#i am perfectly sane bc i wish this was my mans

[turtle-toe]

hey I'm Turt and I used to be @thatweirdoagainbitches

i forgot my password

Dni if you're a hateful person (homophobic, transphobic, racist, ableist, etc etc)

i would love to get some mutuals on here, so please interact if you like ~The Vibe~

have a good day and drink some water

(all my tags are listed bc a bitch suddenly decided to organize, so enjoy being able to sort through my blogggg)

[yacoka]

FIFTY FIRST DATES, AND THE FIRST REAL ONE

──⊱ for my one and only, wee to my woo, love of my life — @doughnuts-5ever

pairing — kuroo tetsurou x reader

genre — angst but it ends very fluffily i swear on my doggie socks

beta(s) — @sugasugawarau @taiyaki 

kisses — hello i am,,, not back,, but here's a little thing that i did for my cow and it might as well be a valentine's day fic bc why not xoxo see y'all in a few days (psps sorry to everyone to has messaged me on discord or here or anything, i haven't been on tumblr or discord in a bit i'll be back sOON)

You sat at the dinner table, staring down at the meal laid out before you. It was by far the best thing you had ever tasted, and yet, it was bland. So, so bland and bitter, that you hated it. Nevermind that it was your favorite dish made by your mother the other day, nevermind that you always loved it better as leftovers. It tasted bland and bitter, and you couldn’t help but wish what he was eating tonight was too.

It was pathetically selfish of you - you knew. But how could you not feel that way when the man you loved was out on a date with some stranger he met on the internet? He had left the house in a burgundy button up that looked like it was made for him, paired with black slacks that made him look like it should be illegal for him to be out in the streets without a warning sign.

It was his first attempt at online dating after having miserably failed at picking up girls from school. And now here he was, out with some chick with a name you could barely pronounce, and the stereotypical description of her bubbly personality that loved nature and volunteered at the animal shelter. Oh, and lets not forget, she’s a gemini!

You rolled your eyes, stabbing your fork into the now cold dish. Stupid boy, with his stupid date, with that stupid red shirt, and with his stupid personality.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. That’s what you were for falling in love with a boy who never saw you for more than another pity project, the pathetic little thing that needed friends but never had any guts to make one until he came along.

You picked up the container of food and stalked over to the bin, dropping its contents into it. You weren’t going to eat it anyways, especially not after how you had  massacred it.

After you left the dirty container in the sink, you flopped onto the couch, sighing heavily as you sank into the worn sofa. It smelled like Kuroo’s body soap, though from the amount of time he’s spent lying on this couch, it was to be expected.

You leaned forward, hand outstretched for the remote. Just a little further, a little more-

The door slammed open and you lurched forward, landing on the ground with a thud.

“It was horrible. She came into the restaurant and she looked amazing, but then we started talking and oh god, I don’t think I can be with someone who thinks that only the rich should be allowed to do whatever they want just because they’re rich.”

“Well hello to you too, Kuroo,” you grumbled from your spot on the floor, flipping yourself over to face the ceiling.

He jumped over the sofa arm, landing perfectly on it like he always does.

“I mean, how can I accept that? That’s just morally wrong and if her basic morals are wrong, what about other more important things? I walked out right after that, that doesn’t make me an asshole right?” His head popped out, brown eyes staring down at you. The cologne he wore tonight drifted down, washing over you and clouding your mind with its deliciously warm and thick and-

“I mean I did pay for the meal before I left,” he mutters, dropping his head onto the cushion, voice muffled slightly by it. “So it counters the fact that I left, right?”

The sigh that begs to pull its way out is caught by you, stuffed into the depths of your stomach in exchange for a soft pat on his head and words you know he wants to hear.

“No, you’re not an asshole. Maybe that was an asshole move, but that doesn’t make you one. Besides, her lack of a moral compass cancels out any asshole you might’ve been.” You combed through his hair, drawing it out of the careful style he had forced his bed head into. “This hairstyle though? It makes you look like an extreme asshole.”

Kuroo scoffed indignantly and his head popped back over the edge once more, brown eyes glaring at you. “I worked hard on this!”

“Doesn’t make you look any less of an ass.”

“The date was incredible.” He sighed dreamily, leaning against the counter with his chin in his hand. The temptation to throw your fork at him increased, and it took every sane cell in your body to set it down on the table instead, albeit rougher than you intended.

If Kuroo noticed your intensity, he didn’t mention it, instead continuing on to sigh and gush about the wonderful date he had last night with this amazing woman at this delicious place.

For someone who was incredibly perceptive, he could be incredibly dense as well. You wonder at his obliviousness to your feelings, to the poorly concealed hurt that peeked through in every little move of your body.

All you wanted to do was scream at him, to wake up, open his eyes, and see you.

You, who had been there since the beginning, who had watched him grow from the shy, introverted kid to this cunning, charismatic man who excelled and went beyond what had been expected of him. You, who had seen him at his worst, and still stayed, patching him up and helping him to his feet. You, who knew who he was to the core, every detail, every fact about him.

But it seemed he didn’t know you as well.

“That’s great,” you interrupt him. He glanced at you, surprised by your abruptness. “I gotta go get some work done, I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning.”

“Wait, did I do something wrong?” He called after your retreating back. “Hey, I’m sorry if I pissed you off.”

“No, it’s nothing!” You slammed the door shut, slumping against it. God, you were a fool to have fallen for an idiot. Dashing away the burning tears that slip down your cheeks, you gathered just enough strength to crawl beneath onto your bed and beneath the covers.

The cat plushie he got you a long time ago sits at the bottom of your bed, staring at you. You glared at it, before giving in and grabbing it, tucking it into your chest. Stupid Kuroo with his stupid face and this stupid cat. You hate him so much.

(No, you don’t, you really don’t. And it hurts so much more to know that.)

You’re back here once more, glaring daggers at the clock. The slow ticking of the hands pisses you off, every second gone is a second more Kuroo’s out there, with another girl, on another date. With the number of bad first dates he’s gone one, you’d think he’d give up. But no, this man was persistent, and he wanted to “experience life!”

Well, he was going to experience death soon if he didn’t come back home soon. Your vigil continued, all the way till three am where you gave up and went to bed, your exhaustion outweighing your annoyance and worry. He’s a grown man, there was no need to worry about him.

Honestly, you didn’t know how you got here. To this suffocating silence that rested upon your chest, pinning you down as you listened to the sounds of cars rushing past and the occasional laughter that seeped through the walls. To where you spent your nights alone in your shared apartment, waiting for Kuroo to come home from yet another date. Like some married person waiting on their cheating husband, you smiled bitterly at the ceiling.

Only you weren’t married to him, and you certainly weren't his anything.

If only you were less of a fool, you might’ve moved on long ago. Maybe you might have even found someone who might be just as in love with you as you were with them. You might have already been in a happy relationship, going out on dates, spending your nights with them, being loved. But you were a fool, a fool in love with another fool.

So you continued to lie there, the infinite weight of your one-sided love pressing you into the ground, holding you prisoner to Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Hey, do you wanna go get dinner?” Kuroo called out. “There’s nothing left in the fridge, maybe we could get groceries after.”

You ignored him, focusing on the dimly lit screen of your phone. There hadn't been a proper conversation with him in a while, and you were content to leave it that way if only it meant you didn’t have to hear about his dates with those seemingly perfect women and their seemingly perfect food.

Kuroo called out once more, and you burrowed beneath the blanket, curling up into a ball.

No, you did not want to get dinner with the man you’re so desperately in love with it almost hurts to even breathe in his presence.

The door creaked open, and you could see his shadow stretch out across your bedroom floor, casting its shape upon your walls. It took everything in you to tear your eyes away from it and back onto your phone, though it lingered in your peripheral, taunting you with the way it twisted and leaned closer to you, the scent of his cologne growing stronger by the second, until it almost felt like he wa-

“Why are you ignoring me?” Kuroo whined into your ear as he draped his body over yours, strands of inky hair tickling your cheek.

“Ku-roo-” you gasped out, fighting to twist your body out from under him. “Can’t- bre-breathe.”

He groaned into your ear, dropping even more pressure down. “Don’t care, you ignored me.” He sulked as he burrowed his head into the crook of your neck.

A blind kick to his legs has him flopping off you, spread eagle on your too tiny bed.

“You’re too heavy to be pulling this crap,” you snapped at him.

“And you’re too old to be ignoring me when something’s wrong,” he shot back just as fast, and you were left stunned. To be fair, you should have expected it, Kuroo being one of the most perceptive people you’ve ever met.

(Not perceptive enough to see the deep feelings you harbored for him though.)

“So what’s wrong?”

‘Everything,’ you wanted to scream. ‘You, those stupid dates, my feelings, every god damned thing on earth.’

Instead, what came out was: “I’m just stressed. Work, you know?” You shot him an unconvincing smile.

Kuroo frowned, his lips pinching as he stared at you. He knew better than to push you though, and settled with a curt nod, a forced smile slipping onto his face. “So…. dinner?”

You sighed in exasperation, and let him yank you up and out of bed. The way his stiff smile melted into an easy, fond one was enough to wash away your hesitance, and temporarily dam up the river of doubts that threatened to drown you.

Just for tonight, you’ll enjoy his presence, before he gets caught up in another’s embrace.

(You let yourself get swept up in him again, chasing after the ebb of his warmth when his encompassing presence surges away from you. But you find that you don’t really mind drowning in him, not when the peak of the surf reveals such beautiful sights in the form of lazy smirks and sly hazel eyes.)

It’s another failed date that sends him home in a fitted suit, one that you had turned your nose up at. Kuroo doesn’t understand what’s going wrong, why he never felt like the date was right. The people he had gone on dates with were nothing short of amazing, with the exception of a few. But they just lacked… something. And so he always leaves them with a grateful goodbye and an apologetic smile, returning home to the apartment he shared with you alone.

He’s spent nights and days trying to convince himself that they were an ideal candidate to date, listing out their positive notes to you, and somehow he can’t seem to find the thing that made him just click with them. It’s bordering on frustrating, really, and Kuroo is more than ready to relieve some of the building tension in his body by hanging out with you.

His entrance home is muffled by the sounds of music blasting through the apartment, and it’s a wonder the neighbours haven’t complained yet. He’s about to call out for you as he drops keys on the coffee table, one hand loosening his tie when he catches sight of you dancing in the kitchen.

And everything clicks in place.

It’s a stunning clarity that leaves him reeling, and he wonders how he could have missed it in the first place. It’s a simple truth: Kuroo Tetsurou was completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with you. And it only took him fifty bad first dates to realize that the only person he wanted to go on a date with was you.

Objectively speaking, you look like a complete mess, but to him, the sight of you twirling around in sock clad feet in an oversized shirt with a lame chemistry joke printed across it was infinitely better than any of the people he had gone on dates with. You’re absolutely perfect to him, yelling out lyrics to a song that’s blasting at full volume from the living room.

There isn’t a moment’s hesitation as he surges forward, a force tugging him to you. And like just like two opposing magnets, you spin around just in time for him to collide into you, his head hazy as his mouth crashes down upon yours.

You taste of leftover pizza and something sweet, and he thinks it might be the best damn thing he’s ever tasted. The shocked gasp that escapes you is swallowed by Kuroo as he deepens the kiss, arms winding around you to pull you impossibly closer. And he isn’t sure why he’s so surprised when you reciprocate the kiss, melting into him as your hands grip the lapels of his blazer.

It feels like an eternity spent wrapped around each other, the beat of the music matching the rhythm of your hearts, and the warmth of each other.

Kuroo pulls away first, only because rationality comes sinking back into his muddled brain, and there’s a brief moment of panic when he stares down at your flushed face, lips swollen from his sudden attack. But the absolute relief and love in your eyes has him calming down, and the soft peck you deliver next settles those doubts.

“It’s been you all this while,” his voice cracks, and he winces. “You’re my best friend, and I’m in love with you.”

The smile that breaks out across your face is everything he’s been looking for, and he feels like a fool for being so blind. You’re everything he’s wanted, and everything he’s needed.

“I’m in love with you.” He repeats louder, an incredulous laugh bubbling out of him. “I’m in love with you!”

“I’m in love with you too!” You yell back, and in his excitement, he can’t help but twirl you around, and you burst into giggles. There isn’t a better sound in the world than this, he thinks.

“Be mine.” He catches you by the shoulders, face alight with adoration.

“I’ve been yours for a long time now.” Your answer fills him with a rush of delight and guilt, and he’s ready to spill apologies and promises to make it up to you when you yank on his tie hard, pulling him into another kiss. Every unspoken word, every drop of emotion that has ever begged to be exchanged between you two is said with a simple kiss.

Kuroo thanks the heavens for you, for blessing his life with someone who is more than he deserves. The weight of you in his arms is a comforting pressure, and there he has his last first date, at the beginning of a new chapter in the story of him and you, eating leftovers and dancing to songs of your childhood.

He’s in love with you, and you are with him too.

[survivingthejungle]

hello friends here is a part 2 for my most recent one shot! i am really just about to babble a bunch of words onto my screen but i hope they are good words

_______

You were recovered, fully, and on your meds 24/7, no exceptions. (Your family [and you] didn’t want a repeat of what happened the last time you didn’t take them.) People thought of you differently, of course. That was to be expected when people find out that you had to go to an asylum for the criminally insane for attacking a boy with a lacrosse stick. You didn’t mind, you had kind, loyal friends who never thought anything but the best of you. Anyone else didn’t really matter. You were allowed back on the team eventually, and got right back into the game like nothing had ever changed.

There was one thing about that fiasco, though, that still haunted you. The screaming please of the ginger boy you had befriended during your stay. You didn’t tell any of your family or friends about him, for good reason. (They would be wary of you if you told them that you made a friend in an insane asylum. They would worry for your safety if you told them he threatened to find you.) You did your best to forget him, but sometimes his empty threat and screams, or memories of your short-lived friendship, still managed to make their way back to you. You wished it would stop.

But regardless, no one but you knew about these thoughts. You successfully got back on track in all of your classes. Being an honors student was demanding and tiring, but it was beneficial to your academic growth and college applications. You were a fast learner, to your advantage, and catching up on the material you missed only took a week or so. Life was back to normal sooner than you realized, and you were happy. Sometimes, you forgot for a moment about where you had been and who you had met. Study dates in cafes and running amuck (abiding every law, of course,) in the city allowed you to feel like it was all just a strange dream. But all dreams come to an end, and this one was about to.

The stories blaring on the news all had one thing in common- 6 prisoners in the asylum had managed to break out, and were not nowhere to be found. What scared you the most about this was that Jerome, the ginger boy, was amongst them. But you kept your cool as best you could- no one knew about your relationship with him, and you didn’t necessarily want anybody to know.

Of course, as soon as he was broken out of prison, the first thing he decided was that he was going to find you. After all, he couldn’t go back on his word (he was a man of honor, after all). He only had one condition for agreeing to do Galavan’s bidding- it was to have you. He wanted you back. What you thought of as a convenient friendship, he always thought of as something more. In his mind, the moment you allowed yourself to be comfortable with him, you became his. He was under the impression that this was an unspoken agreement- you, however, never came to see it that way.

The both of you were in for a rude awakening.

It came one day after you returned from practice after school. Your parents were out of town on a business trip, so the house was empty for him to break into and await your return. (Your dog- while you loved her dearly- was not, by any means, a guard dog. If she was given attention, she was perfectly placid.) When you got home, you found both Jerome and your dog sitting on the floor of your living room. You froze in shock and let your bags, both school and sports, fall to the floor with a thud. That was when he looked up at you and instantly broke out in a grin. “Well hello there,” he said, standing up and talking painstakingly slow steps towards you. “Long time, no see, huh?”

Your breath was shaky when you tilted you head to look at him. He was looming over you, had you backed up against a wall, and you were beyond intimidated. “Why… why are you here?” He let out a well-mannered scoff.

“Why do you think? I told you I’d come back for you, bird. I wouldn’t break a promise.” He took notice to your fearful expression. “What’s wrong? Something bothering you?”

“Please… Please leave me alone. You’re sick. You need help. Please get out of my house. I won’t tell anyone.”

(This was a lie, of course. You were calling the police as soon as possible.) He just laughed at this.

“What are you talking about, (y/n)? I’m not leaving here without you. You’re mine, we were made for each other.” You scrunched your brows in confusion. “All you have to do is free your mind… these people have it clouded. You think you’re sane, but really… you’re just trapped. I know you can’t see it just yet. But don’t worry, I’ll show you.”

Now it was your turn to laugh. “‘Show me’? Jerome, there’s nothing to show. I’m not a psychopathic anarchist like you. I don’t want to 'free my mind’. I’m perfectly happy being sane and healthy.”

He just shook his head. “Wow. They really did a number on you. Just about snuffed out your spark! But I’ll get it back to ya in no time, believe me.”

“Why do you care?” you blurted out suddenly. “Where is this all coming from- why won’t you just leave me be?”

He tilted his head at you, genuinely confused. “Well, because- because you were made for me! You’re mine. I need you."

"Well then you'd better stop needing me, Jerome, because I'm not yours. You can't just come in here and claim ownership over me, like I'm some... some thing! People don't belong to people, and I don't belong to you. Get out." You didn't know where the sudden courage to say this came from. Beneath your tough exterior, you were terrified that he would lash out and kill you any second. But you composed your posture regardless.

"Is that so?" he questioned, taking it concerningly lightly. "Well then. I can see when I'm not wanted. Take care, then. But you'll regret this sooner or later. You'll come to your senses and see that you're mine soon enough." Finally, he stepped back, far enough to let you take a deep breath and not bump into him. He began to walk away, when he quickly turned on his heel. "On second thought," he looked at you, "I can't just leave you like this."

You began to form the beginning of a question when he had you pinned to the wall, again, hands around your throat. You struggled against him, clawing at his arms and hands. (Damn it, you play lacrosse, why can't you fight back harder?) "Don't worry, I won't kill ya. Just make ya sleep for a few hours. Don't want ya callin' ol' Jimbo down at the GCPD, now, do we?" You slumped to the floor, black spots forming in your vision. "Sleep, princess. I'll be back soon enough." His threatening promise was the last thing you saw before you totally blacked out and fell into a deep slumber.

Hours later, when you finally awoke exactly where he had left you. You were a sobbing mess, and there were fresh bruises scattered along your throat. It registered in your mind that he now knew where you lived, attended school, and could kill you at a moment's notice. You rushed to the phone and dialled 911, hands shaking. When the operator picked up, you spilled everything that had just taken place, taking a few, short shaky breaths after talking a mile a minute. The police, as well as an ambulance, was on the scene in five minutes. You contacted your parents next, and they booked the earliest flight possible to get back to you.

You saw his shenanigans on the news throughout the rest of that week. An oil truck heist, attempted arson, and raiding and massacring the police station.

(What scared you most about that one was when he talked about you in his cheaply-recorded monologue to the police chief. He vaguely mentioned his anger at society for tainting the mind and heart of his 'pretty bird', followed by a rant about being cogs in a machine. It was unsettling.)

You didn't sleep well for weeks. One night, you woke up in a cold sweat, convinced that he was in your room. You fell back asleep soon after, but in the morning, Your window was open and there was a rose by your head.

(You went to your backyard and burned it. You held it up high, just incase he was hiding somewhere, watching.)

(He was. He brought back two more the next night.)

This game of retaliation continued for a few days more, until it stopped. He was stabbed in the throat on live television, after hours of terrorizing a charity gala. You were relieved, of course, but a small part of you was disappointed.

(You did really want him to get better. You wanted to be his friend, you really did, but not if he was a psychopathic criminal who didn't care about anyone but himself.)

(But he did care about someone other than himself.)

(It was you.) (Deep down, you knew it, too.)

________

YEET SKEET I WROTE IT

i'm so tired

i thought i would let u kno im getting a lot closer to one of my friends and its making me really happy. we will refer to him as cool boy.

dumb boy still walks through my life every now and then. i can't avoid that. he's dating one of my best friends. he said he wanted to still be friends but hasn't taken any initiative on that yet. am i disappointed because we used to be so close and now we don't talk anymore? yes. will it kill me? hell no

im still so tired.

another guy friend, we will call him ugly boy because he is an ugly boy, started dating another one of my good friends recently. they are cute as hell and i hope he makes her happy bc she is a great person and her last boyfriend was a jerk.

i, myself, still have no love life. im cool with that. i've managed this much of my life without a man and i don't necessarily need or want one at the moment. the boy previously known as cute boy is a bit of a bore anyways.

please gimme feedback on this fic ALSO thank you i need constant validation that u guys like what i do, since, u know, i do it for u, and i don't get paid for this

[survivorathena-motunui]

Ep. 7: Like Juggling Chainsaws ~Kevin

Okay so. that worked out well. I think that was pretty much the best way it could go, like obviously there's no perfect outcome or anything. So. I'm now in my third alliance that has Jay in it, and fourth alliance overall. Ashley's also in an f3 with JD and LA but anyone in that position would know they're the third wheel so thankfully she's like no. This is still good because she's gonna tell us all the tea they give her which Jay and I can compare to find out the truth. It's kinda amazing how the stars have aligned so that we're in the middle of everything. It's a stressful position but it feels great. We hold the power and we get all the info so we can make the best and most informed decision. I think it's best to come clean about our alliance with JD and LA (or J-LAD as Jay called them) lest we get exposed by them. Being in all these alliances is like juggling chainsaws, but like juggling chainsaws if you pull it off correctly you look really cool. Also it's good for our game and stuff. ________________________________________________________________ Okay I hate being in all these alliances like Drew's complaining to me about being on the bottom and like that sucks but I don't know what to tell you bc like I'm in this messed up tangled up web of alliances like I can't make any promises to you when I'm already committed to like half of the people in the game okay? Also Drew told me that like the f6 would be me Jay, JLAD, and Keegley, and that JLAD would be the swing bc there's no way that Keegley would align with Jay and I'm like OprahFingerWag.gif.  

Kevin for the past YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF: Oh, Drew is such a rat, he's never worked with me, even though he always says he wants to, he would have flipped on me in Pompeii too, remember PI All Stars, remember Motu Maha, never trusted, always dissed, never stanned, he's a snake, why do you fucking do this to me every time, we could have worked together, we could have had everything!! Me: Kevin, I am with you and Jay above all others, this is my team, this is my family, and nobody is getting in the way of my family, this is it for me, y'all are it for me, let's do this Kevin: Well actuallyyyyyyy :~) Kevin: https://gyazo.com/4e0bbd0baf3d7d7c5b0da7c6557bb2c7 Kevin: okay so i'm sorry about that. it was kinda my uncertainty with jack like i mentioned before and paranoia and also i just wasn't like certain about steven since like this was my first round with him Kevin: this game just so messy Kevin: i'm honestly just taking this game one step (or round i guess) at a time Kevin: and i wish i could tell you something but i don't want to lie even more or make any promises yet bc like i said it's figuring things out one step at a time What's a guy gotta do to make a damn friend? Because the answer is clearly not "To make a friend, you have to be a friend." Not even for family. Not anymore.

Drew needs to stop fucking winning so I can get him outta here. Next I thought Jack would be going but I guess no one else wants that?????? Saying its too easy to get him out.... Like bitch aint that what we want? I mean I could see Drew seeing a Jack vote coming and playing his rainbow idol on Jack to vote out whoever they want. But Kevin mentioned not even going for Jack and finally separating JD and LA. I like that idea but then I am scared some people will then just flip to Drew. And in an alliance of 4 that wouldnt be so great.

Me: thankful that this round might be easier because everyone sane person in this game would want Drew out Drew: wins immunity Sigh. So I guess it's time for yet another fun round of screaming, panic, stress, overthinking, and even more screaming. It's time for us to separate the JLAD duo. From what Keegan said we're gonna split the votes between them and Jack. I personally wanna get rid of JD because I feel like she trusts me less than LA does, and idk she feels...shadier and like the more stubborn one. I feel like I have more wiggle room with LA? Probably? 

Oh man. I dun goofed. I played an idol so wrong it's almost right. Everyone and their mother was saying the vote was between me and Steven but someone lieeeeedddd. Jay lied. And Kevin lied. I guess drew talked to both of them about blindsiding LA. And yet neither told me it wasn't my name so bye bye idol. Aaaaand now I'm in the "Wholesome Happening" alliance with Jay and Kevin. So that's interesting. Ashley is also in that with us. She says she's also with JD and LA in an alliance chat. Hopefully she sticks with us. I guess the plan for tonight is to break up JLAD, while throwing Jack's name out there in hopes of drew playing a rainbow idol on him. It's unlikely but maybe. Either way, as long as the four of us vote for JD or LA, we should all be safe moving forward. And now we have to hope Drew doesn't win immunity next challenge. 

hhhhhhhhhhhso. Drew got immunity, which is annoying, because it means he probably won't play his idol tonight as we were all hoping. The plan is kind of....unsure at the moment. Kevin and I are still playing the middle, which kind of sucks and kind of is great because it feels like we have some power. I think I might actually be in a really good position on the tribe. Keegley trusts me and J-LAD trusts me, and Kevin trusts me. I might be able to wiggle in with Dreck. So that's good. The easiest thing would be to pick off Jack - probably everyone could agree on that and it wouldn't be too hard. But long term, this could be Kevin's and my only opportunity to separate LA JD. It feels like this may be the vote where we have to pick sides. But, from past games, I'm of course wary of making a big move and making myself known as a strategic threat. Hopefully I can pin it all on Keegan? I'm CONSIDERING the possibility of self-voting so that, after this vote, I can pretend that I was with everybody. If there's a majority on LA without me, that might be the best thing, but I still have to get the keegley+kev alliance to choose between JD/LA. My goal is to be able to make Keegan or WHOMSTEVER think that voting LA was their idea, not mine. Basically, after this vote, I want everybody to still love me and for everybody to be in my pocket. I think the self-vote might be the only way to preserve my position, because if I vote with either group, I'm gonna lose trust somewhere, and if I throw my vote, I'm going to seem like I was torn. With a self vote, I can pretend that I was 100% with EVERYONE and just blame it on...an excuse I haven't considered yet. Stay tuned. Hopefully tonight we'll see a bLAndside (Ali suggested that pun to me I'm so sorry.)

I've done some research and the results will SHOCK you. Drew is basically the Jordan Pines of this season. -He's kinda a duo with Jack C -Jordan's close ally, Jack C, went home at f9. Drew's close ally, Steven, went home at f9. -Both have the Rainbow Idol -Everyone wants him gone but he keeps fucking winning immunity The facts don't lie. #StayWoke I just realized I'm killing two of my Taveuni children in a row I'm a horrible parent

2. Who is in the best position? 17. Who has the most final two deals? 20. Who would you like to go on a romantic date with? I would say that me and lori are in the best position but that done not mean I have the most final two! It's it a final three anyway? Or did I not read something again? I'm flattered, that two people would want to go on a date with me <3 I know I'm hella cute~ hahah But okay, enough of the fun. The game is really starting to get me stressed, I don't wanna be the person that goes home with an idol in their pocket but I don't wanna waist it. I don't believe that the vote is for Jack, just doesn't make since at the point. I know I was all for sending him home before but at this point you need to keep the numbers, with eight people and there is always the possibility of flipping so me and LA need to decide asap who we are going to go to the end with but I think that we are leaning towards Ashley and Keegan just because we don't have that much trust for Kevin at this point. If we voted Keegan or Ashley now then the other one would get pissed and flip. On that I think that Jay would stay with us if we explained that we thought Kevin was playing both side, which I think he is and I know she is but at least she is telling us what is going on. This is literally the make or break it vote, I would use the idol to save the people that I want to but again, I don't want to waist it. But maybe if I can convince Jay that I'm throwing her name out there cus I think she is the flipper, tell her I have the idol and that I will use it on her then maybe we can still win this.... I might have to give her the idol and just pray that the vote isn't for me or LA again. I just  don't know if it is worth it... Is it worth it  or is it not worth is... THAT is the question! 

Amanda So its been a while since I gave my thoughts on the game so here we go... We have 4 pairs right now. Keegan/Ashley, LA/JA, Kevin/Jay, Drew/Jack. Everyone wants to split up LA/JD, and it seemed to be working so far, but JD is catching on that these pairs are gonna have to cannibalize on each other soon, so she wants to get a head start on that. Then Jay had this crazy idea about intentionally self-voting? Like, I get her strategy but like, seeing it from this end, every vote is gonna count and if she doesn't vote, it could go very badly for her. I dont know what Drew is thinking because the kid hardly makes confessionals and he isn't in any alliance chats. ugh... To be perfectly honest, I really don't know how this vote is gonna go. 

Okay! Game changer! JD just messaged me saying shes potentially willing to vote out LA and not work with her in order to advance her game and I'm......shook. I don't need to do anything devious if JD is willing to just go with the plan. I'm. whew.

njkdhbfboajniog I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! I NEED ALI!! OKay so i don't know if I am really planing on doing this but I mean... maybe? I'm really worried that she is going to go home and I think that it's stopping my game. I need to stop worrying about what is happening in her game and just play mine. dear god.................................. If this is what happens then Ali is right and I am like... The chick that voted out her mom o.O If I think that I actually have the people voting for her though, we can vote where ever we want and I can play my idol on her but... My game... I dont know yet. A) 

or B) 

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okay so my 'i dont know what Im doing' really just fucked me over. I'm dumb and I panic and I dont think about what I say and this is a prime example. ________________________________________________________________ I suddenly feel like Matt Fucking Summer in.... My season. ________________________________________________________________ Truthful I think that me and LA are on the bottom, that Drew is really good with talking with people and that he is ether in the process of flipping or has already flipped, you, jay, kevin and keegan. I think that if LA went home then I would be able to play my own game and maybe me, Ashley and Drew could go to the final, just with no alex. I also think it's stupid to take Drew to the end. so that's a no go if she goes home I dont have to worry about her but I also dont have to that solid extra person ether . ________________________________________________________________ After the mental mess I put myself though and the mess I made of things. I wouldn't be surprised if I go home tonight, but I still feel like Lori will go before me so I mean... Maybe. Hopefully. Well see if I life to make another confession

Alright so I have a quick question, what the fuck. Jay told me JD came to her and was like hey I'm voting Kevin and Jay's like um maybe don't do that and JD's like so you're good to vote Kevin?? I know she's cracked but??? This is a new level. I have a feeling Drew might be up to this mishap but idk? That's kinda my automatic assumption but oh well. If any idol hijinks happen tonight I'm playing my idol because I trust approximately 1.5 people in this game. 

Okay we're trying to vote LA again. It will hopefully be me, Kevin, Jay, Drew, Ashley, and Keegan, but who fucking knows anymore. All I know is I'm going to try to exploit my current confused status to get people to take me to the end.

I'm way less certain about this tribal council than the last one. Last time I was confident about where everyone else was voting. With the way JD's been acting I'm a little nervous. And if Drew has done some crap then it's 4-4 with the other side having the advantage since Drew has immunity nnnn. I know Drew does want the other side out so hopefully he's not snaking me. Also just nervous because Jay and I's mist has been kinda fading. Our mist isn't even mist it's like, water vapor. Our status as a duo is obvious but since it's kind of a duos game at this point that doesn't make us a threat. Still though...yikes

This is why Drew is going to win. I broke one time and told jay and Ashley that I wanted to vote for Lori and drew got a hold of it and now that's it. They are going to send her home and if I use my idol on her then I'm fucked because then no one will believe that I will vote her out. But then do I trust that they are voting out Lori and not me? Im not going to turn on her right now, not if it's to help someone else. If we vote Kevin and it doesn't work then I guess I'm gonna have to kiss some ass but otherwise... 20 minutes to go

Either Kevin, me or JD are gonna get blindsided tonight. It's been too quiet. And its that kind of day. Rip.