#i consider myself to be a doormat but i still would’ve been like ‘i’m not going to stop. if you can find a law to sue me under

[fingertipsmp3]

Do you ever see something and think ‘wow, I’m a people-pleaser, but not that much’

[kimetsu-no-yaiba-writings]

KNY Dialogue Prompts

“These were specifically created with helping in mind with requesting - like you didn’t know what to request so you can pick something from here! ^---^ - and giving you abit of inspiration 

There’s different types of dialogue so each have been split into groups to make it easier for you to find the section you want and request something with that line

Oh!

I’m also more then happy for you to use one of the prompts in your own writing so long as you link it to this post or reblog it! That way more people can find and use it if they’d like or maybe even request something themselves ^O^  

I’ll also be trying to update this with new dialogue constantly so if you have a suggestion or something then you can just send it my way 

Angst:

"I hope that what I've said hasn't hurt you too much."

"I want that woman out of my house!"

"I don't want to have a baby." OR “You never wanted this child admit it!”

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn’t know! He told me you were in the past"

"How, exactly, did you think that having an affair would help our marriage?"

"If you do this, you will be dead to me."

“Don’t leave me...”

“Stay”

“You've taken her back? You can't be serious!?”

"You embarrassed me this evening."

“Why should I care if your crying?”

"If only I'd just gone over when she called."

“Love is pointless in the long-run, I mean, in 200 years, will you even remember her or her name?”

“The more I love you, the more I hate you.”

“You have no idea who I am, do you?”

“I watched as blood reddened the water”

“Don’t die on me - Please!”

"The sun will rise tomorrow if I have to haul it into the sky my own damn self, you hear me?"

“I thought we were a family...”

“I’m dying”

“How stupid are you!?”

“You’re so convinced that I’ll hurt them that you haven’t considered it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

“Last night I tried to imagine myself without you. The thing is, I could and I felt so much better.”

“You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and yet I don’t regret a moment of it.”

“You didn’t create me. I created myself, out of raw material you thought wasn’t worth shaping.”

“In the end, I wasn’t strong enough to help anybody. I couldn’t even save myself.”

“Aw, how cute. You think you’re people.”

“You and I aren’t all that different. We both kill. We both get paid. But you do it on a battlefield in plain view while spouting nonsense about it being justified. I do it in the shadows and know better than to think killing will ever bring peace.”

“Rest.” + “I can’t! I have so much I still have to do! I need to-!” + “Rest. Your duties will still be there after you sleep.”

“Just watch. Something that doesn’t quite belong will make itself known to you soon enough. When it does, erase it.”

“I’m so tired of the pain.”

“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”

“The last thing I wanted to do was bring a child into this awful, ruined world.”

“I always knew, somehow, that my time here with you was limited.”

“Oh my god! I did it! I actually did it! I saved you!”

“Who said you could leave your room?”

“I can’t go back-please. Please let me stay…I’ll be good. I-I-I can be…. good. You won’t even notice I’m here. Please don’t throw me out. Please don’t make me go back. Please….please I can’t go back. Please don’t put me back there…don’t give me back. I’ll be good, I’ll be quiet, I’ll be small. I promise, please.”

“I’m dying, aren’t I? Damn, after everything... after everything I’ve been through, who would’ve thought my own body would be the thing to do me in.”

“You weren’t there…why weren’t you there?”

“Can’t you see I do this because I love you?”

“Anyway, you’re a terrible person and I hate you.” +  “You-” + “No, shut the fuck up. I hate you. You don’t get it. You’re assuming because I’m pleasant that I’m some kind of brainless doormat you can kick around. God. No. No more.”

“I can’t stand you, but our child is my everything.”

“Don’t look at me all concerned. You forfeited any right to worry about me when you tried to kill me as I lay injured and helpless.”

“And the itsy bitsy spider crawled down the traitors throat~ deep breaths now, dear~ This is going to hurt.”

“You poor fool. You taught me to be arrogant, and it worked a little too well. Now I know I’m better than you.”

“I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin! Is that so hard to understand?!”

“I don’t want to lose you.” +  “But I want to be lost.”

“Oh, that guy. He’s dead to me.”

“How could you leave me?”

“You took everything from me, don’t pretend to care! I gave my soul for this, of my own free will. Unlike everything you tore out of me.”

“I can’t forget waking up to your cold skin and the blood soaking through the sheets.”

"I don't. I don't... feel good." +  "I know. I know, shhh, lie still. I'm here. I'll take care of you." +  "...Promise?" + "I promise."

“You only keep them around because their uselessness makes you feel better about yourself.”

“Please, let me explain, I- I didn’t mean-”

"I can't leave you alone for five minutes, can I?"  + "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I-" + "Pathetic."

Fluff:

"Do you remember we used to do that in school?"

"Darling, it's beautiful, thank you!"

"For some reason, I'm attracted to you."

"Perhaps you'll take me out one day - or do I have to make an appointment?"

“Well aren’t you the cutest little thing?”

“I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives...”

“Don’t use that tone with me, or else I’ll kiss you”

“You look like that cute sparkly eyed emoji character right now ans I don’t know how I feel about that”

“Hold my hand? Please?”

“Let me at least walk you home”

“Wait, Don’t pull away yet... I want to stay like this just abit longer”

“Quit looking at me like that, I can’t finish my sentence...”

“Stop that.” +  “…What?” + “Your confused face is giving me heart palpitations, you need to stop that.” +  “…H U H ?”

“Shouting at each other across the room doesn’t count as having a proper conversation about your feelings. Wouldn’t you rather all of this be private, anyway?”

"Oh, dear, are you tired?" + "Exhausted." + "Then maybe you should've listened one of the thirty times in the past forty-eight hours when I told you to get some sleep."

“Is that- Is that my jacket? Are you wearing my jacket?”  + “No,of- of course not.” + “Why are you wearing my jacket? Don’t get me wrong it’s cute. it looks terrible on you ‘cause it’s too big, but that’s cute.”

The moon is high tonight, it frames you well.”

“I can feel my heartbeat in my face.”

“You saved my life. Of course I like you.”

“Struggling with your murderous instincts again, my dear?” +  “I- Oh, no, you’re just pretty.”

“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long while now.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I’m just going to come out and say it. I want to commit to taking care of a small and helpless being together.” +  “You do mean a pet, right?”

“… I adore you.”

“What are you knitting over there, sweetheart?“ +  “It’s a gift for you! I’m making you a garrotte, look, I’m using this gorgeous copper metallic wire yarn, and I’m reinforcing the handles with softer yarns to protect your hands for strangling.”

“Do you ever stop and think about how beautiful your husband is?” + “Every damn day.”

“I’ve never enjoyed anything more, than a hug and a kiss  from you.”

“Darling, can I ask you something?” + “Nope!”  + “What’s your worst fear?”

“I’d rather like to kiss you.”

“It is an honor to be the home that you always return to.”

“Uh… What’s up?” +  “I’m thinking about kissing you.”

"Darling, You need only say my name three times, and I'll be yours forever."

“I want to eat a yoghurt with you.”

“Ok, so, I know you aren’t feeling the greatest, but I got you an icepack and some mac and cheese…” + “Oh my god, I love you! Marry me.” “Ask me again when you aren’t hopped up on Nyquil.”

“Would you like me to hold a rose in my teeth? I suspect it’d taste rather unpleasant, but anything for you, dear.”

"Something's wrong. You haven't complained about my cooking yet." + "Or maybe you've just gotten better."

“Your beauty shames the sun.”

“Not to be sappy, but you have a gorgeous laugh and I’d do anything to hear it.”

“You’re beautiful.” + “Oh, stop, You’re drunk.” + “I am, And in the morning, when I’m sober, you’ll still be beautiful. I just won’t be honest enough to tell you.”

“I love you deeply, but I also have an irresistible compulsion to be as obnoxious as possible.”

“Listen, our souls are like socks. Your soul is one whole sock, no holes or tears. Your soulmate is your match. The other sock in your pair. Your my sock”

“You’re such a huge mess! I love it! You are so powerful, mine dear witch. Show me something beautiful, and I’ll give your wish.” +  "Oh fae, love, that's not quite a compliment."

"Ask me anything, I'll do anything for you, let me serve you, give you anything."

“Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner.”

“My love, my love, my love. I could destroy you so easily, but I won’t, because I love you.”

“So I was wondering, since we’re having a study group tomorrow around lunch time if you’d like to-”  + “I love you.” + “Huh-”  + “I mean I’d love to!”

Neutral/Misc.:

"You're too good for this world."

"She doesn't understand you like I do."

"Whatever you're going to ask, the answer is No!"

"Would you come to my funeral?"

"Have you read the newspaper stories about my wife?"

"I miss moments like this more than anything."

"It looks like you're in trouble there. Can I help?"

“My chances of living to a ripe old age are, unfortunately, excellent.”

“I’m not going to hurt anyone. Not even you, ghoul, though you certainly deserve it. I’m here for the witch.” + “Maybe the witch doesn’t want to see you, mutt. Got tired of your furry mug.” + “Then She/He can tell me that to my face. What have you done with Her/Him?”

“Don’t forget we’re enemies. I’m not letting anyone kill you but me, understand? Now sit still and let me bandage your side.”

“But if they think we’re a couple, we’ll get the couples discount!”

“Normally, I’d have pushed you out the door by now, but you’re making a compelling argument with the bribery.”

“I can be sweet. Sometimes. To certain people. It happens!”

“Stop getting crumbs all over my bed”

“The sun hasn’t even come up yet and you want me to do what now?”

“You’re losing my interest and that, my dear, is very dangerous...”

”You look sweet on your knees. Has anyone ever called you that? All teeth and fury and fang. But cute. Soft.”

“I know I signed up for this and all, but… if I die, it’s still your fault and I will not hold back on blaming you.”

“Wow, fantastic. Now we can add stranded on top of our other numerous problems.”

“Hurt me.” + “I... beg your pardon?” + “Please.” +  “...Meet me in the sparring ring in fifteen minutes.”

“Aw, look at you, using fancy words at me. You’ve certainly grown up, haven’t you?”

“I have fifty other excuses I could use. Do you want me to start alphabetically?”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“But if they think we’re a couple, we’ll get the couples discount!”

“I am not grossly romantic. I am the right amount of romantic I’m required to be.”

“Our new neighbors are simultaneously the scariest and nicest people I’ve met.”

“Do you want some sugar in your tea?” +  “No thanks, I’ll take it bitter, like you…” + “Wow, I hope that joke was worth your sugarless tea.” + “It was.”

“I want you to know how much I enjoy this. The taste of your blood, the smell of your fear. I could’ve let you go. But I’m doing this because I want to. There is no mercy here.”

“I’m not letting karma deal with this. I can’t trust it’ll be enough of a punishment, nor can I say it’d be fast enough.”

“We’ll become legends. One way or another.”

“So that’s it? It’s over?”

“So from the bottom of my cold, dead heart, screw you.”

“God, what did you do? Shout it from the fucking rooftops?!” +  “Well, actually...”

“I underestimated you. I should’ve approached you with trickery and not teeth.”

“Are you ok?” +  “Yeah, I’m fine.” + “You’re bleeding though!” + “You think my nose has never been broken before? I’m fine.”

“Let’s drink wine and trash talk our co-workers.”

“All the doors are locked. You’d almost think Her/His Majesty doesn’t trust her/his guests.”

“Without this, you’re powerless. And without your powers, you’re mine.”

“I thought you cared about me.” + “Yes, I can see how you might’ve gotten that impression.”

“Hey, cheer up, alright? I know it’s hard, but think on the bright side! Not only do you get to be yourself, but there are plenty of cute guys, like that one! You should talk to him, introduce yourself, unless you want me to do it for you.”

“You are wasting way too much energy trying to hide your feelings from me and by now you should know it’s pointless.”

“He adores them.” + “Yeah.”  + “Cherishes them, even.” +  “I know.” + “I want them dead.” + “Same.”

“Listen, I’ve been collecting cursed objects for fucking years. If I say that it’s a cursed object it probably is.”

“You can speak three different languages.” +  “What does that have to do with knowing algebra?”

“Decisions rarely only affect you. Choose wisely.”

“Why don’t you leave me, if I’m such a tyrant? Are you scared that I’d come after you?”

“Fuck.” + “No.” + “Fuck!”  + “Who taught the baby the fuck-word?”

“I care about you, you blithering idiot.”

“I’m a medic, not a magician.”

“We’re off to kill the king, want to join?” + “Kill the king? Whatever for?” + “Fun, primarily.”

"I'm functionally immortal. Or non-functionally immortal, I guess, considering my sleep schedule and general inability to behave like a reasonable adult, but, you know."

“If I know anything, it’s how to bide my time.”

“I will be the common enemy which unites them.”

“He’s using you.” +  “Maybe I’m using him.”

“Here, happy one year back from the dead day.”

“She comes with because one time I told her to stay in the car and she ran over the monster with it.” +  “Saved your life.” + “And ruined my paint job!”

I’ve heard about your famous escapade."

“A winter ball? And you really expect me to wear a frilly little gown?” + “It would be absolutely terrible if you fell ill and couldn’t attend, you know.”

“I’m going to enjoy ripping you apart. You’re weak. You’ve built up walls so high you never learned how to protect yourself when someone gets inside. I’m going to enjoy making you love me.”

“What- oh. Oh, it is you. I thought you were on vacation.”  + “Why are you in my house at three in the morning, bleeding?” +  “To be fair, It’s mostly not my blood? And I am a mercenary. Do you have a cheese grater, by any chance?”

“He’s like a crocodile covered in butterflies. Dangerous but very pretty.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” + “Useful but unappealing? Yes.”

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Stop ignoring me. hey. You murdered me you ass, you should’ve expected this. I’m going to haunt the shit out of you. You knew this. I am literally- right now it’s actually literally that’s hilarious- made of spite.”

“I feel like we could be very good friends.” + “Except for the whole....” + “Arranged marriage thing? You think it’d be better with added friendship.”

“Best part about weddings? Free booze.”

“If you won’t eat, then I won’t either.”

"I never thought I'd see the day someone so incompetent was on Her/His Majesty's high council." + "Well, I'm glad you believed in yourself anyway. Sometimes miracles happen. Congratulations."

“Hello. Empath here. I know when you’re lying, idiot.”

“You knew who I was when you married me.” + “I didn’t, actually. Remember how that was an arranged marriage?”

“It’s hard to imagine the person in front of me painting is the same one I saw mercilessly cutting down enemies on the battlefield yesterday.”

Humorous/Funny:

“Am I going too far?” + “ No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison”

“ Here's some advice!” + “But  I didn't ask for any?” + “ Too bad! I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me”

“Can I just...Can I just beat your ass now?”

“...Your doing this out of spite, aren't’ you?”

“OH FUCK!” + “That’ll be the crickets escaping”

“She’s/He’s so young, practically looks like a potato with eyes!” + “You do realize that’s your daughter/son your talking about, right?”

“I’m personally offended that you didn’t pick me to be your fake date for the evening”

“What’s that?” + “A plant.” “… Is it edible?” +  “Sure. Then again, everything is edible. It’s just a matter of how many times you can eat it. That plant is only edible once. You eat it and then it eats you.”

“Rules? Nope, not listening. I’m not following them. Never have, never will.”

“There’s something really funny about watching [Character] eat peanut butter with a spoon. During a battle. because I can’t touch Him/Her. Did I say funny? I meant infuriating.”

“Normally, I’d have pushed you out the door by now, but you’re making a compelling argument with the bribery.”

“Did you kill this woman.” + “Well, I’ve been told I’m a ‘Lady-killer’ but, not in that way.”

“What I lack in height, I make up for with my attitude.”

“I’d love to go back home, but can you imagine? 'Hey, siblings, of which there are many, I’m now a theology minor and also my roommate is a concubus, who I’ve been keeping fed'.” + “I thought you were a theology major?” +  “No. Political science.”  + “Oh. Well, if it helps, I can’t go back home either? But my home sucks.”

“If the duct tape doesn’t work, then I have no idea what else to do. You’re on your own after that.”

“How do you like my new kitchen cabinets?”  + “They’re intimidatingly tall to small people like me.”

“I don’t think this is the biggest mistake you’ve made. It’s probably like…the third worst.”

“Well, your dad sucks, so I’m your dad now.” + “You’re half my age and a girl.” +  “Go eat your vegetables.”

“You’ve dragged me into this hellhole, but you can’t make me leave!”

“I’m still way too sober for this.”

“Wow. Here I thought we had a moment. I spilled my story to you and all you have to say is ‘okay’? What does that even mean?!”

“I’m armed with a can-do attitude and a bunch of fuckin bricks, You wanna start this riot or not?”

“How did that work??” + “Beats me, I just improvised.” + “…That was IMPROVISION??”

“I’ve been the family disappointment for years! You can’t just suddenly show up at dinner and steal my rightful title!”

“Would you believe me if I said what you saw was a trick of the light?”

“You’re a god – you can’t call up a kraken or something?” +  “Guess who just got a new divine quest? It’s you, my beloved acolyte. Go find me a kraken.”

“Are you always this prone to bad luck and violence? If so, that’s kind of sad.”

"You really have the most exquisite bones. Just an absolutely phenomenal skeleton. Good work."  + "I. Um. Thank? You?"

“You were supposed to stop eating the thing when I said it was poisonous, not shrug and keep going.”

“Can you please stop leaving dead bodies on my doorstep? You’re worse than a cat.”

“I always figured necromancers hated immortals.” +  “Not at all. You guys make my job so much easier.”

“What have I told you about listening to your gut more? It’s smart. Do it.”

"You look like shit. Go lie down; don’t worry about this one - we got it."

“It’s a long story. Actually, it’s a short story; it’s just really weird.”

"Cool! I really needed that shit today! Fucking hell!" + "Are you okay?" + "Me? Oh yeah I'm fine I just need to go scream at the river for a while!"

"Look, I started my day bleeding down my thighs- how would you like to end yours the same way?”

“It’s a skill. One I do not possess, I’m afraid.”

“I am not going to fuck the eldritch abomination.” + “I will give you five dollars.”

“What did you expect to happen. You killed the leader. His job is now yours.”

“Me? Melodramatic? Your inconsiderate words tear at my poor, bleeding heart!”

“Like a lamb to the slaughter, I see.” +  “Shut up, jackass, I got a knife.”

“Hm. So. That is a war crime.”

"Why does my mattress smell like bad sex?" + "You can tell the difference between good sex and bad sex by smelling?"  + "It's easy. Just pay attention to the amount of deodorant in the air."

“I feel like I should just wear a t-shirt that says ‘I am stupid’ at all times to make it very clear what people should expect from me.”

“Yes, blasphemy, we know. Let’s move on.”

“When do you sleep?” +  “I don’t. Pass me my coffee, would you?”

"Why are you running?"

“Get up; we’re going to Disney.” +  “That sounds like torture.” + “Exactly – you’re going to hate it, and watching you suffer will entertain me.”

“For a self-proclaimed god among mortals, he seemed awfully bothered by a little knife in the ribs.”

“I have foiled seven assassination attempts this afternoon alone!” +  “...Well. Thank you. Please continue to do so.” + “Eight.”  + “Eight?” + “I just stopped myself from strangling you.”

“Rule number one is don’t touch anything. Rule number two is don’t touch anything. Anyone want to hazard a guess on rule number three?”

“You know what I miss about being human the most?” + “What?” + “Peanut butter. It doesn’t taste the same anymore, you know?” + “Oh, I had a peanut allergy. So... not really.” + “Ah. A shame.”

“Your payment can either be something of incredible sentimental value to you or your left leg.”

“Look, when I threw my textbook at him, I didn’t intend for him to walk off with it.”

“How old are you?” + “Very.”

“We made a deal. You’ll write a poem and deliver, out loud, in a hipster cafe, if I pierce my nipples. Well bitch, I am in pain and need some distracting, so sit your butt down and get writing.”

“There is no trust in my tiny, withered body.”

"Oh, you have a salt lamp, nice." +  "Yeah, I got it-" +  "Can I lick it?" + "Can you - what?" + "Lick it. Can I lick your salt lamp?" + "I....Sure? I guess?"

[emberwritesinsight]

Marinette and Burdens: a possibly-veering-out-of-canon-territory-meta.

Alright, time to unpack a bit of emotional vulnerability that I've managed to string together from implications that the writers probably didn't even intend because the writers are not interested in Marinette having feelings that are valid and respected.

Disclaimer: the writing is inconsistent and I'm going with a read of Marinette's character that may not fall in line with everything in canon, but I'm fine with that because canon can't even fall in line with itself half the time.

We know, from a line that was played as a joke in the first episode (I know the Bubbler is first in some airings but to be clear, the episode I'm talking about is Stormy Weather), that Marinette has trouble saying "no". She clearly didn't want to babysit, and she seems to have had bad experiences with it in the past. But she says she just "couldn't say no", with a look of guilt on her face.

At the end of the episode she manages to say no to Manon, but an interesting thing to note is that she wouldn't have been refusing Manon by refusing to babysit, she would have been refusing Manon's mother. Now, at the time I assumed this was a side effect of her almost pathological niceness- after all, being kind and accommodating can sometimes slide into being a doormat if taken too far. But combined with the other stuff... Well.

(It should be noted that Marinette seems to have trouble with specifically saying no to services, not in general. She says no to Chat Noir on the regular, so it's an important distinction.

We also know that Marinette usually has no problems with the concept of being Ladybug- any doubts she has are more linked to her doubting her ability to protect people rather than the fact that she is a teenager being expected to carry the weight of the city and the world and that's kind of screwed up when you think about it. Now, the writing reason for this is simple: the show is marketed towards kids, so the hero is someone aged closer to the target audience. But I'm beginning to suspect there's an in-universe reason as well, and then we get to Gamer 2.0.

And OH BOY, does this episode have IMPLICATIONS.

The civilian plot of this episode is, to put it simply, that Marinette has too much on her plate. I'm not even going to TRY to tackle the ending of that episode because I would just start ranting, but suffice it to say, it would've been better if it were about time management.

Marinette's inability to say no to a job is back in full swing in this episode, although it's more implied than stated. She only refuses to a task once she is so loaded that it would be quite literally impossible to take on any more work.

The interesting thing about Marinette's packed schedule compared to say, Adrien's, is that it's implied she took on all that responsibility by choice. The schoolwork was unavoidable, but the t-shirt making? The album cover? Surely those could have been arranged differently.

Marinette is on the brink of collapse in this episode, but still she never gets angry at the people who put this stress on her- not once does she complain about the school giving too much homework, for example.

Look, I'll say it straight right here. I think Marinette has serious issues with knowing how much responsibility she should take on. In general, throughout the series, unless it directly grinds against her moral compass, Marinette is helpful to a fault.

And the strangest thing is, this doesn't seem to be her natural instinct all the time. People forget this, but she was actively arguing with Chloe over the Seat Thing™ in Origins. She actively antagonizes Lila multiple times. She is not universally sweet and accommodating. Which frankly makes this dysfunction of hers even more concerning.

Which brings us to Marinette's relationship with responsibility.

The fact is, Marinette's relationship with responsibility is toxic and it is slowly killing her mental health. She both willingly takes on a ridiculous amount of work and lets people force it on her. She takes on the weight of being Ladybug and keeping it a secret, even though we see that she doesn't like having to lie to her loved ones. Honestly, I would be lashing out at Tikki and later Master Fu for putting her in this position if I were her.

Marinette thinks it is her job to do everything, fix everything. She doesn't refuse or reschedule a job because she's convinced it would genuinely hurt the person she is saying no to. That she would actually be causing harm by prioritizing her comfort and mental health over what other people need her to do.

Now, if you're like me, you're probably reading that that and thinking:

"Wow, if that's really how her brain works, than becoming a superhero, a job where not doing it will literally cost people their lives, whose power is to literally fix everything might not have been good for her mental health."

And you would be 100% right! Because that mindset is super, SUPER unhealthy and I'm convinced being Ladybug made it exponentially worse. And even assuming she wasn't like this pre-series (which I doubt), she definitely is now.

I'm going to be honest, if she was like this pre-series, I don't know why, not for certain. But considering the kinds of teachers Francois DuPont employs, who encourage their students to take responsibility for resolving conflict and setting a good example, I myself have made a few assumptions. But what I do know is that this is some seriously unhealthy, self-destructive shit.

And it is reinforced by EVERYONE.

Tikki, Fu, Ms. Bustier, Chat Noir, EVERYONE expects Marinette to take on more of a burden than she can reasonably handle. And somewhere along the line, Marinette accepted that herself.

"I am the servant hero. It's my job to do this. If I don't, who will? "

The answer to that ending question should obviously be, "a responsible adult". But the ML universe doesn't seem to have those, so.

Marinette is, barring strange writing decisions, a kind and helpful person. And these two objectively good qualities, ESPECIALLY the latter, have been twisted so far by circumstance that it is downright scary. Honestly, I'd say it's only a matter of time before she shatters completely.

Now, this isn't to say this is the only explanation. Marinette's poor time management, for example, could be another symptom of her heavily implied ADHD. But I felt like going the darker route today.

[peachymarkeu]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 2: 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝓬𝓴

“What the hell, was that really Jaehyun Oppa?” I whispered to myself while taking large deep breaths

“I'm probably hallucinating. That’s not Jaehyun Oppa Yuna get yourself together aish.”I said speaking to myself while hitting my head with my fist.

I took a few more minutes to gather myself before opening the door and grabbing the rest of the things I left outside. When I opened the door I was surprised to see all of my things neatly placed in front of my door in the doormat. I looked left and right to see if there was anyone there then grabbed the things and went inside. 

While fixing the food I bought in the kitchen, my mind was clouded by the thought that the tall figure really looked like Jaehyun Oppa. There was no way that was him. If it were him I would be so embarrassed. I must’ve looked like a wreck at that time.  I kept zoning out which is why I took such a long time arranging things. After hours, I finished arranging everything that I bought for the apartment. I checked the time and saw that it was already 9:30 pm. I got up and started to make the dinner I’ve been looking forward to all evening.

Now playing Kitchen Beat by NCT 127 on Spotify 

I placed a metal pot on the stove and grabbed a Cheese Ramen packet from the cabinet. While waiting for the water to boil I suddenly realized that I should start making the kimchi tonight as well so that I could give them to my neighbors early in the morning. Once the water was boiling I placed the noodles, ramen powder and cheese powder in the pot as well and waited about 3 minutes for it to cook. After that I took off the stove, placed it on the breakfast table and proceeded to eat it straight from the pot since I am one lazy ass girl. 

While eating my ramen I decided to call my parents to see what they were up to this evening.

Ring...Ring...Ring…

“Oh, Yuna-yah how are you my dear” my Appa was the one who picked up the phone

“Appa! I just finished cooking dinner and now I’m eating my delicious cheese ramen.” I said with a huge smile on my face.

“Aigoo, Yuna-yah you and your ramen again. Aish make sure that’s not the only thing that you will eat while you’re living alone in your apartment.” my Eomma scolded me.

“No worries Eomma, you’ve taught me a lot of dishes that I’m sure I can cook by myself” I reassured her.

We continued to talk for a few minutes until they told me they needed to hang up already. We said our goodbyes and now here I am again alone in this apartment. I suddenly felt sad being away from my parents. It’s not easy to suddenly move away from your parents and start living an independent life. Though, I believe that they have a reason as to why they wanted me to move to this apartment which is why I am thankful for them. 

I cleaned the pot and my utensils while still jamming to my NCT playlist. While doing so I was still wondering whether or not I’m crazy saying that the person earlier really looked like Jaehyun Oppa. I dried my hands and put my hair into a ponytail and got the ingredients to make the kimchi. I first rinsed all of the vegetables I will be using and chopped them into bite sized pieces. Then I made my Eomma’s special spicy kimchi sauce, a secret recipe that only she and I know. I lathered the sauce on the vegetables and made sure that every piece was covered in the sauce. I stored it in containers and placed it in one of the kitchen cabinets and called it a night.

I went to the bathroom, washed up and got dressed ready for bed. It was my first night here in my new apartment. I somehow felt excited and nervous at the same time. I made sure to lock the doors before heading to bed. I got my phone out and scrolled through my social media accounts for a few minutes before falling asleep.

The next day I woke up because of the rays from the sun that went through the blinds. I felt really lazy to get up but I had too so that I could give the kimchi to my neighbors. I got up and put on my ducky slippers and went straight to the kitchen to check the homemade kimchi. The kimchi looked perfect when I opened the container. The fresh smell of the spicy sauce enveloped my nose which made me drool. Because of this I made breakfast right away while playing music to wake me up.

Now playing We Young by NCT Dream on Spotify.

I ate sausage and eggs with some of the kimchi I made last night. It tasted so good that I finished everything that I cooked in less than 15 minutes which is bad because I don’t have a fast metabolism.

‘Aish Yuna what were you thinking.’

‘But it was so good.’

‘But you know that was bad for you’ 

I was talking to myself once again while looking left and right as if I was talking to someone. I then realized what I was doing and started to hit my head rapidly with my fist again.

After breakfast I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and brush my teeth. It started to get pretty quiet while I was getting ready so I turned on some music again.

Now Playing Work It by NCT U on Spotify

I took out my blow dryer and blow dried my hair while belting out the lyrics to Work it. I was dancing around the bathroom as if I was in a club drunk. Believe me when I say you would’ve thought I was high if ever you saw me inside that bathroom. After blow drying I tied my hair in a very messy half-up half-down style which still showed off my wavy hair. I put on the smallest amount of makeup as well just to make myself look presentable to my new neighbors. For my outfit I chose a flowy blue dress that I remember was from my Eomma. Again I wore my Nike Air-Force 1’s as my shoes with very light blue socks. I wore a coat over it since it was still cold in the apartment halls.

I placed the containers of kimchi inside paper bags and I wrote a short message on a piece of paper and stuck it on the paper bag. I went outside with my phone and keys on my right hand and the paper bags on the other. My apartment was at the end of the left wing which was why  I only had two neighbors, one in front of my apartment and another on my right. I decided to first go to my neighbor on the right.

Knock.Knock.Knock

I knocked thrice and waited a few seconds before an old woman opened the door.

“Good morning Ajumma! I’m Kim Yuna, I just moved here yesterday. Please take care of me. I made some kimchi for you please help yourself.” I said very cheerfully, actually excited meeting new people.

“Oh Annyeong Yuna-yah! Aigoo, just call me Auntie Minjie. Thank you so much for the kimchi. I’m very delighted to have such a beautiful and kind woman like you as a neighbor. Would you like to come inside for some snacks?” Auntie told me.

“Thank you for the invitation Auntie but I think I’ll visit again on another day. I still have to give this to my other neighbor.” I politely declined.

“Alright, I’ll see you again next time. Just know that my home is welcome anytime.” she said to me.

I thanked her again and she closed the door to her unit. I then got ready and went to my other neighbor.

Knock.Knock.Knock.

I knocked on the door three times but no one answered.

Knock.Knock.Knock

I knocked again but still no one answered so I turned my back about to go back to my apartment when I heard the door suddenly open.

“Good morning I’m-” I said while turning back to the door. I looked up and saw the face of the person and immediately was in shock.

“Kim Yuna…” I continued still shocked at who I was facing.

“Oh Annyeong I’m Jung Jaehyun” he said in a very sleepy manner, rubbing his eyes as if he just woke up.

‘Holy shit, It is Jung Jaehyun’

[magioftheseas]

Mending Cotton Thread

Summary: the ultra despair girls meet with an ex-servant once more.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Language courtesy of Touko

Notes: This is late for Touko’s birthday and wasn’t even written for her birthday but please accept it anyway. Writing Touko is hard. I tried. Weirdly I haven’t written a lot of Toukomaru, presumably because I suck or something. And Komaeda is here, too. I do write a lot of him.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

Of all the people to see again, she wasn’t expecting it to be Servant-san. It had to be at the weirdest, most unexpected moment.

Except not really. All she was doing was visiting the Future Foundation building to leave a report and namely, to talk to Makoto for a bit. Riots broke out in Towa City again, and he had been so worried about her but she took care of it, her and Touko, it was fine, everything was fine, but she did still want to talk to Makoto and—

“Oof!”

“Ah!”

She hadn’t been paying much attention. She ran into someone, near barreled into them, actually, and that person had been kind enough to steady her in return. They had a cold but secure grip. Not clammy like Touko but much more perfunctory. There was a mechanical whirl by her ear, and a soft exhale.

“Are you...alright?” A hesitant question. One that Komaru immediately needed to respond to.

“Yes, I’m fi—!”

When she turned to face that person, she stopped. In fact, everything stopped.

When she was face to face with Servant-san again, it wasn’t fine. It wasn’t fine at all. She froze up and reached for her gun instinctively, only pausing when he backed off and held up his hands.

“Sorry,” he says with a pitiful smile. “I’ll be out of the building soon. Please don’t mind me, Komaru-san.”

Komaru blinked at him. It was Servant-san’s face, but Servant-san never looked at her like that.

Her thoughts start racing in spite of his apparent efforts.

What—should I do? Should I accost him? Stop him? Interrogate him? Demand something like, “what are you doing here?! What are you planning?!”

But he doesn’t look like he’s planning anything bad...

If she were Makoto, she’d stand her ground but smile in return. Would simply ask questions. Would defuse the situation. Act sweet. Act gentle. Makoto was a bit hapless at times, but he always dealt well with people.

If she were Touko, she’d stand her ground and strike first. Throw Servant into the wall. Incapacitate him. Show that she was in charge. That she was in control. Even though Touko had a unique way with words, she knew how to back herself up with actions.

She’s not either of them. Komaru is just—herself.

“Servant-san...?” she questions it because even now, Komaru is not the surest of herself.

“Oh. I never...” Servant laughs, wheezes. It’s such a scratchy ugly sound that Komaru nearly seizes up, but Servant is quick to wave his hands and shake his head frantically. “No, no, I wasn’t laughing at you, Komaru-san! It’s more that I...um. I never introduced myself properly to you, did I?”

“You said not to mind you,” she pointed out, lips pointed into a frown. “You said that back then—and just now. So, have you really changed?”

“Mm, no comment.” He doesn’t look at her but he seemed embarrassed. Human, whereas Servant-san had always come across as alien and incomprehensible. So he had changed in some ways.

If he was at the Future Foundation and not in chains, maybe he was dubbed safe to be around?

Unless—?!

No, no, she told herself once she got a closer look at Servant. Servant, who shuffled back uncomfortably but didn’t try to run. Servant, who was wearing a finely pressed suit with gloved hands. Hair tied back neatly to boot. One could be mistaken and almost think this person handsome in a soft, mushy kind of way. Either way, with a look like this... I don’t think Servant-san has recently broken out of any prisons.

“Servant-san,” she said, and he perked up.

“It’s Komaeda.” He gives a smile. “Komaeda Nagito. Nice to see you again, Komaru-san. I’m terribly sorry for causing such a scare.” Ducking his head, he side-steps as if just being in her path had been a horrible offense on his part. Touko would agree with that assessment, so Komaru is quiet as Ser—as Komaeda Nagito flees.

She never got any actual answers. Just a name.

Servant-san is still a strange person, she decided. At least—he’s more like a person than before.

--

“Um... K-Komaru...?”

She’s so busy daydreaming that she’s not paying much attention to her surroundings.

“Komaru...”

She’s caught up in thoughts of that strange encounter. Wondering if maybe it had been too lukewarm, too inconsequential all things considered. Too—normal. Which Servant-san of the past would’ve gotten annoyed about. Komaeda Nagito hadn’t been bothered at all.

“Komaru!”

Komaru gasped mid-sigh which caused a near hiccup. She also jumped to attention, much to her girlfriend’s annoyance.

“The hell is with you,” Touko was griping. “Did something happen?”

Straight to the point. A hand on her shoulder. A stern grip.

That was Touko. Her partner and pillar.

“You kept making that annoyingly constipated look you get when you’re deep in thought,” Touko elaborated. In a very ‘that was Touko’ sort of way. “Spill the shit, Komaru.”

Touko was very reassuring.

(Komaru means this sincerely.)

“There was someone I met...”

--

Touko ended up so shocked by this apparent encounter that she started foaming at the mouth.

“But, uh, he didn’t seem like a bad person?” Komaru offered pitifully. “Ser—um. Komaeda-san had a completely different feel! Actually...”

The more I thought about it, he had reminded me somewhat of Makoto.

“W-We absolutely can’t trust your judgment!” Touko hissed, still so rattled and anxious. “You’re way too naïve and flippant about this—that fucking shit-spewing toilet tried to get her to kill you, you know!”

“I know, but...” I believed in you, so it was fine. “I did ask Makoto about him. Makoto said that... Komaeda-san was working with the Future Foundation, and that Komaeda-san wasn’t a bad person.”

Touko’s lips pulled into a thin line.

“You didn’t tell him, did you? That you already met that fucker.”

Unsurprisingly, Touko had seen right through her. Despite everything, she couldn’t help but smile at that, even when Touko’s response was a long-suffering groan.

“Komaru, what the shit. That’s absolutely the kind of thing you should run by your damn brother. By the way, that scummy guy?! He tried to have me offed by a serial killer! So maybe—I don’t know! Be fucking careful, you dullard?! Something like that!” Touko flailed, but when she steadied herself, she took Komaru by the shoulders. “Are you seriously the kind of fucking doormat that keeps quiet when troubled?! Are you kidding me?!”

“It’s not that,” Komaru denied. “It’s more that—I trust Makoto? Just like I trusted you...”

“You shouldn’t! He’s an idealistic moron and I’m—argh!” Touko pinched her nose. “Forget this. Let me settle things.”

I trust Touko-chan, so...!

“Touko-chan!” She seized her precious partner’s hands, squeezing with all she had. “Let’s settle them together!”

“U-Ugh...” Touko does flinch with a face such a heated red that it caused her glasses to fog up and steam to come pouring out the ears. “T-T...T-T-T-To...gether...”

Komaru can’t help but smile brightly.

It’s cliché to think, but we absolutely won’t falter if we’re together!

--

Touko had made demands to Makoto on the first given opportunity, leaving no room for argument.

“Do you think that we don’t fucking know who that guy used to be?! Before you parade him around so s-shamelessly you have to run shit by us! I’ll be the judge if he’s actually good enough to be out in the open or not...!”

“You want to meet with Komaeda-san?” He does glance at Komaru. Swallowing, she nods and stares back. Her brother understands. “Alright. I’ll set up a meeting, then. Did something...?”

“Happen? Between us? What the hell gave you that idea,” Touko scoffed before getting all flustered. “O-Obviously! We met him in Towa! He really caused us a shitload of problems! Did Byakuya-sama not tell you?!”

“Ah, he might’ve mentioned something like that...” Makoto’s smile is apologetic. “I’m sorry, Komaru.”

Komaru waved her hands.

“It’s not that I want S—Komaeda-san to be behind bars or anything. If you say he’s atoning, I believe you, Makoto... But... I do want to see it for myself.”

For a moment, she does think of those other kids. Shingetsu in particular who had been earnest in his desires to help other kids. While she never could get a read on Servant either, she did wonder if he had been the same before he got warped.

If Makoto believes in him, she’ll believe, too. Touko is stiff around the face and shoulders, but she’s no less reassuring when Komaru squeezes her hand.

It’ll be fine, she thinks. She’s sure of it.

Makoto’s smile brightens, and Komaru can’t help but feel hopeful.

--

...that doesn’t mean she expects things to be simple.

She’s not that stupid.

“Ser—Komaeda-san,” she greets. The two of them are sitting across from each other now.

“Shit-spewer,” Touko scowls, crossing her arms and glaring. “You’re looking ruddier than last time we met. Disgusting.”

Komaeda’s cheeks darkened. He looked sheepish. To think someone like this had caused so much trouble—that was an understatement. This guy used to be major bad news.

“It’s nice to see you two doing well,” he states meekly, ducking his head. His shoulders hunch in a bit as if Komaeda wants nothing more than to curl up into a ball and disappear.

“It’s not nice!” Touko squawked. “It’s way fucking unpleasant to see your gross face out and about! And how dare you smell so clean! A-Are you mocking us?!”

“Not my intention, I swear,” he murmurs. “Is it...alright if I...?”

“We’re asking the questions!” Touko snapped and obediently, Komaeda’s mouth snapped shut.

There’s not even a whiff of defiance, and Komaru finds that she’s already relaxed.

Even if he acted up, we could easily take him.

Still, she’d rather not fight so she smiles instead.

“How are you, Komaeda-san?”

“I’m...fine.” Komaeda’s not looking at her. He seems so anxious. It’s starting to feel really weird.

“Why are you so nervous?” Touko asks outright. “W-With the shit you pulled, w...we should be the nervous ones...!”

Komaeda’s head bows. He apologizes. Komaru frowns.

Like this, he’s...so pitiful.

“Straighten up!” Touko exclaimed. “If you keep fucking bowing like that, we’re gonna start to look like bullies!”

Komaeda apologizes. He does straighten. And—

I don’t...think he’s a bad person.

“Let’s start over,” Komaru hears herself suggest. She sticks out her hand. “I’m Naegi Komaru. This is my girlfriend, Touko.”

“Fukawa,” Touko spits out with a sneer, trembling but still following her lead.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Komaru finishes sunnily. “Komaeda-san!”

Slowly, tentatively, Komaeda grips her hand with the flesh one. Even through the gloves, she can tell that it’s a little clammy and quite uncertain. But all the same, the two shake on it, and Komaeda is smiling in a way that’s not just calming, but reassuring.

“Komaru-san,” Komaeda says as he pulls back. “Fukawa-san. It’s nice to meet both of you.”

Touko groaned, rolling her eyes.

“You’re just saying that... This situation isn’t nice at all...”

“I think it’s nice!” Komaru exclaims, clapping. “Now that we’re all acquainted, let’s talk about stuff! Komaeda-san, what kind of manga do you like?”

“Ah.” Komaeda swallowed. “I prefer...novels.”

Touko snorted. “Murakami, I presume?”

“No, no.” Komaeda shook his head. “Yoshimoto-san is more to my tastes. Her works are more...welcoming, aha.”

“They also have a lot of death in them,” Touko remarked, frowning. “I see...so that’s the kind of person you like...”

“Then, you must read Touko-chan’s novels!” Komaru shouted with such force that Komaeda flinched back.

“I-I don’t want to be liked by someone like you!” Touko hissed.

“I do love your novels as well, Fukawa-san,” Komaeda said, much to her horror.

“No! I don’t w-want someone like you to like me!”

“Touko-chan’s working on a novel right now!” Komaru said, getting more excited. “It’s the best one yet! It’s about—!”

Touko screamed, tackling Komaru to the ground to cover her mouth furiously. Screeching unintelligible garble all the while. Komaru flailed and struggled, and then—a bright burst of laughter.

“N-No, no, sorry, sorry,” Komaeda wheezed, covering his own mouth and shaking. With a flushed face and sparkling eyes, such a look of joy was enough to get the girls separating and flustered.

“...there is an I-novel I finished a couple of years back,” Touko found herself grumbling. “Naegi liked it...so you’ll probably like it, too.”

“You really think so?” Komaeda asked, squeaked, almost, and his blush darkened. “I-I mean...”

“You’ll like it so much it’ll make you want to puke,” Touko was seething, now. “So—I expect you to read the whole thing! Beginning to end! Twice, even!”

“A-Ah...”

“A-And tell me your thoughts!” she demanded. “Every single one! No matter how shitty or scummy! Do it!”

“O-Okay, Fukawa-san...!”

Watching them, Komaru’s grin was wide enough to split her face.

It’ll be fine, she thinks as the two banter and bicker. I’m sure of it.

[lost-soul-of-silver]

Ayyy for that character meme, do Khoury, Lyra, and Bede :p

I LOVE YOU

This is going under a cut cuz this gets lengthy lol

Khoury

How do I feel about this character: Honestly idk why I like him so much. Yeah, I’ll admit he’s bland, boring character-of-the-day material but I always saw some potential in him. At the point he debuted we never really saw any reserved, anxious, pessimistic characters in the anime and being reserved and anxious myself, I found him relatable. Traveling alongside Lyra, who’s almost his exact opposite, he’d be able to grow a lot--hell, in the couple episodes he’s in he even shows some growth! Seeing a bit more of their journey, maybe through Chronicles-esque episodes or something, would’ve been really interesting and I’ll forever be annoyed that they passed up on that opportunity.

What do I like/admire about this character: He’s shy and easily scared but also has a hidden brave side that wants to see and learn new things. I’m honestly not sure how much of that is actually headcanon lol but that’s the impression I get from him.

What do I dislike about this character: ...Yeah I got nothing

Favourite moment for this character: Surprisingly hard to narrow it down haha. I liked when he caught Gible and also when he accepted Lyra’s invite to travel with him.

Who I ship romantically with this character and why: Mainly just Lyra, because I feel their contrasting personalities balance each other out but they still find ways to support each other unconditionally.

Who are my platonic ships for this character and why: Lyra for the same reasons as above. Marina, because out of everyone in the New Bark Squad (Khoury, Lyra, Jimmy, Marina, and Vincent), I feel she and Khoury are the most mellow, which I know is saying a lot considering Marina’s a world-famous Idol haha. Jimmy, because like Lyra, he pushes Khoury to become more confident and bold and chase his dreams. And Vincent, because he’s got clever jokes and puns that only someone of Khoury’s IQ is capable of appreciating. Also, Brock is a great mentor to him and I like thinking about their dynamic. (There’s a lot of others but they’re all basically crack platonic pairs and I won’t get into it lol)

Things done in fanfiction with this character that annoy me: I’ve read one fic where Khoury was an asshole. Like, I know he’s a little negative but REALLY

Things done in fanfiction with this character I want to see more of: Him. Just him. Please acknowledge the boy unlike the anime writers/producers.

Lyra

How do I feel about this character: I adore her, she’s so precious and funny! I liked that she collected Gym Badges and it irks me that she just got thrown aside as a walking-talking HGSS advertisement because she’s one of the rare cases of a female Trainer collecting Badges. Her matchmaking bit is funny, she’s snarky and has clever battle techniques from what we’ve seen. It would’ve been great to see how she fares on her own journey with Khoury, and how it’s similar yet different to Ash on his travels.

What do I like/admire about this character: As I said, she’s funny and clever and rather snarky as well. And I love her energy. Judging from the cave bit in the Gible episode, I get the feeling she’s the type to act confident but actually scares easily, which I like in contrast to Ash’s seemingly constant, never-wavering bravery.

What do I dislike about this character: Her whole “ohhh Ash is amazing!!” thing bugged me a little, and she’s pretty hypocritical too. Calling Dawn “Dane” also annoyed me as well. I didn’t see the point of it.

Favourite moment for this character: The part in the Gible episode when she’s alone in the cave and Khoury comes to rescue her. I also like all the times she’s all flirty with Khoury c:

Who I ship romantically with this character and why: Mainly Khoury. Same explanation as above.

Who are my platonic ships for this character and why: The whole New Bark Squad. Already explained why with Khoury and Jimmy, Marina, and Vincent are all like older siblings to her. Or, as Lyra would put it: Marina and Jimmy are like the squad’s Mom and Dad and Vincent is the weird uncle. Lmao. I liked her relationship with Dawn and even Ash, too! I feel like she could be friends with anybody so I platonically ship her with everyone haha.

Things done in fanfiction with this character that annoy me: Making her really passive? I don’t know, I can’t describe it but I’ve read a few stories where she’s basically a doormat and it makes no sense. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anyone write Anime!Lyra, though.

Things done in fanfiction with this character I want to see more of: Her spunky personality.

Bede

How do I feel about this character: I honestly didn’t like him at first cuz I thought his design was ugly, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then I became kinda indifferent, like “yeah okay you’re here,” and now he’s one of my favorite characters ever.

What do I like/admire about this character: he pretty. I also like his team lineup and his character development, even if I don’t like the progression of his development.

What do I dislike about this character: His character development felt rushed and mostly off-screen, and also only available in DLC? Like he destroys the mural, doesn’t show remorse for it until the Isle of Armor, gets taken in by Opal to succeed her as Gym Leader... and then disappears until the Champion Cup. It didn’t feel like he made much impact as a character before becoming Gym Leader, aside from influencing Hop’s character arc.

Favourite moment for this character: “PINK! PINK! AND PINK!” God I was pissing myself from laughinbg

Who I ship romantically with this character and why: Gloria. It’s mostly because of fanart lol. But his admiration for the protagonist and determination for surpassing them, and how he gets so riled up about it, contributes to me liking them together. I kinda also ship him with Hop (enemies to loversss) and Marnie, but not so much Victor.

Who are my platonic ships for this character and why: Gloria, Hop, Victor, and Marnie. I just imagine that they’re a group of fucking trainwrecks raising hell together and I love it.

Things done in fanfiction with this character that annoy me: I’ve noticed a lot of writers seem to confuse “troubled teenager being snobby and conceited” with “cruel and abusive” and therefore characterize Bede that way and sometimes it’s disgusting. Especially post-character development Bede?

Things done in fanfiction with this character I want to see more of: I’m at a loss here lol, Ao3 has some AMAZING writers that basically satisfy my Bede needs

[waytoosocial]

Best Way To get Out of Friendzone

I was actually awkward when it came to girls. (I’m still fairly awkward, however I’m undoubtedly higher than I used to be.) Back then, I had my eye on a girl. We’d started out as associates, however the extra time I spent together with her, the extra I found myself pondering

“We would make an unbelievable couple.”

I thought I had a shot - we had a connection, we made one another snicker, and it seemed like we might inform each other anything. But I couldn’t work up the nerve to inform her, so I just waited, hoping someday she’d determine it out on her own.

One evening, we had been getting one thing to eat. I went to the bathroom, and after I got here back, there was a man standing by our table hitting on her. I walked up and the man began to apologize and back off, pondering I was her boyfriend, and that’s when she dropped the bomb:

“Oh, don’t fear about him. He’s only a friend.”

I used to be crushed. To make matters worse, I had to sit on the desk and play the “buddy” role while some man flirted with the lady I preferred, proper in entrance of my face. I sat there listening to her guffawing at this man’s dumb jokes, and I bear in mind considering to myself:

“If she doesn’t like me, who will?”

I was within the friend zone.

It was humiliating. I used to be so hurt and embarrassed by it that I finished asking her to hang out. I couldn’t fake to be just buddies with her anymore, and I definitely didn’t wish to watch her flirt with somebody else again.

Despite the fact that I stepped again, I stored holding out hope that she would attain out to me. I had this fantasy that she would text to inform me she missed me and ask what was unsuitable, and I’d be capable of inform her (by way of textual content, as a result of I had zero confidence) how I felt about her.

But after a few weeks of moping and continually checking my phone to see if she’d texted (she hadn’t), I figured that was it.

“IN MY MIND IT WAS OVER”

I swore that I wouldn’t be put in that place again. I didn’t know exactly why she wasn’t interested, however I knew there needed to be something. Ladies at all times talk about eager to be with their greatest friend, so obviously something about me made her think twice. I made a aware choice to embrace the issues about myself that I favored most and improve the issues that I didn’t.

I hit the gymnasium (and lost 20 pounds in the course of). I realized find out how to prepare dinner and started reading extra, doing things that would make me a extra effectively-rounded person (no pun intended). I put more effort into my appearance - after I misplaced the weight, I had to buy new garments, so I restocked my wardrobe with nicer clothes that might assist me look my best.

I also learn up on the psychology of relationship - I wanted to learn from my errors so I wouldn’t repeat them. And study I did. Right here’s a partial listing of the errors I made:

I Was Her Emotional Crutch I was giving her all of the emotional advantages of being in a relationship, but it surely was a one-way avenue - she didn’t have to do something to earn them. I used to be her emotional placeholder till she may discover her dream guy.

I Was Too Good By continually doing issues for her, I thought I’d show my value as a possible boyfriend. But what I referred to as me being a pleasant guy was really me being a doormat. [R] I simply bent over backwards to do what she wanted, without ever contemplating what I wanted.

I Let Her Think I Just Wished To Be Mates I never made a move. Individuals are naturally resistant to vary, so the minute she decided we have been just friends, I was screwed. Everything I did from then on didn’t make her assume “Perhaps he’d be an incredible boyfriend,” it simply strengthened her perception that I was an excellent friend.

I Was Always Round It doesn't matter what I was doing, I’d drop all the pieces to hang out with her. After some time, she wasn’t excited to see me - I was just the individual she’d call when she was bored and needed company.

I most likely made a lot more errors, but these had been the massive ones.

Anyway, I started going out with different pals; once I did, as a result of I was feeling higher about myself, I was extra confident. And that confidence led to me getting more dates with different girls.

Eventually, by mutual friends, phrase of the “new me” acquired back to the woman I liked. Out of the blue, she began texting me again and asking to hold out. I figured she simply missed having her buddy around, so I got here up with an excuse the first two times. Lastly, I gave in.

Once I noticed her, it was like night time and day from what our relationship used to be. She kept saying how nice I regarded and teasing me about what a “player” I’d become. Sooner or later, I made some dumb joke, and she or he began giggling. It was exactly how she was laughing the night that guy had flirted with her proper in front of me.

We began hanging out more, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up, and I actually didn’t need to undergo that heartbreak once more if it turned out she still wasn’t into me. Plus, why go to all that effort after I was having (reasonable) success in the courting pool, you understand?

One night time, we have been hanging out, and she or he told me she had a confession: “I all the time felt a strong connection with you, but before, I noticed you as a buddy or a brother. However one thing’s modified with you, and I actually like it. You’re a stunning stallion of a man.” (She didn’t say that final half, however she did kiss me.)

We dated for a little while, however it wasn’t meant to be - I had a tough time letting go of Getting Out of Friendzone the past. The old me in all probability would’ve been thrilled simply to have a shot with her, however the new, extra-confident me thought, “If I’m good enough for her now, I ought to’ve been adequate for her then.”

However that’s beside the point.

Once I first received tossed into the pal zone, I had zero hope that I’d ever get out of it. I thought I used to be destined to be the man buddy you see in films: the one who’s madly in love with the girl, only she doesn’t see it despite the fact that he’s proper below her nose. I just hoped that ultimately, someone would realize it. However once she broke my coronary heart, I knew I had to stop ready round and hoping good things would happen to me - I needed to take management of my life. And even though it didn’t work out along with her, I’m happier than ever. And if I can get out of the buddy zone, belief me, anybody can.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 12/07 NXT 12/09 NXT UK 12/10 Smackdown 12/11

Raw:

Nia hyping up Shayna. That’s nice.

Shayna vs Asuka should’ve been a ppv match during Asuka’s reign. They don’t seem to care that much about protecting Shayna in tag matches, as she always eats the pin, so I’m not sure why they protect her so much in singles. She submitted Asuka (along with everyone else) in the elimination chamber, Asuka should want to prove herself better than Shayna. This is why I liked Becky’s reign, I loved the aspect of her collecting her debts against people who had wronged her, and the sideplates of the former champions she beat. That jacket was dope. The story was dope.

Man Shayna is so strong, that girl is built like a bull. I swear her bmi must be as low as Bayley’s.

How did Shayna of all people make taking a release German suplex look better than like a dozen other women in the past year? Good for her. Knows how to actually jump.

Lol so Lana willingly jumps onto Nia’s shoulders in the position of a powerbomb, and as Nia is walking her over to the announce desk, Lana sends Nia into it with a headscissors takedown. That’s great.

Lana’s just running away lmao.

Shayna just ate an L via rollup. See? Protection.

I was gonna force myself to sit through Dana’s backstage segment with Ricochet, but then Riddle popped up, and honestly? Can’t be bothered.

Welp I don’t do mixed tag matches unless they’re compelling... which this is not.

Hate: Asuka being a cheerleader for fucking Lana. She is the Raw women’s champion, does anyone remember this??? Terrible stuff.

Love: Asuka leaving Lana with some stupid mantra to repeat to herself before Lana turns to find herself face to face with Nia. Great stuff.

Nia just shaking her head as Lana slowly, oh so slowly, backs away. Fantastic. See this would all be a compelling midcard feud if the Raw women’s title wasn’t involved, is that a fair complaint? I feel like that’s a fair complaint.

Points to Nia for not breaking.

Highlight: Nia intimidating Lana backstage by merely looking at her

---

NXT:

Toni claims Ember stole her thunder, and honestly? I can see it. They both moved (back, in Ember’s case) to nxt the same night, and which one was given the promo time in the middle of the ring to start off the following week’s show? Not Toni. Who was propelled into a feud almost immediately against Dakota, a top player? Not Toni. Who got the opportunity to share the ring with former nxt champion Rhea in the main event? Not Toni.

Well apparently Io doesn’t like Toni lmao.

Io sets Toni up for the moonsault, and Toni rolls out of the ring. I criticize wwe for being predictable, but I’m gonna be honest when I say that I did NOT predict Ember running down from out of nowhere just to topple Toni. That was great. Shame this is absolutely leading to a tag match.

So Ember rolls Toni back into the ring and Io hits the moonsault... and then proceeds to pin her before she realizes what she’s doing and rolls off lol. Should’ve just committed, crowd would’ve counted to 3 for her and it would’ve been great.

That’s right Raquel, go destroy Ember in the name of Dakota. Can’t believe my second favorite performer on that roster isn’t there tonight. BLASPHEMY.

Xia out here striking wooden pegs and I can actually see the purpose. Boa getting the shit beat out of him? Not understanding the point there. They call it penance, but Wade is right, looks like torture. Guess it’s more of a mental thing though, right? Break the nerves and sensitivity?

*The Way celebrates their TakeOver victories* No.

Wow Ember gets the main event match again? Man, yikes for Toni. Cool for Raquel though, this is the furthest she’s gone in her singles career without Dakota.

That Eclipse onto those 2 chairs was brutal, Dakota is a trooper.

I really dislike Ember’s persona, and I would love to see her be humbled. She did jack shit on the MR and has the audacity to run back to nxt beaming with arrogance?

Nice, Raquel hits Ember with a boot to the midsection as Ember’s in midair, and she flies back a few feet. Impactful.

Why is Ember selling her lower back? Is that genuine? An ongoing injury, or something from WarGames?

Kind of a slow moving headscissors into a tornado ddt, but it’s such a beautiful move that I don’t even care.

Does Ember typically do her suicide dive through the bottom and second rope? If so, I’m beginning to understand why hers looks so friggin brutal. Peeps going through the second and top rope always kind of gracefully land on their opponents. Ember looks like a missile.

That’s cool; Ember’s crazy ass was climbing up some metal thing, Raquel goes over and pulls her off, Ember lands perfectly on Raquel’s shoulder in a one armed fireman’s carry, then Raquel tosses her face first into the ring post. Ember landed perfectly on the apron, too. Good spot.

Raquel is dangling through the ropes with her head near the ring post and Ember charges at her on the apron. Raquel eats a knee to the side of the head but puts her hand up between her and the ring post so she doesn’t accidentally smack her head against it. She’s very safe and aware of her surroundings, I’m noticing. That’s gonna take her really far.

That was a good match. I can see why Raquel is getting set up for a push. She’s safe, strong, sells well, has an intimidating look, and is serviceable on the mic. I can see the appeal.

Toni’s come to deliver a receipt to the receipt she received herself.

LMFAO Toni goes to pull up Ember and jumps when she hears Rhea’s music. That history runs DEEP. That was hilarious, she genuinely looks shook.

Oh that focus in Rhea’s eyes is great. Man she’s come so far this past year.

Rhea is such a solid babyface. She does all the right things as a leader of the division would without going overboard and coming off as a doormat. Asuka is the complete opposite; does nothing to help her division from unfair shenanigans, and when she does, she come off as an idiot.

Man that tension between Rhea and Toni is thick. They’re like the same age too, right? Their futures will be heavily entwined.

...Alright well honestly I was more enchanted by the concept of a Rhea/Toni feud, even though we’ve seen that like 3 times, than a rehash of Rhea/Raquel. I knew this was coming, but you’re kind of killing my vibe, here.

I actually really liked the Raquel/Rhea fight but I feel like they have subzero heat outside of an actual match. They suck at hyping a future fight between each other. Basically they’re the exact opposite as Rhea/Toni, since Rhea and Toni have like... never had a good match, yet always know how to sell one to me anyway lmao.

Highlight: Ember vs Raquel

---

NXT UK:

Jinny out here calling Piper a wild animal lol. Her in-match dialogue sucks, but I’m here for her as a promo.

“[Isla] has yet to really kick out of first gear [...] what does Isla Dawn need to do to keep her momentum moving forward?” She needs to literally move out of first gear and work on her stamina, holy shit. She’s one of the weakest in the cardio department imo.

Since I’m already being critical, Xia is super overhyped and I need everyone to calm down. She has a lot to work on before she should even be considered midcard.

Yes sure, Xia has technical fundamentals and literally nothing else. Oh she’s only 22? That makes more sense. Man the UK stars are young lol.

We’ve finally moved past wrist locks, miracles have occurred.

Imagine being a kickboxer and not utilizing that in your arsenal. Look at that, suddenly I’m actually being entertained by Isla for the first time. More miracles have occurred.

Xia “look at my fundamentals” Brookside, can you please explain who you’re yelling ‘come on’ to? There is literally nobody there. Are you hyping me up? Hm?? Hyping me up for another hurricanrana???

Xia very obviously helped roll Isla out of the ring there.

I really need announcers to stop assuming every wrestler is about to do a suicide dive/is gonna fly/do a high risk move. It’s seldom they toss out this assumption and are wrong, but every time I’ve seen it the performer went to do a mere baseball slide beneath the bottom rope, having typically never performed a suicide dive before.

That was awkward. Isla did no offense as Xia went to grab her off the ground, but Xia backed off and just looked at her. Then Xia no sells a punch to the midsection. ???

Oddly enough, suitcase luggage being delivered ring side isn’t the strangest thing I’ve seen in this match.

So they’re props for a mid-match promo from Nina meant to distract Xia. Distracted Xia turns around and eats an awkwardly slow kick to the neck, which she awkwardly sells, before Isla wins with a... back body drop?? What a finish :/

Highlight: That fleeting moment where Isla entertained me

---

Smackdown:

Sasha gets to kick off the show? That’s a first.

Saw someone today say that Sasha only works as a babyface if she’s an underdog or if she’s generally more of a “fun” character. Said there was no positive energy around her as a babyface right now. Honestly her character sucks.

Also saw someone claim Carmella was a better version of Sasha and I’m not disagreeing with that sentiment. They should probably be on different brands in their current characters.

“How fast can I make Carmella cry” Sasha sweetie, you are the last person that should be mentioning making someone cry.

God she even has that stamp. Why is this girl not a heel? What the hell are wwe doing pushing Charlotte and Sasha as babyfaces? They gonna try to turn Becky heel again if she comes back before crowds return? Imagine a world where Charlotte and Sasha are babyfaces while Bayley and Becky are running around as heels. oof. 75% of the way there.

Carmella is great, truly. One of the best promos in the women’s division, probably in my top 3 tbh. Glad to see her relevant in the spotlight once again.

They really are 2 sides of the same damn coin.

Sasha shouldn’t need Bayley to prop her up anymore. Enough of that well. It’s bone dry.

To be honest, it does still feel like Bayley’s show; it does still feel like she runs things, and that’s a testament to not only her booking and her massive success over the past year, but also to how she carries herself and how far her character has come. She’s absolutely on par with Becky and Charlotte now imo (which is why I wanted her to win the Royal Rumble and potentially main event night one of WrestleMania, but I digress) she’s beyond the need of having a title to be the main attraction. I never thought the 3 of them would all surpass Sasha in accolades, star power, and promo skills... but here we are.

Bayley back there talking shit about Bianca rofl.

Omg that captain thing was great. Bayley is creative and fun, and knows how to keep herself from becoming stagnant or dull. Points to Bayley.

Oh Bianca kept those insults from last week’s online exclusive. I love when wwe tests shit in online exclusives, sees the reaction, and then has the talent run that same promo/interview on tv the next week. This happens constantly. Love it.

Friggin love Bianca’s shirt. wwe should’ve printed out a ton of them. I would’ve copped the coin for it.

Girl has legit receipts rofl alright.

Called Nattie the boat. Subtly hyping up her coworkers. Solid.

Lmao Bianca ran Bayley off with her receipts. This is fun. This is a fun feud.

“I’m gonna beat the disrespect out of Sasha,” that’s a good line.

See Carmella has been doing that cackle long before Sasha started it up, and she’s better at it too. Sasha just needs to change things.

Why is Carmella calling Reggie ‘Tommy’? Is this like a dig at his name not mattering or was that a screw up? Couldn’t have been a screw up, she would’ve improvised. Do I have his name wrong? Am I the dumb one???

I need to start watching Raw Talk and Talking Smack. They won’t be a part of these “reviews” (ramblings) but still. I feel like I’m missing out on a lot of fun.

So I know this partnership between Nattie and Billie Kay is super temporary, but I still find it curious.

Okay so Liv tags in Ruby, runs to her, and Ruby sweeps up Liv into a wheelbarrow before Liv rolls through and trips Ruby, driving her into Billie Kay’s midsection. I’m gonna be honest guys, stuff like that is cool to see, but you could’ve literally just speared Billie Kay and saved everyone a ton of time and effort. Work smarter not cooler. Maybe situationally that potentially wouldn’t be terrible, but that was terrible tonight.

“Natalya probably the most powerful in this matchup” lol SIR. Natalya is probably the most powerful in the entire main roster, and only Bianca could be a contradiction. Curious to know which one is stronger, pound for pound and in general.

...Is Ruby okay? I’m concerned. She goes to give Billie Kay a Riott kick before Liv even gets her part of their combo finisher in, and then after she delivers her Riott kick, she crawls over to Natalya’s corner. Was Natalya not in place for a spot or something? Is Ruby on 4 shots of espresso too many??

This match was serviceable. Obviously it’s meant to merely advance Billie Kay’s storyline, so.

*Mario Lopez weighs in on Sasha vs Carmella* I’m good thnx.

Was... was that sheet real? Does Carmella actually dance behind a real sheet that drops down for her to walk down the ramp??

Man I gotta hear Sasha’s awful remix twice tonight, shame.

Lol how is Carmella being a WrestleMania battle royal winner more impressive/important than her being a champion for like 100 fucking days??? She has wins over Asuka, Becky, and Charlotte. THAT is more impressive than winning that stupid battle royal. 

I guess I can see why Sasha being Snoop Dogg’s cousin is more important than some of her previous accolades, but jfc Carmella resume to casual viewers is dumb.

Someone in the audience had their camera pointed up to a ceiling fan and you know what? Points to that person.

I like the countering of each others’ submissions. Both scouted their opponent well.

Carmella will always be such a natural trash talker with a snappy attitude in the ring. I’m not saying her current gimmick is bad, but the trash talking princess of Staten Island will always live inside of her.

Minor petpeeve: I dislike when wwe cuts to commercial during a 10 count.

Sasha was not manipulated into tonight’s match, nor was her hand forced. Her ego spoke for itself.

Sasha has really graceful footing. She reminds me of a cat.

“Banks might have a dislocated shoulder after that,” “and if that’s the case, there’s no way Sasha can lock in the bank statement,” fun fact: Sasha went into her elimination chamber match in 2019 with a fucked up shoulder. She also ended that match the victor by locking in a modified bank statement using one arm and a bent leg. It was creative, it was cool, and it worked.

History tells me that when Carmella starts letting her frustration in a match show, she will lose rather soon after. That’s where we’re at.

“vintage Sasha” SHE’S 28 YEARS OLD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT

Peep that Sasha slid herself back so Carmella could grab her as she climbed up the turnbuckles. Knows her spot.

Don’t do a jackknife cover on Carmella, you’re setting yourself up for the code of silence so damn easily.

Good transition into the bank statement though.

Good progression into a dq by Sasha as well.

OH SHIT Carmella just broke a fucking bottle of champagne over Sasha’s back. Is that gimmicked? Holy hell. It has to be right? That’s why it was a different color??

What a sound effect, oof. Oh Sasha’s selling that real well.

Lmao Carmella goes over and pours herself a glass, says “that’s good, really good,” before shaking the bottle all over commentary and Sasha. Carmella’s great at every character she plays, lesbireal.

Carmella needs to hop on down to nxt and teach those women how to trash talk in a match without fucking up. She’s fantastic.

Wow here’s Greg to FINALLY announce the winner. Yikes announcer, yikes.

This was fun.

Highlight: Carmella in general was fantastic tonight

---

*Smackdown easily shined the brightest. Everything was vastly entertaining and women dominated throughout the entire show. Loving the progression of everyone’s characters sans Sasha, but her match with Carmella was fun nonetheless.

[glitterisevil-blog]

What Christmas Means to Me

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” or so the song goes. But not if you’re someone who has mild Aspergers, OCD, or an awkward combination of the two. Even as I write this I’m acutely aware that I’m about to make myself sound like the biggest arsehole known to mankind, but I wanted to share this post to give people a bit of an insight into the way my brain works, and so that when I’m being particularly “un-festive” in the run up to Christmas, there’s a bit more understanding around why. I’m not just being a twat, I’m really not. There are elements of it that I genuinely struggle to cope with.

 Anybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder or anyone who has a family member on this spectrum will know how difficult certain life situations can be. I’ve read about families who can’t have a Christmas tree, or can’t unwrap presents because they have children with severe Autism who find the whole thing far too stressful. 

Now, at no point here am I implying that this is my situation, nor am I looking to enter into any sort of woe-off contest with any readers of this post. This isn’t about me wanting sympathy; it’s about being able to express my feelings. Year after year I’ve been labelled a Grinch because I’m not skipping through Tesco whistling Jingle Bells whilst cheerfully stockpiling boxes of Quality Street, nor will you find me watching Muppet’s Christmas Carol the minute that Bonfire Night is done with. And I need to explain why…

 As long as I can remember I’ve found the concept of ambiguity quite stressful, and I detest having a lack of control over things. Everyday stuff that most people do without a second thought can cause me untold degrees of angst.

For example, imagine I had to park in a car park in an unfamiliar town, in order to catch a train somewhere. It wouldn’t be enough to just turn up and park there, oh no. I’d need to look online to see how many spaces the car park had to evaluate my chances of getting a space. I’d then need to understand the payment system in advance. Do I take a ticket and pay upon exit? Or do I pay upon entering? If so, will they take my card or will I need coins? Does the car park have a one way system or not? If that car park is full, where is the nearest back-up car park and what’s the distance from the train station? Should I just assume the worst and leave the house twenty minutes earlier than planned in case I need to use that back up car park and then have to walk to the station to get my train on time? It’s unlikely that I’d sleep particularly well the night before the journey either, with much of this going around in my head.

And inevitably, I turn up with plenty of time to spare, grab a coffee on the platform, and catch my train, just like all the normal folk. Everyone just assumes I’m really organised. It takes a lot of cortisol for me to appear this organised.

 So, onto Christmas…descending on us each year like a giant, expensive, tinsel-covered cold sore that we all felt erupting but had no power to stop. Here’s the bit where I make myself sound like a moaning, ungrateful bastard as I list the things I can’t cope with about Christmas. To all those “Buddy the Elf” types amongst you – pin back those pointy ears and brace yourselves….

  Christmas cards

I can’t even express how delighted I was a few years back, when the trend to donate to charity rather than send Christmas cards became a thing. I seem to recall that there may have been some actual air punching involved! Perhaps I’d now be spared the ordeal of cards infiltrating my home over December, sneaking in slowly and nestling themselves Trojan horse style between the electricity bills and bank letters. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to see as many of them lying there on my doormat alluringly, expecting to be unsheathed, admired and displayed in my home for all to see. Well no, I’m not spared that ordeal. Because the majority of people will still send cards, because they think it’s nice for me to receive a card, assuring me that they really want me to have a merry Christmas.

 Someone should pass an Act of Parliament that forces manufacturers to make Christmas cards a uniform size, shape and colour, and then perhaps I might have a chance at a merry Christmas. As it goes, I spend most of December putting them up and continually rearranging them in some semblance of size and shape order, until a new one appears in a random colour or format (a fucking purple star shaped card this year – seriously?!) and throws the entire display into chaos. Don’t even get me started on cards with glitter on FFS.  If you want me to have a merry Christmas, just tell me via text, email or Facebook and then I’ll know that you really mean it.

 Christmas trees and decorations

One day I will live in a mansion that could easily be the main feature article in Ideal Homes magazine. It will have a lounge the size of a church hall, with sleek polished wooden floors that would be the envy of any bowling alley. This lounge will contain nothing but a large sofa, a wall mounted television, a coffee table, and a textured rug. When this day comes, I might consider the concept of a massive, brightly coloured, flashing Christmas tree encroaching on my space. Whilst I live in a modest house, with a small lounge, that looks like an overflow warehouse for Toys R Us due to the amount of baby-related shit that already takes up an entire corner, I’m not entertaining one.

Based on my feelings towards a tree, I’m sure you don’t need me to explain why I won’t drape tinsel round my windows, or have a 2ft high, battery operated snowman in the house that talks to you each time you walk past it.

 Presents

This is the bit that carries the most immense guilt for me because it’s the part I really wish that I could enjoy. Those amazing people that you love dearly and who love you back, have taken time out of their busy week to spend their hard earned cash on choosing a gift for you. They’ve taken the knowledge that they have about you - the colours you like, the interests you have, your shoe size or body shape – and have used it to select a gift that’s just for you. That’s just lovely.

Except its not lovely if you’re me. Because now, a collection of unfamiliar items that I didn’t need or ask for have invaded my “safe space.”

And as well as now having to find homes for all these items, I’m also expected to show delight and gratitude to the giver of each item, and make up nonsense along the lines of “wow I’ve wanted one of these for ages!” when presented with a fucking spiraliser. This, my husband tells me, is what polite and normal people say at Christmas when presented with a gift.

Spoiler alert: I’ve not wanted one for ages, I’m sorry to tell you that this is a barefaced lie. Had this been the case I would already own one, as by now I would’ve identified some deep, primal urge to carve courgettes into the shape of spaghetti, and then trotted along to John Lewis to buy whichever gadget best made this happen.

So we can all safely assume that the fact that I didn’t already own a spiraliser means that I didn’t really want a spiraliser. But that’s a moot point because now I have one. And I have to store it somewhere in my house logical enough to convince the giver that I will use it (like the cutlery draw) and not somewhere unconvincing (like the wheelie bin) but each time I go to get a fork from the draw, seeing that bastard spiraliser sat there taking up space will remind me that I’m a horrible, ungrateful person who doesn’t deserve nice people in my life.

Now, gift cards are great, because they mean that I am in full control of all the purchases that will come into my house, and such purchases will cross the threshold following a great deal of prior consideration like whether they are needed, where they will live, and how they will be used. The beauty of the gift card is that if it happens to be for somewhere that I won’t ever shop, then I can simply choose not to use it, or re-gift it to someone who will. Yes, gift cards are good.

 Food

Franz Kafka once said that so long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. So based on this logic, during the month of December I must have solved more questions than The Beast, The Governess, and The Dark Destroyer from The Chase put together, because I literally DID NOT STOP EATING.

Food and drink are my Achilles heel, cheese especially so. Wine definitely. So having copious quantities of them around the house within easy spreading and pouring distance makes for a very difficult and uncontrolled time of year for me.

If I could merely enjoy them for what they were, and worry about the weight gain in January like everyone else does then it wouldn’t be as stressful. But that’s not how someone like me works, with my daily (sometimes twice daily) weigh ins, or my need to exercise excessively at the gym to erase the calories from a “bad” food day. Food should be enjoyed and respected. It should be shared with friends and family. It should be fuel for exercise. Food should not take the form of a tin of Roses, shovelled with wild abandon into your mouth, one after another, until you feel so violently ill that you have to put yourself to bed to resist the urge to throw them all up and start again like some sort of Roman emperor.

My unhealthy relationship with food can pretty much be kept in check from January to November because at no other point in the year do people find it acceptable to bring home a 24 pack of mince pies every time they nip to the garage for diesel. At no other point do we give ourselves carte blanche to get as fat as we want because we’re supposed to “eat drink and be merry” at this time of year. The entire concept of excessive Christmas eating, for me, dredges up far too many demons that I’d rather not face. Except not only am I expected to face them, I’m expected to welcome them in, pour them a Baileys and offer them a Ferrero Rocher because these demons have Christmas fucking jumpers on. It’s bollocks.

 So there you have it, a little glimpse of what it’s like to live inside my head over the festive period. And nobody needs to remind me of how unbelievably lucky I am to have these “problems” at Christmas because I already know this to be true, which only serves to compound the feelings of guilt that I feel when I read some of this back.

Next Christmas my son will be 18mths old and will want the WORKS! A huge tree adorned with glittery ornaments, Santa’s “snowy” footprints stomped out in the lounge, gaudy stockings hung up on the fireplace. So it’s possibly time I addressed all of these issues. Or at least some of them. I draw the line at tinsel.

[shadowwolf75]

Silver and Proto, in the hours before the end of the Old World. In which they’re maybe a little salty about humans but it’s certainly justified . . . I don’t know, I got the first bit of the conversation in my head and it just rolled from there, so here it is. Enjoy, OneShot fandom...

“Why are you still down here? You should’ve evacuated days ago.”

“I could ask the same of you, Silverpoint.”

“It’s Silver, and it’s not like they’re going to send a recall order to someone who’s still considered a ‘potential danger’.”

“Or more to the point, there was one. From your creator herself, but you’ve been ignoring it.”

“Like the messages I know you’ve been sent? From the Author? From your siblings? They probably actually need you, you know...”

“Hmmph, they have that glorified greeter bot. Why would they need the real thing when a copy’s good enough?”

“As a copy of someone, I should have the right to be more offended, but you’re just trying to get a rise out of me. A copy might exist, but they’re still not you... the fact that I am very much NOT Kip Silverpoint is proof enough of that. Your family, they’ll want you with them when the world finally ends.”

“Family? Some family, the Author didn’t even--”

“Do you have any idea how angry he was, when he first found out? I do, I was there, still waiting in Refuge for new orders when I heard shouting from my creator’s lab. He said it was stupid, that they had you already... and that by the plans even existing you would know eventually. You would find out and hate it, and hate them for the very idea.”

“If he was so against it, then why was that other model still built?”

“Because the Council are idiots and my creator’s a doormat! Of course she would’ve gone along with it, if they convinced her she was making up for...” She paused, winced for a second, then kept talking. “...if she was making up for me, for what a disaster my activation was.”

There was a sigh from the shorter robot, even as his optic was glowing a bit brighter. “Ugh, will you look at us? Textbook examples of the disadvantages of taming; both of us all torn up inside simply due to humans being inconsiderate. Well, you’re here to take me to the Author and you won’t accept no for an answer, correct? Let’s get moving, then, before I see some way out of this that doesn’t involve scrapping myself.”

“How did you even-- oh, right, prophet and all. So, you’ll come with me to Refuge?”

“On one condition: after you take me there, you’re going to see Dr. Silverpoint. If I’m going to my family, then you should be with yours.”

“Tch, fine. Now let’s get going, there’s probably not much time left...”

[tehrin]

Political type of thoughts below the cut. Stuff I feel compelled to share but can’t really post it on facebook.

My parents and a large, sizeable chunk of my family are very right and very conservative in their views. Not to mention racist AF. Growing up, I had a lot of these kinds of opinions and views. I distinctly remember my mom talking on the phone to a friend and mentioning how “conservative” I was. I didn’t really understand what that meant at the time, or if I really was? Was I just going along with what my family believed so that I didn’t make any waves? Making waves with my mom meant you were going to have an awful time, and it wasn’t like the time I was having was all that splendid as it was. There was a vitrol sort of hatred toward my aunt and her views, but I never really understood why. Her daughter, my cousin, was in art school and was really cool. She was the cool aunt who liked to sew and bake and it was always fun going to her house for holidays until my mom snapped and severed contact with her. Looking at her facebook and what she posts, I understand why it would’ve gotten under my mom’s skin. I leaned republican because that’s what my parents were, but thankfully I wasn’t 18 yet and they weren’t really active voters. I didn’t vote in my 1st election in 2000. I just remember being sheltered. Not in that restrictive way, but I never really saw much outside the entire frame of reference I lived in. The only traveling I did was for a school club, band, or church youth group related function. My days in high school were spent going to the mall with friends, going to a friends house, going swimming in the summers, roller skating, etc. I was allowed to date though and did stuff like movies. But more often than not, I was mostly exposed to a lot of people who had mindsets that were not too far off from my own. If they were, nobody really talked about those issues. They weren’t really issues being teenagers. My female friends liked boys, my male friends liked girls. I just wanted to date cute boys, have friends, and be better in marching band so people would stop making fun of how much of a bad marcher I was. I didn’t really know many people who were lgbt, or if I did, they hadn’t come out. It was different then. It’s got to be hard now, I’m sure. But it was rarer and harder to come by those days. That was, until my best friend and long-time crush came out, dropped out of school, started dating an older guy from another state that he met online (which was big bad and scary back then in the 90′s). And for me being miss “conservative” church girl, it was kind of really devastating. Looking back, I understand why he did it. But I was awful. I wanted my friend to be saved and come back to Jesus because being gay was a sin wasn’t it? If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time and slap myself. I did some things and said some things that I regret so much. I guess I’m just thankful that despite all of that I can still call him an old friend. We don’t see eachother much because that’s life as an adult. But we met up at an amusement park last year and it was fun hanging out talking about stupid shit and being our old goofy selves. Somewhere between 2000-2004 things started to change. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was going to college, something that most of the people on that side of the family didn’t do, that helped to open my mind a little. Anime conventions and cosplay gave me a chance to travel, to meet people from everywhere and all walks of life. Me being active on the internet during then on forums, blogging, making websites and everything I did gave me a chance to see and hear other points of view. I started to doubt everything I’d grown up in and those viewpoints. It was probably also seeing what Bush was doing to the economy over stupid wars that we are still technically fighting fifteen years later. Oh, I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship sometime in that time period with someone whose family was ultra-conservative and Christian. I was never good enough to be included and he just wanted to control and manipulate me (I was a vulnerable doormat and super-willing to please back then) and I guess that was the beginning of the end for me when it came to holding onto any Christian belief system. I questioned it, I questioned the history of the religion. I questioned why it was so deeply rooted in our politics. So now I’m sitting here, a “filthy liberal”, liking all of my aunts status posts about things I’m not courageous enough to say on facebook. I watched as the people who shop at my store in a very conservative out in the country area were obnoxiously pro-trump. His son did a rally at a restaurant at the end of my shopping plaza that I’d often run to get lunch while I’m working. All I could do besides vote was watch. Now I’m sitting here watching as our government and country is being pulled apart at the seams. People are too distracted by shit-flinging and calling eachother names to realize that none of these people gave two shits about you, your needs and your struggle. They never lived it and they just needed your vote, you’re nothing but a number whether it be a dollar or a vote. I’m afraid, very afraid for what is in store. I’m glad that we do have things like the internet because it allows us both to archive and to inspect and really track what is going on. The rest of the world can watch, see and know. But yet, it allows people to get so distracted by what “the other side” is saying or doing and before they know it, their rights will be gone as well if we don’t do something.  I want to do something. I’m tired of watching. Voting is all I can do and it seems like all my vote is, is a number. A dot of blue in a sea of red. We can’t wait two years, four years to do something. To wait for another political savior figure to come by. By then, it may already be too late. We may already be too far gone as it is. TBH, I’ve been thinking a lot about how if someone like this has come into power and how both the left and the right has gotten far and far more right over time with lifetime senators (people working as senators for as long or longer than I’ve been alive), our systems are extremely flawed. I think everything needs to be rebuilt from the bottom up in a way that represents all people fairly, regardless of viewpoint. It’s the way this system was set up to be originally, but clearly it was not foolproof as we can obviously see. This government no longer serves the people if we can’t pursue life liberty and happiness because we’re too busy scraping the bottom of the barrell and healthcare, food, clean water, safety and security regardless of the amount of melanin in your skin, and a roof over our heads is not considered a basic right but considered to be idk, a luxury like a leather sofa. But yes let’s scream that everyone needs to get a job. That’ll help you. That billionare is the guy that you need he’ll shake things up. He’ll fix things. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see another civil war come out of this. If some global conflict and cheeto fingers don’t press the nuke buttons and fry us all first.

[lilmamaash]

These two past months I’ve lost two of my closest friends, the ones I’ve honestly considered my best friends. i don’t know if it’s because I’m a shitty person myself, but I’ve never been so fucked over in my entire life. Looking back to each of the friendships I’ve had with both of them individually, I can say I was a good friend and I tried my best to do what I can to be one. This is one of my darkest times I’ve ever had to go through, and I’m going through it alone.

- A simple text back would be nice. Saying how you feel towards me would be nice. You don’t just drop someone like that with no explanation. How is that even fair? I apologized for my behavior and still continued to reach out to you and I didn’t even deserve a response? Through all that we’ve been though together, I deserved that much, don’t I?

-- This has been a constant battle of trying to realize my worth and still giving you the benefit of the doubt. I did everything for you, but I was literally only your doormat. Whenever you needed me to pick you up from the hospital the next morning from a night out (without me) because your other friends left you, I came. Whenever one of your friends told me to com pick you up because you were passed out drunk and they were too busy having fun to take care of you, I came. I know friendship doesn’t mean counting favors, and I’ll never think of those times as favors; but being here for me when I say I’m sad or depressed would’ve been really appreciated. Rather than ignoring me or saying, “You’re not depressed,” I needed you to be there for me. I always ask you how you and your family were doing, constantly because I knew you were going through a lot. But like you, I’m dealing with a lot with mine too. Not once have you asked me how my family was doing. It’s the little things that matter. I understand you have a new boyfriend, and I’m beyond happy for you. But hitting me up to see how I’m doing; is that too much to ask for? You canceled on me for my Vegas trip due to finance issues, yet i offered to cover you and you still rejected. How is that when I’ve been planning this trip for months, with you? And yet, here you are going out with the same people who left you when you were drunk and alone, going out to eat at five different places each day. And at this moment, you’re partying with the same people who didn’t have the decency to stop turning up to take care of you, who would rather much call me to pick you up? I know you didn’t value me as a friend and from the looks of it, you could care less about me because you never once show that you loved or cared for me. I’m sitting at home, hurt as fuck and you don’t give two fucks. You already knew I lost someone who I loved and cared for, just as much as you a few weeks before this happened. Now my two best friends canceled on my Vegas trip which was very important to me and also left me alone with unanswered questions and scars.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Are they shitty people? Is this karma for all my wrong doings? Words cannot describe how broken and numb I am right now. Happy fucking birthday to me.