#i find these two as soulmates in a more literal destiny sense really funny because it emphasizes their love as a choice

[citriarchive]

one of the potential Soulmate AU Tropes™ was/is feeling the same emotions your soulmate does and i'm just thinking that that must be the absolute worst time to be "Mr. All Of My Tomodachi Life Catchphrases Are 'I'm Fine'" and have a soulmate who is "Mr. Feeling Everything All The Time All At Once". like me personally, i think i'd just die if i randomly felt waves of his emotions when they changed. and i put a lot of myself into him. the call is coming from inside the house.

in addition it's going to be very interesting when nithral inevitably tells yaevinn that he's fine when he's not and yaevinn is just like. ok i'm gonna let this go until you're ready to talk abt it but you know i know that's not true right. like it's not a hunch this isn't me being perceptive. like you. you know i know right. ok just making sure ok ok i'm letting it go for now

[mingiswow]

Soulmate!au Series | Changkyun

Pairing: Changkyun x reader

Summary: Not everyone had the same soulmate mark and that made even harder for you to find yours, especially when there was no visible mark on your body. But a boring class could change things.

Genre: fluff - loads of it

Words: +1.5 k

a/n: So, it’s finally over! The last part of the Soulmate Series is finally up and I’m so proud I finished. Thank you all who read it. Hope you guys enjoy Kyun’s and love you 💖

You had seen everyone around you to fall in love, meet their soulmates, have names or words tattooed on their body, drawings adorning their skin, having a missing sense, so many ways to meet their soulmate, but yours wasn’t there. At least not visible.

The class was boring as you could think, your eyes barely kept open, the battery of your phone died and your friend missed the class. You had absolutely nothing to do and the video your teacher insisted on putting was even as boring as the man’s voice.

You grabbed the pen by your side and started to doodle on your notebook, but some freckles in your arm grabbed your attention, making you start drawing onto the skin, making little smiley faces, constellations, and doodles.

You kept doing that until the signal played, warning you and your classmates that the class was over. “Thank God” you thought when leaving the classroom, going straight to the small cafe-library near the uni so you could focus on your actual study, not that bullshit you were never going to use anyway.

The tables were empty due to the time, it was midday, but you weren’t hungry to get an actual lunch. You asked for your classic black coffee and sat on the table, spreading your books, notebooks, and pens, getting ready to study the effects of “screens” on kids' behavior.

When you stretched your arm to grab a pink pen that rolled away, you noticed that the drawings from before in your arms were gone and a simple phrase was marked in black.

Hey, soulmate

Your eyes blinked a few times before touching the skin, the color fading until was gone. You grabbed the pink pen in your hand and wrote.

Who are you?

You watched the words being sucked by your skin and couldn’t help but let a gasp out of your mouth. What was going on? You noticed letters starting to appear in your skin again. 

 I’m your soulmate. Everything we put on our skin appears on the other.

The words faded again but soon other ones appeared.

You should thank me for not doing the tattoo I wanted

You couldn’t help but chuckle and, somehow, you could feel them smiling to their arm. A feeling of warmth took your body, the idea of actually having a soulmate made your day happier and more exciting. How does this person looked like? Were they pretty? Tall? Short? Where they come from? You spent minutes thinking about it, not realizing when new words appeared in your forearm.

How’s my soulmate's name?

You smiled, liking the idea of the person calling you their soulmate, it was recomforting.

Y/N. How’s yours?

Changkyun. And I like the pink pen you’re using.

How do you know I’m using a pink pen?

The words faded and some green ones started to appear, the line thicker, almost like it was written with kids’ markers

Because the words appear in pink on my skin.

That’s so crazy and cool.

I know. I thought that I’d never meet you.

You blushed at his words. The idea of talking to him through your arms almost felt like talking through phone messages, the difference was you didn’t know how he looked like.

Me too. Why we never drew on our skins before? I never thought of that.

The laugh that left your mouth was loud and almost exaggerated but you were nervous, anxious with the whole situation.

My mom never allowed me because the ink was bad for the skin.

And you behaved?

Yes ???? And why didn't you draw on yours?

Never felt the need I guess, never thought of that

Fair enough

You two spent the whole afternoon speaking to each other, your study plans long gone with the first words that faded from your skin. Talking to Changkyun was comforting, warm and fun, he was a funny person and you guys clicked right away - which made you really happy because you always wondered what would happen if you and your soulmate didn’t match and actually hated each other. 

Wanna meet sometime soon?

The words appeared after you stopped talking about your favorite foods. The thump in your heart could be heard by the people in the tables by your side, which now were filled with mostly students and couples.

Yes. Tell me when and where

Are you free friday night? I know a Thai restaurant that is delicious and I think you’d love.

Ok. Friday night.

See you there at 8.

See you too, Kyunnie

Can’t wait to meet you for real

You giggled like a little girl and nodded, even though you knew he couldn’t see you.

Me too

Bye, soulmate

Bye, soulmate

You hugged your arm, almost feeling like you could hug him. Nothing in the world could describe the feeling you were having right then. The smile so big it couldn’t fit your face.

The days couldn’t pass slower, even with you constantly talking with Changkyun. You guys even joked about not having anything to talk about when you meet, but you two couldn’t help, the first thing that you’d do was give him good morning and the last one give him good night. It was like you two met each other for ages, even if it was for a couple of days.

When friday finally arrived, your stomach was aching from anxiety, your head dizzy from nervousness, legs shaking. You felt like you were about to have a meltdown.

It took you almost three hours to get ready, your mind spacing out too often thinking about Kyun and all the things you two talked about, how well you two got along. You were so happy your soulmate was someone like him, funny, smart, kind, sweet and so many things. But to say you were also very nervous to finally meet him face to face was almost a joke.

A tingling sensation appeared in your arm and you looked down just to see a cute smiley face drawn on it and soon disappear a few seconds after.

I’m at your door, babe.

Your heart skipped several beats when you read the sentence. 

You didn’t even reply to him, getting your purse and, literally, ran out of your apartment. There was no time for the elevator either, practically jumping down the stairs to get as faster as possible to the front door.

When your eyes met the man in front of you, nothing could describe the smile that grew on your lips and the heartwarming feeling that took over your body.

“Hi” his voice danced its way to your ears and you just wished you could hear him talk forever. His voice was deep, velvety, soothing, felt like a warm day of summer in the park.

Changkyun had the brightest smile on his lips, his teeth showing, his eyes shut close. His heart was pounding on his chest, nothing could describe what he was feeling, you were much more he expected.

“Hi” you finally spoke, taking him out of his daydream, and running to him, jumping into his arms, wrapping the man into a tight hug. “You don’t know long I’ve waited to do this” your voice sounded muffled by the skin of his neck, your face hidden in the crook of it, scenting his smell and keeping it in your memory.

“Me too, babe” his voice so close to your ears and the hot breath leaving his mouth and gently touching your neck made shivers ran down your whole body. “I couldn’t wait to meet you, to meet my soulmate” you finally left his neck and looked to his eyes, they were like constellations shining in his beautiful brown orbs. “I brought you something” Changkyun smiled and took a little red box out of his jacket, handing it to you.

“You didn’t have to” the rush of blood tinting your cheeks pink. “Thank you, Kyun” the man could swear he’d die when you called him by the nickname and he decided that his name leaving your lips was his favorite thing in the world.

You opened the box and found two little red rings, thin as a thread and shiny as stars. On top of them there was a smiley face.

“It means the red string of destiny with the first doodle you did in your arm” he explained to you, his hands nervously fidgeting behind his back. “I hope you like it” you looked back to the man. 

“I… I loved, Kyun. They’re gorgeous” you both smiled, genuine happiness. “Can you… Can you put it to me?” you shyly asked and he nodded, taking the ring from the box and gently slipping to your finger. Changkyun left a little kiss on top of it, making you giggle. You did the same to his one.

“You are mine now, forever” he said as he held your hand.

“And always” you smiled to him and did what you had been dreaming of doing, kissed him. The first of so many.

Shownu | Wonho | Minhyuk | Kihyun | Hyungwon | Jooheon | I.M

Requests are open

Masterlist

[tumblunni]

Aaaand back to more Luke route from Red String of Fate! Starting off with another Actually Rather Cute Moment Of Chemistry That Isn’t Just Romance Novel Melodrama

Tho also i forgot to mention a bit of drama that worked really well! Somehow I missed taking any screenshots of it, but there’s a sweet moment of our protagonist getting depressed remembering her deceased parents and then luke brings up his ALSO deceased parents and they share a hug together. Like I know that sounds a bit weirdly coincidental, but the actual dialogue was really good! It was super sad when protagonist was like ‘I’m so grateful that i got to know my parents for a few years, poor Luke lost them when he was so small’. And then she talks about her happy memories of going to this beach with them, and how she gets panic attacks trying to return to the beach, and he offers to take photos of it for her so she can still remember it without having to be so scared. It was just very well written! And I didnt screenshot it! GAHHHH!

More stuff below!

Aaaaand then we go into dating sim cliches again, the good old ‘mistaken for cheating’ scene. But protagonist seems super jerky for getting jealous here cos SHE HASNT EVEN TOLD HIM SHE LOVES HIM and SHE KEEPS TURNING HIM DOWN BECAUSE DESTINY. But like this trope still bugs me even when there isnt all that extra stuff, its really horrible behaviour to get mad at a man for just.. having female friends?? Talking to other women ever?? I mean he could have just been asking some girl in his class what the homework was!

Also another stupid addition- ha ha gay jokes. I didn’t wanna screencap the whole set of dialogue here but basically Aaron comes along to try and distract the girl and help you out, but HA HA FUNNIE JOKE the girl mistakes him for Luke’s boyfriend. And that’s just.. the joke. the scene just ends. Okay then.

Also this makes the whole thing super dumb because why is she overreacting so much even after she realized that Luke was uncomfortable around this woman and asked protag to help get rid of her. HOW DARE YOU TALK TO HER WHEN YOU WERENT TALKING TO HER AND DIDNT WANT TO, AND ALSO WE AREN’T FUCKIN DATING, SERIOUSLY WTF

Also like.. whoa this plot is really fucked up and I feel way more sympathetic for this girl than I think i’m supposed to?? Like she was dating Luke and then Luke just suddenly broke up with her for seemingly no reason, and also CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER AND RAN OFF TO A NEW SCHOOL Seriously, this nonsense with following destinies caused him to be an ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE to her, and just make both of them miserable! Like, we don’t hear that she was happy with this other man and he was totally right, she didnt need him. We hear that she’s been desperately trying to find him again and no indication she ended up with that dude! And like she’s just NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN We just run away from her and like we get to be sad about how sad he is about her, but the conclusion isn’t that he realizes he was wrong and goes back to her, or even becomes friends again, or even explains himself to her and makes sure she’s okay... I feel so sad for her wtf... why didnt she get an epilogue in the happy ending route...

SERIOUSLY SHE WAS TRYING TO COMFORT HIM ABOUT HIS GRANDPA’S DEATH like she’s called a ‘stalker’ by the game?? but her boyfriend just fucking ran away and deleted all his contact numbers overnight?? and all we see is that she’s trying to find out if he’s okay! I’d be so terrified something had happened to him, jesus christ! This poor woman!

wy she toch me

aww noooo poor grandpa what an endearing gramp moment damn I miss grandpa too why must every character in this game be cursed with a million family deaths

Things that were intended to be romantic but ended up creepy as fuck: 2 Chocolate moans and phone whispers, yikes...

Good dialogue that makes me go daww at their actual romantic chemistry, unlike all the everything else: 4

WISH YOU’D SHOWN IT TO US TOO seriously why make it a plot point if you’re not gonna show it i was looking forward to seeing his poems, not just being told they were apparantly great, no really

YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY OBSESSED PLEASE STOP HOW IS THIS ROMANTIC ITS JUST SAD AND SCARY how many chances at happiness has she missed?? how many years has she shaved off her lifespan by treating herself like shit for the sake of some dumb thing that may never happen??

YAAAAY GRANDMA We actually get to see his grandma!! Its weird cos other minor story roles didn’t get a picture, its been literally nobody but the main three so far. Anyway I love her design and oh man she is so oddly tiny?? Cartoon grandparents are even more loveable than real ones!

I love grandma

Anyway, the plot finally rerails and like the main catalyst for the two of them falling in love is just... grandma tells them they’re in love. Magical grandma can ~sense~ it and tries to convince her to confess to her grandson.

Also somehow magical grandma knew someone else who may have had the same power, conveiniently! And okay yes PLEASE thank you, can we challenge the destiny bullshit please-

NOOOOOOOOO stop missing the point aaaaa no it just proves the soulmate shit isn’t necessary to be happy in liiiiife

WHEN WAS THIS EVER MENTIONED

Aww this cg is really cute, gotta love that classic run into arms hug~ Tho I laughed when i noticed the sparkle effects look like dandruff!

The context of this here is that Luke uses his never before mentioned riches to help her get an interview with a famous journalist, and she’s so happy she hugs him. And like.. somehow this is like... sexual tension?? They can’t hug without wanting to kiss?? like do these people not hug their platonic friends ever, geez.. Funny that the kiss part actually ruined the cuteness for me! Cos they don’t actually kiss no matter what you pick, they just break the hug and act super awkward and angry at each other and its really frustrating??

DEVOUR FACE REQUIRE SUSTINANCE TO ENGAGE ROMANCE

Accidentally creepy ‘romance’ count: 3

[gabbalot]

Another ask meme 👀

So I was tagged by the one and only @merriemelodie who has a knack for making me feel valid on the worst of days, and also who I NEED TO COME UP WITH A SWEET NICKNAME FOR???❤️

The rules are: Post the rules, answer 11 questions, make up 11 new questions, and tag 11 people.

(Or just break the rules like I do. I tag the same people every time I do these so I’ll give everyone a break. If you want to, but don’t feel obligated: @plsetski, @zestyfiretruck, @stregina, @dednout, @vityanikiforova. For everyone else, I’m just being shy but if you see this and want to do it, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED BY ME! And @ me in your response.)

My questions for people are:

If you could, would you choose to download your consciousness into an artificial simulation of life, where nothing really bad ever happens, and all the good things that you want from life happen in a believable way? Or would you rather live your life as it is now? Why?

If you could pick anything to do for your career, without having to worry about money, what would you do?

If you had to describe yourself with a Wikipedia article, or an article from The Onion, what would it be? 

What is your favorite gif/meme??

If you could say anything to your younger self, what would you say? Would you say anything at all?

If humanoid androids became normalized and easily-accessible in the future, would you choose one as a companion? If no, why not? If yes, who would you like them to be based on?

What is the weirdest thing someone has every told you they like about you?

Which would you choose, and why: Bring your favorite character(s) to life? Or transport yourself into their world?

If you had to become immortal, what age would you choose to “die” and remain forever, and why?

What are your thoughts on Pluto? Is it a planet? or just a rock?

What is one thing you wouldn’t trade for $1,000,000 (or equivalent in your currency)?

And here are my long-ass answers for Melodieee:

Q1. Have any unpopular opinions? Now’s the time to say them. It doesn’t matter what they’re about; whether or not you think people will care about them, or if it’ll change people’s perceptions of you. Just let ‘em fly.

a:- Okay so…I don’t…really like Autumn…and it might…MAYBE..be my least favorite season…?? ? (I’m sorry, I know). I feel like this is particularly offensive coming from me, since I’m currently living in New England, which is well-known for having the most beautiful foliage during Autumn. But there’s only so much pumpkin spice and scarves I can indulge in before I have to face the reality that The Darkness™ is coming. Funny enough, I don’t have much of an aversion to Winter. (That’s a lie.) (I can’t manage during late February - March). (I barely make it to the end of Winter every year). All in all, this article pretty much summarizes my exacts feelings towards Autumn. Beware though, ~* 🚫 Autumn-lovers DON’T Interact! 🚫 *~, you will be enraged. ☕️🐸

Q2. Do you cling to summer, or are you typically more than excited for autumn? (Or do you not have a strong opinion either way?)

a:- Wellll I guess I sorta addressed this in the first answer? Hahaha. Aha. H a. (I still feel bad about it). But I suppose I don’t really cling to summer, because I have this icky tendency to…spoil good things before they are ready to be ruined??? Like “Ahhh, well am I going to feel bad eventually? Might as well get started on that right now!!”. Feeling Bad is the only thing I don’t procrastinate, lmao. But yeah, I don’t cling to summer (I mourn its death prematurely), and I don’t get excited for Autumn, I just do my best not to feel Too bad overall. I definitely don’t cry, because I Am A Big Kid Now.

Q3. What’s something that you’ve been wanting to tell somebody, but haven’t been able/felt ready to? (Of course, if you’re still not comfortable saying it in a public post, then you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated to do it. This is just for fun. ♥)

a:- The funniest thing is that a lot of the things that leave my mouth nowadays are things that I haven’t been ready to say. But I’ve been lucky enough not to word-vomit anything that’s been truly detrimental to my mental well-being. I’m also lucky to have a few amazing people in my life that I’m able to be quite vulnerable with. 

Q4. What would the soundtrack for the film of your life look like? (FOR THOSE WILLING TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH: if you were to write a Broadway musical about your life, what would some of the songs be titled/be about?)

a:- Let’s see if I can be as dramatic as possible. In terms of a movie soundtrack, I definitely think that the opening scene would be to Tame Impala’s Let It Happen. Once things calm down and fall back into the natural rhythym of grey, expect to enjoy tunes from Radiohead, in particular their track Daydreaming, which plays on repeat in my dissociative head on a regular. When things get desolate, we enjoy The Postal Service’s This Place Is a Prison. When they’re comedic (see: manic), we’re jamming to some Manfred Mann’s Earth Band!! If I could be selfish, I would find my Big Love and/or purpose, and the soundtrack would lighten up with sounds from Coldplay and Active Child. Also, because I am quietly just as dramatic as our favorite witch Georgi Popovich, a few of my Broadway musical song titles include “Sometimes Fireworks Are Silent”, “I’m Sorry For A LOT Of Things, But This Isn’t One Of Them”, “Some Of Us Taste Colors”, “Tequila (TEQUILA)”, and of course “2D Drawings Are As Strong A Medicine As Any”, which has a b-track “Music Is Morphine (Which is Also a Poison)”.

Q5. What’s a poem, story, or song lyric that you think about often? What about it captivates you?

a:- I’ll give you an entire song full of lyrics: The song Bloodstream, which is so aptly named for how deeply I feel it whenever I listen to it. It epitomizes the concept of soulmates for me, which I don’t believe is always a “happy-go-lucky” scenario, sometimes soulmates are just that - a split of your soul, a piece of you in another body, no sparkles and lovehearts, just another self in another form whose destiny is entwined with your own. As someone who isn’t sure they believe in soulmates irl, here’s why the song strikes me - The vocals are a bit eerie, and ever-so-slightly tired. It must be exhausting searching for a missing half. The recurring piano chords in the verses of the song make it feel a little bit like a memory. I imagine that’s what Deja Vu sounds like, which I find to be fitting when you think about all the subtle instances that have connected your life with someone else’s without you even noticing, but sometimes you just feel it. Then comes the chorus, more profound in its intensity, and all of a sudden it’s the realization hitting you like “Ahh, yes. This is the one I can’t live without. I see it now”. And then there’s the bridge, the melody changing again, acting as a flashlight as you wade through the murkiness of Doubt and Uncertainty, and leading you finally to the door of Acceptance. And once you’ve accepted it, and really digested the fact that you aren’t alone, you just float along - adrift but comfortable, because you realize that you aren’t drowning like you thought you would, or like you’ve been all this time. (That was cryptic AF, what does All That even mean??). Idk. I just feel the song deeply and I’m not really sure how to express why. 🎭

Q6. If you had to epitomize yourself with a Wikipedia article title, what would it be?

a:-I think may be Learned Helplessness.

Q7. What do you daydream about?

a:- I have two persistent daydreams lately. One is to lay in a meadow and just rest in a shady spot with the sun’s warmth peeking through the foliage, probably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a time loop if it meant existing somewhere like this or this. I actually have this one saved as my desktop wallpaper at work. I stare at it throughout the day and it brings me peace. The second daydream is imagining what it would be like to go out and get roaring drunk with Yuuri and Pichit. Like…can you imagine the shenanigans??

Q8. What’s your go-to character/kart/track in Mario Kart? (ANY ITERATION)

a:-Toad…..and raiNBOW ROAD BINCH!!! FIGHT ME. #ChaoticEvil

Q9. What’s something people would be surprised to learn about you?

a:- IRL? People would be shocked that I’m pan/bi. Literally no one knows. Friends and family respect that I consider myself asexual, or at least non-sexual, but no one actually knows that I’m not straight. I have hinted on occasion, but growing up in one of the most homophobic and heteronormative societies means that if people haven’t seen you date anything but cis-gendered men (even if it was only for 6 months when you were 14 years old??) then it means you’re straight. Straight until proven otherwise (and simultaneously shunned by extended family for being The Gay Cousin™ ).

Q10. If you could name a crayon/nail polish color, what would it be, and what would the color be?

a:- Tbh, I’m the least creative when it comes to these things, so most likely it would be some sort of holographic sparkly fluorescent pink color, and the name would be “Trophy Husband” (because it reminds me of Victor).

Q11. What’s a question you wish I would’ve asked? ASK/ANSWER IT HERE.

a:- AHHHH THE PRESSURE idk IDK. Ummmmm how about “What do you like most about following me?”. And the answer would be that your tags and writing in general just hit me right in the feels, every. damn. time. Your sense of humor is also A+, it’s never mean-spirited, and you just generally provide a safe space for me to exist comfortably at the end of each day. You’re also incredibly observant, and I feel like I’m a slightly bigger and more important speck in this universe because of you. Thank you for being here ❤️.

THE END.

[theglassishalfshattered-blog]

Facepalm...my life.

Today. Today is a new day. That's what they say. I suppose in a literal sense that's accurate. I mean yesterday it was raining and today there are a few fluffy, happy little clouds in a bright blue sky with a light breeze that tickles your skin like thousands of tiny little feathers of a lovebird. Isn't that adorable? Seriously, it is pretty nice outside today. Inside however, well that is a different story. The inside resembles more of yesterday than today. After all, even though it is technically a new day, yesterday's thoughts, feelings and problems still exist. I don't really care what they say. Maybe they are a bunch of privileged, tree-hugging hippies. Who really knows? Exactly - no one. That is my point. What I do know is this: the weather today compared to yesterday has more to do with atmospheric pressure and jet streams than it does with any kind of philosophical bullshit. Let's be real. I promised I would write this thing and not curse. I guess I've failed already. Such is life. I've been down a long road. I've dealt with divorcing parents, a broken family, lost friendships, failed relationships, many walks down dark roads leading to dead-ends, disappointment in forgiving, more failed relationships, abuse, failed parenting, failing and practically non-existent career. The list could go on I suppose; I'm not even half way through this thing they call life. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Yeah, I know. Let me guess: compared to you, my story “isn't that bad”. Everyone has some traumatic bullshit(s) in their past or present. Fuck you. I didn't ask you. Maybe you are part of they. You dirty hippy. Shut the fuck up. So, where do I go from here? That is the burning question at hand. Do I take a philosophical approach and not search for an actual answer? Do I believe that everything has a reason, a purpose, and an ultimatum? Fate? Destiny? God? Do I really believe that everything will “work out”? The dust will settle and the epiphany I need will be made? Or, do I take a realist approach. Do I say “fuck the dumb shit”, this happened and it's time to move on by planning a new future. Life is what you make of it. You choose to wear the ground and create your own beaten path. You choose your happiness. Consequently, you choose your sadness. You choose to be beaten down and you decide whether or not you want to stand back up. Perhaps, I lie somewhere in between. I want to believe that there is such a thing as both fate and destiny which is predetermined by some outer force referred to as God. Maybe I want to feel like the pre-cynical person I was before my heart broke for the very first time. Maybe what you want and what you know are two completely different things. And that, my friends, is what they call….depression. Of course there is a “thing” which is fueling this emotional fire within me right now. Wouldn't you like to know what that is? Is the suspense and anticipation just killing you? Well, well, well…aren't you a nosey little bitch? Okay, okay. Fine. I'll give you some insight. My heart was broken by some dude. Big deal, right? Who hasn't dealt with that shit before? I know I have. This time though, it sucks extra hard. It's a little more bitter. It's stings a lot more than it has ever before. Why? Because of everything I just explained. I allowed myself to believe. I believed that after all I've been through so far, after all I've dealt with throughout life – whether being a product of my own poor decisions or not – I had finally found my fairy tale. It was so true, everything I thought was truth before I had been emotionally scarred was actually true. There is a person for everyone. One person placed on this earth for you to find. When you least expect it, BOOM! There they are, ready to take you into their heart, love you, protect you, and care for you until there is no more air to be inhaled during this lifetime. Oh, but hold onto your bonnets, people! This bullshit gets better! He was funny, smart, handsome, a wonderful father of a little girl my own son’s age, chivalrous, had the same wants, needs, and likes as me. Perfection. Complete and utter, slap me in the face with a churro and call me Senorita María Alejandra Aguinaldo, perfection. Everything I could ever want or ask for in another human being to spend the rest of my days with on this earth. I was completely swept away, and quickly, too. Who wouldn't be? It was actual magic. I'd never felt anything like it before. Until, as fast as it appeared, he was gone. Seriously? Yes, seriously. This is the kind of unholy bullshit that happens to me. I wasn't looking for this. I didn't create this. I didn't force it. It just happened. Why? Who the fuck knows. It makes me want to smash my face against a brick wall laced with razor blades, though. This is the farthest thing from fair. It's unfair, not only because it's what everyone in their right mind could ever hope for, but because of what I had just finished going through over the past five long, dark years. What I do know is this: IF there is a thing as destiny, fate, and God, I certainly have a tainted, hexed aura surrounding my spirit. This is probably why I should take a realist approach on life, otherwise that brick wall analogy I made earlier? Yeah, well, that could very easily become a reality. The condensed version of five years is as follows. I was in college, for an excessively long time. I devoted all of my time to studying. I rarely went out, lost touch with all of my friends, did not date, and would have been lonely had I not been neck-deep in coursework. Towards the end of my college career, I only had another few semesters to graduate, I did get lonely. I decided to go out with a friend, met a dude from another country, had a lot of fun, and realized I wanted someone in my life. I was rapidly approaching 30 and I didn't have any sort of promise for marriage or a family – which is all I ever really wanted anyway. I caved in and contacted my ex. Things seemed well, I believed people change. We fell back in love and after some time it decayed once again. Don't go back to an ex – it didn't work out the first time for good reason. As our relationship was spiraling downward into the pits of hell, my cat became really sick. Yeah, just a cat, right? No. He was my everything. I love him as much as my own son. He was a soulmate of mine. Six days after finding out he was sick, six days of spending every penny I had ever saved to save him – he died. He took a piece of me with him. I couldn't handle a break-up at that time. Three weeks later, I took a test and was pregnant. My life. So, I tried to make it work. There was this little person growing inside my belly who needed me to be the best person I could be. He deserved a chance at a normal family. I really tried. After four years of intense emotional and verbal abuse, I realized that people do not change. Furthermore, I realized that it was not fair to allow a child to be exposed to such a toxic environment. I'm sure my poor decision has scarred him for life. I'll never forgive myself. It is difficult to explain how the mind works when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. You try to make sense of things, you make excuses for their behavior, you take unwarranted blame for things that are done or said. It's very confusing; A true mind-fuck. Throughout it all, I still hoped that my fairytale would come true. We would live the life I dreamed of having and just be happy. It took all those years to realize my dream, my hopes, and my naive fantasy was bullshit. It wasn't going to happen. That was hard to swallow. That realization hurt more than losing my ex; I didn't love him anymore. I hadn't for a while. I hoped we could get back there, but I knew we wouldn't. It was over before it began. And now I'm well into my 30s and worse off than before. Depression set in….hard. I got the help I needed and I was okay; Content. Then, when I least expected it this recent dude popped up. All of those hopes and dreams were in reach, only this time it felt right. Really right. That is why this is so devastating. I'm not ignorant to the fact that it was only 6 weeks. I'm not crazy. It was so real. And now…it is so gone. Barf. I really don't know where to go from here. I don't know what to believe. I don't know how to feel. I don't even know what I want anymore. Deep down I've always felt like I had no real reason. I feel as if the end of my story kind of slowly vanishes, as if it was written in some sort of disappearing, invisible ink. I cannot foresee my future. I cannot envision my destiny. Maybe I don't have one. Maybe that is only depression talking. What if…it's my truth? I suppose I can just do what all the quacks say to do. You know who I'm talking about – the theys. I can “not sweat the small stuff”, “put your problems in individual boxes and deal with one box at a time”, “blame it on a bad case of daddy-issues”, and so on. On the flip side, I can go smoke some cigarettes, workout until my muscles bleed, and then eat pizza until I need to puke. Decisions, decisions. That's what it boils down to: decisions. Today I decide to turn it off. My favorite coping mechanism has been flipping the switch of my emotions to the off position. After a while you just go numb. It's a better feeling than depression. Oh and by the way, fuck you depression. Fuck you.

[officialseungcheol]

27, 30, 31, 36, 40, 41, 45, 46, 57, 65, 66, 83, 113, 114, 117, 124, 128, 136, 148, 149, 152, 168, 171, 175, 180, 187, 197, 202, 209, 217 have fun~ :))

27. Do you have any “rules” about food?

no meat. other than that, i don’t care.

30. What do you think you’re really good at?

giving advice? i think a lot of people have told me i give good advice.

31. What do you think you’re really bad at?

i’m bad at consoling people when they cry. i always struggle to find words that they want to hear.

36. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

nahh. i’m super boring and tbh, i’m not close to people enough that they’d have anything to say.

40. What do you think about the most? 

I....actually have no idea. Probably about whether I have homework or not LOL

41. Share 2 habits:

I can’t sleep without the bed being made and

I never wear clothes that show a lot of skin. idk i just feel uncomfortable showing too much skin. ;;

45. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not. i don’t even think my life is the same from a month ago.

46. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

if it was painful/humiliating, then yes unfortunately ;;

57. An unknown fact about your life: 

i didn’t start doing my eyebrows until about two months ago.

65. Weird things you do when you’re alone:

i talk to myself. a lot actually and it’s a little scary so recently i’ve been trying to stop myself

66. Something you do without realising:

i start thinking of imaginary and completely unrealistic/nonsensical scenarios and then zone out of conversations. 

83. What is your favorite flower?

i love chrysanthemums and sunflowers. Q_Q

113. Something you’ve lied about.

my grades. i always feel a sense of shame if i’m not doing well in a class. 

114. Have you ever felt replaced?

no because i don’t make enough of an impact on people that they I would feel replaced. (i’m not being depressing but i rly do tend to live life this way)

117. Story of your first kiss?

my bf had asked me out the night before and during lunch the next day, we took a walk in the back of the school and he kissed me near the swimming pool. 

124. Do you believe in soul mates?

i believe in having many soulmates so sort of but not really!!! 

128.Are looks important in a relationship? 

i want to say no, but they play a role in the initial attraction for me!! but after that they hardly matter o:

136. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“i hope it works out with the person you like!” 

 148. Is there someone you will never forget? 

mmmm i don’t forget people who i’ve been close to in the past. probably the first boy i ever liked enough to feel sad about when rejected.    

149. Say five ways to win your heart:

omg i don’t even think there’s 5!!

having a good sense of humor/being funny

lots of skinship/flirting a lot

complimenting me on small things 

smiling a lot or just being positive whenever possible ;;

this is all s.coups. literally just be s.coups that’ll win my heart.

152. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

ahHhH like...taking care of me? like cooking for me or cleaning for me when im least expecting it 

168. The last time you felt jealous, and why? 

my roommate because she doesn’t have to worry about money or how expensive things are. 

 171. Do you forgive betrayal?

if it was for my own good, then yes. otherwise no.

175. A description of the person you dislike the most:

someone who isn’t straightforward, someone who talks behind the backs of people they are friends with, someone who is rude to others for no reason whatsoever and starts fights when things could have been settled in a more civil fashion. someone who begs for attention. someone who disregards their parents ESPECIALLY when they’re making shitty life choices. someone who pokes fun at people’s insecurities. someone who uses racial slurs and hides behind the “POC” excuse. okay lots of things but typing this out is literally making me angry. 

180. Share a relationship story:

my boyfriend doesn’t know his way around indian food very well. he basically went to an indian restaurant like 2 weeks ago with a friend and was trying to describe to me what he ate. he said “a triangle” and so i thought he was talking about SAMOSAS. and he shook his head saying that he knew it wasn’t a samosa. in the end i deduced that hE WAS TALKING ABOUT MASALA DOSA. I LAUGHED UNTIL I FELL ON THE FLOOR IN TEARS AND HE WAS SO ANNOYED WITH ME BDSF\SDHVBF

ok sorry this story is way funnier if you know what im talking about

187. A song that’s been stuck in your head: 

“give me everything” by pitbull (kill me)  

197. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

my attitude towards learning when i was in high school! i think a lot of my problems would have been nonexistent had i changed my attitude towards school and learning!!! 

202. What is the first curse word that comes to mind?

“fuck”

209. A drunken story:

none actually! i’ve never gotten drunk. my ROOMMATE however, got so drunk at a party once that when she got home at 2 am and i was SLEEPING, she held my hand and kept telling me she loved me and i kept begging her to let me sleep LMFAOOO

217. Do you believe in fate/destiny?

well i believe in karma and the theory technically expands into fate/destiny to an extent, so yes!

send me some personal ass questions