#i deleted the blood+ one from yesterday because I became worried it looked bad

[saint-miroir]

Series: Silent Möbius

Artist: Yasuhiro Oshima

Publication: Newtype Magazine (09/1998)

@hotwaterandmilk

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store?  I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

[stayforya]

LOST & FOUND

member: kim taehyung

genre: soulmate au!

words: 1.9k

summary: paris. heartbeat. countdown. touch. the event line intended to happen in order to find your soulmate.

I’ve always dreamed about Paris. Something about that place invited me, made me curious, as if there was a reason – a reason to be there. But I never thought about it a lot, it just came into my thoughts automatically sometimes.

The time came. My first trip to Paris was planned, the first one ever with my own money invested on it, and that made me extremely excited. Maybe the adult life is about happy moments when we fulfil our childhood dreams.

Sunny and cold Paris. As beautiful as ever, so much better than in my imagination. Words weren’t enough for this – walking on the street, everything looked like art and smelled like French cuisine. I felt at home, even though I was never there; my heart started to explode in feelings I never felt before. Ecstasy.

The feeling didn’t stop. As I kept walking, my heartbeat just increased. I was worried it was a panic or anxiety attack, but I didn’t feel anything else that would characterize this kind of disorder. What could trigger my mind that made my heart pulsate crazily like that?

Agony. Not as if something bad would happen, but as if I was expecting for this moment. Like a clock. The heartbeats were rushing like a clock on the wall, like a countdown. I kept walking, appreciating the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to. Since it was morning, Eiffel Tower wasn’t lighted up but was there, unaffected. Everybody watching it, everybody who waited a lifetime to see it.

However, that wasn’t what my heart was rushing for. Heartbeat just increased more and more, to the point I got desperate – “am I about to die?”, I thought, still I had no other sign of dying.

That’s why I took off my phone from the coat and started to take pictures. The place from where I saw the Eiffel Tower made it look prettier than it would be if I was closer. I always liked watching things from distance, perhaps the view gets better and I could see things as a whole.

Heart pumping blood so loud I could hear, yet I ignored it. The sound was like a clock, no, it was like a time bomb about to explode. It was driving me crazy already, when everything I wanted to do was to enjoy the city of my dreams. Was it happening for a reason? Which one? All my life I waited for this moment to happen, but not like that. I couldn’t bear that anymore. I was about to just sit down and wait for it to stop, so I started walking faster, far from people around me. It didn’t stop, it wouldn’t stop, I could keep running and running and it would only get worse, my mind was terrified of what was about to happen, my body was giving up, I even tripped and was about to fall and then it changed.

It stopped.

My heartbeats dropped to the usual rhythm.

I felt a hand grabbing my wrist so I stopped.

Time was also stopping.

“Are you alright?”, a calming voice into the void.

I turned my body towards the voice and found a man. He was peaceful. I never saw him before, nor felt like I was supposed to know him, but for sure I felt peace. His eyes didn’t look at me, they looked through me.

People were passing by and still it was all silent in my mind. His voice echoing inside my head and his lost eyes trying to recognize me. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling, but he found something. I saw the exact moment when his lost eyes became confident, he blinked once, twice, and then his face was more serene than ever. My heart calmed down and because of that I could finally let go of the man’s hand, standing there, straightening my coat.

“Yes”, I answered.

If it was for my own force, I would just thank him and keep going. However, my feet were stuck on the floor. Also, when I thought about leaving, my heart meant to start palpitating again like before. Was it about him? That man in front of me. It felt like exchanging only these two phrases weren’t enough. So I became so curious I couldn’t go away without saying something else – still I didn’t know what.

“Do you need something?”, he questioned.

“I… Hm, I don’t. I’m ok.”

He nodded and we were about to go apart. We turned our backs to each other, and in that moment, even though my heart didn’t start to beat as hard as before, I felt like I couldn’t go away. It wasn’t over yet, but what else we could do? Bumping into each other and checking if everything was alright – that’s what we were meant to do and we did.

“Hey”, he turned himself to me.

His hand position and his eyebrows suggested he had something to ask, but didn’t know how.

“What’s your name?”, I just let it out without thinking too much. I said it so fast that maybe he didn’t understand.

“Taehyung”, a little smile lighted up that handsome face. Paris lost its charms at the moment I noticed him. It wasn’t just about his features, it was something else coming out of him, like his aura. I don’t know much about those mystic stuff, but maybe his pure heart was showing up on his face, and that made him even more enchanting. “Yours?”

“I’m y/n.”

“That’s- that’s a beautiful name”, he ran his hand around the neck and smiled, a bit shy.

“Thanks”, I did the same. “Is it your first time in Paris?”

Ok, but why were we hitting a conversation in the middle of this open place full of tourists amazed by the Eiffel Tower? I also noticed the camera he had in his right hand. He was wearing glasses, too. The whole outfit wouldn’t fit better anyone other than him. He knew his own style, I noticed that for sure.

“Yes, it is. I’ve been just walking around and taking pictures.”

“By yourself?”

He looked at me and smiled again, then looked somewhere else.

“Yes. It gets a little bit complicated to take pictures of me, but I’m ok appreciating the view.”

Talking to a stranger like this, I didn’t have any shame anymore. That’s why I offered to take a picture of him in front of Eiffel Tower.

“Oh, can you?”, he seemed surprised. How could kindness surprise a kind man?

I nodded and took the camera. He posed as serene as ever in front of the view, and side by side, there wasn’t a beautiful day that could beat the beauty of his heart. I knew it was crazy to think like that, I didn’t even know that guy. He could be a murderer or a bad person, but I felt he was special. Anyone could feel. My insanely pounding heart calmed down in the exact moment he touched me, there was definitely something particular about him.

He smiled while scrolling through the pictures I took. There were so many questions in my head, but maybe just for once it was fine to take this risk.

“Now you.”

“Hm?”, I asked, confused.

“Stand there so I can take a picture.”

“We barely know each other; I don’t know if I can trust a stranger to take pictures of me with his own camera.”

“I’ll delete if you don’t like”, he said.

I put my hands into my coat’s pockets and stood there, waiting for him to take a photo. He didn’t take one. He probably took a bunch of them while I was moving, which could even become a gif if put together.

I went closer so I could see the pictures. 

“Wow, I like them”.

Close to him. Why did it feel warmer? Why did it feel comfortable?

We both felt that. We felt something was going on, but no one could talk about. It was way too weird to meet someone and feel like that. As if everything that ever happened paved the way until that day. My heartbeat slowed down at the moment I met him, what did it mean? I couldn’t stop thinking.

I was confused.

“Well, I think I’ll… go now”, I said avoiding eye contact.

“Wait”, he said. “I’m sorry, it’s just that…”

Just say it, Taehyung. He was pondering too much.

“It’s my first time in Paris. And since yesterday, when I arrived, I felt lost everywhere I went. Sorry for telling you this, it might sound-”, he was also confused.

“What, exactly?”

“When I saw you tripping and I helped you. It’s like something… happened? I don’t know. Did you… feel it?”

Taehyung was especially careful with his words. Of course, we just met. Do you have this kind of conversation with a stranger? I don’t think so.

“My heart was beating way too fast, that’s why I tripped. Don’t know why it started to beat like that, but when you touched me it kind of calmed down. Is it too weird? I don’t know if there is any relation, I’m sorry.”

“Really?”, he raised his brows.

“I’m sceptical with these stuff, to be honest.”

“I’m not sure what happened. It’s not like I already knew you, not this kind of feeling. But something like… this moment was meant to happen?”

“Yeah, that’s right”, I agreed with him. The conversation got too deep and we were still there. In a place full of people, life was rushing around us, but we remained stuck there.

“Let’s try going on separate ways, maybe it works.”

Should we say goodbye?

“Yeah, ok... hm, bye, then.”

He started walking away but looking at me. Nothing was bringing him back, but I got distressed as long as he distanced himself. I started to walk away too, missing something. Why was that happening? I was just an ordinary girl with a happy ordinary life before crossing his path. I turned my back at him and got into that crowd. Maybe if I kept going and ignoring, it would disappear.

The more I walked, the better. The anguish was vanishing while the sunshine kissed me softly. I felt warm in the midst of Paris’ winter.

Not because I was parting ways with Taehyung. At the second I sensed his hand on my wrist again, I knew. He was running back to me and that was why it felt better. Warmer. Comfortable.

I turned myself to him.

“What-”

“I don’t know what’s going on. The more I distanced myself, I felt lost again. I have no idea of why this is happening, but we’re not done yet”, he said and I frowned as he frowned. “Let’s… let’s just meet again.”

“Again? When?”

“Now. Guide me through Paris, if you can.”

“I’ve never been here before.”

“But I feel safe.”

“Safe? Taehyung, I-”, my heart fluttered.

“Are you experiencing the same?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“Then let’s try.”

“Spending time…?”

“Yeah, anything. As long as we stay like this. I don’t want to feel lost again”, his eyes said so much.  

“I really find it crazy.”

He agreed. I could be making the wrong choice, but I wasn’t. To touch his arm and guide him to walk together was the best choice I made that day. I honestly didn’t know how he could find safety in me. And I didn’t know how my heart found calm in him. I didn’t know the reason, but I knew there was one. It was enough.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 44

“Don't ever do this to me again, because I don't know if I would survive” was the last thing she heard him whisper before sleep finally overpowered her, he just heard her sigh the cutest sigh in reply and then seconds later her deep, soft breathing, hopefully that hangover wasn't gonna be too painful in the morning. His eyes became heavy too, finally he could give in to this motherfucker of a jetlag that had been stalking him all evening, his adrenalin constantly pumping through his veins for hours had worn him out completely, she was safe, so was he, he had more than he could've asked for with her head resting on his chest and her body firmly glued to his, his eyes obeyed his mind and fell shut, let go, give in..the moon threw its' mysterious veil over their exhausted bodies at the closing of this weird, dramatic day. Come on, woman, pick up, where the hell are you? Surely that prick must have left hours ago, knowing you, he's probably being carried onto a plane, crippled or kicked black and blue because you're the wildest cat I know. “..'llo?”, what? it was fuckin' 7AM and that nitwit answered her phone with a sleepy voice? Fuckfuckfuck! “Jared?..hey! uhm, I was just checking up on Harper, is she ok? I was so worried about  her when you carried her out of the club..” his voice like honeygold syrup while he kicked the wall in frustration. “Sean..just a second” Jared reluctantly pulled his arm from under her but stopped when she started to stir, nonono don't move, only when she was completely still again, he whispered in the phone “Sean, I can't talk right now..she's ok..really..she's sleeping now and I don't want to wake her, I 'll call you later, ok?”. Sean heard the dry click in his ears, what the actual fuck? Oh she's sleeping, blablabla, she's probably exhausted from the hard fucking you gave her, bweeghh, his stomach squeezed uncomfortably together, she was his and he would get her..eventually..one lost battle wouldn't make him lose the war. “Who..phone..what time is it?..owww” Coco put her hands on top of her head and closed her eyes in pain “owww, my head..”, Jared groaned a little, she was awake, that stupid fucker had woken her, “it was Sean..checking up on you..here..” he turned to the nightstand and picked up the glass of water and a tablet. “I thought you might feel like you do this morning, so here, take that and go back to sleep” he handed her some paracetamol and the glass. She pushed the medicine between her lips and quickly swallowed it before she put her head back down on the pillow, “better already” she smiled carefully up at Jared, “good, I'm glad” he slowly twirled a strand of hair between his fingers and let his lips caress her aching forehead. “Will you just..?” her hand reached for his head and pushed it back down on the pillow as well, stop that Leto “thanks, I was getting a bit dizzy”, he shuffled his pillow a little closer until it bumped against hers, “you're..breathtaking” there was such an honesty in his eyes that she almost believed him. “Calm down, Leto, flattery is not gonna get you anywhere..that's not what it's gonna take, that is not what I need” she whispered “I don't need to hear all that beauty bullshit..that would be selling me short, like all I am is a pretty face to you, nothing more..I mean, think about it, just because you're very easy on the eye, doesn't make you any less of a bastard”.

Ok, time to face the music “true..” he squinted his eyes a little, indicating to her that her words made impact “I just can't take back what I said, can I? It was stupid and totally uncalled for, I wish you would believe me..when you put that knife into that painting yesterday, I felt it physically..I know that sounds ridiculous but I think you're the most talented person I've ever met”. Yeah sure, whatever, she rolled her eyes “the most talented person with absolutely no career.. pathetic? Was that the word you used to describe me?” she huffed but he stopped her from rolling over on her back again. “Don't, Harper..come on, you seem to forget that your paintings was what drew me to you, I didn't even know what you looked like and I couldn't care less, I was just so blown away by your work that I just needed to get in touch with you and buy something, which I never received by the way..” he smiled. She shot up and jumped from the bed, rummaging through some paintings and then returned to the bed “here, all yours” she pushed the painting in his hands “nobody else wants them”. He took the painting and shook his head “they just haven't seen it yet, hang on” he put the painting on the nightstand and took a picture, fidgeting around on his phone immediately after, “what are you doing?” she frowned, “I'm showing it to the world” he grinned as he pushed down on the screen “there! On instagram, facebook, and Twitter” he showed the picture to her, “what? But..I don't want..” she stammered, “too late, I'm not deleting it, it's high time the world sees what a talented painter you are..oh look, the first likes are flooding in..soon you'll be the most famous one of us two”. Harper snatched the phone out of his hands, oh god, he was right, that heart thingy popped up every 2 seconds “what the..?” she breathed as he pulled her between his legs, her back resting against his chest “your career is about to skyrocket, that's what” he kissed the side of her head. “How do I know they're doing it for my work and not because you put something on social media?” she didn't understand much of how social media worked, so far she had managed to stay far away from it after all the horror stories about stalking and screenzombies she had heard, artificial friendships, artificial lifestyles, filters, and all that crap. “Well, you can never be a 100% sure I guess, but it's all about the tags right? #artist #painter #art #HarperCocoRobianoDarby “loveofmylife #talentedasfuck #artsavestheworld #girlfriend #love #lover #mywoman” he rattled with a huge smile “look at all those comments! 'wow Jared, she's so talented', 'it's breathtaking, can we see some more work?', 'is it for sale?', 'I have a galery and want to exhibit her work, where can I contact her?”. Dumbfounded she stared at all the messages on the screen as he slowly scrolled through them “I guess you have your answer right there, it's all about you, not about me, you kept your work hidden for far too long” he pushed a kiss in her hair, “huh? You posted it only a couple of minutes ago..so this is social media..it's scary” she stammered while her eyes whizzed over the screen. “No, it's not, it can be fantastic, like right now..in just a few clicks you're famous, people keep asking to see more of your work, look..you keep saying that I'm only trying to flatter you, but this is proof that it's not flattery but the truth, if others are seeing and saying it too”. He felt her go to jelly in his arms while she just stared and stared, “you were right..and your parents are wrong, they always were..wrong not to see and support all that amazing talent their daughter has, wrong because they are too blind and jealous of their own child”.

Harper finally took her eyes off the screen and turned to look at him over her shoulder “and you? What about you?” she whispered, “Me? I was wrong to say all I said about your career, I still don't know why I said it, it must be to do with jealousy as well..jealous because you're gonna have a bigger and better career than I have or could ever have and you did it all with your own talent, which is something I can't always say about myself” his hand caressed her cheek, pushing a kiss on the tip of her nose. What he said about her parents made her pulse race “I want to believe you..I really do, but jealous? My parents? Of me? Why would they be? They're rich diplomats, and their kids need to follow in their footsteps and be all perfect and conservative, not throw some paint around and..”, he immediately stopped her “exactly..but they have no power or control over you, they've probably never had..and that's something they can't stand..I know, because I talked to them after you had left..I called your Dad and..well, I gave them my honest opinion on whose fault it was that there's such bad blood between the two of you”. Harper's eyes grew wide as saucers, had he really done that or was he just saying that to get back into her good books? It wasn't exactly like she could call or contact them and check! “oh..and what did he say?” she raised her eyebrows, “well..ok so I should probably say that I lost my patience and basically called him a cold, heartless idiot if he denies his amazing, talented, wonderful, creative, perfect child just because she follows her dreams and her heart” he scrunched up his nose “I may or may not have said bastard instead of idiot though..hmm, guess that won't score me any points and I can kiss my invitation to the next family barbecue most definitely goodbye, but fuck that! Someone needed to tell him what was up”. He watched her nostrils flare a little while she stared at him with those big, amazing chocolate eyes of hers, oh god no..she wasn't gonna cry, was she? Coco just couldn't hold back any longer and she let her muffled snigger burst out into a hiccuping laughter. She rolled over the mattress clutching her chest “you didn't, you so didn't” she snickered and flapped her eyelashes at him, oh god woman, drive me completely crazy, why don't you? “I did..I'm sorry” there was a sudden shift in energy when her eyes drilled into his looking up at him. “No apologies needed, none whatsoever..” she whispered, he leaned in, he had to, he just was drawn to her like gravity, before she could do or say anything, his lips crashed down on hers.

Demanding, hot, apologetic, reassuring, this kiss was all of the above but most of all it was..needed, it was time to bury the hatchet, she needed to be with this weirdo, this was THE ONE, she didn't even know what that actually was supposed to feel like, but she just felt it in every fibre of her being. Jared felt her deepen the kiss, thank god, please let this war between her and me be over, I don't want to fight anymore, what she did next, had his skin on fire in a split second. Her hand reached for his face, her warm hand caressing his cheek, only to venture southbound over his chest, their lips still glued together when he felt her hands sneaking into his underwear, cupping the perfect round globes of his butt. Reluctantly he disconnected the kiss and closed his eyes, his face still hovering over hers, “what? What is it?” she tapped the tip of his nose to get his attention, what? He didn't want this? “nothing..it's just..” he didn't even open his eyes, he leaned his head back, “it's just what? Jared” she asked anxiously, goddammit..men! Always so unpredictable. When he felt her shift uncomfortably underneath him, he finally looked at her “I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for yet..I just know that if we keep going like this, I'm not gonna be able to stop..” he breathed. Sweet, stupid, considerate, at times unbearably romantic Jared..”who said anything about stopping? I just want this pent-up frustration and anger fucked out of me, and since I can't do that on my own, you'll need to get to work, Leto, and fast before I change my mind” Harper's hands urgently traced down his shoulders, his chest, his abs, her fingers hooking behind the front of his underwear whilst she bit her lip, and looked up at him with those not so innocent bambi eyes. “God, you're not exactly a hopeless romantic, are you? But that's ok, because I prefer my sex-crazed kitten” he grinned, his mouth got to work and bit her shoulder, pulling the strap of her bra down with his teeth, seconds later his warm, hot tongue circled around her hard nipple, touchdown! God yes! She sighed in bliss while her hands ran through his long hair.

[finderskeepersff]

45. Part 2

Kenton makes me laugh, he’s been making me laugh since he has arrived. I am happy my friends have come, this has honestly made me want to get better quicker, just the help and support and I would be rude to not say Cassius has been there “so you telling me you can’t have sex now? I need to know this information because it does seem like babies are a deal breaker Olivia” looking over at Olivia she is ignoring him “it doesn’t matter, I don’t have anyone to have sex with” which is the truth “have you heard of dildos? I mean come on, I mean Cassius can still be your fuck buddy” side eyeing him “sure, are you thinking of having a baby Kenton? Is that what it is? You have been asking the most weird questions” Kenton shrugged “I did consider it but Olivia yesterday said she didn’t want to ruin her pretty pussy” sounds like Olivia “we have Sofia’ baby, now shut up” I have really put the girls off with having babies, I chuckled “I am going to get some air, you coming” Cassius got up from his seat “I will come, we might see Mitch on the way” looking at Mia as she looked at me “grumpy” Olivia said, her off button is not on today “I think they are going to discharge me today, I think so that is. I am well don’t you think?” changing the subject until the door shut “chile, you should have seen his face. You wasn’t looking but he just stared at you saying no to having dick from him. I do agree, I think you should keep him as a fuck buddy” shaking my head “no, he can be free to do as he pleases. He will be in someone else’s pussy so no. I just want him be there for the baby, I am ok. He made me feel ok to be alone now I guess, I thought I depended on him but I don’t” Mia snorted laughing “you have never needed anyone Sofia, I think because you love him you latched onto him but now you just feel let down by him. I mean he went rehab, he was dealing with him. He is in love with you still, I see him looking at you. Like the time in Miami staring at you in awe, when that pussy has healed, I would use him for the dick. Totally do that” laughing at Mia saying that.

“I think I am just going to keep him at arms length in terms of us, in terms of what we have or had. I think it is the best way forward. My door will be open to him seeing Cartier, but for him to see me no. I think I am not something he needs in his life, I add to it. I know what I mean in this, this way he doesn’t have the worry and stress of me and Cartier. You never know, but then you never know he will go elsewhere and I have thought on it. If he wants that then so be it” I shrugged “you’re never going to get another man then?” shaking my head “I have Lee, I have my son anyways” I guess that is it “Mia, Sofia will never ever have a problem with getting a man. They always around for her, our girl can find a man again but I think you should least see how he is. I think he will get you back, that is a prediction” glaring at Olivia “bet, let’s bet then” these bitches are betting on me “what if I find some new man, then what? I am more determined to make this bet go dead now. You bitches!” I am livid at these two “girl, you will ride that wave somehow. We are here for you either way but he is so in love with you. You’re his first girlfriend and you know boys that fall hard and in love with their first girlfriend they never let go” Olivia said “and you know I am right” I guess she is, I didn’t’ see his face when I said that.

The girls went with their men to my house to have a rest there, they have been here forever so they need to go and get some rest but I have Cassius here. He has been here ever since, things are somewhat awkward for us and I haven’t forgotten that he kissed me when I did give birth, it was sweet of him but there is a lot of unsaid things. I think it did break my heart when he looked at me like I was nothing, I asked him who I was to him and he wasn’t there. It breaks my heart so much but here we are and I don’t want this sad guy around, I guess it takes men longer to realise what they have done unlike us women, we cry and then get over it “what would you say if I told you that I have my dad’ number?” Cassius looked up at me “I would say delete it” he simply said “why?” I want to know, I don’t get it “Sofia I don’t need to explain to you what you already know, if I am at him he will be at me. He looks like you, that is all you both have. If you want to give up my son to my enemies then you are going the right way about it. What did I tell you when I tell you it’s either me or them, if I live by that rule then don’t you think he does too? I have threatened his family, I killed his family and I made him do it. I don’t see people as friends, they are no friends in this life. I may have ruined your chance to be with your father but your oldest brother is a surgeon, your other one deals in what I do. He knows I have been after his dad, they could easily make your death or even my son’ death look like an accident. Then I really have nothing. This is why I didn’t want a child. They go for what I need the most, they pick at it. He is not loyal to you Sofia, you know this. When have I ever been wrong, I have had time to think and battle myself on things and your dad is not it. Your parents are both equally trash, and I love that you have kept sane for so long. I am sorry but you are linked to me and if you have got his number then you really about to be the one to kill me, you or our son” looking away from Cassius “hey it’s me” Helen said, staring down at the side of me in shock.

Cassius and I just stared at each other “am I interrupting something?” Helen said, breaking my stare “no, sorry what did you say?” I am honestly in a daze now “we’re happy to discharge you, also that we are happy that baby Bundy is ok to start latching, and bonding with his parents” letting out an oh “I am just going to get some paperwork, then we can start getting the bonding part done, and also see if the parents can too” whatever Helen felt in the room I don’t blame her, it’s intense. Looking back over at Cassius, his eyes didn’t really leave me. The door closed “they are testing me Sofia, and they won’t win because I am winning already. I am ahead of them, picking at them. I knew Samuel would come here, he took the bait and he bit. It’s never a coincidence, I knew he came in this room. Why would I leave you alone and go to eat, I have been here constantly why would I leave you to wake up alone. He came in this room, my people saw. I saw that number on the paper, I was never going to question you on it but you asked, I am glad you said it. If you think I have come back stupid. I look bad but mentally I am stronger than ever, I am just picking at them. When I say Samuel is playing a game, you have to believe me” I feel so stupid, I should know this man on how clever he is “I don’t know what to say” I really don’t “are you going to harm him? Samuel?” Cassius shook his head “the man is too desperate to get to you, you don’t need him Sofia. If I feel you are in danger then yes. I beat my brother for you Sofia and he is my blood, why would I do wrong by you now. My mom keeps telling me, let her have her dad. He wants to get to you because he sees you want his love” my breathing became shaky, feeling teary eyed “you have our son, your friends, your brother, my family. You are ok, don’t get sad” I am in shock.

Helen came back into the room, she keeps entering at the most intense time “Helen” she looked at me after saying her name “can you give give a moment, I just need to speak to Cassius in private” I can’t let it rest, I can’t see my son and have this on my mind “of course, I can feel there is something in the air” she seemed reluctant walking around the room “thanks” I said, waiting for Helen to leave the room. Cassius plays stupid when he’s not, the door closed “what did you hope to achieve with leaving me in this room with a man you don’t trust, I was asleep anything could happen to me” he used me as bait “he wouldn’t do anything, you’re not much use dead. Sofia, I wouldn’t danger you. I knew everything, I have people all around and they was watching, he wouldn’t harm you because he needs you alive to lure you in. In the grand scheme of things” Cassius paused “you will never leave that life, you’re picking people off, soon it will be Samuel’ turn and you don’t want me between” Cassius sat back in his seat “I would hope you would always choose me and not get in the way unless you hate me that much” how can he say that “hate you? I love you Cassius, trust me if I wanted I wouldn’t lie to my friends about you, I would have gone far away. I am not scared to go Cassius” Cassius sniggered “I know that, you went California” rolling my eyes “and took your money” I said it for him “I didn’t say it” Cassius laughed “it is what it is, the money was nothing. I hope you had a good time” I shrugged “it paid mostly for the baby stuff, if you get the chance to see it” Cassius squinted his eyes at me “what is that supposed to mean?” I might as well get it over with “we are not together, that includes staying at the house. Not saying you can’t come and visit. I am looking to move, something smaller. I am sure you will get to see the baby room” Cassius looks very irritated now.

Cassius hasn’t spoke in a while, he is just heaving in anger “so is that it?” nodding my head “Cassius I left you, doesn’t stop me from not loving you. God, you mean so much to me. You gave me a precious gift, our son. I thank you so much for the money you have spent on me, I just think for now. It’s not about us” getting up from the chair “you want me to get my stuff then?” he said in a whisper “yes, and the drugs to be removed too” Cassius looked up at me, he gave me those puppy dog eyes and it’s hard for me “but I love you Sofia, I have never said that to anyone. I don’t know what you want me to do or say” I get what Mia is saying, it is hard on him “look Cassius, I forgive you. I forgive you for what you did when you grabbed me, from the words you said. I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it, it’s never about that. I think maybe we need to just look outside the box, put it this way. You will still be the guy I will ring in any inconvenience, I guess that is a plus” Cassius put his head down “you and I will always have this bond Cassius” he is taking it bad, it’s like the first time around wasn’t a thing when I left him. It’s like he never accepted that “I miss you” he sniffled looking away from me “it’s ok, you know how it is” he got up from his chair, he playing it off “I am sorry” smiling at him lightly “and I forgive you” this is a new start for us both “and I wouldn’t ever choose Samuel over you, you mean more and I didn’t call him” Cassius nodded his head, he is still feeling deflated.  

[onkey-bedtime-stories]

EUNOIA - chapter 2

Chapter 1

----------------

“I met Donghae yesterday.”

That’s how Taemin greets his sister on a random phone call one afternoon. As hard as she tried to be chill about it, Eunsook cannot help but shake in panic, intrigued by his words. She ran to the closest bench she could find and put her camera safely on her laps.

“You know that we’re adults, right? We don’t need to inform each other anymore like when we were kids and used to match our scenario to lie to Mom and Dad.”

The tremble on her lips seemed readable from the other line, making Taemin snickers on his bed.

“And since we’re adults it means now we lie to each other instead to our parents? Wow. Just wow, Lee Eunsook.”

“As I remember you were the one who banned me for weeping around on anyone whom acquaintance with him. Am I right?”

“You are. You’re always right beside this particular choice on men.”

“So?”

“I just let you know that yesterday I met Donghae.”

“Just let me know? You think I didn’t know how sneaky you are telling me stuff just because you are childishly curious on how I would react? Well, try harder, baby boy.”

“My smart lady. I always knew you went to Milan not for nothing.”

“Ha. So funny.”

“Do you want me to tell you what happened or I need to wait for another year until you gather up your guts to ask me how it went?”

“Actually, I don’t really care. That wouldn’t change anything, would that?”

“It depends, though.”

“On what? On how I handle stuff? On how bad my mood right now? Or maybe, just maybe, on how bad I weep last night?”

So she still cried miserably at night?

Taemin sighed and Eunsook regrets raising her tones, unveiled her unstable mind unconsciously. However, she didn’t lie when she said she doesn’t really care since she would still be broken hearted and desperately wants to turn back time hoping she could fix any mistake they did during their relationship. Or more like what mistake she did.

“Donghae asked how you are doing.”

“You can tell him that I’m fine, having a really nice summer escapades and eating lots of good food. Really, I think I will gain at least five pounds by the end of the trip.”

“Unless it’s not really Donghae who asked.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t.”

Eunsook scribbled on the ground with her shoes, making random pattern on it, “Yes I do, Tae. Because he texted me two days ago and I kept writing and deleting my rant until this morning on how I’m doing now after he decided not to be in the same page with me anymore. Believe me I know, because this is the first time I didn’t reply on him right away after I saw his name appeared on my screen.”

Taemin doesn’t say anything and just listened to the sound of the wind, trying to not make everything more complicated for his sister.

“Maybe he overestimated me.. thinking that I would be just alright after everything. Having a blast in Netherlands, enjoying summer, going shopping and meeting my best friend after a long time. You know I always this ‘his strong woman’ or.. or ‘his only iron lady’ you know.. So this trip, couldn’t it be better than that?”

“Don’t resent anyone. You’re the one who said to me that this is the best way for both of you to be happier.”

“I told you maybe.”

“Anyway, I said that you’re fine. A little tired and overwhelmed but you’re good now.”

“Should I thank you for giving the wise back up and being the best brother in the world?”

“Not really. Because I told Donghae as well how you’re calling me every day at 3 AM mopping around threatening people you’d kill yourself if tomorrow you’re wake up and everything is not only in your dream.”

“You should have added the part I didn’t eat anything for a week and ran into the emergency room when my coworker found me passed out at the toilet.”

“Ah, if only you did a proper briefing before.”

She’s really grateful for the fact that she might really have the best brother in the world. Taemin never fail making her laughed. Though he had this ice prince exterior, his heart is the warmest, far from all the cold and mischievous image people around him familiar with.

“Now that I told you what to do, can you fix that when you met him again?”

“Let see. I got studio schedule again tomorrow and he will be the producer assistant the whole week. Yeah sure, I will tell him everything until the IV shot part.”

“Good boy.”

“I know I am.”

“And stop texting or calling Minho behind my back. It’s embarrassing.”

Now it’s Taemin turn to burst into laughter. It’s still stuck in his head how he decided to call Minho instead of his wife because Taemin couldn’t stand the idea of being yelled or interrogated by Junghee. That girl can speak two hours nonstop without giving break the other person.

“I’ll go to sleep now, it’s almost midnight here. Be good, sister.”

“Don’t wet the bed.”

“I’ve had my diaper on, no need to worry. I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

The second she put the phone down, Eunsook feels lonely again. Actually, she prefers having endless argument with anyone rather than swimming in her own thoughts. Inevitably, she checked the phone again. Rereading the text Jungsoo sent two days ago.

‘Good morning, sunshine! How’s the vacation?’

Ah, sunshine. It was nice to be sunshine for someone, a thought cross Eunsook’s mind. It was. She was sunshine. Night star. Moonlight. Making her questioning herself, is it not enough being her for he needed her to be something else? Was she not beautiful enough for he had the urge to always comparing her to something else?

“Eunsook?”

She lifted her head up and found a face she expected the least.

“Kibum?”

The latter smiles and tell the other guys walking with him to leave first. He then casually sits next to Eunsook, looks like a supermodel he is, swiping his hair back. When he looked to his left, Eunsook almost stoned, left him chuckles nervously again, a habit he developed whenever Eunsook’s around him.

“What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you joined this group tour with the guy poking his umbrella to the sky!”

She squinted her tiny eyes, which in Kibum’s mind was too cute to handle.

“Oh, I was walking around doing some sketches taking photos and then my brother called so I gotta sit here and listen to him ranting about unimportant stuff.”

“You like taking photos?” Kibum almost jumped from his seat when he turned to face Eunsook completely.

“Just for fun. I love looking back to all the pictures I took while traveling. Give me lots of nice nostalgic feeling and of course a smooth slap on my head to work harder earning more money for the next trip.”

He cracks to her words, “That is actually hella true. May I see the camera?”

“Of course, Mr. Photographer.”

She smiles so bright while handing the camera, Kibum flustered involuntarily turned his ears all crimson red, “You always use 35mm film?”

He lifted the analog camera a bit.

“Mostly. Or Polaroid. One time I had the 120mm camera but nowadays it’s so hard to find the film.”

“Oh, you have no idea. It’s also freaking hard to find a place that can develop it. Tried to do it by myself, but I ruined it. There it goes all my memory in Hongkong. Gone in flash.”

Kibum cursed himself for convincing himself that Eunsook is the only girl in the world that makes a frown look that beautiful and amazing on a face. Before he embarrassed himself, he checked the camera again in his hand.

“By the way, this is nice camera. My friend had another type from the same brand. Where did you get this?”

“Actually, I bought it accidentally. It was from Porto. We were lost when tried to go back to the hostel and we found this street while wandering around with my friends.”

“Porto? As in Portugal?” she nods, “AH! I know that place! They sell cheap black and white films!”

“You really are a photographer, aren’t you?”

She cannot help but teasing when Kibum got so excited just on the thought of knowing the place she found the treasure. At this rate, not only his ears that rushed by blood.

“Only when I need money to pay my rent.”

“Hahaha!” she slapped his forearm lightly, he flinched silently, “And what brings you here?”

“We just finished a session with local teens. They’re quite having this too-cool-for-school attitude but fashion spread’s always interesting, isn’t it, Miss Designer?”

Eunsook secretly took out her imaginary good-deeds-book. Wits and jokes, checked.

“Anyhow, what are you doing after this?”

“Hmmm, nothing.”

“Fancy grabbing some sweets?”

“What kind of sweet?”

The way her eyes almost popped out her skull brighten Kibum’s day faster than when he received the first print of his magazine, “Pancake, waffle, crepe, anything you prefer as long as it can help with my sugar level.”

“Pancake sounds good.”

“Pancake it is! Let’s go!”

Kibum made a mistake almost embraced her by the shoulder then quietly pretending to push her to walk faster before the circumstance became more awkward.

Her phone beeps once again, she shook her head when she caught a text message arrived on the screen.

‘Eunsook, are you alright? Seems like the vacation is really great, am I right?’

This time she didn’t wait anymore.

‘Indeed, it’s the best summer escapade! I’m okay, by the way.’

***

“I told you not to touch her!”

Kibum massaged the back of his neck for the ten times, too tired for this silly confrontation.

“So, you said it’d better if I just left her alone there at the café while it was drenched outside instead of offering her a ride?”

“I’m tired of your excuse, you sweet mouth!  You should hadn’t dragged her to the café at the first place!”

“I’m the one who tired of your accusation! For God’s sake, Kim Junghee! I was just being nice! We lived under the same roof and I’m not allowed to cheer up someone I know who looked upset?”

“Not with such an agenda behind!”

“What kind of agenda are you talking about?!”

“Oh, don’t you dare testing me!” Kibum’s jaw dropped a few centimeter, disbelief with the whole sentence he just heard, “If you’re just being nice, you take her home right away after both of you finished your afternoon snack!”

“That’s the plan! But she said she needs more films for her camera! Am I wrong if I offered to accompany her looking for some?”

“Ha! You just saw your chance to slide in! What a little sneaky head!”

Kibum restrained himself not to raise his voice, he just didn’t want Minho finished his shower and found his best friend yelling to his wife.

“Look. It was raining. I offered her a ride to go back. She asked if I knew a place to buy films! I drove her there and it was still freaking rain. I got called by the people at work on the way. I said I’d get drop her off first at home before I headed to the studio. She said she could grab a taxi. Since I considered it’s not polite to let her do that, I asked her to come with me. That’s it!”

Junghee stomped on the kitchen floor so hard, “You could just drive her first!!!! You have no idea how stressful I was when I couldn’t contact her?!?!”

“Who knows her phone was dead?! She didn’t say anything to me! Had I know I would give her my phone to call or text you! At any rate, if she did find it necessary, she would ask me to make that damned call!”

“Stop it right there, it’s not Eunsook’s fault!”

“Neither mine!” he rolled his tongue inside his mouth trying to control himself, “I know she’s your best friend, Junghee, but she’s not a kid! She’s a grown up and let her be one!”

“Don’t talk like you know her!”

His fist getting harder on his side, “I didn’t. Look. I know you care about her. A lot. I understand. I’m aware that she’s somehow became more vulnerable after everything happened, but you shouldn’t treat her like this! She took the flight here to heal herself if you kept hogging her, when will she be able to heal?”

Kibum got his point but Junghee is too busy protecting her friend she doesn’t even try to swallow all the words from him.  

“I don’t need you lecturing me how I treat my friend! Just.. just keep your hand away from her!”

“What if I refuse?”

“What did you just said?!”

Kibum hesitated to say something more, so he just stood there, lips sealed together, his eyes drilling a hole through the air. Junghee flustered and doesn’t know what to do, she expected him to give some counter attack harsher than before. Not a serious answer like that.

“Listen, leave her alone or I would never speak to you again!”

She left him standing by the island counter and paced to her room upstairs. When she passed Eunsook who just went back inside the house after called her partner in Milan at the porch, she purposely darted her eyes away. The latter confused but knowing that her best friend has such a temper, she decided to let it go.

A small smile formed on her face when she saw Kibum’s by the kitchen.

“Is everything alright?” Kibum turned his head and just shrugged, “Kibum?”

Eunsook sensed something’s wrong by the flat expression on his face.

“Nothing.”

She’s the least person he wanted to encounter at the second, he tried to avoid her but the look she gave him just made everything more uncomfortable.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty much.”

“Hmm.. I don’t think so.”

“No, really.”

“Come on, you can talk about it.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“Eunsook, I’m okay. Let’s just shake it off, I’m tired.”

He told her the truth, actually. Kibum’s just exhausted and he needs his time to compose himself after the heated conversation with Junghee.

“What’s wrong with you? Is Junghee okay?”

“Why don’t you just ask your best friend, huh? She’s the one who started! Why should I am the one who feel guilty here?!”

It seems like that was his final giveaway. His pitched showed up, startling Eunsook a little bit. The stern look he put is not making it easier for her. Inside, Kibum wants to kick himself on the shin for being such an asshole just now, helpless under the invisible spell Eunsook sent him.

And feels guilty he is, indeed. She had nothing to do and he just exploded ridiculously in front of her. So he dropped the glass he hold to the sink recklessly, the loud clank on its metal surface dropped a frown on Eunsook’s face, and just went to his room, leaving strange stagnant on the air for her.

Confused and a little disappointed, Eunsook just swallowed back all the sentences she prepared to thank him for the nice afternoon they shared.

***

Thirty minutes passed with Kibum paced back and forth behind his closed door. Sometimes he sat at the edge of his bed, tapped his foot on the floor restlessly, and stood up again, repeating the monotonous anxiety attack.

Seriously, he felt awful not only because he snapped on a girl that supposed to be his current major crush until this morning, but also because he realized how helpless he was in front of the girl. And all those feeling had taken him sunken deep on ocean of guilty.

Junghee might be right, the way he treated Eunsook just now could cause huge mess. This is the first time since almost forever Kibum does care about his image in front of other. Suddenly he’s afraid she might think he’s the biggest jerk on earth who had this hot and cold attitude, once a very nice and kind guy then yell on her face for something she didn’t even know just for the reason he lose control on stupid stuffs.

He doesn’t want that.

“Why are you so stupid, Kim Kibum…”

He threw himself on the mattress and kept staring on the ceiling for solid ten minutes before he jolted to the door, took one deep breath, and carefully pushed it forward.

The living room is empty, leaving only small aquarium at the corner being the source of light. However, when looked across the room, dim light seeped through small gap between the floor and the door of Eunsook’s room.

She’s still awake.

“Eunsook?”

The soft knock on the door didn’t reciprocate. The drumroll banging inside his chest became louder each second passed in silent.

“Lee Eunsook? Can I come in?”

He waited again but nothing happened.

Is she mad at me? Shit.

Various scenarios flashed on his mind and not any single of it makes him comfortable. He might regret it later, but his guts are so much makes sense more than anything.

Slowly he opened the door, but the scene welcomes him is way more unpredictable.

On her bed, Eunsook’s sleeping like a five years old, blanket tucked until her chin and hair splattered here and there but somehow framed her soft jaw as if someone did it on purpose. And Kibum, Kibum just stiffen right on the threshold, hand glued to the handle.

How come a girl can turn someone defenseless without doing anything?

She just breathes, her shoulder moves in a slow rhythm. Kibum knew he’s crazy but he swear in such distance he can see how her eyelashes intertwined each other hiding the beautiful eyes she had, kissed her cheeks in silent melody. If he had camera in his hand, he would had already taken hundreds picture of her sleeping.

Creepy, he knows.

But in Kibum justification, everyone should be creepy once in a while when they’re in love, shouldn’t they?

Ah. In love?

Kibum gripped his chest for a moment and decided to turn of the light before he closed the door cautiously.

“Forget it, Kim Kibum..”

***

Chapter 3