#i feel vegas would be the type of guy who wants to double triple check and just will not stop

[crystallinemoonlight]

sometimes i'll think about how, at the start of episode four, pete offers to help porsche guess who he might have kissed at the pier the night before, and i imagine a crackfic where porsche goes on a quest to find out who it was by kissing his colleagues one by one - starting with pete of course that man was ready to sacrifice himself for the cause when porsche had questions about casual hookups later in the episode, offering himself up without hesitation

he visits them one by one; pol is confused... but intrigued, it's like one of tankhun's series! arm already knows it wasn't him but insists they check it anyway... just to be sure, right? you never know. ken says he'll break his face if he tries anything (very suspicious, porsche makes sure to highlight his name). big doesn't know whether to be angry or confused, he wasn't even there??? no he and ken didn't sneak in halfway through because of a secret crush, this isn't one of tankhun's series! tankhun asks what they're doing and if he can join but porsche isn't about to open that can of worms.

maybe at some point kinn catches on and realizes porsche doesn't remember but is rating the others based on if they kiss better or worse than the ~mystery person~, which is giving him an ego boost up until porsche declares that one of his friends is actually a better kisser and therefore can't possibly have been involved (said friend is very confused about why khun kinn is giving him death glares for the rest of the week)

you can even throw in some chan or vegas or anyone else if you want to, just go crazy with it, i think that'd be really funny especially if porsche just casually blasts vegas after they make out for a solid minute saying "no you're good but the other guy was just less desperate you feel me, sorry bro".

[shwazzberryswriting]

Head On Collision, Part 2

Splitting up the editing duties made things go by quicker, but it meant she had to finish her editing 10 minutes earlier than Byounggon. She’d agreed to pick him up before going to Nectar to finalize their documentary. As she was double checking on the working title card to make sure it was a hard cut and not a crossfade there was a knock on her door.

“I brought you eclairs from that French bakery you like!” she heard Piti’s voice say loudly.

“Hey sis,” she greeted once she’d gotten up to open her door. “What brings you here?”

“BX said you’re both busy editing, so I wanted to bring you some fuel.” Piti held up a square box with blue printing on the lid of the box. “I snagged the last of the eclairs.”

“Thanks,” she replied, walking to sit back at the kitchen table. “I’ll eat it when I’m done editing. I do appreciate it, but I have a lot of work to do. What’s up?”

“Would you tell mom that you and I are going to Las Vegas together next weekend?”

“No.” Her attention focused on her laptop screen.

“Suchin! Please? My friends and I just want to do a triple 21st birthday celebration. You know mom won’t get it. But if my responsible older sister is the one I’m going to Vegas with, mom won’t be checking in on me every 5 seconds.”

“I won’t tell her about your birthday celebration, but don’t make me lie that I did anything with you. Is that the only reason why you’re here? I don’t want to be a bitch, but I’m busy.”

“Sis,” Piti sat down next to her and took her hand, “don’t overwork yourself? Your stresses have made you impatient.”

“You sound like Yuta,” she replied mindlessly, typing a response to Byounggon on her phone. He had just texted to inform her that he finished editing and was taking his dog out for a bathroom break. How was it possible that he was ahead of schedule and she was behind?

“Oh, how is Yuta?” Piti asked, her voice sounding lighter than usual.

“He’s failing 2 classes, and he hasn’t even started on his final essay. What’s your point, Piti? I only need to edit the last bit.”

“Rush, rush, rush. Do you...um, like him?”

She paused, looking up to see Piti pulling out a fat chocolate eclair from the patisserie box. Piti took a large bite, staring expectantly at her. Suchin picked up her bottle of water before taking a drink. She and Piti didn’t talk about Yuta much - Piti was always more interested in her own social life which Suchin only ever half listened to - and Suchin didn’t quite believe whatever it was she had with Yuta would be considered dating.

“He’s fun to be around,” she said with a casual shrug. “Are you into him? I can put in a good word.”

“No thanks. Yuta doesn’t interest me. Wouldn’t it be something if you ended up destined together? That would make me, like, your fairy godmother.”

“Piti, I need to work.”

She chose to go with the simple route in dealing with her sister’s antics. If she wasted energy telling her sister to stop with the childish teasing, she would never get work done. It was easier to brush her off until Piti was bored enough to go back home.

It only took her another 5 minutes of semi-ignoring her sister for Suchin to get Piti out the door. As soon as she was alone, there was a phone call from Yuta. She tried her best to resist temptation and let it go to voicemail, but picked up. Piti was correct to say that she needed to relieve some stress, and Yuta’s stories were good distractions.

“Hey, I’m editing your concert into the documentary right now,” she said as a greeting, putting the call on speaker.

“I trust that you’ll make me look my best,” he said, his voice calm. “BX said you were the TA in Mrs. Nasri’s Metaphysics class-”

“-During my senior year for my undergrad,” she interjected. “Yuta, if you need help, come to me at the library while I’m working. I can point you to resources, I’m not going to help you cheat while I’m doing my own schoolwork.”

“It was worth asking.”

“Have you heard back about the 5 week tour in the South West?”

He’d auditioned to join a small indie tour during the middle of the summer months of June and July. The pay wouldn’t be great, but the exposure would be good for his music, but especially for his branding if he wanted to network with various brands interested in sponsorships. Most of all, he just wanted to live his life creating his music, and she couldn’t help but be supportive of his dreams.

“I’ll find out maybe next week.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. The sponsors told my manager that they liked my aesthetics. I think that means I’ve got it in the bag.”

As Yuta talked about his manager struggling with his desires to get sponsors with cannabis companies, she focused on the video editing, knowing Byounggon was the sound guy. He’d become confident with sound mixing and editing music. Yuta had connected him to some of his friends who worked in media. She glanced at the time and sighed. She had to leave for Byounggon’s soon.

“Is this a real story or are you making this up?” she asked, finding the brand “Stoney’s” a little too on the nose.

“Have you ever been to a dispensary?”

“I have. It’s a lot like a liquor store, but you know, it’s pot. There are a million brands, I can’t keep up. Stoney’s sounds too juvenile.”

“What do you think would make for a good pot brand, then?”

“Perhaps Green Mary’s? Keef N Things? Those have to be brands, already, right?”

“You should have gone into marketing.”

“Gross, Yuta. I would never.”

She packed her things as Yuta kept her on the line, trying to explain the premise to the latest manga he’d been reading. It was about a human-like assassin robot. His voice always seemed to take on a tone she could never get with him when they were speaking person to person. It only appeared when they would talk on the phone and she was doing research or editing, and he would talk about whatever was on his mind.

Letting him know that it helped her focus on work would inflate his ego so much she’d be able to charge people for hot air balloon rides. So instead, she picked up his calls and let him talk about whatever was on his mind. He knew that she found his voice comforting, sometimes uttering, “ASMR” very slowly until she cursed at him to stop messing around.

With their current conversation, he somehow shifted the topic to pancakes. One of his roommates had made some and she groaned as she locked up the door to her place, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. It would be easier if she hung up with him, but he was talking about strawberries. She didn’t want him to stop talking.

“It was so red,” he said. “A bright red! But it tasted like nothing, so Doyoung told us to sprinkle sugar on it.”

“Yuta, I have to let you go,” she said, walking toward her car. “Byounggon and I will have a late night session at Nectar.”

“You want company?” he asked.

“I want cheese and spicy tteokbokki, can you make it happen?” she replied, throwing her backpack into the passenger seat. They finally finished their call with each other as she started the car.

Byounggon looked comfortable greeting the waiter when they arrived at Nectar 20 minutes later. He found a large booth at the west end of the diner to set up his laptops. Lucas was tall and friendly, always one to ask Suchin if she needed a refill on her drinks. According to Byounggon, Lucas was musically gifted too but he was more interested in acting and opening a pizza shop one day.

“Do you want orange juice or water?” Lucas asked Suchin when she was setting up her laptop across from Byounggon.

“One of each, please,” she replied. “Is Yuta here?”

“Always thinking about me,” she heard him say from behind her.

“Bro, can you show me your cake slices?” Byounggon asked Lucas immediately. Suchin wanted to tell him to stop making her interactions with Yuta so uncomfortable whenever he was around them, but he never allowed her the opportunity. Lucas grinned from ear to ear as he looked from Yuta to Suchin, slowly following Byounggon to the front counter.

“Given that you’re one of the subjects to my documentary, obviously,” she said, shrugging. They learned to ignore Byounggon’s interruptions together. “Yuta, were you able to make the tteokbokki happen?”

“It’s happening,” he replied with a nod as he sat down next to her, throwing an arm over her shoulder. “The only thing is, if you want to eat it, I’ll feed you. You need to focus on your project.”

“You and Piti have been reading the same manga series, haven’t you?” she asked, feeling heat hit her shoulders as he gave her a gentle hug. “Don’t feed me.”

“So you want me to take you to a place where they serve creme brulee for dessert? Fine, I’ve made reservations for dinner at Olivier’s next Thursday. All I need is for you to accept my invitation.”

“I didn’t hear it in the form of a question,” she said, connecting her laptop to the diner’s WiFi.

“Suchin, will you let me take you out on a date?”

“So long as you promise not to feed me,” she replied, making him give a dry chuckle.

----

The French restaurant, Olivier’s, had been good, and though they could have gotten creme brulee for dessert, Suchin opted for a slice of chocolatey Opera Cake. It had been a good slice of cake, so much so that Yuta ate the majority of the slice she ordered. She was licking the last bit of frosting off the fork in her hand when Yuta paid for their dinner.

“If I was to guess,” she said as Yuta gently wrapped an arm around her waist when she stood from her chair, “you’re in a rush.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked with half a grin, pulling her body closer to his as they walked out of Olivier’s.

“You’re walking faster than usual,” she said, half trotting in her platform heels. Yuta had parked near the front doors; there was no reason to rush.

“All that sugar in the cake is making me hyper,” he said, a bright smile appearing as he opened the passenger door for her.

“Can I drive us home?” she asked. Wordlessly, he held the keys to his blue Acura ILX out to her.

Amazed by Yuta’s trust with her, Suchin took off her yellow heels before adjusting the driver’s seat. Yuta placed her shoes in his lap when she started the car. Her dad taught her how to drive both automatic and manual cars, emphasizing that not all places will offer the luxury of an automatic shifting car.

“I had to swear to my dad that I wouldn’t use any of the lessons to teach my cousins how to become better street racers,” she said when they were stopped at a red street light.

“Your cousins are street racers?”

“This was when I was 16. They likely grew out of that phase. If they haven’t, we certainly don’t talk about it anymore at family functions. Did you learn how to drive in Osaka?”

“I did. My dad also taught me how to drive. It’s not a necessity but he loves cars, so he taught me.”

She’d pulled up to park at the front of her complex. Right when Yuta opened up a little about himself it was time to say goodnight. Even during their interviews for the documentary, Yuta hadn’t said much about his home life. He’d only talked about his father inspiring his love for football, and that his parents supported the choices he’d made in his life.

She turned to look at him and brushed the loose tendrils away from his forehead. As her eyes drifted to his lips, she knew that she wanted to kiss him. Unable to be brave enough to make the bold move, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. His hand touched her chin as he shifted to capture her gaze.

“I don’t expect anything from you,” he said, his eyes staring at her lips as he tilted her head up to bring their lips closer together, “but I want you so much right now.”

“Yuta,” she breathed against his lips, the heat from his breath sent shivers down her back. He released her chin, and she fell forward against his body, pressing her lips against his.

Her hand slid down the side of his body as she felt his lips capture her lower lip, sucking on it. His hands grabbed her wrists, breaking their kiss as she’d begun to push her tongue into his mouth.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, out of breath. She felt her chest heaving as she took in deep breaths. Her body was growing hot, and she wanted to pull her leather pants off as they made her thighs sweaty. The lace fabric of her bra was beginning to irritate her, and she squirmed as she felt an itch on her back where her bra strap was rubbing against her shoulder blade.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked in response. “You’re squirming a lot. We can stop if you want.”

“Do you think I’m a prude?” she asked, locking eyes with him. “I mean, I’m not as experienced as my sister, but once I find a partner I think I’m a good lover.”

“What’s your specialty?”

“You mean, what I’m most confident about?” The left side of his lips quirked up into a soft grin. His hold was firm and he was completely still as he waited for her response. “I’m good on my knees.”

Yuta directed her hand to his crotch, and he gave an audible sigh as she pressed her hand against his growing erection. She’d never had a partner so easily turned on. A sharp shiver rode up her back as he reached up to touch her face. She smiled and bit her bottom lip as she realized that the adrenaline coursing through her body was pride at turning him on in such a way.

“What’s your specialty?” she asked, pulling away from his touch. He grunted as she stopped touching him to sit up straight.

“My tongue,” he said, touching her hand gently.

“Bold,” she replied, out of breath, feeling blood rush up her head. She turned his car off and handed the keys back to him. “Put your money where your mouth is, then, Rock Star.”

As soon as they were inside, Yuta pressed his body up against her back, pinning her front against the front door. She moaned as she struggled to lock her door, his hands gripping her hips and his lips kissing her neck. He began thrusting against her in desperate, feral motions, no pattern to his thrusts. His hardened cock was heating up against her ass cheeks, and she shivered in anticipation of feeling him inside of her.

“Clothes off,” he ordered when she’d flicked the kitchen lights on. He took her hand into his as she tried to switch the kitchen lights off and turn the living room lamp on instead. He was less concerned about the lighting, so they sat in semi darkness as she fell onto her couch.

She moaned into his mouth as he kissed her, his tongue invading her mouth. His hands groped her breasts for a moment before reaching down to pull her shirt off. When they broke their kiss she reached over to help him unbutton his shirt as he tossed her shirt aside. She shut her eyes as she licked his ear, flicking his earlobe with her tongue as her fingers popped his smooth buttons out from his silk shirt.

“What turns me on the most about you?” Yuta asked, taking her hands into his hold. He pulled them apart so they would look at each other. “Guess.”

“That I’m a smart ass?” she replied, unsure with what Yuta wanted. Her mind was focused on getting him naked.

He laughed, his smile so big his teeth shone in the illuminating dark. He had her stand between his legs, his erection pitching an obvious tent against his baggy jeans as he poked against her stomach. Their eyes were connected as he looked up at her, and she rested her hands onto his shoulders as she looked down at him.

The whites of his eyes were the only parts of his body she could make out clearly as his face was hidden in shadow. She pressed her body against him as she felt his fingers graze over her ass cheeks. He slid his fingers up toward the small dip of her back, and then back down slowly toward the curve of her ass cheeks. One hand squeezed her tight, kneading her ass.

“You’ve got a smart ass and a beautiful one,” he replied, kneading both of her ass cheeks with his hands. She felt blood rushing to her groin, making her squeeze her thighs together as she dug her nails into his shoulders.

“You’re an ass man?” she asked, smiling down at him. He returned the smile, refusing to break eye contact as he kissed the cleavage of her chest. His lips were wet and his tongue licked the spot he’d just kissed.

“I’m an everything man,” he said before nipping a soft bite against the exposed skin of her right breast. She jumped gently with a yelp as the pain felt like a shock hit her spine. She slapped his shoulder with a soft laugh. “But it’s hard to deny that it’s your ass that eats up my mind.”

She bent down and kissed him gently before reaching down to unzip her pants. It took both of their hands to pull her sticky leather pants off of her, her sweat causing her pants to cling to her skin. Blood rushed up to her head, making her dizzy as Yuta turned her around so he could get a complete view of her ass in her red lace hipster panties.

His finger hooked under the lining as he slid his finger down her ass cheek before pulling the fabric away and releasing it, letting it snap back against her skin. She shivered, her right hand holding onto the arm chair of the couch for support. His hand pet her ass cheek before his lips kissed the bare skin of her ass cheek. His fingers pulled her panties up to reveal more skin as he continued to kiss her ass cheek. His lips were soft and warm, and she licked her bottom lip before biting it as she felt his tongue begin to press against her skin.

“What do you want to do to me, Yuta?” she asked as he pulled her panties down, rolling them down her thighs to her knees.

He had her face down on his lap as he sat back on the couch, pulling her panties off before his hand slapped her ass in very gentle pats. “But harder,” he said as he cupped her ass with one hand, giving it a firm squeeze. His hand returned to caressing her ass gently. “We’ll have to talk about that later, but tonight, can I play with you?”

“Yes,” she replied breathlessly.

He slid his hand between her legs and she moaned as she felt his middle finger tease the entrance to her cunt. His finger circled around her entrance a couple times, making her shiver. His finger slid up along her slit before pressing against her clit. She gave a soft sigh of approval as she felt his finger softly brush her clit and against one side of her labia, sending deep sensations of heat into her body.

“You’re so wet already, darling.”

She whimpered at the affection in his tone as he called her “darling”. None of her partners before could carry the sophistication needed to carry a pet name so adoring. Her face flushed in red heat, both embarrassed and proud at the way he was giving her affection.

He pushed his finger into her and she bit her bottom lip as the pressure of his finger invading her insides sent a new rush of heat up to her head. She could hardly feel the weight of gravity against her body as she felt like she was floating. She moaned as she felt his finger slide in deeper while the pad of his thumb rubbed her clit. She arched her back as she felt her slick heat rush out to coat his finger.

She reached her hand back to scratch his arm as he finger fucked her with one hand while his other teased her ass. His hand kneading her ass cheeks felt nice, and contrasted well against the pushes of his finger inside of her whenever she’d buck her hips against him.

“You’re leaving such a mess on my pants, darling,” he said as his fingers left her body. He pulled her up, and curled up in his lap, her ass gyrating against his lap.

“I want to come,” she said softly, grabbing onto the front of his shirt as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Are you going to fuck me, Yuta?”

“Fuck,” he groaned as she felt his dick twitch under her. He kissed her neck. Her hands slid under his shirt to touch his hard body. “That foul mouth of yours works well on my cock too.”

“Put that hot cock inside of me, then,” she demanded as she grinded her ass against him.

“Filthy cock tease,” he said with a guffaw as he shifted them around, throwing her front down onto the couch. “Let’s see how good you really are on your knees. Face down, ass up.”

Dutifully, she planted her knees down on the cushions with her legs spread out. She placed a throw pillow under her to hold onto as she rested her head to her left side. If she tilted her head just right, she could look behind her to see Yuta standing behind her. His eyes were focused on her ass as he sat down behind her.

She shut her eyes and panted heavily as she felt Yuta’s tongue push into her cunt, his hands massaging her sweaty ass cheeks. The sensations of his tongue licking along the walls of her vulva made her buck her hips gently. She moaned, feeling his tongue slide down toward the outer folds of her labia. The way he was eating her was new as she’d never been eaten out from behind. All that came out of her mouth was his name; the only thing her mind could focus on was Yuta.

His tongue was warming up her insides, and his teeth and lips found her clit a treat worth sucking on endlessly between wet licks. The feeling of his hands massaging her ass encouraged her to moan as loudly as her vocal cords would allow her as blood coursed deep into her groin. Her fingers hurt from fisting into the throw pillow beneath her as she tried to find her release in all the pleasures Yuta was giving her.

“Don’t stop,” she panted as she felt his tongue assist his finger in fucking her pussy. She thrust herself back into him as his tongue flicked against her vulva, wanting more friction.

“I have to fuck you,” he breathed out, his hands grabbing her hips as he got onto his knees behind her. He grabbed her ass cheek with one hand before releasing hold of her. She groaned as she heard him move around.

“Do you need a condom?” she asked, pushing herself up. “I have condoms in my bathroom.”

“Don’t take long,” he said with a nod.

Her eyes had difficulty leaving him as she stared at his firm body glow in the dimly lit living room. Yuta’s slender hips were wet with sweat, and his well toned chest and shoulders glowed as the fluorescent lights from the kitchen lit him up.

When she returned, she stood between his legs as he stood on his knees on the couch. She gave an appreciative sigh as she felt him wrap his arms around her body, reaching up to unhook her bra. His lips kissed her sweaty shoulder, and his tongue licked the sweat on her neck before sucking on her skin. She shut her eyes as she tried to focus on her fingers unrolling the condom down his shaft.

“Your focus is unmatched, holy fuck,” he guffawed into her neck as his cock twitched in her hands. Her fingers massaged his balls for a few moments, rewarding him for letting her cover him up.

“As a public servant I understand the importance in praticing safe sex,” she couldn’t help joking. They kissed, and she nodded as Yuta gently pushed his tongue into her mouth. Her sex tasted good mixed in with the taste of Yuta in her mouth.

“Filthy darling,” he called her before pressing his tongue against hers.

He broke their kiss to turn her around again. She got onto her knees with him on the couch, letting Yuta press his front to her back for a moment as one hand cupped her breast. Wordlessly, she fell forward, placing the throw pillow under her. She planted her knees shoulder width apart with her ass up in the air again.

She bit her bottom lip as she turned her head back to see Yuta’s eyes focus on his cock entering her from behind. He pushed himself deep into her, his grip on her hips firm as he pulled out and pushed back in roughly. She shut her eyes as he continued his deep, slow pushes, every motion of his cock inside of her lit her nerves on fire.

“Yuta! Please,” she moaned as she felt his hands grab her arms. “I want to come.”

“Are you getting tired?” he asked, a teasing smile appearing as she turned her head over to make eye contact with him. He licked his lips before he helped her up. “Lay against me and I’ll fuck you comfortably, darling.”

He kissed her arm as he directed her to wrap her arm around his neck with her back pressed to his front as they stood on their knees. She shut her eyes for a moment as she felt Yuta thrust into her from behind while one hand rubbed her clit with two fingers. Her whole body was filled with too many pleasurable sensations as he kissed her neck and his other hand wrapped around her body, gripping onto her breast as his fingers teased her nipple with gentle pinches.

“Yuta, I’m going to come,” she said through shaky breaths. It was a blend of his cock hitting her deep as his fingers flicked her clit in soft circular motions that made her come. His mouth sucking on her earlobe encouraged the orgasm to reach a higher peak.

It was a strong orgasm as he bent them forward, resting her front against the side of the couch. He thrust into her in hard, fast pushes. Hot flashes of unfiltered pleasure coursed through her body as his fingers continued to play with her clit, his mouth grazing against her ear as he muttered, “Come all over my cock,” in desperate need.

Every push of his seemed to drive harder into her as he chased for his own release, his hips snapping harshly into her from behind. His muscular body slapped loudly against her thick ass cheeks as she tried to focus on clamping her walls down against his cock as hard as she could. The high she felt was incomparable to any other orgasms she’d ever had, her mind was filled with such euphoria she could hardly let out a noise.

She could only manage his name out in weak pants when she felt him still, balls deep inside of her. He grunted before finally withdrawing from her. Before she could work up the energy to move, still standing on her knees, she felt Yuta sit back down. His hands were gentle as he pulled her onto his lap.

“Let me massage you where it hurts,” he offered, his fingers massaging her right knee before switching over to her left one. His touches relaxed the tension she felt in her knees, softening the ache on her muscles.

“That feels nice,” she said, resting against him. “Do you hurt?”

He smiled and kissed her gently on the lips.

“A little,” he replied, “but we can take care of each other in a little bit. I want to make sure you can walk, because if you can’t, I’ll carry you to your bed.”

“You’re not going to dip out like a jerk, are you?” she asked, running a hand over his chest. His musky scent was addicting. She was resisting the temptation to kiss the wet droplets of sweat off his chest and neck. “If you don’t want anything beyond this, you can leave.”

“Such a pessimist,” he said, touching her cheek. He kissed her. Her back shivered as his lips sent surges of sharp heat into her nerves.“If you don’t like me, just tell me to get out of your place.”

“I want you to stay,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, resting her head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat. “It’s not my fault you NCT frat boys have that fuckboy reputation, you know.”

“I’m officially dropping out of my Masters program tomorrow,” he said. “Frat boy no more.”

She sat up and looked at him. Caught up in their lust, she’d forgotten about the rest of the world, including their own personal lives.

“You’re going on tour?” she asked. He nodded.

“Go with me,” he said, reaching a hand up to touch her elbow.

“Go on tour with you?” she said with a laugh. She hadn’t thought what it would mean to date Yuta as a musician. Their dating schedule was likely to be abnormal.

“It’s only 5 weeks,” he said with a serious tone, taking her hand to kiss it. “We’d get to know each other even better as we travel the South West. There’s a concert in Baja, Mexico, out of the country. That’d be romantic. It won’t be for weeks, so give it some thought.”

“This is your pillow talk,” she said, resting back against him. Planning a future, even a short one, with her had brought out the tone she’d never gotten from him outside of the phone calls. “I like when you talk to me like this.” He moved to kiss her. “I’m not saying yes to your road trip, but I am saying I’m interested in a future with you.”

They kissed before finally getting up to get more comfortable in her bed.

----

End Part 2 | To Part 3

[whomstism]

George rambles a little bit about a job interview he had, RV Life, The Gorilla glue girl and now the Gorilla glue solo cup guy, and the 117 year old lady that survived covid ---------------------------------- --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-whomst/support

_________

(Rough unedited Transcript of The Whomst Podcast Episode 129 )

Hey what's up everybody welcome to the homes podcast episode 129 I randomly checked a hundred episodes ago around like 28 to 29 and I don't know why I checked on soundcloud but I did just to see if like anybody listening see if I missed some like comments or whatever but uh, I got a few more more listened than I expected cuz I don't promote. 

A soundcloud at all and back when I was using soundcloud it just was not it was not what's up because I can only upload like four episodes so like the the earliest episode I post say if I post some like six seven eight, nine, I'll have to delete six so I can upload eleven, you know what I mean, cuz I cuz the only give you like a certain I think is like two hours of free free hours or something like that three minutes and I'll use it up in like four episodes or three episode five. 

Talked a lot in one especially in this case. I did episode like episode 27 to 28 with Jason fifi a friend of mine from in fellow comedian from our Alabama and we were we talked for like an hour and a half something like that so that took up like all my space so but that was like the last episode that I uploaded on soundcloud before I realized. 

Because the only way they'll give me more time more spaces if I paid for it and you know what? I'm not paying I'm not paying to talk to myself I'm not that damn crazy right like yeah spend money to make money but it's out of cloud come on good good thing I didn't good thing I am cheap and I kept looking around because I I wouldn't have found my current host would you probably hurt the uh the ad from the beginning of the episode the anchor that anchored out FM, that's basically where I use and now a lot of people use see. 

I thought that's kind of thought I kind of ran into something new like a year ago, but every time I ask people who started up a new pipe. Guess and I try to recommend them the anchor host they already know about it and look yeah, look, okay. I guess I'm not as unique as I thought oh shit. 

But man check the shit out, um, but yeah you already know who's podcast if you knew TLD are basically what to show is it's just me George Collins. I'm a comedian. I just talk about the news talk about what's what's going on that's kind of just do whatever like but uh you already know this episode and all episodes is brought to you by ugly drinks calm that is a the drink of choice for this show ugly drinks calm, they just actually rebooted a flavor great flavor they try to. 

Tease it on Twitter. I kind of guessed that shit quick as hell, but great flavor great flavored sparkling water, so I guess recommended TI if you don't like grape some some weird reason try out peach peach or. Yeah, I recommend peach flavor just try that so ugly drinks.com let's just jump into it, um this week before we get into the news, hey I finally got I actually got two interviews this week. 

I'm trying to get trying to get a second job because you know, I can't really save with my current money that make up I make pretty decent but it's not. I can't save because of me. I'm I spend money on bullshit all the time and I can't stop it, it's a drug yeah. 

I boss you on Amazon I post made a lot of stuff because I don't like cooking. I think I told you I like the ratio of how long it takes me to cook and how long it eats depends on if I actually cook it so yeah, so in the buying a lot of post makes because that's shit and, I mean, yeah, it's my own fault, that's all that is I need to fix it, but what can you do huh what can you get all right but? 

Okay because I did the research right and I don't remember if I told you I'd not but I actually got in contact with some of the some of the gets crushed words with some of the RV sellers here in Vegas and they hit me up and you know, how car salesman this is like they just trying to like make a sale and they'll tell you anything and I told them I had bad credit and shit like that and I mean, you know, yeah, we see what works out and then as he was telling me that I remember when I'm trying to get a car backing out. 

Obama and I'll just try to get my own car again after my ex wrecked my other one. Basically they'll they'll tell you hey yeah we try to work something out but in reality yeah, they'll sell you car but they'll like deposit or be like double sometimes triple so I'll like oh fuck last time I looked at RV and like a dealership they wanted like fifteen twenty thousand like before they even checked your credit so it's like I could just imagine what exactly they wanted. 

I might be exaggerating a little bit it might actually been like ten thousand but it's still in the thousands it's a thousand. Couple thousand dollars deposit, it's like a it's like a fucking house it is house it is a house. So I can just imagine they look at my credit and they're like yeah, it'll actually be like $25,000 down some shit like this so I'm like they kept trying to call me which that's that's cool and all but I'm like, I know I'm not gonna be able to get whatever is no no way yeah, you're gonna be nice enough to let me get something down, let me put a little bit lower down. 

Sort I can get it there then there going by the book instead of going by then they're they're not gonna take a chance you feel me like cuz it's not because the rent the quote unquote rent of the RV I can handle no problem that's that's not a problem at all especially because me doing a math my current rent and my car is will be about a thousand dollars so I can handle an RV which is gonna be a little bit lower than that actually so I can actually handle. 

Because if I got the RV to actually help me out I'm gonna get rid of the car I'm gonna get rid of the car. I'm a I'm not gonna be I'm gonna be staying in this place no more so I can handle whatever payments I have to make for RV so whatever extra money yeah, I'll be saving up I can use for whatever maintenance for an RV but since it'll be like a semi new one. 

I won't have to worry about maintenance or anything like that. I can actually focus on like the things that I need for like to keep it keep it going, you know, I don't know. I don't know it for sure because I haven't. Tad an RV myself but I know you had that like licenses and it might be something here something different than the last time. 

I looked it up in Bama might be some like parking laws or whatever in Vegas. I don't know. I haven't looked all that up. I'm probably should but at the same time like, I don't I don't I'm I don't I don't have the money for it, so what's the plan me looking up if I don't even have one you know what I mean? 

I don't know me being semi negative but yeah I said that because I had got that the second job second when I didn't get it yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get it my experience if they don't they don't pick me. I don't know why maybe because you know, you know what's funny about that because the interview it'll just place called I'm not gonna no, you know it fuck it, it's not fucking say it. 

I don't know what crazy motherfucker listen to this all right, but it was basically they don't want to be called a temp service but they're a temp service and it's they are they basically trying to hire someone for janitor work and I've had plenty of that is whatever and. 

They they try to be like we're done we're we're new we're a new modern day interviewer so we don't do all that old school stuff so one of the things they had me do on top of the application which was weird because they asked me for an interview then did an application that's backwards but a part of application was a survey for like, hey, we're gonna see what type of personality you have so it'll be like three questions and each questions be like a one example would be how do you? 

View yourself and underneath the question to be like a literally a hundred words that you can click multiple words, of course. Click it as many words you want to describe yourself. I kind of. I you I wanted to make a joke about it if I wasn't so serious about getting this position I would have been joking and just like it's either I would have picked just one word out of a hundred words that they gave me who just picked one to describe me or pick all of them just like picked every single one of them just to like fuck around you know, I thought that I don't know but that's it. 

I thought that that was that's like a new thing and then when she was interviewing me, right she was like, One thing that kind of caught my eye which is kind of funny she made it very clear like yeah, we're gonna we can't ask you if you have a criminal record bud if we run one well something pop up like right now and this is like okay, can you do you think you'll be able to pass a drug test well we also senses legal here we it we don't test for marijuana she like made this super clear as if. 

A lot of people did they got they tried to get the position had that issue so they was like who didn't get rid of it or? Or they you know, what kind of makes makes it kind of clear because a lot of people when I first moved here was like, oh they do a drug test but they don't test from marijuana but I'm but you know what I never tested it. 

I never wanted to be in that situation, you know what I mean, like just in case what it would have these mother could just lie, huh? And you get caught and I got marijuana and my system and I just like go take a drug test now. I'm in trouble and I don't have a job anymore because I took marijuana because I had marijuana in my system what I'm gonna argue with them like oh I thought it was legal but like I don't know I stomped I still kind of scary about this so I'll try to like not do it just in case yeah, you never know like who am I? 

I don't have money for lawyers. I can't fight this shit fuck that so no, I'm not taking that chance but she made very clear maybe it was a test. I'm not testing that she angled. Me you're not gonna trick me into failing the drug test plus, um, one thing I'm kind of glad they didn't do it's like hey dress because at the second interview I got the one I didn't go to it was a different position. 

I actually forget what it was no we was working for it was one of those people that works that runs the little cart at the airport and like put it in and out whatever one I didn't I didn't pick that one because it was like nine bucks an hour and like the reviews. 

I've heard that's on ND because You do like reviews of jobs and some other well a good amount of reviews were saying like, oh it's is really hard work and she like that. I'm like nah I'm done and I could look I don't look I'll work hard. I don't mind working hard but at this point how long I've been working in manual labor. 

I I'm not getting paid nine dollars an hour to do manual labor again, all right, you have to pay more than so I kind of left out alone plus on top of that airport job. I mean, I could have moved up but who I ain't got time for this shit. 

Deals like a come to the interview and in business casual and I they never. I could never really understand it like for like certain jobs like like says say if I try to get hired for Walmart when I was younger and like my my sister is on my mom or something like that was me like you have to dress up you have to dress for the interview so like that which didn't make sense because I was I was just becoming like a janitor or like a car pusher like why am I coming in like a half a suit for like that doesn't make no goddamn sense like a dress for the job you want like I'm going to be a carp pressure like I'm coming in jeans and a t-shirt. 

I'm. Come with a smile on my face that's about the only professional thing that I'm gonna put on on purpose, all right Christ, that's that's by anyway, that's what the janitor job the actual interview actually went to. They didn't do that they I just kind of came in the the the clothes that I were to work basically just like these black g black pans and like a black t-shirt my jacket. 

I didn't like look overly hood or anything like that. I don't think I could even if I tried but. But they I if I don't get a job. I don't know. I'm kind of rambling whatever anyway. Well, okay the only reason why I brought that up is because they could have FaceTime me because I went if you know the layout of Vegas, I live on the north side all the way on top right and the interview was all the way at the bottom like past the airport in on like Russell Road, so I'm like, That was like a solid 30-35 minute drive just on my raggedy ass the reggae is jeep just for like a five-minute interview just for them for them to say hey yeah, we just wanted to see your face and see if you come on time and then they gave me the actual application like I said, I gave it to me after the interview and then said we'll hit you up in a few weeks. 

This is a waste of fucking time man all day damn gas plus like look. I don't know it's because maybe because I haven't been driving long distances in a long time, but driving on the highway in Vegas kind of like. Kind of kind of freaks me out sometimes man and I look I just try to rest stay away from them just I just stay on the land stay on the streets these people can drive a drive all extra aggressive and shit only I ain't got time for that. 

I'll be trying to chill. I mean, I maybe you know what maybe the dumb driving all crazy or keep me like alert and because you know, I got the narcolepsy so I'm like, that's the one thing that kind of makes me kind of scary because I'm like driving straight for a long time kind of fucks for me, so maybe the shitty drivers. 

Shaking me awake actually helps maybe I should appreciate what I have. I don't know hope this thing is stop recording. Jesus Christ, oh my God, okay. I didn't. Oh shit all right in the news after 16 minutes of me wrangling okay, look yeah, I already know about the gorilla glue girl and a good news out of that stupidity she she uh, she got certain that surgery but basically we got some doctor that did it for free which is fucking cool as hell. 

Who basically created this like little mixture that broke down the the glue. And she got her hair back, so I mean not all of it, but like she got her hair back, so she's seen my back to normal which I'm kind of happy for for that but same time. 

Yeah, I'm look I'm repeating what other people say it like what the fuck like how to who why did you think that was good idea? Anyway but it was a good good ending to the story on top of she's not I'm pretty sure you saw like online where she was they were saying that she was going to sue the people who created gorilla glue which ended up just being there just another fucking internet lie doesn't rumor one from trying to get clips clicks. 

So at the end of the day, it's just stupid people got stupid prizes and they got a way out of it so that's that's cool like I said, I'm happy for but that's not the end of the story y'all that's at the end of the story, ah, there's a why what one thing why is it always the black folks brah these motherfuckers are like throwing us back further and further every time make some steps it's always some motherfuckers there is you know, it's not even just black people it's just people in general just fuck. 

Ing us up every time we make a step in in a good path somebody always try to do something that are like. Basically give aliens a reason why not the ever communicate with us we're too damn stupid as you can hear me talking um, but no man okay, yes another gorilla group glue is situation this guy I think is from Louisiana, okay, just listen to this clip man. 

Louisiana guy thought that she was that the outcome look. I'm not even remember these people name but this guy from Louisiana made a video. I guess he's a rapper or whatever. He basically thought that the gorilla will girl. Was making it up that it was all for clout like gorilla glue isn't that strong so he so what he did fucking IQ of a thousand what he did was uh, took a bottle gorilla glue. 

Put it on a party cup one of those red solo cups and put it to his lips and he pretty sure you can guess you want to take a guess what happened yeah you're you're right he's in the hospital foot shit he's in the hospital for gluing red solo club cup to his lips and he got it how how some of the articles saying it they saying that he got his whole lip removed. 

I doubt it. I'm pretty sure the surgeon just like cut the surface. That that was actually glued on that's it because anything else seems excessive. I'm not a doctor who knows. To buy it there's a funny thing is like listen to this clip don't show you right and I'll show you but listen to because he basically goes on the news and interviews one of the wonderful things like Fox 6 is I'm sure like that. 

Basically what happened in his mindset and all that stuff is just overly stupid just listen.

you know, all right so the funniest thing about the whole thing is is I love how he he wants to like, oh I'm gonna be careful about like making sure my lips aren't exposed to like this virus and it's an open cut and all this nonsense right but this the motherfucker that put glue on them in the first place like come on like, Look okay let's play devil's advocate for a minute okay, let's say I understand his point of I want to I want to prove that she was doing this all for cloud is all for faking she like there so I wanted to have a real video critical real video of glue actually touching skin, it's not that strong right flow, right? 

Why lips why the lips bro you you had any other place on any other non-incentral places on your body it could have tested it on like your arm yeah your fingers you could be doing arts and crafts, you know, how the glue gets on your fingers like you can test it at that way anywhere else anywhere else does not important like he might he might as well hes squeeze squeeze a little bit and it's nostrils and close them all fuckers up like as well, so we go in important parts up let's let's glue my glue my These I can't talk. 

Let's glue my lips together. Jesus Christ. I'm surprising to do that now plus you know, what what we know is stupid is he didn't he said he we wanted to see if it was real what you're doing real. He could have just he didn't do it on his hair like I figured what he looks like. 

I'm now but uh, he could have tested it Harry at least that's stupidity is comparable at least it has a theme like oh I was I was trying to prove that the her superglue thing wasn't real so I put it in my hair or in my beard so I'm like that at least. 

At least he got that at least you still stupid you still stupid as hell but at least I understand unless you did test on the exact same thing she did you know, but now let's let's put a put this glue a cup to my lip now. I can't use my lips. 

I have to have a mask on the cover of my lips, he pie it only like the where the mask cuz he wasn't wearing it properly in in the video. He was still had he still had his nose out so he was just he just had to mask on the cover his fucking glued on lips, that's that's about it so. 

It's I mean, I guess that one has a semi happy ending he. I mean, he's not so much embarrassed that he didn't he he's going on TV the interview people know his name. Like you doing this for for cloud like it's not working bro, like no one's gonna buy your wrap album yeah, you're mix tapes, oh yeah if people do buy it's really fun novelty just like oh yeah, this is the dude who this is the rapper they glued his fucking lip to a red cuts red solo cup like that's about it. 

I would buy it. I mean, you got that I guess. 

So the sister survived covet, she's 117 years old look me personally. Look if I was 117 and I finally got covered but I will be ecstatic just like fuck finally getting the fuck out of here like god damn and then it don't happen. I'll be pissed because uh, I don't know if you heard it but she's she's blind and on the video she's looks like sitting in a chair obviously she can talk since they interviewed her. 

I mean did like I said, it's just me personally like I can't live that long. I just can't like it's it's been 29 almost 29 years and I'm done with it already, so I'll just imagine. Fuck that's like was 80 almost 90 more years yeah fuck that man. I'm sorry like just in me. 

I like I think I've said it before it's like when I get old enough to where like if something unfortunate happened it happens to me to where I like because I don't mind being old and I could take care of myself just fine yeah if I have the money to take care of my myself and I'm like comfortable that's cool. 

I'm not saying just like being old fuck that no I'm saying is um, If I something happened to you where I can't take care of myself and I just need like let's say if I have kids like my my son on my daughter to take care of me or or if I had the money to to do it have like some like nurse. 

Come to my house and have to do everything for me then fuck that just this like punch me in the soft spot in my brain like just uppercut me into heaven like god damn it, like I know I can't I can't do that man cuz um, I remember when I broke my leg and I don't know just them having it happen to help me get up to go to the bathroom it's just the masculine and even though it's not it's the it's the job and some of them don't complain about it it's cool they they happy to help people and it's people like that that's that's great but don't don't help me the only way to help me is get one of those like miniature novelty bats. 

Crack me across the skull. I write a note so you don't get in trouble fuck that's why I was thinking. I had a random thought earlier this week on Twitter saying, uh, okay, you know how you have like an argument not? I know I don't know if you've done a done before but you've seen it or you heard about it to do this again to an argument and at a bar and one of them gets one of them shoots the other one and. 

Sometimes you'll see the videos on like world started like oh you got a gun shoot me dead shoot me dead and what if its like if that person does shoot them can they is there a loophole in the system? That says, oh says he's especially got video of it like this dude acts for it he asked for you to shoot him is there a loophole in the system that says oh yeah, well you you was just doing this man a service is there something out there like that could add a little yeah that'll take a lot of like a lot of stress out that will take a lot of these people who. 

Try to use that as to to make themselves look tougher like that you need in brah like they'll really think twice about saying whatever they say in an argument like but yeah back to cracking me against the head with a bat. I mean if she's cool, she's happy doing that, but like like she said what she's scared, she's like no. 

And that's why I think like she does talk she just done now she just kind of just waiting you she don't even watch TV she like listening it's like what the fuck do you do you just she's a nun does she just pray all day. I'm kind of fucking around a little bit but like what does she do all day it's like how do you stay sane? 

Is the is the thought of of God or whatever she believes in and follows is that so calming that you're fine with living this life how long has she been blind that's that's why I want to look up to. Because whatever keeps her saying on a daily. I I want somebody because I can see I can walk I can take care of myself and I am depressed. 

Then and that's that's why that's the one thing I don't like the back like when I was a teenager because I'm an atheist so I'm more of a gnostic now because I don't argue with people about it. I understand why people need things like back when our teenager. I'll argue with people about like the afterlife of God notice stuff, but now I kind of I understand why people need it and, I'm kind of jealous. 

I kind of how my brain works. I just cannot. Cannot do the whole religion and spirituality spiritual spirituality and saying that word it stuff like that. I just can't do it, so that's why I'm not but I'm jealous for people who can who looks into a book and can be happy. 

A book and just just have hope and be happy for the rest of their life just doing whatever because they have this this figure in the sky looking out for them quote unquote looking out for them. I'm jealous for that so if that's. Was keeping this lady alive and being fine with the fact that you can't do shit for real. 

Then. Is on owner like. That's good that's cool. I guess I don't really have nothing funny to say about it, it's just like I am I'm gonna I'm a little bit jealous of people who just if that actually is the reason that's keeping her alive and keeping her saying then and yeah, that's that's that's what's up but um, 

Not me though give me into about 60 and I can it and it takes me like three times as much strength to get up out my seat nope ended please game over well when I fart and I and I fucking pissed myself nah don't hit in this shit. I never oh I didn't want to end it on a dark note but like down but I look I'm happy that she's survived she's a second old second oldest person ever in the world, I guess. 

I've been looking for number one is. That's that's not a good existence. I wonder what their diets are like what how did what did you eat on for all your life to survive that long sometimes like I was arguing with people not arguing but we just have enough conversation on the clubhouse. 

About death because this dude came in like super fucking woke, you know, those dudes who have like a three dreads but they call it locks now yeah he had three locks and so he's like super spiritual and shit like you start talking about like playing the garden and shit he's like asking us do we plant gardens like obviously a fucking don't come on now? 

I don't I don't garden it's the same way. I don't like cooking it's like I'm not fucking waiting. Two and a half weeks to eat one tomato wait, obviously if you keep doing it you do it do it properly yeah. I know but like still I'm not it's just takes too fucking long but so I appreciate the moderate modern day way of us eating shit yeah, it's not great for us but like who the fuck cares like? 

Haha look at stuff it's just. You don't matter if you eat well you're still gonna die and it was like saying those same delves truck that that was being negative. Because like I don't know because I because I accept death that's that's I don't know people just don't understand me. 

Let me see hold on what the fuck? Oh well, basically I'll just say and tell them I'm like it don't matter if you eat well like yeah, oh add maybe 20 years to your life but do it do it really really matter especially when you're 60 if I die at 60, sometimes it don't matter you like you eat all the well your exercise every day you take care of yourself you take your vitamins and you'll still die of stroke at 32 like sometimes you get unlucky and like you can't. 

Just blame food it's not always food it just sometimes, you get luck unlucky it's like I had I had a stroke during the fucking pneumonia. I was fine. I was working fine that week before and then I went to sleep woke up fucking body hurts so like the shit happens all right and I'm actually I'm actually taking care of myself. 

I only started only start eating like shit and again because I was in quarantine for so goddamn long and I couldn't do shit. I just got bored so I just went back to what I was doing but before that I was taking care of myself, so. Explain that damn. 

I don't know I'm gonna leave it at that. I've been talking for too long. I talk to you later thanks for listening episode 129 now see ya next week thanks for listening, um shit just I got the links on the Instagram and the bio is you can buy merch you can all borrow that good stuff follow me on Instagram at regular as George shared a show share the show. 

I appreciate y'all love y'all peace.

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2016.

Yes, indeed. It’s that time of year again - This year is going to be a lot like last year unfortunately. I’m going to do another blast through a few films that deserve ‘special mention’, then just lay my Top 25 of 2016 out.

No long introduction. No 50 – 26 countdown like previous years. Let’s just bang straight on. Every film mentioned in the preceding paragraphs is well worth seeking out and experiencing whether it be a comedy, documentary, horror, drama, animation or blockbuster. The Top 25 that follows them though is obviously the one’s I regard as absolute must-see’s!

In terms of comedy I seemed to get a great deal more out of Hail, Caesar than most and was genuinely surprised by how hard a ‘cash-in’ sequel like Bad Neighbours 2 actually tried instead of going down the usual route of phoning it beat-by-beat. I liked Sleeping With Other People a great deal and thought Alison Brie gave easily one of the Top Ten best performances of the year. I thought both Goosebumps and Lazer Team were a great deal more fun than they had any right to be, and I thoroughly enjoyed the mixed-tone of The Mermaid though it was a long way off from the majesty of Kung Fu Hustle.

Unlike a lot of people, I seemed to think it was a strong year for documentaries. Two hit my Top 25 in joint position and then there was the horrifying depiction of college rape cover-up in The Hunting Ground which demands to be watched as part of a double-bill with Netflix’s jaw-dropping Audrie & Daisy. Netflix also had a great year in getting Amanda Knox out there which was an engrossing watch but couldn’t help but feel slight. Both The Barkley Marathon: The Race That Eats Its Young and Man VS. Snake (a sort-of sequel to The King of Kong) both finally landed on UK shores and were more than worth the wait. As did Welcome to Leith which was a staggeringly uncomfortable watch that plays out like a found footage horror film – until you remind yourself that it is 100% real. Finally there was Marathon: The Patriot’s Day Bombing which is every bit as moving and upsetting as you would imagine it to be.

Drama-wise, I was very impressed with Lamb and the performances in it. It skirted a line so deftly you don’t know quite whether to slap the label “paedophile drama” on it or whether that is missing the film’s point altogether. Disorder was an extremely solid if unexceptional home invasion type thriller but excels by proving to be one of the most accurate depictions of PTSD captured on film. I liked Room a great deal and was delighted to see the talents of Brie Larson were finally knocked into the stratosphere. As much as it lost its way towards the end, I had a lot of time for John Hillcoat’s Triple 9 which is filled to the brim with talented actors (and Kate Winslet!) doing strong work amidst some truly tense and well-executed set pieces. Ben Wheatley may make uneven movies here and there but he never makes a boring one and High Rise holds true to that. As chase thrillers go, the indie thriller River is well worth a watch just for its unrelenting sense of pace. The heavily maligned and (production) troubled Jane’s Got A Gun turned out not to be the turkey many envisaged and was in fact enormously watchable thanks to strong work from its cast. Norway took on the disaster movie to great B-movie effect with The Wave, Money Monster was a watchable and fun siege-style movie that shouldn’t be taken as importantly as it wants you to. And finally Goat is well worth seeking out. It’s horribly uncomfortable stuff but needs to be seen just for the double-whammy of an excellent Jonas Brothers’ performance AND a tolerable appearance from James Franco.

On the horror front, I was genuinely impressed with both Under the Shadows and The Witch, the final third of both films are ones that still linger and leave me feeling uncomfortable even now, months on. In a year quite barren for old-fashioned ‘creature features’, I sought comfort in and had a great time with the Aussie killer-dog exploitation-er, The Pack. Mike Flanagan absolutely knocked it out of the park with the Netflix exclusive, Hush, and I look forward to seeing it again. I’m normally no fan of the ‘anthology’ movie and there’s certainly a lot of awful ones out there but I was really taken with Southbound and, unlike a lot of those movies, didn’t find a weak link within it. On that note, I’m no fan of the ‘found footage’ movies nowadays but The Good Neighbour proved to be an effective gem that kept me guessing in terms of where it was going and has a typically strong, stoic performance from James Caan. For its first two thirds I was a genuine fan of Lights Out and thought it was on point to secure its place as my favourite horror of the year. Then it floundered into crassness in its final denouement and the film sadly come undone for me.

Animation wise, I liked both Kung Fu Panda 3 and Finding Dory way more than I thought I would given their purpose as ‘cash-grab lazy sequels’. Both found new ways or ideas to light up what should be tired concepts (the former taking a Seven Samurai style ‘train a village to defend a village’ approach and the latter utilising Ed O’Neill’s octopus character to break up the monotony of a beat by beat re-tread). Finally there was Kubo and the Two Strings whose structural issues in its final third were the only things keeping it from an appearance on my final Top 25. It’s a stunningly beautiful piece of work with some tremendously inventive moments (the face-off with the giant skeleton is one of the year’s best sequences!) and I’ll probably become more forgiving of its flaws with further re-watches.

Finally, on the ‘big’ blockbuster-esque front, I enjoyed Jon Faverau’s The Jungle Book a great deal on a technical level but felt flattened by the young lead actor’s VERY ‘stage school-y’ performance. I also thoroughly enjoyed the return of Jason Bourne and feel churlish for grumbling that it is only ‘very good’ instead of an ‘instant classic’ like the first three. It’s all very same-old, same-old in places but it brings out the big pay-off with its Vegas-set car-meggedon finale. I thought Doctor Strange was a tremendous accomplishment in bringing that particular character to the screen and for the most part I got a lot of entertainment from it, but for me Benedict Cumberbatch and that god-awful accent just didn’t work for me. One of the blockbuster surprises of the year was Star Trek Beyond which – bad writing aside (Simon Pegg tends to write very cloth-eared dialogue) – turned out to be relentlessly entertaining and full of gusto in all the ways the inert second movie was not. Possibly the biggest surprise even over that movie though was The Shallows, which was considerably better than it had any right to be. A big, high concept, one location, survival movie with a transfixing performance from Blake Lively, this plummets into the realms of stupidity in its final confrontation but all that goes before it is an absolute B-movie joy! Deadpool was a delight that hopefully blasted the cobwebs off of the comic book movie subgenre with a lead performance from Ryan Reynolds that finally cements his years of being underrated. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story most definitely came good midway into its second act and slowly evolved into one of the best blockbusters of the year, but what went before it was so unnecessarily choppy and uneven that it took a bit too long to settle in for the ride. Netflix’s Siege of Jadotville was a terrifically enthralling Zulu-type true life war movie that far too few seem to have taken the time to check out and far too little are bestowing praise upon. It’s well worth a look. Finally there’s Kill Zone 2, an – in name only – sequel to the Donnie Yen / Sammo Hung martial arts classic. This time Tony Jaa heads up the cast for a head-spinning action extravaganza involving prison kick-offs, organ trafficking, shoot-outs and so much more. It’s a genuinely brilliant blast of action cinema. You don’t have to have seen the first Kill Zone either by the way. They just slapped that sequel title on this unrelated movie.

And now, without further ado, here’s my Top 25 movies of 2016 that - thanks to some blatant cheating on my part - is clearly a Top 27 as I just could not be drawn to pick between the best documentary and the best horror...

25) The Invitation

I went into this sniffily, half paying attention, just so I could rip the terrible guy from Prometheus a new bum-hole and... boy did it start to slowly grip me. Anyone who says they saw the final act coming is a liar. And that final image? One of they year’s most haunting!

24) Victoria

An entire film made up of one take - no cuts - ends up being one of the most enthralling and technically captivating films of the year. It’s lazy to just call it a ‘heist movie’ when it is offering so much more.

23) Keanu

Utterly disrespected on its UK release, this is a must not just for Key & Peele fans but for fans of legitimately funny, laugh-out-loud comedies. This is the sort of film that you see and start passing around amongst your friends as a sort of “You’ve GOT to see this!” secret gift. It’s all the more a must-see in light of George Michael’s death. You’ll see.

22) Tickled / Weiner

I genuinely could not call it between these two documentaries. Both are astounding pieces of work. Tickled takes you from a place of “I ain’t watching no documentary about competitive tickling!” to “Ok, whah! Hold up! What’s going on?” to actual “What. The. Fuck.” And Weiner? Well Weiner is all the more a must-watch in light of revelations that Anthony Weiner could well have inadvertently taken down Hillary Clinton’s campaign for president. It is a total jaw-dropper of a documentary in the sense that you continually question not just how the makers got this level of access but how they were allowed to carry on filming during some of the scenes presented. The McDonald’s scene could well be both the most degrading scene of the year and one of the year’s best action sequences.

21) The Wailing

One part ‘possession’ movie. One part Korean police procedural. Two parts horror movie. And finally one part ‘mystical battle of good and evil’ epic. This is an absolute blast of a film that grabs you extremely early on and holds you tight for its lengthy running time. You never know what’s coming next and that makes the scares - when they drop - all the more strong. Go in knowing as little as possible, and give yourself over to it completely.

20) Zootopia

There was absolutely nothing about this movie (entitled Zootropolis everywhere but the UK, bizarrely) in its marketing that made me think it was something I a) needed to see and b) had not seen done a hundred times before: Cute Disney animals riffing on some well-worn subgenre of cinema to uneven effect. But this was REALLY something different; playing with the police procedural and the beats of the standard buddy movie, this ends up being an excellent lesson in tolerance, racism and persecution. It’s a joy from start to finish.

19) Everybody Wants Some!!

I went into this under a swell of hype because everything Richard Linklater puts his name to seems to get an immediate seal of high quality nowadays. I was really reluctant towards it because I just thought “M’eh. He’s done Dazed & Confused. How good can this actually be?” And you know what? Believe what you hear. It’s a real delight.

18) Arrival

Ignore the trailers that try to sell you this as some sort of Independence Day type movie. Read up on as little about it as you can. Go in completely cold. Give yourself over to it and pay close attention. This movie will get deep into your headspace, warm your heart and change your perception of how the human mind sees and comprehends structure and storytelling for a long time to come.

17) The Revenant

We seem to have thrown the Oscar at Leonardo DiCaprio and pushed this film to the side but in doing so we forget what an absolute tremendous piece of work it is on a visual and technical level. You cannot conceivably discuss the best cinema had to offer this year and not involve this epic revenge ‘poem’ in the conversation.

16) Sausage Party

I really wanted to dislike this. I did. I saw all the reviews and high word-of-mouth and I absolutely thought half the western world was off their fucking rockers, so to speak. But this really is THAT much fun and it absolutely is that hilarious. Not every joke works and when they clunk they thud. Yet there’s more hits than misses - and you’ll not see a better talking food movie about religion and existentialism this year!

15) Hell or High Water

They’ll sell you on this being an ‘all guns blazing’ heist thriller just to get you through the door. But, in reality, this is a thoughtful spin on the ‘greedy banking crisis’ told as a surprisingly elegant modern western. Chris Pine, Ben Foster and Jeff Bridges are all universally excellent. And the final scene is a slow burning, mature reward for your investment. 

14) 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

Written off as political propaganda upon its release, this is actually one of Michael Bay’s best movies with a remarkable performance from John Krasinski. It’s a bombastic, relentless, gory, engaging and exhilarating piece of work and I think time is going to be kind to this movie, more than people realise. It’s the best war movie of the year but I think it could go on to be considered one of the best modern war movies of the decade.

13) Bone Tomahawk

Quite possibly the best ever bait-and-switch since Robert Rodriguez took his crime thriller to the ‘Titty Twister’, this is a fabulous assured old-school western with superb turns from Kurt Russell, Richard Jenkins, Patrick Wilson and (yes) Matthew Fox. If you know nothing about this already, go in that way and... well... try to survive! Good luck! 

12) Spotlight

A good old fashioned procedural movie that plays out like the true life dramas of the 1970s - Pull together a great cast, have them go off a great script based on an enthralling real incident, keep the direction clean and unshowy and just sit back and let the results come together as they should. One of the best dramas of the year. Totally deserved of its Oscar, in my opinion.

11) Eddie The Eagle

Absolutely NOTHING about this movie should work in the least. It’s a true life sporting underdog tale where pretty much 95% of the ‘facts’ are unashamedly fictionalised. It’s got a lead performance that you have to warm to because it takes a while to get past the gurning. It’s apparent Hugh Jackman is only there to help the budget... and yet, within the first few beats of the film’s epically retro soundtrack, you are hooked into one of the loveliest and warmest films of the years. It’s very much an explosion of feel-good cinematic hugs.

10) Midnight Special

A father kidnaps his son from the religious cult he’s been held at the centre of and takes him on an obsessive quest to get to a very specific place at a very specific time. That’s all you need to know right there. Seek out nothing else. Head on into a viewing of this with just that information and lie back in the warm embrace of masterful storytelling.

9) The Hateful Eight

Tarantino’s playful homage to both John Carpenter’s The Thing and Agatha Christie’s storytelling of old is a thoroughly impressive piece of work, lauding over its love of its own dialogue, brazen performances and showy directorial flourishes. It’s a ‘guess who’ that - whilst not as clever as it thinks it is - will certainly have you absolutely captivated. The thankfully short appearance from the painful Zoe Bell is the only flaw this otherwise exceptional chamber-piece offers.

8) The Big Short

The true story of the 2008 banking crisis as told by an all-star cast - in the style of a comedic heist movie? With celebrity cameos used as a glossary index? As told by the guy who directed Anchorman? Come on. This should never have worked. This should never have even been considered seriously. And yet, here it is and here it is as one of the best movies of the year. Don’t worry if you leave your first experience of it angry. You’re meant to.

7) Captain America: Civil War

Quite simply, the best blockbuster of the year by a large margin. In amongst the fast-becoming-impenetrable size of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Captain America movies have emerged (especially because of the double whammy of this and The Winter Soldier) as the franchise’s lynch-pin and high bastion of quality. This all-star beatdown should have, by rights, been the clusterfuck that snapped the wheels of the MCU. Instead it is one of the most insanely enjoyable blockbusters of the year and - with that airport sequence - the owner of the best action set-piece of the year! 

6) Hunt For The Wilderpeople

I was desperate to see this because of my adoration for What We Do In The Shadows and it genuinely did not disappoint. It’s funny, moving and really rather lovely with a very subtle but warm performance from Sam Neill that, by rights, should see him nominated for some awards come that particular season.

5) Don’t Breathe / Train to Busan

I couldn’t call it between these two as the best horrors of the year no more than I could between the documentaries. Train to Busan takes the (frankly exhausted) zombie genre, puts it on the tracks and sends it speeding off through a cavalcade of carnage, scares and truly brilliant action sequences. You’ll rip the arms of your chair and scream out loud watching this one. And Don’t Breathe is a truly exceptional reinvention of the home invasion movie in all the ways Busan reinvigorates the zombie movie. Jane Levy and Stephen Lang do work here that should, by rights, get them nominated for a boatload of awards - but sadly won’t because awards councils very rarely respect horror. Yes, it gets a little daft the higher up the dial they turn the tension but that doesn’t undo the fantastic work done here in setting up one of the geographically cleanest and leanest horror films of the year. 

4) Green Room

I love a good siege movie and Jeremy Saulnier most definitely delivers a great one. I was ‘in’ from the outset as I was a huge, huge, huge fan of Saulnier’s Blue Ruin but this more than lives up to expectations. It’s bigger than the ‘punks versus neo-nazis’ longline it hides behind. It is gruelling and gory and exceptionally tense. It is also driven steadfastly by another effortlessly brilliant performance from Anton Yelchin, who died far too young in 2016.

3) Creed

A SEVENTH Rocky movie after the stretch - a lovely stretch, but a stretch none the less - that was Rocky Balboa (aka Rocky VI)? A spin-off about Apollo Creed’s illegitimate son being coached by an aged Rocky? Oh come on! This sounds utterly awful! No better than that dire Rocky VI ‘spec’ script that appeared online in the late 90s with Rocky Jr taking on the son of Ivan Drago. But... But.. BUT, hold up! This film is the real deal. A movie made by die hard Rocky fans for die hard Rocky fans with the actual Rocky up, front and centre giving it his blessing every step of the way. It’s not just a thematic modernisation of the franchise but it is also a pitch perfect spiritual return to the raw, indie-style, rough-and-ready feel of the first classic. Stallone’s Best Supporting Actor nomination was truly deserved. His campaign might have been a little classless but the nomination was earned - if for nothing else that heart-breaking scene in the doctor’s office! 

2) Sing Street

NINE separate people recommended this film to me and I ignored every single one of them. I am not a fan of musicals. I’ve not seen Once. I lasted exactly 10 minutes into Begin Again. I watched the trailer for this, saw the lad from Transformers 4 in a bad wig and just thought “Eurgh! No!” Then a lad who’s opinion I legitimately respect pushed hard for me to give it a go and I threw it on as a 99p iTunes rental one rainy Sunday afternoon and... I was left in tears! It resonated hard with me in a lot of ways from my own childhood, growing up in the 80s. It’s really lovely and special and you can clearly tell that the people behind it are coming from a place of honesty and passion about that era and the music. It’s a fabulous little film and I have no qualms in admitting that I was wrong to pre-judge it.

1) The Nice Guys

I am an obsessive fan of all things Shane Black anyway but this truly was the absolute gift of the year for me. Not only was it a truly fabulous return to the well Black has played around in as director with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and writer with The Last Boy Scout and The Long Kiss Goodnight, it’s a film that will transform your opinion of what Russell Crowe is capable of. Featuring some of the strongest gags of the year, this is a deliberately convoluted shaggy-dog PI tale that slowly mutates from a comedy caper into a genuinely strong shoot ‘em up thriller. I loved it from its opening car crash gag right the way through to its sequel baiting final scene. A sequel that... just like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Last Boy Scout, The Long Kiss Goodnight, etc... we will NEVER GET TO SEE because APPARENTLY NONE OF YOU FUCK TRUMPETS TOOK THE TIME TO SEE THIS!

Rectify that now. “And stuff!”

[othersportsnews-blog]

NBA -- Q&A with Lonzo Ball agent Harrison Gaines

New Post has been published on https://othersportsnews.com/nba-qa-with-lonzo-ball-agent-harrison-gaines/

NBA -- Q&A with Lonzo Ball agent Harrison Gaines

LAS VEGAS – When discussing the inner circle of Los Angeles Lakers’ rookie stage guard Lonzo Ball, his father LaVar immediately comes to thoughts, as do his brothers LiAngelo and LaMelo.

But there’s a different integral figure in the group who resides in the track record with his head down, fast paced at work. Harrison Gaines, a 28-12 months-outdated Thomas Jefferson law grad, was handpicked by the Ball household to serve as the Ball siblings’ agent. Prior to signing Lonzo, Gaines was not frequently recognized inside the NBA neighborhood.

But Gaines described that he has been all over the NBA block for some time, and claimed he’s completely ready for this remarkable option. Listed here is an ESPN Q&A introduction to Gaines.

Chris Haynes: LaVar is boisterous, and is routinely in the headlines. You’re the precise reverse. It seems like you happen to be generally quietly fast paced at the rear of the scenes. Is that a good summation?

Lonzo Ball, 5 times after recording the initial triple-double in the thirteen-12 months heritage of the Las Vegas Summer time League, did it once again in the Lakers’ get more than the Cavaliers.

Despite donning Nikes for the duration of a sturdy summer league efficiency Wednesday evening, Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball is not in talks with the world’s major shoe and clothing firm, according to LaVar Ball.

one Similar

Harrison Gaines: “My unique job is dealing with all NBA illustration with the Ball household and I remain in my lane as significantly as that mother nature. But I believe for me, how I look at athlete illustration, it is really about the participant, it is really about the client. And for me, it begins with basketball, everything begins with the recreation. If you will not tackle your business enterprise on the courtroom, then when it comes time to negotiate contracts and everything that is afforded off of it, that doesn’t apply.

So, I have a indicating, ‘Keep the most important thing the most important thing.’ That is a single thing that Lonzo seriously embodies because he’s these types of a really hard worker he’s so committed to his craft and committed to greatness that it will allow for everything else to happen all over him. So, as significantly as that factor, I see it as basketball comes initial and with me getting a basketball track record and participating in Division I (at Penn), I fully grasp that. It begins in the lab. You see James Harden just got $228 million. That begins on the courtroom. It begins in the lab periods, what he does in the summer, that is a core component to set up everything else.”

CH: Most aren’t familiar with who you are and ended up caught off guard when you landed Lonzo. What got you to this stage?

HG: “I seriously worked really hard to get to exactly where I’m at. I paid my dues. I’m a scholar of my craft. And whether that was studying the recreation, studying the legal facet of it, the contracts, studying the business enterprise, interning, flying out and going to D-League showcases and All-Star activities all the while I was in law school. I was meeting and shaking palms with everyone and meeting every single solitary govt I could. I applied to be at these activities asking them pointed issues, whether it was about the draft, cost-free-company, factors that did not apply to me at the time but I realized they would at some stage.

I generally stored this extended tablet and this tablet would have all my notes on it and every single time I got a new tidbit of details, I wrote it down. Now that I’m in the task, I can reference again to those factors. I was accumulating that understanding more than the earlier 6 decades. And on top rated of that, I interned at an company and I did an array of roles. So, I got to see the entire scope of the business enterprise, whether that was recruiting, executing pre-draft work, performing on contracts, the mentorship, talking to gamers. When they have a negative recreation, remaining ready to communicate about the basketball factor of what they will need to increase on or what demands to be carried out going into the next recreation. So, I went by all of those actions before I got right here and a lot of individuals will not know that, but I have been grinding for a while at this.”

CH: Why do you believe LaVar hand-picked you to characterize his sons?

HG: “Definitely, I was just myself. It was a authentic connection. When I met them, I was still in law school. There ended up no expectations. I appreciated watching the boys perform. I built a wonderful connection with LaVar and Tina and it just grew from there. They comprehended the grind that I was placing in and they ended up placing in the exact same form of grind on their facet and it just all converged at the suitable time. It was just a blessing. I couldn’t have predicted it to appear out like this, but when authentic interactions blossom and everyone is performing really hard in their respective fields, in some cases there’s synergy and it will work out.”

1 of the important figures in Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball’s inner circle is his agent, Harrison Gaines. Garrett Ellwood/NBAE/Getty

CH: How is it performing together with LaVar?

HG: “It is really wonderful performing with LaVar and the Ball Sporting activities workforce on a day-to-day basis. LaVar and I have a former connection. He and the household have been absolutely nothing but excellent to me. LaVar is a wonderful man or woman. I seriously relate to their household construction: getting 3 brothers in a two-mum or dad home and me getting a brother and my mother and father, so there are a lot of similarities. As I got to know them, I could see a lot of the exact same attributes of how I grew up. LaVar is about his household initial and foremost. He’s about using treatment of his household, and I can respect that because my father is the exact same precise way and would do whatever to make absolutely sure myself, my brother and my mother was afforded the greatest life. LaVar does the exact same for his household.”

CH: Some look at LaVar as managing. Is he palms-on when it comes to your task?

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HG: “LaVar empowers me. He trusts my business enterprise acumen on the NBA facet, he trusts my understanding of the recreation. And for the duration of the draft approach, he explained ‘Harrison, do your thing. I believe in you.’ Like I explained, I’m a scholar of the craft so I was geared up for this instant and LaVar realized that. He gave me the keys to do what I required to do as significantly as jogging the draft approach and creating absolutely sure it was a prosperous approach and it turned out that we got the location we preferred. LaVar is wonderful. I have absolutely nothing but excellent factors to say about him.”

CH: Most both have disdain for the Big Baller Manufacturer or absolutely really like what LaVar is executing. Does that harm recruiting?

HG: “No it does not, this option has only been good. The way it will work, I characterize Lonzo underneath the Ball Sporting activities Team moniker and then I have my possess agency which is SLASH Sporting activities exactly where I characterize all other clientele. And so Jamaal Franklin is a client that I have. He applied to be with the Grizzlies and is presently the top rated participant in China. I’m searching to make from there and increase the business enterprise with the suitable guys, utilizing the mentorship facets, the life-after-basketball factor. All the things of that mother nature, I want to be ready to apply to every single client I have.”

CH: What do you believe separates you from other brokers?

HG: “I will not look at myself as just a common agent in a feeling because I really feel like I can have on a lot of hats. No matter whether it is really using that basketball track record, we are going to communicate about the recreation because I performed. No matter whether I have to go in there and negotiate the deal and that is exactly where my legal track record comes in. No matter whether it is really the mentorship factor because me remaining a youthful brother coming up and remaining the exact same age as some of the guys, I’m ready to relate on distinctive facets. Then the life after basketball, that is exactly where attending an Ivy League College gave me a vast network of connections to leverage for my clientele.

Heading to Penn permitted me to make lifelong interactions with individuals who are performing in investment banking, actual estate, or venture cash. Individuals guys are my good friends and I’m ready to piggyback factors off of them and use their methods to enrich my clientele. That is why I get in touch with my personal agency SLASH. Mainly because I not only see myself as a non-common agent, I also will not want my clientele to be boxed into just remaining a basketball participant. No, you happen to be a businessman, you happen to be an entrepreneur, you happen to be a philanthropist. So that is my whole concept. My motto is ‘Use the recreation, will not permit the recreation use you.” So a lot of guys appear in and perform 15 decades and they obtain absolutely nothing out of it except for just participating in and accumulating a check. Use this platform you happen to be on. Use this to make generational wealth for your household. Not just participating in your decades and then now you happen to be carried out and everything is absent. Create on your own over and above the recreation. That is what I want from all my clientele.”

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