#i can eat whatever now but touching nailfiles gives me the heebie jeebies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vigilantejustice · 5 years

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sometimes i think there’s definitely something like. diagnosably wrong with my personality + the more i examine my childhood the more i’m convinced there’s an explanation.

got gifted a guidebook for the sims that had a SUPER detailed multi-generational tutorial playthrough which was just a cool way to highlight all the fun new mechanics of the game but kid me followed this tutorial with complete unwavering rigidity every time and felt like i was somehow playing the sims (a game with literally no rules) wrong or that it didn’t count if i didn’t follow the guide letter for letter what kind of...

#i’ve got a super spotty memory thanks 2 some light childhood trauma but when i do remember things #or when other people tell me things about myself as a kid it’s like. this all adds up to something i just don’t know what #i had very very very definite obsessive compulsive tendencies #i was very into organising + sorting things like beads or lego #very fussy about foods + couldn’t do like. texture in some ways???#then mum was talking today about how i wasn’t into messy play at all as a kid #+ i’m funny as an adult about textures not so much in terms of eating but in terms of physical touch #i can eat whatever now but touching nailfiles gives me the heebie jeebies #actually gritty/sandy textures are all bad #makes sense that i hated the beach #then there’s stuff like i’d get phrases stuck in my head + would repeat them over and over to the point i couldn’t sleep sometimes #my social skills were + still are useless #i never related to people my own age y’know?#i didn’t still don’t handle change well + have always been very routined #there’s so many things i’m forgetting / i’m not aware of but it just feels like maybe instead of this just being me being a quirky kid #there’s an Actual Explanation for why i am the way i am y’know? + i think having some sort of answer would be very relieving + helpful #i mean no offense by any of this i’m just babbling #if anyone wants 2 psychoanalyse me in my inbox go ahead!!! i’m on a waiting list for CBT thru queds + i’m trying to be a little more #introspective leading up so i can kind of go in with a bit more insight if that makes sense #personal

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