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#i got so angry i dont even remember
mllenugget · 30 days
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Hey remember when Baghera adopted Dapper like 8 months ago or did I make that up ? ────────────────────────────────────────── Support all the admins that spoke out (& do your daily click) ──────────────────────────────────────────
#idk why on earth i gave baghera knuckles- when i say i turn my brain off when I draw i mean it#i only noticed it after i was done with the shading and it jumpscared me#got me stuttering in confusion i have never drawn anthro arms/wings this way these dont even look like feathers wtf me ??#..... sooo looks like ive got a new wa-cats type of fandom on my hands#as in i am still very emotionally attached to the memories i have from this no matter what i do itll keep coming back#but i havent read the books in several years nor do i plan to anymore and looking back i am so angry and disgusted#but also im still blown away by the creativity and the passion the fandom builds on its own#i wanted to go ahead and finish any art that ive been working on for the past almost year and decided this one would be the most fitting#i learnt last week that only the first 20 tags on an original post will show up in tumblr searches#and I think im going to take advantage of that#because i dont want to hype the server anymore and i have decided i will no longer be adding my watermark on top of my work#and i was going to refrain from tagging it because i dont want my related posts to show up#before remembering that some of my mutuals who ive been chatting to for years now#have these fandoms blacklisted#so im going to test it and hope it works#im still going to tag the characters i love though because i wanna show support to the actors and i wish them nothing but the best#baghera fanart#pomme fanart#dapper fanart#dappleduo#my art#mcyt#qsmp#fandom neg#tag this however you want#yap yap yap yap tlddr
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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.
#so ive been in a bad mental state lately#because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own#which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them#and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too#i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful#and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing#and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom#so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset#and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything#AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds#i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again#i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best#im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it#but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard#so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk#btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am#and im full of manic energy#tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room
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romanroygirls · 11 months
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logan mentions in the first ep that kendall was "still in the nut house three years ago" so that's why he couldn't do The Job and this makes me so angry. three years is a long time in sobriety. it's actually a huge accomplishment because addiction is so difficult, especially in the executive business. kendall has to look away from stewy doing coke so he wouldn't be tempted. coke in their business is just an appetizer for heavier stuff and kendall tried so much, so hard only for logan to write him off as incapable for having a fucking illness
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hella1975 · 1 year
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thought about my old house for more than two seconds and almost cried so i did the smart thing and looked at the pictures of it on rightmove to see how the new owners (they have lived there since 2015) have completely ruined it (they redecorated) to the point it's unrecognisable (got an extension) and im literally ugly sobbing about it. they let my mother's garden die
#YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THERE USED TO BE CONIFERS THERE AND I REMEMBER CLIMBING SO FAR UP THEM#AND MY GRANDAD SEEING ME THROUGH THE BRANCHES AND SMILING AT ME AND SAYING 'HELLO' SO SOFTLY#BACK WHEN HE WAS NICE AND I REMEMBER THERE'S A BACK ALLEY BEHIND ALL THE GARDENS ON THE STREET#THAT YOU CANT SEE IN THE PHOTOS AND ME AND THE TWO BOYS NEAR ME USED TO SPEND HOURS AND HOURS#RUNNING ABOUT AND GETTING DIRTY AND BREAKING INTO THE NEIGHBOURS' GARDENS AND GETTING IN TROUBLE#AND NOW ONE IS IN A MILITARY SCHOOL BECAUSE HIS PARENTS GREW SCARED OF HIM#AND THE OTHER GOT INVOLVED IN GANGS AND GOT CAUGHT WITH A KNIFE IN SCHOOL BUT I SAW HIM AT THE LOCAL A FEW MONTHS AGO#AND HE'S STILL ONE OF THE SOFTEST BOYS IVE EVER MET AND HE SMILED AND SAID HE WAS GLAD I WAS DOING WELL#AND I REMEMBER RUNNING UP THE STAIRS WHEN MY MUM WAS ANGRY AND I REMEMBER RUNNING DOWN THE DRIVE#WHEN MY DAD CAME HOME AND I REMEMBER MY OLD DOG AND HOW MY MUM EXPLAINED THE NAMES BEHIND EVERY ROSE#I REMEMBER BEING SCARED OF THE CELLAR AND I REMEMBER LEARNING TO PLAIT MY OWN HAIR ON THE STAIRS#BECAUSE MY SISTER REFUSED TO TEACH ME AND I REMEMBER HOW COLD THE ATTIC WAS#I REMEMBER SLEEPING IN MY MUM'S BED AND I REMEMBER THE CAT DYING#I REMEMBER CLOSING MY EYES SO TIGHTLY BECAUSE I THOUGHT ID SEE SANTA AND THAT MEANT HE WOULDNT COME#I REMEMBER CRYING IN THE BATHROOM WHEN MY SISTER TOLD ME THE EASTER BUNNY WASNT REAL#I REMEMBER MY MUM BRUSHING MY HAIR IN THE KITCHEN BEFORE SCHOOL AND I REMEMBER HOW WE PAINTED THE WALLS#THAT'S MY HOUSE IT'S BUILT FROM ME AND NOW I CANT EVEN RECOGNISE IT#THAT WAS THE LAST PLACE I WAS TRULY HAPPY NOTHING BAD HAD EVER HAPPENED TO ME#AND NOW IT'S FOREIGN TO ME#im about to start dry-heaving this is evil and sick and twisted childhood homes come with their own ache i think#hella goes home#<- not quite but v much fits that tag
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gunthermunch · 1 year
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the unification of simblr, 2022 (colorized)
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elegyofthemoon · 5 months
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IF YOU COULD be at any airport in the world rn which one
the bangkok one i wanna go home but also to look at this cool statue :)
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bhaalsdeepbat · 7 days
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Tfw a scene hits you with such force and clarity, it's absolutely like a religious vision
When Astarion gets up in the middle of the night to handle the twins so they will be quiet and let Mercy sleep, Mercy sneaks off to the undercity ruins. Theyre gone for hours hunting any Bhaalists who are trying to maintain the ruins, slaughtering the Bhaalists, and then going to the altar to yell directly at Bhaal, only to be met with silence. Mercy screaming that he couldn't take anything else from them. They'd make damn sure of it. Just never saying "You took everything you wanted from me, but you cannot have the twins." And it's a threat. One that isn't answered.
Then returning to a fretting Astarion (bc they're both still unlearning their codependency)
#bat rambles#durge and astarion are still working through toxic habits after the tadpoles are dealt with#they're both codependent and until this point havent had to be separated#or even like exist in a way that wasnt together#Mercy’s his emotional support person#and mercy is a guard dog who needs a job and their job is protecting Astarion so no one can get close#while he shoots an arrow through their throat#but now mercy also is feeling protective of the twins#not even maternal projectiveness or anything#they just can see who they were in the twins and if they got a chance#even with them spilling so much blood their body remembers what their mind cannot#mercy got a second chance and theyre going to extend that to the kids#it's just complicated and scary#astarion is still very much in his head and just performing so he doesnt have to think about the Horrors#he's just playing 5D short-term chess but he doesnt think of the twins as people yet#at best theyre like disgusting little gnolls#tolerating bc he can see Mercy isnt rejecting them#and mercy is like preparing for him to be like. this is NOT what i want#even tho he's absolutely thinking to himself it's barely a blip in his immortal life span#the time needed to rear the kids enough to be self sufficient and independent is nothing#but mercy will NOT ask him to stay they would never ask him to do something they think he may not wanna do#but bc no communication he's very confused about why they're so fucking angry at him all of a sudden#bc theyre pushing him away#their act 1 relationship was v much defined by communication issues by two people who dont know who they are#never love an anchor
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eclaire-went-bam · 17 days
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ngl character ai is really boring
on one hand, yeah it's ai and it's steals from existing writing and ouuugh ai is bad we all know this but i do see a lotta people even from creative spheres talk about it positively a lot — which i'm not tryna get on a high horse about, mind you. i really liked it at first too
but it's like...so;; boring? everything misses that human aspect, or there are small subtleties it doesn't understand or whatever. sometimes it's funny for trolling, but for characters and world-building and roleplays, imo, it's soooo boringggg. it says the same things half the time and obviously doesn't know where to go. nothing's ever interesting. it really does feel like junk. which it is. but like. how did it get so popular. i don't get how most my friends are still so extremely attached to it
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soldier-poet-king · 1 year
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Lmao bitch i THOUGHT given how much shit bro 2 has caused lately it'd be a good opportunity for me to slip in my tattoo plans without my mother's extreme disappointment and I was wrong! God forbid my mother ever approve of me or any of my decisions! Or even just neutral non judgment! Not even that I gave her forewarning rather than just showing up one day in a few months with ink! My mother never takes interest in me and my accomplishments and interests, so why would I expect anything but disappointment over something I knew she wasn't keen on in general? Oh but it's FINE if bro 1's perfect gf has tattoos (which, imo, are tacky ones but that's a matter of personal taste) but she's perfect and can do no wrong and is the feminine daughter my mother wishes she had so whatever I guess
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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todayisafridaynight · 7 months
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maybe if i play y7 ill be normal <- played y7 four times this weekend, a decidedly not normal thing
#snap chats#'snap how many times can you play y7 in a week before youre tired of it' do you wanna find out together#i had a horrible night last night. ok not a WHOLLY horrible night but something trash did happen and i woke up still groggy bout it#i dont like sulking about the past but sometimes i cant help it and it aint fair to myself to act like i can help it. sometimes.#i gotta be candid just for my sake last night i got real upset with my friend because when i say she tests me She Really Does#and i hate getting angry cause then i just feel like my mom and at that point i figure itd be better if i slipped on ice and broke my spine#generally im good at controlling my temper but everything just testing me and i broke down and it was embarrassing as hell ☠️☠️#so yeah thats gonna bother me for a few days LMAO#'snap it aint that deep' it AINT and thats why its so annoyin cause i KNOW it aint that deep yet i still cant argue away how i feel#all i can do is try to ignore it... like plying y7 for the 11th time.....#i cant ply it now tho i told myself id work on a commission a bit so. maybe later...#i already started another file yesterday- or was it two days ago ???? idk i just know im up to chap 5 in it#chap 5 always give me a damn headache its so LONG at the very least the benefit to having my friend over and raising my blood pressure#is that i start to remember things to do from a y7 speedrun. like i dont hound her on what to do obvi i just let her play#its just lil notes to myself. tho she does tell me to give her tips and exploits when i can LMAO#anyways.. im gonna go work ig and try to feel like crummy bye bye#i wanna stream.. maybe i will this evening before my evening class.. lol.. we'll see but probably not
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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How do you think majima hit his ex wife ? Do you think he did it like kiryu slapped haruka , he whapped his hand over her cheek like a reflex, without even thinking. Do you think he revved up for a backhand during an argument, or maybe he grabbed her by the shoulders and straight up threw her to the ground while she was at her most vulnerable and then he walked out the door and never looked back
#Yakuza loveblog#we dont give majima enough shit for hitting mirei but she seems so wistful when she was talking aboht it#mirei is .. shes like haruka but not because when something terrible happens to haruka she files that emotion away and keeps trucking on wit#her angellic smile but when mireis going through a lot she shuts down and she gets that blank expression a lot more like majima does ..#maybe he got that from her ?? i think she got the abortion and went home to tell majima about it. all the while that blank look plastered on#her face and she tells him that she was pregnant and before he could have any resction to that news she tells him she got rid of it#and majima is shocked he looks at her face and he gets mad it looks like she doesnt give a shit. she didnt even tell him she didnt even#trust him and he shoves her to the floor he’d yelled at her for a reason he cant even remember now and she looks at him without any emotion#and he figures it out. that she was right not to trust him because hes like This. and she doesnt love him because hes like this so he walks#away knowing he doesnt deserve anything from her because she was hurting and he could only make it worse. and maybe he cried a bit over her#had a few angry tears at some bar but she never shed a tear over him because thats just not who she is#she recounts the story to haruka with a blank expression and a slow#calm voice that betrays no emotion ... she really loved majima that much was obvious .. neither of them had been really ready for a#relationship but i believed they did love each other they just didnt know how to deal with two things at once
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uncreativebean · 1 year
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Growing up is realizing Sharpay and Ryan were done dirty by Troy and Gabriella's acoustic stripped version of their bops
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