#i guess im more of a coma buck truther than i thought

[loserdiaz]

i've seen a lot of ppl talking about buck and eddie both getting knocked out during the storm and eddie wakes up relatively quickly in the hospital and the firefam's there and he sees that buck is missing and is like "oh and buck is with chris right? where is he?" and the others just look at each other not knowing how to tell him that buck's in a coma and i just—

can you just imagine tho, eddie in that hospital bed and he can't get up and even when he tries bobby and chim and hen are there to stop him and no one would tell him really what the hell happened except that buck is in a fucking coma and all they can do is wait.

and eddie just wants to see him, make sure he's alive and that he still exists bc most days buck feels like a pipe dream, something too good to be true and eddie's losing his mind.

and then—

it's late at night and his hospital room is so quiet, hen is in a chair next to his bed and she's sleeping and eddie loves her but all he can think about is that usually is another person who sits next to eddie's bed when he's hurt, another person who holds his hand and reassures him he'll take care of chris while eddie can't.

the tv is a soft, barely there background noise as it casts a dim light over the room, but when he looks up it's the news are playing back what happened earlier and he sees the moment the lightning strikes, sees the moment eddie himself almost falls... sees buck falling from the ladder truck and hitting his head against the side—

"buck" he gasps without even realizing, the name falling from his lips like a plea, like a prayer begging to be heard.

"buck." eddie chokes out as his mind replays the fall in slow motion.

eddie was supposed to have buck's back. eddie was supposed to save him.

hen wakes up and eddie quickly realizes he's hyperventilating, struggling to take a deep breath and tears are streaming down his face with no way to stop them.

he's having a panic attack. he hasn't had one of those in a long time, eddie thinks almost absentmindedly.

"eddie hey, it's okay." hen redts a hand on his shoulder and tries to calm him down but it doesn't feel right— her hand is too heavy on eddie's shoulder, and it's not the right side. It's too soft, too—

It's no buck's.

"i need to see him." he manages to blurt out the in between gasps. "hen, let me see him. please." he begs and his voice is shaky and breaking by the last word. it sounds pathetic and desperate even to his own ears but eddie can't bring himself to care at that moment.

his heart is beating too fast, unforgiving against his ribcage, his hands are trembling and eddie—

he just needs to see him.

it takes a while and the nurses are definitely not happy with himself— once again, eddie doesn't have it in him to care.

especially when he's put in a wheelchair (he doesn't need it but he's picking his battles carefully right now) and taken to see buck.

his hospital room is a lot like eddie's but maddie is sprawled on the chair next to the bef, with red puffy eyes and hair a mess.

she looks exactly like how eddie feels inside, if he's being honest, and for a moment he feels a kind of weird keenship to her.

they both would do anything for buck. they both hate to see buck hurt.

"i'll give you some time with him." she smiles tiredly and then she's living the room along with hen and the nurse who wheeled him in.

eddie swallows hard and reaches out for buck, his hand immediately resting against buck's...

buck's hand is cold to the touch, when usually it would be warm.

it's still, when usually it would be squeezing eddie's right back.

it's pale and small against the sheets and eddie feels like he might throw up.

"please wake up." he whispers, but in the quiet of the room it sounds loud and oh so desperate. "please don't leave me."

and eddie— there's so many words he needs, wants to say. so many things he needs to get out, so many things he needs buck to hear...

but for now they stay lodge inside his chest.

for now, he keeps them to himself but he hopes he'll have the chance to say them out loud someday.

he hopes buck will want to hear them.