#Tw:Suicidal thoughts

[fluffnflightillustrations]

I just need to get it off my chest.

Another vent post, since this month has been just... terrible, really.

So we were doing well, paying the bills, even making a little extra... then my roomie quit her job on the spot without a backup job on the rear cooker... right before my birthday.

maybe its selfish, but im really frustrated and pissed about it? she got a small job after jobhunting for two or three days and they let her go the next week, so once again, we are out of more than half the bill payments. usually, if i were healthy, i would be able to try to float us for a bit, but im just. not. healthy. at all.

i cannot afford my medication i desperately need to maintain myself, and my paranoia is getting so much worse with all of the stress piling higher and higher. for those unaware, i am diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, GAD, and Psychotic depression... that last one is basically super intense depression, but add on some hallucinations and a lot of paranoia.

I cant get enough sleep and i keep waking up with tachycardia and night sweats and feeling weak and i dont know if its my paranoia as usual or if its actually some new heart condition and its freaking me the hell out

I'm working as much as i can at my new job and i still don't think im going to make ends meet, so I opened commissions but the guilt from being able to finish them fast enough is eating me alive and i feel like im really falling into a huge hole i cannot crawl out of

i want to disappear and hide from it all... i wish it would all just disappear. the world, the bills, the stress, the hallucinations, the anxiety, the loneliness. my entire life. im not going to act on an attempted... unaliving, since ive tried and failed too many times to have any faith in myself to be successful, but im so... so tired. so exhausted.

We had planned a trip to New York, even bought nonrefundable tickets and a hotel a few months back when we were doing well... but im going to have to go and spend the whole time working, and my friends i was going to meet might have to cancel, and honestly.. part of me just doesnt want to go anymore. its hard to feel any excitement for a trip that will just be spent being anxious and feeling guilty for not working in that time period.

My friends are all busy, so i don't have really anybody to get it off my chest to, and then another few friends i suspect of actually hating me, but maybe its my anxiety speaking... im just tired of it all. i want it all to perish

anyways... commissions are open. ill post about it tomorrow probably when i feel better, if i feel better

[fandomfoodiedancer]

Silent Tears

Summary: Eliot sees your break down and helps you through it.

Warning: self harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, all round depression and sadness.

a/n: this is dark, hits a bit close to home, but it’s good to vent and I hope others can find comfort in this Eliot fic! <3

Sitting on the lounge, you put your earphones in, tuning out the yelling as Sophie, Nate, Hardison and Parker played Monopoly whilst Eliot was cooking something for dinner. You stared at the laptop screen in front of you, typing hazily your thoughts onto an old document you'd had for years, like a personal diary that you only updated when you wanted to or needed to vent. But it wasn't enough. Needing air, you tried to look calm as you walked past everyone, making your way through the small house you'd rented for a holiday until you reached the backyard. Under the stars is the only place you truly felt safe. The only place you could breathe fresh air and allow yourself to feel. Emotions washed over you and before you knew it you were crying. Sobbing. Suffocating.

No sound left your mouth, as silent tears fell, fogging up your view of the sky. For a few seconds the world looked crystal clear before the tear rolled down your cheeks. Anger at the world for being so cruel to you and your family, for treating you like the butt of its jokes. Hatred aimed at yourself. Hurt from your past and the insults your mind hurled at you. Grief and fear for the future. Everything rippled through you, until soon all that was left were the tears.

Left numb as the last tears fell, a strange calm washed over you as you looked at the stars, feeling like Orion was soothing your soul, trying to heal the parts of you that you believed to be broken, smoothing the edges until they were soft enough to feel love again. The guitar of your music played through the earphones, speaking to emotions, offering small pieces of hope with the warm night air blowing the stars around.

“Hey sweetheart, I noticed you've been gone for a bit. Thought you might like to come and help me with dinner? I'm planning on making dessert too, but it'll take both of us to manage that and watch dinner” Eliot's voice was soft, concern lacing the small undertones of his question.

“Yeah, yeah I'll be right in.” Hearing his footsteps leave, you wiped your eyes, prepping yourself to go back inside and help with dinner.

You loved to cook. Had since you were little. You weren't good at it to start with, learning the hard way that potatoes were flammable, but you slowly got there. Now cooking felt safe, it was something to be creative with, to share with the ones you loved, and if you put enough into it, it could be art. That was one of the reasons you loved cooking with Eliot so much. He understood your love for food, and you understood his. However you always let him do most of the cooking, as dancing was your true passion, cooking was his. It was beautiful and fun to watch him in the kitchen, get all grumpy when it didn't work, but the small grin and faint chuckle when something was perfect made your heart flutter.

“Alright chef, what are we making?”

“Well, I've got the satay on the stove, the rice is half way through cooking and we need to get the vegetables in the oven. If we get creative, we can make an easy lemon meringue pie before dinner is finished being made.” The look of excitement in his eyes warmed your heart, helping to forget about the wave of depression that had hit you earlier.

Soon enough Eliot had assigned you different things until you fell into a comfortable dance of rotating between checking the different parts cooking for dinner, peeling and cutting the vegtables and making the lemon curd and the pie shell, leaving the meringue for last. Soon enough, all that was left was the stirring and to make the meringue. You were so busy that you didn't have a second thought when you rolled your sleeves up.

“Hardison! Man, I need you to stir this satay every two mintues. The oven and rice cooker will turn off in a few and just leave 'em” You looked at Eliot confused. He never let anyone else touch his kitchen, you were lucky he let you in when he found out you loved cooking too.

“Yeah, sure man, is everything good?” Hardison seemed as confused as you.

“Yeah, yeah, just gonna get some air for a minute” Signalling for you to follow him, Eliot swept out of the kitchen, into the backyard where you had been less than an hour ago.

The stars were still beautiful, as was the weather, but a nervous feeling set into your bones as Eliot looked at you for a minute with his arms crossed, staring at you concerned. For a split second his eyes glanced down at your arms. You knew he saw them. Eliot has been exposed to every kind of wound, and with such an eye for observation, you knew he understood what they were. No need to lie to him or blame your cat. He knew. Tears pricked at your eyes. Softening his stance, Eliot pulled you to him in a tight hug. You broke the silence first.

“It's fucking bullshit Eliot. All of it. It's so much crap I can't breathe” Unsure of when the tears had started to fall, you tried to keep from panicking as he stroked your hair to calm you down. You stood like that in his arms until you lost track of time, until your breathing settled, until the tears stopped and you could hear his strong and steady heart beat past your own.

“C'mon. Tell me what's going on.” Tugging you to the ground, Eliot sat down, pulling you onto his lap so he could hold you some more.

“No, Eliot, I'm too heavy to sit on your lap” It killed you to say.

“Pffft, no you're not. Sophie's luggage weighs more than you.” You giggled, not doubting that for a second, but you couldn't help but let your face fall when you remembered what you were talking about.

“Is that it sweetheart? Not feeling good about yourself?” His probing tone was so gentle that you spilt everything you'd been keeping in for years.

“Not just that. I mean, yeah, it's a good bit of it. I've hated myself since I was little. I've always been the bigger one out of my sisters and me. I know that most of it's muscle, and my friends just say I'm curvy, but I hate it. I feel like a fucking blimp, and being short too makes me stumpy. I've tried everything, dieting, vomiting, not eating, over working out and healthy methods. Nothing works, I never change. I hate it. And I hate how things are with my family. My sisters have always taken all the attention, as the angel and demon whilst I'm invisible. The only time I'm not invisible is when they need me to do all the housework, the cooking and cleaning and all the rest of the shit. I try to open up to my mum. I try to explain how I feel inside and every time I try, she just tells me I need to lose weight. I need to cut out sugar, eat less calories, count everything. She never says it to my sisters. Only me. It fucking hurts. Especially when every day my brain insults me, about how I look, how I'm useless, how I can never do anything right, how I'm a fuck up and a waste of space. I mean, the world must be punishing me as my dad got sick, badly, recently. I'm npt even good enough to save him from that. But for some fucking reason, despite it all, I don't have the guts to end it. Even though my family life is fucked up and manipulative. Even though I'm this fucking thing. Even though the world clearly doesn't want me anymore. I just want it all to stop.” You don't know when the tears started, but you watched as the droplets fell onto your trackies. No point in trying ro look good when you know no one wants you, especially Eliot. At least that's what you thought.

“I know the feeling. Maybe not the feeling of hating my reflection that bad, but I know the feeling of worthlessness. Of hopelessness. Of never seeing a light at the end of a tunnel and when you think you do, it's a fucking train. But there is life after survival. It doesn't feel like it, but there is. Now, I won't pretend I know or understand what it's like for you, but know I'm here sweetheart. What we got, in there, those four idiots playing board games, that's our family now. This is your home. Your place to let it all out. You don't need to hide from us to cry, or cut into yourself to get the emotions out because you feel you don't have another option. Tell us. We're here for you. I'm here for you. Can I ask why?”

You didn't even need to ask what he was refering to.

“I'm not sure. The first time I did I was angry. A dull, throbbing anger and sorrow that I wanted to scream. But I couldn't. So I dragged my broken nail down my arm until it left a mark. Then I did it again. I guess it's about control. I can't control my life. I can't control what happens at home, or work or even at dance classes. But I can control myself. I can make sure that I don't hurt anyone, even if they deserve it, I can make sure not to yell or snap or hit anyone or anything, by taking it out on myself instead. So yeah, I guess it's about control. Or maybe that I feel I deserve it. Maybe it's that the sting reflects how I feel, so my feelings and tears seem vaild, or maybe it's because it distracts me, shuts the voices up in my mind, or maybe it's because I'm just addicted to the sting. I remembered wanting someone to notice at first, hoping they could see my pain and help me, but now I don't want to burden anyone”

After a moment of silent nodding Eliot spoke up.

“I'm not going to force you to stop. I'm not going to make you promise not to. I know how it can be. How addictive. Me and my fists.... well there's a reason they're red and raw most days and it ain't because someone needed my help. I know the draw of the sting. But please stop darlin', I don't wanna see you hurt, I don't want you to have lasting scars from a pain that isn't permanent. More than that, I wouldn't.. I can't let anything happen to you, y/n. I care too damn much to let anything take you from us.”

“How do you know my pain's not permanent? I've felt like this since I was twelve. Hated my body since I was eight. I don't even see how it's bad for me anymore”

“I wish... I wish you could see what you mean to me. Who you are and how amazing it is to be around you. Did you know my cooking always turns out better when you're in the kitchen? Even when you're not doing anything, just sitting on the counter babbling to me, you make it better. And did you know that Parker actually sleeps more peacefully since you gave her that stuffed animal and that Hardison gets the biggest smile on his face when you ask about his video games, even though you don't seem to really understand them? Did you know that Sophie sees you like her daughter and that Nate drinks less when you're around? You make things better and you're completely unaware of it. And I sleep better when you're around. I find that I can breathe more. This team are the only people in the world that I can open up to, you especially. As for your looks. Excuse me for saying and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but damn. The way you look. Beautiful. Stunning. Divine. There aren't enough words in the English language, or any other language for that matter, that can describe how beautiful you are, inside and out. You don't need to be skinny to be beautiful, and honey you are gorgeous as you are. That being said, don't think for a minute that you're too big. To me, you're the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“I-”

“Yo Eliot, the timers turned off a while ago and I don't know how long you want me to keep stirring this for man. Can you come check it?” Luckily you were saved from trying to answer. You brain was completely empty and exhausted, too many emotions to comprehend.

“Yeah, sure, gimme a minute man” Looking at you gently he mumbled “Are you going to be alright now? We can go in there and have dinner, or if you want you can eat out here, but I'll eat with you, alright?” You nodded silently, shuffling off his lap as he brushed a kiss to your forehead, holding your hand as you walked behind him into the kitchen.

Board game packed up, movie night turned off, dishes in the sink, you started to run the hot water, taking a chore away from tomorrow's to do list. The others disappearred, presumably to bed.

Silently, as you did the dishes, Eliot walked in grabbing a tea towel, drying the dishes next to you. When it was all done, he held you hand, tugging you into his bedroom.

“Stay the night?” The hope in his voice nearly broke you, and you couldn't think of any where you would rather be. Eliot had always been your rock, always knowing what you need before you could even say. Maybe he knew you didn't want to be alone tonight, or maybe he simply wanted to keep you close, so he could fight your demons. Either way, as you curled onto Eliot and he rubbed your back until you fell asleep, all that mattered was the warmth of the his hug.

“Love you, y/n”.

[miniscrew-anon]

HSH Febuwhump Day 19 - You Deserve This

Back to Dark for this one. Kinda a follow up to day 3

-----

You deserve this.

Dark stares at himself in the mirror. Red-eyed and blank faced. 

Earlier in the yard, surrounded by familiar, vicious faces and the jeering crowds, he couldn’t hear himself think. He’d thought it was hell. But it had been a blessing in disguise.

You deserve this.

Now, in isolation, the silence isn’t loud enough to drown it out. He can hear the water drip from the pipes in the wall, the scurrying mice, the roaches crawling on the wall. 

The voices.

You deserve this.

He can hear the words bounce off the walls. But he’s not talking, so he doesn’t know who saying them. 

Maybe no one. Maybe everyone.

You deserve this.

Dark doesn’t recognize himself. Gaunt, pale, shriveled from his time trapped in the hole. Skin yellow and bruised. Eyes sunken. Hair limp and greasy. 

None of those things are what makes him unrecognizable.

You deserve this.

He raises the thin blade in his hand. He’d traded away more than he thought he had to get this smuggled in. It had almost cost him his life. 

It still might. 

You deserve this.

“What do I deserve?” He asks his reflection.

The cold walls echo back his words and make them ring in his ears. Like a demon whispering every dark thought aloud through the hum of ugly fluorescent lighting. The single bulb coloring the room a sickening pale yellow doesn’t even reach the corners, leaving swatches of darkness where he can feel eyes watching him. There is nothing there but more rough stone, but he can still feel eyes. There are always eyes.

The guards must put them in these tiny cells just to drive people crazy. It’s working. 

He doesn’t know what he deserves. He’d done things. Terrible things. 

But they - the soldiers and the Sheika and Link - they’ve done things, too. Things just like he’s done. Did things that colored their souls black; killing, maiming, torture. They’ve torn apart lives by stealing away loved ones, murdering in the name of their crown.

What do they deserve?

Not this. Not like he does, apparently. They get honors and celebrations and cheering crowds. They get to go home to happy families and sleep well at night. They get called heroes.

And he gets called a villain, at best.

At worst, subhuman.

You deserve this.

“Yeah, maybe.” He doesn’t see a difference in what they’ve done. But he guesses he can’t argue with the results.

Link is a hero.

And ‘Dark’ is a villain.

He lifts the blade. It hovers an inch from his eye. He can feel his eye dilate. He thinks about it. For a lingering moment, he really thinks about it.

Then lifts his hand higher and grabs a handful of his greasy hair. He saws the blade and cuts the chunk off. He goes for another handful. He chops in big chunks, leaving bald patches among lanky wisps. 

He looks deranged. He feels deranged. 

You deserve worse.

“Yeah. Well.” Dark says to his mirror image as he shaves his hair down to the scalp. “Since when has anyone ever given a shit about what I deserve?”

-----

I think Stormy mentioned Dark was separated from the general population in jail because he wasn’t loyal to Ganon so he was a target. So I imagine he spent a lot of time in solitary going crazy.

[hikaru-lana]

Renege

THIS IS A VENT POEM DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO S*IC*DE SELF H*RM OR DE*TH MENTIONS

Promises and ink All that stops me is promises and ink; Empty words both written and spoken Are all that bind me What will happen  When the ink stops binding me When promises are broken When i finally snap and lose control When i finally place blade to flesh And slice deep Will i be able to stop? Will i die soon after? R would i dive off the cliff Into unforgiving waters Praying for no one to save me What happens when those things, Promises and ink, Fail to save me? Will you grieve? Will you mourn your failure? Will you try to find me; When i finally find peace? I hope we never find out What would happen When promises and ink Alone are not enough to save me.

[yesjamieitisabigone]

talk of suicide ahead

I won’t be here much longer. I can’t do this anymore. I need the pain to end. I’ll keep my art up and hope it helps someone.

[darkandlightdance]

Depression/Parent rant

Trying to figure out how to avoid conversations with controlling parents you live with about your life after they die...Telling them you don't plan to live long after them when they don't really get your mental health problems isn't going to happen. Especially when you can't remember the last time you've said no to something they want directly rather than just trying to avoid it or put it off for later.

Doesn't help that they moved you back in with them and they are miles out of town and you don't have a license or a car. So when they harp on you about how you are a lazy layabout who needs a job you sit there not saying anything about how are you supposed to get a job when you can't go anywhere.

Still not sure if I'm going to manage to pull through if they die soon or if I'm arranging things and suiciding.

[ineedsomesleeptoday]

" I am always there for everyone.

I need some help with studies. Call Param.

I need some money . Call Param.

But at the end...... at the end its still my fault...at the end I am not the one who is not good enough.

Even though, I am the one who always encourages people to do things still... everyone complains that..I haven't done enough.

That person needs validation. That person needs hope to survive.

Has anyone ever asked me what I want? I am a person too! I need love. I need companionship too. I also need someone who will tell me everything will be OK.

That's why...that's why...I want to be alone..I want to end it all"

- Param (My OC)

[acfan120]

I want to cut myself but I'm too scared of knives. I'm scared of the pain and the blood, but I want to hurt myself so bad. I hate everything about myself. I've gained weight, and I'm built like a barrel. I should starve myself to death. Surely it can't be painful. I'm scared to get addicted to pain.

My only memories are painful and cringy and I hate it I hate it I hate it I fucking hate it. Why can I never remember happy memories, I only remember pain.

My memories of my girlfriend the one time we were in person I only remember acting like a cringy pushy idiot with her, and it's probably the only time I will ever be with her. I want her so badly but I know we'll never be together. Why can't I die from being touch starved. I feel like it's killing me.

Nothing I do matters. I'm a side character to my own life, only ever being told what to do, but it's never good enough. My voice can't reach beyond my own mind; I've never once convinced anyone of anything, even when it's right in front of us. Every experience I've had where I try to speak up or help out has always ended in failure. It's telling me that if I just stay silent, never speak, then it would have been the better outcome. I wish I could just be mute. I envy them.

I hate that I peaked like a decade ago. Nothing I make or do matters. Anything that gets traction is shit because people don't like anything else I do. Nothing I do or try or experiment with matters. Nothing I will ever make matters. So why do I keep trying? I don't know anymore.

I want to live in a fantasy world. I want to be an angel saving lives and helping people. At least if I die there, I would have been something. Done something. I can feel a phantom pain on my wrist, like it's calling me. It's weird.

I know my family shit talks me. They do it about everyone. I bet even my own friends do it. I know I'm annoying at times. Rude and a jerk. I don't blame them. I know I deserve it.

I was in a car accident when I was young. I probably should died then. I should have died when I was concussed. But life keeps stringing me along, and I keep feeling like I don't belong. I don't belong to any friend groups, no communities, I don't even feel like I belong to my family. I feel like an eternal outcast. I'm always just there, but never involved. No one cares. I only cause problems and inconveniences anyways. I only get in the way.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off as a girl. I was supposed to be one. Maybe people would have cared then. Maybe I'd be wanted. Or maybe I'd be dead. Who knows. Cant change it now.

I just feel hollow and empty. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired of being tired. Day in and day out, nothing changes. Nothing I do matters. Nothing. And I'm just so tired and empty. I can't even cry right now. It's so hard for me to cry because I just can't truly feel. I'm nothing. Nothing at all. 

[bowlerhatwearer]

In the: "Adoption AU quintet" how does Sam gets along with the rest of his siblings?

Greetings Anon ^^

As mentioned before I think that at the beginning, Blaise and Sams relationship is a bit, tense, when Blaise is growing they start to notice, or at least believe that their parents love Sam more than they love them. Which causes jealousy to grow in the young manul cat, even when their parents are assuring them that this is not true, the thought has already settled in Blaise This results at one point in a verbal confrontation that escalates into a fight between the two, were hurtful words are being said by the two of them and one of them, or both going into their rooms. It’s only then, when they think about it, that the two start to think what they just said to each other, begin to feel bad and regret it, Blaise, would sneak into Sams room, telling their big brother that they are sorry for what they have said and Sam would say he is sorry too, giving each other a hug they would start to talk things out.

From then one their relationship starts to gradually improve. ~~~

Sams relationship with Victor...is not good for a long time, when Victor was young everything seemed to be fine, but when he grew older, similar to the main timeline, in Victor the notion and believe grows that he has to “proof” himself against his other siblings.

At first I think, Sam would on advice of his father and Blaise, try to ignore it, Sam is after all the older sibling and Victor will always be the younger brother no matter what so no matter how often he tries to bully him with words or actions, nothing is going to change that.

For a while I think this could work, however, I can, when all four are already born, Victors bullying shifts to Lawrence, and all siblings are older teenagers or younger adults, a point is reached were things escalate.

All Sam remembers is that Victor called him something, really hurtful, and in the next moment Victor sits on the floor with a bloody nose. Sam of course regrets it but, it is already too late. I think this is the point were Victor decides to move away from home, the punch hurt, but, I think Victors pride was hurt even more because he had to realize that he was not “the strongest in the house” as he had believed.

Only later, much later, when Victor had his surgery, he would call Sam and his other siblings to reconcile with them, he had a lot of time to think about his actions in his past and began to realize, just what an awful brother he was.

 ~~~

I have to admit I have not figured out Sams relationship with Joanna completely, I believe it is, rather, passive if I may call it like that. Joanna, even as a child was happy and cheerful, but also rather quiet, I like to think that they both bond over the fact that the two like flowers.

Sam is a bit, uncomfortable at first when Joanna starts to get curious about his stitches on the back of his head. It’s just so sudden that she starts to stare at them and ask questions. Sam knows that she does so not because of any ill feeling against him, but rather out of genuine care and curiosity, still it is strange that Joanna just suddenly developed that interest.

I like to think that Joanna developed an earlier interest in medicine than she does in the main timeline, informing herself about traumatic brain injuries because she genuinely wants to be there for her brother and support him. Instead of a cardiologist I can imagine that she studies to become a neurosurgeon instead.

~~~ Sam often protected Lawrence when Victor bullied his younger brother, but the rabbit didn’t understand why the youngest Owens sibling was just, taking the constant abuse of Victor like that, why wasn’t he fighting back, most of the time Lawrence was either way just, taking it or going into his room, Sam encourages Lawrences to fight back but the younger Owens sibling tells him that he doesn’t want to do that. When Victor leaves it looks like things are improving, Lawrence probably stays at home a while longer than in the main timeline, but eventually would move to his own flat when he takes the job as a newspaper journalist.

With Blaise gone to university/working as a war journalist, Joanna studying medicine, Victor gone, only Sam is left to check on Lawrence.

He notices, that something is wrong with his younger brother, even when he claims that he is fine, which makes Sam check more frequently on his brother and how he grows more, thinner with each passing day, he brings that to the attention of his parents and siblings, however Lawrence would insist that he is fine.

That is, until Sam confronts him, asking him desperately to tell him what’s wrong because Lawrence is in fact not doing alright, has he looked in the mirror lately because he, Sam, can’t really recognize Lawrence anymore.

Seeing that Sam is so hurt seeing him like that, it would cause a crack in Lawrence facade, the more he looks into the mirror and back to the concerned face of his oldest brother, he no longer can keep the act up and breaks down.

He would admit to Sam, how he just feels so, useless and broken and the things he had seen in Mayberry (the isolation policy is already in place) just made it worse and he, Lawrence, just sees no longer any reason to keep going, he is one person in a whole wide world that suffers, it makes him wish....to be no longer here.

Sam would be speechless for a moment because, he was not aware that Lawrence was hurting like this, and even if that is a new situation for him, he is glad that his younger brother opened up to him. He promises Lawrence that there will be a way to help him, and he and the rest of the family will be there to support him.

~~~~

Yours sincerely

Bowler

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

could you guys help me find a fic where klaine is broken up but one forgot to change their emergency contacts and the other gets called after something happens?

Hi - we had a similar ask from @agf9807-blog

Do you guys have a fic where klaine is broken up but one of them gets hurt or something and the other is still their emergency contact?

This took a while to find - if it's the one you want. Watch out for the tw - suicide attempt, alcoholism, domestic abuse, depression ~Jen

Hurricane by A Phrase that cuts these lips

Two years after Kurt and Blaine's divorce, Kurt finally wins custody of their daughter. A week later, Blaine attempts suicide. He has nowhere else to go, so Kurt volunteers to take him in, believing that he can help Blaine.

~~~~~

ETA: Thank you @dartor-lovesreading

The Problem with Perfection by satisfied_with_tranquillity

Kurt and Blaine go their separate ways after the failure of their marriage. When Kurt receives a call years later that Blaine has been in an accident, he's unsure how to react. Especially since Blaine doesn't remember they're divorced. Amnesia!Blaine

[hitoshisbf]

So ya'll

I'm gonna fucking end up relapsing into some ehavy self harm and I'm tired of existing so I'll prob be MIA for a bit.

Situation is,

I can't pay for my phone.

My whole family is turning against me.

If I put up a gofundme it could fuck my ssi.

i DONT HAVE A CLUE WHEN I CAN START WORKING!!! NOTHING HAS BEEN SAID!!!

MY MOM IS LEGIT THREATENINT OTAKE MY PHONE OFF THE PLAN!!!

SO I'D NEED TO RESTART A NEW PLAN NEXT MONT HFOR A HUNDRED+ DOLLARS!!

WE'RE HAVING A GR8 TIME YA'LL.

[laws-of-fandom]

Thought dumping about Vash and Knives

Knives and Vash are a really great example of how the same traumatic event can wildly affect the individuals in different ways. in trimax it is shown that at first the reactions seemed reversed, Vash hating humans, so much so that he goes so far as attempting suicide, while knives repressed it and continued to love humans after he came out of his coma. Vash’s feelings changed when he harmed Rem, he had a moment of satisfaction and then revulsion, as it has been shown he can feel other peoples pain. I don’t think Knives has that same ability, which might be why later when he did remember and started to go down the path of genocide he never could come back from it, he would never feel the pain of others in the same way vash does. which also might be why vash can help dying plants, like i believe his ability with the plants comes from the fact his gate works both ways which i think is a result of his near unending empathy and understanding, or maybe the way his ability works is why he is the way he is.

[aengelren]

I’m actually gonna die why am i so embarrassing LMAO

[na0art]

Feel like posting about my life again. It’s not enjoyable anymore, so mabye I will find it cathartic to complain online? I need to take the time to translate my thoughts into something that can’t be taken as a call for help, rather, a call for attention for a lack of better word? I mean, I do have attention in real life: my boyfriend takes care of me, I see a therapist, but still, I feel so completely alone. Or I want to be alone? I don’t know anymore. I’m just fed up with everything.

Today, it’s the first time I actually considered swallowing a whole box of pills. It worries me but I don’t want to call the hospital. I just need to get away from everything. But where can I go? I can’t quit my job and give up on my driver’s licence on a whim. I try to be as responsible as I can, even though I feel like I’m standing on the verge of a cliff, wondering if it hurts that bad to hit the ground. I know I’m not the only one to struggle with these thoughts, far from it. But there is so much anyone can do.

[ginlee]

Last ramble so I can try be a better person.

It's nothing significant. I will NEVER belong here. You either have to be rich, entitled or even be an asshole to thrive, and I am SICK of it.

But after nearly ending myself and lots of thoughts, I'm here to stay.

[cancerousintentions]

Tired and so close to giving up.

Ive been awake since 2am.

Very unhealthy mindset of wanting to kill myself in the forest tonight.