#i am heavily contemplating it rn as motivation to keep doing more

[wibble-wobbegong]

so fucked up that i can’t lay in bed today and talk about wheelclair and mike’s relationship with el in s1. it’s like god is against me or something

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶

[an-android-in-a-tutu]

Your crowley gets cas in the divorce au has me going ??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going brrrrrrrrrrrr rn ty my love

ty ty you're so valid it IS keeping me up at night personally.

I have a post that may live in my drafts forever or may break containment at some point who knows!! But I have been thinking that it would be funny (and also I wouldn't have to entirely rethink the end of season 6) if Cas still ate all the souls and ran off with them to kill Raphael/end the civil war and Crowley had a solid few hours to be like I have been DUPED I have been BETRAYED before Cas shows up at his office in hell jittering out of his skin and clearly unhinged like "OKAY I DID MY THING WHAT DID YOU WANT TO DO WITH THE SOULS" and Crowley contemplates being like This is Very Much Not how a 50/50 split works, but then looks at how like, clearly Not Right Castiel is thanks to the souls and thinks actually maybe he can keep them, I am totally cool with unleashing this guy on my enemies and not personally having to worry about going insane and maybe blowing up.

Cas' rampage is therefor mostly contained to heaven and hell, although there is probably at least one point where Cas is like. "HEY YOU WANT MORE SOULS IN HELL RIGHT, YOU WOULD LIKE THAT? WHAT IF I JUST KILL BAD PEOPLE? THAT WOULD BE GOOD WOULDN'T IT? THEY WOULD GO TO HELL AND YOU WOULD HAVE MORE SOULS AND BE HAPPY WITH ME?" and Crowley is like "Uh-" and Cas is like "I HAVE ASSASSINATED SOME WHITE NATIONALISTS ARE YOU HAPPY AM I GOOD?" because I do find that part of his rampage funny.

Like I like the idea that Cas eating all those souls just kind of. Amplified the breakdown he was already having, and I like the idea that instead of lashing out he is just, careening around desperately trying to fix things and prove he is good and he did the right thing and he can save everyone. Like he's been under massive external pressure and now he finally has the power to do something about all the problems he's been facing but everything comes out sideways and the people he cares about most react to him with fear and horror and it just furthers his breakdown.

And Crowley in all that is the only person who's willing to like. Step in and direct his energy and then give him a pat on the head and say Good Job afterwards. And he's doing it mostly for manipulative, self-serving reasons and to keep Castiel from turning on him or just running rampant and causing chaos, but I like to think he has just enough fondness for the guy that Cas is at least willing to perceive this as genuine care (or as close as he can get). Plus Crowley is the only one who Cas can do a massacre for and he will be 100% genuinely pleased.

Anyway having things go down this way gives Crowley a self-serving motivation for finding/keeping Castiel even when he's amnesiac and lost his God Powers, because by having Cas be the one who went out and actually fucked shit up in service of securing Crowley's rule in hell, he became an important symbol of Crowley's power. He might not still be able to do large-scale massacres of demons and complete restructuring of the Pit on a whim, and the savvier out of Crowley's enemies/subjects know that, but he's still an angel, still dangerous, and people fear him, especially because no one knows exactly how much he can still do. It's in Crowley's best interest to bundle Cas up in a fancy room in hell, let people see him walking around under Crowley's control, and heavily imply that the reason that he's not going out and slaughtering demons anymore is because Crowley hasn't asked him to.

Mostly I honestly just like the idea that like. Crowley is manipulating Cas just by showing him basic kindness as he secretly starts to care about him, and Cas is aware on some level that Crowley is manipulating him but comes to realize that he's still being treated better than he's gotten anywhere else and decides to accept that. It compels me.