#i dont even know how to approach everything thats gonna come up with this foyet arc

[maschotch]

LISTEN I’m not tryna make myself sad but I did rewatch 5x01 and I can’t help but be fucking depressed at the fact that as Foyet is attacking him, he starts to say “my team....” but gets cut off. I just know he was trying say something like “my team is going to come and save me.” And like........DAMN. It’s so sad to think about that that was probably the only thing he thought about for the duration of the attack, it’s the last thing he says in the scene from what I remember, almost like he holds onto that in order to survive what is happening to him. And what makes it more sad is that it’s takes FOREVER for anyone to even notice he’s gone, and even longer for anyone to find him.

He was wrong. No one was going to save him. And it’s just so sad to think about that as he was fading into unconsciousness, the last thing he sees is Foyet’s face above him, not his team, his family.

He’s all alone.

"im not tryna make my sad" WELL WHY ARE YOU TRYNA MAKE ME SAD

no he definitely feels alone. ik foyet probably took him to the hospital right away but imagine if he had just left him there... lying on the carpet bleeding out all alone.. no one to check on him, no one to make sure he's safe.. the concern that he has for the others and the way he feels so responsible for their safety, and no one has that for him.. no one has his back.

tbh he probably blacked out well before foyet got them to the ER, so maybe he passed out with foyet standing over him. its agonizing. his mind is hazy and disconnected from the pain of the assault, but it hurts worse that he's dying completely alone. he probably doesn't think he deserves any better, but he'd spent so long telling himself he wasn't worth it that it startles him to realize that, even if he saw it coming, the aching is still there. no matter how hard he tries to train himself out of it, there will always be that innately human longing for connection. and even when he's built his family from the ground up, they're still not there for him

that being said, idk if hotch meant "my team is going to save me"... i think hotch tryna say "my team is going to kill you," the same thing he tells scratch. im always kinda on the fence on genuinely how suicidal hotch is/how okay he is with the concept of death, so i oscillate between hotch truly wanting to be saved and hotch accepting that he may have met his end.. either way i love that he projects his rage onto the team. they WILL kill you. they WILL avenge me. they'll make sure my death wasn't for nothing