#i am grateful to know someone so creative and kind and funny

[merilles]

Medwed, by my friend @/roadkillled💛

[spirits-having-flown]

“matthew, it is with heavy heart i say goodbye. the times we had together are honestly among the favorite times of my life. it was an honor to share the stage with you and to call you my friend. i will always smile when i think of you and i’ll never forget you. never. spread your wings and fly brother, you’re finally free. much love. and i guess you’re keeping the 20 bucks you owe me.” - matt leblanc

“i am so grateful for every moment i had with you matty and i miss you every day. when you work with someone as closely as i did with matthew, there are thousands of moments i wish i could share. for now here's one of my favorites. to give a little backstory, chandler and monica were supposed to have a one night fling in london. but because of the audience's reaction, it became the beginning of their love story. in this scene, before we started rolling, he whispered a funny line for me to say. he often did things like that. he was funny and he was kind. 🤍🕊️" - courteney cox

“oh boy this one has cut deep... having to say goodbye to our matty has been an insane wave of emotions that i've never experienced before. we all experience loss at some point in our lives. loss of life or loss of love. being able to really sit in this grief allows you to feel the moments of joy and gratitude for having loved someone that deep. and we loved him deeply. he was such a part of our dna. we were always the 6 of us. this was a chosen family that forever changed the course of who we were and what our path was going to be. for matty, he knew he loved to make people laugh. as he said himself, if he didn't hear the 'laugh' he thought he was going to die. his life literally depended on it. and boy did he succeed in doing just that. he made all of us laugh. and laugh hard. in the last couple weeks, i've been pouring over our texts to one another. laughing and crying then laughing again. i'll keep them forever and ever. i found one text that he sent me out of nowhere one day. it says it all. matty, i love you so much and i know you are now completely at peace and out of any pain. i talk to you every day... sometimes i can almost hear you saying "could you BE any crazier?" rest little brother. you always made my day... ❤️🕊️” - jennifer aniston

“matty, thank you for ten incredible years of laughter and creativity. i will never forget your impeccable comic timing and delivery. you could take a straight line of dialogue and bend it to your will, resulting in something so entirely original and unexpectedly funny it still astonishes. and you had heart. which you were generous with, and shared with us, so we could create a family out of six strangers. this photo is from one of my favorite moments with you. now it makes me smile and grieve at the same time. i imagine you up there, somewhere, in the same white suit, hands in your pockets, looking around— "Could there BE any more clouds?” “ - david schwimmer

“shot the pilot, friends like us, got picked up then immediately, we were at the nbc upfronts. then... you suggested we play poker and made it so much fun while we initially bonded. thank you for that. thank you for making me laugh so hard at something you said, that my muscles ached, and tears poured down my face every day. thank you for your open heart in a six way relationship that required compromise. and a lot of "talking." thank you for showing up at work when you weren't well and then, being completely brilliant. thank you for the best 10 years a person gets to have. thank you for trusting me. thank you for all I learned about grace and love through knowing you. thank you for the time i got to have with you, matthew.” - lisa kudrow

friends cast remembers matthew perry 🤍🕊️

[zyk1ng]

I was gonna make this post way way earlier but I forgot lol but Uhm

I have played through the splatoon 2 story fully and am replaying it (for a future post bc a lot of the dialogue is rlly funny) and honestly while I absolutely loved it it makes me even sadder that splat 2’s story mode was kinda tossed aside (for valid reasons ofc) because it’s so Cool.

Excluding the gameplay, I think they did marie so well, because she sells the desperation of someone who’s got nobody she knows by her side. While she of course keeps the sassy attitude of sneak dissing her best friends (agent 3) and also telekinetically telling you to fuck off if you talk to her too much it’s very clear she genuinely cares so much about agent 4 and is so grateful they’re doing what they do.

these are only two screenshots of 8(?) of Marie randomly being really sentimental to 4 because this stranger chose to help her in her time of need rather than just ignore this GROWN WOMAN hanging out on a sewer drain

It’s like heavily emphasized multiple times that Marie could not be more grateful for 4’s help in retrieving not just the zapfish but also her cousin.

But then revealing that 4 knew about Callie the WHOLE TIME (I have a lot to say about this part but it’s mostly hc so) which is so KIND OF THEM???? this random woman recruits them into a secret military agency and hides the fact she rlly misses her cousin but they help anyway bc they WANT TO. (They didn’t even know either of them were famous btw) Marie shows a lot of gratitude toward 4 ESPECIALLY after the big reveal.

(You could make arguments for 3 being similar bc an old kook made them do it but this isn’t about them..)

And it’s not just being grateful for the one time, she genuinely enjoys 4’s company and wants to be better friends with them and chat after the zapfish and Callie are saved 😭😭😭

It’s so cute too, because 100%ing the game and even just being a little nosy is something that Marie picks up on, and remembers way later in the game. (More abt this later)

god I love this socially inept squid woman and her adopted child soldier that likes finding pieces of paper

Speaking of said soldier! I think the way they characterized 4 via the actual gameplay rather than art/statements/whatever is so cool

4 doesn’t have many illustrations besides the chaos splatfest and that one group photo where they’re being funky in the corner (and the apartment) but I feel like the reason for that is the fact that a lot of Marie’s dialogue as well as how splatoon 2’s hero mode is structured/designed speaks a lot about how they wanted to represent 4.

From a realistic standpoint, of course splatoon 2’s story mode has to be more creative both prompt wise and secret wise. But it feels like the reason its that way is because both 4 and Marie are separate types of people from Craig and 3.

The bosses help a lot with this too, being more gimmicky and weird (subtracting stamp.) Octo shower and samurai being bosses where you have to either react well or change your positioning to effectively beat them. (Octo shower is my fave btw I loved fighting it the first time)

The level design also shines in this aspect because if I’m honest I remember none of the splat 1 levels significantly besides the few octoling ones. Splatoon 2’s levels are very detailed (and also insanely pretty) and have some rlly fun puzzles in a handful of them and even the more fast ones are a blast to play through

And then all the little extras (sardiniums and scrolls alike) are hidden so well and you usually have to go out of your way to find them and even the secrets that aren’t either of those things have substance

Small note, a lot of extras are also made so that it flows well with the levels design (like the first dualie request mission) which is also extremely fucking cool.

the way marie touches on those little discoveries is so smart too because it (as I said before) characterizes 4 as someone who loves to look for things even if it’s on a whim especially since the sunken scrolls in the game are so much harder to find than in splat1.

And the fact that unlike splat 1, you can (technically) 800% the game by playing EVERY SINGLE LEVEL WITH EVER SINGLE WEAPON TYPE. to me it feels like it deepens the fact that 4 likes to be really thorough. marie goes “you have a problem.” When you break like two hidden egg crates in this one level and it’s so great.

I love what they’ve done with 4, whether it was intentional or I’m over-analytical.

Nothing gets past them, looking in every nook and cranny whether or not there’s secrets to be found. They’re too nosy and thorough and they like to be around marie after completing missions, they don’t know who the squid sisters are, hate balloons, may or may not be ok, have impulsive secret finding, partake in many extracurriculars, can be needy at times, go with the flow and they apparently smell better than agent 3.

Agent four, of the New Squidbeak Splatoon.

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 2

Link to Part 1! I am sharing just a few of my favorite memories of the @tf-bigbang

Let's keep going!

DREAM TEAM 66

The moment I saw @spashahoney's sketch, Team 66 LAUNCHED to the top of my list. I am so lucky to have been matched up with her as my partner!! She is funny, creative, encouraging, and I loved when we fed off each other's energy! I am truly proud of what we created and sincerely hope we continue to work together in the future <3

It was very fun knowing I wanted to partner with her even when I wasn't allowed to say XD

We were a dream team from the start and I'm not afraid to brag about this fact.

We were so chaotic and I had so much fun bouncing around with her talking transformers and about her concept for our collab!

I was also so, so very wrong about how much I planned to write for this fic XD

Either way, we adored what we both had made!

It's also SO TERRIFYING to even think about someone watching you while you write a fic based off of their art XD

It was VERY FUN and I adore my artist <3

Do I completely blame her for my new Optimus/Rodimus obsession? YES.

#BOBACULT

I bought...so much more boba than I usually do because of these people XD Boba Bthursdays and Bubble Tea Fridays birthed an ongoing boba addiction in me that I'm not trying all that hard to fix XD

RP

Getting back into rping! Most importantly starting to rp transformers! I've always been a big fan of collaborative storytelling through roleplay, so am always DELIGHTED to find rp partners to play with <3

I had to pause because of vacations and the bang deadline, but I can't wait to get back into it!

500 Word Writer Awards

We were challenged to write 500 words for a secret prize and suddenly every last block I felt that was preventing me from starting to write DISAPPEARED. I wrote 632 words and suddenly felt like I could do this🙂

I'm very proud of this reward and am keeping it forever.

I'm Easily Baited with Prizes

That was the start of something I kinda knew but FULLY REALIZED over the past few months...that I am so, so, so easily motivated with prizes. It takes minimal effort on the prize giver's part. All it has to be is something you took the time to provide for me and say its mine and suddenly I DRIVEN to complete whatever task is set before me XD

It's pathetic really. But also here are my prizes look at them I worked so hard for them be proud of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

DO YOU LIKE THEM I WORKED SO HARD FOR THEM! *bright eyes and wags tail*

Friends <3

I made so many friends! Friends to brainstorm with, an ao3 moot, a friend I've entered into a blood pact with, friends I've written together with a sprinting bot, friends to rp with, friends to talk about space robots with and anything under the sun :) I cherish them all so so so much <3

The Great Cicada War

But my friends bullied me :( They witnessed me dealing with probably the most harrowing part of the year...cicada season.

Time of My Life

I hadn't had this much fun in an online community...in a while. The past four months contain precious memories and friendships made that I'll treasure forever.

To the mods, thank you so much for hosting such a fun event! You all put so much work into making this special for us and I couldn't be more grateful to have been a part of this.

To all my new friends, thank you for welcoming me into this space and making me feel like I'm a real part of this fandom! Thank you for being kind and encouraging me when I was down and struggling, and thank you for uplifting and cheering me on when I was proud and succeeding. May inspiration always come easily to you.

Thanks for all the memories! I'll see you soon :)

[clanofjones]

MERRY (late) CHRISTMAS!

I started this on Chrismas Eve and I just finished it five minutes ago, but I think it's pretty good nonetheless! Quality got scrambled tho, so click for better quality LOL

L to R: (I am sorry for the tag if you don't celebrate or didn't want to be in this, I will do my best to change it if that it the case)

@fanatess, @theosb0rnway, @3mutantsinatrenchcoat, @paytato435, @karonkar, me, @delicatechildwitch, @allyheart707, @friskebits, @zeawesomeness, @tinker-the-dragon, @yelenapines, @justletmereadmycomics

There are so many others I wanted to include, but my canvas is not that big! I love you all regardless!

For those pictured, I am feeling sentimental, so have a nice sentiment under the cut ^^

Fanatess: You are always super sweet to me, and you let me rant about silly tropes and fic ideas! Thank you so much. (Fun fact, I own the tree hat in the art, and it gives me 'you' vibes)

Oz: Oh my god, literally where to start. You are absolutely amazing, and I have to thank you so, so much for letting me rant about random crap, even if it makes no sense. You’re like. The best person I could have made an AU with.

Three: Gotta say, I don't really know you all that well, but what I do know is that you are so kind and awesome. Your asks always brighten my day, and it's always awesome to talk to you!

Payto: They say great minds think alike. Regarding Casey Junior, I think we might be thinking exactly the same. LOL. Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off of you regarding the best boy. We've taken over the "au-rant" channel and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kar: You are like. SO COOL. I stand by that statement. You are one of the coolest people I’ve met online, and my brain straight-up short-circuits when I remember 'yes, we are friends with this guy, and this guy knows we exist. Holy shit.' Weird world, ammarite?

Me: SELF LOVE, you guys! If this many awesome people care about me, then I'm probably pretty awesome too, right? YAY! Friends!!

Ally: If our server had a yearbook, you’d win “kindest person” or whatever the actual title is. You get the point! You are always so kind and inspiring to me, and thank you for the extra encouragement to actually finish this!!

Del: You are so sweet and kind and creative it's unreal! It's been so fun so far getting to interact with you and I look forward to more of it in the New Year!

Frisk: Thanks for somehow always being there. Whenever I shove some janky art or concept into a server, you’re almost always the first one there with encouragement, a compliment, or something to add. Thanks for the extra encouragement on this thing's completion as well!!

Ze: I haven’t interacted with you much, but when I have, you have been nothing but nice and welcoming! If we’re being honest, I was pretty nervous but you’ve been super cool to me, and it means a lot!

Tinker: It’s always crazy when you share fandoms with the gang outside of The Main, Soul Encompassing One, and I find it so fun to have someone else to discuss them with! Hatchetfield and TMNT enjoyers unite! *high-fives you* You've also got such good takes!

Yelena: If not for you, I wouldn't be on Tumblr at all in the first place! For that, you've earned a place in my hall of fame. I know we don't talk often anymore, but it's always so exciting when I see you on my dash!

justletmereadmycomics: (slightly embarrassing, but I don't know a name to call you by ._.) You are one of my closest beloved mutuals! I have loved getting to know you, it always warms my heart whenever I see you in my activity! You are so funny and smart, keep just being you!

You're all so smart and creative, it bewilders me how we met in the first place! Either way, I'm so grateful for it, and I wish you all nothing but the best in the New Year!!

[wowbright]

Fic: Home for Christmas

Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023

Prompt: I'll Be Home For Christmas

Words: ~650 words                                  

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: On Blaine’s second Christmas as a missionary, he calls the Anderson clan. But first, he calls Kurt.

Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the likely possibilities for their future.

* * *

Christmas was as perfect as it could get on a mission. Blaine spent the day at the refugee center, playing with kids and chatting with the adults who didn't know German, but knew English. He and his companion came here at least twice a week now; President Steele had increased their service hours to ten a week so they could help out with the church’s refugee efforts. And because it was Christmas, they were allowed to spend even more time volunteering.

This was the kind of missionary work Blaine loved—sharing Christ's love not by preaching, but by helping to put smiles on the faces of people who had every reason to frown.

Unfortunately, they couldn't spend forever there. In the evening, they returned to their apartment to make their twice-a-year phone calls home. Blaine’s companion went into the bedroom for his call, shutting the door behind him. Blaine stayed in the kitchen and removed his contraband phone from its hiding place in his bag. He would call Arizona in a few minutes, but first he had someone else to talk to.

“Blaine! I'm so glad you got a chance to call! Merry Christmas!” Kurt’s voice was effervescent. It made Blaine feel light and bubbly inside. He was so grateful to Elder Nixon for convincing him to buy this phone.

“Me too. My companion is in the bedroom now calling his folks, and the door is closed. I love Christmas!” Blaine was already smiling so hard, he could feel a pleasant ache in his cheeks.

"Have you already called your folks?”

“No, he thinks that's what I'm doing now. And I will call them, but I had to hear your voice first. So tell me all about your Christmas!”

“Well—” Kurt launched into a warm and funny story about a candy cane incident involving his dad and aunt. “And yesterday’s caroling at the senior center with the old members of the glee club was fun. Most of our audience really seemed to enjoy it, but my favorite was the old lady who hated us. They had a big table of craft supplies for making decorations, and she kept taking the pipe cleaners and folding them up in suggestive designs and then throwing them at us. And she had the most creative insults! Really spunky! I can only aspire to be so charismatic in my old age.”

Blaine chuckled. Kurt was one of a kind.

“Now, tell me about your day,” Kurt said. “What did you do? I hope you didn't have to sit through an uncomfortable Christmas dinner with a family you hardly know. I hated those. I always felt like I was imposing.”

"It was great!” Blaine told Kurt all about it. They texted regularly, so Kurt was familiar with many of the names and personalities. But talking was special. Blaine didn't get many chances where he was alone enough that he could carry on a conversation out loud on his verboten phone.

“I'm so glad you're getting to volunteer more,” Kurt said. “You sound really happy.”

“I am, when I'm working with them. Some of the other stuff is still hard, but whenever I can help people, everything gets better,” Blaine said. “I still miss you, though. A lot.”

“I know. I miss you, too. I don't say it much, because I don't want to do anything that would pull you back home before you’re ready. But I’ll be really, really happy to see you and hold you and kiss you and … Well, my dad’s in the next room. I can't get too graphic. But I'm looking forward to all that when you get back, Blaine.”

Blaine felt himself blushing—out of delight more than modesty. “Me, too. And I can't wait to be home with you next Christmas.”

“Oh?” Kurt’s tone was flirtatious. “Whose home? Yours or mine?”

“It doesn't matter. Anywhere you are is home to me, Kurt.”

[morska--vila]

Tag some of your favorite mutuals to let them know you love them and it's going to be okay! 💖💖💖

wow this is really cute 🥺 first of all, I love all of my mutuals, you guys bring me so much joy whenever I'm here and you all mean a lot to me

I'm really sorry if I forgot someone important (it happens to me a lot 💀), but know I love and appreciate all of you and I'm ultra grateful to have this safe space with all of you in it ❤️

first my bestest girl @day-trippin-dreamer, I love you so much, you're my soulmate and the one person that can pull me out of the deepest gutters with just a few words. you're the most amazing person I've ever met, you are smart, funny, capable, kind, compassionate, creative, humble, drop dead gorgeous and you just radiate positivity. you're so brave, I'm always amazed by your strength. my life would literally suck so much without you and I can't (and don't want to) imagine a single day without you in it for the rest of my life. I appreciate you so much and all of our conversations, whether we're joking, hoeing, thirsting, being silly or being serious, bring me so much happiness and I always feel so loved and worthy in your presence. I appreciate all the time and effort you consistently put into our friendship and how much time you've spent over the years on making me feel good about myself. you have the most uplifting spirit and I'm immensely jealous of anyone who gets to share space with you every day and I hope and pray every day that you're being treated nicely and appreciated the way you deserve to be. I am so sorry for being so difficult and stubborn sometimes and I thank you for still putting up with me and still being here. I promise to keep working on myself so I can be the kind of friend a sexy bitch like you deserves so we can finally meet and start checking off that to do list together. I feel so lucky and grateful that I get to call myself your friend and that I get to witness firsthand all of your success and achievements. I love you so much more than I can explain with words and I hope that I make you feel good because you don't deserve anything less. 🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗🩷💗

@awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands moja sestra 💗 first of all, thank you for tagging me in this, it made my heart so warm! you are such a kind and beautiful soul, you always go out of your way to make others feel good and I admire your endless positivity. you are so hot, your selfies and outfits are always fire. I love your creative mind and I feel so lucky and grateful to be your sestra ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@emometalhead girl, you just get me. I feel like I can tell you anything and you would understand. your friendship, reassurance and support over the years mean so much to me. you are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside and I'm always in awe of you. despite life not always treating you kindly, you are still so positive, compassionate and cheerful. just like Alessia, you bring a lot of light into this world and we're all lucky to have you by our side 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

@glamourizedcocaine my dude, my bro, my og, the nikki to my tommy. never underestimate what your insane (affectionate) mind is capable of. you can do and achieve anything you want as long as you don't listen to other people's shitty projections of their own insecurity. you are so intelligent, brave, CRAZILY creative and talented, funny as hell, determined and smoking hot. your friendship means a lot to me and I've been so lucky over the years to be able to witness some of your ingenious AND dumbass ideas (duality of man am I right). I love you dude and I hope you're doing well. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

@ephyjeva sestro moja, ovnu moj ♈, hvala ti što me uvijek nasmiješ i razveseliš. sanjala sam neku noć da smo skupa išle na psihomodo 😭😭 možda se i ostvari jednog dana. sjećam se prvog puta kad smo imale neku prepisku u komentarima i bilo mi je tako toplo oko srca vidjet naš jezik na ovoj godforsaken app 😭 hvala ti za sve i nadam se da te mobitel dobro služi bumeru jedan 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

@ladyshandioftheendless shandi, my love, you are so fun, smart and creative, I love seeing you on my dash and your views are always so right, I always agree with everything you say. you are so awesome and I love reading your tags. I hope life is treating you nicely because you deserve it and I hope all the good things come your way 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

@stars-kiss-the-sky SKYYYY 💖 my beloved bee and shrek enthusiast. you're such a great person and you always have the most fun stories, your sense of humour had me on the floor on multiple occasions 😭 I really hope you're doing well and that Jackie and his dogs howled at the full moon the other day 😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

@jcferrero we haven't talked, but I enjoy seeing you on my dash and in my notes. your humour is unmatched, your tennis takes and blorbos superior and your tags exquisite 🤌 you seem very kind and I truly hope you're having the best week 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

@kodachromatics I love your sense of humour and your posts are always on point. we've talked briefly (in unfortunate circumstances sadly) and you seem like you have a very bright soul and I can sense your kindness through the screen. I hope you're doing well and I'm sending you hugs if you need them 😭🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

@fedalgaard we also haven't talked, but I love seeing you on my dash and in my notes, I really appreciate you being here and I love learning about cycling through your posts. you seem like the sweetest person overall and I'm wishing you an amazing week and i hope you're doing well 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

@born-to-lose you're so weird in the best possible way!! 😭😭 I love seeing your posts and selfies (and those fire fits) on my dash and I really love your sense of humour. you're really smart and creative, I admire your knowledge of languages and I love your music taste so much. hopefully today has been kind to you and I wish the rest of the week is too 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[rosehippiefield]

For the ask game I am curious about 20, 23 and 24 (yttd and undertale)

20. your very first fandom!

My first fandom was Fairytail and gosh I have so many memories about it. While I have my reservations about fanservice and story plot holes, the power of friendship actually (mostly) made sense and the found family that is the guild is very sweet. I was mesmerized by all the magic types and many likable characters. I even used to tell fanfics to my friend who got me into it (yes, "tell" because I had no idea what fanfic was, so I just imagined random stories. I never thought them out or finished them but it was incredibly fun).

However, I didn't really see the fandom until later, when third season came out. It was light-hearted, memey and fixated on power scales and ships. I didn't exactly join it because I never interacted with anyone (given some hot takes of mine maybe it's a good thing) but there was plenty of material to read and analyse. And I was obsessed so I count it as my fandom

Also my second most powerful hyperfixation, Freed Justine. It was awkward waiting for this guy to appear at least somewhere while majority of fandom was into ships and main characters. But then I saw that someone wrote fanfics about him, there were plenty of fanarts. My thirst for information was more or less satisfied. He became so inspiring that I ended up creating oc based on him (partly because I didn't like his canon character development but hey I shouldn't be negative here)

23. the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

There are many like Dungeon Meshi, Omori, Parties are for losers and School bus graveyard

Dungeon Meshi seems comforting for some reason, maybe due to Senshi (that's his name, right?) and how he promotes healthy eating habits. And memes about characters being different kind of autistic. If I join this fandom know it was power of autism all along

I know some events from Omori but not the whole story. I heard it's depressing so I don't want to be sad, I have real life and yttd already. But at the same time I'm intrigued by its fighting system and well, sometimes I'm attracted to tragedy

Parties are for losers is something I have googled and read about but ultimately I didn't watch anything. So maybe once I'll finally give it a try

And I have read a bit of school bus graveyard but I decided that one hyperfixation is enough. Even though it is an interesting webtoon.

Just wait, my dear mutuals, I'll join these fandoms someday. Probably

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life? (Yttd)

Right now I adore our fandom! It is so cozy and funny and I'm glad to be part of it! Honestly, before I began posting I was afraid of hate or that my takes were wrong etc, but people were far more accepting. I argued only once about my opinions and even then it was a civilised discussion. Some tumblrinas followed me, I followed back and I got to know those people better. So even if my life is hard I know that there are people here that care. It's heartwarming to know

If I'm talking about yttd as a game it's going to be too long but in a nutshell it really makes me think. What is good, what is bad, what is justified? What makes us human, what is weakness and what is strength? It is not black and white, yttd shows how different perspectives define our understanding of these concepts. And one of many conclusions I've come to is that we should believe in ourselves and try to stay true to our beliefs as much as possible

Also, English language practice. English is nowhere near my mother tongue so I make ungodly amount of mistakes. But with practice I am improving little by little. And I'm grateful that there's absolutely no semblance of hate due to grammatically incorrect sentences and the like

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life? (Undertale)

I didn't actively participate in it but it was so creative! So many AUs, so many ideas. I loved listening to musicals (which also helped me understand English orally). I am still inspired to do something like this. I dream of creating musicals for my favorite games (I've tried to write lyrics for battle of wits from Exit/corners but I have no idea if the result is fine). And some of my ocs come from Undertale's souls because I loved the concept of souls and their abilities

This comforting game also made me think about forgiveness and the whole complexity of monsterkind's situation. I really sympathise with overwhelming majority of them. Is violence an option? Is it the last resort? Such lessons are impactful even if you're the one choosing the answer

[i-really-like-phrogs]

Why do you talk the way you do? No hate, I just think it’s really silly and funny. I recently started using punctuation the way you do to indicate how I am talking, as well as saying Hahaha instead of lol and I like it so much better

Silly and goofy, you say? Well that is certainly the goal I go for! The goal of my blog is always to make things that I myself want to see, and finding my voice while writing was definitely a step toward that. I wanted my blog to have a unique sound, and a tone that had a welcoming and conversational quality— Like talking to a beloved family friend who watched you as a baby or a spunky old lady who invites you to her house all the time and calls you ‘sugar’.

I kind of think of the way I talk like someone from a really old children’s book the likes of Charolette’s Web or Corduroy. I used to write like that a lot as a kid, but I stopped around middle school. Last year, when I got into Welcome Home and I scrolled through all the fantastical works of @partycoffin, I found myself falling in love with how they like to write, it was like finding that little author’s voice inside me again! I also adored the way they liked to talk through tags, they were almost always one of my favorite parts of the post. So… I artistically snatched it! Its sort of funny, I develop an actual different voice in real life whenever I type! Sure, it’s very similar to how I talk normally, but the tone of it becomes more soft and direct, like an audiobook narrator. I also subconsciously read everything aloud as I type it, and my punctuation usually ends up being used to match the inflections and sound.

I’m much more of an artist than a writer, but if you’d like to make your writing more unique to you, here are the three things I learned from writing on this blog:

Have a voice in mind that represents what you want the world to know about you. It’s hard to encapsulate every little thing, but using the voice in your head makes it more believable

Punctuation is an art form! Be aware of grammar rules, but also play around with ways you can use punctuation marks as cues that make your work more expressive.

Take advantage of the format you’re using. If there’s a feature you enjoy writing with, see how you can use it to say what you want to say!

It goes without saying, but write how you yourself would like to read. Even if you’re writing comments and reblogs, think how you would like others to interact with your work. Be genuine about what you’re saying, but treat it like you’re starting a conversation.

And… that’s all I got! I don’t always succeed at doing the things I’ve mentioned here, but it is what I have in mind when I post. Starting this blog has taught me so much in about my voice as a creative, and I’m so grateful for all the awesome people who provide me so much support and coolness. You’re all awesome, keep doing great things!

[desertsquiet]

Despite the fact that an unexpectedly funny and infamous internet presence had made him a very well-known figure even among the younger generations of music fans, I feel like David Crosby’s own contribution to the art has always been somewhat underrated. I can recall a few instances where people wondered what he was even doing on bands like CSN and the Byrds, as if his role was pretty much singing an harmony line and that was it. The reality is even if he did “just that” his importance in those groups would have still been invaluable, but he did so much more.

Almost two years ago, having grown up in a Neil Young household all my life but never having actively listened to anything CSN or CSNY related and being even less familiar with any of their mother bands, I embarked on a journey of discovery where I wanted to focus on each unique singer/songwriter at a time, both solo and in the context of a band. As it turns out, not surprisingly, I was already pretty familiar with many of the songs I found along the way: Teach Your Children, Ohio, Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, For What It’s Worth, Our House, Helpless, Chicago. However, I had never heard a single David Crosby-penned track before. And when I did, they were nothing like I would have expected them to be based on his public persona. While I strongly gravitated to Stephen Stills at first - and I still mantain that his early songwriting, singing, performing and arranging is second to none - and in many way Stephen’s songs are still the ones I enjoy listening to the most, I slowly realized that David’s songs were actually the ones that spoke to me the most, that felt more true to who I am. For someone who was so notoriously opinionated, his songs mostly reflected uncertainty and doubt.

They were always questions. “Why”, “What’s Happening?”, “What Are Their Names”, “Where Will I Be?”. Together with the incredible way their voices could blend, I think that’s the secret of what made the musical partnership of Crosby & Nash work so well: David’s music is always asking questions and Graham’s music is always providing answers. I sure know whose side I am on, but I can also appreciate the magic that the melding of such opposite but complementary outlooks like that can bring.

They were also uniquely freeform and trippy, psychedelic and truly experimental. David Crosby was the biggest reason the Byrds were among the first bands (perhaps the very first) to dabble in “psychedelic rock” and the albums where his creative presence is felt the most, Fifth Dimension and Younger Than Yesterday, are nothing short of incredible milestones. His songs on those albums are undoubtedly some of my favorite stuff he ever did, especially the achingly beautiful Everybody’s Been Burned.

They took you on a journey that was both unsettling and relaxing at the same time, that made you question everything beginning with reality itself around you, and there was just nothing like it. Especially not in 1966-67. Later, when his music changed setting, he still maintained that original style that didn’t even seem to care about expressing his ideas in the form of a song, it felt more like a free flowing stream of melody and sound and thoughts that couldn’t and shouldn’t be confined to any kind of shape.

He was entirely his own thing for his entire career and his music made me feel like maybe it was okay to always feel confused by the world around me and like maybe it was okay there really weren’t easy solutions or answers to be found, but it was important to constantly question ourselves and the outside world to try and make sense of it all in our own specific way. I got to know myself a little better by listening to his songs and they made me feel understood and validated like very few artists have managed to do with their music. I can only be forever grateful to him for that and I will miss him terribly.

[b-sai-des]

An Interview with Lilith a.k.a nicho santos is dead (pt1)

Earlier this week I had a really in depth and insightful conversation with a good friend of mine from high school, Lilith Santos (they/them), an experimental hip-hop producer studying music production at Berklee College of Music in Boston. They’ve been doing a lot of really interesting work with their solo albums and collaborations with different artists, and I was really grateful to hear from them about a variety of different topics like their collaborations, their personal journey as an artist, elements of their particular approach to production, and their personal philosophy as an artist and a person. 

We started catching up on what we’ve been up to. Lilith said that they’ve been busy with a lot of classes, but they’re doing some upcoming shows in Boston as well.

I’ve gotten to know Lilith pretty well these last few years, and one of the things I’ve always admired about them is their authenticity and sense of community. In our big and close-knit high school friend group I’ve definitely felt this, and Lilith spoke a lot here about the way that they look at things and how that’s shaped and been shaped by their journey with music. 

I know you've been working with a lot of different artists lately, like Annie Elise, Maz, Ghais Guevara, and asoookha. Is there a particular story when you met one of these artists? What was the start of one of those creative collaborations? 

Oh, for sure. I could give you the answer right now. I could do it for all of them, actually. It's not that deep. If we're thinking chronologically, then the oldest person that I know from these two, it has to be Annie, Annie first. Annie is someone that I met online during the peak of the COVID pandemic and all that whole jazz and stuff. And it was a Discord server that I would regularly flock to because I did moderate in that (laughs) as lame as that sounds. Jokes aside, I am very proud of doing my role in the community for that amount of time. And actually, Annie is the person that convinced me to go to Berkeley to begin with. 

Oh, wow. 

Yeah, she was the person that was actually willing to encourage me to audition, do all the stuff that I had to. But it kind of just started off on like a very mutual basis. Like we had friends of friends, she was at Berklee at the time before she dropped out. And, you know, we would talk a lot, but nothing really would suffice until I really got into Boston.

Now, maybe it was like a couple months before I got to Boston. And keep in mind the mindset that I was, I just had gotten out of like an eight-month relationship and she had just gotten out of like a three-year relationship. I told this story to a lot of people because it's really funny how we ended up coming with this idea [their music project, The Heartmenders] to essentially cope with our loss of partners, but also the gain of our fruits of a new life, essentially. And what happened was I was visiting Boston beforehand, just to kind of check out the school, visit Annie and all that. And I remember the first night that I arrived there, I'm driving over to her place, I'm trying to find parking and I get a text and she's like, “Sorry if I seem upset today. I just got broken up with.”

And I'm like, holy shit, that couldn't have been more insane timing than what happened to me. So, you know, being a friend first, I listened to her. We went out to get pizza,  it was like this whole, it was a really nice night. I look back at that night with such fondness and joy, but in retrospect it really was the start of everything. 

Cause I remember she would text me two months later, on and off talking. This was after I got into Berklee. After she helped me with my audition process, the year prior, she was like, “You know, well, since my ex doesn't have the performance privileges to be with me anymore, do you want to perform with me?” Already getting a gig opportunity before school started was crazy to me, and I'm so fucking grateful for this moment in our friendship. I'm very grateful for her in general. I can tell you that I'm grateful for all these people. When I got that opportunity, it was such an easy thing to say yes to, and I'm so glad I did. 

It was at Bill's bar, for a Breaking Sound showcase. And it seemed like the biggest thing in my life. Now it's like, you know, footnote of the past, but it's like one of the biggest things that happened to me. And in that period of time of moving in, getting settled into school and figuring stuff out before the show, we were like, “Hey, let's just make some music together so I don't have to just perform like all your stuff – no offense, I just want to be able to perform some of my stuff as well.” And she’s like “Yeah, sure!”

I feel like we were super lucky in how we caught lightning in the bottle that day when I was making beats over at her house and we were laying down vocals. She was so easy to work with. She really knew her way around the DAW [digital audio workstation], I was still more or less an amateur. I'm still a student in my craft, I'm still learning how to do all of that stuff, but, you know, seeing her work inspired me to figure out a work process on my own, work harder on my stuff. And we would just end up sending a bunch of shit back and forth to each other from the summer before I moved into Boston. 

I think the important thing was that the relationship, the friendship, was already established. So that made the work 500 times easier. Being able to work with her on that, get like devil's advocate on certain inputs, but also just being able to rock out and like have no stress and making shit with was probably one of the biggest blessings I could ever receive, and it definitely did carry into how I treat a lot of my collaborators and like, you know, how much I want to do, see the chemistry, you know, whatever's up with that.

And, you know, Annie and I have been like really close friends since I still keep up with her from time to time on the phone. She's super busy nowadays, but she always makes time to respond and do all this stuff with me, so I find myself grateful.

Annie Elise and Lilith Santos are The Heartmenders.

We're working on a new album right now. We're taking our time with it.

That gets me excited, because the first EP – I was blown away by that.

And that was like, those are really old tracks. Actually, I'll send you the old demos right now, I think it was on a fucking Medium article. I wrote about it in the Medium article. I do talk about the entire story in a lot more depth. I'm really glad I wrote about it. It was a really fun exercise (laughs). Yeah, it was just a fun time. It's really funny looking back at my previous heartbreak, and I don't feel so strongly about it right now. You know, it's just kind of funny knowing a time where like I deadass wrote about it, and it was so cathartic for me for no reason. 

I can give you another collaborator too, which one are you the most interested in? I could do all of them. 

Yeah, whatever you feel most interested in talking about. It sounds like you have a really good repertoire and a good relationships with all these people. It's cool to hear that kind of camaraderie that's there that you have with all the people that you're working with, and it sounds like a really nice community there.

Oh, for sure. For a lot of things, especially in school, the one thing I have to remind myself at the beginning was that I'm here for the school. Obviously, I'm here to make my parents proud. And it was already a crazy journey, becoming a musician, taking it seriously, and then actually going to a school for it. But the more important thing that I'm here for is the community. I mean, I've made some amazing friends. I could like, talk so much about them, you know, just how true to themselves they are, and how much they inspire me to keep working on things and do things a different way or see things a certain way. It's honestly super inspiring. 

One of those people is Maz. Now, Maz is someone I met recently in the whole grand scheme of things. I became very good friends with him like a year ago. He's like one of my closest homies I ever made at the school. And we met off of a beat battle for the Berkeley Hip Hop Club that I was recommended to do when, you know, everyone was still trying to find their friends for college, their roommates, and be like, “oh, like I have this thing in common, too.” I didn't meet him there, but a friend of mine was like, “Yo you should join the beat battle. The guy who runs Berklee Hip Hop right now is judging it, and I think he would be really cool for him to see your work.” I took him up on the offer. He really liked my work! 

And we kind of knew of each other, but it was really when we met in person – a lot of the stuff, especially for all these collaborations, except for one, really blossomed after meeting them in person after they're really getting to know them as a person. I'm a very social person. I try to be at least, and, you know, (laughs) it definitely shows. 

Now, the funny thing is with Soul Snatchers, that whole EP was just tracks made for fun. And we somehow just worked our way into a really nice, concise circle full of ideas and such. it's just really easy to just make something, put down vocals, and then be done with it. The surprising this about this was I exclusively produced it. Another great thing about the collaboration was that I had Maz there helping me with the beat as well. Maz already is like one of the greatest working producers I know at Berklee. Like, he knows how to mix, he knows how to engineer, he knows how to experiment just enough, but also keep it in the realm of like, digestible. You know, for someone like me, that's a bit of a task! So seeing Maz do it and also being a part of his band helps too. It's amazing. And I think the main thing I got from this was that we were just having fun. A lot of the music that we make is never really that deep.

There are certain things in the production that Maz wants to fulfill every time we have a session. And whenever those prerequisites are filled up, I get to do whatever I want. So it's kind of taught me a lot about restraint. He's very set on what to do. He's very clean, thorough, efficient with it. It inspired me for my own production, just kind of honing down my process even more to like almost on a molecular level, especially for just like basic ideas.

It's really nice. I have like a mini Maz in my head sometimes telling me to make split decisions or not, and then just sticking with them until the end of the song. 

It seems like from all your collaborations, you kind of picked up things from them, and you've learned from each of them. I was also wondering, for your most recent album, distant benevolence – I was struck  when you released side B, because I could definitely see how you and asoookha had two distinct styles, but they kind of came together on both side A and side B.

Yeah! Ah, oh, man, ah that collaboration was a lot of fun! So they mentioned this in their YouTube description of the actual tape itself. They literally uploaded it like a day ago. In the comments, he does recall the story of when this first happened. Originally, we were friends of a friend. Shout out to TEYO. If you're reading this, what up? That kid is fucking talented. And amazing.

TEYO! on Spotify

He was the one that brought asoookha and I together. I remember hearing off of one of his tracks. I think it was "the lights dim as I live." It's a good song. The production on that was like, absolutely stellar. And like hearing that come from an 18 year old, right? Fucking wild! Like I was making stuff at like 18, but I don't think I ever sounded like that good. So I was like, okay, I had to see what was up with this guy. 

I get invited to the discord server and I immediately make friends with this dude. Asoookha is awesome. We have a lot of the same interests. We're both into the same, like DJ and HoloLive, VTuber shit. It's a, it's a really funny thing to bond over. But at the same time, like our shared love for these like weird ass interests, like anime and like VTubing and like just weird fucking unplayable video games, it really brought us closer.

Youtube upload of Distant Benevolence Side B by asoookha.

And this guy's in Australia. Now keep in mind, this is not my first rodeo with a long distance friendship– I have this friend named Allanah, crazy voice actor, who I met a couple years ago over the internet and across the sea. So awesome. Like just such an awesome individual– Asoookha lives all the way in Australia, so I know how this shit works already. I know what kind of times to be up at. I know when to hit them up, when to not hit them up type of deal. And it was just really easy for us to get along. 

And one day, I think it was like maybe a couple of months ago, they were like, yo Lilith, do you want to just like make a collab album? That would be really funny. And I was like, as funny as that does sound, I think it would sound pretty good. So I went along with it. And I think for the entire time, asoookha was just not expecting for this to work out. Like, it was just going to be like another, like, “Oh, like, you know, we'll say we'll do it, but we're never actually going to do”, but we, we kind of came in and swept! It was such a crazy display of a two way street I've ever seen, especially from Boston all the way to Australia. We were really on top of our shit.

And that's what was like, so surprising about it. And, you know, our styles are super different. I'm very – I don't think my stuff should be perfect at all. I don't want it to be perfect. That's against my whole being as a producer, my style. Just having the weird dichotomy of like, super clean, nostalgic beats from asoookha and like this dirty but like raw and emotional stuff coming from me, it was like magical to me, hearing everything front to back. We thought about the track order and stuff together. And we just realized like, it would sound good if we just went from one emotion to the other, just like quite literally had two sides of the tape dedicated to each of us. It was kind of easy from then on.

I'm very thankful to call myself his friend. He's probably one of the craziest, talented producers out there in terms of sampling and finding stuff and getting really deep, like deep into that pocket.

I was surprised to hear “X-Wing” being sampled in one of the asoookha tracks on side B.

“video games SUCK?” 

Yeah! The way he utilized Denzel Curry's vocals from X-Wing and kind of just completely flipped it.

The band [CENSORED (sorry, no sample snitching)], I think it’s a flip of them, if I recall correctly. But like, no, they're just, asoookha’s kind of crazy with it. Like they, like a lot of people just kind of slap on rap acapellas onto beats, and they’re the only couple of people that I know that can do that super well. But it surprised me to hear asoookha just threw their thing on that. Like, I mean, I don't do that a lot anymore as much as I used to, but I've been thinking about it more and more now. It's just kind of inspiring. A lot of the people I'm very grateful to. I'm so fucking grateful to be in this position that I'm in. They just kind of proved me wrong in a lot of ways. That's really all I can ask for from people! Like just prove me wrong! Show me I can do something a different way. That's really it.

I could definitely see both of your styles, there's such a beautiful synthesis on the final product. So yeah, I definitely, I definitely see the fruits of that labor.

For sure. Oh man, I'm gonna have this new whole list of shout outs right now. Shout out to Eli. Shout out to VVN. Shout out to Kyle, my boy Kyle. Shout out to Maz. Shout out to fucking Nate, man. Shout out to Quinn. Shout like, I got so many people to shout out. I don't even know if I can fit this shit in. I got so many people to thank for like, in terms of music stuff. Cause you know, it's just you know, this industry is already hard as is, as an artist being solo. Having a community just to kind of back you up and uplift you when you need it, but also being able to give that energy back and uplift that back to them: that is like one of the things I live for. Friends and family are awesome.

As for your upcoming shows, where are you going to be playing at? 

I'm doing something for the Women Producers Showcase at The Loft at Berklee. It's going to be a nice little show, not too much. Then I got like a little thing going on at Bencils Live. It should be on the 18th, if I recall correctly. it's going to be like a whole 30-minute set party kind of vibes. But I'm just going to be doing my thing. I don't know. It's just going to be a bit hectic in terms of preparation. I just go by feeling to be honest (laughs).

One of the things that's clear with Lilith is the sense of gratitude she has for the people she works with and have friendships with and the opportunities she's had. Lilith really values the nature of collaboration, and they've learned from each of their projects with different artists and friends.

After this point, our interview turned more towards Lilith's personal journey and their specific style. Lilith explains the significance of their artist name and their journey of coming out as nonbinary along and their personal philosophy which carries over into their personal style. Go to part two.

[netherfeildren]

Hi - I just wanted to let you know I was working my way through your fics tonight, and I read Greener Memories of Better Men. I tend to avoid any sort of grief/angst as fics are usually my escape (and horny hours), but for some reason I just read it anyway, and I’m so glad I did.

I lost my little sister to cancer three years ago, and it’s a really funny thing to read grief depicted so clearly and poignantly, especially in a fic. The way you write Joel’s pain is so fucking heart wrenching and true. I think we can all feel a little lonely in our grief, and this just gave me a moment of relief. Like I wasn’t alone. I was already teary at the beginning, but when you wrote about his memory of Sarah and him at Lady Bird Lake, it really made me lose my fucking mind because I went there with my sister on a family vacation years ago.

Such a beautiful little story. Never expected a joel x reader fic to wreck me like this emotionally, but man I just needed to tell you how unexpectedly healing it was for me. Seeing Joel get a hopeful ending made me think I can have one too.

Anyway wow, sorry to get all sentimental in your inbox. Just thought you should know that your words and creativity can be really impactful, and I am grateful. ❤️ (and I’ll wax poetic about your smut in a different, even lengthier message)

hi there, i am so so incredibly sorry about your little sister. i’m an only child and had (let’s call them) strange parents so i’ve always been very solitary, but i’ve always had this very specific idea of what it must be like to have a sibling and i read something once that said that sibling love is intrinsic and it never dies. i feel like that sentiment very much fits with my idea of what having a sister would be like, i’m sure that’s true for you as well.

the lady bird lake detail was actually entirely random and added in at the last minute. i’ve never even been there but the image was so clear to me suddenly, two people who love each other in the sun. it seems like me pulling that idea out of nowhere and you coming upon this story was meant to be and i’m so glad you’ve found yourself here. i hope you’re doing well and feeling a little less alone wherever you find yourself, and thank you so much for sharing this with me and for giving the story a chance. someone who can be as kind and open and vulnerable as you’ve been with me has the surety of not only a hopeful ending, but a great one, i’m so so certain of this 💗💗💗

[matan4il]

Send this to ten other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile!!! 💜💜 I just really admire you and I love you 💞

Awwwww, my sweet Yelena, thank you so much for this! I hope you know that I really love and admire you, too. You're always so kind, supportive, smart, funny, creative and it is a pleasure and a privilege to be in the same fandom with you! I know rl is kind of... not the kindest to me right now, but I am still very grateful for the good things that have happened to me since I joined the 911 fandom, and you are def one of them. I hope I can pay back at least part of that to you. All the hugs and kisses in the world to you, beautiful! xoxox

(as always, my ask tag)

[finniestoncrane]

🍓 (only because you let me do one for you...it keeps things fair 💚)

ehehehe i saved this one for last because i knew i was going to CRY lmao

ri riddblebit nygma you sit your little butt down and get ready to be complimented 💚

ok first of all, if anyone was to ever ask me, in 25 years time when i'm still writing fanfiction and have therefore been doing it for almost half of my life, "what do you think your biggest contribution to fandom was?" i'd be like "helping ri find the confidence to post" because you are like a little seedling that was just sprouting and you just need a little sprinkle but you are too kind about how much i helped, you did it all yourself ;-; you have the ideas and the talent and the creativity, you just sometimes need a little smack with a broom to accept that, even briefly 💚

ANYWAY now that i've lectured you in the form of a compliment lmao

you are just... such a... argh, i don't know many people who could talk to me every day, let alone someone who was willing to keep doing it lmao you're so kind, and so sweet, and so funny, and so knowledgeable and so same brain same brain that i literally cannot think of not knowing you now? like what was i even doing before i met you??? (spoiler: i was crying and lonely oop)

i have such big hopes for you, like my life aspirations are just "see ri get very well-deserved job in animation" and "sync the mental illness recovery with ri's so we're both happy" IF THAT'S NOT WEIRD i just know you deserve so much more than you even think you do because your art is so GOOD it's so truthful and stylised and perfected and it has so much heart in it! and your writing makes my brain go brrrrrr because i really do think we are just on the same page about everything. you just have a little direct wire tap into my brain and you make the good stuff come out in words better than i could ever put them 💚

anyway, you're a wonderful friend and an amazing writer and a talented and unique artist and i am so grateful that you wake up every morning and decide that i'm still worthy of your time and friendship ;-;

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

‘Make Me a Bicycle, Clown!’

So this is a strange post. I realize this. But you folks are here for a reason, and I sort of believe most of that reason is because I write some weird shit sometimes, and on some (possibly twisted) level, the bizarre connections I make are entertaining for you. Most of what I write is probably a little strange.

This is a post about anxiety and where it crops up, and this thing people tend to do that they (I’m positive) intend to be nice and complimentary and flattering, but tends to be anxiety inducing and pressure laden instead… For me, personally, it goes something like this…

“This story is screaming for a sequel…” “Omigosh, when are you going to write more about this couple?!” “Did you ever think about expanding this story into a novel/series?”

I get it. That’s someone telling me they like my work a lot. They want more. They fell in love with the people I made up and the story I told. But to me, it kind of reads, ‘What you’ve done isn’t enough. Do more.’ I know that’s not what people mean. But that’s how it feels almost every time. And it’s not just me. I have a friend who is an artist. She draws and paints and does calligraphy and photography. She’s super talented. And in the past, she’s done some self portraits (and she is quite lovely, so they were popular with people who followed her art). And I saw that someone asked her for a self portrait featuring a particularly attractive feature of hers. And she was kind about setting a boundary…the creative process and the self worth/empowerment process ebb and flow and she’s just not in a self portrait featuring certain things kind of place right now. And I’m not her; the question clearly wasn’t directed at me, but to me, I just felt like it read demanding. 'Give me this piece of you because I want it.’ It made ME feel gross to see someone ask HER for something like that. And I get that part of it is that I feel strange and wrong asking people for things…even things I NEED. I find it hard to imagine simply demanding that someone I don’t know (or even someone I know intimately) do something or make something or produce something for me or give me something just because I want/like it. What it must be like to just…tell some stranger to make something for you that you don’t plan to compensate them for and that they haven’t agreed to at least implicitly. Like, sure…if you walk into a sub shop and ask the worker behind the counter to make you a sandwich…that’s reasonable. You went into the sub shop for a sub…they work there…they’re in the uniform…you’re presumably going to pay them for the sandwich when they finish making it for you… But this person asked my friend to give them a piece of her art and a representation of her actual physical being for free, basically out of the blue, because they wanted it. That’s just…weird to me.

And I have this other…friend? I dunno. I want to believe we’re friends, I guess, but he’s at least a writer acquaintance of mine, who has posted pieces of a very well written and entertaining story (for free) for anyone to read online, and he regularly gets solicitations from strangers to produce more. “Where’s new/more chapters of <Story>?!” “When are you going to write new parts of <Story>?!” And I joke with him (I hope he thinks it’s funny) about how whenever I see someone ask him for new pieces of work (for free), I just see that scene from Wedding Crashers. I know people are well meaning when they sort of demand more of the creators they like, but as a creator? That’s kind of nerve-wracking. And sometimes it can feel a little disheartening and maybe even disrespectful.

I’ve been feeling a lot lately like my value is only in what I can give to and do for other people. And this type of thing doesn’t help me personally. And I also am speculating (but I don’t think I’m far off or anything) that it doesn’t help many if any creators. Don’t get me wrong…we love feedback and we are certainly thrilled and grateful that people like the things we make…that people like US (at least in as much as what we make/what we can give to or do for them). But it also feeds that little voice (at least for me) that tells me I’m never enough; never good enough; I never do enough. And even outside of the creative realm…when people stack up expectations of me… *This is the kind of friend Jen is… *This is the kind of woman Jen is… *This is the kind of person Jen is… *Jen always does X; she’ll always be able and willing to do X forever… *Jen makes the best Y; I assume she’ll always be able and willing to make Y for me… *Jen is so responsive; she’ll get right back to me; she’ll do what I need/want her to right away…

I mean, I feel kind of used and taken for granted. And I know I’m not alone here. I’m happy that people like what I do (whether that’s writing or listening to them or making pumpkin pie or whatever), and I’m happy when that is recognized. But sometimes, the recognition sounds more like entitlement and a list of demands and requirements. And now is a very fragile time to be making arbitrary demands on other people. Yes, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need (I’m saying that as much to myself as to anyone else). But when it comes to making demands of and placing expectations on other people? Tread with caution. Even the intended compliments can come across sounding like orders and petitions when anxiety is high.

[backstage-bucknell]

Curtain Call: Farewell Seniors

By: Katie Schadler 

As the school year comes to a close, we want to take a moment to honor the seniors who will be ending their time at Bucknell and moving onto their own new and exciting creative endeavors. Seniors, you have all contributed so much talent, hard work, and passion to Bucknell Theatre, and know that you will always have a community to call home. Best of luck.

Allure Cooper:

Major: Arabic & Arab World Studies

Future plans: Return to Baltimore, hopefully find a job in the non-profit or public sector doing community engagement and support/providing resources and support to refugees.

Something I'll miss about BU Theatre: The moment right after a show when we realize everything managed to come together amazingly.Allure Cooper Major: Arabic & Arab World StudiesFuture plans: Return to Baltimore, hopefully find a job in the non-profit or public sector doing community engagement and support/providing resources and support to refugees. 

Nabeel Jan:

Major: Film Studies and International Relations

Future plans: Freelance Work in Film and Theatre, WildWind Summer Fellowship at Texas Tech

Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: Randomly catching up with Hutch in his office. Thank you for everything, this department is awesome!Nabeel JanMajor: Film Studies and International RelationsFuture plans: Freelance Work in Film and Theatre, WildWind Summer Fellowship at Texas Tech

Katherine Leschner:

Major: Theatre, Minor: Management 

Future plans: Pursuing marketing in NYC

Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: Being on headset with Haley and Gabe, telling Hutch about working on the theatre archive with Elaine, my theatre little Yasmine

Advice: My advice to underclassmen is to enjoy all the time you have! Feel free to reach out if you need any advice or tips (classes, theatre, etc.)

Griffin Miller:

Major: Music with emphasis in contemporary composition

Future plans: I plan to release my debut album of original songs in the summer after graduation, and continue recording and performing for a long time after that. 

Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: The wide variety of projects available for students to get involved with in Bucknell Theatre, from modern musicals to classic plays to original works. Sometimes you'll be able to do all three in a single year!

Isabel Steinberg:

Major: Biology, Minor: Acting and Directing 

Future plans: Research Assistant in Mark Connor’s lab at the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Bethesda, MD (and then grad school!) 

Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: the amazing people!!! The professors of the department and my incredibly talented peers. Everyone is so kind and always has my back :)

Gabe Gross:

Major: Markets, Innovation, & Design, Minor: Theatre Design & Technology

Future Plans: Working this summer as the Commissioner’s Intern for the Cape Cod Baseball League, then working for the Little League World Series in August, and then pursuing work in Sports Management. Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: Coming into Harvey at any time on any day, knowing that there’s someone there who will make me smile, and of course, tech lunch corn hole and the Green Room couch naps. I’ll also always be grateful for getting slotted into my last-choice elective: Bucknell Backstage. I almost transferred out, and I’m so glad I didn’t.

Azhani Duncan-Reese:

Major: Theatre and Political Science

Future plans: Sleeping and securing a job 

Something I'll miss about BU Theatre: The people, the ghosts that haunt Tustin, and performing for Bucknell

Bethany Fitch:

Major: Theatre and Environmental Studies

Future plans: Starting in June, I’m working at Pendragon Theatre in Saranac Lake, NY as Company Manager. I am also in the process of applying for a Fulbright Scholarship to hopefully get my MFA in Acting in Fall of 2024.Something funny: The Green Room white board, Hutch yelling, the testosterone competition that is strike, dressing room shenanigans Something I'll miss about BU Theatre: All the people that have literally become my family and the feeling of place and belonging and love that this department has given me. I always leave Harvey Powers feeling better than when I came in.

C.F. Gould: 

Major: English Literary Studies

Future plans: Plan to work as a High School English teacher for the foreseeable future.  Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: The opportunity to work with such a diverse range of directors, all of whom have their own unique style and approach.

Isaiah Mays:

Major: Theater and International Relations

Future plans: Getting an MBA at Northeastern University

Something I’ll miss about BU Theatre: Hanging out with everyone in the Green Room

Zoe Wilson:

Major: Sociology and English Literary Studies

Future plans: I’ve applied for an internship with the Kennedy Center’s Archives Department this summer (have yet to hear back), but next year I will be in my home town of Altoona, PA substitute teaching. During that time, I’ll be applying to Journalism school and honing my writing for the local paper.  Funny thing/thing I’ll miss/want to share: I always thought it was too late to be active in the theatre department after doing Cocktails my first year and then not auditioning for over two years. Bryan Vandevender’s dramaturgy class brought me back into the fold, though. I couldn’t be more proud of the folks involved in Gross Indecency this spring. I’ll miss you guys and the folks who I went to KCACTF with most of all. We rocked it. 

Bucknell Fulbright Winners! 

Bucknell graduates Julia Tokish ‘22 and Kate Cognard-Black ‘21(0.5) were recently awarded Fulbright Scholarships for master’s programs of their choice based in the United Kingdom. Each university selects only one Fulbright applicant where the winner is funded to travel, take classes, conduct research, and fulfill their master’s degree. The Fulbright Program is highly selective, and given that two of the winners are Bucknell graduates, let alone Bucknell Theatre students whose journeys began on the Harvey Powers Stage, makes the department immensely proud of their tremendous accomplishments. Read more about these amazing winners below:

Julia Tokish

Julia Tokish was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship within a master’s study program at the University of Leicester in the UK where she will be studying Human Rights and Global Ethics. One of the main reasons she chose Leicester was for the city’s artistic atmosphere. She enjoys the large presence of amateur-scale theaters that feel less commercialized and more intimate. While acting in high school, it was not until she arrived at Bucknell that she discovered her true calling was behind the curtain. She found a passion in stage managing with a love for tech theatre and dramaturgy research. As an International Relations, Arabic and Arab World Studies, and Theatre triple major, Julia developed a passion for the intersection of theatre, history, and social justice. After graduating from Bucknell in 2022, she felt that Bucknell Theatre brought her out of her shell and equipped her with the necessary communication, organization, and confidence skills to conquer her professional endeavors. While intending to work in international law, Julia continues to find theatre all around her, interested in the research a Leicester professor is conducting on how refugees are problematically portrayed on stage, once again melding Julia’s interests of the show itself and the historical context behind it. Julia continues to feel grateful for the lessons and connections Bucknell theatre gave her, teaching her not just how to be a better actor or stage manager but how to be a better person. She urges theatre students and graduating seniors to not be afraid to keep trying and putting themselves out there in a variety of ways. From failed auditions to not making it past the first round of her former Fulbright application, Julia whole-heartedly believes that you will find your place and your purpose as long as you keep trying. 

Kate Cognard-Black (KCB)

KCB will be taking her Fulbright Scholarship to the University of Birmingham in the UK where she will be pursuing a master’s degree at the “Shakespeare Institute” that focuses on Shakespeare in literature, theatre, and adaptations within the modern moment. Her program directly involves bringing aspiring actors, playwrights, producers, and practitioners together in an interdisciplinary space. While trying out a variety of roles in Bucknell theatre from acting to dramaturging, she discovered her main passion was directing. It was at Bucknell Theatre where she enjoyed assistant directing alongside Anjalee and even creating an adaptation of Shakespeare’s “Taming of the Shrew” that was eventually picked up by a prison performing arts program in Missouri. Graduating from Bucknell with a Theatre and Creative Writing degree in December 2021, KCB entered the directing world with the knowledge that an effective leader means being a strong collaborator who is constantly open to new ideas. Grateful for the life-long connections she has made with Bucknell students and professors, KCB looks forward to the future opportunity to create art with these talented people again. To the upcoming theatre students and graduating seniors, KCB advises you to drag yourself out of bed and show up to that thing you don’t know if you should show up to, go to the thing you don’t think you belong at. Because when you open yourself up to new connections, you will be overwhelmed by the amount of people there to support you. As Hutch always says, “the people who get the opportunities are the people in the room.”

“The Best Week of College”: Arts First 

If you ask any of the Arts First kids, they will tell you that the “Arts First” pre-orientation is their favorite part of their college experience. The program is packed with hands-on sessions oriented around different art forms from ink blocking to gamelan playing. Whether you are making sashes or swords out of scarfs in the woods with Bryan or learning the art of sound and movement with Dustyn, Arts First is constantly giving you the vital opportunity to exist both in and outside of your comfort zone. 

The week is long and exhausting, but nothing brings you closer to the fellow artist beside you like literally holding up each other’s weight during the “Hutch Challenge” obstacle course or making loud animal noises and crawling around on stage Day 1. After exploring various art forms, the week culminates in a final show in which the entire group creates a theme, break-out groups, programs, and performances all in less than twenty-four hours. Something about creating art with a bunch of people formerly known as strangers and artistically putting yourself out there in a way you never would have imagined is truly a magical experience. 

As cliche as it sounds, when you are actually participating in the program, you don’t realize how special it is until it’s over. Until you are at the end of your first year at Bucknell, wondering where the time went, and you forget about the exhaustion, the imposter-syndrome, the first-day jitters. Because when you reflect on that week, all you can think about is pure happiness. One minute you are walking on the Harvey Powers Stage for the first time, forced to make eye contact with all of these random people, and the next minute you are sharing a beautiful sunrise with a group of passionate, diversely talented humans who make you feel like for the first time, you have a place to belong. 

When you are sitting in that pre-orientation meeting with your family on Day 1, you would never think that your two best friends are sitting in that room. That the wildly enthusiastic man in the kilt would become a life-long mentor. That you were blessed to have met your people on the first day of college, and you didn’t even know it yet. 

You had no idea that the cool camera guy who owns skateboard shoes and can walk on his hands would inspire the art tattoo you get in six months. That reluctantly agreeing to Macklemore’s “Can’t Hold Us” as your Karaoke song would catalyze your first formative months of college. That introducing yourself to the quiet Arts First kid with the dope nails three doors down from you would forever be one of the best decisions you ever made. 

Because Arts First was not just a great first impression of what my college experience could be like; It was the experience that influenced every subsequent experience I would end up having at Bucknell. I will be returning as a mentor at the end of the summer in hopes of giving the first-year class the type of experience I was lucky enough to have. To be their first introduction to all of the growing and loving and learning they are about to do. And so it begins. And so it goes. 

Hutch is Leaving!

I got you! That sounded a lot more dramatic than it is. No but really, it is with a combination of great sadness and pleasure to inform you that Hutch will be leaving the Publicity Team to become a Posse Mentor! This news is rather bittersweet to all of us, considering that he is taking on another impactful position at Bucknell, becoming a leader for dozens of other students; nevertheless, we are sad to see him go. 

Who will bring donuts and heckle us to hang more posters? Who will be unwaveringly difficult about Clea’s sticker design and ask about Libby’s day every meeting across the zoom call all the way in Italy? Who will bestow us with endless amounts of fatherly wisdom and recruit all of his “Arts First” kids to join the team–even the ones who never stepped foot into the Bucknell Theatre up to this point and now have to write about it? 

We are excited to be joined next year by the brilliant Anjalee Hutchinson who will make an excellent coordinator and will likely be able to send more coherent emails than the current one:) 

Hutch, I will forever miss when you share your Ritz Crackers with me and when the bullet point beneath the newsletter agenda is “ideas.” Thank you for your wit, your hard work, your genuine care for the wellbeing of your students. From all of us, we could not be more grateful for all that you do for this department and all of the lives you have touched just by being undeniably you. The team will miss you.