#i have thoughts about how this pertains to bertrand as well but that's for another day

[constancecontraire]

don’t read if you don’t want to be influenced before taking the poll !! but personally i think esmé seems like one of the most likely of the sbg to change her name. she’s one of the few vfd members who is never shown to be connected to an established family unit (the others who come to mind are bertrand, monty, georgina) and added to the fact that she isn’t really mentioned in any of lemony’s memories of his school years (although i’d have to go back to tua to check this) leads me to believe she’s an outsider, she was neither from a vfd family nor a a part of vfd as a child. and this is where personal headcanon takes over but it makes sense to me that she would have kind of slipped into the firestarters’ organization and their social circle after everyone else was already friends. that she always knows what’s in and out because she feels she has to keep up appearances, or she’s a little insecure about not being in the know. and that, yes, she would have taken jerome’s name to give herself that family connection she didn’t have

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company part 1

                                               Chapter Ten:

                           The One With Child Protective Services

Lemony felt bad about leaving Violet. But she was unharmed and she was asking too many difficult questions. He hated lying to her, so he found it better to simply ignore the subject altogether. He knew she was probably shaken up by the whole ordeal this morning but he knew she was a strong girl, she was stronger than he was at times. She got that from Beatrice. He frowned thinking of Beatrice. She was so young, she didn’t deserve to die for his mistakes and decisions. But that’s what VFD does to you. They take you, they ‘train’ you, they change you. They make you walk the tightrope of morality, telling you that no matter how wicked the deed is, if you are doing it for a noble cause, then it’s alright. But it wasn’t alright. It wasn’t alright then and it definitely wasn’t alright now. The two biggest mistakes of his life have resulted in Beatrice and Bertrand’s deaths. He wished that he could go back and stop those things from happening. He wished he could stop VFD from recruiting him or siblings or Beatrice. He wished that he could go back in time and take Beatrice with him. They could have lived the rest of their lives in Staind-by-the-Sea, they could have raised Violet together and maybe even have two more children. He sighed knowing that this was impossible. Even if his brilliant daughter could one day build a time machine, the ramifications of using it and fixing the past were too dire, too dangerous.

Lemony frowned thinking of all the choices he had made that had landed him to where he is today. Would it have been easier had I never been born? He thought but then immediately shook his head. Don’t think like that. If you were never born, then Violet would have never been born.Lemony loved his daughter, but he did often wonder how the world would be if he hadn’t existed. It was a crazy thought, it was a tragic thought, but it was one he thought of a lot in the past thirteen years. The lives he has ruined…, the lives he had ended. The friendships he had ruined and the schism he helped strengthen. All of that would not have happened had he never been born. He honestly believed that before his mistakes, VFD was succeeding in making the world a safer, quieter place. But then he and Beatrice fucked it all up.

He erased those dark thoughts from his mind for the time being. No matter what he had done to fail his friends, that organization, his siblings, and Beatrice in the past, he was going to fix. He was going to help Beatrice’s kids escape Olaf’s clutches. He had lied to Jacquelyn and Gustav when he had said he had a plan. He honestly didn’t. He had no idea how he was going to prove Olaf to be an unfit guardian, he was telling the truth when he told them he felt like it’d be pretty simple. He hadn’t seen that man in years and that suited him just fine. Lemony felt bad for what he had done, but it didn’t excuse anything that Olaf had done in retaliation. Lemony had a theory revolving around the cause of the Baudelaire fire, and if his investigation proved him to be right. Then Olaf has another thing coming.

As I am sure you are well aware that even to this day, the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire remains a mystery. No amount of research done by several concerned and curious parties has ever revealed what happened that fateful afternoon. There are several VFD agents who had tried to figure out what happened, which includes my trusted associate and myself, both Mr. Snickets, a brave and noble triplet who has quite the knack for journaling, a brave and noble triplet, whose secret library was very helpful when it came to our research of both the Baudelaire and Snicket case, and even Klaus Baudelaire, whose lost commonplace book helped me find that secret VFD library and whose dedication to figure out how his life was turned upside down was on par with Mr. Lemony Snicket’s. So many great minds had tried desperately to figure out how these unfortunate events started but I’m sorry to report that we may never truly know. Each volunteer had their own theories, I, myself, have my own theory but that is all they are. Theories that can’t be backed up entirely with undeniable evidence. It is a hope of mine to figure out what caused the fire, because if I ever do find Klaus and his siblings I would be more than happy to share with them my findings and put their minds at ease.

During his drive to the address, Jacquelyn had given him, Lemony pondered what his course of action would be. He packed his disguise kit in the trunk of the taxi and he had his spyglass with him in his pocket. But what was he to do? Lemony knew that he had to find a way to get the two Baudelaire orphans out of what he assumed were dreadful, unfortunate circumstances, and perhaps, help them solve the mystery of how they ended up in them. He did not care what kind of dangers it would put him in. He had to right his wrongs. He knew that trouble and strife could cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. He also knew that when that happened, all good, true, and decent people know that it’s time to volunteer. That’s exactly what he had done. If no one else from the organization was going to save these kids, he volunteered to do so.

The drive to Olaf’s wasn’t as long as he had hoped. It made him nervous knowing that Olaf resided in the same city as his daughter. How was I living in the same city as Beatrice and Olaf without knowing? It was true, Lemony and Violet moved a lot but they usually stayed in the same city. He had fantasized about taking Violet away from the city and to Staind-by-the-Sea but there were too many people who knew him there and too many memories that he rather leave in his past. He had several friends and associates there that he trusted for the most part. He just never went because then they would know about Violet and he couldn’t risk putting her in danger. He parked his taxi a few blocks down the road so that it wouldn’t seem too suspicious. He knew Olaf knew that Snickets liked to travel via taxi. That was the worst part about having an enemy that knew you...they know all of your tricks. The same could be said the other way around, he knew all of Olaf’s tricks. They had been trained by the same organization after all.

Lemony grabbed the disguise kit from the trunk and brought it to the back seat of the taxi, he looked over all the materials trying to decide what to use for his disguise. For once he wasn’t wearing a suit, he thought that would help Olaf recognize him. He had decided to wear plain clothes, a simple T-shirt and some blue jeans. He had a baseball hat to cover up his hair. He debated whether or not to wear one of the wigs from the kit. Maybe with long hair, I could look like a stoner? He pondered and then rolled his eyes. He hadn’t done this sort of thing in years and he was getting frustrated. Maybe I could pretend to be Child Protective Services, there to do a wellness check. Jacquelyn did inform him that the two orphans had come into Mulctuary Money Management to discuss something with Mr. Poe. She even noted that Klaus had a bruise on his cheek. Lemony got a bit heated. That fucker hit Beatrice’s son. He took a deep breath and tried his best to calm down. These children didn’t do anything to him. If he was still bitter and angry, he shouldn’t take his anger out on the children. It’s not their fault, that he and their mother had done Olaf wrong. He frowned. He knew that Olaf would rather have gotten his revenge on Beatrice, Bertrand, and himself but seeing that Olaf thought Lemony was dead and the Baudelaire parents were, in fact, dead, Olaf had no one else to exact his revenge on. Lemony wasn’t condoning this way of thinking, but he knew Olaf wouldn’t care. They would pay for the sins of their parents, one way or another. He thought, frowning then thinking about Violet. She was lucky in this sense. She was safe. With Lemony presumed dead and not many people even aware of her existence, Olaf had no reason to go after her.

Lemony began to disguise his face, he put a fake mustache on his upper lip and put a pair of sunglasses over his eyes. He took off his hat and secured a blonde wig onto his head. He sat there thinking about a fake name. He couldn’t use any of the interchangeable aliases he had been using for some time now. Too suspicious. There had to be paper trails pertaining to each of his aliases somewhere. He had to come up with something on the spot. He decided that he’d think of something on his way there. He grabbed an empty briefcase from the trunk. He looked at himself in the reflection of the taxi’s windows. He felt as though this wasn’t enough. But it’ll have to do. Both his hair and mustache were blonde, his dark eyebrows were hidden behind the large sunglasses. He was dressed in less than professional clothes, but he’d figure away around that. He hoped the briefcase helped make him look professional.

He took a deep breath. He threw the disguise kit back into the trunk of the taxi and closed the trunk door. He began walking towards what he assumed to be Olaf’s house. The yard was atrocious and the house was grey and dark as if Olaf had stolen all of its color and light. His heart was pounding heavily in his chest as he knocked on the door. He took a quick mental note to not define any words or phrases, that would be a big giveaway to his identity.

A few moments later, Count Olaf answered the door and glared at the man that stood before him. Lemony held his breath unsure if Olaf recognized him or not. “Aren’t you a little old to be a Boy Scout?” he asked. Lemony held in a gag as the putrid smell of Olaf’s breath found its way into his nostrils. He could tell by Olaf’s eyes and his breath that he had been drinking.

“Good afternoon, sir. The names Joseph Swanson.” Lemony said in a rather thick New York-esque accent. “But you can call me ‘Joe’.” He extended his empty hand out to shake Olaf’s. Olaf continued to glare at the man making Lemony more nervous by the second.

“...Good afternoon, Joe.” Olaf said after a minute shaking the nervous man’s hand. “May I ask what you are doing here at my door?”

“I am from Child Protective Services and I am here to do a wellness check on...Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. We’ve received a few calls and they sent me down to check on this whole matter.”

Lemony watched as Olaf’s face went from tired to angry to calm in ten seconds flat. “Well, of course!” Olaf said in an enthusiastic voice, “May I ask who called you?”

“I’m sorry, sir. We aren’t allowed to give out names of concerned parties.”

“Of course not.” He replied in a rather annoyed tone. “None the less, the children are sleeping. Would it be alright if you wait outside while I go fetch them.”

“Very well. I’ll be right here.” Lemony replied.

“Lovely. Be right back.” Olaf said closing the door and locking it behind him. He gave a low growl as he headed up the stairs. He grabbed the walkie-talkie, “Bring the baby down.” he said into it.

The bald man replied, “What? Why?”

“Just fucking do it! Tell that brat to be on her best behavior.” Olaf hissed into the walkie-talkie. “And make sure she looks unharmed.”

He reached the attic bedroom and tried to open the door. But something was blocking his way. He rolled his eyes and began to knock on the door. No answer. He gave an angry sigh as he continued to pound on the door. “Orphan, you better let me in!” He called into the room. Still no answer.

Part of Olaf wondered if Klaus had died last night. That would be rather unfortunate timing. He had to produce both children to this nosey CPS agent. He tried knocking on the door again and furiously began turning the handle. After trying that for a couple of minutes, Olaf began to twist the knob of the door and pushed all his weight against the door. Eventually, the door began to slowly open, Olaf could now see that Klaus had barricaded the door with the bed that he was now asleep on. “Wake up, orphan.” he hissed in Klaus’ ear. Still nothing. He looked at the sleeping boy, he was breathing so he was indeed alive. Olaf looked around at the room and examined the mess. There was no way he was allowing any CPS caseworker into this room. Whatever Klaus had done to patch himself up, had worked but it created a big, bloody mess. He’d make Klaus clean this room later when the caseworker left.

Olaf pushed Klaus off the bed, which jolted the poor boy awake. His vision was blurry but he could see the silhouette of Olaf standing over him. Klaus began to tremble. “Please...leave me alone. Haven’t you done enough?” he asked his voice groggy and weak.

“Get your lazy ass up. We have a visitor.”

“A visitor?” Klaus asked confused. Was Justice Strauss visiting the children to see if they were alright since her last conversation with Count Olaf? Did Mr. Poe think things through and realize that he might need to check on the children after all.

“Yes, a visitor.” Olaf hissed. “Apparently, someone had called CPS.”

Klaus was both excited and terrified at this. He was excited because maybe he and Sunny were going to be rescued and taken away from this Hell hole, but he was terrified at Olaf’s implications. Did Olaf think he’d be stupid enough to call CPS? He looked into the eyes of his guardian and immediately realized that this was the case. Olaf was glaring down at Klaus with his shiny eyes as if he wanted to set Klaus ablaze. Klaus shuddered and began to slowly crawl away from Olaf.

“I...I...I swear...I didn’t call them,” Klaus commented.

“I didn’t say you did. Why are you acting guilty?” Olaf asked his voice rising.

“I-I-I’m not. I just...I didn’t call them.” Klaus could feel the tears beginning to fall from his face.

“Then who did?”

“I...I...I don’t know. Justice Strauss? Mr. Poe?”

Olaf growled and then sighed. He took a deep breath. “Stop crying. I need you to look happy and healthy...and unharmed. We can discuss who called them later. But right now, I need you to be a good little orphan and go play the part. You will not only tell him that you are happy here, but you will tell them how great I am and how much you love living here with me. And Klaus, you better make him believe you. You will explain to him that this is a big misunderstanding and that you are sorry for wasting everyone’s time. Do you understand?”

Klaus simply nodded. “What about Sunny?”

“Unfortunately for me, I have to let her out of her cage...but she will go right back in the second that he’s gone.”

Klaus frowned at this. He wanted to bargain with Olaf but he was too frightened. Olaf had the upper hand. He now knew how psychotic and abusive Olaf can truly be and he didn’t want to experience that ever again.

“Now get dressed. Make sure that your wounds are completely covered.” Olaf said walking back downstairs. Klaus hurriedly got dressed as fast as his aching body allowed him. For Sunny! He reminded himself. He tried his best to walk downstairs in a normal fashion.

Olaf was already downstairs with the CPS caseworker. Olaf was holding Sunny in his lap and Sunny looked frightened. She just sat there and played the part of an unharmed infant. It made Klaus sick that Olaf was making Sunny play the part, too. Klaus sat down next to Olaf across the table from the caseworker.

Klaus noticed that the caseworker was frowning at him and Sunny. He didn’t understand why. Nothing was said yet. He shrugged it off, maybe the reality of seeing children in abusive situations with limited power made the man depressed. Klaus doubted that any CPS caseworker can save every child whose case file happened to land on their desk. Like in this situation, Klaus was nearly positive that this man was going to be unable to save himself and his baby sister.

“The name’s Joe Swanson. You must be Klaus.” the man said in his New York-esque accent. Klaus nodded and put on a smile. It wasn’t genuine but it was the best he could do in his current state of mind.

“How do you do?” Klaus asked.

“Very well and you?”

Klaus looked to Sunny and then to the caseworker. “...We’re doing fine. Just trying to get settled in after the loss of our parents.”

“Ah, yes. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I read about it in the paper.” the man said and his frown extended which confused Klaus and Sunny. “Now...I notice that you have a bruise on your face, Klaus. Can you tell me how that happened.”

Klaus’ heart started beating heavily in his chest. He was unsure of what to say. He knew for a fact that he and Sunny had not called CPS. He didn’t know if Mr. Poe or Justice Strauss had but who else would have? And if one of them called, they probably already told this man that Klaus had told them that Count Olaf struck him across the face. So he feared that if he told this man another story, that he would immediately know Klaus is lying. But he doubted Olaf wanted him to tell the man that he was struck across the face.

After a minute of contemplating a response. Klaus shrugged his shoulder slowly. “I fell,” he muttered.

“You fell?”

“I’m very clumsy. Ask anybody who knows me.”

Lemony frowned. He knew this was a bullshit lie. But he knew Klaus had a good reason to lie. Olaf was holding Sunny, so he probably is using Sunny as leverage against Klaus. Lemony wanted so badly to kill this man, but he knew it was better if he did this legally.

“Can you explain in detail, how you acquired the bruise?”

Klaus sighed. Couldn’t this man just take his bullshit lie as a legit answer and move on. Klaus looked again to Sunny, who frowned at him. Klaus couldn’t tell if it was a frown of sadness or disappointment. Was Sunny disappointed in him that he was lying to cover for Olaf? Didn’t she realize that he was only doing this to keep her safe? Maybe this wasn’t keeping her safe. Maybe this was keeping her in danger. What would lying do? It would keep them here at Olaf’s. Who knows when their next chance to escape would be? Klaus bit his lip. Olaf softly cleared his throat as if to tell Klaus to hurry up with a response. “...I think I was...running and I slipped on one of the rugs upstairs and I fell...hitting my cheek on one of the stairs. But it's fine...I’m fine.” Klaus said after another moment of eerie silence refusing to look over at his baby sister. For Sunny!  He thought holding back tears because he felt like he was letting Sunny and his dead parents down.

Lemony frowned at this response too. This wasn’t going to be easy. He needed to find reasonable cause to take the children out of this man’s house and Klaus wasn’t making this easy for him. He wasn’t mad at the boy, he understood exactly why Klaus was lying to him. In his golden days, both his siblings did anything they could to protect him as he did for them. He remembered working with Jacques to scare off many potential boyfriends that Kit acquired. He remembered Jacques and Kit offering to kick some schoolyard bully’s ass when he was seven. It’s what siblings do. They protect each other. Lemony was the youngest in his family, so he didn’t know what it was like to have a younger sibling to desperately want to protect. But he did have a daughter and although it wasn’t the same exact thing, it was vastly similar. So as he continued to ask question after question, listening to Klaus come up with decent answers that unfortunately, did not warrant suspicion. He eventually had to stop the interview. Lemony’s heart was heavy in his chest when he stood up and shook both Klaus’ and Olaf’s hands one final time. He wanted to break down crying. He wanted to let all of his anger loose on this vile man that stood before him. But he knew he shouldn’t. After mentioning to Olaf that he should really start taking better care of his house because there were many safety hazards for children. He bid the three good-bye. Slowly walking back to his taxi making sure that no one was following him. When he reached the taxi, he kicked the tire trying to release some of his pent up anger. He felt as though he failed those kids. He felt like he failed Beatrice.

He could feel his hot tears rolling down his face as he threw the briefcase into the passenger seat of the taxi. If the roles were reversed, Beatrice would have figured out how to save those kids. He thought. He believed this whole-heartedly. If these children had been his and he had been the one to die in a fire, Beatrice would have had these kids rescued by day one. Yeah, she might not have done it in the most legal way possible, but she would not have failed Lemony or those kids. Beatrice had never failed Lemony. Ever.

Hell, even Jacques or Kit would have been able to save them. Maybe Jacquelyn and Gustav were right. Maybe it would be beneficial to get his siblings’ help. Kit was brave and she rarely ever turned down a mission, no matter how much danger it put her in. Jacques was the same way, although he preferred to do things as ethical as possible. He wanted so badly to talk to them again, to see them again, to work alongside them again. But he knew it was an impossible feat. The Snickets were safer apart. He didn’t remember much about his parents, but Jacques told him when they were much younger that their parents had a saying, “Snickets take care of their own.” It was a saying that all three Snickets had adopted from their parents, it was what the other two would say when they were helping out the one in need. It was something he has said to Violet on a few occasions when he thought it was necessary. It was also the reason why he kept deciding to leave them out of this mess. “Snickets take care of their own”, to Lemony, this was a phrase which meant, “Keeping his siblings in the dark so he can keep them out of harm’s way.”

I wish I could go back in time and explain to Lemony how it did not matter if he involved his siblings because they would eventually both be involved in the tale of their niece and her half-siblings. I wish I could go back in time and tell Lemony that it would probably be better if he had involved his siblings this early on in the story. Maybe things would have turned out different. Maybe things could have been better. Of course, I have no true way of knowing this. For all I know, him involving them sooner could have, in fact, made everything worse. I do want to believe that if he had involved them, then the three Snicket siblings could have all died a bit happier, without the need of having to reminisce about the good old days when they went on secret missions together. But the sad fact remains that the Snicket siblings would remain estranged from one another for the rest of their sorry days. I hate to tell you this, but that’s just how the story goes.

Lemony sat in his taxi crying wondering what on Earth he could do next.

_________________________________________________________________

Once the caseworker had left, Olaf locked the door and glared at Klaus. “See, was that so hard?”

Klaus ignored him and kept looking at Sunny, who was still being carried by Olaf.

“You’re a decent little actor. Obviously, some of my talents have rubbed off on you.” Olaf commented. Klaus wanted so badly to roll his eyes but he knew better. He could hear Olaf’s threat in the back of his mind. He wasn’t going to do anything that would even remotely piss the rat bastard off.

Olaf began to walk towards the tower room still holding Sunny, who began to cry, realizing where Olaf was heading. Klaus shakingly followed. “Can...can I please have my baby sister back?” Klaus asked. Olaf ignored the young boy’s question and kept walking. “Please...we’ll behave.”

Olaf turned around to face Klaus, who flinched at Olaf’s sudden movement. “You may have aced that interview, but I am still very curious as towho called them in the first place. So until you are man enough to tell me the truth and accept your punishment, you may not have this feral brat back.”

“I already told you. I didn’t call them.”

“Then who did?”

“How would I know? I...I...I just know I hadn’t.”

“I might have a youthful glow, but I wasn’t born yesterday, orphan,” Olaf commented as they reached the tower room door. Olaf knocked on the door and the bald man answered. “Put the baby back in her cage until further notice.” He said handing Sunny over to the bald man. The bald man nodded, closing and locking the door behind him.

Klaus looked past Olaf and frowned at the tower room door. “Sunny…” he whimpered.

“Oh, she’ll be fine.” Olaf hissed in his ear. “I'd be more worried about yourself.”

Klaus began to shake rapidly. His eyes got wide with fear and panic. He started to breathe heavily. “W-w-when would I have had time to call them?” Tears were already falling from his face.

Olaf studied the boy for a moment. He narrowed his eyes towards the boy in heavy suspicion. “ You may not have called them, but you running off to tell that naive judge and the useless banker was a very foolish decision. ”

Klaus started breathing heavily. “I...I...know. It won’t happen again.”

Olaf leaned in towards Klaus, resulting in Klaus closing his eyes in fear. “Oh, I know it won’t happen again. Because you aren’t allowed out of this house ever! ” Olaf smiled a wicked smile when Klaus nodded. “Now get out of my face, orphan,” he said pushing passed Klaus, who stumbled down a few steps only to catch his balance.

[travel-study]

hey friends! this is the first post of a new series of masterposts i am going to do on shakespeare’s major works. i have a degree in history & english literature from one of the top unis in the uk and i’ve covered a hell of a lot of shakespeare in my time, so hopefully i can offer some help to you guys. please let me know if there’s anything you want different in future posts, feedback would be great. hope i can help, and happy new years!

themes

sex, if love be blind, it best agrees with night

romeo & juliet is absolutely chocked full of sexual overtones, it’s basically about two kids getting a bit carried away trying to get into each others pants

3.2.13-16 highlights this link between juliet’s sexual inexperience and her sexual eagerness. she is ‘unmann’d’ in that she has yet to take a husband, as well as in that an unmanned falcon would fly free if taken outdoors were a hood not pulled over its head

3.2.21-23 stresses the heartbeat rhythm, ‘come night, come romeo, come thou day in night’. it’s a fast rhythm, stressing her desire for him to come to her. her boldness is born in her desire and her separation from innocence, which could also form the base for a point about femininity and docility being tied to innocence and virginity if you fancied taking that route

mercutio has been described as ‘sex-obsessed’, but i’d say he’s a pretty archetypal teenage boy in this respect. he makes lewd references to rosaline’s ‘quivering thigh’, and mocks romeo’s ‘love’ 2.1.9-24 generally, setting up the argument that romeo can’t distinguish between love and lust. romeo also makes reference to juliet’s thighs on their wedding night, although saying that they’re ‘like jewels, the work of a master hand’ is rather nice compared to his remarks about rosaline and how she refused to ‘ope the gap’. i would say this repeated mention of thighs distinguishes the difference between the laddish chat between the boys and the conversations between a man and wife, another break from innocence and youth.

mercutio also reduces love to merely sex in 2.1.36-41, and his fruit based metaphor could easily be linked to the fruit of eden and sex being a product of the birth of sin if you wanted to go down that route

there is of course the famous pun on ‘maidenhead’, equating sword fighting with raping women, at the opening of the play, establishing and linking the consistent themes of sex and violence 

 essentially these two are horny teenagers and sex is a huge theme in the play. it is easy to tie to love, innocence, femininity etc. 

useful articles on sex in r&j: 1. 2.(ctl+f sex for ease) 3.(partic. interesting commentary on rape in r&j) 4.

masculinity, thy beauty hath made me effeminate  

this is, i think, one of the more interesting topics covered in r&j, and as a result there’s a shitload of useful sources for it

in romeo’s hypermasculine society he is expected to either violently defend his family and his name or master his own self-control and autonomy and love. he attempts to do both simultaneously and it doesn’t pan out so well for him. 

all the deaths of the young men in the play stem from them trying to fulfil these expectations of them. 

unlike benvolio, mercutio and tybalt, who maintain their masculinity in death, romeo’s suicide is seen as weak, even effeminate. 

appelbaum’s article in shakespeare quarterly is particularly important, i think, in critically addressing this conflict of gender, and i would strongly recommend it if you’re hoping to cover this theme

1. 2. (this one covers the coming of age process in r&j, but i think it’s useful to tie this in with the development of masculine ideals and expectations)

love & death, thus with a kiss i die

one cannot write about one without writing about the other when covering romeo & juliet, i think 

along with fate and society, love and death are pinpointed as key themes in the prologue, setting the audience up to tie the two ideas together

the paradoxical notion of love in death fuels these characters motives, and could potentially link to a religious theme if you wanted to take that angle (as a protip if you wanna study english or history just learn as much as you can about religion and it’ll cover you for 90% of your essays)

this article extensively covers the times in which death is mentioned in the context of love, or vice versa. it’s interesting if a bit oddly formatted 

this article talks about the context of joint burial, a physical manifestation of these tied themes, in a sense

chapter 21 on shakespeare’s early tragedies in this book is useful, and there’s a whole subsection for romeo and juliet that’s a handy read

fate, i fear... some consequence yet hanging in the stars

the elizabethan world view was shaped by a common belief in fortune, fate and the power of the stars, astrology being considered a science amongst the nobility at the time

bertrand evans noted that in r&j ‘fate is the controlling practiser, and the entire action of the play represents her at work’ in shakespeare’s tragic practice, essentially arguing that every choice made by the plays characters is just chipping away their path to their predestined ends

this article is generally great, and the third angle focuses on r&j as a tragedy of fortune. i’d recommend reading the whole thing but i’ve linked straight to the third point so that it’s focused on the theme of fate and fortune. 

i would also recommend this book, you can search for specific references to romeo and juliet, but there’s some good stuff about fate and predestination around p.55 and for the next 20 or so pages i think? i didn’t count oops

form

all of shakespeare’s plays are written in iambic pentameter. an iamb is a foot that consists of one unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. pent means 5, so there’s 5 iambs in each line

as is pretty typical for shakespeare, he uses blank verse to indicate that a person of a lower social class is speaking, or to show informality. for instance, the nurse speaks in blank verse, and mercutio does when in the informal setting of hanging around with his friends. stricter rhyme tends to come into play with characters of a higher social standing, like capulet

the play is an early example of shakespearean tragic structure. this generally fits within the 5 act structure that’s been a playwrights favourite since horace built on aristotle’s 3 segment structure. 

this is an interesting article that i’d recommend if you were hoping to look at tragic form in romeo and juliet 

more on tragic form: 1. 2. 3. 4.

language

i’m not gonna go through quotes or sections one by one here because that basically makes the process of doing your own essay redundant, but i am gonna give some tips on analysing language

the first time you read the play, enjoy it, don’t overthink it. the second time you read it pick out the sections or the lines you think are most pertinent to what you want to write about. if you have 9 books to read this week and don’t have time for this i feel you man i really do, you can just pick key phrases the first time but it kinda fucks with the flow of your understanding if you get me

worst case scenario, sparknotes will have key quotes. i only started using them when i was half way through uni because i thought i was too good to rely on sparknotes. no one is too good for sparknotes trust

anyway, compile your chosen segments according to theme and then start working out how you’ll shape your paragraph on that theme. carefully select which quotes you’ll use to back up your points, as textual evidence is crucial to building your case

close analysis of language is kind of something you need to improvise, i find. i generally don’t think there’s actually anything there and then just make something up. e.g. ‘my bounty is as boundless as the sea,/ my love as deep; the more i give to thee/ the more i have, for both are infinite’ 

so ignoring whatever else and focusing purely on language, i’d highly here rhythm and rhyme, and the obvious effort that romeo is making to use poetic language. the alliterative ‘b’ and the ‘ea, ‘ee’, ‘ee’ sounds both create a bounding rhythm reminiscent of that of juliet i mentioned earlier, building on both the sexual energy with the whole heartbeat feel and the anticipation and excitement, cos you can’t deny that boys rhythm sounds eager. ‘more’, ‘more’ again reiterates this point. ‘my’ ‘my’ ‘both’ i would say signifies romeo transitioning from being an individual to being a pair cos joining with juliet in marriage and physically etc. etc. you can just chat any old shit you fancy as long as there’s some plausible way to link it to the text

long story short, success in english is as limited as your own creativity. which isn’t limited, go crazy with it, trust yourself and your argument skills

this is such an unhelpful section i’m sorry i don’t even have any good secondary sources other than the general companions which i will now do

general reading

these are some books i would recommend you read that don’t very precisely pertain to the stuff i’ve already said. remember, though, that it’s super important to read as much of the secondary material as possible, and to grow your own opinions alongside everything that you’ve learnt reading other ideas. they aren’t designed to tell you what to think about the play/book/poem/whatever, but rather to expand your understanding of it

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

i really hope this has helped any of you, and please feel free to ask me any questions about romeo and juliet or anything else english related that you’re struggling with! best of luck, and remember to enjoy it as much as you can!

[theconservativebrief]

Conservative commentator Jerome Corsi is back in press coverage claiming he’s in imminent legal jeopardy from special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe.

Corsi told various media outlets Monday that Mueller offered him a deal in which Corsi would have to plead guilty to one count of perjury — but that he intended to reject the deal. This comes two weeks after Corsi claimed he was about to be indicted for perjury.

As a well-known conspiracy theorist who helped popularize the “birther” theory that Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States and other false claims, Corsi is not a particularly trustworthy source.

But this isn’t complete fantasy. Corsi has clearly become entangled in the investigation — he’s been repeatedly questioned by Mueller’s investigators and before a grand jury in recent months — most notably about WikiLeaks and John Podesta’s emails.

The special counsel reportedly has evidence showing that Corsi knew in August 2016 that WikiLeaks had obtained John Podesta’s stolen emails, well before the news became public that October. (It was well known that WikiLeaks had another batch of Clinton-related material coming, but there was no public indication it was Podesta’s hacked emails.)

Mueller has alleged that Podesta’s emails were hacked by Russian intelligence officers. He also seems to have been attempting to nail down how, exactly, those stolen emails made their way to WikiLeaks and whether any Americans were involved in it or even tipped off about it.

Keep in mind that we don’t have the full story yet. Most of what we do know appears to come from Corsi or from other witnesses Mueller has interviewed. The special counsel’s team hasn’t commented publicly, and it’s not clear what specific evidence they have pertaining to Corsi.

But there appear to be at least three related questions about Corsi.

1) What did Corsi know in advance about WikiLeaks and John Podesta’s emails? Corsi has said that he himself just figured out that WikiLeaks had gotten Podesta’s emails over a month before they were released, and that his information here didn’t come from any particular source. “I connect the dots,” he told One America News Network Monday.

He said that after a “forensic analysis” of hacked Democratic material that had already been leaked, he concluded — somehow, it’s not at all clear how — that the hackers also had Podesta’s emails.

If true, that was a spectacularly lucky guess. The much more common speculation at the time was that WikiLeaks had obtained Clinton’s own emails or Clinton Foundation documents.

Mueller’s team does not appear to think Corsi truly figured it out. “They couldn’t believe how I knew in August that Assange had Podesta’s emails,” Corsi told the Atlantic’s Natasha Bertrand on Monday. They seem to think Corsi was in fact tipped off.

2) Is there a Roger Stone connection to the Podesta material or WikiLeaks? Corsi is an associate of longtime Trump adviser Roger Stone — they were both commentators at the conspiracy theory site InfoWars. And the two men were in contact in August 2016 about Podesta specifically. Stone has said that he happened to enlist Corsi to do opposition research into Podesta’s business dealings that month.

Mueller’s investigation has intensely focused on Stone for months, extensively questioning more than 10 people — including Corsi — about him. The witnesses questioned about Stone have generally told reporters that they thought Mueller’s main interest was sussing out potential connections between Stone and WikiLeaks.

In 2016, Stone claimed both publicly and privately that he was in contact with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange (though sometimes he said those contacts were through an intermediary). He also ominously tweeted in August of that year, “Trust me, it will soon the Podesta’s time in the barrel. #CrookedHillary”. But he has denied he had any advance knowledge of what WikiLeaks would release, and said the tweet was instead about Corsi’s research on Podesta.

3) Did Corsi lie to Mueller’s investigators? Corsi has claimed that what he is actually on the hook for, though, is a perjury charge — for lying to investigators. However, he is saying that he didn’t lie to them, and that he just had a bad memory.

He told NBC News on Monday that he just “forgot” to tell Mueller certain things. “They want me to say I willfully lied. I did not intentionally lie to the special counsel,” he said. “I will not lie to save my life. I’d rather sit in prison and rot for as long as these thugs want me to.”

Former Trump advisers George Papadopoulos and Michael Flynn both pleaded guilty to making false statements to investigators in connection with the Russia investigation last year.

The most recent new charges Mueller brought were against Russian intelligence officers, related to the hacking and leaking of Democrats’ emails, back in July. The last major development in the probe was Paul Manafort agreeing to a plea deal in September. Since then, it’s been quiet.

Except, of course, for Corsi’s media appearances.

Original Source -> Jerome Corsi’s public dramatics about the Mueller investigation continue

via The Conservative Brief

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Chapter Thirteen:

The One When a Volunteer’s Work Is Never Done

Lemony Snicket had returned home that night to his daughter already asleep. They hadn’t spoken since he left her right after the kitchen fire and he was starting to severely regret it. He thought Violet had gone to sleep early to completely avoid him. He debated waking her up, explaining things to her. He wanted to at least apologize. He realized now that he had acted a bit insensitive to her feelings and he honestly did regret it. The house looked untampered with as though she hadn’t done anything but lay in her bed. Maybe he was overthinking things. Maybe this was just a symptom of his condition. Always having to find the darkness in the brightest of lights. He had saved the Baudelaire children just a few hours prior. He watched them as they drove past his taxi with that unhelpful, clueless banker. It was over. 

He sighed as he sat down at his desk. Now all he had left on his personal agenda was to find out who or what had caused the Baudelaire fire. Not only did he feel like he owed it to Beatrice to find out and seek justice for her. He owed it to Violet. He had decided that once he figures out the cause of the fire, he will sit her down and talk to her about the tragic event that stole any chance of her ever meeting her birth mother. Just as he began to read over more documents that he had found that he believed would help him with this case, Violet began to sit up.

“Did I wake you?” Lemony asked looking towards his daughter.

“Not really. I’ve been on and off sleeping.” 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She shrugs her shoulders, doesn’t truly look at him. Lemony could feel the tension. She’s still hurt...she’s still mad. 

“Vi, I’m sorry I left so abruptly.”

She scoffs under her breath. Loud enough for her father to hear but not loud enough to be entirely rude about it. 

“I mean it. I just had to go to work.”

She rolls her eyes and sighs. “I know. It just seems like those kids are more important than me. I mean, I know you can’t explain to me what you’re investigating but it’s obvious by all these pictures of them that you’re investigating these two children. But I nearly set the house on fire and you left maybe ten minutes later. How would that make you feel?”

He frowned. She was right. Well, only partially. No matter what, she is his main priority. Nothing against Beatrice’s other two children but Violet was his daughter. He had to put her first. He was beginning to realize now that he hadn’t earlier today. But it wasn’t necessarily the Baudelaires’ fault that he left so abruptly. She was asking too many questions. Questions he would rather avoid than blatantly lie about. But both Beatrice and VFD were very sensitive topics to Lemony especially right now. 

She got quiet again, matching his intense quiet. “You know I’m trying my best, right?” He said after long moments of painful silence.

She glances away still saying nothing. 

“Violet?”

“...can you just explain to me one thing ?” She asked after another minute of painfully awkward silence.

“What would that be?”

“What did you mean when you said ‘you can’t take her!’” 

Lemony turned his head and bit his lip. She was asking the very question that made him leave in the first place. He knew he couldn’t just leave again. Not only would she be furious but she’d become more and more suspicious. He frowned. “Violet...I told you. I was having a nightmare.”

“Did they take her…?” Violet asked. “Did someone take her?”

“What?” 

“Did someone take my mother away?”

Lemony paused. He honestly didn’t know how to answer this. On the one hand, yes. VFD had taken her mother away. She dropped Violet off for him to simply babysit. Due to his unfortunate circumstances, he and Beatrice agreed that Violet was to be raised with her and Bertrand. But a cruel twist of fate involving VFD made sure that it didn’t happen like that. But on the other hand, technically, no one took Beatrice...at least not in the sense that Violet was asking. No one can make Beatrice do something she didn’t want to do. The woman was fierce and she was definitely a force to be feared and not tampered with. Also in all technicalities, Beatrice wasn’t taken away...Lemony had to hide while he was watching Violet and things kept getting messed up. Both parties began looking for the other, rather than one staying in place and waiting to be found. 

Violet cleared her throat bringing her father back into the conversation. “Did someone take my mother away?” Violet asked again this time on the verge of tears.

“If you’re asking me if someone kidnapped her...then no. No one took her.” 

Violet sighed and looked down at her locket. “Dammit,” she muttered.

“Wait,” Lemony said staring at his daughter with a puzzled expression. “Did you want my answer to be ‘yes’?”

She shrugged turning away from him feeling ashamed. 

“Violet...honey…” He stood up from his desk walking towards her putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Violet looked up at her father and he could see tears were forming in his daughter’s eyes. “...if she wasn’t taken…” she began, her voice breaking. Her thoughts running through her mind debating whether or not, she should let her father in her vulnerable psyche. “...why did she go? Did she even want me?”

Lemony’s heart shattered the second the question left his daughter’s mouth. He pulled her into a tight hug. “Violet. She wanted you. You gotta trust me on that. This arrangement wasn’t…” he stopped himself. He was trying to figure out how to word it to where it didn’t sound like back then he didn’t want her because he did. Both her parents wanted her. Lemony always dreamt of ending up with Beatrice and creating a family of his own. But so many of his mistakes, his dumb decisions had ruined all his plans. It was supposed to be him and Beatrice until the bitter end. “Violet...I’ve told you… life...happened. Life had different plans for her and me…” 

“...I know…,” she said between sniffles. “But you could just be saying that to preserve my feelings.” 

“What do you mean.”

“‘Preserve my feelings’ a phrase which here means, ‘tell me a sugar-coated lie that will result in me having better self-worth’.” She said as she wiped tears from her eyes. Lemony gave a small smile at her mocking him. Even when she was sad, she could still joke with him.

“Violet, I promise you, you are not the reason that things turned out this way.” He sighed. “When she was pregnant with you...we were both ecstatic. Well, in all honesty, I was nervous. She was the one filled with unbridled excitement about you. It seemed like she wasn’t nervous at all. She was excited for the both of us while I was nervous for both of us.”

“You’ve got to find her for me.”

“I know.”

“Like...you have to. I have to meet her.” 

“Trust me, I know.”

“Do you think she’d recognize me if she saw me today?”

“Well, besides your eyes...which you definitely get from me. She’d be looking at a younger version of herself. So yes, she would most definitely recognize you, Vi.”

“Can you tell me again, what she was like?” 

Lemony laughed. “I could spend all night telling you about her. I could just about tell you everything about her…” 

“...can you do that...tonight?” Violet asked giving him puppy dog eyes.

Lemony looked first at his daughter and then at his investigation board and then back at his daughter. “You know what. Yes. Yes, I can. Let me just put a few papers away. I'll make us some tea and we can talk about your mother until your eyes can’t stay open any longer.”

Violet’s face went from an expression that Lemony knew all too well to one of pure excitement and happiness. That night he and Violet sat down having a few cups of tea. He never added any sugar to his, he believed it should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a double-edged sword. Violet, on the other hand, preferred her tea to be semi-sweet. She understood that tea was meant to be bitter but it just wasn’t her thing to drink it with no sugar or honey. She always wondered how in the world her father could. But as the evening went by, the two chatted about Beatrice, the happier times, and anything else Lemony could share with her that didn’t pertain to the fire or VFD. It was a nice night. He had asked Violet to ask simple questions like her favorite things to her least favorites. He described to her the day that he and Beatrice first met, of course leaving out any details of VFD. As the hours passed by, Violet’s began to slowly nod off, she began asking similar questions to ones he had already answered. He answered them again waiting as she finally rested her head on the table and began to drift off. After making sure that she was asleep, he lifted her from the chair that she sat in and he carried her to her bed, gently laying her down and tucking her in like he used to. He smiled at his daughter. She has had a long day. She dealt with the most dangerous elements on this planet...fire. She had a small breakdown about her self worth and her birth mother. She was exhausted. He was exhausted. He found himself battling sleep. He wanted to use these hours of privacy to continue his investigation on the Baudelaire fire but his eyes were becoming heavy. 

He was on his way to his own bed when the phone ringing had startled him. Who could that be at this hour? He thought as he glanced at the clock. It was just past midnight. He hurriedly answered the phone hoping the loud ringing didn’t disturb his daughter. 

“Hello?” He said.

“Snicket? Is that you?” a female voice replied.

“Jacquelyn? How in the world do you get this number?”

“I have my ways,” she said simply.

“I am serious.” He whispered making sure not to wake up his daughter.

“That’s not important, right now. Besides, you said to keep in touch.”

He rolled his eyes. “Do you know what time it is, Jacquelyn?”

“Yes. I do. It’s 12:24.”

“Ha. Ha. So funny. So literal.” he replied in a deadpan voice unamused by her and her games. 

“Snicket. There’s a real reason why I’ve called you.” 

“Which is what exactly?” he replied keeping his voice low.

“Wait...why are you whispering?” 

“Why does that matter? Maybe I don’t wanna wake my neighbors.”

“Hmmm. K. If that’s the story you’re going with.”

“Jacquelyn, why have you called this late at night.”

“Gustav hasn’t answered me.”

“When did you see him last?”

“Yesterday, when we were at Olaf’s house,” she replied.

“Well, did you see him leave?” Lemony asked becoming more and more awake as the conversation wore on.

“Yes. I watched him leave. Remember I told you that.” her voice tone had shifted. She seemed annoyed. “Look, I am just concerned. It’s unlike him to not answer back for a whole day. I wanted to know if the Baudelaires have reached Dr. Montgomery’s.”

“Can’t you just ask that imbecile you work for?” Lemony asked.

“Well, yes I could. But then he’ll start asking why I’m asking...and I don’t know if you know how it feels to have someone asking you questions you either can’t or don’t want to answer.”

Lemony gave a low chuckle. “Oh, do I know that feeling.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Not important. So if he isn’t answering what do you think happened.”

“Nothing good. The last message he gave me was ‘the world...is...quiet here.’” Jacquelyn said. “Just like that. Like he was getting drowsy by the second. Like someone had shot him with a…”

“Poison dart.” Lemony finished.

“Exactly,” Jacquelyn replied. “And who do you think would have done that?”

“Olaf.” 

“Precisely. I fear if I’m right and Gustav has been murdered by Olaf than he is still after the Baudelaire children.”

“Well, isn’t Monty still in VFD. Surely, he’d be able to keep them safe from that bastard.”

“I’m unsure. Monty has been more focused on his herpetology studies. He scarcely has time to do anything VFD related.”

Lemony groaned. “So what you’re saying is, you think these kids are still in danger.”

“I mean, I only called you specifically because I know you have a strange, secretive attachment to these kids.”

“That’s because of whose children they are.” He replied, choosing his words carefully in case Violet had woken up and was now eavesdropping on his conversation.

“I know. I know. I just...I don’t have a good feeling about this at all.”

“Well, why don’t we just check upon them. One of us goes there, to watch the place for a few days. If something happens, we intervene like we did last time.”

“Seems simple enough. I’ll get you an address.”

“Wait. I...I can’t leave the city for a couple of days. I have...very important prior commitments. Would you be able to Jacquelyn? And in a couple of days, if I haven’t heard from you, then I’ll travel down and see for myself.”

“I can do that, Snicket.”

“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“No, I don’t. But I do know that these are defenseless children that he’s targetting and this needs to come to an end.”

“Are we sure the police didn’t catch him.”

“Trust me, when I stayed behind to skulk the place. I found a trapdoor.”

“To...the tunnels,” Lemony asked.

“Yep. That’s definitely what he used to escape the authorities. He’s probably going to stay low for a few days until he feels safe enough to strike again.” Jacquelyn replied. “I plan on getting to Monty’s via the underground tunnels anyway. So I’ll look around for him.”

“Just be careful. If he has killed Gustav, then we know he has no issue with killing.”

“Oh, believe me. He doesn’t scare me. I’ll make sure he doesn’t harm the children.”

“Thank you for keeping me informed. I guess we’re back on the case.” 

“I guess so. See you in a couple of days, Snicket.”

“Stay safe,” Lemony replied hanging up and then laughing to himself. When he was younger, he didn’t always sound so lame like a dad. But now, with having a daughter, he was careful what his last words were to people. He also just couldn’t turn the ‘dad mode’ off. It was who he was. He hoped it wasn’t obvious that he was a single father. The last thing he wanted was for someone he barely knew, like Jacquelyn, to learn about Violet. He didn’t know if she was entirely loyal and she was definitely mysterious. Lemony wasn’t sure if it was a good mysterious or the bad mysterious. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever know the answer to that. As he made his way to his bed, he wondered why Olaf would take so much time to follow and harass these kids. Be a man and fight someone your own size. If you’re hurting, come after me or Bea- his thoughts hit him hard. Olaf couldn’t go after Beatrice or even Bertrand because they were dead...and although he was alive, Olaf didn’t know that. So he was going after the next best thing, Beatrice’s son and daughter. This made Lemony sick. No way had he ever imagine that his mistakes would cost so many lives and put innocent children in danger. He vowed to stop Olaf once and for all...or he was going to die trying. He knew he had a few days to think of a plan. He laid in his bed and pondered and wondered until his eyes shut and he was fast asleep.

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company part 1

                                                   Chapter Six:

      The One Where Lemony Rejoins VFD & Where Blatant Child Abuse Was Acting in 'Loco Parentis'

Lemony Snicket despised the old opera house. The last time he was here, everything in his life had fallen apart. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. He was saying a very long-winded goodbye to his then fiance, Beatrice, who did not know she was already pregnant with their daughter. He was waiting for his brother, Jacques, to arrive in a taxi and take him so very far away from this place and this city. That was the second time in his life where he had stayed in Staind-by-the-Sea. Lemony remembered the first few months on the run, he knew he had to fake his death in an unreliable newspaper to make things easier on him. At that time, he traveled light and only traveled by underground tunnels. He had to stop all that secretive traveling once Violet was in his custody. He hadn’t been in a secret tunnel in ages, so he had decided that since he was rejoining the organization, he would travel like a member of said organization. The tunnels were heavily signed which he didn’t really understand that at all, but it made things easier for him to find the opera house. Now he waited outside, top hat entirely in his face hoping to not be recognized by simple passers-by.

He looked at his watch, 8:55. Not quite 9 o’clock but most volunteers were known for arriving early, it was a sign of nobility. He looked around studying faces of the pedestrians passing by the opera house. None of them looked to be from a secret organization. But what sort of look would that even be? Lemony pondered the thought as a young woman with short auburn hair accompanied by a man, nearly the same age, with black hair and facial hair stopped in front of him. He studied them, looking quickly for any weapons or badges that would identify them as the police.

“I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion,” the man spoke.

Lemony looked annoyed. “The world is quiet here.” he replied, he turned to the woman, “You must be Jacquelyn…” he said extending his hand for both her and the man to shake.

“Jacquelyn Scieszka.” Jacquelyn replied, “You must be Lemony. I’ve met both of your siblings, charming people. You look a bit like your dear brother.”

“Thank you,” he replied glancing at the man. “Jacquelyn, I believe I had asked you to meet me here alone, a word which here means, ‘by yourself, without the company of another’.”

Jacquelyn laughed. “They were right, you are a walking dictionary.”

Lemony rolled his eyes, “Let me guess, Kit told you that.”

Jacquelyn merely nodded still laughing. “I am sorry for not following your instructions, Mr. Snicket but you couldn’t expect a woman like me to meet a strange man claiming to my dead associate. It’s always good to have back up.”

Lemony sighed, nodding his head. She did make a good point. “Snicket, Lemony,” he said to the man shaking his hand.

“The name’s Gustav Sebald,” Gustav replied. “And I do apologize for arriving unannounced, I am the one who convinced Miss High-and-Mighty here that she may want to bring back up. After all, we don’t have to tell you how cunning our enemies tend to be.”

“So what can you tell me about the Baudelaire case,” Lemony said getting straight to the point. The less time he had to spend in the public eye, the better.

“Well you see, I have similar questions pertaining to the case. You see Beatrice and Bertrand had a vigorously fixed destination in mind for Klaus and Sunny in case of fire...they were to be sent to Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, I am his assistant. So when the children hadn’t arrived I knew something was up.” Gustav explained.

“Why were the children sent to live with Count Olaf then? If Monty was the designated guardian how did those kids end up with that fiend?”

“I can answer that. Mr. Poe, my boss, listened to the advice of a consultant.” Jacquelyn said rolling her eyes.

“Dear God, who would listen to a consultant?” Gustav asked.

“I’ll give you a hint. His name rhymes with rice pilaf.”

“Those children must be so frightened. What can we do?” Lemony asked.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think we can do anything. Mr. Poe is the executor of the Baudelaire estate and he ultimately gets to decide where the children are placed.” Gustav explained.

“Which if you ask me is bullshit,” Jacquelyn began. “Snicket, you’ve been in VFD the longest, who the hell thought it was a good idea to put Poe in charge of VFD kids.”

Lemony shrugged his shoulders. “I am honestly not sure. But that doesn’t matter right now. We need to help these children.”

All three adults stood quietly thinking of solutions to this problem. After several minutes that felt like hours, Jacquelyn growled in frustration. “Can’t we just kick Olaf’s ass?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Lemony replied and then a smiled formed on his face. “I think I’ve got it.”

“We’re listening,” Gustav commented.

“We just need to prove that Olaf’s an unfit guardian. That can’t be hard.”

“Okay. But how?”

“Leave that to me,” Lemony stated. “These kids are Beatrice’s so I’m going to do whatever I can to help them.”

Both Jacquelyn and Gustav frowned, nodding their heads.

“Whatever you need, we got your back,” Jacquelyn replied. “I’m always ready for a mission.”

Lemony nodded. “I’m going to rejoin VFD and save these kids.”

“When did you leave VFD?” Gustav asked.

“You know what I mean. I just need you two to promise, you tell no one, absolutely no one, that I’m alive. Not even my siblings.”

“Jacques and Kit would be very useful, though.”

Lemony furiously shook his head. “No. I’m not putting them in any danger. It’s better that they think I’m dead. I’m not going to let them get hurt the way that I let Beatrice.”

“Suit yourself,” Jacquelyn replied.

“Lemony, you know the fire isn’t your fault, right?” Gustav replied.

“Yes it is, everything that went wrong is because of me. So I need to fix it.”

Jacquelyn and Gustav looked at one another as Lemony began to walk away, “Keep in touch. Remember, only you two are allowed to know.” he called back to them before disappearing into a crowd.

________________________________________________________

Sunny Baudelaire waited with bated breath for her brother to return. When he finally did, she noticed that not only was her brother as pale as a ghost but he was no longer holding the book she had given him as a weapon.

“Quidsuus,” she said to her brother, which probably meant, “What happened? Klaus, what’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”

Klaus shook his head, “Not yet,” he replied still shaken from Count Olaf’s vague threat. Sunny looked at him worriedly.

“Huh?”

“Sunny...he’s going...he’s going to kill us,” Klaus said as he began to sob. “He’s going to kill us the second he gets our fortune. I don’t know what to do.”

Sunny looked at her brother with worry in her eyes. “Bite?” she asked.

“Sunny, biting him isn’t going to always work.”

“Prise,” she replied, which meant, “You’d be surprised. I could probably kill someone with my teeth.”

“I doubt it.”

“Arsenic,” Sunny said, which meant, “We should’ve poisoned the rat bastard when we had the chance,”

“I agree. Although, I don’t think he even took one bite of the pasta puttanesca. So that plan would’ve failed.”

“Lush,” which meant, “We could still poison his precious wine.”

“Tempting.” Klaus said, “Maybe...we can go see Mr. Poe. He did say if we had any questions we can always visit him.”

“Rant!” she yelled, which meant, “We don’t have any questions. We have several complaints.”

“Well, Mr. Poe seems to be our best option,” Klaus replied picking up Sunny. Sunny rolled her eyes. She hated Mr. Poe and honestly thought he was a useless jackass who didn’t really care for either her and her brother. Sunny believed if Poe had cared for the children, he would’ve piled them back into his car upon seeing Count Olaf’s disgusting house.

Klaus and Sunny were not surprised to find out that Count Olaf had lied to Mr. Poe when he claimed to have had a map of the city. So the Baudelaire youngsters were on their own. Klaus decided to find the nearest trolley stop and ask the driver what stop would be the best to get to Mulctuary Money Management. After a near hour trolley ride, the driver informed the Baudelaire orphans that their stop was the next one.

The children rushed passed Mr. Poe’s secretary, who did not stop the children from entering Poe’s office. Neither children noticed that the second that they had passed her, she quickly picked up the phone that was on her desk and began to call someone. Unfortunately, no amount of research will ever allow my associate and me to know exactly what was said on that phone call seeing that the recipient of the call is now surely dead and it is very hard to get in touch with the Duchess of Winnipeg.

Mr. Poe greeted the Baudelaires with his usual fit of coughs. Klaus sat Sunny down in the chair that was sat in front of Mr. Poe’s desk. “Baudelaires?”

“Sorry to barge in on you like this Mr. Poe, but it’s an emergency.”

“No sorry,” Sunny whispered.

Mr. Poe began coughing again which irritated both children. “An emergency? Ugh, very well. Can we make this quick, I am quite busy. I’m in line for a very important promotion, you know.”

“No care” Sunny replied. As her brother got right to the point.

“Count Olaf is a madman. We can’t stay with him,” Klaus said. “He struck me across the face, see my bruise.” Klaus pointed his left cheek in case Poe was too dense to realize which cheek he was talking about.

The phone in Mr. Poe’s office began to ring. He held a finger up to the children. “Pardon me,” he began,  “Poe here. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely Not. Yes. Thank you,” He hung up the phone and began coughing. “Now, what were we talking about again? Oh Yes, Count Olaf. I’m sorry you don’t have a good first impression of him.”

Klaus and Sunny couldn’t believe their ears.

“Conabilis!” Sunny shouted, which meant, “He makes us do back-breaking, difficult, tedious chores as if we are slaves.” which Klaus was quick to translate.

“He only provided us with one fucking bed!”

“Lush!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “He’s a terrible drunk!” which her brother quickly translated.

Mr. Poe’s office phone rang again as he excused himself from his conversation with the children. “Poe here. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Anything but seven. Seven. You are welcome.” after a fit of coughing, he turned his attention again to the children. “Now, Baudelaires. Everyone, at some time in their life, wishes they were being raised by people different than the ones who are raising them. When I was a little boy, I would’ve given my eyeteeth to be raised by an actor.”

“He calls us orphans.”

“But you are orphans.”

“He...he has terrible friends.”

“ I have terrible friends.”

“Eeeayaba,” Sunny shouted which meant, “He’s clearly after our fortune!” with Klaus quickly translating for his baby sister.

“Speaking of not understanding a word someone is saying!” He began to cough, as Sunny glared at him. “Baudelaires, are you familiar with the term “in loco parentis``?''  

Sunny turned her head to look at her brother, Klaus closed his eyes for a few seconds trying to concentrate, “It sounds Latin,”

“Latin and legal. The term, “in loco parentis” means “acting in the role of a parent.” It is a legal term and completely applies to Count Olaf, the actor is acting as your parent. And as your legal guardian, he can raise you with any method that he deems fit. So I’m sorry if your parents never made you do any household chores and if you like their friends more than you like his friends. But there are certain things you must get used to.”

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another.

“Pelzer!” Sunny shouted, which meant, “He is physically abusive especially towards Klaus.” Klaus was hesitant to translate but Sunny glared at him until he gave up and translated what she had said.

Mr. Poe looked at both children. “Now, you two are exaggerating. Where’s this physical abuse?”

Klaus pointed to his cheek as Mr. Poe simply shook his head. “Now I don’t know how your parents raised you but simple smacks and even spankings are not considered physical abuse.”

“Fucker!” Sunny yelled baring her teeth at Mr. Poe. Klaus just looked amazed at Mr. Poe. Poe went into another fit of loud coughing so he was unable to hear Sunny over the noise. Sunny was hoping that he’d drop dead and someone else would be in charge of the Baudelaire’s affairs.

“My cheek is bruised. I wouldn’t call that a ‘simple smack’.” Klaus said through gritted teeth. Mr. Poe just shrugged.  

“Now, I don't know what you did to deserve that...but maybe next time you will behave better.” Mr. Poe said to the young boy. “Now I’m sorry that I have to usher you out posthaste, but like I said when you arrived I am very busy. ‘Posthaste’ means…”

“It means you will do nothing to help us!” Klaus yelled picking up Sunny. “Come on Sunny.”

And with that, both children ventured out of Mr. Poe’s office and back into the busy streets of the city. Klaus had decided he wanted to take the long way home and began to walk back to their ‘home’. The walk home was quiet and long. Neither child said anything. Klaus was pondering what Poe had said, he began to believe it was his fault. He began to believe that he deserved everything Olaf dished out to him. Sunny was mad, she couldn’t believe that a grown adult was making up excuses for Olaf’s blatant physical abuse against her brother. Sunny didn’t understand why all of Olaf’s adult friends not only sat and watched him hurt Klaus but laughed and cheered him on. Was this what it was like growing up? If so, she didn’t want to get older. When the children finally got back home, they noticed Justice Strauss was in her garden. Klaus quickly shifted Sunny to where he could use her to hide his bruise. If Mr. Poe didn’t care why would Justice Strauss.

“Hello, Baudelaires! How have you been?”

“We’ve been alright,” Klaus replied pressing Sunny gently against his face to hide the bruise entirely.

“I had just baked some cookies, would you like some? We can visit my library again if you want to.”

Both children smiled at Justice Strauss for vastly different reasons. Sunny smiled at Justice Strauss because she honestly wanted some cookies and to visit the pretty library again but Klaus smiled toward the judge because a small lightbulb in his head had turned on. He thought he figured out how to save himself and Sunny from being run over by a train.

“Actually Justice Strauss, would it be possible if I can borrow a law book?”

“A law book? Are you sure? Those are usually very difficult and boring. I’m a judge and I don’t really like reading them.”

“I’m interested in a career in law. I find those books quite fascinating,” Klaus lied.

Justice Strauss shrugged. “Well, to each their own. There are countless types of books in this world which makes sense cause there are countless types of people.”

Justice Strauss took Klaus and Sunny over to the bookshelf that contained all of her law books. “Sunny, would you like to come with me into my garden while your brother tackles these books?” she said reaching for Sunny and gently taking her from Klaus’ grasp.

Klaus frowned as he realized why Justice Strauss was looking at him with such wide eyes. “Klaus! What has happened to your face?”

“Pelzer!” Sunny shrieked. She waited for her brother to translate but he just stood there stiff as a board trying to come up with a clever lie to tell the judge. Sunny glared at her brother and looked at Justice Strauss. She continued to repeat the phrase, “Pelzer!” until Klaus glared back at her.

“Sunny, stop!”

“Pelzer!”

“Klaus, what does your sister mean by Pelzer.” Justice Strauss asked worryingly.

“Honestly, Justice Strauss. I am unsure.” Klaus lied quickly.

“Pelzer!”

“Sunny!”

“Pel-zer!” Sunny shrieked. Realizing her brother was not going to come clean, she looked up at the judge and began to softly hit the judge with her tiny fists trying to muster a face that could make her look like a drunken asshole. Justice Strauss just looked at her confused. “Is your sister okay?”

“I think some fresh air will help her calm down. I’m going to sit here and read these books if that’s alright.” Klaus said frowning at Sunny.

Sunny gave him a final glare as Strauss shrugged her shoulders and led herself and Sunny into the garden. Klaus got to work tackling the books. He had to find one that proved him right. If he or Sunny died, Olaf would get nothing. The bank would keep the Baudelaire fortune and it would just collect dust. It was a temporary fix to a huge problem. Right now, Olaf could gain custody of the kids, and once that happened, Olaf had planned to get rid of the kids. Klaus didn’t want to live with Olaf until he was eighteen, but he didn’t want to die before his thirteenth birthday either. Klaus spent what seemed like hours reading passage after passage. Trying desperately to find the law that would apply to his situation. It was a bleak situation, but it seemed to be a unique one. Klaus began to feel tired and he leaned his left cheek on to his fist to keep his head up. Forgetting that that was the cheek that Olaf has struck him, he jumped and now his entire cheek was flared up. He thought of Sunny, he hated when she was mad or disappointed at him. But what else could he do? He couldn’t listen to Justice Strauss explain the same bullshit as Mr. Poe had. He didn’t want to hear that the beating Olaf had given him was justified and legal. Klaus knew deep down in his heart, that nothing Olaf has done to the children would be considered legal, but who would listen. No one would listen. Klaus was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even realized that the sun was beginning to set and that Justice Strauss was walking back into her library. Klaus dog-eared a page in the book that he believed gave him all the answers he needed.

“Justice Strauss, could I take this book home?” he asked.

“I don’t see why not. As long as you take care of it and keep it in good condition, you can borrow any of my books.” Justice Strauss replied. “Now, did you want to tell me about what happened to your face?”

Klaus stayed quiet. Why was she asking him again? He looked to Sunny who smirked back at him. “It’s nothing.”

Justice Strauss frowned and leaned down to look Klaus in the eyes. She put a gentle hand on his face. “Klaus...it’s okay. You can talk to me. Let me help you.” she said in a gentle tone. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what is going on.”

Klaus sighed heavily and tried to avert his eyes from Justice Strauss’. He could feel that tears were beginning to fall from his face. “C-c-count Olaf struck me across the face.”

“Pelzer!” Sunny shrieked one last time, exasperated. She had been trying to explain this for quite some time and she was happy that she was able to at least convince Justice Strauss to question her brother again.

“Now, why would he do that?” Justice Strauss asked.

“Because he’s a mad man. He’s a drunk and a brute. He’s physically abusive and he’s an overall vile fiend.” Klaus exclaimed breaking down and crying as Justice Strauss place Sunny into one of her reading chairs and rushed to hug Klaus.

“Well, there’s no need to worry. I am going to talk to him.” Justice Strauss said.

Klaus tensed up. “Wait, what?”

“I am going to march over there right now and give him a piece of my mind.”

“J-Justice Strauss, please. I-I-I...I appreciate your help but I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Oh come now, Klaus. I mean I will say, he is your legal guardian so he does have a right to act in ‘loco parentis’ but...there’s a line and he has obviously crossed it. So maybe I can talk to him, raise some concerns and smooth everything out.”

Klaus looked at Sunny terrified as Sunny facepalmed.

“CPS!” she yelled, which meant, “I honestly think you should call child protective services.” Klaus was too frightened to translate.

“Oh, this isn’t a matter for CPS, Sunny. At least not yet.” Justice Strauss said picking Sunny back up and ushering Klaus to follow her across the street.

Klaus could feel his heart in his chest and thought it was beating so hard it was going to break through his ribcage and rip through his skin. He kept giving Sunny frightened glances as he stealthily hid the library book under his sweater. As they reached the door, Klaus tried once again to get Justice Strauss to change her mind. “Honestly, I deserved it...I had talked back to him.” Klaus pleaded. But it was too late Justice Strauss had already rung the doorbell. Almost immediately Count Olaf answered, smiling at Justice Strauss and showing his shiny eyes to the children.

“Hello. I’m Justice Strauss, your neighbor. I just stopped by because I wanted to talk about some huge concerns I had about Klaus here.”

Klaus tried his best to hide behind Justice Strauss but she moved out of the way so Klaus could be seen by his guardian. “I noticed that he had a nasty bruise on his cheek and when I had asked him how it got there, he mentioned to me that you had struck him.”

Count Olaf leaned against the door frame and folded his arms across his chest. “Really? Is that so.”

“Now, I am a judge so I already know all about ‘loco parentis’ and that you do have the right to raise your children your way, but don’t you think striking a young child across the face this hard is going a little overboard?” Justice Strauss asked.

Klaus and Sunny watched as Count Olaf played the part. Now, Count Olaf being an actor meant that he could become a character out of nowhere, it was probably his best skill as an actor. But the Baudelaires would have described him as a chameleon, which I am sure you know is a creature that uses its unique abilities to change its appearance as a way to camouflage itself. Well, at that moment, both Baudelaires saw with horror that Count Olaf simply changed his outward appearance to fool Justice Strauss into thinking he was a concerned guardian who had overreacted just once.

“You know what, Justice Strauss. You are right and I am ashamed of myself. I have been oh-so stressed about having two new children that I may have acted a bit...standoffish…” He said wrapping Klaus into a hug. Klaus pushed him away from him and rolled his eyes. Klaus having read so many books was quite familiar with a great number of words and phrases, one of those words that Klaus was familiar with happened to be the word that Count Olaf had just used so poorly. The word ‘standoffish’ as I’m sure you know is a word meaning ‘somewhat aloof or reserved.’, it’s a word you would use to describe someone who was keeping to themselves at a party. It is not a word you would use to describe a man like Count Olaf, especially in the context of how he has treated the plucky Baudelaire orphans.

Justice Strauss nodded. “Well, I would hope that you won’t be taking your stress out on the children again…”

“Oh, no. Never.” Count Olaf replied. “I feel so ashamed of my actions. My heart holds my deepest regrets. I hope that the children can forgive me.”

“Bite me,” Sunny replied as Klaus said nothing.

“Now, if you excuse us, Justice Strauss. I want to show my children just how sorry I am for treating them in such a terrible way.” He said still expertly playing the part of a concerned parent. Justice Strauss nodded and handed Sunny to Olaf. Sunny growled at Olaf making him glare at her. Klaus followed his sister inside and Justice Strauss bid both children goodbye. “Thank you again, Justice Strauss. For calling attention to how my children were feeling.”

Count Olaf waited until Justice Strauss was across the street before he locked the door and turned slowly to Klaus. Sunny looked from her guardian to her brother. Klaus held out his hands, “Please. She’s just an infant…do whatever you want to me, just let her go.” He said. Count Olaf merely glared at the boy and then at Sunny.

“Listen to me very carefully ,” he said, “the only reason I haven’t torn you limb from limb is that I need to make sure I will get a hold of your money. But ask yourselves this, what reason would I have of keeping you two alive once I’ve gotten control of it?”

Klaus began to tremble while Sunny looked on with fear in her eyes. Count Olaf merely tossed Sunny to Klaus, who thankfully caught her.

“Now get out of my sight, orphans.”

Klaus nodded and started to walk upstairs.

“Oh, and you are forbidden from seeing that nosey woman or leaving the house ever, ” Olaf called up to them. “Disobey me and watch what happens. You think what happened at dinner was bad, you cannot possibly imagine what I have planned for you two. Now get the fuck out of my sight.”

Klaus hurriedly walked the two into their room and pushed the bed to the door. He unraveled the book from his sweater. “Don’t worry, Sunny. I have a plan. I know what I’m going to do.”

“Wha?”

“I’m going to do what I do best, I’m going to stay up all night with a book.”