#i dont think anyone would be upset if you removed those scenes.

[sloppykyuu]

Look if I'm getting too much u need to tell me cos I wont stop sending in shit

So Issei finally gets a gf and if super obsessed with her (not in a creepy or unhealthy way just really fucking in love and happy that someone has feelings for him) so he tries his hardest to always make her happy and one day he hears her and her friends talk about their boyfriends and all their friends talk about how good their boyfriends are in bed and Isseis gf doesnt say much cos she wants to keep things like that privat (that's a lie she just doesnt want to destroy everyone else's self esteem cos nobody can compare to him at all) and Issei makes it his mission to fuck her in every position possible the entire weekend and he does and basically his gf cant go to school for a week cos legs dont function and she let's her friends now why she isnt at school and they r frustrated that their boyfriends never fucked them this well before (◍•ᴗ•)

P.s. dont be shy u can write the sex scenes as detailed as u want

Ah yes ☺️ i love ur request never stop sending them.

There was no question that the moment Issei met you he had fallen for you. The day he made you his girlfriend just proved it further.

He was arguably the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. He gave you his food if you ever forgot it, handing you his sweatshirts whenever the slightest of breezes would pass, and overall just spoiling you.

He was no different in bed as rough as he was, he always reminded you that you took him so well, that you were so perfect, and no one ever compared to your tiny, clenching cunt (or you just you in general).

He knew he wanted to keep you forever and made sure that would happen. He thought that he pleased you in ever sense of the word, so it was surprise when he overheard your friends talking about their sex life and not hearing a peep from you.

“He’s that good?”

“You have no idea,” you watched as your friend practically moaned at the thought of her boyfriend. “He’s pretty big too.”

You decided to stay silent as your friends boasted about the rounds of steamy sex they had last night. It’s not like you didn’t have anything to add in, you just didn’t think they should really know about your sex life. And maybe the fact that if you had flexed about how your boyfriend made you cum multiple times almost every night, you’d probably end up crushing their egos.

It hurt Issei just a little bit that you didn’t butt in to let those girls know that he fucked you stupid everytime. At least, he thought he did. Were you faking for him? No, there was no way. You were begging for him last night. Begging him to fill you to the brim with his seed, begging for him to slow down, that your poor abused cunt couldn’t take anymore.

“Y/n?” You looked up from your food. “You’ve been rather quiet. Why’s that?”

You shrug at her. “Nothing to add, that’s all.”

She squints her eyes at your skeptically. “So he’s not good in bed, huh?”

You eyes widen at that,”what? When’d I say that?”

“You didn’t have to, your silence says everything.”

“It says nothing! I never said he was bad!” You exclaimed in disbelief.

“You never said he was good, though.” Your other friend jumps in.

The look you give them makes their hands shoot up. “No need to get defensive. Some guys aren’t good at sex and that’s okay. It’s not your fault Y/n. Plus, you love him and thats what matters most.”

“You two are ridiculous.” You scoff and shake your head at the two girls in front of you.

You hadn’t even said anything, where’d they get the idea Issei wasn’t good?!

Before the girls could continue, Issei rounds the corner.

“Hey babe,” you jump at the sound of his voice and quickly get up from your seat.

“Issei!” You make your way to him and wrap your arms around his waist. He quickly returns the hug.

“Ready to go?” You nod and move to gather up your things.

The pitiful look they shoot you when Issei wraps his arm around your shoulder is met with an unamused glare before you two walked away.

The walk home was silent. Fortunately not uncomfortable.

He didn’t like how you hadn’t said anything to confirm that he was good. He supposes it shouldn’t upset him too bad, you hadn’t said he was bad. He planned to prove your friends wrong. To make sure your creaming pussy and begs for more weren’t part of his imagination.

The moment the door closed behind you Issei had you pressed against it, a thigh between your legs, and tongue down your throat. His arm rests beside your head, his other hand squeezes your hip.

He pulls away to kiss down your neck. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Can’t I just love on my girl?” He continues his assault on your neck bringing his hand down from beside your head to your waist. A moan leaves your lips and you rut your hips on his thigh when he sucks on a tender spot on your neck

His hand moves to rest on your thigh before slipping up it to your clothed heat. He rubs at the wetness that seeps through your panties before pushing them to the side and rubbing at your clit.

Soft moans fill his ears as he slips his fingers down to your wet hole. Gathering it up on his fingers, spreading it around and pushing two fingers deep into you.

Squeals of pleasure filled the room as he massaged your sensitive little spot. He felt you tighten and grind your hips down on his hand, groaning at your desperation.

“You want my cock so bad, don’t you baby?” You nodded eagerly at his words. “Course you do, so desperate for my big cock.”

You threw your head back against the door, mouth wide open as he continued to thrust his fingers deep inside you.

“Fu-fuck, it feels so fucking good~” you whined. Your fingers dug into the material stretched across his shoulder. He chuckles at you before pulling his fingers out, hearing you whine at the loss.

He pulls away from you and grabs your hand, tugging you to the bedroom. When you reach the room he quickly wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you.

His hands slip from your waist to the small of your back before slipping down to your ass and squeezing rather roughly. A gasp parts your lips which lets him stick his tongue back down your throat, all while he hands move from your ass to the back of your thighs, tugging gently to signal he wanted to pick you up.

You jump and wrap your legs around his slim waist, keeping your tongues entwined. He walks you two until his legs hits the bed and tosses you on it.

“Take your shirt off,” Issei commands you. He watches with hooded eyes and unbuttons his shirt while you do yours. Eyes glued to your covered chest the moment your skin is exposed.

You scoot up on the bed for him to crawl over you after throwing the blouse somewhere in the room. Where it went wasn’t really corcerning at this moment. Only the primal look in Issei’s eyes. His gaze soaking up your full breasts popping out of your bra. “Such a pretty little thing you are,” he smirks at your doe eyes looking up at him.

He grips one of your tits in his large hand, gently squeezing it. He pressed his lips to yours again. He pulls the bra down to punch your nipple with thumb and forefinger.

A soft gasp leaving your lips as he pulls mouth away to lap at your nipple. One hand kneads at your other breast while the other travels to your hips to unzip your skirt. He pushes the material down your legs and tosses it.

He pulls away from you unbuckle his own slacks. Gaze on you as you remove your bra and panties. Slinging your panties at him, giggling as he catches them with ease.

“You testing me, right now?” He smirks down at you. “Asking me put these on, princess?”

“Issei! Shut up!” You laugh at him before deciding to tease him and spreading your legs for him. “Please, ‘sei. Need you so bad,” you whine as you slip your fingers down to your clit, rubbing gently.

He lets out a deep breath and tugs his underwear down his legs, stepping out of them and crawling back over you.

He slaps your hand away from your pussy and grabs both of your hands pinning them above your head.

“You really think you make yourself feel better than I can?” He scoffs.

“N-no.”

“That’s what I thought. I make you feel good don’t I, baby?” He smiles down at you, running a thumb across your cheek.

“So good, ‘sei. Please fuck me,” his smiles grows wider as he leans down to press a kiss to your lips.

He lets go of your wrists before straight back up, and gripping his aching cock in his hand. “Gonna fuck you so good, angel.” He says, tapping the thick head of his cock on your hard clit. Watching your tiny hole clench at the stimulation.

He lines it up to your hole, head catching your slick lips. “Put it in daddy please,”

With no hesitation he begins pushing his large length into your tiny, snug cunt.

Throwing his head back and groaning as you clench tightly around him. “Fuck- baby. Your pussy is so tiny. Dunno if you can even take all of me.”

You nod desperately, “I-I can. I can do it. Please,”

“If you say so, don’t expect me to stop then. Got it?” He bites his lip watching you nod eagerly, eyes wide and glossy.

You thought that by now you’d be used to the wide stretch every time he pushed his cock inside of you, but you weren’t. It burned and it hurt but it felt so good. To have something so long and thick filling you to the brim. Stretching you beyond your limit every time he fucked you.

When he bottomed out, thick, heavy balls touched your ass and tip kissing your cervix, you nearly passed out. His dick so thick it rested and throbbed on your g-spot, causing you to cum around him while he pushed in.

“Did you just cum?” He huffs an amused laugh. Your cheeks flush a deep red and rest your arm on your eyes to cover your face. “Aww, baby, no need to be embarrassed.”

He ruts his hips into you when you don’t respond to him. Your arm falls off your face as your head tips back.

He pulls his hips back, tip catching your lips before slamming right back in. You both moan out.

Issei grabs the back of your knees to push them against your chest, allowing him to fuck you deeper.

“Ohh~” you moan out. Your hands grip at your own thighs. “Harder, please.”

He smiles at you before hammering his Cock into you. Your eyes roll back into your head as he pounds your cervix over and over again. Successfully leaving you brainless.

Your head lolls to the side and your tongue peels out of your mouth spilling drool down the side of your face. He keeps his gaze trained on the far away look in your eyes. Listens to the whimpers and moans that leave your lips as pounds into your spasming cunt.

“Squeezing me, baby, you gonna cum again?”

“Uhhhh uh huh,” he chuckles at your inability to answer.

“Aw,” he faux frowns, “did I fuck you stupid, baby girl? Huh, did I fuck your little brain out?”

You don’t respond to him. Too busy focusing on the quickly approaching orgasm. You arch your back high off the bed in turn causing him to fuck you at a new angle, even deeper and more pleasurable than the last. One last thrust has you cumming around him again.

Creaming thickly on his cock. The sight makes his cock throb. Your stretched pussy, accommodating his girth, and the translucent white that coats his cock as his continues to fuck you through your second orgasm.

He pulls out when you calm down, whining because you thought it was over, but you’re quickly shut up when turns you around. Propping your hips up, so your ass was in the air and your face shoved in the pillows.

He quickly pushes his length inside you. Returning back to his previous pace. He could taste how close he was. His balls twitching as they slapped against you. He leans over pressing kisses to your shoulders and cheeks, arms leaning on either side of your head.

Soft gasps leave you with each slam of his hips. The small pool of puddle of drool that seeps into the sheets makes him chuckle gently. He knows he fucked you silly, fucked you so silly you can’t even be concered about something you’d usually find so gross.

He knew you were going to cum again soon, hopefully with him, because your walls clamped impossibly tight around him. So sensitive from your previous two orgasms he knew you’d be coming in no time anyway.

A few more deep, hard thrusts later he had you gushing around him. Clear liquid splashing on his balls had him pushing deep inside you releasing his thick load inside your abused womb. Filling you up wholy. Cum seeped out around his dick, spilling out when pulls himself from your sore cunt.

He rolls you on your back and presses soft kisses all across your face. “Such a good girl.” He hums softly. “Love you so much, baby.”

He hears your content sigh and relaxes when he notices you coming back down to reality. “Hi, baby.” He smiles at the cute grin on your lips, cheeks rosy and stained tears on your cheeks.

“Hi bubba.” You sigh. He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips before running off to the bathroom to get a damp rag to clean you up.

Chuckling at the quiet squeal that leaves your lips at the cold feeling. “Feeling okay? Wasn’t too rough, was I?”

You shake your head at him. “I’m okay. But I do wanna know where all this came from.” You question as he takes in his arms, resting your head on his chest.

“Just wanted to let you know how good I make you feel,” he shrugs, a hint of smugness in his voice.

“I hate you.” You laugh at his words.

“Sure you do, baby. Sure you do.” He hugs you tighter to his chest.

He knew there was no question that he fucked his girl the best. Maybe he’d bring up what he’d heard, or really lack thereof, or maybe he wouldn’t. But one thing was sure, no one could fuck you better than him.

A/n: I DID IT!!! I finally finished this request. I need to get back into the dirty mindset lol but I hope you liked this cuz this concept was fucking sick. And I’m feeling better (for now lmao I think I’m alright 😳)

Request are back tf open!

[buckyskorpion]

11 hours - part seven

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x Reader

Summary: bucky is the mystery you can’t wait to solve. if you can get out of his bed long enough, that is. a biker au.

Warnings: gang-typical violence, sex scenes, alcohol mentions, probably more to come so stay tuned

A/N: hello i apologise in advance. pls dont hurt me!!! i would appreciate your feedback and your theories about where this fic is going! i hope this part isn’t too..... upsetting lmao. i wont be taking tags for this so please dont ask.

title taken from 11 hours by wet | playlist | please donate to my ko-fi!

masterlist

You believed, until now, that you walked the world seeking out dark corners and underbellies other people didn’t want to touch. That’s your job. The current case you're supposed to be working on involves a man suspected of drugging his girlfriend to take nonconsensual nudes of her and sell them to his friends while she slept. You’re well aware the world is a dangerous place.

But things look different now, in a way you never could have imagined before the Lerna. Those men were dead before you could blink, and you know life is expendable and fragile and so easy to take but it’s another thing to see it taken before your eyes. It’s another thing to take it yourself. And you know, now, why Bucky would only show you parts of his life and himself because this whole truth feels like staring directly into the sun - painfully bright, to the point where it’s all you can see and all the good things are reduced to a spotty, hazy blur.

You’re sitting in your office, at your desk where you’re trying to work but you can’t get the sound of bullet casings hitting the floor and the thunk of a knife in skin out of your head. There, in the centre of your tiny office, was where you sat on Bucky’s lap and kissed him and demanded ‘no secrets.’ Too stubborn to know he was keeping them for a reason, that maybe there are things you don't want to know after all. But you can feel his skin under your fingertips and the brush of his stubble as he kissed you, a memory you can touch, and you can’t help but think it still feels worth it. At the end of it all, if it was a choice of the Lerna happening or never having Bucky at all, you know what you’d chose.

As if he can hear you, your phone buzzes with a text from him. Joey’s at 7?

It’s already 6:30. You’re grabbing your keys and leaving the fear on your desk chair as you text him back. Sounds perfect.

It really is. Joey’s is your favourite bar, and just seeing the grimy neon sign outside makes your heart feel less heavy. This, after everything, remains the same. You still feel giddy jogging down the stairs, ready for the heady bass music to push through your chest and a whiskey apple to numb the wounds. It feels like the beginning, half-nervous half-excited to go find Bucky tucked in a booth at the back, dim purple light chiseling out his cheekbones and catching bright on his sharp smile. Back then it was innocent, if a fuck buddy hook-up could be. Now that you know you would do things for Bucky you’d never do for anyone else, that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to remove his brand from your heart- well. You skip a couple more steps as you head down into Joey’s, only a few minutes late.

You don’t slow down as you enter the bar, weaving through patrons searching for a familiar face. Now that you’re here to the urge to see him, to have him in your arms, is almost unbearable. When you do find Bucky, spinning a glass between his fingers in a nervous habit you’ve noticed he has, he feels your eyes on him immediately. He stands and you crash into him, burying your hands under his leather jacket to feel the warmth of his body against your palms. Bucky hugs you back just as harshly, the force of his embrace lifting your toes off the ground. When he pulls away his runs a hand over your head, down your hair, coming to rest by the side of your neck as if to check your pulse and make sure you’re really there.

“You ok?” he asks, bright blue eyes now dark and hooded as he stares down at you.

You nod, unwilling to let go of your grip on the back of his t-shirt even as he pulls away, and say, “Am now.”

“Need to talk to you, it’s important,” Bucky says. He escapes your grip with ease, because he’s huge and strong and it’s easy to forget that when he softens for you. He sits at the booth and you slide in across him, watching as he downs the rest of the straight whiskey in his glass like its water. That bad feeling is back, like back at Steve’s tattoo shop, but you don’t want it here. You fumble for Bucky’s hand across the table, and he lets you hold it but it doesn’t stop the dread settling heavy in your gut. You squeeze his fingers tighter, just in case.

“Is everything alright?” you ask. “Are we- did the cops find out-“

“No, no,” Bucky says, shaking his head down at the table. His gaze catches on your intwined fingers, the glint of his signet rings in the dim bar light, and says, “The cops aren’t the problem.”

“But there is a problem,” you say, and now Bucky raises his eyes to look at you.

“I need to tell you something, it’s important” Bucky says, again, and the dread rises from your stomach like bile to your throat. “You have to understand this, so you can see that I’m not- that this isn’t just-“

“Bucky.” He lets out a ragged breath as you cut him off mid ramble, scrubs a hand through his hair. You hate the way your voice wobbles when you say, “You’re scaring me.”

You almost make yourself laugh as those words leave your mouth. This scares you? Bucky, frustrated and nervous and clinging to your hand like a lifeline, but when he walked over lifeless bodies he sunk bullets into with a giant rifle on his back - that was just fine.

“You know when we were at Steve’s, and we were talking about Hydra? About Rumlow? Do you remember that?” Bucky asks. He stares at you like he’s imploring you to say it for him, whatever it is he’s struggling to say, but you don’t understand.

You nod slowly and say, “Natasha said Rumlow had it out for you. You said Hydra is your biggest rival.”

“Yes, right,” Bucky says, nodding a bit manically. He’s still gripping your hand tight. “Rumlow hated me, and as far as we can tell - or Nat, I guess, she’s been looking into it - he was acting on his own, to get to me.”

“That’s good, right?” You don’t feel sure, with the way Bucky is acting and looking at you all glassy-eyed. “No big gang war, or whatever.”

“I need you to understand why Rumlow hated me, because it’s not just- it wasn’t just about him, ok?” Bucky says, and now he’s looking around the room like that night in your office. Casing the bar, looking for exits. “He’s dead, but none of this died with him.”

“What is ‘this’?” you ask, and wonder for the first time, do I want to find out?

“The first time I met Rumlow was in the hospital, a couple of days after I got back from Afghanistan,” Bucky says. “I’d been honourably discharged, my arm was all fucked up and fried from a chem bomb and I lost all sensation in it so they sent me home. I remember I was lying in the bed looking out the window, and it was snowing. I hadn’t been anywhere but a desert in so long and I was like, what do I do know? I don’t own a coat anymore. I’m a black ops sniper, that’s not exactly a transferrable skill - can’t even put it on a resume because it’s classified. My arm’s fried and ugly lookin’. I’m fucked.”

“You must’ve been so scared,” you say. Bucky meets your eyes, and you can see it haunting him in the back of them - so much heat and fire and pain left behind, so much cold and unknown and pain lying in front. Your dad has told you a similar story, when he came back from Iraq, and he had the same look in his eyes Bucky does right now.

“I was,” he says, and you squeeze his fingers. He looks towards your hands again and says, “I was, and they knew it.”

“Hydra,” you say, and you know you’re right. Bucky nods anyway.

“Rumlow came into my hospital room and told me, Hydra helps guys like me. They helped him and look - he’s got a job and money and friends and a team again. A purpose. But I said no. I’m black ops, I know shady guys when I seem ‘em and Rumlow reeked of it. Just, Hydra doesn’t like being told no.”

“They target vulnerable, traumatised vets in hospitals?” you ask, disgusted. You can taste the hate that boils up, and that ugly, angry part picturing Bucky lying in a bed so alone and afraid and imagining someone like Rumlow trying to take advantage of him like that - that ugly part says I’m glad he’s dead.

“They’re highly trained and easily moulded,” Bucky says in way of answer, and you shudder at the thought. “But seem Rumlow failed and it was my fault. He failed over and over again every time they sent him to recruit me. So he hated me, and then I started the Commandos with Steve and Sam and Nat to target them. The only way to save the next poor bastard like me from ending up with Hydra is to end them, except there ain't a cop in the city who can touch them.”

“But you can,” you say, and you know it’s stupid but your heart has never been known as terribly smart, so you add, “Bucky, that’s dangerous.”

He smiles, small but it’s there, and he rubs his thumb over your knuckles as he says, “I know, doll. I don’t know if you know this about me, but stupid’s kinda my thing.”

“Very funny,” you say, rolling your eyes at Bucky’s cheeky grin now splitting his face. As quick as it came, though, his smile dies and so does the small spark of hope that maybe this story has a happy ending.

“I’ve made Hydra my enemy and I can’t change that. I don’t want to,” Bucky says, nodding solemnly at his own words and you watch him physically turn cold, stony and distant in the space of a second. “But that means that as long as Hydra is around, they’re going to be coming after me. First Rumlow, but it won’t stop there. They’ll come and keep coming and what if, one time, I don’t get there in time? Or you don’t get to leave your phone on, or even make it to a location before they shoot you in the back of the car?”

“No,” you say. You’re not stupid, you know where this is going and just- no. Bucky is being deliberately harsh, speaking loud and unfiltered to try and make it easier to do what he’s about to do but you won’t let him. That dread turned bile has now turned into straight, acidic fire pumping through veins and it hurts.

Bucky smiles faint and sad, says, “You said it yourself - it’s dangerous no matter what.”

“That's not what I meant,” you say, shaking your head vehemently, wildly, as if you can physically shake Bucky of this stupid idea and the actual pain you’re in just entertaining this conversation. “You know that’s not what I meant, what are- you asked me to stay, Bucky. You asked me, and now you want-“

“I know, I know,” Bucky says,  tugging your hand close to him now but it’s your turn to try and pull away, albeit unsuccessfully. “I know and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but you almost died. Do you understand that? They would have killed you, and the only reason is me.”  

“That’s such bullshit,” you say, trying and failing to pull your hand free of his grip but he isn’t letting go now and the death-grip he has on you, tethering you to him even as he pushes you away, makes your eyes sting with ugly tears.

“It’s not,” Bucky says, so sad, and you just want to kiss that guilt away for him even still, even as your heart is breaking under his fist. “You will always be in danger until the day comes where I can’t protect you, and I won’t do that to you. I can’t, I can’t be the reason you get hurt.”

“You can’t protect me if you’re not around,” you say, so soft you can barely be heard over Joey’s house music but honestly, you might as well be completely alone for how little you care about the bar around you.

“The safest place for you is away from me,” Bucky says, and that makes you laugh. Humourless, fucking painfully, but you laugh and Bucky glares so dark you’re reminded of the look in his eyes when he stared down at Rumlow’s body bleeding out on the ground. Through gritted teeth he says, “You think I would do this if there was any other way?”

“There is another way,” you say, glaring right back. “There’s not being a coward about it, Bucky. You lead a dangerous life, I get it. Believe me, I fucking get it, and I chose to stay. Ok? I wanna be here anyway, so why does my choice not matter to you? Is this some stupid excuse to get rid of me?”

“Don’t say that,” Bucky all but growls, and you should be scared. He’s scary, Bucky is dangerous by his own admission but you refuse to be afraid of him. Even when he’s trying to force you to be, holding your hand too tight and dragging you around the booth so he can pin you to the seat and you both know the only way you can move is if he lets you. As if he thinks he can scare you away from him, if he can’t reason you to go.

“I don’t care how dangerous it is,” you say into his seething face, inches from yours, teeth bared in a truly terrifying snarl as he pins you to the leather in a show of strength that will leave bruises tomorrow. “I don’t wanna be away from you.”

For half a moment, you really think Bucky is going to hit you. He moves so fast, and you’ve never seen his face look like that - hurt and angry and upset and half-insane all at once. But he just presses his forehead to yours, closes his eyes and breathes you in, and for another half a moment you get to think, maybe he’ll change his mind.

“You’re all I want,” Bucky breathes, so soft and quiet you almost don’t hear him if it wasn’t said almost directly into your skin. “But that’s selfish.”

“I don’t care,” you say, like a mantra now, or a prayer. Just hoping he’ll hear you, “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.”

“You should,” Bucky says, and pulls away from you just as fast as he came in. “I won’t be the reason you end up dead.”

Bucky sits before you like a solid brick wall - unbreakable, immovable, cold and blank. His eyes are shuttered from you and you know there’s no way to get to him now. There’s nothing else you can say. If you aren’t enough for him to push past his fear and love you anyway, nothing you say is going to change his mind. Just because you know it’s true doesn’t mean it hurts any less, though, as you sit there boxed in by this menacing stranger looking at you in a way you never want to be looked at again. Like he already doesn’t know you. Like you’ve already been forgotten.

“This was always gonna happen, wasn’t it?” you ask, more to yourself than to Bucky. You laugh at his silence, the flat set of his mouth and clenched fists on his thighs. Maybe if you never went to that first party at Natasha’s house and remained at arms length, sneaking out his window and never staying the night, then maybe you could’ve had him just a little bit longer. But you didn’t, and now you’re hurt in a way you’ve never been before. Your dad never prepared you to survive a pain like this.

You slide out the other side of the booth, tripping slightly as you climb to unsteady feet. It’s hard to see through unshed tears but you don’t bother looking back at Bucky still sat in the booth. You weave through people just as fast as when you came in, but for the opposite reason now - you can’t leave behind this dim-lit bar painted with the gorey tatters of your heart fast enough.

When you emerge onto the street you know Bucky has followed you, his hulking presence palpable behind you as you stand on the sidewalk and try and calm your rapid heartbeat. You’re surprised its still beating with how much it hurts, especially when Bucky places a hand on your shoulder and cracks your heart neatly in two. He says, softly under New York traffic, “Let me drive you home. Please.”

Instead of asking why, why does he care, why does he want to, if the safest place is away from you then leave me alone, what you say is a mildly whiny, “You don’t know where I live.”

“I’ll put the address in my phone,” Bucky says, calm and low as if to placate you but you’re well past that point now. You’re crying openly on the street like a lunatic as Bucky gently takes your hand and leads you towards his bike, manhandles you onto it, clicks a helmet on over your head. It feels cruel for him to be this soft after so ruthlessly tearing you apart, but you suppose it’s better than being left alone in the street like he never cared at all.

When you pull up to your apartment building Bucky kills the engine and leans in close to you before you have a chance to jump off and run away. You think, surely he’s not about to kiss me right now and you really hate the part of you that hopes he does, but he doesn’t. He just leans in close and whispers into your helmet, “They could be watching your place, after what happened. I’m so sorry.”

You close your eyes. Bucky’s right, this will never stop, but that doesn’t mean you want to face it alone. Your whole life has been carved out for you only, but just once you thought maybe you could live it with someone else. That’s not a life for you to have, it seems, so you take a deep breath through snotty tears and nod, say, “I can handle it,” because you know you can. You’ll have to.

“I think-“ Bucky starts but falters, bites his lip blanched white before continuing, “They might leave you alone if you make it clear I’m not in your life anymore.”

“You can’t ask me to do that,” you say, and all the resolve you just gathered is shattered as instantly as you found it. You’re crying again because fuck, nothing has ever hurt like this has, from the inside where you can’t find it or heal it or stop it so it just sucks the life out of you one painful second at a time.

“You have to, honey,” Bucky says, and you want to punch him for it. The way he talks to you like he loves you, like he cares, but he can’t if he’s making you do this. Break your own heart to save his. “Scream at me, send me away. They won’t need to target you then.”

“You’re cruel,” you say, pulling away from him. You don’t want to touch him anymore, can’t stand to be this close so you trip off the bike and stumble down the street. Bucky stares after you, his own eyes teary and face screwed up in genuine pain. It could never compare to the sick feelings in your stomach as you take a deep breath and scream, “Go away, Bucky. Fucking leave me alone and never come back or I’ll fucking kill you, you hear me? Fuck off, and don’t come back.”

You can’t help the sob that rips from you, threatening to buckle your knees and break you right on the sidewalk. Bucky is looking at you like you’ve just stuck a knife in his chest but he asked you to, he keeps asking and taking and it’s always you that ends up hurt. You leave him on the street, stumble up the stairs to your apartment and sink to the floor as soon as the door clicks shut behind you. It’s dark in your apartment, nothing but streetlights outside casting shadows on furniture he never touched, but it still feels like he’s haunting you just the same.

Bucky’s bike revs to life and he tears away, the sound ripping straight through and down the street. It leaves you hollowed out, a burnt-through husk curled up on your hardwood floor. You know you’ll never hear that sound again.

****

For your entire life it’s always been you against the world. The only person you could ever trust is yourself, the only one who’s going to look out for you is you and you can’t remember a time where you didn’t think this way. Maybe it’s nature, maybe it’s nurture, but it’s how you’ve always seen the world.

However, you’re only now starting to feel what being truly alone is actually like.

Bucky’s contact lies open on your phone, but you don’t press call. You won’t. He pushed you away for your own ‘safety,’ for his own fear, and you’ll have to learn to live with his choice. Even though you still love him and always will, you can’t have him and you’ll just have to be ok with that. So you leave this contact photo up on your phone, resting on your coffee table beside your open laptop. You’ve got the input feed of the bug you planted in your dad’s kitchen open, chunky headphones on, scrolling through the audio from the past few days since you’d last seen him.

Your heart is broken by the first man you’ve ever let into your life and the only other person who knows you and who you trust, you’re currently spying on. Now, for the first time, you truly have no one left.

Focusing on work has always been an escape for you, and even when your life is in pieces around you and your heart looks no different, work still pulls through. Even if that work is your own father and the inane conversations he has with himself about the baseball teams on TV, or the calls he makes to his vet friends, or the late-night renditions of ABBA songs you remember well from your childhood. A file lies open on your coffee table with your father’s name on it and pages of notes you’ve made from nearly one hundred hours of audio recordings. You hope beyond hope that you’re just paranoid, and that this time when you go digging you don’t find anything at all.

The only thing you’ve noticed so far is your dad makes a lot of phone calls. They’re long, with a lot of names thrown around you don’t recognise as being his friends or anyone from work he’s mentioned to you before. You write them all down to look up later, but you’ve got to go meet a client so you shut everything down and collect your notes in the file. You hide them, just in case, and grab your leather jacket before you leave. You still have rent to pay. The world goes on around you despite everything being turned upside down, almost as if Bucky never happened at all.

You leave via the back of the building, to come out onto the street closest to the subway station. Usually smokers hang out around there so you aren’t surprised to see two men leaning against the wall, but you are surprised when they star following you down the alley. At this point you’re an old hand at being followed, and the petty part of you brain thinks in Bucky’s direction, see? Doesn’t matter if you’re here or not, dumbass. You sigh to yourself and plan to give them the run around once you clear the alley, but you don’t get a chance to.

From behind you hear a couple of solid thunks, a groan, a muttered curse from one of the men and then one final thunk before silence. You turn around, half afraid of who you’re going to meet once you do and half annoyed because you think you might know who it is. Sure enough, standing there in her leather jacket and a rusted metal pipe from the dumpster in her grip, is Natasha.

She blows a stray strand of hair out of her face and says, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“So he’ll break up with me but will still have me followed,” you say, folding your arms over your chest. Natasha shrugs and you mutter, “Figures.”

“I am always the first to say James is an idiot,” Natasha says, twirling the pipe like a baton in her delicate hands. She grins at you and says, “James is an idiot.”

“I’m aware,” you grit out, glaring at the red-head. “What are you doing here?”

“Making sure you don’t end up as Hydra mince-meat,” Natasha says, “What does it look like?”

“Doing whatever Bucky says even when it’s stupid,” you say. Natasha doesn’t like that, her bright grin dropping into a scowl as she steps up to you. Small, but with a clearly lethal weapon in her hands if the unconscious bodies behind her are anything to go by, she jabs the tip of the pipe into your chest and forces you a step backwards.

“James always has good intentions, even if his logic is sometimes flawed.” She drops the pipe, letting it clang to the floor between you as if to punctuate her saying, “Besides, James didn't tell me to do anything. I volunteered.”

“Why?” you ask, sneering slightly. “I think we both know you don’t trust me, or like me, and you make it very hard to like you.”

Natasha smiles at that, and you hate the face she makes every time you say something she ‘approves’ of - condescending, like she doesn’t expect you to have brain cells and is surprised every time you do. She says, very solemn despite the smile in her eyes, “I owe you.”

That makes you pause. Instantly, like you’re right back in that bar. You can see her groaning body struggling to stand after being thrown into a wall. Rumlow pointing a gun at her back, the blood-thirst emanating off him in waves. Your own hand, as if detached from your body, flinging the knife across the room into his neck before he can put a bullet in Natasha’s.

You swallow thickly, shake your head and say, “No you don’t.”

“I do,” she insists. She steps forward with her hand out, beckoning her fingers like she wants you to hand her something. You just stare at her empty palm for a few seconds before she clicks her tongue and says, “Phone.”

You hand it over without thinking, which was definitely stupid. But Natasha just types away quickly before giving it back and you see you have a new contact with her name attached entered into your phone.

“If you ever need anything,” she says, and taps your phone screen with her nail, “call me.”

It was only minutes ago you were sitting on your couch scrolling through audio from your tapped father’s kitchen thinking you’ve never been more alone in your life. Yet here you are, looking at a helping hand outstretched from the last person you expected it to come from. Your fingers shake slightly as you tuck your phone into your back pocket, and Natasha smiles at you like she understands.

“Thank you,” you say, and you hope she knows you genuinely do mean it.

Natasha nods, then says, “Get out of here, alright? I have to clean this up.”

You suppose that’s Natasha speak for ‘your welcome,’ so you leave her to it. The whole client meeting you can’t focus properly, too busy trying to decide if you feel safer or more afraid at having one of the scariest women you know watching your apartment. By the end of the day, your conclusion is that if Natasha is going to be in your life, its probably best she’s on your side rather than against it.

When you get home that afternoon there is no sign of the two guys Natasha knocked out, nor is she anywhere to be seen. You can’t help but feel watched, though, as you enter your building and climb the stairs. She’s a busy woman and you know she can’t be watching you all the time but you still feel her green eyes on the back of your neck - its not an altogether uncomfortable sensation. That’s something to unpack later, you think, as you collapse on the couch.

You try to resist, but as soon as you sit down and close your eyes the urge to forget about the case you’ve just taken on and look into your own hunches grows too strong. You get up again and fish out your dad’s file again from your hiding place, bringing it back to the couch to flip open. The list of names you’ve been compiling is at the top, scribbled in messy handwriting as you listened to your dad’s one-sided conversations. You tallied up how many times the same name had been mentioned and in what context, however it had been hard to decipher what your dad was talking about with only half the story.

You decide to go looking into the most mentioned name - more of a title, really. Somebody your dad calls Chief shows up in almost every single conversation he has over the phone, and when you were going through the audio it dredged up some strange, suppressed childhood memory. You used to hear him talking to guys downstairs when you were doing your homework, and you always thought he called them ‘chief’ as a nickname or weird, macho term of endearment like how kids in your class would call each other ‘bro’.

Maybe, he was only talking to one guy. You were going to find out.

Starting at your dad’s job, you scroll through their website and LinkedIn profiles to find any link to the name ‘Chief.’ He works as a security guard for a chain of clubs in the city so you are doubtful, and sure enough nothing really comes up to peak your interest. Your dad really only has one other major outlet to look into and that’s the VA, so you have to swallow past the dirty feeling of investigating suffering vets and start scrolling through the website for the Brooklyn VA group attached to the medical centre.

It’s all wholesome stuff and nothing of interest to your snooping at all until you get to a photo gallery from four years ago. It’s dedicated to commemorating the Brooklyn VA and New York Police Department workshop day promoting mental health for vets and servicemen. There are a bunch of photos of group activities and the lunch put on by the VA, and you spot your dad in a couple of them. You’re about to click off when you find one where your dad is posed with another vet and a very official, very dressed up cop. Nothing you haven’t seen at least forty of before in this gallery, but it’s the caption which makes you pause.

It reads, Some of the Brooklyn VA’s finest with NY Chief of Police. It has to be a coincidence, the man’s job title and nothing more. He’s tall, broad, with sandy blonde hair turning grey under his police hat. There are more medals than you can count pinned to his uniform and even in this grainy photo you can tell he would squash your dad like an ant if he gave the Chief of Police a reason to. You’ve never paid attention to this before, steering clear of cops whenever you can, but you find yourself googling him as soon as you can pull yourself away from his mile-long stare.

As soon as the NYPD profile on the Chief of Police loads, your blood turns to ice. You want to say you’re crazy, you’re crazy, you’re paranoid, but name one time your paranoia had led you wrong? Two strange coincidences don’t happen back to back, no matter how disconnected they may appear. Two worlds you never thought you would know, let alone be watching them collide, stare up at you from your computer screen. You can hear Steve’s voice like he’s sitting right next to you, saying “It is strange we haven’t heard anything from Pierce,” and right under a professional portrait of the Chief of Police is his name burning into the back of your eyelids - Alexander Pierce.

You shove your laptop onto the coffee table and stand, pacing back and forth in front of your couch. Scraping a hand through your hair and pulling half of it out of your head in the process, you try to reason your way out of connecting these dots. They’re barely dots, their echoes of dots - so your dad took a photo with the Chief of Police four years ago and he refers to someone he knows as ‘Chief’ as a nickname and Steve mentioned Pierce was someone in Hydra and the Chief of Police happened to be named Alexander Pierce. So what, right?

“Ok, ok, ok, ok,” you say to yourself, rushed and manic. You’ll just ask your dad. He’s your dad, he was never supposed to hide anything from you so why would he start now? If you just ask he might-

You don’t get to finish your thought. Three loud knocks ring through your empty apartment, your doorbell chiming impatiently straight afterwards. You stare at the door with your heart in your throat, long enough for them to ring the doorbell again and a loud, male voice to call out your full name. Someone you don’t recognise, yet they know where you live. You approach the door on silent feet and look through the peephole, reaching for the baseball bat you keep behind a pot plant as you do.

Standing outside are two men in suits, one of whom is looming at the peephole and making stupid faces while his college rolls his eyes and attempts to hold him back. Through the door, you ask, “Who is it? What department are you with?”

“I’m Special Detective James Rhodes and this is my partner, Special Detective Tony Stark,” the unimpressed cop says, elbowing his colleague out of the way who is still trying to look through the wrong side of the peephole. Holding up a badge and gesturing for his partner to do the same, Detective Rhodes says, “We’re with the FBI, ma’am.”

“Shit,” you say, before realising you said that out loud. Your hand feels numb where you grip your baseball bat tightly, and you decide in that moment you have to be dreaming. No way has the events of the past fifteen minutes taken place.

The guy who must be Detective Stark laughs and says, “Shit is right. Let us in, ma’am, we need to ask you some questions.”

You look back at the coffee table laden with copious notes on your father and your open laptop, Chief of Police Alexander Pierce’s face staring back at you. An omen, you think, but it would be even more suspicious if you asked them to wait to clean everything up. Your heart-stopping, life-changing, maybe-discovery will have to wait.

You slide off the chain and unlock your deadbolt, opening the door for the two FBI agents. They walk in without another word, and it really hits you then. It doesn’t matter what Bucky does now, if he leaves you and never comes back or if he never left at all - you’re in this, now. And now you’ll pay the price.

[rwbybutincorrect]

So... why do you hate Victorious so much?

BECAUSE I STILL WATCH IT???????? the show sucks so much, tori is a horrible protagonist who is a terrible person and does not learn or grow or really deserve anything she gets. she doesn’t even know half the BASIC THINGS upon coming to the school for performing arts idont remember what it was called. 

she is a HORRIBLE SISTER who treats trina so mean and like I GET BEING MEAN TO YOUR SIBLINGS BUT AT THE SAME TIME THERES LIKE NO REDEMPTION ON HER HALF LIKE AT LEAST TRINA HAS HER MOMENTS WHERE SHE SHOWS SHE CARES ABOUT TORI AND ACTS LIKE SHE CARES ABOUT HER BUT TORIS JUST LIKE “damn right” i hate them

and then dont even get me started on that stupid ass nerd boy who uses a puppet to be misogynistic and harrass women!! “rex why would you say that” SHUT UP NERDB OY YOU SAID IT YOURE A VANTRILIQUIEST STUPID IDIOT MAN BOY IDIOT ugh

anyway theres also that canadian boy who had no character besides being hot and rebellious that guy was an idiot (no offence canadians) hes just so useless as a character because all he does is just have girlfriend and be useless (but knows how to drive) idiot oh my god idiot god i hate him

andre and jade were kind of good i like those two 

(EDITING NOTE ACTUALLY WASNT ANDRE LIKE WEIRDLY LIKE LIKE ALSO LOWKEY MYSOGYNISTIC LIKE AT ONE POINT TORI WAS LIKE “pretend im jade :3″ and he was like “oh my gohg. i going to kiss you without your consent” AND SHE WAS LIKE “AAAH” AND HE WAS LIKE “AHH I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME” damn even the good ones have their L’s theres no redeemable people here)

BUT I AM CONSTANTLY ANNOYED WITH HOW THEY TREAT CAT. CAT IS TREATED SO BADLY THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SHOW andh er obviously abusive situation at home is played off like jokes and its like “UMM??? ARE WE GOING TO ADDRESS THIS??? ARE WE GOING TO IGNORE HER OBVIOUS CRIES FOR HELP” SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS ABOUT HOW HER BROTHER SCARES HER AND SHE HIDES “TO SURVIVE” AND BECAUSE SHE HAS THAT SWEET HIGH PITCHED VOICE SHES SO INNOCENT AND STUPID AND WE HATE HER UGAHPEHRAPHRWPRHHG cat is so charming and shes treated so badly with whatever she has going on i m so mad im so upset with how they treat her 

AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH TORI AND TRINAS PARENTS OH MY GOD THE MOST NEGLECTFUL PARENTS OF THE YEAR AWARD they are NEVER there despite the fact that their kids are CONSTANTLY going off on probably dangerous situations APPARENTLY ACCORDING TO MY BROTHER ALL OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS WENT TO JAIL???? AND WHERE WERE THEIR PARENTS?? THEY HAVE NO PARENTS Im so mad im so angry their parents are so neglectful like when trina had her wisdon teeth removed they said “okay we goin to hAWWIII” SHUT UP YOU DITIO PARENTS YOURE SO CRUEL I THATE YOU 

remember that time a teacher held a sleep over with his students and if they broke acting character THEY FAILED THE ASSIGNMENT DAWG A CHILD GOT BURNED ON YOUR SUPERVISION AND YOU SAID “IF YA BREAK CHARACTER YOU LOOSE THE ASSISGNMENT” SFHSFHAHFF I HAFSKHFF SHE AHFHFBAHFFF i need a minute im getting adrenaline from my rage  hold on i need to eat my cookies

[eats cookies]

WHY WERE THEIR PHONES SHAPED LIKE PEARS there was also this once scene where cat made brownies and they were OBVIOUSLY LITTLE DEBBYS COSMIC BROWNIES yet tori was like “you never eat my brownies :(” to her exboyfriend now dating cat and hes like “hbrrbrhuububububu” and its like THSOE ARENT BROWNIES THOSE ARE ARTIFICIAL AS HELL THATS A COSMIC BROWNIE i feel violent 

the episode where they crossed over with icarly was pretty good ig because sam and cat wasn’t bad as long as cat was appreciated because sam and cat both come from terrible households and now they’re dating ig guess??? goo dfro them :3

jade is done so dirty shes seen as selfish for being ambitious and wanting to succeed and have people be proud of HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS??? wasn’t there that one point where jade was performing her dark play that was entirely written by herself and performed by herself and none of her friends wanted to support her despite the fact that MORE OR LESS SHE IS ALMOST ALWAYS AROUND EVEN IF SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE LIKE SOMETIMES SHE OPTS OUT BUT LIKE SHES PRESENT??? BUT OYU GUYS CANT JUST KEEP DISREGARDING HER AND NOT LETTING HER SUCCEED JUST BECAUSE SHES A LIIIITOL PETTY all you bitches are petty be a little police to this GAY PERSON jesus christmas okay 

anyway dont take this too seriously, i legitimately dont care, to only reason i say “i hate victorious” so much is because its annoying how much nostalgia and sentimental attachment i have to it despite it being a show made by a terrible person and and a show that is just generally like. dumb. i think. i dont think its going to win any awards but whatever. it was a huge ploy to get victoria justice’s but mostly ariana grande’s singing careers off the ground i just think about this show with red anger glasses i dont mean to like. insult anyone or be mean to people who genuinely do care about this show because honestly i dont. i honestly could care less. i am just saying words because words are coming out of my brain and i need to say them or i will explode but this time i get to say them in front of a thousand + people so read this thank you

OH BUT STAN THIS SCENE 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5sGxCpf7ns

[keeve-trenniis]

Ok so after looking through the Ahsoka tag for a bit it seems pretty clear that there is quite a split between the fans that liked her, the fans that hated her and the fans that belive she shouldn't have been in mandalorian in the first place

I'm still not entirely sure where I stand on the whole thing but I can say that I'm somewhere in the middle of it all as I neither absolutely loved or hated the appearance but a do almost wish that she had stayed in animated for purely bc I still cant belive that shes actually in live action and it doesnt feel real to me which is an issue that I think will likely fade as time passes. I think part of this problem is the voice as Ashley (to me and Im sure to many others) will always be my Ahsoka and anyone can see that she absolutely adores the character, which is very important to me. I can see why Rosario was chosen for the role as her face is similar to Ahsoka's in s7 of tcw but if the whole reason to bring ahsoka into the live action universe because she is such a loved character then Ashley would be perfect bc of her attachment to the role and shes not only a voice actor but a live action actor too. I think that Ashley playing her wouldve removed some of my apprehension towards the performance. I cannot imagine how she mustve felt when she learnt that her beloved character was going to be given to somene else. This is not to say that Rosario didn't do a decent stab of the role but she just doesn't know the character like Ashley does. Not to mention the fact that I really dont like the fact that Rosario got the role despite the allegations against her bc thats just wrong and I cannot suport anyone who is transphobic even if they're playing one of my favourite characters. All they've succeeded in doing is making me and a lot of people upset because they've given our character to a transphobe.

Theres been a lot of hate and unrest about the lekku and montrails situation as well and I admit that when I first started the episode I was shocked that they weren't much bigger but then I realised that this was almost certainly due to the fact that moving about like Ahsoka does with a giant headdress on is really not practical and the concept art at the end proves this as you can see that they were suposed to be bigger. I supose there is an argument that cgi is an option but one of great things about star wars is due to how much they use actual physical costume and I much prefer the fact they made do with a smaller one than have them cgi something. I'm a cosplayer and I'm planning an Ahsoka cosplay at the moment and I fully intend to disregard the live action lekku and montrails but that because I've become used to the rebels look and I just like being extra and making giant headdresses but undoubtedly there are people out there who want to make her live action look and that is very valid. Everyone has their own preferences and things they like and to be honest the thing about live action Ahsoka that upset me the most was not the actual look, its fact that I knew how people were going to react to it. Its valid to hate them. Its valid to like them. Please dont attack people who dont have the same views as you.

Whilst all of the above may seem like I didnt like the episode and the appearance but that is not true. I absolutely loved that opening scene in the woods and I will stand by that as one of my absolute favourite scenes in live action star wars. The silhouetted Ahsoka with her DUAL WHITE LIGHTSABERS (hehehe can you tell I liked them?)? Absolutely stunning. I have to admit that the lightsabers were my favourite part of the entire episode and damn do I wish I had money bc I realky really just wanna be able to swing those lightsabers around but thats beside the point. To any clone wars/rebels fan, the choreography may seem slightly off but we knew that we wouldn't be able to see Ahsoka doing her full acrobatics in live action. We do, after all and somewhat unfortunately, have to adhere to the laws of physics but I know from friends who havent seen the clone wars thought she was so badass that I had to smile bc the mandalorian has succeeded in getting them interested in my favourite character and if they watch the clone wars then they are in for a treat. I do wish we had seen more of her reverse grip but thats my only big complaint about the whole thing (aside from the fact that of all the people in the world they got a transphobe to play her). Its possible that there was more footage of her using it but for whatever reason it had to be cut out in editing, maybe because other shots looked better visually.

All in all, Ahsoka is Dave Filoni's baby and I trust him to look after her. If he is content with her portrayal then I am happy to keep watching.

The most important thing I want to say is that can yall PLEASE stop being horrible to each other about your opinions and whether or not you liked it or not. You're allowed to disagree without being horrible ya know.

[crowsent]

Can you explain the color switch technique for theater more clearly? I'm going to audition for our high school play and I want a reliable way to act without having to relive my worst memories.

dunno when exactly you sent this anon, but i hope i havent responded too late.

SO. the colour switch technique. dunno if its an official name or whatever BUT its essentially used in theatre or really in any other scenario where you have to lie or assume an emotion that you’re not currently feeling. essentially, you have to play a role. but since you said youre auditioning for a play, we focusin on the theatre aspect of it.

the most common thing i see or hear people do when they need to play an emotion that they just aren’t feeling at that moment, is to think of a personal event in their lives that elicits that specific emotion. it WILL work, or at the very least, elicit a strong emotion that pushes you to make your scene more believable and more alive. now thats great if the memory or event is a happy one. thinking of the first time you ever held your baby sibling, or that time you had your first kiss, or that day your parents surprised you with a new car. genuine happiness, or the memory of genuine happiness can work wonders to make a scene look and feel organic.

but if the emotion is negative, its going to absolutely DECIMATE your mental health.

no matter how much you think that ‘its just for a scene’ or that it wont actually affect you when youre off the stage, using the “relive memory to recreate emotion” method can and will fuck your mental health sideways with a chainsaw. its BAD for you to constantly think of painful or sad memories. there’s rehearsals, the actual performance, and worse, memories of the play itself. associating the memory of a tragic accident or a bad fight to a scene of a play youre participating in IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

i did theatre back in highschool. my depression at that stage was also. uh. particularly bad. so the whole “relive traumatic memories to experience pain so you can act better” is TERRIBLE advise. dont listen to anyone who tells you to do it. it WILL negatively impact your mental health AND your memories of the play, and may even discourage you from participating in future plays yourself.

but you still need to find a way to channel those emotions.

in comes colour switch theory. or technique. whatever its called. my theatre directors were GODDESSES. they recommended this technique to EVERYONE and it WORKS.

the trick is to associate a particular colour with a particular emotion, or even facial expression. when you need to keep a stoic face, you picture the colour in your mind and chant it in your head over and over to not break character. when you need to be sad, just repeat the colour you chose for sadness over and over to get yourself in the mindset WITHOUT hurting your mental health. for me, some of the colours i chose were:

blue- sadness/loneliness

red- anger

black- nothingness

grey- fear

there are more, but lets focus on these four. blue is my favourite colour. but thinking of the colour blue it doesnt automatically make me sad, so i can still enjoy it when im off stage. to channel the emotion of sadness or loneliness that i tied with the colour blue, i think of sadness from inside out and her blue motif. i think of the blue colour commonly depicted for tears. i think of cold and i think of a single person all alone, curled up in a blue room, crying.

just talking about this made my body curl up when i was writing that paragraph. i am shaking, and i feel sad, but when i stopped thinking about that imagery, it stopped. because its not a painful or traumatic memory for me, i can just yeet the blue emotion imagery away from me when i dont want it. you cant do that with personal memories and thats what makes the colour switching strategy so good. you can act better but you dont have to hurt yourself to do it.

think of it as constructing a bubble in your head, or a room you go to when you need to feel something. for anger, i think of a red room. i think of that red emoji with the brows scrunched up and the teeth gnashed together. i think of being so angry you lose words. i think of being red-faced because you just cant control it. conveniently, anger from inside out is also red, so i can think of him too. i think of fire in my veins, hot and ready to explode with nowhere to go but loud, violent screaming. and as im writing this, i can picture myself on a stage just shouting at whoeever has done my character wrong.

same goes for black and grey. black is just when i need to keep a straight face. when i need to be stoic or unimpressed. and its just a black room. nothingness. i sometimes picture that black room in real life when i have to not laugh at something funny if the timing is inappropriate, or when i have to keep a strong facade when i want to cry. i picture that room of nothingness and my mind goes blank. and i can keep a stoic face. the grey room is fog and shadows just in the corner of my eye. its something closing in that i cant see because of all the grey swirling around me. i dont know if im alone. i dont know if i am safe because i can only see a foggy room.

all in all, mentally travelling to a room in your mind created for the express purpose of eliciting a specific emotion is better than just retraumatising yourself. and its really simple to create these rooms. you dont even have to use the same colours i did.

maybe you have more trouble with expressing lovey dovery emotions. you can make red your love room. think of red flowers on valentines day, the red heart decals you see on store windows, the red box of chocolate youd give to a lover. red is passion, red is life, and you can associate things like that with your red room if you want. its like a venn diagram. things you associate with red on the left, things you associate with the emotion on the right, and the things they have in common can be used to construct the imagery of the emotion colour switch room.

then you can just chant red red red in your mind and you think of the blush on the fair maidens cheek as her knight comes to rescue her. you can think of a scarlet dress dazzling everyone in the room, but the wearer only has eyes for one man. you can think of lipstick stain against a collar.

you can associate any emotion with any colour. my process was:

pick a colour

pick an emotion/facial expression

picture a small room in your mind

fill that room with things or imagery that match your emotion or expression

be as specific or as generic as you want

you can have a green room dedicated to irritation or envy or just the loose feeling that youre not completely happy. the reasoning can be just bc you thought of the phrase “green with envy” and thought itd be neat. green can be a mother experiencing the joy of holding her child for the first time because green=nature=nurturing=mother.

establish a connection with that colour. fill out your room and create the keyword to get in. im very unoriginal so my keyword was just chanting the colour name over and over in my head. if i say blue enough times i get sad, even if i dont picture the room bc my mind has formed a link to that state of being. and i can break away without much trouble bc the connection is just on the surface.

colour switch is hair chalk. reliving memories is hair dye. at the end of the day, both of them colour hair. but you can wipe off the hair chalk w relative ease but a thorough hair dye that produces vibrant colours cant easily be removed, even when you want to switch to a different colour, or maybe even lose the dye completely.

i would recommend picking an emotion or expression that youre not good at portraying, but dont struggle with as much for your first room. i am not good at expressing sadness, but im worst at expressing upset or anger. so when i first started my colour switch mindset room, i started with sadness. it helps me express an emotion that im not particularly good at expressing, while still being relatively easy for me to get the hang of. maybe try for the second or third worst emotion you express, build a room to channel that emotion, and establish your connection.

make it a well-tread path, essentially. first few times are gon be difficult, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. all i need now to fake-cry is picturing the blue room, saying blue a bunch of times, and making a face. then i cry. completely fake and not damaging to my health.

i hope this makes sense for you. if it doesnt, feel free to send in an ask with more detailed questions abt the parts youre confused about or anything else. same goes for anyone who happens to read this that has an interest in theatre. id rather answer a dozen asks of the same question than have any of yall do something so harmful to your mental health. if anything was at all confusing, please feel free to tell me and ill gladly clarify some more. stay safe and take care of yourselves. and to the anon who asked, i hope your play goes well

[sage-nebula]

I hope you dont mind my asking, but wouldn't GF have decided to remove the national dex long before LGPE released? I can see those games selling well confirming to GF that "pokemon sell well regardless of cut features" but it feels strange to blame it on LGPE when the development time on the games would suggest they made this choice awhile ago. (Not to defend lgpe lack of content) Sorry if this is a bother, I just feel like I'm missing something and would really like to understand your reasoning

For almost any other game I would agree, however for Pokémon in particular:

The National Dex (insofar as the ability to transfer old pokémon over) was never going to be a Day One feature. It’s never a Day One feature in the first games of the generation. Even if they wanted to make it one, in this case they couldn’t because Home isn’t releasing until 2020. As I’ve said in other posts, if they wanted to patch in the NatDex, they’d have the time to do it. Technically speaking, they’d have the time to do it, especially since the fanbase would be willing to wait (even if there’d be a few whiners here or there) the extra time.

Since it’s not a Day One feature, it’s something that can be worked on later in the development cycle (/can even continue to be worked on after the development cycle, or at least it could be if this series were treated with the respect of, say, The Legend of Zelda series). Again, I’m not talking about DLC that’s already on the game card that needs to be activated later, I’m talking about DLC that’s patched in, content created after that you download either to the harddrive or (though I don’t know if Switch DLC works this way specifically) onto the game card itself. Given the type of content they generally want to show early in the release cycle (the general theme / concept of the games, scenes of the various areas in the region, new ‘mon), and the fact that this would be a feature added post-release anyway, we can make a safe bet that the NatDex is something they’d work on much later in the development cycle, possibly even in the last year since, again . . . they’d have that time if they wanted to use it (and if this series was treated with genuine respect).

The Let’s Go games were stated by Masuda to be the future of the franchise if they sold well. They featured a Pokédex that was limited to only the Kanto ‘Dex, plus Meltan and Melmetal. They released in November 2018, and indeed, they sold well. In early 2019 (February, IIRC) Sword & Shield were released. While of course I don’t work at Game Freak and thus can’t say for sure, I would place money on the idea that if they were even a bit on the fence about adding the National Dex, the fact that Let’s Go sold so well despite being limited to 153 ‘mon pushed them right over the edge to, “Cut the National Dex from Sword & Shield, there’s no point in working on it.” I mean, why should they expend the effort if people will buy the games anyway? Especially when President Ishihara went on record saying that long-time fans only cared about “new pokémon and features” around the time of Let’s Go’s release. Sure, they might have already been thinking about cutting the National Dex beforehand, but Let’s Go no doubt assured them that it was a safe and correct call to make.

So that’s what I mean when I say that Let’s Go’s positive sales figures sealed all of our fates. To be entirely honest, before the National Dex announcement, I was certain that we wouldn’t see the shockwaves from Let’s Go until Gen IX. But Sword & Shield having a limited ‘Dex just like Let’s Go, and having special feature ‘mon behind $60 paywalls like Let’s Go, and having core features stripped out like Let’s Go, and the fact that it’s starting to look frighteningly like the starters won’t be able to evolve like in Let’s Go . . . the effect is pretty apparent. Sure, some of this stuff was present even before Let’s Go (namely the whole “let’s ditch useful features in the name of simplifying things” tack that Masuda has been married to for years now), but in the wake of Let’s Go, it’s success, and what Masuda said would happen if it was successful, it’s really hard not to see the link.

(Note just in case anyone read too quickly: I’m not saying the starters WON’T evolve. I’m only saying that I’m starting to fear that’s the case since we’re less than a month away from release and we haven’t even seen second stage evolutions yet. Maybe they’re just trying to keep starter evolutions a surprise, that’s entirely possible, but it’s also highly suspect, and Game Freak destroyed any trust or good faith I had in them a while back.) 

As a final note, the reason why I say that the Pokémon games aren’t treated with respect is . . . well, there are a few reasons:

Game Freak stated themselves that they put their B Team on Sword & Shield while their A Team worked on Little Town Hero. They also said they wanted to create something, “as exciting, or perhaps even more exciting” than Pokémon. They’re tired of working on Pokémon, and it shows. Which, I mean, I get it, it’s been 20+ years, but in that case tell Nintendo so that they can shift the main games over to another studio. I get that Game Freak was created for the sole purpose of making Pokémon, and maybe Taijiri-san is pissed at how you’re disrespecting his baby (I would be), but for the good of the series, if you don’t want to work on it, give it to someone who does. Don’t just shift it onto your bare bones secondary dev team.

These games are in a hellish development cycle where a new one is popped out every year. Contrast this to The Legend of Zelda where, while we’ve had some anomalies where assets were able to be largely reused and so games came out only a couple years apart (see: Ocarina of Time to Majora’s Mask) --- even that had two or three years before releases, not one the very next year. Most mainline Zelda games spend five or six years in development. I’m fully aware that we will likely be waiting until something like 2022 for Breath of the Wild 2, and I am prepared to wait that time because I know the game we get will be incredible. Granted, I’m going to be dying every single time they announce a release date to push it back, but it’ll be a death I’m grateful for because I will know that the end product will be worth it. The Pokémon games used to have a similar luxury. While there were a grand total of five games released during that time (with “five games” being used loosely, given that one was a slight upgrade and the other four were really two games with slight differences between versions), Gen IV lasted for a grand total of four years. We had Diamond & Pearl in 2006, Platinum in 2008, HeartGold & SoulSilver in 2009, and then finally, Black & White in 2010. By contrast, Gen VII didn’t even last three years, technically. I mean, this November would be its third anniversary, but that’s when Gen VIII officially starts instead. To be fair, it could be argued that Gen IV didn’t have a full four years since it came out in September 2006, and Gen V came out in September 2010. But even if you make that argument, it still had a full year on Gen VII, and to be honest, that showed. The Sinnoh games are far and away not my faves, but they were still full of content. HeartGold & SoulSilver are often considered to be the best remakes in the entire franchise, and considering the content that was cut from OmegaRuby & AlphaSapphire and Masuda’s reasoning for why that content was cut, I can’t exactly argue with that even though I did genuinely enjoy ORAS. And the games that Gen IV ushered in? Controversial opinion, but I think that the Pokémon games peaked with Gen V. Black & White not only initially had a ‘dex that was nothing but new pokémon (and yet STILL included the Nat Dex later, because in Masuda’s own words he felt it cruel to keep people from playing with their faves forever!), but it also introduced a METRIC TON of new mechanics, some of which we no longer get to use (Rotation Battles? Game Freak doesn’t know her). Who knows what exactly Game Freak did with that extra year, but it was clearly a lot of work given how wonderful the games were in Gen IV and Gen V. The extra dev time showed.By contrast, Gen VII got 2.5 years (or 3 if you’re being generous). Every single game released during this gen had massive content cuts, even when comparing to Gen VI, which also had massive content cuts. Mechanics were stripped away, and Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon technically didn’t have a NatDex either, but at least you could still have all of your ‘mon in them at a later date if you wanted to. Now with Sword & Shield, we don’t even have that, despite the Switch being far more powerful than the 3DS. (We also don’t have Mega Evolution for whatever godforsaken reason, even though the Kanto Mega Evolutions at the very least were already used in Let’s Go, the fuck, Game Freak). Pokémon games print money and always have, and Game Freak has taken this and their lack of interest in the series to the depressing but I suppose logical extreme of “do whatever and they’ll buy it anyway.” There’s no love here, there’s no respect here. They just don’t care anymore, and as someone who does care an awful lot, it’s super upsetting to me.

And while people have tried to argue that the games can’t be delayed because of the anime or the card game or whatever else:

The games come first. They’ve always come first. I know some people mistakenly think that the anime came first and that the games were created later, but that is 100% false. Pokémon started as a game series and the anime was created to advertise the games, straight up.

Filler episodes exist, and the PokéAni is no stranger to them. The Orange Islands arc was an entire arc of filler created to pad time between Gens I and II. The Delacora Islands (or whatever they were called) was a filler arc meant to pad time between Gens V and VI. Arguably the majority of the Sun & Moon anime was filler, given its slice-of-life genre, meaning the anime was even less of an excuse not to delay Sword & Shield. You can’t tell me people wouldn’t have been happy with another year of the Alola crew running around getting into random adventures. People would have eaten that up and loved it. We could have had it all.

I’m not even going to dignify “but the card game” with a response lmao. This isn’t Yu-Gi-Oh!. Sure, the card game makes money, and probably a decent amount of it (merch sales probably make up the franchise’s greatest source of income, and as someone who easily spent several hundred dollars in two weeks at the PokéCenters in Japan---including over $100 in one trip to a PokéCenter while I was there, and we went multiple times---I am a big part of that), but they come up with bullshit new expansions all the time and could easily keep doing it. Again, not a reason to delay the games if the games need more time in development.

So all in all, at the end of the day, Game Freak is no longer treating these games with love and respect, which makes them an awful lot like the villains in the games they create. The Let’s Go games were harbingers of disaster for the games, and we were told this very plainly, and just about no one listened. In fact, I legitimately lost friendships with people who got mad at me for making Facebook statuses about how they should buy Let’s Go used if they absolutely had to have them because how DARE I believe Ishihara when he said that Let’s Go were considered core titles, and how DARE I believe Masuda when he said that Let’s Go would usher in the last twenty years of the franchise. Clearly, I was just being an ugly bitch. (I wish I was exaggerating, but this actually happened, I got blocked over it, it was ridiculous.) And now here we are as a result, with no hope of things getting better unless Nintendo forcibly rips Pokémon out of Game Freak’s hands, which I don’t even think they can legally do given that they only own 1/3rd of the IP. (The other 2/3rds belong to Game Freak and Creatures Inc., as I understand it.) 

TL;DR:

Pokémon is still my favorite fictional fantasy world, but as someone who has always loved the games first and foremost, the current state of it depresses me to no end.

[dellinah]

How I would write ‘small’

After pondering about why I didnt like the ep that much and wondering what I’d do with it if I could, I think I came up with a bit of a script myself.

- Mao Maos mom tell him Shin Mao is going to visit him like in the EP, but instead of being calm ish mao mao FREAKS OUT

- He thinks it’s finally his chance to show his father that he can be legendary (throwback to the first ep when te pirates told him that Pureheart valley was a legendary place) so he starts to ‘fix up’ the place to receive his dad

- such ‘fix ups’ include changing the sweetie pies and the general town aesthetic to give it a more ‘legendary’ vibe. Mao mao goes overboard but doesnt realize bc all he can think of is how cool his dad will think he is for being the sheriff of a legendary place

- adorabat and badgerclops are aware of the insanity but roll with it bc they wanna help mao mao

- lastly mao mao makes badgerclops and adorabat dress up in uncomfortable/weird armors and shit to make them cool as well. Adorabat especially is left very uncomfortable but goes along with it

- when shin mao arrives mao mao is desperate to have him watch him and shows him around the town (that looks nothing like it usually does) and tries to make up figts and problems to show his dad - most of them end in disaster and embarrassment, but mao mao still plays it off as a cool stunt. And although shin mao is unamused, he gives mao mao ‘compliments’ that are actually harsh words (‘wow and here i thought you couldnt get weirder, but i guess you overcame the expectations’ and mao mao just goes ‘I OVERCAME HIS EXPECTATIONS HE MUST BE IMPRESSED’) bc hes so desperate for affection he will deconstruct anyhing his dad says and see it as a compliment

- shin mao comments on the crystal heart and says that he has heard about the valley and ‘although its not as grand and as great and as legendary as he thought it’d be’ its still more than what he expected mao mao could get, and its another thing mao mao quickly thinks of as a compliment

- adorabat however can see that his dad is a meany and that nothing of what he says is a compliment and tries to tell mao mao, but he just tells her off and ends up hurting her feelings

- adorabat flies away

- mao mao is torn bc he didnt mean to hurt her but he just wants to impress his dad so bad

- shin mao tells him to man up and not be so upset, and maybe its a good thing the little bat flew away bc she couldnt possibly be good to have around, she’s too small and too delicate and a true hero doesnt need distractions such as tiny cute friends

- mao mao finallt snaps at shin and tells him adorabat is more of a hero than he could ever be

- badgerclops and mao mao go search for adorabat and find her somewhere a bit far and when mao mao tries to apologize she gets stuck in a cave or something and they need to work together to save her with their usual moves as opposed to the cool ones mao mao tried to pull off before bc they didnt work

- adorabat says she likes mao mao just the way he is, mao mao apologizes but is still sad

- when he gets home shin mao is already gone, shin mao calls him to say he had to go but that mao mao and his friends should come visit some time so they can ‘see what real heros look like’. he sighs and gets sad

- adorabat hands him a drawing of them fighting alongside shin mao and says “i dont like him but i know you do, so maybe someday we should teach him how to be a real hero instead”

- episode ends with mao mao hugging her and badgerclops

- a sweetiepie still dressed up in a ridiculous suit asks “can I take this off now” as a final gag

Some notes:

- i would remove mao maos dads lie being revealed and just let him be a hugeass cat, at least for a couple more eps

- mao mao wouldnt snap about how he feels, but about how his dad treats his friends. I dont think hes quite ready to comfront his emotions but he sure as hell will defend those he cares about

- in the end mao mao would STILL feel the need to prove himself and he would still be sad he failed his dad again, but he will become a little more torn over it

- have mao mao try to justify his dads words and actions when adorabat calls him out, bc hes not ready to let go of his father being a hero fantasy yet, which is another thing that will make him more torn. He wont overcome anything, he’ll just start thinking a bit through a different perspective bc of adorabats words

- REMOVE ANY AND ALL SCENES THAT ATTEMPT TO BE SYMPATIC TOWARDS SHIN MAO. For real. He is an asshole and deserves to be treated as one. MAYBE if he gets a redemption arc later on, but for now hes an abusive dad

- MAYBE when shin mao tells mao mao to let go of adorabat and mao mao snaps and tells him he will never let anyone he cares about go bc thats what a hero is and adorabat is a hero shin mao can have a “hum...” face. As in “oh, i legit didnt expect that/that seems a bit hero like” but mao mao doesnt see it, and it doesnt last long. It’d be just a nod to a possible redemption arc starting. But so far, he still treats mao mao just like before

[kikithedeceiver]

Are you going to translate kagerou daze last chapter? I can’t wait

Well...okay. I’m gonna be honest with the Kagepro Fandom here.

It is not likely Iwill post the RAW manga for the fandom anymore

I will get the manga, yes. But at this point, I don’t evenwant to contribute anything to do fandom to help with access to officialcontents.

It was a very hard decision to make, but with how theKagepro fandom is acting today, I have decided I will not post the Kagepro RAWson Tumblr anymore, and will remove all RAWs I have scanned once I get thesubscription.

TL; DR: At thispoint, the fandom is too toxic, therefore I have no more desire to provide themanga chapters even though there is only one chapter left. Sorry to those whowere not involved in this, but screw it with the antis who now run the fandomand hope you’re happy.

Also still shipKanoKido and don’t see HibiMomo as a “pedophilia ship”

Listen. Back when I joined the fandom, it was a simplertime. Yobanashi Deceive came out, followed by Lost Time Memory and Ayano’sTheory of Happiness shortly after. Those days were simple as we all cried overKano and Ayano, and think of the potential plot LTM revealed as we all waited forMekakucity Actors to come out. We also had awesome contents on translatorstranslating some fancomics (with permission) and a good amount of fanfics andfanarts provided by the fans in this fandom.  

Of course, we had some discourse over which was better:KanoKido or KanoAya; and over Shounen Brave’s MV being leaked online. And wehad major discourse over how MCA went, but in the end it’s just agree todisagree and move on to focus to other medias Kagerou Project was released in,or just move away from the series in general.

Right now with the fandom, however, they cannot agree ordisagree over ships. Majority of the fandom anyway. Today the fandom…other fandoms really, just love to throwthe word ‘incest’ and ‘pedophilia’ left and right with ease and spread theirflames in their posts, tags and replies. In everything, really. Even when theyposted official art, they feel the need to scream in their tag to tell usshippers to fuck off and die for shipping what they think is ‘incest’. I also knowthere are those who are disgusted over my display picture of Kano and Kidokissing, which an old friend of mine edited when that episode of MCA aired(won’t reveal name because I don’t want you to attack them). And even feelgross out over the pic in my blog of Kano petting Kido’s kitty ears.

I want to ask, how can the antis who claim Kano and Kido aresiblings, can see petting as sexual? You could have chosen to see it as abrother petting his sister’s kitty ears because it is cute and fun to tease herfor that, but no. Just because Kano and Kido are alone within a picture…or apanel frame really, you guys choose to view it as a romantic relationshipinstead of a sibling relationship, getting angry over it and spreading hate.

Ironic for antis who claim Kano & Kido are siblings, butjust seeing them together doing something makes you think it’s romantic anyway.

What’s more. Age gaps. Ever since another discourse over ships happened when my friend tried to makepeace with shippers (and sadly failed and upset over it when you guys flamedher), I have heard of this thing called “Half your age + Seven” to dictate whoto date with, and what is appropriately shippable, like HibiMomo. Honestly thispost have the best response over it, but I will quote the replyhere.

so a 16 year old can’tdate a 14 year old? so an 18 year old can’t date a 16 year old? so a 40 yearold can’t date a 27 year old? a math expression should not be the regulation ondating ages…

and if it’s shippingwho tf cares? not hurting anybody because they all fictional…

To be honest, this reminds me of Dead Poet Society. Ifanyone had seen the film, maybe you recall a scene where poetry is calculatedby math as well. This is that level of stupidity. The fandom today is doingsomething what could be considered excrement on what is acceptable over whatis fiction and bringing that over to reality. The reality where your parents,grandparents, classmates or anyone you know also have age gaps, and that reallyyou are more upset over fictional characters dating instead of real-life issuesof incest and pedophilia.

Other than that little discourse fiasco, there are otherthings, but I will not go into detail. Instead just says this tiny fandom justfeels too entitled with their belief and doing uncalled for things likebackstabbing and limiting others to enjoy supporting the fandom in their ownway. Also to let the antis go free by just sit by and watch. I understand thosewho are just tired and don’t want to deal with them. But for those who actuallyenable the antis to do what they want because you guys just don’t care, youguys are part of the guilty party as well by letting them grow and think it’sa-okay to be like this.

With that being said, I do not feel the need to post thefinal chapter anymore. You guys will have to figure it out yourselves or justwait and hear bits and pieces of it maybe. But I don’t even want to post what Iknow. Instead I will just share those RAWs with who I am friends with and whomI trust, plus those who are more mature because instead of flaming, they justlet others enjoy what they ship and do their own things.

The chapters being taken down will also remove myself as aRAW provider to the fandom, which I am thankful because I do not need to dothis anymore, as I, again, I hate scanning and always believe I would get intotrouble.

I know there are those, like my friends and mutuals I havehere on Tumblr, who wanted to read the manga since they do not have access tothem where they live. I am sorry for doing this to them too, but it just isn’tworth it in the end.

Instead, I will spend my remaining days in the fandom asjust someone who hears bits and pieces of Kagepro fandom here and there while Iam enjoying myself more in another fandom or doing other things I enjoy inlife, instead of spreading hate when someone doesn’t agree with you. I willstill look forward to Jin’s next album and when Mekakucity Reload to come out, andalso I might finish my KanoKido Oneshot requests and multichapter stories Iwanted to finish, but that will take a longtime since I’m planning to focus other writing instead.

But what I look forward to the most is when the series’ end,so then it can be put to rest for real and I can officially leave and let thefandom to slowly die. Might hear some things, but it will be a dying fandom atthat point.

The asks are still open for yelling. But it will just provea point. But right now, I believe I have blocked a lot of anti, which goes toshow how toxic this fandom has become. If I do get any asks/anon hate though,feel free to blacklist #discourse and #negativity, dear followers. Tumblralways had that option at least, you guys just need to use it when you’re onthe app without xKit. Also I will just answer those asks once, then block them afterwards (if you’re sending an ask through anon, you’re IP blocked).

If you guys read this whole thing (over 2 pages at thispoint), then I thank you for reading this. And more so if you understand what Iam doing. Sorry to those who are upset over this, but not to the antis who areupset and possibly raging if they read this.

Because with antis running the fandom, I want no part in itby providing them the last manga content.

[trippylittlefox-blog]

Here’s a preview of my AllMightXReader smut fan fic :)

It was a cold and rainy night. one of those nights where you cuddle up with a good book in front of the window covered by a blanket with a good cup o Joe. or the kind of night you spend cuddled up with your favorite person watching your favorite movie with him. it was the day before Halloween, October 29th. so it was chilly outside and there where no leaves on any of the trees. it was a mellowed out night for the two of you. since Halloween was right around the corner you both agreed to a horror movie. Toshinori was especially excited. he didn't let anyone else know, but secretly, he loved horror films! he love movies in general, but the horror genre always had him on edge and peaked his interest the most. even the cheesy ones with terrible CGI graphics and horrendous acting. he always found the humor in them. Sometimes, so did you. just the thought that you both had so many similar interests made you feel warm inside, and always brings a smile across your face.

"Hey, You still awake over there sleepy head?" Toshi said with a gentle smile on his face as he wrapped his skinny arms around you tight, pulling you closer to him than you already where."of course im still awake, toshi. we're watching a horror movie that i love! you really expect me to fall asleep?" you said as you looked up at him smiling. "yeah you're right. you're probably too scared, right? because you're a big scardey cat, (Y/N)! you're going to be begging me to stay up all night with you because you'll be too scared to sleep, wont you?" Toshinori said with a big grin on his face as he teasingly poked you in the side. "Toshi! you of all people know i dont get scared so easily!" you said half offended. You play along with Toshinori and fight off his hands while giggling and laughing. Toshinori keeps the play fight going for a few more seconds when suddenly... boom!

the both of you stop dead in your tracks and look out the window to see a huge pile of smoke billowing up from the center of the city. a few seconds of silence followed the loud crashing noise before another one occurred. this one was much louder than the first. you take your gaze away from the window to look at toshinori's face. an unsettling feeling dwelled in your stomach when you saw his face. it had a deeply concerned look that was twisted with a scowl. shortly after you noticed his expression, his gaze adverted towards you. only his eyes moved. he then lifted himself off of the couch and stood, facing the window. he knew he had to do something.he clenched his hands into fists tightly.  looking at him you could tell he was deep in thought of what to do. before saying anything, you sat there, watching him stare off into his own thoughts. waiting for what he's going to do next.

"Toshi! please whatever youre thinking... dont do it!" Toshinori slowly turned his face towards you. His body had lightly started steaming as he was beginning to transform into his muscle form, some of which had where already up to half of their size. His face had the look of worry and dismay. "I can't just sit here, (Y/N)! I have to do something..." Tohinori said with sweat dripping down his face in beads. "You can let the other pros handle it, baby! They can take care of it. You don't have to always go rushing in and putting your life in even more danger!" Toshinori stepped closer to you and took you in his arms. His gaze went back to the scene that was visible through the window. "This is something huge though. Normally I would let them handle this. But it only looks like it's getting worse out there. I can't just let innocent people get hurt and the city become more destroyed. Please understand." His words echoed in your head. You knew he had good intentions. But all you could see was the bloodied scene from a few months ago. The scene everyone, including yourself, saw on television. All might, giving his all to defeat All For One. Tearing his arms apart and hurting himself further. If it weren't for the reckless kids swooping in to save Katsuki, everyone knows, him included, that he very would could have ended up dead versus winning the fight Like he did. They both had Izuku to thank for him being alive.

As the scenes flashed in your mind, Toshinori had muscled up into All Might. Frustrated that he wasn't listening, you pushed yourself out of his arms and yelled "No, Toshi! You need to understand how I feel about this too! You've gone and pushed yourself too far! You even said it yourself. You can barley hold that form anymore. And you don't have One For All anymore! If you go out there you're going to end up getting severely hurt or worse! Dead! What would I do if I lost you, All Might?!? I love you! I can't lose you! I'm not the only one that loves you!" Tears started running down your face like mini streams at this point. "Young Midoryia! Little Izuku! What would he do? He adores you and looks up to you! As your successor, he still needs a teacher. A mentor. He needs you just as much as I do!" All might stood still. His eyes widened and struggling look. He slowly started smoking as he was reverting to his true form again. He was training himself to try to keep that form as long as he could. And normally, he'd be able to keep it a lot longer. But this time was different. He could tell the woman he loved was truly upset and worried.

Disgruntled, Toshinori let out a sigh a looked down at the ground sadly. "You're right, sweetie. It was incredibly selfish of me to think I'd have a chance out there." Shocked by his words you look up at him quickly. It wasn't like Toshinori to give in so easily like that. "I guess part of me still wants to be the symbol of peace. The number one hero that everyone could look up too. But I need to realize that my time in that spot has came and passed. And now I need to move on and just settle down and let the new number 1 take over. Im sorry I made you worry. I really am pathetic."

Silently, you stood there staring up at your lover. How had it not occurred to you that he was feeling that way. Of course he was! He used to save people by the dozen! The thousands even! And now he can barley lift a finger to help anyone. Upset at realizing how he felt, tears started flowing from your eyes again and a lump formed in your throat. "No toshi that's not true! You aren't the pathetic one! I am! How could I not realize your feelings! I was the one being selfish... you had the thoughts of people's safety in your mind while I was thinking about us! And how upset I would be if you got hurt. I-I'm so sorry!" Toshinori cut you off from saying anything further by planting a gentle, yet deep kiss on your lips. Surprised you gasp and widen your eyes, But just as quickly accept it and wrap your arms around him to pull him closer. Together you both separate for a moment to look out the window to see the scene outside. It appears that the heroes where able to get the situation under control after all. Relived, Toshinori and you both exchange glances and smile.

In one fluid motion, Toshinori gathered the strength and swooped you up into his arms. He carried you back over to the couch and sat you back down onto the couch while still hovering over you. He leaned back in and continued to kiss you. You reach up and gently grab his face as the kiss becomes more passionate and deep. You even part your lips a little to let his eager tongue explore your mouth. His tongue kissed yours and slowly he moved down to sit next to you without breaking lip contact. After minutes of heavy kissing, you two finally break the kiss. Smiling and out of breath, you put your forehead against his. He gives you one more peck before saying "I love you, (Y/N). What would I do without you in my life?" You smile at him and giggle slightly. "Probably get yourself hurt or wind up dead." Toshinori starts chuckling lightly. "Yeah you're probably right. If I didn't have you, I would have gone out there and tried to help." Toshinori leans and kisses you one more time before you lean your head on his shoulder and start playing with a strand of his hair. Looking over you, notice Toshinori's skin has goosebumps from your breath gently brushing against the skin on his neck. A devious plan crosses your mind from looking at that. Swiftly, you lean in enough to both, stabilize yourself and kiss his neck gently, but seductively. Surprised, Toshinori let out a soft moan. This made you smile knowing he was caught off guard enough to let a moan escape from his lips. He quickly reached up with one of his hands and covered his mouth as his eyes widened and his face turned red.

"Hey, that was pretty dirty of you! Catching me off guard like that." Toshinori smiles down at you as his face became more seductive.

"Oh yeah? Was it now?" You say as you giggle. "Well I can get dirtier." You kiss his neck more and straddle him, moving your hips as close to his as you can get. This action left him trembling with excitement as he reaches up and grabs onto your ass tightly. "If that's true, then why don't you show me just how dirty you can get." He said as you feel his growing member beneath you. The fact you're able to feel it through both of your pants made you blush. You had done this many times, yet this time, it was almost like the first.

Blushing deeply you move from his neck back to his mouth. Passionately, you lock your lips with his and run your hands through his hair as he continues to grope your ass with one hand while fondling a breast in the other. After you break apart the kiss to catch your breath, you then give Toshinori tiny butterfly kissed from his lips, down to his neck. You linger on his neck for a second more as you start slowly lifting his shirt enough to run your finger tips across his navel. Your touch makes his stomach flutter for a second as he lets out a small giggle as he wasn't expecting the sudden movement. You giggle yourself as you pull away long enough to remove his shirt along with yours as well. You start to lean in to finish your trail of kisses, but before you can do so he pushes his hand against your sternum gently to stop you and leans in himself removing one of your breasts from your bra. You gasp and let out a series of moans as he gently squeezes and pinches your nipple between his thumb and index finger. He then proceeds and completely engulfs your, now hardened, nipple into his mouth.

If you would like to read more, you can do so here :) I’ll post updates letting everyone know when my next chapter comes up! So far there are four. Enjoy!

https://my.w.tt/XCRtiqeziQ

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E03 Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 563 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated! 

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

Rate the episode

84% of users rated the episode a 4 or 5 this week, compared to 64% last week. This episode had less action, but was full of key character moments that manga readers were excited to see animated.

So far it's my favourite since it follows the most the manga but with some bearable adjustemements. If the episodes will be like this from now on, I'll be completely satisfied and could get over all the changes in the first two episodes.

The adaptation is doing well, but of course manga readers(me included) about some bits being changed and rearranged. But on the other hand they might come me up with something unexpectedly good. I won't forgive them if they don't give shit machine tho.

It’s starting to feel more like the arc I love

It was great, I'm having trouble deciding which episode is the best of this season yet. I thought the second one was the best, but then I remember the premiere and now, once again, I am thinking about the 3rd one being the greatest. The quality this season is off the charts.

Compared to episode 2, episode 3 was quite uninteresting

I think it must have been boring and confusing for Anime-only's

This episode was appropriately paced for an episode full of flashbacks, and honestly I think it paid off to get the backstories of Erwin and Historia in one showing to avoid conflicting with the future action episodes.  I don't have much else to say- I can't really be critical because it was a pretty good episode, adaptation-wise.

Which of the following moments were your favorite?

Hange taking their anger out on the table and Levi walking in on it is the winner here! The closest runner ups were seeing Levi’s wanted poster and getting Erwin and Historia’s backstories. We all agree it was nice to see many of these things in color animation finally!

Hange's scene where she blames her table destruction on a cockroach? Totally relatable. And I loved that Levi kinda teased her for it.

I have been waiting for Erwin's back story for AGES and was not disappointed! Kidwin was as heartbreakingly adorable as expected (that nose!! The sad bby at the funeral!!)

I liked all the topics they addressed that had been previously skipped (Historia and Erwin’s pasts). Also, while the sequence of events have been changed, I’m looking forward to how they are going to pan this out.

Erwin has great ass.

Hange's tableflip scene was amazeballs, man I love her!!

Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit. Pixis in a suit.

The conversation between Erwin and Pixis gave me thrills. I thought it was going to be boring, but it was very well shown.

My girl Hange's time to shine in this episode! I want her "BAAAKAAAA" as a ringtone asap

Who drew it better: WIT or Isayama?

51% of respondents thought the OG drew it best. Isayama can finally sleep at night. Funnily enough, the anime only respondents preferred WIT’s version!

Who has the best reaction to Historia’s backstory?

Sasha took the lead as she paused licking at her soup bowl to listen to Historia’s story. Connie was easily the next runner up with his dumbfounded expression. We weren’t surprised to see Springles win this one!

How cute was baby Historia?

The vast majority of respondents just wanna pinch those cute little cheeks (and probably take her home, treat her to some hot cocoa and love her properly).

And baby Historia was the cutest omg! That lil nose and her lil blush! I'm crying bittersweet tears here.

How could anyone possibly look down on and abuse such a precious little bean like baby Historia?? Alma's so pathetic…

Baby Historia is the cutest thing I have seen in anime. She is so adorable and sweet! I would love to hug her so much! She is just too cute! <3

Child Hisu is ADORKABLE

How cute was little Erwin?

While this is a tiny bit more spread out than Historia, the majority of respondents were also enamored with adorable kidwin and are ready to adopt him at any time (and probably give lots of hugs too!).

BABYWIN!!!!!!!!!

Young Erwin was def my fav bighead-bigbrows!

I love Erwin so muchhhh my precious baby is so cute and handsome at the same timeeeee I just want to hug him and never let anything bad happen to him againnnnn

The episode was dialogue heavy with a lot of character backstories and plot exposition. What type of episodes do you tend to prefer watching?

In general, respondents don’t mind if an episode has a lot of action or if it’s a bit slower with some good plot developments. What matters is that we keep moving forward and that it’s entertaining, right?

About episode type: Tense conversation ready to break into action at any second, like when Kenny and Levi were talking in the bar.

It was a nice change of pace after all the fights in the first 2 episodes but I'm looking forward to the action  coming back next episode

Did Flegel really stay in that alleyway the entire night?

We asked this mostly for fun and respondents didn’t disappoint. The majority believe that he did stay in the alleyway the entire night, but plenty of you had some fun commentary (and sass) to provide us all with some laughs:

Based on how the events at Erwin's went, I'd guess that Reeves was killed nearing dawn and it hasn't been that long.

During the night, he went to slay all of marley and came back in the morning, Flegel for president!

Oh crap, I didn't even notice that. Part of me wants to say maybe he left and came back, but that really doesn't make much sense if he's trying to not get caught. No doubt the Interior Squad would have surveyed the area a little before getting the body ready for a public reveal to frame Erwin.

He took one long leak

He went to get sour cream and came back

Slept in a trash-can then went for a morning stroll

insert Schroedinger's cat analogy

No clearly Annie came and rescued him

Somehow he knew Commander Handsome will be there, so yeah, he stayed. I would stay too <3

no, he crawled up the wall like a spider and slept on the rooftops dont worry

On a scale of 1-5, how distressed are you about Eren being tied, gagged and drugged?

Most respondents seemed unconcerned or indifferent to Eren’s current situation, but those who are distressed were pretty vocal about it:

PLEASE MAKE SURE THE POOR BOY GETS SOME WATER???  The little scene with his in-and-out of consciousness is very distressing to see!

I pray that Eren gets a happy ending; I feel SO stressed for him

Who has the best hat?

Connie’s sunhat took the lead! But we agree that all hats are good and that everyone was looking fab.

HAT HAT HAT I'm really hoping that from this point on, they will follow the manga more closely again, as I am not super impressed by the current shake-up in event order but most importantly HAT HAT HAT JEAN GOT HIS HAT.

The hats!!! The hats are so good!

Love his top hat but lost half his lines for it

JEAANNN'S HAAAT

How many flashbacks within flashbacks is too many?

Half of respondents appreciated the Inception reference and just want to be flashbacked into oblivion. Okay but seriously, there were some who got a bit confused by WIT’s use of flashbacks for some of these scenes. We hope you’re holding up okay during current manga chapters!

bit weird to slow it down this much when the first 2 episodes were so action packed, 2 flashbacks in one episode is a bit much if you ask me. the episode didnt give you any break or a few seconds to let the information sink in.

I was confused by flashbacks in flashbacks. I don't lke that type of stuff and I got feeling that they were traveling in time :/

How do you feel about the rearrangement of events after this episode?

45% are still tentative and not ready to judge the situation just yet. However, a good 37% combined are either content or are already finding they like the changes better. It seems the optimism is starting to improve overall!

Dont remember much of the order of events in this arc, as long as it all makes sense its fine. I trust Isayamas judgment

I prefer the manga’s order, but I am content, BUT I’m still waiting for more episodes to make a final judgement, BUT  I’m still very confused with where they are going with this.

I want to slap the whole WIT Studios and Yams but u know im okay for now.

Same story, different medium. Pretty neutral, happy I don’t know word for word what’s going to happen.

So I was very very nervous about the changes and pacing, but them taking the time to slow down and let the emotional weight of Historia and Erwin's backstories sink in is just what I needed to calm down a bit. I still have some preferences with the manga, but I'm sated to the point of watching and waiting without making too much of a fuss.

Some changes do make the action flow smoother, but im not happy that the studio decided to cut out Reeves-Levi wall bonding and L's squad 2.0's doubts on killing people

Rearrangement? Who cares? Erwin on graveyard was pure sex how was I supposed to thino about rearrangments???

I think the anime is doing a good job restructuring the arc, and is preserving its internal consistency quite well. But I am upset about some of the things that got removed, so I don't quite like the anime's retelling.

The rearrangement was understandable, however until I can look over the whole arc, I wouldn't be able to give a fair opinion on the execution of this season.

How do you feel about Historia’s absence when the Survey Corps proposed she needs to be queen?

As with the previous question, nearly half of voters are not yet ready to judge how the changes will affect the arc overall. 35% of you guys think it was a bad choice on WIT’s part. It’s probably safe to say we’re all on our toes wondering how WIT is going to handle this plot development as they move forward!

I hope we can still see the Levi smiling moment at the end of this arc despite the absence of these scenes.

I prefer Rod being the one to push the idea of her royalty into her, and I still think we'll get a moment regarding Levi's will to accept a different kind of hell and pushing Historia to make a choice in some other way later.

It didn't have a huge significance to the plot but it gave both Historia and Levi some good characterisation.

I feel a mixture of "I need more episodes" and "It was a poor choice".

Had to be done for an action packed start the season but I'm disappointed as it is an important scene for Levi's development

It was a poor choice that broke an important chain of events, it was Levi who had to force Historia.

Ralph called Hange a devil after they were locked up. Was this good foreshadowing to current manga events?

71% of respondents believed that this was good foreshadowing! We suppose one nice part of the anime being as behind from the manga as it is, is that we can recall these older moments that manage to have thematic relevance to current events.

I think Hange being called a devil was amazing foreshadowing, but also in a sense that, by overthrowing the current system, they are unwittingly putting themselves in the exact same position as the old government and its cronies were in with almost exactly the same problems and solutions available to them, the poor things just don't see it yet.

After this week, do you believe future episodes are now going to be more faithful to the original chapters?

50% of voters are confident that WIT is mostly headed back toward the linear timeline of the manga, with maybe small bits and pieces shuffled or omitted. 28% aren’t feeling as optimistic about it, however. But 18% are confident we’re back onto the strict manga timeline.

I'll have to wait and see all the episodes. No point trying to guess, only to be disappointed. Isayama authorised the changes, let's see what his new vision of these chapters!

I believe they will be faithful more than just "a little bit."  It seems the PV is a good indicator of that.  The Historia rising up to be queen is definitely going to be handled differently and there is no way around that.  But I'm ready, Wit!

im still trying to grasp what they trying to do of the pacing and the moments and i still hope the upcoming eps will make sense of all that cuts and flashbacks.

They'll have to do something different with Levi and Historia's 'discussion' about her becoming queen. I wonder if it will happen later, and someone else will do Reeve's line about him being a scary but good man? It would be interesting if someone like Mikasa does it.

Leaked episode titles PROVE they are gonna butcher up the cave scene

Maybe yes, maybe not. It all depends on Isayama and WIT, so let us wait for episode 41, shall we?

Which scene from the PV are you most looking forward to this week?

The largest group are most looking forward to Jean testing whether or not they can trust Marlowe and Hitch (please give us the stick WIT!). The close runner up is Levi interrogating the MP with the nice mustache and a case of foot-in-mouth. Literally.

I'm totally excited to see Marlowe and Hitch!

Central MP HQ next week?!?! Hoping for some new action scenes.

GIVE ME HITCH AND MARLO RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW

everyone in the PV is hot (yes pulverized erwin is still included)

Which group of characters are you favorite?

“All of them” wins as the good neutral vote.

I never know how to answer the which group is your favorite question because my fav is 104th + Annie (sans RB). So I'm always answering sans RBA which is unfair to Annie.

Where you do primarily discuss the series?

Additional thoughts on the episode?

A little bit better, but not enough. But overall I'm satisfied and I enjoyed it.

All in all, a very nicely done episode. I like how the story is coming together, all the different elements in the manga are there, just in a different order. I had high hopes for this season and so far I am not disappointed!

At this point I have absolutely NO clue where they are, or what's going on. The manga was less confusing for me.

Damn cockroaches, always ruining Hange's day.

Earlier I was really salty about Levi having to hold Mikasa back everytime it was mentioned that Eren was kidnapped, but later I noticed that instead of Mikasa being cool with it immediately like she was in her manga, in the anime they are slowing her development down to make it more realistic and believable(Levi had to physically restrain her the first time around, while the second time he just had to talk her down) so I still have faith it wit. I am still a little angry that the "That wasn't how I raised him." scene was cut though. It was an important Mikasa-Armin moment. But oh well! At least we got to see Jean in his glorious fedora!

Felt well-paced, I do like that they are tweeking things to make the anime feel more smooth.

Hanji looked like a snack throughout this episode shes so hot oh my god I’m so gay

Baby Erwin and Historia are wonderful, and I really like that they put two very different parent/child relationships on display here. Erwin's devotion to his father's theories, and the closeness to their relationship paralleled the neglegence Alma showed towards Historia - and in the end, the parents meet the same fate, offed by the Interior Squad."

Both Historia and Erwin's backstories needed stronger direction. Also, just a nitpick, but the soundtrack they used when Sannes told Hange "good luck" was an extremely weird choice. It was a very grim and ominous scene yet the music in the background didn't reflect that.

Pixis' lack of opposition was annoying. It seemed like he was just there so that Erwin had someone to talk about his backstory to. In the manga his red-line of no blood being spilled and his willingness to stay with the nobility if they had unknown but good reasons for their behaviour increased the stakes a lot.

I love the consistent tension buildup and the music choices that just compliment it. Sawano has been on a roll with the new tunes, and the way old ones have been used has been fantastic. Attack on D for Erwin's flashback is a choice I didn't consider, but I'll be damned if that wasn't a great call.

I just want to protect smol Historia and precious little Kidwin

Loving the development for Erwin. People need to realize that he isn't some cold hearted badass. He has feelings too ya know!

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you back on Monday! 

[minijenn]

...sigh... 

Ok, so I’m going to do something I usually never do. Start discourse. Why? Because I got this review on the last chapter on fanfic.net and I just... need to vent for a minute (this was a guest review btw): 

“ Eh, you still have original scenes with Steven so it isn't completely copy-paste. And you have word count to go with this to boot. There are honestly only a few plot points from both shows that I'd rather see explored differently, but none of them are set to occur quite that soon yet. However, I will say that you shouldn't discourage others' right of free speech. Reviewers should be allowed to speak their mind even if it is about things the author might not like to hear. BUT, you don't always have to take negative reviews so personally. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Or as the internet puts it, idgaf. Yes, there are things out there that are flames or pure hate speech, but the right to free speech is one of responsibility in that one should be allowed to speak uncensored, but must be willing to accept the potential consequences of whatever it is that happens as a result of them speaking. If one gets beaten up for saying something that others don't like, then technically their right to say what they said in that articular instance wasn't violated (as they still got to say what they did in the fist place, rather, the right not to get unreasonably assaulted is what is violated), although the threat of future consequences to said speaker if they ever say something like that again might serve to discourage said speaker and function as a form of de facto censorship. Granted, all you've essentially asked us reviewers was "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". And honestly, I can agree with this if one simply wants to insult or offend someone for no justifiable reason, but again, telling others to not say things (or worse, that they can't or are not allowed to say certain things) is only a small leap away from censorship. Of course, the internet does provide a degree of anonymity to speakers, so it can be rather difficult for an offended speaker to actually do anything to "get back at" that speaker. The exceptions are when people use traceable or ban-able accounts. Heck, even the requirement of accounts in general can be a discouragement to all those unwilling to register and/or login. One author on this site even had a petition to get the owners of this site to remove the guest review feature altogether. While it is true that many people do use the non-traceability of guest reviews to mess with others, some like myself rather enjoy it. I suppose I've rambled on about stuff that isn't relevant to this story, but perhaps the messages of warning and "learning to tolerate by not caring" might help you. Well, this was all I feel like saying. Enjoy your day. “

K, so... um... what? I am at a complete fucking loss right now? How was me asking my readers to be kind in their criticism anywhere fucking CLOSE to censorship??? I just wanted my readers to think twice about what they were saying before saying it, but never ONCE have I EVER said that I would censor their comments. I don’t block people for saying negative things, nor do I refuse to read it. Constructive criticism is actually very helpful and refreshing, but at the same time, so very rare. Why? Because of bullshit like this! And for reference’s sake, here’s the note that I left at the beginning of Dreamscaperers that resulted in this fucking mess: 

“Ok, so... about this chapter. I know so many of you have been hyped about Dreamscaperers for the longest time, as was I. But... I'm already anticipating many of you being disappointed with how it turned out (even though I'm personally pretty proud of it). See, I kinda stuck fairly close to the original episode for it, mostly because its my favorite season 1 episode of Gravity Falls and I wanted to do it justice and also because I didn't want to give you guys too many spoilers here. So no, the Gems themselves do not directly appear in this chapter. They don't encounter Bill or anything like that. Why? Because I'm saving that stuff for later. And you all will understand why I did when we get to that point. But for now, I want to make a request of you all. Please, PLEASE don't go to the reviews after reading this chapter and complain about it being copy-pasted or too close to the episode or that it barely has any SU content in it at all, ok? Because frankly I already can't stand reviews like that from the beginning and because I KNOW ok? I KNOW that I do that, but do you know why? Because I want to keep this story in the spirit of both shows as much as possible, and maintaining the plot points and dialogue that I love is my way of doing that. So please, if you're going to complain about any of that stuff in the reviews, then just don't review at all, ok? Please. Thank you.”

Notice how I said it was a request. I wasn’t FORCING anyone to do anything. If someone wanted to go into the reviews and rant about the chapter, yeah I would probably get a little upset, but I had never stopped them at all. I just asked nicely. From there, it was the reader’s choice to decide whether or not to be considerate. 

As a media major, I find free speech and expression like, SUPER important. And for someone to assume I dont? That shit pisses me off more than anything. And someone telling me that I don’t have the right to ask for civility in the reviews to my story? Kinda seems like its own form of “restricting freedom of speech”, doesn't it? 

[thiswebsiteisbooty]

On the EVO donation drive

If you’re reading this on Tumblr and still following me you probably know that I pretty much only come around to post about EVO and then peace out a few days later. I’m not sure how many of you that is because Im not 100% on how the new dashboard works but if you are here then you know I’m around a little early. But I’m posting *about* EVO anyway so there ya go.

If you’re reading this on Facebook then I know a lot of you guys probably only have at best a passing knowledge of what EVO is but you’ve seen me post about it, particularly Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 a lot, so I’m just gonna ask if you guys have any spare money please consider donating here:

https://www.generosity.com/fundraising/evo-2017-player-vote-ultimate-marvel-vs-capcom-3

Your money goes to the Make-a-Wish foundation, and you make a guy you know personally really happy as well.

And as a final pretense before I really get into this I’m just gonna be honest this is gonna be pretty rant-y, so it might not be a super focused read and will probably contain a few expletives so just be pre-warned.

Originally I was gonna come here and I was going to break down the poll game by game, essentially breaking down why I felt like each game shouldn’t be voted for and why Marvel should. But as it stands right now the winner is going to be either Marvel or Pokken, so this is mostly going to be centered around why I think Marvel is the most deserving game, and why I feel Pokken just might be the least deserving, or at least one of the least deserving.

And every time I look at that generosity page my stomach does flips because it’s literally like a best/worst case scenario. But the funny part about this entire situation is I feel like Marvel shouldn’t even be on this poll. Marvel absolutely *should* already have its spot. Regardless of how you the individual might feel about Marvel 3 in particular, Marvel vs. Capcom has been practically synonymous with EVO. Up until only last year Marvel, be it 2, 3, or Ultimate 3, has always been sort of the penultimate game for EVO, only behind whatever Street Fighter was out at the time. I don’t know if I agree with IFC Yipes in that Marvel made EVO (mostly because I haven’t been around *that* long), but I do agree that without it EVO never would have reached the point that it has. And you look at Marvel 3 specifically, and that game has been a staple of EVO through damn near every iteration of Street Fighter 4, even lasting long enough to share the stage with Street Fighter 5, outlived who knows how many Netherrealms games, Soul Caliburs, Tekkens, Personas, you name it. And that’s not to knock (most) of those games but to make a point that not even taking into account 2, Marvel 3 specifically has been a prefixture of this event for a long ass time

And never mind the countless moments that the game has given us. Back in 2013 what was one of the top things people talked about when EVO was over? Justin’s absolutely incredible run, beating odds on favorite Chris G and going on to nearly defeat Floker to win his first Marvel 3 EVO. Then there was the following year when he clutched it out against F Champ and beat Chris G once more to finally actually do it.

Hell even last year, Chris G, despite being the odds on favorite to win several years in a row, *finally* went ahead and took the one tournament that had alluded him for years. And the year before that when KBR (even though I dont much care for him) became the first non-American to win Marvel at EVO.

People have known for a minute with MvCI on the horizon that this was probably going to be Marvel 3′s last year at EVO, and so people were gearing up for it’s proper final sendoff and now you’re telling me that Marvel might not even be *at* EVO?

And I know there’s a lot of people who agree with me on this because every where I go, even from people who voted for different games, even for people who voted for Pokken, I keep hearing the same thing: “I’m voting for Pokken, but Marvel absolutely deserves to be there”

“Marvel shouldn’t even be a part of the poll”

“There shouldn’t even be a poll, Marvel should take that 9th slot”

And don’t even get me started on how tight I am that there are not one but TWO Smash games, games that barely even qualify as fighting games, games that a good chunk of the FGC never wanted around in the first place, at EVO, but Marvel might not. Especially since y’all are a good chunk of the people pushing for Pokken (which we’ll get to trust me). If I hear one more Melee player complain about Melee being on Saturday and not Sunday while Marvel might not even *be* at EVO I honestly might lose my shit.

And I mean no disrespect to my Smash 4 community, particularly the local Nebraska scene cuz y’all know I have nothing but respect for you guys. My problem really mostly is with Melee, that relic of a game that people just cant seem to let go of. But it’s so funny to me at how often the Smash crowd, particularly Melee, talks about how much they don’t need the FGC and yet they won’t leave.

But it isn’t even really about that. I could sit here and talk shit about Melee all day long but you know whatever. They have there spot and that’s fine. But suffice to say that if it were up to me, Melee would get booted in favor of Marvel in a heartbeat.

But let’s talk about this poll for an honest minute though. If you remember the donation drive they did a while ago and compare it to this one, the last one blows this one way out of the water. Every single game on that list was at least, you know, a fighting game, with actual communities that would absolutely show up to play. I mean there was Melee and Brawl of course but again shit, at least those two games are closer to fighting games than shit like Windjammers, and Nidhogg. There wasn’t goofy meme-y shit like those two, and ARMS. And dont get me wrong I’m excited to play ARMS but THAT GAMES NOT EVEN OUT YET (and before anyone brings up “Injustice 2 isn’t out either” just know that in my book that game can go fuck itself for about the same reason. BUT EVEN THEN, that game at least has a known community that will come out and play it). We don’t even know what community, if any, is gonna come out for ARMS, by that point, since it’ll be coming out 1-3 months before EVO (I’d remind you that ARMS doesn’t even have a set release date. Just “Spring 2017″), that game isn’t even gonna have any real advanced tech discovered yet, if there even is any to discover. Not that any of those stand a chance at winning at this point but the fact that they were included kinda pisses me off. I can kind of see Windjammers since a lot of the FGC likes that game but Nidhogg? Do most of yall even remember that game? And ARMS? REally?

I know someone’s gonna be like, “Well the last donation drive had Divekick, and Fighting is Magic”. And I was one of the first people to say that FiM was probably the weakest, meme-ist option put up there but you know, that was happened because the FGC is filled with trolls. If you remember, the only games that made the donation drive were games that got at least 500 votes on the Facebook poll and I’m pretty confident that 490 of FiM’s votes were trolls being trolls. And at least in Divekick’s defense, that game was made by a dude from that community, for the community. Divekick is basically one massive FGC in joke anyway so if Divekick had made it, it basically would’ve been a big thank you to one of the FGC’s own.

But I think what makes me the most upset about the whole situation isn’t even just that Marvel might not get the proper sendoff that it deserves, but that it’s Swan Song stands a strong chance of being snatched away by Pokken. And just, let’s review Pokken for a sec.

First off, this was the game that was being removed from Japanese arcades in droves because nobody gave enough of a shit to play it. And we’re talking about a culture that loves both Pokemon AND fighting games, and they wanted absolutely nothing to do with that game.

And then, when it came stateside, those of yall that watched tournaments saw that pretty much ever ad breakthere was a little vingette for Pokken. They tried their hardest to get people to actually care about this game, and yet... you pratically had to dig through the Twitch trenches just to find Pokken tournaments. People weren’t watching, and people weren’t entering. Then it got to EVO because Nintendo money, and it had one of the lowest entrants and viewer rates of any of the games there.

Then post EVO, a lot of majors didn’t even run the game because people weren’t entering or watching. And speaking of Nintendo, I would remind you that Nintendo themselves have since dropped Pokken from their Pokemon Championship Series. So not even the parent company gives a fuck about the game at this point.

So with all that being said, never in a million years did I think that Marvel would be neck and neck with Pokken. KI, maybe. MKX, maybe. Shit I figured even Windjammers had a better shot than Pokken and yet here we are.

And you might wonder where the fuck the money is coming from if nobody gives a shit about Pokken. Simple, its coming from Smashers (and you can go check smash websites, most of them are advocating super hard for Pokken), and people who are just fans of Pokemon and will throw money at anything Pokemon. And look I love Pokemon too. It’s top 3 favorite Nintendo franchise and might be top 5 favorite franchises of all time. But I have no doubt in my mind that a lot of the people throwing money at this, barely know what EVO is, probably don’t even know the dates of EVO, and have 0 intentions of watching that game at EVO much less showing up to play the game. Case in point, Shofu is out here on Twitter advocating and donating to this game, and you would think that Shofu, who runs one of the biggest Pokemon related YouTube channels, would probably have a lot of Pokken content right? Well guess when the last time he even posted a video about the game was. I’ll save you the search, it was 6 months ago. One of these videos were, ironically enough, entitled “time to come back”. And then there were two more videos within the same time span, and he hasn’t touched the game since.

And this is kind of the additude that I’m talking about. I read a tweet earlier that summed it up perfectly. About how people never want to watch or come out to support Pokken, and then want to wonder why there aren’t any Pokken tournaments. That game died forever ago. You might even argue that that game was dead on arrival but even if you don’t, then you have to agree that there hasn’t been a game that died out quicker than Pokken did. For all the shit people gave SFxT at least that game lasted a couple of years as opposed to about 3 months. And at least that game had some potential at release, instead of being booted from Japanese arcades Y’all are throwing money at this game and I have no doubt in my mind that it’s going to once again have abyssmal turnout/viewership.

And that’s to me, is the most upsetting thing. That Marvel stands a shot of being robbed by a game that people don’t actually care about, but has a fanbase that will throw money at anything with Pikachu’s face on it. If it were KI, I wouldn’t be super happy, but it would be ok. MKX, kinda upset because I hate that game but you know what, fine. Or even Skullgirls which to me would be best case scenario, if your top two games were SG and Marvel because easily and measurably those two deserve it. Skullgirls is a fantastic game with an ultra dedicated community that only got treated like shit by EVO. I have no doubt in my mind that had SG’s won the last donation drive that game would be one of the biggest in the FGC right now and might even still to this day be a mainstay at EVO. And so if *any* game was gonna be Marvel, I’d wish it to be Skullgirls. But at least I can say of any of the games I mentioned above, people would come out to play it, and support it. In the example of MKX, it would be the exact same people that would be playing Injustice but fuck, at least it’s *someone*.

And I know someone’s gonna be like “well what did you ever do for Marvel?” and yeah, I’ve never been to a major, because I don’t have money like that. But at least every time there is something local for the game, I go out and play. I took time off of work and drove an hour out one time just to get 0-2′d in Marvel on a couple of occasions, but at least I went out there. And I’m out here watching the streams, watching the VoDs; 90% of my “watch later” playlist is Marvel shit that I didn’t get to watch live.

And with that said, yeah I’ll admit that a bit of it is personal for me. Marvel is absolutely my favorite game out there right now. Without Marvel 3 I probably would not care about EVO and the FGC as a whole. But that’s why I don’t want to see it get robbed of a proper sendoff by a game that’s just gonna die out again the minute EVO is over.

[strrwbrrryjam]

the problem for me with them removing sokkas (admittedly rather small) arc of him unlearning the sexist principles he believed in is that, in the 2020s, there has been an increase of sexism in teenage boys (for many reasons, but mostly due to them idealizing men who spew misogyny every chance they get) so I think them watching a character who believes in the same principles learning that they are ultimately wrong and begin to understand that women can do things that men can do too is a good thing.

sure, to me and you who already knows that women can do more than cook and clean and take care of the home, it may seem unimportant, but to those who have been taught that women belong in the kitchen by men that they idealize, it might make all the difference.

ultimately, I'm just rather upset with a lot of the changes they have made to the original story (and the character design and characters), especially since there is this (rather stupid) bias there is against animation, considering it too 'childish' to watch, meaning that this live action version of avatar the last airbender will be a lot of peoples only exposure to the incredible story of atla and I just think that's rather sad.