#i have a solution to everything I'm always reassuring and comforting and nice and kind

[softshuji]

The idea of someone actually loving me, being excited to see me, spend time with me ,speak to me, thinking I'm pretty or smart and nice and not because they need something from me or they think I can provide something for them is so unfathomable to me that even if someone does love me I don't think I could ever believe it's because it's me and they really care for me and not cos they see something in me that doesn't really exist or a solution to their problems or something to use till the next person that provides what I can comes along.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Standing in the Wake of Devastation (II)

Suna and Kaya, in the aftermath of the storm. Taken from episode 52.

Author note: Okay, so I lied. This is not a one-shot anymore. I'm still not 100% sure how they plan to build the story in canon. All signs point to this couple being endgame, but with dizi writers… who knows. However, I want nice things to happen, which is why the chapter ends the way it does.

AO3 link here.

By the time Seyran's TV show ends, with absolute chaos erupting all around, any kind of admiration Suna might have felt for her sister's courage is completely shattered, replaced by an all consuming fear, burning shame, and a deep sense of betrayal.

She stumbles blindly through the room, barely aware of Kaya's presence behind her, eyes blurred with tears, a single thought echoing in her head.

It's over.

Right when she thought she had found solid ground to walk on, the ground is turning into quick sand, threatening to swallow her whole. And this time, there will be no escape. If something happens to Halis, she will be kicked out of the mansion - and how can she realistically expect Kaya to keep supporting her if she ruins his revenge before it even started? So there will be nothing left for her, because she knows with the clarity of someone who has been handed a life sentence that it would be better for her to die than return to her father, after the humiliation he suffered because of her.

She barely makes it to the staircase before collapsing, tears flowing freely now that the rest of the family is nowhere in sight. Kaya sits down next to her, his demeanour calm and comforting, no trace of his earlier coldness, and Suna would be grateful for it, were it not for her emotional turmoil.

"We will think of something," he promises, and she would believe him in normal circumstances, but now she can't see any solution, and she tells him as much, between tears and sobs. She blurts out all the other things too before she can even second guess herself - the fear, the humiliation, the weight of the knowledge that everyone is aware of her past misfortune and hellish life, and how she tried to leave everything behind, and couldn't - and will never be able to.

Then Kaya's arms are around her, and she's pressed to his chest, and all she can do is cry her eyes out, while he's whispering words of encouragement, his lips kissing the top of her head.

"It's not your fault," he reassures her, and the weight of what had happened is a bit more easy to bear, if only for a while.

*

She almost makes a terrible mistake later that evening.

She had an ugly confrontation with Pelin when returning home, and ended up pulling her hair, with Kaya barely able to separate them, and then she redirected her anger towards him, because how could he stand there, hearing all the horrible insults that woman had uttered, and not be on her side?

And since she had not been in the mood for a lecture from him, she had not waited for him to return to their shared room - instead, she had quickly changed and sneaked out when no one had been paying attention, a single thought in her head - that she had to leave.

But she has nowhere to go, that's the bitter truth. Nowhere to go and no one she can truly count on. Kaya had told her he would always support her, no matter what, and she had been ready to fully believe him, especially after the way he had consoled her at the reception. It's obvious though that his support comes with terms and conditions, and who's to say that he won't give up on her as soon as she will become too inconvenient to handle?

After all, even Abidin, the man she thought was in love with her, gave up on her at the first disappointment.

She means nothing to Kaya. He did say she was the only one who could understand him, but that's obviously not the case. She does not understand him. She thought she did, before overhearing that conversation with his mother, but she doesn't. He can lie so easily - and if he's lying to her now, how can she even tell?

She does not want to face him, or anyone in the mansion, really.

And so she cries, shivering in the night, more lonely than she has ever felt.

It's how Abidin finds her, and her heart warms up just a bit, because he searched for her. Out of all the people in the mansion, he cared enough to show up.

He sits next to her, covering her with his coat, and, although she wants to refuse it at first, she ends up accepting it, even sharing it with him. It's so familiar to her, his presence. It makes her remember the girl she used to be, who happily responded to his love confession, before the ugliness of the forced marriage reared its head and separated them.

So she shares her fears and her shame with him. She shouldn't, but she does. Because she's tired, and it's late, and she feels lonely.

"Even if there isn't an us anymore, I will always be here for you, Suna," he tells her, tears in his eyes, emotion in his voice. "Because you're here," and he takes her hand and presses it on his chest, and she can feel his erratic heartbeats. Then their foreheads touch, he's so close that she could kiss him, and for a few moments, it's like nothing happened between them, and there's still Suna and Abidin against the world.

Except it's not like this.

Except, she remembers with the bitter clarity of someone who has endured hell, where was he when she needed him before?

An image forms in her head, a memory from a few days earlier - Halis kicking them out of the house, Abidin looking from a distance, simply watching her leave. Then Kaya telling her "I would have never allowed them to kick you out of the house had I been at home."

When her thoughts go to Kaya, something very similar to guilt squeezes her heart, and she stands up quickly.

What is she doing?

She leaves without a word, before Abidin can say something else.

*

A part of her had expected Kaya to be angry, like he had been the previous night, but his tone is calm when he asks her where she had been, and he does not ask her any extra questions when she says she wanted to be alone.

Instead, here it comes, the lecture she dreaded. He tells her that she needs to control herself, because Pelin is pregnant, and she's really not in the proper state of mind to listen to this, especially not after the hurricane of emotions she went through earlier.

So she just snaps at him that it would be better for him to go to bed instead of talking about Pelin, and then goes to bathroom, closing the door behind her. She opens the water, lets it run, before crumbling on the floor, her strength completely vanishing.

There's really no one to support her, no one, no one.

She doesn't touch Kaya that night, and he doesn't touch her either.

*

In the morning, after yet another match with Pelin, and another lecture, this time from İfakat, Suna goes to meet her sister, and Kaya follows her to the car, even if she tries her best to push him away.

She doesn't exactly know why she does this. After all, his words of caution are not that different from İfakat's words. İfakat, too, told Suna that she can't attack Pelin, and that she won't be able to support her otherwise, but well.

Maybe it stings because out of the two, it was Kaya who promised her unconditional support, not İfakat.

"Is her pregnancy the only reason you are defending her?" she can't help but bite at him, as soon as he talks again about Pelin being pregnant and Halis kicking them out of the mansion if anything were to happen because of them.

Kaya blinks in disbelief. "What are you insinuating, Suna? Just say it directly."

And she can't, not really, especially after last night's scene with Abidin, which she still feels a bit guilty for. So she quickly changes the topic. "This girl is my enemy, and my enemy should also be your enemy. It's that simple."

"You're still angry," he says, "and in fact, it would be better to not talk to Seyran in this state."

"You don't have to come, and I told you I need to speak to her," Suna snaps, because he's infuriatingly reasonable, and she can't deal with this. She feels like a naughty child, the way she has been scolded all the way to tomorrow, and she doesn't even fully realise it, but a part of her really needs to see how far can she go before he snaps back at her in turn.

But he doesn't; instead, he opens the door of the car for her, and then climbs up next to her, and they travel in silence.

*

The talk with Seyran does not go anywhere, and instead they end up hurting each other even more than before.

While Suna is indeed upset with Seyran for exposing her trauma without permission, she doesn't truly believe in what İfakat said, that her sister did what she did for money. It's not something the sister she knows and loves would have done.

But she's tired, tired of Seyran's self-righteousness, of how she considers Suna to be weak and wrong just because her goals and her way of navigating life are different, of the casual way in which she can hurt with careless words.

So when Suna leaves the money on the table in front of Seyran, it's deliberate. She does it because she wants Seyran to hurt, just like she is hurting.

But it does not bring her any satisfaction, and as she exits the restaurant where she met Seyran, she thinks that maybe Kaya was right, maybe she should have waited to talk more calmly.

Because now she has truly no one to turn to.

Except it's not like this.

Except Kaya is there, outside the restaurant, waiting for her, his words and gestures gentle.

"Come here, water fairy," he tells her, using the nickname which she had almost forgotten. "It's over, come to me."

He embraces her, and it's only then when she allows herself to crumble again.

It's not over, she knows. It's not over, because her heart would not be breaking so much, the rift between her and her sister would not deepen so much otherwise.

But he supports her.

She cries in the car, almost choking, and he's there, holding her, rubbing her back gently, placing kisses on her head. He's not putting pressure on her to tell him what happened.

He never put any pressure on her. Ever.

And in her heart, beyond all the pain and the sorrow, there is a new and scary feeling which she cannot properly identify, growing against all apprehension, against her fear of being humiliated, against everything she knew, or thought she knew, about herself.

*

That night, she turns towards him in bed, without a word, and she puts her head on his shoulder, and when his fingers start to gently comb her hair, she almost feels at peace.

[prismatales]

Comfort

All my love and gratitude goes to @sugacookiies, @pixxiesdust and @hawks-senseis for beta-reading this, you guys were some of the greatest help I've ever had! ❤

Pairings: Bakudeku x Reader

Warning: Tw:Depression, Tw:Suicidal thoughts, angst, fluff and comfort.

Fingertips slam a frantic yet steady pace against the keyboard, your eyes go back and forth between each paragraph with a growing sense of panic. All your senses are running on nothing more but pure anxiety and stress, not even the thought of eating something crosses your mind as the one and only thing to worry about seems to be this specific assignment.

Neither of them can remember the last time they saw you in another spot of the house that wasn't that chair before the computer, sure sometimes you take a break to go to the bathroom, but sleeping? That word doesn't seem to have a meaning in your vocabulary.

Except for that one time you fell asleep on the couch for less than 30 minutes before startling yourself awake and jumping away from the plush cushion to keep working.

Both Midoriya and Bakugo knew how important it was to complete your thesis, but was it worth it when your health and body is on the edge of giving up? They both know how badly this kind of routine can end up affecting your health.

The last time you got this stressed it ended up fucking up your stomach all the way from the esophagus to the intestines. The whole digestive system was so affected it started to feel like your stomach was literally burning itself into nothingness from the gastritis you developed. You had to get treatment for two whole weeks, which was right before your high school finals, and it was one of the worst experiences you've ever had to go through.

There's a reason a huge portion of people going through College ends up feeling dead on the inside, the overwhelming amounts of work, spending so much time in the library one could literally claim they live there, assignments and impossible amounts of field work, all of that could be more than enough things happening at the same time to cause plenty of people to go insane. And if that was bad enough, preparing your Thesis was like one of the deadliest of trials.

Just from the look on your face, it was obvious you're starting to develop another health trouble just like that time, the tips of your fingers start pressing right on the spot above your stomach with a face full of discomfort.

Deku's the first one to see that and in less than five minutes he's already outside on his way to get some medicine, he doesn't think twice about using One for All to go faster. 

Everyone in the apartment was more than used to hear mumbling during the day, courtesy of your beloved Deku, but not even Bakugo was prepared to hear you of all people mumbling such dark things the very next day, when the stress began taking a harder toll. He could hear every single word loud and clear even when he's standing near the kitchen counters at the other side of the house.

"Why do I even bother?...It's not like anything I do even matters..." He can hear the the long sigh followed by more self hatred while he's stirring the noodles for dinner. "Sometimes I wonder if people would even notice that I'm gone...hahaha...I wanna die"

"...! That's it!" The wooden spoon gets slammed roughly against the marble counter, searching through his pocket Bakugo pulls out his phone to text Deku, who's already on his way home from patrol.

It takes less than an hour for the two of them to be there right besides you trying their best to comfort their shaking and panicked S/O, it makes them feel useless seeing how much you're struggling to hold on to the remains of your mental stability.

And when they hear the next course of muttering they know things are just about to get worse unless they do something about it.

"I can't do this anymore...I just can't," The tiny voice coming out of your mouth was heartbreaking. Your whole body is trembling uncontrollably as Midoriya walks up behind the chair, he lifts your whole body so he can take you to the bedroom, that way you could finally get some well deserved rest and calm down, in the meanwhile Bakugo goes back into the kitchen to fetch you something to drink.

Their dynamic was simple and yet effective, most of the time Izuku tends to be the one calming both of you through words, if that's not enough to help he's trying to find another solution to the problem through physical actions. Katsuki on the other hand tends to prefer being the one letting his actions speak for themselves first, even through the smallest of gestures he's always looking out for the both of you, in a reverse context to Deku, when his actions are not enough he's trying to make an effort to comfort you with his words.

Everything came crashing down inside your head like a landslide in the middle of a storm, bringing chaos and despair from every direction. It's easy to recognize the signs of your depression kicking in due to all the work piling up at once, and they're aware you're one of the most dedicated and passionate persons when it comes to your studies.

Midoriya tried to lay you down into the soft mattress and walk away to get that blanket they bought specifically for this type of occasion, but his shirt is quickly clutched into a tight grip, the broken sobs are barely audible to someone not paying enough attention have him on high alert as he realizes you've already started crying.

He has no other choice but to ignore his quest for the blankets and sits back on the bed. His back rests against the headboard while you're laying on your side, face resting softly against his well-toned chest, your body surrounded by his own arms that hold your shaking body against his with the hope that it can help you relax.

Bakugo comes into the room shortly after, carrying your favorite cup steaming with some nice and warm drink, your favorite judging by the glorious smell coming out of the cup in small puffs.

He carefully passes the cup to the green haired man sitting in bed before walking to the corner of the room and towards a dark gray, medium sized basket where the additional blankets are kept, rummaging through the furniture he finds one of the biggest, fluffiest and softest blanket of them all before walking back towards the bed. 

It takes you awhile to process what's actually happening because of the storm running through your head. But eventually, between the reassuring words and sweet whispering, the shaking and the crying slowly, but very slowly starts toning down until nothing but a small whimper can be heard every now and then through your bedroom. 

In less than a few minutes you've already been wrapped in that beloved blanket while resting between two warm and fit bodies, leaning back against the headboard with a comforting drink in hand.

"Are you feeling any better?" Izuku's voice is soft and sweet, just in case there's something still bothering your mind, at the same time one of Katsuki's hands is busy rubbing circles in the section between your shoulders in a steady rhythm, the feeling of his calloused and scarred hand touching that portion of skin helps relaxing your exhausted self at an almost exaggerated level. The last thing they want is for you to have another breakdown.

You want to reply but your mouth quickly opens and closes, so all you can manage to do is give them a soft nod in response, too tired to even try and talk to your sweet boyfriends. 

Sometimes the negative thoughts come during these kinds of moments to try and bring torment. It makes you wonder if one day they'll get tired of this and leave after realizing you're nothing more than a hindrance.

"Don't even think about it, Dumbass," Katsuki growls from his spot at your left side "I recognize that look on your face when I see it, you think you're worthless don't you?" That hand behind you makes its way to your shoulder, pulling your whole body towards him and positioning you in a way that makes your head rest on top of his well toned shoulders. For someone who's body is so nicely sculpted, the place where your head lays is one of the most comfortable places where somebody could rest.

"You are one of the strongest people I've ever met. You've always been someone who rarely allows small shit like this get the best of them" Katsuki's hand had long ago left your back to run his fingers through your hair, the friction against your locks of hair and scalp has a soothing effect that relaxes everything from your whole body to your mind.

A small tear manages to escape, but this time is out of relief and happiness for literally having two of the most wonderful lovers by your sides. The exhausted smile that spreads over your face sends the both of them into a state of relief.

"What did I do to deserve you both?" 

Deku lets out a soft laughter while Katsuki just smirks in satisfaction.

"Existing." 

MASTERLIST

@t-amajiki @undead0relived @shoobirino @bnha-ra @godtieruwu @mysticalite @bnhabookclub @gallickingun @unbreakableeiji @savagetrickster

[tearlessrain]

Follower meme: Jial-ro Lhir

I wasn’t tagged this time I just wanted to do another one.

Class: Jedi Sage

Weapons: Lightsaber (gold). Also the ground, I guess.

Recruitable by: Smuggler, Nar Shaddaa. All classes after stopping Saresh’s attempted coup in KotFE.

Likes: Compassion, idealism, standing up for the oppressed,  questioning authority, unorthodox solutions

Dislikes: Rigid adherence to rules/tradition, cruelty, anti-alien sentiment, supporting the Empire

Selection lines:

“Oh, good, I was getting restless on the ship.”

“Where are we going this time?”

“I’m ready!”

“Great! Let’s go do something exciting.”

“Miss me?”

[Smuggler PC] “Which crimes are we doing today?”

Dismissal lines:

“I’ll go explore on my own for a while.”

“Bye.”

“Have fun!”

“I wouldn’t mind a nap.”

“I guess I'll... go meditate, or something.”

[Smuggler PC] “Don’t get arrested without me!”

Battle lines:

“I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“The Force is with me.”

“You can’t beat us!”

“Just surrender!”

“I am not feeling serene right now!!”

“Too slow!”

[screm]

Exiting battle:

“Are you all right?”

“That was exciting.”

��This is fine, right? They basically attacked us first.”

“Jedi aren’t supposed to be prideful, but we were awesome.”

“Why do people keep looking at us and thinking they’ll win?”

Low health:

“I don’t want to die.”

“Everything’s... going numb...”

“There is no death... there is no death...”

“Not doing well right now!”

“Help.”

Resurrected:

“Let’s not do that again.”

“Oh, I’m not dead. Nice.”

“I’ve heard near-death experiences can bring Jedi closer to the Force. I think this is just a concussion, though.”

“...Ow.”

“I guess I really am too pretty to die.”

“Okay, so now I know another way not to fight.”

Misc. click lines:

“What do you need?”

“Mhm?”

“Still here!”

“Right behind you.”

“What? Is my outfit crooked?”

“Does my mane still look okay?”

“Not that I don’t like talking with you, but shouldn’t we get going?”

“I always learn a lot watching you.”

“Huh? Sorry, I was watching that bug.”

[Smuggler PC] “Captain!”

[rare] “Jedi are never supposed to abuse our power, but I really want to know if I could use the Force to make someone think they’re a monkey lizard. I won’t, but I want to.”

[rare] “I'm not saying I agree with the Sith philosophically, but we should just admit they're better at fashion than us.”

[rare, Smuggler PC] “We’re taught how to talk to politicians and diplomats at the academy, but not... people. You make it look so easy.”

Situational:

[Nar Shaddaa promenade] “It’s so... shiny here. I LOVE it!”

[Coruscant] “I never got to see this place before the attack, but it’s still impressive, isn’t it? I could live here.”

[Tattooine] “Do you know how long it takes to get sand out of fur? Don’t expect me to leave you any hot water when we get back to the ship.”

[Hoth] “Why would you bring me here? My ears are going to freeze and fall off. Maybe my nose. Nobody should ever come here.”

[Quesh] “Hey, that toxic cloud kind of looks like your face! There... no, never mind, it’s gone.”

[Voss, non-Force user PC] It’s peaceful here, but... something isn’t right, can you feel it? Oh, no, I guess you wouldn’t. Uh, sorry.”

[Voss, Jedi/Sith PC] It feels strange here, right? It’s not just me?”

[Voss, Shrine of Healing] “I don’t know why the Council are so afraid of the Mystics. This place isn’t really Dark, it’s just... the Force. There must be things we could learn from them.”

[Corellia] “How could Corellia’s leaders let this happen? These people were just living their lives, they didn’t ask to be dragged into a war.”

[Corellia zoo] “You know, we could just take a sleen right now and I bet nobody would notice. It would... probably fit on the ship, right? I think that one likes me.”

[Axial Park] “It used to be beautiful here. Do you think it will ever be the same?”

[Odessen base, ambient conversation if Khatte is recruited] Jial-ro: “You know you can talk to me, don’t you?” Khatte: “Fine, if letting you interrogate me is the fastest way to get back to my job.” Jial-ro: “Don’t think of it as an interrogation! Just, you know, an open and honest discussion about your emotions.” Khatte: “Get away from me.” Jial-ro: “Or, alternatively, you could think of it as an interrogation if that’s... easier. For some reason.”

Gifts:

Courting | Cultural | Delicacies | Imperial | Luxury | Maintenance | Military | Republic | Technology | Trophy | Underworld | Weapon

Love:

“This is perfect! How did you know?”

Like:

“Oh, this is nice!”

Everything else:

“Thanks!” it’s an avocado

Story:

Smugglers will first encounter him on Drooga’s barge trying, ineffectively, to talk his way out of being fed to a rancor. After witnessing the Smuggler’s audience he will enthusiastically (and somewhat desperately) volunteer himself to help recover the stolen shanjaru in order to escape Drooga. He will meet up intermittently with the Smuggler throughout (subsequently revealing that he was also trying to track down and stop Lazae, but got caught up trying to free Bowdar when the trail led him to the barge) and eventually join the confrontation with Lazhae. Before the Smuggler leaves the planet, Jial-ro will express his admiration for them as well as his frustration with the Jedi’s detachment from the galaxy at large and how badly being raised by them prepared him to actually navigate life beyond the academy. He’ll ask to travel with you for a while to broaden his own horizons and learn how to avoid being fed to any more rancors, and assures you that in exchange having a Jedi along will open some doors and help you avoid suspicion. For a DS Smuggler he will also suggest, somewhat obnoxiously but with good intentions, that you could use the moral guidance.

He’ll have a conversation early on where he second guesses his decision to travel with you and worries that he’s falling to the Dark side. The Smuggler can either reassure him that he can still keep his core values even if he isn’t following every tenant to the letter (for LS points), suggest that he embrace it and give up the Jedi code entirely (for DS points), or tell him to figure it out himself (neutral), but regardless he’ll come to the conclusion that he doesn’t want to abandon the basic values of the Jedi even if he’s interpreting some of them loosely.

When he’s recruited or reunites with the PC after the time skip, he’s far less conflicted (and less intermittently preachy) and has settled comfortably into seeing himself as more of a Grey Jedi. He’s also much more disillusioned with the Republic and has an uneasy relationship with the Jedi Council, but still considers himself basically on their side and will disapprove of supporting the Empire.

Romance:

Romanceable by male PCs only; a romance can be started either in the base story (for Smugglers) or after he joins the Alliance (all classes). If a romance is started in the base game he will happily flirt back and forth from the start, but will never take initiative himself to move beyond that. After a while you have the option to clarify that you’re genuinely interested in a relationship, at which he will immediately panic and leave the conversation. The next time you speak to him he’ll apologize for his reaction and ask if you meant what you said. If the player says yes, he’ll express that he’s also interested but will need to talk through his conflict with the Jedi code. He’ll be very open and affectionate in private but it will take him a while to feel comfortable about anyone else knowing. With some prompting he’ll admit that he’s gotten in serious trouble for this kind of thing before, while he was still a Padawan.

Post time skip, again, he’s much more chill and forward about it. For Smuggler PCs he’ll make it clear that he no longer cares about the Council’s opinion of his personal life and either ask to pick up where you left off (if previously romanced) or confess that he was attracted to you before and was afraid of taking initiative (if not). The player can either have a one night stand with him or start/rekindle a more committed relationship, but if turned down he will back off and want to remain friends. He will not initiate with non-Smuggler PCs but will still be very receptive if approached about it.