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#i dont think it's really hit me yet
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#the tags on this post will be about death of a family member#just as a warning#you can skip over if that'll negatively affect you; its ok- put your mental health first#kee speaks#so my grandpa had a health scare this weekend#on Friday morning he couldn't breath#it was the one day i actually managed to leave for work at a decent time and I wound up following the ambulance to the farm#he was in hospital for about five days as they got the inflammation in his lungs down#they discharged him yesterday with new medications and a schedule to follow#so when he got back to the farm and we'd finished work for the day we went over and had happy hour with him#and now dad just called me at 5:30 AM (about half an hour ago) that grandpa passed away this morning#so that's both grandpas passing away within four months of each other#I'm still lying in bed rn#i dont think it's really hit me yet#but I'm comforted in the fact i was probably the last one to see him asides from grandma#and i gave him a big hug and told him i loved him before i left to go home#so yeah.#we'll see how much I'm around here the next few days#i might need distracting again so probably more than I think i will#but who knows.#on a positive note i won't have as much emotional heavy lifting to do like last time#my paternal grandpa who died in February only had one kid so me and my siblings were the only ones here to do the funeral stuff#but this side of the family has more siblings and thus i have nine other cousins to help with funeral arrangements#hopefully that means i wont need to get up on stage either cause that makes it so much worse for me#anyways. need to go find out if my cousins in another timezone have heard yet and if I need to call them
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sunnykeysmash · 11 months
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humanmorph · 4 months
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(transcript by @violentandmagnificent)
It’s quiet here, living in your head. It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen, at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always. It isn’t always, but it’s better than never. It’s quiet here, living on this ship. It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud, I remember different voices bouncing in these halls, I remember old arguments, I remember myself. I wonder how much I can tell you; because  I can tell you; I have much to say. But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path, beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play. So who am I? You only know what they’ve told you. So who am I? You only know what’s written down. So who am I? You only know what’s on recordings, and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned. I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can. So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan. I lost my life long before I understood, before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood. I wonder what she’ll tell you. I wonder what she’ll share.  I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.  I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day. The color of the sun. The touch, the ocean's spray.  The last thing that I felt in life. (The first thing that I felt in life.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I hope she tells the truth to you. (I hope she tells the worst to you.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I loved her like she told me to. (I left her like she told me to.) The touch, the ocean's spray.  We’re running out of time, you know? (She’s running out of time, you know?) The touch, the ocean's spray.  I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all. I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one. Make her tell the truth to you before we come undone.
PALISADE 37: Reach In / Reach Out Pt. 1
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plulp · 5 months
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definitely one of my worst posts. really up there with the squad one
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skunkes · 6 months
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i dont think ive ever drawn him Smiling while Like This... (also discussion in tags)
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atanxdoesstuff · 3 months
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Here, some Ryley sketches ft. Cuddlefish skritches, Peeper, Bladderfish, and This Is Ozzy From The Cafeteria What The Hell Guys!
i haven't drawn in quite some time but yknow its exam phase so :/ ofc my motivation comes back when I really should be doing something else like idk study? or somethin
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robotsafari · 1 month
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deep in the kingdom hearts trenches..
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elialys · 17 days
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ngl posting fics really isn't fun anymore these days, im not even anxious about the complete lack of interaction, which used to make me feel like I was writing shit, now it just...makes me so sad that's it's gotten to that point
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ftm-radio · 7 months
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I put on my first dose of Androgel at about 9:40 this morning. 😳💜🏳️‍⚧️
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red-dyed-sarumane · 2 months
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okay so this is super self indulgent but preface for those who arent aware i have this whole full world for my ocs & basically its like a 50/50 chance for any given person to have psychic powers called abilities & this ability is entirely dependent on the person themself & has nothing to do with genetics. ur either born with them or u can get them if ur from a different world & are isekai'd in. the only real thing about abilities is it has to be something a person can do with their mind/state of mind & isnt just like some super power like super strength.
anyway i realized this week i feel like i know the isotopes well enough so i ended up spending a lot of time thinking of what abilities they would have and i give u all my final decisions!!!
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Kafu: she has something im going to call window creation. basically the ability to call forth 'windows' which ranges from just invisible walls in the air to creating a pane that lets her (or anyone near by to see it) see into a different place, time, or both. these are in effect solid walls/windows so its theoretically possible to use them as a weapon but given how kafu is i doubt she would think that way & instead would take a more defensive route, using them as a sort of force field or to get info the group otherwise wouldn't know
Sekai: i'm calling hers shadow manipulation. she can take control of shadows in the area and turn them into a semi-physical thing & from there pretty much becomes a distance attacker or defender depending on both her mood & what's necessary. i would like to think she also keeps a little shadow as a pet & it just follows her around or sits on her shoulder. the shadows can change shape btw
Rime: pyromancy. she gets to create & control fire at will. i like to think she puts too much pressure on herself to learn it & ends up unable to do it at first because of that but the second she lets herself breathe she finally gets it & from there puts in so much practice that her style with it ends up absolutely beautiful to watch. default flame color is red bc thats her color but it changes color/temperature with her emotions. u threaten one of the others and watch how fast it ends up blue-white.
Coko: fox. by shifting her mental state she can transform into a fox & while in that form can do things like create wil o wisp/fox fire & force fields, but mostly i think she'd specialize in creating illusions. she probably actually has multiple tails in that form but after drawing the rest of her outfit i thought one was enough to get the idea across. yes this is the third time im giving a chara this ability its bc im not allergic to fun normally people cant talk in the fox form but i like her so i guess she gets a little telepathy as a treat too.
Haru: consciousness walking. that is, she can separate her consciousness from her physical body & move around almost like a ghost. she can interact with the physical world on a minimal level in this state, but more importantly it allows her to see & interact with other people's consciousnesses in a way that's very easy to mess with their perception of the world & throw off their judgment & things like that. kind of like astral projection but not really, also if she gets really skilled with it she'd be able to move both her physical & spiritual forms at once although that is very tiring
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sleep-nurse · 16 days
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Man........not even the zer0h hyperfixation fucked me up this bad....
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fiendishartist2 · 10 months
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its past midnight and here i am planning a sweater i have neither the materials nor funds to make
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i really liked that podcast. he sounds so balanced and at peace, like he's not putting the blame at ferrari entirely on himself anymore, he's stopped saying that 'i'll be forgotten' shit, he's just content and kind about everyone he talks about and that's exactly how he'll be remembered
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taeyungie · 7 months
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D
me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening
#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in#like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying#i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty#it#like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night#am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired#or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once???#idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop#id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem#because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines#so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping#but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real#and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE#i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters#actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists#and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the#7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant#fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get#knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am#and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be#doing them at all#like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding#schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters#delete later
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oetter · 6 months
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god bless my professor i love that woman so much
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