#i complain too much about transgender stuff. lets get some positivity going

[spitblaze]

One day you will reach a point where someone will misgender you and instead of feeling the jab of disappointment or fear or mockery, you will only feel confusion or bewilderment or even just...nothing, whether you correct them or not. And you will realize how far you've come, and how resilient you've grown, how much comfortable you are in your own skin.

[angelphonia]

Okay, I've been binge watching the Stop!!Hibari-kun anime and I've got some thoughts I need to let out.

Firstly, watching the anime makes me appreciate the Manga a hundred times more. Sure, the Manga had its problems, mostly the racism and the casual homophobia jokes and transphobia, but you could save stuff from it, like that even though there were homophobic jokes there was a gay woman who wasn't mocked because of her attraction to Hibari, or that despite the transphobia Hibari was never outright shown as being wrong by being herself.

Now, the anime does a lot of things I dislike. Firstly they make Kosaku's reactions be way more negative than in the Manga. While yes, he reacts negatively he is also seen blushing a lot when Hibari flirts with him. I may need to read the Manga for fourth time, but I also don't remember Kosaku constantly mentioning Hibari is a "guy" everytime she did anything.

There is a lot much more racism in the anime. There were problems with this in the Manga but it just feels way more present in the anime.

This one doesn't bother me too much, but I'm pretty sure the chapters do not align with the Manga, but again, this doesn't bother me.

I also noticed way more incest jokes, I don't care about them. Also the Seiji chapter where he falls in love with one of Hibari's bullies when she's 15 and Seiji is around 25/30 is very questionable. Again, this is a work of fiction so while I was like "why isn't this seen wrong?" I wasn't really uncomfortable. I do gotta say that in the Manga when the Japanese mob grown manchild son asked for Hibari's hand in marriage, it was inmediatly said he was 28 and Hibari was super taken aback. This doesn't happen in the anime, his age is NEVER mentioned. I can't quite remember, but I am sure Hibari also doesn't go on a date with him.

Oof, but here we go with the thing that has bothered me the most. The REALLY bad erasure of Jun's story. They absolutely took away her lesbianism, making it seem as if she was only interested in Hibari because of her volleyball abilities. They also totally changed the episode and made Jun be deeply ashamed of her family, that while in the Manga she was a bit embarassed it wasn't a main focus. In the Anime it was, even making her leave the volleyball club, which is crazy to me. Oh, and I'm NOT forgetting that they made Hibari enjoy getting gropped in the bus, when in the Manga she was clearly just disgusted by it.

I haven't finished it yet, may edit this post with more complains. Positive things? I'm sure Seiji and Sabu didn't have names in the Manga, so now they have identities. They try and give them more backstory, even adding an eye scar to Sabu, which was appreciated. Hibari's voice is absolutely the cutest. I liked the wrestling episode. Oh, the episode with Hibari's mother and her father was a delight, she didn't express this much emotion in the Manga, so actually seeing how she feels was great, and her end interaction with her father was adorable.

Can't remember anything more rn. As a side note, I've developed a little crush on Sabu and I'm gonna draw him. Hope you enjoyed my rambling!

EDIT:

Remembered the Honda thing. In the Anime he almost reaches his 1000 girls flirted with, but with one it is half a girl. In the Manga this was because he looked at a 5 year old by accident and she fell in love, while in the anime they made it so he flirted with a new half. For those who don't know, new half is an old Japanese term for transgender people, mostly trans women who were post op. In the subtitles this is translated as crossdresser, which I don't like. This isn't the first time this term is mentioned, in the spartan son episode, he calls Hibari a new half, which Kosaku tells him to not do. In another chapter there is a trans woman, and she refers to herself as New half, which again is incorrectly translated to crossdresser for some reason.

Even then there was some sort of minimal knowledge of trans people, not only with this, but in the Manga the addition of Genkijirou being a canonical trans man in hormones. Eguchi was aware and while his first idea was to make Hibari a feminine man, it obviously end up with her being a trans woman.

[phaticserpent]

Hi! Hey, uh, can I get some TFP Ratchet with a transgender male human headcanons? Nothing romantic, just like, father/son type thing.

MANSNSBDNSBMSJEMW RJENSUHE YES!!!!

Trigger warning: slur, bullying, mention of suicide

He doesn’t think much of you at first, you’re quiet and he appreciates that from you. Unlike Jack and Miko

He was assigned your guardian and Ratchet didn’t really complain, but he was a bit annoyed

The first few weeks were awkward. He noticed the bruises on your wrist, calves, and your cheek. He started getting concerned when they appeared frequently

“What happened?”

“Gym class.” You dismissed.

When Ratchet picked you up from school, you tried to escape as fast as you could. “Hey tr*nny! Gonna go get your boy shots?” Vince taunted. You closed the door, but Ratchet remained.

“What are you doing? Please, we need to get out of here.” You hissed. He started heading towards base but stopped nearby

“What did he mean? What’s a ‘tr*nny’?”

You told him you were transgender. He didn’t really understand at first

“Is it a style or something? Dress up? What is it Miko said, ‘tomboy’?”

After a few more minutes, he started to understand. We also have to face the fact that Cybertron doesn’t have sexism or gender stereotypes/discrimination

“Your world is quite judgemental.”

He starts looking into it and what he could do to help.

“Do you have a binder?”

“Uh, no. I’m saving up for it.”

He asks Raf to help, without telling him you’re trans. After school, you find a small package on the passenger seat.

“For you.”

“What is it?”

“Well you’re going to find out if you open it.”

You started crying when you realized it was a binder. Ratchet didn’t know what to do, he started panicking and thought you didn’t like it

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Please stop crying! Did I do something wrong?”

“N-no! Thank you!! Thank you so much! But how?”

“Oh, I....uh, asked Raf to help me research what kinds were safer to use. Apparently we also needed your chest size, so I pulled up the examination I did on all four of you towards the beginning.”

You ask him if he could help you pick out a name. You two went through the entire list, trying to see which one fits/which one you like

“Alex?”

“Oakley?”

“Jay?”

“Arden?”

“Bailey? No, sounds like a girl.”

“Blake?”

Eventually you chose [Y/N]

You had another encounter with Vince and his gang. He said the same thing as before but you simply ignored him. Ratchet summoned his holoform and exited the vehicle.

“Ratchet, it’s okay, let’s go.” You tugged at his arm.

He ignored you, “you want to say that again?”

“Who are you?” Vince mocked.

“Someone you shouldn’t mess with. How about you leave [Y/N] alone.”

“[Y/N]? Oh, I see now. She picked out a boy’s name too.” Vince started laughing.

“A more manly name than ‘Vince’. So I suggest you shut your hole, unless you want more.”

The entire school laughed at Vince when they realized he peed his pants.

Ratchet helped you work up your courage when you came out to the rest of the team. They were accepting and didn’t need any explanations, except for Miko, who was still processing everything you had said. But eventually she caught up

As Ratchet dropped you off at home, he wondered if the bruises were from your parents.

“Do your parents know?”

“Yeah” / “No”

“They allowed me to get my own job so I could pay for my own stuff. I was saving up for a binder, but since I have that, I’m working my way to testosterone and top surgery.”

“They aren’t really......educated in this stuff. I don’t know how to break it to them that their ‘precious daughter’ turned out to be.....a boy.”

“They should love you either way.”

“Yeah.”

You went home and asked their opinion on transgender.

If they showed positive reactions to the topic, you came out, if they didn’t, you remained silently in the closet.

But word travels fast around Jasper, Nevada. Your parents found out either way.

if they were religiously strict, they kicked you out without hesitation. Ratchet drove you back to base. When it came time for you to sleep, Ratchet invited you to his berthroom.

Soon enough, you lived at base

Although you were grateful, you began doubting yourself. You didn’t think it would get better, so you went to the top of the base and stared down

You stopped to contemplate what would happen. How would the Autobots react? Then you saw the pile of rocks beside you

Ratchet had searched everywhere for you, he ascended and yelled at the machine to go faster in frustration and fear. When he found you at the ledge, his thoughts raced

“No......[Y/N] no!”

You almost fell in shock, but he caught you in time. He gave you a long lecture, but it was mostly ranting to himself

“I don’t know your experience, I don’t share the struggles you have......but I know the feeling of hopelessness. The constant worry that things will never get better. If you had taken your life, you can never see the progress you made.......you can talk to me or the other Autobots.....granted, I don’t think Bumblebee or Bulkhead would have sound advice, but we’re always here.”

“Thank you Ratchet.”

He helps you through depression. He can’t do much for dysphoria

“Did you know, that trans people have the corresponding brain to their gender?” Ratchet informed

“Huh?”

“You may not have the right parts, but you do have the right core. Trans men have a male brain and trans women have female brains. It’s quite interesting.”

Ratchet tries to get you testosterone, he’s a medical doctor but it proved to be difficult due to the fact that Ratchet needed a license in that field, or some form of permit

You then had to explain the procedure of how you had to get testosterone; through gender therapy.

“So many steps.” Ratchet scoffed. “You humans make everything difficult.”

If your hair was long : “Do you want to get a haircut?” He asked.

“Obviously, I just don’t know what style I want it to be.”

Miko offered to cut your hair but Ratchet declined

But it took a few years, when your doctor prescribed you with testosterone. The first person you told was Ratchet. He cheered and helped you apply the testosterone. If it was shots, he would make sure you did it correctly

“Stay still”

“No no no, not there!”

Ratchet starts seeing the changes in your voice, body and face. It took him a few days to get adjusted to the drastic changes

He was there with you when you got top surgery (in his holoform). He started tearing up when you started crying from joy after seeing your flat chest

Ratchet grew concerned for your well-being post surgery. He wouldn’t let you do anything

Was that a cough? No coughing!

“Aa-aA—“

No sneezing!

Bathroom? Ratchet would carry you to the bathroom

What’s that? You need food? He would bring you food......no junk food!

Name changing was a tedious process, especially in Jasper, Nevada. Ratchet had to drive you to another city so you could change your gender and name

“Wait.....you have to go to court?”

“To make sure I don’t break any laws.”

But it was worth it

It’s so longgggggg, I hope you like it!

[mild-lunacy]

Toward a Taxonomy of the Antis

You know, maybe it should be obvious, but one of the main reasons fandom always ultimately disenchanted me is at least partly because of the *reasons* some people are fans. Or, perhaps I should say, we use 'fan' as a catchall term when there are actually many models and reasons for engagement. It's not as simple as 'fan' and 'anti', but I do think that many times, the type of fan who becomes an anti was always a separate type. One thing that made me think of this is an anti actually outright saying they were only into the Throne of Glass books because of the hype around them. A lot of people say they used to be 'naive' or young, but not usually admitting they weren't really into the story on any genuine level in the first place.

Of course, saying 'genuine' risks fan policing terminology and wank about what's a 'true fan' or not, which isn't where I'm going. I just want to differentiate someone enjoying a TV or book series (like Throne of Glass) due to spontaneously loving the characters or setting, and loving it essentially because other people love it. One is much more likely to last and prove resilient than the other. If you like the 'fan' part of fandom, then as soon as the fire cools-- or other people start getting disillusioned at some kind of tipping point-- inevitably you'll become drawn into the anti mindset. Just like being drawn into the fan mindset in the first place. The only thing that's different is the direction. It's still all about external judgment that ultimately has nothing to do with the story or characters.

I'm not saying that method of engagement isn't valid. In my mind, anything that naturally arises, sociologically speaking, simply *is*. There's no 'valid' or 'invalid' ways of social organization (or writing, for that matter). In fact, it's that mindset that is my biggest difference from the antis. Your average fan may just get bored and unable to finish watching or reading new installments if their interest was social, or limited in the first place. But a few develop a critical interest, usually if other people hate the writer(s) too. Note that modern antis very rarely (if ever) march to the beat of their own drummer. People rarely quietly post anti rants online for their own benefit, disconnected from the relevant fandom, at least not for long. However, longtime lone fans certainly do exist (as I can personally verify).

Aside from this anecdotal impression, I don't think it's a coincidence that most antis these days make primarily social and/or social justice critiques. At the very least, the kind of fan who'd gotten into the Throne of Glass books due to the hype is likely also sensitive to the newest social pressures and mores of behavior. It's not that I fundamentally disagree about the benefits of representation, for example. However, the sort of person who strongly condemns a writer for writing a male character who simply behaves realistically (and amusingly) when suddenly transported into a female body is not primarily concerned with the larger issues of transgender rights and representation, per se. When a critique is not at all reasonable, or connected to the reality of the characters and their situation, the apparent conclusion is that the justification given is just an excuse for the negative bias. The reason there needs to be an excuse is because antis are a community, and their whole point is to share salty thoughts. Everyone can agree that transphobia is bad (who's a Millennial or younger and in fandom, at least), and so that's one of the easiest things to condemn. And as an anti, you have to condemn.

I don't think people purposely come up with things they don't actually feel or believe, by any means. I'm sure any negative (or positive) reaction is almost always genuine. But I also think that for someone vulnerable to hype, their genuine emotional response is itself likely to be fundamentally socially based. That is, you would feel what other people feel. You would genuinely care about those things, but you would care about them without any real introspection to make sure things make sense or are 'fair' to the characters or the writer in the rational sense. Fairness is a much more internal measure than the groupthink (or really, groupfeel) that drives both online hype and witch hunts. I'd go out on a limb and say without the interest in enforcement of the social norms, these people would just be bored rather than outraged.

This explains why antis almost never read the text closely, or outright make up stuff that isn't there. There are people who are primarily critical *and* pay attention, but I hesitate to call those people 'antis'. As I said, it's not a simple dichotomy. I've had good friends and good online discussions with people who're both critical and analytical. In fact, many highly analytical people tend to critical of pretty much everything they love. The motivation here is different, but the effect is also. One of the main hallmarks of antis is really social justice ranting rather than rational critique that may include elements of social justice. One group is focused on studying the text, and the other just likes to sound off. And of course, there's the average online fan, whose mode of engagement is characterized primarily through shipping, crack and/or memes. Antis may have some interest in shipping, but it usually rings false, as they find any excuse to find an unlikely fanon ship and then slam the story for sinking it. Like, usually antis complain about the lack of central queer ships, but in The Raven Cycle, the one that existed wasn't enough. After all, it wasn't the random obscure ship they came up with.

Anyway, I feel somewhat better about this now, because I do take some of their points to heart and let it bother me even if I shouldn't. I'm vulnerable because I'm a mix of the analytical and squee-minded fan, and antis like to masquerade their rants as analysis, even though they actually care as little about analysis as they do about canon. The squeeing shippers can (and do) just dismiss or resent the antis without a care. I end up trying to see if their arguments make sense, and inevitably get irritated when they don't. It especially messes with my mind when they start on about shipping, as I said. Not like ships are supposed to make sense, per se, but they feel free to blast canon het ships for not being believable or developed properly, which is a fair mode of critique. However, the preferred slash ship is generally more nonsensical by far, but it's absolutely immune from critique because it's gay. And we all know being gay is all that matters, riiiiiight up until the point that it becomes canon. Then it's not good enough, by definition. Alas.

[mrsteveecook]

updates: I got in trouble because my coworker saw maxi pads in my car, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.

1. I got in trouble because my coworker saw maxi pads in my car

Thanks again for answering my question Alison. I did appreciate your insight and the nice comments from everyone.

I was laid off on Friday. The branch was closed and every single person who worked here was laid off (including our HR and managers). There was no hint of it. Hiring was still going on like normal and we got small raises at the end of last year. We were given 20 minutes to pack our personal stuff, handed checks for our outstanding pay and walked to the parking lot. The building was locked up. We were told we would each get an excellent reference from the company with the explanation the layoff was through no fault of our own. I asked the HR person from head office who was there to oversee the layoff about me getting written up and he said it was stupid and wouldn’t be mentioned in my reference and not to worry about it.

(Other than seeing the person who complained in passing I had never talked to her. She didn’t work in my area and I didn’t find out she was transgender until after I was written up and my boss told me. I am gay and I would never want a member of the LGBT+ community or any other person to be hurt. There was no past history between us. The reason for the write-up was that I made her feel uncomfortable and excluded and should be keeping “items of that nature” private. I don’t know why she was looking in my car but they were in a bag on the backseat and not out in the open.)

I have already taken note of all your great advice on cover letters and resumes. Thank you!

2. I’ve become the office seamstress

I informed my HR person that I couldn’t finish all the pillows before the all-hands, but I did finish a set of four so they could show off all the colours. I didn’t attend the meeting as I was away, but in absentia I was presented with a gift card as thanks, along with a few others who go above and beyond to be helpful around the office, which was nice. Something came up that put the rest of them on hold for about a month, but I’ve done and delivered more than half of the pillows by now, and have informed HR that the rest will be done by next week – a much more manageable timeline. They really do look great, and I’m glad I did them, but I definitely should have set timeline expectations a bit better during the first go-around.

As for the quilts, they were not spoken of again, and I am absolutely not bringing them up – thank goodness! I’m reserving that particular gift for immediate friends, and will avoid bringing them into the office when I gift them. In fact, I’m currently looking for a different job (for mostly unrelated reasons) and I’ll likely avoid sharing that particular hobby altogether so I don’t find myself in this position again – or at least take the advice of other commenters who suggested I point out the actual cost of such hand-made gifts if anyone so much as hints they’d like a custom piece to call their own!

Many thanks to you you and the commenters for the insights and support, and happy holidays!

3. How can I increase my chances when I’m under-qualified for a job?

You won’t be shocked to hear that I did NOT get that job — I didn’t even make it to the phone screen stage after all. It was a small government office, but that still meant they were not interested in references at the HR screening stage and I got screened out. I had much too much faith in my reference’s reassurance that he knew everyone over there!

However… my reference was not wrong that he had a large number of contacts. Months later I applied to another position that did ask for references up front, and as soon as I’d stepped through the door for the interview, the hiring manager pointed out that we “had a friend in common.” I hadn’t even realized he’d worked extensively with my reference in the past. He talked to all my references by phone immediately after my first interview and had his mind mostly made up by the second interview, which mostly turned out to be a pitch for me to accept the offer, plus an opportunity for him to feel out if my intent was to stick around for a few years. This place says they actually want someone to start at a slightly lower level and grow into a heftier role as the organization expands.

The pay here is a couple thousand dollars less than the other role’s would have been, but the work is much more related to my areas of interest, and the potential upward mobility could be much, much higher. I was able to parlay my other experiences and the reference into something I’m truly excited for, just like you and your commenters told me! I’m really pleased with how this worked out. I have much more flexibility and responsibility than I’d have had in the county government, and some of the initial bumps were smoothed by other Ask a Manager tips.

4. What do I write/say when I was referred by my late friend? (#3 at the link)

I wrote in because the woman, Leia, who had encouraged me to apply for positions at the state-runTeaching Hospital (TH) where she worked had passed away, and I was not sure how, or if, I should mention this in an interview. Thanks for your compassionate answer, and the kind comments from the readers. I replied in the original thread once or twice and wanted to give everyone a fuller update.

There is nothing really spectacular here. First, it is unlikely I will get called in for an interview there any time soon, unfortunately. In early January, around the time my question was published, TH laid off a lot of employees and decided to leave many other positions vacant and did another round of non-fills in late February, over 700 jobs total. (State is supposedly investigating how this money crisis came up so suddenly.)

Second, I was hired as a half-time library page just over a month ago. (Some people may recall seeing my open thread post under my regular username.) This is an enjoyable job; my coworkers, my boss (assistant branch manager), and grandboss (branch manager) are great. The HR rep who onboarded me told me I’m eligible, after probation, to apply for full time library assistant positions–my new longer term goal. I also emailed my interviewer for a page opening at another branch, who had decided to go with another candidate, to let her know I had been hired. She congratulated me and added, “I think [your new bosses] made a wise choice” which made me feel good all over again.

I do need to pick up a second part time job, but now I can afford to use all the AAM advice on how to make good choices about potential jobs. To be honest, when Library hired me, I was in a position, between finances and unemployment rules, where I had to take literally the first job I was offered. I was just lucky it was a job I was interested in and had great people. Thanks again!

5. I’m a recent grad and I feel like I’m working too much

Thanks to you and all of your commenters for their advice! I ended up deciding that I mostly needed to adjust my expectations and attitude for the job, and that would probably make my experience a lot better.

It worked — for awhile. But the 24/7 demands got more and more frequent, to the point that I had to schedule more than 2 hours off WEEKS in advance, and was met with a lot of resistance to do something as simple as play a soccer game. I started tracking my time, and I went 50 days without a break, including weekends and days I officially asked off to move apartments. I would get woken up at 5:30am on the weekends to work. I worked every single day between Christmas Eve and New Years (including the holidays), when our office was supposedly closed.

It’s probably not a huge surprise that I found a new job in June. I took your advice and asked a lot of questions about the culture and out-of-office requirements. I’m so happy to say that I’ve been in my new position for about 4 months, and have never been woken up to work, and I got my weekends back! I’ve even been assured that our office is actually closed between Christmas and New Years, and I scheduled a vacation where I’ll be totally offline.

You may also like:

I got in trouble because my coworker saw maxi pads in my car, and more

update: my manager told us we were going to be laid off — but she was wrong

updates: husband’s boss is sleeping with married department head, and more

updates: I got in trouble because my coworker saw maxi pads in my car, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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