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areallybadwriter · 10 months

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7/5

Im writing this while my power is out so excuse me if it seems a little scatterbrained at points. A general update of my life I guess:

I am moving to the city on august 1st (hopefully). I say hopefully because we have yet to come up with an actual place to live - two friends and I have scavenged the rental apps and the one already living in the city has used a realtor friend to help find and tour places. We applied for one dreamboat of an apartment (besides from no laundry in unit) for $45 a pop, which meant $90 for those with cosigners, and received the news that we didn’t get it hours after paying. So, we picked up and started our search again, which ended with a more expensive option on an unknown street with an even greater application fee. The three of us have now payed $150 each for this apartments application fee an gone through all of the very thorough steps to ensure we have a good chance of getting it. One of the cosigners submitted a picture of his couch instead of his ID, thus halting the process, and my cosigner (my beautiful mother) had to make a statement pertaining to her certain late payments and bankruptcy, but im sure we’ll all laugh about it soon enough on our porch. Hopefully. I am ready to move out of this college town and forget about a lot of the people still occupying it. I am ready to grow more and while ive been doing a lot of it, I think I need to flap my wings elsewhere. We have a full group moving there around the same time, all from the college town and all rooming together in a couple different apartments. The boys house and the girls house, etc. So, we have the support system of friends and familiar routes of downtown that ive known for years now and I am excited to continue in that direction. It feels really strange to move of the state that ive never moved out of before, leaving my family and old stomping grounds behind and therefore all of my memories as well. I fear that once I move and settle in, I won’t make it back to visit my hometown as much. With how the dynamic is currently, I think that means I just point blank will not see my family as much because they don’t believe in coming to visit me (I am the one to always drive an hour and a half home to see them and the dog). We will see. I also don’t have a job lined up yet, but I trust that I will find one soon enough. I know myself and I know that I can make ends meet when necessary and I also don’t mind struggling for a bit to do so. I will probably first start out in the service industry, as I have been since 2016, just to make some quick money and then find a more stable, salaried position. That is the plan, anyways.

Moving states has also ushered in a new era of my love life - one where I am moving on from people and trying to leave them in my past. Some are easier to leave than others. My real (this applies later) ex ben is someone who ive been “over” for quite some time but we have had on and off contact since the actual breakup. Years now, which is crazy! Some of it has been good, and some of it has been downright confusing for my pea brain when not given the right amount of affection from other people in the months leading up to one of these catch-up sessions with him. I get all googly-eyed for what could’ve been and old memories and all of that, but I know beyond surface level we are two very different people who have only grown more different since the breakup. We don’t want the same things, the values aren’t there, whatever. The most recent happenings with him have been a sort of pattern where I get drunk and say some dumb shit (which to be expected, im 23 years old, but he lacks relatability to other 23 year olds so everything I do is dumb shit) and then block him because I feel as if I want him out of my life for good BECAUSE my brain gets all loopy but then we somehow reconnect, see each other to catch up and exchange niceties and maybe even flirt a lot and then the cycle continues. Right now we are on a blocked period but I intend to keep it that way. There are only so many times we can ask about each others moms and quite frankly he’s not very nice and doesn’t even seem to want to see me (when he’s the one asking to!). So honestly he’s not hard to leave behind in this aspect because we’ve been moved on for quite some time and I think we just need to leave it alone.

The one I do have trouble leaving behind is you guessed it - wyoming (ding, ding, ding). Much more complicated than any other relationship I’ve had, he’s never even been considered my actual partner so really it’s unfair. Since the last update to this cursed little story, we entered into some pseudo relationship around the time we went to the city together on like a 30 hour trip. For whatever reason, he actually decided to go with me, and for whatever reason, everything changed after that. We got home and continued to act like our city-forms. The most affection ive received from the man since 2016, it shook me to my core. And oh god, the physicality of it all. Its one thing to cherish someone from 2,000 miles away but when you’re in the same state and can look eye to eye and hold their hand and lay in their bed and wash their body with your own two hands in the shower, its a different ballgame. So no wonder it absolutely destroyed me when it crashed and burned (something that I really should’ve expected, but I was on planet bliss). We dated until mid-april and then I think he thought that I expected too much of him which made him nervous and mean and standoffish which in turn made me nervous and mean and standoffish and it was buried soon after that. I don’t even want to know how many times I blocked then unblocked him within that month period.

There were a few times after that that the flame would get reignited for just a bit but it never flourished again in the same way and we never really got back to our normal talking cycle either. I think it all being in person did really affect us differently this time. I don’t know if we can ever go back to just being best friends. Anyways, ill go into the most recent interaction as its the one freshest in my brain and honestly the reminder I needed to update this journal again. I will set the scene. I was visiting my family back in my hometown because my grandma was in town and I had a couple days off. At that point, wyoming and I were okay with each other but not making any effort to hang out or anything (lets be real, he wasn’t having it. I would’ve in a heartbeat). On the way out of my hometown, I drive past his house on my route and that particular day I was feeling feisty and like I needed a cigarette. i had the cigarettes but the problem was I didn’t have a lighter. Half excuse, half necessity, I texted him when I was about a minute away from his neighborhood asking if I could borrow a light on the fly. He surprisingly answered fast, so I was in his driveway the very next moment. It was the first time I saw him in person since April (except for the one time I sat at the bar he worked at) and I was so giddy. He was very, very high so his face was all puffy and his eyes were glazed over and he actually seemed happy to see me. We went back and forth for a few minutes and then I decided to ask him to hang out the day before July 4th and he agreed. It was the first time we actually had plans to do something in months, so I left feeling good about it and it might’ve been the best tasting cigarette ive ever had. fast forward to July 3rd, I got off work around noon, power napped, got ready (which including mulling over what to wear for soooo long because I was nervous), and drove the hour and a half back to my hometown. I was already going to be in town for July 4th, so plans with Wyoming were just an added reason why I was driving up there - although I wouldn’t have rushed back so quickly without those extra plans. I even bought a little bottle of Jameson for us to split for some liquid courage (and it was his favorite). We kept each other updated that day and planned to meet up a little later in the evening as he had some homework and chores to get done. I waited to fully get ready until those plans were confirmed because nothing pisses me off more than putting on makeup or doing my hair for something and then it getting canceled. 8 pm rolls around and he is done with his tasks and out of the shower and I am ready to go. Can you guess what happens next? He says he doesn’t really want to do anything to which I reply that ill just come over and we can figure it out then (thinking he’s just referring to activity). He doesn’t respond for a minute, so I say “or are you saying you don’t want to hang at all?”. He basically responds with some bullshit about not feeling like hanging out with anyone and continues to completely stand me up. I had already left because I didn’t want to wait around my family anymore and ended up driving myself to go see a movie at the art cinema in town. I got a child size coke and some mini Reeses cups and watched the most heart wrenching movie available to me (of course one about childhood friends to lovers to friends to lovers throughout 24 years) and sobbed the whole time. Sobbed until my face was all puffed up and my eyes felt like they were on fire. It was healing but not something I wanted the opportunity to do.

unfinished but...

xoxo anon

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lesmismignon · 3 years

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replying to anon messages

In this post I shall reply to the messages that have been sitting in my inbox for a regrettably long period of time. (It is loooooong. Please click “keep reading” at your own risk.)

I’m not a very good correspondent. I’m very sorry. I never know what to say right off the bat, and then during 2019 and 2020 when I was mostly on hiatus, I would just post a chapter or two and poof back out, and on Tumblr I would browse a few things and then poof back out. I do not have a good track record with social media and online presence in general. And with real life problems (mostly due to work), at worst it was impossible to muster even the strength to write. It was maddening.

But there is something about Hellsing and its fandom that reels me back in even when I am far away. Excuse me if this sounds cheesy, but for me fandoms are like the orbit of a comet. If it is something that you loved, and will continue to love even when you are not “active” on it, you will come back to it, someday, somehow. I’ll always be grateful to Hellsing, for being an inspiration to write, for being a bridge to some of my dearest relationships, for some of the kindest messages I’ve ever received in my life.

you freed yourself for a job that was not good for you and related to toxic people (Integra-like – demanding the respect you deserve). That is badass brave – and that doesn’t become less by that fact that maybe the next job you got is not the end of the journey but still part of the way. And you are brave by sharing your work, sharing your stories revealing parts of your emotional world to the outside – that is totally bad as too. I think you can be very proud of you, really. So maybe right now, you might be in situation that does not yet make you happy in way you deserve it. But you know- there is big chance that this is part of your journey to this place – imagine, in some time from now, you may be a successful (brilliant you are already) author and in an interview you say something like “yes, back there in 2016/17 I went through some tough times, that influenced the work very much I got this price for today”. So just in case you maybe cannot see it right now yourself – please allow me to tell you – you are brave and wonderful. And re. the brave decision you mentioned – I know I am not in the position to tell you anything – but please do not do any harm to you. So, thank you so much for your work you share with the world, my life is better with it. Take care for yourself, you deserve the best. (so sorry, I am really not good with words, hope you get my point….)

Anon, this was the kindest thing you could have ever done for little 2016/17 me. Oh God. Time does fly by so fast. I want you to know that I read this message a long time ago, and it gave me strength to go on, even though I’m not sure if I am so brave, to be compared to our lady Integra >< I hope you are happy and safe, wherever you are. I hope you know how brave and wonderful *you* are. Thank you so much.

just wanted to drop by and say I love all your fanfictions! You capture Integra and Alucard's characters so well; I LOVE it. Take all the time you need updating. You deserve it. And good luck at your job! <3

Ah, I probably changed jobs like twice since then. But they have been all good and meaningful in their own ways. I really did not mean to take THIS long in updating but I hope that you enjoyed the recent updates if you are still reading, thank you so much!

Why can I not write here? I just wanted you to know I am grateful for the reading joys that are 'Snow White' and 'Satis'...

Thank you Anon! I am so glad you enjoyed them!

I LOVE SATIS SO MUCH YOUR WRITING IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND FLOWY AND IT MAKES ME CRY PLEASE KEEP UP THE BRILLIANT WORK!!

Thank you Anon! You give me too much praise, but I shall indeed try to keep it up!

Hey so please don't take this as me pressuring you but I absolutely adore Satis! Is there any chance we might know when the next update is coming in? Totally understand if not- it sounds like work is taking a lot out of you and I understand that you're writing fan fiction purely for fun but DAMN IF I DON'T WANT TO READ MORE OF YOUR FIC OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH ASDFGHJKL!!!

I’m sorry it’s been ages! I’ll tell you my schedule(???) for this year instead! For this year of 2021 I really hope to average maybe at least 1 chapter a month but I don’t know how I’ll fare during the busy months. I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you are still reading!

@fierce-little-miana Can you believe that I have just noticed that I had given you any kudos for Snow White or Satis?! Sorry! Your stories are really worth all the praise we can give them. (so I corrected it) Have a nice day!

Thank you! I’m terribly sorry for this late reply. You’ve been so kind and sent so many lovely messages. Thank you again for each and every one of them!

@sinish-tem Hey sorryy for bothering you but. That ALutegra fic was AMAZING!!I LOVE IT!Amazing job sport<3

You’re not bothering me at all! Thank you old sport!

So I don't mean to rush you or be annoying or anything, but is Satis still happening? (plz plz say yes)

You’re not being annoying! I’m sorry it took so long! Yes :)

Hello! So, um, I have to ask... is Satis going to be updated? It’s just that it’s one of my absolute favorite stories by my absolute favorite author!

Thank you! I’m honored! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters if you’re still reading!

Hi! Are you still around? Are you doing ok?

Yes, I am fine now, thank you :) I hope you are doing well, too!

@aniphine Hi! First off, I want to say that I absolutely love your writing style and am so looking forward to diving into all of your fics! I just finished Satis and it’s definitely in my Top 10 Fanfics ever, which is saying something! Thanks so much for writing it. On that note, I wanted to ask if you had plans to update it? If not, that’s totally cool - what you’ve written already is fantastic. But if so, I’d pledge my life to you in order to get a chance at reading more. 😆 Anyhoo, you’re awesome! 👋

Thank you so much! You are awesome too! I’m honored that Satis is in your top 10!!

@dontfuckingfollowmeifpornblog You still around?

I am now! Thank you!

@comixqueen Hello have I told you that I really love your Hellsing fics? ;u;/ They're among the best out there and I reread them often!

Thank you very much. That means a lot to me from you. Thank you for rereading, I’m always wary of my earlier writing but I’m glad if people still enjoy them.

I have never squealed higher than when I received the notification for the new chapter of Satis. You are a true blessing <3 thank you for your words

You are a blessing! Thank you so much!

Hello! I know you're not very active around here, but I just saw a trailer for a movie based on the letters of Vita and Virginia, and I was immediately reminded of Satis and the quotes you so expertly used in the narration, and I thought I might tell you in case you're interested in the movie (the title is literally Vita and Virginia) <3

Thank you Anon! I did see the trailer! I haven’t seen the movie yet though, but I will, eventually! I am so glad you think I did the quotes justice! It’s such a beautiful quote.

Not sure how to start this, might be a little bold, and yet; let me simply say that I am in love with your written works. In fact, so much so that I read it all again, and again. It never ceases to amaze. And as for you, the person behind it all, you do seem immensely precious as well. I hope that you have the most fantastic day, you deserve no less.

Anon, you are so very kind. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am just an ordinary person unusually invested in a particular set of fictional characters xD and I am often late to things and a bad correspondent, but I must be doing something right if you’re sending me a message as lovely as this. Thank you again, I hope you are having fantastic days as well.

Honestly ive read your snow white fic years ago but I loved it insanely much and im about to read it again today ^.^

Thank you Anon! Ah, Snow White. I am very glad you still enjoy it. It is so old, and I wish I had the courage to edit it and spruce it up, or even update an extra or two...

Are you ever planning to continue Satis? I’m in love with that piece of work.

Thank you Anon! Yes! I hope you enjoyed the recent chapters!

My literal text to a friend of mine that's also a fan of Satis when I got the AO3 mail about the new chapter was: "NOW THEY'RE FINALLY STARTING TO BE *HAPPY* HOLIDAYS"

I am very glad I was able to bring you holiday cheer. Would it be bold of me if I say I aim to bring you non-holiday cheer as well, now? xD Thank you so much!

HEY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY I LOVE SATIS, OKAY BYYYYE

HELLO ANON! THANK YOUUUUU

#anon #reply

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anerdinallherglory · 4 years

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Approaching Sun (27)

Author’s Note: I am SO sorry about how long this chapter took to update. Taking on master’s classes on top of work has been a rough transition. The majority of this chapter had been planned and typed a long time ago, but it just took me ages to organize it, detail it, clean it up, and fluff it with a fork. For those of you who have contacted recently, (and I probably have yet to respond) this chapter is for you. Without your encouragement, who knows how much longer this chapter would have taken.

Forgive me. Hope you enjoy.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

Chapter 27: Confirmation

Sakura had fully intended on eavesdropping on Sasuke’s conversation with Satou; in fact, it was the only reason that Sakura had allowed the interaction to transpire between her patient and her teammate. After Sasuke had closed the door firmly behind her, Sakura had walked heavily down the hallway so her footsteps could be heard. Her next step was to take the stairs, walk silently up two floors, and listen in by opening the window directly above Satou’s. Sakura had noted that Satou’s patient room window had been cracked open. Surely her ninja skills would be well-adapted to a simple eavesdropping.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, as Sakura walked down the hall, she noted that her breathing was becoming short. Her chest was tightening considerably, a feeling that she dismissed at first to anxiety at the current situation. When she paused to consider it, Sakura tried to swallow past her itchy throat. A terrifying realization came over Sakura has she glanced down at her hands that held the freshly pulverized Ashuwa.

Shit.

Sakura covered the mortar, sprinted down the remainder of the hallway, and took a right. She held tightly to the Ashuwa despite the situation; she couldn’t afford to sacrifice what they had acquired in her state of panic. Sakura tried her best to remember the hospital’s layout; there was a drug storage room on every level, so thankfully Sakura wouldn’t have to take stairs in her compromised situation. Turning another corner, Sakura was relieved to finally stumble up to the door marked “薬” for medication. Placing the mortar of Ashuwa on the ground, Sakura managed to focus through her shortness of breath and perform the sign of the ram to channel her chakra to her palm. Placing it on the center of the door, Sakura nearly stumbled as the door received her chakra signature and swung open to grant her access to the room.

Sakura’s vision began to blur as she shuffled through the drawers and cabinets. She could barely read the itemized labels of the stored items. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. She felt lethargic and her throat was swelling quickly. She should have taken Mako’s warning more seriously. He had told her of the drug’s disuse in the medical environment due to many allergic reactions to it. This was what she had been testing earlier when she picked a generous pinch of Ashu from the ground and placing it in her mouth; however, her and Mako both had gotten distracted by the issue of Satou.

Sakura cursed at herself for being careless but felt confident in her approach. If only she could find the medicine. She narrowed her focus to the vials on the top shelf and coughed violently as she reached for one. Stumbling into the shelf resulted in several of them busting onto the ground. After locating the blue tagged bottle labeled “adrenaline,” Sakura threw open cabinet after cabinet until she found the drawer of packaged syringes. She was choking now, a fish out of water and she aimed the needle into the top of the bottle; her hands shook as she waisted even more time trying to draw the medicine into the plunger.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke was trying to outwalk Mako, who was smiling kindly and attempting to make small talk as they quickly made their way down the hall from Satou’s room. Sasuke thought if he could just stride quickly enough, Mako might take the hint and part ways with him.

Sasuke frowned at Mako’s prattling of, “I have to admit. I was concerned with the whole genjutsu approach, but I think that it might be pretty effective. That was brilliant!”

Sasuke stopped his break-neck pace and narrowed his eyes at the medic, scrutinizing him carefully. “What do you want?”

“What do you mean?” asked Mako innocently, crossing his arms behind him.

Sasuke debated Mako for a second. Here was a skilled shinobi of medicine, an assistant to his friend, and Sakura addressed him casually. This trip was the first occasion that Sasuke had ever met him, yet Mako recognized Sasuke’s attempt at genjutsu before he had even performed it. Perhaps he was knowledgeable of the sharingan; many people were. It was Sasuke’s past of constantly being targeted that had the Uchiha wary. Was this the reason Sasuke was inclined to distrust him, or was it the fact that Sakura was involved?

Sasuke clarified. “I want to know who you are and what you want.”

Mako laughed and smiled nicely. “Well, I am a medic ninja here at the Suna hospital. I have been appointed to assist Sakura-san during her stay with us. Kankuro was pretty adamant about it.”

“Hn.” Sasuke responded before walking forward again. Mako sped to catch up.

“Honestly,” he continued, “Sunagakure owes a lot to Sakura-san. You have probably heard this before, but we have advanced due to her and the Leaf’s medical supervision and instruction. We are something in her debt.”

Sasuke didn’t respond. Perhaps that was all there was to it. Sasuke supposed it made sense that Gaara and Kankuro would assign the most ambitious learner and fellow medicinal expert as Sakura’s assistant. Sunagakure wanted to take advantage of every lesson and tip available. Sakura’s discipline and dedication to the medical practice made her share a common interest with the professionals here. Not everyone always had some double meaning to their actions like most ninja in the shinobi world.

As Sasuke and Mako rounded the corner to the left, they paused as several people ran past them in the opposite direction, back toward the center of the third floor. One man who bumped into Mako’s shoulder turned to look at him in recognition, jogging backwards. “Code 10. Haruno-san.”

“Shit!” Mako cursed, chasing after the man who spoke. Sasuke didn’t know what “Code 10” meant, but to see a panicked response in connection to the name “Haruno” had Sasuke quickly following.

“What is it?” he demanded, matching Mako’s stride this time.

“Anaphylaxis” Mako said breathlessly as they rounded the final corner and nearly collided with several attendants outside a small room in the hallway. Someone was kneeling just outside the door and Sasuke couldn’t make out the questions they were asking before until he began to make his way through with Mako right on his heels.

When he came in line with the entrance, Sasuke froze. Sakura was on her back, broken glass surrounding her on a messy floor. A medic was kneeling down beside her and removing a syringe from her hand. “We need to get her into one of the rooms. Now.” Sasuke’s heart was racing as someone wheeled a gurney past him. Mako began pulling him away from the entrance to which Sasuke almost shrugged off.

Sakura’s pink head was closest to the door so Sasuke couldn’t get a good look at her face until they began lifting her onto the gurney and wheeled her past him. To Sasuke’s great relief, his medic friend was fully alert despite the hives across her face and swelling lips. When making eye contact with him, she raised her hand and waved awkwardly.

“Hey.” She said past swollen lips.

“Hey?!” Sasuke responded, irritation quickly replacing his concern. Was she serious?! Mako let out a surprised laugh at her casual greeting. Sasuke ignored him completely and began tailing the gurney as it rolled away with her.

“What the hell happened?” he asked her with pointed annoyance. After failing to mumble past her tomato mouth, Sasuke shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“I’ll explain,” Mako said from the other side of the swiveling table. Sasuke spent the next several minutes listening to Mako explain a basic understanding of anaphylaxis and staring disbelievingly at Sakura as they unloaded her onto a bed. They began to hook her up to an IV and other machinery that would monitor her pulse and blood pressure.

Mako continued his explanation, “Antihistamines are what comes next. Luckily, she responded to the epinephrine and doesn’t need intubation. We’ll have to monitor her for a few hours just to make sure she doesn’t have another episode.”

Sakura was nodding her blistered head in agreement at everything he said. Sasuke just glared at her.

“Why did you eat a plant you knew was toxic?” he asked crossly. She shrugged her shoulders, the only response she could really make at the moment.

“I should have stopped you, Haruno-san.” Mako bowed. “It is all my fault.”

Sakura began shaking her head to dismiss Mako’s apology. Then she began to gesture for Sasuke to come over to her bedside. When he was close enough, Sakura pointed toward his hand.

“What?” he asked, looking down at it. My hand? What about it? He sure wasn’t going to hold her hand if that was what she was implying. Especially not in front of anyone.

A word made it past her lips but Sasuke didn’t understand it. “Hn?”

“Rath,” she repeated, still pointing. “Da ya hath a rath?”

“Oh,” Mako exclaimed. “You were handling the Ashuwa earlier, Sasuke. Do you have a rash on your hand?”

Ah. Sasuke’s hand was partially gloved except for his fingertips, which were unmarred. It had been approximately 30-45 minutes since Sasuke had even touched the plant. Sakura had sampled the herb 10 minutes before that, so it was too early to tell if Sasuke would have a similar reaction. He didn’t have a rash on his fingertips though.

Another physician handed Mako a familiar mortar and removed his disposable gloves after touching it. Mako immediately pinched a piece out of it and offered it to the Uchiha.

Sasuke responded with a glare as Mako continued to hold it out. “You’re not suggesting I eat that?”

“We need to make sure that you don’t develop a similar reaction, especially if you plan on using the chakra pills that Sakura is making.”

Sakura was mutely nodding in agreement and Sasuke annoyingly spat out toward her, “Why? You want me to end up looking like you?” Her nodding turned to shaking.

She followed with, “He’th ight. Eat wow you ah here.” Sasuke scoffed and blinked in disbelief at her communication efforts. How was she even talking?!

This was an absolute lunatic idea. She wanted the BOTH of them in hospital beds in this village while Gaara was away handling potential psychos that were after them? It was already a concern that she was incapacitated; Sasuke sure as hell wasn’t going into anaphylaxis too by choice.

“I’ll wait until you’re better,” he answered, shooing Mako’s hand away from his face. As he did so, Sasuke pointed at the door, ordering Mako to just go and check on Satou’s kid. Mako blinked at him in confusion before taking the hint and exiting with that same excuse.

When the silence grew thick between them, Sasuke took a casual stance against the wall next to Sakura’s bedside.

“Ya are wathing time,” Sakura began, looking guilty despite her swollen mouth as she tucked her hands beneath the covers and looked around at nonexistent people in the room; anywhere but at him. She was right. He was wasting time, and Sasuke mentally shook himself as he realized his indifference to that. He was trying to remind himself of his goal but in that moment, Sasuke’s feelings were outweighing that purpose.

He turned his back and peered out the small window at the darkening sky. He glanced back at her briefly before turning back to the window. “Are you okay?”

There wasn’t a reply which had the Uchiha worried and he turned to see her wide-eyed expression at his question. The face Sakura was making looked as if Sasuke had grown two heads. “I mean,” he added quickly, “with a mouth like that, it looks difficult to breath.”

She immediately covered her mouth and frowned at him, obviously embarrassed at his words. “I ah fine!” she shouted in embarrassment into her fingers and turned her head. Sasuke resisted the urge to smirk.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

After the administration of the antihistamine, Sakura didn’t wait long before she began removing her own IV. She felt bad for the time that had been wasted today when she was supposed to be making the food pills. Sakura was just relieved that the Ashu had been tested before she gave Sasuke a drug that could potentially kill him.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked as she removed the monitor and turned off the flatlining machine before anyone came in at the sound. “They said it would be best to stay the night.”

“I’m ah do-ter” she told him. Yes, Sakura would have advised the same thing to her patients, but she was out of danger now and she felt anxious despite her drowsiness. She was troubling Sasuke enough by accompanying him on his mission. She didn’t want to get in his way; she was supposed to be making things easier.

Sasuke scoffed at her dismissive, mumbled declaration as she stood from the bed. She blinked heavily and managed to stand upright. It would still take a little bit of time for her to completely pass out from the side effects, so Sakura figured the time she had left awake could be spent productively.

The medic immediately went over to the cabinets and pulled out disposable gloves and a mask from the drawer. The mask would serve two purposes: 1) protect her from inhaling the Ashuwa as she worked and 2) hide her ridiculous “tomato” mouth as Sasuke referred to it. Ugh. Sakura could die from embarrassment.

“What are you doing now?” Sasuke grumbled irritably, following her as she moved. She immediately headed over to the mortar on the cabinet and pinched some of the yellow herb, skin protected from the substance thanks to the gloves.

“Eat.” She stated plainly. They couldn’t proceed further if Sasuke was likely to have a similar allergic reaction. Sakura would have to scrap their entire progress by disposing of the food pill batch. She would be back to square one and they would have to start all over by finding a new foundational herb with the correct properties to achieve the correct results.

“Forget it,” the Uchiha deadpanned before making to head for the door. Sakura caught hold of his hand, stumbling in the process and taking a hard fall on her knee. She winced visibly. That would bruise later. Sasuke immediately turned and helped her up and Sakura thanked her mask for hiding her blushing cheeks as well.

With the same hand Sasuke had offered, Sakura turned his palm up and placed the Ashuwa in his cupped fingers. “No time.”

Sasuke glared at her for what seemed like several minutes before reluctantly dumping it down his throat. They both knew he had to for his own sake.

Sakura nodded before trashing her gloves and retrieving a new pair. She couldn’t risk leaving traces around the hospital and anyone else coming into contact with the pollen if it was responsible for anaphylaxis. Mako had said that it was such a common reaction that they had stopped using it altogether.

Sakura halted in her steps, considered her plan, and decided to grab the entire box of disposable gloves. She handed Sasuke the mortar.

Sasuke gave her an expression that radiated annoyance but somehow was miraculously completely blank. If she could speak clearly in this moment, Sakura would have asked him how he managed that.

“Fowwo” she murmured through her mask-covered lips, pairing the word with a beckoning wave. “We’ll tesh your weaction why we wait.” She was shuffling out the door before Sasuke had the chance to say anything more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke trailed his teammate from the room, carrying the mortar of Ashuwa he had ground up earlier that day. This was one of the few times in his life that Sasuke somewhat regretted his decision to refuse the artificial limb that Tsunade had made for he and Naruto. Sakura was walking with one arm against the wall for support and Sasuke’s one and only hand was currently occupied.

It was well after dark now and many of the staff members were busy attending overnight patients, so they weren’t stopped by anyone as Sakura found her way back to the medicine room, which was now cleaned of broken glass and everything back in its space. She reached up and grabbed several bottles of adrenaline and then dug through the drawer for syringes.

“Sakura,” Sasuke began as she dropped some of the things she was holding onto the floor. “You need rest. We can finish this later.”

“We hafe to wait for weaction anyway. Might as well make the pills.”

“I feel fine.” Sasuke reassured her. It was true. Time had passed enough for his fingertips to develop a rash if there was going to be a topical reaction. He had yet to show signs from consumption.

Sakura strode past him again, this time walking backwards to face him. He could make out a smile beneath her mask which somewhat irked the Uchiha. She seemed awfully cheery despite nearly dying from anaphylaxis. Sasuke concluded that it had to be the medicine making her drowsy.

“Turn around before you fall,” he grumbled. She laughed as she began to walk slowly up the stairs. He hurried up behind her and offered her his elbow which she took thankfully despite his huffed “So annoying.” Her laugh was her only response.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura was practically nodding off as she watched Sasuke mix and prepare the batch of ingredients for the food pills. She felt relieved at finally seeing headway as Sasuke rolled the batter into 1-inch circular doses according to her instructions and placed them in the hospital’s oven. Sakura had tried to do so herself, but Sasuke had insisted she sit down to avoid screwing them up and risking their progress. Sakura allowed him to take the reins, praying desperately that the food pills would turn out and serve their purpose after such a hassle.

“Sasuke,” she whispered, immediately touching her lips behind the mask as she noticed the decrease in swelling. The ice Sakura had retrieved from icebox was doing its job.

“Hm?” he answered, trashing the latex glove he used to protect his skin and replacing his own. He turned to her then in the dim light, but Sakura couldn’t make out his expression because the only light in the room was a lamp over the counter workspace behind him. There was a shadow concealing his features and Sakura was too tired to try to make them out.

A lot easier now that her lips were shrinking, Sakura asked, “How are you? Any shortness of breath?”

“I’m fine,” he stated simply.

“Good,” she replied, thanking that ridiculous Uchiha blood of his for not reacting to the Ashuwa like her’s had. How ironic, Sakura thought, that even Sasuke’s genetics seemed to be working for him even in this circumstance. How superior he must feel.

Reclined across the small seating bench in the corner, Sakura placed her chin on her chest and inhaled the gentle night breeze that was coming from the opened window. It seemed to be the first night that the sand wasn’t trying to shatter the glass; to be honest, Sakura was surprised that the hospital windows even opened. Perhaps they were high enough on the fourth story to avoid the sand barrage.

Sasuke came to stand before her and Sakura blinked sleepily up at him in an antihistamine induced haze.

“Sleep,” the Uchiha before her ordered. “I’ll wake you when they’re done.”

Sakura wanted to argue that she could manage to stay awake for another 20 minutes while the chakra pills roasted, but she wasn’t that confident in her ability to do so. At most, she could manage maybe 5 more minutes if she concentrated hard enough. She wanted to ask Sasuke about the conversation he had with Satou.

“Sit with me,” she said, but it sounded more like a question. There was a minute of silence as Sasuke observed her. The bench wasn’t roomy, but Sakura was too drowsy to be apprehensive about their proximity. Sasuke must have not been either, because he sat and exhaled when he did so. Perhaps he was tired too.

. . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke tried not to lean away from her as she settled into his side. He cursed her medicated self for such confidence in a small, darkened space. He counted down the time in his head; he would only have to stay seated here for 17 more minutes. For some reason, that time seemed both entirely too long and entirely too short.

“Satou,” Sakura began, reaching up to take off the medical mask on her face. Sasuke tried not to smirk at the lips that were still puckered despite having minimized in size. He blinked past the image to focus on her words.

“Hn,” he responded sourly, thinking of the man whose name had just been dropped between them like a heavy, unwanted stone. Sasuke didn’t particularly feel like talking about that man. He had, had enough of Satou for one day.

“How did it go?” his teammate probed politely despite being nosey.

“Fine,” he replied shortly, not wanting Sakura to find out about too many details. How would she react if she knew he had used his Sharingan on him? Probably not well. Sakura would continue to dig for more specifics if Sasuke didn’t bring an end to the topic promptly. “His son needs to be sent to Konoha.”

Sakura nodded, not seeming too surprised at Sasuke assessment. Perhaps she had been thinking similarly. “Thank you for talking to him.”

It wasn’t much of a talk, but Sasuke wasn’t going to tell her that, so he just responded again with a finalizing “Hn.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but jump when Sakura’s fingers touched his right hand. “Sasuke,” she began, almost in sleepy inquiry as she brushed his palm with her thumb and index. There was hopefulness in her voice and Sasuke cursed her medication again for her damn self-assurance.

“I..” she began, but Sasuke cut her off before she continued. Sasuke was almost absolutely certain that he knew which words would come next.

“Shh,” he replied, leaning comfortably into her side as his answer to her unspoken confession. “Just sleep.”

After a few breaths, and when Sakura’s head nodded onto his shoulder, Sasuke scooped up her hand into his, finding the courage to splay her fingers with his own and fasten them into place. Even when he would let her go in 15 minutes, Sasuke would lock the moment into his heart to last him the rest of his life.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When he counted down to the last second in his mind, Sasuke counted a few extra seconds. And then a few more. He thought about letting the doses of chakra pills burn to a crisp in the oven, but he decided against it, reluctantly releasing Sakura’s hand and pulling away from her heavy head.

Making sure that Sakura wouldn’t wake, Sasuke silently rose, turned off the oven and retrieved the pills from inside. He placed them on the counter quietly and turned to lean against the counter. He watched Sakura’s sleeping form for a few minutes, considering if he should wake her as he promised or let her sleep longer. What was the possibility of sitting beside her and stealing a few moments more?

Sasuke knew he was playing a dangerous game. Tomorrow, the Uchiha would test the chakra pill nearby and he and Sakura both were aware of what would happen after that. With the issue of his chakra reserves addressed, he would return to the desert to attempt cross-connecting dimensions again. They both realized Sasuke couldn’t waste any more time.

And with that thought, Sasuke’s stern resolve slipped. He would distance himself later, he thought. He would put the space back between them tomorrow. Tonight, Sasuke wanted to be next to Sakura.

He sat back down beside her and softly took up her hand again. Just for a little while longer.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura woke in the middle of the night from the pain in her arched neck. She blinked past sleep and realized that she was folded into Sasuke’s side with her knees tucked and Sasuke’s head leaning against hers. Not only that, but Sakura froze as she realized her hand was entwined with Sasuke’s between them. The moment was fragile, and Sakura almost cried of joy and then heartbreak as it shattered when Sasuke responded to her shifting.

The weight of his head on hers lifted and Sakura tried not to grab desperately at him to keep him from moving. Instead, Sakura pivoted her eyes to his as his sleep faded and realization appeared on his face.

Sasuke released her hand and stood hurriedly, saying nothing despite how Sakura’s heart wanted answers. She wanted to know if this moment was genuine or if she had been the one to hold onto him in her sleep. Sakura wanted to believe desperately that Sasuke had allowed himself to be transparent for just a moment and had secretly revealed his true feelings for her by holding her as she slept. Had that been the case? Was she being too optimistic? This wouldn’t be the first time their hands had touched. Had he been supporting her as a friend, or did he feel something more? She had to know.

“Sasuke,” she began, but he cut her off for the second time that night.

“Good. You’re awake. Let’s go.” He declared, hastily placing the finished chakra pills in an open travel container on the counter.

Sakura stood then, heart racing and adrenaline pumping as she worked up the courage to come up behind him as he worked. She wasn’t going to confess this time. She was going to ask Sasuke if he had been confessing to her while she slept?

“Do you… love me?”

Sakura was almost certain that he stopped breathing altogether as he paused his task. The Uchiha took a minute to compose himself before exhaling. “When are you going to stop that?”

The statement was meant to be cold, but the fact that it came out so desperately low gave Sakura a rare feeling of hope despite the words. “When are you?” she responded calmly in a whisper.

“What?” he asked incredulously, finally turning to her.

She gradually took the last few steps between them and stood carefully in front of him. “When are you going to stop pretending that you have no feelings for me?”

Sakura expected a scoff, a ridicule, but what she got in return was painful fear in Sasuke’s usually expression-less eyes.

It was true, she realized. Sasuke did have feelings for her. There had been so many signs, but Sakura had been unsure about all of them until this very moment. But what had just passed between them was confirmation. Sakura almost lost her breath at the realization.

“You’re mistaken,” finally came the blunt retort, but it was too late.

Sakura was already closing the inches between them. Her fingers were already brushing his cheeks as she brought his face to hers. She hesitated. Just for a second. Just long enough for him to pull away from her. But Sasuke barely took a breath before Sakura touched her lips to his.

#approaching sun #sasusaku #sasuke and sakura #sasukeshinden #sakura hiden #Sasuke Uchiha #Sakura Haruno #ssfanfiction #sasusakufanfiction #blank period #naruto #naruto fanfiction

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hollyhomburg · 4 years

Text

Community Guidelines

Recently there have been a few scary things that have happened to me on this blog- people trying to steal my identity and shit like that, so To try to combat the number of crazies on this blog- I've decided that I need to be more liberal about who I allow to have access to this blog.

I don't like doing this- this is not my preferred way of being because I know a lot of people find comfort in my fanfic’s but in order to keep this around for everyone else, I need to start being less liberal with the kind of behavior I allow. I've been struggling with what to do as far as blocking people goes, and I've set up some things that I am uncomfortable with- things that I do not like to read.

if you have any questions about any of these rules and why they are rules please feel free to ask me on anon or comment below!

----------------------------

What you should be already doing every time you read a fic:

At the very base level- if you read fanfic from beginning to end you should comment and reblog. This is the base level of courtesy you can give a fanfic writer.

Likes are nice but they do NOTHING for a writer.

in fact, seeing someone like your fic can actually be more discouraging than encouraging. To me a like without a reblog kind of says “yeah I enjoyed this- but not enough to tell you what I thought or show other people”

The comment does not need to be long in order to encourage the writer and make them feel like they didn't write their piece for nothing.

short comments like “oh my god this was amazing!” “thank you for writing this” “this was a joy to read” or even just a string of emojis are better than radio silence.

in my mind commenting is just as good as leaving an ask, so if you don't feel comfortable commenting publicly on a fic- feel free to pop over to my ask box and hit anon!

my biggest piece of advice for you is to Think of fanfic like a good meal. a stranger invites you into their house for dinner- it would be incredibly rude to finish every plate and then leave without even saying thank you! Even just slapping a heart down on the table wouldn’t seem like enough would it?

But if someone was like “oh my god this is so good, can I have the recipe? i really loved the flavor! is it okay if I take a little back to my own house so I can share it with others?” you’d feel a lot better about cooking for a virtual stranger right?

writing a fanfic is like cooking food- only cooking takes arguably less time than writing a well thought out story.

-----------------------------

Comment Etiquette

Do not comment like the following, these are based on real comments ive received in the last few years. if you comment things like this- it may get you blocked.

“please update, I've been waiting 3 weeks for this”

“I don't like fic’s like this usually BUT”

“This would have been great if not for the grammatical errors”

“you should make a tag list for this, but you know im also not going to reblog or tell you what I thought- I just want more of it. GIVE ME MORE”

“Update Please”

“omg! Someone write this!” like I just did? sorry, it wasn’t enough for you?

------------------------

Ask Box Etiquette

I get kind of iffy about answering dm’s a bit, especially after recent events, so dropping an ask in my ask box is the best way to get me to respond.

No hate mail

Do not send me asks about updates or chainmail

I do not take requests- do not ask me to write a fic for you.

I do not have a beta reader and I do not want one. Do not approach me wanting to become my beta reader or an admin on this blog.

I get a lot of messages in my ask box, I don't have time to answer all of them. Please be understanding about this fact. I answer as many as I can!

--------------------------------

My general feelings on this blog:

I write. I spend a lot of my time writing, sometimes up to 40 hours for one post. i love writing, but im under no obligation to share it with you guys. it takes me a lot more time to make sure it’s properly edited and formatted for Tumblr than it would if i just kept them for myself. I don’t get paid in ads or kofi’s often. this is essentially a free service that I am providing for all of you.

So to have someone complain or ask for more, without giving me the base amount of respect or anything in return for my countless hours of work is incredibly rude and entitled. it makes me feel terrible and sometimes makes me unable to write. but People should know better and it's not my job to teach you how to be conscientious readers- Fanfic writers will leave their fandoms and stop writing if you do not properly appreciate them.

So yeah- in order to keep this place up and running and not totally decimate my mental health and drive to write- I’m going to block first and ask questions later.

let me make this absolutely clear: these fics are apart of my own narrative, these are my ideas and basically little slices of my soul, my insecurities, my daydreams that i share for all of you to see. People love to be all like “fanfic writers who act like people are fans of them and not the group they stan are so cringy” but I am a real person behind this blog, and if you follow this blog you follow me. I’m not going to shut up about the things that I want to talk about just because I run a fanfic blog.

Fanfic writers don’t become popular just because they creat fanfiction- they become popular because they make the world they love larger for others to also enjoy. This is no different than a fantasy writer taking inspiration from Tolkien, George RR martin, or Shakespeare (all of whom professionally wrote fanfiction- seriously check this article to read more).

And if you’re not prepared and mature enough to respect me just as much as you would a professional writer, this is not the place for you.

#long post #community guidelines #fanfiction community #bts fanfiction

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years

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asks (26)

@spickerzocker said:

hey there! just a heads up that i tried to click on the "why i don't ship" explanation link in your faq and it says that there is no post with that url/it's generally broken. also your "a conversation about recovery" thing is beautiful and hurts in the best way and i love it. have a nice day!

Yes, I intentionally took that link down awhile ago, and last night I went and updated some of the tabs on my blog. Here are my basic thoughts:

I wrote that link years and years ago, while I was first navigating the internet and while I was still figuring out important things about my own identity and opinions. I ran my blog differently back then, but by the end of the first few months, I knew I was uncomfortable with shipping.

As people began to interact with me and my work, I told them over and over again no, I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to write about it, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think that was a common position to take at the time, so it wasn’t what people expected from me.

During those years, I felt like I had to justify myself and give a valid explanation. I wrote that post explaining why I had that boundary, and I put it in a place where anyone could find it.

I said no when people asked, let them make jokes about it, and made jokes about it myself in response. As time went on I got more and more exasperated when I had to repeat myself. I wrote definite rules into my ask box, request tab, and FAQ. People still asked. I wrote it into my description. People still asked.

The truth is yeah, there’s a pretty simple explanation for my discomfort. It makes sense. It’s easy to understand, and most folks think it’s a “good enough” reason to leave me alone. The difference between young-me and current-me is that I no longer feel the need to justify myself.

None of y’all need to know why I set the boundaries that I set. My explanation isn’t relevant, and I’m not obligated to give it. I said no. That’s enough.

I think a good number of folks remember my explanation from the past, and I don’t mind that at all. There may be a time where I talk about it again, in a more appropriate context, so I guess we’ll see.

That’s a lot of information in response to a very helpful ask. Thanks! The link is gone now, and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the fic :)

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Anonymous said:

U suck

Kenza sent this anon as a joke. She’s right, and I thank her.

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Anonymous said:

I'm a doctor and ive seen it all.....but the milk fic made me gag

Excellent

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@wingedskyes said:

Ah. Wait. I wasn't on anon....uhm. oh well. It's fine. I like milk and am not ashamed. 😆

I don’t think I received another message from you actually, but I too like milk and I’m glad we’re on the same page

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@thelittleredheadedmusician said:

To add to the milk discussions: my best friend from home and best friend from college have each finished a gallon a milk by themselves within 2 days.

I do that too, every once in awhile. When the milk craving hits it’s a gallon a day

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Anonymous said:

"TIM! POUR HIM. A GLASS OF M A L K!"

Hold on I have to google some things

Yeah this is funny

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Anonymous said:

I have read that milk fic three separate times and every time I’m laughing just as hard as Tim and dick by the end it’s just so excellently executed and builds so perfectly that by the time dick cracks I’m ready to go too and I just lose it it’s amazing I love it

Awww anon I’m so pleased :)

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@the-smartass-under-the-mountain said:

Just wanted to drop by and say your recent fic with Tim antagonizing Damian with increasingly outrageous milk concoctions had me giggling. It was so cute and refreshing to see Dick enjoying Tim's little prank. And Bruce's reaction to just... walk away was fantastic!

Thank you! I’m always so thrilled when y’all think the jokes hit

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@njtheboywonder said:

I havnt really enjoyed a fic in years, but i stopped to read ur fanfic with tim drinking milk just to fuck w dami amd it made me smile. Thanks, for writing it.

Oh that warms my heart <3

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@bruciewayneisbatman said:

Tim Is totally the guy who would drink ridiculous amounts of dalgona coffee to annoy damian, according to that fic.

Had to google that one, but I guess so huh

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Anonymous said:

(diff anon) but that birthday fic was so good oml and you have opened my eyes as to the batfam in quarantine this is such a Concept

We’re all here dying..... together...

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Anonymous said:

Happy birthday! 🎉 or belated! 🎂 thank you for being in the fandom. 😊

Anonymous said:

To anon! Sorry. I forgot to add that! Anyway, thanks to them we get a lovely fic. I hope you have many more birthdays! 😊

Message for you anon

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Anonymous said:

Your writing gives off good vibes

Hear that guys I “passed my vibe check.” Is that what the youth say these days? I am an elder now and I do not know

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Anonymous said:

finding your blog while being relatively new to batman fandom is such a bliss. your batfam content especially is *chef's kiss* amazing.

Thank you my darling :) I’m glad you’re here

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Anonymous said:

Best line in a fic? Hard to pick just one, but this particular one from "Just Desserts" by fyeahbatmanandrobin on Tumblr is one of my faves: “Anyone else would be hard-pressed to provide the particular brand of excitement you bring to my life, Dami.”

@noisypaintersong said:

For the line thing: "I don't doubt it. Bruce Wayne, the unexpectedly normal guy wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a superhero wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fake socialite wrapped in a businessman wrapped in a secretive billionaire." He paused. "…You're the seven-layer burrito of Gotham," he pondered. - Barry to Bruce in 'Of Friends and Foes' by Paganpunk2 on FFN. It's one of the funniest things I've read someone say to Bruce LOL

@kirakats submitted:

Anonymous said:

“I do know that according to everyone else, there is no chance, no future, no universe where I stay a hero.” Describes my frustration with the way DC treats Damian so accurately. Let the kid be a hero dammit.

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I’ve got a decent answer to my question now.

@kurawastaken submitted:

So this is Kenza retaliating against me for the milk fic. I very much hate tomatoes and specifically ketchup. This photo (1) is a nightmare and (2) fulfills its intended purpose.

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Anonymous said:

I love your blog!!!

And I love you

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Anonymous said:

quick question: how do you think jason reconciles with the fam?? i think in the comics they kinda just reboot and now he’s on better terms. but like what conversations happened, yknow??? (you’re doin great work by the way, it rips out my heart but it’s great)

This is an amazing question, and I’ll be thinking about it for the next bit, I think. That would be a really interesting topic to explore in depth

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@angel-gidget said:

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe!

Oh thank you for the hug <3

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Anonymous said:

I hadn’t been aware of that Memphis petition, but I live in Memphis too (Altho I know you said you just grew up there so you may not be living here currently haha) so ig I just wanted to say thanks for bringing it to my attention!

!!!

I’ve been in Texas for six years now, ever since I started school, but I’m still in and out of Memphis for family purposes. Love the trash heap of my birth

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@damianwaynerocks said:

hey! any chance you know of any other dc heroes around damian’s age?

Sure! You could try Billy Batson, Jon Kent, or Maya Ducard

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Anonymous said:

hi! i don't know if it's okay to leave anons like these but ive been feeling down because my country has passed a bill that deprives us of lots of human rights freedom and i want you to know that i just found your blog through the damian/bruce + justice fic and it comforted me. im slowly going thru your works and so far they are all comforting. i love your stuff, thank you.

Philippines? I’ve heard some things, and I’m real sorry y’all’re going through that. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say about that to help, but I hope you’re finding joy somewhere

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@awesomeness-ofgaybitches said:

Tumblr hates you. The links in your bio and to your fic masterlist don't work on mobile. I'm sorry.

FUCK

#I'd like to also take this opportunity to note that at this time #I have blocked 7 people for variations on #okay no ships but what about sailboats??#but what about the TITANIC #here's a picture of the bat-boat tho #guess what kids it's not creative or funny #and I explicitly said that jokes will get you blocked #I follow through #asks

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obertsonpddamarispb86insura-blog · 5 years

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audi a3 insurance cost

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drkreviews · 6 years

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A Curse in Straw

Here I am with the last song analysis of this season in “Lyrical Love”! Today’s subject is a song by the dark visual kei band Xaa-xaa, precisely one of their recent works, Noroi uta (Cursed song), the lead-track of the 11th single with the same name, come out on 23th May 2018. The song encloses the darkest shades the band ever used, where the words and the sound have a strong connection, rendered by the unpredictable structure of the song.

THE MUSIC

The song is opened by a piercing guitar and an incredibly steady rhythm, where Kazuki’s voice shows off macabre and violent notes altogether, moving fast and with darker shades, creating a really chilling atmosphere; the melody alternates extreme parts, enriched by screamos, with energetic riffs and a little slow interlude, not put by case inside the theme; the song ends to be structurally dynamic and highly aggressive, worth of this band’s unique talent.

Lyrics (Romaji)

Mijikai hari ga ichi wo sasu masshiro na koromo matoi surudoi aijou ikutsu mo tazusae. Anata no sugata wara ni nari futokoro ni shimaeru hodo yonayona tobidase mori e to mukaimasu. Dochira no ki ni itashimashou hashira wo senbetsu sureba gishiki wo toriokonaimasu hajimari. Mazu wa kegare wo dakiyoseta anata no migi no ude kara sukoshi zutsu yarimasu kara ne sange wo. Hitotsu futatsu waraeya waraeya iyaiya mitsu yottsu ugate itsutsu muttsu nakeya nakeya iyaiya nanatsu nanatsu oki no doku. Kanashikute kanashikute doushiyou mo nakute nemurenai yoru kazoe itsu kara ka? itsu kara ka? watashi wa oni ni nari hitotsu futatsu kugi wo utsu. [Noroi uta] Hitotsu futatsu sawageya sawageya iyaiya mitsu yottsu ugate itsutsu muttsu nakeya nakeya iyaiya nanatsu nanatsu oki no doku. Dare yori mo dare yori mo tsukaeteita no desu mi wo kezuri mi wo teishi yurusanai yurusanai anata ga warau nado shikeishuu wo nogasanai. Muku naru ai wa katachi wo kaeyuki me mo aterarenu minikui sugata e to. Shi ne Todome Hayaku... Kitto sochira ni wa usureyuku mono de keredo kochira ni wa kobiritsuite kienai. Kanashikute kanashikute doushiyou mo nakute nemurenai yoru kazoe itsu kara ka itsu kara ka watashi wa oni ni nari hitotsu futatsu hari kugi wo utsu. Kizutsukeau no nara awanakereba mou hikikaesenai hodo fukai mori de yami ni ochita ushimitsu toki.

[Noroi uta]

Lyrics (Translation)

A little needle points to someone Who wears a pure white cloth And brings a piercing affection.

You become a straw figure To be kept in the chest When I get out in the forest every night, I’d want to deal with it. (I)

What tree would you want to do? Selecting the pillar I will start the ceremony.

First of all, after getting closer, you embrace the corruption From your right arm Little by little you will regret it. (II)

One, two Straw, straw, oh no! Three, four Piercing Five, six Lament, lament, oh no! Seven, seven How pitiful it is.

I am sad sad I can’t do it Infinite sleepy nights Since when, since when? I become a demon One, two, hit and pierce.

「Cursed song」 (III)

One, two Turmoil, turmoil, oh no! Three, four Piercing Five, six Scream, scream, oh no! Seven, seven How pitiful it is.

I need it more of anything else A piercing body, which is exposed It doesn’t forgive, it doesn’t forgive, you laugh and so on There’s no escape from the death sentence. (IV)

The love, made pure, changes shape To an ugly figure which cannot be penetrated either by the eyes.

Enough.

Stop it

Immediately...

I will surely disappear But I won’t cling on. (V)

I am sad sad I can’t do it Infinite sleepy nights Since when, since when? I become a demon One, two, hit and pierce.

If you hurt, I won’t see it Now I can’t go back anymore In a deep forest Fallen in the darkness In the middle of the night. (VI)

THE WORDS

Written by the singer Kazuki, the song has a pretty free layout, as for each Xaa-xaa’s work, sign that the feelings and the images lead this text in its own development. In general the band is quite famous for its dark and mysterious themes, and the single where the song has been released is not so different; the b-side tracks, Shiranai, shiranai (I don’t know, I don’t know) and Kage (Shadow), deal respectively with the difficulty in understanding our reality and the shadow as a symbol of someone’s presence, and they fit perfectly with the macabre and disquieting theme of the song here analyzed. The title already contains a key word, the curse, made by the protagonist against a person who caused pain to him, an image vehicled by the song. With the creation of a figure, a straw puppet, the protagonist tries to exorcise and to get away the pain from his own life, even if it is hard to get rid of it. And now... let’s analyze the song!

I) The text starts with the image of a needle, the weapon used in the curse, which points to someone (Mijikai hari ga ichi wo sasu), a person who is wearing a pure white cloth (masshiro na koromo matoi, the white is symbol of a visibile thing) and brings up a piercing affection (surudoi aijou ikutsu mo/tazusae, note the final lines of each strophe containing only one word, in this case for emphasizing the action described); then the protagonist says to the reader, the target of his curse, that he is now a straw figure, so that he can keep it on his chest (Anata no sugata wara ni nari/futokoro ni shimaeru hodo), in order to challenge its own pain when he goes out in the forest by night (yonayona tobidase mori e to/mukaimasu).

II) Ironically, the protagonist asks to his target what tree he would use (Dochira no ki ni itashimashou), so that when he chooses the pillar, he can start his ceremony (hashira wo senbetsu sureba/gishiki wo toriokonaimasu/hajimari); during this one, the target will find himself embraced in the corruption, with his right arm (Mazu wa kegare wo dakiyoseta/anata no migi no ude kara, the right side in Japanese culture is linked to the wisdom, the thought and the mind), a choice he will soon regret (sukoshi zutsu yarimasu kara ne/sange wo).

III) The protagonist starts to violently hit the figure, counting them one after another, while he senses that is made of straw (Hitotsu futatsu/waraeya waraeya iyaiya, the straw is a symbol of frailty, the ease with which someone commits mistakes); then he continues to pierce and starts to hear laments (mitsu yottsu/ugate/itsutsu muttsu/nakeya nakeya iyaiya), but more he goes on, more he realizes that the whole situation is pitiful (nanatsu nanatsu/oki no doku). Then we get to know why the protagonist is doing this curse; this target has put him in the darkest sadness ever, a thing he can’t stand anymore (Kanashikute kanashikute/doushiyou mo nakute), which didn’t allow him to sleep for countless nights, at the point that he doesn’t remember when this pain started (nemurenai yoru kazoe/itsu kara ka? itsu kara ka?) and therefore he became a demon (watashi wa oni ni nari, note the use of the word “oni”, a mythological creature which has been described as a monster which protects people from evil things) and started this violent ritual against his target, object of his cursed song (hitotsu futatsu kugi wo utsu).

IV) He continues to hit the figure and senses a great turmoil around his target (Hitotsu futatsu/sawageya sawageya iyaiya) and while he goes on, feels his screams (itsutsu muttsu/nakeya nakeya iyaiya); then he says that he need a pierced body to expose for his pain more than anything else, as for outbursting his inner rage (Dare yori mo dare yori mo tsukaeteita no desu/mi wo kezuri mi wo teishi) and even if what he has received is unforgivable, the offender still laughs as nothing has happened (yurusanai yurusanai anata ga warau nado), confirming his death sentence, which there’s no escape from (shikeishuu wo nogasanai).

V) The protagonist says that a love which used to be pure, confirming that his offender was a person he loved, has changed its own shape (Muku naru ai wa katachi wo kaeyuki), becoming an ugly figure which can’t be penetrated either by his eyes (keredo kochira ni wa kobiritsuite kienai); so the target begs him to stop this violence (Shi ne/Todome/Hayaku..., this part puts the song’s meaning in discussion, as the text might be interpretated by the offended or the offender’s point of view, so it might be that the protagonist begged his loved one to stop inflicting him pain); finally the protagonist realizes that he will disappear sooner or later, but he won’t cling on to what made him suffer (Kitto sochira ni wa usureyuku mono de/keredo kochira ni wa kobiritsuite kienai).

VI) After repeating the second part of the third sequence, the text ends with the protagonist’s declaration; if his offender will get hurt because of his violent ritual, he won’t see that (Kizutsukeau no nara awanakereba), but now he can’t go back anymore to the deep and dark forest by the night, as when he started the cursed song, because the judgement has been issued (mou hikikaesenai hodo/fukai mori de/yami ni ochita/ushimitsu toki).

When someone inflicts pain to someone else, the punishment is unavoidable and cannot be escaped; with macabre and definitive tones, Xaa-xaa brush up the symbology of the darkest side of Japanese culture for an accurate description of a love pain, which leads the protagonist to a violent and obscure revenge, a metaphorical style for saying that none gets away with it.

That’s all folks! See you tomorrow for the last new review of the season in “Let’s Listen to”!

Thanks for the reading!

#xaa-xaa #jrock #visual kei #noroi uta #curse #pain #love #falsity #ritual #sadness #lyrical love

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patriotsnet · 3 years

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What Does The Bible Say About Republicans

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-republicans/

What Does The Bible Say About Republicans

What Does God Say About Democrats

What Does the Bible Say About 2016 Election – Hidden Secrets Revealed – Republican vs Democrat

Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ and Saving America

Steven Andrew is leading the nation to reaffirm covenant that the USA follows Jesus Christ. The Bible teaches covenant is the most important action to save lives, restore safety, strengthen the church, and raise godly generations.

testimonials

Michael

I know of no one doing everything they can to help our nation to turn away from wickedness and sin, and turn back to God, like Steven Andrew.;

Craig

Giving to USA Christian Church is the most powerful way to support God’s will for the nation and defend Christianity.

The USA is in a national emergency. Our only hope is to surrender our lives and the nation to God and agree to obey the Lord. We have hope. It is not too late to find Gods mercy. Steven Andrew

People are very concerned. The news shows the USA is in a freedon verses tyranny national emergency. It could even be a life verses death crisis if the nation goes into captivity as happened to Israel and Judhae for their sins. If we want to honor God and have God bless our lives and nation, it is important we know: What does the Bible teach about Democrats?

I am Steven Andrew, the pastor who believes like the founding fathers. I am on a mission from God

Pray

Is the Bible your final authority or do you go by your feelings and own ways?This is Gods opinion, not mine.

For protection and national security, the nation needs to see Democrats hearts the way God does.my This is Gods opinion not my opinion.

Grist Is The Only Nonprofit Newsroom Focused On Exploring Solutions At The Intersection Of Climate And Justice

Our team of journalists remains dedicated to telling stories of climate, justice, and solutions. We aim to inspire more people to talk about climate change and to believe that meaningful change is not only possible but happening right now.;Our in-depth approach to solutions-based journalism takes time and proactive planning, which is why Grist depends on reader support.

This September, become a monthly donor, and your entire yearly amount will be matched. Grist hopes to welcome 200 new monthly members by September 30, and were closing in on our goal! Help us further advance our reporting by giving us the stable, reliable funding we need. Consider becoming a Grist member today to ensure this important work continues and thrives.

Bible Verses Violated By The Republican Party

Please note this article is not another case of a Democrat insulting the Republican party and their religious members.; I dont like either political party and Ive lost hope in the current political system until major changes are made.

While Ive lost most; interest in national politics,; some things still catch my eye. But what bothers me the most, and always gets my attention, is when a politician campaigns on a the premise that their allegiance to their God makes them a better person than the other candidate. Fast forward a few months after their election and there they are obstructing ethical legislation; for their constituents only to make their donors happy.

If a politicians; adherence to the Bible is what makes them a good person and good elected official, what do they become when they no longer adhere to the Bible?

You can understand why I feel my arguments made here are sound: The voting and campaign records of Congress are widely-available public records, and since 7 out of the 10 Bible verses I used are from either Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, meaning that 70% of this is literally the Gospel truth

You May Like: Trump Calls Republicans Idiots

James : 19 Niv: Everyone Should Be Quick To Listen Slow To Speak And Slow To Become Angry

Well THAT’S a big red flag if I ever saw one. Any of the above points show that Donald Trump does not have a reasonable filter. Whatever comes to mind comes straight out of his mouth, especially when he gets angry. If our president acts out in anger, we are going to have a lot of issues on our hands. Can you imagine how he would converse with other world leaders? What would he do if they insulted our government, or heaven forbid, Trump’s hand size? How would he react to negative criticism from countries we very much need to remain on good terms with? Not only is this dangerous, it also gives more reason for people not to respect America. It would say a lot about us if our leader had the same temperament as a two-year old in a time out. A true God following leader would participate in rational discussion, in which all sides are heard and acknowledged.

I’m not trying to tell anybody that Hilary is the Christian candidate we’re looking for. In fact, I don’t even believe we need a Christian candidate at all. This is America, where anybody of any race or religion can do the job. What I am trying to say, is that if you think Donald Trump is your closest bet to having a Christian in office, you’re making the wrong choice.

Your choice matters. Choose wisely.

Abortion Is An Integral Part Of The Vaccine Industry

For you created my inmost being;;you knit me together;in my mothers womb.;Psalm 139:13

The Bible makes clear that life begins at conception. It says that every child is a gift from God . If Jesus were here today, I am not sure if He would be carrying a sign, but we can agree He would be pro-life.

Many are surprised to find that in fact, vaccines do contain;aborted fetal tissue,;including lung and kidney tissue.

This is because scientists grow live vaccines in living tissue. You can find aborted fetal tissue in 23 total vaccines, including:

MMR

Read Also: We Are All Republicansâwe Are All Federalists

Gop Lawmaker: The Bible Says If A Man Will Not Work He Shall Not Eat

This storys headline;has been corrected. A quote from Rep. Jodey Arringtons remarks at a congressional hearing has also been added.

One lawmaker is citing a godly reference to; justify changes to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program: Rep. Jodey Arrington recently quoted the New Testament to question the strength of current work requirements.

The biblical passage, 2 Thessalonians 3-10, was a rebuttal to one of the hearings expert witnesses, a representative of the Jewish anti-hunger group MAZON. It is also a familiar refrain to anyone who has watched past debates about SNAP.

House Republicans have historically cited the verse if a man will not work, he shall not eat as justification for cutting some adults SNAP benefits. Arrington referenced the verse in a discussion;about increasing the work requirements for unemployed adults on the food stamp program. But critics say that;advances;a pernicious myth about the unemployed who receive SNAP.

The verse in question applies specifically to people who can work or otherwise contribute to society but choose not to, said theologians from several denominations who spoke to The Post. There is a perception, among some voters and lawmakers, that many adult SNAP recipients are exactly this sort of freeloader.

Further reading:

Stage Patalliro! press meeting(full) Part 1, Part 2

The Making of Sanaich - How 19-year-old Sana Hiroki transformed himself into an 80s yaoi icon (Note: There are a lot of videos and pictures I didn’t get to include in this post for the sake of keeping it short, so please check them out if you are interested.)

#patalliro #aoki tsunenori #sana hiroki #maraich #bancoran #BANMARA SAILING TO THE END OF THE WORLD #this is probably the most important post I have ever written in my life

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

#im fucking tired #ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well #ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly #also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful #i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so #im taking bloody pride in that comedy so

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sushigirlali · 6 years

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Finding You - Part III (Reylo Fanfic)

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII - Part VIII - Part IX

Summary: Unseen forces move against Kylo Ren from within the First Order as he struggles to unravel Snoke’s deceptions / Rey must balance her relationship with Ben Solo and her dedication to the cause that opposes him / Leia Organa makes a desperate plea to an old friend in a last ditch effort to restore the Resistance. Pairing: Rey x Kylo Ren/Ben Solo [Reylo] [ReyBen] Continuity: Set directly after Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi ends. Warnings: There is a lemon in Part II. Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything that relates to Star Wars.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed my little story, and a special shout out to those who have left kind reviews. I really appreciate it, and they definitely motivate me to write more. I haven’t received any nastiness myself, but some people really seem to hate the Reylo ship. Still, I want to stay positive and not sink to the same level as antis. Fandom can be a scary place sometimes, but it’s okay to like what you like and not worry about the rest. May the Force be with you <3 You can find me on FanFiction.net as sushigirlali as well. Enjoy!

Finding You - Part III By: sushigirlali

I know forever don’t exist After this life, I’ll find you in the next When I say “forever,” it’s the goddamn truth I’ll keep finding, finding you

Rey raced into the Millennium Falcon’s lounge, panting hard. She had barely taken time to dress after breaking the connection with Ben.

“General Organa!” she gasped as she slid to a stop in front of her.

“Rey? What’s wrong?” Leia asked, looking away from the star map BB-8 was projecting.

“I need to speak with you. Alone. Urgently.” Rey said quickly. “Please.”

Leia got up, exchanging worried glances with Poe and the other surviving senior officers.

“Let’s talk in the crew quarters.” Leia indicated for Rey to follow her.

Luckily, the sleeping quarters were empty as they arrived, so Rey launched into a clumsy explanation.

“Ben is—I’ve done something without permission. He—Ben is returning to us. He’s choosing the light. I—I…” Rey stammered, realizing all of a sudden that she was talking to her lover’s mother, and not just General Organa.

“Rey,” Leia said sternly. “Come sit down, child, and speak slowly.”

“General, I told Ben where we are. He’s—" She started.

“You did what?” Leia sat up sharply.

“Please, General, please let me explain.” Rey begged her.

“Proceed.” Leia allowed.

“Ben and I are—well. What I’m trying to say is he’s leaving the First Order. Today. Right now. Hux is trying to seize control and kill him, so he has to leave immediately. I told him our location and he’s coming to Ahch-To.” Rey held her breath, trying to decipher Leia’s expression.

“Rey, I know that the dark side can be tempting, but—” Leia began skeptically.

“It’s not like that.” Rey interrupted. “I’m sorry that I haven’t spoken to you about this before now, but I was trying to protect him. Ben and I are bonded through the Force. We can project ourselves over any distance and speak to each other. Just as Luke did on Crait.”

“Did Luke know about this…connection?” Leia asked, stunned at the revelation.

“Yes, he did.” Rey acknowledged. “He tried to stop me from going to Snoke’s ship, but I knew that I had to in order to save Ben. General, he’s changed. He finally knows the truth about Luke’s supposed betrayal—”

“You know why my son turned to the dark side?” Leia looked shocked.

“Yes, both Ben and Luke explained their side of the incident to me. But that’s not what matters. What matters is that Ben has been able to look objectively at the events of that fateful night, and now realizes that he was mistaken. Ben knows that Luke would not have killed him. With this vital piece of information, along with Snoke’s death, I truly believe that he’s free to be Ben Solo again.” Rey said honestly.

Leia still looked extremely concerned. “I would love to believe you, Rey, but what if Kylo Ren is able to control you through this link, like Snoke did him?”

“General, Ben has never been able to control me. Not even the first time we met, when I was a complete novice in the ways of the Force.” Rey insisted.

“Has he used it to hurt you in any way?” Leia enquired.

“No!” Rey denied emphatically. “No, he’s been very gentle. Even when he’s angry with me, he hasn’t tried to harm me.”

“How often have you linked with him?”

“At first it was random, maybe every couple of days, but I initiated the bond myself just a few hours ago. I think I can do it again. I think he can too.” Rey informed her truthfully. “As far as I can tell, our bond is sustained through the Force itself. Like a spiritual bridge.”

Despite herself, Leia looked up in wonder. “That is a rare thing, Rey, to be able to hold such a strong connection without adverse effects.” Rey knew she was thinking about her dearly departed brother.

“Yes, I know.” Rey replied earnestly.

“Can you interact physically through this bond?” Leia’s queried, her eyes fixed on Rey’s face.

Rey blushed, but nodded.

“Rey, are you sure your mind hasn’t been clouded by Kylo Ren? The Sith are capable of a great many mind games. He could be using you, tricking you, in order to find our base. I can’t allow the Resistance to be snuffed out, not even for my wayward son, not even for you.” Leia said seriously.

Staring directly into her eyes, Rey covered Leia’s hand with her own, allowing her leader access to her mind at will. “I swear to you with all that I am, Ben is on our side! He fought side-by-side with me against Snoke’s Praetorian Guard. He killed Snoke himself to protect me. General, Ben Solo is in love with me.”

Leia’s eyes winded as she sensed the truth behind Rey’s words, seeing Ben as Rey did through her memories. “I…thought he was gone forever, after Han…but now…Rey, you’ve pulled off a miracle.”

Leia sounded so hopeful that Rey knew the General was finally starting to understand. Rey only prayed that Leia would skip over their more personal moments if she read her mind further. Still, the potential embarrassment was worth it to save Ben’s life.

“Alright, we’ll help him.” Leia conceded, wiping away an errant tear. “But I’m still not comfortable with putting the Resistance in harm’s way. There are so few of us now. Do you have a plan?”

“I think you and the rest of the Resistance should take the Falcon and disappear for a few hours. I’ll wait here for Ben, and will call you back when it’s safe.” Rey said.

“How will you contact us?” Leia asked.

“With the binary beacons. I’ll turn mine on once it’s safe to come back.” Rey replied.

“This could work.” Leia contemplated. “What is my son’s part in all this? Did he tell you of his intentions?”

“Ben said he may have to blow up the Star Destroyer his command shuttle is on to get out. But honestly, I’m hoping he’s able to sneak away without a fight. Since we know the First Order has developed active lightspeed tracking, I’m scared that he’ll unintentionally lead the First Order to our doorstep.” Rey said, voicing fears that had arisen once her senses came back to her.

“Obviously, you didn’t consider the consequences when you gave my son the coordinates to our safe haven.” Leia said disapprovingly.

Rey felt her face heat. No, in her panic, she hadn’t thought about anyone but Ben.

“You’re not the first, nor will you be the last, to be struck momentarily insane by love.” Leia sighed, patting Rey’s hand in a motherly manner.

“General, I’m sorry that I acted so rashly. I was afraid.” Rey freely admitted.

Leia nodded in understanding. “Are you sure that you’ll be alright alone down here? I could leave Poe or Finn with you.” She suggested with a twinkle in her eye.

“I don’t think that would help the situation, but thanks for worrying about me. Besides, I haven’t, uh, talked to Finn about Ben yet.” Rey cringed at the idea of telling her best friend she was in love with the perceived enemy.

“I’m sure he’ll take it in stride, having just recently discovered love himself.” Leia responded pointedly.

Rey laughed, as Leia had meant her too.

“Now, I have to go sell this outlandish plan to our compatriots. I suggest you sneak out the back and get that beacon ready.” Leia stood, drawing Rey up into a warm hug.

“Thank you for trusting me, General.” Rey sighed, appreciating the comfort Leia offered.

“I think you should get used to just calling me Leia.” She smirked in that way mother’s do when they know something that you don’t.

But, never having had a real mother before, Rey just smiled back before taking her leave.

I know forever don’t exist But after this life, I’ll find you in the next So when I say “forever,” it’s the goddamn truth

Rey paced back and forth on the flat, rocky outcrop where the Millennium Falcon had lifted off from five hours earlier. She was beginning to worry about Ben. It had been over an hour since she had attempted to connect with him through the Force. He hadn’t responded to her call, nor had he tried to make contact himself.

“Where are you, Ben?” Rey wondered out loud.

Rey knew she was being unreasonable, but he should’ve at least checked in with her by now. Maybe their bond didn’t work at lightspeed? No, that was stupid. The Force wasn’t bound by something as technological as hyperspace travel. Still, there had to be a reason why he had remained silent so far.

Rey steadfastly refused to think about the worst-case scenario. No, Ben was alive out there, somewhere. She would know if something had happened to him. Leia would know.

So, Rey paced until nightfall when, just as panic started to set in, Ben’s command shuttle materialized in the dark blue sky. Rey almost fell to her knees in relief as the craft maneuvered effortlessly onto the landing site.

Minutes later, the entrance ramp extended outward, revealing a cloaked silhouette in the doorway. Rey ran forward as the figure staggered slightly down the gangway.

“Ben?!” Rey yelled as she drew near.

“I’m okay.” He assured her. “Just a little beat up.”

Rey pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his bruised face.

“What happened?” she demanded.

“I had to fight my way to the hanger bay where my command shuttle was kept. The other guys look worse, believe me.” He said with a savage grin.

“But how did you get away?”

“I remote piloted my TIE fighter to catch their attention and throw off the lightspeed tracker, then jumped to lightspeed in my command shuttle from inside the hangar. I didn’t stick around to see what happened to the Star Destroyer.” Ben explained.

“After seeing the damage Holdo caused by jumping into the First Order’s fleet firsthand, I can only imagine.” Rey said, whistling softly. “But where have you been all this time? It’s been over twelve hours since we…since I saw you last.”

“Well, I didn’t want to lead the First Order to you. So, I drove through an asteroid field on the way in case anyone was following me, or my ploy with the TIE fighter didn’t work.” He told her.

“So, that’s why you wouldn’t answer me.” Rey shook her head. Ben was a risk-taker, just like his father.

“Hey, I was concentrating on not crashing into giant flying balls of rock. I figured you wanted me alive more than you wanted reassurance.” Ben replied.

“You’re no good to me dead, Ben Solo.” Rey agreed coyly, running her fingers through his wavy hair. “I need you.”

Ben groaned at her touch, crushing her body against his as he breathed in her scent.

“Ben!” she yelped in mock protest as his lips attacked her throat.

He titled her face up to his in answer, taking her mouth in a fierce, heated kiss. Rey sank into his embrace, loving the unadulterated passion he felt for her. They whispered their love for each other between kisses, thrilled to be together in person, and on the same page, at long last.

Just as Ben started pulling her toward the command shuttle, the telltale sound of the Millennium Falcon rang through the air.

“They aren’t supposed to come back until I use this.” She said, holding up the deactivated binary beacon around her wrist.

When Ben didn’t respond, Rey looked up into his face. He seemed frozen as the Falcon landed before them.

“It’s going to be okay.” Rey reassured him. “I’ve already spoken with your mother. She knows that you’re here. They all do.”

Ben gave her a stunned look. “I knew it was inevitable that I would see her again, but now that the moment is here, I—I don’t know what to say.”

Rey moved to his side, holding his hand tightly.

“It’s going to be okay.” She repeated. “You’re not alone.”

Suddenly the Falcon’s exterior door opened, followed by the piercing sound of metal grinding against metal as the ramp struggled to extend.

“Stupid, old piece of junk.” Leia muttered crossly as she walked out to meet them.

“General—I mean, Leia. What are you doing here? I haven’t called you back yet.” Rey asked curiously.

“I got tired of waiting. Poe of all people recommended patience, but I overrode him.” Leia replied serenely.

As Leia turned to look at Ben, his hand tightened around Rey’s.

“Mother, I—mother—” Ben tried to speak, but he couldn’t seem to find the words.

“Ben, it’s okay.” Rey whispered soothingly. “Take your time.”

“Mother, I’m sorry. For Father. For Luke. For everything.” Ben choked out.

Leia moved forward slowly, her face pained but open. “I know, my son, I know.”

Leia raised Rey and Ben’s connected hands, enveloping them with both of hers.

“Because of this—because of the two of you—we have a chance to put the past behind us and move toward a brighter future.” Leia told them solemnly. “This will not be an easy transition for any of us. Especially those who have lost friends and family due to your actions as Kylo Ren.”

Ben flinched, but nodded. Despite his change of heart, there was much he had to atone for.

“I won’t make excuses for my many misdeeds. I have done some truly evil things in the service of the dark side. But, I promise you that I will spend every day of the rest of my life protecting you and Rey, and helping to bring a permanent end to the First Order.” Ben vowed.

Leia touched Ben’s face, her eyes glistening. “I’ve missed you, Ben.”

“Mother!” Ben pulled Leia into his arms, hugging her close.

Rey smiled through her tears, thrilled to see Ben reconcile with his mother. She was secretly grateful to Hux for speeding along Ben’s exit from the First Order. Every day he spent away from the dark side was a step in the right direction. And, as Snoke’s influence dissipated, she hoped Ben would come to embrace his new life in the Resistance.

Ben threw an arm around Rey’s shoulders as Leia pulled back. He seemed to need constant contact with her, not that she minded.

Thudding footsteps suddenly echoed in the cool night as Poe Dameron stormed off the Falcon, glaring at Ben the whole way.

“Poe, I’ve decided to let Ben stay.” Leia calmly headed him off. “He is willing to join the Resistance, at Rey’s side, and provide us with tactical information about the First Order and its allies.”

“Is that so? Then as a sign of good faith, hand over your weapon.” Poe demanded hotly.

Ben smirked at the insolent command, his free hand moving to the hilt of his lightsaber. Rey elbowed him in warning from under the shelter of his other arm.

“Poe, do you really think that’s necessary?” Rey asked warily.

“How can you trust him after what he’s done?!” Poe challenged.

“Poe!” Leia reprimanded. “You accepted help from a Stormtrooper with relative ease. Please try to have the same courtesy towards my son.”

“Leia, don’t be blind! Finn was a slave to the First Order who refused to murder innocent people in cold blood. I hardly think that equates him to this monster.” Poe shot back.

Ben held up a hand as Rey started to protest.

“You’re right, I was a monster. I’ve done horrible things. Things I’ll never be able to make up for. And they haunt me.” Ben said, his voice thick with emotion. “Please, just give me a chance to do something right.”

Poe considered him thoughtfully for a few moments before breaking into a friendly smile. “Alright, you get one chance. But if you screw up, I’ll make it my mission in life to destroy you.”

And with that, Poe went back up the ramp, whistling to himself.

“Welcome to the Resistance.” Leia said wryly as Ben stared after Poe in confusion and Rey doubled over with laughter.

I’ll keep finding, finding, finding you Keep finding, finding you

Ben stared up at the ceiling, his muscles aching from the day’s activities. Ever since he’d shown up a week ago, Poe seemed to be trying to kill him with manual labor. Not that he minded, it gave him something to do when Rey was tied up with meetings.

When she wasn’t in strategic planning sessions with his mother, Rey and Ben trained day and night. There was so much that she needed to learn about the Force, and not a lot of time to do it in. But she was a natural, just like him. Her raw strength and talent allowed her to pick up advanced teachings rather easily.

Truth be told, Ben believed that he would learn more from her in the long run. He felt more comfortable in his own skin, gaining confidence and perspective with each day. The guilt was still there, for all the atrocities he had committed, but it was manageable now. The first few days on Ahch-To had been nearly unbearable. Everywhere he looked, he saw the faces of his victims.

Shockingly, the reactions from his mother’s small Resistance force ranged from ignoring his existence to tolerating him. But no one seemed to outright hate him. And that’s how he knew he was fighting on the right side once and for all. The fact that these people were giving him a second chance, the same ones he had tried to exterminate not too long ago, meant the galaxy to him.

And then there was Rey, his shining light. Without her, he knew where he’d be now: angry, alone, and still in Snoke’s service. Instead, he had hope for the first time in years. He had a life now, with Rey and his mother, and the promise of a future full of love and acceptance.

As if he had summoned her through their bond, Rey entered the hut, yawning.

“How was your day?” Ben asked as she flopped face down on their bed next to him.

“Supremely annoying.” Rey sighed.

“Yeah?” he said, shifting onto his side.

“But it’s getting better by the minute.” She murmured happily as Ben began massaging the back of her neck.

“What happened?”

“Our supposed allies have finally surfaced, and they’ve been tripping over themselves trying to get back into Leia’s good graces.” She said in disgust. “I guess now that they know Leia has two Jedi on her side, they’re eager to jump into the sack with us again.”

“Sounds like it could get crowded fast.” Ben chuckled, digging into a spot that made Rey’s toes curl.

“Ooh—what?” It was hard to concentrate when he had his hands on her.

“Try to keep up, love.” He said with a knowing smile. “Has Leia decided who we’ll go to first?”

“Very funny.” Rey turned over to face him, lacing her arms around his neck. “She said he was an old friend of your father’s. A smuggler in his own right, but apparently, he’s gone legit. Something about a city in the clouds.”

Ben leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against hers, kissing her sweetly on the lips. Rey hummed in appreciation at the gentle contact.

“That must mean Lando. He’s kept out of the fray over the last few years, so his resources should be intact.” Ben told her, swopping in for a more intense kiss.

But Rey pushed him onto his back before he knew what was happening, flattening her hands on his and trapping them above his head in excitement.

“Lando Calrissian?!” Rey gasped. “But he’s famous! He fought with your mother and father and Luke in the rebellion! I can’t believe it! Do you think I’ll be able to meet him?!”

Ben stared up at her bemusedly. “I’m sure you’ll get to meet him. As long as you do something for me first.”

“And what’s that?” Rey’s eyebrows lifted.

“Come down here and kiss me.” Ben said sensually, pushing up against her.

“Oh, is that all?” Rey giggled, wriggling her bottom.

Straddling his hips as she was, the movement sent shock waves straight to his groin.

“Please.” Ben whispered longingly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Like this?” Rey lowered her torso until her face was level with his, hovering over his lips teasingly.

“Rey!”

“Shh…here,” Rey whispered as she moved his hands to her backside. “There, now, isn’t that better?”

Their eyes met, both intense, hazel against deep brown. Rey framed his face, running her fingertips through his thick locks lovingly, before leaning down to kiss him properly. As the kiss grew in passion, Ben gripped her bottom, shaping it under his hands, grinding her center on his burgeoning erection. They moaned in unison as the world spun away and there was nothing but the hunger they shared for one another.

“Hey, Rey, I need to talk to—oh for the love of—don’t you two ever stop?!“ Finn yelled, holding a hand in front of his eyes in disgust.

“Finn!” Rey growled, sitting back on Ben’s hips. “What have I told you about knocking?!”

“I did knock!” he retorted defensively. “Look, I need to talk to you, but I can tell this is a bad time.”

“No, it’s okay,” Rey sighed. “Just give me a minute.”

“Is that all it takes with him?” Finn joked.

“Get. Out.” Rey ordered, pointing toward the exit.

As Finn shut the door behind him, Ben laughed under her.

“I take it you haven’t spoken to Finn today.” Ben said, rolling his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Rey questioned.

“He wants to discuss Rose with you.” Ben informed her.

“And how do you know that?”

“Because he was in here looking for you earlier and wouldn’t shut up about her.” Ben said in exasperation.

“Are you two…bonding?” Rey asked cheekily.

“I wouldn’t call it that, so much as he kept talking and I didn’t throw him bodily from the room.” Ben denied. He had an image to uphold, after all.

“Oh my, you are bonding!” Rey cried happily. “I love you!”

Ben smiled as she kissed him one more time before getting up. He caught her hand as she slid off the bed.

“You can play therapist to Finn now, but tonight you’re mine.” Ben teased.

“Forever.” Rey promised.

And she was.

~FIN~

A/N: And this is how I would start Episode IX!! Hope you enjoyed my wordy jaunt through Reylo fanfiction land! I’m not promising anything, but I may have a few ideas for more chapters, based on what I’ve set up here. I’m not sure yet if I’ll publish new chapters as a sequel fic, or just continue posting under ‘Finding You.’ Please send me reviews, and let me know what you think. You can follow me on FanFiction.net as sushigirlali. Thanks, friends! <3

A little something extra! Kylo: I can’t believe you sustained motivation long enough to finish this fic. Ali: Babe, you’re telling me! But Reylo is giving me so much inspiration right now, I just couldn’t stop. Kylo: It’s almost like you’ve stopped being a lazy asshole who starts things they can’t finish. Ali: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Kylo: You’ve been writing a seven chapter, umpteen thousand word Dramione fic for like two years. Ali: I can neither confirm nor deny this allegation. Kylo: You’re a crazy person. Ali: I can neither confirm nor deny this allegation. Kylo: *Throws up his hands and walks away* Ali: *Whispers after he’s gone* It’s gonna be TEN chapters!!

#reylo #reylo fanfiction #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #my fanfiction #finding you

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octranslations · 6 years

Text

Haiiro no Ginka Volume 42

Haiiro no Ginka Volume 42 March 2009

Translation Credits:

Gansonaki Kaoru-ya - Nao Toshiya Aibiki no Mori - Risu Shinya Dr. Nemunemu no daigyakushi - Nao Die Meisho de meishu - Nao Mu no Koufuku, Sanretsusha to Kubi - Nao

Gansonaki Kaoru-ya

Is everyone doing great (genki)? It's me Kaoru who is doing great.

England's KERRANG! Tour is done. I am writing this after the live in Saitama, the first day of TOUR09 FEAST OF V SENSES. I have read all the mail that I received from Osaka-jo Hall and Namba Hatch. When I read everyone's feeling about UROBOROS, their expectation of the Osaka-jo Hall and the feeling after the Osaka-jo Hall, I felt a bit really touched. It's probably age. (Laughs). But a good age.

Osaka-jo hall was the best! I am sorry that it's loaded with much reflection but it was a great time. I saw a lot from people who were able to tell me that they were able to feel UROBOROS and enjoy it, it really made me happy. I was able to tell various magazines about my state of mind but I am really a happy person! To think there are so many great people exist! Recently, I am just always giving thanks but, Honma Arigatou! (REALLY THANK YOU!) Now I really want to make you guys see an even greater greater scene kind of live that I can think of.

Also, we will go to places we've never been and we will go to the places whose people who have have never seen us before, the Livehouse Tour has begun. In Livehouses, the microphone wires are few, (the drums are many so we can take a few...) which is why acoustic guitar songs and there are some songs that we can't play but this the only tour where you can taste this!

Also the dude limited live, you're men so it's okay to have some injuries right? The one we had few years ago was so quiet but this time you're guys so let me see your fighting spirit!

For this year, if we are able to carry out all the planned out things right now, we will make a really boastful number of lives, until we can still go for it, we go!

In the feeling of battle of 2009 to one's heart's content(rocking) DIR EN GREY, give me a big rampage! I am expecting it! Until you can do it, do it!

See you!

To the people in London who may see this, we will return so wait for it!

Toshiya Aibiki no Mori

What's up!? The previous article had such good reviews so for this time I will write the sequel (laughs). Here it is!

I think this was also posted on Boo-san's (VJ Boo) blog, but this is our bus during the US tour. This brings back old memories...

At the rehearsal studio, the day before the tour, Mr. Shinya and I through the mirror. I think this mirror was in Mr. KAORU's previous page.

We went to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS in ORLANDO.

The weather was also nice, it was great! First, we went to SPIDER-MAN.

Next we went to JURASSIC PARK. My whole body was drenched wet! But it was fun (laughs).

Then, we went and rode on the Hulk. Making sure that Mr. chicken-kun doesn't run away, The 2 of us, Mr. Die and I, firmly held both of his sides and off we went to a fun journey (laughs). Mr. chicken-kun kept on screaming, "It's not yet over!? Not yet over!?" (laughs).

THE BLUES BROTHERS!? were there, that was hanging there, it was a fun time.

Page2

This is New York! I was happy that Virgin (records) had UROBOROS properly placed!

T-shirt of the band who did the OPENING ACT for the US tour, THE HUMAN ABSTRACT

It's been a long time since I wore an earring. The hole is something that shouldn't be closed.

At Boo-san's (VJ Boo) DJ event, SHELLAC's Akinori, Boo-san and I were...drunk...

At the meeting at Osaka Jo...its Masuda-san like always (laughs).

From the left, charisma hair and makeup, Yamaguchi-san, charisma trainer, Yooko-chan, charisma stylist Omiko (laughs). They are in a good mood?

Atsushi-san the DJ. I am indebted to him even from from before.

Bad adults (laughs)!!

From the left, its Mr. Sakano the crybaby, Mr. Okita of Shinki Music (Manager of the Sales Division), and Mr. Bandou of YOUNG GUITAR

To everyone at VISUAL TRAP. I am always really grateful, we will ensure that we pay by the due date!!

After the live on the 31st I went straight to the hospital. I came down with influenza (flu), and during the live I thought that I was going to die.... Due to the extreme physical activity, the drooling won't stop, because of the fever and the sluggishness my consciousness was fading away. At the hospital I got an IV drip, on the 1st I went back to my parent's home via Nagoya, I was in bed for 5 days and spent the whole New Year in bed... But, I want to praise myself since I think that I worked pretty hard if I do say so myself (laughs).

Well, the end of last year was like this. And at the start of the year is the KERRANG!tour. I don't know if I will do this journal for the next time but that's it for now! Until then!!

Shinya Dr. Nemunemu no daigyakushi

Hello Everyone. Nemunemu's corner will also start today. So, this time I bring you the diary on the November 2008 American Tour. I just appropriately picked out the days when there are things happening. And so here it is.

Nemunemu Diary ~America & Canada collection/volume~

11/4 Today, we are checking our equipment in the rehearsal studio in preparation for the real tour tomorrow. It's the same studio that we went to even during the past American Tour. It's the Myu- jin (place) where Dr.Nemunemu said that he Nia- (did something). I quickly checked my drums but the rototom didn't arrive. So, by car, we had to go to a music store to buy one. There was a rototom and I was able to buy it with no problems but they don't seem to sell adapter for the rototom. So when Dr. Nemunemu had to find something that can replace it inside that store, I found an exact adapter. The item found was attached to a snare drum then, when we asked the storekeeper if we could have the same one, he suddenly said that it's attached to the snare so you would have to buy the snare too. As we were having trouble, "I only need to buy the adapter, why do I have to buy the snare too?!" , a different storekeeper peeked out from the back area came out and handed us the same adapter and that is how I got the adapter in my hands. And at that I was able to do the setting with no problems.

11/6 Today is an off day so we went to Universal Studio. In the midst of going there my other name "chicken" was revived. (Refer to Vol. No. 33) Dr. Nemunemu has never been to Japan's Universal Studio but then, it most likely doesn't have those big rides. So I went there with much confidence. Just then as we arrived and saw the theme park, I suddenly saw big-looking lanes of Rollercoasters. Dr. Nemunemu thought secretly, this one is just impossible. However, I was able to ride the other rides with much confidence/leisure. And as the fun time just continued on, suddenly, the bassist said, "Let's go on 'that' next!". Of course, "THAT" meant the really big ride. I said, "Dr. Nemunemu will stay down here and wait." But the Toshiya & Die Combination were able to make Dr. Nemunemu take the ride by any means. They said, "If you are able to ride that we will never call you chicken again.", they also said, "it's a chance to remove that dirty name chicken". Even at that as Dr. Nemunemu is going to decline, suddenly, the 2 grabbed me up by both of my arms and I was dragged by force and made me get in the line. So while in the line, I tried running away during the unguarded moments but I would get quickly get caught by the two and was stuck in middle and then suddenly, I was on the ride. During the ride it was the most dreadful time. I was thinking that even I was able to ride it, and also even after that, just like before my other name is chicken.

11/9 Today after dinner, I went with Die, Toshiya, Nora, and the tech Kuroo-san, goods seller Jordan, for bowling. When it comes to bowling, Dr. Nemunemu was so into it a few years ago that he was able to write a lot about it at that time (very much like myself) but recently, I haven't played it at all. It can't be helped that I haven't played but we did 2 games and on both Dr. Nemunemu scored the lowest. Well as I said to myself it can't be helped since I haven't played recently,?I suddenly a heard a Japanese prattle from the rear. "Ma-ke-in-u". "Ma-ke-i-nu" (Loser) as I turned around, Jordan faced Dr.Nemunemu and said it. Beside Jordan, the bassist was doing a "I will try and teach you" face and grinned. In a few seconds, my other name is "Makeinu"(Loser).

11/10 Today's live is at Baltimore. When Dr.Nemunemu went in the dressing room, Jordan faced Dr. Nemunemu and said happily, "Mi-ki-inu". Instantly, it was a mistake but Dr. Nemunemu didn't correct him and rather left it at that. Today's first song is OBSCURE. So I came out, sat in my drumset and waited for the SE of OBSCURE to play. And suddenly, Kaoru-kun played the intro of HYDRA-666-. While I was thinking, "Oi, oi, Kaoru-kun it's a different song." I quickly decided that I should just continue drumming HYDRA-666-. But then, I looked at the members as if nothing has changed and we normally performed HYDRA-666-. But the song list placed at Dr.Nemunemu's area was undoubtedly had OBSCURE. Then I thought that "Then, Dr.Nemunemu's song list must be wrong". While I was drumming, I was doing signals "it's wrong! it's wrong!" to the drum tech Kenji Fujieda but Kenji Fujieda had a dumbfounded face as if to say, "what's wrong?" In summary, I was able to tell him that the song list was wrong and we at least made it the second song. Why is it that Dr. Nemunemu was the only one who had yesterday's setlist?

11/13 Today is an off day in New York and everyone went to Manhattan. While walking in the city, Dr. Nemunemu asked Kenji Fujieda. "What is famous in New York?" "First, it's the Statue of Liberty." "Aah-" "And the World Trade Center Right?" "Aah-" "And the Empire State Building Right?" "Ee?! What's that?!" "He-?! You didn't know? It's the place where King Kong climbed up on." "He--So which place did King Kong climbed up on?" "...." it's Generation Gap. Then, after going around in various shops, we went to Virgin Records to check that UROBOROS was there. After taking a look around the shop and thought about going out, I knew that the Chikurin would come and even intentionally volunteered to watch the Dir Live in New York was coincidentally there also looking at UROBOROS. I knew that he will be here in New York but this is just really coincidental. When we called to him he was so surprised, "Wha? Why are you also here?" he said what I also wanted to say. And then we went out of the store and in the street in front of the shop. Since this morning, we went out separately but somehow coincidentally assembled there with Kuroo-san and then, we went out for food. New York is small.

11/16 Today is Toronto Canada's Live. After the performance, I think there were really good people that were there so when I though of throwing some sticks, I thoughtlessly bumped my head on the speaker that was hung there. It was so dark so I didn't see it. Luckily it was dark and I thought that unless only a few people in front caught me bumping my head. After that, there was the meet and greet, a foreigner who can speak Japanese said, "Shinya-san, Atama wa daijoubu desuka??" ("Shinya-san is your head okay?") At that point, Dr. Nemunemu has completely forgotten about hitting his head. And for a certain period I was thinking, "E?? Do I really look that weird(in the head; nuts)?"

11/23 While Dr. Nemunemu was eating chocolates in the dressing room, the Human Abstract's guitarist Tapley came. Dr. Nemunemu always seems to eat chocolates and Tapley asked him where is his favorite chocolate from? Since, Dr. Nemunemu likes GODIVA, I said GODIVA (go-di-ba). From that, Tapley said that he doesn't know it and asked me where is it from, I really didn't know but it was most probably from Belgium but it's pretty famous, I explained. So he asked me for the spelling, and when I said G.O.D.I.V.A. he said, "Ooh! GODIVA!" (goh-dai-va). So it seems in America the pronunciation of GODIVA is "GO-DAI-VA". So please everyone remember this little trivia (food for thought).

12/3 Today we are going to buy lunch so we went to the nearby fish mart. There was a flood of delicious-looking crabs, shrimps, scallops, and etc. And mixed among those was an angler fish that had a very stern face was placed there. The face looked really scary and I wanted to take a picture of it and went towards it up close. Suddenly, the angler fish was actually going to be moved by the storekeeper behind, it was a candid item, the storekeeper came close and with yelled(bellowed) with a loud voice and made the fish move and Dr. Nemunemu was really surprised (shocked/scared). Then, the almost forgotten other name, chicken, was again revived.

So this was how it was.

HAPPINESS OF NOTHING, THE ASSEMBLED AND [THE] NECK

For oneself, what is really needed? Precious things? How much does one person really understand one's self? How important is it? Actually, for those who look like they haven't noticed It feels as if 'there is a lot'

In everything one does, there is definitely a meaning in every action If you turned around these nonchalant actions and words, that person can feel it inside Do you understand the words that I just wrote and the things that I requested in the previous newsletter?

By all means, I want you to think about it Surely, this is connected to growth as humans

But I wonder if fun things, pleasure and escaping from reality are also good? However, there is surely something more important here But if even one person noticed (for me), isn't there a point as to why I am writing a newsletter?

There are people who would say that it's because I simply didn't want to answer it, but do I look like that kind of person? If you were those kinds of people then you won't write these hassle-some things I think that other people's growth can be whatever but...

Just for the record, all of the previous questions were already answered during the creation of the previous newsletter. Of course on answering, since the previous main purpose of my request will change and I think it will dim(fade) so I sealed up the answers.

But for the meantime instead of using it for leisure, use the time and your head for growth This time too, if I had the time to think about it or the opportunity change it as much as possible This time it seems that my corner has a meaning

January the 18th, 2009 18:30 from England.

Translator's Notes: Kyo was referring a lot to the previous Haiiro no Ginka (Vol. 41) where he presented all the questions that the people sent him with no answers. He was supposed to answer all of it in this Volume

Die Meisho de meishu Question: The chord Am, how many kinds of Am are there? What's different about them? Do you change the places you press when matching it with the song?

Die: For me, the sound of the Am chord has a unique atmosphere that no other minor chord has. You can feel painful loneliness and behind it a warm kindess. From there, what kind of feeling can you feel? Depending on the person who plays Am, when Am is sounded, it plainly pulls out the player's view of life. There is also an Am that is simply musically played with no feeling. Even pressed in that position, it's a simple chord that is not laborious(hard). Although I think that it being a simple chord, it's consequentially entrusted to the player for the chord's deepness. Well, put aside my view of Am, if it's about playing, the same Am's sound does change depending on the position therefore I change the position depending the song's atmosphere and the connecting chords before and after it.

For example ? is what we call the orthodox Am hold. In "Sajou no Uta" with this position you scratch while plucking(strumming) "Jyakajyaka". ? is high-positioned Am. This position is the base phrase for the cutting play of "audrey".

Question: What changes in playing the Electric and Acoustic for Die-san?

Die: With the Acoustic Guitar, the pressing power of your left hand compared to the electric needs more power and the picking nuance of your right hand. Because as a live instrument it brings out the natural sound so surely the way you play an electric changes. And for an electric the sound is distorted and in places where there is more or less a miss(mistake) you can sometimes not get caught. In the acoustic, if you made a mistake, you will immediately get caught. (Laughs) During acoustic guitar recordings, I get to use a number of guitars but each one has it's own definite character. Which is why while feeling the picking and the change of touch of each guitar, each has it's own best point and sound so, I try all the guitars. And if it is the best sounding one then I choose that one.

Question: In "Gaika Chinmoku Nemuru Koro"'s intro part, the tapping phrase you used is so painful yet beautiful but when I first saw it live, I always say too much, "It's like magic...". For me, who has never did tapping, wanted to copy it, but I doesn't really understand it. This time, by all means, please teach me. Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu. (Sorry for the trouble/ inconvenience)

Die: Actually, I thought up this song's intro phrase during the "UROBOROS" recording's very last day, this was really the last of the last recorded phrases. This phrase's, what you call tapping, doesn't use a pick. First, press with your left hand's pointing finger is on the 1st string 10th fret and 2nd string 10th fret, the ring finger(or pinky) is on the 13th fret.

(Continues to the right page)

RED 1: With your right hand's middle finger(or pointing finger) press the 15 fret like hitting it. (Hammering on) WHITE 1: When your right hand's middle finger(pointing finger) hammers on the 2nd string on the 15th fret,

RED 2: On the same string you pull it while letting go (Pulling off), WHITE 2: While still pressing on the string make it slide to the 18th fret. (At the same time, the middle finger of your left hand presses the 11th fret.),

RED 3: In the same manner with the left ring finger, let go while pulling (pulling off), WHITE 3: Pulling Off,

RED 4: With the right hand's middle finger(pointy finger) hammer on the 17th fret. WHITE 4: In the same way, the left middle finger, pulls off.

This is the phrase's basic play using both of your hands, the point is keep the rhythm of the hammering on and pulling off, not to cut the sound midway, and to keep the sound level even.

Well, I feel that I have explained it quite simply. At first, it may confuse your head (confusing) but slowly try to get it to sound one by one, once you get used to it you will be able to play it.

#haiiro no ginka

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urbanlegendarium · 7 years

Text

The Story of Mel’s Hole

My dudes, I’ve been away for awhile but that’s not to say I haven’t been doing any research on urban legends while I’m gone. So I’ve recently found a new obsession with the story of Mel’s Hole and let me tell you, this story is absolutely insane. I want to start by saying that it is almost certainly a hoax but it is a very, very entertaining one despite that. This thing really goes off the rails fast and once it goes off the rails in barrels down into a bottomless pit of bullshit from which it will never return. So let’s dive into Mel’s Hole shall we?

So the story starts off with a fax to Coast to Coast AM in 1997, basically this guy calling himself Mel Waters claims to be in the possession of a bottomless pit that has been on his property in Ellensberg, Washington since he bought it in 1993. So Art Bell is obviously into this and he gets Mel on the phone and the two start talking. The story starts grounded enough, Mel basically says that he’s had this hole on his property ever since he bought it and that the last owner knew about the hole as long as they owned the property too. So from here we can understand that this hole has been around for at least a couple generations but it’s totally been a lot more. He also gives some information on the appearance of the hole, saying that it is around 9 feet in diameter and that it has a three foot stone barrier around it, so imagine a rather large well in the middle of the woods.

So anyway, Mel starts to describe some of the properties of this hole. Basically he says that when he yells into the hole there is no echo, animals won’t go near it, and that he’s been lowering fishing line into the hole for an indeterminate amount of time that has gradually amounted to 80,000 feet of fishing line and counting. Now for those of you who can’t tell, 80,000 feet equates to about 15 miles of fishing line. So Mel here has a hole that goes down at least 15 miles but we still don’t have any clear indication of where the bottom is.

Mel goes on to describe that his neighbors have used this hole for garbage disposal for as long as he can remember. And these people are dumping everything under the sun down there. I’m serious, people drop garbage bags, tires, old refrigerators, even dead cattle. In fact, the people of Ellensberg, Washington didn’t become aware of the bottomless nature of this hole until they realized that after years of dumping their shit down there it never seemed to fill up.

So it’s around here that the story gets a little wacky. Mel tells this story about how he met up with a hunter who had an experience with the hole. The two meet up in a diner and the hunter tells Mel that when his dog died he buried the dog by dumping it into the hole. Now, questionable ethics aside, something really weird happens a few hours later. While this hunter is walking through the woods he sees a dog that looks identical to his old one, down to the same collar and tag. Unfortunately the hunter claimed that it appeared that the dog was hunting with someone else, which is...strange. But anyway, we now have a bottomless hole that brings dead animals back to life in some guys backyard which is pretty extraordinary if you ask me. This was especially extraordinary to Mel, so extraordinary that Mel went so far to write in his will that when he died he wanted to be dumped into the hole. Alright dude, whatever you want.

Other than that not much else happens in the first call, at this point Art Bell was allowing responses from the audience who gave everything from suggestions on how the measure the depth of the hole to volunteers to be lowered into the hole. Beyond that that was the end of the first call, Mel would call a total of five times. That’s right, that was only chapter one of this journey of ours.

So when Mel calls again a few days later he claims that the government has confiscated his access to the hole. From there the second call mostly consists of Art Bell and Mel Waters ranting on property rights and how the government can’t tell you where you can and can’t walk on your own property. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t some juicy stuff in this part of the story, for one we learn that Mel grows some dank weed.

Basically, when Mel tells the government agents (who are wearing yellow suits for some reason, thought I should bring that up) that they can’t restrict his access to his land, they tell him that they could pin a drug lab on him. And you know what, Mel doesn’t even deny this! No seriously, Mel straight up admits to having a drug lab where he researches “Native American plants not native to the Washington area.” And he doesn’t give any indication as to what those plants are but he assures us that what he’s doing is not illegal and that he’s simply “experimenting with natural herbs that can cure the flu and the common cold.” Like, yeah, sure dude, I don’t wanna kill your buzz but you sound ridiculous right now.

So weed aside, Mel gives us a little more information on the hole. For one, he claims to have met people who have seen the hole shoot a black beam of light into the air. And I’m just gonna tell you now that we never learn anything more about the black beam of light. Like, we just know that the hole does this from time to time, Mel’s never seen it but that’s OK. So we have a bottomless pit that brings dead animals back to life and releases negative light sometimes but never when Mel is in the room, OK.

Other than this the second call is just kind of boring. Mel talks about how the government agents are giving him an “offer he can’t refuse” and whatnot but there’s really not much else here. Onto the next call!

So for me this is really where the story loses itself. When Mel calls again it has been like two years, it’s now the year 2000 and Mel claims to have been living in Australia operating a wombat rescue operation. How has he managed to fund his move to Australia and a complex wombat rescue operation? Why, with the $250,000 monthly stipend he receives from the U.S. government for leaving the country and never talking about the hole again of course. No seriously, Mel at this point is living large in like Perth or something. So why is Mel calling Coast to Coast? Well he went back to America. Why did Mel go back to America when he wasn’t supposed to? He got homesick.

Was curing homesickness worth giving up $250,000 a month, Mel? Was it!?

Apparently not because when Mel gets back to America he gets wrapped up in a conflict between a police officer and a civilian that ends in the police officer asking Mel to come down to the station to fill out a police report as an eye witness. The next thing Mel knows he’s waking up in an ally in San Francisco twelve days later with IV holes in his arms, all his back teeth missing, and bruises all over his body. He also finds that the government has frozen all his assets in this time so it’s obvious that the feds captured him for returning to the U.S. So Mel is flat broke, stuck in San Fran, and the only thing he can do is tell his story to the world on Coast to Coast AM.

Most of the third call is Mel recounting what I just said and how he’s going to stay with a relative for the time being. But he goes on to say that he’s still researching the hole and that he has a few contacts he can talk to. This is where we learn that the hole has some other strange properties, that being that weird, parallel universe stuff occasionally appears around it. Specifically, Mel finds an old Nazi pistol that fires silently and an envelope of 1943 Roosevelt dimes. Now what does he do with these things? Well apparently he gave the gun to a friend who was a collector, I mean, whatever, dude. And as for the dimes, Mel claims to have used them for jewelry and sold them, not knowing that a dime from 1943 with FDR on it is a bit of a weird thing.

Now what reminded Mel of these weird aspects of the hole is the fact that he claims to have found someone who had one of his pieces of jewelry. He asks to look at the jewelry and finds that the dime was a little off, basically pointing out that the dime is from 1943 and has a mint mark of “B.” He goes on to recount some other experiences he had with the hole, most notably that a radio he had near the hole started to play broadcasts from the past.

OK, so this is a part of the story I’m a little shaky about, the Nazi pistol came up in this discussion and I’m not sure if the pistol is what made the broadcasts happen or if it was the hole but either way it’s still weird.

Other than this there isn’t much else to this call. Mel vows to call again with information on the hole and that he’ll be back someday. And of course Mel does return, two years later in Northern Nevada.

So Mel calls Coast to Coast again in 2002 and it’s in this call where the really good stuff happens. So after the third call Mel does more research into the hole and mostly comes up empty handed. But after awhile he gets contacted by some Native Americans (Native Americans show up a lot in this story for some reason) who want to learn more about the plants he’s cultivating. He gets in contact with the Native Americans and he tells them his tale of the hole and the Native Americans immediately know where they should go for more information.

So they go to Northern Nevada and meet with a group of Basque shepherds who claim to be in possession of another hole. So Mel spends a good chunk of time befriended these Basque shepherds until finally they agree to take him to the hole. And this hole looks pretty much exactly the same as the one in Washington except it has this strange metal “collar” as Mel puts it, all around the hole. And this metal collar is weird, man. Mel explains that the collar makes no sound if you hit it and that it radiates warmth, citing that the Basque shepherds camp next to the collar in the winter.

So Mel and the Basques conduct a series of experiments with the hole to find out its depth and properties. They have a winch and a cable that reaches down 1,500 feet and they use this to do some strange things. For one, they lower a bucket of ice down into the hole and when they pull it up they find that not only is the ice no longer cold but it can also be lit on fire. This fire ice produces heat indefinitely and one of the Basques takes the fire ice and uses it to heat their cabin.

Next they decide to use a live specimen, so they take a sheep and they try to take it to the hole. Now this sheep is freaking out, it does not want to be anywhere near this hole, so they have to knock it out. When the sheep wakes up it starts making these horrifying noises before it gets lowered down into the hole. Now this is where the story just loses everything, it hasn’t just gone off the rails, the story is now miles away from the track perpendicular to the rails.

The first thing they notice is that the hole seems to be absorbing the sound of the sheep’s screams. There is no sound coming out of the hole. When they eventually feel like it’s time to pull up the sheep they find that there is no sound or movement coming from the box they lowered it in. They take the sheep out and find that it’s dead, so they perform an autopsy.

The first thing they notice is that this sheep is cooked from the inside out, now that alone is weird enough and it’s pretty creepy too but Mel goes further. Inside the sheep they find a massive tumor where its organs used to be. This tumor is pulsing and slimy and everyone is freaking out, it’s terrible. So they decide to cut open the tumor and what do they find? A fetal seal, no seriously, a fetal seal with flippers and a snout, it even has an umbilical cord. And this thing is moving, slowly but surely it moves towards the edge of the table until Mel picks it up and lowers it to the floor. Mel then notices that the seal has human eyes and the two have a moment. I’m talking a spiritual experience between Mel Waters and the alien tumor seal. Mel then adds last minute into the story that before this he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that after meeting the seal his doctor found that the cancer was gone.

THE. ALIEN. TUMOR. SEAL. CURED. HIS. CANCER. GUYS.

So after this long moment, the seal nods to Mel with a look of infinite compassion and leaps back into the hole. WhAt?!

This is about where the fourth call ends. The fifth call is mostly just dealing with the aftermath of what happened in the fourth call and it’s still pretty great. For one, the fire ice can now destroy houses.

So the fifth call starts with Mel telling Art Bell that after months of burning in a furnace the fire ice crashes through the floor of the Basque shepherd’s cabin furnace and all. It’s here that we learn a bit about the properties of the fire ice. So this shepherd had noticed that when he was in his house his skin would feel dry and everything just felt really dry. Finally when the fire ice crashes into the floor it’s almost like it makes everything get drier faster, but the shepherd still sleeps in the house though, it’s whatever. So what we can assume is that the fire ice absorbs moisture and as it absorbs moisture it gains weight and it absorbs more moisture exponentially with more weight.

So one day the shepherd comes back home to find that his entire home has been reduced to wood dust and that the furnace that he was burning the ice in has now sunk further into the earth. So the Basques call up Mel and Mel calls a contact he has in the government or something and the government confiscates the ice. And I guess the government is used to dealing with problems with bottomless hole byproducts or something because they don’t take any more action beyond taking the ice away.

So after this Mel talks about the seal again. Apparently the seal has started to return to the surface and this time it can talk, sorta. Well, I kinda think it’s a little better than talking because the alien tumor seal doesn’t just talk, it communicates telepathically through the shepherd’s boom box. That’s right, this alien tumor seal communicates through a boom box! And I’m assuming it speaks Basque which would be insane.

And you know what happens? One of the Basques tries to record the conversation but unfortunately everything the seal says just comes out as static. But apparently the seal says some interesting stuff about how the ice could destroy the Earth and how there are people from other dimensions who want to live on Earth once a nuclear apocalypse has taken place. Yeah.

And there’s some other stuff I didn’t talk about, namely I skipped over this guy who calls himself Red Elk who calls Coast to Coast from time to time who claims to not only have visited the hole but be aware of the complex doings of the parallel universe beings that come from the hole. I’d listen to that stuff but honestly it seems a bit too out there and I don’t want to entertain the stereotypes of Native American spirituality from a guy calling himself Red Elk. Maybe one day, guys, but I’ve had a lot for one week.

But I think it’s safe to say that this story is fake. Like, it starts off well enough, with a strong basis for a story with the bottomless pit. But once the alien tumor seal comes into play it gets a bit weird. So a lot of you are probably asking why I even decided to talk about this if it’s such an obvious hoax. Well for one I just kinda thought it was a fun story but it’s also got a major following of people who are searching for the hole. Yeah, there’s apparently a good number of people looking for the hole and the history of how this story came to be is pretty weird in of itself.

For one, people who have searched for the hole can’t find any evidence of a person named Mel Waters ever living in the town of Ellensberg, Washington. Now that government cover up story is a pretty good one because it’s possible the government just destroyed all documentation of Mel ever being alive. But I think it’s safer to say that Mel Waters was a fake name. Mel does give an email in some of the calls though so if you’re interested in investigating I guess you have a lead there, I’ll post the recordings of all the calls at the end of this post. But the fact that Mel found every possible excuse not to reveal his bottomless pit to the world tells me that what he was saying was a lot of hot air. It also would be far from the first time Coast to Coast got prank called, it’s just interesting that this guy called five times over the course of about seven years. But his story left enough of a mark to become somewhat of a modern urban legend which is interesting in its own right.

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#Aliens #UFOs #I want to believe #Urban legends #Mel's Hole

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s3venpounds · 5 years

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ASK MEE RIDICULOUSLY PERSONAL THINGSSSSSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEEEEE i love this shit

thanks for the ask anon, at this point im sure yall already know everything about me but hey whats a couple more questions c:

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

YIKES tough right off the bat huh? it would have to be the opening to digimon frontier ayyyyyyyyyy i still listen to that shit every fucking month. its that or disney’s hercules i can go the distance that shit was just MMMMMMM good shit2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

yep a blue and white love bird my family called quick silver we taught it to do adorable little tricks like pick up our pencils when we do homework and it rolls away3.) have you ever been drunk?

hehe yeah fun times4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yup! curious about trying more hard drugs but also i dont wanna get addicted or like idk die/get arrested5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

ALL THE FUCKING TIME. infact at work i told a customer we didnt have a thing and the customer was like whats that right behind u, and it was the thing they were looking for i felt so stupid lmao6.) have you ever made someone cry?

yeah.7.) has someone ever made you cry?

yeah.8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

honestly idk if i ever have been in love. I would think that i have but yknow you never know what the future holds so looking back something in the past could pale in comparison to something in the future9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

the chicken, evolved from some other bird10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

dunno if im part of the community by status but i wholeheartedly approve and support them. speaking just for myself though I just think I’m me and nothing else. whether im non binary or male or female or something else doesn’t matter to me. im attracted to who im attracted to, feel what i feel, and do what i want with a hint of salt. If plants can have like 10 000 genders or whatever, then anyone can be whatever they want unless its something fucked up like age fluid lmao if youre 60 youre 60 even if you have the “mind of a 14 year old”11.) how many siblings do you have?

412.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

yeah in fact just recently13.) are you a good cook?

fuck no. i fucking wish tho, not even a good cook i just wanna be able to copy recipes on tasty’s facebook page hahaha14.) what is your favorite tv show?

right now i dont have one and i definitely dont watch tv shows often unless you count anime then haikyuu!! or My hero Academia15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

i think it was a tyler perry movie something about a funeral and a family reunion honestly i cry when any movie has a really strong family sorta bonding specially if the family was broken at first and they all healed together and became closer as a result16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

none, i did cry whe i was listening to wild wild love by GRL and pitbull for some reason? 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope i do have a nickname given to me by distant relatives18.) have you been out of your country?

yeah thankfully ive been out of canada multiple times19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

love chocolate in fact im drinking hot chocolate right now, little cold going on so i need it20.) how many people have you kissed?

lips? less than 15, in general no matter where? couldnt count21.) what is your favorite album?

the only album i loved in its entirety has been marianas trench master piece theatre22.) what is your dream car?

2003 dodge viper23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

i always wanted to be ironic and say 13 but i’ve kinda been leaning towards 10 like hinata’s jersey number24.) what is your favorite flower?

lilacs cuz the color25.) books or movies, why?

movies, less thinking for me26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nope but i’d love to try it27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

yep28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

i dont think i have? not consciously.29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

an act of self sacrifice or something handmade or personally tailored to the individual receiving30.) do you have neat handwriting?

i adore neat handwriting! its like a breath of fresh air, simple and precise to read, and it feels like you can read faster when it is31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nope but i’d love to have one!32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

just said but yeah i’d love one!33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

A hero.34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

nope but my body refuses to drink any more alcohol once i get to my good buzz point. like all alcohol makes me wanna throw up the second i get past the point its almost like my mind and body are two seperate beings lmao35.) have you ever met someone famous?

i think i have? one time when i went bowling with some relatives, there was a crowd gathering around this blonde dude who was playing house of the dead and this one guy in the crowd approached me saying “ do you know who he is? hes famous?” and then i blanked out after that because i just wanted to watch someone play and mentally check out for an hour36.) how many concerts have you been to?

3 concerts! all which were very fun !37.) which concerts have you been to?

one was an ed sheeran concert for his divide album, another was a marianas trench concert in klondike days edmonton, and the last was a country concert im not sure who it was my sister wanted me to go with her38.) do you have a hidden talent?

i can match any generation 1 pokemon just from their cries some generation 2 but beyond that only a handful from each other generation39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

masturbate. honestly its the only sure fire thing i’ve done that clears my head for the longest time and relaxes me lmao40.) do you think money can buy love?

of course! just depends how you use it! like if youre just throwing money at random people like “hey love me” itll be fake, but if you say, pay off a struggling student’s loans in full and give em a good fresh start im sure theyll be grateful to you for years to come. or if you pay for someone to get super super expensive surgery so they can die from old age rather than a disease or something then yeah they’d love you forever41.) how old would you date?

honestly not sure, i havent really tried dating anyone a lot older than me i usually date within 4-5 years older or younger? though i dont think i’d see a problem dating someone 10 years older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal?

hehe. ye.43.) what is your biggest fear?

death. too long to elaborate44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

fear of what happens after death45.) can you drive?

nope but i plan to learn how to and take my exam within the next 2 ish months46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

of course! as many evolutions that were made common place theres bound to be evolutions that somehow spurred legends and mysteries47.) do you believe in karma?

of course! 100% of the time i expect some stranger to just walk up to me and start slapping me or punching me or throwing water or soda in my face for something i did, though i also prepare myself to say” okay i probably deserved that but can i ask why?”48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

need to love physical affection, if not i dont think i can last with them, physical affection is so important to me its just as important as saying i love you, it like reassures me that theyre there with me in that moment and that theyre happy and just. physical stuff tells me a lot ok49.) do looks matter?

on first impression? oh hell yeah. keep in mind strictly first impression. im not gonna cut off a potential friendship or relationship because someones not my type or whatever i cut people off if they do something fucked up and horrible50.) does size matter?

to some people im not one of them51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I can’t really remember, i forgive people for small stuff all the time but with big personal mistakes i usually hold grudges52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

French Vanilla53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

none but i plan to learn sign language eventually that and visaya54.) ever been on a plane?

yep! i’ve been out of the country so that definitely means by plane i dont know anyone who goes on roadtrips long enough to get out of the country55.) ever been on a boat?

yeah! i thought i’d be seasick but turns out i enjoy being on the water its kinda calming56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

yeah my childhood friend ralph, cool dude but our friend groups and interests just kinda diverged57.) are there any friendships you regret?

yeah..58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

oh hell yeah! there was this one girl who always ate at the same cafeteria as me and my friend group and i regret not inviting her over and being her friend59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yeah! specially during summer it really sucks and i only do that when my mental state is at a record low self punishment i spose60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

hell to the yeah! its the best! like a music video or adventure but it really just helps me clear my mind. oh wait i guess that kinda counts for the calms me down thing so late night walks and masturbating bahahaha61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yep! one time with an ex girlfriend! we stayed from 2 am till 10 am i think singing songs and talking and cuddling on those big swings with a bowl at the bottom62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

NO !!! I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS!!!! im kind of an adrenaline junkie!63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

i personally feel like a 3 but thats probably because im already used to a 7 because of old issues i need sorted out that i’ve just kinda grown to live with the stress64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

considering its sunday? no, next weekend? im working65.) do you miss anyone right now?

yeah. i miss em a lot.66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

K,Z, and C i miss em67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

the power to fly or have wings that can make me fly. I associate flying with true freedom. 68.) who is your favorite superhero?

All Might69.) are you dirty minded?

ridiculously70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

im too lazy for that shit bro…71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

2 preferably? 72.) who is your biggest OTP?

im not super into shipping just cause it can get pretty toxic but asami and korra73.) what is your favorite food?

aw man im too much of a carnivore to pick just one thing man. uhh fried chicken or this one pork dish my mom makes thats super easy to make its like canned beans with this orange sweet kinda sauce and pork belly slices and potato chunks omggggg i eat so much of that. the last time my mom made that i actually ate the whole thing and i had to make more for everyone else lmao74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah. it’d be nice not to have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life75.) dogs or cats?

dogs are great and so are cats though i have more patience for cats than i do for dogs. dogs to me are like energetic little kids and thats fine as long as im not dealing with them for an extended period amount of time i get drained pretty easy. cats are like roommates show you love and attention when they want but arent opposed to keeping you company the whole day76.) do you drink enough water daily?

i have no fukcing clue i literally just drink water whenever i have an excuse to drink.77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

not that i know of? like theres a few times i think i did but i wanna see one thats like unmistakably a shooting star or comet thatd be neat too78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

not long term? yeah id love to, just to feel what zero g feels like and the view of earth

79.) how many best friends do you have?

3 ish……..80.) when was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago when they stopped talking to me i cried like a little baby lmao ahhhhhhhhhh yikes81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

nope82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

i think? there was this one dude who literally thought everything i said was genuinely funny though to this day i have no idea if he was serious or not. i also have not seen that dude ever since83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Venice Italy.84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

Lonely, Filth, dependant85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

no, if my loyalty gets in the way of what i think is the right thing to do then i disregard the loyalty86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Winter. for some reason growing up i always felt like winter was unappreciated and i had this train of thought like “ even the cold needs to be loved” that and most of my wardrobe is just winter stuff. plus midnight walks feel so much nicer since its so cold out you know for a fact no one else would be walking around because whos gonna wait in a dark alley at -30 to mug, rape or kidnap someone.87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

nope. if i ever said it i meant it.88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

not reliably. like i know some songs on guitar from youtube tutorials but i can’t play the guitar in all circumstances yknow like i learned the song without mastering the basics89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

nope. i need like silence to sleep but ambient noise is preferred. music gives my brain something to focus on and thus stay awake90.) what are you allergic to?

pet fur or feathers and stuff. my eyes get puffy, my nose clogs up and my skin itches91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

a sad, extremely rich person and a happy, extremely poor person. to show me what to be grateful for92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

huh, thats tough… if its haikyuu i’d love to be daichi, if its my hero academia its hawks or deku93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why

Gal Gadot, I feel like she’d be such a positive influence on my life and that thing she does to people who are shorter than her where she cups their face in her hands omg i’d melt everytime. i just kinda wanna be like a little brother to her lol

94.) are you outgoing?

i would say i am?95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

oh fuck yeah im fucking gutless96.) are you a good flirt?

nope. awkward and weird af97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

yup all the time. part of life98.) which planet is your favorite?

never really thought about planets much but i do stan pluto as a planet99.) are you superstitious?

to an extent100.) are you a good listener?

i’d like to think i am101.) are you a good kisser

also like to think i am probs not102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

all of them honestly well not all of them. mostly cuz yknow theyre taken or theyd probably hate me if i did some of them are super defensive about physical intimacy

#ask me shit

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