#i had to contort my arm backwards so she’d crawl back into her tank

[ayanamireis]

moog let me hold her for the first time today

[zodiyack]

Family

Pairing: Columbus x reader

Warnings: Violence, swearing, zombies, death?, SPOILERS TO THE FIRST ZOMBIELAND MOVIE, um probably some stuff that would make you grossed out? I dunno, it’s zombies man, fluff

Bold + italic: Columbus’ voice-over || Italic: Memory, but I’m sure that’s already been established in my other fics 

Note: I apologize if this is trashy, I wrote the beginning following the movie, since I’ve literally seen it about 100 times, and I realized I would have to include the reader more so I came up with the second half, but I’m not sure if I like it. Hope you guys enjoy! 

masterlist

Columbus woke up, puzzled. He turned to face the previously sleeping girl, eyes widening when he saw her bloody and vomit covered face. She was making weird groaning sounds, but he was too busy panicking to notice them.

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” He started backing up.

She opened her mouth to let a puke-like-liquid pour out. Columbus jumped up, startled, worried, and slightly grossed out.

“Woah, woah, woah!” 406 screamed and hopped off the couch, following him slowly. “Okokok, stop, stop, stop! ...What are you doing?” She lunged at him, reaching out with one arm to claw or grab him. The screams that came out of her mouth while doing so sounded inhuman, demonic even.

Columbus wasn’t sure of what was happening, but he was slowly processing it. And slowly processing is better than not processing at all. He darted off to the kitchen, 406 following behind, still screaming. His back hit the fridge and 406 slid into the kitchen.

He lifted a blender as a makeshift weapon, “Stay back 406. I don’t want to hurt you-” She blinked as the top half of the utensil fell off. Columbus stared at her for a few seconds, muttering one word when he realized what just happened to his form of protection. “Shit.”

406 lunged at him again, causing him to throw the blender to the side and move out of the way as quick as he could. She ran straight into the fridge, turning around and following him. They ran through the house, her being blood thirsty, and Columbus being scared for his life.

He ran into a room on the right and shut the door as quick as he could. However, 406′s ankle was in the way. He had shut the door on her ankle. She wrestled to get in, screeching louder when she twisted her foot and he pushed harder against the door. The bone was now visible, and Columbus, being the innocent sweetheart that he is, apologized over and over to the undead girl.

“Oh my God, I am so fucking sorry!” 

406 screeched, but in all honesty, it sounded like she was screaming “ow” in the inhuman voice. Her face kept contorting in pain, it didn’t last long though. She managed to push the door open.

Columbus ran to the connected bathroom, rushing to unlock the door that led out of it. Unfortunately for him, she was fast. She pulled him off the door and threw him into the shower, making the shower-curtain fall on top of him. 406 did as the curtain had done, but on purpose, and tumbled onto Columbus.

Panicking even more than he had just a few minutes ago, Columbus grabbed the curtain and tossed some of it over her head, putting his hands on her shoulders to keep it from coming off. Her face-shape began to appear in the curtain as she screamed and leaned forward. Her fighting grew more violent, her mouth almost reaching his face, he slid his hands to the part of the curtain behind her head. It would’ve suffocated a normal human, but once again, Columbus was in denial and too panicked to notice the abnormality

She grabbed the shoulders of his hoodie, the two moving around as they wrestled for life or death. Columbus finally got the upper hand and pushed 406 into the cupboard. Her mouth was more visible now, and she was biting over the curtain, which had gone into her mouth. A few chomps later, and her tongue ripped through the curtain, blood spilling out of the hole with it.

Columbus made a sickening noise, reaching behind himself with one hand, the other still holding his undead neighbor back. 406 was now grabbing his face in an attempt to pull it closer to hers while her tongue moved around. A smaller cupboard opened behind Columbus, allowing him to reach in. He pulled out a bag of cotton balls, taking a second look in confusion and slight regret.

The cotton balls were thrown at 406′s face, not phasing her in any way. He reached in again, pulling out a roll of toilet paper and throwing it at her, making a face after it didn’t affect her either. His reaction to the useless weapons could be summed up with the words; “What. The. Actual. Fucking. Fuck.”

He finally pulled out a random spray-can, spraying it into 406′s open mouth. She started coughing. Columbus was unaware that she was a zombie, as it was only the beginning of the apocalypse, but she was. And since she had only recently turned, she was faster and still reacted in a somewhat human way.

Columbus took the chance he was gifted, moving backwards on the floor while 406 coughed. By the time he stood up, 406 was growling and wrestled the curtain off. She crawled towards Columbus, who was now half on the toilet and grabbing the toilet tank’s lid. She finally reached him, only to get the lid smacked hard to the back of her head.

Breathing heavily, Columbus walked backwards out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut. He held up the lid, continuing to walk backwards. Panic and cautiousness never left him.

“You see, you just can’t trust anyone. The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me.”

He stopped halfway in the hall. Something didn’t feel right. 

The door pulled open with a loud creak, and 406 used the door frame to help herself stand up. She looked at him and limped forwards a little. Her eyes met his. Even though she was dead, her glare seemed so agitated, it felt human.

“Please...” He started backing up. “Listen to me,” he swallowed. The sweat was glistening on his forehead. “406. If you’re in there...You’re just sick.” Columbus shook his head, trying to reason with the undead girl. “Okay?”

406 moved her head around. She looked at him intensely. Then, she lifted her head to the ceiling and closed her eyes. She let out a loud demonic scream. It was the most horrifying shit Columbus had ever heard and seen; she limped towards him, dragging the broken foot behind, her speed picking up quickly.

Columbus prepared himself. She was getting closer. Closer. Closer. Until-

‘BANG’

He smacked the lid across her face with the rest of the strength he had. Her body dropped to the floor and stayed there. She lied limp and dead. For real this time. 

And with that, the rule of Double Tap was born. As well as Columbus’ other rules and knowledge of the zombies. Zombies existed, and it was time to wake up and realize it.

Where was Columbus now? He was with his family. No, not his real family...they were dead. He was with Tallahassee, Little Rock, Wichita and Y/n. 

They survived the grocery store. That’s where the two men met Little Rock and Wichita. They survived the Police Station. That’s where the four of them met Y/n. And they survived Pacific Playland all together. That’s where the two men rescued the three girls. That’s where they called each other family.

To be specific, he was lying in bed with Y/n. Cuddling is something that is need often in the zombie apocalypse, seeing as the world has been taken over by man-eating monsters. Cuddles were a way to comfort your partner at a time like this one. And that’s what they were. Partners. Lovers. Mates. Soulmates.

They were and had been for a while now. He was glad that he let a girl into his life once more. Y/n was his world, and he was hers. When Y/n met Columbus, she was serious, not afraid, ready to die. However, now that she had been with him for a long time, she was willing to cling on a while longer. And he was too.

Y/n bashed the third zombie’s head with the end of the rolling chair. Her safe place had been destroyed. The undead were closing in. Who would do this?

“Hurry! We’re gonna need to hurry if we want to get out of here a- ...alive...”

The h/c girl turned to the voice. It was a young girl. She had braids in her hair, a shotgun in hand, and was tapping the other girl next to her. The older girl turned and her mouth dropped open.

“Columbus. Tallahassee.”

The two men she must’ve been talking to turned. One caught Y/n’s eye. He was a rather sweaty, but cute curly haired guy. His curls were sticking to his forehead. He was breath-taking. The other male, was an older guy in a cowboy hat. If y/n had to guess, she’d guess he was Tallahassee.

“Uh- uhm- hello. Are you...”

“Bitten? No. But thanks to you guys, I could have been. What’d you do anyways?”

“We um...” The child spoke up again. She didn’t know how to explain it, her badass aura was replaced with shock. “Well we thought this place was abandoned.”

“That’s okay. Do me a favor though.” The group nodded, one of them shooting a zombie that managed to get through, then returning their attention to Y/n. “Take me with you.”

“Excuse me?” Cowboy-hat-man asked. He had a country-like accent, and that added to Y/n’s guess of names. He looked suspicious of her.

“Take me with you.”

“Why should we-”

“Okay. You know how to work a gun, correct?”

Y/n quickly pulled out shot a zombie that stood behind the curly haired man. It was like it came out of nowhere, but it helped Y/n prove her point and confirm the man’s question. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She shot the zombie’s head a final time, now that it had been in her view after the group moved to see what she shot at.

“Cool. I’m Little Rock.”

“Nice shot. Wichita.”

“Come on guys, are we seriously gonna-”

“Columbus. How’d you know to double tap?”

“Just something I do. Nice to meet you guys. I’m guessing angry cowboy is Tallahassee?” The group nodded with smiles on their faces. They didn’t even know it yet, but they seemed more and more like a family with each moment they spent together.

“Y/n?”

“Yes Columbus?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She giggled, adjusting her head on her boyfriend’s chest.

“Y/n?”

She giggled more, “Haven’t we already done this?”

“Yes but...”

“Hmm?” She closed her eyes. She was listening to his heart beat and his talking, it was all so soothing.

“I’m glad we met you.”

“I’m glad you guys did too. And I’m really glad that we’re all together now. A family.”

“A family.”

Their lovely time alone was crashed by Tallahassee, a now 15 year old Little Rock, and Wichita. They jumped onto the bed, laughing amongst themselves. Their family wanted in on the cuddles. The entire family was there, and they were thankful.