#i dont even know if this is being too pretentious??? im still a relatively new blog tbh should i be doing this so early???

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[mousehole5000]

tgcf lb the third chapter 14 - 21

okay hit me with the lore

Xie Lian hadn’t spoken his next words before the teenager said, “He dug it out himself.” Startled, Xie Lian asked, “Why?” The teen replied, “He went mad.” -digging out your own eye okay worm

If there were demons in this world who would scam or entice the hearts of people, then there would also be humans who would fool demons. There would exist much ongoing exploitation and betrayal. He said, “If it was handed over in infatuation, yet only results in broken bones and scattered ashes, it would indeed render one’s heart to feel aggrieved.” okay also kind of dope i love it when humans and demons get some back and forth. also this feels like it could be foreshadowing

awwww xie lian giving away his only steamed bun what a sweetheart

everyone keeps telling me this book is also a tragedy but now im just laughing at the visual of headless ghosts carrying their heads around and bickering

chronic bad luck and chronic good luck meet... what will happen to our heroes...

Xie Lian raised his head, softly saying, “You are tenacious, extremely dedicated, and despite many bitter encounters with frustrations and dashed hopes, you’ve stayed true to your heart. More often than not, your misfortunes will turn into blessings, calamity to prosperity. You will continue to have good fortune, my friend, your future is radiant and will blossom spectacularly.” All the things he said were made up on the spot, so they were complete nonsense. - fhklasjksldfdfh i know this is a ploy but still this was funny. also why didnt xie lian try to pick up palm reading from another source when he fell? are they just not as good? is he pretentious like that? either way i hope we find out more about what he got up to during those 800 years

Xie Lian felt rather skeptical on how he only ate half a bun for the duration of the entire day. If young people took advantage on their good health like this, sooner or later they would surely end up passed out on the streets. - xie lian is directly calling me out for my quarantine eating habits im sorry king ill do better

Previously, it had always been Xie Lian telling other people ‘it’s alright, it’s okay’. Today was the first time he heard those words spoken back to him, leaving him with an indescribable feeling. - awww okay this got me

oh my god there was only one bed

again comedy of the year. “oh you’re putting up a curtain that repels evil thats so interesting. on an entirely unrelated note im going to make you a door”

Brushing past him, San Lang pulled out the bamboo chopstick. He swayed it twice in front of him before saying, “It got dirty. I’ll throw it out later.” - edgy bastard moments begin

Xie Lian could hear the deliberation win Ling Wen’s tone. One thing he could be sure of was that she must be in a difficult situation. He said, “Okay, I understand. Since this is inconvenient for you, then there’s no need for you to say more. In addition, the two of us never had this conversation in private.” - awwwww considerate crown prince xie lian

“What, do you guys know him?” Xie Lian said. “……” Fu Yao coldly replied, “No we don’t.” - all men do is lie. also love the petty little broom dispute. i know its actually quite intentional and that only makes it funnier. also guys stop wrecking xie lian’s home he just got it fixed up!! if anyone breaks the new door ill be highly disappointed in them

Xie Lian nodded his head. “That’s right. I wrote it. If you guys continued fighting in there, I would be pleading for reconstruction instead of renovation. Then, I would really have no dignity left.” - see xie lian said if youre not going to contribute to it then please dont fight in my monastery its been through enough

Earlier, when Fu Yao had entered, he hadn’t gotten to examine the interior furnishings. Now, after standing in this crooked, shabby house for quite a while, he was able to see it all. As if his entire body, from head to toe, was uncomfortable, he asked, “You live in a place like this?” Xie Lian handed him a chair and said, “I’ve always lived in these kinds of places.” - ive seen this quote before and it really is just that “damn bitch you live this like?” meme. amazing

Fu Yao did not sit, his expression also turning rigid for a second. It was hard to tell what the look on his face was. It seemed nine parts blank shock and one part schadenfreude. - THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE EXPRESSION I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT

In the desert, the difference in temperature between night and day was drastic. During the night, the freezing temperature was cold enough to seep into one’s bones, yet it was still tolerable. But come daytime, it was a whole other experience. The sky here was incredibly clear and expansive with dashes of white clouds, but likewise, the blazing sun was just as fierce. The group continued to walk, but the more they walked, the more it felt as though they were going into an enormous steamer basket. The hot air emitted from deep within the earth felt as though a day’s worth of walking could steam a person alive. - YES DESERTS YES

okay xie lian is so kind and so generous? he keeps giving stuff away when he has almost nothing and making sure that others are taken care of first..... love him

Xie Lian watched them put on airs. But when such airs were discarded, they finally got physical. Separated by the space of the table, the three of them fought with the poor water bottle, pushing it back and forth. - if these three really are who i think they are this is even funnier. the very clear toying thats going on is truly delightful

Even before, Xie Lian had always thought that although this teenager was always smiling, his smile often made it hard for people to distinguish whether it was actually genuine, or whether it was mockery in the guise of compliments. However, this time, anyone would be able to tell that there wasn’t even half an ounce of goodwill in his smile. - yeah that about sums it up. not even half an ounce of goodwill damn that sure the hell is not a lot of goodwill

He had Ruoye go grab onto something sturdy and stable, but Ruoye ended up grabbing onto San Lang! - awwww thats kind of cute. also the mental image... im going to make this its own post too but

im waiting for xie lian to cough up all that sand hes eating and say something funny when we’re back on the ground. i hope we get more very literal decisions from ruoye

It should be noted that there was a common saying within the mortal realm—a powerful dragon cannot crush a snake in its old haunts. - oh i like this and the translators note This is an old Chinese adage that basically means, ‘even a powerful man cannot crush a local bully.’

“General.” Nan Feng and Fu Yao both spoke at the same time, “What?” - CONFIRMED I CALLED IT tbh it was kind of obvious now ig now im just waiting. also again hysterical. if youre gonna hide your identities boys fucking lkafjfjlkdaf; try harder to remember that youre hiding

To be demoted again and again, to the point one couldn’t be demoted any further…… this kind of experience honestly felt too familiar. Xie Lian felt two gazes collectively fall on his body, but he pretended not to notice and continued reading the text on the stone slate. - this is a funny little set up for what seems to be a parallel between xie lian and this central plains general. he tripped on his own bootlace??? this HAS to be xie lian parallel what does it mean. oooh the common people on both sides of the conflict were the ones who commemorated him? interesting..

San Lang faintly smiled before he whispered, “No, I made that up. Since they had laughed at him before, making them kowtow to him now wouldn’t be asking too much, right?” Xie Lian looked and saw that it was really true. There was already no more text left to translate on the stone slate. He had originally wanted to sigh, but now he just found it funny. Thus, he also whispered, “Why are you so cheeky?” San Lang stuck out his tongue. The two of them were laughing when suddenly, someone screamed, “What is this!!!???” - okay they are funny and i respect the deception. also oooh scorpion tailed snake. oooh a horde of them. a classic cave blunder

“Yeah! The results are relatively the same as worshipping that rubbish immortal! The more you worship, the unluckier you become! “ “……” For an arrow to hit the bullseye despite being in a place so distant and unrelated, Xie Lian was left with no words. - oh my god xie lian are you wearing a spiritual “kick me” sign because it really feels like you are

HE GOT STUNG XIE LIAN NO

[narwhalhowell-blog]

danandphilnado --> narwhalhowell

i don’t have that many followers so i guess this isn’t a HUGE deal, and timezone wise no one is on so posting this now is stupid bUT IM AN AUSTRALIAN DAMMIT and i will yolo in my weird and untimely ways

basically i’m overhauling the aesthetic/branding of this blog (and me) with a lil exposition on why and yeah read below for pretentious over-explanation of something that’s #notabigdeal. also very explicit talk about phan and phandom and all that jazz so if you wanna fite me, you’ve found the post for you! basically i emotionally exploded on the page so like... yeah.

rightio, even though i’m relatively new to the phandom, i’m sort of not??? i started watching dan and phil in december last year and got a tumblr for them in about march i think ? either way, my blog was all over the place and it’s messy and i mean, that part of this overhaul is evident enough. 

but i’m 19 (turning 20, i hate my age, dONT LOOK AT ME) and even though age isn’t a direct correlation to the phandom itself i found myself more on the outer because 1. i’m an awkward person and never talk to people lol (2 bc this is a sideblog but that’s a whole other issue) and 3. i don’t really have anything to contribute ???

OKAY NOW I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT PHAN

i have never shipped real people before even in my trashy 13 year old 1d phase but dan and phil seemed special to me in that regard, and i fell into the trap of shipping them as many of us do and when i figured out what a demon and an anti was i always thought i was some attractive grey, until slowly my posts have become more and more demon as is my state of mind. now though, i’m just thinking to myself... i love dan and phil for who they are as people, the enjoyment they bring to my life, not the thrill of them being together or not. for many people it’s obvious they’re together, others sit on the fence, and then the rest just adamantly refuse such wild claims. thing is, i’m sure emotionally my allegiance will probably waver all the time - but i don’t want this blog to be about their relationship as a couple, i want it to be about their love. the love of their work, love of their fans and of those around them, and their love for each other (platonically, romantically, whatever way). 

i also wanna say that even though it’s so good that this phandom is so close, and people tag their faves in posts and there’s just a positive vibe??? to me there’s a certain cliqueiness to it all that just makes me feel... inadequate. idk, i’m sure this would change if i talked to people bUT

the point is, i’m changing this blog. from now on, i’m going to post COMPLETELY POSITIVE AND UPLIFTING dan and phil content (with no judgement of the boys, their relationship, or the phandom’s perception of the relationship). honestly, you can be a demon or a napstablook (i had no idea what to call the middle ground fans but this seemed about right lmao) or an anti and i promise you’ll always be accepted here. <3

also i kinda wanna get into non-romantic fanfic writing??? like idk, little drabbles about dan and phil’s friendship and most will be comedy probably but yeah just “dan and phil friendly” fics where the purpose is to appreciate and thank them as opposed to shipping them ??? i know no one will read them lmao but i wanna say i’m contributing to the fandom so lol

i’ll still post about skam until it ends (rip) but for the most part this is still a dan and phil blog. 

but yeah, i think finishing all my exams (and possibly failing lol) has given me perspective about what’s important. i wanna be that happy, pun-making positive member that probably isn’t popular but isn’t part of drama either and no matter where dan and phil go in their careers, i’ll be here to support them, and support all of you incredible phandom members too. <3

if you actually read this omg LET ME GIVE YOU ALL THE INTERNET HUGS

but basically i changed my url, ill change all my icons and things soon and basically i want this to be a more inclusive, kind, positive blog <3 thank you lovelies for reading !

[vitalmindandbody]

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like each others surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I marriage last year, the question of what to do about our surnames barely registered our discussions. We are both novelists, so our figures are on every piece of work we do. That we would hinder our own seemed a payed. There was just one niggling indecision. What would happen if we had babes?

I had always thought that we would just stick both our mentions on the birth certification, but I knew this didnt fairly solve the problem. Whose call would go first? And which reputation would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel mention, but didnt detect our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever tell you have selected, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle small children with it.

We could have just chosen whichever mention seemed best with our babys first name. But in that scenario, one parent intent up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us craved that. Plus, Id heard too many fables of parents being stopped at airfield protection because the calls on their passports didnt match that of their children.

The traditional alternative of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Quite apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to abdicate my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the appoint. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The disturbance was, he wasnt a fan of my identify either. Its precisely a bit unwieldy, he mentioned. Its almost Cockney but not quite. Youre incessantly having to spell it out. We looked at our moms maiden identifies and our grandparents names but ever objective up back in the same situate, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one surface of their own families over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a new name about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chitchatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done exactly this. Theres a fair fleck of admin, but its good, it wreaks, he alleged , nod decisively. Abruptly, it didnt seem so outlandish. This wasnt some childish uprising or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something solicitors did!

We mooted it with pals, who were largely unfazed. What figure will you go for? was the thing they were most curious about. Good theme. Could we compound the messages of our mentions and make something new, we meditated. Schedules were realized: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them quite hit the mark.

As our marry gleaned nearer, we introduced the reputation activity on a back burner. But when I became pregnant 3 months later, we were forced to look at the situation afresh and decided to change tacking. How about a region? I suggested. Somewhere weve called that we desired. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with batch to choose from but most sounded quite bizarre when attached to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro possessed a certain vigour, but naming yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might invoke memories of fantastic Chinese mountains, but imagine having to charm it every time you booked a “hairs-breadth” appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the listing, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we could pull off the undoubtedly Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would lead to a lifetime of correcting people who declared it Charlton.

Then Rob enunciated, What about Stone Town? The beautiful age-old city of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instantly seemed right. Stone was straightforward but important. It seemed good with both our first names and after a few weeks of trying it on with other calls would work well with almost anything we decide to for our newborn. It was perfect: a solid figure( with a potential for puns that was not lost on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our problem. We would keep our original surnames for act and borrow this new family name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your figure is, well, remained unchanged. Simply borrowing and using your new mention is enough. Informing your details and chronicles, however, requires a document of proof such as a marriage certification or, in our case, a deed ballot. “They dont have” official space of acquiring a deed referendum. You can write one yourself utilizing free templates from the internet, but lack of lucidity about the process solutions in some institutions necessitating an original certification despite the fact that no such thing subsists. You can either fight it out or you can do what we did and compensate 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the word on your behalf and publication and stomp it on watermarked paper. Dedicated the inventory of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential proofs over what constitutes an original credential, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps “its been” naive, but we didnt expect to meet with opposition. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it is necessary to getting married, we had ditched almost every institution moving, prohibiting the union itself, and no one had wondered us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern update on an outdated habit. But when we announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Picture: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our predicament, the common restraint was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history disappears far deeper than ones appoint. Its in accordance with the rules “were living”, our values, the gumption and shared ordeal passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the narrations we, very, “re going to tell” and the beliefs we will share.

Our beginnings are not in our identifies, they are in our centres. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her refer but because of her adoration. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even assembled, let alone shared a identify with, forms a part of my feel of identity. Why? Because of the behavior my “mothers ” talks about her, because of the pictures she has decorated in my heads of state of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the appoint itself has also supported a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its bearing. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really everyday identify, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and announce ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the mention was something we fantasized would help us sell the idea. It is about to change “were in” naive there, more. My baby, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be teased. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, children will come up with nicknames no matter what. I wasted much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was frequently elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your epithet picks in advance, admonished one sidekick( too late ). Its as if telling beings in advance is inviting a talk or consultation!

While my familys impressions apparently matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our motives, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, counselled another friend, who changed her surname by deed referendum in 2004. The suggestion upset my grandma but my papa, her son, understood. When I married my husband, he took my mention. Im still not sure his brother was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I detect. I love the notion that our newborn will be born into this new, specially choice and carefully thought-out family name. And if the working day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old family names we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, ancestry can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be appeared back on as the ones who tried something new; who instead of clearing do with an disappointing place, made creatively about how to solve it. Thats their own families legacy Im happy with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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