#i become such a despicable monster when i feel self-confident i should just stay in low self-esteem forever </3

[katyspersonal]

I think I didn't send you an ask yet so here !

10, 13, and 24 for now !! :D

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

10. Your favorite ost?

Oh, this is definitely Living Failures! It was the very first Bloodborne OC I've ever heard though. A friend that played From's games shared it with me and back then I didn't pick instant interest in the game (unlike how when I've heard Micolash's theme...), but the music was AMAZING. It was the coolest videogame soundtrack I've heard in years, and I sat until 5 AM that night listening to that track on repeat. Because it got me so hyped I've lost all sleep, that's why!!! Still remains my favorite track, just... absolutely unrivaled buildup, beautiful instruments, and of course, AAAAAAAVEEEEE AAAAVEEEEE STEEEEELAAAAAAR. When I was obsessed with that track back then I of course could not appreciate the lore significance and how well in conveyed the absolute reverence, anguish, yearning and desperation for salvation from the 'stars', so now I love it even more. It is one of the best tracks in the game, it didn't need to be attached to an epic battle to be epic.

13. A cut content you would have wanted in the game?

God, how this is even a question? Of course, OF COURSE, what else it can be other than...... ARCHIBALD'S [EXAGERRATED LIP-LICKING]-

sdfhfhsghfsd okay okay but seriously now xD There is... a lot of stuff. Almost all cut content of Bloodborne is removed in such an elegant fashion that you can sort of still discover how probable it is it upon vague clues... as if it wasn't removed, but hidden (Rom gurl what you doin THIS time). The perfect example is Annalise's unborn baby whose mention was patched out very early after launch, but you can still conclude it from how both Annalise and Arianna lose melanin in their hair and from that bloody trail leading to Annalise's under skirt area.

(patched out and only saved via screenshots)

However, it is for THIS reason why a lot of cut content of Bloodborne is BETTER stay cut - because it creates a more challenging lore riddle! Isn't it more fun to deduce a lore bit using your own observation and analytical skills, instead of just being told what happened exactly? From Annalise's unborn baby to 'if there is Flora would not there be a counterpart named Fauna?', things better stay untouched and create a mystery!

But there is a different kind of cut content as well, and I am talking about…

( x )

I owe this discovery to @val-of-the-north , and also I believe @nymerias-wrath confirmed this detail (she tends to know absolutely EVERYTHING about cut or patched out content so I'd recommend asking her for any clarification you ever need). It sounds like such a good idea! I presume the lake refers to the one Rom is guarding, and again, a bird chirped to me that you'd end up in the upside-down Byrgenwerth. (I really need to gather more solid sources now that I am talking about it...) I still adopt it in my ideas and make it so that Moonside Lake used to be the portal into the rest of Byrgenwerth (and that's how Edgar found Micolash), but Micolash 'closed' it when Edgar had dick brain moment and spilled him the truth just because he was a simp -_- And sent some of the Shadows he had serving him as Mergo's "dad" as a bonus loool.

Not to mention I fucking L O V E Micolash's cut dialogue soooooOOOOOOO fucking MUCH. Just… everything about it. I am, in fact, not all too happy about how we only meet him in the "end" of his way, already fully insane and gone, when cut dialogue suggests he STILL has a struggle left within him, between his human side and 'madman that only cares for higher plane' side (Adeline moment). It was just… so tragic. Like… I get that after everything player been through, meeting him SHOULD have been a comic relief moment so the player recharges and still has emotional energy to care about plot's culmination… There was just no room for the 'betrayal sequence' I suppose? …except there was, and I think the devs could have elaborated Nightmare of Mensis more, make us see Micolash as a friend NPC that we go back to during Nightmare questlines, someone that grows on us to the point we see him as Doll v.2 (maybe he could even level us up too, or give us special benefits in exchange of Insight). So, instead of recharging player emotionally with hilarity (or annoyance, depends on how you feel towards Micolash's "battle"), we could have been recharged by the fake sense of peace and comfort, see him as someone interested in freeing Mergo just as much… and then HAHA LOOSER GOTCHAAAAAA. The only good thing about the decision to make him more plain is that 'traitor' is the fact that betrayal sequence is THE ultimate imba of Tumblr sexymen, and if he did betray us, he'd have even STRONGER grasp on the simps. o_o hoooo boy… There'd be NO survivors....

24. Share a fond memories.

I presume this must refer to fandomry? Because every single moment of playing Bloodborne is already a good memory. xD Hmmm... I already mentioned that time when I got an anon ask on my 'formal' blog, saying 'can we get random alfred hcs'? I felt extremely honoured that someone wanted ME to share the ideas about a character they liked, especially when back then I was just an awkward asocial lore person in the fandom and didn't pose myself as a writer upon request, or just a writer. It is because I cherish that moment of trust so much I avoid saying unflattering things about Alfred despite having grievances with the character. x) It was just such a good memory that I never get tired of bringing it back!

I also have a very good memory of a certain day. That day I was able to catch my coworker stealing money from the cash register (!) and attempting to frame me (!!!), using nothing but my amazing detective skills, so I was already pretty hyped. I was ranting to Val about it in a VC over phone on my way home. And imagine how much more joy and unhinged happiness I felt, when during VC I opened Tumblr and saw the ask celebrating that 'finally good Doll takes are picking up and people are giving her a justice instead of seeing her as gross sexual object and then claiming to love her'. I am paraphrasing but you must recall that one because you clearly got an ask from the same person xD Just... one "victory" layered upon another, and I've felt such intense mania and CHEER, that the raw power of emotions made that day a blinding, bright spot somewhere in the record of my life. This is what happens to a mf when they barely ever feel real happiness and just pretend to look alive. Maybe it was not a big deal in retrospective, but it made me feel DRUNK in happiness. ...so drunk that my response was not very nice and more like 'HAHAHAHA MFKING LOOOOOSERS WHO IS THE BEST LORE PERSON NOW HUH FUCK YOU ALL I AM FUCKIN BALLIN'' that I still feel a bit guilty about ^^"" But it was one of my best memories nonetheless.

Out of a bit more personal stuff, I'd say that you and @heraldofcrow are a very fond memory, and also @jarognieva . You guys sticked with me through everything, even when I started to genuinely spiral to my worst and fully embraced the prospect of you all being sick of me, you still chose to stay mutuals. Seeing you grow from a shy user to someone with very elaborate ideas and a lot of passion was an absolute delight. And I've got to see how much your art improved over time, and how Crow started to draw. I am just glad that I got to at least see you guys get better and make more friends and improve your skills.... (and seeing how much I rotted Crow's brain with overly specific lore bits when I saw her insane theory ramblings about Vilebloods AHAHAHAHAHA.) Like... just watching you guys was a great experience, getting to talk with you and to exchange the ideas is even more than I could have asked for, but I am very thankful.

Also, of course, my version of Rom getting FANART. I cried pathetic unloved kid happy tears all three times I received it. Two drawings were done by Saintmic and another one was done by someone else who is, eh, a NOT fond memory now, really.

Though honestly, Saintmic was a very good fandom memory as well. I once posted a very creepy, weird remark on Micolash as a character and how he'd corrupt people with his cultist brainwashing..... and after some time I got a reblog from him with even WORSE (/pos) take. I was so surprised to see someone having an idea more disturbing than mine. And it happened later too, when I proposed the idea of Micolash not harming fertile females specifically because of his gross obsession with women and birth, and he added that in fact it was more likely that he just used women for rituals (especially their menstrual blood) when men were just cattle. I am dead serious. The creativity and lore just... increased so much as we were exchanging ideas, my lore got so much better, I actually owe my ultra super fantastic and elaborate portrayal of Micolash to him as inspiration and someone giving ideas and honestly knowing Micolash's very soul. Honestly, you can play a game of 'guess how much of my Micolash lore I owe that guy' and you will lose because you probably not estimate big enough. Ya'll just don't know what it feels like to be a weirdo, to feel avoided and shunned even by fellow Micolash simps for "disturbing" and "not sexy" ideas, to question whether I am just spoiling a beloved character with my monkey brain and then meet someone who just hits a blunt and goes all: 'I smell weakness'.

Basically I've found my Stitch yeah. When you get 'the creepy kid' side-effect in the autism drawbacks fortune wheel, you learn to cherish such things </3

Thank you for the ask!!!

[zabrak-show]

The Letter | Maul x Reader

Word count: 1.9k

warnings: fluff, mention of alcohol, nudity, gender neutral reader, adopted children, mention of slavery and trauma, so fluffy and sweet dear god, I hope that it’s not too cliche, sex is suggested, but never explicit.

a/n: I wrote this because I have been really stressed lately and also have baby fever really bad. I have never done a story like this from the reader’s perspective and tbh wasn’t sure if I would ever try, but I figured why not?! I also usually only write angsty things I’ve realized, like even when I think I’m being sweet it still ends on a bad note LOL anyway, I hope someone else enjoys this please leave me hearts and feedbacks. I’m new at this and need validation hahah xoxo

~*~*~*~AU where Maul left Sidious to become a bounty hunter. Y’all lovebirds met and adopted a couple sweetie night brother babies and settle down on Dathomir to live the domestic Star Wars dream.~*~*~*

The hour was late and you were pacing around the large office in your home on Dathomir. The house was everything you could dream of for a home. It was a lovely 3 story, sprawling with more than enough rooms to make everyone happy for your family of 4. You had adopted two night brother children while your husband, Maul, had been on a mission to free them all from a life of slavery and subservience on Dathomir. After peace was established on Dathomir, you decided to settle down here for the kids and it really was a dream come true.

 You could not believe this was your life sometimes. Your husband was the most handsome man in the whole galaxy with his crimson skin, sharp facial features, and dramatic black tattoos decorating his entire body. Your two children, Zabrak boys, the older one with orange complexion and the littlest one, yellow, were sound asleep in their rooms above you. The bottom of your long black robe lightly crawled across the cool wooden floor as you made your way around the room, too restless to sleep, too tired to get anything done.

Maul had been gone three months now. He was set to return any day now and you hadn’t heard a word from him in weeks. His work was dangerous as a bounty hunter, but you had full confidence in his abilities. He was the strongest and fiercest person you’d ever met. Of course, around you and the kids was another story, but you knew the way he was raised by Sidious had led him to do some really dark things that made him more than capable of taking care of himself.

Finally, you decided to pour yourself a glass of Tevraki whiskey to help calm your nerves. You sat at the long dark wooden desk at the corner of the room and turned on the green lamp atop its surface. It was Maul’s desk and you usually never sat there to not disturb his things, but you hadn’t gone this long without seeing him since you’d been married and craved any sort of reminder of him. You ran your fingers over all the drawer pulls in a futile attempt to feel him through the things he touched repeatedly every day when he was home, noting where the wood and metal parts of the desk were more worn. You reluctantly pulled open one of the drawers. If there was one thing you weren’t, it was nosy, and you fully trusted and respected your husband’s privacy. It felt like you were being possessed by a hand not your own now opening the top drawer and seeing a small stack of papers. One folded neatly with (y/n) written on it in your husband’s handwriting. 

Oh dear, I really shouldn’t 

I mean it does have my name on it though…

No, it’s not for me to decide

Just take a small peak…

You were slowly opening the folded paper, despite the argument in your head, your hands had made up their mind and your eyes weren’t going to pretend to look away either.

My Dearest (Y/N),

I will never understand how someone so gorgeous inside and out could love a monster like me. I struggle to understand every day, sometimes I think you’d be better off without me. I am filth compared to your innocence and beauty. I look into our children’s eyes and see the same purity reflecting off their eyes. How lucky they are to have you as a parent, to learn about love, acceptance, and family. All things completely foreign to me until I met you. How can I teach the children these things, when I myself still have so much to learn?

  I get so scared, my love. Scared that I won’t be able to protect you all. Scared that I do not deserve this life. Scared that I will somehow hurt you or the children. I had my mind made up that my presence was a downfall to this family and would degrade us all into the grime and dysfunction I know all too well. I fear it is all I know and that I will always be drawn to it like a flii to bantha fodder.

Despite my fears, I can never leave you. I love you too much and I need you now more than ever. I remember once threatening to leave you before because I felt like you were better off without me. You told me that wasn’t my decision to make for you, and I don’t think I ever told you just how much that resonated with me. My whole life has been others’ making decisions for me and me being forced to go along with it. Here I was doing the same thing to you, something I never wanted you to experience. It horrified me and I pledged to do better for you, for myself, for our children.

I am so sorry you fell in love with someone as despicable as me. I wish I were not who I am. Every day I can only try to do my best and show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I wish I could give the entire galaxy to you, for us to both rule and unite. I know that is not what you want, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still day dream about it sometimes.

I don’t think I will ever be brave enough to give you this letter, but it has been a good feeling for me to get these feelings out somehow without using violence.

                                      Yours forever and always,

                                                       Maul

You held the note to your chest and held back tears, finally succumbing to them and just letting yourself cry. Hot tears rolled down your face, you were overcome with emotion, bursting at the seams with love and saudade. At once, you heard a door creak behind you. You had been so zoned into the letter you had completely lost track of your surroundings. You felt a slight panic at first from the noise, but then figured it may be one of the children up to go to the fresher or ask for a snack. Wiping your eyes, slowly you turned, and saw a tall dark cloaked figure in the doorway to the office. Highlights of ruby red could be seen through the shadows and you knew at once who it was.

“Maul!” you jumped out of the leather office chair like there were springs attached to your feet, entirely forgetting the open letter still sitting on his desk. You ran over to him so fast it felt like you were flying. You wrapped your arms around his neck in a long overdue embrace.

“My love, I am still dirty from my travels, I do not want to get my grime onto your perfect pristine self.” His voice was low and calm, just as you had remembered it and he smelled like blaster fire, ozone, sweat, and petrol.

“Oh I don’t care I missed you too much to ever care about that.” you didn’t let go as you spoke softly into his ear, “I was so worried. I...I thought maybe something had happened.”

He backed away shaking his head looking directly into your eyes with his alluring golden eyes, “No. No my sweets. I will always return to you. Always. No matter what.” 

With that he wrapped his hands around your waist so hard it drew the breath from your lungs and he lifted you off the ground walking slowly towards the ‘fresher. You held on tight, not worried about him dropping you, but simply to get closer to your lovelorn partner, drinking in his scent and making a mental note to store away this memory forever in your mind, to get you through future dark days.

He gently sat you atop the counter in the fresher as he began to peel off his bloody, singed, and greasy clothes. You didn’t have the patience to sit and watch so you began to help him, slowly lifting his shirt over his head, examining his gorgeous red skin for more wounds and tracing your hands along the old scars and tattoos that adorned his unique skin. He gently took your hand and held it up to his lips for a small kiss. You smiled sheepishly and he took your face into his calloused and strong hands and looked at you like he needed to study your face for a quiz on all your features.

“I missed you so much,” he said low and gravelly.

“I’m so happy you’re home, Maul.” you turned your cheek to kiss his hand, and he finished undressing to get into the shower. You lost yourself in a daze, watching his hands run soap and water over his naked form to wash off all the debris of his last hunt. You never even had to ask if he was successful anymore, he was always successful.

With a sudden jolt, you remembered you left the letter open on his desk.

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom, sweety.” you winked at him and started to walk out.

“(Y/n), I already know you read the letter you don’t need to try and hide the evidence.” Maul’s bright yellow eyes cut into your soul and you remembered he could read your mind.

“Oh, I wish you wouldn’t read my mind like that.” you pouted.

“Sweets, you left it out on my desk. I saw it when I walked in to hug you. It doesn’t take a mind reader to use context clues.” he laughed and you didn’t even care that he was teasing you, seeing him laugh and smile was the best sight in the galaxy.

“I’m sorry I read it. I..shouldn’t have. I should not have gone through your things, that was wrong.” your eyes got big to show your remorse at the decision. He stayed silent and you panicked at the thought of him being upset with you. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“Hmmm… well. You did go through my things without asking. And read a highly classified document, I’m not sure if I can forgive you. I wonder if there’s some way you could make it up to me?” He was now climbing out of the shower and toweling himself off, with a sly smirk on his face. You rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand to lead him into the bedroom.

His eyes never leave your elegant figure and you slowly begin to undress, dropping your long robe to the bedroom floor, but still wearing your thin black nightie. He delicately throws you on the bed and gets ready to climb on top of you, his own figure still slightly wet from the shower, when a clatter is heard from down the hall. Maul whips his head around to look at the door behind him with his killer instincts, your head peeking out to the side of his.

“Shhh… I think daddy’s home.” a small voice from outside the bedroom followed by a gentle knock at the door. Maul growled so lowly that only you could hear it. Your eyes grew big and you threw your robe at Maul to cover up with as the door handle slowly rotated and two orange and yellow faces peered out from the darkness of the hallway. The sight of Maul excited them beyond measure and they ran to tackle him now wearing your fancy robe. There was nothing but laughter, happy tears, smiles, and warm embraces. It was the most beautiful family moment you could ever think of having in your life and you truly did not want it to end...mostly. 

No use in lying to yourself, you could not wait to get Maul all to yourself again for even just a little bit.

***************

tags: @wolfpack-arts-industries99​, @pinkiemme​

[thesilverheroineproject]

The monomyth known as

the Hero’s Journey

has become widely popular. Unfortunately,

the original

was clearly intended for men and not women. In response, some feminists have created their own, female-centered version, called the Heroine’s Journey. Lucky for us storytellers, both can be abstracted into a structure that works for a wide array of stories.

I’ll take you through a tour of The Heroine’s Journey by Maureen Murdock. She created this journey to help real women through life’s hardships, but it has a lot to offer as a story structure. In honor of its feminist roots, I will refer to the central character as the heroine, with female pronouns. However, it applies to male characters just as well.

To show you how it might work in a story, I’m going to develop an ongoing example. I’ll name my heroine Mara. As we go through the steps of the structure, she’ll ride beside us.

Why Use the Heroine’s Journey?

Like other mythic structures, you should use the Heroine’s Journey if it fits the story you want to tell. The structure of the Heroine’s Journey is particularly well suited for:

Character arcs: The stages of the original framework correlate with how the heroine feels, not what she is doing. I’ve externalized this framework, but it’s still a strong choice for a story about an internal struggle.

Quests for identity: The heroine may battle dragons and claim treasure, but the real core of the story is her struggle to find herself.

Themes of privilege and oppression: The heroine taking the journey must triumph despite living in a society that undervalues who she is. You don’t have to include privilege and oppression in your story, but if you want it, this framework will help you bring it out.

Most of all, the Heroine’s Journey is about a heroine who must find balanceas she struggles between the sides of a duality.

Finding Your Duality

First, identify the duality that lives within your heroine. It might be obvious. If you have a half elf, half human caught between those races, that’s clearly your duality. It can also be abstract concepts – perhaps your heroine’s caught between membership in a group and following her individual path. Or between the excitement of travel and the comforts of home. Whatever it is, both sides must be essential to her wellbeing. If you use the light side and the dark side of the Force, you’ll need to portray the dark side as constructive when used in moderation.

The structure refers to one side of the duality as the feminine, and the other as the masculine. Your next step is to pick which side of your duality is which. Use your discretion, but in general:

The feminine is the side of the duality that your heroine identified with as a small child. However, society undervalues the feminine. The story begins as the heroine chooses to reject it.

The masculine is the side of the duality that your heroine adopts as she comes of age. Society prizes the masculine, but in many tales it has been poisoned, misinterpreted, or taken to such extremes that it has become harmful. The heroine sets out on her journey by embracing it.

Example

Mara is a war orphan who was raised by the Sali people. They’re a peaceful farming culture that meditates every day and values quiet and contemplation. However, they’re a minority in the nation they live in. Their culture and society will be Mara’s feminine. Though they raised her, Mara is actually descended from a warrior culture, called the Barock. Once nomads, they’re now the ruling class. They will be her masculine.

The Eight Stages of the Heroine’s Journey

Here’s an overview of the stages of the journey. I lightly modified the stages from Murdock’s original structure to create a version that was easier for writers to follow.

1. Shift from Feminine to Masculine

During stage one, the heroine rejects the feminine in favor of the masculine. She may still be tied to the feminine, but she increasingly resents that attachment.

The Mother

She could have any number of reasons for rejecting the feminine, but a unhappy relationship with a feminine role model, known as the mother, is chief among them. To the heroine, the mother represents the worst of the feminine end of her duality. She might be powerless, unhappy, flawed, or just interpreted that way. The mother is threatening to the heroine because she’s afraid of becoming her, just as Luke Skywalker fears becoming Darth Vader.

Alternatively, the mother may be intimidating in her strength and perfection, particularly if you decide to make the feminine more privileged than the masculine in your story. The heroine may reject her to avoid feeling inadequate next to her.

The Father

As she rejects the mother, the heroine will embrace a metaphorical father. The father represents whatever the heroine admires in the masculine. He may have a dark side, or be a despicable person altogether, but she isn’t aware of that yet. He opens to the door to a path that leads away from the mother, and makes the heroine feel like she could succeed on that path. In turn, she does her best to gain his attention and approval.

He offers an escape from the mother, but at the same time he might rub in that the heroine is tied to the lowly feminine. He could praise her strength and brilliance as he tells her the feminine makes her weak and stupid. This will only spur her harder to prove herself in his eyes.

As a result of this dynamic, the heroine discards the feminine, and any part of herself tied to it.

Example

Mara has no memory of before she came to live with the Sali. She is content to live with them until she turns twelve, and is allowed to go into town to trade at the market. There she learns that everyone thinks of the Sali as cowards, because they hide behind their walls when the swarm comes, instead of helping to protect everyone. She also meets the Barock. They look like her, and they appear powerful and confident. She’s curious about them; the older warriors humor her by showing her how to handle their weapons.

But her Sali guardian doesn’t approve of the way Mara has begun to prize possessions she gained in the marketplace, or how she runs off to the market when she has nothing to trade. He forbids her from going to the market for a month, instead mandating regular meditation. This only makes her more determined to leave the Sali and join the Barock.

2. The Road of Trials

In stage two, the heroine sets off on a journey, departing the ordinary of the feminine and fully embracing the masculine. This might mean she actually leaves home, sword in hand, or it could just mean that she abandons sewing classes and goes fishing instead.

Regardless, she has something to prove to herself and others. In her new journey, she is surrounded by masculine allies. They still think she is less, or at least not one of them. In her heart, she believes they’re right. But that doesn’t mean she’ll give up. She’s fixated on showing everyone that they’re wrong.

For that, she needs big victories. She wants something to show others, like a trophy or treasure. In pursuit of her prize she will face threshold guardianswho try to deter her, and battle real or metaphorical monsters.

In her enthusiastic pursuit of the masculine, she forgets to stay in touch with her inner self. All her actions are designed to make her look better to her masculine allies; she never does anything because she simply wants to do it. She’s always compensating for the feminine lurking within her.

Example

At sixteen Mara finally comes of age. She forgoes the Sali coming of age ceremony, and abruptly leaves to join a band of Barock warriors. She wants to help them protect others against the swarm. The group agreed to take her, but not all of them think it was wise. They’ve been training with weapons their entire lives, and their skill is superior to hers.

So she trains day and night. Whenever there is a fight, she is out in front; no one can call her a coward. The mark of a great Barock warrior is the stinger of a swarm queen. She’s determined to capture one of her own.

3. The Illusion of Success

By stage three, the heroine has faced great trials and emerged victorious. She feels the thrill of success, and her confidence is bolstered by the applause of others. She has built an impressive, masculine reputation.

But that does not dull her appetite for adventure and victory in masculine pursuits. On the contrary, as soon as she finds success on one quest, she immediately sets out on another. Her victories are never enough, so she tries to do more and more to distract herself. She must maintain the outside validation and applause that makes her feel justified as a person.

Somewhere inside, she begins to realize that something is missing from her life. She feels stretched thin. She looks in the mirror, and isn’t sure she knows the person looking back. Even her victories seem empty. She counsels the great and powerful, but does not feel great and powerful herself.

Example

Mara collects her first queen stinger, and then another, and yet more. In her twentieth year, she destroys an entire swarm with a fire trap, and is hailed as the savior of the town. The Barock remark that she is remarkable despite her Sali upbringing, and she’s given a pass to watch as the High Council deliberates.

But the stingers and praise feel small and trivial to her. They were too long in coming and too hard won. Mara spends her spare time pouring over her battle maps, devising new strategies to try against the swarm. She never stops to rest, because she doesn’t know what she would do with herself if she did. She is nothing without her endless hunt of the swarm.

4. The Descent

In stage four, tragedy strikes. It could be a cataclysm that shakes the world, or a private matter that no one else knows of. Regardless, she is suddenly made aware of what’s really important to her. When her allies come to usher her along on the next adventure, she turns them down.

They tell her she is a coward. Or perhaps that she is selfish, impulsive, or whatever despised quality the masculine attributes to the feminine. But she doesn’t hear them. She is already far away, undergoing her own inner turmoil.

She begins a period of voluntary isolation, descending into a metaphorical cave. There time passes slowly. It’s dark; there are no sights or sounds to distract her. There she searches for herself.

She may have to sift through a maelstrom of emotions. Anger, remorse, and grief may all set upon her. She might be afraid to follow her thoughts and feelings to their conclusion, but she knows she must.

Example

Mara and her warriors are battling against a large swarm that is precariously close to a village. A lookout catches sight of the queen in the distance. There is just the barest of openings to pursue her. Mara takes it, leading a group after the queen.

She succeeds, but on her return, Mara finds her departure opened a breach in the defense. As a result, a nearby Sali settlement was overrun, killing everyone inside. The old memories of being in the Sali come back to her and she weeps over the fallen. She tells her warriors to move on, but she stays to bury every one of them. The Barock think she’s lost her nerve, but they eventually leave. She continues her work alone.

5. Meeting With the Goddess

The heroine begins stage five in her darkest hour. But she is rewarded for her struggle when she encounters the goddess.

The goddess symbolizes the true nature of the feminine, and the best of what the heroine left behind. The goddess imparts a great truth to the heroine about herself and the feminine.

When the heroine parts with the goddess, she feels reborn.

Example

Mara spends weeks burying the fallen. She leaves the destroyed settlement, but does not return to the Barock. Instead she wanders aimlessly.

Then Mara sees an old Sali city, abandoned since the invasion of the Barock long ago. She goes there and walks through what’s left of the ancient Sali temples and streets. Everything is familiar from her childhood, yet greater than it. She is filled with nostalgia and wonder. She remembers the happy days in her Sali settlement, and begins to miss it.

She is perplexed by how open the city is. It has no walls to block out the swarm. The only thing marking the city borders are enormous braziers. She can only conclude that before the Barock came, the Sali did not struggle against the swarm like they do now.

6. Reconciliation With the Feminine

In stage 6, the heroine heads back to the familiar surroundings she left behind. She finds and nurtures her inner child, the part of her left from before she rejected the feminine. She may seek to bond with the mother, and to gain new understanding about her.

She spends her time on simple tasks of a feminine nature. She receives no glory for her toil. Former allies find her and try to convince her to return to the way she was before her descent. Even the mother or others of the feminine may not welcome her back, remembering her rejection of them with bitterness.

But she continues her humble work. She maintains hope that if she continues down the path that feels right to her, she will be redeemed. She waits patiently for improvement.

Example

Mara returns to the settlement she was raised in. They tell her she is not a member of the Sali, because she did not undergo the coming of age rite of their people. But she refuses to go. She sits on their steps and fasts until they allow her to work the land beside them. She speaks with childhood friends, but they hesitate to socialize with her.

Her Barock warriors find her there. They tell her to get herself together and come back with them. She refuses. They warn her there is a swarm that is coming soon. She says she has other, more important work. Slowly, the Sali begin to trust her again. She undergoes the coming of age ceremony she missed.

7. Reincorporation of the Masculine

In stage seven, a crisis erupts in the realm of the feminine. In dealing with this crisis, the heroine once again faces the masculine side of herself, ready to emerge and dominate. She now understands the inner need that the masculine fulfills, and why she lost herself in it before. She recognizes that while the masculine was not her true goal, it was an important part of her journey.

And she refuses to let it take control. Instead, she channels her masculine impulses to positive ends. She solves the crisis with serenity and grace. When it is over, she asks for no rewards.

Example

There is a weakness in the wall around the Sali settlement. When the swarm comes it breaks and they leak through. Mara does not have her sword, so she grabs a staff and runs out to fight them. She blocks the opening in the wall, allowing the Sali to fall back and reach safety. She is tempted to continuing fighting, to see if she can outlast the swarm. But the Sali call her to retreat behind the next wall. They will survive without the crops the swarm will destroy. She listens, and retreats.8. The Union

By stage 8, the heroine has found balance between the feminine and the masculine. But she is not finished until she helps others find that balance as well. She uses her synergy of the feminine and masculine to bring everyone, on either side, together. If they are embattled by a great enemy, her leadership guides them to victory.

If it fits your story, this is also the time to discard your duality altogether. The heroine could reveal that it is false, arbitrary, or destructive.

Example

With permission from the Sali leaders, Mara acquires a new set of weapons. They are not flashy, but functional. However, she does not think that simply cutting down the swarm is the answer. The Sali traditionally burn a special incense when the swarm comes, but only inside because it’s not allowed elsewhere. She thinks this incense repels the swarm, and that is how the Sali used to survive before the Barock came. Mara convinces the Barock leaders of the town to try it.

The Sali gather the ingredients for the incense in large quantities, and prepare bonfires. Because there are no large and protected braziers to burn it in, Barock warriors must protect the fires from the swarm when it comes, or the creatures might put them out too quickly to have an effect. The swarm comes, grouping together and rushing at the fires. The warriors stay firm. Soon, the whole area is filled with the fumes from the incense. The swarm weakens and retreats. The town is completely undamaged.

The town leaders mandate the construction of large braziers immediately afterwards. The Sali and Barock design and build them together.

The Union With the Hero’s Journey

If you’re a structure-phile who’s been wondering this whole time whether your story could be both a hero’s and a heroine’s journey, your answer is “yes!” Mara just did it.

Here’s how the stages of these two structures match up:

Heroine’s JourneyHero’s Journey

Shift From Feminine to MasculineOrdinary World; Call to Adventure

The Road of TrialsCrossing the Threshold; Tests, Allies & Enemies

The Illusion of SuccessThe Approach

The DescentThe Ordeal

Meeting With the GoddessThe Reward

Reconciliation With the FeminineThe Road Back

Reincorporation of the MasculineThe Resurrection

The UnionThe Return with the Elixir

Because the hero’s journey focuses on external struggle, and the heroine’s journey focuses on internal struggle, they have a lot to offer each other.

Applying the Structure to Your Story

It’s important to remember that the Heroine’s and Hero’s Journeys aren’t recipes that should be followed precisely. Don’t add a literal goddess to your scifi story just because the Heroine’s Journey has a goddess stage. Instead, find a world-appropriate story element that symbolizes truth, and use that. It’s these larger, more general concepts that make the structures strong. Use them to find meaning and inspiration for your story, and bring them out. If breaking the rules of the journey makes your story feel stronger to you, do it.