#i am so tired of men tho i am not going to lie. ive been dealing w some shit in other fandoms tho so. i am jaded.

[hexados-on-a-string]

I JUST FUCKIN REALIZED ITS FEBRUARY. FEMSLASH FEBRUARY. bakugan sapphics i have failed you... i will make content to feed myself (a lesbian) tomorrow maybe...

[regulatedchaos]

16th Month today

I keep thinking about him being surprised id still want him after everything that happened.

It was not an easy decision for me, when he left last 10/11 I was crushed prolly cos I've been drained of the daily situation I wasn't even aware of, didn't even suspect anything. And then November came I realized that it's been happening since September, he's not been okay for a long time. I feel sad and felt like I could've done better in taking care of him but I have to console myself somehow too, cos I have a living thing inside of me.

The first few weeks of him leaving was so difficult, iregretted a lot of things. I felt like I gave in too soon, I felt like I let my guard down, felt like all of these years of taking care of myself, loving, healing myself and then suddenly I gave myself away willingly for this man I barely knew. I was certain that I'd be a single mom whilst I let him love his wild fun 20s young life.

I didn't really know I really love him until I started missing him. Even tho I tried to veer away from my feelings of him by how much we disagrees, how much stubborn he is, how I have to ask him repeatedly for chores and seen that he doesn't wanna do most of them, procrastination at its best, still kept thinking what else did he lie about, is he really cheating on me made me realized how I tried to convert my feelings for him into hate, into resentment. It worked for a few weeks. I'm imagining how am I gonna build my own empire on my own while taking care of my parents and papicito and that I wouldn't be involved with anyone else. (Justgot tired of men, in general) I just knew. I am on my own and I will forever be. BUT I WILL BE FINE. in fact, I was confident I will be more than fine.

But then when I sent him my first letter merely to let him feel less lonely and show support, I couldn't help but cry when I was hesitant to tell him I miss him and then everything struck me, I remember everything. How he takes care of me how he loves me and assures me everything will be alright and helps me handle my overthinking instances on a daily. How he never misses a day to call me pretty and then my thoughts of never giving him another chance just diminished. Like how can I not start over with this guy. Like life fucked him so much but he still had so much love to give so much kindness that I've seen and felt like it's possible that Ive been surrounded by failed relationships and made me not a fan of weddings anymore. Just thinking about it just scary. Like submitting myself more to someone and giving him a chance and an opportunity to cheat and lie to you like. Can anyone be really be happily married?

Today I got answer to the question that's been lingering and I've been seeing on mom's face, why give him another shot, us, another shot I mean i was the one who never gave second chances in the first place and I made mom aware of that and when she prolly noticed I changed my mind that prolly got her confused.

I realized he is the only person I wanna be with like when we didn't have any communication, talking to other guys didn't even crossed my mind (I just thought about this when I he said maghahanap nako ng iba) but instead I updated him everyday through messenger about what's going on with me on a daily, how much I miss him, my moments with Papicito.

I mean it just got to me, how can I not want this person who's trying to be the best version of himself. It's beyond winning the lottery like a lot of people are just stuck with their partners not even considering adjusting or acknowledging their toxicity and shitty traits while me, I have mine working on himself FOR himself for his son's and my benefit. Like when I realized that I never have loved him more. I can't wait to spend all my living days with this person and made me value our relationship and time with him more like all the love I feel for him outweighed all pain I endured that's been caused by shit, everything. Like I didn't have as much questioning why I'm hurting why do I always give so much and still be treated like shit.

Everything's started to be clear. As I'm tryping this and sobbing right now, we are each other's person, reason to be better. And I have so much to work on myself more. And even though we are far away I can feel how strong his love for me is than ever before, and I can't remember being this much in love in a wholistic like mature way of loving. Selfless yet selfish. Thoughtful and kind. And I just can't wait to be with him again.

These hormones don't get tired huh? Can't see what I'm typing anymore cos of these fooken tears.

I love you, papii. I have never had this clarity in my life that I'm no longer questioning what's going on anymore but more on looking forward with everything our future has to offer. With my crazy overthinking mind that I don't even trust, I've never been so sure in my life. Like it's you.

It's always been you.

Only 5 more months ✨

21Nov23

[menalez]

hi, a long time follower on rnortal here,i just got back from a very long hiatus and i wanted to catch up! ive read ur about section and im just really curious about ur current life since back when i was still following you a few years back you still identified as a bi, had a boyfriend with a (i assume) very heavy ddlg kink. (you had rules etc.) do you regret having that experience with him? are u anti-ddlg now? i hope you dont mind me asking, im just very curious /a fellow noncis nonhet dude

damn thats a long hiatus,,, i couldnt have been older than 17 based on what youve mentioned so at this point what ur referring to was like 6 years ago minimum!! but ill go into the stuff u mentioned 

during my teen years i was very lost to say the least, i could not make sense of my feelings, what had happened to me, and what i was going thru. it was like i was living this years-long nightmare where i was dissociated and hopeless consistently. at this point, most of it is a blur, like my life from 14 up until late 17 is mostly just a series of disturbing flashbacks to me. that boyfriend ur referring to was Obsessed with me like. he was into me ever since i was 11 and everyone in school knew it. i wasn’t interested and thought he was gross and annoying, and that continued to be the case until i was 14. months into being 14, i had gotten raped and that just changed my whole approach to everything. i felt like saying no to anyone made no sense anymore, bc my worth and dignity had already been taken away from me and my boundaries wont be respected and are meaningless so i might as well just say yes. after word had spread of what happened to me around school, most people turned against me and there was like, a handful of people who were still by my side. one of them was the not-yet boyfriend. people around me would also repeatedly tell me “if you don’t date him, you’re going to be making the biggest mistake, no one will love you like he does!” so like all those things coupled up together.. i just went with it basically. even though i did tell him repeatedly i didnt want to be with him, he was persistent and i had it in my head that if i said no itd be 1. pointless bc id be forced into it somehow 2. a mistake and lost opportunity and 3. saying no to the only person who will ever love me. so i just.. gave in? anyways during that relationship, i was pretty deep into self-harming, and he had a weird thing for that. he eventually confessed to me that hes sexually aroused by my age regressing (a symptom of my trauma i had no understanding of nor was i conscious to it). i just went along with it really.  

when i was about 15, there was this girl i had strong feelings for which i did not understand at all, before then i hadn’t really been conscious of my feelings? so i texted my then-boyfriend (same guy as previously mentioned, it was a long distance relationship for most of that relationship and at the point im talking about rn) and was like wow theres this new girl in my class and i feel this strong connection to her and just want to be around her etc, and i told him i have no idea what those feelings mean or how to explain them and his stupid ass said “now you understand how i feel about you” (bc i couldnt for the life of me comprehend attraction basically and kept asking him how being into someone felt). so then i was like huh and thats when i started to think, ok i must be bi bc obviously i cant possibly not be into men but im definitely into women. so i stuck with that up until i was 17. from the age of 17 tho, i started to question it bc i realised i just.. didnt find men attractive, and i felt like i owed the then-boyfriend a lot bc he stuck by me during the time i was raped but i still found him repulsive and didnt want to be with him. i came to a conclusion at 18 and told him multiple times and tried to end it multiple times but he refused to let it end the same way he refused to not be in a relationship w me but this time i knew i just couldnt stick around as i was conscious of my feelings and was tired of living a lie.

SO now to answer ur questions, i do regret a lot of it yeah and i wish i could just rewrite or erase that entire section of my life bc it was the worst part of my life and years later it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. i would do things and agree to things, and itd cause me so much pain and misery and worsen my suicidal behaviour and self harm, and id just... do it again. the people in my life knew there was something off and i wasnt happy but nothing anyone said could change my mind.

 i was anti-ddlg before i turned 18,, but he was also often on my blog so i mostly just stayed quiet on that until i was 18. i think ddlg is pretty pedophilic in a lot of ways, its often men acting out their pedophilic fantasies on women who are often traumatised and disturbed. and i think a huge portion of the ‘daddy doms’ are pedophiles, including the one i was involved with. so yes i am anti-ddlg. 

theres a lot i didnt go into here but i didnt wanna write like an entire thesis on this but. yeah those werent good years of my life and i wish i had help or guidance. i wish i just never got raped bc it led to one harmful thing after another for me and i feel like i couldve avoided all of that otherwise. the initial trauma i was subjected to made me weak and i had no hope so i just went along w whatever and it only fucked me up more. ive grown & changed a lot since then and even tho i still struggle today im no longer in the pain i was back then

[spadesinglasses]

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut. 

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say  that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind.  BUT hey he might be Bi people! 

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show 

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend. 

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous. 

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay. 

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into. 

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST?  BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender. 

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair  is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT  fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy? 

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist! 

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is,  communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at  time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing  BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

 I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc.  I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

[judememories]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: oOoohohOhoh im in love w judas.... ju-Das juda-ah-ah... i rly missed jude tbh so i decided to bring him in as a second. i hv faith i cn manage jugglin i... ...... .. . have faith. in case u dnt kno it is me (nai) n this is like. the one (1) male chara iv ever managed to play longer than jst a few weeks. truly jst Zee Fruit Of My Womb! bt anyway. jst gna leap right in to the intro. we die like men

he pinterest: 

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger's rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying "fuck off" to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

he hd to do community service bc he kind of... hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he... stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like... drivin around the place sort of... tryin nt to cry.....KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw... broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room....... n thts where hes been 2 explain his absence to any of u whose charas had... connections w him Way Back When

in a new development in terms of sexuality i jst am nt quite sure....... hes always thot he ws straight... fooled around w a 90s hugh grant lookalike once n ws jst a bit like :/ my rocks rnt blasted off? bt who knows wht the future holds... who KNOWS wht the future holds ladies n gentlemen

frm this point on i wnt lie iv pasted in his old intro bc. a bich is lazy! a bich is predictable! and a bich! is! unapologetic!

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was bornthey just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work outthey were ok to him like they weren’t abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plansthey literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a rly successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit, especially kerouac, n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Judepersonality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. 

he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he says. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women. tries to b? a feminist bt sometimes fucks up n offends ppl n is like dam..... my bad fr :/

he has p bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at lockwood doing fine arts. he luvs painting n photography n philosophy n all tht. a pretentious fiend sometimes? maybe_so.gif

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along that Dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey (his vibe not personality bc i hc jude was depressed n shut himself inside all day when he actually found out what a dick he is dfjkfhg) and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x15 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  good night babe

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

1  2  3  4   5  6  7  8  9  10   11   12  13 14

Giulia: Oh the music is the stupid episode kind of music

Nat: awww

Zee: Baby dean

Giulia: THE WHIMPERING 

J: I didn’t want to leave it there. And I didn't want to just kill it.

M: I’m looking for a new home

Giulia: I can be your new home bb

Nat: NO

Giulia: I DON T TRUST IT

Zee: Bamf Jack!! Two words I never thought I’d use In the same sentence

Nat: We're in Lawrence aren't we

Zee: In what year?

Scooby doo matinee 2$ . WHAT

oh look a Metallica poster. I still have that CD 

Giulia: oh look My aesthetic

Giulia: That James Dean vibe tho

What’s this stupid music.

Zee: Charming acres???

Nat: "Where Everybody's Happy" Are we in Pleasant Ville?

I don’t trust shit.

Zee: Splash

See..?

Nat: Brain-mush

Giulia: CLEAN AISLE 3

Nat: Well, good morning to my breakfast

Giulia: TRUEST REACTION on supernatural EVER

Giulia: he loves that snake

Nat: SNAKY

C: *knocks* Hey Jack?

J: I’m good Castiel. [OMG DAAAAD stop breathing on my neck]

C: [sigh, semi-soulless teenagers]

Giulia: What’s up with the all black

C: How's the snake?

J: I don't think he's feeling well. He won’t eat.

well...doesn’t snakes eat rarely tho? like....once a week or something?

Zee: He misses his previous owner

LOOK AT THAT CUTE FUCKING SOFT SMILE . FUCK YOU MISHA

C: He's been through a lot of changes in a short period of time. I guess that's something you have in common.

Nat: He's going dark

Zee: Concerned dad

C: Jack, you killed Michael. You consumed his grace.

Giulia: I. DON T. TRUST. THIS. DID HE THO?

but also.....right now I’m that granny that mistook Cas for her 3rd husband , : “you are so pretty Charles”

Nat: I feel different now.... YA THINK

J: You want to know how much of my soul I had to burn off to kill Michael.

Yeah fuck I wanna know ok.

Nat: How could he know?!

Giulia: can’t cas look it up

Nat: He could stick his hand in there.

Giulia: HE COULD

Nat: That sounded wrong

Giulia: IT DID.

Zee: Deep inside. There I made it worse

J: I try not to think about it.

BAD. 

I don’t like that hollow stare Jack, I swear to fucking god Imma slap your soul back into your body.

so I’m listening to the ep with my headphones and BOOOOOOY DID I HEAR THAT SIGH [cranking up the volume to the max and goes back]

Nat: I could eat him alive. And the sandwich

A wild Castiel appears.

C: Oh. Thought you, uh, were gonna sleep until the cows dragged you home.

D: That's not the -- Never mind.

THE *claps* DOMESTICS *claps*

AWE Cass asked about Rowena. [ what was the ship name again? Rostiel?, Caswena?Witchywings?

AWE CAS ASKED ABOUT SAM. [SASTIEEEEL]

D: I think they're both full of crap.

Of course they are, this is Supernatural. Cue painful montage! 

*jazz hands*

Giulia: Poor sam

Zee: PTSD

Nat: Sammy :(

Giulia: They were his people

Sam and his fucking trembling lips

Nat: Aw Baby let me hug you

[Dean eating]

Giulia: Das me

Nat: I'm still hungry

Zee: Damn that mouth. It’s big

Giulia: What does it do tho ? wiggling eyebrows

Zee: It eats!! Everything

S: Yeah, well... I'm leaving in ten.

C: Maybe I should go with him. And you can stay with Jack.

me : GASP YES

D: Why do you think he'll talk to me?

hE ‘S YOUR SOOOOON!

C: Well, because he looks up to you.

Dean don’t you roll your eyes at your hub. It’s impolite.

D: I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...

STOP right there. Don’t give me flashbacks

D: Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?

Cass, your Misha is slipping out, put that voice back into the cave it came out of 

C : Just talk to him. Get him to open up.

Audience : * SNORTS * yeah riiiight

C: Sleep until the cows come home.

D: There it is.

C: That's the saying.

*CLAPS* DOMESTICS

Nat: I'm hungryyyyyyyy

Zee: We’ve established that Nat

Nat: I mean.... APART FROM THIRSTYYYYYYYYYYY

Giulia: I’m eating nuts

Zee: I bet you are

Nat: Nut juice. Food against hunger and thirst. New Bumper sticker

Awe Cas is driving BB. [but where is the pimp mobile]

S: I'm good, honestly

C:  YEAH I KNOW EVERYBODY IS GOOD

UUUUUH Cas baby, get me all tingly with your sarcasm

Also write that under the series main title as a warning really. 

SUPERNATURAL :  EVERYBODY IS GOOD

Listen Sam, baby, I can hear your voice breaking, stop with the bullshit.

C is like....you can fill so much bullshit in that moose body

S: we don't have as many Hunters as we used to.

OUCH

Zee: Cas learnt how to use his badge

Giulia: Lame

Nat: "We're FBI..."

Look how cute my baby is...look at him *sobs*

C: Was it more "Scanners" 1, 2, or 3? 

OH WOW, IS CAS BEING DEAN RIGHT NOW?  (because I’m all for it.)

Giulia: I bet dean made him watch that.

Nat: Charming Acres

Nat: I don't wanna live there

Giulia: I DOOOOO

Zee: It’s creepy ffs

Nat: It's all shades of fucked up. I mean, look!

LOVE IT

C: It's like we're stepping into a Saturday Evening Post. I look at them sometimes after you fall asleep at night. They're very soothing.

I had to google that , not gonna lie. Also....HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THAT?! 

Giulia: DEM HAAAAAIR THO.

Giulia: FOXY WIFE

Zee: Foxy wife

S: What was that?

Giulia: i love that time, minus the racism and patriarchy and the war.

Nat: What is wrong with these people

Giulia: Living my dream ok

Zee: Oh shut up babe

Nat: I don't like perfect

Giulia: Cas and his bed hair

Giulia: DEM MILKSHAKES. I BET THERE IS SOMETHING IN THERE

Zee: Something fishy, lass

Sammy likes them milkshakes tho

Is it just my impression or Cas is running out of fucks this season?? I love it.

FLATFOOTS

Zee&Nat: We take care of each other.

mmm, don’t like that

Zee: Don’t like the way that sounded

Giulia: suspicious

Mayor: They said something about an aneurysm or something?

C:

Zee: His head exploded

Nat: His head exploded

Giulia: OH NO HIS HEAD EXPLODED

Zee: Gotta love Cas

Giulia&Nat: Like a ripe melon on the sun

Giulia: GOTTA LOVE HIM

Sam panicking.

S: "Like a ripe melon on the sun"?

C: It was an apt metaphor.

As I said : Angel out of fucks

S: Okay, well, maybe next time try to be a little less...apt.

C: The entire town is so strangely picturesque.

Giulia: I KNOOOOOW! , Can I go there?

Zee: NOOOOOOO

Nat: We wouldn't let you

Giulia: Dat dress.

Nat: Bonding time

Jack just gave the snake the cookie crunch , sobs so pure....for now

J: I think he’s sad

Nat: Have you tried bacon

Bacon....the solution to everything. I mean....not wrong, it’s delicious.

Giulia:  so dorky

Sniffs Chinese food

D: Well, anyway, you and the, uh, snake...want to go for a little dri-ive?

gets mice .

Nat: mice scare him?

ok but Dean is that squeamish sometimes . It’s hilarious.

...because the mice scared me and I need confort. Also I’ll probably avoid Chinese food for a month so there’s that.

Nat: Ahhh... Jack really talks to that thing

Woman: Not people. Men. I only rent to young men. It's not proper -- young women living alone?

Nat: MORALS. GOTTA HAVE MORALS

*looks at Castiel*

Woman: You know.

...C i like....what

me: sHe fLirtS

Nat: Ya still wanna go there, @Giulia

Zee: She’ll say yes

Giulia: YEAH. Y’all can’t stop me

Zee: See? I’ll tie you down bitch just watch

Nat: Ya CAnT LiVE oN YOuR oWn

Giulia: I’ll work at the diner

Time for some SNOOPING 

Giulia: So much hand porn for me

C: - they're...surprisingly passionate.

Sam with a tiny ass cup ready for some gossiping: Passionate how?

Castiel without a speck of blush: She spends, uh, quite a bit of time talking about the -- the shape and the heft of his --

Zee: Such a tiny cup

Please tell me there a DICK PICK in there lol

S: It's getting late, Cass. And you're right. I-I probably need some rest.

oh noe

C: You want to stay here? 

S: Why not? Ms. Dowling's making pot roast.

OH NOE

Nat: I can smell head explosion

Zee: I can smell the bleach they’ll use

Nat: And there you go

Giulia: NICE  I can live in that fantasy idc 

Nat: You won't have us

Giulia: I wouldn’t know

Zee: Impossible. We’re seeped in your bones

Giulia: You can’t miss what you don’t remember

Nat: Yo head's going to explode when you remember, Giuls

D: Why don't you grub up? We still got another couple hours.

J: I'm not really hungry.

I DON’T LIKE IT

D: Give him one of these. I bet he's never had that before.

DEAN NO

J:  I don't think you have a firm grasp on what snakes eat.

Zee: Uncomfortable dean

D: Yeah, I always thought they were kind of cool, though.

Nat: Aww...adorable Dean

Giulia: I thrive out of these moments

Zee: Road trip with dad

D: Mm. Well, it's not the snake that's dangerous. It's their...bite.

J:  Is -- Is that a saying?

D: It is now.

Nat: hahah... is Dean looking with one he's going to pick?

Nat: Dad move

Giulia: Was that really a way to test jack? With CAKES

Nat: Dean move

Sam’s room is empty

Giulia: Weird Sam time

Zee: Not good

Nat: I told ya

Giulia: Das me jamming

Giulia: He so awkward

Giulia: HALLO!

Giulia: No i don t eat.I'm looking for my partner.

Mrs B: Oh. The very nice, the very tall fella?

Castiel angel of the lord? more like Castiel angel of I’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKS

Mrs.B: Hm. He said he's going for a walk. [pause ]  And a milkshake.

Giulia: Still me jamming,  ‘He’s got tan shoes with pink shoelaces’

Nat: yeah i mean, what's with her. all of a sudden a new husband?

Nat: My partner

Giulia: I’m looking  my partner

Nat: The tall man - yes the very tall man

Zee: The very tall. Man

Giulia: I WOULD HAVE DIED. CAN HE GRAB MY HANDS TOO

Nat: Mr smith is gone long live Mr smith

Giulia: I would like a martini yes

Zee: I was waiting for this

C: Hair? ---He has beautiful hair?

Giulia: HE HAS

Nat: he has beautiful hair

Giulia: BEAUTIFUL HAIR

Giulia: THIS IS COMPLICATED . Cas is like...... WHAT IS THIS I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED FOR THIS. PEOPLE . PEOPLE SKILL. NOT FUNCTIONING .

Giulia: OH LOOK THAT’S MY MOM

Nat: what

Nat: the

Nat: fuck

Giulia: i’m loving this cas

C: I'm so sorry, but last night, his head, um --

Giulia: he had to pause

Giulia: That laugh was creepy

Nat: How about that martini?

Mrs. Smith : No...my husband he’s good.

[ SNORTS ]

Nat: OH god... no I need a drink

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: ...

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Giulia: EW

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nat: That pony tail

Zee: I don’t like this

Giulia: THAT’S SWELL

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUSTIN NO GOOD

what’s up wITH THE FUCKING POT ROAST ?

Nat: Honey, make me one too! Dammit

Giulia: SAME I NEED 5

Zee: A round of martinis please

C: This is not your house.

Justin!Sam : 

Justin!Sam :  You're right. This is my wife's house. I am simply living here.

Giulia: OH YOU

C: Something terrible's happened.

you right, those hair happened

Justin!Sam: I'm feeling adventurous.

Nat: Rawr ?

Giulia: NO

Giulia: I CAN T

Zee: I can’t process

Justin!Sam : So that's a no-no on the hooch?

I think Jared had too much fun in this. I WANT ALL THE BLOOPERS PLEASE PLEASEEEEE

Giulia: I’m laughing so much

Nat: You watch your mouth

Giulia: SIR U WATCH UR MOUTH

Zee: Skedaddle

Nat: I don't wear a hat , dammit I.... uh

Zee: Bitch

Giulia: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Justin!Sam : Sir, using language like, uh, "H-E-double hockey sticks" --

Nat: Wash your mouth out with soap?

Giulia: GUYS, I haven’t had this much fun on spn in a long time.

I can’t breathe

Zee: I’m dying here

Nat: Double hockey sticks?

oh....OH.....I GOT IT NOW....GOLLY...WHAT THE HECKIE

Nat: STILL WANNA LIVE THERE?

Giulia: YEAH SHUT UP

Nat: ZETa

Zee: What?

Nat: Giuls is willing to leave us and go live there

Giulia: I LIKE THE AESTHETICS

Zee: As I said. Not possible. The amount of the insanity that she has shared with us won’t let her

Donatello : Ah, I am just the picture of health. Except for my prostate. It's shaped like a papaya.

...THANK YOU BB

also...do you guys think the Winchester get their prostate checked? or do they call.....Doctor Novak? (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

Nat: Dena really doesn't like snakes. Dean. Not Dena. Well, maybe Dena too. I wouldn't know

Giulia: We don’t judge

Zee: Never

Giulia: I LOVE HIM

Giulia: God sister snacked on it

Giulia: That’s a big ass cup

Nat: That's a big cup

Zee: Black hole

Giulia: ...

Giulia: This succession of texts is cursed

Nat: Not going there, Giuls

Zee: Again. I concur

Giulia: I ain’t said shit ya pervs

Zee: YET

Nat: You were thinking it. That's enough

Zee: ABOUT TO SAY IT

Giulia: You two were thinking it too , get off that high horse

Zee: offended gasp

J: And when it was gone, how did you -- how'd you feel?

Donatello: Like...the galaxy. You know, Jack, our galaxy's all bright and shiny and spinny, but in its center lies this very large black hole.

Donatello: I'm all bright and shiny, obviously. Not so much spinny  But inside? Empty.

Donatello : Losing your soul doesn't make you bad It doesn't make you anything. It's, um... an absence of...of pity, of empathy...of humanity.

J: I know I don't feel...nothing, but I don't feel the same, either. And maybe I just don't know what nothing feels like. Mostly, I just don't want Sam and Dean and Cass to worry. I just -- I need time and space to figure things out on my own, but everywhere I go, there's someone looking over my shoulder.

Giulia: I get that boo 

Nat: MAKE ME CRY JACK

J: Sam and Dean are the best men I know.

Nat:  FUCK YOU. I'M CRYING 

Donatello : whenever you don't want them to worry just think "WWWD" -- "What Would the Winchesters Do?"

Giulia: Pew pew pew pew pew pew. That’s what they’ll do. Sex stares. Bitchfaces. Bacon. Rocking off. Kill monsters. BOOKS. 

Zee: Kicking asses, taking names

Giulia: Kick names , take ass

Nat: there goes giuls

Zee: Oh babe!!!  Right there

Nat: I should not engage in this convo because it's going to be dirty

Zee: He’s not like you?!

Donatello : I suppose the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a soul?

D: Donny.

Donny: What?

Nat: He seems ok

Nat: SEEMS

Donny: Jack's probably the most powerful being in the universe. [Creepy music starts to play....I sweat]  I mean, really, who knows what's going on inside his head?

Giulia: I like donatello

D [ with the anxiety of a thousands suns ] : ...thanks

Zee: Erotic musings

Giulia: Cas saying “steamy” and “erotic” is making me tingling

Zee: Rip it from your ...

YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN RIP OFF ME THO?

Nat: BAMF CAS

Giulia: And this too

Nat: Of course it's him

Zee: What are you ?

Nat: Sam's so tall

Zee&Giuls: The squint

Zee: Giuls shut up

Mayor: and no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs, they'd move away.

Giulia: Oh boo hoo .Let me do drug in peace.

Mayor: ...And you know what happened next?

C:  No, but I have a feeling you're gonna tell me.

[I’m all out of fucks anyway ]

Giulia: THE SNARK

C: I won't hurt you, Sam.

Justin!Sam:  Golly, I told you my name is Justin!

Giulia: GOLLY

Nat: Justin!Sam is this a thing now?

Giulia: i hope

Zee: Giuls. That’s all for you. Cas kicking ass

Giulia: I know I’m sweating. Look at this shit

H    O    T

Giulia: NO IDC ABOUT THEM LEMME SEE CAS

C: Fight this! 

J S: Why? I'm happy in Charming Acres.

Giulia: THAT’s US

Nat: That's us against Giuls

C: Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it's like to lose your army. I know what it's like...to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can't lose yourself.

You have to keep fighting.

You can't lose yourself, because if you do, you fail us. You fail all of those that we've lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean.

Nat: make me cry

Giulia: omg I’m crying

Giulia: I’m cryiiing and I’m tired of seeing Cas and that fucking blade like that ok.STOP IT. [ going into MOC Dean ptsd ]

Zee: Lool

Nat: OH no no brain explosion please

Zee: I’m god

Giulia: We met god. God has a beard

Zee: God has a beard

Giulia: God is ma dad

Nat: NO

Giulia: YAS QUEEN

Zee: I like her now

Giulia: make his head go splat

Zee: Vegetable

Giulia: Psh lame

Nat: hey, not bad huh?

Giulia: Laaaaame

Zee: You needed the splat!

Nat: you know lame when you get there giuls

Zee: Nat. We’ve established we won’t let her

Giulia: BuT ThE dREsSeS

Giulia: God dean

Nat: Dean stop being adorable

j: It was...illuminating

D ... the fuck, stop talking like your angel father.

D: Heard you wore a cardigan.

C:  Yeah, I told him about the cardigan.

S: Great. Thanks.

D: And the wife.

Giulia: What about the ponytail

Giulia: Wait, Cas and dean talked about it on the phone [dies]

D: Well, not a lot of happy goin' on around here.

Nat: Wow, Dean feel a stab in his heart

S:  I hate this place right now. I hate it.

S:  Everywhere I look, I see them. I see Maggie. I guess that's why, uh -- why I was so desperate to get out of here, why I kept running us ragged. But I got to stop that. I-I can't keep running. I -- This is my home.

This is our home.

Dean, I think I just need some time.

Giulia: Yeah same

Nat: Sammy babe

Zee: How couldn’t they have

Giulia: Awe this is the hurt Sammy season. Again

D:  Okay.

Giulia: STAPH

Giulia: WITH

Giulia: THAT

Giulia: LOOK

Giulia: JARED

Zee: Sam needs a million years in therapy

Nat: You need help

Giulia: NO

Zee: Oh no

Giulia: I DON T LIKE IT

J: Sam and Dean would help you, so -- so I'll help you.

Nat:. Nah, Dean wouldn't

J: I'll help you see your friend again. 

Giulia: FUCKING

Nat: No

Giulia: NO

J:  In Heaven.

Nat: What

Giulia: JAAACK

Nat: Jack

Giulia: THank god cas saw it

Nat: Wtf

Zee: Yeah. That wasn’t good

Giulia: Oh shuttttt uuuup

Giulia: PROMO

Zee: Dean in a suit. Alien vs predator

Nat: Creepy, me likey

Giulia: Eh

Nat: OK babes, i gotta go. Nat: See ya! it was a pleasure.

Zee: Always

Giulia: Go have some milkshake

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl  @destiel-honeypie      @mariekoukie6661      @dragontamerm       @closetspngirl    @rainflowermoon     @mattiecat       @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2    @jacks-word-of-the-day     @4evamc       @dammitsammy     @legendary-destiel   @winchesterprincessbride    @destielhoneybee    @castiellover20   @jacks-word-of-the-day  @ravenhg @evvvissticante 

[dreamscript]

Hii can you recommend me some good monsta x fanfic and author? Thank you!

AAAHHHH OKAY I DONT REALLY FOLLOW/READ A LOT OF MONSTA X FANFIC i mean thats a i lie like i dO but i guess i dont keep track of them as much as i do with bts/exo (omg tb to my exo days omg what a good time all i did was just sit and read fanfic for hours a day wonderful) but i definitely have a few friends (??? i disappeared for a while tho so like idk if they even remember me tbh and also im sorry if i forgot some of you things has changed and my memory is equivalent to that of a goldfish please forgib) that write for monsta x and yes i have read their stuff and wowow (and also not all are active anymore but like sTILL):

@remembeo - okay we didn’t really talk like ever but lisTEN whenever im tired or sad or feeling In The Mood i always go to their blog and reread the entire fqn masterlist bc yes i am a dirty sub but also the cute fluFF OML so basically if you like badboy x goodgirl tropes etc etc go to this blog recommend 1000000%

@goldenscript - /brEATHEs in, dEEP/ THIS. GIRL!!!!!! OMG. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. once again, i disappear and my responses are about as frequent as volcanic lightning (yes volcanos can produce lightning… sometimes) but she’s super nice to me still and like sends me adorable messages wow and her writing is not only like so… cleAN but also idk man if yer want sum wrotin’ groan (in a good way i swear okay i make weird noises when im into things) and maybe moan (if u into that smutty shite)

@rabbitwrite - okay okay listen i was talking this qurl right before i fell off the face of the earth and we were planning this whole collab thing (and im rly sorry i just kinda disappeared aoisfaewf) and yes she is on hiatus BUT SHE HAS A BUNCH OF REALLY CUTE (okay fine they’re not all fluff & unicorns galore but they’re all GOOD i really liked her “of monsters and men” bc kihyun and fantasy bih yes) MONSTA X STORIES OKAY IVE READ MOST OF THEM

@lovelylittlemaknae - okay yes she only have like 2 monsta-x fics but how coULD I FORGET MAE SHE’S SUCH A SWEET PERSON and i love her enthusiasm and overall sunniness also her smile is the shit anyways her writing is actual cute shit though i will admit she can def pull off that suspense/action/fantasy with her chance encounter series (sorry thats bts but like i cant stop fangirling someone hold me back)

…../clears throat/ okay, well i think that’s about all that i have (sorry too lazy to go through my entire follow list) but i’m pretty sure any of these wonderful writers would be happy to give you some recs if they’re around (hopefully)! sorry i may not have been much help but OH WAIT I FORGOT I HAVE A FIC REG PAGE thats p organized albeit old but it is HERE and i have a fic rec blog at @bastionofdreams :)

[embee06]

Uncertainties. never ending uncertainties .

so much on my lately but whenever i try to pen it down, i feel lost. lost and confused. it feels like i cant seem to find that one end of thread.. from where i’d begin. begin with the ....end. lets try ..

- college is ending in 2 months . end of an era. end of a constant. i feel bittersweet about this. i know i’ll lose some of my friends. basically 5/6 friends. its funny how we all promise to keep in touch whilst bidding teary farewells. but the thing is that Ive been though this bullshit over and over again. after a while you have to let go of people you knew once.. and tbh you dont feel a thing whilst doing it. right now you think you can not go on without some people. that you wont change and they wont change too. but change is inevitable. you can’t keep sending boring texts saying ‘sup?’ and attending stupid calls where you both cant seem to find words to keep the conversation going!  also the thought of professional life scares me! i dont want to stay in uni forever but i also dont want to let go of this time. and also i cant wait to earn a bit of money. EHHHH ._. - moreover i always had/have this idea in my mind that i’d make a name for myself. i’d wakeup early in the morning and go to work. at the end of day i’d be dead tired and go to sleep as soon as i lie down. but i’d be happy. Knowing that I AM something today. that i’ve an identity. i’m not merely d/o syed shabbir or mrs  falana . but I AM Mahnoor, Mahnoor Shabbir Bukhari... Dr Mahnoor! I’m not known because of someone else! But i’m known because of me. I dont mean to imply here that i want to be someone really famous or whatever. But someone who worked hard enough to be someone for herself. If at the end of day only one person gives a shit about me, i want that to be myself. I have this quench for independence and identity. Of becoming sth bigger for myself so this idea of stay-at-home wife really scares me! i want someone who respects my dreams. whose ego is not  hurt when i succeed in life, when i stand equally with him.so sad to see that some of the men have really fragile egos. God please save me from such men ._.

- The idea of MARRIAGE!!! YES. I’m 22 and my mom is all about rishtas and stuff._. geez. well i’m too young to be married . innit. almost half of my class is hitched. i feel relived but left out at the same time. i dont want to be committed/engaged/married but when i see those happy/cheesy couple (masha Allah for them) i also want one for myself. ok? (im exposing my guilty concerns -.- ) Like how much lucky you are knowing that you will be spending rest of your life with someone you love. like what a great pleasure it would be just waking up next to them every morning. Thanking Allah for blessing you with (this) amazing human being. I know i’ve so much love to give, so much. but if the other person doesnt respect it i wont bother giving even an inch of it.  i know i’m the type of person who says ‘ love aint the greatest thing in life’ but how much better would life be if you have this cherry on the top too! :P also i got to know that i’m very jazbaati (emotional) and ghussay wali (grumpy af) so guzara aint easy with me!!! WELL LETS SEE! - I wanna see the world. list of my unprivileged dreams go on and on!!! My sister recently went to hunza and i was so heartbroken . i wanna go too ._. i’ll try with my housejob pay tho. but my mum is all about you can go with your husband and stuff!! But what if he turns out to be a seryal like my father who is not interested in exploring places food and stuff. experimenting with new things! LIKE NOOOO. i want to do that on my own! i dont want to depend on someone else for my dreams/desires. so i’m going on world tour esp Venice with or without him/anyone else! :))) - okay i’ve gynae ward test. didnt study a word. nope !!! - PM nawaz sharif (read as harami) got disqualified. i couldnt be happier today! :D