#i don't want y'all to strictly hear 'the aro community will support you identifying this way'

[aro-culture-is]

hey, i have a random question about being arospec and i can't really think of anyone else to ask. it's totally fine if you don't want to answer this or cant for any reason. even if you can just post this ask, maybe someone in the replies could answer. can you be cupioromantic and gay? for context: im a non-SAM aro (idk if i experience sexual attraction so i leave it unlabelled). and i like the idea of being in a relationship, even though i dont experience romantic attraction. but whenever i think about being in a relationship, it's almost always with another boy/man-aligned person. but since i don't feel attraction, i feel like i cant call myself mlm. would be happy to get a response from anyone but i felt like this is something i should ask another aro person

hi! I’m gonna split this up a bit:

can you be cupioromantic and gay?

yep! I’m personally of the opinion that any labels which help you feel more connected to yourself or a community, or which bring joy or comfort to you, are labels you can use. Even if they’re “contradictory” to others, or not the most accurate or something like that. Labels are meant for you.

for context: im a non-SAM aro (idk if i experience sexual attraction so i leave it unlabelled). and i like the idea of being in a relationship, even though i dont experience romantic attraction.  but whenever i think about being in a relationship, it's almost always with another boy/man-aligned person. but since i don't feel attraction, i feel like i cant call myself mlm.

so, hey! non-sam aro here, and I actually also id as nblm and nblnb due to complicated attraction reasons, and to a lesser extent, gay with many asterisks due to gender and attraction reasons. I’m not cupioro, but it makes perfect sense to me that someone who is can use additional labels to describe that.

cw discussion of ‘casual’ arophobia via amatonormativity in mlm and wlw communities:

I’ll be the first to admit as someone who formerly id’d to some degree as mlm that that community was pretty... hmm, allo/allo centric, to say the least. Maybe things have changed, but I doubt it. I’ve heard similarly that the wlw community can be fairly alloro-centric, though I’m not personally involved with it. personally, I don’t actively follow/interact with the nblm or nblnb communities due to the alloro-centrism. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t identify with it. It just means that right now, that community doesn’t have a strong presence of aro mlm, and may feel uncomfy about talking about it given historical stereotypes. That doesn’t make you bad. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re bad (excluding those who may actively be bigoted and arophobic). It means that like any community, there are inherent biases that need to be challenged. You don’t have to be that change, and I won’t ask that of you, but.

end cw

it’s likely that you’ll want to be proactive in self-care - you don’t have to follow ppl who you end up finding too alloro centric. you can unfollow, and even block them so you don’t see it. curate your experience. maybe some followers have suggestions for aro mlm blogs?

- mod kee

disclaimer under readmore:

Hi. I'm an internet stranger. I am one person. I will speak from my personal perspective. I happen to be more visible in the aro community than some, and this puts me in a unique position where I am asked many types of questions. I will do my best, but I am not representative of all aromantic people, or even my specific identities of non-sam or loveless. Sometimes, I might say something and later disagree with that stance. Treat me as the unqualified stranger I am.