#i capitalized the my immortal version of the character names because i have more respect for them than the original

[n7punk]

What is my immortal?

Ohhhh boy. Ok. Sit down.

My Immortal (wikipedia page) is the most famous fanfiction of all time. Couple disclaimers: it's almost not well-written enough to qualify for trigger warnings, but it does touch on a lot of triggers that I won't list off here. It is also, theoretically, tangentially, supposedly, "harry potter" fanfiction. However, harry is now known as Vampire, hermione is now B'loody Mary Smith, ron is Diablo, etc. A lot of the characters are now vampires and everyone is "goth" except the characters the author doesn't like, who are preps and posers. Also in one of the author's notes I think the writer ("Tara") literally says she hasn't read the books and it's based off "the movie". So like, it's connections to harry potter are tenuous at best and I'm not recommending you read anything beyond the first paragraph anyway, just putting that out there.

It's first person, follows a self-insert OC, and is entirely a fabrication of the writer's indulgence. It's one of those things that has gone down in fandom history and most people have read the first chapter, but we hadn't read more (AN: I don't recommend you do) so we had a read in the group chat and I either lost braincells or gained code-cracking skills trying to parse through the misspellings (both accidental and purposeful). A lot of people think it's a troll fic (which like, yeah makes sense) but there's a case to be made for it being a young tween's idea of a cool and edgy story that she and her friend made up and don't understand why everyone is hating on. I also think the world is a more beautiful place if it's sincere. The writer has managed to remain anonymous and undoxxed, which I am VERY grateful for, for her sake, even if I do desperately want to know the "real" story behind it and how she feels about its meme-status. Many people have come forward claiming to be the author and having done it as satire, but every one of them was a lying poser and a prep.

Below the cut is the opening of the famous "first chapter" (which only has a few more sentences in it after this anyway) for your reading pleasure. You really don't need to read any more than that, this is the part that became a meme and it only goes downhill from here. Also, "AN" (or "A/N") is "Author's Note" and yeah people really did used to just stick them in the middle of a fic, at least bad ones.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[eri-pl]

Silm reread interlude: I read Lay of Leithian (1)

First: the title: a lot of times in the text something is freed and released and we get the text focusing on it, because of course that's why I gave it this title, look it's perfectly normal: of course Sauron's prisoners, but also Luthien from her imprisonment, Beren (and iirc others) many times from emotional paralysis + (in alternate text said clearly) the poor Silmaril from the crown of hatered and yet our Oath-bound blorbos are not maybe because their two brothers decided to be creeps.

Also putting something as your title and than mentioning it in relation to many things is totally normal and not funny and not because I am doing it myself sometimes.

OK, anyway, let's start.

TWs…. hmm. Suicidality, a lot of Morgoth and he is evil but in a cool way, wonky metaphysics of the early Silm.

Canto 1

Thinglo has a silver crown. And his armors are scale mail.

Again, Luthien with Elrond's poetic coloring. But in alternate version she had gold hair and blue eyes, Earendil-style.

Canto 2

Morgoth is called king! And the text respects him way more than in the Silm. Sure, he's evil. But also "stronger than the stone the world is built of, than the fire that burns within it more fierce and dire" – come one tell me that does not sound cool. Also "thoughts profound were in his heart". huh? Unless "profound" means something like "gloomy" here, not like "deep and wise".

Also he's evil and terrible and his army stinks.

And he is often referred to as "King Morgoth". With capital "K". He would like that.

Gorlim is much more intentional in his betrayal. And talks with Morgoth himself, not with Sauron.

Another line about Morgoth: "that cruel heart wherein no truth had ever part". So the profound thoughts are profound but untrue I guess.

And it's so dark: "Thus Gorlim died a bitter death, and cursed himself with dying breath[...] and all good deeds were made in vain". Who wrote that, Daeron?

Also, the hidout of Beren and his father and their band is referred to as "secret tryst". Tolkien, as often, uses words as he pleases.

Beren curses the name of Morgoth, thrice. In this story, we will see a lot of people cursing various things and people.

The orcs want to steal the ring of Barahir, ie not report it to Morgoth, just keep it.

Beren is suicidal: "he longed for knofe, or shaft, or sword, to end his pain[...] Danger he sought and death pursued" — huh. Very un-Silm-like. In the Silm only tragic characters are like this.

He befriends animals, and stone spirits(!), I prefer this early version where we have lesser Maiar(?)/spirits/whatever.

Big Dipper as named Burnng Briar, but still it's basicall a "Morgoth, we'll get you" sign from Varda.

Canto 3

Melian didn't go to Beleriand on a mission or purpose: "She had wayward wandered on a time from gardens of the Gods".

Also, the text is written as if Valinor did make its inhabitants immortal: "where earth and sky together flow, and none shall die". I guess Ar-Pharazon read this version. ;) (minus the parts that make Sauron look stupid)

Melian and Thingol. For him the years of looking in her eyes seem like an hour, which makes sense.

Aaand we get first (unless I missed something) title reference! And it's the oddest one possible: "when Morgoth first, fleeing the Gods, their bondage burst, and on the mortal lands set feet".

Also, all Men are his thralls (sans Bere&co obviously), no mention of the Edain.

It seems like elves are not immortal??? "Thingol and deathless Melian" + some more lines like that. maybe it's about her not being possible to kill (dfw would disagree).

"Dairon the dark" so I guess Daeron has black hair. Or face. Or both. Again, he is mightier as a minstrel than Maglor (whose voice is like the sea, and the sea is not a tenor) but they have a third contestant, Tinfang, later deleted.

B&L meet, her magic dazes him and whatnot, I'm not a fan, anyway we get one of my favorite lines:

And now his heart was healed and slain with a new life and with new pain

This point-on describes one very particular emotional experience that does not have a name, but sometimes occur when an emotional (or spiritual) issue is resolved an a sudden and rather surprising moment of insight.

[That's one of the best feelings and I wish you all to have it often enough. <3 ]

…Let's end this on this good note and not on my feelings about the romance part of the canto.

[izumisays]

dear yuletide author

Thank you so much for reading this and taking part in this wonderful annual conspiracy!


First of all, I hope you have a lovely time! If any of the fandoms below pique your interest, I’m delighted already, and ready to hear all the stories you want to tell.

Fandoms:  Chihayafuru, Nirvana in Fire, Thunderbolt Fantasy

As for reading preferences, I’m happy with a wide variety of tones and genres, of any rating, ranging anywhere from lighthearted antics to dramatic casefics. But the core of all the stories I love has always been character interaction and interplay of their competences.

How the characters play off each other and bring out their best/worst, how they’d react to a divergence of events, how true they’d stay to themselves in a different setting – I love fanfiction for allowing us to reconnect with our favourite stories time and again by asking these questions. And there are so many ways to do it! To name a few favourites, I’m always game for POV hijinks, a missing scene, a casefic, canon expansion, backstories and what-ifs.

You may notice that quite a few of my requests lean towards shipfic – those, too, are welcome in a variety of tones – but I also tried to include openings for gen ideas if that’s your jam. Additionally, while it is not usually my top interest, I don’t have anything against AUs if there is something that you are itching to explore: I tend to enjoy them for a new aesthetic that fleshes out the favoured character dynamics in a new light, or a fusion that redefines the playing ground to allow the characters to exhibit their core competences in new and exciting ways.

I would be very grateful if you could avoid a/b/o and similar kinktropes, played-straight soulmate fic, and character interpretation that runs contrary to their core values. If in doubt, please reach out to me on anon - the askbox is open!

CHIHAYAFURU: Mashima Taichi, Wataya Arata, Suou Hisashi

You don’t have to include all three characters, but I’d love to see a fic that explores the connections between them better. I’m up to date with all manga scanlations.

Wataya Arata/ Mashima Taichi

In the immortal words of Henjin Meijin, Arata is that person for Taichi whose opinion makes or breaks him. (His wording may have been different, but if I go rummaging into the chapter archive to find the exact quote, I’ll end up binge-rereading year three into the night again, and then where would my Yule sign-up be?) (On that note, what kind of a MASSIVE LOSER waxes poetics about Taichi’s boyfriend problems to Taichi’s MOTHER, whom he JUST met? Suou Hisashi, that’s who.) Needless to say, that paramount opinion was not always great, and neither was Taichi’s general wellbeing.

Good news is, Arata is confident in his manliness, and he has no problem acknowledging Taichi’s ridiculously pretty and not too bad at karuta these days, and he’s also moving to Tokyo. Taichi’s definitely pretty and has an apartment in Tokyo, where a country bumpkin of paramount importance may possibly stay over until things are sorted out… eventually. Hint hint.

Jokes aside, I pine for the dynamics between the two of them. I nearly lost it, reading the Meijin semifinals — and if you can show me a person who saw them bawl as they crawled into each other’s laps on Japanese national television and didn’t bawl in response, well, that person is sure not me.

I’d like to see a story that lets them build and explore that connect. I do not object to eventual OT3, but I think Chihaya is on a quest to find her own footing and pursue other goals at the moment, and I’d really like it if she was allowed to do this (join forces with Shinobu to drag karuta into a professional league, girl!). I’d like to think that in that space, different bonds and relationships can develop and strengthen, starting with Arata and Taichi.

Taichi the overanalyzer, the hardworker and the looker, the golden boy who at some point surely hit that red button, meme-style: you will be perfect at everything, you will have everything, except the one thing that you want above all. Arata appears to be his perfect foil: steady and serene where Taichi’s scrambling and flawed, adorably awkward and disarmingly sincere where Taichi’s groomed, smooth and miserable about his own deceptions. But they don’t see it like that! And they keep tripping each other up so beautifully!

I’d love to read your take on them growing closer and hopefully smooshing their faces together. Roommates in Tokyo? Long-distance friends? Figuring out how to tell your flatmate you’ve been in love with him since you were 12? Established relationship while hijinks happen? AWKWARD THIRDWHEELING WITH SUOU?!

On that note:

Suou Hisashi & (or / - wejustdon’tknow.gif) Mashima Taichi

I cannot believe that ridiculous man. Did you see a grown ass adult swoon because his unrequited disciple I mean not-friend I mean Taichi just up and went to meet his relatives??? To  help reconnect them?? One can do things like this?? What next, being able to make phonecalls like an adult??

Does not compute.

I was there, Gandalf. I was there when the story first indicated that we might be getting an unlikely team-up of the world’s weirdest Meijin and Tokyo’s most miserable overachiever. But even in my wildest dreams I did not dare hope to see them sprawled on the carpet on a humid summer afternoon, Taichi comfortable in his own skin and Suou, erm, probably not very comfortable with his fascination :D He did not sign up for this. He, a grown ass man in what must be his early twenties, is too old for this youthful seishun sakura bullshit. And yet it is he who mournfully accosts Taichi’s mom to talk about how this other boy is paramount in Taichi’s universe. He who gets offended because Taichi knowing how to adult and work the social ropes is too sexy and competent. He who finds something compelling in the painful struggle of genius and skill.

Arata - Taichi - Suou

For maximum indulgence of yours truly, bring those into one place. Arata coming to Tokyo and finding Suou a fixture in Taichi’s life how?! Suou being infinitely pissy at the Fukuyi upstart and yet dragging himself to socialize with the boys regardless like a totally-not-pathetic adult with a social life of his own? Arata being mildly puzzled about the antagonism, but in there for the sweet snacks?

You tell me! I delight in my anticipation.

NIRVANA IN FIRE: Mei Changsu, Xiao Jingyan

Is this a complex, narratively inevitable historic tapestry strangling people with its treads, full of delicious politicking and identity porn? Yes, it is.

Is my burning – nay, primal – desire so simple as to smoosh two faces together and watch them kiss? Yes, it is :’)

I mean, I will obviously not say no if the kissing is giftwrapped in the said tapestry of beautiful, politicky plot, but the fever I can’t get out of my system is this: LET THEM KISS, GODDAMMIT. LET THEM BE HAPPY. I welcome canon divergences, alternative endings, fix-its, insert eps and codas where it looks like they would have kissed (erm, or at least confronted each other in a way that would inevitably end with them making out) if only Mei Changsu wasn’t so caught up in self-loathing and fluffy foxfur coats, and Jingyan didn’t talk too loudly about his so dead, so very dead beautiful ex to hear Mei Changsu weep stoically into his beautiful white furs.

I adore Prince Jing. He is 90% cheekbones and 20% heartbroken pouting over his so very dead friends, and all of it noble and awkward and stubborn and deserving of happiness. Mei Changsu is ridiculous, and capable, and twisted into pretzels of his own creation: not above gloating over his enemies while daintily dipping cookies into his tea, he gets too caught up in weaving the tapestry to notice he is a part of it.  Pull him off his high horse, Jing! Render him helpless by being yourself! Do something about being hopelessly charmed with each other, through resentment, loss, bitter pining, and narrative inevitability! JUSTKISSALREADY.gif!!

THUNDERBOLT FANTASY: Rin Setsua; Sho Fukan

I LOVE THIS SELF INDULGENT WUXIA NONSENSE AND I CANNOT LIE!

Sanfan is a mixture UTTER GLEE and deep fondness for the genre staples, self-aware and masterful playthrough of all the wuxia tropes in the book, and one goddamn well-constructed story. It plays the tropes straight, calls them out with a knowing wink, walks the tightrope between the two with panache, and just as you are relaxed and enjoying this trapeze show, it grins cheekily at you, sets the discoball on fire and pulls a bunny out of a hat.  It’s DELIGHTFUL and fun and lovingly crafted, just like a good passion project should be.

I want anything that capitalizes on the absolutely hilarious dynamics between Rin Setsua and Sho Fukan (and while personally I end up using the Japanese versions of their names more often, please feel free to go with the Chinese names if you prefer). Sho Fukan does not want any of those heroic quests, he’s the human equivalent of been there, done that mood, and he just wants to REST and hopefully dump a bunch of magical murderswords someplace safe. Rin Setsua is a Totally Respectable and Non-Villainous Member of Society, of which he will inform you firsthand in the most high spoken and verbose way possible, and maybe even produce paperwork that has definitely not been tampered with. He harbours no ulterior motives, ever, and does not trail behind Sho Fukan for any reason beyond the pleasure of his company, and his mission to personally victimize and cockblock every morally derelict villain in two countries, by no-one’s request.

Whether you go shipfic (yiss!) or canon levels teamup circus (also yiss!), don’t hold back your horses. Everything about this is Extra, and should continue to be so <3

I am okay with both expanding the canon and playing with AUs/crossovers/fusions for this one, provided they retain the character dynamics. I love the extended cast as well: any characters including the Seiyou gang (and on that note, if you want to write the Seiyou backstory for Shou’s gang that has no Rin in it, you’re welcome as well), reappearance of the familiar faces from Touri (read: Rin’s victim list, past, future and present), original characters lined up and waiting to be screwed over (guaranteed) and rescued (the administration does not bear any responsibility etc etc).

Thank you for taking the time to read the letter, and I’m greatly looking forward to reading your story — and hopefully, getting to chat about these ridiculous and wonderful characters post-reveals :)

[kitsunebi-chan]

IDOLISH7′s ninth ichikuji, Ayakashi Kaleidoscope.

This is my first time translate such a long script like this. To be honest I have zero confident on my skill but, better try than regret it later. I love this event too much that I can’t help myself. 

English is not my main language so please feel free to tell me if you find any miss in my grammar. And it’s more that welcome for you to give your critics. Well, happy reading~

(DM me if you want the Indonesian version)

Event Part 1

[???]

‘what a small hands. Momiji, look.’

It was a nostalgic voice, that I heard somewhere long in the past. Just like being woken up by a sight of vivid crimson, and let it continuously smoldering inside my chest. Since that day, I feel like searching for something. Something I have lost, something precious. What is it that I lost, whose voice is it, was everything just a childish dream from my younger self. While still, doesn’t remember a thing…

 [Katanashu’s headquarter. In front of the reception office.]

??? (Sogo) : Hey, paper doll.

Shikigami : ----

???(Sogo) : For someone who come early, this is quite a funny way to do greetings, huh. Does attacking all of sudden then push down human into bedridden is some kind of Shikigami’s hospitality? And, why are you stand on my belly? Get down from there, right now. Laying in the hallway and watching the ceiling is not my hobby at all.

Shikigami :-----

???(Sogo) : Oi, Are you hear me? Who is the person in charge here? I have waited long enough, but there is no one come to get me.

Shikigami  -----

???(Sogo) : …. No reply….. could it be, it can’t understand my word? I think it can’t be helped then.

*-----sound of opening door*

???(Yamato) : Oh my, What are you doing laying here in the middle of hallway? Were you playing with the Shikigami? What’s more, with that look like you will draw you sword at any moment despite having such beautiful face, what dangerous combination.

???(Sogo) : A person...? Where did he….

???(Yamato) : I entered just now. From that big gate near the hallway. Did you too absorbed into your game with the Shikigami that make you lost your surrounding?

???(Sogo) : This situation is unavoiable. Because nobody seemed to come for me no matter how long I’m waiting at the reception office.

???(Yamato) :  Hmm…And then, you want to search for someone and go to the hallway but ended up in this kind of situation, huh. Do not miss any suspicious person who roaming at the office, as expected of our excellent Shikigami!

???(Sogo) : Suspicious person…? I properly carry on my duty, from imperial capital…

???(Yamato) : Hm… It just getting more fishy. You suspicious people always say the same thing.

???(Sogo) :………From the uniform and sword that attached on my waist, you can tell that I’m part of Katanashu’s group too. I don’t want to say this on our first meeting but please stop smirking when you looking at me. It’s unpleasant.

???(Yamato) : Ahah, what a scary face. Relax for a bit, will ya? Even though you are now laying upside down just like a frog that was about to dissected, quite a bossy fellow, aren’t you. I’m sorry ‘kay. Looking down at someone’s face from above was lot of fun that I cannot help myself.

???(Sogo) : You are not very popular, don’t you?

???(Yamato) : To suddenly put it like that, you are really not cute.

???(Sogo) : It’s enough. More than this will just waste of time. I will deal with this myself.

*---Klak*  (door open)

???(Nagi) : Aaaa… Wait a minute! Stop! Stop!

???(Sogo) : There is another one….

???(Nagi) : ---Captain Kasane, stop teasing him, would you please dispel the shikigami now?

Kasane ; Oh, Madoka, you came?

Madoka : I was behind you this entire time. So troublesom-…I mean, as a subordinate, at least I refrained from saying that it would be a good idea. Anyway, he is the new member who had just arrived today, isn’t he? There were talks about him will come to our second corps, right. Look at his uniform.

Kasane : Aa-… right, right, there were talks like that, I’m completely forgot.  

Madoka : even though you were the one who told me about it yesterday.

Kasane : Sorry, I just cannot remember something I don’t care with.

???(Sogo) : The second corps captain? That’s mean this man is my superior….

Kasane : --Oi.

???(Sogo) : …! The Shikigami….

Kasane : I have dispelled the shikigami, with this you can move again, right? So hurry, get up from there. Or do you want to say you need a hand to help you up now?

???(Sogo) : …….. No need. I can stand up myself. Sorry for showed you this unpleasant sight.

Madoka : Uwaa… even though a while ago he was pressed under the shikigami and turned upside down, he stand up like it was nothing.

???(Sogo) : I’m really sorry for my insolent behavior earlier. You are the second corps captain, right?  Here, my enlistment letter.

Kasane : Oh, thanks. Till your way to bow is so polite, showing such respectful attitude is more than enough.

Madoka : Uwaa… he look like a serious-type.

???(Sogo) : I the one who will assignment here from today. Katanashu’s second corps affiliation, Momiji.

Kasane : Ng? Momiji? So your name that written on the enlistment letter here is not read as ‘Kaede’ but ‘Momiji’ instead? Isn’t the way to read it a bit off?

Momiji : I wish for it myself. Because I heard when you assigned as a swordsman, you will work under a given name.  

Madoka : Beside being a serious-type, you are also a weird one……usually, the upper ups will decided for the member’s name by taking one character from their real name. Because there may be a chance for youkai* to steal your mana* if you keep your real name. It also said if you got your name stolen, your enemy can take control on you.  

Momiji ; Actually, it is still took after my name. I just change the way it read.

Kasane ;  Hmmn… you have some nice hobby there.

Momiji : …..

Kasane :  Well, nevermind. I’m Kasane. The second corps captain. I’m the boss of myself. The man with pointed nose over there is Madoka. He is our most reliable man, the shining ace. Your rank both are the same, so please get along.

Madoka : ….Thank you.

Momiji : Nice to meet you.

Kasane : Well, then. Since we finished greeting each other, it is okay for me go now, right? I will leave the task to guide the newcomer in your hand okay, ace.

Madoka : …huh?! But my duty hours will end this afternoon…

Kasane : That is a good news! That’s mean you still have some time.

Madoka : No, no, no, I really just have a little…

Kasane ; Okay, I’m counting on you Madoka~ Everything include our facilities, mission, till the meaning of become a swordsman, make sure to give him all the lecture perfectly ‘kay~

Madoka : Wa-…, captain!

Kasane ; Aa…,so busy, so busy~

*krieekkk.....blam*

Madoka ; He really gone…I’m sure it’s just an excuses….he always push all the job on me. Moreover, you, please read the mood. Momiji, right? Why you have to come before me off duty.

Momiji ; Isn’t it you own fault? If you guide me right after my arrival, it must be all over now.

Madoka : Uh.. about that… as a newcomer, to talk back at your senior like this, aren’t you being impudent?

Momiji : Even if you are the senior, we have the same rank.

Madoka ; Uwa… you are really not cute. But you really must have that kind boldness to be able to speak like that, either way you can’t do it with the fellow swordsman. *sigh*…. It’s troublesome but, since this is a superior’s order then is nothing I can do about it. I will guide you now so follow me.

Momiji ; okay…

Madoka ; We will start from the imperial capital. Since you are send to this neighborhood as a swordsman, I think you already understand about it but, as you see this place is no longer a human’s world.

Momiji : …hmm.

Madoka ; Actually, the existence of human’s world and youkai’s world are  like a bunch of mirrors that overlap one to another. To put it simply, you can say this quarter as their ‘entrance’. And, to management all the youkai living here, is the mission that has entrusted to us, the swordsman. Behind this gate is what we called Katanashu’s inner citadel. Then, I will start from the explanation of our facilities here.

Momiji : Behind this….

*krieekkk....**sfx :opening door*

Madoka ; Welcome, newcomer-kun. To the place where no human lives, to the city of light and shadow—

 ***Naration

In the past, in place that was governed by samurais, there were they that performed a mysterious power. There was he whose body covered in flame, there was one that destroy a village in shape of wind, or a god who swallow a mountain like hand of water. Beast, monster--- again those are named as youkai. They are feared, despised, respected, used, and worshiped by humans. However, together with those who leave the land of samurai, they choose to hide themselves in land of immortal on the other side of mirror, as they entrusted the ‘Gate of Daimon’ to connect with people between two world.

And now, as the time passed, it will be told in the present days, about a story that may have existed, the story from Hinomoto’s land.

___________________________________________________________

Transltor’s note :

-I use Katanashu (刀衆）to refer their group's name as I don't know anymore how I should call them :’) but I decide to keep them refer theirself as ‘swordsman’ so please forgive me for the confusing word.  :’’

*Youkai : Japanese, mythology ghost and monster.

*Mana : Human’s life force, youkai’s source of power 

[i-just-like-commenting]

Yes, the books were adaptable, part 4: What about season 6?

That brings us, of course, to the question of what season 6 would look like if we’d actually followed the books. A lot of viewers consider season 6 to be “the best so far,” and while I agree there were a lot of well-designed action scenes and setpieces and it was often fun to watch, it also didn’t make a lot of sense when you think too much about it, and almost all the good parts were jammed into the last few episodes. A more book-faithful season 6 could potentially have all of the positives of season 6, plus be more logically coherent and better paced.

While there are a few short-term things I can predict based on storytelling logic and preview chapters, at this point the showrunners will have to actually listen to Martin and follow an (abridged for TV) outline of the story. Spoilers for some of The Winds of Winter preview chapters, much speculation, and me giving up on caring about episode titles below the jump:

Episode 1: The Two Battles

After ending on a lot of cliffhangers, we open with a BANG! as the Battle of Meereen and the Battle of Winterfell happen right away. It’s the Battle of the Bastards x 2, an hour long episode most likely; a lot of characters die, including, I would guess, the Boltons and Barristan Selmy. But it ends with Stannis and the northern lords winning in the North and Victarion’s dragon-taming horn saving the day in Meereen – and if the hints that Tyrion is going to wind up riding that dragon are true, well, what an end to the first episode!

Episode 2: Using Up the Remaining Chapters

In the second episode we touch base with where everyone else is.

Oldtown: this episode opens with Jaqen infiltrating the Citadel by stealing a young maester’s face. Sam and Gilly sail past Euron’s ship and barely escape, wondering why he’s here. Sam leaves Gilly at an inn and goes to the Citadel. Right after a Dorne scene, Alleras/Sarella rescues Sam from bureaucracy and takes him to Marwyn, who tells him to hide what he knows about magic and dragons. Reveal that the maesters killed off the dragons the first time around. (Then cut to Dany scenes below)

Dorne: Arianne, Tyene, and Nym meet with Doran, and he sends them off to investigate Griff, infiltrate the Faith, and escort an injured Myrcella back to King’s Landing respectively.

Kings Landing: Cersei is recovering from her walk of shame and plotting with Qyburn. Kevan is growing tired of Mace Tyrell and Tarly. He delivers Cersei the news that Jaime has vanished into the Riverlands and she refuses to believe it because in spite of their arguments he’s still her brother, he’d come for her. Kevan goes back to his room and gets murdered by Varys to destabilize the city for Griff’s invasion.

Riverlands: Jaime is off in the Riverlands. Because of where the book ends I don’t know if Jaime is walking into this blind or can tell that Brienne’s lying (she’s a terrible liar) and is still going anyway. Regardless, this is probably them at least on their way to confronting Lady Stoneheart

The Vale: Harry is aghast that his family wants him to marry a bastard, but Sansa dances and flirts with Harry and wins his interest.

The Wall: Less clear what will be happening here, but I’m guessing chaos as Jon is dead and the Watch and the wildlings will be fighting. We should have lots of shots of Ghost, some seemingly from the wolf’s perspective, and maybe Melisandre will be the first to figure out that Jon’s inside Ghost.

The Dothraki Sea: final shot of the episode is Dany riding her dragon over a khalasar as they head towards Vaes Dothrak.

Episode 3-10: I’m Not Sure

Meereen: My guess is the Westerosi probably decide to appoint a local ruler in Meereen (Missandei or Grey Worm?) and head off to Westeros to join Griff and Euron.

Winterfell: Stannis, I think, is going to have trouble holding the North because of his rigid ideas, and yes, Shireen will get burned by somebody as an act of desperation, maybe related to her greyscale.

The Wall: Melisandre brings Jon back and…I don’t know what happens next? Seriously, I really don’t, but given that he has a wight on ice in the books the show may be correct about him trying to use that to prove the threat beyond the Wall (Tormund could have brought it back from Hardhome in my version of last season). Regardless, his coming back from the dead is going to be a much Bigger Deal here.

Kings Landing: I don’t know whether Cersei’s trial with Frankengregor will still take place, but probably. Loras will recover from his injuries, there’s too many hints in the books that he isn’t actually dying, but why hide this from Cersei? Whatever, things will go badly in the capital, but a lot is still up in the air. I do hope the sept still goes boom. Cersei’s been compared to Aerys too many times and she already used wildfire to burn the tower of the Hand; I think that may be one of those plot points from the book that wound up in the show in a completely different context.

Dothraki Sea: I’m fairly confident that Dany will ride dragonback with a horde behind her to Vaes Dothrak, be named Stallion who Mounts the World by the Dosh Khaleen, and then head…back to Meereen? Straight to Volantis? I’ve seen theories and arguments for both, and I lean towards the latter. Cut off the demand rather than the supply for slaves.

Beyond the Wall: Bran is presumably going to continue his training, learning secrets about the real origin of the White Walkers – the explanation in the show does not mesh with what we know from the books, and my guess is they really are the Great Other, the power of cold and darkness. Bran will learn Jon’s identity as part of finding out he’s Azor Ahai or the Prince Promised before trying to contact him to help him. We’ll see the real context of “hold the door” and hopefully have Bran finally realize how much skinchanging hurt Hodor and feel guilty. He’ll also stay in contact with Theon throughout the season.

Oldtown: The show can even get out in front of the books in progressiveness by having Alleras/Sarella be a trans man rather than a girl disguised as a boy (it’s open to interpretation so far). Euron will use magic learned in Valyria to attack the city, steal the horn, and bring down the Wall, as we see him communicating with the Night King and being promised power, immortality, etc.

Everything Else: I have no idea about the plots of Sansa, Arya, Sandor, Brienne, Jaime, the Brotherhood, Rickon, and Davos from this point on. Your guess as to what happens is as good as mine. Ask Martin.

What this means is that instead of a season that wastes too much time dragging out the arcs with the Boltons and Meereen, and brings back plots they should have used in seasons 4 and 5 (Iron Islands and the Riverlands), we get a much further advancement in the story. And the big shocker ending will likely be Dany arriving on Dragonstone as the Wall falls and the Others swarm into Westeros.

Now that’s a season worthy of an Emmy.