#i am. a bit stressed atm.
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Are you alive?
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Guess which idiot is attempting a comic again! (This time at an actual achievable length!!)
Though shockingly still in me TF2 phase, I seem to be slowly burning myself out on this project by doing a second sketch layer rather then just skipping to lineart. Hoping uploading some WIPs will force me to keep going rather then just wasting time playing the damn game.
#TF2#Team Fortress 2#wip#I know it'll be more fun once the cleanup is done#but man am I stressing out over every single face and pose atm#so it's taking ages#I just wanted to finally share bits of it with people
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my brain: im stressed for exams
me: let's study then so we feel more prepared
my brain: no. we're gonna procrastinate because we're so stressed
me: that makes no sense, but okay. why don't we do something we enjoy to feel better?
my brain: no because then i'll feel guilty that i'm not studying
me: so let's study
my brain: NO
#like what kind of instinct did this evolve from because there is NO logic here?#im just so annoyed at how miserable i am atm bc it's literally entirely my fault#i could either choose to sack exams off completely and do things i enjoy#like go out or write and focus on what *I* want to do#OR i could focus only on exams and at least feel less stressed by how much studying i was doing#and do you know what im doing? NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS#WHY#WHY CANT WE PICK ONE#THIS IS SO STUPID#MY EXAM IS IN SIX DAYS I HAVE AN ENTIRE SEMESTER'S WORTH OF CONTENT TO FIGURE OUT#AND IM NOT EVEN COMMITTING TO THE BIT LIKE IF YOU'RE GONNA FAIL AT LEAST DONT TANK UR MENTAL HEALTH#AND DO SOMETHING FUN OR MAKE YOURSELF GET OUT OF THE HOUSE#like i have not written anything in WEEKS i just keep jumping between documents and staring longingly at them#i WANT to write but im not letting myself but i wont revise either this is so dumb im so mad#genuinely enraged with my own behaviour lmfaooo#hella goes to uni
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Drew this a few days ago but since i have art block I'll post it haha.
Link from my dream au my beloved
#art#help how do i anatomy#loz dream au#loz link#link loz au#ehhhh whatever haha. also i am. so sleepy rn#its gonna be ! stressful week hhh#loz au#legend of zelda au#legend of zelda art#link legend of zelda#omg i should draw zelfa again. zelfa my beloved#this link is raised by the rito because i think thatd be interesting#how would a rito raise a hylian? what shenanigans could ensue#haha. they have siblings as well#im actually reworking rhis au a bit!#idk how much ill post because its jusf a side thing atm because hollow knight#but i might post some stuff
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Having bad bad day :( share something that makes u happy? Let me borrow the happy for a bit
#show me some good dog pics? maybe?#so like. i fucked up and ghosted my therapist#didnt mean to but it did happen#i cancled an appt then suddenly i hadnt called back for months#oops#went crawling back bc work is in the shitter rn#hoping she will work me in this week#bc boy howdy i am in a Situation#its not my fault and i dont think i did anything wrong#but. the guilt is killing me i feel like i fucked up real real bad#and now work is gonna be BAD for a bit#tomorrow especially#and also i am having health issues? something is def wrong w me#so dr appt tomorrow and another later this week#its gotten to the point where im getting a little scared? like.... im only 25#and i am very poor#im not hurting for $$ atm im ok rn#its just work and health and all of it all at once#stress feedback loop#ANYWAY just dumping this here bc i needed to vent to the void for a bit#gonna draw some self indulgent art and make brownies about it#actually clara is making the brownies i love u queen
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this totally happened to her once (inspired by real events! :D)
#crow's scribbles#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#kyoko yamate#shinobu inuyose#yuka jennifer sasago#esora shimizu#this happened to me but it was a volleyball and it broke my glasses lol#i was ok dw there was no concussions but i was on the bleachers and i dropped my ds#that was more important to me atm bc i waited my entire life technically to get one#i was not going to lose it bc of a volleyball hitting my face.#sooooo yeah.#sorry for some of the shitty picturing my hands shake a ton...#this MIGHT be last post abt peaky and kyoshino for a bit bc i should post abt something else lol#(emphasis on might bc im a dummy)#staying up before going to school in a few days is giving me stress but calming me down at the same time and idk how to feel abt that#i am very ok in the head and not panicking at the slightest /s#but yeah might affect posting blah blah might not see much stuff coming from me blah blah blah yk all that stuff.#anyway gonna go do something or sleep idk bye bye
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u know those chronic illness days that aren't even like painful or scary they're just the right level of irritating to really fuckin get u down
#cw ibd-typical tmi in tags i guess#woke up at literally 4am for no reason#after a bit i was too hungry to sleep so i made an egg sandwich but my microwave ended up wasting 2 eggs in the process#stomach was just kind og doing the warning rumblings all day and had a few painful BMs and had to get out the lidocaine again#and ive had to pee like at least once an hour alllll day#i hate this man i wanna be in remission lmao#im also ~stressed~ about therapy on tuesday because atm i cant fucking have an emotion#without my stomach throwing a fit#so idk how thats gonna work :o) and im paranoid theyre gonna do an assessment and then refer me somewhere else hahaaha#anyway rn im Hungry but Anxious About Eating and also just have acid reflux from downing a ton of green tea#its inadvisable but i am just gonna take my sleep meds and go ebd without food i think i cant fuckin do this
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I'm so upset and stressed. There are too many moving pieces. Doctor's appointments and DMV appointments and SSI paperwork and work paperwork and class prep and wedding prep (I'm officiating a wedding, not getting married) and probably seeing my mom tomorrow and trying to schedule things with my friend before they leave the area and and and and and...
#text post#my post#it's fine. it'll be fine. it's just at lot atm#once the paperwork is done i'll feel better#really i just have to get through next wednesday. after that things should calm down a bit#after that the paperwork and appointments should all be done and i can just focus on the class and the wedding#but today i am very stressed
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hmmm
maybe i need to not do this tonight after all
#speculation nation#discacc shit#i am. just stressing myself out with this pressure lol#+ with minimal encouragement atm im just running myself in circles#trying desperately to finish writing. and i am soooo close#but i can just imagine how this will turn out#i push myself too hard to finish this chapter tonight. which it WOULD take a real push to finish it tonight.#bc im officially at 16k words for this chapter. and i am not even done writing.#i stay up far too late to edit. bc that is a Lot of words to edit.#i end up sleep deprived. it's a long chapter so people wont even be able to read it quickly#i can barely sleep anyways bc im too busy waking up every hour to check to see if there are any comments (which there likely wont be.#or at least will be minimal comments. bc as i said it is a long chapter. people cant make it through it quickly)#then i crash tomorrow bc i didnt get the engagement i worked so hard for as quickly as i wanted it#im still without a beta reader bc andi is recovering which means i dont have the safety net / reassurance that beta reading provided me#and ultimately i end up in a shit state tomorrow. unable to even jump into my next bit of writing as ive pressured myself to do.#i can see it fully laid out before me bc this is EXACTLY what has happened the last few chapters. last chapter especially.#i did end up getting pretty good engagement on the last chapter. but it took time. & by then i'd already had an entire crash over it#as much as i want to finish this b4 the 21st i really need to be mindful with myself#i am doing no one any favors by rushing it. least of all myself.#really if youve read this far + youre a discacc reader. i would rly appreciate if u could send me some kind of encouragement#even as little as liking this post would help. tho a reply/ask would b more effective lol#im currently stuck in the sink hole of 'no one cares' so. it'd help to have that proven wrong.#is it annoying that i have no fucking object permanence w/ knowing ppl care about my writing? Absolutely!#but idk im just trying to do my best with a shit brain. any bit of help/reassurance would be appreciated
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BEHOLD: an exhausted selfie @ work earlier 🤷🏼♀️
#kayleigh.txt#i’m exhausted because i was/am running on hardly any sleep lmfao#also because work was a bit tiring but honestly only because i started with no energy so 💀#took my sleep meds 30mins ago fingers crossed they kick tf in soon 😭 🤞🏻 🙏🏻 🙇🏼♀️#and keep my dumb ass knocked tf out#keep making stupid mistakes but our trainer says he’s used to having to coach/help a lot more so#we’re doing absolutely amazing 💯#i just have to remember to SLOW DOWN (everyone keeps telling us that) and that i won’t be perfect right away#honestly though??? i see this becoming a legit career for me tbqh#like yeah it’s a bit stressful atm but after another week or two i’ll have gotten the hang of it enough hopefully#idk fingers fucking crossed 😂🤞🏻#kayleigh.png#*our trainer says he’s used to having yo coach/help a lot more other times he’s trained people i mean#like he hasn’t had to help us as much as normal lmfao#words. are hard 💀
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It’s supposed to snow for the first time today so we are:
- working an early morning desk shift and listening to Christmas until we can
- walk through the snow
- to Starbucks at sunrise to get a holiday drink as they open
- while wearing a cozy wool sweater 😌
#it’s not advent yet#but I get TWO WEEKS of chill advent vibing stolen by finals stress#I am running on 2 hours of sleep atm#so do not resent me a little bit of#Christmas music#as a treat
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#me.txt#okay am a bit anxious so lemme just talk it out in hopes of being less anxious#tomorrowwww i have to go into work#pick up the swipe card (not a problem)#return the ipads (also not a problem)#then i have a half hour meeting for... an event organisation i think... idk the email wasn't super clear#and then i have the choice to go straight home#or i could go to supercheap auto#my dad bought 10w40 engine oil the other day#but now i'm wondering if i should get 5w30 to top up the oil instead#i think this is what i'm anxious about#i read that you shouldn't mix 40 and 30 together#but i have no idea what's in my engine atm#and i tried to google if you can check what's in there but nothing turned up#and i don't wanna stuff up my engine...#i'd only be putting like 1.5L though i think?#so that's probably not a problem? and then i'll take it for servicing soon so.............#SIGH#i wish i had someone who wasn't stressful to do this with#or someone to talk to about it...#oh hey... maybe i do know someone who might know something about this...#i should ask tomorrow#anyway yeah i'm thinking of returning the 10w40 bottle and getting 5w30 just because 5w30 is more obviously written in the manual but 10w40#works too#i also thought of maybe hitting up arb and seeing what they have and if they do servicing if you also buy and get them to install something#i think this is just social anxiety... and also just wanting to get the right oil#whilst being surrounded by general disinterest from my family#i wish i had a parent who was into this stuff#that's usually how it starts right? a parent likes cars and/or camping and the kids pick it up#well somehow this kid picked it up independent of their parents
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I swear I’m working on art it’s just taking a long ass time bc I have A LOT OF SHIT to catch up on. Um also it’s another hypoparents things sorry
#also mega gay um not so sorry about that#I want to finish it so bad but every time I do I am put back to work on my actual important things#which is good so I’m not even more behind but incredibly frustrating#all I want to do is finish these cats but nooooooo#anyways I also only want to draw mothwing so um that’s what’s happening#can feel a little bit of a breakdown teetering on the edge of my mind but I’m avoiding it#would rather not breakdown. if it does happen atleast I knew beforehand#ruse rambles#I am very rambley bc I don’t want to go to sleep I hate sleep it is very stressful for me#having to wait for it to take over is the worst but also waking up paralyzed from nightmares sucks#it’s not like sleep paralysis it’s my brain thinking someone is behind me and if I move one bit they’ll attack#so Im stuck there willing myself to jsut swing around and get up#also can’t sleep facing the other way bc I roll and throw shit at night#then I wake up bc my blanket and pillow are gone#also also think my mom might be uh in bad health atm her coughing is getting really bad and she keeps#puking form the coughing. little sister is not helping with her constant fighting and trying to get out of school#moms on the edge of sending her off to therapy lol kinda funny but also not bc she’s causing so much stress on everyone#I’m going to shut up before I cap out on tags also need to write my daily report tjing so I’m going to do that bye sorry for the tags :)
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guess who got a raise this week 🙋🏻♀️
#it's rare to get a genuine compliment from my boss but he said he's really impressed with how hard i am working atm#:''')#and i've only been back from quarantine for like a bit over a week#so yeah it's super stressful atm bc many people are sick or on vacation and we're just understaffed in general#like 3 people quit this month ???#idk it's crazy#but it's nice that i am getting more money 😄#time to order sum more albums hehehehe#( 💭 ) !
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Ahh yes I watched one of my old favourite movies and worked on finally colouring in my cole/sunny ship art I drew months ago. Self care.
#I'm so stressed atm Ive been struggling with intense stress headaches#so stealing a bit of wind down time was much needed#looking at this art makes me feel all kinds of joy and butterflies#holy moley if he looked at me for real with his pretty blue eyes I would actually 👻👻👻👻#perish#i think it might be my best piece yet at least in the uh drawing department#but its still very basic#idc tho i draw for fun#and it give myself serotonin because I am making the video game man gay for me#sunny speaks
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All right folks, for anyone who may not be aware it's Eurovision week, so just a warning that every related post will be tagged with #esc2022 !
For those who will embrace the madness, enjoy 😁; for those who won't, ehm, I'm sorry... 😅!
#I may be able to watch it even if I'm not totally sure#if I do I don't know if I'll liveblog but just in case your dashboards are flooded with eurovision posts all of the sudden#at least you have the chance to blacklist it because I imagine for those who are not interested it can be annoying#tbh I wish I were more invested especially considering my country hosts it this year#but rl has been... *sigh* and the general mood rn is compatible with curling up in bed and pass out#so I don't overthink stuff and get stressed and pissed pff more than I already am#plus I think my hormones are acting up and make me feel frustrated and restless for hell knows what#well in all truth I think I know what but I have no solution for my loneliness atm#anyway I hope the show will cheer me up a bit#I haven't listened to the songs yet (apart from italy's entry of course 😑) on purpose so they will be a surprise#praying they'll be GOOD like eurovision worthy but I read from some comments that the majority are ballads ffs 😭
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