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summerohnine · 6 years

Text

you won’t be alone

warnings: homophobia

word count: 2k

summary: in which dan comes out to his parents in 2010 and things don’t go as planned.

a/n: this is something i wrote that combined a number of one-line prompts i received. they are sprinkled throughout and in italics.

[read on ao3]

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This had been a terrible idea. Dan knew it as soon as he saw the expression on both of his parents’ faces when he finally let the words slip from his mouth. Why did he decide that the first day of his week-long stay at his parents’ house would be a good time to come out?

Maybe it was because he didn’t expect his parents to react this badly. He thought his parents were better people than this.

Now, as he gathered up the few belonging he had brought with him, shoving them into his suitcase along with the many tears that had surely fallen in, he knew his expectations were set much too high. His parents were kicking him out. They had begged and begged him to come back home over break, yet didn’t even hesitate to make him leave after only a few hours of him being there.

He left their house with his suitcase, throwing his jacket on and slamming the door without a word to either of them. He didn’t look back as he cried and pulled out his phone, calling the only person he could think of talking to.

“’Ello?” Phil picked up after only a few rings. At the sound of Phil’s voice, a loud sob escaped Dan’s throat that he failed to contain.

“Phil?” He felt bad for bothering Phil but he didn’t know what else to do other than call him. Dan had nowhere to go. He was a three-hour train ride away from Manchester and he hardly had enough money to buy a ticket.

“Dan? Why are you crying? What’s going on?”

Dan took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. It helped but only slightly. “Phil, I-” He cut himself off with a hiccup and tried to hold in the sobs. “I came out.” Dan came across a bench as he was walking and decided to sit down, knowing he would just get lost if he kept walking. It was late November so it was already completely dark outside despite it only being a little past dinner time. The only source of light was from the eerie glow the streetlamp gave off and the occasional light from passing cars’ headlights.

Phil was silent on the other end for a moment, probably waiting to see if Dan was going to continue. “They didn’t take it well, did they?” Phil sounded disappointed.

Dan laughed bitterly. “They kicked me out, Phil.”

“Oh my god, are you okay?” There was shuffling on Phil’s end.

“Well, I’m about as okay as I can be for someone who just got kicked out of their parents’ house with nowhere to go.” Dan tried to laugh it off but neither of them really saw any humor in the situation.

“Are you safe?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, that’s a start. Do you have a ride home?”

Dan chewed on his lip, taking in a breath. “I don’t have enough money to buy a train ticket, so no. I don’t even have enough for the taxi fare to the fucking station.”

“Okay - hey. It’ll be alright, Dan. Just breath, okay?” Dan’s breath had quickened and Phil must’ve picked up on his growing anxiety. “Can you get a taxi from where you are to my apartment?”

“How would I ever pay for that? That’s way too expensive.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

“No, you can’t. I won’t let you.” How was it fair for Phil to pay so much because of Dan’s own mistake? He should be responsible for it himself.

“Dan, I’m doing it. .” Phil’s voice was stern. Dan knew how stubborn he could be so he didn’t attempt to argue. Not now, at least. “Just order a taxi then call me when you’re done. I’ll stay on the phone with you until it gets there.”

Dan wanted to cry. Well, technically, he already was. But this was for a different reason. Phil, this boy who he had just happened to stumble upon on Youtube, who somehow ended up replying to Dan on Twitter and sparking up a conversation, was doing this for Dan. He was offering to pay for a taxi just so Dan could get home safely. He was picking up the broken pieces of a mess that was Dan’s to clean up. It was Dan’s own mistake that he should have to deal with himself. They had only been together for a little over a year, yet Phil had already done more for Dan than anybody else had in his entire life. Dan didn’t deserve it.

----------

Phil stayed true to his word and talked to Dan until the taxi arrived, trying to keep his mind off the inevitable. They both knew they would have to talk about it eventually, but for now, Dan just needed a distraction. Phil told him about the crazy lady he saw at the grocery store earlier that day and about what he made himself for dinner, explaining in detail how he supposedly almost set the kitchen on fire. Dan couldn’t help but laugh despite everything that had gone so horribly wrong for him that day. Phil always had that effect on him. He couldn’t help but smile whenever he talked to him.

“The taxi’s here.” As much as Dan wanted to keep talking to Phil until he could be held in his arms and sleep beside him, he really wanted to spend the taxi ride listening to music and ignoring everything.

“Okay. I’ll let you go, then. Text me when you’re close so I can be waiting outside. You’ll be okay, right?”

Dan chuckled, some of the coldness having left his tone. “It’s only three hours, Phil. I think I’ll survive.”

“Okay. You know I just worry about you.” Dan could hear the smile in Phil’s voice. “I love you. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Dan sighed. “Love you, too. Bye.”

----------

The taxi ride passed by in a haze. His mind was too clouded by emotions to focus on the passage of time so it both felt like only a moment and an entire lifetime by the time he was pulling up in front of Phil’s building. Phil was already standing outside even though Dan had failed to text him. He must’ve timed it out well enough that he knew right when Dan would arrive. Either that or he had been waiting outside in the cold for far too long.

“We’re here, kid,” the driver said in his scraggly voice. Dan sat up slowly, mumbling his thanks and watching as Phil came around to the driver’s window, handing him his credit card and explaining that he would cover it.

Dan got out of the car and walked around to grab his suitcase from the trunk, being met by Phil’s arms around him as soon as the taxi drove away. Now that he could feel Phil’s embrace and smell his familiar cologne, his mind cleared enough for everything to sink in again. His entire body began to shake again and he felt tears threatening to escape his eyes.

Phil rubbed small circles on his back, only squeezing tighter when Dan began to sniffle. “Hey, don’t cry. Let’s go inside, yeah? We can talk there.”

Dan just nodded and let Phil take his hand, leading him all the way up to his apartment. Dan dropped his suitcase right inside the door and immediately ran back to Phil, swinging his arms up around his neck and allowing himself to break down. Phil said nothing. He just held him because he knew it’s what he needed.

Dan thought he had cried himself out earlier as he packed his things and walked from his parents’ house, but he had clearly been wrong. That had only been a small sample of the complete mess that he was now. Snot dripped from his nose onto Phil’s shirt and the noises coming from him were more screams than sobs.

After Dan calmed down enough that his entire body wasn’t convulsing with each heave, Phil pulled back slightly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dan nodded and followed Phil into his bedroom. Phil handed him his York hoodie and Dan graciously took it, pulling it over his head and wrapping his arms around himself as he curled up against the headboard. Phil sat next to Dan and opened his arms as an invitation for Dan to crawl into which he accepted instantly.

“So what happened?”

Dan told him everything. How he sat them down after dinner, how he told them he was bisexual and that he was in a relationship with another man. It didn’t take much for them to understand who that man was, seeing as the only person he ever really hung out with was Phil. Dan’s mother hardly said anything. It was his father who went off.

He screamed at Dan that “no son of mine would ever be with a man” and told Dan multiple times that there was something wrong with him.

“Nothing is wrong with you, Dan,” Phil said as soon as Dan recounted that part of the story. “Don’t let him make you think that.”

Dan intertwined their fingers, cheek pressed against Phil’s chest. “I know.” They were both quiet for a moment, Dan enjoying the comfortable silence while he thought of what to say next. “This whole situation just sucks, to put it lightly.” Dan smiled sadly to himself, staring down at their hands clasped together. “I always thought my parents would understand, or at least try to. When I was younger, my parents were the only people I had. I didn’t have many friends and my brother was too young for us to actually be close. As sad as it sounds, my mum was honestly my best friend for a while. I told her everything. And she listened. Now here she is letting my dad throw me out of the house without any protest because I’m not turning out to be exactly what they wanted me to be.” Dan didn’t mean to go on a rant, but the words just continued to spill from his lips and he couldn’t stop them. He figured it was probably good to get it out, though. Too many times in his life he had gone without saying anything to anyone and it only ever caused the problem to get bigger within his own mind. “What do I have now? My parents were my backup plan, as sad as it sounds. If college didn’t work out, I was just gonna go back there and get a job at the cinema like every other college drop-out does where I’m from.”

Phil shifted so he could kiss Dan’s lips lightly, not moving his head away when their lips parted. “You’ve always got me,” he mumbled, looking Dan in the eye intently. “I’ll be here for you. If college doesn’t work out you can come live with me and I’ll help you through it all. You won’t be alone - at least not if I have any decision in the matter.”

Dan didn’t have words for how he felt. Phil was too good for him, and he had to remind himself of this every day. Dan didn’t know what he did to deserve such an amazing person in his life. Phil did something every day that showed Dan how much he truly cared for him, and Dan couldn’t help but wonder when he would finally wake up from this dream and come back into the real world. It was too good to be true.

Instead of telling Phil all of this, he just lurched forward and smashed their lips together, much harder than Phil had kissed him just moments ago. After all, actions speak louder than words, and he had a lot he wanted to say.

Phil moved so they were both lying down next to each other, never once breaking the kiss as they shifted down the bed. Phil’s arm came around him to pull Dan flush against his body, wanting to be as close as physically possible. Dan let out a noise of surprise when Phil pulled away suddenly.

“Stay here tonight.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dan whispered quickly before pulling Phil back in to kiss.

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