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theconfusedartist · 4 years

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this goes a few places but i’ll try to stay on track

honestly, I’ve been thinking about this but like...

i kinda wanna write the arc in which the phantom thieves become better friends to the MC?

maybe this is a bit far fetched but like, the way the phantom thieves treat the main character isn’t the way you’d treat someone you care about. and like. this isn’t even coming from a place of me hating them either, bc i really really like all of them and i’m glad that they all get to move on and forward with their lives

like, the entire game the MC goes through making deals, shady connections, and dubious places to make sure everyone has what they need, whether its for weapons, items, or a shoulder to cry on, the MC is always there for them. and. i know that this is, in a game and narrative point of view, for the sake of getting the game rolling so the player can get supplies and doesn’t have to worry about waiting on other characters for things needed to assist in palace infiltrations. like, i get what it serves in a story sense, and why it needs to happen in a game sense

however

whenever i think of persona 5 as a writer, trying to write from the POV of the the MC, the phantom thieves, or any of the other confidants, it just kinda...hits me? the MC is a 16-17 year old that has managed to convince all these people that he has whatever they need to continue on with their work/life/well-being.

and for some, this makes sense, like Mishima and Shinya make sense bc in Shinya’s case its an older kid helping a younger kid with a bad parental situation using means that would keep him from getting arrested (which is when most people stop trying to help, for fear of retaliation from the parent) and with Mishima it makes sense bc he worships the phantom thieves to an unhealthy degree, while also keeping their image in his hands, and is also their only means of communicating with the outside world as the phantom thieves bc to do so otherwise would compromise their identities (not that yelling out their plans in the middle of a train station wouldn’t compromise them as well, but y’know) and that is dealt with by Mishima gaining confidence and learning how to be the hero he idolizes not only for others in distress but also for himself and continues to pursue his own creative pursuits

like, for all the phantom thieves, i have no real problems with their confidants

the only real issue is that, at rank 10, all of them declare that they’ll be on the MC’s side and help him through thick and thin. except.....they never do. and it’s not like it has to be big either, I’m not asking for any big dramatic scene either, just basic shit. like, you know what makes the MC a good friend? he reaches out, makes sure to listen, actively does what he can to help, and works with them to help them get through their problems. none of the other thieves do this, not once. and if you wanna make the argument that they all heard him out about his record, yes, that IS a great thing and i’m glad that they recognize that it was wrong.

but when i think of the rest of the game, i just think of them never talking to the MC. not even in the sense that the player has to see the conversation play out or anything, after all when you go on hang out spots with confidants but not for a link, the game says that the MC got closer to the character and you have the chance to give and exchange gifts. i really really REALLY liked that feature bc it makes it feel like the others are trying to get to know the MC and give him something he’d like.

however.

if they want to be good friends, they should also be able to do things that aren’t related to the phantom thieves. Haru, i give a(only a bit though) pass bc she joins the group so late that theres no way she’d know about all the ins and outs that the MC has to take care of as the leader, and by the time she would even get the chance, she’s dealing with her father, then the plot, then the final and Final bosses. she would’ve had no time to really learn the dynamics of the phantom thieves or the metaverse (and this is blatantly shown right before they first enter Okumura’s palace and right before they steal the treasure) and is rarely ever afforded that chance to bond with the group in game save for banter in mementos. not to mention, she actively gives some of the best boosting items in the game and also does her best to connect with the MC through their own shared similarities (Leblanc and her grandfather’s shop, always having to act a certain way for fear of reprisal, not knowing what she’s supposed to do but needed to act more mature as people don’t see her as a child but rather as a thing/tool for their benefit) that i didn’t really see in any of the other social links with the phantom thieves.

again, this isn’t saying that the thieves are being bad friends on purpose or that they’re going out of their way to be The Worst(tm) but if they’re going to claim that they want to help through thick and thin then why don’t any of the others ask about the MC? the only time i ever recall them asking the MC about things they like/dislike is during the summer Leblanc hangouts and it’s only about a specific topic. (examples being: Yusuke asking if they should make plans to go to France or buy a TV, Ryuji asking about the MCs favorite sports and preference in manga character tropes, Futaba asking if the MC ever built a laptop or dealt) i know this is a rpg, so i’m not expecting anything specific to come from the MC as the player is able to hc whatever they want about him, but even the game going ‘x asked me about y issue’ would’ve been enough. it doesn’t have to be detailed, i just want examples of the thieves that claim to be his friends asking about his hometown, his family, how the MC is doing bc rarely is that ever asked, or if the MC needs help.

like, yes, the praise about how cool and strong and awesome you are is great but if the MC has been running around Tokyo for a solid week talking to all these people, working multiple part time shifts for money, and doing xyz just to make sure the phantom thieves are operational then i (as a player) would also like that same sort of thing if this is supposed to be a team. honestly, though, it was fine for the most part bc the game was still really fun and hanging out with them (over all the other confidants like (Kawakami, Ohya, or Chihaya) is a gdamn BLESSING GOD dealing with them is stressful tbh) is honestly the highlight of the game for me bc they’re so colorful and full of life that i didn’t even really give too much thought about this save for once or twice, and that was only AFTER the interrogation room

why? bc up until this point, i had no reason to think that the phantom thieves were doing anything than what they said they would: sticking through thick and thin and lending their support. i simply attributed those moments that weren’t in the game to back up this claim as being shown during the non-confidant level up hang out times, that the things i talked about before were just not being shown to the player explicitly but it was still happening behind the scenes. but the interrogation scene with Sae kinda made that....fall flat on it’s face.

i mean, hear me out. even if, and that’s a BIG IF, there was absolutely no other way to get the police off their back, no other way to handle the assassin that was coming for them, and no way to do anything outside the metaverse.....................why was there no one there to make sure that the plan worked? like, there’s a camera inside the cell, so Futaba at the VERY LEAST should be able to tell whats going on inside, right? and even if you wanna tell me that somehow the cops were able to put that on a server that Futaba couldn’t access that still brings me back to the same point at before.

the phantom thieves, when explaining to Sae how they got their plan together, also have this nice little image of them going to the (was it the real or the fake one?) interrogation room and making sure that they COULD actually carry out their plan.

so. if they went to the physical place to make sure their plan could work, knew exactly where the MC was going to be and when, and knew there would be cameras, why did none of them have some sort of a back up plan set up? not even just in case?

like, i know that the ‘bad ending’ is the MC telling Sae the others’ identities and then dying but, the dude is drugged out of his mind! he’s been getting beaten for hours, if not an entire day, then interrogated by Sae! even if the MC had sold them out, it would’ve been a case of giving a drugged confession, bc the MC wouldn’t have been in his right mind.

yes, as a player, you can say no. as a player, you can easily say, ‘why would i give up my friends?’. it makes no sense as a player to let the characters who you’ve spent at least 40+ hours up to the wolves. but the MC? who is drugged out of his mind? who has been beaten bloody and knows that nothing he says is going to get them to stop? who then has to deal with Sae interrogating him and constantly reminding him over and over that if he doesn’t give her what she needs, he WILL die? yeah, of course the MC is going to say no, but if he did I wouldn’t hold that against him bc he’s not in the right state of mind at all. not only that, but then someone who was supposed to be a friend and ally is coming in to kill him, and the only thing to keep that from happening is starting up the metaverse and making him think he shot the real deal.

but even with that, what? did the thieves test out what would happen if someone shot what they think is that person in the other world while that same person is sitting in the same spot, at the same time, in the same conditions? bc if they didn’t, then why were they so sure this plan would work? and if they DID then why was there no one there to make sure the plan worked?

seriously, have someone hide out in the metaverse, right? then when the assassin comes in, that person can then verify that the MC isn’t fucking dead

what part of leaving a friend to act as a decoy, leaving him to deal with a police force that they have already been informed is corrupt and willing to do whatever they have to in order to get a confession (the same person that has already been brutalized by the police mind you!) by himself, to then ALSO deal with being interrogated, and then pray that the plan they came up with (that they also have no intention of making sure it worked) to deal with the assassin goes as planned, then ALSO HAVE TO PRAY that HOPEFULLY Sae decides to help him flee incarceration.

do you see my problem here? what part of any of this plan is solid? what part of any of this plan isn’t cruel? like, even with all the exceptions i was trying to give them, this is not acting as a good friend. hell, this isn’t even how you should be acting as a good ALLY, forget a friend.

and afterwards, the whole ‘yeah we’re so great we tricked akechi!’ doesn’t even feel like a good thing bc the MC can say he doesn’t remember anything and Sae can follow up saying that he shouldn’t have to remember what happened to him and

none of the thieves say a word. it’s just. glossed over.

like nothing ever happened

the bruises are gone somehow. the concern never appears. the thieves never ask.

welp! back to palace infiltration!

like?

what about that is being a good friend? and here’s what gets me: in the aftermath were the MC isn’t supposed to go outside bc ppl might see him--he’s still the one getting all the supplies.

what the hell? isn’t this the ‘thin’ they were talking about? hell, at this point i’m not even asking for them to talk about how the MC is feeling, i’m just saying they should be carrying at least some of the load if he is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE

like what?

honestly, i wanna remake this post bc i ended up just making a bunch of word vomit but like. it is what it is

i love the phantom thieves but goddamn they are not very good friends. i don’t think they’re trying to be bad friends on purpose but they definitely are

#honestly #i think i need to rewrite this post #with like proper grammar and capitalization #listen #i can like characters #and also point out that #the power of *friendship* only works if you've been good friends #and persona is all about friendship #but the more i thought about that friendship #the more shallow i realized it was #and that's sad #bc the phantom thieves are some of my fave characters #but like it is what it s #persona talk

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1087

survey by tigerfan1205

Name 5 people that are very important to you. Other than my dad, mom, and Angela, I can’t think of anyone else. Andi’s a very close friend but they’re not necessarily I’d-take-a-bullet-for-them levels yet.

Do you like eating chocolate covered cherries or strawberries? I don’t like fruits, so no. I like chocolate-covered unhealthy stuff though, hahah.

What does your 9th text say in your outbox? Ughhhh I remember this tab being in my old cellphones but I can’t quite remember if this is referring to texts I’ve sent, or my drafts. Anyway, my phone doesn’t store text drafts and I can no longer recall my 9th last sent text.

Ever had a really scary dream? Tell me about it. I’ve had loads of nightmares but my least favorites have always been the ones where someone I love is shot and they had to pass away in my arms. Out of all my scary dreams, those are the ones that send me crying in my sleep/as soon as I wake up.

Where is the coolest place you've been on vacation? Vigan was great because it really felt like visiting a 17th-century town. Singapore and Shanghai were also fun because it felt cool going to places much richer than ours and getting to interact with technologies that we will never get to have here HAHA

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish? Erm, unless the salad has spicy tuna in it, fries all the way please.

Ever been to California? Did you like it? No. Idk, it’s not the first place on my list if I am to visit the US though. Places in the East Coast and the Midwest personally appeal more to me - and I’m fully aware it’s because they’re well-known for being passionate wrestling hubs.

What's your favorite thing about the town you live in? I live right smack on the boundary between the more urban sprawl of Manila and the quieter, more peaceful and quaint mountain part of my city. It’s very easy to access either depending on what I’m in the mood for.

Do you like Mexican food? What's your favorite dish to eat? It’s great, but not my top favorite cuisine. My favorite dishes would have to be fajitas and chimichangas.

Favorite kind of pizza is? Quattro formaggi all the wayyyy. You’ll never see me ordering anything else.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, how long have you been dating? No.

Any brothers or sisters? Do they make you mad? I have one of each. My sister will sometimes piss me off, but it dies down quick. My brother did something unforgivable to me two years ago so that’s how long I have been constantly mad at him.

Are you nosy? Eh, sometimes? For the most part I know my place though. I let people share the amount they’re willing to, and very rarely do I try to pry.

Ever been to a bar? What was it like? Sure, had my fair share of favorites too when going out was still a normal thing. For me, bars are the best if I’m with the right mix of people. If I’m in a crowd I’m not necessarily close with, it can definitely dampen the experience as I will only be feeling awkward. The people in the bar will sometimes be a factor too – I will most likely feel annoyed if I’m somewhere that’s clearly populated by high schoolers or college freshies as they can get super rambunctious and loud.

Are you old enough to drink? Yes, have been for the last 4 (almost 5) years.

What's your favorite kind of flower? I enjoy looking at peonies.

Would you rather have pasta or chicken? Right now, probs chicken - preferably chicken wings because that sounds the most fucking yummmmmm rn. We’ve been having pasta a bit too much at home so it would’t hurt to skip it for now.

Have you ever dated someone, but made them not tell anyone about it? Yeah. Gabie and I got back together in our final months of high school. We were about to graduate and it was crucial we kept our record clean so that the school won’t strip us of our diploma and prohibit us from marching (it was Catholic school, sooo homophobia and stuff). Because of that, we had to keep it secret for about a month and a half. As soon as I got home from the ceremony and my family dinner, I shared the news on social media. So I didn’t exactly make her keep it secret - it was a mutual understanding.

What's the meanest thing you have done to a friend? I honestly can’t recall a time i deliberately set out to be an ass to someone I considered a friend. The one thing I can recall was accidentally misgendering Andi when I was still getting used to their pronouns, but I didn’t do it on purpose.

Have you ever kissed anybody with the name starting with a C or R? No. Those are my initials though, ha.

Why did you and your last ex break up? She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t down for commitment, and she felt suffocated having only been in a relationship throughout her late teen and early adult years. She really made herself sound like such a victim and she made it sound like commitment is the biggest sin, and so I blamed myself a lot during the first few months of our breakup; but I’ve since made a conscious effort to turn my mindset around and convince myself that I’m not at fault. Bye gaslighters.

Have you ever had a really bad fight with a best friend? Angela and I only had petty fights and our last one was in like 5th grade. Gab and I got into heavy arguments, but only when we were in a relationship and never as friends.

Do you like spaghetti? It’s okay. I like other types of pasta better.

Which color: orange or red? Red.

Do you know any songs by Katy Perry? Do you like her music? She’s...popular lmao, so yeah I know a good number of her songs. She’s in the middle for me; some songs I really enjoy, like E.T., Dark Horse, and Thinking of You (a personal fave); and there are some that didn’t grow on me as much, like Wide Awake and that awful Christmas song she recently released.

Ever had a near death experience? I suppose. My almost-car crash is the event I always cite.

Which number: 5 or 19? 19, for no reason whatsoever.

What's your favorite song by Taylor Swift? Why is that your favorite? Wildest Dreams; it meant a lot to me on a personal level for a time; right now it’s kinda doing it again for me. From her newest album, I really like dorothea also because it’s a bit relevant to my life at the moment.

Pick one: apples or oranges? I guess oranges. I don’t like fruits but I’m more likely to take a liking to orange-flavored stuff, like juice or chewy candies.

Do you know anybody named George or Bob? I don’t think so.

What do you like better, being single or in a relationship? Why is that? I like being in a relationship; commitment comes easy to me and I love looking out for a significant other, supporting them in their dreams, and generally just having someone to focus on, build a future with, and spoil. Being single hasn’t been bad and I guess I won’t mind if I never found someone; but in the grand scheme of things it’s really nice to be able to love someone.

Are you close with your mother? Not really but our relationship isn’t as strained as it used to be.

Have you ever dated someone named Kyle? Nope.

If you still go to school, who sits next to you in your fifth period? I can’t remember the last time I had five classes in a day, lol.

Who was the last person to ring your doorbell/knock on your door? I think it was my mom, earlier this morning when she arrived back home from her daily jog.

Does anything on you itch right now? Yeah actually; the opposite elbow got itchy just now.

If the last person you kissed came to your house now, what would you say? “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? I have no clue, and she would never do that so I literally can’t imagine even a hypothetical reason for this. It has to be a super serious situation, likeeeeeee idk, maybe a death. *knocks on wood aggressively*

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? I’ve only kissed one person, so can’t compare.

Name everyone you have texted today. This media guy celebrating his birthday today so I had to ask him for his details so we could send him a gift, as well as the contact person for the cake shop that we got in touch with to order said gift for the birthday celebrant.

Who was the last person you spoke to for over 5 minutes over the telephone? Maybe my grandma when she called a few months ago.

How many times have you went to the bathroom today? Around three times total, I think.

Who do you currently live with? My dad, mom, Nina, my brother, Kimi, and Cooper.

What do you like better: sour or sweet candy? Sweeeeeeet. No sour anything for me, thanks.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? No but I hope this isn’t an actual thing people say to other people. They can think others’ laugh is annoying, but I think it’s one of those things that you can just try to get over and is unnecessary to raise lol.

#survey #surveys

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werevulvi · 6 years

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I didn't have the best waking up last evening, after having been asleep all yesterday. Just a few minutes after I woke up my intrusive sexual thoughts of men hit me again, which led to me masturbating twice, feeling worse after the first time and even worse after the second time. It gets me so horny to think about how much it would hurt, mentally and physically; to be raped again, brutally. To be humiliated and used again. Thinking about that turns me on and I hate it. It's shallow, intense but superficial arousal that leaves me feeling empty right after. Sad, gross, humiliated and empty. Like my own mind is laughing at me how I struggle and fail.

I'm not making myself accessible to men anymore, and I think that in itself is making my brain stir up like this. That I no longer pursue men for sex. It makes me feel like my own mind is punishing me for acting upon self-care. Do I not want to get better? Perhaps a part of me is enjoying the suffering and pain, that old familiar sting, and has trouble letting go; doesn't want to let go. And that makes it even harder to figure out what to do about this mess. How did I stop all my self-harming methods? That might give me ideas even though this isn't exactly the same. It's similar in the sense it's kind of an unhealthy habit that I keep doing even though it makes me miserable. All of them I stopped doing around 2015-2016. With cutting the main thing that made me stop was how ashamed I felt about new cuts, that I felt a need to hide them and that I couldn't talk about it at all with anyone cause they'd just get worried about me, confuse it for suicide attempts and I hated that. The backlash/after-effects of it were no longer worth the relief. I wanted to do it less and less frequently, until eventually I didn't want to do it all, and quit it. With the drinking, what made me resume a healthy way of casual drinking was basically the same as with the cutting: the backlash/after-effects were no longer worth the relief. In this case it was the hangovers and the financial expense, and how dysfunctional it made me socially when I was constantly drunk daytime for normal every day stuff. With my eating disorder, I guess it was the same reason yet again: not worth it. It just made me feel even more powerless, if anything. It was my peak of powerlessness. When I had been yo-yoing around the same weight for around a year, not able to get past it and lose more weight, I kinda just had enough of it. I realised then how absolutely useless it was and that is wasn't worth it to wreck my mind for something so superficial, and gradually I changed my body ideal to a more healthy one. Eventually all of my symptoms of eating disorder went away. What else... oh yeah, my pill-popping. Meaning over-dosing on my prescribed medications in order to get some kind of rush, excess sleep and/or death. I think with that I mostly just quit it cause I had already quit the other methods and it simply wasn't appealing anymore. Although on extremely rare occasions I still do it, only for the rush reason. Like at least a year between occasions, and not with anything dangerous. So I don't count it as self-harm anymore.

So... I think that's all methods I can think of right now. There was probably more but that doesn't matter. It seems it was pretty much the same reason for why I quit all of those: that eventually the backlash or side-effects of the habits bothered me more than the relief/rush excited me or drew me towards it. Kinda like weighing pros and cons and eventually the cons outweighed the pros to such a degree I was put off by the habit enough to actually want to quit it. The thrill wasn't even alluring anymore when I looked at all those cons.

I guess I haven't yet reached that point with my intrusive fantasies. Not saying I in some kind of direct sense actually want them popping up or sticking around, but I think I at least indirectly "invite" them to come and stay. Like I reap their toxic seeds, knowing I'll suffer from it. It feels very similar to that "pain and reward" system like how it was with my old self-harm methods that I just described.

Meaning it kinda goes like this vicious cycle: 1.) random nasty fantasy pops up 2.) I get grossed out and scared 3.) I get turned on by it 4.) I try to resist cause it's still nasty but kinda know I can't 5.) I give into to it and masturbate 6.) I cum and get release but then feel like crap.

That I hold onto them because I get some kind of thrill out of it despite hating it, also reminds me of my past self-harming. And I think they keep coming back because I give into them, and cause I take that reward.

It does take some courage to even just say that in some sense I do want them around, that in some way I do enjoy feeling hurt and aroused by their presense. That there is some excitement attached to the process of being grossed out and scared by those brutal images in my mind, and allowing myself to be turned on by them and masturbating to that fear. It makes no sense that I wish to be raped again, and by men that I'm not even attracted to... but perhaps that makes it extra horrible which makes me want it even more.

I'm extremely repulsed by penis, even just imagining one in a non-sexual context make me shudder. It's like the last thing I wanna think about. Yet I do. Repeatedly. That's why I see there's an essence of self-harm in that thought- and masturbation process. It's alluring BECAUSE it grosses me out and scares me. Just like a blade to my skin did, or 200 pills with a bottle of vodka, not knowing if I'd wake up from it. Oh yeah, I'm traumatised alright. I stopped self-harming, actively, but I'm still self-destructive to my core. Perhaps I'm seeking my limit, what is my breaking point. My greatest fear has become my drug. Because I experienced it once, and it damaged me. For less damaged people I think this is comparable to getting a thrill out of watching horror movies. But do I really want it in reality? To get raped again. Hard question to answer, but I'll try. Yeah... I want it so badly I've even spent years seeking it out in real life. But whenever I've been sexually abused again after that, literally because I sought out to be, I freaked out and really did not like that. Some other times that happened I was really quite despondent and didn't have much of an emotional reaction at all, until months later, and then freaked out. So no, I don't think I really genuinely want that. What I want is closure, but my mind is acting like a broken record, not getting that you can't actually kill fire with fire. Or in my case, pain with pain.

But now that I've stopped seeking it out, because I don't want the harm anymore and I love myself too much to put myself through that again, if I can possibly avoid it... my mind has gotten rampant in forcing it upon me mentally instead. Perhaps those intrusive thoughts are like a withdrawal symptom from coming off a drug. But it's not a physical addiction, so just giving it time won't help.

It stems absolutely directly from my traumas. Because those intrusive fantasies are pretty much a bi-product of my many years of having tried to repeat the rape I went through as a teen, and is also connected to the sexual assault in my childhood that led me to become addicted to masturbation, and now having stopped that behaviour cold turkey... aggrevated something within me. Something that still wants to repeat the rape but cannot get the thrill of that dangerous game anymore. And it got so aggrevated that it's almost constantly throwing those nasty images and scenarios at me now, out of what feels like pure desperation.

I think in order to get rid of them, I must first completely, and actively not want them around anymore. Not even want the thrill they bring, I mean. Cause that's how I got rid of my former addictions and self-harm methods. I think I'm willing to wait and work towards that even if it means sickening myself with those intrusive thoughts deliberately until I've properly had enough of it. Cause it's so very effective to get rid of a habit once I literally no longer want the rush or relief from it anymore. Exhaust myself with it. Like that's how I can maintain drinking moderately after years of on and off alcoholism. Cause I'm still so put off by the idea of being constantly drunk and everything that comes with it that I can't even make myself do it.

So I mean... I don't want to stop masturbating completely either, so abstinence is not exactly an option with this, and should not have to be. But that means I can't really actively do much about it. Except I can try "indulging" in it to the point it's far, far, far beyond sickening to me. That could trigger a "no longer interested" response. Cause I have to get uninterested in the reward aspect of it, and that's the tricky part. Since the reward aspect is orgasm, that's tricky, but not impossible. Because I know I literally get different kinds of orgasms when it's from something I actually, genuinely enjoy. Like fantasies of healthy sex with a sexy woman. So because I already can differentiate the kind of orgasms that makes me feel bad from the kind that makes me feel good, I'm already well on my way to sort out this mess. Meaning I could come to a point where I no longer want that "bad-feeling" kind of orgasms, no matter how tempting, cause I can still get the "good-feeling" ones.

This was a good analysis. It taught me some new things about those intrusive thoughts and gave me ideas on what I could do about them: treat them like quitting a self-harm habit. Me being a lesbian doesn't really have anything to do with it, except it makes it relatively easier in the sense I don't actually have to ever figure out ways to have healthy sex with men, which I can't cause I don't have that attraction. And I think maybe quitting men entirely is easier than re-training my interactions with them would be, had I been straight. It seems my interactions with other women sexually is untouched by my traumas and has always been healthy and good. Perhaps that's both because I was never traumatised by another woman, and because I'm inexperienced, it has remained a clean slate.

I feel like that's extremely valuable, and ironically I probably actually have my internalised homophobia to thank for that. It kept me from ruining my genuine attraction with self-destructive sex, pretty much kept it safe from harm until I was ready to release and explore it in ways that are good for me. My self-hate which made me suppress my attraction to women... protected it from being harmed by my traumas?! Wow... just wow. I always believed something good will come out of everything that's generally bad, but... this is kind of amazing. And very relieving, comforting. Everything happens for a reason.

#personal #reflective #long term trauma effects #intrusive thoughts #self harm #my broken sexuality #lesbian #self discoveries #realisations #processing my inner demons

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tits-and-curls · 7 years

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Realizations.

Pros of T

Funny

listens to me

I feel like I can tell him anything

clever

sexual

nice eyes

we oddly have a lot in common

poems

makes me feel needed

I always love talking to him

first love

wanted him to get to know me

Cons of T

inconsistant communication

LIAR

cheated

paranoid

aggressive

doesn’t know how to fucking spell or use grammar

will stop talking to me whenever his current gf comes back in his life

shitty father

felon

tries to act cool

drug addict

takes forever to respond back

lives far away

hypocritical

flirty with others

jealous

drug dealer

drove me crazy

we fought a lot

caused a lot of problems between my parents and i

hurt me

Pros of P

Was there for me in the past

I liked kissing him

tall

good hugger/cuddler

has that “damaged boy” charm

used to be hot… (see cons)

has a secret crush on my that boosted my self esteem

tried at one point to save our friendship

first serious crush

Cons of P

Ditched me for a crazy ass finance and didn’t even take my side when she was acting like a cunt

gave up on our friendship

Gave up on all our friendships

has a crazy cunt fiance

emotionally abused maria

liar

used to tell me weird shit in middle school about how he could see the future and ghosts and shit

daddy issues

never happy

always has some kind of problem

messy

socially awkward

mean to others

only liked me when i was with someone else or didn’t like him

is fat and ugly now

cheater

hurt me

ignored me… I think

Pros of M

intelligent

feminist

educated on social justice issues

doesn’t pretend to be nice… for the most part

tall, good hugger

amazing at sex

was there for me at times like no one else has ever been

i wanted him to get to know me

always called me beautiful and popular and made me feel special

we had a nice connection

cool cat

isn’t afraid to take charge in a situation, assertive

funny

poems, good writer

made me feel needed

i was always really excited to talk to him

liked animals

Cons of M

VERY insecure

pretended to be different things around different people

pretended to be more sexually active than he was

threw up on me

tons of emotional truama

projected emotional trauma onto others

gaslighting

shits on everything

doesn’t shower sometimes and smells gross

was interested in me at first but then started acting like i bored him

cares about actives more than people

obsessed with shit

possessive

ruined harry potter

puts people down because he isn’t satisfied with himself

sociopathic

embarrassing

probably wanted to use me when he thought i was a huge party girl and most likely wanted access to drugs

ignored me and treated me like shit when he was mad at me

unfriended me multiple times

tried to make me jealous

lied about not wanting sex and then had sex

made me feel like i had to meet his expectations and put me on a pedistol

hurt me

fight with me a lot

had to always be right

depressing

wasn’t there for me at later times

liked to fight with me a lot while i was sad

made me have a lot of bad days

would accidentally blow me off

gets caught up with dumb shit

was a douche bag about traveling

pretended to care about under privileged populations but was low-key privilege as fuck

low-key jealous as fuck

wasn’t good enough for me

manipulative as hell

abusive

never took my concerns seriously

ditched me sometimes

does stupid forgetful shit like forgetting to put gas in his car and locking himself out

ugly

i hated his friends

he probably didn’t like my friends either

did that thing where he would wipe his ass with baby wipes and let them sit in his garbage can in the bathroom so his bathroom smelled like shit

has A LOT of cons

know it all

condescending

Pros of S

I for some reason find her cute

big tits

has that shy-cute vibe

likes to be choked

cute legs

lovely hair

good listener

likes cuddles

low maintenance to be around

cute laugh

was an excellent friend before we became roommates

easily accessable

made me feel special

cooks food

always there for her friends…well used to be

good kisser

steven universe and video games

easy to talk to about concerning heavy subjects

horny freak when she’s drunk

Cons of S

always has to have a problem with someone

clingy

sucks at sex

has gross smokers breath… but i kinda liked it sometimes i guess

controlling and needs to be in charge

ditched me for sam multiple times and often when i needed her

unconfritational

subtweeter

talked about people behind their backs

told me she didn’t want me in her life any more

made me feel like a back up friend multiple times

can’t handle anger without exploding on you

made problems between me and tyler

hard to talk to sometimes… she made me nervous and anxious and i was always afraid of upsetting her

made me miserable in my own living space

inconsiderate

shitty co-parent

complains all the fucking time

insecure

has trouble developing friendships and not turning them into romantic friendships.

awkward

rude sometimes

Things to work on after this relationships:

be more assertive about my boundaries

talk about things that might be upsetting to me without coming off as angry

just stop hiding my hurt and pain behind anger

don’t be so passive aggressive

don’t make people jealous because I’m insecure

LET PEOPLE GO

don’t fixate on just the positives when there are a lot of negatives

Don’t ignore who a person is because you want them to be something else

leave a relationship alone if its hurting you this much

don’t make mountains out of molehills

actually go and talk to a person

don’t let things fester

be more considerate of others feelings

trust more

don’t just shut people out… talk to them even though its hard

don’t pretend to be something you’re not

don’t try and make yourself more like a person… see above point

dont be so needy. accept that people have other commitments and friends

you don’t always have to be number one all the time

don’t expect them to be okay with your relationship with tyler just because you’re poly

don’t send novel texts

don’t say things just to hurt someone even though they might be true

be kinder

don’t be so self-centered and egotistic

if you’re going to shut someone out, keep them shut out. don’t keep trying to have them back in your life just because you don’t know how to let go

be kinder.. to yourself

you can’t fix everyone. its not your job and you can’t do it.

stop having fantasies about these people that are unhealthy and perpetuating your longing for them

you don’t have to hate someone you once loved

its okay to be sad over these people and its okay to miss them

you’re not pathetic

if someone is constantly making you more depressed, maybe its time to reconsider that relationship

there are other ways to feel love without feeling like you need to feel pain

0 notes

anything-advice-blog · 7 years

Text

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

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vincentpennington · 7 years

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Ready or Not: Our New Cookbook!

I’m not a patient person. I try not to power off my computer ’cause it takes too long to boot up again. Can’t stand bumper-to-bumper traffic, long grocery checkout lines, or extended commercial breaks. And I’ll always choose pressure cookers over slow cookers. So after three solid years of carefully crafting our new cookbook and keeping it under wraps, you can imagine how antsy I’ve been to blab about it to you. Our publisher had advised us to keep things on the down-low until about two months before the release date—but after months of keeping the news (relatively) hush-hush, the day has finally come for me to shout it from the mountaintops:

READY OR NOT*, OUR NEW COOKBOOK ARRIVES ON AUGUST 1!

*Really—that’s what our book is called: Ready or Not! 150+ Make-Ahead, Make-Over, and Make-Now Recipes by Nom Nom Paleo. I know that’s a mouthful, so you’ll usually see me referring to it as Ready or Not! or R.O.N. (though Henry thinks R.O.N. sounds like the duller, middle-aged cousin of TRON.).

Of course, the launch of our new cookbook isn’t a surprise to those of you who follow me on social media. You know that we’ve been hard at work on this tome for literally years—ever since our first book, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans, was published waaaay back in 2013. The Paleo cookbook scene has changed dramatically since then (heck, the world has changed dramatically since then!), when our debut was proudly sharing shelf space with just a handful of my friends’ first books, including perennial bestsellers like Practical Paleo, Well Fed, and Against All Grain. Now, there are literally hundreds of Paleo titles in bookstores. Pick up just about any one of them, and you’ll find plenty of healthy recipes, useful guides, and meal plans.

So with all these options out there, you’re probably wondering: How is Ready or Not! different from all the other cookbooks out there? Should I buy it?

Let me list the reasons why you shouldn’t miss out:

1. IT’S ACTUALLY THREE BOOKS IN ONE!

In 2014, when Henry and I started brainstorming about what we wanted our second cookbook to be about, we had a hard time deciding whether to focus on “make-ahead” recipes, “leftover makeovers,” or “quick-and-easy” weeknight meals. Should we cater to home cooks who like to prep ahead? Those who are sick of their boring leftovers? Or those who find themselves constantly scrambling to get food on the table? It didn’t take us long to figure out why we were having trouble landing on a theme:

Most home cooks face all of these scenarios throughout the week.

Think about it. Some days, you’re fired up and ready to cook; other days, you dread the very thought of making dinner. More often than not, you find yourself bouncing between inspiration and desperation. What’s a crazy busy (but kind of lazy) home cook to do?

We wrote Ready or Not! to help make healthy home cooking a breeze, no matter if there’s time to prepare or just minutes to spare. Whether you’re a fastidious planner or a last-minute improviser, you’ll find plenty of deliciously nourishing options in our new cookbook, from make-ahead feasts and treats to lightning-fast leftover makeovers and make-now meals.

In fact, we’ve organized Ready or Not! into five color-coded sections that correspond to your level of readiness on any given day or night, starting with:

GET SET!

In this section, we help stock your kitchen with essential building blocks, from store-bought necessities (and cooking tools) to D.I.Y. ingredients that’ll set you up for anytime cooking. Here, you’ll find recipes for deliciously versatile sauces and staples like All-Purpose Stir-Fry Sauce, Sriracha Ranch Dressing, and Duxelles—as well as blueprints for how to mix ’n match these basics to make quick meals.

READY!

Getting a head start on the week by prepping meals in advance? Or are you on the hunt for more complex dishes or special occasion treats to dazzle your guests? When you have time to play around in the kitchen, turn to the recipes in this section for make-ahead feasts and spectacular crowd-pleasers like Salt + Pepper Fried Pork Chops, Pressure Cooker Bo Ssäm, Primetime Rib Roast, and Strawberry Almond Semifreddo + Berry Balsamic Sauce.

KINDA READY!

When you poke your nose in the fridge and see all those tired-looking leftovers, do you scrunch up your face and reach for the phone to call for takeout? Don’t do it! In this section of the book, I’ll teach you how to transform pantry staples and leftovers into impromptu meals that’ll satisfy the most discriminating palates. I’ll also show you how to flavor-boost your meals with the building blocks from the “Get Set” section.

NOT READY!

After a long day, it can be tough to muster up the energy to make dinner. When that happens, turn to this section of our book, and we’ll prove to you that emergency meals can be delicious, too! Here, you’ll find super-fast recipes like savory stir-fries, sheet pan suppers, and even quick snacks.

Most of the recipes in this section take no more than 30 minutes, like Chicken Curry in a Hurry, Honey Harissa Salmon, and Red Hot Onion Rings. In fact, some of ’em can be on the table in 15 minutes or less!

BEYOND READY!

So you’ve stocked up your fridge with make-ahead meals, made over your leftovers, and know how to whip up emergency rations. How do you take your cooking to the next level? With both detailed weekly meal plans and “no-recipe” recipes, we’ll show you how to go “beyond ready”—no matter if you aspire to be a meticulous planner or a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants cook. By the time you’re finished with this section, you’ll be a true kitchen ninja.

Long story short: Ready or Not!’s got you covered—no matter if you’re ready to cook or not.

2. THIS BOOK MAKES COOKING DELICIOUSLY FUN AND EASY!

I’m a cookbook hoarder. Cookbooks are strewn throughout my (exceedingly messy) house, and I keep a big stack of ’em on my nightstand for bedtime reading. But to be honest, even some of my favorite cookbooks can be a bit intimidating at times. I’ve come across plenty of vague or puzzling recipes, with techniques that I can’t quite picture in my head. I’m a visual learner, so when I’m trying to grasp a new method or concept, I gravitate towards recipe books that show me—in photographs or illustrations—precisely what to do. After all, cookbooks should inspire confidence and allow for improvisation—not generate confusion or require guesswork.

For this reason, Henry and I packed the hundreds of free recipes on this site (and in our iPhone and iPad app, too) with step-by-step photos. And when we produced our first cookbook, Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans, we did the same; in it, you’ll find over a thousand full-color photographs that demonstrate how to prepare its 100+ recipes.

But with Ready or Not!, we went even further.

Each step-by-step image in our new book is accompanied by an encouraging and easy-to-understand caption that explains exactly what’s going on and what to do. It’s like I’m right there in the kitchen with you, holding your hand through each step of the process. All along, our mission has been to deliver recipes in the most fun, delightful, and easy-to-follow format possible, and we hope you’ll find that Ready or Not! hits the mark.

To make sure our recipes are accessible and appeal to a broad audience, we also made sure we focused on foods and ingredients that are widely available, and provided alternatives for anything that’s more difficult to source. For Instant Pot fans, we included a dozen IP recipes, but we also made sure to include alternative cooking methods for those of you who don’t use pressure cookers.

We steered clear of super-hardcore Paleo dishes, too, ’cause while offal and insects offer lots of nutrition, we figured most folks would prefer more chicken recipes instead. This is, after all, meant to be a cookbook for everyday use. As longtime readers know, we’re not Paleo perfectionists. As I say in Ready or Not!, “the recipes in this cookbook were designed with these principles in mind: healthfulness, mindfulness, practicality, and deliciousness—and zero patience for dogma or deprivation.”

You don’t even have to be Paleo to dig this book. Ready or Not! focuses on one basic life skill that can make a huge impact on your health: cooking your own food—whether you’re ready to cook or not. Getting healthy, tasty, made-from-scratch meals on the dinner table can sometimes seem impossible, which explains why so many of us opt for unhealthy convenience foods. But with Ready or Not!, you’ll always come home to plenty of healthy and delicious options—from make-ahead, reheat-and-eat dishes to super-fast pantry creations.

3. THIS IS THE BEST THING WE’VE EVER MADE (OTHER THAN OUR KIDS)!

If you liked our first cookbook, I bet you’re going to LOVE this one. Ready or Not! is bigger and better, with more than 150 recipes and almost 2,000 images in its 352 pages. If a picture’s worth a thousand words, then this cookbook contains the equivalent of 2 million words.

We made sure that our cookbook looks like no other. Once again, our publisher, Andrews McMeel, gave us ultimate creative control over every aspect of the book, which meant we could do things with this cookbook (like include photos for every step of every recipe) that others usually can’t, due to the harsh economics of cookbook publishing.

One cookbook author recently explained how production costs affect the look and feel of most cookbooks:

The photography, color correction, layout and proofs are exacting and time consuming… [and] pages that are full-bleed, 6-color printed drive up the printing costs. That is why most cookbooks — even the best — do not include photographs of every recipe… Next time you pick up a cookbook, try to estimate how many pages are all or mostly words, then page through the book. You’ll be surprised. And now you’ll know why there isn’t a picture of every recipe and dish, even though the ones with pictures tend to be the only recipes readers actually cook.

There is, baked into the structure of the publishing agreement, a mutual incentive to reduce costs. For the authors, it is to cut corners on photography and design production to retain more of the advance money. This helps the publisher to keep the printing cost as low as possible.

In contrast, with Ready or Not!, we didn’t cut any corners. In fact, we purposely didn’t try to save on our costs at all. (As many of my longtime readers know, I’m money-stupid.)

Ready or Not! is a coffee-table-quality, full-color, hardcover book with lay-flat, double-reinforced binding, a bookmark ribbon, and the thickest heavyweight pages we could source. It’s super-hefty, containing 22% more pages than Nom Nom Paleo: Food for Humans (and about 20 times the number of photos in most other cookbooks), all while keeping the cover price the same as our first book. We pulled out all the stops because we don’t plan on writing a bazillion books. Who knows? Ready or Not! could very well be our last cookbook, so we figured we might as well go all-out.

See? It’s 22% thicker!

Luckily, I had a secret weapon: my husband and co-author, Henry. While I wrote, developed, and tested recipes, he got to work on Ready or Not!’s distinctive design, photography, editing, and illustrations. Whenever Henry wasn’t busy at his day job, I had him cranking away on the book. On nights and weekends, he shot, edited, and color-corrected photos, re-worked my prose, plotted out comic-book-style layouts for each recipe, and drew cartoons to punch up the pages. Henry painstakingly laid out every square pica of every page—a process that took over a year. Flip open the cookbook, and you’ll see why: The pages aren’t padded with tons of empty white space. Wherever possible, we maximized the available real estate with information, photos, cartoons, and sass that’ll put a smile on the faces of every reader who’s not an inveterate grump.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Along with kitchen tool and ingredient guides, meal plans, shopping lists, and cartoons, this book contains some of my favorite new recipes, including Mok Mok Wings, XO Pork with Blistered Green Beans, Rustic Chocolate Cake, Sunday Gravy, and many others that I’ve been dying to share with you.

The vast majority of the recipes in Ready or Not! are brand-spankin’ new, along with just a handful of Nom Nom Paleo classics that are appearing in print for the first time (like Ollie’s Cracklin’ Chicken and Pressure Cooker Kalua Pig). If you’re curious to check out the complete listing of recipes in Ready or Not!, go take a gander over yonder. Our book’s Recipe Index specifies which recipes are nut-free, egg-free, nightshade-free, and freezer-friendly—and Whole30® fans will see that over 120 of the recipes in this book are Whole30-friendly!

In summary, even though I hate tooting my own horn and rarely do it, I’m going to get musical about our new book: It’s really, really good! Don’t just take my word for it, either; GoodReads members who got an advance review copy of Ready or Not! have already started sharing their unvarnished opinions about our new book, so you can go check out what they have to say.

Okay—are you properly hyped? Have I convinced you that you need to be the first one of your friends to cook through Ready or Not!? If so, please preorder our new cookbook from wherever cookbooks are sold, including:

Need additional incentive to preorder our book? Okay, then: I HAVE BONUS GIFTS FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO PREORDER!

If you preorder Ready or Not! and fill out the form at this link, I’ll send you these awesome exclusive bonuses ASAP:

ONE AND DONE: 10 HEALTHY, HASSLE-FREE MEALS MADE IN ONE POT OR PAN BY NOM NOM PALEO

One and Done is our exclusive 40-page e-book with 10 brand-new, never-before-seen recipes that can be made in just one pot or pan! Recipes include Joe’s Special, Kimchi Fried “Rice”, Thai Curry Chicken Casserole, Paleo Chicken Chow Mein, Shrimp Tacos, Sheet Pan Salmon Supper, One-Pan Pork Chop Dinner, Meatza, Sweet ’n Spicy Pork Medallions, and Instant Pot Yankee Pot Roast. These recipes don’t appear in our cookbook (we developed them after the book had already gone to print)—but they’re not to be missed.

This 40-page e-book is crammed with over a hundred step-by-step photos and designed with the same cheeky comic book style as our new cookbook. Plus, all of the recipes are Whole30-friendly (with the possible exception of Meatza, depending on whether you’re coming off an addiction to pizza). None of the recipes take more than 30 minutes of hands-on prep time, and all of ’em are complete meals that won’t leave you with tons of extra pots and pans to wash!

50-PAGE SNEAK PEEK AT READY OR NOT!

For those of you who are champing at the bit to get your hands on Ready or Not!, we also put together a 50-page preview so you can scratch that itch! Some of our favorite new recipes are included in this sneak peek, including All-Purpose Stir-Fry Sauce, Spicy Thai No-Nut Sauce, Hot + Sour Soup, Mok Mok Wings, Paper-Wrapped Chicken, Bangin’ Baby Back Ribs, Pot Sticker Stir-Fry, Tex-Mex Beef and Rice Casserole, Tangerine Dream Tart, and “PB&J” Energy Balls. We hope these recipes will whet your appetite, and get you even more excited for the arrival of our new book!

These exclusive bonus thank-you gifts are available ONLY to my true Nomsters—those who preorder our new book before August 1, 2017. (This includes those of you awesome people who already preordered before today!) This offer will vanish into thin air once August rolls around, so DON’T MISS OUT: Get yourself a copy of Ready or Not! right this second, and then hit the button below and submit your info so I can send you these preorder bonuses. (Or use this link!)

While you’re shopping, don’t forget to order a copy of our 2018 Ready or Not! Wall Calendar, too!

This Amazon exclusive is a companion to our new cookbook, containing a mix of recipes from my books, blog, and app. It’ll inspire you to cook all year round, and features cheeky cartoons and a different Paleo recipe each month, ranging from hearty suppers to easy snacks and sides. This 16-month calendar covers September 2017 to December 2018, so you can start using it before the end of the summer!

Best of all, this colorful wall calendar also includes a big sheet of Nom Nom Paleo stickers—which aren’t available anywhere else—to keep you motivated throughout the year. Hang this calendar on your wall, and Ready or Not! will make cooking a habit you’ll never want to break.

Last but not least: Book tour!

I plan on hitting the road on a book tour in August and September, so keep your eyes peeled for me. Henry and the kids will be joining me at a bunch of tour stops, too. I’m still ironing out all the details, but I’ll be updating my Book Tour & Events page with the latest info about each event, so check it out if you want to come hang out with me (and pick up some exclusive free Nom Nom Paleo swag)!

Okay—that’s it. That’s the end of our once-every-four-years pledge break. Our little mom ’n pop operation is supported by readers like you, so we’re incredibly grateful for everything you do to keep our family’s little venture afloat. We can’t wait to get Ready or Not! into your hands, and we hope you’ll love it as fervently as we do.

Now, go buy our book and tell your friends about it! Happy cooking!

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