's also not because he only ever sees what he wants to see. He saw everything was fine, that he had done no wrong, and I saw my life laud out in trauma made by him. He's a fucking asshole and the worst part is he will never see himself that way. His only "flaw" to himself will ever be that he's "too good".

So I decided that the ability to go see my siblings wasn't worth it, because it was just me leaving the door ajar for him to reach in. I decided that sacrificing that would be better for me and maybe, hopefully, would trigger a change that would make life better for my siblings if he knew what he did. I wasn't prepared like I'd wished to be when the moment arrived, he'd called me because I when he dropped my sister off at mh mothers' (where I live currently) I didn't want to talk to him and pretend it was all okay. I decided as soon as I saw him I was gonna start resisting him, not coming at his call and not pretending everything was okay. But the simple act of not wanting to talk to him that day, not pretending, started him asking, poking, he wouldn't take "I don't want to talk to you right now" and after he left he called me, he claimed he wasn't trying to get anything like a confrontation ect but then why did he call asking so adamantly for information? I tried lying to him, telling him I just missed my siblings as my anxiety and dissociation built up, but he just kept pushing until I finally said "it's you. You're the problem." I can barely most of the exact words around that time but I remember telling him it was him so vividly. He then started pushing on that. Asking stuff like "what did I do to you" and I started, while shaking, telling him how he treated me

Then his phone died

And I realised, over phone, hearing his voice, my anxiety and dissociation set off because of it, he had power over me. He could manipulate me in real time while I was in a fragile state because of him, weather he realised it or not. He had pushed me into this before I was ready, so from there on out it was going to be on my terms.

So I texted him, I texted him as vilify as I could explaining myself, he texted my sister to call him using his finace's phone, I took her phone and texted him saying I was texting him and wasn't going to call him. He called me using his finance's phone and I didnt pick up. He called me when his phone got charge, I didn't pick up. All while writing out a message like is said I would. He texted me telling me "he would appreciate me talking to him because I left him wondering what he'd done" as if I hadn't already told him I was messaging him. Finally, finally, I sent the long message off with a small niggling of satisfaction and hope.

The next day he responded. Telling me he was "just trying to be tge best dad he could, he wasn't looking to confront me and its not his fault because kids don't come with a manual! Oh - I've loved you since the day you were born Nd I ditn understand why you think I'm a bad parent!" Like I hadn't already told him in the last message which gave me the hint he wasn't really listening to me "oh what should I do next?"

Well I told him that calling me and pushing me like that was confrontation but go on, you can have a little leniency, it wasn't just because you were confronting me, but because I'm tired of dealing with you and you continuing your shitty ways! In responce to him asking me what he should do next I told him he should probably try therapy and it wasn't my job to walk him through being a good dad. Which I really hoped would get through to him and offer him a chance to get help. How foolish I was. I then gave him not one but two examples of how he'd been a shit dad and hurt me in the past, in a good bit of detail, and then told him I'd like to go low contact and that I hope for a better life for my siblings now he knows.

Now I have been keeping it civil this whole time, I haven't sworn at him, I haven't been sarky, I haven't antagonised him, I have been all around trying to just talk with him, be honest and give actually good information to him in hoped of making him better and more knowledgeable about how he is in hopes of changing him for the better to give my siblings a better life. I have been giving a dramatic, cathartic re-telling of the texts up to this point but I have decided that I cannot encapsulate the amount of absolute bullshit that was sent to me the next day in my own words. So will be a direct copy paste of his message with names censored, any changes I I made or notes added on for context will be in red;

----------------------------

(Me), what has (sister) told you about life here?

I think I am as understanding as I can be around the kids and when they get told off it's in proportion to the offence they caused. It is important that children learn boundaries.

Our children are happy and certainly do not think I'm the monster you do.

It seems you see the situation is so serious I need therapy.

I think perhaps this is the other way round and you need to seek help to address your mental health problems. Your recollections appear to differ from mine, as does your interpretation of my motivations as a parent.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Many children have a hard time at home and do suffer abuse. You were not one of them. Between your mother, grandparents and I you were always (and remain) a much loved child.

If I've been annoyed with you it has only because I want the best for you.

As my first child I had to learn a lot with you but I know you were a happy child who was glad to see me when I picked you up from school and when we played or when I read a bedtime story.

Perhaps our divorce was more of a plausible reason.

I also think it is unfair for you to create all of this and then run away and not speak.

You did this over the cannabis issue, although your actions led to far reaching consequences you didn't care and wouldn't talk about it. You couldn't even apologise; which if you had would have put relationships on an even keel to rebuild. (The "cannabis issue" is a whole other situation but basically his finace's daughter told her mum that I asked her for weed after I'd been in the room when she got a call from someone asking her for weed and his fonace then blamed me when she "got back into drugs". If more elaboration is needed I will make a whole other post)

You can't do this and then refuse to speak, leaving everyone wondering.

I can only respect your request for low contact as you call it, but I love you and always will.

I would prefer if we could rebuild our relationship. I think you are dwelling on the bad times too much and ascribing too much meaning to events I don't recall the same way. It must be difficult only listening to the household you live in.

I have always tried my hardest for all my children and I hope I always will. Does it mean nothing, all the work I have done for you? I have tried to be a good example of a parent and give you, (sister), (little step brother) and (baby brother) what I think you need to go forwards in life in the real world.

I've known you are feeling strange to me for a while but I'm still doing my best to be a good dad.

I have never sought to hurt you (me). I have always thought about how I compared to my father, a good dad. I have not been as strict with or shouted at my children the way I was shouted at. I have been proud of that.

When I've been strict it's because I thought it was to teach you boundaries. When I've been stressed I have shouted. Being a parent is stressful. Being one who really cares is really stressful.

I don't want to become a stranger (me). I know you feel more comfortable with your mum than me and my family. I accept that.

We are different but I have always supported and helped when I could. I have sought to protect you from harm and prepared you to be an adult.

Please don't let the past dominate your feelings for the present. For your sake, find happiness in the here and now. If you have anxiety and depression it will be your choice to recover. If keeping me away will help it's up to you, but I am here when you want me.

-----------------------

So I feel like that speaks for itself, however I am worried that I may hit the charecter limit soon so if it doesn't you can see my, very long, reponce in part 2

If you are wondering why I am doing this and posting it to tumblr, half of it is cathartic and the other half is for record and posterity.

[char27martin]

20 Best Songs for Writers and About Writing: The Ultimate Writing Mixtape

Recently, I had iTunes on random and a couple songs played back-to-back that had lines about writing. It didn’t take long for me to wonder, “What are the best songs for writers and about writing?” So I started making my own list, and I put out a call on Facebook and Twitter (find my handles below if you love being part of such conversations).

Anyway, this post puts together my ultimate writing mixtape of the best 20 songs for and about writers and the process of writing. Sure, there are many other great songs about the subject, and please share them in the comments below. But this is the mix I’m going to start rocking on my way to and from writer conferences, open mics, and writing retreats.

Just click the links below to listen to the songs on YouTube.

*****

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The great thing about Writer’s Market Deluxe Edition is that writers get the same printed version of Writer’s Market they love along with an activation code for a one-year subscription to WritersMarket.com. And the 2018 edition is now available for pre-order.

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*****

20 Best Songs for Writers and About Writing Mixtape

Track 1: “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter,” by Fats Waller

This is the perfect intro track with a bit of an instrumental opening before getting into the lyrics, which include, “I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter and make believe it came from you.” The song was composed by Fred E. Ahlert and Joe Young in 1935 and made popular by Waller. But it’s been covered by a range of artists, including Billy Williams, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Nat “King” Cole, Willie Nelson, Anne Murray, Linda Scott, and Paul McCartney–just to name a few.

Track 2: “I Could Write a Book,” by Dinah Washington

There are two ways to make a transition on a mixtape: smooth or jarring. Both are effective, but I prefer smooth early on in a mix. Enter this wonderful version of “I Could Write a Book,” which was a tune in the Rodgers & Hart 1940 musical Pal Joey. I first heard Harry Connick’s version from When Harry Met Sally…, but a range of artists have performed this song as well, including Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, and Miles Davis.

Track 3: “Dancing in the Dark,” by Bruce Springsteen

According to the Boss, “you can’t start a fire without a spark.” So here we go. The biggest hit off the bestselling album (Born in the U.S.A.) of Bruce Springsteen’s career, “Dancing in the Dark” includes the line that he’s “sick of sitting around here trying to write this book.” Musically, this song jump starts the mix with synths, quick beats, and that fade out sax.

Track 4: “Write About Love,” by Belle and Sebastian

Anyone who has participated in either my April or November poem-a-day challenges knows how I feel about love poems. So of course, Belle and Sebastian’s song “Write About Love” from the album titled Write About Love had to make the cut. In addition to the writing theme, it keeps the upbeat momentum of the early mixtape.

Track 5: “The Engine Driver,” by the Decemberists

Track five slows things down a little, and it plays with the theme of love while taking it’s time getting to the writing reference in the song. But the chorus slams home with, “I am a writer, writer of fictions … and I’ve written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.” Once you hear this song, it stays. Click here for a pretty cool analysis of the song.

Track 6: “Poetry Man,” by Phoebe Snow

Transition time: From slower and lonely to mellow and hopeful. A kind of summer afternoon song by Phoebe Snow about the poetry man, who “makes things alright.” The song actually hit number one on the Billboard‘s Easy Listening chart in 1975. In 2007, Queen Latifah covered the song for her Trav’lin’ Light album.

Track 7: “I Am a Rock,” by Simon and Garfunkel

As Paul Simon mentions in the opening of this performance, “This according to Arty is my most neurotic song.” This folk song plays off the previous song’s focus on poetry with the line, “I have my books and my poetry to protect me.” I’m sure more than a few poets and readers can relate to that sense of protection from loneliness and isolation. Released as a single in 1966, “I Am a Rock” rose to number three on the Billboard Top 100 list.

Track 8: “Wuthering Heights,” by Kate Bush

Kate Bush hit it big on her debut single, which she wrote at 18 and was based on the novel of the same name. “Wuthering Heights” was released in January 1978 and spent 4 weeks at the number one position of the UK Singles Chart. One interesting part of this song is that Bush lifted lines from Wuthering Heights character Catherine Earnshaw, including “Let me in! I’m so cold!” from the chorus. The song had two music videos; the other one can be viewed by clicking here.

Track 9: “Paperback Writer,” by the Beatles

After some slower (and more somber) songs, we switch up the mood and beat a little with the Beatles. “Paperback Writer” was written by Paul McCartney as a response to a challenge by an aunt, according to disc jockey Jimmy Savile, who asked him to write a single that didn’t have to do with love. Regardless of the inspiration, the song is written as a letter from an author to a publisher, making it relatable to writers everywhere.

Track 10: “Autobiography,” by Sloan

This song starts, “I’m bright and young and gifted in my autobiography; I figured who would know better than me?” I’ve always considered this song a little gem for writers, especially writers who have a life story to tell. This song comes off Sloan’s One Chord to Another album, which recently celebrated its 20th anniversary.

Track 11: “Hey Jack Kerouac,” by 10,000 Maniacs

In this performance, Natalie Merchant starts off by reading a brief biography of Jack Kerouac. Then, they jump into this song, which reads like a letter to Kerouac from the opening lines, “Hey Jack Kerouac, I think of your mother and the tears she cried, she cried for none other…” A song about a literary figure and the life of an artist.

Track 12: “Everyday I Write the Book,” by Elvis Costello and the Attractions

For mixtape purposes, I consider this a response track to the previous song. This song was the first hit for Costello and the Attractions in the U.S. It uses the process of writing a book as a metaphor for love and a relationship. One part sings, “Chapter One, we didn’t really get along; Chapter Two, I think I fell in love with you…” Costello himself referred to it as a “bad Smokey Robinson song.”

Track 13: “Unwritten,” by Natasha Bedingfield

I have to admit; I didn’t think this song would be a good fit. But hey, sometimes that’s the magic of a mixtape: Each song raises the others. But I love lyrics like, “Staring at the blank page before you” and “Today is when your book begins.” It hit number five on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2006; so there are at least a few others out there who dig it too.

Track 14: “Word Crimes,” by Weird Al Yankovic

As long as we’re getting into weird territory, it’s time to slip in Weird Al and maybe the best grammar-related song ever. A parody of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” “Word Crimes” has too many lines to do it justice in a short blurb. But it breaks down the proper use of “it’s” and “its,” in addition to talking about the best time to use the world “literally.”

Track 15: “Oxford Comma,” by Vampire Weekend

From a song about grammar to a song that focuses on one of the more contentious grammar issues of all-time: the Oxford comma. Use it? Don’t use it? In this song, Vampire Weekend seems to be saying, “who cares?” Writers, that’s who! Am I right?

Track 16: “Writers Retreat,” by Lloyd Cole

This is when you know we’re getting real on this mixtape: grammar, Oxford commas, and writing retreats? Heck yeah! This is the writing life. In this song, Cole laments how he won’t be there when his lover returns from the writers retreat. From the chorus: “You can write a book while falling apart.”

Track 17: “I’ll Be Your Sylvia Plath,” by Laurel Brauns

This is a sweet, little connector song between the few rollicking romps before it and the final three of this writing music mix. I wish I could share more about this song and the artist, but it was really unknown to me before being recommended on Facebook. The power of social media!

Track 18: “Romeo and Juliet,” by Dire Straits

Considered a classic song by many, “Romeo and Juliet” riffs off the Shakespearean play of the same name. The Dire Straits version is amazing, but I also love the one by the Indigo Girls (listen here). This song is for the literary minded, the broken hearted, and people who just like great music.

Track 19: “BMFA,” by Martha Wainwright

The actual title for this song is a little censored, but multiple folks recommended the song on social media. And I like it. So I’m including it. The song’s opening line is, “Poetry’s no place for a heart that’s a whore.” And eventually there is quite a bit of swearing. If that’s too much, skip this track so the kids can’t hear it. If it’s not, turn up the volume and sing along.

Track 20: “Box Full of Letters,” by Wilco

This is what I call a framing song. The first and final track are both about letter writing. Ha! But seriously, this is a great track that begins, “Got a box full of letters, I think you might like to read…but they’re all addressed to me.” Also, “I just can’t find the time to write my mind the way I want it to read.” And honestly, that about sums up how I often feel as a writer.

*****

Robert Lee Brewer

Robert Lee Brewer is Senior Content Editor of the Writer’s Digest Writing Community and author of the poetry collection, Solving the World’s Problems (Press 53). He edits Poet’s Market and Writer’s Market, in addition to writing a free weekly WritersMarket.com newsletter and a poetry column for Writer’s Digest magazine.

He loves writing and music; so this is like his favorite blog post ever.

Follow him on Twitter @robertleebrewer. Or follow him on Facebook here.

*****

Find more great posts here:

How to Build Your Own E-mail List.

Improve Your Writing Platform in 30 Days.

5 Writing Rules Everyone Should Know.

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from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/20-best-songs-writers-writing-ultimate-writing-mixtape

[buck-askbox]

What tips do you have for an aspiring artist? i know everyones different and there isn't exactly some magical way to get there aside from hard work, but i never seem to be able to draw every day like everyone says. Thank you for being an inspiration regardless! Hope to one day be able to even draw a few your characters (with permission ofc)! Too shy to say this publicly tho, so anon til then!

thank you!!  and sure it’s  ok, fan art is always welcome, i love it. ahh well let’s see i know it took ME time to get where  i am.

it’s not about mindlessly drawing all day but about practicing to get better and enjoy what you do. I got to where  i  am drawing for my own enjoyment and my friend’s never to “Oh man i wanna be super famous” It was always to best myself and be at the same level of  people i admired  but because i thought that  if i was better, i was gonna like my own things more. and its true  i like my things more now, i think i am wonderful. 

So one tip is to always draw to enjoy yourself.  drawing is hard yeah, so is painting and playing an instrument. it takes time, but relax and do it for fun, not to impress people, for you.  Like old people that invest their time into going to learn how to paint, they enjoy it, it makes them calm. to me drawing is a sedative. 

another tip is to try and grow from each drawing, always try something new, don’t just stick to one thing unless well you are okay with that you do you. but i personally am always looking for new brushes, new coloring techniques and several other stuff. i try to go foward and find my own way  around things. 

Tutorials are there to help you UNDERSTAND  how something works. when you play a game the tutorial teaches you how to use something so you understand the command and then use it how you want, like a guide. Art tutorials are like that too, you use them to understand the mechanics and see how to do them. You can stik to them or experiment and eventually find what works FOR YOU because one tutorial on drawing a hand might  work different for another person or maybe it works fine but they also find their own way to draw hands and it goes perfect.  

another thing regarding tutorials and stuff is that one thing is the person that made it  and one thing is you, NEVER get frustrated if you tried doing something like certain artist and it did not turn out. You are you, them are them,  the artist has a skill they developed with long practise and they understand their own deal, you might try copying it and it might not turn out. Do not get down,  do it yourself, emulate and find your own style, what works for them might not work for you but always try to find the way to make it work so that it turns out FOR YOU.

do not get frustrated, no one is rushing you, comparing yourself to others will only hurt you. enjoy yourself “but i can’t not compare myself to others!!” well i don’t know im not a psychologist ;_; 

however it’s  good to have challenges, silently with others or yourself, i am always thinking “eh, i can do better /better than this person” and  i  sit down and do better or put my skill to surpass them in a way and be content with the result. dare yourself but don’t stress yourself.  

“But this 16 year old is better at them than drawing and  i am 21!!” so what? I saw a child play the bass better than me and that doesn’t stop me from keep learning how to play it and play.   

i am really bad at tips and advice tho.REGARDING INTERNET FAME

the internet is hard, getting famous here takes time, if that’s what you’re looking for of course. When i hit 1k followers i couldnt believe it, specially since  i been in this god forsaken site putting my draws online since 2011. now with the amount i have i cannot believe it still,   but it feels good to have people that support you and like what you do. Just be patient.  

BUT i admit there are faster ways to gain traffic, such as, NSFW, fan art, furry creatures, monster girls.   The hardest mode, is trying to gain followers without doing any of these, sadly, i am weak as  i love nsfw and monster girls so i cant speak much. But yeah. 

vocal minorities are always going to be there, so getting negative comments is inevitable, i got a grip of myself  at the end  of last year but i admit i was very weak to it back then. But hey, who cares, you can be the freshest and sweetest peach in the world and there’s still gonna be people that hate peaches there’s nothing you can do but chin up and keep going. 

Tag everything, proper tagging allows others to see your work and thus they can find your pieces and apreciate them. 

Think twice before posting something. If what you draw can spark a controversy but you wanna show it anyway, stick to it, don’t censor yourself and delete it because of bad commentary, after all, you knew what you were doing and why you did it and wanted people to see it. 

you can do it, have fun, do not pressure yourself, it’s  ok to not draw every single day just do it when you can, try learning and growing from  each drawing, and do what is best for you and what works for you. chose what you want to draw and draw it. you have all the time in the world and i know you can do great things. I believe in you, we all do and most importantly, Love your art, love it with all your heart because you did it. I see my drawings from hen i was 11 and  i love them, i feel happy when looking at them,

i’m bad at this tho :’^) im so sorry