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twisted-wonderland-shenanigans · 2 years

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HELLO - BEFORE YOU READ THIS ASK IDK IF YOUR ENG ONLY SO DELETE THE ASK IF YOU DON'T WANT FUTURE EVENT SPOILERS BUT IF YOU'RE CAUGHT UP WITH JP SERVER EVENTS/DON'T MIND THEN! THAT'S AWESOME! SORRY FOR THE BRAINROT!

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUR MONSTER AU ('tis the one who left copious tags on your humans is weird thing starring cater, call me fluff) AND I FIGURED ID SEND IN AN ASK BECAUSE. I LOVE YOUR AU. AND YOUR BRAIN IS AMAZING.

Anywho

I'm thinking about some of the events like the Scalding sands event (or even the Harveston event) where some of the students go out away from the college and stuff - specifically the Scalding sands one because that's the one I know most about

But, like, Jamil being EVEN MORE STRESSED! Because! Not only does he have to keep an eye on Kalim, and some other classmates, but he was worried about Malleus getting into a bind... And having to bring along a HUMAN?! He'd be returning to NRC with a headache for sure lmao

Anyways I just wanted to share the fact that that was on my mind and see what you thought of it lol

- Fluff

I appreciate the spoiler warning, but while I do play the English version of the game, I am very much caught up in all the Japan server events and the shenanigans that have happened! :D Feel free to scream all the brainrot ideas at me! ÒwÓ

Thank you so much, Fluff anon~! (Though I know who you are~ >w>) It makes me so happy knowing that so many people love this AU so much, I can’t even begin to thank you all for all the love and support! QvQ

Ahem! Now then, on to the chaotic musings~ UvU

You actually touched up on a very good point: Twisted Wonderland’s events! Now, we know in the normal game that Yuu tends to get dragged into the thick of each event’s shenanigans in some way, shape, or form. However, in the Monster AU, the stakes and risks are much higher being the only human around whether they’re normal Yuu or mini!Yuu.

Halloween was even more of a nightmare for Yuu and the staff once the Magicam monsters began terrorizing both versions to post to their accounts, with several being arrested and charged by the school and research institutions for “threatening a critically endangered species” and stressing them out unnecessarily (serves them right though when they broke into Ramshackle like in the game. >.>) When it came to mini!Yuu though...let’s just say that Crowley and the rest of the school showed those Magicam monsters that it was unwise to make a scared toddler cry. Say goodbye to any social clout they had online or in real life once Mom Vil is through with them, let alone once big brothers Ortho and Idia upload crystal clear videos of their selfish and cruel disregard for the child’s comfort! >:V

Both Yuu’s are going to be very well protected and cared for once all is said and done, and they're going to get so many treats! I did, however, get a very interesting ask involving Yuu and the Halloween event, so I’m gonna play around with that idea as a scenario of sorts, as it sounds fun being “Home Alone” if you catch my drift~ >w>

Anyway, ghost Marriage, Beans Day, Fairy Gala, Harveston’s Kelkkarotu, and even the second half of the Halloween event? Yup, each one winds up being twice as chaotic than the original as it is definitely going to be hard to ignore a human walking around. Harveston will likely be the least stressful by comparison, as I’d imagine the village would be warm and welcoming to both Yuu’s as they celebrate the event together!

The Scalding Sands’ Al’ab Nariya (or “fireworks”) event, however, is going to be three times as difficult to the point it’s seriously considered that they get a bodyguard for extra security. Think Kalim’s family gets targeted a lot? Imagine a lone human in a place where thieves and criminals may be lurking in the shadows looking for a fortune! So Jamil having to worry about Malleus and Yuu? If he wasn’t stressed before, he certainly is now!

Mini!Yuu though has a much easier solution: a child harness and a carrier! The carrier would be one that can easily be swapped and worn by anyone of the group (minus Grim of course). They’ll be extra vigilant though, but rest assured they will be the safest child in Twisted Wonderland! (Also, can you imagine Malleus carrying a tiny human in a carrier on his chest or back? Adorable!)

Jamil is more than likely going to get a stress headache afterwards until they get back to school, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have fun in the end. UvU

So yeah, any ideas for chaos or just fluff or silliness, send them my way and I shall see what I can come up with! ÒvÓ

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland monster au #twst monster au #twisted wonderland events #twst events #fluff anon #faun speaks

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scott-is-hyperfixating · 3 years

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There’s a sad lack of fanfic and art for famous musician Semi, which is a tragedy, and I can’t really write or draw for shit so I can’t help BUT I can write headcanons for it!! This will also be partially centered around Semishira

- i imagine his general sound would be somewhere in between Bear Ghost and Will Wood and The Tapeworms vibes

- His fan base was originally composed of alt/punk people but a lot of other people got into it after he got more popular

- He’s openly bi, but he does not ever say that he’s taken, only that he’s not looking for a partner. (Mainly bc Shirabu does not want to be in the spotlight)

- Part of the reason he blew up was because of an offhand remark Ushijima made regarding a good friend of his who made music in an interview. Naturally, Ushijima fans looked into it and found Semi Eita, and decided that his music slapped

- His fans don’t realize that the reason Ushijima and him were so close was bc they played volleyball together at first, but when they did, they had a field day with it. They found old recordings of shiratorizawa games and simped over his serves

- Semi likes his fans, but is not scared to scold them if they do things like make fun of someone for not liking him, or harass other celebrities who’ve said rude things abt him

- Another big reason he got popular was a clip that got passed around of him calling out an interviewer on a homophobic comment they made toward a famous lesbian (idk take your pick so long as it’s not Ellen DeGeneres)

- He’s known to be outspoken abt human rights and social injustices, which gets him a lot of backlash from certain media outlets

- Semi has two Twitter accounts, one public and the other private. One day he accidentally posted something abt Shirabu that was meant to go on his private account to his public one, which obviously did not go well. It did not say Shirabu’s name, but it did refer to him as Semi’s boyfriend so despite Semi deleting the post one minute after he made it once he realized his mistake, the world knew he was not single

- His fans went crazy with this information, trying to find out who his boyfriend was. The first places they looked was his band, but those theories were quickly dispelled as everyone else was already openly taken.

- Shiratorizawa was the next place Semi’s fans looked, and they rewatched the shiratorizawa tapes and noticed that he was particularly close with Tendou and had weird tension with Shirabu.

- Shirabu’s social media presence was a resounding zero, so fans weren’t really able to get any more information on him other than his name and age, but Tendou was very outspoken on his -previously unpopular- Twitter abt his friendship with Eita so theories of them dating were the most popular

- Eventually Semi made a statement along the lines of, “Yes, I’m dating someone. I did not tell you bc we want our relationship to be private. Respect that.”

- TenSemi theories were going strong until Ushijima publicly came out and introduced Tendou as his partner. Fans decided to revisit the semishira theory, and were somehow able to find an old video of Shirabu complaining abt medschool while tucked under one of Semi’s arms.

- Semi did not appreciate his fans’ intruding into his personal life, and especially did not appreciate the frequent questions he would get from interviewers abt his mystery boyfriend

- After a while, rumors died down and everyone besides hardcore fans dropped it, until a photo of Semi and Shirabu holding hands at someone’s wedding is leaked (take your pick of whose wedding it is)

- The questions from fans and interviewers come back twice as strong, and eventually Shirabu gives Semi permission to tell people that they are together bc it’s a hassle for both of them to hide it at this point

- Semi decides that the best way to approach this is a post on Twitter, so he just says, “Kenjirou and I are together, stop asking about it.” Along with a picture of Semi kissing Shirabu’s forehead

That’s it! Please lmk if there’s some kind of au you’d like headcanons for and I’ll probably write them for you! I need something to do with my time

#semishira headcanons #semishira #haikyuu!!#semi Eita #shirabu kenjirou #scott’s hq

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callsignbaphomet · 5 years

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10 Qs!

Tagged by @lordfenric (tysm!)

1. Do you have an OC that’s basically a version of yourself?

I....do actually. I've said it a couple of times and then I get embarrassed and then delete the post. Anyway, he's a version of myself AND a version of myself I wish I was. Ya know, my ideal self. He also filled another role which I haven't had the need to put to use as hard in a very long time which is a good thing I think. He's grown, evolved, matured as I have. Any changes to him are pretty much things I've changed about myself. Basically he'll always be a WIP because I'm one too.

2. What is your favorite type of scene to write?

Ooh! Many scenes! Fight scenes are super fun! Love me a good gun fight. I think I like more dramatic and emotionally charged scenes. I think I'm pretty good at those and suspense filled scenes. Not to be mistaken for horror though.

I know it wasn't part of the question but my least favorite are sex scenes only because I am HORRIBLY TERRIBLE at them. For real. I've tried my hand at it numerous times but it sounds disingenuous and like I'm trying way too hard. I really suck at them. Got a bunch of half finished files of n///sfw stuff that I never finished because I just think I did a terrible job at it. Maybe I'll upload 'em for a laugh one of these days.

3. Do you write cliffhangers?

No. I don't like them. I think they're like jump scares in horror movies. Just cheap ways to get the reader's attention.

If I ever leave a chapter on a cliffhanger it was not intentional. Much less would I leave a story on a cliffhanger.

4. One word or phrase that you think you overuse (but probably don’t):

I overuse the word however way too much. Probably another one but can't recall at the moment.

5. Least favorite thing about writing?

Editing. Gods above I haaaaaaaate editing. Mainly for two reasons: I always think the sentence/paragraph/chapter coulda been better executed. Second reason is I waste a shit ton of time second guessing my choices in words. Listen, you don't need to tell me my vocabulary is at kindergarten level. I KNOW it is. Most times I feel like shit about it and waste even more time with the browser on dictionary.com looking for synonyms for words to replace them with so it doesn't look like a 5-year-old just tried to write a weird espionage (idk C called what I'm writing that and it's stuck ever since).

6. How much prepwork do you do before writing if any? (outline, scene breakdown etc)

Far

Too

Much

I overthink it to death.

I have my plot, characters, locations and everything that goes into it. To the point of what weapons everyone will be using and why. I take a crash course on the locations, the culture, languages, take an unnerving amount of screenshots on Google Earth. Check stores and hours of business. Traffic, population, day to day activity. Check the history of the location and a refresher on what happened in the years where the story takes place. Find ways to translate the local language. Weapons! I check their history, when they were made, if they're still in service, what ammo, they're strengths and flaws, manufacturers. Same goes for the gear they wear. Why are the antagonists there. What do they want and how do they get it and how can they succeed. Should they succeed? Should they fail? Why? What motives they have. What the history and origin of the mythological creature(s) are involved is.

Take all I just said and triple the amount of work if I make up a town or city for the sake of storytelling.

Tl;dr a lot.

7. Do you use any visuals to help you with writing? If so, what?

Nowadays I have to. I don't know, I think my brain is broken or something and I can't concentrate like I used to. I can see and hear the scene in my head like a movie and I can repeat it as many times as needed but as soon as my fingers touch the keyboard I draw a blank and lose direction. I've actually resorted to doing storyboards of scenes and rough sketches of buildings so I know where to go, why and what for. I've turned all my sketchbooks into storyboards.

If there's hand to hand fighting or with bladed weapons I watch some videos on YouTube or wherever I find them and write down what I see and later edit it well.

If I was any good at it Legion would be a comic instead but I'm no good at it. So I gotta resort to writing and even then I heavily question my ability to do so. I know I'll get something written and finished someday but boy is it frustrating.

8. Is there magic or new technology in your WIP? How did you come up with it?

Yes. Both but mostly magic. I'm kinda working on implementing more technology. I do also combine both magic and technology. One example is a small sphere made of plastic that can easily break. Place it in your mouth and bite into it. Inside is a light pink mist that feels like a warm liquid (also minty sensation) that travels through your body. It's a combination of adrenaline, pain killer and healing aid. Won't magically mend broken bones, remove bullets or revive the dead but it'll help in ugly situations. There's also laser weapons that run on crystals. So long as the crystal has energy you got ammo then just recharge the crystal and you're good to go. There's some more tech but that's for another time.

The only magic I've made up for this is Astral magic and its counterpart and it's been a bitch trying to balance it out but I've gotten there.

Portals are also a thing I added in.

Honestly I really wanted to add magic. There's supernatural stuff in it anyway so might as well go all the way. I just come up with these out of wanting it there or to fill a role.

9. What are you currently reading?

Nothing. With my attention span I'm lucky to get to the third page. Last book I bought is still in a drawer gathering dust. Was a Tom Clancy I believe.

10. What would you like to see more of in Fantasy novels?

Wouldn't be fair to make demands for a thing I don't partake in now would it. Don't read anymore honestly.

Tagging: no one but if ya wanna give this a go then go right ahead.

#tag game

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cptsrogers-archive · 5 years

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i need this in length posted here but i found it digging through some old posts. the original blog moved or deleted, so i had to dig through the wayback machine to find it. posted uncut in it’s entirety for all to enjoy

THAT ONE TIME I SAW CHRIS EVANS’ BACK SWEAT, AND ALSO, NEUROSCIENCE

So a week or so ago when I was on the east coast, in a moment of extreme weakness, I went to see the Avengers exhibit at Times Square. It was awesome, I somehow charmed a really sweet employee — ahem, operative — into giving me their rad as hell SHIELD beret, I bought Ellen like sixteen souvenirs (okay, two) — but that is not what I’m here about. (Ask me about the Cap t-shirt I got. Please. Oh my god. Ask me.)

What I’m here about is, unsurprisingly, the Captain America portion of exhibit.

The experience is immersive, all set up so you feel like you’re in SHIELD archives or the like. The Cap section includes the VitaRay (complete with a cameo by the salt stains from, you guessed it, Chris Evans’ back sweat), the rescuing-Bucky leather jacket, some seriously exclusive trading cards I Coulson’d all over, the Avengers uniform, and, endearingly, a section where you can test your strength against Steve’s. There’s also a little portion by the VitaRay that explains the changes Steve’s brain went through after they administered the serum. Being the massive bag of science trash that I am, this is where I spent most of my time.

The info graphic basically told me what we already know: that the serum enhances everything you had going for you before. So Steve’s brain is smarter and faster, the neurons have a longer life span, the hippocampus — that’s your memory storage — is nice and healthy; whatever. But then they said that the part of Steve’s brain that increased the most in mass and synaptogenesis was the amygdala. And I promptly lost all control over my feelings.

Cut bc this is about to get really gnarly. It’s science time, kiddos.

Let me prime with some obvious and not-so-obvious: neurons are brain cells. When they connect, there’s a space between them called the synapse, wherein the neurons can communicate. It might sound weird, but certain parts of your brain can certainly change in mass and size depending on how much you use the neurons and synapses there, because if you don’t use neurons/synapses, they will naturally slough away and die over time. For example, a young person’s hippocampus is usually healthier and larger than an older person’s, or the hippocampus of a person with, I don’t know, some kind of degenerative symptom like dementia.

Simply put, the amygdala is the part of your brain where you feel emotion. It’s also the part of the brain where you connect an emotion to an object or a face. So when Steve looks at Stark Tower and bitches to himself, what an ugly goddamn building, it’s his amygdala working. Similarly, when Steve looks at Peggy and feels that awful rush of sorrow-happiness-regret, it’s his amygdala lighting up. Same for when he feels sympathy and rescues a cat out of a tree, or feels a sense of duty and stays back to help clean up after dinner.

So what does it mean that Steve’s amygdala is bigger and more active post-serum? How does that change his day-to-day life?

The answer’s pretty easy: more connectivity literally means that Steve just feels more. Needless to say, Steve is already a bleeding heart. His main priority is putting his own needs last. His selflessness is unreal. And so after the serum this could only have increased. Steve probably feels an amplified joy at everyday things — he might get a smidge happier when someone dishes him up with a big burger if he’s really hungry, and he might laugh a little harder at one of Nat’s Old Man Rogers jokes than he would have in 1938. Steve probably wouldn’t even notice it, not really. His good moods would just feel even better. All the same, having your emotions turned up a few notches has a downside too.

You can probably see where this is going.

When something hurts now, it just hurts even more. It’s bad enough to watch your lifelong best friend fall to a horrible death; it’s probably a lot worse when your amygdala is just as super as the rest of you. When Steve feels anything post-serum he feels it in a way that’s probably very immediate and raw and uncontainable. I’d try to get shitfaced after an ordeal like that, too.

So go ahead and have a fun time applying this line of thought to all the pain that Steve’s felt. Thanks, Avengers exhibit. Fun for the whole family.

And what about Steve’s self-sacrificial streak? Obviously this too must have grown. I think there’s a pretty good way of looking at that, if you’ll suspend your disbelief with me: before the serum, Steve jumped on the grenade, a knee-jerk reaction, because he knew it was the right thing to do and the right way to keep his unit safe. He didn’t really feel a lot about it. He yelled for everybody to get back, and then he curled himself up and screwed his eyes shut and was ready to die right there. He didn’t, you know, shed a single tear of pain over it, or have to obviously fight down the rising panic as death rushed up to meet him.

But after the serum, when Steve knows he has to put the plane in the water, the terror’s plain as day on his face. He’s sad and scared and he’s about to die alone. He reaches out to a voice in the snow and tries not to panic.

Idk; acting choices, the drama of the moment, etc. But it’s also totally fair to say, imho, that after the serum Steve just can’t keep it in so easy — because he’s scared, and because he’s also completely 100% torn up over the idea of millions dying because he couldn’t save them. His guilt is heavier. His sense of duty is bigger. But his sorrow matches tenfold.

tl;dr, Post-serum, there’s a war inside of Steve. His heart’s always been too big but now it’s fit to burst. And maybe it’s an advantage, at least tactically — congratulations to Stark and Erskine, I guess, bc even if it was unknowingly, they weaponized not only Steve’s body and mind, but also the one part of him that was never supposed to change. They weaponized his heart. And it sure is convenient to have a soldier who is now guaranteed to jump on the grenade every single time.

#on leave { ooc };#behind the symbol { headcanon };#v: man out of time { mcu };;

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sentiniel-butitgetsworse · 6 years

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rwde

highly unpolished, awful explanation, but scene-by-scene commentary of unbridled annoyance and rage. read at your own peril.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so the episode opens with a fight scene. sweet! cool! but its so badly staged, sometimes you have no idea what is happening the first time round. it’s crowded and messy, not a very good look? im talking about grim being hid behind ice while the camera is panning and hitting some trees when we’re literally panning out to show someone else in focus DESPITE THE FACT THEIR MITIGATION SHOULD BE FRONT AND CENTER TO LET US KNOW IT HAPPENED CLEARLY. legit! there’s the one where nora shoots at a grim and the shell explodes into black dust and the grim is gone. did it die? grim dont usually die by fuckin smoke but this one sure fuckin did i guess ‘cause i literally dont know what happened to it? no recoil and fall, just deleted and hid behind some 2d-lookin smoke! sure! why not?!?!!!?

s/o to the white/rose speedy thing that had no reason to be there and yet they did it

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then there was the “adam ruins everything” segment where he literally just murders? everyone? like i get that its off screen for the younger audiences but also like he fucking murders everyone. literally! did i miss something? is it a good tactic now? did they think it was very villainous of him to murder people??????? god bring me back to the beginning when he actually has a good character reason for why faunus would follow him into revolution because this adam taurus is so bad he’s worth flushing down the drain for.

“tHe BeLlAdOnnA nAme HaS bRoUgHt Me NoThINg BUt gRiEf”

also that opening shot where adam is proud. jfc what? is he even part of salem’s crew anymore? was the Adam short supposed to tell us he isnt? is anyone reviewing this and thinking 100% it’s a good idea?????

wait why is this scene even second? that’s a really awkward position to put it in the whole episode? honestly? like it kinda underlines how awkward a villain adam really is; it has no build up, no reason to be there. sure, the audience is hungry to know what happened to adam, but there’s legitimately no reason to put it as the second scene in the episode, there’s no context??????

callout post for this scene because its literally just voicelines while panning slowly through the bottom floor of the room. and the blood only shows up later??? also is the white fang only comprised of like 7 people now??? isnt it a globally feared organization (ie. isis)????

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there are two bodyguards for the train. two? two. and for some reason they’re asking for dlc to provide more/personal protection? hello, did i miss something? anyone thought it was a good idea? what class of transportation did they get? if it was dangerous enough that on a train ride they’d need people to guard the journey it wouldn’t even be built there? or what, did they get a max-luxury, train ride with insurance kinda deal? and it had two (2) bodyguards? two (2)!!!!! or was it in the middle of the road??? i may have enough context for the environment but none on economy of this place i swear

“hey ladies we’ll protect you wink” jaune and lie ren literally sitting one (1) feet away not saying anything, could be everyone’s moment to justify “hey we’re literally huntsman despite being kids, we know what we’re doing” but qrow has to step in and apparently his credentials would ward off some bodyguards???? like “hi yes sorry im the dad of literally 8 kids, i can protect them all” not a convincing argument here bud

illia deserves more time on screen and also closure because neptune fuckin hit on her and that’s obviously enough to change scenes right

also neptune being “you really gonna let her go? l:/” feels like he’s salty instead of wukong tbh; wukong feels/sounds like the literal i can do anything kinda guy -- which he is in mythology and probably in universe (except for intelligence i guess, despite the fact he literally outsmarts his opponents through a lot of his mythos) so i dont mind him being let off the hook, but any hesitation implied during this scene? weak

illia building up to kiss but hugging blake instead, but blake kissing wk on the cheek straight up on camera yo really

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blake emos in the corner and because its queued up right after the wk/neptune scene its not a far fetch to say she’s emo-ing about wk but turns out its yang? would’ve preferred the setup to be stronger (blake watches yang get on the bed and feels sad/regret, zoom in on yang’s arm to show the audience but not tell them)

i give props to blake being shown “wait leme get that for you” real out the way though, because it underlines properly that blake feels ridiculously bad and wants to do something to make up for yang. good characterization/storytelling!

then they break it w/ like a 30s scene of yang and blake making up almost immediately with a “oh everyone will feel better about it soon :)” BRUH SHE GUILTY BOUT YOUR FUCKIN ARM BITCH CUT BACK TO REALITY DAMN the running away part is sincerely legitimate but also??? blake should be a/ more anxious than that and b/ be more worried about???? yang’s arm??????? for real m8

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“dont let anyone else die” a/ assumes the bodyguard trying to defend the train literally died and b/ also really fell flat? as a line? get something better...????

genuine dislike for the tactic of qrow fights the Big Boss and everyone gets a handful of weaklings; to stall? possible. but also just feels like a bad tactic overall? also their animations always look like they’re doing an rpg battle; one ability used + animation! then return to original position. that’s a big fallacy of fighting monty oum style and i genuinely hope they recognize it soon

“YOU’RE ATTRACTING THE GRIM TO THE PASSENGERS” ??? i get the part where leading them to the back of the train may help (having them all divided in sections [grim + hunters, passengers, front of train respectively] may help but how does automation attract grim again? like, turrets shooting at them would do so if they’re in range, and they all came from the back so they’d move along towards the middle, but also they wouldn’t continue moving forward? i guess? what im saying is they should really just be around jnxr + oscar instead of way forward in front

when the bodyguard tried to get into the train and barely made it, that SNAP sound was just. raw. i felt that. good! i was very scared/horrified/eager to see if they’d literally break off his arm and he’d just be lying there in a pool of blood or something in shock. he didnt because of aura and i don’t know what to say because a/ it definitely wouldn’t be a bruise and b/ if he had aura and was in the bodyguarding business, wouldn’t he also have a proper semblance to fight off grim most likely? and he aint using it so why he so confident for dlc earlier the heck

bumblebee looks back to the carriage and one lady’s just with her baby like a cheap heartstrings tug

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL US THAT” yang’s line here assumes that they’ve asked about it before and ozpin/oscar refused to answer. i disagree? i think it works better with “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THAT?” because it definitely was a factor they’d all have to take into account with regards to travelling w/ it in the first place. which they are. tbh yang (and jaune in the op) has every right to be mad at him real talk but also change that line please it bothered me so much

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blake sees the hooded adam figure and honestly idk what kind of omen that is but it feels/looks weird. another no context scene i guess. tbh id take that one out of this episode entirely and shuffle it next episode probably. (and put the adam ruins everything scene at the back of the episode)

grim stop chasing because tunnel. and then they chase the train through the tunnel really slowly? feels weird but okay i fuckin guess; these are just the things im willing to pass on

ren and jaune look at each other like “lets do it” but why does ren? look up? like there’s no extra effects there, its not visible that he’s trying really hard to extend his semblance out. no cool semblance-using eye powers there. it feels kinda cheap for him to do that w/o any additional highlights that he’s activating his aura? also creepy

OH THERE’S THAT SCENE. yang starts off the Big Fight Montage with grabbing the grimm by its horns and then flips it around. cool move! then she promptly punches it up and closes her eyes. what? tbh that was ridiculously weak after a stupid good setup. budget aside i’d say there was an opportunity for a focused choreograph there; instead of a punch up, use a bullet fire up, keeping the enemy’s front half up in the air for a longer period of time. run under, punch/kick the underbelly, bounce off to the side, bullet fire off the side of the train.

blake cutting off the tail was a good move. rt studios deciding to change shots when the enemy has the same pose, so that we cut to ruby fighting the same kind of grimm is not. it breaks clarity for the viewers, that’s not how matching cuts should work tbh

these big grimm dying in a couple of hits are also just? kinda weak-feeling. like these characters got stronger from rpg levels, but not from actual combat training and learning to outsmart your enemies, or upgrading your weapons. feels cheap.

ruby bouncing around in attempt to kill these grim is kinda cute? which may be what they were trying to do? but also not well choreographed i guess. it doesn’t flow too well, just bounces in seperate spikes.

when weiss redirects the flying grimm to ruby, it feels like its? not clear what she did. was it a semblance/shield? colour that blue, we know she uses white but white on white doesn’t work out well. ruby’s scythe sinking into the grimm also doesn’t work great because you get confusion when the shot is supposed to show it sink into the grimm, but you cant see the scythe blade sink into it. like you could only get it from context after watching it that she sent the grimm flying by doing the above, but dont recognize the action in the moment.

callout post to yang and blake fuckin shooting at nothing when there’s a clear path/shot to ruby and qrow’s big monster.

fireball just kinda looked cheap. there wasn’t a long breathy build up, and the fireball just feels way too fast (camera or distance?); reasonable that qrow would be hit by it, but cheap-feeling in the sense that it shouldn’t have happened/it felt unfair, that it happened. he should’ve gotten knocked on his ass by power/strength and being caught off guard, and it felt like more like “oh no he got knocked down! D:”

HHHHHH WEISS ICE SKATES TO THE GRIM BUT ITS NOT LIKE YOU PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE SOMETHING ELSE CALLS FOR IT AND THEN SHE LEAPS UP TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE GRIM. SHE’S WHITE, THE BACKGROUND IS WHITE, YOU LOSE SIGHT OF HER, I LEGIT THOUGHT SHE VANISHED BEHIND THE GRIMM BUT IT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. IN THE NEXT SHOT YOU MAY SEE HER AT THE LEFT BUT HER SEMBLANCE IS BLACK TO MAKE HER STAND OUT MORE BUT THEY DIDNT DO THAT FOR THE PREVIOUS SHOT WHY????????

“YANG!” yang promptly bounces off a grimm that isnt shown to have hurt or is dead from the fight and runs off to the bigger grimm as called. understandable, but the other grimm? is just? there? not dead? not doing anything???

also the we need to ground it idea feels really cheap? the grimm isn’t a problem because of its wings, it’s a problem because it’s being dealt with by one (1) person who decides it’s best fighting it on one (1) front vs two on a train. there’s so many ways to tackle this guy! we know qrow’s capable of jumping onto it, but all he’s doing is that, instead of moving to the other side and maybe catching it off guard?????? qrow, fight fucking better.

s/o to qrow/ruby pulling off a move together, cute but also they should’ve been slicing it at different points of the grimm, because they would’ve just died right away if they both went on the same plane? or anywhere near each other? weapons are fucking dangerous we remember right?

GRIMM LAUNCHES A FIREBALL AND IT GOES ON AN UPWARDS TRAJECTORY. IT DOESNT AND INSTEAD GOES IN AN ARC WHEN IT NEVER NEEDED TO. HERE’S HOW YOU COULD DERAIL THE TRAIN. FIREBALL, MOUNTAIN, AVALANCHE/ROCKSLIDE, TRAIN DESTRUCTION. OLD GRANDMA THAT STUMBLES OUT OF THAT/APPEARS BEHIND THE TEAM AFTERWARDS IS MORE IMPRESSIVE FOR HAVING ADAPTED TO THAT FROM INSIDE THE TRAIN THAN TO JUST SIT THERE AND POP OUT LATER LIKE xD lmao wassup yall?

---

yeah thats it and here’d be the adam ruins everything scene right before the opening but we cant get what we want so w/e

#rwde

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ultraviolettae · 7 years

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Hi! In your masterlist it says that we can request drabbles and povs from any of the stories. I´m really curious about the first time Taehyung and mc met, since she just appeared inside his house out of nowhere. Thank you in advance if you actually write it !

Okay so, this is the first ever draft I ever wrote for Void and I think I even posted it on here but deleted it very quickly. There are some sentences I´ve included in the other version because I didn´t want to delete this first try of writing the first chapter, so sorry if some bits sound familiar. Also here the mc has a motorbike and stuff but let´s just say she sold it because I discarded the idea of her needing those things after thinking about it.

Anyway, I hope this 4k of nonsense does the job (?) Idk but here´s how they met:

I run my hands through the wet locks of hair making sure every bit of themis covered in shampoo and I relax as I rinse the excess with warm water. Oncemy hair is washed I hug my knees seeking to increase my body temperature, butthe position makes it impossible for the water to reach past my waist, so I layon my back again. Staring at the cracked ceiling, I hum to an old song tryingto avoid my thoughts. The sound of liquid in movement fills the room as I turninside the bathtub to face the door, and I close my eyes. What if I stayed hereforever? I know it´s not a possibility I should even consider, and I reprimandmyself for it. Only thirty minutes left.

I walk towards the fridge with just a towel wrapped around my body, and Ifrown in disappointment when I open it. There´s nothing inside and my stomachtwists in both hunger and frustration. I give up after finding out the freezeris just as empty, and I close it with strength that isn´t needed for completingsuch a simple task. Twenty minutes.

The wet piece of fabric falls to the floor and I nonchalantly walk towardsmy clothes, the silhouette of my body barely reflecting on the window in frontof me. While I fasten my bra and zip up my jeans I think about how I´ve grownfond of nudity in the past few months. I come to the conclusion that solitudehas made me careless about things I used to be ashamed of. Ten minutes.

I roam around the house collecting my belongings and making sure everythingis in the place where it´s expected to be, paying attention to every detail andevery possible mistake that could turn into a hint of my stay. Five minutes.

The last thing I do is drink a glass of water and lace my shoes, my heartracing a bit. As many times as I´ve done this before, it still gets on mynerves sometimes and I have to breathe deeply to calm myself. Time´s up.

In the distance, I observe the arrival of a black car, the lights pointingin the opposite direction as to where I´m standing. A young couple exitsit, the same people I had seen in pictures all around the house now standingfive mere meters away from me. He lines their suitcases in the entrance whileshe keeps the vehicle in the garage. The door is unlocked by its correspondentkey and no suspicion, no concern, no fear appears on their faces. I exhaleheavily, freeing all the air I was holding.

Once again, I have occupied a house without any consequences, and I can´tsay I feel proud of it. I knew from the start what I was getting into and,after all, I chose this lifestyle, so I tell myself to stop feeling guiltyabout it. My eyes drift over the door one last time as I place my helmet overmy head but I obey myself to look away and my stare focuses on looking to thesides instead, acknowledging the traffic rules for once in my life. The roar ofmy motorbike is the only thing audible as I enter the main road. There aren´tmany cars around me, which I´m thankful for. As I drive, I keep repeating in myhead that this is how it works: no attachments, no looking back. I can´t affordsuch feelings.

But at least, it´s good that I know where I´m headed to, to know there isanother place waiting for me.

It´s the first rule I follow, the next target always has to be less than anhour away from the previous one. It makes the rides short, and it reassures methat I can always go back if needed to.

Every place is a step further away from where I´m escaping from, andsometimes the thought makes me feel relieved. Others, it scares me. It´s onlybeen five months and although I´m certain I don´t want to go back, sometimes Imiss having a home.

A home. Back there, it didn´t feel like that at all, and I wonder if I knowthe true meaning of the word, or what it feels like at all. I speed up to passan orange light, the sudden incensement of the cold air reddening my cheeks. Ifeel frustrated with myself and as always, I try to push it away. If I feelthis way, it´s probably because I deserve it. Again, I tell myself that I chosethis, and that I should just deal with it without overthinking too much.

It takes me a while to find the city outskirts as the entire row of houseslooks exactly the same as the one I had just seen minutes ago, but I finallyrecall the route and as I park my vehicle I doubt if choosing this place was agood idea. Half of the street lights don´t work and the electric laying is allover the place, but as I walk in the emptiness of the night I force myself tonot feel intimidated. I´m searching for one and only one thing: red flyers.They advertise a new home appliance’s shop, which, obviously, only exits in myimagination.

It´s an easy way to do it: a few days in advance I place them in themailboxes, adjusting them in a position in which they are only half visible forthe average passerby. And now, the ones that have not been removed betray theowners: it means the house is empty.

Most of them are gone, and some of them are on the floor. As I reach theend of the street, I spot one of the red papers still inside the mailbox,proudly standing out in the dark. I hurriedly walk towards it, making surenobody is aware of my presence. I display my toolbox on the floor, next to me.And then, I proceed.

A slight move of the wrist to the right and then rolling it twice in theother direction, the precision and stealth of an expert. An almost silent clickand a small performance with the screwdriver. That is all it takes to disassemblea lock without damaging any parts of it. Fast, straightforward and never failsto work.

I make sure no one has seen me and I slip past the gate, closing it behindme. There is a small garden that leads to the actual house, and I run towardsthe main door like a furtive animal. With the moon being the only source oflight it takes me a few more minutes than expected to maneuver, but it finallygives in and I step in, not sure about what I´m going to be met with.

My hands feel the walls searching for a light switch, and when I notice oneunder my touch, I press it. I sigh in relief, thankful for everything beingvisible again.

So far, the place isn´t very nice. There isn´t much furniture and the scentis overwhelming, as if whoever lives here doesn´t clean too often. From whereI´m standing, I can count four rooms: a kitchen, a bathroom, a small lounge anda bedroom. I want to investigate more, but before I let my curiosity outweigheverything else a telephone placed on a small coffee table reminds me of myduties.

The second rule: make sure that I know where the owners are going toreturn.

I approach it and press the tiny red button, a deep voice emerging from thespeaker.

“Hi, this is Kim Taehyung. I´m on a business trip right now. If you needsomething, feel free to leave a message”

His voice sounds intermittent, as if whoever had recorded the messageneeded to carefully measure his words, but I decide to ignore. I hear a loudbeep and I immediately hang up. He´s gone – the man who lives here – and that´senough. The message had been recorded twelve hours ago. It means I´ll be ableto stay for a whole week.

That has to be the longest period of time ever gifted to me to stop over astranger´s house. A new record that overcomes those five days I stayed in anabandoned cottage. The idea itself is exciting, but I try to contain myemotions as I repeat to myself that no matter for how long, I´m just passingby.

My stomach growls and I head to the kitchen. It´s small and there´s onlyone chair alongside the table, which means its only one person who lives here.Kim Taehyung. That is how he had called himself.

There´s no refrigerator, so I open a drawer instead, tapping my footagainst the floor. I find a package of noodles, and I smile. As always, isbetter than nothing. I also find a pan and I turn the stove on, waiting for itto heat up.

While the noodles go from raw to eatable, I observe the place. The wallpaper has clearly been too exposed to the sun, losing its original color, andall the items in the house look cheap and overused. Still, there´s a cozyfeeling to it, a feeling I´d like to remember in the future.

That leads to the third rule and, perhaps, my favorite out of all of them:keep visual track of everything.

I grab my bag and extract one of the only two objects apart from my toolboxthat I carry in it: a camera. Getting rid of my shoes, I turn the machine onwhile I walk barefoot against the wooden floor. First, I take some pictures ofthe different rooms and then, extending an arm and adjusting the lens so thatboth my face and the different items I encounter appear in the frame I pressthe small silver button repeatedly until I have as many pictures as I want to.I stare at them, a smile on my face with as much oddity as expected of thegesture, a false joy reflecting in my strange actions.

The noodles are ready. They are slightly burnt and don´t have much taste,but I eat them anyway. I still find it weird to have meals alone, and I justkeep stuffing my mouth to stop the urge of talking to myself.

Then, a hollow sound reaches my ears. At first, I blame my imagination.Maybe I am talking to myself after all. But then, I hear it loud and clear.Someone is pulling up in the front door. I freeze in place, the fork I washolding now laying on the floor.

It can´t happen. It has never happened and it´s not going to happen now. Itjust can´t. With how careful I have always been, always aware of the risks, mybody doesn´t know how to react. At the realization of what is happening, I retreatin the sofa like a hopeless puppy. There are no more doors and I´m only able tolocate one window, too small to jump through it. I think about hiding, but it´stoo late. A tall man is standing in the lounge, still oblivious to my presencebut already furrowing his brows at my shoes. They clearly aren´t his. The samedeep voice that had come out of the phone fifteen minutes ago is the only thingaudible along with the increasing banging of my heart.

“The trip was cancelled. Yeah, I know. We waited at the airport forabout five hours. My back hurts a lot”

And then, his eyes meet mine. I jump out of my sitting position and I staystill, too astonished to move. His mouth hangs open and I can tell he´s not pleasedwith the sight, not that he should be.

“I´ll call you later”

Someone´s words are muffled as his phone hangs stoic in the air, and hefinally hangs up. There´s a heavy silence between us, not leaving room foranything else. I want to say something, but in a way, I´m shocked too. It´s myfirst human interaction in a long time and my eyes can´t seem to leave his.

For some reason I feel exposed under his stare, and I don´t think it´sbecause I´m an intruder. His fringe falls over his eyes and finally, after whatfeels like forever, he clears his throat and talks. What he says it´s not whatI expected.

“Do I know you?”

He sounds distant, but comforting. I might look desperate to him, becausehe just stands there as if the possibility of me attacking him hadn´t evencrossed his mind. My mind has gone blank, and I can´t barely mutter an answer.

“No”

My voice sounds strange, even I find oddity in it. It´s weak and denotingjust as much nervousness as I´m feeling.

“Okay. Do you know me?”

He´s acting too calmed for the scenario playing between us, but maybe he´sjust being cautious. I observe his under eye circles and I guess he´s just assleep deprived as I am. I want to grab my things and go, but I don´t know how.His eyes bore into my camera and an undecipherable expression appears in hisface, his slender fingers wrapping around it.

I know he´s going through my gallery and I lean forward by natural reflex,coming closer to him. He smells nice, as if he had just showered, and I try toignore the way it makes me feel slightly dizzy. I can now see what he´s seeingand I swallow thickly.

Pictures of all the houses I´ve been to. He puts two and two together, and,suddenly, he doesn´t look as comfortable with my presence. I expectantly waitfor his reaction, but my eyes dart to the floor.

A pang of pity and self-hatred swipes over me, and I ball my fists tryingto retain whatever emotion is taking over me.

“You´ve broken into my house”

The way he says it makes my insides turn, and the urge to run away isbigger than ever. Self consciousness at the realization of what I´ve beendoing, that is all it is. I stare at him with doe eyes and parted lips. I knowthat if I have to beg, I will.

“Please don´t call the cops”

It sounds way more desperate than I intended, but I choose to ignore it. Helooks at me and it makes my accelerated heart stop dead in its tracks.

“Why not? It´s what I should be doing”

I don´t know. I can´t think of any reasons about why he shouldn´t, and Ibreak down. I break down in front of a stranger, and the hectic moment makes mecareless about it.

“I don´t have anywhere to go”

My voice cracks in the middle of the sentence and I know the words I´vechosen are not enough. They´ll never be, but they seem to have an impact onhim.

Then, a smart move. He extracts a tiny object from the back of my camera.After that, it takes him a while to speak again.

“This is your memory card. I- I don´t want to hurt you, but you have tounderstand you can´t just come in here and do whatever you want. Gosh, are youeven eighteen?”

He looks at me and I furrow my brows, but I submit and answer, even thoughI don´t want to give away anything about me.

“I´m older than that”

The palms of his hands are sweaty, and I feel bad for him. He probablydoesn´t know what to do and still, he´s being nice to me.

“I haven´t stolen anything”

I know it´s something he´s meaning to ask, so I just clarify it out of theblue. The tension on his shoulders decreases and I link my arms behind my backas if wanting to prove that I don´t hold anything against him.

“Well, if you are an adult, I have proof that can get you into jail. I-Ishow this to the police, all this creepy photos, and you´ll get arrested”

Getting arrested is not an option, and a shiver goes down my spine. If onlyI could make him understand that is not even a possibility for me.

“But I won´t do it”

The words are said with bluntness but there´s something behind them,something he doesn´t want to show. He´s pitying me and, although I´m gratefulfor what he´s doing, I hate him for it. I don´t want to admit that I needcompassion.

“Why?”

He keeps the memory card in one of his pockets and I follow him with myeyes. He pinches the bridge of his nose and alternates between opening andclosing his mouth, as if he´s not sure about what to say.

“Because, you remind me of someone I know. Too much. And it looks likewhatever has brought you here – what got you into this ” his hand pointstowards the camera, as if the object held a record about my days as a squatter “Itmust be something scary you´re running away from”

That catches me off guard, and I stare at him in disbelief, wondering howmuch of an open book I am for him. Our eyes are intertwined once again, and Iunderstand in that moment that we are communicating without speaking. He´sthinking about what to do with me, and I feel like an object in a showcase, himbeing an indecisive buyer.

“I am, and I apologize. I-I can leave. I never intended to harm anyone withthe lifestyle I follow. But please” I pause, not sure about if what I´m aboutto say is still needed “Please don´t report that I´ve been here”

He massages his temples, and at this point I don´t know what´s goingthrough his head anymore.

“How does it work?”

I blink twice, not sure about what he means. He notices and he signals forme to sit, which I do reluctantly. Him standing in front of me while I´msitting looks much more intimidating than the position we were in before.

“I´ve told you I won´t call the cops on you. But, I need you to answer allof my questions. How does this… lifestyle work?’”

I nod, making him know I understand his point, but I´m not sure about howto answer. I opt for the truth.

“I-It´s simple. I just search for empty houses, and I stay in them for aslong as I can. I don´t steal anything; maybe grab some food or a new T-shirt.But I always do something in return: cleaning, doing the laundry, watering theplants. Or it can be fixing something. I-I haven´t done anything of it here,yet”

He sits next to me, and I flinch even though he still keeps his distance.His kindness is imposing, and I still can´t believe that I´m not in a car in myway to the police station.

“So you´re good at fixing things”

His arms are crossed vaguely, resting on his lap as he leans forward to seemy face, which I try to cover with my hair by staring at the floor.

“I guess so”

I put a strand behind my ear, finally connecting my stare with his. Thistime is different, he´s looking at me as if I´m not a threat anymore and forsome reason I don´t categorize it as something positive.

“Then fix this”

He rolls up his sleeve and removes a watch from his wrist, the silver bandshiny against his skin. As he hands it to me and I grab it, we touch for thefirst time. His hand is warm, the warmest thing I´ve felt in a long time, andanother shiver goes down my spine.

But now that I have something solid to focus on, something I can do withouttalking, I quickly grab my toolbox and start dismantling the small object. Ifeel like I´m at school again, going through a test under someone´s judgingstare.

At first I think the battery has just died at some point, but then I seeit: one of the gears has slightly moved to the side. My finger pushes the tinypiece, pressing it against the top one. It all fits in now and I stare at it inawe before giving it back to him. He extends and arm and lifts his eyebrowsand, for the first time, he smiles at me.

It´s an inviting gesture, honest and maybe even a bit playful, somethingI´m not used to. I limit myself to fasten the now ticking watch, and I noticehis hand staying in mine a few seconds more than it should, as if he´s testingsomething.

I blush, and I hope he doesn´t see it.

“Are you scared of me?”

Again, his question startles me. He should be the one being scared, and Itell him so.

“I definitely should be. It´s not nice to come home to a stranger eatingyour noodles. Unless if it´s a stranger like you”

My blushing increases at the mention of the dinner I had made in a rush andI tilt my head as I start sorting out the tools I´ve used, ignoring what he hasjust said.

“What´s your name?”

I don´t know why he´s interested, and I´m still not quite sure if he´sbeing nice to get information out of me or if it´s just in his nature, but Ianswer anyway. I have to.

Then he extends his arm again, and I can´t believe he´s introducing himselfin a moment like this, but I grab it and he shakes it a little. Again, I findhis warmness overwhelming.

“I´m Kim Taehyung”

He makes me stand up, still holding my hand as if he is a doctor and I´m apatient who isn´t able to walk properly, guiding me to the kitchen. The plateof noodles is still standing there, cold and lifeless.

I watch him open a drawer and grab a fork, and then, he sits and startseating. I open my mouth, surprised at how he´s acting because it doesn´t makeany sense to me. Maybe I have stumbled upon someone with a double personality,maybe I was the one to be freaked out.

“You make some pretty good noodles. I´m keeping you”

My eyes widen and I feel like I´m going to pass out at any moment. Ifantasize about the idea, about how I´d rather be unconscious on the floor thantrying to process what he has said.

“You are keeping me?”

He grabs a napkin and swipes it over his lips, and I stare at how pinkthey´ve turned in just a few seconds.

“Listen. I don´t have much to offer. I live for my job and my job allows meto live. It´s not very exciting. With the years, I´ve become friends withisolation. And, coming home and… and seeing someone here, it made me realizehow desperate I am for some company” I listen to him, his eyes fixated in thenothingness and mine on his face. “Once, I was homeless too, and even now thatI have an actual house, it still feels empty. I don´t want anyone else to feelthat way”

His words make my heart sink. I want to tell him that I have a place to goback to if I want to, that pain has just made me whimsical, but I don´t. He´seyeing me with something I recognize very well: insecurity.

“ It´s not an offer. You are staying here, at least for tonight. I can´tlive with myself knowing you´ll be sleeping on the streets or something worse”

I want to tell him that I can occupy another house, but again, I don´t. Ithink about the idea and I don´t think about it at all. He´s a stranger, but Ifind comfort in the way he speaks to me, more than I´ve ever felt with peopleI´ve known longer. He needs company, and I may be starting to admit that I needit to.

“Okay. I´ll stay”

He smiles, and I return the gesture. We don´t speak for a while, and it´sdifficult for me to distinguish if I´m dreaming or if it´s all real. I tellmyself that it´s just another place, that the fact that there is someone elsewith me doesn´t matter. It´s temporary, something spontaneous. A part ofme is scared, but I suppress it harshly. After all, I have nothing to lose.

#kkreationsnet #void drabble #requested drabble #void #kim taehyung fic

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sorrynottoosorry · 7 years

Text

i’ve been pretty absent from tumblr lately, not that anyone cares, it’s not like i have fans, just some people that follow me, my tumblr has never had an actual theme, which is what i like about it, but every once in a while i’ll queue a lot of thinspo things, that happens when i’m feeling bad about myself, the title on my tumblr is “I’d Rather Be Anorexic”, i’ve had people send me shit like “anorexia is a disease not a lifestyle” blah blah blah..., i realize what it is i just wish i had it i’m not saying i can just have it because i stop eating or whatever, i’m going into college this fall, haven’t graduated high school yet but very soon, i’m super nervous for college, like the roommate thing especially because i don’t want someone to see me just laying around looking awful without makeup without clothes that cover every inch of my skin, and the freshman 15 thing it’s for skinny people that aren’t use to eating a lot because now they’re away from home etc, if anything i’ll be getting a freshman 50 at least, i didn’t get senior pictures done because i don’t like pictures of me because i’m too fat or one of my eyes look too weird or i have nothing to wear, mainly because i don’t want to look back at my senior pictures and see how fat i was, this being hopefully i lose weight in the future of course but even if not i don’t want to remember high school, not going to winter fest or prom because i can’t fit into a dress how i want not that i even tried, now i have to wear a dress for graduation day and i have no idea what i’m going to do, i might not even walk, i don’t want to get a job because i’m scared my uniform is going to have to be in size xxl and it’d look awful in it, i’m scared to keep living, at least keep living this way, it’s so hard for me to lose weight though, it’s not like i haven’t tried, i can’t stop drinking pop because i don’t drink pop to begin with, i already drink a ton of water every day, i’m pretty positive i have binge eating disorder, i sit around and anytime I'm bored i will eat everything in sight, i’ll have something in the microwave while i pour some cereal, i don’t hang out with my friends after school, we make plans sometimes but i always end up canceling, i’m the fattest out of my friend group, it’s hard to hang out with them especially in public knowing people see me as the fat one, so we make plans to hang out at someones house but they have so much food they plan on making a pizza and fried oreos and they have ice cream and bought chips, i don’t have that stuff at my house because my mom doesn’t like buying it for me, so it’s just hard to hang out with friends but not hanging out with friends means i’m at home bored so i eat, i have social anxiety of course possibly caused by how much i hate myself, i’m not going to project graduation because it’s probably going to involve swimming and god forbid i be seen in a swimsuit, ew, my friends wouldn’t want to hang out with me on the sides and not swim and i wouldn’t want them to sacrifice having fun to keep poor me company, i don’t even know why i’m writing this, no one is going to take the time to read this i mean i wouldn’t, i don’t want to go for walks because i don’t want people to see me outside and i’d have to put makeup on, i have never gone a day of high school without putting a full face of makeup on, another example of how much i hate myself i guess, i try to relieve stress by coloring in an adult coloring book, it kind of makes me more stressed because i don’t know what color to do next what if it looks bad to this color, that one was random idk, my favorite thing to do is watch netflix or youtube, how original of me, it’s just that i like watching and living in someone else’s life, it gets me out of my own life my own thoughts, i like watching peoples lives so i don’t have to think about mine, was that the same sentence idk, when i feel sad i like to watch a super sad movie so i can sit there crying and pretend i’m only crying because of the movie and not what’s happening with my life, what’s with this comma thing i’m doing, nice run on sentence, i don’t have a dog to take for walks, i would kill for a dog, of course i’m going to college soon so i can’t just get a dog now plus i can’t afford one, i would kill to be rich, i would get an in home gym and a personal trainer to come to my house, i’d have lots of dogs with a huge backyard for them to play in, this is just getting incredibly random now, i threw away the rest of the easter candy i had left, first step in the right direction hopefully, i’m just surprised it wasn’t gone by now, i want to blame some weight gain on my birth control pills i started taking in the summer before school, but it’s is such a low dose if anything it’d be like 5 pounds, i started taking it for my awful cystic acne, which is gone now thank the lord jesus our savior, but now i have hella acne scars covering practically my whole fucking face, which is why i wear the makeup, i also wear false lashes every day, it’s a bad habit i can’t go without them because now i think i look disgusting without them even thought before i started wearing them literally everyone complimented me on my lashes, now i just think my natural lashes are shit, don’t start wearing false lashes you’re welcome, i love skinny people, obviously like i hate them but only because i’m hella jealous, but like it must be nice to not have to worry about what you look like in public or how bad you feel while wearing a normal shirt, i envy them, don’t even get me started on the whole skinny shaming thing like literally why they’re perfect, anyways, i’m in love with makeup, like i have online carts filled up with all the makeup i want to buy, of course it’s thousands of dollars which i’d never be able to afford, and clothes, i love clothes, so many clothes websites that i’m just like when i’m skinny i’m going to wear this, it’s awful honestly, i’ve never had a boyfriend, it’s weird i guess i brought this up because i brought up the birth control thing, anyways, most of my friends were having sex in middle school and freshman year, i can’t even get a boyfriend, not that i’m looking though, like i’ve seen relationships on tv and from my friends but i don’t really know what i’m missing kind of, like i’ve had small things with some guys through like texting and stuff but nothing too major, i’ve been asked out a couple times but never from the right people, mainly from those guys that like ask out everyone because they’re lonely or whatever, i don’t really like anyone at my school, and like i’m fat but i like skinny guys but i don’t want to see myself with a skinny guy or have other people see a fat girl with a skinny guy, i’m pretty what’s the word superficial i guess, awful i know but whatever, and like i wouldn’t want a guy that likes bigger girls because i don’t want to be bigger so i don’t want someone to want me just because i’m bigger, i say like a lot, i have a lot of stretch marks, i hate them obviously, i’ve never been a big tattoo person, like i think they’re hot on some people but never really wanted any, but i’m thinking if a miracle happened and i actually got skinny in the future i might want to cover the stretch marks up with tattoos, i just thought of that a few weeks ago, this is like my first time typing out my feelings, i guess it makes me feel better maybe, but now i don’t want to really post it because i’ve said more than i wanted to, i don’t even know why i started writing this honestly, i’ll probably post it anyways because i know no one will take the time to read it, i guess this started because i saw a video of myself, we’re doing this movie in my class and i chose to be the director/camera person because i obviously don’t want to be on video, but my friend in my group took a video of use just talking and figuring out how we were going to set up the next scene, we put everything on the camera on my computer today so i was just watching through some clips when i came across it, my voice sounded so awful and gross and i wanted to hit myself, and then i came into frame and oh my god, like i know i’m fat like i have eyes and mirrors, but wow, i literally looked so obese it was eyeopening i guess, i obviously deleted it as soon as possible but knowing it’s still on that memory card makes me want to die, yes i’m over dramatic i know, i sound like rude obviously but like i don’t hate fat people i don’t judge fat people i don’t talk about fat people it’s like just myself, this one fat person i hate because i can’t stand being this fat person, i’m less happy, i don’t do things that might be fun i’m always like “one day when i’m skinny i can do that”, and it can be the most basic thing, i don’t live my life because i’m fat, back to the cystic acne i literally almost didn’t go to school because of it, like it got bad the past summer and i told my mom i had to do online school, i couldn’t face people and have them see what a monster i was, somehow i just said screw it and went anyways and it finally cleared up after probably a monthish of school idr, idk what else to say, who am i talking to, my future self maybe is reading this, hopefully you’re skinny, it’s getting late i need to get ready for bed, bye?

#rant #??#idfk

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