#i ask mostly because its a LOT easier to talk about sex with the barrier there of ocs

[steaksex]

I love posting polls its awesome. Anyways the guilts havw been affecting me, as have the oc brain worms. I should note that yes this is my space i will do whatever the fuck i want forever. HOWEVER i want to know the vibes.

[lechevaliermalfet]

In the Name of the Moon – A Look at Lunar Legend Tsukihime

There’s a popular joke in the Type-Moon fandom that there is no Tsukihime anime, but boy it sure would be great if there was one.

I had only ever been dimly aware of this attitude toward the Tsukihime anime myself.  Watching it fansubbed for the first time in the early 00s, I wasn’t really plugged into the fandom, and the joke seemed like a minor thing to me.  I had all but forgotten it by the time I was with my wife at Otakon in 2012, and we went to a panel about Type-Moon for fandom newcomers.  

The panel was pretty salty about the Tsukihime anime, taking the joke about there being no such thing so far as to refuse to acknowledge it or discuss it.  If I recall, they insisted on this refusal even when directly asked about it by someone in the audience.  I also don’t recall them being all that complimentary about the Fate/Stay Night anime (the original 2006 series) for that matter.  We had a long drive home after the convention – fourteen hours, give or take – and our discussion about the convention kept circling back to that panel.

She’d gone mostly to accompany me, I think, and because she didn’t have anything she wanted to do that conflicted with it.  She had some minor interest herself, as she’d seen this supposedly nonexistent Tsukihime anime, and like me, she enjoyed it.  So it was pretty irritating for her to go to this panel ostensibly for newcomers and then have them trash the one thing she’d experienced in the fandom.  It was all the more irritating when you stopped to consider that at that point that it was, in all probability, one of the handful of things real newcomers might have experience with.

In its way, though, the panelists’ hostile and disdainful attitude toward the most accessible works in the general Type-Moon oeuvre did make for a suitable introduction.  If not to Type-Moon and their work, then to the fandom, and the high levels of toxicity most of its assholes could and would display given the opportunity.

But I’m not here to talk about the Type-Moon fandom, except as it amuses me, or is relevant to the subject at hand.

The subject being this supposedly non-existent anime: Lunar Legend Tsukihime.

My own relation to the Western Type-Moon fan community is tangential at best.  A couple of guys I know (one a good friend, the other an acquaintance), back in the early to mid-aughts, were moderators for the Beast’s Lair forum, basically the center of the English-language fandom community at the time.  Of course, at the time, the fandom was almost brand-new.  Tsukihime was all the rage then, because Tsukihime was almost all there was. Fate/Stay Night was new enough that there hadn’t really been time for the discourse around it to even form, let alone evolve much.  And in those days, Beast’s Lair was basically the forum owner and a few of his online friends, and I feel like half the reason it existed was because at that point, it was more convenient to just have a forum than it was to get a bunch of guys together on an AIM group chat with that level of frequency.  This was before Mirror Moon created a translation patch for any of these games.  These were guys who bought the game direct from Japan, paid the outrageous import fees, referred constantly to a GameFAQs walkthrough, and died like men.  It was that, or learn Japanese.  Most of them opted for the walkthrough. Thank Whoever you believe in that the game runs windowed, I guess.

Fate, which has been the bread and butter of Type-Moon’s success for well over a decade now, was a commercial game.  But it was one built with on the base of the huge support Tsukihime had garnered following its launch.  Tsukihime itself was a doujin game, made when the guys at Type-Moon were a bunch of nobodies and had no real money to speak of.

Because they were nobodies, and because they needed the game to sell big if they were going to make the kind of money they needed to make, they did what a lot of Japanese doujin developers have done and continue to do, and will probably do until the end of time, and put porn in the game.

This is not unknown in Western development circles either, just for the record. But Japanese culture is in some ways more permissive when it comes to depictions of sex or sex-adjacent topics and material in their mainstream entertainment.  Porn can net you a decent career, or at least a halfway-decent living, and it’s generally easier over there for porn artists in any field of endeavor to “go legit” and make the jump to the non-porn version of their field.

That doesn’t happen in the West, or at any rate not in America.  Or very rarely. We have (for better or worse; there’s a whole separate debate there) a much sharper division between the porn and non-porn sides of the entertainment industry, and that barrier’s much less porous. But porn fans will support you.  If the success ceiling is far lower than in the legitimate side of the industry, it’s also true that the floor is likewise lower.

So here we have Tsukihime.  Not “porn with plot”, or even “plot with porn”, but “plot (…with porn)”.  It’s there because they were worried the game wouldn’t sell without it, and so there’s not much of it in the first place.  What I’m saying is that if you’re wanting to get your rocks off, you’re going to be a while.

Which is not to say that Tsukihime as a game is inherently like… progressive, or woke, or anything like that.  Oh no. Nonononono.  It’s horror (-ish, depending on your route), for starters – a genre that thrives on objectification and exploitation.  And then it’s Japanese, which gives it an extra few layers of seeming weird to American sensibilities.  So this is less like going down the rabbit hole and potentially more like falling into a snake pit.

I say all this to lend some context.  When we think of Type-Moon today, we tend to think of this highly successful production house with a star franchise that’s rapidly hitting the market saturation point.  If it hasn’t already (and I have a friend who maintains that it has). And that is absolutely not Tsukihime.  Not the game, and certainly not the anime.  No ufotable animating, no Yuki Kajiura composing, no Gen Urobuchi directing the critically acclaimed and popularly loved (and irritatingly overpriced) prequel.

This is Tsukihime.  This isn’t the property that launched Type-Moon to stardom.  That would, again, be Fate.  This is the property that let them make Fate the way they did.  Tsukihime is the visual novel world’s equivalent of some garage band you never heard of releasing their demo tape as their debut album, and the demo tape is actually pretty good, even as it suffers from having basically rock-bottom production values.  It’s one of those things where the whole is more than the sum of its parts.  You have to look at what it tries to be and tries to do, and like it for that. In that much at least, even as they differ in many other ways, that much is true of both the anime and the visual novel.

It’s worth it, though.

Phantasmal Fantasy

If we’re being honest (and why wouldn’t we be honest?), Tsukihime, at least going through the main route, is a little bit less straight horror and a little more what I think of as horror-fantasy.  It isn’t horror because it’s rarely if ever actually frightening.  But it uses horror aesthetics in a fantasy setting (urban fantasy, in this case), which may lend things a generally eerie and unsettling sense of ambiance and a particular feeling of threat to the main characters without ever quite getting your pulse up.  It’s a hybrid genre I happen to have a huge soft spot for (I’ve been reliably informed that this is sort of My Thing).  The entire Legacy of Kain series falls under that banner for me, as do most of the Castlevania games.  The Dark Souls games all have it to some extent, and Bloodborne leans into it hard enough that it actually is kind of legitimately scary at various points.  And then there are movies like Vampire Hunter D.

Lunar Legend Tsukihime, the anime based on the visual novel Tsukihime, was released in the early to mid 2000s.  On a technical level, it’s very middle-of-the-road, with a bit of a generic visual style and workmanlike animation.  But we’re talking about an anime based on a doujin hentai game.  More mainstream visual novels’ adaptations tend to get better treatment.  Tsukihime is well-regarded, but probably not really “popular” in the same sense as something like, say, Da Capo or Little Busters or Air, or...  Look, Type-Moon’s getting the star treatment was pretty much going to be impossible at that stage.  It took Tsukihime and the first Fate adaptation before we got to that point.  That the Tsukihime anime happened at all is honestly kind of remarkable, and a testament to how much of an impact the game made.

Tsukihime takes place in the modern day (well, modern for the date of its release, which for the game was 2000, and for the anime would be 2003 or so).  It’s a vampire story, of sorts, though the only creatures we’d recognize as traditional vampires are a minor threat at best.

Our main character, or at any rate, our viewpoint character, is Shiki Tohno.  He’s part of a large, wealthy, and presumably powerful family, though he lives with an aunt and uncle whose ways and means are much more middle-class than his father, the head of the family.  He was banished from the main estate eight years ago, shipped off to live with his aunt and uncle after an accident when he was about eight.

He doesn’t remember much about the accident.  He (and therefore we) are initially told it was a car accident, and that it damaged his heart. He has fainting spells occasionally if he over-exerts himself, and otherwise generally anemic symptoms.  Something to do with damage to his heart after the accident; it’s not really clear.  The weakness makes him an unfit heir to be head of the family, hence his being put aside.

The real change in him is far stranger, and far harder to understand.

While recovering in the hospital, he begins to see odd lines running through everything, making the world look fractured.  He discovers that if he cuts along those lines with a blade or other edged implement, the object will simply fall apart along those lines.  It takes little to no force to do this.  He could cut down a tree simply by dragging the edge of a knife along a particular line on its trunk, a line invisible to anyone but him.  His attempts to convince others that these lines exist fall on deaf ears, and only cause concern for his mental state.

One day during his recovery, while wandering around outside, he runs across a woman named Aoko Aozaki who not only believes him, but understands what’s happening.  She explains to him that he has a rare ability – perhaps the only one in the world with it – known as the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception.  What he is seeing is the inevitable destruction and dissolution, the “death”, of every person and object around him.  The lines are the only way his brain can make sense of it, as this is something the human mind doesn’t readily grasp.  She gives him a pair of glasses which make the lines go away while he wears them, and which therefore allow him to go on with his life as normal.  She tells him that he mustn’t use this power of his unless absolutely necessary.

Shiki lives his life normally from that point forward, until one day while he’s in high school, he receives notice that his father has passed away, and Shiki is to move back into the main estate.  Said estate is in the same town, so much of his day-to-day should remain the same – same friends, same school, same daily routine.

But a strange thing happens on his way to the manor after school.  While resting in the park, he sees a young woman with shoulder-length blonde hair and a white sweater.  From out of nowhere, he is overcome with a furious, murderous impulse.  His body seems to move on its own, with no input or control from him.  Off come the glasses, out comes the knife he carries with him, and he’s off chasing her.  Bad things happen.

He wakes up in the Tohno mansion, having blacked out and been retrieved by Hisui, one of the two maids of the home.  She dresses as a Western maid, while her twin sister, Kohaku, also a maid, prefers a kimono.  

But his arrival at the manor comes with significant culture shock.  In the wake of his father’s passing, possession of the manor and the position of head of family have both fallen to his younger sister, Akiha, whom he hasn’t seen since his accident some eight years ago.  His memory of her is a little hazy, but he seems taken aback by the polite but stern young lady she’s grown into.  Altogether, the four of them – Akiha, Shiki, Kohaku, and Hisui – are the only inhabitants of the house.  

Shiki finds its size and sense of isolation intimidating, all the more because his daily life in and around the house is in for a massive shake-up.  For starters, there’s a strict curfew, and also no television.  When Shiki objects, Akiha puts her foot down, and seems determined that he will live according to the family’s ways and rules, or…  Well, there is no “or else”.  He just will, end of story.

So he sneaks out to go buy some snacks and magazines.  On his way, he is accosted by one of his classmates, Ciel.  But here, she’s dressed in an odd outfit, carrying a set of deadly-sharp swords, and seems intent on killing him until she satisfies herself that he poses no threat.

The next day, further weirdness ensues.  He encounters the blonde lady, the one he thought he killed, very much alive and well.  His initial relief that he didn’t actually kill her is quickly undone by her assertion that actually, he did, and with rare skill and gusto.  She then goes on to describe the exact cuts he used to slice her into seventeen separate pieces.  

Then it gets stranger.

She is, she tells him, a vampire, albeit not all that much like what you’d think of when the word comes to mind.  And no, she doesn’t sparkle.  Her name is Arcueid Brunestud, and she’s hunting an enemy of hers who’s in the area, and is responsible for a string of murders and mysterious deaths that have been occurring lately.  She was doing well enough until Shiki came along murdered her.  While she was able to recover from this inconvenience, their encounter has left her in a weakened state.  Now she needs help, and who better than the one who put her in this position in the first place?

Twists, Turns, and Dead Ends

I’m a little conflicted about the problem with the Tsukihime anime.  I can’t decide whether its creators overestimated what they could do in twelve episodes, or underestimated the material and the time it needed.  I supposed it really doesn’t make much difference.  Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Bad news first.

There are some technical issues with the show, which are probably the least of its problems.  The art style is kind of lackluster and workmanlike, and the animation is overall pretty by-the-numbers.  There are numerous moments where you can see drawing or animation shortcuts were taken, and there are lots of long shots where the camera lingers on one place or on one person well beyond what’s necessary for drama.  On the other hand, the more important action scenes do see a slight jump in quality, so maybe the producers were keeping something up their sleeve for when it counted.  

The English voice work is serviceable.  The actors’ voices are by and large a good fit for the roles, but the acting is occasionally a little wooden. The writing is somewhat off as well.  Shiki disappears from his normal life for a while in the third and fourth episodes, and his friends’ and family’s discussions of it once he resurfaces don’t seem to agree on the times he was gone – at one point, even within the same conversation.  This may be a translation or dub writing error, though.  There are other weird gaffes (this time in the original script), such as that Shiki doesn’t notice that Kohaku and Hisui are identical twins. This despite the fact that their only notable differences are eye color and wardrobe.

But these are mostly technical troubles, and they’re things I can overlook pretty easily.  The writing errors are never so serious that I get confused about what’s going on, and the artwork issues aren’t too out of line, either.  Certainly I’ve seen other shows from the time that did worse and more often.

The real issues \with Tsukihime, and the problem most of the original game’s fans have, stem from the way it’s adapted from the game.

Like a lot of visual novels, Tsukihime has multiple routes, and many if not all of them are mutually exclusive.  In fact, some don’t even involve Arcueid, who you’ll remember is one of the main characters. This presents some difficulties when making a TV series.  On the one hand, there is a canon route, and you could probably make a decent twelve-episode TV series out of just that.  On the other hand, there are lots of fans who prefer the alternate routes, who would be pissed if their favorite characters showcased in those routes weren’t given some screen time, and so you want to give them something.  And, too, one of the intriguing things about a game like Tsukihime is all the lore and world-building that makes these divergent plotlines possible and interesting.  Even when not pursued, elements of those routes may come up one way or another, and lend a certain richness and depth to the story.  It would be a shame to leave that on the cutting room floor.

Another possibility the show’s creators could take is to craft their own continuity, essentially creating a story hybridized from multiple routes from the game while not adhering strictly to any one of them, and create a single story that way.  This hypothetical hybrid story would then be better able to explore more of the background and lore, and incorporate that richness into its own new canon.  But that would take probably more than twelve episodes, and twelve was all Tsukihime got.  For anyone who’s curious about what this approach might look like, there’s a manga adaptation that incorporates elements of the other routes into the main story.  It’s out of print now, sadly.  Originally published by ComicsOne, it was taken over by DrMaster after ComicsOne went out of business.  Then DrMaster themselves went out...

Anyway, the compromise measure that the show’s creators eventually decided on was to largely tell one story (the Near Side routes, particularly the Arcueid route), while throwing in bits and pieces from other routes… and then never following up on them.  There wind up being a few non sequiturs and narrative dead ends or red herrings, almost as a kind of wink and nod to say that the show’s makers at least know those possibilities exist.  But this results in the show being unfocused.  For instance, a couple of episodes build up the Problem With the Tohno Bloodline, but this ultimately doesn’t figure into the story.  This material comes from what the game refers to as the Far Side routes, and those developments largely go unnoticed during the Near Side routes which the anime’s plot focuses on.  The problem is, again, that these are mutually exclusive as the presented in the original game.  Weaving them together in the “new continuity” approach would be fine – maybe ideal for the anime, even – but it would take an amount of alteration to the continuity that the anime never makes.  It winds up being less of a problem than it sounds like, but it does manage to be frustrating.

The main story, meanwhile, hints at interesting elements from the broader cosmological background that the game establishes (and which later Type-Moon games borrow and build upon), but many of those elements never quite leave the background.  This leaves a frustrating sense of massive, powerful forces and entities moving in the background, that there is something far larger happening that we are not even quite glimpsing, but only being given hints of.  

But if it sometimes seems that Tsukihime only scratches the surface of the greater and deeper lore of its setting, that lore and setting are still compelling.  There’s an almost Lovecraftian sense of cosmic scale to the supernatural as it’s presented in Tsukihime.  Arcueid, Nvrnqsr Chaos (no, that’s not a typo; it’s the real name of an adversary in the game, though the anime presents it as Nero Chaos instead), and her ultimate enemy, Roa – all of them are connected to higher forces and entities.  The murders occurring in Shiki’s city are the most minor of problems in the grand scheme of things.  This is what makes the anime both fascinating and frustrating.  It shows us this conflict, but refuses to give the full context for it.  So much seems to be held back; the full natures of these characters goes unexplored.

I like a little mystery.  I like it when some things are unexplained, or when the answers are there to be found rather than to be given.  It’s one of the things I love about Dark Souls and Bloodborne.  But the story of Tsukihime fails to explore these mysteries in a way I find really satisfying.

I feel like this is the root of why a certain overly vocal segment of the fandom chooses not to acknowledge the anime.  Coming to it from the game, I can see where it might seem a little disappointing.  Many of these hooks can seem like teases to those who understand their significance enough to be upset that they ultimately don’t deliver.

But that’s not the experience that either I or my wife had watching the anime.  We both came to it before we ever knew anything of the game.  For us, those odd hooks were just moments where we went, “Huh.  Weird,” and carried on watching the show.  Sure, there was clear and unaddressed significance, but it wasn’t a problem.  If anything, it made me more curious about the game.

The show may seem meandering to some, but to me, I just tend to think of its pace as sedate.  It doesn’t really dig into the characters’ backstories, but it does help to develop them and give them room to breathe.  

In particular, the anime spends a lot of time developing Arcueid.  We see that despite her power, and her potential for wrath and violence, she’s surprisingly cute and innocent-seeming at times, and actually innocent when it comes to some things.  You can see her interest in Shiki grow, but she seems unable to express it.  Her attempts at being normal can come across as almost mocking, when they are instead sincere and well-meant, but hopelessly clueless.

What we learn of her story is somewhat sparse, but we know that she spends most of her time asleep, awakening only to deal with threats like Roa.  The reasons for this are complicated, at least enough so as to be beyond the scope of this writing.  Suffice it to say that there’s a wiki if you’re after more information.  Just be warned: The writing there is pretty iffy.  Anyway, Arcueid is capable of getting by just fine on her own (when some inconsiderate dick doesn’t just up and murder her, anyway), but it’s also clear that, thanks to spending most of her time asleep, she doesn’t really understand a lot of what’s going on around her.  There’s a kind of obliviousness to her that might be frustrating in another character in a different show, but is somehow just endearing here.  Like my wife said at one point: You just want to hug her.  Which is not, you know, the normal reaction you have with vampires.  “Aloof”, “compelling”, “seductive”…  These are the words we tend to think of when it comes to vampiric “affection” in fiction.  “Huggable” doesn’t really show up on the list.  And yet, here we are.

There’s a certain cat-like quality to her.  Elegant, graceful, mysterious, sometimes selfish, frequently endearing, and occasionally ridiculous.  There’s comedy in her situation.  Shiki, despite his powers, is otherwise kind of a dork who could not be more clearly in over his head, at least at the start.  He spends most of the series bewildered, confused, scared, and very occasionally snapping and completely losing his shit against some eldritch horror.  And yet he’s the one who has to keep Arcueid grounded (to the extent that this is really even possible) and basically explain to her how the world works.  In some ways, it’s really Arcueid’s story.

The pace of the series helps it build a sense of brooding mystery as it explores the twin dilemmas of finding a way to stop Roa and figuring out Shiki’s uncertain place in and relation to the rest of the Tohno family.  And as you might suspect, these two problems aren’t as separate as they first seem.

If nothing else, the opening theme is just about perfect.  Subdued, mysterious, haunting; it sets the mood of the show almost perfectly, in a way that comes close to over-promising on what the anime actually delivers.  It definitely sets a mood.

That mood is one I tend to get into around this time of year.  I’m normally a night person in the first place.  No amount of working mostly first-shift jobs over the last two decades has changed the fact that there’s some part of me that wakes up when the sun goes down, and wants to stay up until the sunrise.  I like to be out and about in the dark.  I can remember back when I was in college, I would be out with friends trying to find any reason at all to stay out as late as possible.  Later in life, I’d duck out long after everyone else was asleep and go for roaming walks at night (at least, back when I lived in a reasonable neighborhood).  With fall here, the urge just gets stronger.  

There’s something of that feeling I get from Tsukihime, large portions of which involve that same nocturnal roaming, and take place in the nighttime times of life.  And I enjoy stories about monsters and the supernatural – I went through something of a vampire fascination phase when I was younger, and still maintain a certain amount of interest – and so those things alone might have gotten my attention.

Fuck the haters; the Tsukihime anime exists, and it’s good.  Not great, and not as good as it might have been, but it’s fine.  If it’s not exactly gripping, edge-of-your-seat suspense, it’s still an entertaining way to spend the better part of five or six hours.  Certainly worth a watch if you can track it down.  

Tsukihime tells an odd, interesting story – moody, dark, weird, mysterious, fantastical – all things I like.  A story of supernatural threats, monsters, mystery, and marauders in the night.  It’s hard to think of anything more appropriate for fall – for October – for Halloween.

Availability

The DVD release for Lunar Legend Tsukihime was originally handled by Geneon in both Japan and the U.S., since they were part of the original production committee.  After they folded, it was picked up by Sentai Filmworks, one of the several splinter companies that rose from the ashes of ADV’s implosion in the late aughts.  

Geneon’s release was evidently a multi-volume affair.  Which seems ludicrous today, when you typically buy an entire season of twelve episodes or so all at once these days, in a single set.  But Geneon (which had previously been Pioneer) had been around since the VHS days, and a lot of those companies in some sense inherited the mindset that had governed the VHS release schedule, which was to release a volume every couple of months or so, with three or four episodes on each one, and that was that.

Sentai Filmworks’ version is a two-disc, single-volume set, so that would probably be the way to go.  Especially if shelf space is a concern.  

There is no Blu-ray release, and honestly, it’s hard to imagine what Blu-ray would really do for the show.  At any rate, it seems to be out of print currently.  Geneon, of course, folded about a decade or so ago. And although Sentai Filmworks lists it in their catalog, there’s no option to buy.  And it doesn’t appear to be available for legal streaming anywhere.  Like a lot of older (and I hate to think of this as “older” – I remember being an adult when it was new) – maybe I should say somewhat older anime – Amazon and eBay are your best bet if you’re interested.  

Postscript the First – The Anime versus the Game

Tsukihime, as a visual novel with multiple routes, contains far more material than the TV series.  HOWEVER, please consider this paragraph your giant, flashing, neon-lit trigger warning for content potentially involving sex, assault, sexual assault (of various kinds), incest, violation of consent, and more violence than the anime producers could show even with the series airing at otaku o’clock.

Just to be up-front for a moment, I haven’t played much of the game.  Much of my information comes secondhand, or else is the result of reading the Type-Moon wiki and talking with friends who’ve played through it. I’ve yet to finish a single route.  I’d like to, and I occasionally chip away at it here and there, but the problems are twofold.

The first problem – probably the main problem – is the low level of engagement.  I get curious about visual novels from time to time, but they’re always a little too easy to put down, and a little too hard to pick up.  And that may seem strange, since there’s so little to do in one.  The amount of effort involved is nil.  But that’s just the thing.  I often wrestle with whether or not I even consider them to be games at all.  And, look: It’s not like I think visual novels are unworthy of anyone’s time.  They’re fine.  Largely not my cup of tea, but fine.  But what you do in a visual novel could hardly be called playing, any more than you “play” a Choose Your Own Adventure book.  There are no mechanics, no maneuvering through the world, no use of skills.  Just decisions to make, and those not very often.  The thing about an actual game is that I’m mentally engaged, fully occupied and firing on all (or most) cylinders.  When I want to play a game, that’s what I’m after.  And visual novels just don’t offer that.

Of course, I do love to read, and so it would seem like they should be right up my alley for that reason at least.  But no.  The writing is actually my second problem.

So far as I’ve observed, which admittedly isn’t much, most Japanese visual novels translated into English are pretty awkward, and this is probably a combination of factors.  One is that what constitutes good writing (in terms of how the language is deployed) in Japanese differs considerably from what constitutes good writing in English.  It’s not just visual novels, mind you.  The couple Haruki Murakami books I’ve read have both also seemed off to some degree as well.  I think it’s just something in the translation, some difference between English and Japanese in the matters of word choice, rhythm, and flow, and the sense for how these things work in each.  I sincerely think that making a Japanese work really sing in English would involve a level of change that most translators (and visual novel fans in particular, given their greater likelihood of being total Japanophiles) are deeply uncomfortable with.

But beyond the general problem of Japanese-to-English writing, there’s the problem of Kinoko Nasu in particular, who is Type-Moon’s writer.

Nasu is, I think, something of a Lovecraft disciple, with his cosmic-scale sense for horror.  But he’s also like Lovecraft in another very important and distinct way, which is that despite having really interesting ideas that set my imagination on fire, he actually can not fucking write.

I’m sorry, Lovecraft fans, I really am, but it’s true.  Deep down, you all know it.  Lovecraft, for his part, was a man who at some point earlier in his life swallowed a thesaurus, and was then hell-bent on vomiting it out over every page he wrote ever afterward.  He never used one word if he could find a way to use five or six to say the same thing, never used a simple, elegant, and concise word when he knew a more complex one, and his style has so little flow you’d need an electron microscope to find it.  You could make a workout of running back and forth to the dictionary while reading his work.  Or you could make it a drinking game.  And then die, of alcohol poisoning.

He had some great ideas, once you got past the writing, and the multiple onion-like layers of intense racism.  And he was intensely racist; let’s not forget that.  Not just “racist because it’s the 1920s or ‘30s and basically everyone white is racist right now,” I mean racist even for those times.  People back then were a little weirded out by how much he hated the Jews, and black people, and anyone else who wasn’t the right shade of paper-white.  But even just focusing on his writing, the feeling remains that he was not the best vehicle for his stories, and that’s just how it is.  The most aching, taxing, fucking grueling reading I have ever done on stories I still actually liked is mostly found between the covers of the various Lovecraft compendia I have lying around the house.  I like his stories; I just don’t like reading them much.

Nasu may well be his reincarnation (and oh, would it ever have horrified Lovecraft to be reincarnated as a Japanese person).  A common complaint I’ve heard about Nasu’s writing (from people who’ve read it in Japanese) is that he has good ideas, but just isn’t a skilled writer.  Now, I’m not qualified to really dissect how he comes across in his own culture, but when translated into English, he’s a painful read.  Maybe it’s the fault of the group responsible for the translation (Mirror Moon), but at the very least, I can confidently state that he should stay out of porn.  His sex scenes have some of the least sexy and most unintentionally hilarious writing I’ve seen in my life.  It’s why I think that even Fate didn’t really take off to become the absolute phenomenon it is until after we started to get anime adaptations of it.  Those adaptations would all have been written by other people, or at least had some amount of editing or collaboration to dilute the worst of his influence, letting the good ideas shine through without Nasu’s own writing griming everything up.

I don’t have a lot of basis for comparison, but I feel like on a technical level, Tsukihime is pretty basic.  The character artwork is nice enough, with a distinct style.  The backgrounds, though, are in most cases very clearly photographs that have been filtered or otherwise manipulated so as not to clash too badly with the character art.  This was probably a shortcut to save time or money, or both.  

On the balance, I’d say it’s worth looking into, with the major caveat that there’s a lot of stuff in it that didn’t (and couldn’t) make it into the anime, that makes the story overall much darker and more sinister than the anime could manage.  Unfortunately, it’s going to be hard to find.  There’s only the original version released in 2000.  There’s talk of a sequel and a remake, but the amount of time that’s passed for no more attention or work than the project has received, to the extent that these things have become running gags in the fandom.  They probably are things that the higher-ups at Type-Moon really do mean to create at some point, but which aren’t a huge priority for them, and so are very, very back-burner projects.

As I mentioned above, the anime and the game are both similar in that their quality persists despite somewhat lacking production values.  But the anime’s middle-of-the-road budget and somewhat generic style was never the problem.  The game, meanwhile, was pretty clearly made on a close-to-shoestring budget, but this actually doesn’t matter nearly as much.  Visuals novels live and die on their writing, ideas, and artwork, I think.  Rarely if ever do they rely on really cutting-edge graphics for their impact.  And in truth, Tsukihime the game was always going to be marred far more by Nasu’s writing than anything technical.  

A nice upside is that, since we’re privy to Shiki’s internal monologue, he comes across as a more interesting character.  He seems to sometimes just float through the story in the anime, with bouts of intensity here and there when things go wrong or he’s totally lost it.  But the game gives us his thoughts, and we get a better handle on why he does the things he does.

For English-speaking fans, there are walkthroughs, of course.  But if that understandably sounds like too much of a pain in the ass, there’s also a fan translation (unauthorized) by Mirror Moon.  In addition to rendering the game into English, I believe it also introduces an option for removing the sex scenes.  So for those who are uncomfortable with those, this will answer that concern, at least.  

Postscript the Second – Alternate Takes: Kara no Kyoukai

Frequently referred to in English-speaking circles by its subtitle, The Garden of Sinners, Kara no Kyoukai (which Wikipedia tells us means something like “Boundary of Emptiness”) is an interesting story from Kinoko Nasu’s early days.  It began publication (independently) in August of 1998, and is set in that timeframe.  Originally a series of novels, it’s primarily known in the U.S. as a boxed set of seven movies (plus a stand-alone eighth) priced exorbitantly by Aniplex USA (the Blu-ray boxed set for the first seven will set you back a cool $400).  These movies tell the story of a different Shiki, this time a young woman who wears a kimono, boots, and red leather jacket, named Shiki Ryogi.  

There are pretty clear linkages between it and Tsukihime, though these are thematic rather than narrative, and the result of ideas being reused.  Nasu began writing Kara no Kyoukai first, and seems to have cannibalized some of its concepts for Tsukihime. The two stories take place in alternate universes.  As with Tsukihime, this version of Shiki also has the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, although Kara no Kyoukai’s Shiki does actually come by them after an automobile accident.  There’s also a redheaded sorceress with the last name Aozaki (Touko instead of Aoko), and I want to say that I’ve read somewhere that they’re sisters, and that Touko traveled to this alternate reality from the “main” one where Tsukihime and Fate take place. She was initially envisioned with sort of pixie-cut blue hair, but was converted for the movies into a redhead like her sister Aoko, and Nasu decided he liked the change so much that it became canon.

But although it features a Shiki with the Mystic Eyes, she shares the spotlight with Mikiya Kokuto, who’s a dead ringer for the Shiki of Tsukihime. His personality’s different – he lacks Shiki Tohno’s deeply buried killer instinct, for a start.  Mikiya has no special abilities beyond a knack for information-gathering and a better-than-average capacity for deductive reasoning.  Moreover, even without any special powers of his own, he seems to move with relative comfort in a world full of sorcerers and mystical murderers, in part by keeping an open mind, taking nothing for granted, keeping his assumptions in check, and taking everything as it comes.  He works as an investigator for Touko’s paranormal detective agency, Garan-no-Dou. Shiki is mostly the muscle.

Mikiya has a younger sister, Azaka, who in her turn looks an awful lot like Shiki Tohno’s sister Akiha.  Except for in flashbacks, where she looks like a young Rin Tohsaka from Fate instead.  As with Tsukihime, she is attracted to her brother.  Unlike Tsukihime, the two of them are actually blood siblings, so... At least with Kara no Kyoukai, this profound failure of the Westermarck Effect is entirely one-sided; Mikiya has eyes only for Shiki.  TV Tropes would undoubtedly describe it as Single-Target Sexuality.  

There are any number of other parallels between the two, but these are the most obvious.  Much of the background lore seems to be similar between the two series, although Kara no Kyoukai doesn’t use the same parts of it, and doesn’t dig into the parts it does use quite as much.  It’s much less concerned with cosmic entities like Arcueid or Roa or Nvrnqsr Chaos, and more concerned with its characters as individuals, and how they relate to each other.  That isn’t to say that it doesn’t dive into the sort of metaphysical strangeness on display in Tsukihime and Fate – Kara no Kyoukai is aggressively weird – but its metaphysical struggles are more self-contained, connected more directly to the characters and less tied to the cosmological backdrop.

The movies were released in Japan beginning in 2007, almost a decade after the novels began publication, and well after the successes of Tsukihime and the first Fate series. They’re animated by ufotable, and feature Yuki Kajiura as the composer.  I’d encourage anyone interested to track them down, though I know the price tag can be offputting.  Aside from high-quality video and sound, the set is pretty bare-bones.  There’s no English audio track; in fact, the impression I get is that this is basically just the Japanese Blu-ray release, re-encoded for Region 1. This includes the movies’ proper titles not being displayed in English anywhere on the discs or cases, so you have to do a little sleuthing to figure out which movies are which.  This is doubly aggravating considering that the intended viewing order isn’t chronological, so it’s not immediately apparent if you’ve started with the wrong movie.  If you feel totally lost and like you’ve just come into the middle of things, then it’s highly likely you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.  Thankfully, the menus are in English, and the subtitles are serviceable.

There’s a DVD version of the boxed set that costs less – I want to say the whole boxed set went for something like $200 – which is still a decent chunk of change, but more reasonable for a set of seven movies. Unfortunately, a quick browse of Amazon makes it seem even harder to find than the Blu-ray set.  And, sadly, there are no legal streaming options for this series.

[yurio-plisetksy]

Can you pretty please write Natsuya Kirishima x reader, where they are best friends but had a one night stand from drinking a lot and they realize next morning that they are meant for each other? NSFW please and thank you!

Didn’t really feel like complete NSFW fit the story, so I went with this. I will write another NSFW Natsuya imagine if you really want to.The college life was simply paradise for you. Especially when your best friend Natsuya was always there to keep you company. Classes were fun, and exams had been easier than expected, at least they were when you studied like usual. But this week was an exception.

At this point a year, other student usually felt the mental strain of their course dawn upon them, and parties started to occur here and there to distract them from the heavy amount of work. Of course you got invited to these parties as well, but you favored getting good grades over waking up with a huge hangover, and having to use the rest of the day to drown in your own mistakes.

That’s why Natsuya had offered to have a drink at his apartment instead. Mainly because your dorm room barely fit one person, let alone two. It was a 1 hour trip, but completely worth it knowing Natsuya to be the best company there could be. And of course you weren’t disappointed, because as you entered his living room, the table was filled with snacks, sodas and several types of alcohol, including all your favorites.

“You always come prepared, do you?” You ask with a chuckle, letting Natsuya pull your jacket from your shoulder, and throw it over the edge of the couch, instead of properly using the coat rack he had bought just a month ago.

“I mean, I still had all of this from last time, so I didn’t have to go out and buy any.”

“Did we really drink this much last time.”

“Yeah.” Natsuya chuckles and plops down on his couch, which creaks at the sudden weight. His shirt rises up just a slight bit as he lays back, and your eyes start to linger. You can see his abs as he stretches and there’s a sudden wonder about how he manages to stay fit, because everytime the two of you get together like this, the evening is spent stuffing junk food in your mouths and consuming alcoholic drinks till you get dizzy.

“Pop open a beer for me, will you.” Beer. It’s Natsuya’s favorite. While you preferred the somewhat sweeter drinks, which held more alcohol as well, Natsuya mostly stayed with beer for the rest of the evening. It didn’t take much to get him tipsy, so 5 or 6 beers would be more than enough to get him going.

Using the bottle opener on his keychain, you removed the cap off a bottle of beer and handed him the cold drink. He thanks you and immediately attaches his lips to the drink and tilts it. His adam’s apple bobs with each sip, and after a few seconds, he removes it and hums in approval.

“So, how’s studying going? Must be tough.” He asks, and changes position so you can join him on the couch. You shrug in response, muting the phone you had been checking just now, and giving your attention to Natsuya as you mix coke with Malibu in a plastic cup.

“It’s been fine till now… don’t know what everybody’s stressing about. So, when are you gonna buy proper cups?” You tap a finger against the side of your red cup, and he laughs in response, mumbling something about not needing glass cups because it was easier to throw them away. It was quite ironic, Natsuya trains almost every single day, and when it comes to swimming he’s the most passionate person you know of, but with anything else but swimming he’s the laziest person existing on this planet.  You once caught him trying to grab cookies with a back scratcher, and as he looked up at you, asked you to grab him some instead. And this guy was going to be a professional swimmer someday?

After 2 hours of playing games, and talking about anything interesting, you felt a little tipsy, and Natsu was getting there as well. It had gotten to the point that personal barriers had been long forgotten, and you were sitting on his lap while he laid fully stretches over the surface of the couch, his legs on the armrest behind you. He’s giggling, and a rosy shade dusts his cheeks, clearly evidence of how tipsy he is.

“You really need me to send you a picture once you try it out.” He slurs, and attaches another bottle to his lips, chugging the last remains inside before flipping it onto the floor, pouting as it lands on its side.

“I’m not gonna condition my hair before shampooing it, it’ll ruin my hair.”

“But have you tried though?”

“I don’t need to.” Is your response, and he blinks up at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“That’s a very boring answer.”

You laugh at his delayed response and take another sip from your drink, grimacing slightly at how sticky it feels at the way it burns your throat, and you make a mental note to never let drunk Natsuya pour your drinks. It’s basically 80% alcohol.

Natsuya reaches out towards the bowl of popcorn. He’s too far, and his fingertips graze the edge of the bowl before he gives up with a whine. You raise an eyebrow at his pathetic attempt to grab it, and instead you reach out and grab it with ease. His eyes beam as you place it on his stomach, but the smile quickly drops as you take some, place it in your mouth and return the bowl to its previous spot, still out of Natsuya’s reach.He scoffs, and playfully pushes you off of him, which almost has you choking on popcorn. But after coughing, you’re erupting into a fit of laughter that has your stomach clenching. While maybe it was just a fun joke, in your current state of mind it was the most hilarious thing you had done, and tears tears rolling down your cheek.

“Oi, oi, stop teasing me!” Natsu mumbles, and hovers above you on the couch, his hands on either side of your head. There’s a moment of silence, and you’re staring at one another, eyes challenging one another that has you biting your lower lip in anticipation. He takes note of the gesture, and smirks.

“Don’t do that.”

“What? This?” You bite your lip again, and his eyes narrow down on your with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. There’s a tension between the both of you that has your heart beat increasing, and you wonder if he notices it as well. But then he’s fitting himself between your legs, and suddenly your faces are very close to one another. You meet his maroon eyes, and you don’t know if the alcohol is making your breath hitch, or if he’s just insanely breathtaking up close. There’s alcohol on his breath, and lust in his eyes, and you unconsciously wrap your legs around his hips as he looks down at you with a half lidded gaze.

“You’re such a tease, ___.” He whispers, and you feel a desperate need to press your lips against his. How it had come to this could only be blamed on the alcohol, and maybe if you continued to tell yourself this, you’d start actually believing it.

Then he’s leaning down and you feel his breath against your throat. He smells like beer and a hint of popcorn, but it’s long forgotten as he presses gentle kisses at your collar bones. His hands travel up to yours, and he intertwines his fingers with yours. a gasp slips from your lips as his kisses turn more intense, and he trails his lips up to your neck until he’s sucking marks at the spot under your ear. This receives him a moan, and you can feel him smirk between kisses.

“Are you excited? you’re writhing beneath me…” He’s right. Your hips are shifting under his, and you feel your core tingle at the way he trails his lips up your neck. It sounds like he’s humming in amusement, but it could also be unintentional. Thinking it’s probably the latter, you’re proven wrong, because he lets out a deep sigh which is followed by a chuckle, and he grinds his hips into yours.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t help it… I want you so bad right now.” He moans in your ear, and in silent agreement you slip your hand under his shirt. Tracing your fingers over the curves and dips of his muscles, your eyes meet his and you challenge him to kiss you. “Shouldn’t we?” You question, and he seems to think about the answer. He’s leaning down and closing his eyes.

“We should.” Is his eventual answer, before he’s pressing his lips against yours. Your eyes flutter close, and you can’t help but smile against his lips. His tongue traces your lower lip and you part your lips, deepening the kiss even more. It escalates quickly, both because of the drinks consumed, but also because there are hidden emotion bursting free. Seconds turn to minutes, and 15 minutes later he’s guiding you towards his bedroom with mouths still attached to one another. There’s a trail of clothes leading towards his bedroom door, left to be forgotten for the rest of the night.

There’s a headache pounding behind your eyes as you wake up, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a loud groan. You press your palms against your eyelids and let out a deep sigh, but as you finally manage to blink them open, your heart skips a beat. You jump up and holds the covers up to your chest, noting that you’re completely naked in Natsu’s bedroom. Trying to recall what happened the previous night, it can’t be much good since your core is throbbing and the room smells like sex.

There’s movement beside you, and you jump slightly, just now noticing Natsuya beside you who is still sound asleep. Obviously he’s naked as well, but it’s still more proof of your escapades.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” You mumble to yourself, plopping back against the pillows, and accidently bumping the back of your head against the headboard. The sound seems to wake Natsu up, and as he peeks from between his eyelids, and sees as you cover the hurt area with your hands. There’s a silent curse slipping from your lips, and tears brimming in your eyes.

“You gotta be careful now…”

You’re startled by the sudden voice, and turn to Natsuya, who seems unaffected by the way he lies naked under the covers. In quick response, you pull the sheets up to your chest, embarrassed by the amount of skin exposed in front of your best friend. To your surprise, he sits up and lets the sheets fall down his waist. Cupping your head in his hand, he inspects the hurt area without any hint of shame when the sheets fall down his hips.

You fume red, and you don’t want to look, but it’s almost impossible in the position you’re in. He’s completely bare, and offering the perfect view of his… abs, and you can’t help but let your eyes linger down his frame.

After he made sure you weren’t hurt, he brings his face in front of yours and places a firm peck on your lips, leaving you startled yet again. His eyes blink away his own exhaustion, and he yawns once more before pulling you into his side.

“Thanks for last night.” He mumbles, then nestles back against his pillows, and pulls the sheets over his frame yet again.

There’s confusion in your mind as he settles under the covers, but eventually a smile overtakes your bewilderment. Sighing deeply, you curl into his side and place your head on his chest, feeling all giddy inside when he wraps an arm around your shoulder.

“You don’t regret it at all?” You ask him with genuine interest, and he hums absentmindedly at your words. His lips meet your temple, and he leaves a gentle kiss that holds more than just care.

“Why would I? We were practically a couple all this time. I was just waiting for the right time to kiss you.” He confesses with a naturalness that makes you think about his statement. He’s actually right. All this time, you acted like a couple accept for the intimacy that came with it. You had never realized he was waiting for the right time to take that leap. Too busy with everything that was in your life, you had misinterpreted his intentions as friendly gestures.

“I’m very glad you did, Natsu.” You tell him, and he offers you his signature chuckle that shows his playful and bright personality.

“Let’s do it some more.”

He puckers his lips and creates kissy noises that has you snort in laughter. How you managed to get ahold of the biggest dork in whole Japan remained a mystery to you, but you were glad you had.

“You’re an idiot, Natsu…but I love it.” You say and reposition yourself on his chest, leaving some pecks at the base of his throat, while he relaxes back against the mattress.

“I love you.” Is his response, and it has you grinning from ear to ear.

“I love you too, Natsu. Ever since we first met.”

[jurgenmeister-blog]

El Matador (Chapter 52)

Alexia's POV: "Shhh everyone shhh, he's pulling into the driveway." I whisper-shouted to everyone in Sergio's home. Today was his birthday and naturally so was his surprise party. I'd told him I'd be busy with work today to sell the story of not being able to spend time with him. He totally believed it and scheduled his therapy for today. It all was working perfectly, even most of the guests had arrived on time. My brother would be late but that's only because his kids had things scheduled. I was perfectly fine with that seeing as Sergio and I wouldn't have to be on edge. Certainly we'd still have to be careful but we could be close to each other. I was starting to get sick of the sneaking around with Sergio, but we both understood it was what needed to be done. I was hoping one day, soon maybe, that we could go public I knew it would create a strain with all its complications, and I'm not sure we're ready to deal with that. Never mind that now though there was a party to be had. "Okay he's in the garage." I said, ducking behind the couch with Iker and Sergio's brother. Iker had told Sergio he would pick him up from his house after therapy to go get lunch and hang out. Again, Sergio totally went for it and it made selling this whole story easier. A hush fell over everyone as we heard him stick his key in the lock. Slowly he unlocked the door and opened it. I silently counted down with Iker before jumping up. "Surprise!" We all shouted, someone flicking the lights on for me. Sergio's face went from sullen to ecstatic in an instant as his eyes landed on me. I winked at him before walking over. He was shaking hands with someone before turning to me. "Happy birthday handsome." I smile and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you." He whispered so only I could hear, giving me a small peck on the cheek. "Don't thank me yet, we still have more fun planned tonight." I whispered back before releasing him so as not to look suspicious. "For you, the king." I said, grabbing the crown I had jokingly bought. "So everyone knows you're important." I said as I fixed it atop his head. He winked before turning to greet his friends who handed him a drink. I went to grab a drink for myself only to find Sergio approach me. "How about a Sergio special Ali?" He asked, smiling at me as he grabbed the bottle of expensive vodka. "Id love one." I answered, leaning against the bar as I watched him. "This is lovely you know. I wasn't expecting it at all." He spoke, calmly pouring and mixing. "That's the point of a surprise party, you're not supposed to know." I responded, standing a little closer. "A DJ, my favorite alcohol, all my friends, and my girlfriend." Sergio stated in a content tone. "All the things I could want on my 28th birthday." He added, squeezing some lime into my drink before handing it to me. I thanked him and took a big sip, "you make the best vodka sodas." I said. "Try not to get too drunk," I leaned in towards his ear, "I need you mostly sober for later." I whispered seductively. I saw him close his eyes as he listened before I pulled away. "Fuck" he mouthed before taking a long pull from his drink. "Go have fun, I'll be around." I said before walking off, knowing he watched me leave. *** "Xabs!" I exclaimed as he walked in an hour later. "I'm glad you could make it." I smiled, giving him a hug. "Me too, I'm impressed you and Iker pulled this off. I still have no idea how you got the keys to Sergio's house." He mumbled the last bit. "Iker had a spare from a while back." I shrugged, not telling him Sergio had given me one a few weeks back. Xabi nodded, "right, now where is Sergio?" He asked, walking more into Sergio's house. "I think he's playing beer dice with a few of the guys." I said, following xabi to the backyard. "Found him." Xabi spoke, both of us spotting Sergio with Isco, shot gunning a beer. Sergio finished far before Isco and slammed the empty can on the ground before triumphantly throwing his hands up. "Seems like he's found someone to have a bit of fun with again." Xabi mentioned. "What do you mean?" I looked at him puzzled. Xabi shrugged, "nothing really, it's just that he's got hickeys again, they're fading but they were fresh a few days ago." He spoke nonchalantly, still oblivious to my relationship. "He hasn't had those in a while?" I asked, playing dumb. "Doesn't he sleep with everyone?" I added, hoping I didn't sound too suspicious. "Eh, not recently, he's quieted down in the locker room. He was pretty boisterous about this girl he was seeing last month then it kinda stopped. I mean we could tell he was a little deprived." He spoke. "Good for him I guess, he's always happy with marks on him. Loves the attention girls give him." Xabi finished, sipping the beer I had gotten for him. "Shots, everyone, let's go." Sergio yelled to all the guys before pointing at me and Xabi, interrupting our chat. "You guys too, Xabs you're let you gotta catch up, two shots for you, Alexia are you in?" He asked as the bottle and glasses were set in front of him. I glanced at xabi who shrugged and walked over before I followed. "Sure let's go." I responded with a smirk. "That's my girl." Sergio smiled and winked, earning a glare from Xabi. "Oh chill Xabs it's a figure of speech, just drink." He said after handing him a shot glass filled with vodka. "Salud." We all said in unison, clinking our glasses before knocking back our shots. I calmly swallowed the burning liquid without a chaser before demanded a second. If I was going to deal with a drunk boyfriend and an overprotective brother, I needed a drink. "Hell yeah Ali, you are Xabi's sister." Sergio spoke enthusiastically, pouring himself, me and the rest of the guys another shot. "Iker, get your ass over here and drink." Sergio demanded, yelling across the yard to him. It was clear Sergio had had more to drink since I left him to socialize. I didn't mind though, it was his birthday and he was having fun. Iker rolled his eyes and took his time walking over, leaving the conversation he was in. "Some time today old man." Sergio added and Iker waved him off. "Drink capi." Sergio handed him a glass as well. "Cmon I'll do it with you." Sergio offered, pouring himself another. "Maybe you should slow down after that." Iker offered before eyeing me. Sergio's eyes followed his gaze before a smirk fell upon his face. "Right." Sergio answered knowingly. "Salud mi amigo." He added before taking another shot with Iker. *** "Yeah I made the transfer this season, it's been going really well." I smiled as I talked Rene, Sergio's brother. "That's lovely to hear." He smiled and sipped his drink. "I have to say I was nervous about you and Sergio but I've never seen him happier than he is with you, thank you it means a lot." He added, making me blush. "He is really good to me." I shrugged, a little nervous about this conversation. "He adores you, and reminds me of it every time we have lunch together." Rene laughed a little. "And I adore him, he's wonderful, terribly misunderstood, but wonderful once you break through those barriers." I spoke though I was still working through those barriers. Sergio going back to therapy was helping however. "Yeah he's had a lot of trouble with women, and he does need some guidance from time to time. That's where I come in." Rene laughed and sipped his drink again. I was about to respond when I felt and arm wrap around my waist. "Good to see two getting on." Sergio spoke, a little slur to it. "Good to see someone followed my directions." I scolded him teasingly, though still a little anxious about the physical contact. "Babe you said mostly sober, I'm kinda drunk and I'm drinking water now, see I'm alright, watch." Sergio unwrapped his arm from me and walked toe to toe in a straight line away from us. He only stumbled once. "My brother's a tank when it comes to drinking, he can drink anyone under the table." Rene said as Sergio made his way back to us. "Even this guy." Sergio gestured to Rene with his water bottle, smirking proudly as his other arm wrapped around my waist again. "One of the few things you're better at little brother." Rene conceded and Sergio nodded. "That, football, cooking, and sex." Sergio laughed devilishly while counting on his fingers. "Right?" He asked me. I shrugged looking between him and Rene. "Don't look at me, I've only been with you." I responded quietly, thankful most of the others were outside. I noticed Sergio and Rene exchange knowing glances after my answer. "Told you." Sergio smirked proudly. "I'm the only one." He added. I rolled my eyes, "you're a lucky one too." I said, not pleased with how this conversation was going. "I know that." Sergio said, trying to keep me from walking away. "You know I love it." He added, a little too loud for me at this party but the music drowned most of his voice out. *** Sergio's POV "That's everyone, we're finally alone." Alexia smirked, walking back from my front door. "Good, I've been dying to kiss you all day." I answered, watching her strut over to me. "So what's my next birthday present?" I raised an eyebrow as she stood directly in front of me. Alexia extended her hand and pushed me to sit on the couch. "I was thinking..." she trailed off, taking a seat on my lap. "We could just unwrap each other and see where it goes." She licked her lips, placing my hands at the hem of her shirt. "Does that sound good to you?" She cocked an eyebrow. "Sounds wonderful, but I'm not gonna be gentle later." I warned playfully, slowing leaning in towards her lips. "I never expect gentle after the first round." She flirted along with me before closing the space between us. Her lips collided with mine in immediate passion. My hands slid under her shirt, covering most of her lower back. She loved my big hands, she'd told me so. Alexia's smaller, but equally skilled hands found the collar of my shirt, slowly pulling it up my neck. "Let's get you out of that." She said, pulling away from our kiss. "Hate to see you hide such a sexy body." She added in a new, sexual tone she'd adopted recently. I removed my hands from her shirt and helped her discard mine off to the side. "Are you still a little tipsy?" I asked her, feeling slightly drunk myself as my hands slowly crept her shirt up her stomach. "Maybe I had a bit to drink. Why do you ask?" She smirked, her hands resting on my shoulders. "We always end up doing something new and a little kinky when we've had a drink or two. Like that lap dance, or the spanking." I said lustfully, immediately leaning in for a deep, French kiss. After a few moments of our tongues pressed to each other and our lips moving in unison Alexia pulled away. "What did you have in mind?" She asked, a sexy little smirk on her face. I licked my lips, "I want to tie you up, I want to dominate you." I spoke in a husky tone. We had started to get a little kinky with our sex life, far off from a lot of things I've done, but new enough where our sex life wasn't vanilla anymore. Alexia's face flushed a little red, "hmm, that sounds sexy." She whispered seductively as my hands pulled her shirt up. "Yeah? You wanna?" I asked, feeling completely turned on at her ability to try everything I was into. Alexia quickly removed her shirt, tossing over to where mine was on the floor. "I'm willing to try from my birthday boy. He is a king after all." She smirked, tapping the crown still on my head. I reached up and took it off, placing it softly on her head, "every king needs his queen." I smiled, brushing some hair from her face. Alexia removed the crown and set it aside before grabbing my face in her hands. "Maybe later, right now my dominant needs his submissive, daddy." She teased again. "You have no idea what you do to me." I breathed out lustfully before pressing my lips to hers and immediately finding her tongue with mine. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard tonight." I mumbled as I came up for air, moving my lips to her neck. "Yeah? Uhhh, I want you to, uhh." Alexia moaned as I found the sweet spot of her neck, biting and sucking. "God you are absolutely magic, your tongue, your lips. Fuck uhhh." She moaned once more, spurring me on even more. Jesus she was such a turn on. My nails dragged themselves down her back slowly but forcefully, leaving red trails I'm sure. Slowly I glided them back up and hooked my fingers into her bra straps, pulling them down her arms. All the while, I pressed my groin up against hers, telling her silently I wanted her to relieve a little pressure I was starting to feel. "Uhhh fuck." She moaned again, grabbing fistfuls of my hair as I continued pleasuring her favorite spot along her neck and collarbone. One hand fumbled against her bra clasp while the other grabbed a handful of her ass. She was so toned, god her body was hot. We always had fun when we got drunk and fooled around. We would grab, bite, pull and tease each other. Vodka soda was the usually the drink of choice on nights like those. Tonight however, it was whatever my friends handed me in a cold glass. I was deeply lost in the moment at this point, kissing and teasing and maybe struggling a little too much with Alexia's bra than I should at 28 years old. Maybe that's why I didn't hear her brother walk in. "Sergio I forgot my- what the fuck!" Xabi exclaimed, catching me mid hickey buried in his sisters neck. Alexia's hands immediately untangled themselves from my hair and like lightning she hid herself against my chest, both our hearts racing. "Xabi." I breathed out, turning bright red while Alexia fumbled with putting her shirt on. "I should've know you would've fucked her sooner or later. You just can't keep your hands to yourself." He growled at me as Alexia avoided any kind of eye contact. "Really Sergio I'm surprised it took you this long, usually have them in bed after the first encounter." He continued. "Xabi I-" I tried but he waved me off. "No im not finished. I told you to stay away from her, she's too young for you and from what you've shared with the team, you don't know how to be committed or gentle and I don't want her hurt!" Xabi lectured. "And Alexia, I'm shocked you would even pursue one of my teammates 9 years older than you." He stressed the last part of the sentence. "Xabi, we're drunk and it just happened." Alexia cried, tears welling up. "I was helping him clean a little and I couldn't help myself, it was a mistake." She attempted to cover it all up. "Is that what happened?" Xabi asked, looking at me. I glanced at Alexia quickly who was pleading for me to go along with it. "No." I answered softly, standing up and walking over to Alexia, taking her hand. "No? Then what did happen?" He asked in a mocking tone. "Alexia's my girlfriend. She has been for a few months." I said, squeezing her hand supportively. "Alexia I warned you about him." Xabi growled, but I stepped in between them. "It wasn't her Xabi, it was me, I really liked her so I pursued her. She told me no but I was relentless." I said, taking all the blame, brother or not there was no way he was gonna blame her for this. "Really?" Xabi asked, folding his arms. "Yes, we started dating a month after we met." I gulped slightly. "Alexia's beautiful, smart, talented. I love her." I added. Xabi rolled his eyes, "oh please Sergio, you love having your dick wet and hard." He scolded. "Hey!" Alexia interjected. "You don't get to talk to him that way." She defended. "Oh please you're practically a child, what do you know about him? He's a user." Xabi shot back, and I'll admit it did hurt me a little. Sure I'd been called a player many times by magazines and tabloids and in jest from my teammates, but never like this. "Xabier, he treats me like a princess! Like you treat Nagore. He's supportive and kind and thoughtful. He misses me when I'm gone and is nothing but happy when I'm here with him." Alexia argued, there was no way she would let him speak so poorly of me. I wasn't that guy anymore. "Oh give me a break." Xabi waved her off. "He'll get bored and you'll get hurt." He scoffed. "Xabier!" Alexia yelled. "Go home Alexia." He growled. "Xabi I'm" she tried. "Go. Home." He cut her off. "Alexia stay, this is my house and I want you to stay." I said sternly, stepping in between the two again and taking her hand. "Oh look at you Mr. Protective." Xabi mocked me. "We'll see how protective you are in a month or so when you push her away. It's what you do, I'm surprised it's lasted this long." He retorted. "I love her Xabi, and I'm serious about her. It's not a 10 marriage like your relationship, but we're putting in the work to be with each other." I said calmly, but Alexia could tell I was close to exploding. Gently she rubbed her thumb along my hand and grabbed my bicep with her other hand. I knew I could be a hot head but she's always able to calm me down. "Sure you love her." He scoffed again "sure." He chuckled. "He's not the same man he was when I moved here. He's changed Xabi, it's me and only me for him. He doesn't wander, he doesn't flirt, he stays with me." Alexia said with tears in her eyes, her voice shaking. "I love him." She added, making me smile a little. "I don't approve, I can't force you to break up, but I do not support this. You're an adult now Alexia, if you want to allow yourself to get hurt, go for it." Xabi said calmly, too calmly before walking out. Pausing at the door he added, "I'll leave you two to get back to whatever vampire foreplay he's Into." He eyed mine and Alexia's before walking off, slamming the door behind him. Alexia's POV I stood frozen after he left, the sound of the door still echoing in the large, modern house. Tears continued to run down my face. "Not like this" I thought to myself "this wasn't how it was supposed to go." Sergio turned to me immediately after the sound of my sniffling reached his ears. "Alexia, baby." He voiced, pulling me into a tight hug, holding me securely against his bare chest. "Shhh, it's okay amor, we'll get through this together, he'll come around." He soothed, rubbing my back. "No he won't Sergio, he's going to make me choose. I don't want to make that choice." I cried as Sergio placed soft kisses on my head. "Baby you don't have to choose, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. He'll have to get used to me. We'll show him, don't worry." He said softly, still enveloping me in his strong, protective embrace. "I love you." I whimpered, looking up at him. He gave me a soft, sad smile. One of his hands reached up and wiped the tears from my cheeks before he leaned down with a gentle kiss. "I love you too." He whispered before another kiss. I went to deepen it, to drown myself in Sergio's passion, but he pulled away. "I think it's time we tell the club, go public. Xabi knows, there's no point in hiding it." He said softly, his arms wrapped around me, holding me close and protectively. "Are you sure we're ready?" I asked hesitantly. Sergio laughed ironically. "We'll never know if we don't try. Hell, it might even make our lives easier. We can go on real dates and hold hands in public. I can drive you to training, walk you to the girls side, be a proper boyfriend. No more hiding." He smiled, nuzzling his nose against mine. His enthusiasm about going public was enough to get me to agree. "No more hiding." I whispered.

[polystumbles]

Diary 7/30/2016: Safe Enough

Amy and I head to drop of the kids and we talked for a bit about my mom’s hoarding. Now that I’ve had to time to work through it, its become clear that no amount of slow throwing out of items is going to work, and I can’t do it alone, we’re going to need a service. Amy hear’s my stress and had a plan for the evening since I didn’t have time to make plans. However, the evening’s downpour spoils her plan.

She had planned to put on some lingerie and head to a beach late at night so we could take some photos. It was a great idea, especially since she had fallen asleep before trying a similar adventure in NOLA. At the beach, lingerie wouldn’t be totally out of place, and with a less crowded evening group, perhaps even a bit deserted. But the rain was non-stop and the plans had to be shelved.

I think I’ve mentioned that Amy has been trying to work on her mindfulness and appreciation of me. She has been giving small gifts every week along with an accompanying haiku. It was mostly cute at the start. Sometimes it has caused some disagreement — particularly the times where they showed carelessness not carefulness. At home, I tell her that I’m ready for my gift, but she responded that she doesn’t have one. She felt the gifts were not being well received. She was right. I guess my main issue with the gifts was that aside from the flowers she got me a few times, they were the kind of gifts that weren’t particularly romantic — they could have been for a friend. There was often no intimacy to them, some were functional, funny, beautiful, or just something I had mentioned needing during the week but they lacked the intimacy of a carefully prepared gift. It was a little  like I was talking to one of those Amazon Alexa devices and saying order the toilet paper. In honesty, I dreaded it because it was usually inauthentic and I didn’t know how to express that any clearer than I had been.

At home say I'm ready for my Saturday gift but she lets me know that today she doesn't have one. She had gotten the message. She said that she felt that the gifts we're not being well received so if that's what those were her words and that we going out to take photos was much more what she was going to do and I told her that her assessment was correct as nice as it is to the way that I want to be thought about is romantically and desired and intellectually so far her gifts has been a mix but never extended to the erotic. She cries at my agreement with her assessment, and I comfort her.

There is something that will make her feel better, something Z mentioned as I left this morning. Z told me that she would be ok with my dropping barriers with Amy again. I didn’t intend on starting right away, but this is an occasion where it would make her happy to begin with some bonded contact at least. So I grabbed a bit of paper, like the one she uses for the haiku and jokingly wrote a note as if in her handwriting, as if from her.

Blow job for [2 syllable name] Wet and sloppy,  as you like No condom needed

I knew she’d laugh at my method of consoling her. But I didn’t know that she wouldn’t be surprised. I guess they had already discussed it. I never know what work when they talk. Amy decided we should stay in the evening, and not venture out into the rain. So she suggests we watch some porn, since we hadn’t done so in a while. Amy likes to watch porn together a few times a year, usually its more like Hump or CineKink, but at home she likes from time to time to arouse her voyeuristic tendencies. She was talking about the sexually charged environments she likes -- the time she blew me in the hall way at a Dark Odyssey Event.

I had downloaded a silly porn she might like. I try and keep a couple on hand for such occasions. It comes in handy as we move through the evening. She sucks my cock bareback for the first time in since Last November, well she certainly welcomes me back. I slip on a condom for sex, we fuck till she cums, which she does quickly from the excitement of the blowjob, then give he a minute to relax then she asks me to get her off again. She’s normally too sensitive after cumming, but I oblige. We fuck for a long time, but eventually I just cum on her as she can’t yet cum a second time.

There’s a lot going on that I didn’t jump right back into being fully fluid bonded with her. In my sexual practice prior to becoming fluid bonded to Z, I never considered condoms a requirement for blowjob safety. I considered it acceptable risk. PhD in particular had a bit of a cum fetish and (after exchanging test results) enjoyed my younger days of thorough (splash against the wall)  sprays, and she got particular a thrill out of being my first partner to gulp down a load at the end of a blowjob.  It’s an amazing feeling of acceptance to experience, and PhD thoroughly enjoyed my freak show.  But protection for vaginal contact, even with exchanged results that was always a must. Until Z. 

Some partners have used condoms for blowjobs but most did not. STIs from blowjobs while definitely possible, are rare enough to meet my bodily safety needs.  (To be clear, HPV, HSV, Gonnoreaha, Chlymida, Hepatitis, and others be exchanged with oral sex, even as the receiver. I am however, vaccinated against Heps  A & B, no one will vaccinate me for HPV (too old, so in general it’s just acceptable risk), and have generally taken inspection, discussion, and the safety practice of my partners for the rest.) Together with the different sensory experience of a blow job, I used to leave it up to my partner to decide what they prefer, but preferred the experience personally without one.  

However, Z practices a very strict safety and, in part that’s why it’s easier to see her date, but also you have to understand that it was comforting that she did in general. It wasn’t a problem at all to do as More than Two Suggests to raise the poly-cule’s standards to the highest safety needs so that we all would feel safe enough. Today, it’s me who’s not quit ready to let go all the way unprotected with Amy again. Why? Because if she is to return to dating any time soon, I don’t want our fluid bond to hang over her decisions. Might she breaks safety again, and lie to protect the fluid bonding should we resume? Might she not express her needs, suppress an actual desire to be more promiscuous, to preserve the fluid bond? I wasn’t sure. So in a sense, I don’t feel safe yet. So I listen to myself, as I do and on goes the condom before vaginal intercourse.

In the morning, Amy’s soccer game is still on. She gets up and 30 minutes later she is out there door to there game. I plan for my day with Z, but am super horny all morning, so I masturbate. Z eventually writes back and decides to have us stay in. In the mean time Amy gets home. 

Horny bastard me  bend her over a table  fuck to her delight.