#i dont think blades old self is a spoiler anymore right

[itsredpaint]

a discussion of a jingren roleswap au with a friend

[infinitydoublevenus]

like fern is just finn if he was bumped out of his own life and corrupted by a demon. it shows us different aspects of finn’s soul and personality, and how he would deal with all that - basically showing us his dark side, without fucking up main finn.

i had a whole long ass shpiel about why i disagree written out and then my computer decided not to listen to my mouse and it basically got destroyed

but in summary, 

- MAJOR SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FINALE YET-

i dont think everything that made fern the way he is was the demons fault. like… imagine if you will, waking up one day in a body you’re unfamiliar with, but not realizing it until someone looking just like you claims they are you, your brother defends them and claims you’re not who you really are, calls you a demon, your “son” (BMO) is terrified of you for what you can only assume is no reason, you realize you cant do the things you loved anymore because this body isn’t capable of it, and since you’re unfamiliar with it, you keep fucking up to the point where you feel like you can’t do anything right. then you finally, FINALLY get a chance to prove yourself and you’re incapable of doing what you were supposed to. which makes you feel less than your doppelganger because they seem so much more successful and better at what you did then you were. imagine that you realize “hey, these memories i have of my entire life aren’t mine anymore” that would surely cause someone to question whether they really were that person or not. and as we see in Do No Harm, Fern clearly is on the side of “i’m someone else now. i have these memories that you share with me, but our personalities and circumstances are different. therefore i am not you. maybe i used to be, but i’m not anymore.” by his own admission, and i quote: “Whatever I am, I’m… not you.” and then you get another chance to at least prove you’re not worthless at least to one person, and you fuck it up. at this point you’re so frustrated you snap. some might even resort to self harm (see: Fern tearing his “ears” off. Clearly they’re a part of his body or they wouldn’t have regenerated like they did.) the person who says they’re you tries to comfort you all the time but it’s not enough, they never get to the root of the issue. you want to tell them. you want them to understand. but they’ve never been through something like this, so they don’t. imagine that no one else IN THE WORLD that you know of has the same problem that you do. imagine how lonely that must have felt for him. he literally felt like he was completely alone. the only person going through this hell that he was trapped in. and imagine that, in your head, this voice (the demon) is whispering to you, and urging you to do harmful things to others. you dont want to, but you want it to shut up. thus he suggests “sever his tendons?” when talking about how to deal with Sweet P. on top of all of this, the worst part is you feel like you’ve been replaced. like you were nothing. like you didn’t matter enough for people to care that you were replaced. you try to form your own identity around who you are now and not what you used to be, but you don’t know what or who you are or are supposed to be. you don’t know what you want, since the role you most wanted to fill, this person has taken now. it gets so frustrating you’re convinced the only solution is if they died. you’ve sunk so far into this depressing narrative that you’ve convinced yourself of that you don’t see any other way out. but you don’t WANT them to die. so you hide them away and give them food and an item for comfort (meatloaf being finn’s favorite food & Fern giving him a pan of dirt because he didn’t know how to make meatloaf even though he already gave him garbage he could sift through so he at least wouldn’t starve). your plan is that everything would go back to normal so you wouldnt have to deal with this shit anymore. but suddenly the person escapes and attacks you. they start interrogating your motivations like they don’t already know about the shit you’ve gone through. so you start fighting with each other, and then because of the violence thats broken out, the demons power grows stronger than it should be and increases your willingness to fight and kill. you have your sword at your enemy’s throat and they start pleading that “it doesn’t have to be like this. we can just go home and talk things out! nobody has to die!” but before you can get a word in - and also, there’s no way Fern could have known it was an accident - their razorblade weapon slashes through your stomach. everyone thinks you’re dead. someone you don’t know and have never seen before, but looks similar to someone you know, finds you and revives you. they live with a nice old lady and their nephew. your real parents abandoned you, your father figure only wanted to use you (the grassy wizard “This is great for me, personally! You have to do my bidding!”) and your mother was forced to quarantine herself because of an epidemic and can only interact with you through a screen, and now here you are, being offered family! family you genuinely believe wont abandon you! friends! people who might be willing to try and understand you! including a father figure, a thing that was missing from your life since you were a little kid! not only that, but they’ve given you the ability to be more capable in fighting, and killing, the thing you were trying to do to your doppelganger. they gave you armor and weapons and a place to stay! their only condition is to fight in war against someone you barely even remember. its not like they need YOU to be their knight anymore anyway, the doppelganger does that now. HE’S the one loyal to them. so you go along with it,. you finally have a chance to get rid of said doppelganger when the father figure tells you “not yet”. since you appreciate what they’ve done for you, you obey. the next time you see the person who’s replaced you he wants to negotiate with “your boss” as he calls them. they’re not just a boss to you, they’re a father. not only that but he came here with your brother. who might i add, attacks you. imagine being called a demon by your brother, still having hope he might not hate you, and then a few months later being attacked by him like you’re his enemy, when you two were best friends throughout your childhood. ithe old lady comes out of the building and tells you both to stop fighting. your “twin” compares her to your mother. “She’s kinda like mom, yeah?” this person, this person who replaced you, is referring to the mother that would have, should have raised you as their own mother. so you feel compelled to justify that you’re her son too. “She was my mom too!” and then the doppelganger says you’re like family, so why are you fighting like this? you know he’s right, but you don’t want to admit it, because it HURTS to admit it. so you pull your helmet over your head and leave. 

the next time you see them, they’re trying to negotiate to stop the war from happening. you don’t know what to think. they use a potion to put all of you in a shared dream, where your father figure orders you to kill the opposing side because maybe they’ll die in real life. you WOULD have, but then he straight up abandons you, just like your real father did. you’ve developed abandonment issues before because of that and they come to the surface now. you’re so upset you can’t move. the doppelganger tries to snap you out of it but he;’s the last person you want to see right now. so you try to get away from him, but he follows you. you get into another fistfight but before you can finish your brother reminds you that you have all the same traumas. but that your situations are still DIFFERENT, even though you share the same pain. your doppelganger and you have to face the music and he kills the demon, you’re finally free of it. “I’m me again.” this line can be interpreted in two different ways: literally, or figuratively. if we take it literally, he’s turned into finn again BUT like jake says, “it’s just a dream”. sure, it still causes you to die later on, but not everything in that dream became reality. and you only died because the demon was the only thing keeping your unfamiliar body from falling apart. if its interpretated differently however he could be seen as saying “finally, i’m back in my old body again, in a familiar body that i know how to operate in, and i am free of the demon’s curse and the impulses that were driving me to fight so violently.” they didnt say all that of course because it would be tedious, this isnt Hamlet where they can go on and on about how much they hate the planet for several hours. when you wake up from the shared dream, a strange entity is attacking everyone. you’re willing to defend your homeland “down to your last blade” as he puts it, but your body is starting to fall apart and isn’t suited for battle right now. you do your best, even fending off a giant monster, but you become so weak and frail you fall over (see: Huntress Wizard helping him during Time Adventure). you can barely move, but then the solution to defeating the entity comes to light. (singing) it’s something you can do without as much effort as battle would take, so you take part in it as well. but you’re almost completely broken apart by now. you can barely stand up. your doppelganger has escaped the entity that was trying to eat him. you’ve finally realized that he cared more about you than you wanted to admit. you know you’ll feel guilty if you die leaving him without a conclusion. so you get his attention. he’s distraught by the sight of you: weak, falling apart, literally dying in front of him. you try to lighten the mood, he offers to take you to your home so you can die in peace, but you see the expression on your brother’s face that says “that place was destroyed by the monsters”. you know he’d be distraught even more if you told him that now, so you comfort him with your last words. “It’s okay, just promise to plant me there.” 

in conclusion, this post was longer than i intended for it to be, but not all of Fern’s bitterness and aloof, somewhat-empathy-lacking personality stems from the Emissary’s corruption. it was also from feelings of being replaced, estrangement from his brother, and abandonment issues. as well as a feeling of worthlessness which could be interpreted as clinical depression once it got to a certain point. 

i don’t think Fern is just “Finn 2.0, we added misery in the latest update!” I think he’s a lot more complex than that. he realized they had the same traumatic memories, but they still had different situations: his doppelganger wasn’t being held captive by the Emissary like he was. they’ve gone through similar - even the same - shit, but he also has his own unique trauma finn’s never gone through. not the one we see after the episode where they revive Prismo, anyway.

he also sided with Gumbaldia not only because they offered him family and a home, “There’s nothing I have that you don’t!” but also because being equipped better for revenge gave him a purpose, something that his struggles with his identity partially stemmed from a lack of. 

so yeah i don’t mean to be rude or anything, i am 100% NOT here for discourse, i just wanted to elaborate on my opinion and why i made that post about Finn and Fern earlier. 

sorry if that was too long of a post to read haha… i just have a lot of nuanced opinions on a lot of different things. 

tl;dr: fern’s issues, i believe, were caused by more than just a demon screaming in his ear at his every turn. i dont wanna be an asshole i just felt like elaborating 

[mrcatlion]

vld s5 spoilery thoughts

hey, so, I know that I dont usually post stuff like this on here(or anywhere else), but some of it is future fan comic ideas that I want to test, and I need to vent.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on when is an ok time to post fanart based on s5? I’m thinking of putting a spoiler warning on top of some works, but I’d still like to know everyones thoughts before I post anything.

but yeah, spoilers under the cut

So, I’m just going to preface this that I still feel an intense emotional reaction to thinking about Sephiroth’s downfall in Final Fantasy VII. Like, I made an AU where Cloud or Zack just give a little bit of emotional support to Sephiroth during his time in the library and because of that, he has a better time dealing with learning about all the bullshit surrounding his linage. And after seeing The Last Jedi and Black Panther, there was this hole in my heart for a good, interesting villain redemption that I was craving.

And its because of this that I dont know if Lotor’s arc in this season was actually good, or if I just really needed him not to be Sephiroth.

THEY LITERALLY HAD A SCENE WITH OUR LONG WHITE HAIRED BOY LOOKING THROUGH AN INFORMATION ARCHIVE THAT HAD LIFE CHANGING INFO ON HIS MOM and they didnt pull a sephiroth

Im still ready for anything to happen to everyone at this point, but I just really like that they could have gone down making him a backstabbing fuckboy. Like when Allura got the Altaen Alchemy magical chosen whatever, Lotor’s response to his own shortcomings was not a tantrum, or even an envious grimace, but instead he was really supportive of her. Like, he was happy for her? and genuine??!?!? And he felt comfortable enough to tell her about some really intense abuse from his racist dictator dad???? AND SHE WAS SUPPORTIVE BACK!?!?!?

I just didnt know I really needed Allura and Lotor being supportive friends. He could backstab her the first episode of season 6 and I’d still be like “at least I got to enjoy it for a few months”

Going backwards tho, It was kind of weird that Haggar/Shiro/Kuro had to sneak Lotor a weapon during the hostage exchange. It was a great fight scene, but I feel like they could have at least given him a communicator to talk to them in case something went wrong? The one solid thing in season 5 is that Galra culture has evolved to include a lot of backstabbing and power play, and its kind of a miracle that they had the real Sam Holt on the ship at all. I was not convinced that Sam was not another hologram until Pidge touched him. That episode had a lot of weird moments(Matt’s hair loop skips in one scene and I died). I also feel like if they gave a little more time at the end to let Zarkon’s death sink in a little bit too. Even just a moment for someone to walk up to him and be like “yeah he’s dead. Kill confirmed” would have helped.

Also I cant stop thinking about how bored Lotor would get in that cell, but the minute he hears Shiro and Allura coming, he’d jump back to his feet like “ive totally just been standing here the whole time”

I also doodled a comic where Allura hugs Lotor and afterwards Lotor attempts to hug everyone else. I dont even care if its in character or not, I’m making it an no one can stop me. I just really need to make it.

I’m really hoping for Lotor to just be able to be a nice leader with Voltron as political and emotional support. The galra get to start working on getting that colonizing out of their system, Lotor gets an actual family. He’s probably going to be usurped next season, but I’m still content imagining that his reaction to the Garrison trio’s antics as a light scolding followed by “invite me next time”

I dont know why, but I find it funny that, the one thing Sam Holt did was suggest hacking the tree virus, and then leaves.

Also, Sam Holt is the best space dad. Coran is best space uncle, but Sam is best Space dad, no contest.

ALSO I CANT GET OVER CORAN’S RANDOM PARASITE GAG WHAT WAS THAT JOKE WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT

I realized watching the Galra fighting each other, and going back to the tree planet, and just the succession of power in the Galra while the blades set up to destroy the Galra elite, Voltron scratches that need for interesting alien species and cultures and variety that I always craved watching Ben 10 as a kid. I wish vld existed when I was a 13 year old so I could get into it when I had time and energy.

Pidge and Hunk were good. Pidge was the best achieving her dreams. Hunk could have done more, but at least he had some good lines and might have joined the ‘lowkey concerned for shiro’ club with Lance and Allura.

Speaking of Lance, I’m kind of unsure how I feel about him? I was really into his arc with self doubt and identity as the team sharp shooter and being a great second in command, and the sword thing kinda felt like a weird side step on all that buildup. On one hand he had genuinely good interactions with Allura, but still devolved into unwarranted jealousy at times? w/e. At least he ended on a good note, but I feel like all the stuff that I was getting into with his character isnt there anymore? idk

Actually, rereading this over, I’m hoping that that ending note with Lance and Shiro kinda hinted that Lance is still a really good second in command, and he can be support for both Keith and Shiro as leaders.

Keith was there. Im kind of disappointed that no one talked about Keiths actions at the end of the last season, but oh well. Kolivan had to have known who he was sending Keith to, right? I cant tell if this is going to be some Marmora loyalty test, if Kolivan was knowingly orchestrating that family reunion, or if he just didnt know. I’m also hoping to see if they touch on how the more Keith learns about his bio family, the more he seems to be drifting away from his adoptive brother...

Also tho, I have no idea what Haggar’s actual motives are, but this season had a lot of cool stuff for her? Like, I think they’re implying that Haggar genuinely wants the best for Lotor, but knows that if he takes the thrown, the weight of Galra empire will destroy him. But she also hasnt told Lotor who she really is for some reason, and I’m still scared that that knowledge could also mess with him, because it sounds like Haggar has also done some traumatic stuff to Lotor despite/because the struggle just to get her zombie baby. It seems like she’s trying to look out for him with project kuron? IDK??? I love Haggar so much but I’m also so scared at what she could do to everyone???? I’m still full force ready for Kuron to be confirmed tho.

Actually, I think that by the end, there were some other fancomic ideas that I have in production that are still technically in character? So as long as I can get them done by July, I should be good!(of course one of them was the Halloween fancomic...)

So yeah, all in all, s5 had a lot of things that I really needed emotionally, however I am  prepared for dreamworks to rip my heart out and smash it into the ground.

[impulsiveinstinct]

Starving Static part10

TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM!!

It was hours before Chase came out of his bedroom, smelling of sweet musky smoke and red eyes swollen from crying, half sobbing through giggles he padded past Anti into the kitchen and grabbed a thing of cookies and flopped down in front of the couch in from of the demon. Chase watched as Anti drug a knife blade across his wrist again and again in slow lazy motions. Normally Chase would turn away at the sight but, in his current state he found his curiosity outweighing his disgust.

“Why do you do that…?” He asked, voice distant as he lazily nibbled on a cookie. Anti paused for a second before pressing the tip of the blade deep into his wrist and pulled it back out.

“Feels good.” He flexed his wrist and went back to the lazy motions, passing over the same spot several times before starting a new one. Chase stared a long moment before speaking again.

“Does it really feel good? It look like it hurts…”

Anti chuckled humorlessly and pressed the knife deeper into his abused flesh.

“And jerking off looks like it hurts if you ask me… I’m probably just used to it. Made sense when I first started it.” He sighed.

“Can I try..?” The words got the demons attention instantly. Looking over at Chase it was clear to see he was blazed out of his mind, the high didn’t stop the stream of tears falling down his cheeks as he quietly munched away at his cookies and stared at Anti with an odd expression. It didn’t bother him, he was getting bored and was about to get the man himself so he could have someone to play with. Pulling Chase up onto his lap he smiled.

“Close your eyes.”

Once again Chase felt his eyes open without his doing so but, this time he welcomed it. He wanted some distance between himself and his thoughts. His fingers adjusted their grip on the blade and he heard himself sigh.

“You’re blazing right now aren’t you? It’s messing me up too.” Chase didn’t answer he didn’t need too. He watched as he laid the blade across his wrist and slowly slid it across his pale skin in a soft lazy motion, like Anti did. He felt dazed, more so than the weed had him, the only thing that kept him focused was the thin red beads the formed in the path the knife made. Again he adjusted the knife in his hand and dragged it over the fresh line, more beads welled up and some started to trickle. It didn’t hurt, not really. He knew he was cutting himself, he saw and felt it but, the pain felt so far away as he repeated the action over and over again. New waves of  soft pleasure went through him, it was faint and  fleeting but, it was so pure in a way the high he had chased earlier hadn’t been.

"See? Feels good huh.? " His voice purred pushing the blade in deeper and dragging it across his arm with a painfully slow speed as he let of a low groan of pain. It did, he wasn't sure why or how but, the release that came with every new line made him feel so much better. It was as if all his worries trickled out with his blood. With Anti's help he repeated the actions over and over again, going slow and shallow until he had scored deep gouges into his arm. Somewhere in the back of his mind he felt sick but, couldn't bring himself to care as he finally fell asleep, knife still in hand.

It wasn't until the shrill ring of Chase's phone going off in the next room that he woke up. Bolting up and stumbling into the bedroom he snatched the phone off the charger and answered it. 

 "Yeah? Hello...No. No. I was just in the show- ...What? No. Yeah. Yeah I can take him for a week or so... Are you sure..? Nonono, I wasn't trying to question YOU it just doesn't sound like something he wou- ... No! Look you can't do that! They've been together their who- WELL THEY'RE MU KIDS TOO! ...No. Stacey I'm sorry. No. I- I didn't mean to yell. There's no need to get the lawyers involved okay? I'm sorry... It's just. Splitting them up wouldn't make things better... No. You're right. You're always right... Of course. But... Look it's only until you figure out what's wrong or Sam comes too! No... I'M TELLING YOU IT WON'T HELP HIM! ...Damnit no!" Chase pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, looking and sounding defeated. "There really is no need for that. I'll take him in for a week and try to talk to him okay? Dont... Don't plan anything rash until then okay? Yes. I know... I'm sorry... yeah I'll be sure to be here, see ya soon." 

With another sigh he hung up the phone glancing down to see his arm littered in tiny shallow cuts. 

 "Anti what the fuck?!" He snapped storming out of the room to look for the demon who was perched on the kitchen table as usual. Shoving his arm into the demon's face he continued. 

"How the hell did this happen? I thought you could make me feel it without doing it!"

 "And I was fucking high as kite fucker! It ain't exactly easy to control two bodies when you're that fucked up. You did the shit to yourself I just made you think you went deeper." Anti snarled, pushing the man's arm out of his face. 

"Be happy you didn't go deeper." 

 With a frustrated groan Chase ran a nervous hand through his hair and stepped out of the room to grab a hoodie and cover up the cuts as he tried to clean up and make breakfast before Stacey showed up. It wasn't a half hour later the door bell rang. Pushing past Anti, he opened the door and welcomed a young kid inside. 

 "Hey Gray! Come on in! I got breakfast all made up and then we can just take it easy and chill all day okay bud?" "Sure." The kid mumbled setting his backpack off to the side and huffing. 

 "Mom's pissed at you." 

 "Language! And she's pissed at you too so I'd watch it." Chase snipped back before sighing and checking the kitchen for Anti before leading Grayson in. "Can... Can we not do this? I've missed you so much and I know you've been having a hard time so can we just... Take it easy?"

“Sure... Uncle Jack!” The boy cried running into the spitting image of Jack that winced as Gray wrapped his arms around his waist and stared at chase with feral panicked eyes.

“Hey! Hows’s my Bouncing Baby Boy?” The doppelganger asked mimicking Jack perfectly even going as far to and a couple little bounces as he did so, mush to Gray’s amusement. 

“Not so  good... Mom won’t let me stay with Sam anymore.” He sighed.

“What’s up with that Lil’ Dude? “ Chase asked carefully leading his son away from the demon posing as Jack and to the table.

“Nothing.” The ten year old said defensively.

“Nothing?”

“No! It’s not important. Hows Youtube Uncle Jack? Any cool new vids?” Chase bit his lip and fought the defeated sigh that was rising in him. His kids had learned to resent him. He was struggling with his carrier and it showed. 

“Awe come on now! I cant be tellin’ you any spoilers! That’d ruin the fun!” Anti smiled and laughed and Chase felt his skin crawl. How could he do that? Just cast himself aside and become Jack so completely that it was nearly impossible to tell the difference. Doing his best to eat Chase listened as his son got along with a murderous demon better than he did with him. It was like that the entire day really. Grayson lead Anti-Jack by the hand to play games and sit with him while they watched movies chattering nonstop about idle things, only speaking with his father when he wanted something. It wasn't until Chase had put him to bed did the man finally break. His life was unraveling, the love of his life had come to hate him, his children no longer looked up to him and a wicked creature, one hellbent on killing everyone close to him had somehow managed to fill the slot of male role model in his son’s life. Without changing out of his clothes Chase fell into bed, fighting the urge to break down and cry again.

“Your kid needs to lay off on touching so much.” Anti hissed padding in close behind him, still posing as Jack.

“Jack doesn’t care when they do it.” Chase snipped. The doppelganger sighed and pulled off his shirt and flopped into bed beside him.

“And you want me to be like him?”  The was something odd in his tone as he asked, Chase couldn't read it so he chose to stay silent staring at the false image and hoping it would go away and leave him be for the night. the air filled with a static hum and the out line of Anti’s false form flickered and pulsed in slow soft patterns. Despite himself Chase found himself completely relaxed when the demon pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“What do you want Chase?” He asked, resting his forehead against his, arms resting on either side of his head. Even with him knowing better it was hard to believe that the man staring down at him was Antisepticeye, a demon who had tormented those he held dear. His voice was so gentle, he didn't move as he watched Chase, waiting calmly for his answer and only trembled as Chase wrapped his arms around his neck and held him close, crying as he did so.

“I-I can’t Jack.” He sobbed clinging to the doppelganger.

“I cant take this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep this up. “ He continued as Jack- Anti, whoever it was who held him pressed gentle kisses to his face.

“It’s okay. I believe in you and it’ll be okay. Maybe not today or next week even but, brighter days are ahead and I believe in you... so hang in there okay?”

Chase shook his head. He was a failure, his own son had disregarded him, as if he was a stranger. 

“I can’t. Jack I can’t... He hates me. Stacey hates me... I c-”

“What do you want me to do?”

Again Chase was silent.

“Make it stop.”

@myhomosexuallyfakeromance

@corruptedmetadata

@zeddlocket

@neontwizzlervioletmacaroni3

@system-demon