#i have to wake up so early tmrw and its almost 3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blackvail22 · 1 year

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10/01/23

12:48am - i always have my hopes up... i always want the best possible outcome to happen. everything needs to go right... it just has to. i need to keep low expectations. he doesnt care, and if he wants to leave me on read on two different platforms for 7 hours, hey... who am i to judge? i knew this would happen.

im the sad girlfriend, the one that overthinks constantly. i cant help it.. its something i was taught. so many ppl around me keep lying, and im tired of it. so many things im anxious and overthinking do end up happening.

i want to be happy, but i cant let myself .. i sabotage myself, doing things i know i shouldnt, and its... killing me.

i mnew things being at a high would make my lows go even lower

at this rate ill need my counselor every 3 days after my appointments because I AM STRUGGLING

also i think i developed some sort of ... something w my science teacher last year because every time i see photos of him my heart stops and i almost start crying. i would always want to look the best esp for his class like i never wanted to be a mess near him... so thats unhealthy!

but i am struggling.... what's new!!!!

12:31pm - yesterday did have some fun parts though, and i habe to remember that. my friends visited me at work yesterday before they went to homecoming, and i had fun with my coworker. i focus on the negative a lot... its a habit i need to get rid of

2:20pm - thinking abt how my new coworker invalidated my identity like u dont have to be androgynous to go by they/them, just like u dont have to be masculine to go by he/him and feminine to go by she/her.... like...

11:50pm - im not going to lie, i really dont want to work tomorrow. that means i only have one day off this week... even though my shift tomorrow is only three hours, thats three hours i could spend in my bed after my appointment. and i have to wake up early tomorrow to do a lab that the place i went to couldnt do for my appointment tmrw... im so stressed out. oh, also, someone i went to school with and have mutual friends with said to me today they dont remmeber me at all,, and that kinda sucks! i mean, i didnt talk too much, but you still have to at least notice me... we have mutual friends... she sat behind me in lunch??? during our music department trip, we talked to each other. all well. it doesnt matter anymore, does it?

i cant stop feeling sorry for myself. if i want change with myself, i have to di it... why is it so hard? i really want to live in someone elses body... im sososo tired of mine. i want a different life and different experiences. i want to live in my ideal world, and its impossible now...

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shinwnn · 7 years

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college! jinwoo au

sokay jinwoo is s u p e r well known on campus because he's essentially the guy that’s always fun to be around and exudes confidence

he’s studying linguistics bc he’s fascinated with languages but also he just loves to talk and everyones always making jokes about how he’s so good with languages because he loves the sound of his own voice so much that he never shuts up

he also works at the campus radio station bc he just loves music so much!! AND he’s worked his way up to being a host so getting to play music & talk is basically the dream for him

everyone always tunes in during the hours that jinwoos hosting bc his taste in music is honestly amazing and he has the best radio voice and it makes everything he says sound interesting

you also listen to his show bc he honestly has never played a song you didn’t either already love or instantly fall in love with

but also you’re really beginning to hate this boy because the only reason you actually know him is because he lives right above you in the dorms

and he hosts the L O U D E S T parties that always happen to go till 4 am

usually you and your roommate fight over who has to go up and ask them to quiet down but tonight your roommate is out with some friends and its already 2 am you’re just laying in bed listening to the nonstop thudding sounds coming from above you & ur almost about to die because you have a 7:30 class tmrw

finally you force yourself out of bed and and into the hallway toward jinwoo’s room and you're so tired you're basically already half asleep

when you knock on the door and jinwoo comes out to see sleepy you in an oversized sweatshirt and leggings trying to form a coherent sentence ( it came out more like “the sound.. .too much.. please. stop.. the sound… theres a lot of it”) he can’t help but think you’re about the cutest thing he’s ever seen

and maybe if your eyes weren’t half closed and you weren’t entirely annoyed with the boy, you would’ve also thought he looked cute in his skinny jeans, t-shirt that was just a little bit too big, and perfectly messed up hair

but right now you're pretty much only focused on keeping yourself from completely collapsing in his door way

he feels really bad because you look like you're about to pass out but then his party has expanded to basically the whole floor and he’s lost the ability to control the noise level

he looks around for a few seconds and without saying anything goes to try to shuffle people into rooms and closing the doors in attempt to quiet things down a little

in the meanwhile you're still standing there in the door way wondering if you should go back now but for some reason your feet aren't moving and wow the floor looks really comfortable right now

but then before you can go to ur final resting place on the floor, jinwoo is back in front of you and he notices that you're like not stable so he puts his hands on your shoulders to try and hold you up and he's like “sorry about everyone. i don’t know if i can do much more about the noise, but i hope that helped a little bit???... also are you okay???”

and no ur obviously not okay bc all you've wanted for the past 3 hrs is to go to bed but everything like 20x quieter now and its so peaceful so you just offer a sleepy smile and nod and turn around to head back toward ur room and ur bed

but then suddenly someones linked their arm with yours and its jin jin trying to be cute and gentlemanly and walk u back to ur room but mostly he's like 90% sure ur gonna collapse in the hall on the way back

ur initial reaction is !! heLLO STRANGER DANGER?? you've only talked to this boy like twice ??? and u sort of tug ur arm away

but jin jin reacts really quickly and like gently pulls u back and he's like “you look like you could use the help. c’mon-“

but even half asleep u does not want the pity of a random cute boy who throws loud parties and disturbs ur sleep so u slightly perk up and are like “ what’s that supposed to mean? are U trying to say I look BAD?”

and jin jin is kind of flustered and taken aback but immediately recovers bc pls this is park jinwoo

“actually i think you look pretty cute and id rather not wake up tomorrow morning to find that you tripped down the stairs to your death while going back to your room because you were too tired.”

so ur like annoyed but ur also like ,,,, fine, maybe i do need someone to make sure i don't die before i get back to my room and also you're kinda leaning into him while u guys are walking and its really nice not having to carry ur own weight

when u guys get to ur door jin jin leans against the frame as ur unlocking it and before u go in he decides to throw away any shred of pride he has and goes for the literally cheesiest line bc he’s never seen anyone look as cute as you do right now

“so, what about a good night kiss?”

u look up to see the brightest smile u have ever?? seen?? like how is he glowing right now but also ur like “did u really just say that”

and u see him get kinda embarrased and ur like woW IS PARK JINWOO THE GOLDEN BOY OF THE SCHOOL ACTUALLY BLUSHING RIGHT NOW??

he’s not really use to rejection bc he hasn't really met a girl he would put himself out there for (but lets be real even if he had, no one would've rejected him what are u doing??)

so he just looks down at the floor and puts his hand on his neck like “ha h a, , yeah, probably shouldn’t have”

but he looks really cute all flustered and you dunno why, tho its probabbly bc ur so tired that u don't actually know if any of this is really happening, but u give him a peck on the cheek and a quick good night before u go inside to ur sweet, sweet bed

n jin jin is just standing outside of ur room, stunned bc WOW ur an angel did that really just happen to him

by the time he gets back to his floor, the partying has pretty much died down to nothing since he really killed the mood when he started pushing people into their rooms for your sake

so he just goes to his room and his roommate mj is laying in bed on his phone (super calm for a change) and jin jin all but jumps on him like “you wouLD NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED”

and ofc mj immediately is as awake as ever dying to know what

after telling mj every detail he basically goes to bed thinking about u being cute whereas youve been knocked out for the past 20 minutes without so much as a thought about it

the next day you’re up by 7 bc u want to get some food and coffee before class so you hit up a cafe on the way to the lecture hall and order your food and sit down at one of the tables to wait

you're running on about 4 hrs of sleep right now so you're not exactly at your prime and you're leaning on your arm while scrolling through your instagram when suddenly your hair is being ruffled and you hear “morning sleepyhead!”

you look up to see jin jin smiling his goofy smile and you’re like “okay firstly, never touch my hair ever again. secondly, why on earth are u up so early, u probably went to bed like … an hour ago”

so he’s like telling u about how he’s helping out around the studio during the morning radio show today and you guys start talking about his radio show and he finds out you listen and it makes him feel all warm and happy for some reason

and you guys start talking about music and you guys have pretty much the same taste and he slips in that he’s been working on some music with his roommate and a few friends and he just gets so excited talking about it

when he can tell that you’re genuinely interested and you ask him questions about their group (which he says is called astro) you can literally see his eyes lighting up and you’re losing track of time bc this is honestly one of the nicest conversations you've had in a long time with one of the nicest boys like, ever

but then u get a notification and see the time on your phone and it’s freaking 745!!! ur already 15 min late to class and you're still like 10 min away from the hall so you grab your things and are like

“shoot im sorry i totally forgot about the time im late to my lecture”

and while you're cleaning up you just keep rambling about how you're screwed bc the class isn't recorded or anything and you don't know anyone you can get notes from and you had like 4 hours of sleep yesterday (which u remind him is his fault) and oh my goodness why is everything bad happening to you

and jin jins just sitting and sipping his coffee looking at you with most amused look on his face and you're still all flustered from being late and u go to throw ur trash away and

when ur back jin jin has ur book bag over his shoulder and his hands are in his pocket as if this is like a normal thing that u do everyday and ur just like ?? are u robbing me? give me my bag and hes like

“no, cmon i’m walking you to class”

and u don't have time to fight it and really you don't mind at all so you just head out the door toward your hall when u remember that he has to go to work and then u forget that you're totally late for class bc now you're worried for him being late for work and u try to grab ur bag from him and are like “o my goSH JINWOO ur gonna be LATE for WORK”

but he completely ignores u and just keeps on walking and ur like ARE U LISTENING and he finally turns around and is just like

“i can afford to be a little late, they wont miss me. plus i’d much rather be with you”

and ofc be freaking winks at u and ur like oh my goodness that was cute but u just roll ur eyes and are like “okay fine, but don’t get used to walking me to places”

and u suddenly remember last nights events very clearly ending with u kissing him on the cheek and u get embarrassed

and it only gets worse when he's like “why? i thought i was pretty good at it, especially after the kiss you gave me for it last night. i was getting ready to transfer majors to physical education so i could work on my stamina and walk you to even further places. it was supposed to be our tradition, walking places. man it was gonna be good”

and ur annoyed bc you've never met someone so irritating yet likable. how does that even work? i dk, but park jinwoo does

when u guys get to ur lecture hall ur suddenly not in a rush at all to go inside bc as much as u hate to admit it to urself, you’d much rather hang out with jin jin

so now ur just standing face to face and he’s looking at you smiling his angelic smile and now its ur turn to contemplate what to do before you leave

and u just wrinkle ur nose before finally deciding to give him a quick peck on the cheek again and then ur just like “maybe that can be part of the tradition”

before he can say anything you've already grabbed ur bag and run into the hall and left him smiling like an idiot

when he gets to work he's still so happy and he’s in a good mood everyday but today it’s just like, intensified all his coworkers can tell he's happier than usual and they’re just like “had a good morning jin jin?” and he's like “GREAT MORNING”

meanwhile ur sitting in class like omg did i actually just do that? also why?

and then like 20 minutes later ur like okay i like park jinwoo

after you get out of class you head back to your dorm to work on some essays for a couple of hours and you see that it’s around the time that jin jin is hosting so you tune in

and after the song that’s playing ends you hear jin jin’s voice and he’s talking about his theory on how toy story and finding nemo are connected and all u can do is roll ur eyes and laugh

but then u hear him go “you should be out of class by now, so i hope you're listening. this next songs for you sleepyhead”

u can hardly believe u just heard him say that and find u urself blushing & even more so when u realize the song that’s playing is pretty u by seventeen

right as you hear the last lines of the song “does she love me, does she love me not…” you get a text from jin jin

“pretty cool huh? i think that deserves a thank you”

to which you reply “you want me to thank you for passive aggressively dedicating songs to me?”

he eventually gets you to agree to let him take u out for dinner and you're so amazed with how comfortable you feel around him and how easily he makes u laugh

it’s just really perfect since u guys started officially dating

a lot of the songs being played during jin jins hours have suspiciously been love songs so much so that he started getting complaints and u had to force him to start playing other things

and as far as those parties that last till 3 am, lately jin jins been finding it a lot more appealing to just sit on the couch with you sharing a blanket and exchanging sleepy kisses as you listen to music

#jin jin #park jinwoo #jinwoo #astro scenarios #astro au #college

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