#i haven't slept through a night since Thursday

[lisztig]

delirious rn (sick) and I can't help thinking that the 5th of February is some notable day for some reason so I look up the wiki entry on the day and while it's not what I was looking for, happy birthday Michael Sheen??

[dbphantom]

How its been going if I'm being quite honest

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[sarah-yyy]

okay okay just word-vomiting about some work stuff because i need to say it or i'll probably die, y'all can just ignore this!!

so like late last week i made a mistake on one of my files, and ended up with like a $15,000 deficit at hand. like i didn't pick up on this at all until monday evening, just as i was leaving the office, and i've been high key stressed out about this since because. it's v obviously a me mistake, like. i'm not someone who would shift blame even in cases where i could, but in this case it was p cut and dry, it was definitely me that caused this $15,000 problem.

thankfully tho!! this was a fixable problem, so i manned up, told mr r i made a mistake, and started working on recovering the funds. emailed the lawyer acting for the other side, called my client to explain the situation and to let him know i'll resolve the issue, etc etc.

client was super nice about it!! he's one of my regulars, one of the ones who really trusts/values my advice, and he's so...predisposed to thinking that i can't really do anything wrong that his first instinct was that someone else caused the problem, so ofc he goes and calls the guy on the other side and says hey look what is this about my lawyer telling me that i've been shortpaid (this was not what i said, but this was what he took away from the convo 😂) and thankfully!! the other guy was a p decent guy too, and went alright i'll pop the money through to my lawyer rn who will then pay it to your lawyer, alg buddy.

all of that was fine!! problem resolved!! stress levels went down a lot once my client told me the funds were coming!! this was like tuesday afternoon.

but!!! a whole 24 hours later, i still wasn't seeing any money from the other lawyer (let's call him mr p). flicked him an email to follow up. no response. left him a message on the phone. no response. the whole time my blood pressure was just going ↗. i talk to mr r about it, mr r said look we can't go too hard at this since this was an us mistake, but we need some kind of acknowledgement from mr p that he is in funds and will pay the money back to us.

this morning, after speaking to my client and mr r, i emailed mr p to say that we need the funds in our trust account by COB or we'll need to talk to our client about alternative recovery action. it wasn't like a rude email. i toned it down a lot and was super polite. copied in mr r so mr p can see there is some sort of Escalation from our end.

mr p replies several hours later telling me two things: 1) the funds will be paid to us soon, and 2) not to send him threatening emails because fixing my problem is not on his priority list??????????

buddies. BUDDIES. i haven't slept properly since monday night. like. i know mr p has no obligation towards me. but. you can imagine the kind of stress i've been under since monday. i'm lucky this happened with a good client who wasn't badgering me to front the money and to demand that i take responsibility or anything, but even then, this was an incredibly stressful situation. if this had happened to any other lawyer, i'd have done whatever i could to at least alleviate that stress for them even just a little bit. but mr p!!! has had the funds sitting with him since wednesday morning!! and cbf to at least tell me that until thursday afternoon!!! who tf does that!!! why tf would you do that!!! even if it's out of collegial respect, why couldn't he have at least dropped me a line to say hey funds are here dw i'm busy now but will pay you soon?????

i'm just. so !!! about this whole thing. i'm probably slightly overreacting because i've been stressed and i'm underslept but fuck, i don't think i'm wrong to be upset at mr p 🥺

[sushywritez]

Stranger Danger | Older!Eddie M. X Fem!Reader | Three

PLOT: Eddie is a loving single father and a busy man, he hires you on occasion to watch his child. Sometimes he wish he had the courage to ask you out, but one terrible weekend will prove to him he hasn't got much time.

WARNINGS: TW 18+ Guns, and gun violence mentioned, blood, slight gore, language, suggestiveness, angst, fluff, thriller, slasher, divorce, and adult humor.

Three Days.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday were all Eddie needed. The event from this Thursday still held a deep impact over you, but since Eddie gave the news it had became less pertinent. Having the assaulter locked up was definitely a relief. Especially since you'd be alone with Violet for these days.

Early that morning Eddie hit the road, making sure to leave behind his special care instructions for Violet. Who of which, at the moment was still sleeping in.

You'd let her have her rest. The poor thing was up most of the night with a couple of bad dreams. Her night–terrors usually started up on weekends like this when her father had to go out of town. Being separated from the only parent was tough on such a kind hearted kid.

As she slept in you got some cleaning done around the house, even started a batch of her laundry. Eddie insisted you didn't have to, but you always just did it anyway. As the first load was washing you started to prepare a small breakfast knowing that Violet would wake any second now.

Three days, turned into more, and later rolled into a year. At this point he'd convinced you to become a permanent resident, from babysitter to nanny. Violet sure loved having you around more and she began to even open up more towards you. That was something you always loved, learning more about the energetic bundle that was Violet Munson. Now being a part of their daily lives was all part of your job.

Working for Eddie Munson was the best job one could possibly have. He was generous, forgiving, and all around fun.

So far things were going well on the cloudy afternoon. A nice start off to a Monday and an even better week. Currently you were seated in the living-room and scrolling through one of the many media services in attempt to find a movie. Violet had promised to sit and watch it with you.

"Wow, who woulda thought it'd be so hard to pick a movie." You comment, lancing over at the small toddler curled up beside you.

"Maybe a princess one." Violet suggests, pointing to the first movie with a princess that appeared in your list. The movie in question was Tangled, which had ironically been your favorite tale. Rapunzel was willing to risk everything just to have the one thing she desired most. Freedom and longing to belong.

"Yeah, sounds good." You ultimately agree with her, "Rapunzel is such a cool princess." Violet turns to look at you giggling as the screen loaded in the content.

Meanwhile

Eddie had been deep into his workload when he received a call ushering him away from work. Said caller was Chief Hopper and he had mentioned something about an emergency. Eddie had rushed through traffic, nearly causing an accident twice. An emergency couldn't be good.

Were you okay? Did something happen to Violet?

So when he arrived at the station and stomped through the door he looked this way and that before spotting an officer chatting it up with another. He approached them until the chief rounded the corner and spotted him. Eddie froze, "Sorry to bother you, Mr. Munson. Come with me?" Despite not knowing what was going on he followed him down the hall, glancing back at the laughing pair of officers.

Deep down it bothered him. If there was an emergency why were they just standing around? What the fuck was going on around here?

The chief stops abruptly and holds open the door for him, Eddie glances at the man and rolls his eyes before walking in. Hopper follows and walks right past him and plops down into the leather rolling chair seated behind the desk. Eddie sits up in his own seat and shakes his head, "Just get to the point. I haven't got all day. I got a kid and-"

Hopper gets comfortable, before he interrupts him. Folding his hands over one another and placing them on the desk. "Steve Harrington, escaped prison early this morning." Eddie's eyes widen, but then his gaze narrows brows furrowing.

"Who?" The artist is merely confused by the name, but then it clicks suddenly. His face contorts to anger, "You mean that creep? The one who harassed my Nanny?" Eddie is throwing his hands this way and that as he speaks, anger and adrenaline coursing through him. At this point Eddie kicks his chair back as he stands. Slamming one hand down on the desk, reaching forward with his left to grab the chief's tie and yanking him forward. "How do you let someone escape a prison?!" His vocal range was extremely shocking, but then again he was one of the best.

Hopper was shocked, but having dealt with Eddie in the past he knew his anger was only temporary. "Eddie." His voice was stern and commanding. "Let go of my tie." He recognized the situation and slowly let go, lucky one of the many rings he adored, didn't tear the fabric. Eddie backs off the desk. Hopper goes to straighten his tie and sighs, "Sit." His eyes gesture to the chair and Eddie takes a seat.

"I know you're mad. Which is why I wasn't letting the situation go by unnoticed, so I called you." He reaches for his hat and places it over his head. "Because, it's not jus Harrington who got away. He took Hargrove with him."

Eddie's eyes widened, "Billy Hargrove, the one who killed those women back in the summer of 1985?"

Hopper nodded slowly, "Yeah uh, apparently they're the best of fucking buds."

"Shit." Eddie muttered. From what he remembered, Billy hadn't really liked him and Eddie hadn't exactly wronged him. Well, maybe for the fact he screwed him over on a drug deal and he got caught and arrested that night. One way to harbor a grudge. "What's your plan?"

"I'm issuing a man-hunt. I've already sent two officers over to yours, so the girls will be safe. You got my word." Hopper reached for his gun and clicked the safety on, before holstering his weapon and standing. "We'll get them."

Munson Residence 12:45 P.M.

"Okay, so do you want some macaroni and cheese or some ramen? Your choice." You turn to the wide eyed girl who's all smiles as the two items are presented to her.

"Uhm, can you make it all fancy? The noodles?" She asked you.

"Fancy?"

"Like in the cartoons!" She exclaims throwing her arms up in the air. "They got eggs, meat, and some other stuff, it always looks so yummy!" Oh. So that's what she meant.

"Yeah, of course. So the noodles then?"

"Noodles." She confirms. You tell her to run off and play while you prepare the meal for her. With her father out of the house you could offer her something better than frozen meals and Asian cuisine happened to be your specialty. Which Eddie adored about you, cause those noodles were always so, 'Yummy'. He would always declare.

As you turned the stove on and placed the pan of water over the fire the doorbell rang. It shocked both you and little Violet since there was no way her dad could be home so early. She runs up to you as you exit the kitchen. Violet reaches out to you and you oblige in scooping her into your arms, slowly making it over to the door.

When you open it the intruders are revealed, two officers bearing their full uniform are standing patiently at the porch. "Miss (L/N)?"

"Yes?" You answer cautiously and they nod.

The officer to the left speaks first, Violet hiding her face in your neck. "I'm Officer Polinski and this Hank. We've been sent by our chief to keep guard of the home."

You bounce Violet on your hip and frown, "Well, may I ask why?" "Yes. Your statement led us to capture Steve Harrington a year ago, but he has escaped and our chief along with Mr. Munson think it best for us to stay and keep watch." Polinski explained and you nodded.

Your heart was going to fall out of your chest. That horrible moment coming crashing over you again. His eyes, his voice, and everything was all so clear to you and now it could happen again. "Please." You urge them inside. "Come inside. I'll prepare lunch."

"Thank you."

In the next town over

"You ready?"

"Ready as ever, Harrington."

Steve scoffs and rolls his eyes clicking the safety of the Sig Sauer he was carrying. He gives a nod towards Billy, who smirks and kicks the door open to the small off road gas station. Shocking the old couple to death and in hail marry of bullets and shouting they took what they needed and dove underground.

Taglist:

@yaspillz @dahliamae @capricornrisingsstuff @aysheashea @e0509 @off-phelia @strangerthingsstories5255 @fujiihime @puppy-coded @damon-loves-pie @seratoninsickness @k0urti @thatlonelypieceoftoast @phantomxoxo @wittlewowa @rollergirlworldwide @allithewriter @gothguitargal @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @ali-r3n @harrys-tittie @yearwalker96 @lipglossanon @thepastdied @jessevans @dullsocietyy @littlelimb @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @3rriberri @corroded-hellfire @munson-blurbs

[dollsonmain]

Trying to catch up on chores since I've been incapacitated for a couple weeks now but I feel extremely weak at the moment like i haven't slept in a long time.

Right now I'm washing blankets and stuff. Thankfully the machine hasn't tried to take a walk, yet, so I haven't had to run upstairs to turn it off.

-

I'm making it most of the way through the night, now, instead of having to get up every 30 minutes to use the toilet. Hopefully that'll let up after the stents are out. Of course I do expect to be irritated and using the toilet a lot again anyway just because they have to go in with the tubes again (at least three more times TnT it's like being punished for seeking help on top of the expense) but the stents being out should get rid of the UTI symptoms, or at least after the tiny little wounds have healed.

It also doesn't help that tmi -the antibiotics have turned me into a human soft serve machine- so not only did I barely manage to eat at all last week and didn't get to keep what I did get down, but this week I'm not getting to keep what I eat for different reasons. Day 5 of 10 on this antibiotic. Ugh. I'm exhausted.

I'm having some kefir daily to help put the bacteria back, but they're getting destroyed. They put me on a broad-spectrum antibiotic because the test results weren't back yet when my discharge was authorized.

I've never had an antibiotic mess with my guts like this before.

I also didn't expect the stents to result in SO MUCH BLOOD... stahp.

Hoping that everyone is unsick enough by Thursday that I can go to my appointment and not get the doctor sick. Will have to wait and see. That Guy did go to work today, but that doesn't mean anything. He's just as bad at taking care of himself as he is at taking care of others.

Not looking forward to calling financial assistance. I have difficulty putting my needs into words.

[come-away-with-me87]

Love & Angst Chapter 12

Chapter 11 here

Warnings: Well, folks, we're beginning to near the end of the story! I know exactly how I want it to pan out, and I am so appreciative of those who have continued this story with me from the beginning. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

******

For the first time in months, you couldn't help but have a genuine smile on your face. However, that smile faltered as soon as you thought of Shouta. You still missed him, despite how much he hurt you. And what would he think of potentially accepting a date with another man? You scoffed and laughed at the same time; he wouldn't care, he's the one who left you, not the other way around. You decided to stop sulking, packed up your laptop and other belongings, and made the trip home from the coffee shop.

When you arrived home, you greeted your cats and put your belongings down on your dining room table. You got your phone out of your purse, and noticed you missed a text message; it was from an unknown number. "Hello, Y/N, it's Ken from the coffee shop tonight. I wanted to reach out to you so you had my phone number." You smiled to yourself; he wasted no time. You texted him back, "Hi Ken, it was very nice meeting you tonight." You two went back and forth for a little while exchanging pleasantries, when he finally came out with, "I would love to take you out to dinner sometime, if you're interested." WOW.

You took a little time to think about it. You still loved and missed Shouta, but he made his stance on your relationship crystal clear. You didn't have the same instant reaction to Ken as you did with Shouta. Sure, Ken was extremely handsome, but you didn't experience that tunnel vision with him like you did when you first laid eyes on Shouta. However, maybe that tunnel vision was just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and it didn't necessarily mean it would be your happily-ever-after, as evidenced by the demise of your relationship. So, would it hurt to go on a dinner date with a seemingly nice man?

You finally decided to not to let this poor man hanging any more, and responded, "I would like that very much." You two agreed to a date at a local nice restaurant on Friday evening since you didn't have to work that night. "Shall I pick you up? Or would you prefer to meet me there?" he asked. You thought about it; while it would nice to have a man pick you up, open a car door for you and take you out to a nice dinner, you opted to be safe since this was a first date. "I'll meet you there at 6:00pm. I'm looking forward to it, Ken." You two bid each other goodnight, and you got ready for bed. And for the first time in months, you actually slept through the night.

Thursday night before your date, you had a shift with Naomi at the restaurant. You noticed her watching you throughout your entire shift together, and when business slowed down, she finally asked you what was up. "You don't seem as down in the dumps as you have been lately, Y/N. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see it, but is there a particular reason?" You went on to tell her about your encounter with Ken at the coffee shop a few evenings ago, and how he asked you for phone number and to go on a date all in the same night. "Wow! That's so exciting!! Where's Mr. Handsome taking you out to tomorrow?" You told her you two were meeting up at one of the nicer restaurants downtown, and she genuinely smiled at you in response.

Suddenly, you felt really bad. Naomi had been such an amazing friend to you, especially these past few months. You've been stuck in your own grief for so long, though, you haven't even asked her how she was doing. "Naomi, I need to apologize to you. I have not been the best of friends to you lately, and I'm so sorry for that..." you trailed off, but she brushed you off. "Y/N, it's seriously okay. You've been going through it. I know you would've done the same for me if the roles were reversed." You were so grateful for her, as always. "Thanks, Naomi. I haven't even asked you, how are things with Hizashi?" She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh ha ha, that. That fizzled out a little while ago. It was a bit of a bummer at first, I did like him, but I wasn't in love with the guy or anything. And we're still friends, so that's a plus." You just looked at her, unsure of what to say, and gave her a hand squeeze. At the point, more patrons started coming into the restaurant, so you two got back to work.

******

Friday evening rolled around, and you got ready for your date. Since it was a nicer restaurant you were going to, you opted for a sleeveless black dress that you draped a gold shawl over, and matched the ensemble with a pair of gold heels. You wore your hair down, put on some makeup, completing the look with some berry-colored lipstick that flattered your skin tone. You looked...presentable. As always, you were always so hard on yourself, but you're sure Ken would think you looked nice, especially compared to how you looked at the coffee shop the other night. Suddenly, it was 5:30pm. You put some food down for Annie and Jareth, and left shortly thereafter.

You arrived to the restaurant a little before 6:00pm, and since it was so cold outside, you decided to go inside and wait. However, to your pleasant surprise, Ken was already sitting at a table waiting for you. He noticed you as soon as you walked in, and waved you over. He stood up as you walked over, came to the the other side of the table, and pulled out your chair for you to sit. What a gentleman. "Y/N, you look absolutely stunning tonight," he told you, and you truly believed him based on the look he had on his face and the tone of his voice. Your server came over to your table to take your drink orders, and you both ordered white wine. When the server returned to your table with your drinks, he read off the specials for the evening in addition to the regular menu, and gave you two some time to decide.

At Ken's gentle insistence, you opted to start the meal by splitting an appetizer, then you both decided on the meals you would order. You gave your orders to your server, handed him your menus, and suddenly you were alone again with Ken. You truly had no idea what to say or how to start the conversation. Luckily for you, he started the conversation, and it flowed with ease from there. As it turned out, he was quirkless just like you. He worked as a businessman for a financial firm, and he also had a cat at home; his cat's name was Sammy. He had a great respect for pro-heroes, just like you did, and he really enjoyed reading mystery books. You smiled at that, thinking back to other night when you saw him so involved in his book at the coffee shop.

The conversation continued to flow with ease as you ate your shared appetizer, when all of a sudden, you heard the front door of the restaurant open. The restaurant door opened and closed all night with patrons coming and going, but something told you to look this time. Your heart dropped to your stomach when you looked; it was Shouta, and he was with a beautiful woman with seafoam green hair. You knew exactly who she was; it was Emi Fukukado, otherwise known by her pro-hero name, Ms. Joke. When you and Shouta were still together, he brought her up a time or two, and neither explanation of her was pleasant, to say the least. He gave you the impression that he seemed annoyed by her general presence, so you never gave her a second thought. Yet here he was, at the same restaurant as you. With her.

Thankfully for you, he didn't seem to notice you among the crowd of patrons, at least not yet. You took this opportunity to excuse yourself from Ken, and went to the ladies room. You went into a stall, and sat down on a closed seat, trying not to have a panic attack. This was the first time seeing Shouta since you two broke up, and all of those feelings you thought were *finally* going away came flooding back. And to come here with another woman was just a stab to your heart. You decided right then and there that you couldn't stay at that restaurant for a second longer, and tried to think of an excuse to give Ken that wouldn't hurt his feelings.

You peeked your head out of the ladies room door, and after a few seconds, finally spotted them at their table. Luck was on your side, as Shouta's back was faced towards the ladies room. You went back to Ken at your table, to which he instantly looked concerned, "oh my gosh, Y/N, are you okay? You're as white as a ghost." In the ladies room, you decided to feign illness to leave early. "Ken, I'm so sorry, but all of a sudden I started to really not feel well. I do think I should go home in case I get sick," you lied to him. You felt awful for other reasons; he was so sweet. "Of course, Y/N, I certainly understand. May I at least take you home so you don't have to drive home feeling like that?" he asked you. You shook your head, "no, but thank you. Not just for that, but for tonight, as short as it was." You got out your wallet to pay for your portion of the meal, to which Ken instantly shooed away, insisting he would pay for the meal.

"Ken, thank you for everything. I will text you when I get home to let you know I made it home safely. And I promise I will call you soon." He just nodded, got up from the table, and lightly kissed you on the forehead. "Be safe, Y/N." You thanked him again, and swiftly left the restaurant. However, what you did miss on your way out were the pair of ebony eyes turned around in his chair, boring into the back of your head.

******

To be continued!

[timeoverload]

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. I got woken up by a fox screaming in the yard again around 5am. I yelled out my window to scare it away and thankfully it worked. I don't like yelling at them because they are too cute. After that, I couldn't relax so I didn't go back to bed until about 6:30. I slept until noon which is unusual for me but I felt like I needed to do that.

My boss said that she was going to text me yesterday to let me know what is going on but she didn't. I didn't want to text her because I felt like I was annoying her about it on Thursday. I'm guessing she didn't get a chance to meet with the lady from HR either. I think it's so dumb that I have to jump through hoops to get time off. It wasn't this bad before I started specializing in eyes. They also switched to a new program for payroll a few years ago and it has gotten so much worse since then. My boss thinks I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday because I didn't want to tell her what I was doing. I shouldn't have to explain myself. That shouldn't be the only thing I'm allowed to take time off for. I am just so upset about it and I probably won't know until Monday unfortunately. I'm not going to bother her over the weekend about that.

I also was not feeling good all day and I was in a bad mood. My allergies are kicking my ass and I think inhaling rust particles on Thursday contributed to my issues. I love spring but I hate sneezing constantly.

I feel slightly better today. I had to go pick up some allergy medicine this morning because I'm afraid it's going to get bad again. I think I sort of did this to myself because I want to have my window open. It's just so nice out.

I am a little concerned because my grandma texted me last night at 10:30 and told me to call her when I'm not busy. I didn't see it right away but I told her I would call her this afternoon. I wanted to get a couple things done this morning before I did that. I am afraid that she is going to have bad news for me. She usually doesn't text me late at night so I thought that was weird.

I was thinking about my mom a lot yesterday because I realized I haven't heard anything from her in a while. I don't think she has texted me since November. She used to blow up my phone all the time and it was really annoying but at least I knew she was still alive. My grandma is the only person that she is in contact with anymore. I am afraid something happened to her because I couldn't stop having thoughts about her getting hurt before I got that text from my grandma. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. She is not in good health and I'm worried. I can't go see her by myself and I don't think I am going to get another chance anyway. There's nothing I can do about it.

I know my grandma hasn't been doing very well either. She will be 79 this year. She has been having a lot of health problems for a long time and I know she falls all the time. She is so depressed. I wish I could help take care of her like I used to but she's too far away now. She wants to move back here but she can't do it on her own. I think she needs a caregiver and she spends too much time by herself. I know she would be in a better mood if she wasn't alone all the time. I try to talk to her as often as I can and I know my dad calls her sometimes too. She is upset that my brother and sister don't want to talk to her and I feel bad. There's nothing I can do about it because they don't talk to me either. Hopefully she doesn't have something serious going on because I worry a lot. I want to be there for her because she deserves that after taking care of everyone else her whole life.

I need to stop jumping to conclusions and being anxious. I just need to call her and find out what is going on. Maybe she just wants to talk and I'm getting myself worked up for nothing.

Anyway, I think I am going to do that soon. I'm sure I will be on the phone for a while because that's usually what happens when I talk to her. I don't know what I am going to do after that but I will try to enjoy the rest of my day.

I hope that everyone has a good day today. 💖💖💖

[winterswhite]

Personal rant, CW for talks of blood and medical stuff

The past 5 days have really been so much for me and it... seriously doesn't feel like only 5 days at all with how much has gone on

On Wednesday evening I got home from work feeling extremely weak after telling my QPP repeatedly that I don't feel good, and after I was no longer able to hold my head up or open my eyes without extreme effort my roommate took me to the emergency room where we waited 9ish hours for me to even be taken to a bed and then one or two more to be seen

When they did get there, they said they needed to take blood, give me an IV, do chest x-rays, and a few other tests (I think they tested me for a stroke too) because clearly a lot was wrong

The nurse tried to put the IV in my left arm and then my hand, failing both times because she couldn't find a vein. She then called over a second nurse, who said since I had already been poked twice, she wasn't going to poke me unless she was sure she had one

She left without poking me.

She called over a doctor to come with a whole ass ultrasound setup to use that to find a vein, and they only found a suitable one in my upper right arm, meaning I had to hold it up at an uncomfortable angle the entire time and because of where it was, it also hurt the entire time (only a little, but still)

They also interrupted it in the middle to take more blood ("well that can't be good")

Also, while they were putting the IV in, I remember them struggling to reach the vein, and the pain from them wiggling it around trying to reach my difficult ass vein, and then hearing "how attached are you to this sweatshirt?"

I had... bled all over it (fortunately they stopped the bleeding pretty fast, very different from my last experience with an IV where I nearly bled out on the hospital floor)

Anyway, after wanting to cry from how uncomfortable the whole experience was but eventually managing to sleep through the last half hour of it, they told me about my bloodwork, and a lot is wrong! Some of the things that have always been wrong with me, and some new things, like low thyroid and low potassium, low sodium etc

They scheduled me for a follow-up appointment in a week and I leave, it is now Thursday morning

I picked up the meds they prescribed me and got home around noon, exhausted from not having slept all night, and napped

Only to wake up to a terrible toothache out nowhere, that at its worst was so bad I couldn't lift a finger

I ran to the dentist but they were closing by the time I got there and told me to come back the next morning

I did, and they said I need an emergency root canal, but that it would be hard to find any endodontists who take my insurance, which... yeah, it proved to be impossible

So now, today, I'm scheduled for the root canal, and I have to pay for the whole $1500 out of pocket

Which I haven't reached, but... I'll have to see what I can manage now

Also, through all of this, my workplace is telling me it's "unacceptable" not to show up to work because they're short-staffed. As if I wasn't stuck in the fucking hospital. I worried about getting fired, because I need that money to pay for the fucking root canal and I hadn't even received my first paycheck, so I went in to work yesterday, but wasn't able to finish a full day of work because I felt like Shit

They still told me they need a doctor's note specifically stating that I can't work for x number of days (even though I gave them my emergency room discharge papers to prove I was unwell) before they could believe that I was actually not feeling well enough to work

So I guess I'm going to ask the fucking endodontist for one

And this cuts into my funds for my trip to take the JLPT and some other things in June, which I also really need so I can get a better job. It is absolutely necessary that I take this trip, but I'll no longer have the money for it yet, and travel costs only go up as you get closer to the date of, so lol.

Anyway. It has not even been 5 full days since I first went to the ER. I need a fucking break.

[medusas--cascade]

I haven't really gotten the time to write. Or maybe I didn't prioritize it.

Miggi and I are in a strange situation, where we nearly broke up but for some reason are stronger than ever. And he's also more committed and sweeter than ever, and we're also handling potential causes of conflict a lot better. But it's the kind of situation where I also know we'll break up the next bad fight happens. I also don't have a lot of alone time as he's been staying with me since yesterday (Thursday), and will be doing so until Monday as it's a holiday. I've been feeling weird about it. I haven't been angry or emotional. I don't know how to take his actions too. One day he wanted to break up the next day he's bringing me flowers and being so appreciative. I guess it's a good thing that he responded to my bid for connection & how I communicated that space makes me feel distant and alone. But overall I'm still confused with what to make of it, but appreciative of how he powered through to make me feel loved.

I also noticed he and my friend Inya are getting a lot closer. They've been getting close and when four of us had dinner last night (with Iya) they had a lot of conversations between themselves, even on the drive home with the three of us. Imagine me being excluded in that and him not putting in the effort to make sure his partner is included when I was quiet for such a long period in the car ride. Further, he didn't mention to me, but she did, that there was a time he went to Starbucks for dinner and got her a drink (he asked her what she wanted). I guess there's no harm in it, as he's a thoughtful and generous guy, and at least it means he's truly that way and not just with girls he's interested in. He's also like that with his and my family, which I guess is consistent. But of course, it was a source of worry and I had so much anxiety last night to the point that I barely slept. He was placed in a similar situation last year when he was with his then girlfriend, but spent a lot of time with this other friend of theirs because they'd always play tennis together. And I guess he found refuge in her given the dire state of their relationship, and I guess I'm afraid the same thing would happen to me. When I was reflecting on it last night, I guess I realized how little I trust him, because I was comforted by the fact that I knew I could trust my friend and Inya would never be that kind of person. But it goes to show how I still have my trust issues with him. He's been doing his best to reassure me, but I guess actions will speak louder than words and we'll see down the line how he treats me.

I guess there's still a lot of confusion, and layers of confusion at that, from the past week. I guess it's a part of the whirlwind of emotions that I'm glad is finally coming down. I'd want to see us stable and slow. I want nothing but a partnership that's secure, and I think we can reach that. But I'm also anxious. I entered this week believing that the break-up was imminent but it doesn't seem to be the case any longer. Maybe I'll have a better purview when we've maintained this stability for longer. i wouldn't want to make rash judgement calls. But the best I can do is be committed to be the best kind of partner.

[patb440]

A Beautiful Goodbye

MAY 16, 2024 THURSDAY, 2:36 AM

I decided to call it quits. It was a very hard decision and it became harder and harder during our last month being together.

I told him I wanted to take back my decision but he knew, this would just be a cruel cycle of confusion for us. He knew he needed to let me go and I needed to be free.

I did everything I can to make him happy during the last month he was still here with me. I wanted to see his sweet smile everyday. I wanted him to know that love was not in question here. It was all just me and this feeling of incompleteness that haunts me all the time.

They say that love completes you. Why haven't I felt that way when I know how much I love him. I know deep in my heart how much he would give just to make me feel that I am whole. I know that his love for me is the purest love I felt in all my relationships. I also know that I am causing him pain that I don't think I can stand. I didn't want to hurt him anymore and see sadness in those beautiful eyes. So, I let him go.

The last month we were together, I can say, was the most happy I am with him. Since I can't speak for him, I felt that he was happy too. Though there was a lingering feeling that this will end soon and knowing the exact date when it's going to happen, we gave all the love that we can give to each other.

When the last day came, I kept on telling him that we can actually not go through it and just stay in this relationship and continue to be happy. I found myself begging for him to stay but I felt that he has reached the point where he couldn't take that chance in order for him to be happy too.

So we packed his things, pretending it was something normal, pretending that we are not feeling pain as we do this. There were tears and countless hugs. There were laughter and then there was pain.

That last day, we slept at around 8AM being awake for the whole night. We both couldn't sleep. I received a call from my auntie asking us to join them for lunch because it was my uncle's birthday. It was right across our unit so we went. After lunch, we decided to go the mall to buy some things he needed before he leaves. We went to the very first fast food chain where we had our first meal together and then we headed home and continue packing his things. We still had time to lay down and rest. There were tears again and my heart was pounding really hard knowing that in a matter of hours, he will be gone from my life and will be very far away from me.

The time came and I helped him carry his bags downstairs. Waited for his car to the airport, and then the final hug before he went it.

I watched the car move away from me, with my heart still pounding and my eyes wanting to burst into tears. I went up and sat down in complete silence feeling more empty than ever. It is final. He was moving away from me. He is officially out of my life.

Dear God, dear universe, please take care of him. I know that he is a survivor and is more capable than me in knowing the unknown but please, look after him all the time. Help him find the courage to begin again. I love him so much that I needed to let him go because I was hurting him. I hope I made the right decision. I miss him. I miss him all the time.

[ayamisc]

.:fatigue:.

(c) William Hanna, Joseph Barbera, Warner Bros. Discovery

Tuesday, Aug 21 …that night i slept at 4-ish in the morn.. it tried to finish my AP Bio summer thing.. for the review the next day [or rather… later that day at 3:30pm] but failed. oh well.

Wed & Thurs… same story. if you don't know by now. i'm a procrastinator who doesn't know my priorities.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday.. ..i can't really remember what i did. but all i know is. i was busy doing my bio and english summer work.

Monday, Aug 27 i slept at 3ish in the morn… same story. [and i actually did my work this time.. obviously for the lack of time]

Tuesday, Aug 28 ..i didn't sleep. at all. i did my english essay which was due on midnight. then tried to get ready for school… all the while finishing up 3 questions i left out from my AP Bio review thing. aaaand.. well… the rest was spent reviewing for my AP Bio test the next morning. oh the joys of student life.. so much for the 1st day of school right? i finally lsept after school at 1:30pm i think… then woke up at 7ish.. and did more of my english work that is due the next day.

Wednesday, Aug 29 .. i didn't sleep. coz i thought i had a test on english the next day. well.. there was a scheduled one but we didn't end up taking it. oh well.

Thursday, Aug 30 slept around 4.. yeah.. more work.. well.. i tried to read english.. didn't finish anyway.

Friday, Aug 31 slept at 5.. i tried to read more english. again. didn't finish. and spent 3 hours doing my loooooooong french homework… oh joy.

Saturday, Sept 1 slept at 3ish. ..i slept friday afternoon and couldn't fall asleep. oh well. at 10sih.. i awoke.. or rather.. my mom woke me up since we're going to her high school reunion thing. we left at… 11am.. i slept through the trip. i don't know how long… haha anyhow. when we got there… the weather was… sizzling? and for the most part it was boring i felt like sleeping. around 6ish-7ish.. my mom's classmate's daughter and i went to her room and watched anime until 9:45-10ish.. [Yay! Ate Fatima!] then i read a comic book.. then..well.. had a nap on her bed… ehehehe >> we left at 10:30-11ish… i think. we got home past 12ish.. i slept throughout the trip again. …when we got home.. we had a midnight snack.. watched some tv.. yeah. finally fell asleep at 3ish.

Satuday. September 2 i woke up at 9:20. then i went to community service at 10. i got home at 12. ate some lunch.. when i was in community service, my friend alex called telling me of a pool party at her house. i said i'll try to come. i really did.. but i guess my memory is horrible when i'm tired… i forgot to call… actually.. i even forgot about the pool party when i got home… then slept afterwards… [and since my phone was set in "meeting" i wasn't able to hear alex's and andy's call around 2-3ish..gomen!!!] and i woke up at 6ish for dinner. [at this point. i haven't checked my phone and was still wasn't aware i missed a pool party….] then slept again 10:30pm. and this is where i am now. i just checked my phone. sorry guys.. and at this time.. it was not my habit of not answering my phone.. it's coz i was asleep.. and now.. i have a mild headache for both lack of sleep.. and too much sleep. plans for tomorrow: guess what? i'll probably NOT sleep at all again… why? coz i have a ton of homework to do… yay… ><

ah. the joys of student life, oui?

again. sorry to Mel, Alex, and Andy, for not making it…… [and sorry to whoever was there…blah blah blah]

uhm. and. thank you to Taho coz she tolerated my..uh… deafening silence… hahaha.. jk… thank you Ate! LuvU!

PS. This blog was originally posted on DeviantArt.

[and-i-ran]

2 mile reflection

Twas a hard run. I haven't slept straight through the night most days for the last week. I think this has a greater effect on my long runs than my interval runs.

I feel pretty tired/cranky after today's run. I was able to keep my pace between 12 and 14 for most of the run, but until my cardio improves, I'll be running that last mile in zone 5.

For now, I think I'll stick with this distance for one day a week. I think that Thursday's 1 mile + intervals will be a better fit cardio-wise. I might look to increase the days I do that kind of run rather than the number of days I run a 2 miler.

I might attempt a tempo run next Tuesday since I haven't done that for 2 weeks.

Since I've reduced my pace, my watch has recorded my Vo2 max as declining. Maybe the tempo run will help. I'd like to also figure out a way to include my speed work.

Perhaps in a few weeks I'll take a look at my training plans or my heart rate to see how close or far I am from a 80/20 plan.

[takoichigo]

I woke up at 8:30 PM today.

I didn't really sleep last night, caught a couple of hours between like 10 and noon, but I had to get up at noon and gather my laundry because a friend's mom volunteered to do it for me. I haven't really been able to do it myself in about a month.

I took a shower today too. I didn't get one before my appointment Monday because I overslept and I haven't otherwise left the house since last Thursday, which I think was the last time I showered. Don't get it twisted, I sit in the tub multiple times a day to relieve my pain that still isn't under control, but my hair...

...I have been losing it. A lot of it. Not all of it, and it doesn't hurt like I've heard it can with chemo. But colon cancer chemo isn't supposed to make all your hair fall out, it'll just "thin". It was already thin to begin with. I haven't looked in the mirror in a week, I'm kind of afraid I have bald spots. It's also much too long so I always just have it piled in a bun on my head (also to keep it out of the water when I'm in the tub).

I went off topic. Anyway. Showered. My laundry was picked up. Laid down and tried to watch some Red Dwarf. Made it through a couple episodes before I conked out. Slept from about 2:30 to 8:30. Woke up at 4, took my medicine, immediately fell back asleep. My bed has no sheets on it, I had to send the ones that were on it to be washed because my AC went out a few weeks ago and I've just sweated so much into them that they were stiff.

I'm not sure if I just was comfy because I'd showered and felt clean, or that I was not lying on a stiff sheet that smelled like B.O., or that only my daytime meds do enough for the pain that I can actually sleep, but I was out cold.

I guess I'm just nocturnal now. I hate this, I take meds at 11:00 PM to *help me sleep* and they fucking don't do anything in the face of the pain I'm in. I'm in the tub right now because the pain flared up and I couldn't lie there.

But I sent all my sheets and towels to be washed...which means I'm air drying when I get out I guess before I try to go back to bed. With no sheets on it. Not that I'm going to sleep. I'll sleep tomorrow during the day and be woken up by phone calls and texts and shit. Because y'know. Normal people hours. My laundry will be here in a few hours, she said she'd drop it off in the morning for me. I'm hoping I'm not asleep when she comes.

I can't do anything anymore. Especially at night, when the pain is the worst. So being nocturnal does nothing for me. Just being up out of bed is really tiring really fast.

But things are getting better I guess. The tumor has shrunk. The levels of the cancer indicator in my blood have gone way down (though they're still too high for a normal person). Blood count is too low, still, it's worse than it was before but I guess still not bad enough for a transfusion. No wonder I've been nearly passing out when I stand up.

I don't know what normal is anymore. I don't go out and do anything, I just...lie in bed. My car is still broken. I couldn't drive if I wanted to anyway... I'm way too weak and shaky, and sitting is almost always painful. Road bumps are god-awful. I've been playing Stardew Valley again because it feels like I'm accomplishing something. I've hit walls I don't want to deal with in almost every other game I have. Which sucks, but...why do I need to stress myself out over it?

My friends are really busy. I haven't seen much of them lately, and the one just always seems like I'm stressing him out when I do see him. The other one just got a new job and blanks out and freezes when I'm upset around him, which happens pretty often, because it's super easy to upset me. Usually just the pain will do it, but also, everything I'm going through is either terrifying or frustrating. I upset another friend the last time they visited, because they hadn't seen me so weak. Everyone keeps saying they're sorry I'm going through this. I hate hearing it. I don't want my friends to be sad or upset around me. I don't want to cause them to be stressed out. It's already so hard to ask for help as it is.

I don't really know why I'm writing this post. Honestly it just feels like I haven't talked to anyone in so long that's had enough time to listen. And probably no one will see this. Which is kind of okay. I feel like I'm just whining anyway.

[whyareweallawakerightnow]

Sunday blues

I didn't sleep much last night. Myra slept under the bed because it was storming and then I woke up to her on top of me. Which isn't unusual but it just made me sad at the thought of not having her every night. Like a gut punch. I got a matcha today, which I haven't had in a while, because they make me sad because ty would always get them for me. But I got one today. And it didn't make me want to throw up. It didn't make me nauseous. Which is progress, I think.

I haven't spoken to him since Thursday. Which is a weird feeling, but I'm trying to get through it. To keep myself busy and to not think about it. Sometimes I think about it though and it makes me want to die.

Me and myra picked out her halloween costume. She's a mermaid. A mer-myra if you will. She's so stinking cute, I just love her so much. Im going to get her brother a flounder costume. Maybe I'll be Ursula.

Idk what to do anymore. Ive been working and sleeping and watching Netflix. I just went grocery shopping for the first time. I had my air pods in because I thought I might burst into tears. Grocery shopping was our thing. Walking up and down every isle was our thing. I have to unstick him from every memory i have. Which seems impossible but I have to.

I asked lex if she wanted to get a drink and have dinner. She said maybe. I hope she says yes, I need a drink. Badly.

Im just in a really weird sad blah mood.

[casspurrjoybell-24]

Sugar Punch - Chapter 6

*Warning Adult Content*

Maddox Zane

'Fuck... Why won't it just stay down?'

I tighten my grip around my cock and lean my head against the shower was as I kept up the pace around my length, stoking myself harder and faster to drive out the frustration that just wouldn't leave.

I wasn't sexually frustrated as I slept with someone not two nights ago, so what the fuck was wrong with my dick every time I saw that puny little shit's face pop into my head.

It was becoming a fucking issue that whenever I saw him enter the gym my dick would twitch in my shorts, which to me was just something I didn't understand because I wasn't gay.

I wasn't attracted to him, I didn't get that butterfly shit, I felt nothing looking at him so then why was I jerking off to him in the showers?

The whole thing was driving me crazy.

I've never wanted to fuck a guy before but now I'm starting to think that's what I need to do to stop all these thoughts of him, invading my fucking sleep of all things, ever since last night when I dropped him off, he's all I thought of.

It wasn't sexual either, for the first time in years I was genuinely curious about him, even going as far as to google the fucking guy, only to get nothing out of it other than feeling like a damn creep for stalking him online.

He's fucking 18 and I'm almost 31, this just doesn't happen in your thirties, I had never questioned my sexuality before because I didn't need to, I loved having sex with girls, fuck it didn't matter if they were big or small, small tits or big, I loved them all.

Not once had I thought about being with a guy but Theo could be someone I wouldn't mind ramming my monster into.

Look at me, getting ahead of myself, he's not even into me like that.

I must be losing my damn mind.

Finishing up, not feeling any better with myself I decide to just head on home, unsatisfied with what I just did in the shower room, not feeling fulfilled from just my hand.

The week was passing quick and the days started to blur together, I didn't have anyone to train other than John who's competing today, Friday and Theo, who I had at four for an hour, apart from that I worked with my trainer to get into shape for my upcoming fight next month.

I'd be watching John fight, hoping that he picked up anything I taught him and used it for a fucking change, that and I didn't feel like staying home with my hand wrapped around my cock, thinking of a certain someone.

I disgusted myself how little I gave a shit about what I was doing, if anything I had never felt more turned on, and horny, then I was when I thought about the things I could do to him, fuck, it made the days go faster.

I had gotten lots of offers this week, heck, I could've populated a small country with the women who were coming onto me in just one day at the gym but I just wasn't in the mood for it.

It was nearing four and Theo would be walking through those doors any minute now, I should feel bad about how I used him to get off, but no guilty emotion came, if anything I was looking forward to our training sessions together.

I wasn't going to think too much into why I felt this way, it'd only make my head spin going around in circles to why I felt like this.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket, as I most likely got a text, so I grab my phone from my pocket and see who it was texting me.

It was a number I had saved under Theo Banks.

Theo: Hi Maddox, it's Theo, I won't be able to make it today... I'm sorry for taking this long to tell you, I haven't been feeling well and I only just woke up, sorry again, I will be back next week.

He's sick?

I saw him Thursday and he looked fine, a little beat up but fine, I didn't get any feeling that he wasn't feeling right, if anything he was into throwing me on the mat and putting me into a headlock.

So, he's not coming, now what the fuck am I going to do?

I had an hour free.

I should be pissed off, I hated when clients did this just minutes before a session but I was more curious why he was sick and wonder if he ate something, if it's true that he just woke up.

Maybe I could just leave and drop by, it's not like I had anything else to do beside this lesson with him, that was now cancelled.

No, that's fucking creepy Maddox, he'd obvious be burdened having my ass show up out the blue with food, plus it wasn't like we were friends, our relationship was professional.

I shot him a text back, sitting on the edge of the ring.

Maddox: Focus on getting better, I'll see you next week if you're up for it, just keep me posted.

This guy, he might look like a weak guy, short and skinny but he was determined alright, I liked that about him, it was refreshing even though he was new to the scene, I really felt like I could make him into a decent fighter.

Theo: I can't wait 😊

"Pft." I snort out, sighing and closing my eyes shut as a familiar feeling comes over me.

I look down at my shorts and groan out and lay down on the ring mat, holding my head in my hands as I start laughing, thinking I might be losing my damn mind right now.

I couldn't train this guy if I could barely control my dick and if that happens this is going to become a big problem for me in the long run.

I wonder what it was about him that just did it for me?

Sure, he was alright looking, plain face with nice eyes, not a bad jawline, he was skin and bones and pale, he was the opposite of me.

Not to mention he was short, almost like a girl, he didn't have any hair on his face, he was practically a kid at this point, so what the fuck was I doing getting hard over him for.

He did look cute when he blushed though, I always thought men blushing was just creepy but it didn't look bad on him, I thought it was even funny until I saw him on the machine Tuesday, talking to the new girl who joined the self defense lesson along with him.

Just watching him talk to girls was painful, it was obvious the guy had never been with one the way he lit up like a Christmas tree and then ran away, even though it looked like she was into him.

He was an awkward guy, kept to himself and there was no presence of him online, which made me wonder if he even had any friends looking after him right now.

When I dropped him off Saturday his house was dark and it was already half five, doesn't he have parents live with him?

More importantly, do they not give a shit that he shows up with fresh bruises?

It annoyed me the more I thought about this guy.

He was being bullied, I wasn't a fucking idiot, I knew the signs, as did Rick, the people that came to Rick for self-defence lessons were people going through shit, whether it be a stalker or just wanting to feel safe but I didn't get that from Theo.

He wanted to get strong and I admired that, I wasn't going to pity a guy who was fighting to survive, which is why I still stick to my word in not getting involved unless he asked for help, he had his pride and I had mine.

Still, what was he doing right now?

His parents wouldn't be home, so I bet he's playing those nerdy fucking games he mentioned.

Screw it, I grabbed my phone from beside me on and clicked on his name and decided to just fucking text him, it wasn't that weird, even so, the guys a fan and I was going to use that to know more about him.

Maddox: You owe me an hour.

I waited patiently for his reply and two minutes later it came, making me grin as I clicked on his name.

Theo: What do you mean? 😥

My dick started to twitch as I typed in my reply, whilst thinking of all the things I could do in an hour with Theo in arms reach, all the sick things my mind shouldn't shut up about whenever his face popped up in my mind.

Maddox: What are you doing right now?

I sat up and adjusted myself in my boxers, waiting for him to reply to me I got down and walked to my office and grabbed my bag, keys and wallet.

My phone buzzed and I looked at what he typed.

Theo: Uh… nothing, I just got out of bed 😓

I took a moment to think about what I was doing, going over the pros and cons of my actions of phoning him instead of texting, yet despite how something like this could potentially fuck me in the future, I chose to just fucking do it.

I pressed the call button on his name and put the phone to my ear and waited.

One ring, two, three, until finally on the fifth ring he picked up, making me sigh out, as I was sure he wouldn't pick up because of how fucking random it was.

"Hello?" his quiet voice came out, making me grin.

"It's me," I say, before rolling my eyes as he probably saved my number.

Turning my light off in my office, I grabbed my stuff and locked up the gym, keeping the phone to my ear.

"Since you owe me an hour, you need to keep me company until your time is up," I said, not ashamed of how messed up and manipulative that sounded.

The line goes quiet just as I turn the basement lights off and head for the second exit leading to the underground car park, where I parked my car.

"Oh, I guess I could but right now?" he stutters out nervously as I get into my car and turn it on.

I put my earphones in and connected them to my phone so I could talk to him without being caught with my phone in my hand whilst driving.

"You said you were free."

"I am, it's just I..."

There was a pause. "

I was going to shower," he says shyly as I picture his cheeks going red.

I drove out of the carpark and went into the direction of my apartment.

"So? My time is precious and you owe me, Theo."

I was being a bastard but I was having fun teasing him as the line went quiet again, as I could just picture him getting all worried for no reason, the guy was a walking puppy, always looking at me like he did something wrong.

"Have you been trying out your diet?" I asked curiosity.

"Ugh..." he mumbles out. "Yeah well... kind of, I haven't really moved that much but I tried one of the recipes you suggested," he adds, louder this time.

"Oh yeah, which one?"

"T-The chicken salad... with carrots." he said, making me laugh at how his voice cringed out the word 'carrots'.

Fuck, I was way over my head phoning this guy, now there was no going back, I had just screwed myself getting tangled with this kid and pushing myself in his life like this, for reasons beyond my control.

Might as well have a bit of fun with him, I've already jacked off to him several times, what more could I possibly do to make this situation any worse.