#i can’t stress enough how absolutely bizarre this all is I live in a tiny country town what is happening

[potatoeofwisdom]

Insane. The people on the street are having loud unapologetic conversation at 12 in the morning.

[babbushka]

i think the fluffiest thing of all would be a couple hours or so after you give birth with your hubby flip, laying in your hospital bed just staring at the baby 🥺 i'd love to know how it went in your au after the birth with all the chaos over and just soaking in your new role as parents 🥺🥺🥺

(follow-up to this!)

After the cops had been kicked out, after everyone had come to visit you and meet the newest member of your family, after the nurses had cleaned him up and given him back, the three of you curl up around one another in the hospital bed and simply breathe.

It felt good to breathe, after the chaos of the birth of your baby. You don’t think you’d ever shouted that much in your life – not even on really heated trivia nights. You were sure your voice would suffer for it tomorrow, but that was okay. You didn’t plan on speaking above a whisper for a little while, too worried about disturbing the swaddled sleeping angel that you couldn’t bare to put down.

“He’s all ours, huh?” Flip says, shuffling a little closer. He’s up in the bed with you, far too big for it but he can’t even think about being anywhere else right now, anywhere other than as close to you as possible. “Really and wholly ours.”

The baby is here, and he’s sleeping. He’s going to be doing a lot of sleeping, for a while, and Flip knows this. It’s bizarre in a way, to see him out here in the real world. You and Flip have spent nine whole months talking to him, reading to him, telling him all about all the amazing things he’ll get to see and do once he’s here – and now that he’s here all he wants is to sleep.

That’s okay, Flip thinks, he’s got time. He’s got a whole lifetime ahead of him.

Flip tries not to cry. He doesn’t do a good job, tears leaking onto your shoulder where he’s resting his head, an arm slung gently across your arms where you’re holding your baby boy.

“Look at him, look what we made.” You nod, turn to kiss Flip, just a gentle press of your lips to his nose.

And Flip does, he does look. He looks at the baby’s sleeping little face, how his chubby cheeks are all smushed against your chest where he’s resting, nuzzling. Flip can’t help but smile, that’s definitely his kid alright, the way the baby clings to you, little mittened hands pressed against your clavicle.

“He’s perfect.” Flip says for what feels like the ten-thousandth time, “Ketsl, (Y/N) honey, he’s perfect, you’re perfect.”

Flip sits up enough to settle you in his arms, and you grin, your eyes shining wet in the low light of the hospital room.

“Asher.” You pronounce it the Hebrew way, the proper way, “Asher Zimmerman, what a name.”

And what a name it was. It was the best start you could give him, naming him something like that. Happiness, joy, blessed. All the things that you hope for your child, but all the ways you feel about him too. The baby, Asher – Ash for short, you’ve decided – is a bundle of sunshine, and it’s fitting, so fitting that he be the light of your lives.

“He’s got your eyes, I just know it.” Flip says, even though he knows Ash won’t open his eyes for quite some time, and even then, don’t they change?

“Well he’s certainly got your ears.” You tease softly, and Flip huffs out a little laugh, reaches up to your face.

“Between the two of us his nose will be out to here.” He pinches your nose between his fingers and gives you a little shake, brings your lips up to his and kisses you kisses you kisses you.

“You okay?” You ask against his lips, when his tears keep falling.

“Yeah – yeah I’m just.” He’s got no control over them, not right now. “Do you think he’ll like me?”

And that’s the big fear, isn’t it? That he’ll wind up just like his father, that he’ll turn into some cold calloused thing, this baby boy hating him. He’s told you this before, expressed this fear before, and just like you always do, you’re resting your forehead against his, rubbing your nose against his.

“Oh honey,” You say, and now you’re all choked up, “He’s going to adore you. Just the same way I do.”

“We’ve been looking forward to this for so long, and now he’s finally here and when we leave in the morning we get to take him with us and I almost can’t believe it.” Flip lifts one finger up to the baby’s face, ever so gently touches the soft skin there. He’s a little blotchy still, but he’s not even a day old yet, Flip doesn’t mind.

Suddenly you’re crying hard now, sobs shaking through you, and alarm bells ring in Flip’s mind. But he sees you’re smiling, laughing through your tears, and he knows that it means that you can’t believe it either.

“Thank you,” You pillow your head on his shoulder, looking down at your baby together, looking at how big your husband’s hand is compared to his tiny little face. “Philip, thank you.”

“Hey hey, look at me?” Flip cries whenever you cry, and you’re hiccupping now, and he knows he’s got to calm you or else the baby will wake up, certain the baby will sense your stress, even though it’s not stress at all, not really.  “You’re a miracle worker, you know that? You absolute angel? You perfect darling woman? I love you so much, and look at him, he loves you so much. He’s spent his entire life so far loving you, and he’ll love you for the rest of it. You know how I know?”

“How?” Your chin wobbles, and Flip cups your cheeks in his big hands and tries to blink through the blurry haze of joy behind his eyes.

“Because he’s half of me. And if anyone ever loved someone even half as much as I love you, then they’d be in love forever.” He says, pure and simple.

And you nod, lean forward to kiss him for as long as you can, until the events overtake you and you feel the pull of sleep tugging at your bones. You put the baby in his little bassinet near your hospital bed, and turn in your husband’s embrace, knowing that when the morning comes you’ll get to bring Ash home, and start the rest of your lives together.

[foreverfallingforthestars]

I think my dad is Santa Claus

🎄Day 6 of 12 Days of PJO Christmas🎄

At first, when the screaming started when Annabeth was sitting in the Athena cabin doing some reading, she didn’t know what was happening. Her first instinct was to think that a monster had somehow broken through the barrier and was attacking the camp.

However, when she ran out of the cabin holding her sword, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight.

It wasn’t a monster attacking camp.

It was Poseidon dressed as Santa.

PSA: These drabbles are canon-compliant till HoO and just acknowledge the existence of Estelle. Also technology use is a thing.

Read on AO3

~~~~~

At first, when the screaming started while Annabeth was sitting in the Athena cabin doing some reading, she didn’t know what was happening. She was alone in her cabin, and her first instinct was to think that a monster had somehow broken through the barrier and was attacking the camp.

She dropped everything, grabbed her sword and ran out, expecting a battle to be going on, but when she ran out of the cabin, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight.

It wasn’t a monster attacking camp.

It was Poseidon dressed as Santa.

“What the—” she muttered, staring at Poseidon handing out wrapped gifts to the younger campers near the center of the camp. He was wearing the bright red Santa hat with the white beard, covering his own black one, with a red overcoat and white pants. In his hands was a big red bag filled to the brim, and he kept taking boxes out and handing them out to the cheering kids. Annabeth blinked in confusion, wondering if she had accidentally been given something by one of the Stolls — who had also come to visit that winter — that was causing her to hallucinate, but after a quick pinch to her arm, she deduced that she was, in fact, not hallucinating.

She immediately glanced around for Percy, knowing that he must have a hand in bringing Poseidon to camp, and sure enough, she found him talking to a group of young campers near the Big House with a look of apprehension on his face. As she quickly jogged over, she kept noticing that he was constantly stealing glances towards Poseidon — god, she couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that the King of the Seas was wearing a goddamn Santa hat and beard — and looked just absolutely stressed. His messy hair was even more messy and looked almost like a bird’s nest; Annabeth could imagine that he had already run his hands through it several times.

Percy caught sight of her when she was within a few feet of him, and he broke away to grab her arm and drag them away from the horde of kids that were surrounding Poseidon. He took her towards the weapon shed, and once they stopped, he turned to look at her with wide eyes.

“Annabeth. Help.”

“What did you do?” she hissed, flinching when a bunch of kids ran past them, screaming about presents. 

“I didn’t do anything!” She leveled him with such a flat look that he winced and retracted his statement.

“Okay, technically I did do something, but I didn’t mean to! It was an accident,” he pleaded, taking a hold of her hands. 

“Percy, I have way too much work that I should be doing right now to be dealing with this,” she threatened. 

“I may have, uh, accidentally wished for dad to bring a few presents down.”

She raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. “Accidentally?”

“Okay, see, one of the younger Ares kids was complaining about how he realized Santa didn’t exist, and he was so upset. It made me think of Estelle, and so I said that it was okay that Santa didn’t exist because his parents would get him gifts, anyways. But then, he started crying about how Ares had never once given him a gift, so instead I ended up showing him that maybe if he asked for a gift during offering, Ares might agree. Then I ended up asking dad for a gift and maybe also have him bring down extras to give to a few to the younger campers as well. How was I supposed to know that he was going to become Santa?!” he cried, hands pulling at his hair. “What am I going to do, Annabeth?”

Annabeth was stunned at his word vomit, her brain slowly catching up as she understood exactly what happened. Biting her lip, she resisted the urge to start laughing and took a deep breath to calm herself. Percy must’ve misunderstood her actions because he started apologizing profusely, but that triggered her, and Annabeth lost her control and ended up laughing.

“Oh my god,” she laughed, a hand coming to rest on her stomach as she bent over slightly, “that’s so funny. Percy, I’m not mad. Just slightly annoyed, but gods. Just look at Poseidon! You have to admit, it’s kind of worth it to see him like that.”

“That’s my dad!” he moaned. His wish to want to jump off a cliff was written all over his face, and she grinned at the reminder of the Christmas dinner from last year when Athena and Poseidon showed up at their family dinner. She felt a tiny bit bad for the poor guy who was going to be reminded of the fact that his godly parent had dressed up as Santa for the next year (at least), but it was also just so utterly ridiculous that she couldn’t help but laugh more.

“Alright, Santa spawn, let’s go deal with the mess,” Annabeth laughed, grabbing Percy’s hand and leading him down to where the presents were being given out. It took them a while to get even through the campers that were crowding around Poseidon, and Annabeth wondered why it was taking them so long because it seemed like the campers who had already gotten a present were going back for more. 

It wasn’t long before Annabeth and Percy pushed through to the center of the crowd to realize that the reason the crowd had grown exponentially was because Apollo and Mr. D had also joined in the gift giving. Thankfully, they hadn’t fully dressed up as Santa but they were wearing Santa hats. 

Mr. D was helping Poseidon pass out gifts as Chiron tried to control the kids from jumping all over the gods (and stop Mr. D from giving out wine) while Apollo stood a few feet away singing All I want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey.

Suddenly the crowd had become chaotic, and it wasn’t long till a lot of the older campers had finally come out to see what was happening and join in the crowd. Apollo’s rendition of Mariah Carey brought about a round of caroling where the campers began to join in, and all Annabeth could do was stand and stare until Percy dragged her out of the stampeding group of demi-gods.

“I can’t believe one dumb wish led to this,” Percy muttered, leaning against one of the cabin walls. “We can’t even get through to them to stop them. Hell, Chiron’s stuck too.”

Annabeth snorted. “I can’t believe Mr. D went along with it. We all knew it was a matter of time until Apollo showed up.”

All I want for Christmas is you was already stuck in her head.

“I think he just lives to bother me at this point.”

“You are his favorite Peter Johnson, ”she teased, poking him in the ribs repeatedly. “I guess he wants to give you the special treatment.”

Percy glared at her and swatted her arm away. “I was talking about dad.”

“You're his favorite son,” she replied.

“Annabeth.”

“Oh come on, Perce,” Annabeth laughed. “You have to admit that this is actually really nice of them. A lot of the kids aren’t going home for Christmas this year, and it’s hilarious.” She walked closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Hey, at least my mom’s not glaring at you this year.”

“Don’t even say that,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around her waist as well. “I feel like she’s going to magically jump out of the statue, and then it’s going to be a repeat of last year.”

“You would think that being nineteen and spending the majority of our lives in this world would make us immune to most of the stuff we’ve seen, but this is just…” Annabeth trailed off, not knowing how to explain the bizarre sight that involved a Christmas concert given by Apollo. 

‘’Do they not have better things to do with their time than whatever the hell this is?”

“Clearly not.”

They stood in silence for a bit, just wrapped up in each other’s arms, as they watched the crowd slowly begin to start dispersing as Poseidon’s huge bag was running out of gifts. Chiron had also managed to drag Mr. D away, and Percy took that as a chance to walk up to his father.

Percy didn’t bother with formalities as he just spoke up, “Dad, seriously?”

Annabeth bit her lip as she tried not to laugh as she took a closer look at the Santa Claus costume.

“What? I granted your Christmas wish last year as well, despite the fact that you were joking, no?”

Percy gaped, and Annabeth lost it (again) and let out a loud laugh. 

“Oh my god,” she breathed. 

Percy groaned as he face-palmed. 

“I hate myself. I’m never asking for anything ever again.”

~~~~

Day 1 || Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5

[purplesurveys]

1127

1. What is one thing you will never do again? Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.

3. What happened the last time you cried? It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.

6. What’s your worst habit? I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.

7. What superpower would you have for one day? Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve? Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.

11. Who knows you the best? Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school? Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive? Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.

14. What’s the last book you really loved? I haven’t read in a long, long while.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time? I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far? 16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self? Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Have kids.

19. Apologize or ask permission? I don’t understand the relationship between the two.

20. Unlimited love or money? I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do? Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.

22. What’s your most listened to song? Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation? I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Playing the piano.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with? Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? Nope.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about? Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night? Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far? Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself? Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.

34. Do you believe in karma? Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid? My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person? I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem? A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about? I don’t think I am about anything.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized? Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible? My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.

44. What is the best present you could ever receive? My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? No. Mobile data exists for a reason.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Check out my voice.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you? Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? Nothing is coming to mind.

[kingdomofbretonxrpg]

Plot twist: it was the gun in the library

Parties: Shooter, Adelaide Robinson, Duke of Maine, Duchess of Anjou, Duchess of Nantes, Aramis Gagne and Kit Chareonsuk

Date: August 22nd

Location: The Library Event

Triggers: Guns, Shooting, Murder, Death, Attempted Murder, Assault, Graphic thoughts, Shock, Violence, and Blood

To be entirely fair, he wasn’t the type for libraries. When on the job, his focus was intense. If he had been paying greater attention, he would have noted the tasteful decorations and prettily garbed attendees. He had a single task to accomplish while in Vannes but couldn’t resist toying with that little bastard a bit. The little note. It amused him. Useless. If the prick had done his job, he wouldn’t have to be here tonight, wasting his time in this absolute tit of a country. He knew how to blend. Not pretty enough to catch anyone’s eye but not so homely as to stand out either. Neutral. He moved to the archway on the upper level, cordoned off for the event. Only preserved volumes here. He didn’t care about the books, just making certain not to inflict any damage such that his presence here would be marked in any way. Consideration out of pure convenience. He had stashed his equipment just … ah yes, there it was. Sliding on the gloves, he withdrew the firearm from the bag and slowly screwed in the silencer. Flipping up the scope, he let his eye drag through the room.

There he was. The little pissant. What the fuck was his name again? Something suitably fucking pretentious. Aramis or some shit like that. Could take him out right now. Just standing there. Pretty boy looked tense, like he could use a good ride. Too bad he didn’t have time to fuck the useless help. Now he just needed the right ‘heads’ to line up. The Duchess of Nantes or the Duke of Maine. Preferably both if he could get them in quick succession. Minimal external casualties. A dull restriction but he could live with it. Now he just had to wait ….

[More below the cut]

Adelaide was relieved. They had finally made it to the day of the event and so far, nothing had majorly gone wrong. Everyone seemed to be having a good time as they got ready for the awards and the raffle, and there was a wonderful celebratory atmosphere. There would be randomly selected winners from those who had completed the reading challenges across all different age groups. Most exciting would be the winners of the raffle for tickets to this year’s lecture series which also acted as a major fundraiser for the library.  Families from all over the city mingled with members of the major Houses, talking about everything from books to the recent sports events. It was one of the few events she knew of that were truly open to everyone.

As the time for the announcement drew near, she made her way to the front of the room, just behind the podium, in order to coordinate the people who would be announcing each of the chosen winners. As she did so, she circled around the room to make sure she caught the eye of Duchess Katarin, Duchess Anna, Duke Cyrus, and Duke Theodore so they were warned and able to start exiting the conversations they were involved in. Then she waited quietly for them to arrive so the final and most stressful part of her night would be over. 

Katarin was actually grateful that Adelaide had caught her eye. It allowed her to exit the rather dull conversation she was holding.  Excusing herself, she slipped her hand into Wendy’s and made her way to the front of the room. This event was always one of the least stressful and she was happy to support the library and Adelaide. It was the very least she could do to help announce the winners of the evening. Having Wendy by her side was absolutely a bonus, she wouldn’t settle for having the submissive hang back in the audience.

Anna had of course been to the annual event before, but this was her first time attending as a duchess. She felt like she was taking on a lot of ‘firsts’ these days. A book lover herself, she felt a pang of loss as she roamed the library and took part in different conversations. She didn’t regret what had happened, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss her former job of book editing. She had just walked away from a small group when she saw Adelaide begin to make her rounds, so it was perfect timing for her to head towards the front of the room. She offered Wendy and Duchess Katarin a smile before turning to face the crowd and look for familiar faces.

The library was one of Cyrus’ favourite places. He came here often enough and both personally and through the House of Maine, he regularly contributed to the various programs offered by the library. This particular event was delightful and it felt good to step outside the usual restrictions of the house events. As he saw Adelaide waiting, he turned to the woman beside him. Cyrus brushed a hand over Annick’s back and leaned in to murmur in her ear, “I must go be important for a moment. Don’t run away, my wild woman.” He winked and flashed a grin before setting down his glass. He walked up to the podium and leaned in to brush a kiss over Adelaide’s cheek. “You look beautiful, Adelaide. The event is wonderful. You must be so proud.”

As Cyrus leaned in to kiss her cheek, she found herself automatically grinning in response. “Really? That’s wonderful to hear. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” She allowed another knot of anxiety to fade at the genuine compliment which made it a little easier to focus on this next bit. Considering she needed to face all of the major heads of Houses at the same time, being down to approximately a half dozen sources of anxiety instead of all of them was a relief. “Thank you all for agreeing to help today. This means a lot, and it is helping to acknowledge all the hard work of both the librarians and the city’s readers. There is a basket with the names of each of the potential winners, so all you will need to do is draw a name from your respective basket and announce the winner and the category. If you need anything, I’ll be right here.”

God but these people were boring. Pretty and insipid. He really needed something interesting after this. A mob boss perhaps? Some kind of gangster, capable of posing an actual challenge. With these thoughts trickling in the back of his mind, he continued to survey the crowd, watching as some female got up on the little raised area. Good good. Perhaps something was about to happen. He shifted slightly forward as the sea of nobles began to part and allow the Heads of their Houses to step up and join the tiny female. Huh, he wouldn’t have pegged her for someone important. Strange. He lined up the sight. Perfection. As the Duke leaned forward to greet the tiny female, standing close to the Duchess of Nantes, a fine and fuckable bird if he ever saw one. Oh this was fucking ideal. One shot and he could have them both dealt with, leaving only that newbie child version of a Duchess. She’d be nice and pliable for his employers. Shouldn’t be a problem. He clicked his tongue, a bad habit he was trying to break. Shifting forward again, he lined up the shot and squeezed the trigger.

Right after she finished speaking, Adelaide took a step forward in between the Heads of Houses in order to pick up the list of events so that each of them would know what order they were going in and which awards they were reading out. But in the moment she did, she felt something punch through her right shoulder. She barely registered the pain before she screamed and started to crumple to the ground. Flickering on the edge of consciousness, she could feel fire and wet and shooting pains ricochet out from that point. The rest of the room had almost entirely faded away as she struggled to stay present. 

It took a beat before Kat realized what was happening. She instinctively pushed Wendy behind her and shouted for her security. The room would soon dissolve chaos for certain but at the moment all she could think of was the girl crumpling at her feet. “Adelaide!” she shouted, dropping to her knees beside the girl, though she wouldn’t be much protection. She peered up from her position. “A doctor, ambulance, something. Now!”

For a moment Anna froze in shock, not fully understanding what had happened. When it sunk in that Adelaide had been shot, that someone had shot at them, she screamed for help and dropped to the ground as well. She wasn’t exactly medical personnel but she was fairly certain that pressure should be applied to a wound bleeding like that, so she put both hands on Adelaide’s shoulder and did her best to apply pressure without hurting her more. “Someone needs to find who did this. Are we safe here?” She wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular, but she couldn’t imagine waiting there like sitting ducks either. They needed to get Adelaide help.

It was a bizarre sensation, the shock that stopped him cold as he watched the submissive drop to the ground. It took him a moment to process what taken place. “Adelaide!” He exclaimed a little senselessly, since the young woman could clearly not respond. His fingers felt numb as he tried to pull his phone from his pocket and dial for emergency services. What the hell had happened? His eyes shot around the room, seeking out Annick, confirming to himself that no one else seemed to be injured. Looking over at Anna and Kat, he felt absurd as Anna pointed out the obvious. The phone still pressed to his ear, his gaze travelled upward, although if he were honest, he had no sense of where the shooter would have been standing. The entire moment felt utterly surreal. “Security will deal with it. I can’t imagine anyone would be foolish to hang around after this … she wasn’t … she couldn’t have been the target.” It was a surprisingly sensible statement given how uncertain he felt at this moment. He let the phone at his ear clatter to the ground. “Help is on the way. We just need to keep her stable until they get here.” he shared quietly.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck … the fucking little twit had stepped forward at the exact wrong moment. He had a glorious shot lined up but no, the bitch had to get in the way. This thought ricocheted through his mind as he moved swiftly through the swelling crowd, fleeing the event. When he felt pressed, he tripped some old bat wearing diamonds and knocked her into the rest of the crowd. They could help her or trample her, he could care less. He was merely looking for an opening. He stepped to the side and right into the little pissant. “Enjoying your night.” He managed to growl. He felt no guilt, merely the irritation of having to now owe his bosses for fucking up this stupid job that he hadn’t fucking wanted in the first place. All because this little piece of shit couldn’t do his work right. The deflection was comfortable.

The second that Aramis heard the gunshot, Armand’s words instantly played into his head. You won’t like how I choose to handle things. He’d been paranoid for the last couple of days now, expecting another set of goons to come after him. But this…? This was entirely different. Someone else had been hurt and it was all his fault.

Aramis felt his blood boiling; it was one thing to hurt him or even kill him - he’d gotten himself into this mess. The very least he felt he could do was get a form of justice for Adelaide. Familiar with the look of Armand’s goons, he scanned the crowd and managed to find the shooter. “Stay here,” he commanded Kit, leaving the sub’s side to push through the crowd.

It wasn’t hard to find his target. As soon as the other man quipped at him, Aramis shoved him back. “You fucking animal,” he growled. “I swear to God, I am going to kill you.” He stalked toward the shooter, intent on doing just that.

Kit had been on edge all night with the note Armand had sent Aramis on his mind. When he heard the gunshot, his anxiety peaked, and he naturally held onto Aramis, desperate to make sure he was okay, that this Armand guy hadn't hurt him again.

But it wasn't Aramis who'd been hurt. Instead, Aramis was giving him a command as he ran off to face an armed shooter. No, no, no, no, no, Kit thought over and over in his head, following Aramis as best he could through the chaos. He lost Aramis for a second, and panic rose in him again, before he caught sight of his boyfriend and pushed his way through. "Aramis, don't!" he called out with a voice that broke midway.

Oh this was fucking gorgeous. He was looking forward to smashing the pretty little pissant’s face as Aramis surged toward him. The crowd made it difficult to move through with ease but still his hand itched to get a few hard blows in. Then he heard a man call out for the pissant. Glancing over, his shit-eating grin widened. “Yours?” He taunted, laughing as he did so, knowing damn well the little fuck toy was the perfect ammunition. “Careful. He’ll end up joining the tiny girl in the morgue.” A fresh flood of people separated him from his target, stepping back to avoid getting trampled by fleeing nobles and their companions. “Soon pretty boy … don’t you worry… we’ll see each other again real soon.” He called out.

Adelaide was only vaguely aware of what was happening around her as the pain in her shoulder seemed to spread to take over her whole focus. She could hear the people close to her shouting and people farther away screaming. Mixed in with all of that were the growing sound of sirens. Coming back into focus for a moment, Adelaide reached over and grabbed Kat’s hand, not caring if it was too familiar or anything. “Don’t - don’t let my parents find out on the news. Ok? They’ll...they’ll handle it badly.” It took more of an effort to say that than she had expected. But moments later, a medical team was rushing in, pushing the nobility out of the way so they could get her onto a backboard to get her out to the ambulance. Mercifully, that was when she finally fainted. 

[somekindoftuber]

vld youtuber AU (klance, part 7)

hey so who’s up for some a n g s t

(content warning for this chapter: vomit)

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

.

“Favorite color?”

“Red.”

“Cool, mine’s blue. Um, favorite subject in school?”

“....Math?”

“Ew.”

“Lance,” Keith laughs over the mic. “You said no judgment. I was good at math.”

Leaning back, Lance pops his back. “Yeah, okay, fine. Mine was history.”

“Ew.”

They’d been sitting in the Overwatch menu screen for at least a half-hour, Keith indulging Lance in a question swap. “You know,” Keith says after taking a drink of his soda. “When I said we should get to know each other, I sort of expected something more.... Organic than 20 questions.”

“What, my methods aren’t free-range enough for you?” Lance joked, and Keith laughed loud at that one. “Well, you should know, Keith, that I have this tendency to focus on things that I want, and I don’t give up easily.”

Keith went silent for a second. “Things you want, huh?” His voice was low.

Lance felt the heat rush to his face. “U-um.”

“Sorry,” Keith said. “Too much?”

Lance chewed his lip. “Is it too much for you?”

Keith’s tongue clicked through the headphones over Lance’s ears, and when he spoke, his voice was almost sultry. “Nah. Besides, I can be pretty driven when I want something, too.”

Dear lord, this man was going to be the death of him. Now that they’d gotten their feelings out in the open, Lance was discovering a side of Keith he never knew existed - a bold, fearless, self-assured side. And holy shit, was it hot, if a little terrifying. Whatever reservations Keith had about flirting before now were long gone, and it would still throw lance for a serious loop to hear Keith directing low key innuendo at him.

“Here’s one for you,” Keith said. “When did you first play guitar?”

“Oh!” Lance grinned. “I was nine. I had already been playing the piano for two years, but it sort of bored me. I couldn’t get it to make the kind of sound I wanted, if that makes sense? Then my dad got his old acoustic guitar out of storage and got it repaired and restrung. When he played it, I knew it was the sound I’d been trying to find.” His eyes went misty as he remembered the first time he plucked one of the steel strings. “It sounded like heaven.”

“Wow,” Keith said after a minute.

“Your turn. How’d you know you wanted to be a pilot?”

Keith hummed. “I was always sort of an adrenaline junkie as a kid. Raced go-karts, ran track, got in trouble, did some free running. I… spent a lot of time in and out of foster care, which was a pretty numbing experience, so I think maybe I was looking for something to make me feel alive.”

Lance had no idea what to say to that, so he kept quiet.

“I went on a field trip to an air force museum with my school when I was thirteen,” Keith continued. “There was a reconstructed Grumman F-14 Tomcat on display, and when I looked at it, I just thought, I need to be in one of those.” He let out a little laugh. “That’s also where I met Shiro. Or, well, he met me. When I stole his car.”

Lance choked, beating his fist on his chest to get air back into his lungs. “Excuse me?”

Then Keith laughed long and loud. “Told you. Adrenaline junkie. I was a brat with something to prove.”

Lance stared at his computer screen. This was intense, and he had a feeling that he was only scratching the surface of who Keith really was.

-----

October began, and Lance was officially panicking. Because Keith’s birthday was at the end of this month and he really wanted to do something special for it. Now that they were hovering in some bizarre “not boyfriends yet” zone, Lance figured it wouldn’t be too much to maybe go a little further than he would for a friend.

He got out his guitar, a notebook, blank music sheets, and a pencil.

——-

Lance’s channel was gaining followers rapidly. He was no stranger to having an online following, but he had to change his notification settings on twitter to keep his phone from blowing up constantly. He pondered making a separate, locked account for himself, something his friends could follow where he could drop the YouTube persona.

He was sort of envious of Keith’s anonymity online.

And speaking of Keith, there was also the issue of a potential move to Springdale. Lance had looked up schools in the area, and the local community college had a music education program that he could afford. He’d closed his browser and walked away from his laptop after he had that confirmation and spent the next fifteen minutes pacing around the living room, running his hands through his hair until it was sticking up all over the place. It hadn’t felt real until that moment; before that, the idea of going back to school and pursuing an actual career had been just that -- and idea. But now? Now he couldn’t really make excuses anymore. It was all very much within his reach. He just had to muster up the courage to go for it.

Easier said than done.

Lance ended up stress eating half a carton of butter pecan ice cream by the time Pidge came home from class.

Lance posted more Overwatch videos in the meantime, held some more streams. His content was slowing down because he’d taken an extra shift every week at the cafe to save up money. He had no idea what his living situation was going to be come January, but it was safer to assume he’d be on his own and have the money to support himself.

He talked to Keith almost every day. They’d started using facetime, and that did a number on poor Lance’s heart, to get to see Keith’s face while talking to him. Keith was still unfarily, stupidly, irrevocably attractive, even when he was flushed and sweaty from working out or covered in grime from the garage. One time Keith had called when Lance was wearing a face mask, and Lance would have been embarrassed, if it wasn’t for the absolutely hilarious confusion that crossed Keith’s face at the sight.

“I’m kind of big on skin care, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Uh.” Keith’s thick eyebrows pinched together. “I hadn’t?”

Lance smiled as much as he could with the mask drying on his face. “Well, get used to it. It’s a packaged deal with me.”

Keith gave him a little grin then, and Lance nearly swooned.

.

Another night, as they were messing around in Overwatch, the topic of tattoos came up. “Do you have more than one? Tattoo, I mean,” Lance asked while they scrolled through servers.

“Just the one,” Keith answered. “I kinda want more, but I’m not sure what I’d get. You?”

“None.” Lance hummed. “How big is that lion, anyway? I could only see the top bit at the beach.”

“Not that big,” Keith answered. Then there was some shuffling from his end of the voice chat, and he went quiet for a second. Lance thought he heard a click.

“You okay over there?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just - gimme a sec - there.”

Lance’s phone buzzed at his side. He picked it up, the motion completely automatic, to see a new text. He used his thumb print to open it, and the entire universe ground to a screeching halt.

Because on the screen was Keith’s lion tattoo, in its entirety, the dark red ink carved neatly into Keith’s exposed hip. At the bottom of the frame, a thumb was hooked into the hem of a pair of sweatpants, pulling them down and away, and at the top, a dark gray shirt was rucked up to reveal a toned stomach. Lance’s heart might have stopped. There was so much skin, all smooth and milky, stretched over a sharp hipbone, the sweatpants pulled down just enough to reveal the tiny beginnings of dark hair below. Lance’s mouth watered.

“You still there?” Keith was asking, a smile in his voice, but Lance.exe had stopped working.

“Jesus Christo,” Lance breathed. “You -- you gotta warn me before you do that.”

He heard Keith huff a little laugh. “Sorry.”

Lance had the distinct impression that Keith wasn’t sorry at all.

-----

Lance might have pulled a few all-nighters in the course of the month. But he was running out of time, and he wouldn’t be satisfied until it was perfect. This was for Keith, for his birthday, and Lance absolutely did not half ass things like that.

Pidge just rolled her eyes at him and went back to her thesis, heedless of Lance’s internal crisis as she tapped away at her laptop.

He was finally, finally ready to record on the 18th. It took at least four tries to get one good take, and then he had to record backup vocals, additional guitar, piano. It took three days to get the song right, and he didn’t even have a video. A blank screen would have to do.

He set the video to post at 8:00am the next morning, October 23. He really, really hoped Keith would see it, and Lance listened to the song one last time before he went to bed.

I was wondering through, I’d never heard your voice You were just an idea on a screen I was belly up, dried up, a fish out of water Pretending that I could breathe air

But then I met you, and my world burst into color Where was I going before you came my way I don’t know, I don’t care, and I don’t think it matters I’m just so glad that I met you

I had no direction, you handed me a map And it’s pointing me your way I hope that’s alright, ‘cause I sort of can’t help it, You’re drawing me to you, and I don’t want to stop

Because my world is all color now that you’re in it So bright and beautiful, just like your smile And no matter what happens, I want you to know Darling I am so glad that I met you.

In the description, Lance wrote “happy birthday” with a heart emoji, then clicked “schedule video” and let the fates have it. He went to bed with a nervous jitter in his veins.

The next morning, Lance was still anxious as hell, so he went for a long run through the brisk autumn air. After five miles he came home and made some coffee, as it was brewing, his phone rang.

Keith’s number was on the screen.

Lance cleared his throat and picked up. “Hey Keith!” he started, happy that the words only shook a little bit. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” Keith answered. His voice sounded strange. “I, um. I saw the video you posted.”

Lance felt his whole body flash hot as he bit his lip. “Happy Birthday, Keith.”

There was shuffling on the other end of the line. “That was for me?”

“Yeah.”

Keith was quiet for a long time. Then a sudden wet sniffle came through, and Lance felt himself panic. “Keith?”

“Sorry,” Keith’s voice cracked. “Sorry, I just--” he broke off with another sniffle, louder this time. “I’m not used to that. To people doing nice things for me.”

Oh god. Lance had made him cry. And the sound was so sad that Lance felt his own eyes sting.  “You okay?”

Keith laughed, the sound wet and strained. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Just. Wow, Lance.”

“Get used to it,” Lance said softly. “I’m definitely the type for grand gestures.”

Another small laugh, then some more sniffling. “What did I do,” Keith whispered, “to deserve someone like you?”

Lance leaned against the counter top behind him, his heart hammering in his chest. “I ask myself that all the time.”

“Oh my god, stop,” Keith groaned, but Lance could hear a smile in his voice. “I have to go to work in an hour. How am I supposed to concentrate now?”

“You’re working on your birthday?”

Lance heard a grunt and the scrape of a chair. “I always do. My birthday’s never been a big deal to me. I think Shiro wants to barbeque tonight, though.”

The coffee maker beeped, and Lance poured himself a cup. “Would it be alright if I made it a big deal?”

Keith hummed. “If that’s what a big deal is to you, then I guess I’ll just have to get used to it, won’t I?”

“Yeah, I guess you will.”

-----

Pidge forwarded an email to Lance the next week. A science conference was being held in Charlotte at the end of the month, and she was going.

“I’ll probably be gone the whole weekend. I’m driving with some classmates, so you can have the apartment to yourself.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Or maybe have someone over.”

“Pidge,” Lance chided, rolling his eyes as she laughed into her coffee.

She was right, though. Lance could have someone over. Of course, there was only one ‘someone’ in mind - but would that be too fast? To ask Keith to come stay the weekend here? Alone with Lance?

His face went hot at the thought. A whole weekend alone with Keith.

They’d only been apart from each other for a little over a month, and facetime was nice and all, but Lance missed him. In person, Keith exuded this… energy that didn’t come through a phone line or internet connection. It was sort of intoxicating, making Lance want to get closer and closer. But would that be too much?

Lance mentally beat himself up for an hour before messaging Keith on discord about it.

LanceyLance Hey so Pidge is going out of town for a conference thing just after Thanksgiving. Would you want to come down here to chill? We can livestream or smth

Keith uh yeah I think that would be okay. what days

LanceyLance nov 28-30

Keith okay cool let me check some things and I’ll get back to you

Lance wondered if “almost throwing up from sheer nerves because I might get to spend a weekend alone with a hot boy” was a good reason to call into work. He went in for his shift anyway and was only slightly distracted. On his break, Lance checked his phone and found a new message from Keith on Discord.

Keith so that weekend looks okay, I put in for time off

LanceyLance cool!

Lance ruined the next three drinks, his heart in his throat.

Later that night, he got on a voice chat with Keith, his heart pounding despite him telling it over and over to calm the hell down.

“I was thinking we could do a livestream, maybe some Overwatch?” Lance said as he picked at a cuticle. “You could be my special guest.”

Keith did that little airy chuckle that made Lance shiver. “As long as you don’t ask me to sing.”

“No promises.” Biting his lip, Lance took a breath. He might as well ask. “You sure you’re okay with this? It’s not, like, moving too fast?”

Keith hummed. “No? I mean, I figured we were just gonna hang out… Why?” his voice dropped. “Did you have other plans?”

“No,” Lance squawked, cursing how his voice cracked. “No, I mean, you said you wanted to go slow, so I was just thinking we could just play some games, maybe watch a movie or go to the marina. That’s okay, right…?”

“Yeah,” Keith breathed, and Lance could hear the smile. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

A hot wash of embarrassment hit Lance, and he covered his face and groaned. Keith laughed a little. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Lance’s voice was muffled by his hands. “Yeah. I just -- jeeze. I must sound desperate or something.”

“It’s not just you,” Keith said softly. “I mean, same, I guess? I know I said I wanted to take this slow, but honestly, it’s turning out to be harder than I expected.”

The admission was unexpected and sent Lance’s blood pressure through the roof. He could already tell it was going to be a struggle to keep his hands to himself.

-----

One week until Keith’s visit. Pidge was packing her bag early and giving Lance absolute hell about it.

“Use protection,” she said, stuffing a shirt into a suitcase. Lance sputtered.

“Oh knock it off!” He shrieked. “He’s coming to hang out. That’s it!”

Pidge shot him a skeptical look as she folded a pair of jeans over her arm. “Sure, sure. Just do me a favor and disinfect any surfaces you decided to ‘hang out’ on.”

Lance threw up his arms in defeat, then went to his computer. He and Keith had already planned out their livestream, and decided it was close enough to make an announcement.

Lance! @lanceylance Hey everyone! Next Friday (11/28) I’ll be holding a livestream with special guest @k_redlion! Stream begins at 4pm eastern. Be there!!

.

Pidge left early Friday morning, and in the four hours until Keith was supposed to arrive, Lance did one of the most thorough cleanings of the apartment he’d ever done. He dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed and mopped, did laundry and the dishes, changed the sheets on his bed, washed the spare set of sheets for the pull out sofa.

Satisfied, he jumped in the shower and gave himself and equally thorough scrub down. He was all nerves as he dried off and dressed. He was admiring his handiwork in the living room when his phone buzzed.

Keith made it into town, be there in 10

Lance bounced on his heels and went outside to wait. After a few minutes, a dark blue sedan with Virginia plates pulled up and into a parking spot. The engine shut off, and the door opened to reveal Keith, in his leather jacket with his hair pulled up high.

“Nice car,” was the first thing that came out of Lance’s mouth. He internally groaned.

“Rental,” Keith said, closing the driver’s door and going for the back seat. “I love my bike, but five hours on it is a bit much, especially when it’s cold.”

Lance took Keith’s duffel bag for him and led him up to the apartment. He’d set up their streaming area in the living room where they’d be closest to the router.

“The stream isn’t for another three hours,” Lance said, setting Keith’s bag on the chair. “Wanna relax until then?”

Keith slipped out of his jacket, revealing a dark gray sweater that stretched nicely across his chest. “Sounds good. That drive is a little tiring.”

Once Lance had gotten them both glasses of water from the kitchen, they decided on YouTube fail videos, sitting next to each other on the couch, close, but not too close. Keith’s laugh was such a nice sound, and Lance couldn’t help but lean a little in his direction. After an hour’s worth of cats and people slipping and falling, Keith grunted, grimacing.

“You okay?” Lance asked.

Keith gave him a smile. “Yeah, my stomach’s kind of upset. That gas station poptart might not have been a good idea.”

Standing, Lance moved towards the kitchen. “I’ve got some pickled ginger in the fridge, would that help?”

Keith followed him. “Yeah, probably.”

As soon as Lance opened his fridge, horror dawned upon him. “I didn’t get us any stream snacks!”

“It’s not a big deal?” Keith said slowly. Lance handed him the jar of sushi ginger and shook his head.

“It totally is! We need proper junk food for streaming.” He pursed his lips and tapped his chin. “Are you okay if I hit the store? It won’t take long.”

Keith shrugged with the jar in his hand. “Yeah, I’m good. I’ll just hang out and rest.”

He showed Keith where the forks were, taking a little delight in seeing how Keith ate the ginger straight out of the jar just like he did, then grabbed his shopping bags. “I’ve got my phone, text me if you want anything!”

The drive to the store was short, and Lance sped through the aisles with a basket on his arm. Gourmet sodas, the nice veggie chips, lemon cream cookies, a package of fresh strawberries. He’d take Keith out for dinner, maybe Vinnie’s again. This weekend was going to be awesome.

On the way home, however, Lance got stuck in stand-still traffic - he could see just far enough ahead to tell there had been an accident. And there was nowhere for him to turn off to for another few hundred feet, so he was stuck. Frowning, he pulled out his phone and shot a text to Keith.

stuck in traffic, might be a little late

He put Pandora on his phone and turned up the volume, shifting his car into park.

By the time Lance made it back to the apartment, he’d been gone for more than an hour and a half. The living room was empty, but Lance went straight for the kitchen. The stream was set to start in 45 minutes, so they needed to start setting up. “Keith?” Lance called as he stashed the groceries in the fridge. “You good, man? We should get started soon.”

There was no answer.

“Keith?” Lance poked his head out of the kitchen. “You here?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see if he’d missed a text as he went towards the back of the apartment. Rounding a corner, Lance stopped. His phone clattered to the floor.

Just outside the bathroom, face down in the hallway, was Keith.

Lance slid on his knees towards him. “Keith!” Reaching for him, he turned Keith over, and gasped. His face was bright red, his eyes screwed shut. He was sweating profusely and burning up with a fever. “Keith!” Lance called again. “Hey, man, answer me!”

Keith’s eyes flickered. “L-lance?” he grunted, his voice weak. “It hurts, oh god Lance, it hurts so bad--”

Adrenaline was dumping into Lance’s bloodstream as he went into full panic mode. “What hurts? What’s wrong? Keith!” But Keith stopped responding, his breathing sounding wheezy and shallow.

“Shit,” Lance muttered, clutching Keith close to his chest. “Shit shit shit!”

His phone was five feet away. He should call 911. But who knows how long an ambulance would take and the hospital was five minutes away, he could get there faster on his own--

Lance had grabbed his phone and hoisted Keith into his arms before he realized it. And shit, Keith was heavy, making Lance stumble and lean against a wall more than once as he made it out of his apartment and to his car, where he dropped  Keith on the back seat.

He’d never driven so aggressively in his life.

Lance screeched to a halt outside the ER doors, and barely managed to put his car in park. He opened the back door and pulled Keith out, hooking one of Keiths’ arms around his neck and half-carrying him inside.

“Hey,” he called out. “Hey, I need some help here--”

At his side, Keith made a choking sound, then curled in on himself and vomited.

The whole world became too fast and too slow. Several nurses ran up to them, pulling Keith away. A clattering gurney was brought out. As Keith’s limp body was hoisted on to it, Lance barely registered someone talking to him, asking him what happened.

“I don’t know,” Lance’s throat was closing. “I don’t know, he was fine two hours ago--”

More questions, but Lance couldn’t hear them. All he could focus on was Keith, unconscious on a hospital stretcher, disappearing down a hallway as nurses ran beside him.

.

TO BE CONTINUED!!

(don’t worry guys, Keith is gonna be fine!! But Lance doesn’t know that OvO)

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Destiny of the Damned

Part 1- Roman Godfrey

Chapter 1- nosebleed

I never thought I'd miss traffic and noise. In California, something is always happening, and traffic is just a fact of life. When I had to move out to help my uncle, who lives outside of Hemlock Grove Pennsylvania to say it was a culture shock was an understatement. Everything closed early and I think they’d have to schedule a traffic jam or someone would need to get murdered on the main roads. After about a month, you figure out who everyone is. Small town life is bizarre. I went to eat at a local diner, and a police officer was eating there as well, looking out the window and makes a call. I’m in the next booth, so I can’t help but overhear him call someone that had just run the stop sign, and told them to come pick up their tocket at the station later. I always took the energy and anonymity giant metropolitan areas like Los Angeles or San Francisco for granted. It never even occured to me there were places where there were no malls, airports, freeways or parking fees. I’ve been here for a little over 2 months, and I am literally the only Mercedes Benz S-Class I’ve seen. In order to reach civilization and acceptable fashion retail, you had to go on a full on road trip. My uncle was the closest thing I had to a parent, so I was willing to tough it out for him. He had fallen down his concrete basement stairs, and fractured his neck a hands. He is very independant and stubborn and needed assistance until he healed from the multiple surgeries he’s had to endure, to get his hands working correctly again. His home is a famous work of art, more than a place to actually occupy, so strangers coming to stay there, and touch his stuff, damn near got him catching a charge. I just finished University and was an executive for my Uncles’ multi billion dollar corporation but realistically, we could take the rest of our lives off, and be fine. But we are both workaholic innovators that share the same miraculous quirk. We have autobiographical memories which means we don't forget anything. Want to know what the date, temperature, things I did, who I was with the first time I heard a particular song? I can tell you. It's a blessing and a curse. Everything is a trigger for memories for me and my Uncle. So although his desire for isolation and little contact is extreme, I get it. Having a brain that doesn't stop can be exhausting and stressful.

Books help, so when I turned the corner, and spotted a Barnes and Noble, I actually squealed in excitement. I pulled up and looked a little out of place, but i didnt care. My car was understated, low profile, over the top. With its clear panoramic sunroof,  technology, and ambiance lighting, id always kid with my uncle that i needed it for my mental health. Really, I was terribly spoiled,  yet I appreciated it and never tried to rub it anyone's face, but I understood a young woman exiting a very expensive car, in a small town, that lived in the strange house with her reclusive billionaire Uncle, wasn't going to have anyone baking me pies. I was a realist.

I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer size of this store. inside there was a shockingly large lego display and it reminded me of how much i used to love assembling complicated structures, while most girls played wth dolls. While most little girls wanted to play with dollies and imagine scenarios about their wedding day, I was trying to improve my laptops performance (catching a few on fire in my early years). The dynamics and emotionality of people never held any value really. It was what truly always puzzled me. Losing oneself in another person, or the entire concept of love, seemed so unlikely. Far too many factors involved, and why anyone compromises when they can just do as they please by themselves only makes sense in situations like with my Uncle. It was still inconvenient, so getting close to people has never been appealing, but the legos we're.

I walked over and spotted a gigantic Death Star set and clapped in delight. I thought I heard a low chuckle behind me, so I spun around to find the best looking man I'd ever seen, dressed in a very nice suit. He didnt waver or look away when i looked at him, and almost looked as though he were daring me to look away. Most people would find him intimidating, but nothing really made me nervous so he didnt phase me.

"What's funny?" I asked looking him dead in the eye.

"You." He smirked.

"Glad to oblige you" i said sarcastically as I did a half hearted bow, then standing straight with a smirk. Who did he think he was? Green eyed, puffy lipped punk. I didn't break eye contact which usually caused people to look away by now, but To my surprise he laughed and looked me up and down. Assessed me like i was livestock; sizing me up and trying to decide if he could break me.

"I'm Roman."

"I'm American." I replied.

"No my name is Roman." He laughed heartily. An amused twinkle in his eye.

I couldn't help but notice he really had the best smile, and I really have a thing for noses, and his was divine.  if you think about it, its the most important facial feature. A nose can make or break a face, and his cute little slightly upturned nose, with its perfect symmetry was for sure making his face. combine that with his gorgeous green eyes, long lashes, defined bone structure, alabaster skin and standing at least 6′3″ he must be one of the biggest pains in the asses, this side of the Mississippi! Most women would see him and be all in but having a gorgeous man that exudes sexuality and is very sure of himself is far more trouble then anyone could ever be worth.

Why pretty boy wanted to trade names, probably had nothing to do with me, and much more to do with boredom, or what he could get out of me. I usually don't pay much attention to anyone of the opposite sex, especially obvious pains in the ass like the man before me, but something about him, was preventing me from just turning around and blowing him off.

"Generally when I tell someone my name, they tell me their own." He said staring into my eyes with such an intensity that I reacted almost involuntarily.

I have a defect. If someone tries to tell me what to do or control me, I am not fucking having it. Authority has always been an issue, and this felt a lot like him trying to dominate me, and I felt almost sick. Like when you stand up too fast and get a bit woozy. I took that as a good time to turn my back on him and ignore him.

He walked in front of me, blocking my view of the legos and ducked down a bit to make eye contact. I couldnt hide the complete shock on my face at his behavior.  He's either crazy or incredibly confident. I raised my eyebrows as if to say "can i help you" and I know my face was absolutely unfriendly, yet he didn't appear to notice.

His face hardened "tell me. Your. Name." He said slowly and deliberately.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I looked at him to see the smile or just kiddding , but it never came... WOW. He was serious!!! I leaned my face a couple inches from his face and I said "Nope" making sure to loudly pop the p.

The look on his face was absolutely priceless, and had my laughing enough that several people were starting. just as I was about to walk away victorious, his nose began to bleed. I instantly was embarrassed for him and I couldnt just leave him here to bleed on the legos so I jumped into action.

"Oh shit, your nose is bleeding." i said lookinbg around for any type of tissue, when i noticed we were right next to the restrooms.

"What? Seriously? Can you get it?" he implored looking all frightened, dare I say fragile.

Without any hesitation, I wiped the blood from his face. "Come with me, we need tissue, bathroom is right here. Look up and hold your nose." I grabbed his hand and recieved a shock. static electricity stayed with me a lot and often scared people but he didnt even flinch. He laced his fingers in mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world and i led him to the bathroom.

Once inside, I grabbed some tissues and directed him to stand over the sink. I wet some paper towels and wiped away the blood and then took the dry tissues and pushed his head back and crammed little tissue torpedos in his perfect little nose. The whole time I could feel his intense gaze on me, but what else was he going to look at really?

"Gotta admit, this is new." He quipped, admiring my handy work in the mirror and laughing in dismay.

"What? Bloody nose or attention from ladies?"

"Um.... you're kind of rude, but then when there is an issue, you don't hesitate to help.  Then you're taking better care of my nose bleed than anyone. No one really takes charge with me.... and now I'm in a bathroom with a woman and we aren't fucking." He laughed again.

"Fucking. Classy. If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were the Godfrey asshole everyone keeps telling me about." Ever since I'd arrived at Hemlock grove, I'd heard Godfrey this and Godfrey that. Their name was on everything and I'd heard the son was like a 21 year old gorgeous nightmare, that was as kind, as he was humble. The few people id spoken to had told me to stay away from him. I found it odd, I didn't know his first name all of a sudden.

His face fell into a frown.

"I see that's the general consensus about that guy. Cheer up Charlie, your nose stopped bleeding most likely, let me just pull these out." i gently pulled the tissues from his nose and waited for blood but none came. "Boom mothafucka its on!" i laughed at my own ridiculousness before turning and washing my hands.

"You're weird” he stated matter of factly.

Roman stood there quietly thinking. I could almost feel the wheels turning in his head. His mood had completely changed at the mention of the Godfrey kid.Maybe his family had lost everything because of them too or the guy stole his girl, i felt a little guilty so i relented a tiny bit.

"Hey listen, Roman was it?" He nodded and bit his lip. oh he knows what hes doing. boy he was trouble "I'm sorry if the Godfrey's are a sore subject. I don't know anything about anybody here. I'm just helping out my crazy uncle that fell down his basement stairs and broke his hands and neck. I'm from the west coast and this dreary fucking place isn't exactly my cup of tea. I don't know why I'm rude before I'm polite but it's involuntary. My name is Letha, it's like Lisa with a lisp and now I've officially over shared." I could feel my face turning red. Why was He making me such an awkward mess? My God this WAS new.

suddenly he grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me in stopping just an inch away from my face. "Who put you up to this?" He asked with such venom in his voice it made me flinch. "WHO!?!?!" He screamed in my face.

I tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge. My mind raced and I began to panic. No one has ever screamed in my face like this and I didn't like it and yet, the way his eyes searched mine and the tenseness in his body, and just sheer panic made me do something I hardly ever did. Maybe it was brought on by panic or survival instinct, but it was not my normal. Especially to a crazy stranger in the bathroom, but I had the overwhelming NEED to hug him. I fought past his hands trying to hold my shoulders in kind of a silly slap fight and grabbed him around the waist and buried my head in his shoulder. He smelled so good.This was outright crazy behavior for me, and i was confusing myself but if i tried to not think, it almost felt nice, for a few moments my mind was blank. A minute passed with me holding him as he calmed his breathing with his arms raised. Nothing was triggering me and I felt odd.

"Nobody sent me, you nut job! Hug me back, you need a hug. ”i squeezed even harder, nuzzling my face into his collar, his chin gently resting on my head.

His arms hesitantly closed around my back and then he crushed me into a deep embrace. He really did need a hug. "You ok now crazy?" I asked trying to pull back to look at his face but he held me fast. He started to shudder a bit and then I felt moisture hit my forehead. Ok it's gone too far, this is why I don't hug.

Was this crazy ass dude crying? Oh no, he was really crazy. Shit shit shit. Good job Letha, you're gonna get murdered in a bookstore bathroom, in shit hole Pennsylvania, on a Friday afternoon. Why did you hug this fucking guy? I was starting to breathe funny now!

Roman loosened his grip and looked deep in my eyes searching for something. What? Im unsure, but he must of found it, because he laughed and he seemed almost sweet, except tears were running down his face and a moment earlier he screamed in my face.

"Well Ms Letha, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love nothing more than to take you out this evening wherever you want to go. Before you refuse, I assure you I'm not crazy, it's just I had a cousin named Letha, which I'm sure you're aware is an unusual name, and I loved her very much and she passed and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It caught me off guard."

I had heard about that Letha. Everyone that found out my name, told me about Letha Godfrey, the Godfrey girl that was as kind as she was beautiful, but tragically got knocked up and lost her mind talking about angels being the father, and dating some weirdo outcast. when she went to give birth in the family skyscraper medical facility, she mysteriously died and so did her baby.

"You're the Godfrey kid." I practically whispered staring at him with wide eyes as I recalled what I'd said about him, TO him.

"Hardly a kid anymore I think." He smiled. He was so handsome, it was freaking me out. "What's your phone number? I have to run to the white tower, and then I'm all yours."

I knew better. He was too good looking and too rich and too everything but something told me he needed me. I know it sounds crazy but I believed in my heart and soul, this perfect beautiful fucking legend of a man needed me. I knew it wasn't logical, but I told him my number and turned to walk out of the bathroom, but he grabbed my hand.

"Please answer." He pleaded pressing a kiss to my hand. He wasn't trying to make me do anything now. He was giving the power over to me and i was honestly taken aback a bit by the almost desperate look in his eyes. I knew in my heart, he genuinely needed me, but for what?

I can't explain the feeling I felt in that bathroom with this man, but when I say I felt a deeper connection to him than I'd ever felt in my 22 years on this earth, I mean it. It was thrilling, and scary, and strange. I smiled at him and nodded my head. As I made my way to my car, I tried to convince myself not to answer, but I knew that I would.

He didn't follow me out of the bathroom and I just made a bee line for my car. I had to go. I couldn't help smiling from ear to ear. The cashier glared at me with open animosity, before turning her attention to the restroom door, looking dreamily for Roman to appear. Boy oh boy did I know better than to get involved with this guy, but deep in my gut i knew. He needed me.

[byunskjm-blog]

Changes ( I )

Genre: Angst, Fluff, CEO! AU, Idol! AU

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader x Baekhyun

Length: 2.5k

Changes Masterlist

It was like your whole world had crumbled around you. Hearing those words opened your eyes to how naive and stupid you were to actually believe a single word he said to you. It was supposed to be a private conversation between the two of them but it was impossible to hear anything other than what they were saying.

If you stayed another second you would risk your cries being heard. So instead you got up from your desk and began speed walking towards the nearest restroom. When you were in a stall you began throwing up the breakfast you had. Quite literally you were sick to your stomach and you were sure anyone else in your situation would be the same way if they heard what you did. You flushed down the bile, got up, and made your way to the granite sink. All thoughts had abandoned your mind and you were left absolutely clueless as you cleaned herself up. In this moment, this bathroom was the safest place in your life, if you left it would stir up a storm that you did not want. You reached for your phone to call someone to get you but you realized you left it at your desk with the rest of your belongings. It was guaranteed that if you went back there he would’ve noticed you left. It would be so easy to just leave without a word and disappear. Then he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for what he would do to you in the future and you would have time to mend your heart. You were pulled from your thoughts when a pack of women piled into the restroom to fix their makeup and use it. If you continued to just stand there you would make a fool of yourself, so you mustered up enough strength to return to your desk and act like everything was fine, at least for today.

By this time the woman had left his office and you could feel his gaze fixated on you. Usually you would feel butterflies in your stomach, but that was replaced with sickness. You refused to meet his eyes which he found bizarre. Your thoughts have been scattered like a jigsaw puzzle and you were trying your best to put it together but the pieces just didn’t seem to fit. Just when you were getting somewhere with it you were pulled from your thoughts when you heard the phone ring.

Your voice was shaky as you did the greeting you were trained to say. He didn’t even have to speak for you to know exactly who it was. “Can I see you in my office?” His tone was strictly professional, the kind of voice he used when on business calls with stockholders and big time artists. It’s not like you could say no to him, he was your boss after all.

You put the phone back and stood up from your seat tugging on the hem of your skirt to pull it down a bit. It was weird because he had seen you without anything on and you never minded it before, but now you felt humiliated when showing even the tiniest sliver of skin. You feared that it would make you more vulnerable than you already were.

It was only a few steps to his office but for some reason it took forever to reach it. You pushed through the big glass door that led to him in his office chair leaning on his desk waiting for you to take a seat. When you did you avoided his gaze at all costs. “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” He could always read you, that’s one of the reasons why you fell for him in the first place. But was he really questioning why you were upset? You wanted to say it was because he was having some woman’s child and that you felt utterly betrayed and heartbroken. But what you wanted to say and what you did say was totally different.

“I’m fine.” Junmyeon knew women well enough to know that ‘I’m fine’ screamed something far from it. He carded a hand through his raven hair and motioned to stand right in front of you to get a better look. He leaned against his oak wood desk with his arms crossed over his chest and gave you a look that would under any other circumstance make you crack and spill all your secrets, but this was different. No look he gave you could change how you felt. Even with him right in front of you, you still could not bring yourself to face him.

It wasn’t until he brought your chin between his pointer finger and thumb and lifted your head that you finally looked into his eyes. You were searching for something within them, something that would reassure you that everything would be ok and that you could trust him. But you didn’t find what you were looking for. “Now i’ll ask again. What’s wrong?” His voice kept the stern tone.

“I think you know very well what’s wrong Junmyeon.” Unlike his, your voice cracked just like your heart. Why was he playing dumb? He knew that you knew yet it felt like he wanted to hear you say what was making your heart break.

“So you heard.” His hand once again brushed through his hair as the stress rolled of his shoulders.

“Of course I heard. If you’re going to have a conversation with someone be sure to close the door fully.” You were now letting him have it. You had been concealing your pain ever since you heard.

“You weren’t meant to hear that.” Somehow he was trying to flip this on you and make you seem like you had been the one who messed up.

“It’s better i hear it now. So i don’t continue to look stupid.” You were grateful in some twisted way that you heard what you did. If you hadn’t you would continue to love someone who probably never loved you to begin with.

It was for the best that your heart be broken now so that you would have time to fix it and move on. Silence encapsulated the room, too scared to speak, scared that if you continued, a fight would break out and cause an unwanted scene. “She’s 2 months…” you were now piecing it all together. “Correct me if i’m wrong but we’ve been together for about 2 months.” You lifted your head to face him when you confronted him. The roles were reversed and he was the one who couldn’t look at you. “So when was it?” You were being curt. All you wanted was answers, no matter how much it hurt to hear.

“You were in Busan. It was after…” He was unable to finish his sentence but you knew exactly where it was leading.

You nodded in understanding. “So I leave for 2 weeks to mourn my dead mother and you knock someone up? Yup sounds about right.” You scoffed at how surreal this all sounded.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He felt offended by your words.

“It means that you never cared from the start and all this was to you was a good fuck.” Your eyes were locked with his as you spoke every word of that sentence.

Junmyeon couldn’t believe a word he was hearing. “Is that what you honestly think? That I have never cared?”

You looked away when he asked you those questions because a tiny part of you did think he cared but that part was being crushed by a part that told you he didn’t.

“If I never cared then why would I go out of my way to make this relationship work? I could get a good fuck anywhere but with you I wanted more than that. And it hurts to know you think that low of me.”

Were you actually hearing this? It was quite amazing how Kim Junmyeon could turn any situation into one where he is the victim. “What am I supposed to think of you? You literally got some girl pregnant and expect me not to feel hurt or betrayed. You don’t get to play victim this time.”

Both of you were reaching your breaking points, both hurt, and both wish this had never happened. “We weren’t even together at the time. You were in Busan and I was here, missing you.”

That’s when you lost all control you had left. “Do you even hear yourself? You missed me so much to the point where you put your dick in the nearest warm body. And you are totally right we weren’t together so I have no right to be mad or upset because were we ever really together?” You got up from the chair with tears spilling from yours eyes. You had to get out of here now, you felt like you were being suffocated. You didn’t want to hear the half assed excuse he was about to come up with, all you wanted was to leave.

With your hand on the handle you stopped when you heard his voice, “If you walk out now, you walk out on us, on everything we’ve been through.”

You let out a shaky breath at his words. “What do you want me to do Junmyeon? You want me to stick around and play house with you and your kid? Want me to live in this pretend world where you didn’t betray my trust?”

He was silent. He didn’t want any of that. All he wanted was you.

“I can’t do that to myself. I won’t do that to myself. I have more self respect than you think.” And with that you walked out of there finally finding the ability to breathe again.

Today was the last day you would be anywhere near that office or him. You were leaving and not looking back. You came back from the supply closet with a box to put all your belongings in. In these couple months you made this desk like a second home, keeping snacks, photos, cute notes, memories. But you wanted nothing to do with those memories. You trashed everything you didn’t need like dumb sticky notes from Junmyeon that he’d leave for you in the morning, or his favorite treats that you kept when he got hungry. All you were left with in the end was a few photos and some other nick nacks.

You realized you would have to hand in your letter of resignation to him. So you sat down and filled out the form and prepared for the last time you had to see him. When you finished it you made sure all your things were in order so that you could leave right after. You knocked before walking in making sure you kept your professionalism. He looked very different from the last hour you saw him. His tie was loosened and he was slouched in his chair. No guilt came to you, you wanted to get this over with as quick as possible.

You placed the document on his desk and when he went to read it his eyes widened. “Why are you doing this to me? Can’t you see i'm hurting too. Now you want to leave me.” The hurt in his voice was evident.

“I don’t want to do anything. It’s about what I need to do. I have to leave because seeing you will only hurt me more. And as cliche as it sounds if you truly did care then you would let me go.” You were definitely being more civil with him this time around.

“If that’s what you need to do then I don’t have any right to stop you.”

You thought that was the end of it so you turned to leave but before you could even take a step he spoke again. “But i don’t think i could ever truly let you go.”

Your whole body was telling you to say something but your mouth came up empty with no words being spoken. Even though your mouth was dry your eyes definitely weren’t. Was there any situation where it would be ok for you to stay with him? All signs pointed to catastrophe and heartbreak. But how could you leave him without feeling anything? How could you ever recover from the damage that has been done? He had burned you beyond recovery.

Wiping away a tear that had fallen in your moments of weakness, you gathered your remaining strength and walked out of that office with your head held high. It took all the willpower you had to not look back to see if he had been in as much pain as you were in. All you did was grab that cardboard box and make your way to the elevator.

Your mind was in a whole other universe which is what caused you to bump into someone. Immediately you apologized not looking at the person who was on the receiving end of your recklessness. “It’s ok.” It was the voice that caught your attention. That voice. It wasn’t necessary to see the face to know the owner of that voice. It was the same woman who was the cause of your heartache. The woman recognized you as well and took this opportunity to ask you if you had seen her phone in Junmyeon’s office. Even with the cardboard box in hand and tears on the edge the lady didn’t grasp the fact that you were no longer working there. Regardless you still complied and answered her question honestly. It wasn’t long after that you went your separate ways. That sudden encounter didn’t do anything but add more worries and thoughts.

It seemed as though the universe really did hate you because when you stepped out of the building you were greeted with a downpour of rain. Obviously you weren’t expecting this kind of weather so you didn’t have a jacket or umbrella on hand. In all honesty your health and well being wasn’t your concern right now, so you started out on your trek home. You could’ve taken the bus home to be faster and get out of the rain but you didn’t. You just kept walking along a sidewalk that was next to one of the busiest roads in Seoul.

Your thoughts took over once again and the outside world became mute. When a hand wrapped around your wrist you went into panic mode. Were you being kidnapped? The mystery person started running with his hand still attached to yours. You had no other choice but to run with him. He took a sharp right and came to a stop. The rain was no longer soaking you. You turned to see who the assailant was. At first you saw a dark haired man with a black hoodie and black face mask. It wasn’t until he took both pieces off that you could finally breathe right again. He could tell how relieved you were to see his face which only made him smile. “Baekhyun what are you doing here?”

[jeonghants]

I have to let this out but idk where so,,, ,, 

this week has honestly been the most bizarre thing yet?? on wednesday I finished an exam and flew to Seoul. on Friday I saw Seventeen in Caratland, marking my first time seeing them for more than just a quick glance or a single music show recording. and now on Sunday I’m back home and everything feels like a dream??

and like,, somehow Caratland didn’t even set in until last night when I was packing? I was putting the slogan and necklace we got into a binder and I just,,, broke down,, after 3 and a half years I finally saw them like this and it feels too good to be true and I’ll always cherish these memories. I’m going to be super tired this upcoming week, but the trip was worth everything. all the stress, the lack of sleep, living really sparingly last fall... so worth it.

it was such a precious experience. when I bought my ticket I didn’t even realize where the seat was because it was so stressful and I just wanted to get something, but in the end I had a very good view from the 6th row in 2nd floor right next to the stage. I was so stressed when I got into my section because I hadn’t realized how close it would be hjsdajd and I found my seat very easily and ended up sitting with a Japanese Joshua fan. ;;;; we talked quite a bit and it made the fanmeeting even more enjoyable because every time Boo would do something she’d point at the screen and I’d do the same whenever her biases did something and she had a tiny breakdown ;;

the content was... the best. my cheeks started hurting halfway into the whole thing, and some of my absolute favorite parts were Minghao re-doing his 2015 “Dirty dirty jam jam” aegyo, Seungkwan grabbing Jeonghan’s wig in a VCR, all the VCRs to begin with, Seungkwan doing absolutely anything, all the switched unit stages, Hoshi messing up with reading the members’ names on slogans, the SeokMingyu slogan, Seungcheol and Mingyu falling over sharing the same double T-shirt because they are the dumb and dumber, singing Hoshi happy birthday in March, Boo’s aegyo... and honestly vocal unit performing Come to me, one of the songs closest to my heart? woah.

I was sure I would cry during the fanmeet but honestly I was just,, too in awe and too happy to? and I was being SO STRONG until there was a VCR with them being silly in some making photos and they’d all written “____’s holiday is Carats ♥” on them and ;;; not to mention the VCR with stuff like “You made Seventeen” and “You made our dreams” ;;;; thank god the encore was Campfire and not Smile flower because that would’ve been game over.

+ Seungkwan in Change up really,, changed my life. as soon as I saw him I lost it ajhdsaj it was too good in every possible way, the rapping, the outfit, the whole thing. ;; but also the leather pants he,,, rly had to put on towards the end,,, I suffer from those through the screen and I rly had to suffer from them in real life too. 🙃

aaaand I guess I finally got to feel what people mean when they say being at a Seventeen event feels like being home? I felt really happy and comfortable the whole time, and I think it was a first for an event. I really can’t say enough just how much I love these boys ;;;; they’ve made me so happy over the years and will only continue to do so in the future. 💕💕💕

and the whole,, atmosphere really? I got to do my first pc trades after the Welcome booth and it was a struggle but in the end I got both Seungkwans ;;; and people in general were really nice? a Chinese Carat offered me candy while we were queuing for our tickets and it was really just a set of pleasant interactions all around.

haaaaaa I miss them so much already but I’m so happy to be a Carat, both for the boys and for the fact that the fans are - or can be - very nice, too. ;; it’s one big family, really. 

now I just,, need to work as hard as I possibly can so that I could, maybe, see them again during the summer. hard work pays off right,,, right,,

[onesparrow]

An essay on why Mama Mia is about a bunch of sirens and takes place in the same universe as Kingsman

Buckle your seatbelts kids, and let me tell why all the leading ladies in Mama Mia are sirens and how this applies to Kingsman. (and James Bond, sometimes)

So it’s the 80’s and Kingsman is keeping tabs on MI6, as they do, when they see that they’ve sent 007 to Greece of all places. Merlin assumes that this is because of the very bizarre reports they’ve been getting about possible mind control drugs, and when 007 is reported being seen with Donna (Meryl Streep), he sends Harry out under the guise of Harry Bright.

Off he goes, discovers that there are, in fact, no drugs, and comes back. All is fine and dandy, no one is any the wiser of the siren thing, and nothing happens for twenty years or so. But then Harry gets an invite to a wedding, Merlin catches wind that 007 is also going, and yeah that’s a little suspicious, so Harry gets sent back off to Greece.

“Remember that Harry Bright is not spontaneous and a dork,” Merlin reminds Harry as he ships him off. 

Queue Mama Mia, the movie, and Harry getting dragged into a bunch of song and dance routines while Merlin makes sure to record every second for posterity. Merlin eventually figures out that it’s not mind control drugs, it just so happens that Donna and Co are sirens and are much more powerful in numbers than they are on their own. Both Donna and Sophie are a good deal stronger than Donna’s friends, but that’s neither here nor there. They also have zero interest in using their powers for any purpose except for seducing the occasional person and throwing really wild parties. So he tells Harry to ride it out, which is why Harry pays for part of the wedding (with Kingsman money), and also claims to be 1/3 of Sophie’s dad even though there is no way that she’s his because Kingsman has all their agents on birth control. Even though there is nothing worth seeing (from a Kingsman perspective), Merlin has Harry stay for the rest of the wedding, James Bond gets married, and Harry has a brief fling with that Greek dude because why the hell not.

Merlin does a bit more research on sirens, and discovers the following;

Sirens are pack/school/pod whatever creatures and their powers are amplified in a group setting. The more of them there are, the more convincing they are, and can pretty much get entire crowds to join in. Since humans are also group based creatures, once there's a large enough group doing an activity, others are likely to jump in even if they aren't as easily effected. (like in flash mobs! there's always randos joining in)

Their powers are centred in suggestion, and since song is a really great way to get people to remember things, singing always works best for sirens. Plus makes it easier for other sirens to be in sync, vs just shouting things at random.

While sirens did use to bash ships onto rocks and lead men to their deaths, they only did so to protect their own territory. But now there’s laws against that, and also things like wifi. Sirens like youtube videos of baby animals just as much as the rest of us.

Sirens can’t really use their powers on each other; it’s just very tempting for other sirens to join in when they’re singing. There’s a certain pull there, but it’s easily resisted.

The siren gene is passed down on the mother's side, but not all sirens are female; there are male sirens, but they're a lot rarer just since there is a guarantee that female offspring will be sirens, but there's only a 50/50 shot that the male one will be. Female offspring are also more common, occurring 75% of the time.

And now let’s get back to Kingsman under the cut. 

Because you know who is a siren? Michelle Unwin, that’s who. I have evidence for this, but we’ll get to that later so bear with me. Like I said before, sirens are highly social, group based creatures; so when Michelle fell in love with Lee, it was VERY difficult for her to leave her family. But she loved him, there were tearful goodbyes and promises to visit the little coastal town she was from, but it wasn't on any main rail lines and they were busy with baby Eggsy and then Lee had to go off and join Kingsman and die. So while Michelle used to sing to Eggsy when he was a baby, she gets too depressed after Lee’s death and is trying to keep the two of them afloat, so she stops singing entirely.

Once Dean comes around, Michelle hasn't sung in years, because any songs of grief she would have sung for Lee would have been group based, as all siren songs are, and she hasn't been around any other sirens in years. She's too buried in her grief to consider going back to her family, and has lost contact anyhow, and then she meets Dean and she’s stuck there.

She's not 100% certain that Eggsy is a siren, but she forbids him from ever singing along with anything. Probably under the guise of 'Dean will hate it' or something, maybe even going as far as to telling him that Dean had complained about the quality of his voice (which is MASSIVELY taboo in siren culture, to tell another siren that their singing voice isn't up to par; that's just not a thing. It's not something you can ever say with any breadth of kindness) Eggsy is a good kid though, so he doesn't sing, even when he gets the urge.

He doesn’t sing at all until Daisy is born, and even then he’ll only sing when it's just the two of them, and only when she's upset. But even then it's super quietly, and only bits and pieces of a song. Daisy will always calm down when he sings, will just stare up at him and wave her tiny fists around happily or just go to sleep. Since Daisy is female, she’s for sure a siren (it's why Michelle was so terrified, when she called Eggsy in hysterics and demanded he come home from the army; she couldn't protect a baby from Dean by herself if she started to show her abilities). Singing and talking happens around the same time for baby sirens, and in the same way you can't forbid a baby from screaming or crying, you can’t forbid them to start singing if they get the urge. Since Eggsy sings to her, sometimes, she still has that social aspect that keeps the siren powers ‘awake’, even if it's weak. So her cries don't bring everyone running, but it does keep Dean and his men from trying to do anything unfortunate to keep her quiet. Sometimes they'll start to push past it, but once they get close enough to her crib she'll shriek loud enough that the 'back off' message is just strong enough to get them to leave her alone. Even baby sirens aren't helpless.

Side note; sirens have larger lung capacities which they use for singing, and are great swimmers because their preferred habitats are islands and they’d swim out to crash ships to protect them. Which is why Eggsy can hold his breath so long in that water test in comparison to the others.

Here’s how this ties back in properly to Kingsman; Valentine’s tech were based off of siren song. Originally, they were trying to reproduce it to the point so they could, like sirens, suggest a specific idea. That proved to be too complex though, so they settled for just suggesting a certain emotion, and then amp that frequency the hell up. So when the devices go off, Michelle has been suppressing her siren abilities for a solid seventeen years or so, so she gets drawn into it though. Daisy though? Daisy has been using it on and off, and she’s nearly a toddler when V-Day happens. Toddlers are entirely capable of the feeling of anger, and at the very least she should be throwing a temper tantrum, but instead she just sits in the bathroom and gets upset while her mother goes berserk and tries to murder her. Latent siren powers, huzzah!

Anywho, the rest of the Kingsman film goes as scripted, Eggsy becomes Gwaine, Harry comes back from the dead, neither Roxy nor Merlin die, Eggsy does not move out of Harry’s house, time passes, Harry and Eggsy get together, etc etc. I should mention that I have not seen Mama Mia 2 yet so we’re just going to ignore everything that happens there, but Harry gets an invite to Greece. Merlin insists that not only does he need more data points on siren abilities, especially post V-Day, Harry needs a vacation, and MI6 is there so he has to go. Harry points out that James Bond lives there with Donna, and therefore it doesn’t count as MI6 having a presence. Harry argues until Merlin mentions he’ll be sending Eggsy with him as backup, and suddenly Harry is thrilled to see his 1/3 daughter.

Both Eggsy and Harry work on some resistance training against siren song best they can, which is pretty easy because Harry has been actively been working on it since V-Day. Meanwhile Eggsy is a. stubborn as all hell b. has spent nearly his whole life resisting the urge to sing, which is half of the deal. They get to Greece, and Sophie IMMEDIATELY takes a shine to Eggsy, and is absolutely thrilled that Harry found someone to be happy with. Eggsy thinks Sophie is great, and that dorky Harry Bright is adorable. After the first few days though Eggsy is fairly stressed because he’s surrounded by several very powerful sirens and keeps resisting their siren songs, AND Harry keeps getting viciously hit on by everyone. I mean they're hitting on Eggsy too, but he doesn't notice because he's too busy being territorial; there is a very tan Greek man who keeps making doe eyes at Harry because they shacked up last time. (fun fact, greek dude from Mama Mia is also a siren, Merlin is cackling in the background)

The power keeps building as the third day goes around, and that night is when the party REALLY starts. Sirens feed off of group emotions, which is why they’re always so quick to cheer each other up, since otherwise you can end up bumming out everyone in the vicinity. It’s also one of the reasons that Valentine’s tech worked so well; the more people got involved, the more powerful it got. Anyways, by that point Eggsy’s jealousy has built and he’s fairly worn down by the constant barrage of “let’s throw a rager and flirt with everything that moves” mood the sirens have been throwing off the entire day. So when the karaoke thing starts, and Sophie goads him into doing a song, Eggsy is like “Yeah fuck it who cares if my voice is shit I am getting my ass up there here goes”.

Meanwhile Harry is also concerned because he’s been living with Eggsy for a year now and has never heard him sing, not even at Daisy’s birthday party where everyone sang and he just mumbled along. So he’s viciously texting Merlin about how he thinks that Eggsy has been effected and is going to make a fool of himself or something against his will, and please delete the recording as soon as it’s over, and then never bring it up. In the meantime Eggsy has vaulted up onto the stage, still stubborn and scowling, but once he gets up there he realises that he’s on a makeshift stage and has never sung anything before in his life. But he commits, because Sophie is giving him a thumbs up, and he’s not going to climb back off the stage now, is he?

Sophie puts on ‘Lay All Your Love On Me’ and while Eggsy is a little shy for the opening line or two, by the time the chorus starts he’s completely into it. By the second chorus the rest of the sirens have joined in, and Eggsy has jumped off the stage so that he can confidently put himself in Harry’s lap and is generally radiating such a strong ‘back the FUCK off’ vibe that he’s cleared a good sized circle around them. Donna is thrilled and is shouting things like “YOU TELL EM BOY” and Sophie is cackling because she’s placed bets on whether or not Eggsy had siren blood in him and will be collecting good money that night.

Harry is entirely shocked at first, and Merlin is 50% thrilled because this will be so useful and 50% pissed off because how did they not know about this earlier?!

The rest of the trip goes very well, aside from some shenanigans about whether or not James Bond is James Bond (Harry and Eggsy both swear that they’ve met James Bond, but Eggsy insists that that’s not him, because James Bond is blonde and blue eyed and together with MI6’s version of Merlin, and that’s how they figure out that James Bond is as much of a title as Galahad is), Sophie and Eggsy bond and she gives him a bunch of super secret siren tips that Merlin really wishes he hadn’t overheard. There’s singing, there’s dancing, etc etc.

Once Merlin gets over the things he heard and Eggsy and Harry get back to HQ, he already has a bunch of tests for Eggsy lined up. Which is how Eggsy and Roxy get locked in a sound proof room while Merlin hangs out on the other side of a sheet of soundproof glass with a mic and a cup of tea while Eggsy tries to get Roxy to join in on a duet of a Spice Girls song. That then inspires Merlin, and Eggsy finds himself staring down Roxy saying "tell me what you want, what you really really want" in various intonations to see if they could possibly use Eggsy's abilities as a truth serum. ((The answer is no, in part because Roxy can’t stop laughing))

They discover that Eggsy's powers mostly extend to people who are either susceptible to a good mental push (like drunk people, or those of particularly weak constitutions) or people who are letting themselves be pushed (like Harry, if they're alone and he's feeling like indulging Eggsy's brattiness). But as Merlin puts it "Unless we have an influx of targets hanging out in karaoke bars or greek islands, I don't know that it'll come up often”.

Oh and when they need more recruits Eggsy nominates Sophie. She’s been taught to fight by James Bond in the past few years so she has a leg up there, but she passes with flying colours and joins Kingsman.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk on why Harry Bright is just Harry Hart’s cover and Eggsy and the ladies from Mama Mia are all sirens.

[heartsofvalor]

I’m sure we’ve all seen plenty of these floating around and ofc, I wanted to contribute. Not too long ago, I rebooted my blog & moved fresh, yet so many of you followed me without hesitation. I love every single one of you guys and I can’t begin to thank you for everything you’ve all done for me. Your existence alone has changed my life for the better and I honestly can’t express just how grateful I am for that. I’m not that good with words, so I just wanted to say that I love every single one of you reading this (even if you’re not on the list -- that’s nothing to do with you, it’s to do with my very non existent memory & honestly, if I went through my following list -- you’d all be on here and that would be a very very long list). This is basically just a post for me to express my gratitude to the people that have talked me out of some bad times, that have been there through the good times & people that have put up with my endless chatting !  I love all of you and I hope that you start 2018 in the best of ways. Remember that it will get better and that you, yes you, are incredible. You are strong and brave, smart and kind. You deserve all the goodness this shitty world has to offer and I hope you get that goodness. I hope you get that happy ending.

@ofheatguns / @ofcoldguns / @chaosdwelling / @sxdiistic / @brthlxss / @artificiallyimplantedmemories / @moonshadcws / @codeworn / @petrasplaining / @islandhaunted / @jaxonsawyer - @vampiricallyxspeaking / @makochosen / @officerh / @tobeblamed / @warricrsbcw / @godisabitofabastard / @bicornmagic / @moonhurts / @oftroubledsouls / @blindednephilim - @snatchedatlight - @angelblccded / @adoredlife / @zeusbuilt / @patchofstars - @gentlemind / @mccallofthewild / @stilinskinator / @multamusae 

under the cut are the rambling parts !!

@executiie -- Abby! You have the most beautiful heart and soul. You are never ending kindness to me and I honestly don’t know how to thank you for being in my life. I’m so happy that I know you, really, I am. You’re so important to my life now, so important to how I think and how I am. You’ve helped me through some of the hardest times this year and I can’t fucking thank you enough for that. For being the light in the darkness that I was facing. You are one of the most talented writers that I’ve ever come across and I will never get over how much I love your muses and our muses dynamics. We clicked, just like that. The writing chemistry is insane and I still can’t get over how fast we started to write, and how many things we have now (which is just hilarious to me because we can’t stop hoarding and I love it). When we first started talking, we connected just like that, on a whole new level of friendship. We went straight past awkwardness and right into best friend mode and I’m so, so thankful that I get to talk to you nearly every single day? My days are pretty fuckin’ sad and empty when I don’t get to talk to you though, (damn timezones). But when I do? Oh man. I love talking to you, I love discussing things and plotting things out with you. You’re always there when I need you and I can’t thank you enough. I’m so grateful for your existence in this world and I really, really hope that the new year brings less stress, more happiness and more time to chill (more time to talk to me -- no, I’m kidding). You deserve so much more than what the universe has given you and I hope to aide in making you feel even a tiny bit better, because that is what you better. I want the world to be kinder to you and I want the world to love you more than it does. I know this is rambling but I genuinely can’t express with words, just how truly grateful and happy I am to know you? That the world decided we should talk and we did and now -- now I can’t imagine life without you. I love you. (Also: thank you for taking interest in my OCs and thank you for helping me to develop them. You have no idea how much that means to me. I’m so fucking thankful that you helped to shape Delanie into the person she is today. I am forever grateful that you took interest in my girls, that you helped me develop them and that you’ve helped me to further develop all of my other muses. There isn’t enough words in the world to express how thankful I am for that. For you.)

@giveseverything / @gentleruin / @moontaint -- Rae. I don’t even know where to start with this? Roll back to the time when we vaguely knew each other, when we talked occasionally -- to now, where we don’t go a single day without talking to each other (or try not to at least). A wild contrast, honestly. Did you know that we’ve known each other since 2016? That seems so bizarre to me, that we only just started talking in the last few months, since September (yes I checked, fight me!). But the connection we made in the first few days of really talking was incredible, it was so fast and we just clicked. I don’t honestly know what I would do without your presence in my life now? You’re such an integral and important part of my life that I’d be lost without you. I’m lost on the days where we don’t talk, I feel empty when it’s been hours since we last chatted. I’m honestly a sap when it comes to you because you’re so, so important to me and I can’t thank the world enough for pushing us together when it did. Something so important formed so quickly and I just -- I can’t get over how much you mean to me. You always, always makes me smile. You never fail to make me laugh and you’ve got an ironclad grip around my entire life. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about you, when I’m not wondering how you are and if you’re doing okay. You have made my life so much brighter by being in it and I’m so happy that I know you, I’m so happy that I get to watch you develop your OCs, that I get to play with them and form such meaningful and long lasting relationships with our muses. You have shaped my life, absolutely for the better, and I don’t honestly know what I’d do without you now. I really hope that this year brings better things for you, I hope that it is kinder and softer and far more gentle on your open soul. I want the world to be better to you. So, thank you, for staying with me - for sticking by me through those really rough patches. You are an incredible human being and I love you to the moon, stars and back again. 

@mcmachine / @fatecrossed / @losthunt -- Jill! My shining light. You, my friend, are an incredible human being that I appreciate so, so much. You’re so kind and gentle and you never fail to make me laugh, even when I’m having a hard time. Please remember that you are loved, even when you feel down and out and that I’m always, always here for you. You have helped me in so many ways, helped me development and I feels comfortable talking with you. I love how quickly and easily our friendship developed and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve helped me grow and change and become a better person and you are such a good person with such a kind heart that deserves so much love and gentle care. I really do hope that this year brings more kindness into your life, less stress and less sadness. You deserve to live in a stress free life and you deserve to be happy, all the time. Happiness is such a good look on you. Thank you for putting up with me, through all my bad times (which I know there’s been a lot of recently). Thank you for being there, for always reminding me of the good things, rather than the bad. Thank you for understanding me, for understanding my quirks. I’m so appreciative of your existence and I can’t thank the world enough for letting me get to know you. (Still hecked that we didn’t meet up when you were in the UK though--). Thank you for helping me to develop my muses and thank you for being you, the kind hearted soul that you are. I really do hope that good things come your way this way. I love you! 

@valeureux / @drowniingdreams -- Charlie! Can you believe it’s been three years since we first started talking? It honestly doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. You’ve been an amazing friend to me over the years (I can say that, hah!) and you’ve always been so supportive, always listened to me talk shit over the phone and listen to me ramble. You’ve put up with so much crap from me and I honestly can’t thank you enough for sticking around, even though sometimes I’m super difficult to deal with. I really hope that the new year brings you everything that you deserve, because you truly are an amazing person and I couldn’t be happier to know you, honestly. All of our threads and all of our interactions make me the happiest. I love all the development that we’ve put into our things and I love your dedication to your muses (even if you are satan and hurt me with that dedication sometimes). You are honestly such a sunshine and I really appreciate having you in my life. You’re so fiercely protective of the people you care about and that is such an amazing quality to have. I love you!! I love our babies!! I really hope that this year is kinder and gentler to you, because you deserve it so, so much. Thank you for being there for me through the rough times and the good times, thank you for sticking with me and not giving up on me. I can’t thank you enough for just existing in my life and providing me with the kind of support that I really, really needed this year (and the years before). You mean the absolute world to me, you gem! (I kinda rambled here but the general gist is that I love you and I hope this year makes you smile more because you deserve it).

@mkvch / @frednm -- Maggie! The one who acts like the sibling I always needed in my life. I just want to start this off with saying how much I love your dedication to Mickey? To all of your muses? I found you first on your Mickey blog (right in the Height of my Shameless binge) and I was so happy to find someone that understood Mickey in the way that you do. You are funny and you are smart and you’re kind (to me, definitely) and you always make me laugh, you always make me smile and I’m absolutely going to fight you with love, like a brother would if you try to fight me on this. You’ve been there for me and I’m so happy that you exist? Because your dedication is like nothing I’ve ever seen towards a single character. You understand Mickey’s mannerisms and attitude at such a complex depth that I’m just in awe of you? Whenever you write headcanons, I’m always sat at my screen, unable to comprehend how you can know a muse so well without actually being that muse -- I’m still convinced that you might actually be Mickey, we still don’t know to this day -- find out at Ten! Anyway, back to the point -- I think you’re the fucking bee’s knee’s and I will literally fight anyone who says otherwise. I will fight any person that tries to tell me that you’re not an incredible human being because you are. You’re amazing and such a talented writer and I’m so glad that I go to know you, that I got to write with you and that I get to plot with you. I really hope that this year brings better things for you, that things get better, that the world is kinder to you. Because you deserve it and I love you, so so much. 

@themythscometolife -- Fi! You have been by my side for what feels like forever, you’ve talked me through some of the hardest things in my life, you’ve understood me on a level that not many people can and I appreciate your existence in my life so much? You make me laugh, you make me smile and you always make me see things logically, you help me through the decisions that I can’t make on my own and I honestly can’t thank you enough for helping to shape me into a better person, into a brighter person. You’ve been there for me through some really tough times and I just... I can’t express how much you mean to me. I’m not good with words, we know this, but I wanted to at least try and tell you that I adore you and you mean the absolute world to me. I’m so grateful that we get to write together, I’m so glad that you got a discord! I’m so glad that we get to chat together whenever we can and I’m just .... so thankful. I love all of your muses and the dedication you put into every single one. I’m still so impressed that you can handle so many with such ease. I’m also super glad that you added Ethan thanks to my somewhat enabling :’) Thank you for staying by my side, thank you for helping me through the rough times. I really hope this year is good to you. I hope that you get all the good things this year. I hope that things turn around for you. I hope the new year is everything you want it to be and more. I love you.

[joonsjeon]

Invisible // Chapter 10

Here we are lovelies, this story is officially done and has come to an end.  I’m sad and happy at the same time considering that this was my first ever multi chapter story... but I hope you enjoy it and well I really hope that you are happy with how things are ending now.  Thank you for tagging along on this small ride~

Pairing: Mark x Reader x Jaebum Words: ~4100 Genre: Fluff, Angst Warnings: none

Masterlist

The moment our lips met I could feel my heart hammering against my chest out of joy and panic at the same time. In a constant, fast rhythm it kept beating so loud that she might have even heard it at this distance. My head was in the same state of absolute happiness and screaming chaos, unable of making my body move because I could not figure out what kind of reaction would be appropriate. Did she kiss me because she meant it? Because she wanted to kiss me and feel how everything around us quieted down as my mind and senses gravitated to her? Or did she kiss me out of pity? Because she felt bad for me being in pain and wanted to give a final, last shimmer of hope before reality would hit me hard? Even though the kiss itself only lasted nothing but a couple of seconds I knew that this moment would be on loop in my mind for an eternity. Her peachy, soft lips gently pressed against mine or the shape of her lips making it feel like they were meant to be mine as they melted so effortlessly into another. Her breath tingling on my upper lip as I could smell the familiar scent of her and her perfume stronger than ever before. The gentle touch of her hand on my cheek lasting even shorter than the kiss itself because she shyly retreated when I was not able to give back the same kind of affection to her. I could almost feel myself slipping to the brink of insanity once that magnificent feeling was gone again as fear rushed through me that this was a one-time opportunity. My only chance to ever feel what I had been longing for. The only thought that calmed me down, made me feel a little more at ease again, was the knowledge that even when she was physically gone, the memory of this moment would last forever. Nobody could take it from me, nobody could ever even imagine the heat spreading through my body.  

“Why…why did you do that?” I finally mumbled with a voice so quiet and insecure from the shock that it would not have been a surprise if my words had been inaudible. However, an evenly shy and insecure smile formed on the girl’s lips still sitting in front of me. She had not backed away after kissing me, the way I expected her to do actually. Her body was so close that I could clearly feel the nervous energy radiating from it once I paid attention to it.

“There’s a lot you don’t know, Morkie.” She whispered, breaking our seemingly everlasting eye contact only to look down on the ground. “You got to say thank you to Jaebum, you know.” The words didn’t add up to any of our previous conversation, leaving me confused and curious what was about to come. While I knew that she had kept a secret or two from me, because that was only natural for every human being to do, I could not quite understand how thanking JB made sense in that matter. Especially considering everything that just happened. “Why?” She obviously expected the question, an answer had already formed in her mind I could see it because she was not focused on forming the right words in her head. The reason why she didn’t answer right away was simply because she was afraid to put those words out there, a fact that did nothing but spark my curiosity even further. Admittedly, I still had trouble focusing on the conversation as her lips did an amazing job in clouding my mind. Just looking at them sent me right back to where I had been a few seconds ago, a mindset full of happy feelings and rainbows, as absolutely cheesy as it sounded. A safe haven just like the one we were in at the moment, my very own personal safe haven I could visit whenever I wanted. She had given me more than I could have ever asked for without even realizing. The sound of a deep, soft sigh pulled me back into reality. Her eyes slowly found their way back up to land on mine again. She tried to keep the contact steady to at least fake a little bit of her usual confidence but the way her eyes flickered from left to right, slightly shaking the way they did when tears fought their way to the surface, I knew it was nothing but an act. A very cute one though. The very first second I had seen her (Y/E/C) eyes all those months ago something about them had captivated me. Maybe it was the way they always seemed to sparkle when she smiled, along with the tiny wrinkles around them. Or maybe it was the kindness that could not be overlooked by anyone. Her eyes truly suited her warm and kind heart. “Because he wouldn’t let me go anywhere until I admitted my feelings for you.” She explained and chuckled at the sight of me flinching at yet another wave of confusion. There was no longer the option of pity to explain her actions. “A few months ago I was on the verge of telling you that I was in love with you… but then you guys went on tour. Seeing you were so stressed out and busy all the time I figured that I didn’t want to be another burden… so I never told you.” I was at a loss for words for very obvious reasons. Not the confession itself was what was causing the chaos inside of me. It was the fact that I had been in love with her all this time and she had been in love with me too and yet it was our own fault that we had not ended up on the top of this hill any sooner. Only because I was too shy for my own good and her too kind, why else would anybody else ever consider themselves a burden. “I-I did not expect that.” She nodded, aware that both of us had been pretty damn clueless. How could I have been this blind all along? It seemed so stupid that neither of us had read the body language right in that case because usually, we were experts at doing just that. How I was always amazed that she knew exactly what I need with nothing but a look at my face and yet she was just as unable as me to read the very obvious pain. “Over time I got so used to suppressing my feelings for you that I did in fact started liking JB. I guess it was nothing but trying to take my whole denial a step further.” She said with a small shrug of her shoulders as the insecurity hit once again. Funny how sometimes we aren’t even capable of reading or understanding our own actions because the mind acts in such abstract and bizarre ways. “So yeah… this whole situation is all kinds of fucked up and it is not only your fault.” “I can’t believe that we’ve been living under the same roof, secretly in love with each other but both of us too stupid to say something.” Was the first thing I said, letting my thoughts slip out of my mouth without thinking twice about it because I had done enough of that in the past. Overthinking. And look where it had gotten me. She laughed, a sound that gave me goosebumps because it felt like a soft silky fabric running all over my skin at the most unexpected moment. A pleasant surprise that touched me on levels barely anything else could. Hesitantly she reached out again, taking my hand and intertwining it. They seemed to be made for each other just like our lips. It felt right.   “But we managed in the end, didn’t we?”

I nodded and now could not help but smile. This was it. This was everything I wanted. She was mine. The girl that clearly was the love of my life… I could finally call her mine.

“I love you, donut.” I whispered, gently caressing her cheek with my free hand feeling the baby soft but also burning hot skin right underneath my fingertips. There it was again, the sparkle in her eyes as bright as the stars in a clear night sky when the corners of her mouth lifted at the sound of my words. It felt so good to finally put it out there, letting her know how I really felt. And this was only the beginning of showing her what she means to me.

“I love you too, idiot.”

The next morning was different. Very different from anything I had experienced the past few weeks. The first thing I saw after waking up was (Y/N)'s face snuggled into my chest, eyes still shut and her muscles completely relaxed in deep sleep.

She looked calm and at peace. I liked to think that she did feel even more at ease simply because the two of us had slept in one bed, cuddled up next to each other because I myself could definitely say that with her in my arms it was the best night rest I had gotten in a long time. Knowing that she was there right next to me, her fingers gently gripping the fabric of my shirt as if she was holding onto me to make sure I would not go anywhere and the feeling of her body pressed against mine had not only made me very sleepy but also eased me into a world of dreams free of worries and nightmares.

Even though I did not want to wake her up I could no longer suppress the desire to run my fingers through her silk-smooth hair. She moved her head at the touch of my hand but kept her eyes closed, enjoying the moment as she took her time to slowly wake up.

"Good morning." were the first words she mumbled, the sleepiness heavy in her voice which only made it sound even cuter than usual. Maybe it was just my brain being clouded by love but there was something almost angelic about the sound of her voice like I could listen to it all day long without getting tired of it.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" I asked her, secretly already knowing the answer but it would feel nice to hear her say it.

“I sure did, what about you?” she replied with a yawn that was followed by her sweet smile. With my arms still wrapped around her, I couldn’t resist the urge to pull her tightly against me so I could rest my head on hers, pressing a quick kiss on top of her skull before softly whispering a “Me too.”

It was obvious that neither of us had a problem with the idea of staying in bed all day, cuddling and sleeping a little more while watching our favorite movies together. A day like this was long overdue anyway, it almost felt like we had broken a continuous tradition of ours. However, life had different plans for us, like always.

Today was not any Saturday, it was the first Saturday of the month aka the one day in the month that all 7 of us would always go out for lunch together, every month. This was another tradition that I did not dare to break, not even for the sake of (Y/N) because I could only imagine the lecture that Jinyoung or Jackson would give me the next day if I wouldn’t show up. It really was not worth the risk.

In fact, it wasn’t quite usual to bring along anybody else, but in this case, it felt awfully wrong to just leave (Y/N) behind and also I figured that all of them were more than curious to know what happened after she left the day before. Simply put, there were more than enough reasons why I should bring her along this one time.

Breaking the silence, she suddenly asked: “It is the first Saturday of the month, isn’t it?”

I chuckled at her timing, it felt like she was able to read my mind again. “Yes, you’re right.”

“You should get going then unless you want to keep the others waiting.” She said and quickly rolled off me only to sink right back into the pillows, seeking a couple more minutes of sleep before starting her day. As cute as it looked, I wouldn’t let her get away this time.  

I got up from the bed, walked to her side and just when she was about to pull the blanket up to her chin, getting all cozy and wrapped up, I managed to grab the piece of fabric before her and threw it to the side. She groaned in annoyance while kicking her legs up in the air like a small child, followed by a pouty look that she probably hoped would make me soft.

“You’re coming with me, donut.” I laughed and then offered my hands to pull her up. She took them, somewhat glad that she didn’t need to use her own energy to move but also very far from being motivated to leave the comfort of the warm bed.

“Isn’t this some kind of boys only meeting?” she mumbled, trying to play tired with her eyes still half closed as she leaned into me instead of standing on her own. No denying, she had quite a few ideas in mind in order to try and get what she wanted, but without responding I quickly lifted her up and placed her on my shoulder. Another unmotivated moan escaped her lips as I made my way to the bathroom where I gently put her down again right in front of her side of the sink.

“It is, yes. But today I want you with me.” I said again, unintentionally my voice had gotten much softer almost making it sound like I begged for her to come with me. Of course, she noticed that and in no time at all a mischievous smile appeared on her face with no signs of tiredness left anywhere to be seen. No surprise.

“Oh, you want me there? Are you sure you didn’t mean to say you need me there?” she teased, picking up her hairbrush as she looked at me in the mirror in front of us.

With a slight sigh I stepped closer to her once again, placing my hands on her waist and my head on her shoulder as she kept on brushing her hair like she did not even notice the touch of my hand on her body, but I could see and even feel the goose bumps forming on her skin.  

“If those words will get you to come with me then yes, I need you there.” I whispered into her ear, my lips connecting to her soft skin right underneath it for just a second. When I looked back up again, her cheeks were flushed with a light pink… seeing here like this and knowing that it was me who got this kind of reaction out of her was the best feeling. Better than I ever imagined it to be.

“Fine. I’ll come with you.”

Getting ready had taken a little longer than I expected it to which resulted in my time calculations being more than off and us arriving more than just a little late. While being late was not a first for me on this kind of meetings, it was definitely a first that I had not gotten texts and calls asking where on earth I was. I wondered what they were thinking if they expected me to ditch them for the sake of (Y/N) and that was something they were fine with? Whatever it was, pleasantly surprised faces awaited me once the two of us stumbled into the restaurant, kind of stressed out but still happy that we had finally made it. On top of the fact that we had taken longer to get ready the traffic of Seoul really hadn’t been in our favor today. “We did not expect you to come, hyung.” BamBam stated which explained why there wasn’t even a chair left for me to sit on at the table they had. “Well, I am here now.” I joked and right when I was about to go back and look for additional chairs, two waiters appeared from around the corner with not only chairs but also a small table they put right next to the group to give us more space. “Thank you so much.” (Y/N) shyly said, just as startled that the staff in this restaurant had noticed us coming in here so quickly and even saw the problem at hand without us pointing it out. We sat down, ordered something to eat since both of us were actually starving and ready to have breakfast now and afterward, I should have absolutely expected that to happen, none of them gave us a break until we had fully explained ourselves and everything that happened yesterday. Even though it wasn’t an exciting story to tell.   I mostly let (Y/N) do the talking, most of the questions were directed at her anyway and related to the talk she had with them after I had abruptly left the JYPE building. Contrary to my expectations, however, there weren’t even too many questions to be asked after she had given them a quick insight on what we had talked about after she found me in my typical hideout spot. I wish I wasn’t as surprised as I was at the fact that most of them simply seemed to be happy that everything had come to an end, a very positive end in fact. However, this just proved to me what an amazing group of friends I had in my life. Nobody even bothered that (Y/N) came along today, despite it being our boys only day out, but I suppose that was because she had grown onto all of them very quickly over the course of the time we had known her now. It was indeed very easy to fall for her charming way of keeping a conversation going, especially when she was comfortable around people like she was now. Watching her smile and laugh while talking with the youngest sitting next to her reminded me of the last night out together. How stupidly I acted around her and everybody else back then, my mind intoxicated with negativity and anger. But this time around I was able to actually enjoy the time together, enjoy the sound of mixed laughter after bad jokes or Jinyoungs regular annoyed groans when Yugyeom was being his childish self again. Here I was, worried that things could not go back to normal when all it took was a lunch together, like stepping into a time machine to bring us back to the good times, hopefully with much more to come. As other conversations slowly started at the table that no longer involved the topic of past weeks drama I suddenly felt the person on my left poking my ribs in order to get my attention. I looked at Jaebum who quickly pointed at my hand that was intertwined with (Y/N)’s sitting across from me. I don’t even remember consciously reaching out for her hand, it had just happened during the flow of the conversation and again I was surprised how perfect and right the simple touch of our hands could feel. Almost magical. "I don't want to say I told you, hyung but... I told you." JB cheekily smiled at me, satisfied not only with the fact that I now had to admit he was right but at the same time apparently glad to see it all had worked out in the end. Sure, it would take a little more effort to not think about them dating every time I looked at his face, but the motivation to go back to normal was there. He was one of my best friends after all. Either way, it was a matter of pride to admit that I should have taken his advice about her feelings for me instead of running off like I did.

"Shut up... you're just lucky to be handsome enough so she would have a crush on you in the first place." I joked, letting go of her hand to take a sip from my glass as he looked at me astounded. Of course, this was just acted and knowing that we were already joking around about this took a lot of weight off my shoulder right at that moment.

"Luck? This was a lot of hard work, ok. A lot of risks and a lot of broken trust, all for my beloved hyung." He said and dramatically grabbed my shoulder during his small speech. "You are very welcome though." He added and winked at me leaving me as the astonished one from his actions. "Whatever man..." I chuckled, shaking my head at him as I remembered (Y/N) telling me yesterday that I should indeed say thank you to him. I turned my head to the side again and when ours stares met words weren’t even needed anymore, JB already knew what I meant to say and just gave me a small nod of approval. He lifted his hand off my shoulder and turned back to the rest of the table just when the waiter arrived again with a glass of wine for all of us. I looked around and saw Jinyoung at the other end of the table anticipating the beverage with a wide smile and sparkly eyes, of course, Jinyoung had to order wine at some point.

"May I say that I'm just very happy that all of us are back together now as a group. Imagine, (Y/N) could have been the next Yoko Ono." Jinyoung said, making another joke about the situation at which she gasped loudly and leaned forward to meet his cheeky smile. He got exactly the reaction that he wanted to see making him laugh out loud as her eyes still lingered on him without a response. "Hell no, I would've never gotten in the way of your career." She defended herself, obviously aware that it was nothing but a joke, but I wasn’t complaining to see her cute face as her mouth still wasn’t fully closed from the small shock at Jinyoung’s comment. I took her hand yet again, hoping nobody noticed that I did it intentionally this time and she thanked me for the small gesture by rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand.

"You must admit though, it looked like another Yoko Ono story." BamBam now repeated Jinyoung’s words and maybe in some alternate universe, he was right.

"Fair enough. But here we are now, because of Jaebum and me." she smiled and gave him a quick glance as he sat right next to me. He just nodded in approval at her this time, a sly grin on his lips. He would never let this go, how he was the savior and wingman for us and once again I couldn’t stop but think about how ironic it was that these two of all people had solved this situation. "To us." Jackson suddenly said, raising his glass as he waited for the others to join in. Yugyeom was the first to also reach out for his glass and then the rest of us followed, all mumbling the same words in unity. This group really was one again. "And may our new lovebirds have a long and healthy relationship." Youngjae added with a sweet smile, making (Y/N) blush as she mouthed a 'Thank you.' for the two of us. Silence filled the room as we took a sip at the end of our toast, sealing the end of absolutely weird weeks that hopefully none of us would remember for a very long time. When I looked ahead to get a glimpse of my beautiful girlfriend at this very symbolic moment, my eyes met (Y/N)’s. And when I noticed the way she was looking at me, eyes sparkling and a slight flush on her cheeks, I felt my heart beating faster just the way it always did when I looked at her. Only this time I could be absolutely sure that she was feeling the same.  

[sweetnestor]

You Look Happier | Chapter 4

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/(smut at one point but it’ll only be on ao3)

previous chapter

One of the things Jack and I had in common was that we were our best selves when it came to making videos. We brought it up during a session with Helena, then she required we do this as a trust exercise. I wasn’t exactly reluctant, but I was nervous about what would come up in the middle of this particular video.

Jack and I sat on the couch in the living room, camera and lights on us. Depending on how this went, this video would be going on YouTube, so we had to treat it as such. It was also going to be viewed by Helena, who was going to go in depth at our next session.

“Hey, it’s Bella!” I greeted. “Today, I’m doing something that a lot of you requested, which is the best friend tag! And as of… last year, my best friend is…”

I gestured to Jack, and he put his arms up in the air.

“It’s me.” He smiled before putting his arms back down. “Y’know we first met around this time last year?”

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Jesus Christ. Actually, that brings us to the first question: how and when did we meet?”

“Ah, it was a bright and sunny morning,” Jack began, “in nineteen fifty four…”

I giggled. “Yeah, basically. Feels like we’ve been friends for a lifetime. It was last year, first day of the spring semester, Mark introduced us.”

“You were so shy,” Jack said fondly. “Aw, that car ride was-”

“Quiet and anxiety inducing,” I finished with a laugh. “But I thought you were really kind.”

“Aww.”

Next question: what’s your favorite memory together?

We sat there and thought about it. Jack was the first to speak.

“I liked the time we went to The Tube,” he said. “Where we drank a lot and someone had to come pick us up.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “That was fun. I think I like… that time I was sad and you let me do your makeup.”

I was starting to understand why Helena made us do this. Remembering little moments made me feel a huge rush of affection for Jack. My heart was already swelling.

“Describe each other in one word,” he read off my phone.

We looked at each other in thought. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this prompt. What was I to Jack?

“Welcoming,” I answered, deciding to go first this time. “You always treat people the best you can, and you always try to make everyone comfortable. I don’t know, the energy you give off is always kind and warm. You’re just full of good vibes.”

Jack was smiling ear to ear. “I think Helena was right to make us do this.” He paused and then faced the camera again. “My word for you is passionate. You care so much about everything you do. You’re so passionate about your viewers, LGBTQ rights, mental health, makeup.”

The moment was sinking in. But to keep myself from crying, I read the next question.

“What’s one thing you don’t know about each other? Here we go, it’s time to get deep.”

There was another moment of silent thinking, though I knew what my confession would be. I had thought about it plenty of times, and Jack seemed like the only person I could tell.

“Um, I fart a lot in my sleep,” Jack said jokingly.

I chuckled. “I knew that already.”

“Well, I guess you know everything about me!”

“Okay, well I can’t tell them,” I began, gesturing to the camera, “but I’ll tell you.” I hesitated. “You’re probably not gonna believe me.”

“What is it? Just tell me.”

“Santiago isn’t my real last name.”

Jack was silent at first, looking like he was trying to see right through me. He let out a small laugh in disbelief. “No way.”

“I’m serious,” I told him. “I swear, honest to god. I legally changed my last name to Santiago a little bit after moving out of my parents’ house.”

“So what was your real last name?”

“Sanchez,” I said, and then added, “I just didn’t want to be tied to them anymore. Plus, it’s a super generic Mexican last name, and I didn’t really want to be generic.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Jack nodded. “Wow… Bella Sanchez.”

I chuckled at the sound of it. “She’s dead, I don’t know her.”

The next few questions were just guessing each other’s favorite whatever’s. Those were easy and left plenty of room for banter.

“Three things I always carry with me?”

“Easy. Phone, car keys, and whatever lipstick you’re wearing that day.”

“See? This is the kind of man I need! Okay, what nicknames do we have for each other?”

Jack giggled as he sat up. “Let’s see, you were Bella, then Bellers. Then fuckin’ Baller. Nervous Ball, Tiny Ball.”

“You give good nicknames,” I commented. “I have none for you, though.”

“I have enough for the both of us.” He took my phone and read, “Strengths and weaknesses.”

This was definitely going somewhere else. I should mention that Helena picked out the questions for us. She obviously had specific things she wanted us to bring up.

“Bella Santiago. Strength: sharp eyeliner. Weakness: people,” Jack announced, still joking around.

“Well you’re not wrong,” I said. “Let’s see, for you… I think your strength is… remaining humble. Like, you’ve made it so far, you’ve accomplished so much, and none of it has gone to your head.”

“Aw… can I change my answer?”

“And a weakness…” I paused, actually stumped for once. “Hmm…”

“Confrontation,” he admitted. “That’s a tough one.”

Helena was going to have a grand ol’ session with us, that’s all I knew.

“Last question,” Jack went on as he took my phone, “what do you admire most about each other? Oh, that’s easy. Well, you talked about it on your channel, but uh… you were in a very bad situation when you were, what? Eighteen? And you took the initiative to pack everything up and start a new life. You found a way out, even when you thought you couldn’t. And that’s very admirable.”

I let out a strangled, whiney noise. I wanted to cry at his words. Not knowing what else to do, I hugged Jack from the side in a somewhat silly way. “I love yooouuu!”

When I let him go, I took things seriously again. This was proving to be therapeutic.

“The amount of empathy you have for other people is something else,” I told him. “Like… you really can put yourself in other people’s shoes and you can feel what their feeling. I’ve told you some shit about me and we both ended up crying.”

“Your pain is my pain,” he said. “But I think that’s because we’re friends and we’ve also been in the same situation, with the breakups and all.”

“That’s true. But still. Even in your ‘Try Not to Cringe’ videos, you’re still feeling what the other person is feeling, and you’re trying to understand the situation.”

“I’m just being a decent person!”

“But you do it so well! I don’t know, you’re a good role model.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.”

I looked at him, then at the camera. “What’s one thing you hate about your best friend? He can’t take a fucking compliment!”

Jack laughed. “Well, neither can you!”

“I know…”

~

That video went up before our next therapy session. Our followers went absolutely wild over it. It was sweet. Made me smile for a little bit.

I did cut out certain parts, though, like my last name reveal. Thankfully, instead of people speculating over it, they made it into a meme instead. Not only that, everyone seemed to like us solely as friends, so I was glad I didn’t have to stress about that anymore. I could see the internet as a safe place again.

Another thing I noticed was my subscriber count. I was dangerously close to one million, and it scared me. It was such a big number. It was intimidating, overwhelming.

I took a screenshot of my live subscriber count and tweeted it out with the caption “lmao.” My heart began to race as my mentions filled with responses. Then one particular notification made my head spin.

CrankGameplays quoted your tweet: “Go subscribe!!”

I wanted to reply in all caps, but I was even more nervous about the backlash. I mean, he brought to attention the fact that we knew each other. That, and he told his followers to subscribe to my channel. Strange, a gamer promoting a beauty guru. Not the first time it’s happened, but it was still bizarre.

“Ahh!!” I yelled out when the number on my screen rose dramatically.

Jack was currently in the shower, so he wasn’t here to talk me down from my oncoming anxiety attack. He did scream back in response, though. It was starting to become a regular occurrence within the apartment.

999,028. I wanted to shit my pants, and I tweeted about it. 999,057. I wanted to throw up. 999,102. Jack finally joined the show.

“Did I miss it?” he asked excitedly as he barged into my room. “Did you hit it yet? Man, I should have brought party poppers or something!”

“Almost there!” I told him, anxiously picking at my nails.

Jack came over and sat next to me on the bed. He pulled out his phone and opened up Twitter. Not long after that, I had another notification of another quoted tweet. The live count rose rapidly right then, and I began flailing my hands around hysterically.

“Ahh, what the fuck?” I exclaimed.

999,921. I opened up Snapchat. I recorded the screen and let out a stressful noise. Jack screamed along with me as the number got higher.

I nearly burst into tears when it got to one million. Jack jumped onto the bed and cheered. I quickly tweeted out a thank you in caps lock, my hands shaking from all the excitement.

“WTF THE FCUK IM NT CRYIGNG YOU AR E TE AMO ❤💓💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝🖤💕💞”

Suddenly, Jack tackled me in a side hug, nearly knocking me off the bed. “I’m so proud of you, Bellers.”

I couldn’t help but think that I literally could have been dead in this moment. I could have been dead for almost six months, and I wouldn’t have been here to see this. Life is wild.

~

Later that night, I was able to see Ethan. I did have to pick him up at the office, though… and I had to park somewhere down the road. I felt like a stalker fangirl, waiting for my YouTube crush to come out of the building so I could kidnap him.

Ugh, crush. I felt like I was sixteen, stricken with lovesick emotions. My chest was constantly warm, and my stomach was always full of butterflies. I had Cupid’s arrow in my ass, and now I couldn’t see anything except the hearts circling my head, and the guy who gave me all these gross, mushy feelings.

Those feelings intensified when I spotted him leaving the building. Just seeing Ethan a distance away made me grin like an idiot. He spotted my car and walked over, holding a balloon in his hand. When he got closer to the car, I looked towards the building, just to make sure that none of his friends/coworkers had followed him. It was short, but I didn’t see anything. I turned my attention back to Ethan when he got in the car.

“Hey,” he greeted, “I got you this.”

He struggled slightly to pull in the single purple balloon. It only made my heart sing more.

“What for?” I asked.

“‘Cause you hit a milestone today,” he told me.

I blushed. Thank god he couldn’t see me in the dark. “That’s sweet.”

Ethan pushed the thing into the backseat before I drove off. Today, we decided to go up to Hollywood Hills. It was better for us to go at night because there were far less people, and neither of us were busy at this hour. I had to have him navigate though, because neither of us had been up there before. Thankfully, we got there without any extra difficulty, aside from the usual traffic.

It was quite a walk up to where we wanted to go. There was a specific view we wanted to find, and honestly, I was not a hiker. But this was mainly Ethan’s idea, and I was willing to do whatever he wanted, despite the underlying bout of nerves.

“Is this high enough?” he asked when we reached a certain landing.

I looked out at the view. It was all black with many dots of light. I wasn’t one for heights, but since the elevation was blocked out by the darkness, it wasn’t as scary. The stars in the sky were covered by the busy, neverending lights of the city. My legs were sore, and I was out of breath, so I nodded in response and went to sit on a nearby rock.

“How long have you lived out here?” he asked me as he walked around the cliff.

Uh oh. Interrogation time.

“Two, almost three years,” I replied.

“Oh, you’ve probably seen a lot of the city, haven’t you?” he guessed.

I chuckled, and rubbed my hands together nervously. “If you count my skill of handling traffic from driving so much, then yes.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I don’t really get out much.” I could tell this was going to bring on an awkward pause, so I quickly added, “but what about you? Are you liking it here so far?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” he said. “I, uh, I miss my family a lot, though. It still feels weird being so far away.”

“Aw, I know,” I said, even though I really didn’t. “You get used to it. At least you really get to value the time you do spend with them.” Again, I didn’t know the feeling, I just heard that from other people.

“Oh yeah, I loved this last Christmas,” Ethan said, pacing around some more. “Did you get to see your family over the holidays?”

Oh god, why did he ask that? I couldn’t stop the awkward tension from arising.

“No.”

Before I could explain further, Ethan stopped in his tracks and interjected, “Oh! You mentioned at homecoming… uh, I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about that.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured. Although, I did cringe at the mention of homecoming. I had to give him the gist of my family thing. He had to get an idea of all the emotional baggage I carried. “I have been living on my own for…” I counted on my fingers. “Six or seven years. My parents didn’t exactly like the idea of their daughter being bi, so as as soon as I turned eighteen, I left and started fresh.”

Ethan took a minute to process all of that. I could tell I made things awkward with that bit of information. There go my chances.

“Oh, I didn’t know that was the case,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

I waved it off, as always. “It was years ago, it’s no big deal.”

He nodded and continued pacing. “Were you scared when you first moved?”

I was grateful for the subject change. “Absolutely. I cried a lot when I moved out of my parents’ house, and I cried more when I moved here.” I paused. “Are you… how have you been since you moved?”

Ethan hesitated. “I don’t know how to put it. I miss my family, but I’ve also been so busy that I don’t really feel it all the time. And I miss my friends too… But YouTube is all I’ve wanted to do, and everything is taking off, so I shouldn’t be sad, right?”

“You can be sad,” I reassured. “Like, you’re far from your hometown and all your friends, it only makes sense. And chasing your dreams comes with a lot of sacrifices.”

“Yeah…” he hummed.

I was eighty percent sure I said it to him at homecoming, but I was thinking about it again: how lucky was he to have a family so good to him that he’s genuinely upset to be far away from them. I didn’t really envy him for it, though. I could see why he was feeling like this.

“D-Do you need a hug… or something?” I mumbled, but he caught it anyway.

A little smile began to etch on his face. I half meant it as a joke, but as soon as it was in the air, that was all I wanted to do. The look on Ethan’s face said the same thing, and he opened his arms.

It should have been a quick, jokey-joke hug. But as soon as I was wrapped up in his arms, I didn’t want to let go. I was supposed to be comforting him, but I felt so light and warm. His hand went down to my lower back, which sent intense feelings of heat and electricity throughout my body. I felt weirdly comfortable, and that was so rare.

Then, a bright, blinding light shone on us.

_______

next chapter

[rememberthattime]

Chapter 44. New Zealand

Back again! It'd only been three weeks since Chelsay and I returned from New Zealand, and although the South Island was one of our best trips ever, we felt like something was missing. Did we not have enough CookieTimes? Well, duh, but it was something else... Oh. That's right! We forgot to go to the North Island.

Having missed half the country, Chels & I decided we needed a Kiwi Trip Round II, but this time, we wouldn't be exploring alone. Our friends Pete & Megan joined our journey from real-life Hobbiton to Mt Doom. And so it began: the Fellowship of (adventu)Ring

Before getting to the North Island, I want to briefly mention a work trip I’d returned from only 2 days prior. My meetings were in Atlanta, but if I’m flying 17+ hours to the US, I’m stopping in Dallas. Now, my family had been in Sydney only 6 weeks before, but I hadn’t been home since August. That meant this “house (work) money” stopover was a long-awaited oppo for home-cooked meals, QuizTime by Matt, and board games with the whole fam (Mini Monopoly was the game of choice).

It actually worked out that Chelsay wasn’t with me this trip — see, we can’t play Monopoly together. Her strategy is to buy all the property, lose all her money, not allow me to trade her cash for property, then continuously mortgage the properties until I start paying rent. It’s a ruthless, bleed-out strategy! The winner is decided in the first lap around the board, but I think she enjoys watching me slowly die over the next 6 hours.

That was a tangent... Anyway, I had a great time at home, and am actually returning for another work trip in just a few weeks.

Back to NZ now. I returned to Sydney on a Wednesday, and we were flying out to Auckland that same Friday. I basically just stayed at the airport for the day and a half in-between... Actually, this would have been a viable strategy with Megan’s ridiculous credit card benefits: her perks got us ~$200 in free food! I have to admit: we were so distracted by the free food that we nearly missed our flight. Last ones on the plane!

We arrived in Auckland fairly late, and had a 2.5 hour drive to our first destination: scuba diving at Poor Knight’s Island. I was still jet lagged from the US trip, so hardly remember any of the ride up. Actually, the only thing I remember from that night is that we needed to wake up at 7:15 for an 8:15 dive check-in.

7:15 didn’t happen. I awoke to Peter announcing to the room: “It’s 7:47!” I’m not sure why he happened to wake up, but we were so lucky he did. Our phones hadn’t switched timezones, but thank god’s Pete’s internal clock did. Sleeping any later might’ve caused us to literally “miss the boat.”

We somehow made it to the dive shop in time, but this early AM rush was just the start of the day’s excitement. See, Poor Knight’s is considered one of the most diverse, most secluded, and most best (yeah I did) dive spots in the entire world. Don’t believe me? Well, Jacques Cousteau lists Poor Knight’s in his Top 10, which is like cracking Chelsay’s favorite piece of white furniture. My point: he knows what he’s talking about.

As explained by our Welsh skipper, Poor Knight’s is a now-deserted island that was once part of a 25 km-wide caldera (!). For reference, the ring of that volcano was the same distance from Seattle to Sammamish.

As we got closer to the island, our guide Juergen prepped us for the dive. What safety checks we need to do in advance, what different hand signals meant, which animals we’d see, which animals we’d see “doing it”... Wait what? We didn’t say anything at the time, but this was the first instance of Juergen’s weird and repeated references to reproduction.

Some would say Juergen over-prepared us for the dive - we now knew too much. Anyway, we geared up into our 7 mm cold-protection wetsuits, threw on extra vests and a hood for good measure, and hopped in.

A couple things to note here. First, although normally frigid, we had really lucky weather which warmed the island’s water temp to a very reasonable 20 C. This meant our 7 mm wetsuits were overkill, though I think the extra coverage helped avoid Juergen’s objectifying eyes...

Second thing to note: the 7 mm wetsuit is FAR more buoyant than the 2 mm we’re used to wearing in Manly. After our initial dive descent, I quickly experienced this difference, nearly blacking out as the buoyant suit pulled me up from 10m to 3m in just a few seconds.

It actually took most of this first dive to adjust... and to just remember how to scuba dive. It was bizarre, but an absolute blast to be back in the water after not diving since Indonesia 7 months before. The setting lived up to its billing as well, as hundreds of species, thousands of fish, and infinite seaweed swayed back and forth with the current. Specifically, on Dive #1, we saw a sting ray, eagle ray, several camouflaged scorpion fish, a group of orange spotted nudibranch, and one especially playful wrasse.

I felt far more prepared for the next dive, which was lucky because we spotted all of the big stuff on this trip. It turns out I’m pretty good at spotting things when (A) they’re big, and (B) I’m not blacking out like I did on the first dive. For Dive #2, we saw two eagle rays, a moray eel, and a massive sting ray. Megan, our group’s most experienced diver got pretty close, which provides reference for how big this thing was.

A few more things I’d like to remember from our dive day:

My scuba learning curve might have been slow, but Chelsay had zero trouble. I think it’s because of her unique technique. First, I’ve never actually seen her swim. Instead, she sort-of floats around like a dead person and let’s the current do the work. Second, she takes EVERYTHING in. Through a combination of the goggle magnification and her already big eyes, it constantly looks like she’s just seen a shark.

Poor Knight’s is really a great spot for diving. Beyond the fish and swaying seaweed, the setting itself is just really cool. 20m tall pillars, underwater ocean caves, and phenomenal visibility to take it all in.

As if the diving wasn’t enough, our boat (“The No Stress Express”) came across a pod of ~15 curious dolphins on our ride back to shore.

After reaching land, we had a five hour drive to that night’s AirBnB. This seems like a long trek (basically driving from Seattle to Couer d’Alene AFTER a full day of scuba diving), but our entire group was up for the journey. It’s rare but extremely lucky to have travel buddies equally willing to push for the perfect itinerary, but that’s exactly what Chelsay and I had with Pete and Megan: our mirror couple that prioritizes getting the absolute most out of their travels.

How else did we ensure we were maximizing our time on the North Island? Road trip Maccas and Cookie Time McFlurrys. Crumbly chocolate chip cookies coated in caramel sauce and mixed in a creamy “bucket” of soft serve. ...Juergen would’ve made an inappropriate joke about the word creamy.

Thanks to Johnathan van Ness teaching us “How to Treat Our Skin Like the Gorgeous Organ She Is” and Daniel & Jorge explaining “What is a multiverse?”, the five hour drive went quickly and we were at our AirBnB in no time. And what a unique AirBnB it was.

We pulled into the Big Bird BnB, where our lovely host Dotty stayed up late to show us our cottage. Dotty off-handedly mentioned her animals, which gradually led to us discovering she had entire petting zoo. This wasn’t just any petting zoo though... Dotty had a “collection” of MINI cats, dogs, cows, goats, rams, and horses. Note, not all of the aroused horse was tiny... Juergen would’ve been going nuts. This miniature collection went along with normal-sized animals: pigs, ostriches, emus, and snaggle-toothed alpacas. Damn Dotty, where’s the Ark!?

The exclamation mark on our bizarre but very pleasant surprise of a BnB was the breakfast: bacon and (ostrich) egg on toast, with kitten cuddles on the side.

We couldn’t have asked for a better start, but it was only the beginning of an adventurous day. Our first stop was the nearby Waitomo Caves, one of TripAdvisor’s Top 10 highest rated destinations in the world. ...between this and Jacque Cousteau’s dive spot, a lot of Top 10s in this trip already.

We’d signed up to essentially float through an underground cave on an inner tube. The catch: rather than head lamps, the caves are illuminated solely by bioluminescent glow worms.

After a brief introduction, we once again wetty’d up for cold, wet, damp, and unavoidable submersion. We followed our guides through the cave’s entrance, which was really just a crack in the ground barely bigger than my body. Once inside, the walls didn’t get much wider, though they got far taller. Navigating narrow passages towering as high as 40 feet, we sloshed through running water while descending deeper and deeper into the damp dwelling.

Now 50 feet below the surface, we’d escaped all natural light. The cave itself was wet, but we were also soaked after tubing through underground streams and leaping off several waterfalls. After a particularly splashy jump from a 6-foot ‘fall, our guide asked us to form an inner tube-train. Something was happening — we must have arrived.

The group formed a floating line, though with our headlamps on, we couldn’t really tell what the fuss was. This particular cavern looked like each room before: a long, narrow passage, framed be limestone walls and stalactite millennial (i.e. they took a millennium to develop. Not millennial like... instagrammers. No, not funny? I’ll try another millennial reference in a sec).

The guide asked us to turn our headlamps off, and the show began. The limestone walls and entitled millennial stalactites disappeared in the darkness, but the cave hadn’t quite turned pitch black.... Galaxies of tiny blue bioluminescent lights now consumed the cave’s ceiling above us. Layers and layers of overlapping blue light.

It didn’t seem real — more like an attraction at Disney. This is fake right? The rock is just hollowed plastic, and there’s a black light somewhere back there?

Nope, these lights were very real and (uh huh) very natural. See, the light is produced when underground worms create waste. Through evolution, the worm’s waste began to glow, which attracted and trapped more food. Nature!

The amazing thing is that these glow worms had been all around us, but were hidden by the light from our headlamps.

With all other lights off though, the worm’s shit shined. The sharp light from the cave’s ceiling softly reflected off the water below, illuminating the long passage of the otherwise black cave into infinity.

Shockingly, we were underground for almost 90 minutes, so our eyes had really gotten used to the dark. Exiting into the sunlight felt like leaving da clubz after an all-night bender... which I do often.

We were literally stepping out of a hole in the ground, which is a perfect transition to our next destination: Hobbiton. The fictional home to hobbits, where their homes are built directly into holes in the ground. Does a hobbit’s shit glow too?

The ride over was short but entertaining. First, the views. Having now driven through both the North and South Island, New Zealand’s landscape continues to amaze me. I don’t know how such a small country can have such diverse landscapes. It’s like the entire EU packed into a country the size of WYOMING. This particular drive reminded us of Ireland, with vibrant rolling green hills and a population of cows that far outnumbered the local humans.

Second point to note from the ride, our entertainment: Chelsay. Megan hadn’t seen the LotR’s series (c’mon Pete), but Hobbiton wouldn’t be the same experience without context. Don’t worry. There’s no one better to boil down a 9 hour film series than Chelsay. She should have her own show summarizing plot lines. I try to imagine what Tolkien would say if he’d heard Chelsay’s explanation of LotR... I’m sure he’d agree it was an Oxford-level literary lesson.

With our whole team now on the same page (book pun?) re: Hobbiton, we were ready to tour the fictional hamlet. Our guide for the day was Paul, who was truly living his best life. Describing Paul as “a big LotR guy” would be an undersell. There’s a 120% chance he dressed up as Gandalf for the movie premiers. We couldn’t have gotten a better tour guide though, as Paul’s enthusiasm was infectious.

Not only was Paul Middle Earth’s biggest cheerleader, but he clearly knew his stuff. As we perused the Green Dragon Inn or Bag-End, Paul shared insider stories from Hobbiton’s history.

Before filming started, Peter Jackson, LotR’s Oscar-winning director, had flown over this farmland and thought it would be the perfect Hobbiton. He landed his helicopter and approached the owner, asking if the farmer would allow a film set on his property.

Not hip to the fantasy fiction culture, the farmer rejected the offer and told Jackson that “he, his helicopter, and their Harry Potter magic riff raff could bugger off.” I’m paraphrasing.

That night the farmer told his family about the cooky Hollywood director. The farmer’s son (more hip to the fantasy fiction culture) saw LotR’s dollar sign potential and called his dad a “daft sod.” Dad called Jackson the next day and the rest is history.

EXCEPT NOT! After LotR finished filming, they tore the set down! The first trilogy wrapped up in 2003, and without further need for Hobbit holes, the farmer took his land back. Great. Except he was missing out on a huge tourist opportunity.

Luck again saved our fortuitous farmer friend though, as LotR was so successful that Jackson pursued a second trilogy, The Hobbit. The filmset was built back up, but this time, they didn’t tear ‘nuffin down after filming. Instead, they put up a sign that read “Nerds welcome,” and the tourist crowds came in droves. Our group included.

The set is genuinely a fairy tale. What used to be open farmland is now truly Hobbiton, with 39 (!) intricately detailed homes, each etched with hints of the occupant’s occupation. Florist, baker, village drunk. Led by fanatical Phil, we paraded through “precious” pathways (alliterative Golem reference), trying our luck at hobbit games like stilts, and quenching our thirst with brewed-on-site beverages.

The fairy tale hamlet was buzzing and jovial, but we had to get a move on because that night’s AirBnB was about two hours south.

The drive a stark contrast to Hobbiton as it included almost zero humans. I mean that in two ways: there was both a lack of civilization, and also everyone in the car fell asleep during my turn to drive. Daniel & Jorge were the only ones to keep me company, and they rambled on about small-talk-topics like whether the universe is random or chaotic.

Shockingly, we came across a small town closer to our AirBnB. Thank god because we’d finished all the car ride CookieTimes and I was hungry. There appeared to be only one restaurant in this town, and its name was Rust — not the most appealing description. With few alternatives, we shot our shot and the meal was a massive success. Massive is the key descriptor. These burgers needed a butchers knife to stay upright.

It was necessary sustenance though, as our hike the next day, the Tongariro Crossing, required all the energy we could muster (mustard? Burger pun? ...I’m tired and writing this from a 24 hr plane ride to London).

For a bit of extra energy, we slept-in the next morning and took our time with a tasty fried egg breakfast courtesy of Chef Pete. Unfortunately this slower start created a new risk. See, Tongariro is a 19 km one-way hike: you park at the trail-end, then take a shuttle up to the start. However, because it’s such a long hike, most trekkers start early so the shuttle only runs from 5 AM to 10 AM. We pulled into the lot at 10:08. Ohhhhh, pickles.

Luckily there was a man wearing an orange construction vest. He looked official, like a park ranger, but honestly he could’ve been anyone. We asked him if he knew a way to get back to the trailhead, and because he had a truck, asked if he could give us a ride. I don’t want to give this guy too much credit because I’m sure he’s perfected this with hundreds of sleepy-headed tourists, but the savvy SOB responded “You got cash?” Goodonya mate. This burly Maori man is in the middle of nowhere New Zealand, and he’s created his very own Uber for Idiots Who Slept In. I’m immediately recommending him to EY’s Entrepeneur of the Year program.

“Joe”, as he introduced himself, was actually a really nice guy. He offered to pull over for pictures, asked if we needed any sunscreen, and even told us about his family. He was proud that his eldest daughter had just shot three deer... which means he has guns... which means we weren’t pulling over for any pictures... actually we just want to get out of Joe’s truck asap.

The ride was quite long (30 minutes), so upon safe delivery, we thought we were being generous when we offered 40 AUD to Joerotorua (we were skeptical of his white person name so made up our own). Joe really had us by the balls when he responded “That’s all?” We played dumb, sheepishly smiled, and quickly exited.

Woo. I joke about Joerotorua, but he actually saved us. Our day could’ve been seriously sidetracked if he hadn’t helped-a-Hobbit out. Thanks to his entrepreneurial venture though, we ended up right where we needed to be: the Tongariro Crossing trailhead.

Now, Tongariro was actually a tough fit into our initial itinerary. When planning, we struggled to justify forcing this out-of-the-way hike into an already packed agenda... I mean, we’d already been to Poor Knight’s, Waitomo Glow Worm Caves, and Hobbiton. Was it really worth it? Let’s have a Googl-WE’RE GOING! It took about two Google images to realize this other worldly landscape was a must-do.

And so we set off, taking our first steps into the 19.4 km trek. The payoff was essentially immediate. Within the first few Ks, we were navigating towns of bizarre lava formations, trekking through Martian deltas under LotR’s Mt Doom, and conquering what we would later find out is called The Devil’s Staircase.

We were really lucky with the weather. As I write this, I’m not sure I even appreciate how lucky we were. Spoiled brat. This particular weekend, the traditionally hit or miss North Island was hit by and Aussie Heatwave (and I don’t just mean my sexy mid-length socks *wink*). But seriously, it was hot. 90 degrees. No shelter or shade. Walking on an active volcano. Like a desert mirage, the horizon shimmered into a sweltering haze.

Like Frodo and the Fellowship, we fought the dark powers of Mt Doom’s incline before reaching the trail’s saddle. From here, the 360 degree views were unbelievable. I specifically remember looking out at the perfect desolate symmetry of Mt Doom and thinking “This is crazy.” The I turned 180 degrees to see the otherworldly colors of an exploded volcanic crater and thought: “THIS is crazy!” Then I walked 100 yards to find sulfuric steam rising from emerald lakes located between Martian lava fields and I thought: “EVERYTHING is crazy!”

We stopped for some epic-LotR journey footage on Pete & Megan’s drone (aka Charles Lindbergh), before enjoying potentially the most picturesque picnic of my life. In terms of hard grades, the views were and absolutely unbeatable A+. Our entertainment was also 10/10: a super friendly Kiwi who showed us how to quickly descend the scree via skip (we called it the “graceful little prance”... or was it “graceful little prince”. It works either way). The only F grade: a sulfuric fart smell hanging in the air.

Now, Poor Knight’s, Waitomo, and Hobbiton (+ Dotty’s animal farm) all exceeded expectations. They were dope, but it was this track, the late add to the itinerary, Tongariro Crossing, that I’ll remember most from the North Island.

Mt Doom and our 19km hike through Mordor was truly a full-day activity. Following our eight hours on the trail, we had a two hour drive to our final stop of the trip, Rotorua (yes, of “Joerotorua”). By the time we arrived, the only sensible option was a second round of Maccas. Imagine how badly Frodo and Samwise would’ve wanted a CookieTime McFlurry after their own hike through Mordor.

We passed out *herd* (Chelsay saying “hard” in her hood voice) that night, but were surprising spry the next morning. It was our last day on the North Island, and Rotorua (aka RotoVegas... that’s not a joke) had plenty to offer.

We had three options for the day. First, street luge. Yerp. Second, redwoods. Yerp. Third, geothermal hotspots. Ehhhh. We decided to pass given we’d endured enough fart smells at Tongariro (...I’m also pretty sure Joerotorua let a rage-one rip after we shorted him with 40 AUD). Anyway, we decided to focus on the first two picks.

Stop one was the famous Rotorua Street Luge. This place was another adult playground... I’m surprised Queenstown didn’t have a street luge. Oh wait, they did? Makes sense. But the Rotorua version is bigger and better!

We decided one run wouldn’t be enough, so signed up for three. For the first luge, we went conservative in the intermediate lane. It was good getting a feel for the track, but once we’d raced to the bottom, we were ready for Expert.

It was here that our group became known to the locals. They started calling us the “Bomb Squad”... (They didn’t, but I’m retroactively adding it). Our four-person havoc wreaking, hell raising, Harry Potter magic riff raff group bombed down the track as we passed far more conservative Chinese tourists and liberally braking/highly offended families. They’ll forever remember the Bomb Squad. A couple other notes from the luge:

You actually go quite fast (up to 30 mph), and the Expert track dips to help you power through turns.

My stomach flipped a little as I pulled two wheels off the ground on one particularly hard turn.

I’m not sure Chelsay applied her brakes. Like, not once.

Like the real Vegas, RotoVegas was toasty, so our next stop was a welcomed reprieve: Rotorua’s redwood forests. After stepping out of the car to the parking lot’s sulfuric smell, we escaped from both the fart scent and the sun into the pine-y shade of the redwoods. It was here that we were able to reflect on what and action-packed four days it had been.

I’ve always said that the sign of a great trip is the ability to point to a memorable activity from each day. Well, damn. One day we went scuba diving in one of the top dive sites in the entire world, spotting horn-tailed sting rays and even hornier-tailed dive instructors. The next day we explored a seemingly fake glow worm cave, followed by a visit to a seemingly real-life Hobbiton. Then we trekked through Tongariro (aka Mordor... aka Mars... aka Joerotorua’s place of business). Finally, we wrapped up with street luge and big ass trees.

This isn’t even to mention the wonderful company Chelsay and I got to share. Sure, the itinerary delivered an amazing four days, but what made this trip truly special was spending it with our mirror couple Manly fam (aka the Bomb Squad).

[marizetta]

About agent R because we need more of him in this fandom

Offscreen- Todd: bleeding Farah: having nervous breakedown Amanda: screeching street: burning So, you might rememeber this CIA and mystery squad living happily together at Ridgely AU that we russian side of dghda put together some time ago. Remeber? No? There is like three fics in russian already about this somewhere in the world. Doesn’t matter. Well, for a sake of good storytelling we invented this one character, agent R., he’s the one who fill out all reports about what’s happening with main characters there. It’s funny, because suddenly he got his own storyline and asked Dirk for a coffee. And he said ‘yes’. And now we have our totally imaginary OTP with this agent without actual name but a heart. You might have seen something about it around here anyway, so finally decided I need to write about him, just because everyone here need to appreciate him too. (Technically I just put together bits of our conversation with @princessparadoxical so you know it’s a good stuff)

‘One guy from SWAT team is a bit shy with Dirk because he nearly broke his hand in the past (it’s not stoping him from outplaying him in cards though. Poker is poker). ‘Just ask him out, Greg!’ everyone tells him. But Greg is still too shy to do anything, for now.’ That’s him! Only he’s not Greg, just R., because secrecy and all this stuff. So Dirk is like 'Whatever, I used to codenames’ and just calls him Richard, Reginald, Ronald - everytime it’s different. R. is quite fine with that. They go for a coffee together (well, ice cream for Dirk). And it’s nice, really nice. And, of course, a bit bizzare. Later they would have some more bizarre dates like this. Dirk can’t work out whether the universe wants him to get laid. Or whether the universe wants him to remain forever alone. It swings wildly between the two and it’s confusing. On multiple levels ;) Fortunately, R. knows Dirk (by reading CIA files on him and in person) good enough to be able to patiently deal with all this. More or less. Dirk is fine with this knowing him firstly from dry CIA reports by the way, so long as R is honest about it and not trying to be too intrusive. I mean, he knows that the CIA have a file on him. The only issue would be if Dirk thought that people were all reading his file and trying to treat him like some project after all this time. But it’s not happening now. So, most of the time Dirk is quite chill about it. Or he act like he’s chill until something really uncomfortable slips in when they talk. It’s like with his psychic powers. He really appretiate chances when he can be as normal with other people as possible, or at least, he can pretend for awhile. So R is very careful. And also he’s the nervous one (at first), because he was so shy to even ask Dirk for coffee and was pretty sure it won’t work. Because he’s realistic - Dirk and CIA had a bad past. While Dirk is surprisingly open, just… well, just amazed at this sudden and happy turn of events. And what fascinates R. in Dirk, I think - he’s so out of ordinary in every possible way and this is beautiful. 'Weird’ beautiful, but R deals with weird every day and it’s kinda boring for him in a way, it’s his job. But Dirk is so endearing in his weirdness that it’s feells fresh and new every time he see him. Of course he falls for it easily. Dirk’s kind of weirdness is exactly the kind of weirdness that R finds most charming. Because Dirk’s not being weird for the sake of being weird. No part of it is an act. It’s completely and utterly genuine and of course R’s going to respond with affection. It has nothing to do with this Will of the Universe and Leaf in a Stream of Creation businesses (R strongly reject idea that something might have power over someones privet life. But, as it was said, he’s usually patient and quiet about this matter). It’s about Dirk being unique as a person. Anyway, here is some things we know about R so far: - huge nerd (likes books, cat memes and extra sweet coffee) but always play it cool (takes his job VERY seriously) - actually very self conscious and nervous (maybe as much as Farah), just very good at hiding it - have a dark gold hair and most impressive jawline - don’t like when people fooling around (but have agents G and U as his buddies, and they like two biggest gossip girls at school. Except they are two grown sarcastic man who sleep with each other and love being sassy with everyone. They keep sleeping part hush but everyone just know. They act like shits when R is near but they just teasing him and he rolls with it) - sometimes think about how CIA affected Dirk’s past too much, sometimes even more than Dirk (who just realy want to leave it all behind and make this relationship as nice and natural as it possible) - just constantly amazed by Dirk in general - honestly think Todd is fine fella, only sometimes annoying and whinie as shit. Also they lowkey gealous of each other but in a smug friendly way - there was this joke that Friedkin slept with almost every CIA agent at some point (“What? They all so awesome!”). Sometimes I think that R might be one of them and it keeps me awake at night. I think it’s keep Dirk awake too. - he’s from some some old artistic circus family (he can play several music instruments well, he can ride unicycle like a pro. He managed to get an actual elephant at Valentine's day just to impress Dirk??). But he's so shy of it, because they are so eccentric and he is trying to be Serious Agent. - tiny bit mind reading (it's runs in the family, something genetic). He actually uses this at work (it's CIA devision wich deals with supernatural, of course they have telepatic surveillance). It's not so great, he can only catch some bits of people's internal monologues and predict theirs actions for a few moments into the future, that's all. It's often become a subject of quarreling with Dirk (R thinks his 'hunches' is something genetic too, Dirk's just have been brainwashed with Rigginses propaganda in his childhood. R just don't have a nerve to say his feelings on that matter more openly, because, yeah, it might hurt Dirk too much) - we fancast Jamie Parker for obvious reasons Also a list of nice things to consider: - Dirk sending R ridiculous cat memes while he’s on duty, making him giggle and blowing his cover. - R is the first in line who will crush you if you touch Dirk (he and Farah. They kind of buddies now) - CIA team and mystery squad team are having a secret competition on whos gonna make them kiss first. They leave it to themselves after R put a sign with colourful 'Eff off!’ (Dirk’s writing) in front of one of hidden cameras at R’s place - R. teaching Dirk how to dance. Because Dirk can’t dance even simple three steps waltz as much as he can’t properly drive a car. So R. is forced to put Dirk (without shoes but still in his socks) on his feet and move him around carefully while firmly holding him by a waist. And Dirk definitely wouldn’t be able to dance at first, the boy is like 70% leg but doesn’t know what to do with them. Bonus: R dipping Dirk and Dirk getting adorably flustered. He’s got Dirk dipped and he’s strong enough to hold him there for a second and.. :) - IMAGINE DIRK BORROWING DIFFERENT PEOPLE’S CLOTHES AND EVERYONE IS IN A TIZZY He borrows R’s clothes and R almost proposes then and there. He borrows Todd’s clothes and R sulks around the apartment all day. He borrows Friedkin’s clothes in an absolute emergency and both R and Todd are jealous and horrified. And Dirk is not stupid, he knows that his borrowing is making people nervous, so he don’t say that sometimes it’s not even that big emergency, sometimes he’s just like how other people smell. (Dirk stealing other people’s clothes when he’s sad or lonely or stressed. R and Todd are a lot less jealous when they find this out). Also imagine it’s the middle of winter and Dirk’s wearing TWO jumpers. So R and Todd are like… are you wearing… both of our jumpers…? Dirk’s like yes, I love both of you and I love both of your jumpers so this made perfect sense. - that one Valentine’s Day Special Episode! So basically all that day Dirk works as Ridgely’s one and only kissogram (he says it’s for a case but no one believe him). He’s just send kisses for everyone - all of CIA (ten kisses for R. obviously), most of mystery squad, Estevez, Ken and Bart (he do this quickly and then just run), Friedkin (on a cheek), even one of the Rowdy (with his eyes firmly shut), suspected in kidnapping, victim of kidnapping, pizza delivery guy… Todd looks more and more confused. And, for no one surprise, a bit jealous. At the end of a day Dirk finally kisses him rather passionately, twice. Because 'Best friends get best kisses!’. And Todd’s definitely not put his hands on Dirk’s waist when a second one happens. (Well, one of the kisses is from R. whos just being cheeky. He and Todd give each other middle fingers from opposite sides of a room with smug faces afterwards). All is well. The most fun thing - Dirk acting like he’s most oblivious man in the history of the world. 'Ahh, of course!! We should all date together, all three of us! You are my closest friends, this is only logical!’. R and Todd: NO…'friends’?? and R is like: Brozman, you must talk to him about what word 'friend’ means. Todd: Dude, I’m TRYING While Dirk is just - :) There is more for it, but that’s enough for now.  

[carnelianwings]

For the five asks, Calamity Falls, 7, 9, and 11

For this ask meme!  (My AO3 profile is here)

7: Where did the title come from?

I am absolutely terrible with titles.  This one, if I recall correctly, was one of those moments of bizarre titling inspirations where I decided that it would work as some weird portmanteau of “Lord of Calamity” and generally just falling as in defeat.  Plus, it sorta ended up working in the end because this fic is one of the few times where there will not be a happy ending.  (I wasn’t exactly kidding when I said the Character Death train was starting when I posted the latest chapter.)

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not so much alternate versions as there were multiple ideas I had kicking around.  For one thing, when I first decided to expand on the fic and keep writing it beyond the initial 2 parts, I was entertaining the idea of having Sorey consume/absorb hellions/malevolence much the same way Velvet does in Berseria to create a parallel.  In the end, I didn’t go with it, but I think it was actually for the better given how big of a plot point that becomes in Berseria and how much I would have ended up rewriting to keep it semi-consistent with Berseria despite this being an AU.  I’m a stickler for at least trying to keep with world lore and rules, even as I’m putting the characters through hell.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Well, for one thing, it’s Tainted AU, which I love as much as regular canonverse and various fluffy AUs.  But as for writing it, I think my favorite part so far has to be Symonne’s little Lotus Eater Machine moment for Mikleo during their little 1 on 1 fight.  It was something I was actually expecting in the game (in addition to an I Know You Are In There Somewhere Fight between Sorey and Mikleo given all the hints we’d gotten about water being the easiest element to corrupt) and I was a little disappointed we didn’t get to see it, mostly because it’s a favorite trope of mine when it’s done well (I nearly cried when they did that in Nanoha A’s, especially for Fate) and it’s such a classic illusionist trope too.  I was simultaneously dreading/enjoying it when that trope came up in Berseria, and even if I was pretty sure that was the trope they were using, I still felt for Velvet when it happened.  So to be able to give Symonne at least a moment to shine and live up to just a tiny bit of her potential (before Mikleo finished her off, haha) was gratifying to me.  Plus, it also gave me a way to work in an alternate take on Mikleo’s Rime Slaughter sub event, so that was extra fun.

And, of course, all the fight scenes.  One of the biggest challenges, I feel, when writing combat scenes is how to include enough description for my audience to know what’s going on, but not so much that it slows down the entire pace of the fight itself.  I really really enjoy writing fight scenes, and with a combat system like Tales, I also don’t feel like I have to hold back on what the characters can/can’t do as a result of the combat system limitations - I can have Sorey parry a bunch of hits in a row against an enemy because the game lets you do that via quick evades.  I can have Mikleo dart around the battle field evading attacks and opening up distance between himself and the enemy and fire off a quick offensive spell.  I don’t feel like I have to say, “Oh wait, the battle engine won’t let me do that, and I’m just giving these characters cut scene immunity” at any point - because the game system will let you do a lot of these things (but it won’t let you jump off of walls *gives ufotable A Look*) if you spend the time to learn the timing on the evasions.  And, that, for me, means I can try to write some really awesome sounding battle scenes and that’s just fun.  Also a great source of stress relief after a stressful day, as I can just be like, “Okay, Character A needs to flashily kick Character B’s ass, how do I want to make this fight go?”

Okay, so it’s more than one thing I like best - so I guess we can just say, I like writing this because it’s really self-indulgent in a lot of ways?  And I do have a next part planned . . . I just need to finish Berseria so I can see what edits I do/don’t need to make sure it’s in keeping with game canon world building.