#i genuinely thought his death was setting up for another 20 chapters of plot where he comes back

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 133 Results

The chapter poll closed with 1456 responses. This month’s poll results brought to you by /u/berthototototo ,u/staraves, u/_Puppet_, @shifter-lines​ and @momtaku​

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,365 responses

Nearly 80% of the fandom rated chapter 133 as good or great. In comparison with most SnK chapters, that’s on the low side. Since this was yet another set up chapter it’s possible that the fandom is waiting to see what payoff there will be before they throw their full support behind the developments introduced this month.

lmao good chapter but wtf

It's the best paced chapter since the rumbling began.

All I can say is I can't wait for the next chapter.

Great start to the end

There were a lot of contrived moments here on the first read but I'm hopeful things will play out in an unexpected way.

One of the better recent chapters, felt well paced and most of the dialogue and events seemed logical and fitting. Nice to see one more location added to the AOT world before the end.

I’ve been doing polls for almost 30 chapters now, this is the first where I have no chapter rating, I need to see how all this plays out before I decide if I love it or hate it.

All of this self-reflection is annoying. Though that feeling is just more because of the fact that waiting a whole month for another ‘these hands have killed’ chapter is not exciting when we are so close do the end and I just want to see the ending already.

Average as fuck, the intention is good but the execution is not it, and the dialogues feel very forced and repetitive.

Not good at connecting the narrative plot points 'cause there's...hundreds of them at this point but I'm here for the character interactions and to see just what the hell that "See you, Eren" from the beginning actually meant

Good but I worry about the pacing, some of this should have came earlier, will wait to see what comes from it.

  WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT 1,379 responses

Looks like a lot of people were glad to see that this conflict will not be resolved with a little heart-to-heart (34.9%). People also loved seeing child Eren being spooky with his new pal Ymir (18.8%). 11% liked seeing Eren’s friends reach out to him – or at least try.  9.4% liked Levi, because Levi. Connie, Jean, and Reiner sharing a moment of understanding warmed 8.6% of your hearts. 5.6% were happy to see Falco and Gabi brainstorming, and seeing Mr. Leonhart being a badass was the favorite moment for 3.6%.

I don’t know how it didn’t come up in this survey that Levi called Armin COMMANDER. That was my favorite moment by far. I also enjoyed the confirmation of Levi still caring about Eren. He always uses Zeke as a scapegoat. I somewhat feel bad for monke.

Isayama yeeting the Talk no Jutsu trope was my favorite moment!

I CAN"T BELIEVE THAT FLYING TITAN IS CANON LIKE HOLY SHIT

It was tough for me to decide a favorite moment from this chapter because every scene in this one was awesome. That's how fantastic of a chapter it was! I guess the only issue for me is the possibility of the Flying Titan actually becoming a reality when it felt too good to be true, but looking back, I think there was some foreshadowing to this becoming a reality.

God bless Isayama for the flying titan reveal

Favourite part was child Eren and Ymir standing in the paths.

Kiyomi being willing to die and sink with the ship actually hit me harder than I expected

Levi being the smollest husband is my favorite.

The gang forgiving RBA makes my heart weep with both melancholy and joy

  WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP 1,363 responses

Kiyomi and Eren are similar shades of green in this chart but I assure you it was Eren’s ranting about freedom (39.8%) and not Kiyomi’s talk of sacrifice and atonement (1%) that granted Eren this month’s MVP. Armin (18.9%), Mr. Leonhardt (9.5%), Falco (6.2%) and Levi (5.7%) are the other visible pieces of the pie.

#TEAMEREN

ANNIE IS THE BEST GIRL!

EREN IS A GENEROUS GOD

Falco is a good boy

Proud of armin for not backing out from commander role🤩

I love every time Eren shows up nowadays, other characters are getting a little worrying tho, Its starting to seem like alot of them have outlived their usefulness to the story and are just repeating stuff until their deaths.

Reiner handsome. That is all.

eren is just a cool badass

  WILL ONYANKOPON ACTUALLY MANAGE TO GET THE PLANE TO EREN WITHOUT ISSUE, OR WILL THE HALF-CAPACITY FUEL TANK BECOME A RELEVANT POINT? 1,363 responses

Because Isayama has made clear that details as small as which direction Grisha is looking while leaving the house can’t go unquestioned in this manga, we asked about the fuel tank which is at half-capacity thanks to Floch, and whether or not it will present problems for those on board. A strong plurality, at 44.2% of you, think that they’ll run out of fuel, but it won’t be a massive hindrance. In second place, with almost exactly half of the votes as the first answer, 22.2% of you think Onyankopon will use the plan in some sort of suicidal attack, and just under 20% think the fuel tank will be a major roadblock in some other way. Lastly, ~14% of voters said they’ll make it just fine despite the damage. I admire your optimism.

I hope in vain that Onyankopon doesn't die. He won't even get to go to PATHS if he does.

  THE TALK WITH EREN FINALLY HAPPENED… SORT OF. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DESCRIBE YOUR THOUGHTS? 1,371 responses

Multiple select charts aren’t the prettiest but we like to think they do a good job of showcasing what the fandom thinks on a topic. While none of the options this month reached any sort of consensus, they do provide a snapshot of what we want and expect from Eren.  

Of the items offered, only “I’m glad Eren was firm and there will likely be no Talk no Jutsu” reached 50%. The other more popular choice were “I’m surprised Eren reached out to them instead of the other way around” (41%), “THAT PATHS STUFF IS STILL SO COOL” (38.8%) and “I’m glad so many were able to talk to him and it wasn’t just EMA” (33%).

The more negative options, ‘Eren was unnecessarily cruel, his friends deserve better”(13.8%), “I’m mad that Eren is letting them fight him. It’s like he wants to lose” (10.6% ) and “I don’t like Eren dismissing the possibility of talking” (8.1%) received only a fraction of support.

it looks like Eren is committed to HIS path, which backs his friends into a really tough corner. I can't say I'm surprised; we've seen it coming since they got to the ocean, we just didn't want to believe it.

Paths do be lit tho

I really wish Eren would stop the rumbling. He had done more than enough.

Eren's speech, didn't feel like him talking. It was way too typical, he used his catchphrases way too many times. This could be done on purpose for an in-story actual reason, but if it wasn't, i'm not a fan of it. The alliance talking about the colossal being able to defeat eren, makes me think armin won't be able to. I think Armin and Reiner still don't understand Eren's intentions, i fully think he does not want to be stopped. Eren is going to try to kill all of them.

I love Eren dialogues. I just loved the chapter and paths scene so much. Quality character development!!

Feel sad about Erens "catch me if you can" - I wish that the alliance will work together with Eren ....

Thank god for no talk no jutsu

he's been allowing them to use their titan powers, even against the Yeagerists who were supposed to defend their country. That means Eren doesn't dise with his friends, but doesn't side with his own supporters. Yeah, Eren's a dick.

  WHOSE WORDS TO EREN DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 1,366 responses

The attempts at talking to Eren were almost a character rorschach test as each individual brought up what was closest to their hearts in an effort to stop the rumbling. While none of their pleas impacted Eren, we were curious which one the fandom enjoyed most. Levi’s promise of an ass kicking (32.5%) was the favorite, distantly followed by Mikasa’s more impassioned “Let us share your burdens” (24.9%).

Levi beeing sassy again - awsome

Mikasa saying she wants Eren to share his sins with her may be a hint for what's to come. I think she won't be able to let go of Eren and turn against the alliance to protect him.

Levi is hilarious

Honestly, the alliance have been so clueless that even Eren himself had to spare a moment for them, explicitly telling them that talking is never an option with Eren ‘I must always fight’ Yeager.

Look man, I'm an Eremika shipper and all but I really wish Mikasa didn't go on her usual "I'm here for you Eren" spiel in paths. It felt a little forced, and this would've been a good arc to have some more upfront and major changes as to how Mikasa sees Eren, but to get that usual "100% devotion" Mikasa that we've seen all series after we got signs that she's changed how she sees Eren was kind of disappointing.

I knew that the alliance talking to Eren won't work

Everyone is all sad while trying to convince Eren to stop the rumbling, and there's Levi cracking up jokes 😂 

  EREN PREEMPTIVELY TOLD THE ALLIANCE TO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH HIM AND TO ATTACK HIM WITH THE INTENT OF KILLING HIM. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 1,357 responses

It seems to be another month of Isayama dangling Eren’s motivations in front of us, though this time we got some substance in the form of some surprising words to the alliance. The most popular interpretation is the straightforward one (30.1%), that it’s as Eren says and he is genuine in not wanting to step on his friends’ freedom. Up next is people who support Reiner’s hypothesis of Eren wanting somebody to stop him (21.2%), with decreasingly popular choices being Eren wants to be killed only after the rumbling is complete (15.5%), he’s just continuing his daily “freedom” spiel (12.4%), and he’s confident in the alliance’s inability to stop him (11.6%). Many opted for the write in option to share their original theories (5.6%).

Seemed like a cry for help to me.

Im convinced that he wants to be stopped, he just doesn’t realize it yet.

Inconsistent character writing lol

Eren loves his friends, so much that he is unleashing the Rumbling, but he only cares about them on a physical level. He wants them to stay alive, no matter how they are mentally.

Eren is in the darkest part of his mind and wants to die. However, his obession with freedom is strong, so he keeps moving foward and won't allow his friends to just kill him without fight.

He wants the alliance to challenge fate, as he thinks the destruction of the world is inevitable

I believe that Eren does want to win but doesn’t want to live with the guilt, but I just felt this moment was too forced, and honestly a little bit cringe, just didn’t feel like something Eren would say

It wasn't Eren talking

No idea, not even sure it's really Eren talking

There are only a few possibilities that make sense: Reiner is right and he wants them to kill him, Ymir is controlling the PATHS and trying to imitate Eren but doesn't quite understand that his concept of freedom is hypocritical, OR Eren only sees restriction of freedom enforced through PATHS as being truly taking away their freedom, like he thinks it's alright to manipulate, gaslight, beat and imprison his friends using his own voice and hands, but using the Founder is somehow too far.

it’s all a part of his plan even tho the fandom hates it. Just wait for it guys ;)

Eren wants the world to see that the Eldians they hate are saving them from the rumbling

If allaiance kills eren then the world will respect eldians more

Zero Requiem

I don't like the Lelouch scenario, it is contrary to what Eren's character really is. I believe there is more to this because why say it now, when he could have said it before ? There has been many holes with what he's doing.

Lelouch ending

LELOUCH LELOUCH LELOUCH

It means he values freedom over safety... which makes him look like a hypocrite because a lot of times he had no problem taking their freedom from them lol

hes hypcritical asf, getting to decide who can be free or not when he that literally was bothered by that himself. I think it was very selfish

Eren has become crazy had this point and his reasoning doesn't make sense, he's trying to dodge reality

Eren is just trying to define, create, and justify his own version of “freedom” because he can’t let go of his childish way of looking at the world. Letting his friends have their “freedom” almost feels like a cheap necessity he had to toss into his homemade definition of freedom.

Eren is a fucking narcissist, a hypocrite.

Eren is dumb

Eren is just doing what he has to do.

Eren's cool as fuck

He's literally giving them the choice to do what they want. The freedom of will. It's up to them to decide if they want to stop him by force or not. At the end of the day, Eren is already firmly set on doing what's necessary for Paradis.

If they want to die trying to stop the rumbling, they are free to do so. But, he wants them to know that negotiating is useless

Reiner is wrong, Eren doesn't want to be stopped because the Cringevengers are trying to take away his freedom to destroy his enemies

  EREN IS DEPICTED AS A CHILD, AND WITH THE SAME SHADED EYES AS YMIR ONCE DID. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING EXPLANATIONS DO YOU BELIEVE? 1,339 responses

Child Eren appears again in this chapter, but now resembling Ymir even more. About half of the fandom thinks that the shaded out eyes is a sign of loss of free will. The other popular option, at 42.1% is that they’re depicted at the age they first got their titan powers. The idea that their eyes symbolize ignorance and that their child form symbolizes immaturity each got about 16%, and 10.5% of fans think Yams drew it this way just to look cool.

Alliance POV. They cannot understand Eren/Ymir, therefore their eyes (=windows to the soul) are obscured. Note that Ymir's eyes gradually got clearer from Eren's POV as he humanized her.

Carla died when Eren was still a child. He never healed from this traumatic experience, his child-self is still strongly suffering, that why he appeared as a child. I believe that the child next to Ymir is the darkest part of Eren's soul.

child self image is reflective of eren entering a state of naivety so as to bear the pain and gravity of the rumbling which he has caused  

I think it symbolizes a kinda immature concept of freedom

"Slaves don't need two eye balls". Eren is a slave to freedom.

shaded eyes represent being blinded by their desire for freedom & child-like state represents their innocence even if deemed to be something more

The are the ages of their greatest trauma

Adult Eren couldn't live with the guilt so he's letting child Eren carry the weight.

Both of them are doing everything for the sake of others, at the moment they aren't even thinking about themselves. EREN wants the people he loves and cares about to live a happy life and for that he is ready to sacrifice himself.

Bert had shaded eyes when talking to Armin too. I think it means the character is going to do questionable actions but in a mysterious manner. If that makes sense…

Bertold had the same shaded eyes when he was acting as the villain in rts. Same for Eren/Ymir here. Like Bertold, he is willing to kill his friends

Eren could have split his psyche similar to Reiner did with Marco. He is so distraught from his actions that he is using his child self's willpower to continue moving forward.

What about that parasite thing that attached to Ymir in the tree? What if that's the big bad of the series, and has taken over Eren?

The eyes are closed because they are tapped into the Yggdrasil network and are looking at what is happening in the real world through an inner eye.

  YMIR APPEARS TO BE ALIGNED WITH EREN. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? 1,329 responses

Ymir and Eren standing side by side was quite the sight to behold, but what does it mean? The large majority at 55.9% believe it indicates that they’re on the same side wanting the rumbling. 19.2% believe Eren to be a pawn to her now, 15.6% think it’s the other way around, and 9.3% think she’s on his side but is having doubts about her allegiance.

Corrupted by the Eren’s idea of freedom (Ymir’s freedom was taken from her); Child Eren is a prisoner of Adult Eren’s future actions.

Eren is taking Ymir's place as the lord of the Paths. Like Ymir, after he dies, he will live on in the Paths.

I low key think Eren is kinda being controlled by Ymir/ conflicting with her

Eren is now like Ymir, enslaved in Paths to something bigger

Ymir started controlling Eren when he was a child

Ymir and Eren are tied together now. One is definitely being influenced by the inner emotions of the other (possibly Ymir's years of resentment for her life since we saw Eren "sleeping" at the end of one of the previous chapters with the birds)

Eren as a child symbolises regression, immaturity and narrow-mindedness. Eren refuses to be an adult (aka making compromises, listening to others…) and enslaves himself to the simplistic ideology he had as a child. Ymir was a literal slave who never managed to emancipate herself despite her power. I think the parallel between the two is to make Eren's state of mind more explicit than it already was in 131.

EY is cute and canon

  EREN SAYS ALL THAT’S LEFT IS TO FIGHT. WHO IN THE APPROACHING BATTLE WOULD HE BE WILLING TO KILL? 1,333 responses

Eren’s willingness to kill his own friends has been a topic of debate ever since the two sides separated, and this chapter pushed that question further. People seem to think Eren would hesitate the most with Mikasa and Armin, and hesitate the least with Pieck and Reiner, with the others falling into various middle positions, as the chart shows. The requisite to avoid Eren’s hit list seems to unsurprisingly be a pre-existing bond with him, with some leeway being given to children. Except for Gabi, it seems, but we all know how Eren fondly refers to her as “that brat”.

Eren has accepted that he will kill his friends, and wants to get it over with

Eren explicitly said "If someone tries to take my freedom, I won't hesitate to take theirs". That was in private to Zeke, so I don't doubt for a minute he will kill anyone in the Cringevengers he needs to in order to achieve it.

He is willing to kill them and I can't wait when some of the 104th will die already

Eren kill Armin already please

If Falco dies, I cries.

  IF NEITHER SIDE STEPS DOWN, EREN SAYS THEY’LL COLLIDE. WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN THE BATTLE? 1,349 responses

The time to make your bets is here! As the long-awaited battle between the alliance and Eren approaches, the audience is almost evenly divided on what they think the outcome will be. If this poll counts for anything, the alliance are projected as the victors (50.6%), narrowly edging out (by only 15 votes) the believers in Eren as the winner (49.4%). Whether you attribute the neck-and-neck result to the unpredictability of the setup, or simply too many clearly incorrect people from the opposing side to yours, is up to you.

The alliance will win GG WP

The alliance have 1 skilled warrior , 2 skilled former SC soldiers , 5 Titan shifters and 2 Ackermans but I still thinking that they can't defeat Eren or Ymir .

th Eldian empire will win in the end and the outside world will get what it deserves...I hope

Eren naturally shouldn’t be able to be stopped. He’s way too powerful.

I appreciate the fact that Commander Armin definitely has no tangible plan and it was the SC part manifesting their death throes for a peaceful end. Still I can't help but cringe and not feel anything at their attempt.

don’t think it’s a win/lose situation between eren and alliance, both with win and lose in some way and there will be some 3rd option

I can't wait to see the alliance-Eren fight. I just can't wait

Isayama's writing with his asshole. Whoever side gets to win, we lose.

  LEVI RETURNED FROM PATHS WITH MORE FINGERS THAN HE STARTED WITH. IS THIS A MISTAKE? 1,342 responses

We’ve seen Isayama make mistakes that the fandom took too far before, is this the case again? In an incredibly close vote, 51.5% think it is just a mistake, while the other half at 48.5% are convinced Isayama slipped in this plot development.

I've been saying this for years but Levi getting his fingers back from the Paths was definitely intentional and I'm sure the relationship between Ackermans and the Paths are going to be a major plot point. And after 132 I'm wondering if the 'afterlife' aspect will prove important too.

Is it just me or has Annie been going through a growth spurt lately? Either that or Isayama's artwork is getting sloppy. Not to even mention Levi's fingers…

This was quite a chapter. So many things that could happen especially with the flying titan. And then levi possibly having his fingers back. Then learning annie’s titan power. I heard aot will have a bad ending but i hope the the alliance will win.

Levi is being healed by the coordenate. Ackerman's blood is "half titan" so he must have recovered because of that just like titans do.

  WHICH COMMANDER HAD A BETTER TITAN DRAWING? 1,352 responses

Can Armin live up to Erwin? While he’s asking himself that, the fandom has decided that in the drawing department he has not. Erwin’s (in?)famous turkey titan drawing ate up 61.2% of the votes compared to Armin’s drawing from this chapter at 38.8%.

none of this would have happened if my goat erwin was still alive

  IF EREN IS INDEED STOPPED BY SOMEONE, WHETHER IT BE KILLING HIM OR INHERITING HIS TITANS, WHO MAKES THE MOST SENSE FOR THIS ROLE? 1,349 responses

The bets are on Mikasa being the one to stop Eren and/or inherit his burdens at 30.2%. Her words to Eren this chapter could definitely be foreboding in hindsight. Armin, leader of the uphill battle against Eren, is the runner-up at 26.5%. 18.6% think the answer is no one – presumably because Eren will either wipe ‘em all out, or be the one to decide his own fate. 13.5% think Reiner will be the one, he is the same as Eren after all. But everyone is the same nowadays, so who knows?

We then have Gabi (4.3%), Falco (2%), and Zeke, Jean, and Levi tied (1.5%). Annie follows with a tiny fraction (0.4%), and Pieck, the ultimate underdog, has the fewest votes at 2, or 0.1%.

...Hang on, aren’t we missing someone? Yes – even below Pieck, there is the underdog of underdogs: literally nobody thinks Connie will be the one to end it all. Will he ever be considered a real main character? :’(

I'm leaning towards Mikasa.

It feels like there was a lot of foreshadowing for Reiner to go head-to-head with Eren one final time.

Can't wait for Gabi to eat Eren.

  WILL LEVI KILL ZEKE? 1,322 responses

It’s been over 4 years both in and out of world since Levi vowed to kill Zeke. Will he end up doing it after all this time? The majority of fans think he will, at 54.8%. 18.5% think he’ll die before completing his goal, and 14.2% think he’ll reassess the situation and his goal of killing Zeke.

Both will die fighting each other

He may kill him and realise it was pointless, both as revenge and to stop the rumbling. Or possibly he'll be prevented from using violence as a solution this time. No forgiveness though.

He will defeat him but die just after killing him

He will fulfill his promise to Erwin but he'll die soon after

I do think he will but I don't think it's about Erwin's promise anymore

He will prioritize stopping Eren over killing Zeke

Please don't kill monke. Let him redeem himself first. Monke to save the world!

He won't necessarily forgive Zeke, but he will take pity on his sad state of affairs, but more importantly realise stopping the rumbling is more important than his petty revenge.

I predict Levi will kill Zeke, but it will be some kind of suicidal attack that will get him killed in the process.

Zeke will die but not by Levi's hand

He'll be forced to team up with him to save the world. But won't forgive him.

Nah, characters never get what they want, plus I don't see a real fight between them, that would be repetitive and too predictable and Zeke is probably too distressed/depressed over what happened in paths. And that would be really boring if Levi killed him tbh.

No, Because Zeke is already dead

I can’t believe the Beast Titan could be any animal they wanted, including a T-Rex, and that boring jackass picked a monkey. As if he wasn’t enough of a loser.

HOW CORRECT ARE ARMIN AND LEVI IN THINKING THE RUMBLING CAN BE STOPPED BY KILLING ZEKE? 1,343 responses

Levi suggests to the alliance that instead of ending Eren’s life to stop the rumbling, they could opt to kill the man previously called the key to the Founder, Zeke. Only 4.2% of people agree that this would help in stopping the rumbling, with the most popular response at 41.8% being it would fail due to Eren having full control of the Founder. The belief that Zeke’s death would have alternatively disastrous consequences is also popular, with 27.8% thinking Ymir’s presence would allow the titans’ advancement to continue, and 26.2% expecting the lack of command over the titans would render them mindless, but still functioning.

killing zeke probably won’t solve anything since the rumbling has already started, it might make a difference since eren isn’t royal but i think it’s just too late, and I really don’t want zeke to get killed

They'll find either that Zeke is already dead and was only needed alive for a moment to begin the rumbling, or that his continued existence is still necessary for defeating Eren somehow.

Everyone's talking about "stop Eren using Zeke," and here I am remembering "Zeke, stop Eren."

How is killing Zeke going to solve what Eren is doing? The poor guy just wanted to achieve his dream of eliminating all pp’s and instead he has to bear the burden of the destruction of the whole world.

Killing Zeke instead of Eren would be an emotional cop out for the Alliance. I hope that won't become the case, because that would make the ending of this manga super dissatisfying.

  WHICH WHOLESOME MOMENT BETWEEN COMRADES DID YOU LIKE THE MOST? 1,334 responses

In such dire times, wholesome moments really are appreciated. 43.5% loves seeing Annie recall her 104th days the most, while 28.3% appreciated Connie accepting comfort from Reiner. The rest of you were split pretty closely between Gabi and Falco being adorbs together and Armin emulating Hange in his interactions with Onyankopon.

Annie's flashbacks of the Warriors I rly liked, Reiner smugly looking at Bertholdt was rly heartwarming...

It is very heart-warming how close the surviving members of the 104th still feel to each other after all said and done, including Eren.

the 104 got some understanding /closure for previous actions, so that's nice

Gabi and falco should have listened to Annie when she told them to take care of the charcoal, instead of ruining the chapter, and spewing some nonsense

WHICH OVERUSED PHRASE FROM THIS CHAPTER ARE YOU MOST TIRED OF? 1,315 responses

Isayama sure is hammering home certain themes and character motivations; is it too much?  29.1% are tired of hearing everyone scream EREH, which is most often attributed to Mikasa, but it branched out this chapter to all his friends. 22.3% got bored of everyone being the same as each other; because when everyone’s the same, no one is. 19.5% are tired of every other word out of Eren’s mouth being freedom, 16.4% want Levi to get an original thought, and 12.7% want Eren to shut up about his other catchphrase and just stay put for one second.

Muh ereh

I LOVE YOU EREN KEEP MOVING FORWARD 4EVER

"The dialogue between Jean, Reiner, and Connie couldn’t have been worse. It felt like a bunch of stock phrases, “we’re the same”, “traitor”, etc.

Can't remember who said this and where but Eren does love his friends, it's just that he only cares about their physical well-being. ""You are free to do as I see fit.""

Ereh: Reiner, I am the same as you. I know that my enemies are the same but I have no choice because Society™

Rainah: No, you are wrong. I had a choice, but I attacked the walls because I was selfish and because I wanted to.

Ereh: Damn bro, same. Time to commit war crimes!

Man, each time I feel like the 104 can't be more annoying... I can't stand their whining about ereh, how they don't wan't to kill him and that ereh is just misguided, let's talk, please come back uwu.

The forced ""We're the same"" bullshit is really getting on my nerves. Reiner broke a wall with the goal of committing a genocide against innocent civilians. Jean and Connie killed a few soldiers with the goal of STOPPING a genocide against innocent civilians. No, these actions are not the same, and I'm sick of Isayama trying to make us think that they are. Now, I can forgive it because it seems like he's just going for a "Jean, Connie and Reiner all murdered former comrades and are racked with guilt because of it" comparison, which I'm fine with, but we're on thin ice here with the moral reductionism.

"We're the same". I'm sorry, are they suggesting the 104th and Warriors are ANYTHING alike? the 104th are victims of circumstance who were forced to make terrible choices. The Warriors willingly slaughtered hundreds of thousands. The Warriors are horrendous monsters beyond redemption, and it's insulting of Connie to say they're the same as those inhuman creatures.

even tho I liked that Connie and Jean acknowledge their similarities with the Warriors, they are still not the same, the Warriors were brainwashed coerced children when they started their crimes, the 104th were adults in high positions when they killed innocents and they enabled Eren to do the Rumbling by ignoring the signs, while RBA almost from the start fought to prevent the Rumbling.

The chapter's named Sinners, Isayama called feeding a person to a titan a sin right as chapter 84 came out, and EAMJC killing Bert still hasn't been addressed under these circumstances? They're saying they are the same as the warriors which isn't true in any capacity and I hope they fall on their ass soon to realise they are not at all the same.

Eren saying freedom all the time has been cringe since the EMA table confrontation.

  WHAT WILL FALCO’S FLYING TITAN BE USED FOR? 1,335 responses

The most popular two options, at roughly a third each, are that Falco will come in clutch at the final battle, and that he’ll save them when the plane starts to falter.

Carrying the Eldian evacuees to safety but remember there are also Marleyans there. A titan saving Marleyans, by its own will, will all help for the final peace treaties  

Either taking Annie, Gabi, Yelena, and Kiyomi off the boat and picking up the Alliance in case the Flying Boat runs out of fuel at any point, or carrying the Eldians from Liberio to safety in case there are no airships left at Fort Salta to escort them.

What's the point of Annie going off if she's just going to join back a chapter later after more aruani flashbacks?

I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IN THAT

Eren is baiting him with that "scenery" because he needs to have the 9 titans to end the Ymir's curse

Fly gabi to the founding Titan to snipe eren

I get a feeling that he is the one who may inherit Eren's titans. What would be the point of giving him the titan powers, if he doesn't have any bigger role to play? Falco is somehow opposite to Eren, so if the power of the FT and AT are given to such pure boy like him, the future of the world might become brighter.

I thought the dialogue hinted more at Annie eating Falco's spinal fluid and gaining wings. Also I think it will be funny if Falco's memories are not from the previous Beast Titan but is actually the "Scenery" (it looks suspiciously similar)

Transporting Annie, Gabi and Falco where needed for the plot.

I wonder if Annie mentioning eating birds meant anything, or if it was just another poor attempt at humour by Isayama?

He'll transform thinking he can fly, find out he can't, the ship will sink and that's how Isayama will kill the characters on the ship

He'll fly far away on a different planet and start a new colony. Oh wait there is atmosphere. Whatever paths will lend him some cheat codes :P

  THE PLOT POINTS HINTED AT IN THIS CHAPTER HAVE SPARKED SOME BACKLASH. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH ONE?

So many revelations! The most controversial ones are Falco potentially becoming a flying titan, him getting Zeke’s memories, and the Female Titan powers; though more people are ok with each of these than not. Eren letting his friends continue to use titan powers, and the Beast Titan being multiple animals are the most accepted developments.

The idea of a flying titan is forceful and too convenient. I wonder how Isayama will draw it and not make it look like something odd.

The flying titan thing is the dumbest and most forced thing in snk I've seen. It feels like something from a fanfic and just seems so out of place. It's so sudden and forced. There are other things that seem really rushed in this chapter too. Like the bits about Annie's titan etc.

Lol at people calling anything about this “forced”. AoT fans pretend they’re a lot smarter than they actually are.

The stuff about Female titan and flying titans and memories being distributed was maybe a bit too conveniently delivered in the very end of the whole series, but tbh it's still plausible in-universe. I take it as a sign that Isayama knows what he wants and he wants to do the ending justice, not just get it out there as soon as possible with as little work as possible."

I'm glad the Falco can fly because it means the rest of the alliance can join the final battle and him flying was well built up. What I think should have been set up better is this power coming specifically from the Beast Titan. All past users we have seen of it was a monkey and we're just being told it could be other animals now?

some things (like zeke's beast memories, female titan abilities, flying titan, warrior families being alive) were so convenient, but I'm not too mad about it

Someone had thought about the beast titan animal theory before, since there was a giant horse at those old "paintings" that tell the story about eldia in marley's perspective, it is in chapter 87 i think, when grisha's parents are lecturing him.

The falco thing is too forced. The beast titan being any animal isn’t that forced but it should’ve been revealed waaay before, not in the same chapter as this whole falco flying thing.

I fully expected the Liberio Eldians to be alive, but was not expecting them to be en route to Fort Salta.

I don't like how plot convenient it is that the Eldian evacuees from Liberio are heading for Fort Salta just like Eren with his rumbling titans, the Alliance fighters on the flying boat, and now apparently the boat crew as well.

I always thought that suggested all the forms that titan could take. In retrospect it feels obvious -- Yams, you practically telegraphed that by naming the kid Falco in the first place.

What do you mean it's stupid that Galliard cured world hunger by creating bacon with his Titan form? His name is PORCO

since when could the Female Titan copy other powers? Did I just miss that? Because it just comes across as a convenient way to get Falco, Gabi, and Annie to the final battle.

annie will eat a boat and tranform into a boat titan AND KILL EREN WITH HER BOATNESS.

  WHICH TRAIN MOMENT DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 1,332 responses

After being implied in 125, we get to see the Liberio evacuees on the run. As set up in that chapter, 44.8% were most happy to see Mr. Leonhart continuing to be a boss, while 33.6% were most hyped for another great double spread of the rumbling, as we’ve gotten for the last 4 chapters. Mr. Finger and the Brauns' concern for the children came in after that, followed by Karina and the Grices.

Papa Leonhart is a true badass. It wasn’t said if Bertolt’s mother was still alive, and the lack of Galliard parents/zeke’s grandparents was interesting- how the only warrior/cadet families shown were ones with a child that the readers know is still living.

Go Mr Leonhart we stan

I can’t believe karina is still alive

While having all the warriors' family (expect for the Yeagers) be there is forced and not natural, I'm really hoping that Falco gets to reunite with his parents.  He's so precious that he deserves that.  If the other parents die then so be it as long as I can have a Grice family reunion.

The approaching rumbling has pretty much lost its impact as a visual image because Isayama has overused it to death.

I liked the new character in the train

This chapter was a beautiful demonstration that ANNIE GOT ALL HER GUTS FROM MR. LEONHART THAT BADASS JUST REFUSED TO DIE AND FORCED THE MARLEYAN SOLDIERS TO GET TO THAT TRAIN WHAT A LEGEND

  WILL THE BLIMP BOMBERS BE EFFECTIVE AT ALL? 1,348 responses

The chapter ended on the cliffhanger of the blimp bombers approaching Eren, but will it be worth the wait? The Majority, at about 75% think they will take out a few colossals but nothing to write home about, 19.7% think Eren will wipe them out without a second thought, and 5.6% think they will help deal a decisive blow.

I think The bombs on the plane , The colossal Titan nuke ability and the blimps won't do any kind of damage to Eren .

the blimps Will be destroyed by founding titan eren using his thorn on his spine

I'm itching to see eren finally take some sort of action against marley's bombers :D

I’m wondering if Isayama is going to flip the script a bit and showcase how the advancing technology is gaining the upper hand over titans, and cut Eren off in his tracks abruptly/make him change his tactic. Or, if it’ll just be the catalyst for the alliance to stop him after they witness it has no major affect on the titans.

I'm not sure about the direction of the final battle but everything's colliding at Fort Salta one way or another. I'm curious about this volume's cliffhanger."

  DESCRIBE THE CHAPTER IN ONE WORD 855 responses

Continuing with the theme of underwhelming reception, the responses to this were, at least compared to others months’, very low in quantity and disparity between the top words. The 5 most chosen words for this chapter, quantity and average rating included, are:

Setup/Set-up [32 ; 3.91] Amazing [28 ; 4.79] Freedom [25 ; 4.20] Awesome [19 ; 4.84] Paths [19 ; 4.16]

Honorable mentions (because they all had the same or only one less amount of picks) include Ereh, Interesting, Great and Pain.

  WHAT CHAPTER DO YOU THINK THE MANGA WILL END AT? 1,337 responses

Since Isayama’s self-appointed deadline of 2020 likely failed to stick, we’ve decided to revive this monthly question. The last time we asked, the majority of respondents chose 138 as the final chapter, which remains the most popular option now, though now losing a majority (39.5%), with 140+ (20.9%) and 139 (21.3%) hot on its tail. Perhaps it has something to do with the shared opinion that this chapter is one of setup, but it’s safe to say most of us are unconvinced this is ending anytime soon.

I think that the manga will end at chapter 138 or 139, and so 133 has to be the last "transition" chapter before the climax (end of volume 33/beginning of the last volume)

I think the story is going to end either at 138 or 139.

it will be over in a few months and both like Eren and Yams, we will finally be free.

I just hope Iseyama doesn’t rush to end this before the end of the year. 138 is the minimum

Idc at this point i just want it to end now it feels like it's stalling

I CANT WAIT FOR CHAPTERS 134+ TO COME OUT

im sad its ending :(

  WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,366 responses

Wow this was close!! We have a lot of hopes for next month’s volume closer. Of the options we presented, “The alliance finally taking action against Eren” (23.1%), “ZOOK WHERE ARE YOU” (22.1%) and “I’m always down for more Eren Jaeger” (20.9%) created a tight three way race. Historia’s return to the story was a distant fourth (12%).

I'm really curious about Zeke's whereabouts, I'm sure he will play another big role from now on

I’m just confused about Eren’s motivations and desires at this point.

Love the thought of a flying titan

levi better kill zeke next chapter!!!

Pls bring back historia

I just want to see Historia. Please I miss her lesbian greatness. Please I'm tired.

Next chapter is gonna be crazy

where is monke??

Isayama has something up his sleeves and I’m scared for the next chapter lol

Just let Levi kill Zeke already

Kiyomi backstory when?

One thought, the same as after every chapter, who's gonna bite the dust next ?

  WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING PLATFORMS DO YOU USE TO DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,274 responses

Reddit (41.3%) and Twitter (40.7%) remain the two most active platforms for fandom discussion, with Twitter stealthily creeping up on Reddit ever since we allowed multiple selections. Discord follows at (21.6%), with those lucky enough to talk about SnK in real life close behind (20.4%). Wherever you discuss the series we appreciate your support of the chapter poll! Even the Snapchatters.

  ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 365 responses

WOW, something something the japanese fans are not happy copypasta

The rumbing started some time ago and our heroes should get hungry in a little bit, will they be able to call pizza? Or something? Because it'd be very sad if they had to die without dinner :(

If Falco's cloud memories end up being child-Eren's view from last chapter, that would be incredible. So many characters will seemingly play an important role now that I have no idea what will happen next.

Reiner keeps thinking that the dialogue is about their guilt and since they are the same, then Eren wants to kill himself. But one of Eren's main statements is that he keeps moving forward despite everything (and he thinks Reiner is the same). I think Reiner's ""Eren wants us to fight him because he wants to die"" will be proven wrong, and he'll come to the correct conclusion in the end.

it's frustrating seeing eren continue the rumbling for the sake of his friends when it's not what his friends want

It's good but it could freak me out

it's honestly making me feel more hopeless...

Connie Reiner conversation was perfect to bring up his late best friend Bertholdt, but I guess they forget again and pretend they never killed him brutally, and he just got thanosed one day lmao

i'm really enjoying annie's development. she's went from one of my least cared about characters to one of my favourites just from her development with armin and reiner alone. really looking forward to how isayama will finish her arc.

Eren is gonna be defeated by the power of friendship and the power of the scarf he gave to boring Mikasa and also by two kids who should honestly be dead by now but somehow are still alive in this mess anyways boring chapter i don’t care what happen anymore I just want to this to end

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a Falco should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The Falco, of course, flies anyway because Yams don't care what nerds think is impossible.

I don't mind the "inconsistencies", because most of what people are complaining about is just nitpicking that doesn't have much of anything to do with the story being told. I just hope that we're done with setup and can finally get to the final battle next chapter.

Everybody in this chapter was admitting their sins, but Bert still wasn't mentioned when so far he's the biggest elephant in the room when it comes to Reiner / AMJC. They watched Armin devour Bert and felt nothing about it, they participated in a terrorist attack against Liberio and threw a party instead/didn't protest against it, but the moment they betrayed their countries and slaughtered their comrades, suddenly they're evil sinners. It really feels iffy as shit.

Eren should finish what he started, I actually support him, I do understand his anger, his past anger, and everything that has been done to the Paradis Island. The only way to stop the exterior world’s way they think about them, is killing them all (or nearly), otherwise it’s never going to stop. It would be too much of a childish way of actually allowing the alliance to stop him knowing that he’s really REALLY powerful.

I don't get why people are having so much backlash about Eren allowing the Alliance to kill him, it's not a goad of "come get me", it would be hypocritical of him to take away their powers to stop him when he preaches about freedom, because then he'd just want PERSONAL freedom when want he truly wants it freedom for everybody especially Eldians.

@ isayama as a yumihisu shipper stop the Ymir smelling Historia's hair gag it isn't funny :/

I just think Eren doesn't detour from his character cause he's persistent on continuing the rumbling, having his own definition of freedom while he also doesn't take away his friends' power to fight him. It's just kinda frustrating that Eren is so blinded by his concept of freedom and chose this path.

People who think Eren will complete the rumbling are in heavy denial.

I kinda hope that we get to see Hizuru at least once. I also believe that Mikasa deserves to know the truth about her Ackerman blood and that it does not make her a slave in any way. More than anything though I just wanna see her character done justice in this final arc so that people will finally quit complaining about her always being "Eren-obsessed." She is without a doubt one of the most misunderstood characters in the entire series.

I liked the Paths stuff. But I'm bored of the cringe 104th, Isayama please give back Bertholdt I wanna see him, Paths is the perfect opportunity T-T

I maintain that Eren allowing his friends to fight him and potentially die because FREEDOM is fucking weird and OOC because he had no problem taking their freedom away in 112. He lied to their faces (same chapter he stated that ignorance=slavery) and locked them in prison. He also couldn't stand losing anyone close to him for most of the manga (serumbowl, hiding info about Historia, etc.), even if it went against Paradis, and so far nothing states that he suddenly and consciously changed his mind on that. If there is no explanation for his sudden change in behavior then parts of his character just went down the drain for the sake of covering up a plothole (that could easily be resolved by just saying that the founder can't control the shifters......)

I read some theories of Hange come back as a Titan Shifter. The parallel of both Ackermans put their fist on Eren and Hange before they died. Eren came back to life again as Attack Titan after that. There are also similarities between Hange and Xavier, both do research on titans, wearing glasses and I wonder if we would find out who is this person that Zeke could trust, as Xavier mentioned. We've seen Hange almost died 3 times, during the battle with Bertholdt and Reiner revelation, the crystal underground with Kenny's team and Bertbomb. Hange managed to come back again and again. Maybe I'm just being hopeful here (crying again) but I respect if Isayama sensei really killed Hange for good. But but but.. T^T

I'm beyond sick of the alliance. If they win at this point Isayama has officially destroyed his own manga.

No Hanji = nothing to smile neither to hope for in this chapter. I hate Eren for not even reacting to her death.

Isayama's doing a terrible job with the Alliance. I have many reasons to want the rumbling to be stopped, but if I forget for one second that Armin's my fave charac., I need to ask WTH?? Characters say one thing while the narrative says another. Yo, every damn chapter they've been feeling guilty and shitty, yet their constant regretting says they're good people. The heroic sacrifices say they're good people. The refusing to bring the kid although the kid can fckin fly says they're good people. This is more complex than calling an oldman with a career built in genocide HERO then calling these lost as fuck teens SINNERS. Repetition won't make me buy it. Btw, I'm not taking proJeCtiNg five chapters from the end. I refuse to believe these characters are at the same. damn. mindspace as 10 chapters ago. Nah. Losing or winning, this finale should feel dignifying, not pathetic. I'm desperate here. :(

I'm tired of Eren and the alliance. My feelings are with Levi's promise, nothing else. What comes after that (if Levi is able to kill Zeke) it would be interesting (and amazing, I'm sure) conceptually, I will love to read it, but my heart is with our midget. He deserves to rest.

Also Levi...I get why he's still ""muh kill monke"", it makes sense with his character... But that doesn't mean it's not annoying.

I REALLY enjoyed this one

Can't believe that flying titan was a sort of joke since the Marley arc, but now it's a thing uh.

More evidence that freckled Ymir may be alive.

where bert

where IS ZEKE

Where Monke?

Ymir distorting the space and keeping Mikasa, Armin, Connie and Jean away from Eren makes me think she's controlling him.

YOU ARE FREE

There was so much information given to us this chapter. The reveal of the possibility of Falco flying and the possible death of Zeke.

There were some alright points to this chapter but for the most point, it seemed like so many things were forced, the most ridiculous points of this chapter for me were the warrior families living, and Falco deciding he can fly simply because he had a dream

This chapter (like all the others and the others to come) made me cry. 😔

This chapter made sense. Too much sense. All the plot points we’d been expecting like Falco being able to fly, Eren bringing the alliance into Paths to tell them they have to kill him if they want to stop the rumbling, and the folks from Liberio surviving, were all present. I think Isayama is about to throw some wild curveballs and ruin our whole careers

Something's wrong with Eren

Thanks Isym for ruining Armin and make him Annie's waifu

Nice, a little boring but also not disappointed

The alliance was so annoying this chapter. Reiner projecting his pathetic suicidal thoughts into Eren was just absolute cringe. Then Jean and Connie actually saying they’re the same as the guys who killed their friends and families just made me damn near bust a vein. Then Pieck was just being a passive aggressive bitch. I was hoping that at least the 104th would make it out alive but now I straight up want Eren to kill them all. They’re just flat out insufferable, incompetent traitors at this point.

Pieck passive aggressively roasting Armin felt good

Levi is sexy take the bandages off his face and let me see the scar

Levi's really fed up. he doesn't care anymore about eren he just wanted to kill zeke. But I do agree that by killing Zeke, maybe the rumbling will end.

People thinking that Eren became a slave are speedreaders

For me, the Rumbling represents Eren’s own death drive. He’s killing others and wants do die in the process or afterwards. And his talk to the alliance is what his "if you don't fight you don't win" ideology boils down to. Blind, narrow-minded kid!Eren doesn't really see any other outcome other than him completing the Rumbling (aka "winning") or getting killed by his friends before he can complete it. I (heavily) suspect Isayama is going for a third option though.

This arc has highlighted Eren's internal contradictions regarding freedom. We have him forcing his friends to fight, imprisoning them, beating them, gaslighting them about their own free will, but most of all forcing the rumbling onto them, which completely takes away their agency to choose their own fate. I would be disappointed if Isayama has dropped this consistent pattern of Eren contradicting his own ideals of freedom, just to rectify his mistake of making Eren too overpowered due to rule of cool (something I initially feared), so I'm hoping the true reason has to do with Ymir taking the reins and speaking for Eren.

Eren can't help what he wants and believes in and he can't stop his convictions to move foreword, but at the same time he recognises his friends own free will and different convictions and has decided that both sides will never be able to give up their own convinces or meet at a middle ground and has decided to just let things play out.

Eren is resigned to his fate to rumble the world, but he will not command his friends to do anything. He is willing to die by their hands.    

Eren prizes freedom above all else. If someone uses their freedom to try to kill him, he wouldn't mind

Eren isn't sure if he's right so he wants them to have the chance to stop him if they feel so strongly

Sooo due to the Warhammer nutcracker incident, does that mean Falco has a portion of the Warhammer, or something?

Spectacular chapter completely closing the possibility of dialogue between Eren and Aliance. It's good to see that Eren remains firm with his actions and hasn't changed his psychology of freedom out of the blue. Although many people think that Eren wants to die, I'm sure that he will fight against the Alliance to survive and carry out his plan to destroy humanity.

Still a Beruani shipper...and...OMF ANNIE IS THE 2ND SASHA SHE WANTS TO EAT GIVE MY BABY FOOD

Still feels like buildup ready for the final showdown already

Telling the story as if the alliance stands a chance, or has anything close to a complete picture of Eren, is still dumb

historia pov when

Honestly I think everything about Annie is forced and she never should have come back.

Hope Jean survives 💯

Hope will reveal historia's baby connection to the series

I believe in Isayama

I believe that Annie got the ability to harden by eating part of Reiner, I think by revealing her ability yams intends to lay foundation for Annie getting wings as well and joining falco in the sky fuck ya

I hope Annie's father dies in front of her

I hope any inconsistencies in Eren's character get clarified later.

I hope more is discussed about Historias child

I hope My beloved Eren kills levi and armin

I just can’t wait a pray that MAPPA don’t fail us💀

I don't know man why the fuck does a flying titan exist

AC130 INBOUND, wait, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BIRD THING AND WHY DOES IT HAVE BOMBS IN ITS HANDS

Isayama is a hack

isayama never misses

isayama the goat, incredible as usual

[genshin-djinn]

genshin impact: how I feel so far

I’ve just finished the prologue! Here are all of my thoughts on Genshin Impact thus far presented in a very confusing and non- linear manner.

My first and most resounding opinion on this game is that it’s amazing. The graphics are insane— the lighting, the weather, clouds passing by. All of the characters have designs so ridiculous it’s hard for me to draw them and it makes me feel like the game is just flaunting the flawless animation of all these characters’ extremely convoluted designs.

places

I love the locations sO mUCH. My favorite places so far are the two major cities— Mondstadt is just so cheery and fits the vibe of the early game (by early game I mean the dvalin quest line). It’s presented as large but in a very linear manner that you learn quite quickly. It has plenty of places to buy stuff from and just genuinely feels like a cheerful, bustling, fantasy city. fantastic and I’m in love. Liyue Harbor is presented in a completely different architectural style and it’s excellent. Mondstadt makes me feel safe, Liyue Harbor makes me feel like I’m in a wild metropolitan center.

And importantly, both of these cities feel genuinely alive. All the romantic hullabaloo in Mondstadt, Yi Zhu trying to cheer up his little sister Yi Xian after their mother’s death, the mysterious locked door in Mondstadt, Anna making wishes to recover from her illness at the well and her brother going there at night to collect all the coins so he can pay for her medication.

Besides the main cities my other favorite location has been Qingce village. The walk over to it is very nice and the town has an incredible vibe with the scale- like terraced fields. And even beyond that, the town is filled with old citizens and children— showing how all of the young adults in the town have left and decided to try to find a new and more exciting life in Liyue Harbor.

I’m having a hard time thinking of something I don’t like about the locations and honestly I’m drawing a blank. I really love all the set design/ map design. I know I will never finish that “collect every geoculus and anemoculus” quest because that’s just not the kind of dedication I have to this game (unless I get really stuck at an adventure level, though.... then things are a wild card.)

adventure ranks

this is my biggest problem with Genshin Impact.

You can’t progress the main quest (which honestly I enjoy more than a lot of the side quest because of my sheer attachment to these characters and their stories, which I’ll talk more about later) until you hit a certain adventure rank. And it’s a real pain getting them. I’m the type of person who gets freaked out when fighting a level 1 ruin guard with a set of level 39 characters and an inventory full of honey chickens. I do sometimes go into this state of bloodlust when fighting hillichurls and I feel like actually seeking out their camps to return them to dust myself but then I find one of them dudes with a shield and remember that my one pyro unit is amber and uhh.... that feeling goes away real fast.

I hope that the game does what they did with adventure ranks 18-20 more often— my next quest in Liyue is locked until rank 23 (I am not looking forward to increasing my world level can I please just play on easy difficulty until forever) but I get this cool new Darknight Hero quest that I’ve been looking forward to to tide me over until I hit level 21 and can go on another bookworm date with Lisa. Yes, spacing out the main quest line is okay, but I really like having a lot of side quests in between as well so I can gain adventure ranks organically rather than specifically hunting for geo/ anemoculi.

characters

I love the characters in this game maybe as much as I love the locations in this game. Maybe more.

My favorite character is Kaeya because I am a sap for antiheroes with attitude problems. More on him later.

I’ve also become very attached to Amber. She’s just such a positive soul and she so genuinely wants to do what’s right and she’s so useful for lighting things on fire which is something I do not have any other character to do (holding out for Xiangling at level 20....). But she’s just not a great character fighting wise. She takes a while to load arrows and they aren’t super useful compared to any of the other seven characters I own. But she can light stuff on fire and I don’t have anyone else to do that so she must remain on my team for the time being.

next up is Lisa. I like Lisa. I know she’s there for the perverts who want to see anime women’s chests but I genuinely do like her. Her personality is, well, very different from all the other characters’ and I kind of like her constant over the top- ness. Her ability is useful but I switched her out for Chongyun in my team and I can’t bring myself to get rid of Aether or Kaeya yet.

I rolled Xingqiu, Beidou, and Noelle but haven’t used them much. All I know about them is “water bookworm young master whos closet good at fighting”, “pirate who stopped me from getting that fecking file folder I was trying to get”, and “maid whose voice I like in the english and Japanese version”. (Side note, I mainly use the Japanese voiceovers because I prefer them. Downside is I sometimes can’t understand a word the characters are saying but it’s worth it for the voice actors)

I also got Chongyun who seems like a nice boy. I rolled him after I started playing with Japanese voiceovers, though, so I don’t understand most of his idle dialogue. All I really know about him is that he’s super positive and he loves ice cream and that’s good enough for me

Next up is my somewhat problematic fave Kaeya. It’s morally bad that you can’t tell whether he’s lying or telling the truth but all it does is make me like him better as a character. I can 100% see why he’s paired up with Jean and Amber as the most visible characters in power in the Knights of Favonius— they all sort of fulfill different roles. I really want to see more of him in the main plot, not when he’s lying about his grandpa hiding pirate treasure. Also we know nothing about his real motivations and actual past besides “diluc’s step brother, maybe like saw diluc kill his dad or like saw diluc upset after his dad was killed wE dOnT kNow”. and I want to know.

Can’t talk about Kaeya without talkin about his bro Diluc. I can’t wait to see him in this next quest line. I really want Diluc on my team. Same with Jean. That is all.

Penultimately I’m gonna talk about my personal favorite god of freedom whose powers just got stolen, maybe god, definite good bard Venti. I really like Venti. He’s got a lot of charm and he just fits perfectly as the easygoing free god of Mondstadt. I started yelling when that signora gal nabbed him. don’t worry venti we will kill her for you

Annnnd finally here’s my opinions on Aether (I chose him to be my protagonist) and Lumine (the Princess, I think). I do kinda enjoy them. They’re a bit of the typical blank protagonist type (can be sassy, can be cruel, can be honest, can be kind) but Lumine’s dark turn is just fascinating and I want to learn more about their relationship and how it’s changed since they were separated. Where even is Lumine? What will Aether do when he learns that his entire purpose in life has been in charge of the ones who’ve been hurting his new friends? It sounds like a fascinating situation.

(also Venti refers to Lumine as Aether’s “imouto”/ little sister— does he call Aether Lumine’s “otouto”/ little brother if you chose Lumine as your protag? which twin is older? is it determined by your choice of protagonist? hmmm)

least favorite things

Besides my problems with adventure rank, I have two other main issues with Genshin Impact.

Firstly, basically all of the female characters are dressed in outfits that seem designed to show as much skin as possible.

annnd secondly it’s extremely difficult to roll five star characters (Jean, Venti, Diluc) without paying money. this is a good way for the company to make cash but it’s also kind of annoying.

wrap- up

Ok! Those are all my main thoughts for now, at the end of the prologue and before chapter 1! I’m off to play the darknight hero quest (probably gonna post some of my mishaps here too). also I want more primogems we should be able to pet dogs npcs excitement bye

[angryhausfrau-writes]

You Can‘t Cross the Same River Twice - Chapter 20

“Boy, there's enough red, white, and blue around here to make even old Ferret Face happy.” Trapper's looking around the park with an expression somewhere between awe and contempt. “Don't remember it being quite so...” He gestures vaguely at the flag bunting and the kids waving sparklers and tiny flags.

“What, it wasn't like this last Fourth of July?” Hawkeye finds it hard to believe that America would have been less patriotic during the death throws of the Korean war.

“I didn't go anywhere near any of this shit last year – got stuck with a twenty-four hour shift in the ER.” Trapper sighs. “Between the noise from the fireworks and all the kids coming in with powder burns, I coulda been back at the front.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

The clinic has seen its fair share of kids with burnt fingers – though fortunately nothing worse. And Hawkeye hasn't had the most restful week of his life, either. The constant barrage of fireworks brings back memories of artillery shells and he keeps dreaming about Korea. Just hazy impressions of blood and khaki, but unsettling enough to make him toss and turn half the night.

Trapper nudges Hawkeye out of those thoughts with a brief press of his shoulder. “Course, you were actually over there last year, so I tried not to wallow in self pity too much. I'm sure the coffee you were drinking was way worse than the shit in the ER staff room.”

Hawkeye laughs despite himself. Feels himself relax, despite the crowds, despite the dozens of screaming children – shrieks of laughter so, so close to shrieks of terror and agony. Despite what day it is.

He isn't in Korea. No one is going to die today.

Trapper knocks gently into Hawkeye's shoulder again, clearly reading his change in mood. “It gets to be too much and you wanna go home, just lemme know. Ok?”

Hawkeye smiles, small but genuine. “Thanks, Trapper. But I'm ok, really. And Cathy would never let me live it down if I missed her softball game – I'd lose my standing as favorite uncle.”

“That's true enough, Cathy's absolutely ruthless when crossed.” Trapper grins. “She pretty much single handedly whupped St. John's Episcopal in the interfaith league cuz they wouldn't let a girl play softball.”

“She an adorable little terror. You must be so proud.” And now Hawkeye's grinning too.

By this point, they've managed to fight their way through the crowd to the metal bleachers of the baseball diamond. It's crowded here too – apparently the Fourth of July little league games are a longstanding tradition – but it's a more orderly chaos. The hordes of children are being at least somewhat corralled by their impatient parents.

Except for Becky - who comes barreling out of the ballpark and right into Trapper, managing to knock him backwards a few steps with the force of her momentum. While Trapper's still getting his wind back, she flings herself at Hawkeye in an exuberant hug. He hugs her back, a little bemused – she's not normally so affectionate.

“Thank Christ you're here!” she exclaims when she finally lets go of Hawkeye.

“Don't cuss, Becky,” Trapper admonishes her. Though he's pulled her into another, less violent hug – and it's not like he has much room to complain about bad language.

“Sorry, dad,” Becky says, not looking very sorry. “But we've been here for hours! And all mom and Rob want to do is gossip about boring stuff like who's having babies or what some lady wore to church. At least you two talk about interesting things.”

“Speaking of your ma, she know you're running around loose?”

Becky looks guiltily at the ground and Trapper sighs.

“You better lead us to 'em before Louise sends out a search party. Don't want her to think you've run off to join the circus – though your human cannon ball act is pretty good, just about bowled me over.”

“Sorry dad, Uncle Hawkeye.” This time Becky does look contrite. But she brightens up when Hawkeye and Trapper each hold out a hand for her to take. And then she's tearing off towards wherever Louise and Robert are sitting – the two of them trailing in her wake.

They come up on Louise and Robert a little ways away – though the crowds are thick enough, it takes longer than it should to reach them. Leaving plenty of time for Trapper to watch them as he approaches.

It's still kinda strange for Trapper to see Louise out on the town – especially with a guy who ain't him. But they're friendly enough with one another, if mostly focused on the girls whenever they talk. And Robert ain't a bad guy, even if Trapper finds him unbearably boring. He cares about the girls a whole hell of a lot, and that's worth sitting through him talking about bird watching or the stock market or whatever the hell it is he's talking about now. Proper barbecue technique, by the sound of it.

No wonder Becky ran off.

Even Louise looks glad to see them, her smile a little fixed as she goes to kiss first his cheek and then Hawkeye's. And she's very quick to pull Hawkeye into a conversation about her latest knitting project – apparently Cathy's interest had sparked her own and they all trade knitting patterns now. Trapper smiles as he listens to Becky describe the plot of her latest Nancy Drew novel.

It's funny that it took divorcing his wife for them to find some kinda equilibrium with each other.

And Trapper ain't glad it happened, by any means. Mostly cuz Louise deserved better from him than being a distant shadow of the man she married – and a cheater who'd bedded anyone who'd have him over in Korea. A man in love with his best friend, even if it took him a while to realize.

But he don't mourn the man he used to be. Or see much point in regretting his mistakes. What's done is done – all that matters is the here and now. And this here and this now – a clear summer day, his one daughter sitting next to him and the other waving frantically from the dugout, Hawkeye happy and laughing and here with him – is pretty damn good.

--

Cathy wins her softball game and they all go out for ice cream after. They still woulda gone if she hadn't'a won, of course, but there's a special air of celebration about it on account of the victory.

After they all mob the ice cream cart – along with about a hundred other families - they cram onto a couple of park benches. The girls are talking all in and around and over each other in their excitement. And Louise is attempting to get them to take turns talking – a lost cause in Trapper's opinion. Even Robert is smiling and cracking some pretty terrible jokes. They're loud enough, some of the people walking past are giving them the evil eye.

But Hawkeye is just sitting there. Silent. With ice cream dripping down his arm.

Covered by the loud chatter of the rest of the family, Trapper leans in and says quietly, “You ok, Hawkeye? You wanna cut this short and head home?”

“Nah, I'm fine. Just thinking.” And then Hawkeye laughs quietly. “You know something funny, Trapper? That first week back home I went out and bought knitting supplies and a gossip magazine and an ice cream cone – strawberry, like I'm eating now.”

Hawkeye pauses to lick ice cream off his wrist and Trapper has to look away.

“It felt like – like this forbidden thing, you know? To go out and buy ice cream. Ice cream! It's not like I was breaking the law or anything – I wasn't even buying booze or a nudie mag or anything questionable – but it felt like I was going to get arrested by the cops for being out without a pass, you know? For daring to buy an ice cream cone without orders.”

Trapper nods.

For all that the army was s'posed to bring freedom to Korea, it was pretty damn thin on the ground – for soldiers and civilians. It had taken him a while to get used to the lack of military restrictions when he got back home, too. A while to get used to feeling like a real person again, able to make decisions for himself, able to set his own schedule.

“I had to remind myself that I was a grown adult,” Hawkeye continues, “capable of running errands on my own – going where I wanted when I wanted, without written permission or a curfew.”

Trapper nods again. “It's funny what a guy can get used to, I guess. What starts to feel normal.” He grins wryly. “Not that you've ever given two shits about being normal.”

Hawkeye laughs. “True enough.” And then he bites into his ice cream cone.

--

They get invited over to Louise and Robert's house in the suburbs for a Fourth of July barbecue. And the girls are so excited to show their dad and Uncle Hawkeye their rooms and toys and neighborhood haunts that they can't really refuse. So Hawkeye finds himself standing on Robert's meticulously manicured lawn, chatting with a slew of pastel-clad, pearl-wearing housewives while their husbands congregate around the grill to talk about cars and vacations to the Grand Canyon and other boring things. Trapper, meanwhile, has practically disappeared in a pile of roughhousing kids – occasionally breaking free, only to be pulled back under by the teaming mass. And Louise flutters at the edge of Hawkeye's little entourage – pouring drinks and setting out side dishes.

Hawkeye had offered to help – he and Trapper both had – but she'd said they were guests and ought to take it easy. Hawkeye doesn't know that he feels easy, exactly, in this world of matching bungalows and matching skirt sets but he does his best to relax.

It had helped when the women had gathered around him and started gossiping. All he'd had to do was listen and ask leading questions and he could be almost totally silent without looking bored or inattentive – a trick he'd learned on the boat home, back when he didn't really talk all that much. Back when he felt like he didn't have anything to say that was really him talking.

He doesn't feel that way anymore, but it's still a relief when they all sit down to eat and he can rejoin Trapper. Talk about something other than church functions, PTA meetings, and children's play dates. Even if they're sitting at the kiddie table and his time is mostly spent trying to keep the kids from putting potato salad in each others' hair.

It helps settle something in him to be able to see the kids alive and happy and alive. Helps drive home that he isn't in Korea and today isn't going to end like it did last year. And it helps that Trapper is sitting next to him, pressed against him, real and solid and here.

Trapper presses closer to Hawkeye under the pretense of the table being crowded. And there are a whole lotta kids crammed onto one picnic bench. But more than that, Trapper needs the comfort and familiarity of Hawkeye next to him.

Cuz it's strange, being here at Louise's house. Seeing her and the kids having a life here. Seeing them have a life here with Robert and without him.

Don't get him wrong, it's not any kinda life Trapper'd want to live. He ain't jealous or nothing. But it's strange, being here with the people he used to be so close to - but as an outsider to their lives.

At least Louise seems happy here - with her nice big house and her nice boring husband and her nice gossipy neighbors. Trapper's glad Louise is living the kinda life she wants – the kinda life she'd grown up with, grown up wanting. Glad she can have the kinda life he hadn't been able to have with her.

But he's really fucking glad when the night is over and he can go back home to his own life with Hawkeye.

[wetalkinboutbooks]

An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: Laia is a slave. Elias is a soldier. Neither is free.

Under the Martial Empire, defiance is met with death. Those who do not vow their blood and bodies to the Emperor risk the execution of their loved ones and the destruction of all they hold dear.

It is in this brutal world, inspired by ancient Rome, that Laia lives with her grandparents and older brother. The family ekes out an existence in the Empire’s impoverished backstreets. They do not challenge the Empire. They’ve seen what happens to those who do.

But when Laia’s brother is arrested for treason, Laia is forced to make a decision. In exchange for help from rebels who promise to rescue her brother, she will risk her life to spy for them from within the Empire’s greatest military academy.

There, Laia meets Elias, the school’s finest soldier—and secretly, its most unwilling. Elias wants only to be free of the tyranny he’s being trained to enforce. He and Laia will soon realize that their destinies are intertwined—and that their choices will change the fate of the Empire itself. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: We genuinely love this book series so much that our brains recircuit talking about it... all we can do is say if you’re looking for good fantasy with amazing characters and plot... this is it!

Check out the spoiler full review below~

The Good:

→ The Worldbuilding 

Kae: Worldbuilding baybeeeeee. I LOVE IT. Reading this series was such an eye opener for me. It was so far from the usual European magic and broomsticks, that I NEEDED MORE. So I kept reading lol. The worldbuilding in this series is fantastic. There are Efrits, Jinn, magic, and more. This world is set in a Romanish Empire/Pakistani fusion of cultures. You have the Scholars are the lowest caste of people, the Tribes which is basically just a step up from ScholarS, but they are free. Then we have the Plebeians and the Martials. All of these cultures are so well written and developed that you have no trouble differentiating what culture certain characters might belong to just based on their name. Ex: Afyah, Ilyaas = Tribes; Darin, Laia, Izzy= Scholars; Markus=Pleb; Helene, Elias = Martials. All very easy to distinguish, I think. 

We also have some magical beings who are more or less immortal. The Jinn and Efrits, the Nightbringer, Shaeva, the Augurs. They’re all linked to a literal higher power. 

We also have The Waiting Place, which is basically purgatory. But it’s where the dead go to be escorted to the next life. 

Geena: I deserve no rights because I've always loved the whole roman empire history shit, it was always the most interesting shit to learn about so when I read the synopsis like roman inspired… written by a SA woman… i LOST MY SHIT!!! AND LIKE KAE DESCRIBED Sabaa does an amazing job of weaving in magical elements too, and ugh….. Her mind… BUT ALSO WHAT I LOVED IS, something a lot of fantasy authors do is fall into a hole of introducing race politics (aka RACISM) based on skin colour, but Sabaa was like… Wait Ik how to format this

Tired: Fantasy world skin-colour based racism

Wired: Fantasy world-class system based beef 

Sabaa tackles the issue of class systems and so on, and she did it all from scratch and I fucking loved it, it was gratifying to see an author who put so much effort into her worldbuilding. Also… this is v dumb… but the whole detail with sending messages using drums….. I was here for it 

→ Laia and Elias 

Kae: They’re wonderful and need a hug

Geena: Sabaa made an executive decision to write two whole cinnamon rolls and she did! COMPLEX cinnamon rolls that we love from the bottoms of our hearts. We start off with Laia’s perspective as she waits for her brother in her room, but shit hits the fan real quick and the Martial empire’s elite soldiers storm their small home searching for her brother. We learn that her brother, Darin, has got his hands on top secret info and if he doesn’t turn it over they’ll murder everyone. Darin and Laia try to make a run for it but are apprehended by a Mask (Essentially an elite soldier) and they’re forced to watch their grandparents die, Darin tells Laia to run and get out of there and our girl… our girl listens but she has mad ragrets. We follow Laia as she stumbles to the Resistance, an underground Scholar organization that has mad beef with the Martial empire. There she’s tasked with acting as a slave to hands down, the WORST person in the empire, Keris Veturia. All of this in the hopes that the Resistance will help save her brother who’s been imprisoned in the most brutal prison in the empire. 

What I love about Laia is that she’s not perfect, she’s not an amazing fighter and strategist off the bat… she’s an 18/19 year old girl from an oppressed group that has no idea what’s going on and her only skill set is that of a healer. BUT!!! Throughout the book we get to watch Laia make mistakes and learn from them, all of which makes her stronger and smarter. She’s so determined 🥺 even when Keris is carving her initials into Laia’s chest, even when she’s brought to the brink of death, Laia sticks with her goal to find Darin no matter the cost. Anyways.. We stan…. THOUGH TO BE HONEST, when I had started reading it, her first few chapters were frustrating to read because I was like “why would you do that1!!!” but then I set the book down at one moment and thought about how I’d act in the same situation and I was like….. I would’ve fucked up and been killed like 10 pages ago so Laia is doing really well LMAO… and since then I’ve been ready to fight for Laia whenever I see people shit on her.  

Kae: BOOM! So Geena summed up Laia’s character/situation perfectly. WE STAN LAIA OF SERRA. Now, we’re gonna talk about our brooding, handsome boy, Elias aka Ilyaas. Elias, is WILDLY the son of Keris. Keris had a lil boo thang back in the day and got preggers. She did everything she could to terminate the pregnancy, but nothing worked. So she was forced to give birth to him. She fucked off to the desert tribes for a while and learned how to deliver a baby, so she could deliver her own. When the time came, Keris gave birth to Elias. She cared for him for about five minutes before she was like “Yeah, I’m not with the shits. Fuck this kid.” And she left Elias in the desert near the tribes so he could be raised with them. Years later, Elias was chosen by the Martials to attend Blackcliff. Blackcliffe is a school where the Martials train to become the most elite soldiers in this world. Elias trains and trains and is ultimately the top of his class. At a certain age, the students are given silver mask that will eventually completely fuse to their face. Elias hates his mask. He takes it off every night, so it still hasn’t fused to his face like the rest of his class. Elias also hates Blackcliffe and was planning on being a deserter. He had a bag packed and was fully prepared to leave. He was sad to leave his best friend and confidant, Helene, but he was RET TA GO. That is, until he was selected to compete in the Trials that would change his world forever. These trials are to select who is to rule the Empire. He gets this news, when Laia, Keris’s slave is sent to retrieve him. When he meets Laia, he is instantly smitten. He forgets himself, is smiling, shooting the breeze, asking her names, etc. Then realizes, he could get her in trouble just for being nice to her. So they move along. 

Elias is a very sweet boy who just got caught up in a lot of shit with the trails. Every day he spends at Blackcliffe is another day he hates himself. The kid (well he’s like 20), is just straight up MISERABLE. These trials are to rest his mind, power, and strength and all the usual. The last two winners in the end will be the ruler and the Blood Shrike, aka advisor. This is almost a good thing, because Elias is competing with Helene and if they both win, they can both rule. Things are going pretty well for them. They’re winning, it’s looking good. But then, Elias has to go against Helene and they both have to lead a small armada against one another. It’s either kill or be killed. In the end, he has to go against Helene . In the end, he and Helene reluctantly battle it TF OUT. Elias wins because Helene had to forfeit because she was wearing some magical armor that couldn’t be penetrated. Elias feels HORRIBLE. His friends are dead. He ALMOST killed his best friend. He feels ashamed and like a monster. If he hadn’t hated himself before (which he totally die), he SURELY hates himself now. Laia is then sent to his chambers/rooms as his prize. He’s meant to sleep with her, but he hates himself too much and he doesn’t want to take advantage of her. So they just talk and end up sharing a little smoochy smooch. But uh, ya boy is lowkey SPRUNG cause Laia is cute and she got them CHILD BIRTHING HIPS.

Geena: Kae got that *Chef’s kiss* Elias/Ilyaas summary I s2g. I loved Elias because he was honest to god such a refreshing character to read. Like he seems like the typical YA boy → Tall, dark, handsome, and brooding. BUT!!! He’s so different and in the best way possible. FIRST OFF!!! He actually has such a fulfilling childhood (no sad backstory other than learning his mom is an actual piece of shit rip…. More like sad present story). Secondly, he recognizes that what he’s doing is wrong and the way the Martials terrorize Scholar’s is garbage and he wants no part of it. THIRD, he doesn’t like to push his own trauma on those around him? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT WELL, but like he’s such an upstanding guy that treats people well no matter what? Also… he’s lowkey a dumbass… like Kae mentioned when he first met Laia his brain hit a reset and he was essentially like “Me name potato.” We love a hot dumb jock that chugs that respecting women juice. 

Kae: OMG HE’S A TALL, THINNER ALTAIR MINUS DICK JOKES. HE’S NASIR AND ALTAIR IN ONE.  ASDFGHJKL 

Geena: YEEEEAASSSSS (check out that review here). ALSO MY final thots on Laia and Elias that as a duo they’re amazing! Laia gives Elias advice when they’re stuck in his room together 🤪 and he finally chooses that he’ll do what HE wants and not what the empire wants. Elias, in turn, vows to help find and save Darin…. I love them sm they bring the best out of each other 😭 

→ Izzy ft. Helene’s One Singular Good Person Moment

Kae: IZZY! Izzy is the epitome is sugar, spice, and everything nice. Well, minus the spice because she’s really just a sweet little sugar plum. Izzy is also Keris’ slave. She’s around the same age as Laia if not a year or two younger. She’s very quiet and tries to keep to herself. But she finds herself secretly being friends with Laia and helping her when things are the absolute worst. When Keris carved her initials into Laia’s chest, Laia got really sick. Our girl had a crazy fever and Izzy was there to help her through it. Well, she got Elias and he got some herbs and shit, BUT IZZY HELPED. Though Izzy has been a slave her entire life, she has always wanted to be free of Blackcliffe and all of its horrors. So she works with Laia, sneaking out, and sometimes stealing, to make sure that can happen for the both of them. I should also mention that Keris took Izzy’s eye as a child. So Izzy is a small, skinny, fragile, one eyed sweetie. But all of her hardship doesn’t stop her from being such a genuinely good person. 

Geena: Izzy is such a sweet character who tries her best to not be friends with Laia, but people GRAVITATE to Laia (good and bad rip) so she didn’t hold out very long. My favourite scene with them was when they sneak out to participate in some yearly festival that is ~~illegal~~ such a sweet moment I lowkey died.  Moving on to Helene though, the poster child of brainwashed, patriotic, eating-propaganda-for-breakfast, and the second best Mask after Elias. Helene is also shown to have feelings for Elias so when Laia shows up she’s not pleased at all! And Elias himself is confused about his feelings and rip when he was like “Let me try to kiss Helene and see if I like her too” LIKE BOY…. DON’T PLAY HER LIKE THAT PLS…. BUT he doesn’t bc Laia is ATTACKED thus interrupting their moment and Helene is annoyed like “OFC IT’D BE THAT BINCH!!!” like Helene the poor girl was attacked by another walking bag of shit o my god… BUT!!! Near the end of the book when Elias and Laia are escaping Helene is the first one to catch them, but she lets them go! A turning point for her character maybe? Though I know for a fact she didn’t care about Laia, but was doing it bc she still cared for Elias and didn’t want to see him slaughtered no matter how much she’s a ride-or-die for the Martials. 

The Bad :  

→ The Scholar Resistance 

Kae: Is that what they were called? Because they HIGHKEY played tf out of Laia. Alright. The Resistance. They’re mean and I HATE THEM. The Resistance is a rebel movement by a few Scholars who are fighting for the freedom and equality or their people. Laia’s parents were like, the biggest, most badass leaders who have ever lead them. But after they died, things kind of fell apart for The Resistance. Laia, stumbles into their hideout after she runs away from home, after her brother was kidnapped and her grandparents were killed. She begs for them to help her and they’re basically like “Mmmm. No. But you look familiar tho… Who ya momma nem?” and she’s like “lol yeah actually my parents used to run this shit so help me.” And they help her… Kind of… They basically send her ona  dummy mission. A SUICIDE MISSION to be the Commandant’s slave (Keris), to gather information about the Martials and their next plan. In return, they were to help free Darin. Laia was to gather info, then meet with Keenan (a boy in the Resistance) to give over said info every week. Well, they also chose not to tell Laia that she was basically on this mission for nothing. They had no real way to get Darin out of the prison he was being held at. They were really just sending her to die because they KNEW Keris was ruthless and that none of her slaves lasted more than a few months before they were killed or killed themselves. Long story short, FUCK The Resistance. They’re bitches and we HATE THEM. 

Geena: Kae’s right… the Resistance is a bunch of wrinkly ass losers that can kiss our asses. When it was revealed that the Resistance didn’t know SHIT about Darin and were just fucking with Laia…. I was ready to to go down to this place and fight them mySELF. Laia risked EVERYTHING to get them information, she survived for god knows how long under Keris and when she couldn’t come up with something substantial they’d be like “Oh well you’re fucking useless” as if she’s not the daughter of the Lioness aka the most fierce Resistance leader that they ever had. Also, Keenan (....) comes through in the end and offers her a way to break her slave cuffs and escape, but Laia decides that Izzy deserves that more than she does and that Laia would find her own way out… But also imagine the betrayal that Laia felt, the people that were supposed to keep her safe and help her were just screwing her over the whole time. But… despite everything that happens Laia is still her sweet self? Just like Ilyaas… both manage to maintain their humanity no matter the shit thrown at them. 

The Ugly:  

→ Keris’ tiny little mean ass 

Kae: Geena said that shit, baybeeee! Ugh, her MIIIIND. Alright. Now. Let’s talk about “The Bitch of Blackcliffe”. This woman. Evil, vile woman, is basically a 5’3, blonde hair demon. She has absolutely no patience. If you sneeze in the same room as her she’ll probs slit your throat and make a disgusted, disappointed face at you while doing it. She will tolerate NOTHING. You will not speak to her unless spoken to. I mean, this is a woman who wanted to look like so much of a badass that she thought being pregnant and delivering her own baby in a cave alone would make her look weak. I think that was actually pretty tough of her though because whew… I couldn’t do it.

Geena: She got back to her neanderthal roots

Kae: LMAOOO GIRL IM DEAD.But like,  in her youth, Keris went to Blackcliffe. As we heard from her father at some point, Keris was miserable there. She was taunted, picked on, and beat up (mind you she was the only girl at that school so that’s fucked up). She had absolutely no friends and had to fend for herself. So, to make up for it, Keris became ruthless. She became a heartless woman because people made her that way. I hate to be that person, but like, I get it? I can see why someone would become so coldhearted. She did not have a good life. Her mother died when she was young, her father wasn’t there, and she had no friends. I’m not surprised at all that she turned out to be such a horrible person as an adult. No, I’m not giving he an excuse. She had the option to be a good person and she didn’t choose that. But, yeah. That’s my take on her evil ass.  WHEW. OKAY DO YA THANG. 

Geena: TRUE, Kae’s right, Keris had that sad :( childhood :( but at the same time, it’s like… you didn’t have to continue being a dick like people were to you but here we are. Also, she’s genuinely such a terrible person and orchestrates the genocide of the Scholars and is a BITCH about everything. What I realize now is that…. She’s essentially Elias’s foil? Like neither had a solid father figure, both had a tough time growing up (with Elias missing his tribal home and being forced to murder, and Keris being bullied), but Elias does his best to break out of that cycle but Keris is like… *slurps up the shitty Martial mudwater*... she is the bootlicker supreme who finds joy at having her son beheaded (Helene is Bootlicker Lite because at least she let Elias live whereas Keris tried her best to get him killed) BUT JOKES ON THAT BITCH BC ELIAS LIVES!!!!  Elias would send Keris a crude drawing of himself like “I lived bitch!” 

Anyways, she’s an extremely well-written villain else we wouldn’t hate her so much lmao…

Conclusion 

Kae: In conclusion, we fuck with it. I loved this series so much, I read the first three books in one week and was heartbroken to find out that the fourth book wasn’t out yet. YA GIRL IS ATTACHED TO THESE CHARACTERS, OKAY!???? An Ember in the Ashes is a wonderful, extremely well written book. I think Sabaa is a literal genuis. This book made me fall in love with reading all over again. I think the characters are so individually different, it’s amazing. They are well distinguished and independent of each other. They are strong and sweet and funny and evil. Just all around AMAZING as well as the folklore, stories, and cultures that are presented to the audience. 

Geena: yyyeeeaaaass the care that Sabaa Tahir put into this book, ranging from how each character is written to the intricate worldbuilding got a bitch tearing up, BECAUSE ONE DAY I WISH TO WRITE THIS WELL!! An Ember in the Ashes draws you in from the first page, and I litcherally say this for every book we’ve reviewed but there’s NEVER a dull moment (I need a new phrase lmao) you are constantly stressed reading this book (in a good way) and there’s like 2 more books after… and the last book in the series on the way. BLEASE READ Ember, because Kae and I have spent our whole time talking SCREECHING about this book. THINKING ABOUT IT, WITHOUT EMBER WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS BLOG LMAOOO  

Kae: OKAY BUT LIKE. LITERALLY. WE STARTED TALKING AND BECAME REAL GOOD FRIENDS BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK. LIKE, WITHOUT EMBER, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED. SO THANKS, SABAA. 

Geena: WE LOVE YOU, SABAA!!

Kae: And I guess that concludes today’s book rant/review! I hope you all enjoy our ramblings and more! 

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27,  Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35,  Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44,  Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47 Chapter 48 Chapter 49

AO3

Chapter 50. A world of their own

I had missed watching Jamie swimming -- the concentrated look on his face as he focused on his coach’s instructions, the tightly pressed lips as he got into position, the way everything around him disappeared the moment he pushed away from the wall. His technique seemed flawless. His arms moved as if the water was oily and he was sliding through without effort, simply being where he belonged. Ellen had been right to call him kelpie.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely registered that Jamie had gotten out of the pool and was now walking towards me, when he suddenly stopped in his tracks, reached for his towel and with a quick move covered himself. I didn’t know if anybody else had seen what I did, but the color rising on Jamie’s cheeks was enough to make me giggle. He came to me with wide, fast strides, a crooked smile on his face, and pulled me against his -- still wet -- body.

“Hey!” I protested. “You’re wet.”

“Mmm,” he made a noise from deep down his throat and looked into my eyes. “‘Tis called revenge.”

“For what?” I asked, frowning at him.

“Ye ken for what. And I saw ye laughing, Sassenach. From now on, ye’re not allowed to come to see me training.” I pressed my lips together, having a hard time to stifle the laughter that bubbled inside me. “D’ye ken everyone teased me in Edinburgh after that first time ye came to the pool? I canna have that here, too.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I agreed, with feigned solemnity. “We canna have that.”

Jamie made another sound that indicated he wasn’t satisfied with my response, and after a soft bite on my bottom lip, turned to go to the locker rooms. “Wait for me, aye?” he asked before he disappeared around the corner.

As if I had anywhere else to go.

We spent that night at home, alone. After two failed attempts to watch a film cuddling in his bed, we accepted that no matter the plot and direction, nothing could hold our attention. Jamie took the popcorn from my lap and set the bowl on the floor, focusing on the salt I hadn’t yet licked off my lips. He did it for me, and the groan that came from deep down his throat sent a shiver down my spine, enough to make me forget everything else. I ran my fingers on the soft skin of his neck and through his red locks, pulling him closer for a long, long kiss.

That night, I paid attention to all the little things I couldn’t see when I was away.

How his eyes were becoming dark, wide pupils swallowing the blue irises, when I slipped out of my clothes. How his peppery scent was engulfing me when he took me in his arms, and the relief of our naked bodies together, soon replaced by a flame burning on our fingertips, aching to explore. To make the other gasp, and moan, and groan. How his teeth were scraping against my neck as if the need to taste me would never be sated, while his hands were gliding along my body, never having felt enough of me. How his voice vibrated through my body when he murmured wicked and sweet things in my ear and against my skin, making me shake with need. And the way he was smiling, just for an instant before I came undone, as if he was the happiest man in the world.

--

With Jamie going to his classes every morning, I found myself relaxing in an everyday life that I wished could go on forever. I was sleeping in every day, hiding in his dorm, read a lot, and strolled around the campus and the city. Jamie’s excitement was contagious, and I soon found myself falling in love with Ann Arbor. It would be easy to live here, with him. No more late night calls, no more lonely nights. An ideal situation. Easy, if I didn’t have my own dreams to follow.

Oxford was written in my heart for so many years that even considering changing my plans felt like a betrayal. And, in any case, I was never one for easy things. Living apart was a challenge, but I was sure that going through a long distance relationship would make us stronger. It would be a proof, that no matter what, we would be together. We had love, the kind of love that goes along with will and commitment, and it was enough for us. I could see it every time I looked into his eyes when he talked about the future, and I felt that my heart would burst with joy. We would always have each other.

It was one of those late mornings -- or early afternoons -- that the door of Jamie’s room swung open, making me spring out of bed.

I stood still, a few seconds that felt like hours, looking at John, seeing his eyes going as wide as mine.

“Shit,” I whispered, and jumped under the covers.

“Oh God,” John mumbled, closing his eyes. He turned around to face the door, and proceeded on leaving the room while murmuring things I couldn't make out.

I was only in Jamie’s University of Michigan blue t-shirt, and my panties.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would stop at any moment from sheer exhaustion. And then I’d die from embarrassment.

Oh God.

As if it wasn’t enough that we had kicked John out of his room, now he couldn’t even enter it safely. I put on my pyjama bottoms and a bra, and walked to the door, all the while trying to find something to say. Something that wasn’t, ‘Don’t worry, we didn’t do it on your bed, although we got close once.’

“John?” I slowly opened the door, popping my head out into the corridor. John was there, red as a beetroot, trying to avoid my gaze. “I’m decent now,” I said with a smile. An awkward smile.

John breathed a sigh, his shoulders dropping as he turned towards me. “Jamie told me you would be out. He said you’d go to the museum again.” I couldn’t believe he was explaining himself for coming back to his room. “I’m sorry, Claire.”

My laughter was short but genuine. “You’re sorry? It’s your bloody room! Come in!” I titled my head towards the room and moved to sit on Jamie’s bed again. John walked inside, closing the door gently behind him.

“I just need a few more clothes and I’ll be out before you know it.” He opened his wardrobe, moving hangers left and right, searching for something. His cheeks had found their normal color again, but his abrupt moves made it clear that he still thought he was intruding.

I stayed on Jamie’s bed, looking at him, wondering how I could amend the mess I had made. “Don’t you have a class?”

“What?” he asked, distracted, as if he didn’t expect me to talk again. “Oh, I have, but later.”

“I could make you a cuppa if you don’t need to leave right now.”

John turned to see me, his eyes glinting. “I haven’t heard anyone offering me a cuppa for a while now,” he said with a grin. “I think I’ll accept your invitation, my lady, even though your abode is rather simple.” He gestured at the room. “And small.”

I chuckled and rose to add water in the kettle. “I will try to do better next time, my Lord. I’ll try to accommodate you in a summer palace, or something.”

“So why aren’t you at the museum?” John asked while piling clothes on his bed. “Apart from staying here to scare me half to death, I mean.”

“I’m not that scary,” I said with a smirk and John raised an eyebrow at me, hiding his smile. “I…” I looked around, trying to find an excuse, and failed. “I got distracted,” I finished, rather lamely.

“Hmm,” John rubbed his chin in mocking concentration. “Distracted. And without the massive Scot around.” He nodded to himself once or twice, as if reaching to a conclusion, and added, “Interesting.”

I shook my head, pouring the water into the cups. “Sherlock Holmes, now in your dorm,” I murmured and heard him chuckle.  

“What’s this?” John asked, taking in his hand the actual reason that got me distracted.

I drew a deep breath, took the cups in my hands, and moved to stand next to him. “My mom,” I answered, smiling. As I smiled every time I held that picture. As I had been smiling, lying on the bed with the picture on Jamie’s pillow, when John had entered the room.

“Where is she?” he asked, studying the picture with a slight frown before his eyes met mine. His glance was kind, his light blue eyes beautiful, patient. I felt as if I could tell him anything, and he would understand.

“Here?” I pointed at the picture, turning his attention to it. “In Zambia.”

“Wow. Was she a volunteer?”

“Yes. At least, I guess so.”

I munched my real answer inside my mouth, suddenly ashamed of it.

I don’t know. This is my mother, but I don’t know what she was doing there.

I felt my chest hollow again, and not knowing what to do, I took my cup from the table and sat on the bed. John sensed my uneasiness and didn’t pry further. I supposed Jamie had told him about my parents. Mirroring my moves, he took his cuppa and sat on his bed across from me.

“My brother’s girlfriend,” he stopped and corrected himself. “Err, fiance, had gone to Lebanon a year ago. As a volunteer.”

“She did? That’s amazing!” My eyebrows shot up, and I could hear my excitement pitching my voice high. I sat up on Jamie’s bed, crossing my feet in front of me, waiting from John to tell me more.

John moved to sit more comfortably, careful not to jostle the piles of clothes he’d left on his bed. “Yes, she’s quite impressive, this one.” I wondered if that meant she was more impressive than his brother’s ex-girlfriend, but thought it wiser not to ask.

“She does sound impressive,” I commented, “If she went to Lebanon just a year ago.”

John turned his eyes to his tea, then looked at me again. “Minnie is pure force. I don’t know if I could endure half the things she has been through.”

“Minnie?” I asked incredulously.

John’s lips curled up, and he looked at me with mischief. “Her name is Miverva, actually. But she’s petite, and Hal -- my brother -- started calling her Minnie when they dated. Started calling her Minnie before they dated, to be precise, and if you ask for my honest opinion I think he was just trying to get her attention. They were working for competitive law firms, you see. Anyway, long story short, the whole family calls her Minnie now. She told me once,” John paused and shook his head, “That she was considering adding poison to Hal’s tea for reducing her name to a cartoon.”

I smiled and sipped my tea, waiting for John to continue. When I realized he wouldn’t, my eyes trailed back onto my mom’s picture.

“I’m pretty sure Minnie would volunteer again if she wasn’t pregnant.” John’s voice was calm but his eyes were intent on me and he smiled, in a caring, encouraging way.

“She’s expecting?” I asked, trying to focus on the easy part of the conversation. “Congratulations!”

John’s face shone with a wide smile. “Thank you, Claire. They didn’t expect it, but she’s expecting.” His smirk was a clear indication of how much he had teased his brother about that.

“Well, a pregnancy sounds like a pretty good reason for not trying to get herself killed,” I said with a smile.

“Indeed, it does.” John sipped his tea, and we kept silent for a few minutes. I studied the picture again, looking at my mom’s smile, wondering if she missed her life in Africa after meeting my dad and having a family. “She would be delighted to talk with you.” John’s voice brought me out of my trance. “If you’d like to learn more about volunteering,” he added noncommittally. “She could give you the gist of it.”  

“John…” I hesitated for a moment, thinking about it, my glance falling on my mom’s picture again. I drew a deep breath and brought the lukewarm cup of tea closer to my body, as if its warmth would help me make a decision. It would be just a conversation, I wouldn't commit to anything. I looked up at John, who was suddenly very interested in patting the creases of the folded sweaters on his bed. “I’d love that.”

--

Jamie came late that evening, his blue beanie covering the red curls, his lips frozen when they touched mine.

“I missed ye so much,” he whispered, trailing kisses down my neck, his hot breath a contrast to his cold lips that made me shiver. “I was thinking of ye all day long.”

“I was right here,” I said with a smile, taking his beanie off to run my hands through his hair.

He groaned against my neck and looked at me. “And that’s even worse, isn’t it? To ken ye’re alone in my dorm, and I not able to come to you. Ye’re so close,” he whispered, took my lips in his and snaked an arm around my waist to pull me closer.

“You’re so bloody cold,” I mumbled as I cupped his cheek, still red from the temperature outside.

“Seems ye need to warm me up this time, Sassenach,” he replied with a smile against my lips.

It took less than a minute and I could feel Jamie’s body underneath mine, hot as ever.

“I don’t think you need all these clothes, now,” I said, biting my lips as I pulled off his sweater.

Jamie groaned and pressed my body against him, sucking on my neck, while his hands traveled down my back and settled on my butt. “And ye definitely dinna need that pyjama bottoms.”

We took care of the offending clothes and melted into each other, and it wasn’t long until the room seemed too hot for both of us.

--

A while later, I was lying on Jamie’s chest, drawing patterns on his side when my stomach rumbled, making Jamie’s laughter shake my body. “I’m hungry,” I said with a pout. “Don’t laugh!”

Jamie rolled his eyes and saw the corner of his mouth curling up. “Aye, I was sure ye’d be. I brought supplies, babe.”

Only then I noticed the packages on his desk. We ate in bed, and I listened to Jamie talking about his day, sharing with me all the little things he had done while resenting he couldn’t come back to the dorm. When we emptied our cartons, I sat on his lap, wrapped my legs over his hips, and fortified myself for what was coming.

“Jamie.” I swallowed hard, trying to sound serious.

His eyes were sleepy, the day’s fatigue falling heavy on him. His hand was tracing lines on my spine as he leaned his head against the wall. “Aye?” he asked in a husky voice.

“I was thinking today,” I started, then stopped, unsure of how to proceed. I had decided to narrate the events from the beginning, but now I wasn’t sure if that was the best approach.

“Ye mean to tell me there is a brain underneath all these curls?” He caught a lock of my hair between his fingers, then pulled me in, took a deep breath and placed a tender kiss on my head. “I had suspected something o’ the sort.”

“Jamie, I…” I pushed back and took his face in my hands, willing him to look at me. This got his attention. “Do you remember the picture I told you about? My mom’s picture?”

“The one she’s in Africa?” he asked, perplexed, and sat up.

“Yes. In Zambia. I kept thinking about that.” Every trace of sleep disappeared from his face. He didn’t talk, just gave me time to put my thoughts together, even though I had spent the whole day doing just that.

Jamie had a life here. He had his program, his friends, his dream coming true. And while I was really proud of him and I looked forward to living my Oxford dream, in the meanwhile, I felt left out. For the first time in my life, I was floating without having a purpose.

“John was here today,” I started, looking at his brow furrow.

And I told him everything. About my conversation with John, my Skype call with Minnie, the way she talked about volunteering and the immense feeling of completion, how each and every volunteer makes a difference… Jamie listened to me, silent, and I saw a mask setting on his face with each passing sentence, making his feelings inscrutable. I continued, trying to pass through it and make him see, make him understand that this was something I needed to do.

“When I’ll be back in Edinburgh,” I paused and rubbed my face, frustrated. This wasn’t going well. “It’s not as it was when you left. Jenny is at Lallybroch, John in New York. I am alone and I have nothing to do.”

“You could catch up with your reading,” he offered. “You wanted to go to Oxford prepared.”

I scowled at him. “I still do. And I will, I’m not giving up on studying. But this is different. It’s something I might never get the chance to do again.”

Jamie swallowed, his hands still on my hips. “You could volunteer anywhere,” he said, his voice low, constrained. “You could do it in Scotland, or here.”

“Yes,” I agreed, taking my eyes away from him. “But my mom… She was in Zambia, Jamie, and I had no idea before. But now I do, and I feel like I will somehow understand the person she was if I volunteer to go to there, too. I will share the same experience with her.” Jamie kept silent, then pressed his lips together and nodded.

“It’s not going to be forever,” I crooned. “Only a few months.” A strained smile curled his lips up. “We will still talk. Nothing will change.”

“Claire.” His voice was harsh. “Stop saying that. Things will change. We won’t meet for months.”

I took my hands off his chest and neck, looked at him for a long moment, and then turned my gaze on my lap. He was right, we wouldn’t meet for a few months, but I thought this was something we could deal with.

“I thought we were better than this,” I said, my voice equally hard with his. 

I thought he would understand. 

Jamie didn’t reply. I heard his heavy breaths, his fingers drumming against the headboard, my heart racing inside my chest. It was a long silence and the air got thick around us. Impossible to breathe. I bit my lip, regretting what I had said, feeling terrible for questioning how strong we were. But still, when I opened my mouth, I didn’t find anything else to say. I didn’t have anything to offer as a consolation. I had said the truth, I believed we would be alright if I volunteered. Just a few months.

I heard Jamie sigh and he placed two fingers under my chin, tilting my head up to face him. “I just miss you, mo ghraidh. I miss you already and to think that I won’t be able to see you for so long…” he trailed off, turning his gaze away from me, but not before I could see the hurt in his eyes.

I leaned into him until my forehead was on his shoulder, and I breathed him in. “I miss you too,” I whispered, and placed a soft kiss on his neck. Jamie’s arms came around my back and he hugged me tightly, keeping me close.

“But you have to do this,” he completed my unfinished sentence.

I could feel his heart beating fast under my palm. “I think I do,” I mumbled against his skin. I felt him nod, and I pulled back to see him. There was no mask on his face anymore. Jamie was looking at me, open, honest, and loving. He didn’t like it, and he let me see that in the tight lips, in the worried eyebrows. But his bright blue eyes were trusting and I knew he would support me because he understood. Like I knew he would.

“I hate ye for being so good,” he sulked. I smiled, leaned into him again, and took his lips in mine.

“I love you for being so good,” I said, breaking our kiss for a moment before his teeth were on my bottom lip. I cupped his face, feeling the need to repeat my statement, to make him really know. “I love you.”

“I ken,” he smiled wistfully. “You’ll come back to me, right?”

“Always.” I placed a reverent kiss on his lips as if sealing a deal. Jamie studied my face with a small smile, ran his fingers on my cheek, and tucked an errant curl behind my ear. “Actually,” I started, trying to keep a straight face. “It’s not a choice anymore, not to come back.” Jamie’s hand stopped on its way through my curls and he looked at me puzzled. “Since we kissed under the arch at midnight…” I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow.

Jamie chuckled, shook his head and pulled me to him, kissing me again, and again, and again. The smile had reached his eyes when they locked with mine, and I felt a heavy weight lifted off my chest.

He lowered me onto the narrow, single bed and I got under the covers, scooting over to make room for him. Jamie cuddled behind me, our bodies fitting against each other as they had so many nights, sharing warmth, revelling in our closeness. We kept quiet as we breathed in the same air, listening to the beating of our hearts. Hearts we knew would always beat for each other, sharing stories and lullabies, making a world of their own.

Chapter 51

[blackberrywidow]

Transcendental (i)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Words: 4.7k

Chapter Summary: Life goes on, even if you don’t want it to.

Warnings: Canon divergence, angst (!!!!), mentions of death and mourning. You’ll notice that this series will have a lot of ups and downs, but I promise it’ll even out in the next few chapters.  

Author’s Note: So here’s the first actual chapter (be sure to find the prologue in the masterlist if you haven’t already)! Still mostly laying the ground work for the plot, but shit really starts happening next chapter. So there’s that. Please let me know what you think with a like/reblog/comment—I love hearing from you!

And as always, special thanks to @blackwidws for creating the banner for this series and just being perfection personified.

Series Masterlist

Chapter One

Then

You winced as a cornstalk whipped back to hit you in the square in the face, but you pushed on, panting and sweating. Your bare thighs were taking the brunt of the abuse, another stalk slicing into your skin as you shot past it, and you were once again reminded that running barefoot through a corn field in nothing but your underwear and an AC/DC t-shirt was a resoundingly bad idea. You were a superhero though, and you had faced worse than this. So you carried on, determined to not get caught.

But determination could only get you so far. You could hear him catching up to you, his feet pounding the ground at a much faster rate than yours. He had always been faster than you, you knew that, but you still cursed internally, careful to keep your ragged breathing as quiet as possible, even if it waspointless. You knew it was only a matter of time before—

“Gotcha!” was the last thing you heard before you felt the sting of webbing smack against your shoulder, and then you were flying backwards, directly into your pursuer’s chest.

Though you had anticipated this move, as it was unquestionably his favorite, you couldn’t contain the gasp that whooshed out of you at the contact. Nor could you repress the exhilarated giggle that burst out of you once you were back in his arms.

“You could have at least let me get a little farther,” you complained, mock pout forming on your lips as you tilted your head back to look up at him.

Peter only laughed, eyes twinkling the way they always did when he was happy. It made your heart swell just to see it, to know that you were the cause of it.

“I could have, but we both know your sense of direction is deeply flawed without AI assistance, so there’s no telling where you would have ended up if I had. And—wait,” Peter cut himself off, expression bemused as he glanced down for the first time since he found you, “are you not wearing pants?”

You raised a single eyebrow in challenge. “Does it look like I’m wearing pants?”

“No,” Peter said decidedly. “You are most definitely not wearing pants. What happened to your pants?”

Your mind instantly flashed to the bush you had fallen into after you had leapt over a fence post to get into the field. The thorns had bitten into your skin, but they had snared your shorts entirely, latching into the pocket and refusing to let go. In a moment of true wisdom, you had decided to cut your losses and shimmy out of the pants before continuing your sprint into the cornfield.

None of which you felt inclined to share with him, knowing he would just laugh at your expense, effectively ruining the tone you were attempting to set by instigating this little chase.

So, you shrugged noncommittally, and offered a half-truth as an explanation. “I was hot.”

Peter’s brows lifted in skepticism.  “Uh huh. And you thought running into a cornfield was the best way to cool off?”

“I thought that running into a cornfield was the best way to get your attention,” you shot back, smirking when he laughed.

“Oh? And I thought dragging me all the way to Kansas to have a picnic in a field ‘just like in the movies’ was supposed to get my attention. I also thought it was supposed to be ‘peaceful, quiet, and with absolutely zero interruptions from global disasters and—wait for it—any form of physical exercise.’ And you know,” he continued, giving you a look when you opened your mouth to protest, “some would consider interrupting said picnic to take off running through a field as exercise.”

“Yes well, that was beforeyou decided to eat all the watermelon,” you defended, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes in mock reproach. “You left me with no other option. It was either run away from my feelings or kill you, and you know I love you too much to do that.”

“But you’re allergic to watermelon,” Peter reminded you in exasperation. “Which is why I packed you the apple—the apple that you ate without complaint, by the way.”

“That… is beside the point,” you finished lamely, suddenly losing confidence once you were standing still and facing him once more. You considered taking off again, but judging by the look Peter was giving you, he knew it, and he had no intention of playing along this time. “And besides, I’m only mildly allergic to watermelon.”

He gave you an unimpressed look, and you knew that he was perilously close to ending your game.

“Come on, (Y/N),” Peter urged, giving you an encouraging smile. “Just tell me what all of this is about. What are youreally running from here?”

And there it was. The game of cat and mouse was effectively over.

“What do you mean?” you asked, trying to dodge the issue even as your grip on his arms tightened.

You wanted this—you knew you did. But you also knew that the thought of ruining this thing—this genuine bit of happiness that you had found—was terrifying.

“You know what I mean,” Peter said, voice gentle and coaxing, still smiling at you like you were the most important thing in the world.

And suddenly you remembered why it was you were doing this.

You and Peter weren’t like other people your age. Most 20-year-olds were worried about finding a job or finishing college. But you were superheroes, and you put your lives on the line every single day. And every time you opened your eyes, you weren’t sure if that day would be your last.

But if there was one thing you were sure of, it was that you loved Peter and he loved you. So you decided that you had done enough stalling, and it was time to just go for it.

“Will you marry me?”

The stunned look on his face was the only indicator that the words had in fact left your mouth. It was also a solid indication that maybe you could have led up to that a little bit better. The Starks were known for their charming words and long-windedness, but they were also known for their impulsivity and bad decisions, so the chances of this going well for you were about 50-50. Of course, this would be one of the times it didn’t—

“Did you really just ask me to marry you, or is this some kind of watermelon-induced hallucination?”

Your mouth suddenly felt very dry, but you managed a sharp nod in affirmation. When he only continued to stare at you, wide-eyed and speechless, your brain decided to grace you with the ability to speak again. Which historically only made things worse for you.

“I did, uh… ask you to marry me. And I mean, I know we’re young. Some would say too young, but most people don’t have jobs that involve saving the world on a daily basis, so you know. Fuck what they think, I guess. Unless you’re worried about what other people think, which is understandable. I mean, it would be very public, because you know. I’m the heiress to one of the largest fortunes in the world. And the daughter of a superhero, who is also secretly a superhero. It kind of complicates things. But most things with us are complicated—well, things with Spider-Man and Siren are complicated, but things with Peter and (Y/N) never are, which is one of the things I love most about our relationship. And I love you, of course, and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short it may be. So I figure, why not get married now? Why wait for something that may never come when I’m sure about this? I mean, that’s assuming that you are—”

Peter, finally taking mercy on you, abruptly lurched forward, claiming your lips in a searing kiss that almost made you forget about how awful your previous ranting was. The kiss was slow and sweet, but brief as he was soon breaking away to stare at you with those heartbreakingly beautiful eyes.

“I love you,” he said, and your breath caught in your throat because no matter how many times he said it, it still always surprised you. “I love you, (Y/N) Stark, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. I was just surprised. I mean, it’s not every day the girl of your dreams proposes to you.”

You rolled your eyes in an attempt to hide your relief, but also because Peter was ridiculous. As always. “Don’t tell me you think it’s a man’s job to do the proposing.”

“Of course not.” Peter looked affronted, the sight enough to make you giggle and lean in closer to him despite the summer heat. He smiled down at you, pure adoration in his eyes. “But I do wish that I could have talked to your dads first—you know, to make sure that they don’t kill me. And I want to get you a ring, which could be a real problem on a full-time student’s salary. Though I could always sell a kidney… or state secrets. Whichever goes for more, I guess.”

You only laughed, bright and airy, shaking your head before sealing your lips over his again, watermelon mixing with apple in a delicious combination as he pulled you closer and deepened the kiss.

You pulled away several minutes later, breathing hard, and rested your forehead against his. Your lips were tingling, and you weren’t sure if it was an allergic reaction from the watermelon or just the usual affect that Peter had on you. Probably both, if you had to guess, but you ignored it.

“I don’t care about rings or big weddings or anything like that. All I want is you, Peter Parker. Well,” you amended, pulling back and glancing down when you felt something shift around your feet—likely a snake, “you, and to get the hell out of this cornfield. Probably the entire state of Kansas as well.”

“And some pants?” Peter suggested, following your line of sight to take in your bare legs.

You felt your cheeks warm, and you could only hope he would blame it on the heat. “Yeah, some pants might be nice too.”

“Alright then,” Peter said before scooping you up into his arms to carry you back across the field, much to your delight. “So, the to-do list is: me, leave the state of Kansas and find some pants, in that order. Oh, and then get married. I think we can manage that without too much trouble.”

“You better hope so,” you teased, smile so wide it almost hurt. “It only goes downhill from here baby. I’m a very needy person, you know.”

“Oh man, do I,” he sighed dramatically. “It’s a good thing you’re wealthy. To afford all of the medical expenses that come with carrying you on my shoulders for the next decade or so.”

Your laugher rang across the field, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. You couldn’t remember the last time you were so happy. “The next ten years? Think again Parker. You’re stuck with me for life now.”

Now

(Three years later)

It wasn’t raining, but you thought that it should be.

It always rained in the movies, after all. A group of mourners in black, umbrellas raised to block the rain even as tears fell from their eyes. The camera would zoom in on your expressionless face, cheeks dry as you watched them lower the casket in the ground. A single tear would slide down your cheek, and it would be over.

As it was, this wasn’t a movie and the sun was beating down on you and your father’s hand on your shoulder was uncomfortably warm. Your eyes weren’t dry, though you did your best to keep your face devoid of emotion otherwise. Your hands clenched at your side, aching for an umbrella—for somethingto hold onto. For a distraction.

They said Stark men were made of iron, but Stark women were made of stronger stuff. You had to be, if you were going to survive this.

The hand on your shoulder squeezed tighter as they lowered your husband into the ground.

A sob sounded close by. You thought it may have been you, but you couldn’t be sure of anything as you watched the casket that held what was left of Peter Parker disappear from view. You didn’t think you’d be sure of anything again.

There had been a time where you were sure you would spend the rest of your life with Peter, after all. But there had also been a time when you were sure your father, Tony, would live to see you have children, to see you take over the family business, to simply be there. And well… Looking back now, you felt exceptionally naïve to have hoped for anything at all.

You wished it would rain, if only to drown everything else out.

…

“It was a nice ceremony. A lot of people… I’m sure he would have liked that.”

The comment was made lightly, searchingly. Empty words to fill a silence that cannot truly be filled. But empty words were never really Steve Rogers’s specialty, and they fell flat in the back of the limousine that was taking you back to the Tower.

Still, you nodded, the pain in Steve’s eyes pushing you to play along. To ignore the fact that Peter’s funeral was so large only because he was married to you, the Stark heiress. No one knew who he really was. No one knew that he had died a hero. No one but you and your father, and a handful of other superheroes who couldn’t attend the funeral without creating a stir.

It didn’t feel like enough.

“It was,” was all you said.

The car fell back into a careful silence, and with nothing better to do, you continued to stare at your father’s profile out of the corner of your vision. Keen eyes traced the hard edges of his face, the way his hair shown like gold when the light struck it just right. Sometimes you wished you could find a trace of yourself in his features, that you had a physical connection with him the way you had with your other father. That maybe there would still be someone on Earth that you actually shared blood with.  

But Steve had been a father to you in every other way since he joined the team when you were 12, and you knew that he was all you had left now.

First Happy to the Mandarin ten years ago, then Aunt May to a heart attack two years ago, then Tony to his heroics last year, now… Peter. All gone to somewhere you couldn’t reach reach them. Steve was the only family you had left now, if one didn’t count Rhodey or Pepper, who both had thrown themselves into work after Tony’s death. You knew you were the only family he had left too.

It hurt to admit, but it didn’t feel like enough either.

“I…” Steve hesitated, eyes piercing through you in the way they always did. “I gotta say, I’m almost glad your father wasn’t here for this… Awful, isn’t it?”

Your eyes burned at the reminder, and you weren’t sure if you could agree or not.

Tony Stark, your biological father who had raised you ever since your mother left you at his doorstep over twenty-three years ago, had nearly a year ago now (10 months and 12 days if one wanted to be precise, but who was counting really?). He died a hero, as you always feared he would, saving the world from a madman who thought he could bring peace to the universe by destroying it.

He was fifty-two. He had been married to Steve for only three years after dancing around the idea for nine. He had been an outstanding father, and he had died alone.

But most importantly, he had loved both you and Peter fiercely, and it would kill him to see you like this now: widowed and heartbroken at twenty-three; his son-in-law dead because he didn’t know how to not be a hero. Just like Tony.

Perhaps Steve was right. Perhaps it was better this way. But still, you craved the comfort only Tony knew how to give you.

You wished for simpler times, if there ever was such a thing.

But what you said was, “A lot of things are awful. It hardly makes a difference anymore does it?”

“Of course it does.” He said it so quietly, you almost missed it, his jaw was clenching the way it always did when he was fighting off tears. And then he was clearing his throat, the way he always did before he gave you a speech. It was nice, you supposed, how some things never changed even when everything else crumbled around you.

“I… I’ve been trying to think…” he started, unsure in a way that he never was. It made you sit up straighter, coming out of your revere enough to give him your full attention. “What your father—what Tony would say. To make you feel better, to comfort you. To give you hope or love or—God, I don’t know, something to make this better. He was always so much better at comforting you than I was,” he let out a shaky laugh, and your eyes burned at the reminder. Steve had always been a comfort to you, but no one had ever loved you the way Tony did. “But I know that there isn’t anything I can do or say to fix this. That I—that neither of them are coming back, and the only thing to really do is accept that and move on.”

He cut himself off there, seemingly unsure of how to proceed, and you knew it wasn’t his fault but it hurt to think about carrying on after you had already lost so much. What more could you stand to survive? What more would it take to break you?

“Is that what you did?” you deflect instead of giving voice to your fearws, your tone mild and quiet in the backseat of the car. “Move on?”

Your father’s lips twitched up into a heartbreakingly sad smile, and it confirmed your thoughts before his words did. “No, I suppose not.”

You nodded, eyes shifting back to gaze out of the window once more. “I thought so.”

The remainder of the car ride was spent in silence.

…

A week passed by uneventfully.

That is to say that while things may have been taking place in the world outside of your small apartment, you were in no way a part of them.

Steve had begged you to move back to the tower, back home.You didn’t have the heart to tell him that without Peter or Tony, no place really felt like home anymore.

Tony had always told you that a home was a concept more than a place, something that you learned quickly when you were traveling constantly with him for the first 12 years of your life. It was a sentiment that only solidified once you found Peter. And now it meant nothing.

The one-bedroom apartment you currently resided in came the closest though. You and Peter had moved in not long after your engagement, despite Tony’s protests that you could find something a little bigger, a little closer to Manhattan, a little more comfortable. It was cheap and located in a questionable part of Queens, but it was yours and the two of you had been so proud that you had managed the deposits and rent all on your own.

It had been the place you called home for three years, but more importantly than that, it held a lot of memories for you. It’s where you and Peter shared your first night as husband and wife, something that seemed like forever ago even though it had only been two and a half years in reality. But it was also where you sequestered yourself after your father’s death not even two years later. It was where you were hiding once again.

You were aware that it wasn’t healthy, closing yourself off like this. But you had no reason to leave.

Without Tony and without Peter, you had no desire to be a part of the world that had used and abused them so.

There was Steve, of course, but he dealt with grief differently than you did. He had his missions and his avengers and his heroics to occupy his time, and though he called you every morning, you didn’t hear much from him. You assumed it was his way of giving you space.

Rhodey and Pepper were both consumed by their jobs as well, and you couldn’t fault them for it. Rhodey’s position in the military and Pepper’s place as CEO of your father’s—your—company were demanding, and they made time for you whenever they could. They were like an aunt and uncle to you, and they always would be, but things had been more… strained since Tony’s death. You suspected that was your fault as well.

And the Avengers, your team that had been your family since 2012, were scattered across the globe. Natasha called when she could, but she was undercover more often than not these days, and it was hard to stay in touch. Other than Steve, she was probably who you were closest with on the team.

Clint, Bucky, Sam, Thor, Bruce, Carol, Hope, Scott…. They were all still living their lives and fighting the good fight to keep the universe as peaceful as possible. You knew that true heroes couldn’t let the deaths of their friends and comrades hold them back. The world still needed them after all.

Which is how you knew you weren’t a hero, no matter how hard you tried to be like your dad. Like Peter.

This grief and guilt that weighed on your soul was just too heavy. After Tony had died, you had tried to carry on his legacy and become Iron Woman, leaving behind the Siren, along with her black suit and batons that she used to take down would-be rapists and murderers, to bear the weight of red and gold armor instead.

It had been difficult, but manageable with Peter’s support. You had always loved saving people after all, always wanted to be a hero.

But now you found that it was impossible to get out of bed in the morning, let alone worry about saving anyone else.

And that day was meant to be just like the rest: bleak, uneventful, unwanted.

But then you heard the creak of your window opening, and the shattering of a vase quickly followed by muffled cursing.

Your armor surrounded you in an instant, nanotech spreading across your body from the twin metal bracelets on your wrists. You weren’t sure what you were expecting to see when you carefully crept into your living room to investigate, but it certainly wasn’t… this.

“Uh… hey,” the boy in the black Spider-Man costume squeaked, before dropping his tone into a clearly false baritone. “I mean, hey. What’s up?”

You only blinked at him once behind the visor of your suit before letting it recede back into your bracelets. If he was surprised to see who you were, he didn’t show it. Which left just one question.

“Is this some kind of joke?” you ask, voice tightly controlled in an effort to keep the tears at bay.

That, at least, seemed to surprise him.

“No!” he rushed to explain, hands up in a placating gesture. “Of course not, I was, uh… I was told to come here. For help.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Oh yeah? Help with what—fashion advice? And who exactly sent you here?”

The boy—and he most certainly was that, couldn’t be older than 14 based on his voice and stature— hesitated, indecision writ across every line of his body. But then he slowly removed his mask, revealing a mass of curly hair and dark, pleading eyes.

He really was young.

“It was your dad, Captain America I mean,” he explained, eyes lowered to the ground like he doesn’t know what else to say, but things are starting to piece together before your eyes. “He—he saw me scaling a wall in Brooklyn—a complete accident, not my fault. But uh, I told him that I wasn’t really sure what to do with… well, you know…”

“Your powers,” you answered, sparing him the embarrassment of saying it out loud. You could tell he was still struggling to admit it to himself, let alone someone else. “How long have you had them?”

“Just a little over a week,” he says, sounding almost relieved. “I got them the night…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, but his meaning is clear.

The night your husband died.

You sucked in a surprised breath. “You know who he was?”

He shrugged, looking even more uncomfortable than he did before. “Yeah, the Captain—Captain America—he told me. About… uh, Spider-Man, and what he meant to him. To you. He said that you were the only person who could really help me with this. That you were the only one a-alive who… knows what it’s like.”

You purse your lips, and you want to curse your father for arranging this, but you can almost see his logic. No one knew what it was like to be Spider-Man better than you did—you had spent several years of your life in love with him after all. But you knew what being a superhero did to someone, especially when they were so young. And you wouldn’t play a part in ruining the life of a kid you didn’t even know.

“So you want to be a superhero then?” you ask, ready to tell him what it really meant and that if he were smart, that he would run away from this and never look back.

But he surprised you.

“No,” he says with conviction. “At least not… not now. I’ve got school and my parents and girls and a million other things to worry about. All I want is to know how to control this, so that I’m not sticking to every doorknob I touch or getting stuck on the ceiling every night.”

His tone implied that this had happened more than once, but you decided not to question it despite your curiosity. Instead, you ask, “And I imagine you got the suit from my father as well?”

He nods, a bit sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m… sorry, if it seems like it’s in like, poor taste or something. And that I uh… made some artistic changes. He just gave it to me and said it was mine if I ever decided I needed it, but I guess maybe I should have asked you first. It was just you know, Captain Americaand when he tells you something you just—”

“You do it,” you cut him off with a roll of your eyes. “Yeah, that’s what everyone says, but here’s your first lesson kid: sometimes the best thing you can do is ignore Captain America. Save yourself the pain.”

Your mouth quirked up into something resembling a smile when his mouth dropped open in shock. It felt odd on your face, but you were almost relieved that you could still do it. “So you don’t want to go into the super hero business, right? You just want someone to teach you the ropes so that you can function as a uh… Spider-Person?”

He blinks at you a couple times before nodding, either still in shock that you had dissed Captain America or that you were willing to help him.

“Alright then, we’ll start with the basics. What’s your name kid?”

“Miles,” he said after a beat of silence. “Miles Morales.”

“Nice to meet you Miles,” you respond, already thinking up training regimens and calculating dietary plans to compete with his increased metabolism, and the excitement that came with the sudden appearance of a purposesurprised you. But all you said was, “Let’s get started.”

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[eddycurrents]

Abe Sapien: Dark and Terrible & The New Race of Man - “The New Race of Man”

Words: Mike Mignola & John Arcudi | Art: Max Fiumara | Colours: Dave Stewart | Letters: Clem Robins

Originally published by Dark Horse in Abe Sapien #4-5 | July-August 2013

Collected in Abe Sapien - Volume 3: Dark and Terrible & The New Race of Man | Abe Sapien: Dark and Terrible - Volume 1

Plot Summary:

Abe travels to the Salton Sea to try to gain any insight from the creature that popped up there that largely heralded the beginning of the changes in the new world. There he comes across a trio of friends trying to do essentially the same things and becomes embroiled in a murder mystery. Also, the occultist tries to get some answers out of a resurrected Vaughn.

Reading Notes:

(Note: Pagination is solely in reference to the chapter itself and is not indicative of anything within the issues or collections.)

pg. 1 - Weird to wake back up after dying through impalement. Even weirder to have a red fish thing floating out of your chest.

pg. 2 - The name Gustav Strobl should be familiar to you, even if his appearance wasn’t in the previous arc. He’s the occultist who trained Martin Gilfryd, however briefly.

pg. 4 - I like this face off between beast-man and beast. It kind of foreshadows what’s to come. Especially with the radio talk show playing in the background discussing the existential price of survival.

Also, Max Fiumara draws some gorgeous wolves.

pg. 6-7 - I like this off-balance introduction to Bob.

pg. 8 - Abe’s really been doing some reflection. Mike Mignola and John Arcudi are really dropping some interesting introspection and exploration of states of belief here.

pg. 12 - It’s nice to see some people who not only know who Abe is, at least from television, and are okay with him. A little hospitality is nice to see. Granted, the last time he saw acceptance was with the priest possessed by an Ogdru Hem...

pg. 13 - Again, some interesting bits about exploration and self-discovery here.

pg. 15 - The variety here again in how the flashbacks are presented is neat. Where “Dark and Terrible” almost had a burnt-film edge to it, this one’s a more traditional faded photograph. Nice work from both Max Fiumara and Dave Stewart.

pg. 16 - This also seems to be setting up for a nasty lover’s triangle. Barry’s clearly hung up on Judy.

pg. 17 - “You can go your own way...”

pg. 19 - Barry turning on Abe is a bit weird.

pg. 20 - And being rejected again by Judy is probably going to break the kid.

pg. 21 - And nice to see some continued kindness.

pg. 22 - This is another interesting observation from Abe.

pg. 24 - Poor Barry. Of course it couldn’t have been as simple as a basic misunderstanding.

pg. 26 - It’s interesting that the others gathered around believe Abe about not having anything to do with Barry’s death. In previous stories, they would have been a mob. It’s a somewhat unnerving change. Especially as how he’s being pushed as an authority. (I mean, he kind of would be if he was still with the Bureau, but well...)

pg. 27 - Maybe we should believe her.

pg. 29 - It just seems like everybody is lost, trying to find their way.

pg. 32-33 - This is an interesting reverse view of Abe’s genesis out of Langdon Everett Caul.

pg. 35 - I really quite like this memorial for Barry. There’s an important message here, I think, about letting people believe in what they believe in. Even if we may find it silly, incorrect, or blasphemous. As long as your beliefs aren’t harming any one, your path to spirituality is your path.

pg. 36 - Finding the monster dead is different. That rules out one suspect.

pg. 37 - Abe seems to have it figured out.

pg. 38 - Yeah...maybe feasting on that monster egg wasn’t a good idea.

pg. 40 - Barry committing suicide makes sense. Gene covering it up in this fashion is ghoulish.

pg. 41 - Also, wanting to submit to Abe as their leader, as their guide, is kind of weird. I mean, many people do look to others to lead them by the hand, but it seems like it’s misplaced.

pg. 42 - Though Gene taking over as a kind of “prophet” of Abe is genuinely scary.

pg. 44 - Here’s another hint that something has gone on in hell. Building off of that other hint in BPRD itself.

Final Thoughts:

This is almost a flip side to the kind of horror that we saw in the first arc, again building on the kind of insidious nature of following the Ogdru Hem, but whereas in “Dark and Terrible” it was largely under the intent to control, this one is more in the intent to guide. The kids that Abe comes across are essentially seekers, and have decided that the change is something they need to embrace, they just don’t realize that they’re stumbling along the path. Also, there’s the real possibility that the “true believer” among them will turn it into a kind of control again, seeing the power he has over the converted.

d. emerson eddy is lost in the woods.

[urbanteeth]

Novel Prep

Thanks to @dimawriting and @maple-writes for tagging me!!

WIP: The Inbetween

Tagging: @drist-n-dither @theforgottencoolkid @minny-santa and uhh anyone else who sees this!

This gets pretty long so I’ll put it under a read more.

First Look

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

The crew members abroad the Perseus Space Station were tasked with investigating the first signs of early human-like civilization on an exoplanet. The truth behind the ruins scattered across the dying planet, however, is stranger, darker, older than anything they ever expected. 

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

As of right now, The Inbetween is a single book divided into 5ish parts. The POV will be third person. Still not sure if I want to switch between characters for each chapter or if I want each of the 5 parts told through the perspective of one of the main characters. I am playing with the idea of a sequel. I also want to write about the before and after the events of The Inbetween. There are also at least two AUs running around my mind so I might explore those too.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

Dark skies full of stars, floating weightlessly, lonely planets, geometry, singularity, the smallness of existence, amorphous shadows on the wall, empty corridors, static, flickering lights, hearts racing from adrenaline, the taste of blood in your mouth as you run for your life

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

The Inbetween originated from me wanting to take some of my unused characters beyond them just being characters. The earliest drafts of The Inbetween were short stories inspired by Wolfgun’s music. The story eventually grew into what it is now thanks to a few episodes of Star Trek and Welcome to Nightvale. Lots of the scenes I currently have written were born from daydreaming to Carbon Based Lifeforms’s music. I would say CBL has had the biggest influence on the story.

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

This one is for the last part of the book.

Main Character

6. Who is your protagonist?

There are five protagonists:

Emmett Reyes: Mexican-American, 19 (at the beginning of the story), aro/ace, trans, biologist

Johann Herschel: British-German, 20 (at the beginning of the story), bi, nonbinary, pilot and navigator

Neveen Jalal: Egyptian-American, 19 (at the beginning of the story), lesbian, chemist, starship medic, lowkey inspired by my high school chem teacher

Oliver West: Korean-Canadian, 20 (at the beginning of the story), gay, mechanic

Alternis: A.I., years active unknown, primarily used for security and scouting 

7. Who is their closest ally?

Their closest allies would be each other. Here’s some specific friendships:

Overall: they grow as close as family. Nothing like a near death experience out in the middle of the cold, indifferent void to make five kids bond for life. 

Neveen + Emmett: Nerd friends! With him being a biologist and her becoming a medic, they share a love for the subject. They bond over their love for their cultures. They teach each other words in their native tongues. 

 Johann + Emmett + Oliver: Partners in crime!! These three are as ride or die as you can get with a group of friends. While Johann isn’t always keen on the chaos, he still goes along with it because “who’s going to serve as your guys’s impulse control???” Secretly, he loves it. 

Oliver + Johann: Oliver becomes pretty supportive of all his friends and his relationship with Johann is no different. Oliver makes for a pretty good listener and he doesn’t mind hearing about his friend’s worries. He’ll offer some pretty good advice as well. 

Neveen + Oliver: Oliver is, without a doubt, the most social of all the crew members. Unlike him, however, Neveen is the exact opposite. He will respect her space if she needs it, but he is also there to make sure she doesn’t lose herself in it. In a lot of ways, he reminds Neveen of her own sister.

Emmett + Alternis: These two form a pretty close bond. Both share feelings of becoming static in life. Both struggle with insecurity and general feelings of anxiety that they are not good enough. However, they both also share a deep curiosity for the world around them. She likes to ask him questions knowing he won’t brush them off and he feels comfortable enough to ramble on about whatever subject is most interesting to him knowing that she is willing to listen with interest herself.

Bonus: 

Commander Mitch Connor + his crew: At first, Mitch was pretty hesitant to be this mission’s commander. They’re all kids, two of them fresh out of high school almost. However, he quickly learns that this crew is more than capable. They’re adaptable and fiercely resilient. They know how to use their strengths to their advantage and do so creatively. Most importantly, though, they genuinely care about each other.

8. Who is their enemy?

The story’s main antagonist is a weird hivemind entity that is partially made from various alien life forms and part alien tech. It’s main purpose is to find creatures its programming deems perfect specimens and then merge with (eat???) them to take on their abilities. The creature was once a technologically advanced alien race from a different dimension who sought to create the “perfect being”. No one’s really sure what “perfect being” meant for them, but eventually they, and most of their old universe, were all consumed by their creation. The entity then traveled across many other dimensions still seeking specimens to consume. While it has no definite shape or can even be considered a single animal, it’s still very much sapient. It’s hard to tell the age or if it was supposed to be machine or animal or even what species it originally was. However, the minds and voices of its creators live on with it. 

If you want an idea as to how it sounds, it’s a little like the Warpers from Subnautica but with multiple voices. Here’s a clip. 

9. What do they want more than anything?

They all have different dreams that they are pursuing, but they basically all want a life where they can be happy and have closure.

Emmett wants to be at peace with himself.

Johann wants to find a place that he can call home.

Oliver wants to protect the little he already has.

Neveen wants to achieve her dreams.

Alternis wants to belong.

10. Why can’t they have it?

Emmett is, first of all, much too doubting in himself. He worries so much that he can’t appreciate the things he has done right or the things he can do. He isn’t very kind to himself.

Johann misses the life he had on Earth. He and his family moved to a new planet because they don’t really like Earth and want to experience something new. But Johann never feels the same sense of “home” as he did on Earth. 

Oliver’s job is helping out his mother with their repair shop. So, when the shop is threatened with closure, he is desperate to find another job, but since he dropped out and never finished school, he’s having a really hard time coming up with something that will provide enough. This is why he ends up joining the space program. 

Neveen is in a somewhat similar boat. She has dreams of working as a doctor and all of her time and effort goes into studying for that. She, however, ends up getting rejected from three different schools in her area. She starts to feel like time is somehow running out for her.

Alternis has had a hard time. When she didn’t fit the expectations her creators set, she quickly discovered that her differences were seen as something flawed. She spent a lot of her early days either alone and she grew to be resentful towards people. But she wants to be accepted, so when they told her she was to be assigned to the Perseus Station, she had a lot of mixed feelings about the situation. 

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Emmett: not smart/good enough, not allowed to make mistakes

Neveen: her success determines her worth, has to do things just right or Else

Oliver: dumb for dropping out of college, is not much other than the comic relief in his friend group

Johann: thinks he can run from facing what’s really bothering him

Alternis: needs to have a purpose to be worth something to others, needs to change to be accepted

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

Emmett: 5′2, curly brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, a scar running from jaw to cheek, there’s a picture @auroradrawing made here!

Neveen: 5′5, long black hair, brown eyes, dark skin, red hijab

Johann: 6′2. dark blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin

Oliver West: 5′10, black hair, brown eyes, pale skin

Alternis:  i made a post on her appearance here

Plot Points

13. What is the internal conflict?

I would say that the overall internal conflict for all the characters is them struggling to understand that they are human which means that they are allowed to be wrong, make bad decisions, have emotions, and fail and none of this undermines their value in any way.

14. What is the external conflict?

The main external conflict is survival. They come into contact with a powerful interdimensional creature who is possibly hundred of thousands of years old or more and they have no idea how to stop it. After their station and only way home gets destroyed and they find themselves stranded with no way to let anyone know what’s happening, they realize that they have to find a way to at least repel the creature as it’s not just their survival at stake, but also that of their friends and family back on Earth.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

Death, probably. There’s a lot of things that would be left undone and unsaid and also literally no one else knows what is going on, so it could be a while before anyone back home realizes they’re never coming back. And that thought is one of the scariest things they can imagine.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Basically the purpose of the entity and them figuring out what it is and what it wants changes everything they were led to believe at first about the planet and the origin of the ruins.

17. Do you know how it ends?

Yes. They all get a happy ending because I’m done with the sad shit. Also happy endings are good?? Like give me more happy endings dammit! They go through so much shit and get tested so much, like, they deserve their happy ending. 

Bits and Bobs

18. What is the theme? 

You are stronger than you think. Let yourself be flawed. Things might not be okay, but they will work out. You have a place in the universe, no matter how small. Tomorrow is a new day.

19. What is a reoccurring symbol?

Darkness, geometry/symmetry, fire (?),static, lots of the names of things have meaning behind them

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

There are two made up planets on which this story takes place. The first planet is Thesan-4. This planet is a desert-like planet. It’s in the Milky Way for sure, but I haven’t exactly figured out where yet. This planet is primarily used for military/astronaut training. At least 40% of the story will take place here. The other planet is an icy, Earth-like planet. I call this planet the Mirror World in my head but the actual name is pending. Here is where the remains of early civilization are found and this is where the Perseus crew is assign for their mission. At least 60% of the story will take place here.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

Hell yeah! Scenes and a general outline are all I have right now. A lot of the little details are still pretty vague though.

22. What excited you about this story?

Oh man, is “everything” an answer? I always wanted to write a story set in space, but my biggest issue was finding a good plot. Like, I had the characters and I had some vague idea of a setting, but no actual plot or conflict. This story spent a lot of time on the back burner and I honestly thought about abandoning it a few times. However, it has come to grow so much and I’m really happy I didn’t abandon it. I love the lore behind the antagonist and the character interactions and uhhh well damn. Everything!

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!

I think the very first thing I come up with is either the setting or the characters. Then, I make the characters that I feel would go best with the setting or vice versa. Other details like names and stuff come way later. 99% of my writing process is music. If I need a certain mood for a scene, I’ll put on some music that fits and I’ll listen to it a few times before actually writing. I find that this helps me come up with scenes so I don’t really struggle at that. Putting them down on paper is harder lol, especially when I can see at least three different ways to write the opening. But once I start writing, everything flows much easier.

[gascon-en-exil]

I Liked Fates Before It Was Cool!: Conquest Part 2

Prologue

Opening Chapters

Conquest Part 1

Chapters 15-20, in which there is finally a goal, and it is stupid.

Chapter 15

a.k.a. the teaser for Revelation.

Don’t get me wrong, I like that Valla has some visible presence outside of its dedicated route, and the otherworldly visuals and shadowy enemies do a lot to sell the mystery of the place and make the player want to learn more about it. Also, this chapter isn’t just randomly dropped into the middle of Conquest’s plot, but rather a culmination of events that begins in Chapter 9 when Azura returns to Nohr. She then meets Garon, tries to exorcise Garon but only succeeds in giving him a really awkward public orgasm, and then turns to Plan B which is apparently to go dimension-hopping for a one-use plot device.

But yeah, that part is absurdly contrived and deserves all the scorn it gets in the fandom, relying as it does on two separate magical plot trinkets - the aforementioned crystal and the Hoshidan throne - and building unearned tension between Corrin and the Nohrian royals via a strange set of contrivances. Azura couldn’t have waited to use the crystal until they were all together...why, exactly? Because it can only be used once, and only at the Bottomless Canyon, and only if someone with special magic or dragon blood touches it, and then you can’t talk about it without vanishing...gah. It’s an epic pileup of lazy writing. FE10′s Blood Pacts have nothing on this moment.

At least the chapter is fun, being a big change of pace that reduces your party to three replicated units and gives you a choice of two objectives. And Gunter’s not dead, and (we assume) not evil on this route even though his situation is basically the same as it is in Revelation. That’s nice of him.

Chapter 16

What an original way of creating a timed chapter - and as a bonus I get the image of Xander and various other guys pinching the cheeks of random Nohrian soldiers! That’s just adorably weird.

What’s not so adorable but still weird is how we’re meant to believe that Shura can pass for a Nohrian until he tells everyone otherwise, because isn’t there supposed to be a noticeable racial difference between the two main regions of Fates’s setting? Maybe not apparent to the player (unless you’re intimately familiar with anime art styles, or so I’ve heard), but it’s logically supposed to be there, so...what’s up with that? Logical inconsistencies aside Shura is an interesting aspect of this chapter and an interesting character in general for how he straddles that regional divide and provides exposition both here and in Birthright that Hoshido’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In this route he reveals that Yukimura contracted him to kidnap Azura in retaliation for Garon kidnapping Corrin, adding a devious dimension to a character who is in other respects extremely underdeveloped. This is also the only route where Shura can potentially get his revenge against Mokushu, so his presence here feels timely...unless you opt to kill him and take his Boots, that is.

More on that next chapter though, because the sting of the previous’s one absurdity lingers in spite of Shura and Xander and some genuinely pleasant sibling banter (tempered by the allusions to the concubine wars and Azura’s rough treatment in Nohr that are mostly reserved for supports). No explanation is ever provided for why Garon decides to commence the invasion of Hoshido now, after devoting his forces’ time and energy to quashing a series of only tangentially-related rebellions. It feels too convenient coming as it does right after Azura explains her plan to Corrin, a means of saving Corrin from having to push for the invasion themselves. I really wish they’d done something to that effect. Corrin would shock Azura even further with their newfound ability to lie while also making a move covertly motivated by a desire to end the war as quickly as possible and so with as few lives lost on both sides. One less contrivance certainly wouldn’t have hurt, either.

Chapter 17

Everyone wants revenge against Kotaro, even NPCs. After slogging through a ninja-infested cave with spikes and a bunch of Dragon Veins that can throw you off if used at the wrong time I sympathize wholeheartedly.

What I have more trouble understanding is the moral position of the lead-up to this chapter. Corrin and co. are fine with accepting help from Kotaro until it’s revealed that he’s captured Kagero in an attempt to force the Hoshidans to surrender. The dialogue doesn’t make it sound as though they plan on killing her, but because Kotaro claims that Garon would approve of his strategy it’s suddenly horrible and deserving of immediate retribution. Corrin’s objection here runs contrary to their desire to end the war quickly by whatever means necessary including subterfuge, so aside from the knowledge gleaned across all routes that Kotaro is a self-centered opportunist who’s personally wronged both Shura and the Christmas ninjas it feels like a stretch that this is what leads to the Nohrians breaking off their strategically useful alliance with Mokushu. It’s a flimsy excuse for a frustrating chapter that doesn’t really come with a payoff later from Saizo, so I can’t say it’s one of my favorites from any angle.

Oh, and Azura apparently soloed a bunch of Hoshidans offscreen. That got a laugh out of me.

Chapter 18

Ship tease and moral dissonance for all! Well, sort of. The Ryoma/Xander stuff is funny (why does Ryoma retort that he’s more attractive? Hmm...) and Camilla gets in a quip in preparation for her final showdown with Hinoka, but all in all it’s a strange, tense moment. The fight against the renegade(?) Nohrians led by Zola provides the moral dissonance, and even though Leo provides a practical explanation for doing his usual thing and killing dark mages in cutscenes it is a bit strange to imagine that Garon wouldn’t notice all these allies and underlings of his mysteriously dying.

I find it interesting that the meeting between royals is something that occurs in Conquest but not in Birthright. As with Chapter 15 this is another example of this route doing substantially more to sell the basic premise of Revelation than its counterpart did, which makes more sense if the two of them were indeed written at about the same time after Birthright. It also provides some necessary development for Corrin’s relationship with the Hoshidan royals, something that can’t be taken for granted as it is with the Nohrians in Birthright as they didn’t grow up together. That’s all the more important to get out of the way now since they all confront Corrin one right after the other in the endgame without much time in between to really explore them as much as they ought to be. Takumi’s arc in Conquest is pretty good, sure, but the sisters are fairly static and Ryoma’s character is plagued with presentation issues on this route. I actually wish this scene could have gone on a bit longer and added a bit more to each of them, but this is what we’ve got.

Don’t really have anything to add about the chapter. It’s a recycled Birthright map that’s only interesting because you have to beat three bosses in a turn limit. Zola’s role here is minimal, as is Izana’s which is entirely a good thing.

Chapter 19

What I like about this chapter: It’s got a pretty autumnal palette not seen anywhere else in Fates that I can think of (exacerbated by the fact that this map is unique to Conquest, meaning you can never use it for skirmishes). The setup is also much stronger than the equivalent wolfskin chapter in Birthright. No Iago here - Kaden outright entraps Corrin’s army and plans to kill them all on the possibility that they might be poachers. Hoshido really benefits from having some viciousness like this of its own.

What I don’t like about the chapter: I don’t know if it’s a mistranslation or I’m just misunderstanding the game’s explanation for this chapter’s gimmick, but it clearly doesn’t work the way I first thought it did. The text blurb states that kitsune illusions (units with the green symbol on them) can neither attack nor be attacked by your units, and while it’s true that your units can’t target them they can and do attack you on the enemy phase. I don’t mind the idea of units with a single turn of player phase immunity, but it’s frustrating to feel misled into thinking it was something else entirely.

Anyway, Corrin kills all the kitsune and is sad about it, and then Azura waxes philosophic on how all routes carry sacrifice and moral greyness and it’s pretty obvious that she’s leaning on the fourth wall here. On the plus side when one considers all the named character deaths in Birthright and even the handful in Revelation it feels less like the game is specifically berating the player for choosing Conquest this time.

Chapter 20

So, uh, quick question: how are the few little huts in the desert seen here and in Birthright and the massive complex of intricately-crafted terraces and stairways that appear in the other two routes both representative of the Wind Tribe? Is Fuga loaded while his people live in squalor? 

He’s certainly a sadist, because this chapter earns its infamous reputation with its frustrating wind manipulation. I find that, not unlike FE4, this is one of several Fates chapters made easier if you’re fielding a bunch of units with holy dragon blood to use the Dragon Veins scattered throughout the map. Behold the power of kinky interspecies sex.

Similar to Azura’s musings in the previous chapter, Fuga provides Corrin with his knowledge of the Yato along with the confidence that they chose a morally righteous path after all.  As with Corrin’s pacifism something like this is near the top of the list of things not to do in a villain campaign, but the writing has long since stopped trying for that angle. It’s been repeatedly reinforced that Garon and his loyal minions are the real enemies of this campaign, and the Hoshidans are the innocent(?) victims who have to be sacrificed in order to expose Garon for what he is and end the war. Fuga sends Corrin off with his blessing to kill however many Hoshidans it takes to earn peace, including potentially all of his late BFF’s children.

...Yeah. Fuga really is kind of an ass when you think about him. 

Next time: Conquest Chapter 21 - Endgame

[girlonfilmmovies]

The Top 25 Films of 2019

25: Shadow (dir. Zhang Yimou)

"Without the real, there can be no shadow. A principle no one's understood."

After a string of terrible films trying to play to Hollywood audiences, Zhang Yimou manages to successfully return to the goldmine he stuck in the early 2000s and craft another absolutely gorgeous wuxia. Here he swaps out the poetic, colorful beauty in favor of monochromatic, surprisingly violent tone poem about deceit. It ultimately works against it, as by the seventh or eighth double cross you kind of just give up trying to figure out who's on what side, but the main action setpiece is so wonderful it deserves a spot for that alone. Hopefully a good sign for Yimou's future, as long as we don't have another nationalist war epic that somehow inexplicably also has a white savior narrative too.

24: Climax (dir. Gaspar Noé)

"...something's kicking in..."

Noe takes us for another plunge into the dark, twisted, vomit-inducing, neon-lit hellscape that is his mind and at least has the common courtesy to put the pleasant parts upfront this time. While it will eventually devolve into the same type of chaos that we all love/hate from him, the first act is kind of a wonderful departure from him. He basically accidently makes a musical for a while, with wonderful and deeply intricate dance choreography as well as a fantastic extended sequence where every character jumps in and out of frame and gets a chance to strut their stuff. That movie would have been a strong top five contender, but alas, the man has his particular quirks that he must abide by. But at least he also strung together probably the best soundtrack and sound design of the year, with the fantastic EDM bangers rumbling through the walls throughout the entirety of the film.

23: Long Shot (dir. Jonathon Levine)

"Oohhh boooy!"

Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen doing a political comedy that manages to be both smart and extremely funny seems like a long shot indeed, but Johnathon Levine finally strikes gold again after a number of disappointing duds. He manages to make a pretty good story about how navigating the political minefield destroys what little hope and dreams high level politicians still manage to have, but then he also happens to make it all absolutely hilarious too. Theron demonstrates a surprisingly strong comic game too, easily matching all the other talent and cracking jokes along with them. It ends up being a charming romance where the woman takes charge in a very pleasant change of pace. And if nothing else, the way Seth Rogen yells "oh boy" in that video is always going to make me laugh no matter what.

22: 6 Underground (dir. Michael Bay)

"Ghosts have one power above all others: to haunt the living. Haunt them... for what they've done."

Theoretical question: what say Netflix gave Michael Bay a blank check and no restrictions, and he turned in the most overblown, dialed to eleven, nonsensical spectacle that he ever crafted and was allowed to put it into almost every American home for free? Now what if I told you that it was actually kind of awesome? Sure, it's basically a child playing with his $150 million dollar GI Joe set, smashing his toys together and making pew-pew sounds, but it's also probably the best testament to the power of conventional effects work over the increasing insistence on CGI for big setpieces. Let's face it: explosions are pretty cool, every one likes exotic locales and bright sports cars, and there's at least someone here to appeal to you (least surprisingly for me, it was Melanie Laurent with bangs wearing a suit). It almost reaches a late Michael Mann kind of abstraction, as both are respectively breaking apart the action movie into stranger combinations. Bay gives plot only because he contractually has to, and even then doesn't seem as committed to characterization as he is showcasing surprisingly brutal ways for the gang to dispatch their enemies. It's nonsense, but the damn best nonsense of the year.

21: Ip Man 4: The Finale (dir. Wilson Yip)

"Is that it?! Is this your Chinese Kung Fu?!"

The finale in the decade-long quadrilogy of supremely silly and borderline racist worship of China finally attempts to tackle America to delightfully amusing results. Scott Adkins doing his best evil R. Lee Ermey impression while slipping in modern neo-con punchlines, neverending Bruce Lee worship, and more nationalism and bad fake American accents than you could ever believe. Yet also a more bizarrely honest portrayal of racism in 1960s America than most movies would ever have the courage to acknowledge. It’s almost fascinating considering how a lot of the non-Asian racism basically serves as set dressing, but they still put more effort there than pretty much every Hollywood movie set in the 60s that isn’t directly about civil rights. But ultimately they're selling you a bill of goods saying "watch Ip Man beat the crap out of racist meatheads" and you better believe they're going to give you what you want.

20: Let It Snow (dir. Luke Snellin)

"Have you ever been with someone, and you stay up until like 4AM just talking about everything, and you're just like, I can't believe I get to exist at the same time as you?"

Okay, so let me explain myself on this one:

So yeah, it certainly is a generic teen romcom where everyone plays into basic teenage stereotypes, half the cast is clearly nowhere near eighteen, and all of the romance is oddly chaste. But there truly is something to be said about representation in a romcom, and after a thousand boring cis, straight, hetero couples falling in love for decades, this movie actually managed to hit a lot of notes that are at best rarely explored in the genre and also manages to probably sneak in some genuine firsts. While both the "tomboy/softboy" and "Latina struggling with her family" storylines have been done before, these are some nice, cute little iterations on those befitting a teen-friendly movie. But the Dorrie/Kerry story is not only legitimately groundbreaking, but also an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the types of problems that queer teenagers struggle with during that time of their lives. It's a queer romance, played by two actually not-straight people, with one of them being a nonbinary actor too. And it's not cordoned off into some bargain bin DIY indie that fell out the back of the truck on the way to an indie film festival; no, this is in a major holiday release, with well-known actors, and as one of the central storylines! Plus, it perfectly captures the woes of modern teen coming out, knowing that everything will probably still be cool, but the fear haunting you as all you can do is look jealously at someone who is out and proud. And it does it without being real shitty and horribly traumatic too. Eat your fucking heart out, Love, Simon!

19. John Wick: Chapter 3 -- Parabellum (dir. Chad Stahelski)

"Si vis pacem, para bellum!"

Another year, another John Wick movie. There's more plot; you don't care, and let's be honest, neither do I. Stahelski is here to serve up more badass characters and incredible action, and no one in Hollywood does it quite like him. It's got familiar action favorites demonstrating why they still remain supreme, with Yayan Ruhian, Cecep Arif Rahman, Tiger Chen, and the ever underrated Mark Dascascos. It's got surprising action showcases for Halle Berry, Lance Reddick, and somehow Boban Marjanović. It's got great character actors doing their thing, from the returning McShane and Fishburne to newcomers Saïd Taghmaoui and Anjelica Huston. It's got Asia Kate Dillon as an awesome nonbinary shadow organization asshole. It has a bewildering Jason Mantzoukas cameo. And above all else, it has Keanu Reeves, still demonstrating not only his incredible physical skill, but also how to perfectly utilize his particular acting style to create an iconic character.

18. Doctor Sleep (dir. Mike Flanagan)

"Man takes a drink. A drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes a man."

While not the most accurate adaption, it might be the only Stephen King adaptation that comes to mind that actually successfully channels what makes him such an appealing author. King's stories have an inherent corniness to them and for as much as you unsuccessfully try to cover that up (look to this year's The Outsider for a good example), it's where the true charm of his work shines. It's what makes this so fun, because as much as an epic, eldritch terror is exciting, it still doesn't have the goofy fun of a bunch of vampiric bohemian drifters led by a Stevie Knicks knockoff in a top hat breathing up souls. Plus, the epic three hour runtime actually allows Flanagan to at least try to cover all the more subtle serious characterizations of Danny Torrance, from his recurring alcoholism to him seeking closure with regards to his parents. It manages to actually make the final act's nostalgia play kind of work, or at the very least get the terrible memory of the Ready Player One version out of my head.

17. Her Smell (dir. Alex Ross Perry)

"I thought you were better than this, but deep down I knew you weren't."

Perry must have had some extra pent-up nastiness in him after having to restrain himself while writing Christopher Robin (by the way, that happened), because he really created one of the nastiest characters in cinema here. Her Smell is the equivalent of being locked in a room with the shittiest person you'll ever meet, as she constant lashes out at everyone and everything with the kind of delirium that the truly demented are cursed with. And credit to Elizabeth Moss where it's due: she really perfectly embodies such a horrible human being and proceeds beat you damn near to death with it during a majority of the runtime. Eventually it slows down and all of the problems become apparent once they script isn't flying by at a thousand words a minute. But Moss literally did her job so well that people fucking hate this movie because of her character, and if that isn't a testament to her acting talent than I don't know what is.

16. High Life (dir. Claire Denis)

"At 99% the speed of light, the entire sky converged before our eyes. This sensation, moving backwards even though we're moving forwards, getting further from what's getting nearer. Sometimes I just can't stand it."

Denis finally makes her English debut with what she does best: nauseatingly uncomfortable sexuality oozing from terrible people doing horrible things. In this case, she takes an innovative detour into sci-fi, setting up a decades-long story of human experimentation, murder, the horrors of space travel, and whatever unholy things are going on inside of the "Fuck Box". It has an appropriately dingy production design too; the clean retro-futurist spaceship design soon dissolves into a torn apart den of depravity, caked in a mixture of filth and dry blood. Pattinson once again manages to be likeable while also being extremely standoff-ish; only playing with his baby daughter do we seem to see him actually enjoy interacting with a human being. Kind of gets lost in the sauce near the end, but at least manages to land some surprising emotional notes considering the kind of horrors that they've shown up until then.

15. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

"Chinese people have saying: when people get cancer they die. It's not cancer that kills them, it's the fear."

Lulu Wang's followup to Posthumous is such a massive step up in talent it's not even funny. She manages to make such a wonderfully soulful and loving movie about impending death by utilizing near perfect comic timing to defuse a situation that threatens to stray too dark. Not to mention her point of view on modern China from a non state-sponsored eye actually captures a much more accurate shot of the country itself. It's almost as if an Edward Yang movie had set itself more modest expectations -- it's pleasant, goes down well, teaches you a couple of things about Chinese culture, and manages to do it all in only a hundred minutes. And Awkwafina manages to hold her own against far more experienced actors, even if you can tell her Mandarin is still a little spotty.

14. Uncut Gems (dir. Josh and Benny Safdie)

"I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you... And if I had my way I would never see you again."

Adam Sandler's magnum opus performance -- there will never be another character that fully embraces every grating aspect of his style of acting and manages to weaponize them for two anxiety-inducing hours of hell. Sandler's Howard Ratner is an absolute sewer rat scumbag, an untrustworthy coward, and a perennial fuck-up of epic proportions. But he's still so charismatic and powerful on screen that you root for him every time he drives you further up the wall. And the Safdie brothers know how to keep him moving too, never letting the audience catch a breath of air for this movie-length panic attack as the odds stack further against Howard each minute. Whenever you see Sandler phoning in his comedies for fat checks, just remember this performance and how pretty much every awards committee completely ignored this film. No wonder he doesn't bother trying anymore.

13. The Last Black Man In San Francisco (dir. Joe Talbot)

"You don't get to hate it unless you love it."

A wonderfully evocative love letter to a changing city that is so full of life in every way, from the vibrant movement of the camerawork to the bombastic and powerful soundtrack blasting throughout. But it actually plays more like a New Orleans' funeral march, a melancholic chronicle of the original denizens of San Francisco even as the city warps into the caricature that it's slowly becoming. There is a definite feeling that the aggressive gentrification is unavoidable and even the love of the original quirky denizens can only stave off the metaphorical steamroller that paves over the past. It makes for a wonderful counterpoint to the previous year's Blindspotting: both about young black men dealing with gentrification in the Bay Area, but Blindspotting starts as a very angry comic satire that eventually ends on a note of hope and a will to survive the changing tide, whereas this begins as a joyous celebration of the city and ends on a heartbreaking resignation in the face of everything. Both come from respectively very different sides of San Fran culture, but it's rather interesting seeing each have such different approaches to the same topic.

12. The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (dir. Henry Dunham)

"How do we know it's not you?"

A simple "pressure cooker" scenario done to perfection: one empty warehouse, a bunch of hardened standoff-ish militia men, a missing gun, a ticking clock, and a whole lot of suspicious side eyes and probing questions. It helps that the gruff suspects are a perfect who's who of roughened character actors, all previously well-versed in playing suspicious people, and all of them hiding the kind of unspoken rage that makes a man secretly join an armed militia. All of this told with a nerve-wracking minimalism and style as weirdly detached from reality as some of these men are. One hell of a debut for Henry Dunham and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

11. Booksmart (dir. Olivia Wilde)

"How about we play a *rousing* round of J'ACCUSE!"

Profoundly silly and yet also so disarmingly sweet, Olivia Wilde whips a wildly stylized portrait of Gen Z high-schoolers and the many ways that they vastly differ from their older peers. Certainly much more welcoming and accepting of the diversity of teenagers than pretty much any other teen movies from the past, although they still poke fun at some particular brands of modern "wokeness" too. Stuffed to the brim with wonderfully weird characters, between the lovable catty theatre duo of George and Alan, the cringe-inducing desperate rich kid Jared, the endearingly dumb thirstball Theo, the dorky and blissfully unaware queer-bait Ryan, the effortlessly cool and extremely "top energy" Hope, and the absolutely batshit wildness that is Gigi. But mainly it serves as a vehicle for Devers and Feldstein, with both bouncing perfectly back and forth off each other in moments of comedy and drama. Feldstein always pulls off huge laughs pretty much every line and Devers sells a perfect amount of baby-gay awkwardness in one of the sweetest (and heartbreaking) queer romance stories in film. But above all else, it's just so damn fun and aware of what teenagers are actually like than most movies ever have been.

10. Luce (dir. Julius Onah)

*chuckles* "You really think I believe that stuff?"

One of the most wildly uncomfortable experiences in recent cinema history, but not due to any horrifyingly explicit graphic content being shoved in our faces. No, Onah and Lee created something much more discomforting: a constant challenging of all our biases and stereotypes, of us wanting to give chances and have faith in those that we trust. Kelvin Harrison Jr. delivers one of the best acting performances in recent memory because he's able to literally do everything; his Luce somehow manages to perfectly walk the tightrope required for a performance like his. With him behind it, Luce is such a charming, loving, likeable character but there's always just something that seems off about him. And even if Spencer's Wilson has a fixation on him that crosses all sorts of legal and moral boundaries, wouldn't we be cheering her on under different circumstances? In a way, she herself is trying to communicate a lesson about perception too, one that also mires in deep, troubling waters. Even if the film still feels very stage-y due to it's source material, the cold clinical aesthetic only further helps it make us squirm in our seats.

9. Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll (dir. Haruka Fujita)

"Nobody wants a letter that cannot be delivered."

An absolutely magical experience that artistically excels over the original TV series it's based off of. The production is still as impressive as any other KyoAni work, but the composition and lighting in particular are outstanding, selling the social isolation of the first half and the childlike wonder of the second half. Beginning with a sublime Victorian romance in the first half, the story eventually morphs into a tribute to the workers of the world, the cogs in the machine. But in the context of the studio's recent history and the horrific arson attack that claimed 36 members of the studio, this instead comes off as a battlecry against the opposition against them. It's a story valuing those who are overlooked in the process of creation, a story about strong determined women, a story of a young girl defining her own future against society. KyoAni as a studio were most known for treating all their employees exceptionally as well as being a primarily female-led studio, both unfortunate exceptions in the industry as well as the target for a lot of unfair online hatred against them (and surely played some sort of role in why the arson attack happened to them specifically). To see the studio make their first post-attack work so proudly emblematic of what made them unique makes this so much more powerful than you would expect.

8. The Nightengale (dir. Jennifer Kent)

"You know what it's like to have a white fella take everything that you have, don't ya?"

The classic revenge fantasy narrative warped into a bleak, cynical portrait of racist cruelty in 1800s Tasmania. Jennifer Kent, improving leaps and bounds from the relatively straightforward Babadook, crafts a searing indictment of the foundations of colonialism and the misogynistic undercurrent of the barbarous society. It's a revenge movie where the vengeance is horrible and unsatisfying -- there's no crowd pleasing murderous money-shots, just brief moments of comeuppance in the face of everything in the world working against our two protagonists. Those who are squeamish should be aware that it is exceptionally graphic and grueling at times, although Kent does manage to keep up a very good pace for the two and a half hours of hell.

7. Transit (dir. Christian Petzold)

"They say that those who were left never forget. But it's not true. They have the sweet, sad songs. Pity is with them. Those who leave, no one is with them. They have no songs."

Hitchcock by way of Kafka -- a classic existential mystery told in a disorienting separate reality not quite like our own. It's a bold move to take a Holocaust set narrative and completely throw out the actual setting itself, but Petzold only enhances the weird themes of the story by taking it to a completely different but still very familiar time. This is a classic tale of becoming the person you say you are but really aren't -- then begging the question of what if you're not the only one also living a false identity. Buoyed by an excellent and very enigmatic lead performance from Franz Rogowski, who displays a tremendous skill for playing somebody so closed off but also very charismatic and watchable.

6. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

"When you come to the end of the line, with a buddy who is more than a brother and a little less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is really the only way to say farewell."

Tarantino trades in his B-movie worship and penchant for comical bloodbaths (well, for the most part) to make something I certainly didn't expect from him: a relaxed hangout movie about getting old and falling out of fashion. Exceptional production design whisks us away to the height of Hollywood and three different people all looking at their future careers in very different lights. Leo gets to stretch his wings in all sorts of silly fun ways and Brad Pitt finally lets go of the young superstar image and easily slips into his more natural "hot single dad" swagger, playing the most effortlessly cool character of his career. Tarantino sets aside time to look back on his own flaws as well and playfully reflects on his own particular ...quirks. Easily his best since his 90s prime and the first time in a long time I've felt the maturity that he showcased in Jackie Brown.

5. The Lighthouse (dir. Robert Eggers)

"Damn ye! Let Neptune strike ye dead Winslow! HAAARK!"

Hyper-masculine mania as told through a wonderful blend of dark comedy and cosmic horror and with some of the most lush black-and-white cinematography maybe ever in a film. Eggers' now trademark devotion to absolute accurate period detail in both visual design and dialogue greatly helps this reach transcendent heights. But it's truly the two performances of Dafoe and Pattinson that help it weave a perfect spiral of insanity that also manages to be so oddly fun. Never could there be any other paring of actors that would perfectly showcase these two dirty sea-dogs going stark raving mad at each other so well.

4. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

"As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives."

(Director's Cut) Every generation deserves their own paranoia-fueled pagan horrorshow, but Aster strikes a much deeper vein in his epic take on the classic territory The Wicker Man had previously claimed. The brutal rituals of the Hårga are only set dressing most of the time, with much more focus poured into the vile toxicity plaguing the relationship between students Dani and Christian. Reynor's Christian is such a perfect portrayal of a terrible influence -- he's charming, fun, and likeable when he's on your side, but the second anybody goes against him his seedy manipulation begins to seep into everything he says. Pugh continues her winning streak too, delivering a broken person desperately trying to put a smile on while falling apart on the inside as she realizes she truly is all alone in the world. While some might be disappointed by the lack of actual "terror" for a good chunk of the movie, Aster has found something much more likely to scar us than these friendly Swedish cultists.

3. Sunset (dir. László Nemes)

"The horror of the world hides behind these infinitely pretty things."

After striking gold with Son of Saul, Laszlo Nemes takes a hard turn into a very different genre but manages to create a wonderfully unique spin on classic detective noir. His signature camerawork powers this yarn, successfully taking the claustrophobic eye of Saul and using it to give a truly immersive sense of place in the tumultuous world of 1913 Budapest, where danger is simmering under the surface and ready to boil over at any moment. After all, noir is always about the eye of the detective, so Nemes' style takes it to a literal degree where everything outside of Irisz' field of vision is incomprehensible. We catch the same shady sideways glances and hushed whispers at the same time she does too. The plotting, like all noir tales, gets a little too complex for its own good, although it's less because of double-crossing and deceit and more from the story slowly dropping its connection to reality to function on a far more allegorical level. But as far as immersive, experiential cinema goes, not even 1917 can stack up to this film's highs, as the enraged lower-class populace eventually comes for the heads of the bourgeoise and Irisz suddenly realizes she is in the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

"Do all lovers feel they're inventing something?"

An absolutely breathtaking portrait (hehe) of yearning and love, so astonishingly romantic and actually aware of what will make a woman swoon. Every technical aspect is perfect, from the gorgeous locale to the lovely windswept dresses to the soft, classical cinematography. But the true magic comes from Merlant and Haenel perfectly delivering every line of Sciamma's wonderous script. Those two have a sexual tension strong enough to burn down the theater, as their shy glances turn into deep longing stares and both their steely professional reserves give way to poorly suppressed joy at just being able to be with the other. Even their initial terse dialogue melts into pure romantic splendor, as they lovingly catalog all the little gestures the other does when flustered. Their connection during filming was powerful enough to fuel rumors around the two in the press and is currently providing the desire for every thirsty lesbian who finishes this to immediately pull up videos from the press tour and hunt for those same things between the actors themselves. And trust me, they are there.

1. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho)

"Not 'rich but still nice.' Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!"

Very rarely does a film come along that actually warrants to be described as "perfect", as in one that literally generates no critiques in any way even if I was forced to pick something at gunpoint to complain about. But Parasite truly does every single thing right. Even Bong's tonal whiplash style, which does grate on me at times, somehow fits perfectly here as the schemes become increasingly madcap and the increasing sense that this will all come crashing down horribly mounts ever higher. Until then, it's an absolute joy to watch in every way, as Bong stacks the card deck higher and all the characters dive further into the sewer for their own benefit. The midpoint pivot works wonderfully too, as it goes to show that literally every person is getting played in the world of Parasite. It's massive success is only surprising to those who haven't seen it: it's the perfect movie for the era it came out in and may as well be the watershed moment for a new age of cinema where Hollywood finally admits that it's not the king of the world anymore.

[3000wordsandnolife]

Countdown To Midnight- Chapter 7

And the first act is finished with this chapter. But wait, there’s still a loose plot thread!

Time: Sometime after midnight

 I sighed as I walked into my room, the stench of blood filling the air. Ray’s body had been moved to the freezer in the kitchen, as had Jim’s, but the smell still remained in the room, lingering like the ghost of the man himself. I wasn’t going to be able to stay in here tonight, partially because of the events and partially because of the lack of bedsheets that weren’t stained in blood. 

Luckily, I had somewhere else to go, due to rooms that had now become vacant, as well as all the other empty rooms that were in the hotel, as soon as the keys were found. As I had been leaving, Peter had given me the room key for Jim’s room, and as such, I could go use that room instead. Though I doubted I would use the bed, since it was also most likely tainted by the essence of a dead man, despite the fact that none of us had actually used our beds. Maybe it was just pickiness, but I wasn’t comfortable using the bed. The chair, however, would do fine, so I would just go to his room and use that. At the same time, I’d also be able to get the package back, ticking off another thing I was worrying about on my mental checklist, leaving me to only worry about the fact that someone wanted us to kill each other for reasons known only to himself. Grabbing my small suitcase and repacking it sloppily, I left 413, not bothering to close the door. I got to 505 shortly after, the room that Jim had been residing in. Obviously, the door was locked, so I used the keycard and it clicked unlocked. I still didn’t know how Ray had gotten into my room, but I wasn’t as worried as I had been. No one was going to check this room, apart from myself. I walked in, and was surprised by how immaculately kept it was, almost seeming as if no one had lived in the room at all, had it not been for the suitcase in the corner. But then again, it wasn’t out of the norm. He hadn’t been a killer when he walked into the hotel, he had just been a normal person, same as anyone else, until we had been put into this deadly situation of life and death. Well, anyone who wasn’t me, since my job description made my life anything but normal. Speaking of which… my eyes darted around the room, looking for the package, but nothing sprung out. It wasn’t here. But then, where was it? I looked at the bedside table, and saw the small card leaning against the lamp that was sat on top of it. I could see that the card said 209 on it, in a handwriting that was neat, and yet pretty in its simplicity. I think I knew where I had to go next, at least if I wanted to get back what was mine. Or what was going to get me money. Unlike before, I actually locked the door, hiding that I had even been in the room, and walked down the three flights of stairs to the second floor, wondering who had taken the package as I went. The list of suspects, honestly, wasn’t that high. So it didn’t surprise me, that when I knocked on the door of the room, Claire opened it, the package under her arm. “We need to talk.” She said simply, before pulling me into the room with her, closing the door quickly behind her.

 I wasn’t sure what caused her to be in such a rush, but I also knew that she had lied about me, so it was more likely that she didn’t want anyone to see us and have the truth come out. The last thing we would want would be a conspiracy of the two of us working together. I looked over at her table, and saw the gun that had once belonged to Jim before his head became a lot more aerodynamic and a lot less… useful. I didn’t know how she had acquired it, but I wasn’t going to ask questions that I most likely didn’t want the answers to. I just wanted the package back, and so I sat down in the chair, as she perched on the end of her bed, leaning forward slightly.

“Alright then. I guess I have a lot more of an explanation to give.” I said, sighing. While I didn’t want her to know too much, she had lied to protect me, and had saved my life. I owed her the truth, and I explained the true reason that I came to the hotel, telling her about Alan, and about how even I didn’t know what was inside the package. I did, however, leave certain things I’d been thinking out, including how nervous I was about being alone in a room with Claire, but not for the reason that would be expected in this sort of scenario. She listened intently, as if hanging on my every word, and I believed that she was. I finished up, and she straightened out, sitting up. She still had the package, and idly moved it between her hands. She looked down at it a few times, examining every side and corner it had. The package itself was quite unremarkable, brown cardboard folded up and taped down, but whatever was inside, it was taking up the entire box. I hadn’t felt anything moving inside when I had held it in my own hands previously, but it was too heavy to be empty. Once again, I wondered what was inside.

“I believe you.” She said finally, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had been lingering since I had stopped talking. “I think you’re absolutely insane, and that I would never work for someone like him, but I genuinely believe you’re telling me the truth.” She paused, and looked up at me a sceptical expression on her face. “Well, apart from that whole being shot thing. That just seems way too fanciful and distanced from the truth.” I did nothing as she said this, except stand up and lift my t-shirt slightly, revealing the pad that was underneath. It hadn’t been in pain in a long time, but I was certain that it’d need some sort of proper medical attention eventually.

“I can take this off if you want more proof.” I said, gesturing to the pad. It would be uncomfortable, but I imagine it wouldn’t bleed, so to prove it, it wouldn’t be too bad. In fact, I felt as if I’d been wearing it for a lot longer than I had needed to.

“Take off what, the pad or your shirt?” Claire said, smirking a familiar smirk as she raised an eyebrow. I put the shirt back down, ignoring her flirtatious remark. “Guess there’s always time for that later.” She said under her breath, which I again ignored, shrugging it off as one of her strange quirks.

“So what now?” I asked. She snapped back to focus, and held out the package to me. I reached out to take it, and she pulled it back gently, leaving it just out of my grasp. Whatever was about to come next, she wanted control, and I didn’t blame her. Part of me wanted to take it and hide it before anyone else stole it.

“We open it, and find out what was so important.” She said firmly, her face set in an expression of determination. She was right to want to open it, of course. The first murder had been about this, whether people knew it or not. She placed the package down on the bed, and I sat on the opposite side of it. While it had been my job to not open the box, I think this was out of the job description anyway. So why not go for broke? My curiosity would be sated, and I’d find out what was apparently so dangerous that Jim would kill for it. Tentatively, Claire fiddled with the side of the box, peeling away the duct tape that was holding down the cardboard. She slid the cardboard up, and turned the box upside down, emptying the contents onto the bed.

 I don’t think I would have ever expected to see what I had seen in my life. I had kept myself as clean as possible while outside of the law, making sure I was nothing more than an errand girl, responsible for nothing more than a few injured people. This had clearly been why I was chosen for this, since I was definitely the least likely to have something such as this. And I certainly wouldn’t have agreed to do this if I’d known exactly what I had been doing, but then again, hindsight is 20/20. The tightly wrapped bundles hit the bed, and while I had never seen it personally before, I knew what cocaine looked like when I saw it, the clear packaging held together by brown duct tape. It was the stereotypical look. Clare exclaimed, unable to make anything more than just a sound of shock, while I just sat there, unable to process what I was seeing, since my god, it was impossible! But clearly, it wasn’t at all. For a moment, the two of us were fixated on the pile of drugs on the bed, struggling to believe that we were actually seeing what we were seeing. “Fucking hell.” Claire said, summing up my feelings in two words. “I guess that explains the whole incredibly dangerous thing.” She picked up one of the bundles, testing its weight in her hand. “This has to be worth a shitload of money. No wonder your boss wanted it done discretely.” She was right, of course. It had begun to make sense now, and after assessing how much was there, it was definitely not only incredibly illegal, it was an incredibly large sum of money, and would probably gain the attention of a lot of people. I wondered what would have happened if I had never opened the box, and if the package had just been delivered as Alan had intended. I would have most likely been responsible for the dealing of a lot of cocaine, while at the same time being completely unaware of what I was doing. I would have also been completely unaware of how little money Alan had given me for something as big as this, which really shouldn’t have been my concern, but then again, I never had my priorities straight anyway. Claire slid one of the bundles back into the box, and then continued to put them away, resealing the box when she finished. I sat there in silence as she did so, still slightly stunned by the events, and it was only when she spoke up again that I focused myself and returned to reality, escaping from the confines of my thoughts. “So what now?” She echoed my previous question, having put the box to one side, out of reach of both of us. It was a very good question. What exactly did one do when confronted with a revelation such as this? The way I saw it, I had three choices. One, I could continue on as I would normally, ignoring the way I had been affected by the fact, and eventually hand the package over, doomed to repeat the monotony that I had begun a long time prior. Two, I could demand more money and freedom from Alan, hide myself away and start anew, escaping from both my past and my enemies, however many there may be. Or three, I could do what I should have done as soon as I saw what was inside the package, and get rid of it, saving some poor kid from his equally poor judgement in the future. None of these, however, mattered now, which was what Claire was asking about. Again, I was unsure. I had just seen two people die today, and my only choices for rooms were either one that someone had been murdered in or one that the aforementioned murderer had been in, even though he hadn’t actually slept in it, a fact that had only just occurred to me. Still, the idea didn’t really appeal. I sighed, feeling my whole body slouch. The problems of my future faded, as my mind returned to the horrors that I had witnessed. Someone had killed someone else just to stay alive, and there was the chance that that could happen again. Plus, Ray had shown that it was easy to get into other people’s rooms, making me feel even less safe by myself. I turned myself to Claire, who was looking at me, her head tilted to the side as she awaited my answer.

“Can I sleep in your armchair? I really don’t like the idea of using any of the other free rooms.” I said. This wasn’t the only reason, but I wasn’t about to tell her that I was afraid for my life and she was one of the few people that I didn’t think would murder me. I felt as if I’d done enough brave things today. She looked down at her lap for a second, and then back up, with a sheepish expression.

“Actually, about that.” She said, before moving slightly closer, budging over on the bed. Her hand was almost touching my own, and I could have sworn that for the first time, she had almost seemed embarrassed. Suddenly, I was hyperaware of our surroundings, but there was nothing to focus on that could distract me from how close to each other we were. “You know… how I’ve been kinda… saying weird things? You know, things that could be seen as… flirting?” She asked. I had indeed noticed this, but had put it behind me, choosing to instead focus on more important matters. However, thinking back on it, it had been a lot more than casual. “After everything that happened today… I kinda… don’t want to be alone either.” She said, taking a long time to speak. It took a moment for me to decide how to respond, but I realised, after a moment, that we were both in the same boat. We were scared for our lives and in the presence of someone we felt we could trust, and someone that we were relying on. She was relying on me for comfort, and I was relying on her to keep my secrets safe. I moved my hand onto hers, and she looked up at me, her eyes widened slightly, as if she was expecting a different response. It was as if when she needed it the most, she couldn’t use her experience to get a read on me. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling. Though I had seen her before, it was as if I was looking at her in a new light. It occurred to me that I hadn’t really seen her when she hadn’t either acted overly intelligent or overly cocky, and that right now, I was looking at the real her. Someone who was just like me, who hid themselves behind a guise of being someone they aren’t just to benefit themselves, though her reasons were probably very different to my own. Nonetheless, she was quite similar to me, and it was probably that that had drawn us together.

I couldn’t keep track of how long passed after it had happened. Hell, I barely remember anything that had happened at all in that window of time we spent together. I’m not quite sure what had come over me in that moment, but for a brief time, all I wanted was her, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered, and like there hadn’t been two deaths, one of which she was responsible for. It was strange, as if a switch had been flicked in my head, turning my attention away from focusing on survival, and giving myself up to my emotions, a combination of fear, loneliness and the need to have someone, anyone, that I could be close to, no matter how short that time lasted. I had barely considered it before this moment, but now she was all I was focused on. Her breath, her body against my own, pushing me forcefully against the bed. It was nowhere near my first time, and yet there was something about it that just appealed to me, as if the situation only added to how good it was. It felt like too soon that it was over, and I felt myself longing for more, something I knew wouldn’t happen. We laid there afterwards in each other’s embrace, which, as she slept, soon fell apart, her arms moving off me as she turned around. I laid there in silence, staring at the ceiling and hearing Claire’s gentle breathing from next to me as she slept. My mind was buzzing too much to let me sleep, however, and as a result I was resisting the urge to get up and walk around, or go down to the lobby and try and find another way out, or do something else to distract myself from my thoughts. The last thing I would want would be to add to the death toll, which might have seemed irrational had it not already happened. I turned myself to face Claire, who was still sleeping soundly, as she had been for a while. I’d been in relationships before, sure, but there was something about this that was different, most likely stemming from the fact that we had come together after such a harrowing ordeal. I couldn’t even tell if this was a one-night thing or if she actually had feelings for me. The latter would be weird, considering we’ve known each other for a day at most, but I wouldn’t be against it. I mean, she was funny, smart, attractive, and all kinds of fun and crazy, if a little insecure about herself, shown by the way she hid her true personality from me, as I had. That’s probably how she could tell I was lying from the start, since she’s done it almost as much as I have, if not more. As I listed these things in my head to myself, I realised that I had indeed developed feelings for her. How I had managed to do it this quickly was beyond me, and I had my doubts that it was actually anything more than just a combination of adrenaline and fear that had caused us to be in this scenario. And yet… I didn’t care. I was content to just ride this out and see what happened, no matter how bad it could end up getting. And in this case, it could end up getting pretty bad, but I doubted it would be anything that would actually stop me. I turned over and closed my eyes, letting the ticking of the clock attempt to lull me into a gentle sleep. Which didn’t work, of course. I wasn’t comfortable. With anything. Everything felt weird, and nothing I did helped. I turned myself back over, facing Claire again, who had her eyes slightly open, tiredness in them. I opened my mouth to speak, and her finger was on my lips. Her finger was soon replaced with her own lips, and her arm was around me again, pulling me close to her. I wasn’t sure how long it took, but eventually, I managed to fall into a dreamless sleep.

[i-am-the-entertainer]

An Attempt At A Comprehensive Review of RWBY Volume 4

I did a couple of posts reacting to RWBY4 as it was coming out, which you can find in the rwby4 tag on my own page. But I figured now that it’s been a few weeks I can write a more comprehensive review.

FULL SPOILERS FOR RWBY VOLUME 4. And sorry this is long.

First thought: IT WAS SLOW AS FUCK.

I mean sweet jesus, that dragged. If I were to think of the whole volume as one long movie, I could count a full hour of content going by without a single fight going on. Which, I mean, you can get away with in a full-length movie, but with a show like RWBY, which was co-created by a guy known for his fight animation, that comes out in 20 minutes spurs every week? That’s really, really bad. I mean, I guess they sort of got away with it in past volumes (not really though), but that’s mainly because the episodes were a lot shorter. And the World of Remnants coming out at seemingly random points made it all the more worse. I mean, I sat down and watched the whole thing through recently, episode by episode, and honestly it was alright. But watching it in process? That was torture. Plus it didn’t feel like the more interesting arcs going on were getting enough development time.

Second thought: Pretty good world building

Okay, slowness aside, for me the World of Remnants painted a fascinating picture of...well, of the world of Remnant. A lot of thought was definitely put into the mechanics, and Vic’s voiceover as Qrow getting increasingly drunk made them all the more entertaining. But again, I’d prefer it if they came out concurrently with the episodes rather than in place of an episode. As some have noted, that doesn’t build hype, it pisses you off.

Third thought: Meh Fight Choreography

RWBY’s was interesting to me in the first place because of the fight choreo, though I stuck around because I wanted to see what happened with the characters. Since we don’t have Monty and Shane on hand anymore to animate RWBY, their animation which to some extent was RWBY’s signature is gone. Of the fights in RWBY4, I felt that only two felt like something resembling Monty or Shane’s work––the character short and Qrow v. Tyrian, though both of these fell flat.

Fourth thought: Animation style and design was beautiful

Barring the snore-worthy fight choreography, the switch to Maya this season definitely improved the quality of animation drastically. The animation in Volume 1 was deplorable, the animation in Volume 2 was better but still kind of lacking, Volume 3 was an improvement but they could still have done better. With Volume 4 the design elements were done really well, and in the Maya engine they came out in ways I don’t think Poser could have achieved.

The Grimm this year were especially terrifying. I loved the added touch of the black smoke they emitted, and the Nuckelavee Grimm was pretty cool.

But again, I think there’s a problem when you at first have good fight choreography and poor animation, and later have good animation but poor fight choreography.

Fifth thought: Too Many Plotlines

Six different stories and about 3 hours to tell them? Really, really bad idea.

This is something you do in a show like Game of Thrones. I get that RT Animation is fairly small, but if you’re gonna have this many plotlines you need much, much longer episodes, at least 30 minutes per chapter I reckon. But 10-20 minutes means a plot that starts one episode doesn’t pop up again until almost a month later, by which point you’ve forgotten about them or ceased to care.

Sixth thought: Underdeveloped Plotlines

I would call this a side effect of the previous one. I think the first...three or so?...episodes introduced quite a few compelling plotlines (at least to me). Cinder’s recovery following the number Ruby did to her at Beacon, Yang learning to live without her arm, Blake running away from her problems, Weiss dealing with her parents, Oscar.

But as the season dragged (and boy did it drag) a lot of these plot points were seemingly dropped or at most didn’t serve as much importance as the first few eps implied. For example, I thought they would have more about Cinder’s recovery or how the team was dealing with Pyrrha’s death, but most of it only appeared in a few eps and would be brought up––sometimes randomly––several episodes later. Yang’s arc felt especially truncated––the prominence in the opening made it seem like it would be a major point this year, but they had only two episodes of her dealing with PTSD, and all of sudden she has the arm and is all better. I mean, I liked what little I saw, but I really really wish they’d shown more. If you’re gonna take on a topic like that you need time to show it, and the way this season was set up there wasn’t enough time.

The thing is, the way this year went you can sort of tell when Miles and Kerry went, “Oh crap, we went in over our heads.” I think it was around episode 4, when we had a World of Remnant, a RWBY episode, then another World of Remnant, which I think is the first time a WoR has appeared so soon after a previous one. To me that inconsistency signals a point where the team realized they were nearing the halfway point and the plot wasn’t going fast enough.

That’s a failure of the production structure: if you’re gonna take the show to an epic scale like this, you need to have everything ready before the first episode, or at least somewhere in advance. RWBY is largely produced as it’s being released, and the result is they don’t have enough time to review everything and realize when something’s not working. If Rooster Teeth Animation doesn’t have the capabilities or the time to take a plot to its full potential, that plot needs to be dropped.

The only really good plot this year I thought was Weiss’s arc. Well-written, good performances by the voice actors (more on that later), and fairly well-developed. But it was stretched out over a long period of time, so in retrospect that made it a little difficult to follow.

Seventh thought: Voice Acting Was Great

Maybe it’s experience or the fact they hired more professionals, but the voice acting this year was really good. All four of the Team RWBY voice actors were great, but I’m singling out Barbara Dunkelman and Kara Eberle for best performances, as I think their arcs provided the best range of emotion for them to portray; this especially shows in comparison to their performances in the first volume, which I rewatched back in December while this season was in full swing. I think ultimately though Yang’s plotline was too truncated for us to see how much Barb has improved since 2013. Kara, after portraying Weiss’s icy personality in the first few volumes, really showed a surprising range of emotion for Weiss’s realization of just how vain her family and acquaintances are.

The real MVP of this season was Neath Oum. He’s by no means a professional voice actor, but knowing he took on the character in honor of his younger brother and the surprisingly substantial role Ren and Nora served this year, he honestly killed it.

Minor thoughts

The best moment I thought this season was Qrow and Raven’s discussion in Higanbana in “Chapter 4: Family.” Great voicework from Vic Mignogna and Anna Hullum, well-written dialogue, good camera angles, and an interesting way of developing the plot. Only problem is it was a few minutes in an early episode, and the discussion was never brought up again––hopefully next year?

The best episode was “Chapter 10: Kuroyuri.” I thought the voiceover work for young Ren was kind of eh, but I liked that we got more of Ren and Nora’s tragic backstory, which was only alluded to in the first few volumes. We get a glimpse of Ren’s semblance and the start of their friendship, plus a genuine glimpse at what kind of enemy the Nuckelavee is. But I think it happened too late in the season––at that point I was just too invested in what would happen to the other characters to really want a flashback episode. The stakes needed to be raised earlier, and though we got hints at the Nuckelavee in Chapter 2, there wasn’t enough in the rest of the episodes to make us aware how big of an enemy it was.

Moving on/Too Long; Didn’t Read

As a general assessment, this season had vast improvements from previous seasons, but overall the result was a disappointment. Too much going on with too little time to tell it. Moving forward I think RT’s best decision is best case scenario make longer episodes, worst case make more episodes. I suppose a better in-between ground is reuniting Team RWBY, but at this point that’s probably not gonna happen until the end of Volume 5.I was, again, disappointed, but I was invested enough in the characters that I want to see what happens to them next year...this September...whenever the hell they start up. So for now I say goodbye to RWBY proper, and look forward to whatever ridiculousness they bring to RWBY Chibi this year.