#i can eat cane sugar just fine thank you! but my stomach gets the uh ohs when i eat cotton candy and for WHAT

[bunnyb34r]

Absolute bullshit that cotton candy makes my stomach hurt/makes me feel sick

It's cane sugar! It's not fructose! Get off my ass you stupid stomach!!

[slashscowboyboots]

The Blackboard Jungle: All I Want For Christmas Is You (Part 4)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Izzy tweeted!  And in celebration, here’s the final part of this fic

Tag list @izzysdenimjacket​ @no-stone-no-bone​ @sexcoffeeandrockandroll @awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands ​ @smokeandmirrorz ​ @sodalitefully ​ @roger-taylors-car ​ @harley-m-rose ​ @whisperess33 ​ @shawolat​ ​ @80snikki @rumoured-whispers

Warnings: the f-bomb, total holiday fluff

You wound your way through the department store, dodging people and wanting to puke from all the Christmas music as you searched for your mother a nice gift.  She was the last one you had to buy for, and you wanted to get her just the perfect thing this year.

I think she has plenty of snow globes, you thought, absentmindedly turning one upside down and watching the glitter float down, then heard someone call your name.

You turned and looked into the grinning face of Miss Peterson, Patti’s third-grade teaching cohort.

“Hiiiii, doll,” she chirped.

“Hello, Cindy, how are you?”

“Oh, I’m just great.  Are you shopping for your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend?  I don’t-”

“Patti told me all about it.  I mean, well she made a long post on Instagram, how the two of you had been friends for so long, good friends, at least she was to you, and you chose that Jeff Isbell over the happiest day of her life-”

“Did she really?” you snapped.  “Well, since the two of you are so close, please tell her I said, ‘Merry Christmas.’”  And go fuck yourselves, you thought, deciding your mother would enjoy a very nice pair of diamond earrings.

It was unbelievable to you, how you and Jeff were the names on everyone’s lips anymore, especially since it was all so mistaken.  It was heartbreaking how everyone thought you were a couple, when you were simply coworkers who were also close friends.

Of course, you were never able to get him out of your head, especially since the Thanksgiving program.  Your combined classes had first traced their hands and colored their drawings in, decorating their turkey pictures with feathers and googly eyes (you stifled a laugh watching the Harrison twins hungrily eyeing the paste, and snorted when you saw Jeff leaping over a chair with his gangly legs to glue their turkey eyes down himself) and enjoying their lunches together.

He had excused himself during the break, and you paused while eating your sandwich, thinking about how really good he was as a teacher, how he never once talked down to the kids or lost his patience with them.  He always had time to listen to them, hanging onto their every word.

And they loved him in return, every single one of them showing them their turkeys the second they finished them, and the amount of praise he heaped on their artwork made you smile.

Putting away your lunch bag with a sigh, you looked up just in time to see a six foot tall turkey, complete with wattles, standing in the doorway of your classroom.  His tail feathers were so impressive he had to turn sideways just to make it through the doorway.

The children erupted in cheers, and Mr. Isbell strode in and fanned his plumage to their great delight, then announced that if they all quieted down, he would read to them, “Bear Gives Thanks.”  After he closed the book, he asked them what they all were thankful for.

He got various answers, from “my new puppy” to “my dad got a new job.”  But the one that stood out the most was from Cicely Brown.  She raised her hand and said in a quiet voice, “Mr. Isbell, I’m thankful for a teacher like you.”

Tears pooled in his eyes, and you heard a catch in his voice when he whispered, “Thank you.”  He turned around (well, awkwardly walked in a circle to turn around) to you and asked, “Miss Y/L/N, what are you thankful for?”

“Hmmm.  I’m thankful for friends.  And I’m thankful for every person that’s in this room.”

His eyes met yours, his smoldering gaze still able to buckle your knees.  “Me too.”

“But I don’t want to be an elf.”

“Oh, c’mon, Y/N, I went and got an elf costume just for you.  Where’s your Christmas spirit?”

You put your hands on your hips and pouted.  “I have plenty of Christmas spirit.  Why can’t I be Mrs. Claus?”

“Because she doesn’t hand out candy canes.  She stays home and entertains strange men while Santa works all night.”

“Oh, she does not!”  You smacked Jeff’s arm, shaking your head.  He really was going to talk you into this getup, wasn’t he?”

You took it from him and he said, “Hurry up and get changed.  I need you to help me put on the Santa suit.”

“Why do you need help?” you called from the coatroom, pulling your green and red striped tights on.

“Because I make a skinny Santa, and I have to hold the belly while you button the jacket.”

When you came out, he had already changed into his Santa pants and boots and was sitting at your desk expectantly holding a pillow over his chest and stomach.

“Jeff, you really should eat more if you want to wear this suit,” you laughed, buttoning the buttons over his padded belly.

He made a face, and you said, “What?”

“Nobody calls me Jeff except for my mom.”

“What do they call you?” you asked, puzzled.

“Izzy.  Or Iz, if you’re into the whole brevity thing.”  He buckled his belt as all the wind left you, then he slapped your elf hat onto your head.  Flicking the bell to make it jingle, he said, “C’mon, Sugar Cookie, let’s make a bunch of little people happy.”

It was entirely possible that you wished all the students a Joyous Holiday and handed them a candy cane after they visited with Santa.  You had no idea if you actually did, the earth had screamed to a halt after you’d heard Jef-uh, Izzy’s admission.

After all the pupils had left, he shot you a delighted grin, then furrowed his eyebrows at you.  “Hey, are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” you said softly.  “I’m….hot.”

“Me too.  Let’s get changed and go back to the party.”

Although you were dazed, you flung your elf costume off in record time, exiting the coatroom in time to see Izzy unbutton his Santa jacket and toss aside his pillow.  He slumped in your chair clad in a white undershirt, slinging an arm against his forehead to wipe off the sweat, and when he dropped it down beside him you could see a tattoo just below his elbow.

Without thinking, you walked over to him and picked up his wrist.  Written in delicate script high on his inner forearm was desperadosdreams.

He tried to pull away from you, then he noticed you gasping for air with tears in your eyes. “Does that make sense to you?” he asked quietly.

You nodded, then pressed your lips to his, leaning down and throwing your arms around his neck.  When you pulled away for a breath, you looked into his eyes, then pushed the sleeve of your shirt up and extended your arm.

“Does that say IZ?” he asked in a halting voice, and you nodded again, then climbed onto his lap for another passionate kiss.  You carded your fingers through his hair as his lips traveled down the front of your throat, then he rubbed his nose against yours as you heard PJ Jones say, “I saw Miss Teacher kissing Santa Claus.  And he liked it!”

“Hi, Ian!” you smiled, holding up your ring finger.

“Hi!” he grinned.  “Ooh, that’s nice!  Congratulations!”

You held your phone toward Izzy.  “Ian, this is Izzy.”

“Oh, shit, he’s cute,” Sia said.  “Hi, Sexy!”

“Izzy, this is Sia.  She’s Ian’s fiancee.”

“Well……” she said, then they both held up their ring fingers.

“Omigosh!  You guys got married?!” you exclaimed.

“Yes!  I had to promote ‘Sharknado’ at the MGM Grand, and well, since we were in Vegas, we-”

Sia interrupted, “We found this Elvis impersonator, and it was so tacky and cool, I couldn’t have asked for a better wedding.”

“Congratulations!  Can you guys come to ours?”

“When is it?” Ian asked, with Sia hollering “Hell yeah!” in the background. 

“Next spring.  We don’t want to wait that long.”  You leaned over and pecked Izzy on the lips.  “We’ve waited our whole lives to find each other, we want our married life to begin as soon as possible.”

Thank you so much for being a part of this fic!  Because of wedding plans and moving and all that good jazz, I won’t be writing fics online anymore, but I will never forget how wonderful it was to have all your support.  Love you always, desperadosdreams

“I do,” you said.

“You bet I do,” Blaze said, sliding your beautiful wedding band on your finger.

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  Blaze, kiss your bride,”

He swept you in his strong arms, spinning you around, then dipped you and kissed you hard, the first kiss of the rest of your lives, as the fiery red sun sank in the horizon behind the two of you.

Now it was time for the two of you to begin your lives together, and dream as one.   And as he kissed you again, you knew you’d found forever, and he had been worth waiting for.

[lu-undy]

May we have the homeymoon then?

Yis! Here is an idea of the honeymoon! I hope you’ll like it!

"Ah, you are finally awake, good morning, you lazy kangaroo." 

Mundy dragged his feet to the kitchen and dropped himself on the chair next to -

"Oh wait… I still have the ring…" He said, more to himself than to Lucien, staring at his own hand hovering in front of his eyes. The feeling of the silver ring between his fingers was still new.

"Oui, you are supposed to keep it for as long as we are both breathing on this Earth, you know?" Lucien joked as he poured the coffee for Mundy. 

"Wait… We're really married?" 

"I really hope you were fully aware and convinced when you said 'Je le veux' yesterday…" Lucien teased.

[I do.]

"Oh, love!"

"Oof-Mundy!"

Mundy had pulled Lucien off his chair and made him sit on his lap, cuddling him like he would a teddy bear. 

"We're really married!" 

"Oui, oof! Mundy, too strong, too strong!"

"Oh, sorry…" Mundy eased his hug on his now husband. 

"Merci, mon Dieu, your hugs could kill me!"

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to hurt you…" 

Lucien smiled and put his lips on Mundy's, his fingers sliding between his brown locks of hair. Mundy leaned back on his seat completely. 

"Hmmm… I'm the happiest man alive, darl'." 

"We are two." Lucien answered as he laced his arms around Mundy's neck and leaned his head on the Aussie's shoulder.

"So…" Mundy took a sip of his coffee, an arm still around Lucien's waist. "Any plans for today?" 

"As a matter of fact, oui, I do have a plan for today and you are part of it."

"As I should, eh. This ring here says it!"

They exchanged a smile and Lucien grabbed a toast. He spread butter on it and got it close to Mundy's lips. He bit into it enthusiastically.

"Hm-mh!" 

"I guess that was a thanks."

Mundy nodded with a smile.

"Mundy?" 

"Yeah?" He put his mug down for a second. 

"Do you know what comes after a wedding?" 

"Oh yeah, yesterday night was a real treat, love. And it lasted for so long… I think it's the best night I've ever spent with someone, ever."

"Well, first, I indeed hope it was. But that wasn't what I meant, mon amour. What comes after a wedding and the wedding night?" 

"Uuh…" Mundy's eyes shot up as if he was visibly searching through the drawers and cupboards in his head. "Being happy?" 

Lucien chuckled at how clueless his husband was. 

"I meant the honeymoon, mon amour."

"Oh, ah… I see… Wait, so what?" 

"Put your hand in the pocket of my gown." Lucien said and Mundy obeyed. He pulled two plane tickets. 

"What the hell are you doing with those?" 

"I am taking you on a honeymoon. Our honeymoon." 

"What?! Where?!" Mundy tried to open the tickets to see but Lucien stole them off his very fingers. 

"You will see when you arrive there." Lucien answered and as Mundy tried to get his hands on the tickets, he got them further still. "Uh, uh, uh! No need to try. This is a surprise. We are due to leave Paris today, so let's prepare a suitcase and off we go." 

"When is the flight exactly?" 

"In barely enough time for us to make it!" Lucien said, climbing down his husband's lap. "Now, follow me!" 

They got a change and Lucien noticed that Mundy was standing in front of his pile of clothes in the cupboard, doing nothing else but staring and frowning. 

"Something is the matter? We don't have much time, mon amour."

"No I… I just don't know what to wear, I mean, are we going somewhere hot or…?" 

"Put on whatever you would usually." Lucien said.

"Well, that means poloshirt…"

Before they exited the flat, with their suitcase ready, Lucien grabbed Mundy's wrist and pulled. 

"What?" 

"Embrasse-moi."

[Kiss me.]

The next thing he knew, Mundy's lips were pushed by Lucien's but when he withdrew, the Frenchman removed his aviator glasses and replaced them with black ones. He also put a white cane in Mundy's hand and he put earplugs on him. 

"What the hell?!"

Lucien removed one, just for Mundy to hear him. 

"Those aren't sunglasses, I can't even see the tip of my bloody nose with them!" Mundy exclaimed.

"That is the point, I will reveal where we are when we get there, and if you dare even just think about removing those earplugs or the glasses, I swear I will make you eat them all."

"Wait, so I'm blind and deaf until we get there?!"

"Correct." Lucien put the second earplug and guided his husband outside. 

About an hour later, they were both in the airport. Mundy had felt the sun on his skin and the seats of the taxi they went on. But God knew where they were going… Later still, he passed security checks and boarded the plane. Lucien was next to him, he could smell his expensive perfume. Mundy bent on his side, looking for Lucien's ear and whispered.

"Lu'?"

"You are supposed to be deaf and as a consequence, you cannot know how to speak, Mundy." 

"I love you." 

Lucien's eyes snapped wide under the surprise but then, his usual serene smile came back. 

"So do I." 

Mundy heard the muffled noises of the captain of the plane speaking, then the safety instructions. After that, he felt some fabric on his hand, Lucien's jacket no doubt. He was about to put it between his legs but Lucien held it back. Mundy was confused… until he felt his husband's hand slither under the jacket and on Mundy's thigh. They held hands, out of everyone's sight and Mundy blushed under the glasses. Their fingers slid between each other's, and Mundy relaxed. Wherever Lucien was taking him, he had made absolutely sure it would be one hell of a surprise. 

"Lu'?"

"What?"

They whispered again. 

"How long's this gonna take?" 

"We have about eight hours left, here, lean your head on my shoulder and you get some sleep." 

"Eight hours?!" 

"Oui, and don't be so loud, half of the plane is already asleep."

"Bloody hell… Alright, I'll sleep. You wake me up when we get there, eh?" 

"Non, I will go and enjoy my honeymoon with the next kangaroo man I will see." Lucien teased. 

"You…"

"Shh… Now, sleep." 

Mundy leaned his head on Lucien's shoulder and did as he was told. He spent the rest of the flight sleeping as deeply as a log on his husband's shoulder.

"Mundy?" 

Eight hours later, the Aussie opened his eyes before realising that yes, the glasses were still there and he still couldn't see a thing… 

"Are you awake, mon amour?"

"Yeah… Did you sleep?"

"Un peu. Let me guide you out…"

[A bit.]

And then stairs and long walks and lifts, again and again until finally Lucien stopped and Mundy could feel the heat of the air outside of the airport. 

"We out?"

"Oui, we are." Lucien removes Mundy's earplugs. "Mundy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you have any idea where you are?" 

Mundy listened carefully. Cars passing by, buses… He sniffed as it was the last sense he could use. 

"Doesn't smell of the seawater too much, so not somewhere along a coast…"

"Anything else?" 

"It's hotter than Paris so someplace south?"

"Indeed, it is further South from France altogether. Anything else?" 

"No, not really…"

"Mundy, there are two people in front of you. No, don't take your glasses off. Can you guess who came to the airport for you?"

"I don't even know where I am!"

"Fine, give me the cane now. Bien. And now, remove your glasses."

As he did so, Mundy's eyes snapped wide. 

"Bloody hell!"

"Welcome home, son." 

Mundy threw himself in his parents arms under Lucien's loving eyes. 

"Are we in Australia then?" 

"Oui, we are."

"Are we going home?" Mundy asked his parents.

"Well, Micky, your friend here told us you had something to tell us that was very important and that you should be the one deciding if you wanted to go home or stay somewhere else." Mundy's mother explained. She was a short lady, quite old but her face radiated kindness and benevolence at her son. 

"Oh, uh, what d'you want me to tell them, Lu'?" 

"Well, maybe tell them who I am." 

"You organised all this and you didn't tell them?!" 

"Non, I just said I was a dear friend of yours and that we worked together for Mann Co."

"Tell us, Micky." Mundy's father insisted as he put a hand on his son's shoulder. He was old too, which wasn't surprising. But he was tall and thin, and wore a pair of glasses. His hair had almost completely gone off his head and the few locks that remained were grey and white. 

"Well, I don't know how to say this… Mom, Dad, this is Lucien, I call him Lu'. He uh… He and I, we… I mean…"

"Oh my God! Congratulations, Micky!" Mundy's mother came to her son and wrapped her arms around his stomach, her son was so much taller than her!

"What? What is it?" Mundy's father asked. 

"Mike!" Mundy's mother answered. "Look at his hand, haven't you noticed?"

"Oh, bugger!" Mike's eyes went to Mundy's ring finger and it snapped in his head. "Congrats, son! Come here!" The embrace repeated. 

"But wait, Lu', you said you were takin' me to our honeymoon…?"

"It cannot be a honeymoon before you tell your parents about us." Lucien simply answered. "I know they count a lot for you and you have been missing them." 

"Oh, Lord…!" Mundy was panting, still looking keenly at his parents as he had missed them a lot. "But wait, what's the plan now?"

"I have a hotel room booked for us somewhere you will appreciate, but if you want to spend time with your parents first, it is up to you." Lucien said. 

"I'm quite tired actually…" Mundy turned to his parents. "D'you mind if I come and see ya tomorrow or somethin'? I just need a shower and some sleep." 

"Of course not, Micky." Mundy's mother said as she pushed herself to the tip of her toes and stroked his cheek. "You go and get your rest. And if it's your honeymoon, then you should think of you two first."

"And you're here in Australia now, son," Mike added, "so it'll be easy to see each other. Come with the mister tomorrow, we'll have a good chat and I'll ask your mum here to bake us somethin' nice."

"Mike, the doctor said you should watch your sugar…" Mundy's mother said. 

"Caroline, it's not for me, it's for Micky!" Mike winked at his son as if his wife couldn't see him and they all smiled. 

"Right, we'll leave you here. See you…!" Caroline concluded, as she hugged Mundy and Lucien before turning away. Mike shook their hands and left. 

Lucien and Mundy went to get a taxi and were on their way to the hotel Lucien had booked.

"You're a lunatic, Lu', an absolute mad bloke.” Mundy said to his husband.

"I love you too, Micky." Lucien answered, with a smirk. “I didn’t know you had a nickname.”

“Only my parents use it.”

“I shall not use it, don’t worry.”

“You could if you wanted.”

“Non.”

“Why?”

Lucien chuckled before answering. 

"I can't call you the same as your parents do. Besides, I don't like 'Micky'."

"Oh?" Mundy's disappointment was audible. 

"It sounds too English." Lucien added with a wink. 

"Pfff…" Mundy chuckled. 

The taxi stopped and Mundy exited it. He raised his head following the impressive column of glass windows of the building in front of him. 

"Woah… Is that the place?" Mundy's head was still looking up, his jaw open in awe. He removed his glasses as if to see better.

Meanwhile, the taxi driver had given them back their luggage and drove off, leaving the two men on the pavement. 

"Oui. This is the hotel, mon amour, why?" 

"It's bloody massive!"

"It's only the best I could find. Come along." Lucien started moving. 

"Uh-wait, the suitcase!" Mundy said and Lucien chuckled. He got closer to him and took him by the hand. Mundy blushed so hard he felt the sweat drip instantaneously. Lucien wasn't one to care about what people would say around him, the odd looks they would receive.

"Don't be ridiculous, mon chaton. Let's go."

[My kitten]

Mundy entered the hotel confused and dragged by his husband's hand. After stopping at the reception to get their keys, they hopped in a lift. Mundy wanted to talk to Lucien but the hotel employee in his red and golden uniform standing there with them prevented him from doing so. 

A few minutes later, they were finally in their room. 

"Lu'... What the hell is this…?" 

It wasn't a room at all. It was a suite. It was a house. It was a palace. 

"Their best suite." He simply answered with a smirk. 

Mundy took his time looking at every wall, every bit of ceiling and all the furniture. It was all extremely modern and classy. The colours were kept to black and white with touches of grey and beige. 

"Lu', what the hell is this place…?" Mundy repeated going in the bathroom and exiting again. 

Lucien observed him coming and going, a smile on his lips. 

"Mon amour, it will soon be dinner time. Are you hungry?" 

[My love]

"I… I don't know…" Mundy pushed the two doors for the living room and gasped. 

"What the-?!"

Lucien walked behind him and stopped next to him. 

"You like the view? We are on the last floor of the hotel." Lucien took Mundy's hand in his and they walked to the windows. Well, the entire wall on that side was windowed, such that they could enjoy the sight of the entire city in front of them. 

"It's bloody gorgeous…" Mundy put his fingertips on the glass. 

The sky was getting darker but the line at the horizon was still shyly golden. Lucien snuggled against his husband, and Mundy wrapped an arm around him. 

"So, how do you like this surprise trip so far?" Lucien asked. 

"Look luv', it's… It's just wild… It's a lot to take in… Two days ago I was still single. Now I'm married and on the other face of Earth, at the top of the tallest building I've ever been on…"

"You are forgetting the time I took you to dinner in the Tour Eiffel." 

"Ah, was it higher?" 

"Not the restaurant, but when we took the lift and went at the very top, oui, we were higher than this." 

"Ah, I see… But still, it's a lot to take in." 

"May I make a suggestion, to soothe your nerves?" Lucien looked up and Mundy nodded. 

"Yeah, sure." 

"What about a warm bath together?"

Mundy's shoulders sank as even the thought of it made him relax.

"Yeah, that'd be good I think." 

Lucien turned on his heels and a few seconds after, Mundy could hear the water running. 

"Still in front of the window?"

Mundy turned and saw his husband next to him, wearing nothing but a red bath robe. 

"Yeah, I got lost in thought a bit, sorry." 

Lucien smiled. That was always a side of Mundy that he had liked, the daydreamer, the young boy who used to watch the stars at night and grew up to still watch his surroundings with the same innocence, the same naivety.

"Here, go and get yourself comfortable." Lucien handed him his bathrobe. "I'll be in the bath waiting, d'accord?"

[Alright?]

"Right." 

Lucien headed back to the bathroom. The water had risen to a reasonable level. He touched it and the temperature was delicious, if slightly hot, but it would cool down, so that was perfect. The red robe slid to the floor and he slipped in.

Soon, the door opened again. 

"Oh, wow… You can't just prepare a simple bath, can you?" Mundy asked with a smile.

"It is simple. A few candles, bubbles, a few rose petals… What is hard in this? Now please, turn the light off and join me. I have missed you terribly."

Mundy flipped the switch off. 

"You've missed me? I haven't been away for long…" His bathrobe slid down and Mundy almost heard his husband gasp in anticipation. 

"It felt too long. Come here." 

Mundy slipped in the water, delicately breaching through the foam of scented bubbles and sat between his husband's legs, leaning his back on Lucien's chest. 

"Water's hot." He said. 

"Too hot?" 

"Nah, you're too hot, luv'." 

Lucien smirked. 

"So are you… Hmmm…" Lucien purred as he closed his eyes to enjoy the embrace with his husband.

"Lu'?"

"Hm?" 

"Thanks."

"For what?" 

"All this." 

"It's our honeymoon, it's thanks to us that this is happening. Don't thank just me." Lucien answered as his hands slithered around Mundy's torso, hugging him dearly. 

"Hmmm… Still, luv'... You're amazing."

Lucien smiled. He knew he was the type to spoil his lover and it was all the more so true with his now husband. He let his hands roam on Mundy's sides, his chest, through the thick short hairs there, underwater. He felt his chest rise and fall slower and more amply. Mundy took Lucien's left hand and guided it to his mouth. He kissed his knuckles almost reverently, his eyes closed for each little proof of affection. Lucien's head lolled back and rested on the edge of the bath. He was drowning in the delicateness of Mundy's pecks.

"Oh, Mundy…" He cooed.

Mundy slid his strong fingers between Lucien’s and let their hands sink through the bubbles and underwater again. 

"Love, I… Your hands… If you continue…" 

Mundy was struggling to speak. Lucien's right hand was caressing his thighs, his inner thighs, and it tickled him in a way that didn't fail to arouse him. The Frenchman was also lapping gently at Mundy's neck, on the side, and he felt the Aussie clench his hold on his left hand. 

"What will happen if I continue…?" Lucien whispered right in Mundy's ear and left a peck on the shell of his ear. Mundy rasped.

"L-love… You turn me-a-ah..."

Lucien snickered evilly as his hand closed between Mundy's thighs. The Aussie's breath broke out of any sync as he frowned, struggling against a body that started to betray how he craved more of his husband. 

"Let us dry ourselves and move to the bedroom, mon loup…"

[My wolf…]

The Australian night was spent very hotly, sweat dripping off of them as they threw away all the bed covers. The night was hot, they were steaming and they couldn't have dreamt of a better way to spend their honeymoon, clawing into each other's skins.

[jungshookz]

For the Christmas drabbles! Can you do a Drabble with demon yoongi and yn now that we know Yoongi’s feeling on Christmas. With Yoongi being an absolute grinch because it’s CHRISTmas? Alll I want for christmassssss~~~~ is that Drabble! Thank you!!!

🎄 pairing: min yoongi x reader

🎄 genre: demon!yoongi, angel!jimin, yoongi isn’t the biggest fan of christmas, yoongi is very vERy jealous of jimin, this gets a little spicy so nsFW, fluff of course

🎄 wordcount: 4.1k oof

🎄 notes: this was supposed to be a drabble but obviously i got carried away!! also a lot of u fell in love with angel!jimin (same) so he’s bACK!! 

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

yoongi’s always been a bit of a pessimist

it’s not his fault though!!!!!

he’s a demon

naturally he shines a more negative light on pretty much anything

and sometimes he doesn’t realise it but he takes it a little bit too far when he’s joking around and poking fun at your ‘dumb human traditions’

it’s just that he’s never really celebrated christmas before so he doesn’t take it as seriously as you do!!

“look at this poor, mangled tree. you should’ve left it in the forest where it belongs.” yoongi shakes his head as you hand him another bauble to put up

you suppress a sigh and roll your eyes as you bend down to pick up an ornament for yourself

it’s almost christmas which is your favourite time of the year!!!!

being surrounded by loved ones while enjoying sugar cookies and hot chocolate and opening up gifts is just!! it’s so wonderful and you take christmas very veRy seriously

and this is yoongi’s first christmas so you decided you wanted to make it extra special so you decided to put up the tree today even though you were going to save it for next week

also you’re a little tired from lectures today and your bones ache but sTILL you were like NopE today is the day that the christmas decorations are going to go up and it’s going to be great

you always have a lotta fun putting up christmas decorations

usually kook is here to help but you decided that this was just going to be a special you and yoongi thing this year

plus you’ll see him at your annual christmas party anyway so

anyways

it’s a little difficult to have fun when you have a literal demon next to you yapping your ear off talking about how stupid these decorations are and how dumb christmas is and ‘why would i want to spend my own hard-earned money on other people??’

you’ve been doing fine for the past two hours

tuning yoongi’s nonstop complaining out as you wrapped some sparkly tinsel around the stair railings

bit down on your tongue to keep yourself from yelling at yoongi as you shoved the pre-made sugar cookies into the oven

you even ignored his comments about your ‘childish’ reindeer antler headband and your ‘flashy’ snowflake earrings

but uh

now you’re 500% irritated and you don’t want to hear another complaint come out of yoongi’s mouth otherwise you’re literally going to explode out of anger

“i would rather go back to hell than put up another ornament.” yoongi mutters and looks at the candy cane ornament in his hand

that’s it

“you know what yoongi, if you don’t wanna do this, i’m not going to force you to, okay?” you snap and snatch the ornament away from yoongi and he’s like damn okay fine

he furrows his brows and watches as you aggressively hang the ornament up

“i was just kidd-“

“you’re always just kidding!!!”

oof

someone’s grouchy

yoongi doesn’t say anything (which is a smart move) but he bends down to grab a bauble from the box of christmas tree decorations

he jumps when you kick the box out of the way gently

“why don’t you go and check on the cookies or something?” you give him a pointed look before letting out a huff

yoongi purses his lips before raising his hands in defence

he turns to look at you over his shoulder as he steps over the boxes and heads to the kitchen

you’re not paying attention to him at all

now that yoongi has a moment of silence to think

..,,okay

he can admit that maybe he’s been a bit of a scrooge the entire day and you’ve done nothing but try to make christmas as fun as possible

and it’s not fair for him to bag on these christmas traditions just because he doesn’t typically celebrate christmas down in hell

but like jesus christ is his enemy after all

big yikes energy

he feels the guilt eating at him as he watches the cookies bake in the oven

okay okay okay

what can he do to cheer you up

finish decorating the rest of the house??

no he can’t do that because you’ve pretty much decorated the entire house alone while he stood there and complained

make more cookies???

no he can’t because those cookies are pre-made and you only bought one box of them

what use is an incubus when it comes to christmas

christmas sex by the fireplace??

no he can’t because it’s noT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET and you’ve taught him that also sex doesn’t solve everything (unfortunately)

yoongi freezes when he hears something

something that makes his heart drop to his stomach

a bead of sweat roll down the side of his forehead

okay he’s being a little dramatic but-

his eyes flicker up when he hears a twinkly little laugh

oh god

he knows that laugh

yoongi buRSts out of the kitchen and nearly trips over his feet

oh for fuCK’s SAKE

“yoongi! there you are! i was wondering why the usual stench of sulphur wasn’t present in the room.” jimin grins and giggles when you whack his arm playfully “kidding!”

“what are you doing here?” yoongi huffs and crosses his arms

he bites down on the inside of his cheek when jimin bends down and plucks a bauble out of the box of decorations

you didn’t kick the box away like you did with him

“i finished my duties early so i figured i’d stop by!” jimin hums and looks at the fully decorated tree

the two of you take a step back to look at the tree

“something’s missing…” jimin furrows his brows and strokes his chin

“yoongi broke like three baubles so the bald spots are kind of unavoidable” you shrug and turn to glare and yoongi and he’s like wha- i didN’T KNOW THEY Were so deLICATE

“oh! i know!” jimin gasps and snaps his fingers and you watch in amazement as he starts levitating off the ground until he’s at the top of the tree

jimin rubs his fingers together and you squeal in excitement when a mixture of silver and white glitter starts sprinkling down from his fingers onto the tree

“oh jimin that’s perfect!!!!! i love that!!!” you gasp and jimin nods excitedly as he continues dusting the tree and adding the final touches

yoongi scoffs and rolls his eyes

what a show off  

yoongi could totally do that too

he looks down at his hands

yoongi rubs his fingers together and winces when smokey ashes start sprinkling down from his fingers

whoops

not quite the same

“anyways - what was i talking about?” jimin lands on the ground and dusts off his hands

yoongi gives him an unimpressed look and crosses his arm again before tapping his foot on the ground impatiently

“you were in the middle of telling us why you’re here in the first place”

“he already told us it’s because he finished his duties early so he figured he’d stop by - if you were even listening.” you raise a brow and yoongi resists the urge to roll his eyes

he plops down on the couch and winces when the box of decorations fall off the couch from the bounce

he picks it up quickly

luckily it was just full of tinsel

“and it looks like i stopped by at just the right time because-“ jimin pauses and sticks his finger in the air

yoongi’s like wtf r u doing u loser

and suddenly the timer from the oven goes off “-the cookies are ready!”

“ooh, let me go get those!” you grin “you’re gonna loVe them jimin they’re all shaped like angels” you clap your hands together before scurrying off to the kitchen

“oh, yoongi. yoongi yoongi yoongi.” jimin sighs and shakes his head mockingly once you disappear into the kitchen

yoongi glares up at jimin “what.”

“you messed up big time, didn’t you?”

“i did no such thing”

“then why is y/n so mad at you?”

“she’s not mad at me and it’s none of your business”

“is it because you were being your usual grouchy self?” jimin tilts his head and yoongi’s like u already knOW it’s because i was being my usual grouchy self u dick

“you might be wondering why i came when i did” jimin starts cleaning up loose glitter and tinsel on the floor

“you already said it’s because you finished your-“

“one of my most important duties is making sure y/n is happy, you know.” jimin stands up quickly and holds up a finger

and yoongi’s like ? no it’s not

“…what do u mean”

“oh, haven’t you heard? i’m her guardian angel now. no longer just an angel - i’ve been promoted to guardian angel and they assigned me to y/n which means you’ll be seeing me around a lot more often. did she not tell you?”

yoongi can feel himself growing red from anger

“now now - no need to start a fire” jimin pats the top of yoongi’s head because it’s literally starting to sizzle and smoke up “so i’m going to need you to stay out of the way for a couple of hours so that i can improve y/n’s mood. i’ve already increased it significantly but i’d like for it to be at 100% before i leave.”

“are you implying that i don’t make her happy?” yoongi stands up and towers over jimin and jimin purses his lips before shrugging  

“i mean i’m not not implying that.”

that’s it

yoongi’s going to RIP jimin’s wings right off his back

“jiminie!!!!! i brought a cookie for you they’rE so good” you pop out of the kitchen before yoongi can luRch forward and strangle jiminiE

“they smell very good!”

you break off a piece of the cookie and hold it up to feed jimin and he takes it happily

yoongi automatically assumes that the other half is for him and he opens his mouth expectantly

you raise a brow at him before popping the other half into your own mouth

you chew

you swallow

and yoongi’s still standing there with an open mouth

“you can help yourself to a cookie. now - where were we?” you turn and wander back to jimin and jimin gives yoongi a knowing smirk

yoongi clenches his fist before letting out a huff and crossing his arms

“oh! the star! how could i forget about the most important part of the tree??” you take the glimmering gold star out of the box and hold it up “jimin, do you wanna put it up?”

wait but u said that yOONgi could put it up

this is supposed to be his thing!!

in fact this whole decorating thing was supposed to be your guys’ thing!!!!!!!!!

like yA he was being a dick but u made a promise and u can’t break ur promise like thIS

“wait but-“ yoongi pauses when you and jimin turn to look at him

he clears his throat

“i, uh, i thought you said that i could put up the star?” he scratches the back of his neck and avoids your gaze

“yeah. and?” you blink at yoongi and put a hand on your hip

yeah and

that’s your response

the two of you are having this silent veRy very intense stare down and jimin’s like [sweat] because you’re obviously not scared of yoongi even though you’re well aware of his capabilities as a literal demon

“fine. let jimin put your stupid star up.” yoongi snarls and you see his eyes flicker to black before he disappears into a cloud of smoke

if you let jimin put the damn star up you might as well start DAtinG Him tOO

he’s already your stupid guardian angel so taking it to a romantic level wouldn’t be out of the ordinary!! much more normal than a human willingly being in a romantic relationship with an incubus

frick

he hAtes this

he’s always been a little insecure about himself being a demon and all

and when jimin comes around with all his perfectness and his twinkles and glitter and warmth it makes yoongi feel like shit even tho it’s not jimin’s fault like yeah he’s an angel he’s supposed to be a figure of perfection

and now you and jimin are decorating the tree together which was supposed to be your guys’ thing but apparently not anymore!!!!!!

yoongi wants to live in purgatory for the rest of his life

you jump in surprise when yoongi disappears so suddenly

oh

he hasn’t done that in a while

he only goes into purgatory when something’s really really bugging him

okay

maybe u took it a little too far

u were a little rough on him

but to be fair hE started it- okAy but you should’ve taken the high road even tho u were frustrated you’re well aware that yoongi’s personality is just naturally like that and he’s been trained to think of jesus christ as his enemy so u can see why he keeps poking fun at all the traditions

you let out a sigh and toss the star onto the couch before turning to look at jimin who’s currently twirling a sprig of mistletoe between his fingers

hm

“yoongi?” you poke your head into the bedroom

you’ve checked everywhere else in the house but yoongi’s nowhere to be found

you thought that maybe he was just chilling in a room somewhere but obviously not

jimin left a while ago but u sent him off with some cookies and a kiss on the cheek (which probably wasn’t the best thing to do lol)

he told u about the whole guardian angel thing a while ago and yEs of course you were ecstatic about it but then u could see why yoongi would be upset about you not talking to him about that

you shut the bedroom door behind you

“look, i don’t know if you’re listening to me right now or not - i sure hope you are otherwise i look like an idiot talking to myself. i’m sorry, alright? i shouldn’t have broken my promise and i know i was being a little too petty, i admit it. can you come back now? i miss u” you murmur that last part and scratch the back of your neck when you’re met with silence

how come you didn’t tell me about jimin becoming your guardian angel?

you jump when you hear yoongi’s voice

ugh

he’s still in purgatory

“if you come back i’ll tell you”

no

you roll your eyes

don’t roll your eyes at me

“i didn’t tell you because i didn’t think it’d be a big deal. so what if jimin’s my guardian angel?? who cares??” you sigh exasperatedly “i don’t think i even need a guardian angel because i already have yoU but it’s always good to have extra protection. don’t you want me to be safe?”

i’m perfectly capable of keeping you safe

“i know you are, yoongs. but you know what the difference is?”

he has wings and i don’t? he’s an angel and i’m not? everyone celebrates him but everyone fears me??-

“i like jimin but i love you”

you’re met with nothing but silence and understandably you start getting a little nervous

you’re about to say something along the lines of ‘i meaN when i say love i mean like i really reALLy like u’ but all of a sudden yoongi poofs up and appears sitting on the edge of the bed

he clears his throat and avoids your gaze but you can see that his cheeks are a little flushed

yoongi??? blushing???????? the world must be ENDING

“ʸᵒᵘ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵐᵉˀ” he squeaks out and you can’t fight the FAT grin on your face

AW

HE’S,,, HE’S BEING SHY

“of course i love u” you rock back and forth on your heels and offer him a cute smile and his heart exploDes “don’t you love me?”

yoongi coughs into his fist and his eyes flicker toward the door

he physically cannot look you in the eye other wise he’s going to melt into a puddle of goop

“ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵘʳˢᵉ ᶦ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵘ ᵗᵒᵒ”

he coughs again and finally looks up at you

“of course i love you too.”

“so,, am i forgiven?” you purse your lips and take a little step closer to him

yoongi gives you an unimpressed look “did you just tell me you loved me so that it’d be easier for me to forgive you?”

“i’m realising that’s how it seems buT i have a peace offering for you too” you reach into your back pocket and pull out the sprig of mistletoe that jimin was playing with earlier

you hold it above your head and smile and yoongi expectantly and he’s like ?

“.,.,,is that a weed”

“it’s mistletoe! i’m holding it over my head so u have to kiss me and thaT’s the rule.”

ah

another silly christmas tradition

yoongi scoffs and leans back against his palms

you pout and look up at the mistletoe you’re holding above your head “you can’t not kiss me. that’s not how mistletoe works”

yoongi let out a sigh before shaking his head and gesturing for you to come closer

the holiday season is about forgiveness after all

“c’mere, you dummy” yoongi murmurs and you immediately swoops down to plant your lips against his

“see, i can get into the christmas spirit” yoongi purrs and pulls you down so that you’re straddling him

you giggle and give him another kiss

“do you, um, do you forgive me too?” yoongi asks sheepishly and reaches up to scratch the back of his neck

“mm, i dunno…” you tease “you were being a real dick today” you sigh “and you were being super immature around jimin-“

“sTop talking about jimin” yoongi whines and grabs your hips before pushing you down on the bed

you giggle as your head flops against the mattress

“just tell me u foRgive meEe” yoongi hovers over you and rubs his nose against yours

he already knows you’ve forgiven him but he needs to hear it otherwise he’ll feel bad

u know how earlier yoongi said that you taught him sex doesn’t solve everything

he’s about to prove that that is nOt entirely true

“forgive me now?” yoongi sighs against your neck and rolls his hips against yours

haH

you’re not thAt weak you’re not giving in that easily

“nope” you tsk and let out a bored sigh

you feel yoongi’s hand slither down and whOops your jeans have just been undone

“forgive me… now?” yoongi’s hand slides into your panties and he smirks against your neck because it definitely feELs like you’ve forgiven him

o h

maybe you’re a lot weaker than u originally thought

you feel a thrill down your spine when yoongi eases a finger into you without warning

“n-no..” you gasp and arch your back against the mattress and yoongi’s other hand comes up and he intertwines his fingers with yours

he presses a kiss behind your jaw and hums as you rock your hips into his hand

you whine when another finger slips into you alongside the other very easily

“you take my fingers so well, baby” yoongi praises and your hips twitch up from the bed

yoongi pulls away from you and leans back on his heels but he keeps his eyes glued on you

you look like you just stepped out of his wildest wet dream

your lips are slick and swollen from his kisses and you’ve got small blooms of blues and purples on your neck and your chest

your chest is rising up and down rapidly and soft whimpers and moans tumble from your lips as your fingers dig into the plush pillow behind you

fuck

he wants nothing more than to push into you and fuck you like there’s no tomorrow but he’ll start off with making you cum with his fingers before he gets to that

yoongi tilts his head and watches your eyelashes flutter when his thumb starts rubbing quick circles over your clit

“jimin could never make you feel this good, could he?”

oh god

you can barely breathe because your head is spinning with pleasure

“answer me, baby” yoongi grunts when your walls clench tighter around his fingers

he leans back down and starts pressing warm kisses to the spot under your ear

“no, n-no, he could never make me feel as good as you do” you manage to get out and yoongi smirks against your skin before he starts to double his efforts and concentration on that spot

“and you forgive me now?” his thumb starts rubbing quickEr circles over your clit and he pushes your hips down when they buck up

“yes, yesyesyEs i forgive y-you-!”

“mm, good girl” yoongi tuts and slams his fingers in before curling them upwards and oH fuCk you’re gonna cum like really reaLLY sOOn-

a sharp cry leaves your throat when the tension finally snaps and you cum a loT harder than ever before

you’re pretty sure your soul leaves your body for like a split second

yoongi hisses because your walls tighten significantly around his fingers and he takes his bottom lip in between his teeth as he fucks you through your orgasm

your thighs are trembling and your body is twitching slightly and you know what yoongi could stop there and let you relax for a bit but

he is a devil of a boy

which is how he ends up making you have anoTher orgasm right after this first one

except this time he makes you cum with his mouth because he wanted to spice it up a little

“you did so good for me, baby” yoongi wiggles you into a pair of clean panties before leaning down and pressing a kiss against your mouth and flopping down next to you

“i hate you” you pant softly and yoongi grins and turns to look at you and your flushed cheeks

“that’s not what u said when my face was buried in between your legs”

yoongi now knows what his favourite christmas tradition is

it starts with a mistle and ends with a toe

MISTLeTOE

HE LOVES MISTLETOE

now thAT’s the good kush

hold up a tiny little weed above someone’s head and the person has to kiss you??? genius

but uh

you have to admit

yoongi’s having a little too much fun with mistletoe

but you can’t get mad at him because he’s finally interested in a christmas tradition

you’ve been giving him kisses all day which is not what you’re complaining about because you loVe kissing your boyfriend

but like

u have so much to do to prepare for christmas and yoongi is being very distracting

at one point you ended up making out on the couch for like ten minutes and when you were like ok i have to go buy more baubles for the tree yoongi whIPPed the mistletoe out from his back pocket and held it over you and was like!!! u have to kiss me!!! u said those were the rules!!!

“oh y/n~” yoongi sing-songs and you let out a sigh as you pull the cookies out of the oven

“yes, yoongi?” you set the cookies down before turning to face him and peeling the oven mitts off

“come n give me another kiss” yoongi wiggles his brows as he holds the mistletoe above his crotch

…classic

🎄the twelve drabbles of christmas! 🎄

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