#i had a prophetic vision

[red-might-be-dead]

she jort in my storm until i THIS JUST IN, WE'RE RECEVING REPORTS THAT A NEW FAD IS TAKING THE NATION BY STORM, IT'S NAME? JORTS. IT APPEARS AS IF THIS NEW BREAKTHROUGH IN JEAN SHORT SPLICING TECHNOLOGY IS CAUSING IRREGULAR WEATHER PATTERNS ACCROSS THE GLOBE... IT'S THE WARMER SEASON SO I CAN'T WEAR JEANS, I REALLY LIKE THE DENIM BUT NOT THE LENGTH OF THE SEAM! MY MUM DRESSES CAS AND MY DAD LIKES TO PREEN, I'M NOT LIKE EITHER OF THEM, I GOT THE RECCESIVE GENE! JORT STORM! JORT STORM'S COMIN' TONIGHT! A JORT STORM! IT'S A CATEGORY FIVE! JORT STORM! JORT STORM'S COMIN' TONIGHT! I SAID A JORT STORM'S COMIN' SO GO RUN AND HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!! JORTICANE!! JORTNADO!! JORTNAMI!! JORTQUAKE!! JORTRUPTION!! JORTALANCHE!! JOOOORTPOCALYPSEEE!!!!!! JORT STORM'S COMIN' (JORTS!!) SO YOU BETTER START RUNNIN'! FAST, IT'S A CHASE! BUT BE CAREFUL 'COS THESE JORTS WILL CHAFE YOU DOWN! THEY'RE THE NEW SENSATION! (JORTS!!) WEAR 'EM TO EVERY OCCASION, JORTS IN THE POOL! OR EVEN BETTER WEAR THEM TO A FUNERAL!! YEAH! (J J J J JORTS!) MY PERSONLITY IS 99% JORTS, I TOOK A GENETIC TEST, BUT ALL MY GENES WERE SHORTS!!!!!! JORT STORM! JORT STORM'S COMIN' TONIGHT! A JORT STORM! IT'S A CATEGORY FIVE! JORT STORM! JORT STORM'S COMIN' TONIGHT! I TAKE OFF MY FUCKING JORTS, THERE'S MORE JORTS INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!!!!! BREAKING NEWS, MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE BEING SUCKED DIRECTLY INTO THE 'JORTEX' AND IT'S HEADING STRAIGHT FOR THIS STUDIO, TO MY WIFE CHERYL AND SON TIMMY I LOVE YO- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! THE ELDERS FORTOLD! (JORTS) OF A FASHION SO BOLD!!! A NEW GOD OF THE EARTH! (JORTHULU!!) SEAL IT IN DENIM AND TURN IT INTO JEARTH!!!!!!!!!!! *EPIC KAZOO SOLO*

[neverkayzat]

My toxic trait is putting trash men in dresses, like 8-ball, and going insane.

(Click for better quality)

[rocketbirdie]

zack gets a slice

[artcinemas]

Vishnu, after knowing someone's got a very funny boon: READ YOUR CONTRACT FOLKS AND DON’T GET SCAMMED BUT IF YOU’RE A DEMON BE SURE AS HELL BITCH I’M GONNA LOOPHOLE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

[jellazticious]

Alright we have enough angst where Vigi can't have Noisette but what about Noise losing her to him

[bluebird-ascended]

good old days

[lovebunnie]

i would be absolutely shocked if nandermo actually did happen. i dont think it will, i dont think they will ever kiss or make a move. i think theyll leave it in limbo forever. i think the show will end with guillermo finally leaving for good. nandor will try to make him stay but it wont work, he’s already making plans to move somewhere else and packing his things and in the foyer of the house, a slight acknowledgment from them both. nandor asking quietly, “it was real, wasnt it?” and guillermo will smile and say yes. it was real. but guillermo will go and life will move on and maybe even at the very end we will meet nandors new familiar who moves into the space under the stairs and makes a comment about how shitty the space is and nandor will say yea. it’ll grow on you though.

[starjunkyard]

never got around to posting this 1970s daniel molloy sketch... COME HITHER MY SCARABS

[b1mbodoll]

g!p stepsister ning n her perv friends 😋

they’ll grope n tease u when ur parents r out n giggle amongst themselves when you whine n beg for their attention 😵‍💫 ningning keeps you stuffed full of her cum n her friends like to spread ur hole n watch it leak from ur needy lil cunt <3 jerking off to the sight n groaning when they cum, ropes of their sticky seed making ur cunt even messier n causing you to rub ur clit

[pcktknife]

I wanna make....a vn.....

[blu-ish]

⚠️LONG COMIC POST WARNING⚠️

I recommend playing "is it better to speak or to die" along with "outro" by Cesourius, for the full comic experience. You can find the audio on Spotify or Youtube ❤️❤️❤️

A knight is madly in love with a princess King...

[bowl-of-fruit-loops]

honestly props to anakin for holding out as long as he did. if my seventeen year old padawan was sentenced to death I’d start biting. and also blow up the planet.

[one-in-a-million-fishsticks-blog]

Kidnapped Firepaw AU

Following up the "Banished Fireheart AU" with this absolute gem.

Premise:

As Spottedleaf recounts the prophecy of fire to Bluestar, Tigerclaw lurks and listens, wholeheartedly believing in the words of Starclan like the UWU good pureblooded clan cat that he is.

Obviously he now needs to find himself a highlighter orange cat, he can't have the clan destroying itself before he ever even gets the chance to lead it after all, but where on earth is he supposed to find one when highlighter orange genetics aren't exactly common in the forest?.......

Enter Rusty, wondering the border of two-leg place all helpless and alone, itty bitty wittle barely apprentice aged kitty.

He's perfect, he simply HAS to join Thunderclan, the prophecised cat has gotta be him.

Besides, "rescuing" a kit from potential danger is the right thing for a noble warrior like Tigerclaw to do in this situation.

(Scourge? Never met her.)

Recruitment speeches and independent thought processes? What in Starclan's name are those?...

Tigerclaw could just carry this kit home right now if he wanted to.

So he does, he just stalks Rusty for a while, pops out of the bushes when the timing is right and straight up catnaps him.

Rusty is still the Rusty whom we all know and love, so he isn't THAT deeply upset about getting to live in the wild, but his little paws are rated E for everyone and he vows to make this entire experience as difficult for his kidnapper as possible.

Measures taken by Rusty to ruin Tigerclaw's life now include:

Acting more cynical and prickly than even Longtail on the daily

Ensuring that the cat assigned to escort him back home one final time as he says his last goodbyes to Smudge is Tigerclaw, the one cat who hates two-leg place more than Darkstripe

Cozying up to Bluestar (and later Yellowfang) when he knows damn well that Tigerclaw wants to be the adult in his life for some stupid reason

Making Ravenpaw his best friend as soon as organically possible because he also knows perfectly well that Tigerclaw will be forced to tolerate Ravenpaw if Firepaw takes a fancy to him

Ravenpaw: "Tigerclaw wants to kill me...."

Firepaw: "So that he can convince Bluestar to make me his apprentice instead?.... No thank you!"

Firepaw is a paw-length from convincing Bluestar to be his mentor, he will not be letting Tigerclaw ruin that for him.

The petty grudge continues into Fireheart's career as a warrior, prompting a neverending series of events seen as unfortunate only by Tigerclaw.

What do you mean his orange cat likes all of the remaining cats that he was planning on murdering?.... That was supposed to be HIS orange cat! Now how is he supposed to continue on his bloodthirsty quest for power?

Fireheart is best friends with Goldenflower now, she is his big sister, all of the adoration, attention and respect that Tigerclaw wishes he could get from Fireheart goes to Goldenflower

Bramblekit and Tawnykit are on the same level as Cloudkit, they are also his niece and nephew and he goes out of his way to hog nursery visitation

Longtail and Dustpelt are going to be Fireheart's friends now whether they like it or not, he is going to slowly squeeze their Tigerclaw love out of them like two-leg tooth paste and make them part of the 💥 Fireheart Squad 💥

Graystripe, Ravenflight(paw), and Sandstorm are already part of the 💥 Fireheart Squad 💥 and they help him bully Darkstripe

[syl-stormblessed]

pov you're stuck on a boss in a final fantasy game

you: *has lost 24 times in a row* *has tried every party combination* *has used every move and item you have* *has level grinded for hours and hours* *has still gotten absolutely destroyed every attempt* *finally gives up and decides to check a walkthrough*

the walkthrough: using the instakill ultrawin superpowered game breaking ability that you should've obtained 11 hours ago-

[luckydicekirby]

the sheer whiplash of going from louis’s morose gothic prose to lestat like hi it’s the EIGHTIES I have LEATHER AND A MOTORCYCLE AND A ROCK BAND!! my dear beloved louis is a fucking liar but it’s fine I’m winning the 20th century!!! let me proceed to boot up ms-dos and type up my life story. i love it. anne rice for all her faults might be the funniest bitch who ever lived

[ellilyre]

Diomedes but he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in eastern european gay porn