rosella007rh

[simptasia]

okay i’m getting the impression that a buncha people think drabble means the same thing as a one shot. it means a fic that is exactly 100 words. if you’re wondering the purpose of such a thing, it’s a writing challenge/exercise 

[5uptic]

here from ur main. why don’t you like him today? 👀

i'm putting a keep reading on this one because this is the most negative i will get about 5up here, just as a way to express myself about how my perception of him has evolved from the last time i touched the subject. i also don't think i'll come around so probably this is also the last time i'll talk about this, at least as candidly as i plan on doing lol. and i do want to make it clear that this is no form of "cancellation", that this isn't me urging 5up to change or do anything, or to say that i will come back once x or y things change. this is just a matter of personal taste and just my opinion on the guy, which comes down only to my likes and dislikes.

but yeah, the wording of my tag post is that yesterday i just fully accepted that i don't like 5up. it was just a buildup of a lot of things... i have my gripes with every streamer i watch, because of course i'm not gonna like every aspect about their online personality and presentation - no one is meant to, that's just how humans work. so i did genuinely love 5up for a long time, while things about him and his community did bother me, because i enjoyed a lot of things on his streams and i had a lot of nice things to say about him. it's just that i no longer see those things that i used to like that much, or it's a case of the bad things outweighing the good ones.

of course there's the case of 5up's ego which is easily my biggest problem. i like other streamers who have a bit of an ego, like punz for example, but there are many instances where punz either accepts he's not performing so well, chat doesn't take him seriously and he plays along the teasing, or actually does something to back it up. and when it came to watching 5up the instances where we could make fun of him became few and far between. just something very memeable, like the whole colors thing, ends up being annoying just because he refuses to let go of the idea of superiority around something that 70% other people in the world experience too. and that's just one example: if you are familiar with 5up's streams, you can name a lot of other things 5up is overconfident about. and if you are familiar with 5up you are aware of the way he deals with those situations and can understand why someone might feel annoyed at the constant ego showcase.

personally, there are a lot of guys around my life who have an ego problem and mansplain me and shit, but in that case i'm able to stand my ground and tease them about it or call them out. but it's just an impossible thing to do with 5up because well, he's not my friend very obviously lol, so that just leaves me feeling powerless and annoyed on the other side of the streamer/chatter interaction.

this is also a big problem when 5up has pretty much branded himself around the idea of being great at every game. of course i don't deny his skill in lots of games he plays, but as someone who is into dbd content creators, the constant gloating when he was playing the game feels unwarranted because he's an average survivor at best, and relies heavily on good perks and killers on the other side of the 1v4. i really loved to see the og core 4 playing dbd because of the interactions and dynamics of 2 of them being complete noobs at the game, but the need to feed 5up's ego when he looped novice killers was so unnecessary and it made me cringe a lot. the phrase "breaking their ankles" is forever tainted because of it. this is just another case of 5up performing averagely and having an ego around it despite so many people being able to do what he does. and also the claims of "i could eaaaasily be rank 1 if i tried hard enough", the overconfidence and lack of self awareness is a big eye-roller. same thing with mcc: again, i don't deny 5up has skill and experience to back up some of his claims, but the overconfidence that he can bring his team to victory every time is annoying when he never does vod reviews or practices on the server. i remember when pogchamps was happening and 5up was going to be in mcc that same week, people were complaining that he never practiced and i was like "how do expect him to do it when he's competing in a chess tournament atm?". but then it turned out he barely did any chess practice outside of his streams with anna, and i had nothing to defend him with. and i know i can't feel crazy about this, because everyone is laughing at 5up's question of "what games does sapnap beat me in?" and just his lack of self-awareness when it comes to his perception of himself.

another criticism that i never voiced before is his inability to commit to let's plays or certain games. you know, stuff like it takes two, resident evil 8, deltarune chapter two, no umbrellas allowed (which was also the last time i genuinely enjoyed watching his stream) that so many people were able to coordinate and play across multiple streams, he just won't do it. if he didn't play "little nightmares" in one stream, i have a feeling he would've never finished it. the fact that he was so spread about his schedule annoyed me because i wanted to see 5up finish certain games, only for him to complete drop it the next stream and then claim that he wouldn't be continuing the game days or weeks later. again, not something i would fault him for, because who knows if there's a real reason why he does it, but it feels baity and i couldn't even get excited about 5up playing certain games because if i got too attached, he could just drop it immediately and forget that it exists.

there's also what i noticed yesterday, although i can't really have the novelty of saying that it's something that only i know. when people were messaging me when i first talked about how i didn't like 5up anymore, i got asks talking about his lackluster interactions when he's on calls with other streamers, and after yesterday's crab game lobby i have to agree. there was such a novelty in seeing so many people interact with each other, mcyts with otv and the crewfu, etc. punz hiding with scarra, steve and celine agreeing that costco chicken is top tier... but every time it was 5up interacting with others, it just felt stilted and awkward, and he just repeats things back and doesn't add anything to the conversation. back then i did pick up on this, although not as explicitly as now, and i didn't love streams where the catch would be 5up and co playing a new game and interacting. but yesterday i was finally able to catch it and that's what made me officially admit that i straight up don't like him.

sigh. it's sad. i'm still somewhat fond of him, and it's a very weird thing i've never experienced with other content creator. part of me wants to be able to like him and let that be the end of it, but i genuinely tried it. in the past months i sometimes watched his streams, no volume and no chat, just to try and have that bond again, but as soon as i turned on the volume he would say something that would make me roll my eyes. it's hopeless and i'm sad that it is, because i do love every other member of the crewfu and i like so many people in the streamer circle around 5up. it feels wrong for him to be the one exception when he was the one that brought me in.

well, all that said, i'll never be antagonistic to 5up on this blog so you won't have to worry about it. it's a me thing so i'll keep it to myself (maybe occasionally vent on my main if i feel like it). but i'll still post as i've been doing it lately and remain active in the community, so if that's what you're worried about, well then, no changes will be made to my blogging in these last few months :)

[capricornus-rex]

heey, i was wondering if you could make an imagine with cal, in which he likes the reader and everyone knows but she is oblivious to it. Thanks in advance and sorry if my english isn't perfect I am actually Brazilian. Love ur writing btw

Hey there! I could definitely make it, hence this fic hehe ;) It was fun writing it because an oblivious reader is a first for me. You’re welcome and don’t worry, your english is fine! I hope I didn’t use any difficult words in the fic for you. And thank you! Hope you like the fic 😁😊💕

“The Two Faces of Bracca”

Cal Kestis x Reader

Tags: Non-Jedi! Reader, Oblivious! Reader

Masterlist

The rain had stopped for once in Bracca.

Cal’s division was granted a half-day. It has been a while since they last received such a privilege—that is technically a work benefit—after working on the new acquisitions for a whole week.

“See ya later, Cal!” Prauf waved as Cal walked away.

“Yeah, you too!” the young boy waved back.

He navigated through the inside of the gigantic machinery: shimmying through tight spaces, scaling grates from one level to another, and swung on ropes between large gaps. Cal was a natural at this—after all, he practically grew up here. After passing by a few more workers who have recognized him—and his purpose—they point him to a direction the moment they meet eyes with him; Cal, in turn, nods back at them as a silent thanks, then continues on his way.

He traverses through a series of winding turns in halls that are now tilted sideways due to the position of the ship, risky climbs that involved grabbing on rickety ventilation grates, and climbing up a thick cable as the last part of his route to reach the bridge of an abandoned Republic frigate.

“Hey, [y/n]!” he called as he pulls himself up to the ledge of the opening.

You immediately stop your welding, took off you mask and acknowledged his presence.

“Oh Cal, hey there,”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

He walked up to you and stood next to you, glancing over your shoulder and studying whatever it was you were tinkering.

“What are you still doing here? Today’s a half day!”

“Oh, right. I clocked out earlier with the rest of you guys, I just went back to finish this.”

“A speeder?”

“Yeah, well, sometimes the lifts barely fly or that the pilot droid’s busted so I figured this would be a better alternative—it’s only a prototype. I think it isn’t conducive for driving yet. I was just about to finish for today.”

You blanketed the speeder with an old canvas tarp and prepared to get yourself cleaned. Cal willingly helped you out in putting away your tools.

“So, are you going to Qeb’s blow-out tonight? His treat, he says.”

“Oh, that was today?”

Cal nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely be there!” you beamed.

“Great! I was… I was thinking we’d go there together.”

“I’d really love that, Cal,”

You could’ve sworn you spotted some color on Cal’s cheeks—even in the dimness of the sky and under the roof of your hideout. You bite your lip and pretend that you didn’t notice it.

“Well, that should be all of your stuff. I gotta go and get changed too.”

“Sure, I’ll see you tonight then,”

“Meet me at the scrapyard’s entrance gates?”

“Of course,”

Cal dismissed himself and left the bridge in the same path he got there. As soon as he got far enough from the bridge, he smuggled a celebratory smile and hissed a very private “Yes!” as he exited your hideout.

Cal met up with Prauf shortly after his visit to you.

“Oh, there you are, kid! Where have you run off to?”

“I just went to [y/n],” Cal couldn’t resist the smile curling up in his lip, it was one of those unconscious yet natural smiles. “I asked her to come with to Qeb’s little party at the pub.”

“So, it’s a date then?” Prauf teased, seeing that he was hopelessly smitten.

The warm color returned to Cal’s cheeks and he has no full control of it. The boy stammers his way to a coherent answer. Prauf bellowed in an endeared laughter.

“Come on, it’s not like that…” Cal defended.

“Oh, Cal, I think it is like that!”

Cal shrugged off the teasing and headed back to his place—an abandoned Venator that he has made into his home. He sheds his black-and-orange poncho on a makeshift rack—one of the many makeshift fixtures that he has resourcefully crafted ever since he’s called dibs on the abandoned ship—followed by removing the top part of his jumpsuit and then proceeds to get himself cleaned.

It was quiet inside his Venator home, but it was a peace that he had grown accustomed to.

He splashes a handful of cold water onto his face. He tilts his face away from the basin, letting the droplets trickle down his neck, his collarbones, and finally down to the groove in the center of his chest. The moonlight shines over the mirror with his foggy reflection, he gently scratches away the grime that collected on his face which he subsequently rinses off. He sighed under the moonlight, then scoops water into his cupped hands and brings it to his mouth. For his finishing touch, he combs and rakes his scarlet hair back like how he always have kept it.

Donning a fresh, black jumpsuit and a second poncho that looks exactly the same as the one he hung, he exits the Venator and makes his way to the entrance gates of the scrapyard—exactly where he promised you and he would meet.

“There you are,”

Your voice caused Cal to spin around until he spots you standing next to him. This was his first time seeing you with your hair down, since you always wear it in a ponytail during work. He examined you from head to toe: a black shirt under a navy blue, sleeveless leather coat, beige pants, and black boots. A new sight from your usually scrapper’s blue jumpsuit and poncho.

“Have you been waiting for a while?” you hummed.

“No, no. Not really,”

“Oh, that’s a relief. Thought I kept you waiting.”

“No, you didn’t. Don’t worry,” he smiled.

Cal walked by your side on the way to the pub, the both of you shouldered through the dense crowd in the city. It wasn’t an easy route though, some of the people accidentally bump or brush against your shoulder or arm as you follow the flow of the foot traffic. Cal decided to put his hand on the small of your back—which somehow made you flinch—guiding you while keeping you close to him.

“You look great, by the way,” Cal bashfully said, in the very little window of time where neither of you are pushing your way through the traffic.

“Thanks, you too.”

Eventually, you’ve arrived to the bar where the get-together was happening. It seems that they were about to start when you and Cal came in. There weren’t many who came, but most of them were from work—ones that you worked closely with and the friendlier ones too. All of you shared a table, exchanged stories about the past week over some drinks.

“I saw [y/n] work on something cool earlier,” Cal blurted and now everyone wants in on it.

“Oh? Let’s hear it!” Qeb, the Besalisk host, insisted.

“Nah, it was only a prototype. It’s a speeder I modified that can carry a few kilos of scrap—in case the lifts are busted.”

“Dibs on the first test drive once you’ve finished it,” Cal casually blurts.

“You got it,” you smile before bringing your glass to your mouth.

At the corner of his eye, Cal saw that Prauf was looking at him funny—but the scrapper boy clearly knows the message that his friend was trying to send. When you have put down the glass, it was too late for Cal to make the move for now. The conversation evolved into a banter of engineering tips, then it eventually transitioned into a recollection of each other’s funny stories that happened at work.

Apparently, the night was still young for Cal and you, even after Qeb’s get-together treat. Cal waited until Prauf, Qeb, and the others have left. He gently nudges you on the arm.

“Come on, follow me.”

A smirk plays along his face and takes a step ahead of you. Intrigued, you willingly followed; fortunately, the foot traffic was sparse, which made it easier for you to catch up to him. Cal led you back at the scrapyard, but along the way, you realize that it’s a route that’s unfamiliar to you.

“Where are we going?”

“Oh, you’ll see!”

The farther you got, the more interesting this became.

“Careful when climbing the cable. Hope you’re not afraid of heights!”

“I’m kinda used to heights!” you chuckled.

The faint creaking of the cable that you were climbing on somehow worried you, but you didn’t let it ruin the fun; the sound of the twanging sound of the cable made your heart skip as you scaled it.

“Whoa!” you gasped when the cable loosened and jiggled, you were still clinging onto it—and you were only mere inches away from the ledge where the rope ends.

In that same split second, you felt Cal’s tight grasp on your arm, you tilt your head up and meet eyes with him.

“Don’t worry, I got you!” he reassured you.

You were startled from the near-death experience that you couldn’t say anything, though he sensed your gratitude.

“Come on, give me your other hand.” He coaxed.

You linked arms with one another and he pulls you up. He loses his footing causing him to stumble to his back, on the other hand, you landed on top of him while he was still clutching you in his arms. You gently lift your heads, exchanged glances at one another, and saw color fill your cheeks. The two of you communicated in small chuckles and shy stutters.

“Sorry,” you mumbled as you bring yourself to your feet, offering him your hand which he gladly takes.

The cycle continued when you pull him up to his feet, his weight nearly made you lose your footing, but he caught you just in time by wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Got you—again.”

Cal releases you after a few seconds and then beckons you to follow him again.

“Are we close?”

“Yup!”

At last, he has led you to the highest point in the scrapyard, atop another Republic command ship but he has brought you to the roof of the main command center—or the bridge. The cold air was breathtaking, as well as the sight that the scrapyard has to offer—silhouettes of ships as far as the eye can see, dark indigo clouds looming in front of the pale, ivory moon.

“Oh wow…” you sighed. “I don’t think I’ve never seen a view of the scrapyard like this before.”

“Wait till you see Option B.”

He chuckled a bit, brings his finger to your cheek, and gently angles your head to the other direction.

The second view stole what little air remained in your lungs. It was a citywide view of Bracca: gigantic hologram projections of advertisements danced between blinding neon lights of every color, speeders and pods sped through in neat lines as they leave trails of lights from their taillights, even the people dotting the streets added some color.

“Oh God…” you gasped. “Why didn’t I see this before?”

“Pretty cool, huh?” Cal said while producing two cans of Jawa juice that he apparently bought earlier at the pub while you weren’t looking. He offered you the second one and clinked cans with one another.

You conversed while staring into the neon light-filled horizon of Bracca. The two of you had the same pose of propping your chins over your fists while sightseeing side-by-side.

Both of you spent the night with more stories, whether they were from the distant pasts—way before either of you ended up in Bracca—your plans for the future, the present, or shallow secrets. No detail was spared from this intimate conversation. In fact, it was one of the very rare moments that you actually open up—Cal was the only person you trusted and he has the same sentiment for you.

Your contagious laughter made Cal’s stomach fill with butterflies as he shared one story about himself as a child involving a cookie jar that didn’t belong to him, conspiring with one of the elderly keepers, and splitting the bounty—which were the cookies—until two in the morning.

When it appeared that neither of you have any more stories of your past to tell, you shift back into the topic of this place that he has brought you to.

“Do you always come here?”

He shakes his head, “Just occasionally.”

“I’m surprised you’ve kept a scene like this to yourself for so long. It’s just so pretty up here.”

“Yeah,” he cooed, then turned his head to you, his next word was a soft whisper. “Pretty.”

Cal watched the streaks of neon flicker as mere lines over your eyes, their glow mingled as they illuminated your face altogether, a smile slowly curls up at the corner of his lips; you slowly turn your head to him, never have you ever been this physically close to him you could practically kiss him.

You shoot him a bashful smile before returning your attention to the cityscape. Seeing your smile was always enough for him, he examined your features once more—for some reason, you looked somewhat a different person when not in your scrapper’s uniform. Nevertheless, he released a long, contented sigh, savoring the night with you by his side.

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf