#i dont like. hallucinate a ton or mahbe ever

[queencryo]

i do kind of wish i could draw, so i could make my visions and scenes and stranfe creatures i see out of the cotner kf my eye and the gnawing certainty thats not a human, like. expressable and observable by others. (im trying not to sound like im like. being weird on purpose i just think aboht things a lot and see things sometimes).

photography os kinda dope bc i can express *some* of those. but. mostly only stuff like 'the loneliness of an empty chair at my mom's dining room table' and 'the strangeness of only one tree being lit here'. but its super hard to photograph things like 'watching from your car as a stranger vomits blood on the sidewalk until they die'!!!! and like!!!! if i could draw i could maybe draw those things UGH!!!!!

the prob w srawing is like. theres a *waaaayyyyy* lower skill floor. And also it takes way mire practice. drqwing has to be like your THING, and... i dont think im the kind of person that *can* have a thing, at least not for more than a few days or weeks (if at all). Otherwise, i feel like id make... *bad* drawings, rhat didnt adequately represent what i see.and thats horrible!!!! w photography even if im not super good at it yet i can at least *sometimes* produce the vision i see.