#i can't believe this is the thing i post after months of radio silence

[i-simp-stobotnik]

With this as inspiration, if Sailor Moon is princess Serenity, does that make Sailor Stone prince... Sediment?

I don’t really know shit about Sailor Moon, but these bitches are fighting FOR evil in the moonlight.

[zegrasdrysdale]

also if your not uber uber busy could YOU PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE write a fic based off of one of these songs (feel free to do all of them my queen but NO PRESSURE) I also don't mind who the fic is with use who ever you feel would go best with it :)

Before you Go - Lewis Capaldi

It's Not Over - Daughtry

Goodbyes - post Malone

Circles - Post Malone

I hate you, I love you - Gnash

Mr Brightside - The Killers

Scars to your beautiful - Alessia Cara

Thank you I might request more but again no pressure

[ it’s not over ] j. drysdale

paring : Jamie Drysdale x fem!reader

summary : Jamie and his girlfriend broke up right before he was traded to Philly. when Jamie comes back to pack up the rest of his things, she tries to fight for them since she doesn’t believe it’s over for them

warning(s) : angst galore ! a few uses of Y/N

author’s note : giving me free range to write this abt whoever was probably not the best idea, especially when i like writing jamie angst 😈

fic inspired by :

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I was blown away What could I say? It all seemed to make sense You've taken away everything And I can't deal with that I try to see the good in life But good things in life are hard to find

The NHL season ended without a word from Jamie since the day he got traded to the Flyers in January. Nearly four months passed after he was traded and she never got so much as a text message from her former boyfriend of nearly two years.

They shared a whirlwind of a relationship where they met, said they loved each other, and moved into an Anaheim apartment down the street from Trevor all within a year.

She truly loved him, and she truly messed up before he left for the trip to Nashville that he never came back from.

She knew there were rumors going around Anaheim about Jamie's trade, and Jamie blocked them out every time he heard even a whisper about him getting traded out of Anaheim. He didn't want to hear the reality. When she tried to get him to see that, he walked out the door for the trip after they got into a fight. He packed a bag and spent the night at Trevor's.

Now that the season is over, she expects him to come back to finish packing whatever he didn't grab over the All Star break in February. She couldn't just leave the apartment. She couldn't leave all of the memories behind so easily, especially since she still loves him.

Trevor texts her the day after the season ends and tells her that Jamie is coming in soon to grab the last of his things. Jamie couldn't even let her know that he's coming by. She spends that night curled up in their bed.

We'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good? Well, I'll try to do it right this time around

The following morning, she's up early and thinks about what she can do to fix what's broken between them over a cup of coffee. She has no idea if he's mad at what she said or mad at the fact that he did get traded out of Anaheim.

Maybe she shouldn't have said anything about the trade before it happened. Maybe he wouldn't be about to move out the last few boxes he packed in February if she let him process his future trade on his own.

She fucked up, but maybe she can fix it. It's not over until they both think it's over, and she doesn't think it's over with them. She'll try to do it right this time. She'll be supportive of him instead of trying to get him to see reality. That's where she messed up because Jamie was probably trying to cope with the fact that he wasn't wanted in Anaheim anymore by the team that put their faith in him and drafted him 6th a few years ago.

All she wanted to do was prepare him for the possibility of being traded across the country, and she was met with radio silence since he walked out that door.

He walked out that door with her heart and took it across the country with him. She has to try to fix what's broken. She's not ready to say goodbye to him. She's not ready for him to become a memory or a ghost that haunts her dreams.

The sound of a key in the door grabs her attention immediately. She was leaning on the kitchen island and stands straight up when the door opens. She leaves the cup of coffee on the counter because she is afraid that she's going to drop it when she sees who's walking into the apartment.

She bites her lip so she doesn't say anything when Jamie walks into the apartment for the first time with her there since the fight a bunch of months ago. It feels like a lifetime ago when he walked out the door.

He freezes when he sees her in the kitchen. Their eyes meet and she has to hold back tears.

Jamie looks so much happier and healthier than the last time she saw him in person. The bags under his eyes have gotten lighter. He is practically glowing.

He was working so hard while he was playing for Anaheim because he felt like he had something to prove. He felt like he needed to prove that he belonged here. Philly wanted him so he probably was able to relax.

"Hi," she finally breathes out when the silence gets to be too much for her. "You look, um ... you look good."

"Thanks," he replies, voice quiet. "Are the boxes still in the bedroom?"

She nods quietly and Jamie makes a quick escape down the hallway. She rests her elbows on the counter and puts her face in his hands to hide any emotions that Jamie could see when he comes back out into the living room.

Her throat closes up and tears prick her eyes. She had no idea that seeing him again would cause her to have this reaction. Seeing Jamie will always probably make her have some kind of reaction.

Let's start over I'll try to do it right this time around It's not over Because a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killing me, but you're the only one It's not over

When he comes back into the living room, Jamie is carrying one of the six boxes that are left. That's probably the biggest box so he has to carry it by itself. The other boxes are light so they can be carried two or three at a time.

That means she's running out of time to talk to him before he walks out of her life completely.

She walks back to the bedroom where his remaining boxes sit in the corner. She sits on the bed so she can catch him when he walks back into the room. With a quick wipe of her cheeks to dry them, she settles on the mattress with her legs crosses and waits for Jamie to come back.

There are footsteps in the hallway and Jamie appears in the doorway a second later. He pauses mid-step when he sees her sitting on the bed they used to share.

"Can we talk?" she asks as her entire body shakes with anxiety and nervousness. "Please?"

Jamie walks over to the corner and piles two of the boxes on top of one another. "I don't have time," he tells her as he picks up the pair of boxes. "Trevor is waiting for me outside to take me and my stuff to the airport for my flight to Toronto."

She frowns as he walks out the door with his things, but she quickly throws on a pair of slides and follows him. "Jamie, please," she begs. "I don't want to let you leave without saying what I have to say. I don't want you to get on that flight without talking to me first."

He gets on the elevator and she jumps on with him. He presses the button to go to the first floor and the doors shut. "(Y/N)," he sighs. "I can't do this again. I don't want to do this again."

"I want to fight for us, Jamie," she says anyway as the elevator keeps descending to the first floor. "I'm not letting you just walk away so easily again. It was a mistake the first time letting you walk away. Especially because you didn't come back."

The doors open and Jamie walks out. She follows him out the front door. Trevor's car sits next to the curb, and he leans against it. "There is a reason I didn't come back," he comments as he throws the boxes in the trunk of the car. Then he looks at her. "I was traded, remember? I bet you do because you kept reminding me that I was going to be traded."

His words cause her to freeze as he walks away. She looks at Trevor, who just points in Jamie's direction. "Go," he tells her. "He's just being hard to get."

She runs after him as he approaches the elevator. The doors open and she once again joins him in the small room.

"I should've been a good girlfriend and be there for you to help you cope with the possibility of being traded," she says to Jamie. "I shouldn't have kept telling you to face reality. I didn't understand how you were feeling, but I do now. I wasn't there for you and was making it harder for you. I'm sorry."

The two walk back into the privacy of their apartment because it's still technically Jamie's apartment too. Once the door shuts, Jamie spins and faces her.

"You made it seem like you were excited to move to wherever it was I got traded to," Jamie snaps. "Meanwhile, I was leaving behind the life that I had made for myself over the past four years. I was leaving the best teammates behind, I was leaving my best friends behind. I pushed myself so hard once those rumors started that I hurt myself trying to prove that I belonged here. I hurt myself trying to prove that I had a spot on the Ducks, and they still traded me anyway. There's a reason I didn't want to face that reality and it's because I was leaving everything behind. Then there was you who seemed like you didn't care what you were leaving behind."

"Because I was ready to move across the country to be with you!" she shouts at him. Her voice is strained as she chokes back tears. "I didn't want to leave everything behind, but I was ready to start a life with you wherever you ended up, then you walked out that door and never came back. You ignored every single text and call I made. You never gave me the chance to explain myself, and now here we are."

He walks back into the bedroom to grab the last three boxes. "I didn't want to hear your excuses," he says as she follows him. "I didn't want to listen to how excited you were to start the next chapter of our lives or whatever while I was struggling to walk away from Anaheim. Sorry if I needed a second."

As he stacks the last boxes on top of each other, she says, "I would've given you as much time as you needed, Jamie. All you had to do was talk to me. Instead, you ignored me." She pauses as Jamie lifts up the boxes. "If I could do the last few months over again, I would. If I could be there for you then I would. I'd support you through anything. I did support you. I watched every single Flyers game you played in and I had to resist the urge to call you when you got hurt a few weeks after the trade. I had to ask Trevor how you were even though he was hurt too because I wasn't sure if you'd answer and I was worried you'd hurt your shoulder like you did last year. I cheered for every point you got and I loved you from 2,700 miles away while you were ignoring me."

Tears form and fall down her cheeks as she tells Jamie what been happening with her since he left. She's angry, but she loves him so much that she's willing to be angry at him for a second while they talk for the first time in months.

She's willing to be angry at him for this one moment.

Jamie puts the boxes on the ground and looks at her. "You still loved me and supported me even though I was ignoring you?" he asks like he doesn't believe her. She nods and wipes away her own tears while she looks at Jamie. "I didn't know-"

"You wouldn't have known because you refused to talk to me," she interrupts as she rubs her face. "I'm sure you didn't bother asking Z how I was either because he didn't tell me if you did ask."

"I asked him not to tell you."

"What?"

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I did ask how you were doing, but I told Trevor not to tell you I was asking because I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to you yet," Jamie explains. "He didn't tell me that you still loved me and were supporting everything I did in Philly."

"Still love," she corrects. "Still support. I always will because I thought for years that it was going to be the two of us til the end. When you walked through that door a little bit ago, I was getting ready to fight for us. I didn't think it was actually over between us, but you tell me if it's over or if we can start over."

Jamie stays quiet, and the only reason she doesn't immediately tell him to leave is because she can see that he's genuinely thinking about her words.

I've taken all I could take And I cannot wait We're wasting too much time Being strong, holding on Can't let it bring us down My life with you means everything So I won't give up that easily

His phone buzzes and he takes it out of the pocket of his shorts. He looks back up at her and says, "I have to-"

"Go?" she interrupts again. "Then go, but know that I'm not done fighting for us and our lives together."

"(Y/N)," Jamie sighs. "I have to go tell Trevor that I'm staying." Her eyes widen. "It's not over between us. I don't want it to ever be over between us, so if you'll let me, I'd like to start over. Redo the last few months or so with you."

All of the tension leaves her body and she nearly falls to the floor. She lets out the biggest sigh of relief, and also the loudest sob that echoes off the walls of the bedroom. She covers her face and cries into her hands.

A pair of arms wrap around her shoulders and she smells Jamie's familiar cologne on his body as it engulfs her. "We'll do it right this time," he assures her. "I promise.

I'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good? 'Cause it's all misunderstood Well, I'll try to do it right this time around

Let's start over I'll try to do it right this time around It's not over Because a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killing me, but you're the only one It's not over

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MASTERLIST

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[jewish-vents]

post 10/7 jewish culture is straight up no longer believing your goyische friends actually like you and are in for the long haul. immediately after 10/7 I lost a few people who were disgusting assholes, but ever since then my goyische friends on this website have been slowly "un-friending" me (unfollowing, soft-blocking, and blocking). I'll have other goy friends who stuck around this long say nice things about me, compliment my fics, my blog, and even me, and I just... don't believe it. I know that's a common social anxiety fear, but I never struggled with social anxiety that badly. if you asked me if I thought my internet friends really liked me last september I would've said yes and meant it. but now, after months and months of my friends dropping like flies (and I almost NEVER lost mutuals before 10/7, not in almost 4 years on this website), I don't really believe them. I just can't. I'm waiting for them to realize they don't want to put up with my jewish ass anymore.

I've decided to stop talking about i/p because of this... I'll see posts on my dash (like from jewishlivesmatter) which I think are good and I wanna put on my blog, but I feel like every post about it pushes my goyische friends a little further away, a little closer to the block/unfollow button, so I'm just... not. I used to be scared to talk about i/p, from may 2021 when I learned just how antisemitic most goyim were because of the riots, to oct 7. but now I no longer fear getting doxx'd or getting swarmed with anon hate. I just know that talking about it is the number one way for Jews to lose friends.

"do you even want to be friends with these people?" yes. if I held goyim to the standard of i/p opinions I think everyone ought to have, I'd have no goyische friends. at this point as long as they agree that hamas is a terror org and a 2-state solution is best, I'm down to keep being friends, because even that is a godsend for people my age (20s).

it's even started to affect me in real life. the other day I had a talk with a goysiche friend of 15 years about i/p (knowing where they stood, obviously, by this point). we got into a mild argument, but they had stuff to do so we had to stop. I sent them an unrelated text an hour later, and when I got radio silence for the rest of the day (our argument was in the morning) a part of me genuinely believed that was it for us and braced for losing an irl friend who means so much to me and I thought was going to be in my life until one of us dies. they'd be in my wedding party. we've penciled in figuring out some honorific my future kids can use for them instead of aunt/uncle because they're nonbinary. I caved and texted them to make sure we're still friends, and they said yes, thank fucking gd, because otherwise I might've just had a full mental breakdown.

anyone else waiting for their remaining goyische friends to leave them?

.

[forgetmynamepleasethanks]

OHOHOH I have a good idea for a request :> possibly could I get either headcanons or a scenario, you can choose, of Kris with a reader who had a simular kind of incident to the one Mae Borowski had in NITW? (if you don't know what that is its p easy to search it up there's a whole wiki page for it) hope that made sense!!!!

This has been sitting in my asks for so many months along with a few other posts. I wont lie to you. I forgot my password. Fixed that issue though so here we are. I'm writing this little preamble thing December 10th 2022 so lets see how long it takes me to write this whole thing. Hope you enjoy.

-----

Wise parents in Hometown warn their kids to stay away from them.

Kids too little to even remember why they're supposed to be scared scurry off and kids old enough to remember keep their heads down and walk past them.

The outburst of the only other human in town and the disappearance of Dess Holiday has got to be one of the worst "coincidences" to grace Hometown newspapers ever.

For a while after the incident, you tried your best to recoup your losses. But no matter how hard you seemed to try, no one was interested in humoring your request to be friends anymore.

For 2 years this continued.

To the rest of Hometown you weren't a human, or a monster, but you were a monster. You were a perfect example of why they didn't let many humans live here. A psycho who brutalizes innocent monsters.

That's all you were to them.

You tried to get over it. Can't keep beating yourself up forever right? Time to move on to better things? Right? Your grades began to drop rapidly, bringing you from 3rd in the class to almost last place.

Despite everything, you kept going.

Kris did not understand you. They are one of the very few people who aren't scared of you. They feel for you, as a fellow outcast they get what it's like to just want to curl up in a ball and never leave your bed.

After everything that happened to them, all the yelling, being treated as an outcast, the weird looks, the loneliness, why wouldn't they want to just disappear?

You don't really talk to anyone, sometimes you'll ask them for a pencil but other than that it's effectively radio silence between you and the rest of Hometown.

You rarely smiled, you were rarely seen outside of school or your house, even seeing you at school became a more and more special encounter. You were almost like a secret boss in a video game or something.

You captured Kris' attention and never let go. Why couldn't they stop thinking about you?

"Well that's easy, you have a crush loser." Susie replied to them, throwing another rock into the lake.

Kris didn't believe a word of it.

A crush?

On you?

No way.

No wayyyyy.

Yes way?

I mean just because they thought your smile was so infectious that whenever you wave at them for a pencil they smile, or how even though they know what you did they can't get your face out of their head, or how no matter what you wear you look perfect doesn't mean they have a crush on you!

You probably wouldn't even like them back...

Only one way to find out right?

The sun was setting, signaling for all the other kids to leave the playground and start heading home. Except you. You decided to stay a little longer. Feet brushing through brown mulch below the swing you gently rocked yourself on, hands wrapped around your journal, you heard the sound of footsteps on grass. You glanced up, focusing on the approaching figure which had sat on the swing next to you.

Kris Dreemurr.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kris broke it.

"I don't think you're a bad person." Kris stated quietly looking to you for your reaction.

"Gee thanks." You said, a little confused with the whole interaction.

"Why don't you come to school anymore?" Kris asked you.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" You teased, stretching your arms and yawning.

For you, this was just some chance interaction, but for Kris this was now or never.

"Because I miss you." Kris explained quietly.

You froze for a second. Kris missed you? Town crazy person? Wow.

You grinned that crooked grin that Kris couldn't get enough of, before replying.

"Well if you care so much I guess I can show up some more." You proclaimed through your smile.

"I'd like that." Kris said, so quietly you barely heard them.

You stood up from your swing and yawned again. "It's getting late, let me walk you home." You offered.

Kris only nodded before standing up and dusting their pants off. Before they could react you had grabbed their hand and were pulling them along.

Oh.

Oh.

So you did like them back. Would have

Wise parents in Hometown warn their kids to stay away from them.

Kids too little to even remember why they're supposed to be scared scurry off and kids old enough to remember keep their heads down and walk past them.

The outburst of the only other human in town and the disappearance of Dess Holiday has got to be one of the worst "coincidences" to grace Hometown newspapers ever.

For a while after the incident, you tried your best to recoup your losses. But no matter how hard you seemed to try, no one was interested in humoring your request to be friends anymore.

For 2 years this continued.

To the rest of Hometown you weren't a human or a monster, but you were a monster. You were a perfect example of why they didn't let many humans live here. A psycho who brutalizes innocent monsters.

That's all you were to them.

You tried to get over it. Can't keep beating yourself up forever right? Time to move on to better things? Right? Your grades began to drop rapidly, bringing you from 3rd in the class to almost last place.

Despite everything, you kept going.

Kris did not understand you. They are one of the very few people who aren't scared of you. They feel for you, as a fellow outcast they get what it's like to just want to curl up in a ball and never leave your bed.

After everything that happened to them, all the yelling, being treated as an outcast, the weird looks, the loneliness, why wouldn't they want to just disappear?

You don't talk to anyone, sometimes you'll ask them for a pencil but other than that it's effectively radio silence between you and the rest of Hometown.

You rarely smiled, you were rarely seen outside of school or your house, and even seeing you at school became a more and more special encounter. You were almost like a secret boss in a video game or something.

You captured Kris' attention and never let go. Why couldn't they stop thinking about you?

"Well that's easy, you have a crush loser," Susie replied to them, throwing another rock into the lake.

Kris didn't believe a word of it.

A crush?

On you?

No way.

No wayyyyy.

Yes way?

I mean just because they thought your smile was so infectious that whenever you wave at them for a pencil they smile, or how even though they know what you did they can't get your face out of their head, or how no matter what you wear you look perfect doesn't mean they have a crush on you!

You probably wouldn't even like them back...

Only one way to find out right?

The sun was setting, signaling for all the other kids to leave the playground and start heading home. Except you. You decided to stay a little longer. Feet brushing through brown mulch below the swing you gently rocked yourself on, hands wrapped around your journal, you heard the sound of footsteps on grass. You glanced up, focusing on the approaching figure which had sat on the swing next to you.

Kris Dreemurr.

After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kris broke it.

"I don't think you're a bad person," Kris stated quietly looking to you for your reaction.

"Gee thanks." You said, a little confused with the whole interaction.

"Why don't you come to school anymore?" Kris asked you.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" You teased, stretching your arms and yawning.

For you, this was just some chance interaction, but for Kris, this was now or never.

"Because I miss you," Kris explained quietly.

You froze for a second. Did Kris miss you? Town crazy person? Wow.

You grinned that crooked grin that Kris couldn't get enough of, before replying.

"Well if you care so much I guess I can show up some more." You proclaimed through your smile.

"I'd like that," Kris said, so quietly you barely heard them.

You stood up from your swing and yawned again. "It's getting late, let me walk you home." You offered.

Kris only nodded before standing up and dusting their pants off. Before they could react you had grabbed their hand and were pulling them along.

Oh.

Oh.

So you did like them back. Would have been nice to know that earlier.

-----

I wrote this March 12, 2023. I wrote it all in one day and I'm not super proud of it but you know how it is. Hope you enjoy it. I'm going to try and be more active again.

[incarnateirony]

It's nailing 2po to the wall as the show anti and 50K fandom grifter he is hours.

So earlier I posted commentary about the ways he has been attempting to maliciously invert conversation, where fans who like the show are bad somehow, and ones that argue down what the creatives are saying on main are good, somehow. Very classic fandom toxicity/manipulation tactic in fandoms well outside of SPN.

Because, not only has he been trying to diminish Jensen, he's been trying to talk over Robbie, history, he's been telling people to disregard anything the crew said because his opinion of "nothing means anything" is more important, he's been disrespecting the alchemists hired specifically to design this set and show among other elements, and more.

But he just tried it. "Saying something isn't a passion project isn't being an anti!!"

well. No. If it was true. You're right. Not everything in the world is a passion project. But this is how psychopaths manipulate conversation.

That nugget of truth ("not all things have to be passion projects!!!") is placed in the conversation out of context, disregarding the fact that Jensen ran out the door to register Free Will Entertainment (to eventually become Chaos Machine) within a week of filming ending because he was that motivated. Securing the licensing by december even before he had a direction while maintaining radio silence on the finale and only endorsing 15x18. Then, holing himself up in his house. And, while he denies it now, as he loves to deny inconveniences, privately confiding in people how haunted he was that December, to the point people started making pitches. Ignoring the finale, amping Despair for a month instead.

Yeah, douchebag. Not everything is a passion project, but this is. In your post you acknowledged Windy isn't a passion project of Jared's. That's fine. I agree. It was a reactive project. But Jared and Jensen aren't the same person, these aren't the same show, they weren't made for the same reason and they don't have the same history or motivation.

This is his new mewling of self consolation, but I don't think even he really believes it, he just wants to churn more venom into this fandom in his final hours of relevance. He's done it to creatives for years, intentionally inciting the masses while deleting the truth, so why would he be compelled to stop now? I'm sure he's convinced he can grift another gold panel or two out of people before the finale.

This motherfucker can't even doxx "right", on multiple occasions, always hitting the wrong targets, or screaming at the wrong patreon vs the wrong owner, but sure, he definitely has his finger on the pulse of jensen. After failing at every other denial for the last like 4 years running. This time. THIS TIME HE'S GOT IT, HE SWEARS.

But he can't accept it as a passion project, because what that "passion" is for is invariably clear. Minding he spent ages shrieking jensen was fine with the perfect finale (because. 2po. is. a. wincel.) and denying every step of what I told everyone this would be about as it came to air. Well, yeah. The wincel can't accept that Jensen wasn't okay with the finale and got deancas brainrot. No shit. But dude you've had 2 years to come to terms with the common sense of this. Start coping bruh. It's over. You lost. Go home.

While he asks into the wind "who's always been right?" Yeah, ask yourselves that. Market testing. Berens intent. Confession. Roadhouse. Omissions. Production distress. Pilot. Episode morals. Reflections. Just off the top of my head for the big markers. The best he has is sometimes I react to memes wrong? That a few scoped authors on the list declined or were busy but the others panned out? Splitting insane hairs that berens isn't credited like authors don't have cell phones (pay no attention to him tweeting in on the exact eps I mentioned his heaviest involvement)? idk. Something like that.

Not sure why he thinks these things connect. Or, well, he probably doesn't, but he needs to convince others that they do, because how else will he get free gold passes? He's refused to ever adjust the sources of his broken process which come from the very biases the show itself is heckling while he pretends he can't read, and yells nothing means anything while the whole crew holds up signs saying everything means something.

It's pure. Flatass. Delusional. Denial. merging into outright panic from him, and just trying to leave as many shits in the pool as he can on the way out.

[fullmtal]

UPDATE / PSA. ( hi! )

Okay, so I've had a long break because well, a lot of personal things have been going in in real life affecting my family, myself, and my mental health. I've taken a long break and been a little overwhelmed on my dash but I'm back now and I'm going to ease in slow. Sorry for the radio silence, but hope you all are hanging in!

Also important info, since we all don't really have much choice now, I have switched to Beta Editor and it's on my pinned post.

All replies that were done in legacy will be moved to separate post UNLESS you ask me to drop them or I feel I can't continue them btw please let me know if you want to drop or keep an ask or thread okay? and / or need to clean out some of my stuff by dropping them. Asks I'm still going to get to no matter how late, I find asks and small starters are easier to get to and I haven't forgotten my starters I owe if you all are still interested! It's just been...a hell of a year and I know that a lot of you probably may feel like I do on that. I'm really sorry if you've been struggling or have had issues crop up this year, and I genuinely hope it gets better for you.

I've been kind of scarce on discord save like...two - three people but I'm definitely open to chatting I just am really bad at reaching out right now but please, feel free to poke me I'm not unavailable I promise. I'm just kinda slow, as well, haha, you can see. Lately feels like I've been hit by a truck since we had a major family loss mid-year, and after that things continued to snowball right up until this month as well. I'm hoping for a great new year for all of us and what's important here on my dash is -- Edward is going absolutely nowhere even if I'm easing my way in and keeping mind of my mental health, Edward is always, and always will be my constant. I have no braincells because of him even in hard times!

To all my mains, mutuals, people I see but haven't talked to, writing partners, I really hope you're alright and things get better for you if they're tough. I really needed a break as my mental health was like a thin cord with all that's been and is going on. I think it's going to get better, but I'm now back and easing slowly into my blog once more.

Thanks for being so patient, feel free to hmu on discord if you have me, and also just take care of yourselves okay? Your health is most important.

Lots of love, Lily. PS. Beta really isn't that bad I can't believe I, a goob, am now capable of doing colored font drink something warm or do something nice for yourself today!

[coralsgrimes]

So I’m honestly asking because I have no clue what you are referring to. Why do you hate Ben Barnes so much? You seem to keep referring to things he did but you didn’t say what. I’m confused but I really have no idea what these bad things are and would like to find out.

Ye really do make me typing like a madman today lol

Said it a million times and I don't hate Benny Boy. Imma just disappointed and also hate is a strong word and I neither have the time nor am I 12 to hate someone online lol

I don't say what he was fucking up cuz this blog is mostly our own lil pond and I generally assume that everyone swimming here should know by now x.x also I've been repeating myself over and over about all of this shite. Scroll waaaay down lol

But since I'm typing...

So the thingies that I personally find to be hurtful, the fangirls been putting a flaming sword up me ass when I mention them. Can ye believe???

The first thing is obvi the half naked photoshoot in a pool, with a minor! which he called romantic! done by a photographer who he called his friend and who also photographed Sofia Richie aged 14/15 like she was a on a cover of the hustler.

Then we have his ongoing association, PUBLIC ASSOCIATION, with a circle of friends that includes scientologist, racists, sex pests, people protecting and vouching for the sex pests some of them currently on trial, also women who engage in victim blaming publicly, and not so surprisingly a cult leader wannabes are in that crowd as well. And again, this are not some fandom connect the dots allegations. This is all a open public we been friends for years said out loud.

And the next thing, that me thinks had broken the Benny spell completely, was his 'crisis in Ukraine' insta post from last April (featuring choose love... cuz why not). The obvious months wait for a fucking t-shirt to arrive, sunny day happy photoshoot and advertisement friendly language so that instagram won't cut his visibility so everyone could see what a great chap he is! The bare minimum, the bad taste, the quick edit of the post after he been called out and obvi the radio silence since.

Oh coral but it's not like he the worst person in the fucking world. Like no he's not but the picture he tries to paint of himself is cracking and showing how fucking fake it is... No surprise tho he a celebrity and british after all x.x

In other thingies, he obvi a bestie with Jules who i have personal beef with completely outside of Benny.

Speaking of her, the very possible possibility that he been having an affair with a married woman is kind of wow okay something if ye ask me. Then we have his music which should be classified as a dangerous especially for aquatic life (🪸), young and elderly and everyone else.

Yesh I know celebs are fake but he is just... The fakest at this point?? Like so obviously fake without a drop of genuine intentions, just doing this to secure his cushy life.

Oh and while we still at around twin flames orbit. The pandemic... Stay home be a good boy, but not me!! I am Benjamin Barnes and I shall do the opposite and then gaslight gatekeep...

I can go into/list more irks honestly but that's just ye know being petty and cherry picking kind of. Ye know I say I hate his look at me imma an activist reposts but other peeps are glad he 'spoken out' about the issue. Then there are his fandom games and basically begging his fangirls to baby him like when he's called out... He can't take responsibility for anything (pandemic travel anyone??) and he won't take direct and decisive stand on anything ever (not even saying world issues, I mean his so called FEMALE friends that needed strong public support but he stayed silent) cuz as long as he is bland and pleases everyone he is cool he is safe.

And at the end of the day what he does is he covers up, avoids and baits with something else hoping that the air clears. Here we should look at his 'brother' Chris D'Elia. He was sniffing around him at a time he was assaulting several women, Benny at the same time was dating a wannabe model in her early 20s... Allegations about D'Elia circled around for years but no one dared to speak loudly cuz he was SOMEONE. Then shit hits the fan and what our dear boy Benny does??? He, with a speed of a lightning, deletes covers up blocks gets rid off any obvious connection to his so called brother. Case closed.

Also like his enormous ego and the obsession to cover up his private life like crazy, that kinda sus and not healthy I want a private life but again it's just me lol

Would link me old posts but I'm on the mobile app and it's like so hard to find all that shite. There are more details in them old posts if ye as interested. But this is the crash course into Benny Boy by Coral lol

[creune]

Still kicking

And will continue to do so, worry not

Although these messes of rambles are not easy to read grammatically so, sorry about that

It's more emotion that anything else

It just feels cathartic to post them

Hey, maybe someone will see them and find something they can take away from it

Like, small emotional lessions on what's what or just the feeling they aren't alone dealing with certain situations

Or maybe they come to the conclusion that it was a waste of time and eat a sandwich instead

Who knows?

I don't

Anyway, I have been facing a lot of internal stuff lately

One of them being some friends I have or had, I'm not sure anymore

I pulled away from them

I blamed my college classes for never having time to talk in the discord server we had

Still, told them my DMs are always open

And months passed without a single one

Which stings as before I sent a message to each one, in dms, every day

I sent them messages on birthdays, at least to those who had them since, they responded, had a small chat with each and back to radio silence

I have also gained to my tally

Guess how many remembered?

We were friends for a couple years, mind you

I can live with that

I have emotionally just, disctanced myself from them

Didn't leave the server, probably won't for a while

Can't be bothered

Also at least I have an easy way to check up on them once or twice a month

I never talk tho

I just, can't bring myself to it

I don't want to deal with all that emotional bullshit and talking people down and call me selfish but I am just tired of that

I'm tired of never having the option to feel my own emotions, to talk about what's bothering me, not even on bad days just to listen to one of them rant and bash and pushing me to the edge on purpose (admitted by one clear as day ib a message lost under a flurry of others, buried under issues and vents and judgement

I can't hate them, or feel even any negative about them tho

I mean, they were kids with serious issues

And I was another kid trying to help them

But one day I just

Snapped

It has been building and building for so long, as I held onto the happy memories, before stuff and things began to happen, before I had to question "is everyone else truly the problem or am I just so blinded?"

But at one point, I just had enough

I fully disconnected myself

I talked only once since then, and cut that short as well

One person did message me, but it was more about them wanting to rent than an actual conversation

It always was

But then again, what can you do?

I got tired of being angry, of being bitter, of dancing near the edges of breaking down but having to push through "just one more day", keep it together for "one more day", thex need you right now so keep it in for "one more day"

Biggest lie I told myself

It was the foolish belief that maybe the next will be my turn to finally let stuff out

Didn't know any better

Still don't

Probably never will

Taking up space was never something I could do without guilt

I just wish I ran at the first signs of trouble

But I was too naive

Believing that "hey, stuff happens, but everything will be okay", repeating the same mantra of "just be patient, you'll find your out, there's light" until it became something hollow

Something I could no longer believe

Something that kept me going to

All losing its meaning after so many repeating

Day after day after day, it became more and more empty until I no longer said it because I believed, but because I had to

I had to and I did

And people were willing to wait "just a little longer" to see if I was right

It worked, and that's what it needed to do

And as long as they were willing to try, that was enough for me

But there comes a point where you have to realize

That while others were willing to try, that even if they were hopeless, they were willing to humor you, because really, they felt they had nothing to loose, that after many late nights, a couple of severe cases of barely any sleep

You yourself don't have anyone to pull you back

You lost yourself trying to anchor others so bad, there's nothing left to keep yourself steady

So I became angry, and bitter

I was still joking around but I seethed on the inside

Because the "one more day" never came

It was more of the same, the same conversations, the same issues you cannot help, the same things of complaining but never acting yet waiting for a miracle

Waiting for the light to dig itself through a cavern

And I just couldn't get them to start digging up

It seems so simple, isn't it

"if you get angry by xyz, don't engage"

"starvation is bad for you, so is sleep deprivation"

"get off twitter if you think it's a cesspool"

Not doing anything yet expecting results, for other people to do the work for them

It gets grating after a while

And yet I tried

And the more I tried, the more I got burried myself

At some point I had to realize that I need to dig or I will be burried alive

That's how it felt

Being burried under so many people's issues and traumas and bad habits

I don't wanna knock on anyone who is struggling with trauma, mental issues, abuse

I know it's not an easy journey

I'm just hoping most of you realize that every journey starts by taking a single step, then another

And not by sitting and watching the end of a road, waiting for it to get closer

It will only slip farther

And again

I don't hate these people

They were my friends for a good while

But, I just couldn't keep going the way I was

I was too weak to walk with other people's bags, catching them when they fell, when whenever I slipped, no one would catch me, or help me up

Sometimes when people tell you that your efforts are worthless in their eyes because it's not enough proof you care, it kills you inside

Sometimes when you have to crisis manage at night while everyone is panicking, knowing full well you can't expect anyone to help, not because they can't, but because, after having been through the exact same song and dance so many times before, they still can't make a difference between a small issue or a real threat, you just learn to keep your own emotions to yourself, to read off of a script of "it's gonna be fine"

When the issues you do share are publicly turned against you, even if shared in private, or they are brought up to show that humans are inherently cruel, you start to believe it, that you don't deserve help or attention

Sometimes you just, want a shoulder to cry on ober losing family or over the fears of uncertainty and when they get brushed under the rug, you start feeling truly alone

I called them friends, because they were

But I can't even get myself to talk in that server, because of the fear, the anger, the resentment I still feel

The feeling if being used

I know I should have left earlier, before I got fed illusions, but I was blind to it until I couldn't take it anymore

There's nothing for me there anymore

And call me selfish, as I am, but I would like to live a happy life

A life where I can genuinely smile, be happy, play games or read or be away from my phone without guilt

I want to live my life free, I want to live my life happy

And call me selfish, but I don't care anymore

I can't bring myself to care

They sure as hell never did for me

So why would I bother for those who would let me sink?

I finally know who my true friends are, the people who truly care for me, who love me

Two were by my side all along, supporting me, listening, working together, all of us, so none of us would get left behind

One has entered my life and shook it up to hold me by my hand and show me what love is, showed me how to smile again, to have hope again

I just needed to let this out

So I can truly, genuinely believe it when I say

"It's going to be okay"

[terrytheboxwithlimbs]

16, 20, 37 for the writing asks!!! <3

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

It would be Tim/Bernard (Timber) 100%! I love them with all my heart, their dynamic? Has infinite potential. Conspiracy Theorist who is dating the conspiracy but doesn't know. There are multiple aspects to write about: the comedy of secret identities that can be turned into angst, Bernard having been in a cult revolving around pain, their entertaining high school dynamic, Bernard knowing how to fight even though he's a civilian (but tbh, it's Gotham), etc.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Lots of caffeine, sitting either at my desk or in my bed with my laptop, my headphones playing music, and my fluffy blanket. I write best at nighttime, so probably around 10:00 pm - 5:00 am. Also my extremely comfy black hoodie from H&M!

37. Talk about your current wips.

I have so many omg.

Ok, so I have the 9 days of Whumptober that I'm behind on, and I'm working on the rest of the month. It's mostly DC fics.

That one Jayroy fic that I wrote and posted 5/6 chapters of and then basically abandoned. I feel bad about that because it got really popular and I love the idea - I should finish it.

Tim's Recovery Fic, because they shot him in the neck in Batman Detective Comics #127 and then didn't show us his recovery or how his canonical boyfriend and family would've reacted.

Harley Quinn acting as the unlicensed Bat Therapist, bc they have so much fucking trauma a therapist could live off of the money from their sessions for the rest of their life probably.

Tim Drake whump where he struggles after saving Bruce from the Time-Stream (just DC things, right?) and the trauma he experienced from his Red Robin trip, especially how no one believed him nor thanked him when he brought his dad back, the deaths of most of his loved ones, all the shit with Ra's, etc.

Speaking of Ra's, there's this fic I posted almost all of the chapters of and just need to write the last one. It's based on the creepy vibes I got from Tim and Ra's dynamic when I read Red Robin. It's basically a rape recovery fic with a lot of hurt/comfort - I also need to finish this one.

Radio Silence fic, mainly Aled Last angst.

A bunch of fics based on @aliteralchicken Timber posts

Reverse Robins, my beloved.

A pretty messed up fic where Jason is Damian's dad, not Bruce. This one has been sorta scrapped bc I came to the horrifying realization that I was writing the plot of the hit Disney Channel show Andy Mac so... yeah.

A collection of 5 + 1 fics about the Batfam and galas

A Jayroy relationship reveal where Jason gets seriously injured and the last words he says before he passed out are: Call Roy.

Tim & co breaking Bernard away from his abusive parents, moving him into Wayne Manor.

And last but definitely not least, my Timber Time Loop fic. I am sooo fucked up for this one >:). In this fic, Bernard takes his life and Tim finds him, it's the worst day of Tim's life and now he's stuck reliving it and trying to save him from himself. But no matter what he does, Tim can't seem to get it write, even when Bernard doesn't die - the loop resets. It is very disturbing, def a 'it gets worse before it gets better' type story. Tim's boyfriend is doomed by the narrative and he is not having a good time.

[wastelandcth]

best years - cth

summary: dovey and calum go through a rough patch, leading dovey to believe she gave up her best years. 

author’s notes: hello everyone...this is angst and part one out of two. good luck! inspired by this tik tok. 

warnings: angst and sad overall

masterlist || request || more doves

I’ve got a million reasons to hesitate and baby a million more are added every day.

Dovey had always been there for Calum. She'd been there through the drama that came along with being in a well-known band. She'd been there through the highs and the lows, through the rumors and controversies. Dovey had stuck through everything and every day it seemed like more and more came into light, like the man she had fallen in love with became a stranger. Suddenly, Calum was no longer her best friend who would tell her everything, he was the stranger in her bed who hardly was around. 

The fight hadn't been intentional. Most of the time, the Doves would talk anything out. Whether it be a disagreement over something small like where the pillows on the couch should go or whether it was something big like how their lives would be affected by the latest album release. This time, it was different, stubbornness and yells meant that Dovey found herself in a lonely bed while Calum locked himself away in his office. And with only a few days left before Calum left for tour with no plan on when or if Dovey would join him, the Doves went to sleep in different beds. 

It had started when he'd left for tour. Usually, Dovey would drive him to the airport and stay until the band's flight was called and she had given him one last hug until they were reunited again. This time, Calum had suggested saying their goodbyes at home that it would be the best since there would probably be a lot of fans at the airport. Although she wasn't too please with their break from tradition, Dovey found herself hugging him on their doorstep, whispering a soft I love you before the man she loved stepped into the car that had been waiting. 

The next time Dovey realized something had changed, she had been on facetime with him. He'd seemed distant, his eyes drifting off from the screen and his interest in whatever conversation he and Dovey were having being torn away at some joke Michael had told. Dovey thought he might've noticed something was off when she had hung up on the call, hoping he'd call her back and she could claim it was an accident, but her phone never rang again that night. It felt like the harder Dovey tried to connect with the man who was an ocean away living his dream, the more she realized exactly how disconnected they were becoming. 

I spent so much of me on you I forgot who I became.

The longer that Calum was away on tour, the more Dovey found herself. Days that would've been spent alone in a foreign city while Calum was in a radio gig were now spent with friends in the city she'd learn to call home. Mornings, where she’d usually wake up in a cramped bunk next to a grumpy Calum, were spent taking Duke on a hike and clearing her head. 

One day after she'd gotten home from the grocery store, a pang in her heart threatened to ruin the good mood she'd been in when she saw Luke's partner post a picture of them all in front of some monument miles away. But with a shake of the head and a double-tap on the screen, Dovey put some music on and danced the tears away. It wasn't until later that night when her mind was awake that she clicked on the picture again, finding those brown eyes she'd fallen in love with two years ago staring back at her. She could tell something was different, that the smile he had on didn't reach his eyes and his eyes didn't shine like they normally did when he was having the time of his life. But things were different now, and Dovey wasn't going to let her life revolve around him as she did before. If he wanted to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, he would've called. He had her number and for some unknown reason, had decided to not use it. 

Finally found a reason to walk away. 

The final straw had been a picture. Dovey had been used to seeing fan meetings on her social media, smiling fans grateful to have been able to meet Calum and talk to him for even just a second. But the second a video of him had started circling around the internet and made its way onto her screen, Dovey had just about had enough of the stupid shit Calum had been putting her through the last two months. She understood being too busy for at least a phone call or text. Touring was hard work and Calum was known for pushing himself to the limit. She understood wanting space from one another that maybe this tour was something Calum needed to do on his own in order to clear his mind and think about what their relationship meant to him. But the one thing Dovey wouldn't stand by his side when he was the one that had been telling people she was the one who hadn't wanted to join him. She wasn't going to stand by his side while he told his bandmates and the rest of the world that she hadn't wanted to join him because she was being dramatic. If Calum wanted drama, Dovey could be dramatic. 

The house that I built you made it a mess. 

Dovey had been out of their house, the house that had been filled with memories of them and their love, for about two weeks now. Duke had joined her in the passenger seat of her car that sunny afternoon when she had stuffed all her belongings into the back seat and rode off out of the city. Her parent’s house that brought along the comfort and warmth she had been craving for months was a few hours away and far enough away that any reminders of Calum could be put aside. The small town she had left all those years ago brought her peace and gave her the space she needed from whatever waited for her back in LA, if anything even did wait for her. 

Her mother had met her in the driveway, a tight embrace and promises of better times made Dovey's heavy heart lighten up as she saw her childhood home still pretty much the same as the day she had left it. The living room still had candles everywhere and the tv was playing the same movie channel her mother loved to watch on her days off from work. The kitchen was still stocked with snacks and fruits that seemed too real to be fake. And the backyard was still a playground for any and every dog Dovey had brought home, even Duke who had settled on laying in a sunspot to nap. 

Her bedroom had brought on a new set of challenges, the posters on the walls and the albums on the shelves brought tears to her eyes as she saw those brown eyes looking back at her. He'd be back in their house soon. Dovey wondered how he'd react to find himself in an empty house. What he would think of when he saw the letter she had left him on the kitchen counter since at that point any attempt to call or text him was met with radio silence. He'd probably try to call her at that point, she hoped, but only to see where Duke was or he'd get Ashton to do it for him. Dovey wasn't too sure about anything when it came to Calum anymore. She wasn't sure if he would even care that she had left the gold band on the counter next to the letter or that she had left her keys to the house in the little ceramic tray they had painted on one of their dates so many months ago. 

I’m left with broken pieces can't help how I ran out of tears.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since the tour had ended and Dovey hadn't heard from any of them. She hadn't heard from Calum since before she'd left the house almost a month ago and she hadn't even gotten a text message from Luke, who would update her on what had been going on during the tour. It was been one week since Dovey had run out of tears. One week since she had decided that leaving was the best option and that she had made the right choice. 

It had been a week since she realized just how much of herself she'd given away to Calum only to have nothing left for herself. It took her two weeks to realize that if he had wanted to talk to her, he would. If he had wanted to see her or even Duke for that matter, he would've driven to where she was. So when her tears were dry and the pain in her chest was nothing more than a dull pressure whenever she thought about him, she began to fix whatever broken pieces she could. 

It began when she packed away all the old posters that hung on her wall, the smile on every single one leaving her breathless like it always would when she saw it in person. The sparkle in his eyes bringing fresh tears to hers, tears that she would blink away and continue on with taking him out of her life. By the time her childhood bedroom was nothing more than the furniture and bare walls, Dovey felt lighter than she had in months. It didn't last long. As sleep called her name and her eyes closed, Dovey was brought back from whatever dream she was about to enter when the buzzing noise went off next to her head.

I'm sorry. 

I lost all my best years just missing my best years. past love burned out like a cigarette im free now baby all I regret are my best years. 

Sitting in the living room, watching back old family movies and nursing the drink in her cup, Dovey couldn't help but feel like an idiot. She'd given Calum the best years of her life. Gave him all the good times and shared the most wonderful moments with him all for him to leave her with silence and no explanations. She'd gone through the stages of grief, had tried to make her new life without his work, and then he had shoved his way back in with no warnings in the middle of the night. 

The text message hadn't been the only thing Calum had sent, no matter how hard Dovey had wanted it to be. He'd sent her a voice note, a five-minute ramble where his accent had gotten too thick for Dovey to try and decipher what he was saying through the tears and sniffling. He'd apologized for the silence, apologized for the lies, and even apologized for forcing the silence he'd caused from the rest of the band. But Dovey wasn't going to just let him into her life so easily, she wasn't going to let him in after the months of silence and heartbreak. She'd lost all her best years and she needed to find herself again before she could ever consider letting Calum have more of the best of her. 

taglist:  @hoodhoran​ @finelliine @moonlightcriess​ @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver​ @calpops​ @karajaynetoday​ @notlukehemmo​ @calumrose​ @devilatmydoor​ @lyss-xo​ @lowkeyflop

[i-need-air]

King & Queen. – Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader.

Summary: Fluff, Baku being extra while confessing, social media shenanigans.

Word count: 1784.

It's 4 AM, I'm a mess but I needed to get this off my chest. I'm testing the waters with my writings, it's been forever since I wrote anything and I wanted to throw myself a little bit into the fandom I've been obsessed with for the past months. I do hope you enjoy it. ♥

Bakugou Katsuki took pride in having such a large following online. Ever since the first year UA Sports Festival, both his Twitter and Instagram accounts got thousands and thousands of followers, mostly crushing over him and others just hating on him, and in both ways he loved the attention.

The Aesthetics™ he had were always on point and his Twitter was just filled with one sentence tweets, re-tweets of famous heroes, a somewhat dry, dark and/or sarcastic meme from time to time, only and only if it fit (again) his aesthetics. Sometimes he'd engage with the Bakusquad, specially Kaminari and Mina, both very active users, and [Y/N], answering to her tweets with a one word roast and little more.

After the second year UA Sports Festival though? His social media reached the 100k mark, skyrocketing into a small celebrity as he won the first place for two years in a row. But what made him reach such a large number was the way he won. Their battle for the first place was insane, such a difference compared to what he had to deal with Todoroki in the past. [Y/N] put an amazing fight, there's no doubt to that, but the woman overused her quirk and he knew her weakness, mostly since he sometimes (rarely, almost never, pft) observed her train with Icy-Hot or Deku. It was a spectacle to watch and it has even been televised for a whole week afterwards, critics applauding how promising UA's students were. And that's how it all started.

The shipping.

Images and even fucking edited music videos of their fight were everywhere. It was so obvious both of them enjoyed the fight, the little grins they shared as they attacked each other, the small comments both threw and the camera and mics everywhere picked, the look Bakugou Katsuki gave [Y/N] when she kicked his ass. Such an adoration, followed by his insane grin, ready for a challenge. The look [Y/N] gave him, as he took the first place medal with pride from Endeavor, thriving at the applauses from the public. Stars were put to shame compared to the sparks in her eyes. Oh, and the moment their orbs made contact exactly after that? The chemistry.

Bakuy/n was one of their names online, apart from variations of their hero names mixed together. The fandom was slowly picking up a name, mostly going with the first mentioned. And Katsuki? He was fucking aware of everything. Her social media was on radio silence, but this event made him think. Actually think, not half-ass an idea and just throw himself head on into it. And the conversation he overheard was just making him plot now.

Mina and [Y/N] were actually discussing this exact topic. The pink girl was thriving for it. Her Twitter account was now filled with subliminal messages about love and it made her poor friend anxious. Basically because this issue hasn't been addressed at all with Bakugou and she planned to keep it that way. Yet Mina, sweet, adorable, loving Mina was just pressing on it really badly, but thankfully she never did when both sides of Bakuy/n were in the same room/conversation.

"Isn't it like so romantic?" Mina's eyes shined, hands clapped, her gaze looking somewhere in the distance, daydreaming.

"No, it's not, it's weird..." her [h/c] haired friend answered, falling more into the couch of their living quarters, trying to hide from the world.

"It would be if it wasn't obvious you pin for each other!"

"Oh, god, please stop saying that."

"You're not denying it though!"

"MINA!"

Laughter coming from the pinkette filled the room as the blond man decided not to interrupt and leave, small grin on his face as [Y/N]'s groans just told him what he needed to hear. She definitely did not deny the attraction and whatever chemistry they had.

Which leads to the current situation.

The girl was sitting in the cafeteria, waiting for Ochaco and Mina to come around, phone in hand as she scrolled mindlessly through Twitter, watching as her most recent tweet, the first one in ages, was getting attention. She giggled at Denki's stupidity, as he just posted a selfie of himself drenched in Diet Coke clearly in the UA bathrooms. Checking his replies she saw the boy she's been [kinda, lowkey, just a lil bit] trying to avoid for the past days.

[@BakugouKatsuki:]

"Dumbass."

[@MissPinky:]

"So THAT'S WHY U NEEDED MINTS!?!!!!!?? 🤣

She giggled again, entertained by her friends when her interactions just exploded. App actually crashed as she blinked while munching on some french fries dumbly.

As she tried to open her app again, both her friends landed by the table, joking about Kaminari and his never ending stupidity. Notifications popped again and again, legit confusing the girl to no end, making her ignore her two friends as they asked her what was going on, mainly because of her expression.

"The hell...?" she muttered, throwing the phone down while Twitter took its sweet, sweet time to load and open and just as she opened her mouth to answer Mina, she made eye contact with some very intense red eyes.

Clasping her mouth shut and ignoring Ochaco as she took [Y/N]'s phone to see what's going on, the girl could only focus on Bakugou, sitting a few tables away, facing her direction. She almost shivered in place under the intensity he was giving away, although his position was laid back, phone in one hand, chin in the other. And, again, gaze on her. He barely even blinked, his neutral expression giving nothing away and she knew she was blushing. Why was she a blushing mess under his gaze? Well, answer was obvious for everyone, even the whole internet now, but oh, she wished Bakugou Katsuki wasn't that sharp. Who are we kidding though?

Ochaco started to shake her out of her daze, interrupting the intense eye contact battle as she shoved her phone in her face.

"Oh. My. God." She muttered, stuttering her following words "Please, look at this, I can't believe it... Mina, check Twitter."

"If Kaminari threw Diet Coke and Mints in one of the bathroom toilets to 'experiment', I'm done with him." Mina responded but froze in place, just as [Y/N] looked away from the explosive boy. "Wait... WAIT!" her eyes almost popped out of her skull. "WHAAAAAAA–?!"

On the screen of her phone was the profile of the guy she's been crushing for... A year now? The guy that at first ignored her, then screamed at her, then beat her ass in training, then got his ass beaten by her, that scoffed at her shitty jokes, that actually chuckled at her shitty jokes, that studied with her, that smiled at her... The guy that complimented her when her quick improved. The guy that took her opinion seriously even when acting like he didn't care. The guy that stole her heart when he showed little glimpses of his complex persona only to her. The guy that fucking retweeted:

[@onlybakuy/nhere:]

"King & Queen."

And a picture attached, them shaking hands after their battle, ready to go get prepared for the podium. Bloodied, sweaty, yet both smiling at each other.

"I can't believe this–[Y/N]–" The brunette started rambling and fangirling besides her, but... With a careful glance, she peeked under her eyelashes to look at the boy again, her heart almost stopping when noticing he was still observing, small grin on his face hidden behind his hand, perfectly angled for her to see. "There's another one!"

Everything started to make sense, as she quickly checked her notifications to see the Internet™ just going crazy over that retweet. People started mass-following her, fans and stans just living for it, tagging her username with a screenshot of the retweet and now it hyped up again with... pictures of his profile? Did he change his description? He... changed his description. While there was absolutely nothing in there, now there was one single word. King.

Her eyebrows just rose so high her forehead hurt, the 3 braincells that were still somehow functioning were catching up to what the hell was going on and now she was positive, 100%, without a doubt that she was blushing like a mad-woman, a smile forming on her lips as she hit the retweet button on the same tweet he did and instantly opening her profile to edit.

Both her friends were freaking out by her side, accusing her of being way too calm in this situation, to explain but [Y/N] knew she couldn't utter any word, or even look up at them or at him. If she did, she'd break the spell, the moment, and as she deleted her description and only wrote a single word in her profile, her smile only widened. Hearing Mina screech after seeing her retweet, the girl giggled like an idiot.

Bakugou Katsuki was loud, brash, maybe a little bit emotionally constipated, rough around the edges, incredibly smart, observing, caring, awful with words but straight to the point with actions. And he was, without a doubt, fucking extra when doing things.

As she pressed the button Save on her profile, she caught him looking at his phone, being patted on the back by Kirishima, that somehow appeared in the frame yet was so distant in her field of vision as only he mattered at the moment. Waiting his reaction patiently and waiting for the internet to start freaking out again, her chest was hurting from the drumming of her heart. Hell, she knew she looked like a disaster with a flushed face, phone gripped so hard in her hand that it could break, a group of girls forming around her, noisy yet so distant. The world going in slow motion, seeing his crimson eyes widen for a fraction of a second, hiding more of his face in the palm of his hand as he still tried to look so casual, Kirishima's "Yeaaaaaaaah!" filled her ears as he tapped his finger on the screen, destination already clear. And when he saw what he needed...

He got up, leaving his tray of food behind, shit-eating grin basically parting the sea of people forming around them both as he marched towards where she was seated, and for the third time they made eye contact. His cheeks flushed, such a boyish expression coveting his normally angry features, mischievous and happy, relieved, just... Perfect.

Everything went in slow motion for her, his march, decisive and bold, as he always was, took to an end as he got to her, just giving her a hand and a raised brow, inviting her to leave with him anywhere but there.

And she took it without hesitation.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 1]

Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 2]

A/N: There's 2 parts to this chapter because the post was way long. Part Eighty-Four will be posted tomorrow night. I love yall and hope you enjoy, goodnight!!

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: Explicit language, drug abuse, violence, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"The ambulance is on the way." I hear someone say over the noise of the running water and the blood throbbing in my ears from my mind racing. 

My heart feels like it's about to burst, my lungs feel flat, like they don't have the muscle to expand and let me catch my breath. 

Duff's t-shirt that I'm wearing is soaked with freezing cold water, Nikki's grayish-yellow skin now blue… 

We've been trying to get him to wake up. 

Slash is passed out, being knocked out by his girlfriend, Sally, once he realized what was happening and had a drunk meltdown. 

Me, Sally, Duff and Steven get Nikki from the cold shower and get him back in the living room floor, tearing at his shirt and the buttons fly off. 

"Holy shit." Steven says just under his breath as I go to start cpr but I'm stopping when my hands hit something like ice.

I quickly see what it is and I nearly fall back. 

It's my crucifix that I thought I had lost when I left it in Duff's hotel room a couple months ago…

TWELVE HOURS AGO

"Nikki's getting home later than the rest of the guys." Karen informs me as I finish wiping down the kitchen counter. 

"Why?" I ask and she sighs. 

"He told me he missed the flight." 

"Of course he did." I mumble and she sighs. 

"Well, after that stunt he pulled, I'm surprised he's even getting to come home." She states and I furrow my brows. 

"What stunt?"

"Doc didn't tell you?" 

"No?"

"...Nikki and the guys were on a bullet train and something riled Nikki up and he threw a bottle of Jack at a window and it busted and got all over the passengers, then when they got stopped and the cops got ahold of him, Tommy punched one of them so they'd take him, too." She explains. 

Am I surprised, no. Shocked, no. Disappointed, no. Annoyed? Yes. 

"They are so freaking embarrassing." I sneer to myself.

"Oh, the worst part is what he told the police chief, in Doc's words, 'if my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?'" 

I widen my eyes, blinking slowly. 

"He said the man couldn't understand exactly what he said so the translator told him Nikki said he was very sorry and they got off." She adds.

"Of course they did." 

She just looks at me for a moment before letting out a soft breath. 

"Vivian, do you think...even the slightest chance you two can--"

"--If there was a chance, I would've gone to Japan with them." I tell her.

She's quiet. 

"I need to feed the dog." I say to her, dismissively, and as if on cue, Whisky is darting in here. "Hey, baby!" I pipe, excitedly, still feeling Karen's gaze on me before she steps out of the kitchen. "Mommy's trying not to kill Daddy." I tell him, pouring his food in his bowl. "She's really trying."

A couple hours later, I'm putting makeup on to go meet Duff when the phone starts ringing. 

"Hello?" I answer it in the bedroom, sitting on the bed. 

"Hey, beautiful, it's Robbin." I hear from the other side and I roll my eyes, chuckling. 

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?" I reply in the same tone. 

"Nothin'." He replies. "I was wondering if your daddy was home, yet?" He asks in reference to Nikki and I scoff. 

"My father is at home with my mother, probably praying or reading the Bible or secretly listening to The Cult records in the garage." I reply. 

"You know who I'm talking about, c'mon." He laughs. 

"No, Robbin, your boyfriend isn't home yet." I tell him. 

"Do you know when he will be?"

"Not too long from now, probably."

"Well, when he gets in, tell him to gimme a call." 

"I might not be here but I'll leave a note." 

"Where you going?" He asks. 

"Out."

"With who?" 

"Robbin."

"Why don't you ever come see me anymore? I haven't hung out with you in months." 

"Because I don't party and that's all you like to do at night." 

"Well, bring your ass with Sixx when he comes tonight."

"Robbin--"

"--Please, for me?" 

"I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Okay, just don't forget to get him to call me." He reminds me and I nod.

"I will."

"See you later...maybe." 

"Later."

We hang up and I groan and fall back on the bed, looking at myself in the mirrored ceiling, before calling Duff to postpone our plans by a couple hours so I can go hangout with Nikki and Robbin.

Once I'm dressed, I fall back on the bed, waiting for Nikki to get in…

I turn over on my stomach and reach for the little radio clock on his side of the bed, my finger pulling the switch on. 

Dopey Christmas music filters through the room and I turn it back off, sighing. 

Whisky jumps up on the bed with me and I sit up so he doesn't lick my makeup off, giggling at his happy-go-lucky demeanor, but something's off in his eyes. 

"He'll be back tonight, baby." I promise, scratching at his chin. "I miss him, too, you know? I know that's hard to believe but I do." I admit to him and he blinks at me. "And if you tell anybody, I won't give you table scraps anymore." I add, the corners of my mouth tugging. 

I kiss his head, leaving a smudge of lipstick and I wince, forgetting I even had the stuff on. 

"Oops." I go to the bathroom and get a wet washcloth, srubbing it off his fur as best as a I can. 

That's when I hear the door open and slam, and I exhale, standing up, tossing the cloth aside and peeking my head out of the bedroom door to see if it's Karen or Nikki. 

"Hey," I say to him and he looks at me. 

He looks like absolute hell. 

"You can stop looking at me like that." He mumbles and I try to speak but can't find the words. 

"Sorry." I finally get it out and he goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. 

I hear the shower start and I thank God because he smells horrendous. 

I light a few scented candles while he's in there, trying to clear out the smell. 

Then I try to search his suitcase for drugs, to no avail. 

"I threw them out before I got to the airport." He says and I freeze up, sighing when he reaches past me and grabs the suitcase, tugging it to the floor before grabbing at my waist, making me turn around to face him. 

I just try to keep my expression neutral, not knowing if he's in a mood or not. 

"You smell better." I tell him to avoid an awkward silence as we're uncomfortably close. 

"Yeah, so do you." He replies and I roll my eyes, about to move out of his grasp. "Wait, wait, no, no, c'mere." He grabs at me tighter, holding me still, chuckling boyishly and I give a sharp breath. 

"You're high," I state, trying to nudge him away from me to give me some space. 

"Hey, I'm being nice." His expression shifts, eyes cutting at me, mouth snarling. 

"Nikki--"

"--No, when I'm pissed you get bitchy and when I'm in a good mood you get bitchy. You're just a fucking bitch. Always have been. Always will be." He snatches himself away, kicking the suitcase out of his way. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a junkie." I reply as he goes to the bathroom and he's turning around in milliseconds. 

"Fuck you!" He shouts, grabbing my jaw, forcing my back down to the mattress, "fuck you, you condescending, manipulative, evil little witch!" He barks in my face and I keep myself as calm as I can, not wanting to make it worse. 

I shouldn't have even called him a junkie to begin with. 

I knew how he'd react. 

"Don't you ever call me that again, Vivian, do you fucking understand me?! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of your shit and your endless whining when I started shooting up because of you in the first fucking place and I keep shooting up just to escape from the reality that I'm fucking married to a twisted, sick, sneaky cunt like you!" 

My eyes water, a lump in my throat…

"Then divorce me." I let out weakly, my voice cracking. "If I'm so awful then just leave me, Nikki." 

He looks at me, tears in his own eyes, before he gets off of me and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

NIKKI

I thought couldn't do that. Even when I was miserable with her, I was in love with her. That's contradictory to how I acted and treated her but it wasn't necessarily an endless doting, constant lovey-dovey, in love, thing. It was a poisonous, constant merry-go-round and anytime I would try to get off she'd pull me on again without even realizing it. She'd wear a hot dress, or laugh, or smile, or do something for me, or just say 'Nikki', and fuck, I'd be on her again. The Duff thing wasn't even on my mind that night. I got home, saw she was there, went inside and saw her and it took everything in me not to fall to my fucking knees...only for her to call me a junkie. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that, but at that point I was tired of the going around and around, spinning, dizzy, exhausted from puking...she wouldn't leave me. So I was trying to scare her off. 

I realized after my overdose that there was no scaring her off. She was as sick as I was, she needed help like I did, and until we got it we would still be on the ride. That's when I filed for divorce. I thought of it as my final, "I love you," because I really did it for her, knowing she wouldn't file after I OD'd. We were torturing ourselves at that point. We both needed to just get away from one another. And we did.

"You coming or not, Vivian, c'mon!" I call into the house when the car gets here, rolling my eyes as she takes her sweet, precious time, deliberately, staring me in the eye as she slowly steps to the door, her brow raised, red lips keeping restraint from curling at the sight of me. 

When she walks past, I'm tempted to rear back and hit her ass as hard as my hand can muster, just to see her look at me with her unamused, pissy little look she gives me when I'm being an asshole. 

We get in the back of the limo and she sits as far away from me as possible. 

It's silent on the way to town, the light flittering, through the windows in the back cast light over her face every now and then...we'd be in the floor tearing at clothes by now if this was three years ago. 

Fuck.

How the hell did we go from not getting enough of each other to fucking despising each other? 

Again, like I've been doing all year, I remind myself it's because I fucked up with Vanity.

I hope she doesn't tell Vivian I called her in Japan...It's  like I really miss her or anything, I was just lonely and Vivian wasn't taking my calls. 

She was under Duff, the demon in my ear laughs out and I look at Vivian again, seeing her quickly look away from me as if she'd get caught for staring. 

I wonder what she's thinking about right now...I wonder if she really has been with Duff this whole I haven't been home. 

Not that I have room to bitch, I spent my whole time in Japan with my head in drugs--which might as well be a fucking mistress. 

I give her one last glance before clearing my throat and leaning my head back to rest my eyes for a moment. 

Soon, we stop, and the door flings open, Robbin, Slash, some chick, and Steven all pile in, Vivian scooting over so there's more room for everyone to sit. 

I go to the other window, letting Slash and the girl I'm assuming is with him get beside me. 

Vivian's between Robbin and Steven, and it's evident they've been having some fun before meeting us. 

"Sixx!" Robbin lets out, kicking the seat I'm in.

"King!" I reply, kicking his seat, and he chuckles. 

"How was Japan?" He asks, rubbing his nose. 

"I barely remember." I admit with a laugh and he joins me, nodding. 

"Nikki, this is Sally." Slash tells me next and I lean over him to see her. 

She's pretty hot. 

"Nice to meet you." She tells me.

She's Scottish...interesting. 

I hear Vivian giggle and I peek out the corner of my eye and see Robbin whispering something in her ear, and she elbows him, jokingly. 

"You are, just saying." He says to her and she rolls her eyes. "Just get more and more beautiful the longer I go without seeing you." He adds. 

"Shut up." She nudges him. 

"You are." He chuckles. 

"Sleepy is what I am." She states as Steven tells me something, and I try to hear him, but I'm too focused on what Robbin's going on about. 

"Here," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a baggie of coke, grabbing his keys and getting some on the tip of it, holding it up to her nose. 

She wrinkles her nose and shoos him away. 

"No, no, no." She shakes her head. 

"C'mon."

"No." She keeps her voice light but stern and he lowers it and looks at her with a smirk on his lips. 

Next thing I know, she's laughing out, "Robbin, stop," while King's dumping the dab of coke on the smooth skin of her tit that's pushed up slightly in her strapless dress. 

She squeals and laughs as he snorts it off, I guess because the scratch of his five o'clock shadow tickles or she just gets off on making me mad, then he starts quickly trailing little kisses up her cheek to her ear and she tries to put her ear to her shoulder, laughing more when his other hand tickles at her stomach…he's nearly got her laid out on the seat. 

My foot makes contact with his stomach and I'm nearly barking when I say, "sit your ass down, Robbin," sharply, making it clear I'm not bullshitting him.

"I was just playing, Sixx, damn." He sniffles, wiping his nose.  

"You don't 'play' like that." I throw at him. 

An intense silence falls over all of us and Vivian just brushes what's left of the coke off of her chest and straightens her dress before giving him a soft, reassuring smile. 

Great. Is she fucking him, too? 

When we get to the Cathouse, Vivian stays close to Steven and eventually Sally when the two of them warm up to each other. 

We make it up to V.I.P. and Viv makes a point to try to avoid sitting beside me. 

But I wait for her to sit and I'm sitting right beside her with a smug smirk while she glares at me. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I lean into her ear and ask over the loud music and she just shakes her head. 

I pat myself on the back when she eventually gets up, mumbling about the bathroom, and leaves us. 

After a few (several) lines of blow, I head to the bathroom to piss, deciding to stop by the women's restroom to see what the hell Vivian's doing. 

She probably snuck out of the window. 

I hear the very faint but distinct sound of Vivian crying, guilt stabbing at me. 

I think I took it too far earlier when I called her those shitty things. 

I just go to the men's bathroom and splash my face with water, the buzzing of coke beginning to numb my mind, thoughts of my imploding marriage, band, and life, being locked up and discarded into a black sea of, "it can wait." 

One thing is retrieved, though, thrown a life line and brought back from the depths. 

I look at myself in the mirror, staring myself down as if saying, "don't you fucking do it." 

Once the high kicks in, I can just feel Sikki scrape me from control, locking me away momentarily. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing in the women's bathroom, Vivian still sniffling in the stall...I don't think she knows I'm in here. 

"I got you this far, you fuck." The demon snarls in my ear.

I swallow and clear my throat, making Vivian go silent. 

"Viv, what the fuck's wrong, now?" I ask and she sighs, staying quiet. 

"Nothing, Nikki." She says and I scoff, rubbing my jaw. 

"It's clearly not 'nothing' because I heard you blubbering the past ten minutes." I point out and she opens the stall, door, looking me dead in the eye before pushing past me. 

"A lot on my mind, alright?" She mumbles, going to the sink and I lean against the stall, crossing my arms. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it, Nikki." She tells me, trying to wipe the smeared mascara away. 

"Well, I can't read your mind, Vivian, so if you're upset with me about something th--"

Her head hangs low, a small sob coming from her throat, tears dropping into the sink, her hands white-knuckling the side of the porcelain…

"I'm upset with you about everything." She admits to me, sorrow lacing her words. 

I haven't seen her like this since Vanity aired our dirty laundry out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you act like--" she cuts herself off, and I realize she's referring to me telling her I loved her while I was in Japan. 

"Where were you, Vivian?" I ask her out of nowhere, getting defensive. 

"Where was I?" She turns to look at me, wiping her tears, rolling her jaw. "Where were you?" She snaps at me. "Where have you been the last four years?" She asks me. 

"I'm not doing this shit here." I grumble, turning to go. 

"You asked me what was wrong, Nikki, and I'm telling you what's wrong because you asked--"

"--I also asked where you've been while I've been out of town, Vivian!" I turn on my heel, snarling. 

"I've been at home, Nikki!" She yells back. "I've been here, and I've been here for six years! Thinking you'd be right here with me but you're not! That's what's wrong! I've wasted six years of my life on someone who--" 

"--You wasted six years of your life?!" I laugh out humorlessly. "How the fuck do you think I feel? How many things I've missed out on because, 'oh, nah, my wife wouldn't like that'?!" I scream. 

"Must not have been too bad because you sure as hell weren't passing up the opportunity to have a year and half long affair with Vanity!" She wretches and it takes everything in me not to tell her I know about her little thing she has going with Duff. 

"Ya know what, I felt bad for calling you an evil bitch and a cunt earlier but fuck it, you are." I reach for the door and I feel something hit at my back, her heel hitting the floor by my boots. 

I turn at glare at her, her emerald eyes lined black, thick lashes blinking slowly, lips parted slightly as she takes in a heavy breath.

I take a step to her, then another and she steps back to the sink. 

When our lips meet, I'm putting her on the sink, wasting no time to get her dress pushed up her legs. 

"Wait, wait, wait," she gasps out, nudging me away while I unbuckle my belt. 

I catch my breath as she gets off the sink and turns around, looking at me in the mirror. 

I just lift her dress and bend her over, pulling her panties to the side before--

"God, you are so high." She grumbles, pulling me from my imagination, picking her heel up and shoving past me.

Damn her. 

I follow after her back to the guys, and within another hour, once she realizes she's just going to be babysitting us--since she's not fun enough to participate in the coke, pills, and booze--she stands up.

"I'm about to head home." She tells us, and the boys groan. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv!" Steven complains as she leans down to hug him and tell him bye. 

"I'm tired, Stevie." She states, chuckling, wrapping her arms around Slash's neck from behind him, and he pats her hand. 

"See ya," he tells her. 

"Bye." She says. "It was nice to meet you." She says to Sally, next. 

"You, too." Sally replies. 

"C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!" Robbin calls over the music and she raises a brow and stand behind him, leaning over to see what he wants. 

He just grabs her hand and puts it over his heart. 

"You feel that?" He asks her. 

"Yeah, it feels like you're about to go into cardiac arrest." She comments. 

"It's because of you." He dopily replies and she rolls her eyes and pushes at his chest, shaking her head. 

"You're a mess." She tells him and he kisses the top of her hand. 

"Goodnight, Viv, it was good to see you again." He tells her. 

"It was good to see you, too." She replies, smiling, before pulling away. "Bye, Nikki." She says to me in passing. 

"Fuck you, too!" I call after her as she heads to the stairs. 

The next time I'd see her, she'd be trying to help Sally, Duff, and Steven resuscitate me, and eventually trying to throw herself from the balcony in an attempt to not be left behind while I moved on to where ever the hell we go when we die, begging me not to leave her. I didn't, thanks to adrenaline...but even if I did die, if I had anything to do with it, I still wouldn't have left her.

[sneezehq]

Hello! I'm not sure if you write for Yuuri K, if not I'm so sorry. I can't find a lot of accounts that commission fics for him. If you do write for him, could you make a fic where he has bronchitis in Russia, and he keeps trying to convince Victor it's just a cold until it gets really bad. Featuring "I don't like the sound of that cough." If you did this I would literally love you forever. You're amazing! :D

Thank you for your kind words! You’re so sweet! I do write for Yuuri K (I’ll write for pretty much any of the YOI characters). Also this is such a great request! Thank you for sending it. This is actually kind of funny for me, because I caught bronchitis last summer when I was studying abroad in Copenhagen and did the same thing as Yuuri. My parents had to make me go to the doctor when I got home. Anyway, I hope that you like it! Set post-series.

Russia is cold. Much colder than Japan. Yuuri had known this when he’d moved, but experiencing it firsthand was completely different. He comes down with a cold three times in the first three months he lives with Victor. It’s exhausting and annoying, but not life-threatening.

So when he wakes up yet again with a sore throat, Yuuri just sighs and resolves to power through it. It’s just getting ridiculous at this point, and he really can’t afford to miss any more training.

But this cold doesn’t progress like the others. The only symptoms are a sore throat and coughing, no runny nose or congestion like Yuuri is used to. Yuuri thinks he might have a fever too, as his and Victor’s bedroom isn’t usually this warm, but he hasn’t actually taken his temperature. That would be admitting defeat to the bitter Russian weather. Yuuri is strong. He can handle this.

Despite Yuuri’s meticulous taking of medicine, he can’t quite seem to shake this cold. His cough steadily worsens, going from occasional and throat-scraping to constant chesty coughs. They sound deep, wet, and painful, and feel about as bad as they sound. Yuuri finds himself unable to catch his breath during practice, and he knows that Victor is worried sick about him. But he’s still sure that it’s just a cold; he doesn’t need to be fussed over.

“Are you sure that this is just a cold?” Victor asks, his voice sharp with concern, as Yuuri breaks into yet another fit of coughing. It leaves him gasping for air and his eyes watering. “I don’t like the sound of that cough.”

“I’m fine, really,” Yuuri manages to wheeze out. He’s not fine. It’s hard to breathe, and his chest feels thick with congestion. But he can’t be that sick, and he hates seeing the pity in Victor’s eyes every time he gets sick from the cold.

“I don’t quite believe that,” says Victor, who is suddenly standing right in front of Yuuri. When did he get over here? He gently cups Yuuri’s face for a moment, before his face creases with a frown. “You’re burning up, love. I don’t think that this is just a cold.”

Yuuri opens his mouth to protest, but he’s cut off by another, even harsher bout of coughs. Victor rubs his back and murmurs soothingly in his ear as he coughs and coughs and coughs, barely able to take in any air. This fit is productive, and when it finally dies down, Yuuri feels slimy phlegm in his mouth. He grabs a tissue and spits surreptitiously into it.

Victor doesn’t miss it, his blue eyes dark with concern. “We’re going to the doctor,” he announces, before Yuuri can even catch his breath to argue. Not that he would at this point. Victor slings an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders, pulling him close, before grabbing the car keys and steering them to the door.

The car ride is silent aside from the radio and Yuuri’s near-constant coughs. Victor is shooting him anxious glances every few seconds; Yuuri would tell him to keep his eyes on the road, but he lacks the breath to do so.

As soon as they arrive at the doctor’s office, there’s a flurry of motion, and they don’t really get a chance to talk until they’re back in the car, heading to the pharmacy.

“Yuuri,” Victor says as soon as they get in. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were this sick?”

Yuuri takes a careful breath before responding. “I didn’t think that it was this bad.”

“I’m sure that you didn’t at first, but Yuuri,” Noticing Yuuri’s flinch, Victor softens his tone a bit. “You have bronchitis. Surely at some point you realized that it wasn’t just a cold. Why didn’t you tell me then?” Yuuri doesn’t respond, just stares down at his lap. “Yuuri?” Victor prods again. He mumbles something, but it’s far too quiet and jumbled for Victor to understand. “Can you repeat that, love?”

Finally, Yuuri raises his head; he’s still steadfastly refusing to look at Victor. “I was tired of being sick,” he begins softly. “Of getting sick from the Russian weather. And of that pitying look you keep giving me when I’m sick.”

There’s a tense silence in the car as the pull up to the drive through of the pharmacy. It isn’t until after Victor orders the prescription that he says, “I’m sorry that you keep getting sick, and I’m sorry that it seems like I’m pitying you.” Yuuri hates to be thought of as weak, after all. “I just can’t stand to see someone I love not feeling well and being unable to help.”

“Victor,” is all Yuuri is able to croak out, tears welling in his eyes. He blames the fever for making him emotional.

Victor reaches across to hug him, pulling him close to his chest. Fortunately the car is stopped, and so they sit in the car, parked in a pharmacy parking lot for a long moment.

Finally, Victor releases Yuuri and pulls back a little. He gently wipes the tears from under Yuuri’s eyes. “I don’t blame you for having difficulty adjusting to the weather. You’ve come a long way to be here.” Yuuri gives him a tiny smile of gratitude. “Just, please let me take care of you?” Victor asks, pressing a gentle kiss to Yuuri’s hand. All Yuuri can do is nod.