#i couldn’t find any of human seneca that i really liked so i just grabbed what i could find lol

[tequatls-favorite-spoon]

this is alena (al) nightstorm! he’s a lesbian and uses he/she pronouns :)

al is in a poly relationship with two charr, roxana and seneca. tho it’s more like al is dating roxana who is also dating seneca, while al and seneca are just platonic besties :) i don’t have roxana in game rn, but she and seneca are in the storm warband, and they had al join cuz they love her <3

anyway i took like a million pics of al yesterday bc i finally like her look! i originally wanted him to be more butch, but turns out that’s really difficult to do with light armor on f norn lol. still, i think i managed to get pretty masculine? i might try out using m norn for her, but she’s meant to be thin and kinda lanky… and i think the m norn bodies would be too buff :/ anyway i love al and he has a cool hammer :>

fun facts and some extra stuff under the cut! most of it is about al’s non gw2 version, but i want to ramble about her lol (also some old but nice art!)

here’s the fun facts!

al is hispanic

her name used to be neva

his first design was actually a really feminine girly girl type

al, seneca, and roxana were originally going to be a love triangle, but i couldn’t figure out if it should be seneca and al fighting over roxana, or roxana and al fighting over seneca. (tho with the 2nd, it was gonna be seneca and roxana who got together, and al was just gonna be sad, i think?)

then i thought that al and roxana would be a couple, and seneca was just their friend who they’d let come on their dates and stuff. he was an eternal third wheel but like. one that everyone was cool with (mostly. al didn’t really like seneca in this version lol)

eventually i just decided that i liked roxana with both al and seneca, and she has two hands!

as you can guess, al wasn’t originally planned to be a lesbian. i think she was bi? i don’t really remember lol. anyway, his current form started bc i saw people talking about wanting more butch characters, and other people talking about wanting characters who were nb/gnc who didn’t use they/them. since i’d never been super happy with al’s early designs/neva, i decided to just dump that all into him. and tada! i drew her and loved her immediately :)

so here’s some pics from a few years ago! they’re all human here bc this was before i thought about putting them in gw2 lol so al and roxana are on the top row, and seneca’s on the bottom row with both his human and werewolf forms :)

[kyberphilosopher]

Dᴏꜱᴄᴇɴᴅᴏ Dɪꜱᴄɪᴍᴜꜱ

The reader tries to paint the Colossal Titan from memory, and Bertholdt seems to know more than most people. 

Requested: no.

Word Count: 2092

Docendo Discimus is a Latin proverb meaning "by teaching, we learn." It is perhaps derived from Seneca the Younger, who says in his Letters to Lucilius: Homines dum docent discunt., meaning "Men learn when they teach”.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The human body is home to somewhere between six hundred and eight hundred muscles. There are two hundred and six bones, seventy-eight organs, one hundred thousand miles of veins, and roughly ten pints of blood. Every individual cell has a purpose, important and needed for the body to continue to function. 

Assuming the anatomy of a titan was the same to that of the average person’s, the Colossal Titan should be easier to render than this. You’d sketched the face of muscle and teeth over a hundred times by this point, and each one of them seemed to draw further away from realism than you liked. 

Sure, it was arguable that the Colossal just didn’t have the same anatomy in his face as the average human. But then there should’ve been more factors in his face that shouldn’t have worked. 

For example, the monster didn’t possess a muscle called the orbicularis. You could remember that specifically from the time you and your fellow cadets had gotten a bit too close for comfort. But based on the lack of orbicularis, he shouldn’t have been able to blink. And yet, he had. There was also a strange muscle in his temporal region with horizontal fibers, that couldn’t have simply been his temporal. It doesn't seem to have any particular function, either. 

God damn it. It’s appearance should’ve been the one thing about this bastard to make sense, but instead it had confused you just as much as the rest of it. Never mind how smart you were. If you couldn’t solve this simple turned complex mystery, why hold out hope for studying anatomy when the world would return to normalcy?

In your frustration, you slam the paintbrush back into your cup of water. A stain of red clouds erupts in the liquid at once, angry from how direct the solid hits the surface. In front of you, the canvas shines with the new layer of red paint. Beside it is a coat of salmon, also fresh and lined with the titan’s muscles. 

“So stupid,” you hiss, half to yourself. You grab your cadet corps jacket, shrugging it on swiftly before crossing your arms and stepping back. 

It was supposed to be a gift for Eren. He knew you were something of a painter and had once jokingly asked you to make a dart board for him. The moment you conceived this idea, you knew it had to be a stroke of genius. But you wanted to get it right, and for that, the artist and realist inside of you seemed to be punished for it.

Was it something with the eyes? No, it was definitely the anatomy of the titan overall. “For fucks sake,” you wave off finally, turning on your heel to walk away for a while. But when you turn around, you’re face to chest with one so broad you nearly stumble back. 

The figure tenses up immediately. You tilt your head up to see who it is, recognizing the nervous, kaleidoscope eyes of your comrade. Bertholdt, you’re sure his name is. You haven’t talked too many times, but you’ve seen him in your circle of friends. There’s a memory in your brain of asking your bunkmate, Annie, about why Bertholdt would hang around someone so upstanding and obnoxious as Reiner, but you can’t recall her specific answer. 

“O-oh, Y/N!” Bertholdt nearly wheezes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stand so close.”

“It’s fine,” you mutter, rubbing the side of your head as you step away. “What are you doing here?”

Yes, what was he doing here? A little closeted off room by the girl barracks? And aside from that, how does someone as tall as he even sneak his way inside? It’s suspicious, to say the least. 

“I was just-” Bertholdt stares down at you, sweat already beginning to form on his face. Oh, goddess. How is he to get out of this one? If Reiner was with him, he could just lie his way out of it. But now, looking down at your apathetic, borderline tired, frustrated face, he knows he’s never had much luck with girls. Especially not pretty girls like you. 

His gaze shifts to behind you. There, on a perfectly square parchment of thick paper, is a rough sketch of a long face without any skin. It seems to be all muscle, labeled and detailed. Half the sheet is colored in with pinks, browns, and scarlets, with the other half marked with insane little scribbled patterns that remind him of words. 

You’re still waiting for an answer. He sees your steady, patient eyes and your balled fists by your hips, and Bertholdt wonders if you already know. “I saw you bring in those cans of paint, and I guess I got curious.”

“Oh,” you reply flatly. “Yeah. That.”

“It’s um...” Compliment her. Compliment her painting. “It’s a nice painting. What’s it supposed to be of?”

“The Colossal Titan,” you tell him as you rub the back of your neck. Then you turn on your side so you can view your art, immediately narrowing your eyes in disgust at it. “It’s not my best.”

Bertholdt’s words come out a bit louder than he intended. “Actually, I think it’s really, really great, Y/N!”

You turn back to meet Bertholdt’s nervous, almost quivering eyes. You certainly wouldn’t call yourself an expert on the male gender, but this tall bastard was exactly the stereotype of someone who wasn’t an expert on the female gender. It was almost funny. No, it was almost ironic. 

“I just mean that... it’s really good. It’s easy to see that you have heaps of talent,” the brunette reiterates, seemingly calmer this time.

What a nice thing to say to someone. 

“That’s not really my point though,” you borderline sigh. “The point is that no matter what I seem to do to him, it doesn’t seem realistic does it?”

“What do you mean by that?” Bertholdt questions, his eyebrows furrowing. That’s right, he wouldn’t be able to squint without his orbicularis. Something your art model was currently lacking. 

Do you even bother to explain it to him? It’s not like either of you are close, or like he’d exactly understand what you were saying to him anyway. But where was the harm, really?

You walk back towards the parchment, with Bertholdt just a few steps behind. 

“See this area?” you ask, gesturing to the Colossal Titan’s eye area. “There's a muscle here that’s supposed to let people close their eyes. But the colossal titan doesn’t have that.”

“W-why is that?”

You shrug. “Damned if I know. But doesn’t it look wrong on him?”

Bertholdt observes the painting. He sees all the details, all the time you’ve put into it. While you are right about the image and the titan’s strange features, it’s now that Bertholdt realizes just how intelligent you really are. Unlike other people, you actually knew things. If he were an enemy, he might be starting to feel threatened right about now. Ironic indeed. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” the boy says shyly. “Why does it have to be perfect, though?”

Good question. 

“No real reason,” you tell him, trying to hide the hint of smile. “I guess it’s just how it is. Eren is the one who asked for this.”

“O-oh... you mean like a...”

Your eyes flit back to Bertholdt. “Like a what?”

Bertholdt can feel the sullen wave of anxiety wash over him. He hadn’t meant to let the stray thoughts fall from his lips, but now he can’t take it back. Now what does he say? “I just mean, is it a gift or something like that?”

“Sure.”

Were you and Eren...?

“I might be able to help you with it,” Bertholdt stutters, again, louder than he’d intended. He’s lucky at least one of you is level headed during this interaction. 

“How so? Do you paint?” 

“No, but I think I might know some things about the Colossal that you don’t,” Bertholdt offers. His right arm reaches behind to rub at his sweaty neck. In that instant, you can see that the boy has an almost identical structure to that of your subject. You’d have to note that the tall boy would make a brilliant model for something like this.

“Like what?” you question. “Could you give me some feedback on my piece then?”

Shit. Shit. Shit. You were going to find out. 

Bertholdt pretends to be in deep thought for a minute, knitting his dark eyebrows together. His green, blue eyes sweep over the picture, watching the slick settle. “Well, you’re right about the muscle around the eye. I’d take that out, but maybe place the shadow of it?”

“The shadow?”

“The outline. And maybe make his eyes more glossy than this. Titan’s have a second set of eyelids.”

You don’t have time to question him further. Bertholdt continues the onslaught of information. 

“I think you should also make some of these areas here a bit lighter,” he says, pointing to the side of the Colossal’s face. “From the steam and the high body temperature, it would get a bit smoky.”

“Yeah,” you begin slowly, watching the shine in Bertholdt’s previously nervous eyes. “I hadn’t considered that.”

The lanky male in front of you lets his lips curl into a sheepish smile, closing his eyes as his fingers thread themselves between his hair. “I doubt most people do, so you’re not really in the wrong.”

“How do you know so much?” you ask. “You’ve been quiet with everyone up until now. Do the higher ups even know all this?”

“I mean, they’d have to right? I guess I just took a lot of notes in class.”

You hadn’t remembered your professor mentioning most of these things during your Titan Studies period. But maybe it wasn’t really worth questioning him over. Maybe Bertholdt was just more observant than you had ever really considered. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

Your eyes are fixated on him. Bertholdt was kind of cute, actually. His eyes are both big and slim, with pale green orbs. His skin was always a bit illuminated with a nervous sweat, and he was incredibly mild mannered. But maybe that was actually a good thing compared to all the boys in camp who seemed to lack any conception of manners. Pouty, chapped lips, a gentle smile, messy dark hair. He seems like someone reliable. Kind. Trustworthy.

“Yeah,” you say again, breaking eye contact. “So, are there any other suggestions you have for me?”

Bertholdt is still for a moment, thinking it over. “No, other than don’t think so hard about it, probably.”

“You two sort of have a similar face,” you say, staring at the muscled beast you’d attempted to replicate. “Maybe you should pose for me sometime.”

Bertholdt tenses. 

“I’m only joking,” you assure. Bertholdt’s broad shoulders fall as he relaxes, and a soft exhale leaves from between his lips. “But I would like it if you’d let me model after you.”

“Me?” Bertholdt stutters, shocked. “You mean you’d want to really paint me?”

“‘Course,” you say, nonchalant as always. “You’ve got one of those faces.”

Bertholdt smiles naturally. Soft, but noticeable. You return it after a few seconds, feeling your previous frustration and anger at the piece begin to wander away. 

“I should get back to work,” you say as you turn around. Bertholdt watches you unclip the parchment from your sturdy easel, place it on the stone floor, and grab another paper from a pile. 

“Y-you’re starting again?”

“Of course,” you say. Your dominant hand laces around a piece of charcoal, preparing to drag it across the page. In one swift and scratchy motion, an onyx line appears at the top of the paper. 

Bertholdt’s cheeks dust pink from behind you. He’s about to offer if you want him to pose for you so you can memorize what’s underneath his shy skin, but he stays quiet. Instead, Bertholdt is happy that he even got to speak to you in the first place. He wanders out of the room with butterflies in his stomach, and guilt in his heart. 

And you, with your eyes narrow, basing the monster that ruined your life off the boy who had just helped you. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I didn’t proof read this. I feel like I’ve just been cranking stuff out lately. someone remind me to go back and edit thank you

[itsanoneg-blog]

My mind is like a puzzle or a rubix cube, but figuring me out is something that you shouldn’t do

For the next little while my posts are going to be every where. I was confused about Ryan and now I am even more confused. He has been sweet, just like always but there is something I am noticing lately that is just off. I think I am being played. Being used for one thing. I understand he treats me well, and in person it’s just un explainable, but something isn’t right. I get a constant rush of mixed emotions when we text. He used to call me at night, and I haven’t gotten a call for more than a week and a half. Something is definitely off and I am staring to see the signs. The past week I have been making the effort to go see him. I should not have went over in the first place, cause now I feel like he always wants me to drive to him. At his house the other day, he made a comment about not wanting to meet my parents. Which is fine. He isn’t my boyfriend, but you’re not going to come over for that reason? Before you were talking about how you wanted to come over, and how my parents would like you. Like what changed? And today just now over text, he was being very immature, which I know was a joke, I played along. But then he said “Aw don’t fall too hard now.” Who says that? Really. It’s a little late for that. You talk about being serious with me and wanting me, you treat me already like I am your girlfriend, we spent a lot of time together, and after everything you tell me not to fall too hard? Like hello, warning signs all around. I told him not too worry because I am keeping my wall up incase he does hurt me. I full out said “It’s fine i know you don’t like me, so I am protecting myself.” Instead of saying, oh no I do like you, all he said was hmm interesting, and then continued to talk like nothing happened. Just push everything under the rug. And then moments later, he asked me for another sleep over. Enough is enough. 

Clearly he doesn’t want me the way he talked the first time around. Just stop playing head games. You can’t even call this a hook up because you don’t do all these things for hook ups. So honestly, what the fuck are we? Like i really have no idea. I am tired of trying to guess, and I am tired of being on a string. I am just going back and fourth, but enough is enough. Either you like me, or you don’t. It’s simple. But I am not going to be like your past relationships or hook ups. I am better than that. I don’t want to be that girl. I’m not that girl.

And now there is this other guy, Carlos. I really had low expectations going to meet him. I didn’t want anything out of it, was even debating on going. But in all honesty I am glad I did. He is such a sweet guy, and we just talked for two hours about anything. I think just by this one date, I know more about him than I do about Ryan. I was nervous to meet him. I really didn’t know what to expect. We haven’t spoken much over text, which is actually okay for me. 

So at first I was wondering if this coffee date was even going to happen. Like I said, we don’t text much so we didn't text all day. I messaged him just before leaving, and he was deciding what to wear, so I knew it was happening. He is a funny texter, and said something super corny. But he also told me fashion is not his thing, and I kind of believed it. I didn't get all dressed up, just jeans and a sweater and my god do I regret that. I walked into Starbucks and my eyes literally popped the fuck out of their head.

Don’t even know where to begin. I was expecting him to be like a 7/10, was more into his personality than anything. Boy was I ever wrong. Super fucking attractive. Higher than a 10/10. I wanted to go home and change so bad. I looked like a negative 10 compared to this guy. What? Seriously WHAT! For starters, his eyes are fucking grey! Also has a freaking industrial bar piercing, which caught me off guard. And I had to comment first thing on his outfit. He told me that he went out of his way, stressing to meet me. He called his friend and asked her what to wear, and she helped him pick out an outfit. I don’t believe that. He looked amazing, that isn’t something you pick out just like that... Nope.

He honestly is such a great guy. Nothing like I’ve met before. He’s super funny and interesting. Definitely someone I can picture myself being with for sure. He’s Canadian, but moved to Argentina at a very young age, and then moved back here for good. His parents are both from Argentina, and really only speak Spanish for the most part. He also only speaks Spanish at home, which is fucking sexy. He has a younger brother, who is bigger than him and it’s quiet funny. He’s a welder for his family shop but he told me he wants more from it. He went to Seneca for CNC Programming which is super fucking nerdy. I had no idea what that was until he spent 20 minutes telling me about it. Such a smart, dorky little cookie. He also builds bikes, and brews his own beer which I think is freaking cool. This guy makes me look like the most boring human on this planet. He’s so interesting. He went on another nerdy rant but this time about his love for comic books, and super heroes. He thought he was boring me but my God I was just lost in his grey eyes, I couldn’t help it. And his voice is beyond sexy. He doesn’t have an accent but if you listen very closely to his voice, you can kind of hear one. Right as I thought this guy couldn’t be anymore perfect, he told me about his love for Italian food. “I can eat a whole entire stick of Sopressata just like that. And don’t get me started with olives.” Are you freaking kidding me? Sopressata and olives are my two favourite things. If I could live off of any food, I’d hands down chose either of those.

Honestly, I thought I was super awkward. He was very outgoing and funny. I think I was just boring and shy. I was nothing compared to him. I thought he wouldn’t want to hang out again. When we hugged goodbye he said we should talk more, maybe grab Starbucks again. But people usually say that to be nice. As soon as I got home though, the funny texts began. He told me he'd love to hang out with me again, told me he was free this weekend. I think he wants to go play Archery Tag, says it will give me a reason to shoot him in the face. LOL I think that will be fun. In all honestly, I still like Ryan and I think I’d choose him over any one in a heart beat but lets be real, the way he’s acting is terrible. I don’t know what to expect.  The first things that attracted me to Ryan were that he was older than me, and had amazing eyes. Carlos is also older than me, 27 and has amazing eyes as well. So who knows. Maybe this will be better for me? I’m not trying to decide or hop into a relationship but this is what single is right? Trying out different people until you find the right one. Maybe I found someone better than Ryan, just afraid to admit it.