#i can't maintain online friendships..i'm so bad rn

[niskobuni]

INVADING YOUR INBOX TO SAY HAPPY ONE YEAR ANON-NIVERSARY KO ‼️‼️💕💞💓💗 I was wondering if I should also send stuff to your more public/writing blog but since this is the blog you send asks through I thought this was more fitting (give me the heads up and I'll be a menace on both inboxes tho LMAO)

I'm pretty bad at maintaining online friendships (and just online presence in general ACK), so when you first rocked up as an anon I never expected that we'd keep interacting for OVER A YEAR OMG. Even if I've never seen your face I'm wishing you all the best in life and I can't wait for our future interactions. Have a good one, Ko <333

I don't know anything about danganronpa (genuinely feeling like a boomer rn) BUT SURELY THIS PIC IS FITTING ENOUGH SDKFJSKDFJK

OMGDHSHGH i just woke up HAPPY ONE YEAR 😈😼 over one year with averawr in my life 👼🏻❗❗ these types of freidnshiops and relationships you wouldn't expect it to have a specific time for how long it'll last exactly, me and hoebae also bring this up from time to time like we'd never expect to spend so much time together after the first meeting 🤼🏻‍♀ so I'm happy I interacted with you 😼 another funny pattern in my behavior is once I come out of my anon box I never request again LMAO 💪💪🤠 and currently my writing account is pushed back once again 😈 gonna post after another year LOL but I've been trying to work on my art gift for buma's upcoming birthday because I planned way back and still procrastinated 😋 so I paused on all that :p

In past experiences with interacting online, and becoming mooties with others, they usually go off eventually and stops interacting or vice versa where I do that instead, truly feeling like how albedo talks about maintaining relationships however im proud of myself to have kept in touch with averawr 👾👾 because just interacting and hearing from you makes me happy❗❗so I hope whenever you are inactive you'll be doing well 👩🏻‍🚀❗this will be what pops into my mind every time you come back from the inactive coffin 😼😼 simple things in terms of this type of category makes me happy, I like to keep in mind of the special dates like my favs birthdates and when we've met 👬

- 🎎/Ko

[doebt]

just saw a horse named QT's Gold MasterCard. no joke..mastercard .

[satanfemme]

LITERALLY on that last post like. I've been trying to get into exercising again but chronic fatigue and everyone is just like :))) just exercise you'll have more energy :)))) and it's like. thanks Karen. wonder how I never thought of that before.

yeah :-( it literally sucks so bad, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. like literally why is everything in our culture about pushing yourself past your breaking point. "how to continue working despite burn out" mind-set. except if there's actually a solution to continuing to work despite burn out, I'd love to hear it! cause unfortunately I have to pay bills! and every day is just more torture for me rn!

like even my therapist keeps doing it where I try to explain that I can't do a lot of things rn. and I don't know if I'm just explaining my problems badly or something, like maybe if I just used different terms it'd come across better? or if she's not understanding or something, but her advice tends to be like.... just doing it anyway. it's insane. and if I express that this doesn't seem to be making things easier for me, that I've been "just doing it anyway" my whole life, she'll just break it down into ""smaller "" steps comprised of: Exactly what's making it so difficult in the first place. it's so circular.

literally an example from today: "I am constantly mentally/physically exhausted. each week just gets more impossible for me to handle anything outside of my job - which is an incredible daily challenge within itself. all I want is a life." -> well you sound lonely, why don't you try making friends? :-) -> "because of my aforementioned exhaustion this has become increasingly impossible for me irl, and though I'm maintaining connections online, my mental fatigue has made me feel 'disconnected' from other people, even if I care about them, and has been adding to my exhaustion rather than providing relief." -> if your online friendships are unfulfilling, you should just leave them and make friends in person instead :-) -> "ignoring that first part, as I have already said, this is impossible for me. to elaborate, every time I interact with someone in person I just don't know how to, which makes me come across as strange and distant as I attempt to mask my intense depression. and this whole situation is inherently overwhelming to me to the point of being 'roadblocked'. when this happens, I can not physically force myself to continue interacting, let alone initiate interactions." -> with practice socializing will get easier :-) it's important to leave your comfort zone! -> "I have literally been 'practicing' for 22 years and it has not gotten any easier. since starting work it has gotten exponentially more difficult for me. I'm not sure how repeatedly putting myself through this with the same results is going to help, I need a different angle. I promise I want more friends and I'm trying but I feel like I'm running into the same wall over and over again here. I am literally never inside my comfort zone." -> ok, ok, ok I understand. don't worry, this makes perfect sense and I've got a solution for you. so, what if instead of forcing yourself into social interactions with strangers... you instead.... went up to strangers and started a conversation :-)

and then at the end of every session she's like "so is there anything else you wanted to talk about this week?" and I'm just sitting there like. but ma'am, you didn't even solve... literally anything I brought up... at the beginning of this session. what do you mean "is there anything else". so idk whatever. I've already tried reaching out to a new therapist but dhfjghdfgf it sucks shit that I have literally NO fucking idea what else to do when all the advice I find is the same. and it's not even BAD ADVICE necessarily it just doesn't fit MY needs because I guess we're so engulfed in The Grind right now that anyone not being able to handle anything is some kind of freak anomaly and I just need to be Trying Harder or something.

(don/t reblog btw)