#i dont care nothing matters anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bearsgrove · 1 year

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#river.txt #h*zier has no business releasing this fucking song right now #hi im not dead i just wish that i was #i wanted to put this under read more but this site is being fucking stupid so. witness the cringe i guess #i dont care nothing matters anymore #whatever cats and trees and waters and mountains and my friends and uh watercolours aaaaand moss. and skyrim #right

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me

#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything #guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of #and then distract myself with books and shows and nature #the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being #im losing interest in humanity and society #literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity #and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume #i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore #i feel so numb in one way #but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like #it wont even matter if i do #what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is #i dont even require that much #that is what is so .. terrible almost #i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into #i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here #it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so #because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that #so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck #i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao #but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people #without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters #besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life #so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me

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burgundykicks · 24 days

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I swear I am one more 'but he makes your mum really happy' away from drastic measures

#of course i want my mum to be happy #i love her and want nothing but good things #but i have spent too many years at this point acting like thats all the matters.#when does my happiness start to count?#NO ONE LIKES HIM #my family ask how things are with him and i tell them (once again) that i still dont like him or want him around and they just #'but he dies make your mum really happy'#and i simply cannot find it in myself anymore to care #(this is abt my step dad if that wasnt clear)#(hate that man)#and hes nkt even the worst part #its the way she ACTS around him #she is NOT the same person #ok whoops this became kinda a rant #soz #el rants

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iksydk · 2 months

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i think working in emergency management would be so fitting for me and my interests. i used to be obsessed as a kid w the cold war and civil defense programs. but i couldn’t articulate what i wanted to know. i wanted to know why they were the way they were, why they made the choices they did and what they’re doing now in the same way. covid fascinated me bc of that. i worked for ups at the time and i loved reading the internal information system stuff about it bc it seemed they already had some plan and i wanted to be the people that did that.

#i love systems!! i love processes! i love how they go wrong and how they go right and developing ways to make them more resilient!!#also i care about people and i know there’s trust in institutions to continue functioning and like i want to be part of that.#so like emergency management or social work.#but thinking abt going back to school hurts bc i’ve already fucked up my financial aid bc i wasn’t really ready yet #oh well. my own fault. no one made me do that.#it hurts to think about what i could do bc it feels like those opportunities aren’t there for me anymore.#im only 23 but i still have nothing to show for it. i should have gotten a degree by now.#and ive tried but i couldn’t swing community college.#but also like. i didnt know then what i know now. but what if it doesn’t matter.#what if i really am just averse to doing anything.#i dont think i am but evidence seems to point to me being uh. pointless.

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acedavestrider · 28 days

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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again

#me @ me: no one cares #sorry to keep depression posting i just dont know what to do #its hard to stay positive when everything feels so fucking bad all the time #covid shit is stressing me out. election shit sucks so bad. my health is bad my mental illnesses are mental illnessing #and if one more person at my stupid fucking job makes a fucking comment about my fucking mask im actually going to start killing #im so serious. i really cant do this anymore #why dont people care about other people it makes no sense #why are people so fucking horrible to each other. everything is so fucking horrible #one of my coworkers literally right now has covid and on our zoom call he was like well the vaccine wouldnt have done anything anyways #are you sure about that??? because you sound like you cant fucking breathe #idk i just feel hopeless and bitter and exhausted and like nothing will ever be okay ever again. and im At Work.#how are you supposed to combat this. what are you supposed to do.#no amount of cognitive fucking behavioral therapy is going to fix the fascism or the climate change or the pandemic or the or the or the #like literally why bother. it doesn't matter nothing matters!#i just want to go home #but then when i get home im like fuck. i really want to go home.

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gaygirldoodles · 1 month

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In my JD era

#heathers the musical #jason dean #jd heathers #heathers #freeze your brain #ive been through ten high schools/they start to get blurry/no point planting roots/'cause your gone in a hurry/#my dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den/so its only a matter of when/i dont learn the names/dont bother with faces/#all i can trust is this concrete oasis/seems every time im about to despair/theres a 7-Eleven right there/each store is the same/#from las vegas to boston/linoleum isles that i love to get lost in/i pray at my altar of slush/yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush/#freeze your brain/suck on that straw/get lost in the pain/happiness comes/when everything numbs/who needs cocaine?/freeze your brain/#freeze your brain/care for a hit?/does your mommy know you eat all that crap?/not anymore/#when mom was alive #we lived halfway normal/but now its just me and my dad/we're less formal/i learned to cook pasta/i learned to pay rent/#learned the world doesn't owe you a cent/you're planning your future veronice sawyer/you'll go to some college and marry a lawyer/#but the skies gonna hurt when it falls/so you'd better start building some walls/freeze your brain/swim in the ice/get lost in the pain/#shut your eyes tight/'til you vanish from sight/let nothing remain/freeze your brain/shatter your skull/fight pain with more pain/#forget who you are/unburden your load/forget im six weeks/youll be back on the road/when the voice in your head/says your better off dead/#dont open a vein/just freeze your brain/freeze your brain/go on and freeze your brain/try it #Spotify

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beardisable · 3 months

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how do i get out of feeling and acting like a victim without berating the shit out of myself about feeling like this and making me feel worse. all I've learned in therapy and psychology is that i need to be kind to myself to feel better but if im being awful i dont deserve that kindness do i !!! then how the fuck do i escape the cycle and not be a sitting piece of shit and actually do something!?! rraaghh!!??!?!

#like i need to give myself time to heal so i can become a productive member of society and help others #but if im not healing or getting more useful no matter how much i baby myself then what the fuck else is there to do #hwo the fuck do i do it i dont understand #vent #i am so deep into apathy i dont care about myself or others its increasingly harder to motivate myself through others too #so just. what the fuck even do i do yo #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #delete later #bc screaming into the void is also shitty behaviour nobody cares nobody can help its on me obviously to do the work damnit!!!#and clearly im not fucking doing it good enough!!!!#bc i just cant bring myself to give a shit anymore everything is nothing and pointless!!#god damnit #bear.txt

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send-up-my-heart-to-you · 3 months

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i’m out w my older brother and my parents to watch a film and i saw one of the girls who used to shit talk me at my old school walk into the food line for the cinema

simply walked past her and now shes downstairs w friends she doesnt really like, and im here with my family in the vip lounge ordering food

#feel so girlbossy #i’m happy as i am and i’ve grown past the stage of worrying what petty teen girls think about me #if shes matured and doesnt do that then good for her #i just dont care #frankly shes nothing to me #im gonna live my sweet life and she can do what she will with hers #it doesnt matter to me anymore

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ratwars · 2 months

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My lovely Lue <3 How is work how is your day????

#they put me in charge of payroll without a raise. i dont even care anymore. nothing matters.#at least i have things to do now. but it is too little too late.#ill be ruining everyones days before you know it anyways #ty for asking tho lol #-Lue asks

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milfygerard · 2 months

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Travis has a male "best, best friend" named Ross that's lived with him since he broke up with his ex-gf Kayla a couple years ago and who still currently lives with him to this very day and goes everywhere with him, including to every single one of Taylor's concert that he's went to, and there's pictures of them holding hands with each other as they leave the stadium together after Taylor's concert in Sydney was over combined with Ross posting a meme to his Instagram when Travis took him to that Sydney concert about a yellow M&M and a blue M&M being a gay couple when he had worn a yellow t-shirt to Taylor's concert and Travis had worn a blue t-shirt.

Jeeze, leave the damn man be, when the break-up article that Taylor had Tree write for this silly "Traylor" PR fodder after she sent her Dad and lawyers on several documented trip to meet up with a bunch of KC Chiefs executives all the way back betwen January and March 2023 drops in the next couple of days, let the man go be a homoerotic dude-bro who kisses his male bestie that's lives with him for years on the mouth goodnight instead of trying to insist that his and Taylor's relationship was ever more than a simple, impersonal mutually beneficial business relationship that Travis used to score points with his gay-themed friendship braclet making Swiftie boyfriend Ross by getting him into a bunch of Taylor's concerts for free lmao

I so so brought this upon myself

#ask #anonymous #taylor swift #sorry anon no offense but despite my comment this is absolutely not my corner of the fandom anymore #nothing on earth could effect me less than travis kelce being bisexual i truly dont care #and i am far past the point in my life where im using tshirt colors and the associated insta post as any sort of proof or evidence #i simply cannot do it. i do hope this is fun for you though and not like stressful or miserable which corners like this can get #remember these are simply famous people we do not know and once the speculating stuff becomes stressful #or starts overtaking parts of ur life its always okay to step away #i really do just find the article interesting whether shes actually dating kelce or not doesnt really matter to me in the least #though i do find him an annoying presence in the fandom he seems fine and i just dont care #thats all. have fun though!

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scum-belina · 3 months

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At my core I just wish someone would love me and care about me with no bad motives and just take me away from here.

#there's so much that has happened this year and so much that still is happening #I try to sit down and make a post about it all but I can't bring myself to #out of embarrassment and just the fact that talking about it all only makes me relive it more. and i dont need that #I've never felt this severely unwell before #it's been going on for months #no one around me cares #even my mom just acts all concerned and sad but then does nothing and carries and repeating the same unhealthy cycle #there's no hope in me #no joy just fear anger and pain #I struggle to laugh or to talk about anything anymore #none of this matters #no one is coming

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thrilling-oneway · 11 months

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Also shout out to the person who said in the tags of that airi post who said that half the debates in this fandom are over gender or sexuality because that’s true and it pisses me off immensely

#all the debates over whether VBS is gay coded or not and that their fans are biphobic if they don’t like m/f vbs pissed me off enough to #make me leave the fandom one of the times i left it. it’s also the reason I dont really like interacting with the fandom anymore LMAO #the thing is I don’t think it really matters lol #like mizuki is canonically trans but no one else is and I genuinely don’t get why people get so heated when ppl don’t have the same gender #hcs as them like it’s a HC not everyone has the same one as you. obviously this happens with airi a lot but with the boys being hc’d as #tfem as well? like I’ve seen people get SO up in it about them being called boys and it’s like full respect for your HC but #…they canonically are?#sexuality is a bit more complex bc while nothing is canon there definitely ARE things implied and since nothing is canon I don’t think it #really matters what ur HC is but at least be able to recognise what’s in the game? like kohane and minori showing attraction to multiple #girls but never to any guys. or an being canonically interested in kohane romantically or bad dogs being implied soulmates #and like it doesn’t matter what you ship or HC but loads of ppl try to claim this doesn’t exist for the sake of winning internet arguments #which is just So stupid #specifically i see this in the wxs fandom a lot over ppl HCing them as not mspec. especially with rui like ive seen loads of arguments #caused by people pointing out that he is actually gay-coded and then people trying to counter that. usually with shipping as evidence lol #and like sure ship him with emu or nene who cares but the coding is there so maybe don’t pretend it isn’t #this fandom is weird there’s like two sides to it of ‘everyone is bi and if you don’t HC that or like m/f ships ur biphobic’ and then #there’s ‘every character should be exclusively gay and if you disagree ur homophobic’#both of them are wrong #also i doubt clpl gives a shit about any of this #tag ramble over this fandom annoys me

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rottingfacade · 3 months

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#Whatever here’s last night nothing interesting happened nothing matters and I have no photos but these. at least I’ll remember i was there #It’s something #it’s some experience #Uncomfortable vibe for me and the people who actually talked to me were high schoolers so I didn’t hang out really #and didn’t follow when they left to get picked up #I got one instagram and felt like I didn’t really have much in common #Guy who invited me preformed before I showed up and he looked to uncomfortable to talk to me after just saying hi to eachother #I once again got high as soon as I was offered weed and just went quiet and sat in on the conversation without really connecting #I wrote down some names so I at least didn’t forget them while high #Didn’t realize the music would be so death metal-y so I stood away and smiled while wearing my snoopy shirt and rainbow bracelets #A fair number of men making eye contact way too repeatedly but silently without followup #without anyone approaching for just a light convo first made me feel scared and i didn’t even want to be approached anymore #A lot of pressure for showing up without someone familiar to stick with #Felt like everyone had made up their minds on me from the stares and if I approached any of them I was just giving a green light on myself #Either they already decided I was boring or already decided that if I said anything to them they would try to hit on me #Way too interested before if said anything is obvious like anything they say to me is just gonna be them like #forcing conversation they dont care about to get to what they already wanted #me

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mitamicah · 3 months

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#i had hoped this feeling would go away when i went to sleep yesterday #it didnt #i feel horrible #and pathetic #and unsignificant #i understand that you guys owe me nothing #the it is a privilege you even see and interact with my stuff at all #so i should be grateful #yet i cannot help but feel hurt #mostly because the lack of interest mirrors what my gender dysphoria and overall bad self image is telling me rn #my art doesnt matter #so i dont matter #my art is ugly and insignificant #because i am ugly and insignificant #nobody cares about me only what i can provide #and sometimes not even that #this weekend was my most productive in weeks #i actually felt motivated to create create create #but i guess i was too eager #because i feel drained #still i want to draw but i dont know if i feel like it is worth it #singing is prob no good either #i cannot give people a good time there either when my voice is failing me #so what good am i if i cant draw or cant sing #am i worth more than what i can give to people?#part of me says no #and that part is loud rn #what i can give is not good enough anymore #micahs thoughts

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trans-gay-blob-of-slime · 3 months

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Augh

#ive been through ten high schools they start to get blurry no point planting roots cause your gone in a hurry my dad keeps two suitcases #packed in the den so its only a matter of when i dont learn the names dont bother with faces all i can trust is this concrete oasis seems #every time im about to despair theres a 7/11 right there each store is the same from las vegas to boston linoleum isles that i love to get #lost in i pray at my altar of slush yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush *slluuurrpp* freeze your braiiinnnnn swim in the ice get lost in #the pain happiness comes when everything numbs who needs cocaine freeze your brain freeze your brain go on and freeze your brain #care for a hit? does your mommy know you eat all that crap? not anymore when mom was alive we lived halfway normal now its just me and my #dad were less formal i learned to cook pasta i learned to pay rent learned the world doesnt owe you a cent your planning your future #veronica sawyer youll go to some college and marry a lawyer but the skys gonna hurt when it falls so youd better start building some walls #freeze your braainnnn suck on that straw get lost in the pain shut your eyes tight till you vanish from sight let nothing remain freeze your #brainnnn shatter your skull fight pain with more pain forget who you are unburden your load forget in six weeks youll be back on the road #when the voice in your head says your better off dead dont open a veiiinnn just freeze your brain freeze your brain go on and freeze your #brainnn try it bum bum bum bum

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parallaxabomination · 5 months

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my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now.#i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

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